#by which i mean. ok. so. on my dads side easy peasy i have my great gran Died in 2015 sad. i had another great grandmother who died ehen i

[nomaishuttle]

also i loved stella as a kid bc she reminded me of smurfette and im smurfettes number one fan

[anathewierdo]

Call of the Ocean  Chapter 2: Freedom and a Dream

Pairing: CEO!Mechanic!Dean Winchester x Mermaid!Reader

Chapter summary: Dean’s passions have always lied under the hood of a car. Sick of being confined to his desk, he sneaks out to do some real work down at the plant floor of Winchester Auto’s headquarters. And after the last straw, he decides that, for his own sanity, he needs a fresh start. 

Series summary: CEO of Winchester Auto Dean Winchester has had enough of the office life. With his father keeping him from what he wants to do, which is work on the plant floor, Dean decides to leave for a quiet life. In Matagorda, Texas, he finds something he never thought he would, a chance encounter with a mythical creature.

Call of the Ocean Masterlist

A/N: The beginning of this chapter takes place two weeks before the events of chapter 1. This series is a collaboration with @flamencodiva . Text dividers were made by @talesmaniac89

It was another dreary day in the office as Dean spun his chair around. He looked over all the documents, but it made his head hurt. Reading papers, signing things day in and day out was becoming a chore. It was only three years ago he was down in the garage in his coverall with his best friend, Benny. In contrast, their other friend Castiel would come down and complain about the different calls from around the world. Looking at the time, Dean knew his father would be in a long boring meeting. As president of the company, his dad would not be around to harass him. 

With a sly smile, he ripped off his tie and unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt. 

"Andrea, hold my calls. Anyone asks, I'm out of the office and will be back later, ok?" he winked at his secretary. 

"You got it, Mr. Winchester" Andrea smiled at him.

With a roll of his shoulders, he made his way to the elevator, shrugging off his jacket. He pressed the button leading to the plant floor. He couldn't wait to get his hands dirty, he took a deep breath and sighed in content. He looked up at the descending numbers and frowned when they stopped at the legal floor. When the doors opened, he cursed. 

"Fuck," he muttered, "Hey Sam." 

"Uh, Dean…" Sam raised his eyebrow at his brother, "shouldn't you be… oh, I don't know… in your office looking over the contract for the new client we are partnering with?" 

"I already did," Dean gave his brother his best smile. Praying that he didn't catch on in the lie. "It's gonna be easy peasy, don't worry." 

"Dean just talk to dad," Sam sighed, "If you just tell him to put someone else-" 

"There is no one else. I got this, Sam," Dean slapped his brother's shoulder. "Besides, I'm on my way to get some hands-on experience with the client's merchandise." he walked out of the elevator when it landed on the garage floor. "No sweat." 

"Dean…" Sam warned.  

"Look," Dean ran his hand across his face. "Just stall for me, ok? I really need to be down here. This is way better than that stuffy office, and I can have Cas look at the rest of the fine print, ok?" Dean waved Sam off just as the doors closed. 

Making his way towards the changing room, he smiled, reaching his own personal locker. He trailed his fingers over the cold metal and smiled. Opening it up, he placed his business jacket inside and grabbed his coveralls. He slipped off his shy leather shoes and grabbed his best work boots. Getting dressed to get messy, he smiled. What he didn't count on was someone slapping him on the back. 

 "Long time no see you down here, Brother. Shouldn't ya be doing some fancy stuff on the upper floors?"

"Ah, they won't miss me up there," Dean shrugged. "So, what’ve we got?" 

He smiled when Benny went in on the latest specks for the new engine they were looking at. It felt like home being under the hood of a car. He tightened a few things before rolling out from under the car and smiling. 

"Ok, Benny, start her up," Dean smiled, "Let's see if the engine they're trying to sell us is as good as they say it is." 

Benny turned the ignition on only for the engine to roar to life before dying a few minutes later. Dean's mouth formed a thin line as he glared at the black smoke that was coming out of the car. 

"We checked the specs, right?" he looked at Benny. 

"Yeah… maybe we missed something?," He shrugged. "I mean, we could check it all over again, ensure that everything is fine.  

"We followed it to the letter, I know we did," Dean could feel his anger bubble. 

 "You think they're trying to sell us a phony?"

"Get Cas down here and tell him he better have a way to tell Crowley to shove his crap engine up his ass!" Dean shook his head as he ran his hand across his face. "Hell, I can make a … better engine…" A small smile crept on his lips. 

"Oh no," Benny chuckled, "you just got a crazy idea, didn't you?" 

"Just go and get Cas!" Dean barked as he rolled up his sleeve and walked over to the drafting table. 

He was sketching like crazy. It was as if lightning struck him. He began drawing and putting in different calculations for different speeds. He could recall all his late-night studying at school for his engineering degree. He hadn't realized that time had gone by when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

"Yeah, Cas give me a minute," he mumbled as he continued his calculations and design. 

 "Uh, Dean…" Cas sounded scared. 

"Cas, I'm trying to figure something out here just-" Dean froze when he noticed that Cas was standing behind the drafting table facing him. That meant there was someone else behind him. 

 "Yeah. Wanna tell me what the hell you are doing down here instead of going through the contracts I gave ya?" John glared at his eldest son. 

"Hi Dad," Dean swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled, "I just needed a break, and well, I'm glad I didn't sign the contract with Crowley as you see the engine is faulty. It would have cost us a lot of money." Dean stood up and smoothed his hair. "Besides, you know what grandpa says, nothing like hard work to get your mind going…" 

"Hard work? The time for hard work for you is over," John crossed his arms, "This company needs you in the office overlooking what the clients want. It is not your job to get your hands dirty and roll around in grease and oil!" 

 "If I hadn't come here, the contract with Crowley would be signed and we'd be stuck with engines that don't work for crap and losing a ton of money on it!"

"I am not going to argue with you here," John growled, "you need to change and go up to your office before someone sees you." 

Dean pointed to the plans and gave Benny a knowing look. Heading to his locker, he changed and followed his dad to the elevator. 

"I don't see what the big deal is," Dean grumbled, "clients like companies that have hands-on bosses and corporate executives." 

"The big deal is that you are my son, you do as I say," John hissed. "You stay in your office, you read the contracts and negotiate!"

Walking out of the elevator, they made their way towards Dean's office. Dean could see that half of the staff had already gone home, which meant his father would be able to yell at him as loud as he wanted to without worrying about disturbing other employees’ work.

"Dad," Dean sighed, "You can't just expect me to sit here in the stuffy office and… and push papers!? I belong in the garage, on the drafting table actually creating the engines not… not going after one's for the new lines!" Dean barked. 

His father ran a hand through his face. The exasperation was more than apparent in his eyes. John took a moment to take a breath before looking towards Dean again. "Son, we have talked about this a thousand times over. You do not belong down there. You're a great asset up here as my second in command, my CEO and your abilities cannot go wasted on being a simple worker on the plant floor."

Dean clenched his jaw. "No. I have had enough of the office. I've been working for you since the moment I was able to. And I am telling ya, dad. My place? Is not behind a desk, and there is nothing wrong with me working down there."

John closed his eyes in exasperation. When he opened them, Dean braced himself for his rage.

"As long as you are a part of this company, you do what I say!" John banged his fist on Dean's desk. "You need to stop spending all your time working with your hands!" He shouted. "You are the Chief Executive Officer of this company now, and you can't be seen down on the plant floor! Not with those grease monkeys because face it, you are not one of them!"

"Don't you dare call those guys Grease Monkeys!" Dean shouted back, fists clenched tightly at his sides, "you know what… I AM a grease monkey! Hell, I love spending more time under a hood building an engine, not in this hell hole!" 

"What are you gonna do?! Leave?! I don't see you getting a lot of offers outside, nor do I see anything that would be worth giving up everything you've worked for!"

"Find yourself another CEO and go to hell!" Dean growled. He shoved John before grabbing his keys and messenger bag and barreling out the door. Dean pushed the elevator call button and grumbled when it was taking too long. With a frustrated growl, he rushed to the stairs and bolted down them towards the garage.

Being this close to the end of a lot of people's shifts, Dean didn't worry about anyone trying to stop him and ask what was wrong. Talking to anyone was the last thing he wanted at the moment. Climbing to his cherry-red mustang, he peeled out of the parking lot and towards his apartment. 

All the ride home was spent thinking about what he just said. He had basically given up his position as CEO of the family company… His father's words kept echoing in his head, nor do I see anything that would be worth giving up everything you've worked for… he hated to admit that his father did have a point: no dog, no girlfriend, not a lot of friends, not even a single job offer from any other company.

He had no reason to leave except keeping some of his fucking sanity.

Pushing into his apartment, he grabbed the suitcase from his closet and packed his clothes. Mostly the Jeans and band tees along with his underwear. He decided to only take one or two of his suits since he would never really need all of them ever again. Maybe for a job interview or two. Looking around, he picked up his phone and called Sam only to have Jessica pick up the phone. 

"Hello?" Jessica's cheery voice filled his ear. 

"Hey Jess, I need you to ask Sam to do a couple of things for me, can you do that?" He breathed, "I need him to sell off my Mustang and get me out of my current lease?" Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm going to move to a new location out of state, maybe permanently."

 "Wait, what?! What the hell is going on, Winchester?!"

"Just give him that message, ok? I'll try to call in a few days once I'm settled," he smiled. "Can you do that for me, Jess, please?" 

"I'm not telling him a damn thing until I am absolutely sure you're not in trouble."

"I promise you, Jessica, I'm ok. Will you do it or not?" Dean was sure for a moment that his brother's girlfriend had hung up on him until he heard her sigh.

"You owe me, you hear me? And I'm expecting you to call me again with some explanations, Dean."

"Thanks," Dean hung up before she could get another word in and made his way to the apartment garage and looked at his two cars. His mustang, which he hoped that Sam would sell and his 1967 Chevy Impala given to him by his Grandfather Samuel. With a smile, Dean walked up to the Impala and placed his hand on it gently, letting it slide on its glossy finish.  

"Well, Baby," he sighed happily, "looks like we are going on an adventure." He placed his things into the trunk and slid into the driver's seat. 

Without a care in the world, he picked a highway and just drove. 

Two weeks later

In his drive away from the company, Dean found himself twelve hours away in Matagorda, Texas. He had found a beautiful house overlooking the ocean. At first, the owners wanted to just rent it, but Dean fell in love with the place and offered them more money than they could imagine for it. He took everything he had with him and placed it in the furniture he bought with the house. It was beautiful, albeit a bit big, but nice. 

He leaned on the banister of his home overlooking the ocean. He let the salty sea air rustle through his hair. He had just moved in, and he was getting used to being alone. He felt a sense of calm when he first looked at this house. Dean Winchester held his cup of coffee as he watched the sun rise over the horizon. The light makes the water shimmer just right. With one hand firmly holding on the handle of his mug, he used his free hand to run his fingers through his hair. This was better than being in a stuffy office. Better than being under his father's thumb. Being the heir to Winchester Auto was a chore. He liked it better when he was working on cars. He loved the tools in his hands and the smell of hard work. 

With one last look over the horizon, Dean walked inside and placed his now empty cup in the sink. Something was calling to him here, and he wasn't sure what. Leaving Lawrence was a good step, Dean needed the fresh air. Dressed in jeans, a light grey henley, and a pair of boots, he walked out and climbed into his prized possession. A sleek black fully restored 1967 Chevy Impala, it was his Baby. Grazing his fingers over the shiny hood, he decided now would be a good time to check out the area and figure out where to find food. Driving down the small road, Dean took note of where the auto shop was in case he wanted to work on Baby. 

It didn't take long for him to acclimate himself to his new surroundings. He did quick work of introducing himself to his new neighbors, letting them know that he would be living in the old Johnson house by the ocean. 

"So Mr. Campbell, what do you do for a living?" a sweet woman by the name of Phyllis, smiled at him. 

Dean offered her a small smile, "Oh… I…" he swallowed the lump in his throat. "I am a mechanic, ma'am." 

"Cars? Military vehicles? Anything specific?" She asked, wanting to know more about the handsome man.

"Oh, well, all cars really, ma'am," Dean blushed. "What can you tell me about the house I purchased? Some people are saying that it's magical?" he raised his eyebrow at her. He didn't really believe in the supernatural, but he was never one to run from fun. 

"Old legend that runs around these parts," She laughed. "Nothing exciting. Old men like to scare newcomers."

"Interesting," Dean smiled, "Well, I should get going, I need to make dinner for myself." 

"I'll be seeing you around!" She smiled and waved at him.

Dean grabbed his groceries and walked towards the Impala and climbed in. Making it back to the house, he froze when he heard a soft melodic voice coming from the rocks nearby. As he got closer, his boot hit a loose stone, and a small splash could be heard. Rounding the corner, Dean watched as a wave rolled in and gave a slight shrug. He turned and made his way up the wooden steps and into his home. 

It didn't take long for Dean to put his groceries away and take a nice long bath. He let the warm water soothe his muscles. He liked being out here. It was calming and a significant change from being in the corporate office. The auto company his Grandfather built, did grow beautifully. But Dean loved working in the garages way more than the offices. Working hands-on helped him come up with business strategies that helped them fly even higher.  

Finishing his bath, Dean dressed comfortably and began cooking his dinner. He had decided on making himself an excellent, juicy burger with everything he could think of on it. It was worth all the prepping and cooking when the aroma of his creation hit him. He had just sat down on one of the stools facing the kitchen. He had the burger in his hand, ready to take a bite when his cell phone began to ring. Looking down at the name flashed on his screen, he placed the burger down and rolled his eyes, answering the call.  

"This better be important, you are keeping me from a very delicious meal," he drawled, crossing one of his arms across his chest as his other hand held the phone to his ear.  

"Just making sure you're still alive, jerk!" the jovial voice blared in his ear. 

"Don't have to be that loud, bitch!" he called back with a chuckle, "what do you need Sammy?"

Dean put his brother on speakerphone and licked his lips, staring at the burger. Taking it in his hands, he took a bite and sighed happily.  

"It's Sam. Sammy is a twelve-year-old fat kid who got made fun of in summer camp," Sam groaned as he sighed. "The good thing is you're alive. But, Mom was bugging me about where you went off to. Dean, are you ok?" 

"Why do you ask that? I literally called you last week," he argued.

"Well… the shouting match you had with Dad was pretty loud, Dean. Cas heard it all the way from the plant. That and you told me to sell your mustang and tear up the lease on your apartment," Sam chuckled. "We're worried about you and wondering if you're coming back. It's been two weeks, Dean." 

"Oh, don't exaggerate, Sammy," Dean sighed, "Dad was trying to tell me how to do my job. He then screamed at me for being down on the plant floor working on the engines and you know me, I like working with my hands. I hate being in the stuffy office."  

"Yeah, I know you do," Sam told him. "But you just left and I…"

"Look, you called. I am assuming that it is really important," Dean could only guess it was about his girlfriend, Jessica. Sam had gone to Stanford to get a degree in Law while Dean had gone the family business route. He studied at MIT to get his degree in engineering. He received a Minor in business to help with the business side of things. 

"Well, you know we do have a certain family member who loves you and who wants to see you," Sam Jabbered. "I mean Grandpa Samuel only turns 77 once Dean." 

"Look, Sam…" Dean really didn't know what to say, he left Lawrence for a reason.

"You love Pop's come on," He begged, "I mean the guy loves that you can work with your hands, you know that. I mean, he isn't a Winchester, but he let Dad change the name of the company so that you can run it." 

"Ok, I'll see about heading back to visit," Dean finished off his beer and sighed. "When is it so I can drive on up there?" 

"Oh yeah, it's um… it is in four days," Sam recited.  

"SERIOUSLY?!" Dean yelled. "That means I have to leave early tomorrow," he murmured, "I'll just stay at a hotel or…." 

"You can stay with Jess and me," Sam offered, "You won't have to worry about getting a room, and mom won't hound you to stay at the house."  

"Sam…" Dean protested. "I don't want to be a bother. I can get a hotel room and…" 

"Dean Winchester, you are staying with us, and that is final!" A female voice stressed. 

"Look, Jess…" Dean began. 

"Don't ‘look Jess’ me, Winchester!" she growled, "You are going to stay with Sam and me, and that is final! Is that clear?" 

"Alright, alright, Jess. I'll stay with you guys, don't have a cow!" Dean conceded. "I'll be there, I'm driving from Matagorda, Texas." he looked at the time on his oven, "I'll be heading out from here at 4:30 am, should be there around 5 or 6 give or take with a few stops to rest and eat." 

"Good," Jess sounded happy, "we will see you tomorrow, and we can all have a nice dinner together." 

"Alright, Jess, I'll see you guys tomorrow," Dean sighed as he hung up the phone. He placed his dirty plate in the sink and grabbed another beer from the fridge. Twisting the cap off the bottle, he made his way out of the house. Dean jogged down the wooden stairs and out to the shore. 

Finding a sweet spot along the rocks, Dean focused on the moon as it shone in the sky. Placing the bottle to his lips, he took a sip and hissed as the alcohol flowed down his throat. He breathed the salty sea air deep into his lungs. The sound of the waves crashing almost soothing him. But the peace did not last as the fight he had with his father flowed through his thoughts. Just the idea of going back home after their blow out seemed to make Dean uneasy.

'You are the Chief Executive Officer of this company now, and you can't be seen down on the plant floor! Not with those grease monkeys because face it, you are not one of them!'

Dean shook his head and looked down at his hands as he held the beer bottle in them. How could his own father scorn hard work? Hell, if it wasn't for the hard work, there would be no company. His own Grandfather loved that he could work with his hands. Grandpa Samuel always said it built character. It was where his dad and his Grandfather still collided. His Grandfather had given him the Impala, but it wasn't sleek and black as he had it today. No, it was beaten up and rusty, and his Grandfather taught him how to rebuild it from the ground up. 

Dean gave a soft smile at the memory of his Grandfather, helping him fix the car. His Grandfather didn't lift a finger, actually. Instead, he gave Dean the manual and a cabinet of tools and said, 'if you fix her up, she's all yours.' He only ever helped if Dean really needed it.

"Ah~ee (Ouch)," a female voice called out.   

Dean turned his head towards the sound and stood up, "Hello? Is anyone there?" 

Walking over to where the sound seemed to come from, Dean took out his phone and pressed the flashlight button on the screen. With the light, he began searching against the rocks. Dean could see the waves crashing softly, but he noticed a red streak. Rushing towards the water, he moved his light around and froze. There in his line of sight, he saw shiny purple scales as a fin splashed away into the water. When he gave up on trying to make sense of what had just happened, he turned around, the light of his phone shone down on what he initially thought was a damn shiny quarter, but ended up being a weird looking pendant.

He could’ve sworn that the thing glowed the moment he touched it and, oddly enough, nicely warm to the touch. If you asked him, Dean wouldn’t be able to really say why he did it, but he hung it on his neck and went back inside his new home. 

Later that night, Dean lay in his bed as he thought about what he saw. He could have sworn that he saw a violet tail shimmering in the moonlight. Taking a deep breath, Dean settled into the pillows and closed his eyes. Breath after breath, he found that he was falling deep asleep. 

He was under the waves. He looked around as a school of fish swam by him. Feeling the need for air, he swam up and broke the water's surface. He heard a splash to his right. Looking over, he saw the shine of those purple scales as the tail broke the water then disappeared back under it. Dean swam towards where it had been, hearing a soft voice.

'Dean.'

"Hello?" Dean called out, but it was just him, alone in the ocean.

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[caprina-mints]

Hi, can you please do a scenario where the proxies (masky, hoodie, Toby, Jeff, Jane, slenderman and more if you like) saw that s/o has a kid Also In this scenario their not in a relationship with anyone.

Slenderman :

He was your stalker and still is. The only difference is that he was courting you. Pretty weird right? He already knew of your past relationship and your child . The sweetest little boy you had ever laid eyes on. Your one year old little boy ( c/n) . And Slenderman was very accepting of your child. He even gave the little boy treats and even toys.

" Y/n I have Toys for c/n "

" Y/n let me carry c/n for you while you bathe him "

He would often watch over you and your child while you go grocery shopping and your child slowly adapted to him being around and called him Papa. To which you were very embarrassed about. It didn't take long for you two to actually become official since you act like an old married couple even before you two became a thing.

Jane :

Jane? Oh she was absolutely delighted to come by your house one day with a 3 year old baby girl running around your house while playing with her make shift pony. At first she thought it was your little sister.

" Y/n, You never told me you had a little sister " Jane smiled her eyes following the joyful figure of a little girl tiny laughter filling her ears.

You paused abruptly your hand clutching the side of the counter as you turned to Jane a solemn expression on your face before quietly uttering.

" Jane, she's my daughter.... c/n "

When you broke the news to her she was silent for a few seconds motionless and speechless as she stared up at you.

You began to feel worried that Jane would detest you because of this so you slowly approached her wrapping your arms around her.

" Don't leave .... I understand if you hate me just don't leave-"

" Y/n do you think I'd leave you because of this? I was just deep in thought... I felt overwhelmed and happy to be able to raise a child with you but.... I don't know if I'd ever be a good mother.... So don't you dare assume that I'd leave you because of this" Jane immediately cut you off before returning your embrace.

Her words made a smile blossom on your lips tightening your hold around her.

" You'll be a wonderful mother Jane "

Jeff :

Kids. Jeff were never fond of Kids and when you told him that you had Twins before the start if your relationship he was skeptical at first and he didn't know how to react so when he first came to your house your twins already knew him mainly because you wouldn't shut up about this asshole so he was pretty surprised the twins weren't scared of his face.

" Uncle Jeff! Uncle Jeff! " Your two 4 year old boys came running towards him with smiling faces.

The twins clung to his knee while throwing their arms up.

Jeff's face was priceless you couldn't help but laugh when his face morphed from confusion, surprise and fear.

" Uh... Can I hold them? " He suddenly asked which only cracked you up even more before nodding.

This was a different Jeff than the usual asshole you dated. He seemed nervous and unsure of his actions as he picked up the two twins.

The two were identical in every angle.

You went to the kitchen to make Linch and when you were done Jeff was watching cartoons with the kids and making fun of the lousy characters.

They were getting along just well and when the kids were finally asleep you two went back to the living room to watch horror movies with his hand draped over your shoulder and your head resting on his chest.

" .... Well? Do you like them Jeff? "

" ....They're... Cool..."

" What's wrong Jeff? You seem bothered " You sat up staring at him his eyes trained on the screen but his eyes were empty and void.

" I don't know I mean... They just remind me so much of me and Liu... Inseparable... " Jeff sighed turning away from you.

This side of him was vulnerable... Something he had never showed before. This was new and you didn't quite know how you should handle this.

" I'm sorry if they remind you of your past... If you're uncomfortable seeing them it's fine. I'll wait until you're ready "

" No it's not that I don't want to see them they just remind me of some things ok? Plus they're kinda ok to be around with... It'll take time but... I can handle it easy peasy " Jeff's respond made you chuckle. At Keats your kids would have someone around to teach them how to defend themselves. You just hope they won't pick up on Jeff's arrogant nature.

Toby :

Well he was fond of children and you having a 4 year old daughter made things a lot more brighter. He would often play with her and join her in her tea parties while you made snacks . They'd play tag and chase each other they became so close to the point c/n started calling him Dad. At first Tony was insecure about his tics and wouldn't speak unless spoken to but once your daughter called his tics cute he warmed up immediately.

It warmed you up seeing how they love each other.

" Dad! Dad! Look! I made a new pony! Her name is Julian! "

" A-ww sh-e's a-a-dorable s-weetie, wann-a s-show your m-mommy a-abo-ut j-julian? " Tony chimed picking up your daughter and the two made ytheur way to where you are laughing and giggling at each other's jokes.

That evening the three of you sat down for dinner and you looked like a normal family for once... If you look over the fact that Tony is a serial killer. It should be fine.

Masky :

Masky wouldn't shut up about your 4 year old's father who left you two to die.

Once masky knew you had a child he immediately pushed his way to your house one day and he introduced himself as your Child's father which immediately caught you off guard because... Hello? What the fuck did he just do?.

Your son was happy to finally meet his 'father' and the pure look on your son's face restrained you from telling him that masky isn't his Dad but... If you squint your eyes and look at the two... They actually look like father and son.

Your son has Tim's Hair and eyes. Nobody would ever think that they weren't actually related.

After that whole scene Tom came to your house more often To watch over your son and go grocery shopping with you two.

During grocery shopping Tim would have your son sitting on his shoulder while rolling the cart and your only job was to pick up food and put it in the cart.

Time had certainly became more protective though. He'd always keep a close eye on you and wherever you go ,he goes too.

He even have you his credit card .

" Uh... Tim you don't have to do this... I can't accept this! "

" Money managing is for the to handle wife. And if c/n ever wants something you can use my Card to buy it . And you don't have a choice little wife " The smirk on his face was enough to make your face go red... Also because if his nickname for you. Little wife.

It didn't help when your son suddenly came to the room asking his dad to carry him and this little bean of yours said something that could have you running for the hills.

" Mommy! Daddy! I want a baby brother! "

You immediately paled the moment he said that...

" Uhhh... I don't know... About that right Tim? "

" Oh I don't know little wife... We should grant his wish... Don't worry sport. Me and your mom will keep trying and trying and TRYING until your mommy gets pregnant "

" Okkk I think it's bedtime already. Masky fuck you"

" Oh trust me little wife we'll be doing a lot of That "

" Timothy! "

Hoodie :

Relationships was the last thing you wanted because you were raising a 5 year old child and living alone made it harder. And when Hoodie courted you before you immediately turned him down because you had a son to raise. That didn't stop him though.

Hoodie kept showing up at your house and offering to look after your child when you go out to work and whenever new furniture was needed or if your son wanted a toy you'd be surprised to see that every same object you needed to turn up at your living room the next day.

Having your very own Santa Claus might not be so bad butbyou felt guilty and kept pushing him to take all of those back but he's as stubborn as a rock.

Your son was autistic but he grew softer when Hoodie was around. When you're too tired to work expect to see hoodie cooking and already setting up the table for you.

When your sick from overworking yourself he'd take care of you . Because of this you fell even deeper to the charms of this man. Which led you to finally saying yes.

After you two started dating nothing changed much but he did force you to stop working too much so you could spend time with him and your son.

[ellana-ravenwood]

“I want a divorce” - Bruce Wayne x Reader

Well. The title is rather self-explanatory. Hope you’ll like it ;) : 

My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives

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                                                     ******

It wasn’t a rare occurrence for the youngest Wayne boy to barge uninvited in the Kent’s household. He’d come to play video games with Jon, or to just hang out with his friend. 

More often than not, he’d stay for lunch (and of course compare every single thing made with what his mom or Alfred make). And though he never called to say when he would come, apparently thinking it uncessary to do so, he was always welcomed. 

He was such a good friend to Jon, that neither Clark nor Lois minded. Both boys had a good influence on the other, as surprising as this might sound. Besides, Jon too, often went to Wayne Manor uninvited. 

Though unlike the Kents, Bruce grumbled about it all the time. 

Mainly because the kid always flew there using his powers. Your husband told Clark countless times to just ask and he would send a helicopter to fetch him…of course, only Bruce Wayne would think it reasonable to get a helicopter instead of his son flying discreetly there (he always made sure to land in the forrest next to Wayne Manor, so no one would notice him).

Yes, Damian was always welcomed in the Kents’ house, wether he was invited or not. Lately, Lois even managed to make him do the dishes, a feat that she was very proud of. 

Oh and if only she knew that you were the one responsible for that change in your son. One day Jon was visiting and helping Alfred to clean up after diner, and you were thanking him. That’s Superman’s son “betrayed” his friend and made a comment about Damian never helping out when he visited his house, which made you scold him and tell him that it was the polite thing to do to at least offer some help ! 

You’d never tell Lois of course. It was better that she thought she was the one convincing your son to do it. 

Today was one of those unplanned visit. 

Damian knocked on the door (which should have been the first sign that something was wrong, as usually he would directly climb through Jon’s bedroom window. What was it with those Wayne boys and not using doors ?). 

Clark was the one to open and was indeed more surprised that the boy knocked rather than him being here uninvited.

“Hello Mr. Kent, is Jon here ?”

“Mr Kent” ? Asking politely if his son was here and not just making himself at home by coming in ? Clark had no shadow of a doubt that this was your doing. You probably had a little conversation with him about the fact that climbing through people’s windows wasn’t very nice. 

Only you, could make your youngest son behave like that.

“Hi Damian. And yes, he’s upstairs doing his homework. Come on in.”

“His homework ? Maybe I should come back later, then ? I don’t want to bother him, or you.”

That genuinely rendered Clark speechless. Has his best friend’s son been replaced by someone else ? A form of alien body snatcher or something ? Since when did Damian care about wether Jon was busy or not ? Not that he would impose himself if he really was, but homework ? Damian would usually help him out with it so it would be done fast and then they could hang out. 

Clark was staring at the boy with his mouth open, not sure wether it was really Damian Wayne in front of him or not, when Lois walked past them and noticed the boy.

“Oh hey there Damian, coming to see Jon ?”

By saying that, she was expecting a sarcastic : “oh no, I came here to visit the neighborhood, I’m very interested in real estate” or something of the like, as obviously he was coming to see Jon. But she liked little snarky Damian, he made her laugh, which is why she asked him “dumb” questions on purpose sometimes. So she was very surprised when instead, he said : 

“I was, but he’s doing his homework so I should come back later when he’s not busy. I don’t want to be a nuisance or anything.”

Lois stopped in her track. For a few seconds, she wasn’t sure wether the boy was serious or just extremely sarcastic (just like you). But after observing him for a while, she could clearly see he was being genuine. She looked at Damian curiously. 

Which made the boy uncomfortable. Why were they staring at him like that ? What was their problem ? Were they having a brain aneurysm or something ?  Should he just…leave ? Or should he make sure they were ok first ?

But before Damian could do anything, Jon came downstairs and saw all of them bundled up at the front door.

“What’s going on here ? Mom ? Dad ? …Oh hey Damian !”

“Hi. Are you done with your homework ?”

“Oh yeah, it was easy peasy ! Hey come on, I just got to a new level in « Cheese Viking » and unlocked new weapons !!”

Jon ran back upstairs, not even noticing that his parents seemed to be frozen in their place, staring intently at Damian. Your son stared back for a few seconds, wondering what got into them, before following Jon up.

There was a few moments of silence, before Clark turned to his wife and said :

“Did he just…Was he just being…”

“Weirdly polite and considerate ?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah. Must be (Y/N)’s doing.”

“Must be.”

They both looked towards the stairs where their son and Damian disappeared just a few seconds before, and looked at each other again.

Damian was always more polite and nice when you were around. It seemed like you had this positive effect on your family, managing to get the best out of your children, out of Bruce. 

Around you, they always were more relaxed and happy, which made them act in a nicer way. Not because they were afraid of you and your wrath (well, maybe that a little, and it was well known that you highly disliked impolite people), but because you just had that soothing effect on them. 

They just felt better when around you, which made them behave in a lighter, more optimistic way.  To be honest, most of the time, you didn’t even make them behave in a nicer way on purpose, they just…became softer when you were around. 

Clark always saw a clear shift in Bruce’s mood, when he was out on long missions for the Justice League and wasn’t able to see you for days, even weeks at a time. It always made him more…More like when he first met Clark and you weren’t in the picture yet. 

He was moodier, less patient, more snappy and violent. 

More than once Clark asked “how is (Y/N) doing ?” to Bruce when the man was being particularly annoying and harsh, just so that he would lift up his mood (and by extension, get off his back a little). 

Bruce, as Batman or not, would always have a fond expression on his face, even a quick dumb smile before getting his emotions back in check, at the mere mention of you. 

The members of the Justice League often used your name to defuze delicate situation with the Batman. He could get so severe and unforgiving, they were very thanksful for your existence and the way you seemed to, even when you weren’t there, make him soften up. Make him more human, or rather, allowing this human side of him to surface without him wanting to immediately suppress his feelings so he would never get hurt again. 

Now of course he was still very much the intimidating and stoic Batman wether you were around or not, but he just had moments of...”weakness” (or strength, really), where his expression softened, and he let go of certain things he would usually not let go of. 

He’d still stare dagger into anyone mentioning that fact though. 

And this sort of soothing effect you had ? It worked on all your children too.

Dick got down from irattional anger more than once because someone said something like “what would your mom think of you right now ?”. 

Jason stopped killing because he saw how much it hurt you, and finally came to understand his father’s point of view thanks to you.

Tim would get out of his « focused » mode (the moments when he was so into something that he didn’t hear anything around him, and would forget to eat and sleep) if he heard your name, and talking about you and your worries for him would always be a sure way to get him to bed. 

Cassandra was less afraid to talk and show her emotions, when you were there. She felt safe and warm and minded less to show her true self. 

And Damian…Well Damian was overall just more agreable and polite when you were around. Because you made him want to be a better person. He wanted to show you he wasn’t the boy the Al’Ghuls raised, but your boy. 

One that was compassionate and that cared about others.

So yeah, he would be nicer when you were around. He was nicer overall, of course, compared to when he first came in your life…But he was also his father’s son, which meant that sometimes, he’d get arrogant, patronizing even. 

But oh well, you never wanted to change him per se, you just wanted to make him feel loved and safe. It was a bonus really, that thanks to that Damian showed his true color. 

He was never a ruthless warrior who killed without regret, and who wanted power. He was actually a very sensitive boy…but that of course, was a little secret between you, him, his siblings, father and Alfred. 

He couldn’t risk others to think he was a total softie, which is why sometimes he could be a bit…well, smug and annoying, really. 

Even with you, to be honest. There were times he thought he knew everything better than everyone else and drove you completely crazy. But he couldn’t be perfect. He was still a human. Of course sometimes he’d get on your nerve, especially as he was entering his teen years…

In any case, your presence made him want to be better, but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t sometimes act all smug and all (he was his father’s son after all...Plus, you too could be highly sarcastic, petty and cynical, not letting anyone walk on your feet, and a bit too brutally honest at times). 

And with the Kents ? Especially with Clark and Jon (he always seemed to be a bit softer with Lois, and she was pretty sure it was because she somehow reminded him of you), he could be a little asshole. And he most definitely never cared about wether Jon was doing his homework or not. 

If he wanted to see him, then he’d just invite himself in the house without worries of inconveniencing them. 

So for Damian to act like he just did, unsure and worried he would bother them, both Lois and Clark were pretty sure you must have scolded him for some reasons…But oh, they were actually rather far from the truth.

************

“Are you okay Damian ?” 

“Huh ?”

Damian turned to Clark and looked at him blankly for a few seconds. They were around the kitchen table, eating dessert, and the boy was clearly someplace else, lost in his thoughts. Damian answered : 

“Yes, the pie is very good. Good job, Mrs. Kent.”

Ok. Definitely not the answer Clark and his family were expecting. It was clear that Damian didn’t hear a word of what Superman said, and just answered automatically to a question the man often asked him when it was dessert time.

“Um, Damian ?”

The boy looked up at Clark with a questioning look in his eyes, before the man continued : 

“Are you okay ?” 

There was a few more seconds of silence, where it seemed like Damian was pondering his answer, before he finally said : 

“...Yes ?” 

Which definitely didn’t sound convincing. And did not sound like something Damian would say. The boy was always so sure of himself...Lois exchanged a look with her husband and son, and they all stared at him. He didn’t even seem to really notice it, as he was once more deep in his thoughts. 

It wasn’t like Damian Wayne, to be daydreaming that much and answering questions half-heartedly like that. If a question annoyed him, he’d just get very snarky and be done with it. But here ? Right now ? He suddenly seemed like a little kid who lost his parents in a crowded mall. 

He was looking right through them, and a strange lingering sadness fell heavy in his eyes...Clark asked, once again : 

“Are you sure you’re okay, chum ?” 

The question seemed to surprise Damian, and he turned back to Clark. He just stared at the man for a little while, before answering in a low voice, almost a whisper :  

“I-I don’t know.” 

“What do you mean, you don’t know ?”

“I-I came here hoping it would take my mind off of something. Playing video games with Jon usually makes me forget some of my worries. But-But it’s not working today.” 

Touched by the fact that Damian came to his house when he felt a bit overwhelmed, Clark answered, his voice soft and reassuring : 

“What is the matter, champ ?” 

There was yet another silent. Damian was staring at his pie, refusing to raise his eyes because...Oh God. Clark, Lois and Jon quickly realized why Damian was averting their gaze, and they had no idea how to react to that.

He was crying. 

Damian was crying. 

His tears falling heavily on his piece of apple pie. Out of reflex, Clark reached for his shoulder and...And something very unexpected happened. It kind of freaked the mighty Superman out.

Damian jumped out of his chair and into Clark’s arms, burying his face in his shirt and sobbing slowly. What the hell happened, to put him in such a state ? Even during very difficult time, Clark never saw the boy shed a tear. Never. 

“My-I think my-I...My parents, I think they’re going to divorce !” 

He managed to finally say in between hiccups, and suddenly everything made sense to Clark and his family. 

Divorce ? You and Bruce ? How was it even possible ? Clark never saw anyone as deep in love as you two were...What happened ? 

************

The night before, Damian couldn’t sleep and whenever this happened, he would walk around the Manor until he would get tired. He would usually avoid going anywhere near his parents’ bedroom, for obvious reasons...But he was getting very sleepy and didn’t even realize his feet were directing him towards there. 

Once he realized, he made a face and was about to quickly turn around before hearing anything that would make him want to vomit...When he heard his mom yell angrily, which was definitely not a sound he was used to hear coming from this room.

“Curiosity killed the cat”, the saying went. And Damian would soon realize that he would have rather not being so curious that day...

“How could you do this to me Bruce ?!” 

He heard you yell, and you sounded so mad...Damian’s heart skipped a beat. What did his father do ?

“Come on (Y/N), you’re being unreasonable !” 

“I am not ! You’re just being such a jerk, why ? Why did you do this ?” 

What did his father do ?! Damian, ear against their bedroom door, was listening intently, his heart beating faster than ever. He never heard his parents fight, genuinely fight ! He saw them argue a few times, but they never yelled at each others like that ! 

This had to be serious. 

“I had to (Y/N), and you know it !” 

“You had to ? Does...Does any of this even matter to you, Bruce ? Do I matter to you ?”

“You know you do !”

“Then why did you betray me like that ? Why ?”

“Because that was my only option !”

“No it wasn’t ! You could’ve...you could’ve...You know what ? I’ve had enough !”

“You’ve had enough ?” 

Damian’s mind was running a hundred miles per hour, trying to figure out what his father could have done to anger you so much ! It must have been something terrible ! And the tone his father used when he said “you’ve had enough ?”, it sounded like he was almost desperate...

“Yes. This is the straw that broke the camel. I’m done. I’m so done.”

“What do you mean ? You can’t be done we-”

“Yes I can. And I am. You know what Bruce ? I always knew you’d break my heart one day. I just...” 

Damian’s heart stopped. What was happening ? 

“I just never thought it would be in such a way.”

“(Y/N) I-” 

“I don’t want to hear any more of your excuses. Any more of your lies. You said you would never do this, and yet...Yet here we are.” 

“I’m really-” 

“I said I didn’t want to hear you anymore. You went too far. You know you went too far. And I can’t find the strength in me to forgive you this time...I just can’t...” 

“So what ? You’re just gonna leave then ? Give up ?” 

“Yes Bruce. Yes. Exactly. That’s what I’m going to do. I gave you so many chances Bruce, so many. But you just never change, do you ? I hoped...I hoped I could convince you to...I...I was wrong.” 

“Clearly.” 

No ! No what was his dad doing ?! Damian wanted to burst into the room and yell that whatever Bruce did, he should apologies again and again, until you’d believe him. Why would he take such a cold tone now ? Why would he...Why ?! 

Oh but Damian knew his dad better than a lot of people. He knew that when cornered, his father could swallow up all his emotions and become a machine. He knew that if pushed far enough, his father would push back with triple the force. And so when Damian heard the coldness in his father’s voice, he understood that this was it. 

“I can’t believe I trusted you.” 

“It’s not my fault you were so naive. You can only be mad at yourself, (Y/N).” 

“How dare you say that to me ?! When I always supported you in everything you did ?!” 

“What do you want me to say, (Y/N) ?! You don’t want to hear my apologies, you don’t want to hear the truth, you-”

“The truth ? THE TRUTH ?! YOU MEAN THAT YOU’RE A TRAITOR THAT HOLDS NOTHING SACRED ?! NOT EVEN YOUR WIFE’S TRUST ?!” 

This was getting so out of hand. What did his father do ? What did his father do ?! Damian’s heart couldn’t stop from beating hard. What should he do ? Should he intervene ? But he never had the time to...

He had no idea what happened in there, but after a short silence, your voice raised again saying, lower than before, and clearly saddened : 

“So that’s it huh ? That’s all you have to say then ?” 

“Yes. You won’t listen to me anyway, no matter what. You’re done ? When I’m done too. I did what I had to. I’m sorry you got hurt in the process, but that needed to be done.” 

Another silence. A heavy one. A silence so deep that all Damian could hear was his rapid beating heart. When finally, you talked again : 

“Ok. So that’s how it is. Those are your last words ?”

“Yes.” 

“Ok then...Well, I want a divorce if that’s how it’s going to be !”

Damian’s blood froze in his veins, as he heard those words coming out of his parents’ room.

Wh…What ?

A divorce ? No. No this couldn’t be ! What was going to happen to the family, if you divorced ? And what did his father do to make you want to divorce ? It seemed like it was only the day before that he saw you two be grossly in love...And it was the day before ! 

What happened ? Or maybe...Maybe it was all just a facade ? 

Damian remembers reading somewhere that a lot of couples that want to divorce stay together just for the kids. Even if they can’t stand each others anymore, they won’t split up so they can raise their children in a “normal” household. 

And that definitely sounds like something you two would do,  if you fell out of love or something...Damian always thought you loved each others deeply, and that it would never end, but what if it did ? What if the love you both had for your children was the only thing holding you two together ? 

And what if whatever his father did, finally broke this bond ? Finally made you want to truly leave ? 

Divorce. 

The word sounded awful in his mind. And he felt like he was about to cry...What would happen, if you divorced ? With whom would he live ? He didn’t want to see less of you or of his father because you two weren’t together anymore ! 

Divorce. No. This wasn’t possible...And yet. Yet as Damian heard your footstep go to the bedroom door, he had to face the truth. 

Your son quickly hid in the shadows of the corridor so you wouldn’t see him as you exited the bedroom, as he was pretty sure he wasn't ready to face you just yet, after learning such an awful news...

You stopped at the door frame and turned around, saying : 

“I’m going to sleep in one of the guest room. The further from you I can.” 

“Fine.” 

“Fine.” 

And on that note, you slammed the door shut and walked, without looking back, towards the East wing of the Manor. Indeed, the opposite of where your room was...

When you slammed the door, it didn’t shut off properly as it bounced on the frame, and so the door was still slightly opened. Damian peaked in, and what he saw convinced him that you and his father were truly going to divorce. 

Bruce was sitting on the bed, facing the wall so that Damian could see his face. And he looked...broken. Sad. So sad. 

It could only mean one thing. If you did divorce, it wouldn’t be Bruce’s choice but yours. Which meant...You finally gave up. 

Damian had no idea what his father did, but he knew that he already hurt you many times. When he used to have his “dark days”. When he was unfairly harsh at times, too deep into his Batman persona. When...When...

Bruce wasn’t always easy and sweet on you. He could be a very difficult man to live with. But Damian always thought you could handle it, after all, you did for so many years...But he guessed that even the best snapped. 

Divorce. 

Damian hated that word. 

************

After witnessing you and Bruce fight, Damian definitely couldn’t fall asleep anymore. He couldn’t go to you, or to his father for comfort of course...so he went to the next best thing, his sibling.

He went to his sister first.

Cass opened her eyes groggily, and was met with a distressed Damian...Which instantly awoken her. She sat up in bed and said, tensed : 

“Damian, problem ?” 

But Damian wouldn’t tell her yet. He guided her through the Manor, and to Tim’s room before waking him up too (way more aggressively than how he woke Cass up). 

“Ah oh no I didn’t ask for licorice ice cream ! Please spare me !” 

Tim yelled, jumping out of his bed in a panic. For a few seconds, Damian forgot the awful thing he just witnessed to judge the hell out of his brother...But just for a few mere seconds, before his sadness crept once again in his bones. 

“What’s happening ? What is it ? Are we under attack ?!” 

Tim continued, rubbing his eyes and looking around the room haphazardly, grabbing his blanket as a “weapon”. Until he finally noticed Damian and Cassandra. He was about to get mad when he spotted his little brother’s expression. The hell happened, why did he look so heartbroken ?! 

An ancient “older bro” instinct grabbed his soul, and he grabbed Damian by the shoulders, looked at him right in the eye and asked : 

“What’s the matter Dam’ ?” 

************

“Don’t be ridiculous Damian, mom and dad would NEVER divorce, they’re much too in love for that !”

Tim said, wide awake now. Yes. This was just ridiculous. Everyone could see how in love his parents were. They always rubbed in in everyone’s nose, wether intentionally or not. 

“Well I thought so too ! But then I heard them arguing, father said that mom was being unreasonable, and mom said that she wasn’t, and talked about wanting a divorce !”

“You actually heard her say that ? Are you sure you didn’t just have a nightmare ? I get super vivid one sometimes too, especially about our family breaking up into pieces...” 

“No Tim ! It wasn’t a nightmare ! It was real ! A real nightmare !”

“So it was a nightmare ?” 

Cassandra rolled her eyes and said : 

“Not nightmare. But looks like nightmare, if really real.�� 

“Oh...” 

It baffled Cass, that Tim could be the smartest of them all, and sometimes the most dense one. The girl turned to her little brother, and asked : 

“What happened ? From beginning to end ?” 

And so Damian said the entire story, of how he surprised their parents’ fight. When Tim still looked unconvinced, he dragged him all the way to the guest room you were deeply asleep in and...

Faced with the reality of what was happening, Tim almost had a full on panic attack there and there. 

No. No no no. His parents couldn’t divorce ! With whom would he live ? ...No, he couldn’t even think about having to chose ! No. No this couldn’t happen. 

Tim, when he was very young, already witnessed his biological parents’ divorce and...it was so destructive ! It ruined his chance to ever have a normal home ! Tim always been convinced that his biological parents’ divorce is what lead them to take all their bad decisions, what made them so bitter and dangerous, and what ultimately killed them.

Because they didn’t have that “other half” to rely on...And Tim was sure of all this, after he witnessed his “new” mom and dad being so damn in love with each others. Supporting each others every day, and helped each other walk on the path of life. 

Without you, Bruce was but a shadow of himself. And vice versa. So how could this be possible ?! Tim refused to believe it. He simply refused to. 

And yet, here, faced with you sleeping in the guest room, he had to admit the truth. You never slept elsewhere than in your shared bedroom. Never. Because neither you nor Bruce could sleep if the other one wasn’t there (you always repeated that to your children, kind of grossing them out at times). 

You needed to feel each others’ warmth to sleep and yet...yet here you were, deeply asleep in the guest room. Did that mean you didn’t love their dad anymore ? And that Damian was right, you two were really going to get a divorce ? 

Breathing heavily, Tim fell back first against the wall. His brother and sister rushed to him, mimicking what they saw you do with him whenever he had a panic attack. 

Helping him find a regular way to breathe again...But the more Tim thought about it, the more he panicked. Who was going to soothe him if you and Bruce divorced ? If you weren’t there anymore ? But would he stay with his dad ? What if he went with you ? No, Tim couldn’t quite ever forgive him if he left his father alone, as Bruce was more prompt to fall into darkness than you were...but then, who would soothe him during his panic attack ?! 

Cassandra laid her hand on her brother’s forehead, and breathed heavily. Slowly, Tim followed her breathing and calmed down. But he couldn’t move quite yet, so Cass sat next to him, and Damian sat on his other side. 

“What are we going to do ?” 

Damian asked, voice broken, tears slowly welling up in his eyes. Tim, still a bit winded, didn’t think twice before putting an arm around his little brother’s shoulders, and everyone knew this was a desperate situation when Damian curled up against him, as both of them were rarely affectionate. 

“Don’t know.” 

Cassandra said, curling up on Tim’s other side. 

“What are we going to become ?” 

“Don’t know.” 

“Is it our fault ? I read somewhere that 60% of divorce happened because of the kids.” 

“I read somewhere that 70% of couples stayed together because of the kids.” 

“So either way, they’re unhappy because of us ?” 

“Maybe.” 

Your three youngest children, curled up against each other in the dark corridor, didn’t manage to reassure each other this time. They usually always were able to...but this time, they got even more depressed. 

Divorce. 

What was going to happen, if you really got a divorce ?

Cass raised her eyes towards the door of the room in which you slept peacefully. Much too peacefully to her taste...You always said you couldn’t sleep, if Bruce wasn’t there. And he always said he couldn’t sleep properly without you. So why were you sleeping so deeply ? 

There was only one explanation to that. You fell out of love with him. Or something of the like. 

And the word “divorce” suddenly became very real. 

************

The next day, they found their father sitting alone at the breakfast table. When they came in the room, he left hurriedly, and went down the Batcave...this early ? This was odd. 

Damian decided to leave for the Kents’ household, in the hope that it would take his mind off of things...But it didn’t work. 

Instead, he found himself crying in Superman’s arms, about how his parents were going to divorce. And when he told the entire story to Clark, Lois and Jon ? Their faces said it all. 

It definitely didn't look good. 

Clark thought that if it was any other people, then it wouldn’t be so bad. Sometimes, your words could go further than what you really thought, you know ? Especially when angry. 

Only Clark knew you. Both of you. Very well. And he knew it was neither of your style to get that worked up over nothing, and it was most definitely not your thing to threaten to divorce lightly. 

And so, as Damian cried, all Clark could do was try to comfort him, knowing that if you and Bruce were really getting a divorce, that poor little boy would forever be heartbroken...

************

Damian came home a few hours after going to the Kents, heart even more shattered than before, as he didn’t find the solace he was looking for in his friend. 

On the contrary, he only found pity, which was the worst thing possible right now...

When he came back to the manor, Cass and Tim were still there.

But this time, Jason and Dick joined as well. Cass and Tim called them, in the hope that they would have some sort of idea of how to fix things. 

************

Neither Jason nor Dick had any idea how to fix things. 

They couldn’t quite believe their ears, when their little siblings told them about the fight their parents were in. 

“Well, couple fight all the time right ?”

Dick tried to say, hoping to find a positive light to put things in. 

“Not like that. And not our parents.” 

“I’ve seen them fight often.” 

“But it wouldn’t last long. While it has already been a night and half a day right now !” 

Damian said, anxious. The fact that he was counting down the hours since he last saw his mom and dad together was saying something. 

“But lately they haven’t had time to see each other often right ? They were very busy ? Maybe that’s why they fought ? Cause they missed each other and were frustrated that they couldn’t see each other ?”

Dick tried, but instantly regretted it as he saw a look of horror in his little brother’s eyes because...Oh but yes. Yes, Dick understood instantly what Damian, and all his siblings, were slowly understanding. 

They were putting two and two together. You and Bruce hadn’t seen much of each other lately, while you always made sure to spend time together...That could only mean that...that...

That morning,  you were nowhere to be seen, and Alfred said that you apparently went out early. You ? Out ? Early ? Without saying bye to your kids ? Or to Bruce ? Yeah. There definitely was a problem. 

Dick didn’t really know what else to say, to try and rationalize what Damian just told them. Because the kid seemed so serious and heartbroken, he couldn’t make it up ! 

Besides, what kind of sick joke would that be ? No. Neither him, nor Tim or Cass were that good of actors. They all seemed devastated. They were clearly not lying. 

And Dick had no idea how to deal with the news. No funny jokes came to his mind, no way of lightening up the atmosphere. Instead, a big ugly anger started to rise within him...because how could you guys do this to them ? 

Dick, when angry, lost all sense of what was rational and what wasn’t. And as he was trying to keep his fury in check, so that he wouldn’t make it worst for his precious siblings, he couldn't help but indeed forget the rational part of his mind...and forget about how this split up would hurt you and Bruce a lot too. All he could think about, was him, his brothers and sister, and how this would forever break their family ! 

And it made him so...so angry ! 

Jason hadn’t said a thing yet, lost in his thoughts. So..what, that was it ? His parents were going to divorce ? Just like that ? 

The role model, the relationship goals he set for himself would just like, vanish in the air ? Years of wanting something just like his parents had would shatter ? 

Did real love not exist ? According to what Damian said, you have had “enough”...but weren’t you suppose to be THE person who could deal the best with Bruce’s shit ? If even you gave up on him...Then who would ever take their chances on someone like Jason ? 

Jason had no illusion about who he was; He knew he was a difficult man to live with too, but he always found hope, solace, in the fact that even a VERY difficult man like his father found love. 

True love. 

And now...now they were getting a divorce ?! 

What could he believe in anymore ? If even the greatest couple he ever saw was breaking-up ?! Jason couldn’t let that happen : 

“Well, it’s not by staying there and lament our loss that anything will get fixed. Do you guys know where dad and mom are ?” 

“I think dad left an hour ago for the Justice League’s watchtower. And we haven’t seen mom since this morning...”

“Ok...Ok well let’s go up then !” 

“Up ?”

“Yeah, let’s go to the watchtower. Talk to dad. Find out what he did, and try to find a solution to make mom forgive him.” 

“Jason, she really sounded mad. And like it was the last straw. She slept in the guest room without problem !” 

“So ?” 

“So she...she might...not...want to be with him any-”

“Shush. We don’t truly know what happened. I admit it’s odd they slept in different rooms, and that it sounded like a really bad fight. But maybe there’s a way we can still salvage their marriage ?”

None of his siblings looked convinced, but Jason wasn’t about to give up on his ideal of love. And so he dragged them to the zeta tube that would take them to the Justice League’s headquarter. 

************

As soon as they arrived, Jason’s convictions faltered. 

Because their dad wasn’t working at a computer, or doing anything...instead, he was eating ice cream at the kitchen table, looking like a sad puppy. 

Could it be that...Could it be that their mom really got enough of him, and was truly the one that was leaving ? What if when she left this morning, she decided she would never come back ?! 

This would be the end of their family. And their balance could be so fragile...Without you, or Bruce, who were the center pillars of it all, everything would shatter. 

Before your children could go to Bruce though, Clark reached him. He too, just came through a zeta tube, and he immediately spotted his gloomy friend. 

After hearing about everything from Damian, he had to go and try to lighten his friend’s mood...

“Hey Batman.” 

Bruce didn’t answer, not even looking up, continuing to eat his ice cream. When was the last time Clark saw Bruce eat something sugary like that ? Oh, right. Long ago. When you broke up for a short while, when Dick was still really young...Oh. Wow. Well this couldn’t be good. 

“Are you okay ?”

“Oh yeah. I’m great. I’m a big happy ray of sunshine.” 

Ooook. Sarcasm. That was...good, right ? 

“Listen, Bruce, I-”

“Clark, I’m really not in the mood. Leave me alone please.”

Wow, this was serious. He didn’t even budge when Clark used his real name instead of “Batman”, and he just called him “Clark” too. This had to be serious. 

Superman raised his head, and saw your children looking at them from afar. He smiled sympathetically to them, and turned back to Bruce, not ready to give up just yet. 

“Bruce, you know you can talk to me right ?”

Batman glared at Clark, and Superman got the shiver...wow, if a look could kill right ? But behind the annoyance in Bruce’s eyes, there was something else. And Clark was pretty sure it was sadness. So he persisted : 

“Listen, Damian told me what happened so-”

“What happened ?” 

Bruce had suddenly straighten back up, and looked at Clark suspiciously. So Clark continued : 

“Yes, yesterday night.” 

It was the first time in his entire life that Clark witnessed Bruce lose complete control of his emotions like that. The Bat’s face fell, and he averted his friend’s gaze before saying : 

“Ah. So you know.” 

This made Clark utterly sad. This confirmed that something indeed happened, and given Bruce’s reaction, it must have been bad... 

“Clark, I swear I didn’t mean to. But she forced me to...I didn’t...” 

What happened ? Did Bruce cheat on you ? But this didn’t sound like a thing he would ever do...But what he said just now made it sound like...And now that he was thinking about it, and according to what Damian said you two argued about, the way Bruce betrayed you...

Maybe ? Maybe Bruce did go too far ? Clark could imagine him cheating on you in only one way. If it was for a mission. If he “had” to to get intels. And even then, it really didn’t sound like him. But given the nature of the argument, and what he just said...

Maybe Bruce did really cheat on you. Even if he didn’t want to. And that would definitely be the last straw for you, the last time Bruce put his “mission” before you and his family. 

But wasn't this all “Dark Bruce who thinks his mission is more important than his family” a thing of the past ? Didn’t you already got into a big argument about it long ago ? 

“What happened, Bruce ?” 

But Bruce never had the chance to answer, as the zeta tube near your children started and...you appeared. 

You seemed completely surprised to be face with all your kids, and started to smile at them but...but then you saw Bruce, sitting not far away, and you frowned, looking elsewhere.

Something was most definitely up. Neither your kids nor Clark ever saw you two act this way...Or rather, they did saw you do that before, childishly not talk to each other after a stupid fight, only, the fight you had the day before wasn’t “stupid”. And you seemed more serious about it all than usually. 

Clark was about to try and pressure Bruce more so he would talk, when Jason exploded. He couldn’t keep it in anymore. He just couldn’t. 

His dream of having a perfect relationship like his parents one day went up in flame, and the salvation he found in his family was threatening to break. 

If his parents divorced, Jason just knew his family would never be the same again. That they would all go their own way. That...That...He couldn’t handle it. And so he exclaimed : 

“What the hell is up with you two ?!” 

This made you jump in the air, as you weren’t expecting such an outburst from Jason, and surprised Bruce too, who was already ready to ignore you and go back to his ice cream. 

You both stared at Jason for a few moments, when you finally said : 

“What ?” 

“Between you and dad. What’s up ? You’ve been acting weird since this morning, and yesterday you slept in different rooms ! And apparently you rarely saw each others lately ! So what is happening ?!”

“We were just...rather busy lately. As for yesterday we-”

“Don’t lie to us mom ! Tell us the truth ! No bullshit about being busy or whatever, tell us what is really up ! And why you’re divorcing !” 

You blinked once. Twice. And...You turn to Bruce. He looks back at you, and you can see he’s as lost as you are. You say :  

“Divorce ? Who talked about divorce ?” 

Damian comes forth and yells : 

“You, you did ! I heard you in your room. I didn’t mean to eveasdrop I promise, it was an accident. But I heard everything. And you’ve been acting so weird lately…You didn’t even kiss father in front of us in days ! You were so distant lately ! And yesterday you slept in different bedrooms ! And you fought ! You said Father betrayed you like never before, and that you wanted a divorce ! And this morning you left without a kiss for him or us, and when you came up here you...you were about to ignore him ! It was clear ! And you glared at him ! And father is eating ice cream ! He only does that when he’s sad !” 

Your children were now staring at all of you, and you could see on their faces that they were downright panicking. And sad. Utterly sad. And that’s when you realized that, this time...you might have went a little bit too far. 

To your defense, you had no idea Damian heard you and Bruce fight. Or you would have instantly went to him. You give him a guilt ridden smile and...

Damian is sure of it. You really are going to divorce. If not, why would you look at him like that. Why would you look to apologetic ? It was clear that you didn’t expect any of them to find out like that, maybe you and Bruce were preparing a big announcement, which is why you slowly-

“Your father and I are not going to divorce.” 

Your voice cut right through Damian’s thoughts, stopping them right in their tracks. He looks up at you and...he’s completely lost. What was happening ? 

You looked at Bruce, who was slowly walking towards you, and then you turned back to your children : 

“I’m um...sorry you misunderstood me.” 

“What is there to misunderstand mom ? You said you wanted a divorce. Don’t lie to us please, if you are getting one please tell us.” 

“I’m not lying Jason. Let me explain...First of all, we were really truly busy lately, and genuinely didn’t have time to see each others. Believe me, it was hard for both of us. Which is also probably why what happened yesterday was so...virulent. And oh my god I think you will all be very cross with us once you’ll find out the truth. Very cross with me. Um...uh...” 

But you weren’t saying anything. Why weren’t you saying anything ? Between you and Bruce, you were always the one that was able to express things the best to your children. So to see you speechless was worrying...Were you thinking of a way to explain that you and Bruce will stay together, not get a divorce, but simply didn’t love each other anymore ? 

Dick could only think of that, as he saw you struggle to find your words. Because if it wasn’t something important, then you wouldn’t find it that hard to say something. He never saw you having that much trouble to say something. This must mean that things were bad between you and Bruce...

Their father was next to you now, looking at you struggle, when he finally helped you out : 

“Your mother was mad because she lost seven times in a row at Uno.” 

Silence. 

None of your children move, and it seems that they all forgot how to breathe. 

Clark, who is also next to all of you (for support), feels like his brain just turned off. 

Wh-What ? 

Silence. 

No one moves, nor speak. 

What did Bruce just say ? 

Silence. Stretching. 

Minutes pass. And no one speaks. Nor move. 

Silence...Heavy, endless. 

It feels like years went by, when :

“What ?” 

Tim finally asks, utterly confused, breaking this odd haze that engulfed all of you for a few minutes, as everyone was trying to wrap their brains around what Bruce just said. 

“Your mother was mad at me because she lost seven times at Uno.” 

“Yeah ok they got it Bruce, you don’t need to repeat how many times I lost !” 

“Just get over it (Y/N) ok ? It’s just a game !”

“Oh ! So it’s conveniently just a game when YOU win huh ? But when I do, then we should have another game !” 

“Oh my God we’re not going to talk more about all that are we ?!”

“Well you know what ? Yes we are ! We are ! Because that was the greatest treason of them all !”

“(Y/N), you’re being ridiculous again, and-”

“YOU PROMISED NOT TO USE YOUR +4 CARDS AND YOU DID ! Worst, you had two of them ! And then you had a reverse card, and then a +2 yellow, and then...You didn’t even give me a chance ! While you said you would !” 

“You were always wining at that game, I had to win at least once !” 

“Oh, so then you proceeded to win SEVEN TIMES IN A ROW with low blow like those huh ? It was sheer dumb luck.” 

“Oh so when I win it’s dumb luck, but when the great (Y/N) Wayne wins it’s strategy ?!” 

“I won’t be called (Y/N) Wayne for long if you keep going on like this, you-”

“STOP !” 

Damian’s scream stopped you and Bruce right in your track, and made you turn to them. Somehow, as you both got fired up about a stupid Uno game, you completely forgot how serious the entire situation was. 

All of a sudden, you’re reminded of it, as your children stare at you, disbelief in their eyes. 

“You guys were...you guys were fighting that bad about a game of Uno ?”

You and Bruce exchange an ashamed look, and your husband says in a weak voice : 

“Not any game of Uno. The ultimate game to decide all game. If I won that last one, it meant I would win forever as we would stop playing Uno and move to another game, and your mother is a sore looser.” 

You don’t even glare at him as he says that, aware that this all situation goes beyond your stupid competitions. But you nonetheless store it in your mind, next time you win at a board game against him, then you’ll throw it back in his face for sure ! 

“Why would you stop pla...wh...HUH ?!” 

Tim was understandably confused. Of course all this would only makes sense to you and Bruce. It was an old tradition between you two, whenever you both couldn’t sleep and were yet too exhausted to make love, you’d play a bored game. Something easy that didn’t require too much brain power. 

It would usually tire you out to the end, and you’d fall asleep playing...however, both you and Bruce could get highly competitive, and more than once you spend entire nights playing and ended up fighting like children. 

Only this always happened very VERY late at night, and rather rarely still, so of course no one witnessed such fights, were you both would blow everything out of proportion (to be honest, it was also kind of part of the game...you both knew you were being ridiculous and extreme, this was part of the fun ! “The make-up sex was always brilliant”. Sometimes, you two had a funny idea of romantic). 

But of course, that, your kids didn’t know. And of course, when Damian heard you yesterday...OF COURSE he would fall on one of your worst fight, as Bruce really DESTROYED you at Uno (sheer dumb luck!). 

You admit you might have gone a bit overboard. But it was because this was suppose to be your last few games of Uno before you’d move on to the next board game ! Of course it would infuriate you that you’d lost all of them ! Even more so since Bruce totally did some jerk moves !

Damian looked at both of you, and all the emotions you read in his eyes made you feel even guiltier. Poor little one, you made him go through so much with your silliness...

“But father looked so sad when you went to sleep in one of the guest room...”

He says, and you can’t help but say : 

“Ah yes, well your father always gets sad when we don’t sleep in the same bed, cause he’s like an attention starved puppy and he-”

“Oh my God stop !”

Dick yells, and he’s clearly FURIOUS. 

“Can’t you see how serious all of this is ? Damian, Tim and Cass have been thinking that you two were going to divorce since last night ?! Do you have any idea how hard this thing has been for them ?! Why would you two put yourself in such a state after playing a damn game of Uno ?! This makes NO SENSE ! You’re ADULTS, why are you like this ?!” 

He rambled for a few more minutes, scolding both you and Bruce about how dumb it was that you’d fight that bad because of this, and you and your husband slowly realized how indeed serious this all was. 

Granted, they could have just come and talk to you, and things would have been cleared up but...no. This was you and Bruce trying to find excuses for yourselves. For acting like petty children. 

Because of course, in your children’s eyes it would seem like a serious real fight. After all, you rarely yelled at each others like that. And yes, you did really get carried away by saying you wanted a divorce, and by going to sleep in another room but...the bastard put a +4 cards while he promised he wouldn’t !  

However, this time all thoughts of this stupid game left your mind (every game you lost was “stupid”, every game you won was “awesome”), as you listened to your son yell at you and Bruce. 

When Dick finally ran out of breath, he fell in a nearby chair and grumbled some more about how ridiculous this all was, but he was also clearly relieved. 

His family wouldn’t break. 

The divorce was a false alarm. Ugh. Sometimes, he forgot that you and Bruce could be extremely petty and childish. Because you were always there, supporting your kids, and seeming so strong...That he forgot that you were also just humans, and had big flaws too. 

Especially when it came to you. He tended to forget your bad sides more than his father’s. After all, Bruce had some pretty obvious flaws. But you ? You were good at hiding them. It was easy to forget how extreme you could be about some things !

Out of breath after yelling so much, Dick just sat there for a bit, beyond relieved even if he was still mad. 

Cass called you both “morons”, which really meant a lot. She was definitely on the same level of anger than Dick was, as she would have never called you that if it wasn’t the case. 

She left the Watchtower hurriedly, and you made a mental note that you and Bruce needed to go see her when you’d get home, and apologies deeply. You hadn’t realized that such a silly thing could be so devastating to your children...

But if they genuinely thought you two were going to divorce, then you could totally understand them. 

Tim went to sit next to Dick, unable to say anything. He wasn’t mad, he was more...utterly stunned by how childish the mighty Batman and his wife could be. This would definitely require a long time to get over. 

But he was most definitely the smartest of them all, as he made a mental note to use this entire event against you one day, if he did something that would get him scolded by both of you. Oh yes. “That time you made all of us think you were gonna divorce” would surely get him out of ANY trouble. 

Damian stared at his parents for a bit, before screaming in rage, surprising everyone, and hitting his father in the guts to then proceed to hug you and him tightly. 

Bruce didn’t even dare to say “why did you only hit me ?!” as he was trying to catch his breath after such a punch, and held his son too, trying to convey his apologies. 

“My poor little baby...” 

You whispered while soothingly running your fingers through your son’s hair, knowing that he always found the gesture calming. Your “poor little baby” was crying softly in your arms, the stress of those past long endless hours of thinking his family was going to break pouring out all at once. 

When he finally calmed down, he tore away from you and said : “you guys are dumb !” before running through the same zeta tube Cassandra went in. You were pretty sure this two would sulk together, which was good...You didn’t particularly want any of them to be alone right now. 

Clark knew you and Bruce couldn’t even think about actually divorcing. You two ? Well he knew it was true love. And though he definitely had his doubts as Damian told him some pretty bad things that happened the night before, and as he saw his friend sad and eating ice cream...Deep down, he knew it wasn’t possible. 

Clark never saw two people as in love as you two were. Not even his love for Loisn which was deep and unconditional, could compare. He knew that. You and Bruce, it was truly meant to be, and it would just have broken his heart if you genuinely would have gotten a divorce ! 

He was so glad it wasn’t true. But was also utterly exasperated by the truth. Who the hell plays Uno in the middle of the night anyway ?! He walked away shaking his head, thinking that you and Bruce would never NEVER ceased to amaze him. 

For better or for worse, really. 

The last one to react was Jason. You and Bruce didn’t dare to leave and do what you had to do in the Watchtower, as you weren’t sure your son, the only one that didn’t react, was ok. 

He just stared at you blankly for long minutes, and you were about to ask him if was alright when he suddenly bursted out laughing. 

Which most definitely took you by surprise. Um...What ?

Jason was laughing out of relief. That the true love he imagined in his head was really existing, and that he could hope for it. But he was also laughing because all of this was just so ridiculous ! 

Him and his siblings had been worried sick, on the verge of breaking from the inside at the mere thought that their parents were going to divorce...And all along it was just them having a fight like five years old would ?

Oh that was just too damn funny ! And so he laughed. He laughed and laughed for a long time. When he finally calmed down, he said : 

“Oh I swear. You guys are too much.” 

You and Bruce weren’t sure how to take this, so you simply smiled at him. Jason, still chuckling a little bit asked : 

“So hey, when I was a kid, and you said I had to go to bed and leave you cause you were going to play monopoly, and I was too young to play such a complicated game...You guys were truly playing monopoly then ?” 

"Uh ? Oh. Monopoly. Yeah, no, we were having sex. Your mom hates monopoly.” 

There’s a few seconds of silence, where Jason stares at you. Dick and Tim, who were still here, give you a “are you fucking kidding me look ?” and Bruce realizes maybe now wasn’t the time to tease them...But you can’t help but smile, and try to muffle your laugh as best you can in front of your sons’ horrified expression. 

And of course, of course Bruce starts to laugh too. Now. IN the worst of moments...You two always laugh at the worst time possible ! Goddamnit ! Your kids were really going to get mad at you for a while, if you kept going like that ! And they would have every reason to ! 

Oh well, for now, you thought it was very funny, how they reacted to the discovery of the fact that “playing monopoly” meant you were having sex. You’d worry later about apologizing. After all, they were already super mad about this entire mess of an event. 

Oh, miscommunication. It was quite a thing really. And as both Bruce and you tried to muffle your laugh, but not very successfully, it was clear that you had made up. 

You hunched over your husband as your fit of laughter was playing around with your balance, and he caught you. And seeing both of you laughing together, and clearly as in love as ever reassured your sons for good. 

But for good measure, they still left and yelled an angry : 

“Ugh, you guys are the worst !” 

As they exited the Watchtower, leaving you and Bruce giggling like teenagers.  

Aaaah. Sometimes, rarely though, you two could be such children. And even if you’d take things MUCH TOO FAR, it was still always refreshing to see the both of you understand each other so fully...

Fin

__________________________________________________

I often talk about how petty and childish my main Batmom can be at times, but I never really wrote anything about it…well here we go. Like I said, there’s a reason why her and Bruce get along so well, they’re both so damn dramatic and reach such extremes at times XD. Anyway, hope you liked this ! (??) I wrote this very quickly, as usual with bonus stories. It was just a little bit of fun, a silly story not to be taken too seriously (she says, as to find an excuse as to why this is so shitty).  As usual, feedbacks and reblogs are very welcomed <3. 

By the way, this was loosely inspired of an ask I received from an anon’, but I didn’t put the ask at the beginning as I usually do because I didn’t want the “twist” to be spoiled. 

[l0chn3ss]

Knee the Bread

Mastar, brotp friendly content, Childhood best friends Maka and Black Star attempt to bake a loaf of bread. Maka was inspired when she saw them do it on a TV show, so what's stopping her and Star from doing the same? They can knee bread and rise it from the dead, easy peasy. AO3.

Maka hoisted a 5-pound bag of flour to Black Star’s feet. He took one look at it before he rolled up his sleeves and said, “Ok, so we doin’ regular rules or house rules?”

She stomped her teeny foot— the power rangers twinkled on the side of her shoe. “No! We are not throwing it. We already did it three days ago. It’s boring now.”

Insulted, Black Star wrinkled his nose. “Well, what are we doing then?” His nine year old mind couldn’t comprehend what could be more fun than making a mess and winning a flour fight.

“We’re making bread!” Maka grinned.

She enlisted his help to carry the bag into the kitchen, but that was as far as he wanted to go with it. Eventually, she enticed him with allowing him to have the first taste once they succeeded.

“Are we allowed?” Star asked nervously. He looked around the room as though his mom—or worse, her dad—would come out of the cupboards and yell “you got pranked!”

Scoffing, Maka assured him, “We will be once we give them a loaf! Plus, I know exactly how to make it. I saw it on PBS while I was waiting for cartoons to come on.” She puffed out her chest. “I watched the adult part.”

He rested his chin on a fist and tilted his head to the side. “Maks, that’s even more boring than what you said.”

“Don’t you wanna be a big boy?” she taunted. “Or are you a baby?”

A brief memory surfaced of his dad from the night before. Black Star had been scolded for mixing milk and Coca Cola together and chugging it. Papa Sid said, “Only babies do that. Are you a baby now?”

Black Star shook his head. “What do we do first?” His resolve was strong as Optimus Prime.

After some few minutes of fumbling with the bag, they both had finally mixed together the ingredients into a bowl on the ground. Maka said that the adults said that the recipe said that the main ingredients were water and flour. Then they needed a pack of yeast—which Star found in a cupboard— and finally some salt.

Just after Maka sprinkled in a literal pinch, Star handed her the pepper shaker.

“The recipe didn’t say to use it, dummy.”

He frowned. “No, you’re the dummy. Mira said that we always salt and pepper our eggs. You can’t have one and not the other.”

Maka hesitated, “I knew that. Give it to me.” She shook the bottle once, then looked to Star expectedly.

“More.”

She shook it again, this time allowing some spice to fall from the top.

“Don’t you know how to make bread?” he said, reaching for the pepper.

Maka swatted his hands away. “Of course I do!” Do not question her eight year old smarts! She finally vigorously emptied the bottle into the bowl. There wasn’t a lot, but it was a larger pinch than the salt she put in before. The black specks dotted the surface of their concoction.

“Ok, now we have to mix it all together, and then knee it.” Maka explained to Star. “The dough is supposed to not be sticky anymore, so we have to be careful.”

“What happens if it’s sticky?”

“Then we can’t eat it, duh.”

“No! I mean, how do we fix it?”

Maka thought back to the Martha Bakes show. “You put flour on everything. Like on your hands and stuff. And the table and stuff.”

He grumbled, “We should’ve had a flour fight before we made bread.”

Once the dough was mixed together—Maka knew exactly when that was because she had baked cupcakes before—she took it out from the bowl and onto their pre-floured kitchen table. She used her hands to roll the bread around, but she was unsure what to do next because she ran into her room to get her neopets stuffy during that part in the show.

Sensing her slowing down, Black Star peered over. “Is this the part where you knee it?”

“Yes,” she said with faux confidence, secretly thankful for the reminder. “I trained for this with Papa. I know how to knee it.”

She summoned the announcer’s voice from WCW Saturday Night and remembered how her Papa cried when his wrestling show was canceled. If she could just do it right, her bread would be perfect. Maka brought up the ball of dough to her face and looked its lumpy, speckled surface squared on. Then, she yelled, slamming the dough down and nailing it in the center with her knee.

It bent like a boomerang. It did not recover from the impact.

Maka let it drop onto the floor and panted heavily. That was the secret move that she would practice with pillows and stuffies all of the time after all. She nailed it.

“Oh snap! You go, girl!” Black Star cheered.

With his encouragement, Maka picked up the lump from the floor and knee’d it again. This time, she dug into it even deeper, holding it against her leg with both hands and rubbing it in for good measure.

“No wonder Papa Sid bakes all of the time,” Black Star nodded, understanding at last. “Can I try?”

“Yeah,” Maka allowed, rolling the bread back into a ball before handing it to Star.

He taunted, “I only have to do it once. I’m stronger and older than you.”

“Nuh uh. My legs are longer and I’m taller.”

As proof, Star screamed out, “Hi ya!” and brought the dough down to its doom. The ball flattened against him, but did not wrap itself around him like he imagined it would. It wasn’t like when the cartoons did it.

“I was better,” Maka confirmed.

“That’s because you did it two times!”

“Wrong! It’s because I was so good at it that I could do it twice!”

Grumbling, he returned the knee’d dough to her. “What next? Can we bake it now?”

“We let it rise, doofus.”

Confused, he said, “But it’s not a zombie.”

Maka shook her head. “Why else do we have zombie bread. Every bread is a zombie bread. We have to let it rise. The show said so.”

“Ok, how do we do it?”

“I think the show couldn’t tell us because it was a ritual. My Mama said that evil magic makes for bad TV. She made me watch Scooby-Doo Zombie Island instead of a PBS grown up show.”

“That sucks. I bet to make bread, we have to chant to it, huh? That’s what they do for zombies.”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

Placing the ball on the table, Black Star clapped his hands together to create a poof of flour. “Let us begin the ritual.” He chanted, “Rise. Rise. Rise. Rise. Rise.”

Maka joined in, “Rise. Rise. Rise. Rise. Rise.”

A chorus of two children’s voices eventually summoned someone. It wasn’t the zombie, but it was Maka’s Papa.

“Maka, baby? What on earth are you doing?”

“Making bread, Papa.” She allowed him to pick her up and brush flour from her dress. “We’re making it rise.”

“Ah,” Spirit said, as though it was perfectly reasonable for his daughter and her friend to be doing that on a Saturday afternoon. “Is it ready yet?”

“Yeah,” Black Star responded proudly. “All we have to do is bake it now.”

As a good parent does, Spirit pre-heated Mira’s oven and placed the dough onto a pan with wax paper. He told the kids to wash their hands and then help him clean the kitchen. Only then would he bake their amazing bread.

Once they had their dirty clothes changed, they ran back into the kitchen just in time to hear the ding of the timer. Spirit called Sid into the kitchen who then took the hot and ready bread out of the oven. Maka and Black Star held their thumbs up; Spirit took their picture with their first baked treat. Though both dads didn’t ask to taste it, they made their kids promise to not bake without permission again.

“Are you mad, Papa?” Maka asked with her wide eyes, knowing that trick always got her out of trouble.

“Of course not, baby.” Spirit assured her. He knew full well that his little girl could smile her way out of jail.

She asked again, “Are you going to punish us?” Spirit shook the camera slowly in his hand. “All I want is to take pictures of my cutie pie and Staru eating their bread.”

Laughing, Sid agreed. “Yes, I do wonder what it will be like.” He cut it in half, sawing the baked loaf with a bit of effort.

Black Star squinted, but Maka was too blinded by her success to realize how flat… and hard their creation was. She turned to him. “We will eat it together at the same time right?”

“You know what, Maks? I don’t think I’m hungry anymore.”

“Nuh uh! You said that you were starving when you were changing your shorts.”

She tugged him to the table and planted herself in her usual seat. Star took his spot nervously, and his worries were well founded when his dad placed a plastic Hercules plate in front of him.

“Maka,” he whispered. “This is a rock cookie.”

“Smile, Staru!”

Spirit’s camera flashed and he said, “Ok, now both of you bite at the same time. One—”

“Ma—”

“Shh, the picture!”

“Two—”

“I’m not—”

“Eat the bread—”

“Three!”

Their moment was preserved forever in Spirit’s photo album. Maka’s tongue stuck out; her face contoured in disgust. Her hands were reaching up to brush away the lingering taste. Black Star’s mouth was open with a piece of bread sat at the front; his tongue pushed far back and away from it. His misery and defeat showed in his slumped shoulders.

The aftermath was well documented, too.

[auspicious-lilana]

Ultimate Spiderman (Peter Parker x Stark! OC x Sam alexander x Danny Rand)

Summary:When people hear 'Maya Stark' everyone would think about the perfect, smart. good looking, rich, student body president of Midtown High.Nobody but her childhood friend Peter Parker AKA Spider-Man and her new team of heroes. Ava, Sam, Danny, and Luke AKA  white tiger, Nova, Iron fist, and Power Man knows about her secret of being Queen's very own Mistress, soon to be ULTIMATE Mistress

Part 1  Part 2

This is it, the test to see if I can make it into the superhero big leagues.

“This exercise will gauge your efficiency against superior numbers. Disable all attackers. You have 60 seconds. FYI, Captain America did it in 10.”  I stood in a battle stance ready for whatever Fury would throw at me.

“Easy-peasy.”  One of the large robots that surrounded me started to attack as I dodged it and quickly shot a web to its head but another robot came and threw me on the ground as they all fell on top of me. “Uh! Uh!” I groaned as I squeezed myself out of the pile of robots. “This is more humiliating than Parker family game night.” I quickly got up and punched all the robots while webbing a few. After I threw another one of them grabbed me and held me up as I struggled to get out from its grip. How weak is this? I'm going to land on the superhero wall of shame for dying ten minutes after joining S.H.I.E.L.D. It started to shock me to which I yelled in pain before I grabbed four arms of it and quickly snapped it back to it making it let me go. The second I got down I ran as I dodged four drone-bots before I got ahold of one of them to see they were bombs that exploded making me hit back on the wall covered in slime as I slowly slid down. I got up quickly as I saw more big bots coming at me, so I tried to work the web shooter.

“Where did S. H. I. E. L. D. tech put the web control? Nope. Nuh-uh. Score.”  I threw a web at two drones and crashed it with two of the big ones. “Yeah!” One of the drone heads fell on me making me groan.

***

While Spider-Man was taking the test. Fury laughed a bit at the sight.

“I finished this thing under 20” iron fist said.

“I finished mines under 18” Luke chimed in.

“There's no discipline to his fighting technique, he's thrashing around hitting things. But Fury says he's good for the team.” White Tiger said as she watched Spider-Man get thrown around.

“His training may be off but he has more experience than the rest of you and his heart is in the right place” I imputed, defending my partner. “I’m just glad he agreed to do it”

“Why is Fury testing another new candidate? I didn't approve of this.” Nova said running up to us.

“So you didn’t approve of me?” I raised an eyebrow and fixed a glare at Nova who’s eyes widened.

“N-no! Your fighting was good, just not his!” I rolled my eyes.

“Look who thinks he's still in charge. That's so cute.” White tiger said to which I nodded my head in agreement.

“If Fury thinks I'm going to lead that lame-o in battle…”

“In your dreams, you're the team leader,”  Luke said placing a hand on Nova’s shoulder as Iron fist joined in.

“He is rough around the edges, but not without potential.”

“Yeah, but he named himself Spider-Man. How sad is that?” White Tiger said as I rolled my eyes. 

“Well, unlike you guys he had gotten his powers under pressure, and the fact he had nobody but me to tell his secret to”

“What was he supposed to call himself?” Iron fist said backing me up.

“Something cool that didn't scream, "Hi, I have low self-esteem and identify with bugs."

“You know what they say about a book and its cover, dude.”

“Dude, I'll clean this Helicarrier for a month if he makes it.”

“Toilets, too?”

“Toilets, too”

“Your on”

“I’m in” Luke chirped in taking Iron fist’s side.

“Me, too,” Nova said also high giving White Tiger. I sighed as I took White Tigers side knowing Spider-Man won’t pass without the right training and I don’t like being in the highest possible losers team and if Spidey does pass, I can just cast a few cleaning spells to help White Tiger out.

“I’m in as well I guess,” I said high fiving the boys, earning a smile from White Tiger. I checked the time and excused myself. “I gotta go. Work to be done, people to visit, someone to tease” the rest said their goodbyes as I walked off and teleported myself to a place near the hospital before I took off my mask making my cloak disappear showing I was wearing blue shorts and a white shoulderless blouse with my black hair down. I jogged from the alley to the hospital a few buildings away before stopping in front of the counter.

”How may I help-”

” I need to see Harry Osborn” I demanded out of breath.  The lady nodded and looked at the computer.

”Room 230 on floor 3” I thanked her before running up the stairs too impatient to wait on the elevator. when I peeked in the room I heard Peter.

“Hey, hero. I brought you something from school.”

“Cheerleaders?” Harry guessed making me chuckle.

“Homework” at the moment I came in.

“Hey Harry”

“I guess Maya’s close to an cheerleader” I rolled my eyes.

______________________________________________________________________________

Harry really stepped up yesterday when the Frightful Four attacked our school. Unfortunately, all that heroism won him overnight stay in the hospital.

Yikes. Wish I was there to help out

Me too,Maya, Me too

______________________________________________________________________________

“Peter has your best interests at heart, son. He's a true friend” Mr.Osborn said placing his hand on Peter’s shoulder.

______________________________________________________________________________

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a dad like that?

______________________________________________________________________________

“How about a ride to school, Peter? Maya?”  

“You don't have to hold a gun to my head, sir.”

“How about you, Maya?”  I shook my head.

“Sorry, my Dad’s coming to get me” like magic my phone rang showing my dad. “Matter of fact this is him now, bye Harry, Peter. See you at school tomorrow” I left the room answering the call.“Hey dad!”

“Hey, sweetpea. How was the S.H.I.E.L.D test?” 

 “I think I aced it. Tell you more in the car ride home I see you”

“Okay,”  I ended the call and got into the car.

 “So? Details?”

“So I finished the test under 14 seconds”

“That’s my girl”“And I met my future team”

“Did you guys show your identities?”

“No.not yet but I know they know Peter’s identity”

“You’ll learn their identity-“

“Oh I already did”

“You did?”

“Yeah, Fury enrolled them to Midtown high so I may or may not have looked through their files”

“I bet other dads don’t have a daughter like you to have bragging rights with” Dad mumbled.

______________________________________________________________________________

Meet my dad, Tony Stark aka Iron man. Since he has Stark Interpers I barely get to see him everyday but he tries his best to get some quality time together and he makes sure we eat breakfast together so we can catch up on what happened to us yesterday since he’s busy at night. Plus I get to hang out with the avengers daily so I call them uncles/aunts.

______________________________________________________________________________

“Dad!”

“It isn't my fault my daughter is beautiful, genius AND a future avenger! I got the full package!”  I sighed as I smiled and hugged dad. No matter how many times he would brag, I know he means well and loves me just as much as I do.

“I love you dad”

“I love you two my favorite daughter”

“I’m your only daughter”

“...don’t ruin the mood” I laughed as I snuggled close as we got home.

“We’re here,” Happy said from the driver’s seat. I nodded and thanked him as I got out with my school bag on my shoulder.

“I’m gonna go and do my homework real quick and check in with the vice student body president cause I’m sure Peter forgot to do it for me” Dad kissed my cheek before ruffling my hair.

“I’ll be in the lab if you need me. Capsicle  wants to see you in an hour for your training”

“Thanks, Dad,” I said as I kissed his cheek and went up to my room.

“How did I get lucky with her?...” I smiled as I heard my dad before I went into my room.

***

“Smile, Spider-Man,”  MJ said to peter flashing a camera at him making him lose his balance and fall as he started rambling nervously.

“Oh! Whoa, I'm not... How did…”

“Wow, nervous much? I'm practicing what I'll say when I finally meet Spider-Man maybe even Mistress. Here”  MJ handed him a paper he read. ‘Spider-Man and Mistress: I will tell your side of the story. Call me. Mary Jane Watson’

“You really believe those two hang out here in Midtown?”

“ They’ve been seen on campus often enough.they could be anybody. A student, a teacher, or…” Stan walked by pushing a cart full of mobs and such before turning to them.

“Thwip Thwip” And he left.

“Ok, well maybe not anybody,”

______________________________________________________________________________

I know how much it means for MJ to get that reporter job with the Bugle and I'd love to help her out. I'm afraid I'd blow it once I started talking to her. I mean, MJ knows me so well.Maya would help her much better seeing how she takes Drama and can act it out but I don’t think she’ll want to take that risk either....

______________________________________________________________________________

“Even if Spider-Man and Mistress are a student, They’re going to keep it on the down-low. There's no way They'd let anyone know who they really are”

“Maybe, but I'm not giving up. Also, Have you seen Maya?”

“No, not since yesterday. Maybe she’s in the council room?”

“Most likely, seeing how she wasn’t able to check in yesterday” Peter’s eyes widened. ‘I completely forgot about checking in for her! Maya must be extremely busy now! All cause of me’ Peter gloomed at the thought before smiling again.

“I’ll go check on her since we are walking home together”

“Make sure to get her something to eat on your way there, she hasn’t touched her lunch at all”

“Okay, bye” MJ left as Peter went off to get Maya so they can leave for S.H.I.E.L.D as promised.

***

“Sir, ma'am. Yo, what's up?”  Spider-Man said to every passing agent we saw making me sigh. I wasn’t going to come here with him but after he kept telling me I can get back to the paperwork later and I had to take a ‘break’ I eventually came around.

”Spidey, what are you doing?” I asked unamused.

“I'm just trying to blend in now that I'm an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“An agent? You're barely a newbie.” Fury pitches in making me smirk at the look of Spidey’s face as Fury scanned his eyes at an entrance.

“ID confirmed. S.H.I.E.L.D. Director, Nick Fury.”

The doors slid open revealing a testing room for gadgets I’m guessing as we went in.

“Get in here and don't touch anything.”

“Cool!” Spidey exclaimed looking around as I stood there watching him. “Awesome!” I looked over to see him looking at a guy flying with web wings before looking over to a guy climbing a wall with spider legs/claws. “Eh. It’s been done”   Spidey and I walked over to Fury who stood by a doctor

“Yo, Doc. Meet the new kid. Spider-Man, our resident tech genius. Dr. Curt Connors. And I know you’ve already met Mistress or Maya.” 

“Yes, we did, didn’t we?”  I nodded as I smiled. Spidey decided to make himself known and stuck out his hand.

“Always glad to meet a fellow genius” When Doc didn’t shake his head and Spidey saw Doc didn’t have a hand. “Awkward” Doc pulled up his sleeve and shook Spidey’s hand with both of his hands.

“A pleasure. I followed both yours and Mistress’s career closely, very impressive.”

______________________________________________________________________________

I like this guy

Of course you would Peter, of course you would.

______________________________________________________________________________

“Even before Director Fury approached you about joining us, I had my R&D team develop an array of Spider-Man and Mistress inspired weaponry.”  Spidey looked around confused.

“Then where’s-”

“It’s in another room. We like to have separate weaponry rooms for you two since we had a lot and Mistress had already seen hers, yesterday”  I nodded as Spidey nodded his making an ‘Oh’ face.

“What if we said no?”

“Not an option”  Fury replied sternly.

“Huh, that's funny, you're using our web-shooter out of camo mode.” Doc pointed out as he took Spidey’s wrist and placed it into camo mode.

“Oh, yeah. I had it in camo mode. But then I couldn't find it.” Doc and Fury just stared at Spidey unamused as I resisted the urge to facepalm.  “Joke. Don't you people ever smile” I’d be surprised if they ever did.

“Over here is something we think you'll find particularly interesting,”  Doc said as he leads Spidey to something covered.

“I reserve the right to be awestruck.” Before Spidey could touch it he was quickly hit with a metal whip. “Ow,” he groaned out as I cringed. Ouch.

“Hold it. Director Fury, I've never questioned your choices when it came to the others.” Coulson said.

“Others?” Spidey questioned. I was about to reply before I remembered, he doesn’t know about the others yet.

“But in this case, we're dealing with a complete wildcard. Daily Bugle Communications calls Spider-Man a threat to public safety.” Coulson continued.

“But I’m so cuddly,” Spidey said rubbing his head with his arms intertwined making me giggle a bit as his silliness.

“Spider-Man's my responsibility, Coulson. That's what he's here for. To learn responsibility.” Fury sternly replied.

“We’ll see” Coulson left just like that as Spidey quickly uncovered the thing and looked at it unimpressed.

“We call it the Spider-Cycle,” Doc said as Spidey looked back at him.

“Uh, yeah. Useless”

“Excuse me?” Doc said taken back.

“I mean it's cool and all, but why do I need a motorcycle? I can get anywhere by thwip-thwip.” Spidey said illustrating what he meant by ‘thwip-thwip’  

“ I calculate you can make it from 80th to 34th street in 3. 7 minutes while using up what I'm guessing is fairly expensive webbing and at maximum muscle stress.“

“Uh maybe” Spidey rubbed his muscle to stubborn to admit Doc was right to which I rolled my eyes at. Unlike him, I levitate my way so I have no need to waste strength nor use any expensive webbing.  

“The Spider-Cycle can make it minute-and-a-half. If you're not scared thwip-less to climb on” Fury added on knowing full well out competitive and ‘prideful’ Spidey is. It seemed to work cause Spidey glared at him.

“One side” and he climbed on….wait…...he never took driving lessons ...or have a permit…..this won’t end well…this is soo gonna get recorded. I placed my hand behind my back and muttered  a summoning chant spell and summoned my phone from my backpack back at my room (Yes we stopped by my room on our way here to drop off our stuff) “and the starter is…” Spidey touched somewhere starting the Spider-Cycle up and running as Spidey yelled and I laughed a bit as I placed a spell to make my phone follow his Spider-Cycle, recording.

“You should go and follow him” I nodded at Fury’s suggestion as I stifle my laughter as I levitated my way to catch up to him.

“Brakes, THE BRAKES!” I saw Spidey yell as agents quickly dodged him nearly. I flew a bit faster in an attempt to catch up to see him blast a hole. “NOT BRAKE!”

“Aaah! Not a problem. I'll just pop another parachute and” Spidey tried to do it to see he ran out of the web. “Okay, now I'm scared thwip-less Aaah!”  I stopped at the hole fully knowing I wouldn’t fly down so I cast a teleportation spell and got to a rooftop to see Spidey riding on the side of a building as I watched in amusement before he ended up in the streets screaming, that's when I got up and flew above him.

“ Kid, what's wrong with you? You act like you've never driven before.” Fury said as I giggled.

“That’s because he never did!” I yelled.

“I don’t even have my learner’s permit!”

“You what?”

“It’s new york! Who needs a car?!” Spidey said as he jumped over a school bus as I flew above. “OH COME ON” Spidey yelled as he went through a sign reading ‘road closed’ I sighed knowing I can’t keep this up, guess fun’s over. I picked up Spidey as I saw Luke pick up the bus the Spider-Cycle would’ve hit and White Tiger quickly hopped on the Cycle stopping it as Nova helped me carry Spidey. “Let me go, Buckethead!”

“Calm down preschool, we’ll take it from here.”  We let go of Spidey as I stood next to Nova as White tiger hopped off the cycle with Iron fist’s leg on the wheel and Luke next to him.

“We-” I coughed as Spidey rolled his eyes. “Okay I appreciate a hand now and then, but I really didn't need to be saved by-who're you guys?”

“Iron Fist, Nameste. Iron Fist. Kung fu master with a fist of well...iron.”

“White Tiger. Acrobatic ninja with steel claws and cat powers. And the big guy there is Lu-”

“Power-Man. If he calls himself Spider-Man then I'm calling myself Power Man. It's cool and doesn't scream ‘I have low self-esteem.’ Super strength and bulletproof skin.”

“Okay, Power-Man” White Tiger said rolling her eyes.

“And I already met Captain Buckethead over there,” Spidey pointed at Nova.

“Names Nova, creep”

“Nova creep, catchy”

“Nova, the human rocket.”

“Okay. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get this bike back to HQ. You see, I'm with S. H. I. E. L. D.”  Spidey bloated in smug, little did he know hehe.

“Small world,” Power-Man said with a smirk as Nova gave Spidey a smug grin.

***

“No, no, no, no, no. I never signed on to be part of a team.”   Spidey complained as the rest of the team and I stood behind Coulson who was trying to reason with Spidey.

“It’s not a team, its a program. If you just let me explain” Coulson said.

“No! Nix! Nein! Nyet! Na-uh! No way! Never!” Spidey stormed off in anger.

“We won the bet!” White tiger and I high fived. “No toilets for the Tiger and Sorceress, Whoo!” I smiled before I looked back at where Spidey left.

______________________________________________________________________________

He’ll come around. I know he well. Stubborn  is one thing he is really good at but I know he’ll realize being in a team instead of a Duo will help a lot learning about responsibility and make us stronger heros too

______________________________________________________________________________

I sensed danger somewhere as my eyes widened and gasped as  White Tiger must've noticed since she placed a hand on my shoulder.

“You good Mistress?”

“Danger.”

“What?”

“I sense danger somewhere.” White Tiger turned to the team who are now alert.

“You heard her, there is danger somewhere, let’s head out ASAP” I nodded as we all got out to see Thundra throw a large metal cap at Spidey as Power-Man quickly took action and kicked it away as White Tiger pounced on top of Spidey.

“What are you guys doing here? I had them on the run. “

“Except for the part you didn’t” White Tiger countered as she brought out her claws and cut off the anti-gravity pad that was on Spidey’s chest as soon Spidey fell on his butt while White Tiger landed safely. Klaw sent a sound wave a the two as Spidey dodged it and Tiger fell back. I quickly took action and sent a blast of fire at Klaw sending him flying back in pain.

***

“Okay, Nick. I'll join your junior "Glee" club. But I still operate Duo as Spider-Man and Mistress, It's our version of ‘Me Time’”

“Done” they shook hands before the web shooter shot a parachute falling on them.

“Awkward."

*** [Peter’s POV] ***

Finally, both school and Spidey lives are back to normal. I opened my locker and sighed happily as I smiled. Maya should be here any minute now since she probably finished all that council work she had to do and have that meeting with the new principal I heard about.

“Oh, Puny Parker. Locker knocker time” I sighed remembering my normal life...has Flash in it. Before Flash could push me in Someone pulled me away making Flash fall in my locker and lock himself in. “Ow” I looked up to see my   ‘savior’

“Wait, do I know you?” I saw three other kids behind the guy looking oddly familiar. “Any of you?”

“Say hello to your new classmates,” Said the blonde guy, “Danny Rand” now known as Danny.

“ Luke Cage,” Said the guy who ‘saved’ me.

“Sam Alexander,” said the Latino guy.

“Ava Ayala, think about it” That’s when a light bulb went off my head as I realized, these were my new team.

“Huh?” was all that came out, I was speechless, AND right where I thought everything would be back to normal!

“Oh, some idiot gave Fury the bright idea we needed ‘me time’ away from S. H. I. E. L. D,” Sam said hinting at Me sarcastically.

“ FYI, don't sweat the secret ID. Code of silence man”  Somehow Maya came in just in time.

“Hey Peter, seems you already met the new students huh?”

“Maya! Please tell me this is some sort of mistake!” I plead. Being the head president of the school, basically, like a vice-principal, she had to have control on who enrolls, right?

“I’m sorry Peter but my job is to welcome students not the opposite and besides I placed myself the job of giving them a tour here”

“Why do you have to be their tourist?”

“Cause one, I’m the head president of the school, and the second is Fury wants me to so they can grow accustomed here plus ‘get to know each other as civilians’” Sam smirked as he came closer.

“Well, how lucky we are to get such a cutie to tour us” Maya smirked as she cocked her hip.

“I don’t think you should be flirting with your teammate,” She said mockingly.

“Teammate?” Maya’s smirk widened as the rest’s eyes widened.

“Funny how you didn’t recognize me as I quick as Peter”

“W-Well it's just that you where a large cloak with a black mask so we couldn’t see you properly aside from half your face and your hands s-so-” Maya laughed a bit.

“Don’t sweat it. I’m cool with it besides the whole point of the mask and cloak was for nobody to get a slight hint about my identity.”

“Hey, this is great. Really, really great. I just got to go talk to a guy.” I said before running off to the principal's office leaving Maya with them.

“ I need an immediate transfer”

“Denied, Mr. Parker”

“But why?” The principal turned around and I saw...Coulson?!

“Because Fury wants you where he can keep his eye on you.”

“Coulson?!”

“Acting principal Coulson, Thwip-Thwip,” He said with a mocking grin. I went out gripping on my hair in frustration.

“ I said it before, I'll say it again. N-o. No, no, no-no, no, no.”  I said walking by my locker.

“Hello? Can somebody let me out? Please. Anyone?” I backed up and looked at my locker with a smirk.

“Okay, maybe yes”

[sursinchicago]

Ivy Rebecca Kaida Jun Sur

Baby Girl Sur 2.0 has arrived! Well, she arrived almost two months ago, actually – at 4:23 a.m. on July 25, 2018 weighing 6 lbs., 15 oz. and 21-inches long. It’s been a madhouse since we brought her home (hence the super-delayed birth story post) but it’s been amazing and she’s growing like crazy. 

But let’s think back to her grand entrance to the world…

We dubbed July 24, the day before Ivy was born, “Arden Fun Day” – we pulled her out of school and had a full day jam-packed with fun, kind of a farewell to her only-child days. She chose her breakfast (fried rice with a sunny-side egg on top) then we took the bus downtown. We made a pit-stop for breakfast dessert – a macaroon! – then headed to the Fountains at Millennium Park since it was a perfect hot day to play in the water. Arden and Dad stopped off at the Bean and then went to Maggie Daley Park to play while I went in for a doctor’s appointment. Everything looked good and on track for my C-section scheduled for that Friday, July 27 at 3 p.m. I was super anxious about having to fast for 6-8 hours before surgery – I mean, I’d be starving and so thirsty! The plan was for Kevin to cook up a feast for me at about 7am and then try to nap as much of the morning away until we had to be at the hospital by 1pm.

Anyhoo, Arden Fun Day continued… we went to lunch at Wildberry Café, took a double-decker bus tour around the city and stopped at Navy Pier to ride the giant Ferris wheel and eat a giant 5-flavor rainbow ice cream cone. Since it wouldn’t be an Arden Fun Day without sushi, we finished the day at a poke restaurant for dinner and came home exhausted!

After putting Arden to bed, Kevin and I figured it was about time to settle on a name for our new Baby Girl. Way to be last minute! Although we culled the list down a couple of weeks earlier, there were still several names on the table. My first choice was Ivy. There’s no real significance behind the name, I just love it. When I was at dinner on a work trip over the summer, a colleague decided we needed to come up with a name for Baby Girl Sur 2.0… she threw a whole bunch of names out but when she said Ivy, I immediately loved it.

Kevin has always loved the name Rebecca. He proposed it for Arden’s name – which, to his dismay, I shot down. Although I was initially against it, it actually sounded nice after Ivy. Way to compromise!

Then we had the challenge of her Chinese middle name. All the girls in Ivy and Arden’s generation have a Chinese middle name ____ Jun. Arden’s is Lai Jun. We chose her name from a list provided to us from the Au family but the person who provided the names in the past was not healthy enough to do it anymore. So, who did we turn to? Google, of course! We selected several names we liked and then crossed them off one by one until we landed on Kaida Jun. Kaida means “little dragon.” Kevin was born the year of the dragon and Ivy is his little. Awww.

In the middle of all this, around 8 or 9pm, I started feeling cramps. Nothing major but kind of annoying. I didn’t go into spontaneous labor with Arden (I was induced) so I didn’t know what it was and didn’t think much of it. At first. Then the cramps – I mean, contractions – started getting worse and I started timing their length and time in between. They were all across the board. I called the Midwife and she said it sounds like I have time so take a warm bath and try to relax (yeah, right) but call back if they become more consistent. Soon enough, the contractions were coming every 4 minutes. And DAMN they hurt. The midwife said to come in.

We called my mom and dad around 1:30am and asked them to come over to stay with Arden while we checked into the hospital. One of the benefits of driving to the hospital in the middle of the night is no traffic! We got there pretty quick.

My one stumble I should have known I was going to stumble on was if I went into spontaneous labor, if I try for a v-bac or stick to the c-section plan. I never really decided. So I labored and labored and labored. Then I decided to stick with the plan and go with the c-section. I was only given a 50/50 shot by the ob-gyn at a successful v-bac, which she said is quite low. My only goal with delivery (beside a healthy one, of course) was to not go through what I went through with Arden – that is, active laboring and pushing and then a c-section. So I had to wait to get to the OR to get any pain meds. When I finally did, THANK GOD.

Ivy was born quickly, healthy and with a full head of jet black hair. Easy peasy. I got to hold her right after, which I also really wanted to do (because I couldn’t with Arden). It was wonderful. 

We were moved to our post-partum room around 7am on July 25, which meant Kevin and I hadn’t slept in about 24 hours. Funny, we didn’t even feel sleepy (ha! that would come soon enough).

She did great in her first few days of life! Breast fed like a champ. Lost a little too much weight so we supplemented with formula… but she packed on the pounds soon enough. I was sure she would have jaundice like Arden (and all the Uehara kids) but she didn’t. We were all ready to go home after a 3-day stay but my darn blood pressure was still too high. Giving birth stresses me out, apparently. They kept us for one extra day to keep an eye on me but everything was a-ok and the next day we went home.

The past couple of months have honestly flown by and I can’t believe how big she’s gotten already. We’re so grateful for all the love and support from friends and family – especially big sister Arden, who is beyond amazing and taking her new role quite seriously.

Love,

Team Sur

[museoffury]

I awoke with the feeling of longing today to know a father I was never given the chance to meet. I thought about the deep and profound secret my Mother kept in her heart of something so significant and wondered why she didn’t want me to know. I started to write a song in Spanish about sadness and wishing.

I then decided that I could not put off the inevitable and so today would begin with a mundane task: laundry. Even that proves to be a significant experience here since most seem to wash by hand and hang laundry outside their window on a line. There didn’t seem to be a way to do that in this pad, and I’ll be quite honest: I really am not into that. Call me shishi, but I like my clothes blown dry. So, I looked up various Lavandarias and found one just 3-blocks up from where I’m staying–pretty cool being that I could only find six in all of Lisbon. This one named Lavandaria do Aqueduto seemed fitting. Aqueducts carry water over obstacles, right? My clothes had been through Zurich, Madrid, and a couple of days in Lisbon already. It was an easy-peasy walk up the hill and I found 3 washers and two dryers in a very clean, small laundromat with instructions in English in a 4-point font below the Portuguese words and if you push the correct combination of buttons, voila! it includes a detergent in the washing machine which begins from a controller on the wall for all the machines. Snap!  Since I had 30-min, I decided to head around the corner to a little cafe I had seen offering some quick “para levar” so that I could grab an espresso and a nibble. It was busy and the server was rushing about quite efficiently. When she came to ask what I wanted, I told her that she was impressive and efficient. She smiled and relaxed for a second:

“34-years of doing this makes it so. It’s better be fast.  I started here working for my grandfather when I had 18 years; now when my father dies, it will be mine. “

Wow! Impressive! I did some quick inaccurate math:

“We are the same age. I am 56 and…”

She interrupted: “I have 52-years.”

Me: “Oh, yes. Of course. It is fantastic that the business passes to you after all of your hard work. What is your name?”

She gave me my order and took the Euros and tip.

“Gabriella. Thank you for talking me. Have a nice day.”

 Here is her little spot in Lisbon where my Pastel de Nata and espresso sit in the middle. Mind you, there are thousands of Padarias and Pastelarias and Cafes everywhere you walk here. The reason I walked into this one is that I happened to be washing my clothes around the corner. 15-min in the dryer and I was on my way back to the pad.

By this point, it was 1:20p and I was ready to find some serious lunch. I’ve only been eating one meal out per day and want to stick to that since I have a little kitchenette here and have bought some essentials to keep at the temp homestead. I read about a cool place to eat lunch (even though it was already 2p) that wasn’t due to close like most the others I found that end lunch service at 3p. This one was open until midnight with no break. It was across town and would promise an exploratory plunge into the world of busses and trams here in Lisbon – a new adventure! Excellent, I love this part of a new city! When I clicked to go to GoogleMaps to see an overview of the location, my tab fell on a Chrome MomentumDash screen that always provides a relaxing picture, a quote, and some other productivity points.

Oh, yes. I feel balanced alright here on vacation. Thank you for the message, computer!

The restaurant description pointed out the location as the LX Factory and I had also seen it as a destination point on GoogleMaps. I wondered about it and researched further. I found this:

In 1846, a fabric production plant (Companhia de Fiação e Tecidos Lisbonenses) was created in Alcântara, Lisbon. The industrial complex spanned over a total of 23.000 m2 and was one of the most important undertakings the city had so far seen. Fifty years later, the company decides to move and, in its place, a succession of businesses such as industrial typographies took advantage of the unique location and facilities. Forward to the late 20th century and the location was an abandoned, run-down and decrepit inner-city area that desperately needed a makeover. A private investor decides to take on the challenge of creating something new out of almost one hundred years of history and the rest, as they say, is indeed history. Today, the space is home to more than 200 businesses ranging from cafés, restaurants, design houses, show-rooms, shops, offices, commercial spaces to other projects that link directly to the space’s unique cultural and artistic standing.

I’m going to provide some shots of my own soon, but these photos here on TripAdvisor say it all!

So, all I had to do was get there.

What did we do without GoogleMaps? Well, I’ll tell you one thing GM doesn’t tell you is which side of the street to wait for a bus and so goes my next 1.5 hours for a trip that should have taken 23-minutes according to my i-spaceship. I walked over to the huge Assembly of the Republic building. Yes, this is where the central hub of the Portuguese government meets and it’s quite a building.

When I got to the top, I thought I could find the bus stop as the little blue dot on GMaps was showing that I was quite close. I looked down:  Hmmm, somewhere likely down there. I’ll walk a bit and voila! The bus I wanted was just leaving, but alas, another one comes in 15-minutes. I waited, watched and listened to a bird in a cage hanging on a mini-patio just above the stop across the street. I looked down to see another bus of the number I needed to hop on going the other way. Shoot. Was I waiting on the right side of the street?  I looked at GMaps and retraced my steps…Ayii. It looks like I need to wait over there! I crossed the street and looked at the map. Yes, Cavalária is one of the stops. OK, phew.

One came 10-minutes later and I hopped on and took a seat. We traveled a mile or so when I realized that nowhere does it state the stop name so how would I know when we reached Cavalária? I could go ask the bus driver. Or, I could check the blue dot on my phone!  Uh-Oh, it shows I’m going further from LX Factory, not toward it. Damn. By now we were at the hundredth or so tall statue I have seen of men towering over squares and plazas–this one called the something de Pombra. So many famous men to put on pedestals! I hopped off the next stop and crossed the street to wait on the other side for the bus going the other way. OK, now I’ll be set. Two of the wrong number went by and then, finally! Here comes the 727, only it was going fast and wouldn’t stop! Um, Oh no: I’ve got to go to a different stop further up by the man on the pedestal!  Jesus! Who is that poor woman with her bare breast and arms chained above her head below the man on the pedestal? No time to check. I had to keep searching for the stop. I walked another 1/2-hour as the streets here are very wide and filled with taxis and buses all going somewhere very quickly. I walked down another street trying to follow the damned blue dot but I seemed to be heading off course again. OK, look for the street name. They are on the sides of buildings on each corner and do not have their own post like we have. I looked up and guess what I found?  Can you imagine? The word has re-entered from Madrid to Portugal. I smiled. There is a HOTEL Tranquilidade. I was reminded to just enjoy the ride of being lost and to maintain my balance. I walked another block and then circled back around the dude on the pedestal (again). This time, I heard American voices next to me. A Mom, Dad, and Daughter were looking up and all around like I had been:

Dad: “Jesus. I’m tired of going in circles. I can’t find anything here.”

Me: “Hey, me too! I’ve been trying to find a bus going to a certain place and it’s taken me an hour!”

Mom: “It took us 45-minutes to find the post office we were told was just up the block.”

Me: “I’m going to the post office too, and…

Dad: “Well, you’re going the wrong way, it’s behind us 4-blocks!”

Me: “Oh, I’m going to a different one near where I plan to eat lunch…well, now it’s dinner, I guess.”

Mom: “You mean there is more than one? We were told that there was only one and it’s behind us.”

Me: “Oh, there are a lot of post offices all over, but just not near each other.”

Dad: “I wondered why this huge city would have only one post office. People. Sheesh.”

All of us together: “Where are you from?”

Them: “We’re from Idaho and our daughter here has been serving in the Peace Corps in Mozambique, so we figured this would be a great place to meet all together.”

More chatting between us about the weather here in Lisbon (they are loving it as it’s below zero back home), etc. We walked up to my bus stop saying a quick goodbye and have fun as I hopped up on the bus of the number I was looking for only this time I asked the driver before paying: “Calavária?”  He then pointed across the street saying quickly in Portuguese that the bus to Calvário is on the other side. Well, 3rd time is a charm. Here I go. “Obrigado!” (Ooops, forgot the “a” again. I’m supposed to say “obrigada.”)

So there I was, 1.5-hours later going the right way to the Calvário stop where I would find (25-minutes later) both a post office (which turned out to be a post office, bank, and 4 shelves of  books for sale all in one) with the entrance to the LX Factory just a 3-min walk from the post-bank-books to the restaurant whose name I had already forgotten. Damn. I was famished and thirsty.

When I arrived, I found a splendid playground well worth the wait! I stopped at the first super fun/artsy restaurant I found and sat outside near a fab heat lamp and ordered a beer. WOOF, they brought me a beer!   Someone knew I was thirsty! Reward! Now here’s a pedestal I’d like to see with some females on it! Where are all the statues of the mulhers importantes in Portugal? I ordered the Praça burger (house special) that was heavenly with lots of different sautéed veggies on it (candied onions, mushrooms, zucchini, carrots) and pesto sauce along with their house-made chips that were a delight. YUM! ( I could not finish that beer after eating the meal but I got 3/4 through it.)

THEN I WALKED AROUND. WHAT A PLACE!

First I walked into the restaurant I had eaten at A Praça do Lisboa to use the loo and found the interior delightful.  And since I heard a band while I ate not far off playing covers from the 80’s and 90’s, I had to find them first to check them out:  The outside area was crowded with people sitting at tables talking and drinking beer and wine but the odd thing I noticed was when the band finished one of the songs, I was the only one clapping. Oh. They don’t clap for musicians here? Odd…  I walked on.

And then I came upon this! My favorite new bookstore in one glance: Ler Devagar Bookstore (check this out):

I looked around some more to walk off the meal noticing that a lot more people were arriving as this is obviously a thriving scene for a Friday night that is not the ordinary fare in Lisbon. Just as I found myself outside of the LX Factory at night wondering where to catch the bus and really not wanting to try to find a stop, I saw a man leaning against a TukTuk.  He extended his hand toward the vehicle saying, “Where would you like to go? Have you tried a TukTuk?” I had seen these all over town and wondered about them. They are literally a 3-wheel motorcycle with a plastic tent around them to keep you warm at night and likely out of the rain if the weather turns. I was hesitant. He explained that he could take me anywhere I’d like to go for 10-Euros which is far less than the normal price as he must put the TukTuk away in the garage in the next one-and-a-half hours. He could also show me some special places. Well, they are a licensed group. I know they are safe, and I really didn’t want to try the bus fiasco again. So, I hopped in. He zipped me all in as if we were camping with him in the front and me in the 2-seater bench in the rear with seatbelts.  “My name is Carlos. What is yours?” We chatted for a bit about San Francisco because he cackled when I said I was from SF: “San Francisco! It’s the same as Lisboa! Bridges! Hills! Lots of people!” But then added, “But America has gone crazy, no? What has happened to the brains of the people?” I explained that one of the reasons I was here on this trip was to find a new place to live (someday) and that Portugal is one of my top choices. He told me he knows people here who have homes to rent and sell. He will give me names. At one point he asked, “Are you in a rush? If not, I have a great pastelaria to show you!”

I was game. Let’s go! We stopped and had a Pastel de Natal (much more delicious than the one I had in the morning) which were made by the hour in the place he brought me to. I bought us both one and added an espresso to sip. The third bite in, he said, “Oh! You must meet my friend Claudia who owns a shop near where you are staying. Let’s go pay her a visit and then I take you home. She owns some properties.” I was still delighting in the custard pastry and one last sip of espresso. He was right. It was a treat! We then scooted a few more streets over (he was a deft driver at one point squeezing between a car and a truck in a space I thought far too narrow to get through with no problem.) He parked quickly and we hopped out. The shop was so beautiful, lit by amber light containing numerous wonderful old things everywhere. I stopped at a journal made of a vinyl record for the front and back cover. Oh, universe! What have you done? I looked at Carlos: “I am a huge fan of vinyl records, Carlos. How did you know?” As I looked at him smiling, I saw high above his head a wall covered with actual records that were artistically cut into various scenes: one of a silhouette of Alfred Hitchcock with an old movie camera next to him seated in a Director’s chair, several of iconic images of Lisbon, and one that caught my attention quickly– the silhouette of a saxophonist and guitarist jamming together.  I told Claudia that I have vinyl records all over the walls of my office at school. She said, “It seems you need one more to place with the others.” Indeed!

That’s Carlos Bonito and me with Claudia in the back. She doesn’t like being in pictures. And here are the (not one but two) pieces of cut vinyl I bought after Claudia explained the deep meaning of “saudade” which has no translation she said in any language but something like this: a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. (I found this online as she couldn’t quite find the words to express the depth of the meaning of the word.) It seemed the perfect bookend to the thoughts I had when I awoke this morning that felt so long ago. What a day and night in Lisbon!

Nine Hours of Exploration with Being Lost as a Theme I awoke with the feeling of longing today to know a father I was never given the chance to meet.

[hithisiseli]

I started planning our trip to the Grand Canyon with the following Google search:

“How to die at the Grand Canyon.”

Oh. Dear. Me.

There are so many ways to die at the Grand Canyon!

Seven hundred seventy people have died at the Grand Canyon since 1869!

There’s even an incredible interactive map about ways to die at the Grand Canyon. Like you can wear 3D glasses and look at it. And it’s based on a book! Tourists fall off the rim! People are murdered! And a mule even fell on one unlucky soul!

Should I read the book? No I should not.

Thirty six hours and 17 minutes and 3 seconds later I emerged from the interactive map.

Somehow I still wanted to go to the Grand Canyon.

We’ll just have to put Eli on a leash, I thought.

Word spread among the family about where we were headed.

It was February 2016.

We received a letter in the mail from our nephew, Alex.

Alex lives in Milwaukee and along with most of my niece and nephews and family sprinkled all over the Midwest, we don’t get to visit Alex more than once a year, which I feel like shit about, all year long!

Mark opened this delightful little envelope to a hand-written note explaining a real big  problem.

Alex had been flattened by a bulletin board. He’d slipped himself into a paper envelope and hoped to go with us on our upcoming trip to the Grand Canyon. Ya know, like the story, Flat Stanley, which his class happened to be reading.

  I may not be the greatest auntie, one to remember birthdays and attend ball games —  but this, this I could help do.

Alex you are about to get a mothaf*ckin A+. It. Is. Written.

When I get an idea in my head, such as, but not limited to, “Our family should see the Grand Canyon,” we’re going to go see the damn Grand Canyon.

Can I pause for a sec to say travel is so first world it’s not even funny. It’s sick, really. Even “budget” travel. The  ambitious trips we go on come in around $2K. But that’s a lot for us. That’s a lot for most Americans. Too much, actually.

I would like to rename travel ‘adventure.’ Because you can have an adventure at the park, and then you don’t have to feel bad that you can’t go traveling.

WTF ever how were we going to pay for this? I’m not going to sit here and pretend that piece was easy to figure out.

I’m also going to throw out here that Eli have cystic fibrosis makes me want to do a lot of stuff fast. See the ocean. Check, by 1.5 he’d been there. Now he’s 3. Grand Canyon.

Easy peasy not easy I needed to sell something.

My soul?

Nah, how about some words. Some dark, terrible, awful words.

I slung some extra and it ruined our lives for all of February, the exception being the people I wrote about, who were motivated to tell the story of how rural sheriff’s deputies shot and killed their son in the midst of his mental health crisis and in the middle of the family living room in front of his girlfriend. That was back a whole year and a half ago when Al Jazeera America existed and paid well for me to go do off-the-radar stories in Native America. For digital, a buck a word is pretty damn good, and I would eventually write 3,500 like a good little reporter paid by the word. I arrived in Duncan, Okla. “Al Jazeera…America?” a local mulled it over. He asked if I was in the Muslim Brotherhood. It jazzes suspicion up to say “Hi, I’m a freelance reporter for Al Jazeera America,” in rural Oklahoma, as it turned out.

But once we established I was not in the Muslim Brotherhood, this source I met, literally, at the random, in a neighborhood where all the private wells were contaminated by Halliburton, one of the most powerful entities in the state and fuggetabout this little town, drove me around and told me everything I needed to know.

Yes, I got in the car with a total stranger.

At one point we pulled up to a home that Halliburton bought because it contaminated the groundwater. A security guy rolled up and parked, and this gent I was with flored it in his Jeep. Rapid shifted us on outta there. OK that was probably unnecessary but it was pretty exciting.

“See, see what I mean?” he said.

“Yeah,” I said, thinking the security guard was actually probably just on his phone.

The guy with the Jeep never made the story. But he made the story. And I got out alive in the town that Halliburton owned.

And yes, I got in the car with a stranger who had accused me of being an Islamic extreemist not moments before.

But Goddammit we were going to go to the Grand Canyon. And I needed a local.

I needed a keeper.

Have you watched ‘The Keepers?’ It’s a supersad documentary about awful things that happened to Catholic schoolgirls. The takeaway for my purposes is to tell you when you’re on a story that involves a mystery or a general lack of justice, find the keepers. The keepers will tell you all you need to know.

I wrote.

In came the check and off we went.

We packed a bunch of stuff into the car, including Flat Alex. He played with Laila and Eli for a while before I slipped him into a side pocket of my messenger bag. No problem, buddy. So far Alex proved himself a quiet and agreeable little chap. Laila and Eli –  take note.

We loaded up the family truckster and hopped on Interstate 40 in Oklahoma City and headed West. Our overall destination for the first leg of this Grand Canyon-bound sojourn: Santa Fe, New Mexico.

En route, Mark got a grand idea. Thirty years ago, at age 5, he’d been on a road trip with his parents and three sisters. Outside of Amarillo, Texas, at a Route 66 roadside attraction, the family stopped at so-called Cadillac Ranch, a line of half-buried Caddies in the Texas dirt. We decided to do the same thing.

Roughly 32 mood swings (none from Alex) , four hours and 260 miles later, we arrived in Amarillo. West of town, there they were, in a pasture, beyond a barbed wire fence, those half-buried Cadillacs jutting up from the earth that Mark remembered. Lots of people had the same idea we did, to get out of the car on this bright and sunny day and check out this tourist trap/art installation.

As we approached, Mark noticed things had changed in 30 years.

He did remember, at 5, seeing the cars. He didn’t remember so many people. Fifty or 75 milled around. There wasn’t spray paint back then either. A lot of people bought spray paint from a little girl and her dad out of the back of a pickup at the entrance. Word on the street was she was saving for a trip to Six Flags. She sold Diet Cokes and waters too. I noted I should have brought my daughter’s Girl Scout cookies out here and set up shop.

Man, was it dusty out in that field. The combination of wind, dust and aersosol paint did not make for a pleasant experience.

I immediately freaked out about Eli’s lungs.

We shouldn’t be here, in the dust and the fumes. This was ludicrous.

Who were these yahoos who thought it was an awesome idea to spray aerosol paint in the wind? Further polluting the supposed allure of the Cadillac Ranch? These people next threw empty spray cans on the ground.

And guess what Eli wanted to do – Pick up every half empty paint can he could find and see how it worked, of course! When I 86’d that little initiative, he dissed the spray cans for the colored lids, which made convenient shovels with which to mess around with the sticky, red, dusty dirt.

Ughghghghhg.

It was then I discovered Alex had a social conscience:

We snapped a few photos, including one in which I pretended this place was awesome.

Total lie.

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  I worried not only about Eli’s lungs but that dear Alex would fall victim to a Texas panhandle wind gust.

Every time we took Flat Alex out, we so worried for his safety. There were toddler hands. There was wind.

We exited and piled back into the car, vowing never to return.

Hey, Laila – did you like it the Cadillac Ranch?

“No, I didn’t like it.”

Eli-how about you?

“No.”

Right.

Next stop: Santa Fe.

In attempt at vacation cost control, we booked a campsite in the middle of Santa Fe at Los Suenos RV Park & Campground. We don’t have an RV – we have a tent. The Trip Advisor reviews seemed solid and staff were super friendly on the phone.

As we rolled along I-40 and into New Mexico, our elevation hit more than 7000 feet compared to just 1200 feet in Oklahoma, which was once the bottom of an ocean. Rolling Texas hills opened up into scrubby plains-mesa, where we saw antelope crossing signs, but no antelopes, jack rabbits and wild turkeys. We drove through a small dust storm.

Then a snow storm hit.

Wait, what? Cuz we were camping and I didn’t pack for snow and cold temps.

Like we really didn’t have enough blankets for a snowstorm. What is this the Oregon Trail?

Oh dear God, night was falling.

What were we going to do?

And would we even survive?

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Grand Canyon, chasm of death, the road trip: ‘No, I’m not in the Muslim Brotherhood,’ followed by apocalypse in Texas panhandle I started planning our trip to the Grand Canyon with the following Google search: "How to die at the Grand Canyon."