#callie especially makes me sad because she literally had so much to look forward to in her life

[beast-feast]

I'm messing with a picrew and I just. Look at these kids. They were literally just kids what happened to them. And why. Who let it happen to them.

(Callie, Kole, Nicholas, and Cody, in that order.)

[i-may-have-a-point]

13x22 Review “Leave It Inside”

Or is this 13x17? Or 13x18?  I don’t know…

So, this week is all about tumors.  Actually, I feel like this season of Grey’s Anatomy has been tumor heavy.  Maybe I am extra sensitive to the tumor/cancer stories because, as I mentioned in my 13x18 review, my dad has terminal cancer, but I don’t think so. In just the second half of the season, these are the cancer/tumor stories I found:

13x12 – We find out Diane Pierce has breast cancer.

13x13 – April successfully removes the tumor from the woman who calls her “Not Dr. Grey.”

13x16 – Jackson and April remove Caroline’s throat tumor.

13x17 – Owen and Amelia operate on the older woman with the brain tumor. She doesn’t make it, and her husband looks lost as he walks out of the hospital.

13x18 – Diane Pierce dies from her cancer.

13x19 – Maggie operates on the baby still in the womb with a heart tumor.

13x21 – Veronica gives birth and dies from her tumor/cancer.

And in this episode, we have the tumor on the wall, Holly’s tumor, and Liam’s tumor.  Is Grey’s Anatomy usually this cancery/tumory??  Is this actually an unintentional metaphor for the slow death of the show?  Maybe this is just another example of the writers not actually speaking to each other all season so they are basically all writing different versions of the same story?

Either way, 13x22 is all about tumors and how we deal with them.   More specifically, one of the main stories in this episode is how Meredith deals with the metaphorical tumor of her relationship to Derek that she can’t get rid of.

The episode begins with Mer carrying the giant wall tumor that Derek drew down the hallway and gifting it to Amelia.  I know I always hate on Mer’s clothes, but those candy striper pajamas are the worst.  She doesn’t have to worry about Riggs not wanting to have sex with her because of the “shrine to Derek” on the wall.  He’ll take one look at her pajamas and change his mind.  Well, actually he probably won’t.  Mer spent months telling him she doesn’t want to be with him, and that didn’t deter him, so the pajamas probably wouldn’t bother him at all.  So at 3:30 in the morning, instead of sleeping, she is up trying to figure out how to move on completely from the tumor-like hold her relationship with Derek has on her.  I see why she offered the tumor to Amelia, but I would have rather seen her give it to Zola.

Minnick, Webber, Bailey - It’s nice to see these three acknowledging that the residents have to pick a specialty at some point, but this scene also continued to point out some of the inconsistencies in the writing and stories.  "Josephine Wilson, strong in Ortho…“  Yeah, she was…in season 9.  And, I for one, really wanted to see Callie be her mentor.  I guess we are supposed to believe that happened off screen.  Has Jo even scrubbed in on an Ortho surgery since season 9?  And saying Ben plays it safe is incredibly out of left field.  I know every single one of us flashed back to him cutting April open in last year’s finale, and that was just one of the shocking things he pulled.  But I wouldn’t say he has played it safe this season.  He did his first solo surgery while Webber and Bailey yelled at each other next to him, and he saved the patient in 13x15 that Jackson, April, Webber, and Catherine couldn’t stop fighting over.  If anything, Ben has proven to be incredibly calm, level-headed, and a fast thinker in a crisis.  This was an unnecessary plot point to try to motivate Ben to be a better surgeon.  The audience already thinks he is great, so I don’t know why the writers don’t.

Deluca/Stephanie/Jo - By now we all know this scene, where Deluca tells Stephanie that he likes Jo, was originally supposed to air in 13x17 or 13x18.  And if they had kept it there, the scene where Deluca tells Stephanie he is in love with Jo would not have been so awkward because we already would have seen this.  I guess they thought we wouldn’t notice?  I don’t even know anymore.  I know Shonda has been moving scenes around for years, but for some reason, it is painfully obvious when it happens this season.  And why did they create this unnecessary crush?  It didn’t add to any storylines or character development.  It just made me feel sad for Deluca because he never had a chance to begin with.

Arizona/Eliza - I love Arizona.  I want her to be happy.  But I don’t see the chemistry here.  And I am not a fan who thinks she has to be with Callie.  Callie ran off to New York with Penny.  Let Arizona find happiness, but don’t force it.  And it is especially hard to root for her with Eliza when they have made Eliza so unlikable.  The Eliza/Webber story is top five worst stories ever for me.  The fandom will forever defend Richard Webber.  He is our favorite uncle who always looks out for us and has the best advice.  Putting Minnick opposite him was character assassination from the beginning.  Not to mention, her arrival created drama between almost all the characters in some way.  It was like watching all of them regress to high school cattiness in a season that is already difficult to watch.  And clearly the show picked up on the audience’s hate for that storyline because they dropped it as quickly as they could once the Minnick hate began.  But they still aren’t trying to improve her character.  She isn’t fighting with Webber in this episode, but she is being incredibly condescending to Alex and Stephanie.  Her arrogance is unearned.  But Arizona doesn’t seem to mind.  Her focus is on Eliza’s underwear, or taking off Eliza’s underwear.  The Arizona we have loved for seasons would have defended her friends, especially Alex.  Her lack of a reaction to Eliza bashing him made me like them even less.  And their elevator scene just made me miss the good elevator scenes.  Jackson and April making out in the elevator, Mark stepping forward to comfort a crying Lexie just as the doors open and she runs out, Derek standing so close to Meredith that she can feel his breath on her neck but they say nothing because he is with Addison, and one of my all-time favorites - the elevator doors open for Mark to get in and he sees Derek, Addison, Meredith, and Rose already in the elevator.  That was such a great scene.  The Ariliza elevator scene just made me sad.  

Holly’s Heart Tumor - This patient, who just wants to have as much fun as she can before she dies, has a giant tumor on her heart.  This tumor represents Meredith’s heart and how she will always love Derek. We all know that if Patrick Dempsey had not left, MerDer would have been endgame.  They were it.  They were meant to be.  So, Meredith is walking around with this very real emotional pull to him, even though he is dead.  It makes sense.  I can’t imagine trying to move on from losing your spouse.  But she wants to.  She has this new, unexpected thing with Riggs and she likes it.  It’s fun and exciting, much like Holly’s sexcapades.  So, how does she move on with Riggs without disrespecting what she had with Derek?   When they discuss Holly’s heart tumor, Holly says, “It’s a giant inoperable heart tumor.  Just ignore that.  It’s just something I have.”  But our Grey-Sloan doctors are having none of that.  They want it gone.  Just like Mer wants to figure out how to get rid of these feelings for Derek that keep pulling at her heart.  She tries everything she can.  She pulls the tumor off the wall.  She puts the post-it note in a drawer.  But that pull is still there.  That’s why she cancels on Riggs.  Part of her heart will always belong to Derek and she can’t separate that.  Just like the doctors couldn’t get Holly’s heart tumor out of her.  It’s a part of who she is just like Meredith’s love for Derek.  It will be with her until she dies, and she just has to learn to live with the knowledge that it is there, but it doesn’t have to control her.  Meredith says in Holly’s surgery, “She’s adapted to this.  She’s learned to live with it.”  And she finally realizes that she can keep her love for Derek in her heart, but enjoy her life as well.  She tells Holly’s one night stand, “…you’re not going to see her again.  Hold the time you two spent together close to your heart, but don’t let it hold you back.  No more sitting here and waiting.  Grab your new life by the hand and go out there and live it.”  And she does just that.  She grabs Riggs by the hand, and they walk out the door.  

Alex/Liam - It is so nice to see Alex back in his element.  One of the best decisions the show ever made was to put angry Alex Karev in Pediatrics.  He is so good with kids and this story highlights that.  I was a little disappointed that the parents were using religion as their reason for not treating him because they have done that before, but anytime Alex gets to fight for sick kids, I am here for it.  This was such a nice break from him listening to the sisters’ issues.

Stephanie - While I do think Stephanie let her anger get the best of her in this episode, the idea that she has not healed from her boyfriend’s death was also out of left field.  I do appreciate them acknowledging Kyle existed, but this could have been a story they told all season instead of one they came up with when they found out Jerrika is leaving.  Also, part of me thinks Minnick just doesn’t like that Stephanie stood up to her and she was outsmarted by her and Karev.  Minnick doesn’t seem like she likes to lose.  

April - This week was another example of how Sarah Drew has chemistry with literally everyone.  All over Twitter people were saying how good April and Mer are together and that we should get more of that.  They said the same thing about April and Stephanie, April and Deluca, and April and Cross.  She has chemistry with Hunt, Riggs, and Arizona.  People wanted her to mentor Jo when they worked together because of how great that relationship was.  She makes Catherine Avery tolerable.  It’s kind of insane how versatile she is.  But that’s not what you guys want to talk about, is it?  You want to discuss all those vague comments April made in this episode.  So after several watches and lots of analyzing, here is what I think.  The first comment that caught our attention was when Holly told them she wanted to have sex with as many men as possible before she dies.  April responds, “Goals.”  I don’t think this is April saying she is planning to do the same.  Mer and Maggie respond with, “Nice” and “Impressive.”  I think this is just Shonda throwing in the idea that it is perfectly acceptable for women to love sex and want to have a lot of it.  And it is.  There is no reason April can’t acknowledge that, too.  Another thing I saw some comments on was Meredith telling April she should “hit that” in regards to Holly’s boyfriend.  This one didn’t cause me to raise my eyebrows at all.  April didn’t even consider it for a second.  She brushed it off actually.  Then in surgery, she mentions being jealous of Holly doing anyone she wants any time.  Again, I don’t think the point of this is that April wants to sleep with a bunch of men.  I think this is more her being impressed with Holly’s stamina with a giant heart tumor when she can barely muster the strength to put on her fuzzy socks.  And finally the scene where April suggests going for a drink, and Maggie suggests looking for men, created the most rumblings in the fandom.  April said, “I don’t want a boyfriend,” but what does that mean?!  We got nothing else.  Does she not want one at all?  Does she not want one because she and Jackson are trying to figure out what they are?  Do they already know?  There were literally no other hints in that scene.  I will say, though, it seems very unlike Grey’s Anatomy to make us wait for the finale for an answer to Japril’s situation and then let us down with it not being something worth waiting for.  It feels like it will be something good, but it is so hard to tell this season.

Other highlights of the episode:

When Stephanie said, “She’s not my patient,” to Minnick, I was so proud.

Also, I love that Karev lied to save that little boy.  I totally get believing in God and miracles, but I firmly believe there has to be a balance of faith and science.  

Obvious fire reference/Stephanie in danger reference “You’re gonna burn in Hell.”

Again with me hating on Mer’s clothes, but socks and sandals??  Please stop. 

Alex is looking for Jo’s husband, with no names or information to go on, but he will find him.  Just don’t ask questions and it won’t seem so ridiculous.  

So, we have two episodes left and the three biggest couples still have no resolution.  I hope that Japril, Jolex, and Omelia all get amazing moments in the next two episodes because their fans deserve it after this season, but I don’t know.  I’m not sure if I am reading the clues right or if I am letting my bias play into what I see at this point, so I’m not going to make any grand predictions.  I am with the majority of you guys, rooting for all three of those couples to make it, and I hope they don’t let us down.

[ficdirectory]

Blink (An AU Fosters family fic) Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

 Steps have a rhythm all their own.  Eighth notes that crunch.  A syncopated staccato.  

Breaths puff, every other step.  Quarter notes too slow when he needs to just move.  

 His mind is racing, runs of sixteenth notes.  No coda.  No rests.  

 The sound he had left behind was all dissonance and clashing at a deafening crescendo.

 The distance between Grandpa’s and Pearl’s seems ridiculously long.  But he finally makes it, skidding to a stop outside Pearl’s cabin door and pounding on it as loud as he can.  Eighth notes in rapid succession.

 Jesus has got to be here.

 In seconds Pearl answers, armed with a can of mace and an expression that dares him to mess with her.  Instinctively, Brandon raises his hands.  This second shock jolts all the music from his body - from his brain.  How can Pearl think he’d hurt her?  But Brandon doesn’t have time to be offended.  He needs to get his breath.  Needs to say something.  Anything.

 “Jesus, you gotta come.  It’s Frankie.”

 It takes a couple seconds (that drag like the longest years Brandon had ever known - when Jesus himself was missing) for him to get what Brandon’s saying.  Jesus’s face changes as the words register.  He gets pale, but his eyes grow dark.  Intense.  His hands are clenched.

 It’s all he says.  All he needs to say for Jesus to be on his feet and out the door, leaving whatever else he brought behind.  Just like Brandon, Jesus hasn’t even stopped for his coat.  Brandon’s pretty sure Pearl’s right on their heels, because he can hear Gracie’s tags clinking together somewhere behind him.

 “What happened?” Jesus gasps, before the door even opens, but Brandon can’t explain.  He just opens the door.  Inside, he can still hear Frankie crying.

 But Brandon remembers the silence - the break before applause - preceded by a gasp.

 It was the only sound - the smallest of noises - that meant the ground was being pulled from underneath you.

 --

 Pearl stands back, and watches, adrenaline making her shake.  Nothing could prepare her adequately for the aggressive pounding on her door.  To find a teenage boy there - it hadn’t mattered that it was Brandon - when she wasn’t expecting anyone.  This assault on her senses has left Pearl unhinged.  Outwardly, though, she can’t show it.  She must keep it together.  If she’s going to be here now, she needs to be a help, not a hindrance.

 She sees Stef and Lena sitting with Frankie between them at the base of the huge wooden staircase.  She looks pale, dressed in cute black leggings and a pink tutu with a matching top.  Her hair is loose.  There’s a scratch on the back of one of her hands.  Jesus is there in seconds, and scoops her up.  She holds on tight.  She’s in tears, shaking, but has no other obvious injuries.  

 “Is she okay?” Pearl asks, as Callie walks over to stand with her.

 “She fell.  I don’t know if it was down all the stairs or just some.  Mom checked her out and she seems okay, just scared.”

 Pearl shakes her head.  Hides her own shaking hands under crossed arms.  Then, she bends down and unclips Gracie’s leash, pointing out Frankie.  “That’s Frankie.  Go see Frankie, girl.”  The truth is, she could use Gracie herself, but Frankie is scared, and she loves Gracie.  Pearl will have plenty of time with her once they leave.  Pearl tries to breathe as Gracie follows her command.

 Gracie walks over to where Frankie is, still at the base of the stairs but on Jesus’s lap.  Frankie wraps her arms around Gracie’s neck and buries her face in her fur.

 “Okay, guys,” Jesus calls softly.  “I got her.”

 Pearl watches, impressed, as the family takes him at his word, and leaves Frankie with them, and without an audience.

 “Gracie came to check on you.  Isn’t that cool?” Jesus asks gently.

 “Yes,” Frankie says, her voice shaking, still holding onto Gracie for dear life.

 --

 Frankie can’t stop crying.  Can’t stop shaking.  Her whole self got scared from falling.  She hurts a little on her back and her hand.  But the being scared part is the worst.  But Gracie came just for her.  That’s because Gracie’s the best.  

 When Frankie fell, even Moms got scared.  Everybody yelled at her.  They said: “Why didn’t you…” “What were you…”  It makes Frankie feel like she did a bad thing.  When she really just wanted to watch Tangled and she didn’t want the movie to start without her.  And so she got too close to the stairs before sitting to slide on her butt.  And then her body could only do forward not back, not sit, not stop. Her brain said, this is easy peasy.  So she didn’t say backup ‘cause she could do it herself this one time and not have to wait.

 Only that didn’t work out so good.

 She hangs onto Gracie tight.  Her heart is still beating like a big drum.  It’s still hard to calm down, even though she has Gracie and her best buddy, Jesus.

 “It was a long way….” she cries to Gracie.

 Gracie doesn’t say “Why didn’t you…” to hurt Frankie’s feelings.  She lets Frankie hold onto her.  That’s all.

 For a long time, Frankie holds Gracie and Jesus holds Frankie.  And they stay just like that.  Frankie can hear Rapunzel singing and doesn’t want to.  It makes her mad and sad.  Because if Rapunzel just waited or been patient Frankie wouldn’t have done the giant stairs so fast.  Backup taked too long, ‘specially when Jesus wasn’t there.  She wasn’t too good at waiting yet.

 It was all her fault she fell.

 --

 Jesus holds onto Frankie kinda tight.  She’s literally trembling.  This really freaked her out.  She keeps talking to Gracie super quiet, but he catches a string of things she says because she’s so upset she’s not watching her volume as much:

 “I’m such a dummy.  I can’t walk down stairs.  I fall all the time.  Nobody else needs backup to mean they get carried.”

 “You are not a dummy.  I don’t wanna hear you say that about yourself, okay?” Jesus reprimands lightly.

 “I was talking to Gracie, not to you,” Frankie pouts.

 Well, damn.  Jesus waits, trying not to listen in on all the stuff she’s telling the dog.  He meets Pearl’s eyes and sees she’s holding onto herself.  Watching them.  She looks worried.  But Jesus’s priority has got to be Frankie right now.  She’s not talking to Gracie anymore, so Jesus tries to talk to her some more:

 “Did you know I fell down stairs, too?” he asks quietly.

 “Nah-uh…” Frankie pouts sadly.  “You don’t got CP.  So you don’t fall.  Not on stairs.”

 “I did fall.  Everybody falls sometimes, even people without CP.  I fell down the whole flight of stairs at home.”

 “Why?” Frankie asks.  “Did you do all the wrong stuff too?”

 “Nope.  I didn’t do any wrong stuff.  Just like you didn’t do any wrong stuff.  I just lost my balance, that’s all.”

 “I just lost my balance,” Frankie whispers to Gracie.  

 Gracie licks her cheek.

 --

 Pearl is grateful for the distraction of the term she hears Frankie use.  It’s an unfamiliar abbreviation.  She’s heard of CT and MRI and all kinds of other abbreviations for medical equipment but CP isn’t one Pearl’s familiar with.

 She takes out her phone, glad that her hands have stopped shaking enough for her to use Google.  She types cp and trouble walking and falling into the search engine and clicks on the first result.  Phrases jump out at her:

 ...injury to motor areas of the brain…

 ...most common disability among children in the US…

 ...minor limp or uncoordinated walk…

 If Cerebral Palsy was the most common motor disability for kids to have in the country, why had Pearl never heard of it?  There was a list of other difficulties children with CP could experience and Pearl couldn’t help but wonder if Frankie would experience any of these, too.

 She thinks about her assumption that Frankie’s walk was mocking someone else, just nights ago.  How Jesus never shared his sister’s diagnosis, even though he obviously knew it.  She wonders if he’s ashamed of it.  If she is.  Or if it’s like herself and Jesus and their trauma.  Does Jesus view it as private information?  

 That would make sense, though Pearl has never thought about kids with disabilities in terms of their rights to privacy.  She turns off her phone, and as Brandon moves closer to check on Frankie, Pearl moves away.  Starts pacing in a back hall, away from everyone.  She doesn’t need to draw attention.  Doesn’t need everyone focused on her.  Especially when they should be focused on Frankie.

 “Are you alright?” Stef asks, scaring Pearl into next week.  

 She clutches a hand to her chest.  Tries to get her breath.  “Yeah.  I’m fine,” she reassures.  But that act alone has revealed Pearl’s tremor.  

 Stef studies her closely.  “Would you like to sit down in the kitchen?”

 “I’m okay,” Pearl attempts, but her voice is shaking now, too.  Tears are in her eyes.  God, this is so embarrassing.  “I’m okay.  It’s not you,” she hurries to reassure.  “It’s just a reflex.”

 She does not elaborate.  Does not offer that Brandon coming over and pounding on her door like a madman fit to murder them had directly caused this reflex.  That she’s feeling major amounts of stress and needs Gracie back to get a handle on things.

 Stef watches for only another few seconds before she goes through to the base of the stairs.  Pearl lingers, so she can see them, but not be seen.

 “Frankie, Gracie needs to go back to Pearl now.  She’s glad you’re okay, though,” Stef says, prying Frankie off of Gracie.  

 “I still need her though…” Frankie whines pitifully.  “I’m not all the way calmed down yet.”

 “Yes, but you have Jesus, and me, and Mama, and all the rest of the family to help you do that.  Pearl just has Gracie.”

 “Okay,” Frankie agrees finally, though Gracie is already at Pearl’s side.

 “Come with me,” Stef urges and walks Pearl down the hall where she opens a door.  “If you and Gracie need some space, you’re welcome to hang out in here.”

 Pearl expels a breath.  “Thank you,” she manages.  “I won’t be long.”

 “Take as long as you need.  No rush,” Stef encourages quietly.  “No one will bother you here.”

 --

 Frankie has decided that Jesus’s arms is where she wants to be until further notice.  Every time he tries to convince her that she could sit on the couch, or with Moms, or anybody else that isn’t him, she hangs on tighter.  So he stops trying to put her down.

 She obviously needs the security, even though he has no idea how Frankie’s decided Jesus is a safe person.  He scares himself sometimes.  Scares her sometimes.  But not right now apparently.  So, they walk around together, and it kinda reminds him of when she was a baby and how he used to carry her around everywhere then.

 He’s just making circles around the cabin, basically, stopping so Frankie can say hi to Mariana, or Callie, or Moms.  But Jesus has noticed that he hasn’t seen Pearl around.  He feels like he’d definitely know if she left, but maybe not.

 “Is Pearl still here?” he asks, on their third pass through the kitchen.

 “Yes.  Mom’s letting her hang out in our room for a while,” Mama explains.

 “Oh.  Okay, cool,” Jesus says, even though it gives him a weird feeling.  

 There’s no way he can go to Moms’ room to even check in and see how she is.  First because he’s got Frankie and second because it’s a bedroom, third because it’s an adult bedroom, and fourth because there’s actually an adult in it right now.

 “I wanna see Gracie again,” Frankie insists.

 “I know.  Gracie’s a good dog, isn’t she?”

 “Yeah,” Frankie nods.

 “What would you tell Gracie if you could?” he checks.

 Frankie buries her face in Jesus’s shoulder.  “Stop saying those words…” she whimpers.

 “Okay.  I’m sorry,” Jesus apologizes.

 “I wanna talk to Gracie not to you guys.  She doesn’t say I’m bad…”

 Jesus can just make out the words muffled against his shirt.  “Hey.  Who said my buddy was bad?”

 “Nobody,” Frankie denies, but she can’t look him in the eye.

 “Seriously.  I wanna know.  I wanna talk to them about this.”

 “I am bad at walking.”

 Jesus lets out a breath.  “Who says?”

 “Me and all them who yelled…” Frankie admits.

 “Can you whisper to me?” he asks.  “Just tell me?”

 “Everybody,” she obliges, speaking softly into his ear.  “When I fell, they all yelled and not their words but their loudness said it and their faces: You’re so bad Frankie.  You didn’t do the greatest choices and why didn’t you and what were you?”

 Jesus tries to breathe.  Tries not to let his anger show just now.  ‘Cause Frankie will definitely misread that and think he’s mad at her, too.  But how fair is it that Moms make the call that she sleeps upstairs and then it’s on her when she falls?  She could just as easily be cool down here all the time.  Sleep in the room downstairs.  Go up once in awhile.  Not regularly like she has to as long as she sleeps up there.

 “Listen to me,” he whispers back, hoping the temptation of a secret told will be great enough that Frankie won’t shut him out.  “You aren’t bad.  Not one bit.  You’re not bad at walking.  You walk all the time.  Lots of places.”

 “And fall…” Frankie sighs.

 “Yeah?  And what do you do after that?” Jesus wonders, still whispering.

 She’s confused.  Just looks at him.

 “You get up, right?  You don’t stay on the ground, do you?”

 Frankie shakes her head, her curls bouncing, too.

 “Getting up is the part that matters, buddy.  And you always get up.  You let people help you when you need it, too.  Like I’m carrying you right now.  But soon, I bet your legs are gonna be so bored from this, you’re gonna be ready to walk again, aren’t you?”

 “Not stairs,” she insists.

 “No, I agree.  Not these stairs.  But where it’s safe.  On the floors inside.  You think you might wanna let your legs not be so bored anymore?”

 “Maybe…” Frankie admits, but she’s still holding on tight to him.  So he carries her out to the kitchen and sits down across from Moms.

 “Listen.  We’ve gotta talk.”

[silver-wield]

Sorry for the ridiculously long rant. But yeah, I just wanted to say this to someone who I feel knows the FF7 universe inside out. So yeah, enjoy my 3 am rant after a ridiculously difficult Calculus worksheet.

I joined this community fairly recently. I wanted to play FF7R when it came out but never had the time since it happened during exam season, and the rest of the year was spent doing college applications. But since I’ve finished HS and the workload has gotten less. I’ve finally had time to sit down and immerse myself in the FF7 universe.

I’ve tried learning all I can about most of the characters and trying my best to understand the dynamics between each character. And so after getting a good understanding of the world and our main heroes, I think I can confidently say: Zack is literally my favorite character in ff7. He’s just great all around!

He treats Aerith like a literal queen (as one should, Zerith is one of my OTPs, right up there with Cloti) he’s strong, loyal, unafraid to express himself, has a bright and inviting personality (unlike a certain blonde boy, we still love him though). There’s so much more, but in a nutshell he’s basically GOATed in everything.

I don’t give a damn what ppl ship cuz at the end of the day, whatever the canon is, is the canon. So with that knowledge in mind I don’t have an issue with CAs or Aertis (I think both are cute, esp Aerti), etc. But it rly does pain me and lowkey piss me off when I see CAs, especially that one girl with the “You gonna be ok” line in her bio, USING Zack to further their CA ship. They’re so excited for some love triangle between Z, A, and C. They think Z’s gonna be C’s wingman to get A.

So y’know, the guy who made the determination and promise to either literally risk getting caught by the government who’s out to kill his and his comatose friend and make it to Midgar so that he can finally reunite with the girl he loves and loves him back, or die trying. And the motherfucker did the latter. (Tbf he prolly didn’t plan on dying but that’s besides the point it was hella risky) And so yeah, THAT guy (who may or may not be alive now?) is gonna help the comatose friend get with the girl he died trying to get back to. Oh, and that friend also treats her like crap every now and then (srsly he’s so harsh to her sometimes).

From someone who’s not part of the CA ship, I hope this can bring a little perspective on just how ridiculous and sad that idea would be. To me, jealousy isn’t that cute. I think if can definitely get a point across that maybe there’s some attraction or spark but it also strains relationships and makes the parties involved so much more unhappy than they need to be. And that’s the last thing I want for any of the characters. Especially when their time all together is so short. So my point is, I hate that they are looking forward to seeing my boy Zack have to go through either losing his gf to Cloud, or having Zack have to fight for Aerith??? He already won her like 5 years ago bitch, back off don’t do this to my boy.

Side note: And if we’re rly doing the jealousy thing here, you literally see C get jealous over guys hitting on T a ridiculous amount of times in part 1 so… :/

So to the CAs out there, if what you want is a tragic love story between star-crossed lovers who had found peace, happiness, and a place of healing and security in one another, and who had a shit ton of potential for more heart-melting sweetness that got abruptly cut off because they were torn apart by outside forces and eventually ends solemnly with party dying and left the other alone and without the closure of reuniting but still waits for the day they will see each other again, then come join Zerith :D

This is what you wanted with Cloud, right? Well honey, that story’s already been told, you just chose to ignore it.

So again CAs, come join Zerith! Ignoring the shitheads that are present in every community, the majority and non-toxic portion of us want you to join us! Please, we won’t judge (unlike some ppl), as long as you drop the “A is gonna leave Z for C” bullshit, like name just a single reason why she would if Zack is standing there right in front of her.

Alright I’m going to bed. Whether you read this or not, well I’m just glad I got it out there. One more opinion thrown into the abyss. Alright, peace✌️

That's Calli with that dumb line. Same person who said Sephiroth warns Cloud he's gonna kill Aerith, so he can save her. Same one who said Aerith's gonna ride the Hardy Davidson cause of a key art. Same one who came up with the blue baby vending machine theory. She's also the one on 4chan rn calling Tifa a whore and hoping she'll get eviscerated and eaten by monsters, so you can see she ain't playing with a full deck.

I mean, if Cloud asking if someone's okay is proof then Cloud is also into Tifa, Barret, Red, Wedge, Biggs, Jessie and the Wall Market trio since he asks all of them if they're okay as well.

Imagine acting like basic concern for someone is romantic. Cloud doesn't even follow up on it. Just says "gonna be okay?" in this passive tone while standing 6ft away from her and then leaves it there. They're acting like this is a train roll situation. Because Cloud being 3inches away from Tifa is the same as this 🤦‍♀️

[thatbipolargirl]

Time

It has been an incredibly long time since I have posted, or really written anything of substance at all.  I didn’t look at the exact date, but it is over a year ago, maybe two.  I just haven’t had the motivation to write.  I got discouraged at doing the 30-Day Writing Challenge, and I just stopped.  I don’t really know why, but the important thing is that I’m writing now.  A lot has happened in my life since my last entry, and it would take me forever to catch up, so I’m not going to try.  Well, maybe a little.  My family is all in good health, with the exception of my sisters’ dad, Skip, who is in hospice for liver cancer.  I’ve talked to him a handful of times in my life, but I don’t really know the man.  I feel awful for my sisters, though.  When my dad died, it was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with (I’m still dealing with).  I wish I could give them some words of wisdom and advice, but really, what can anyone say that helps?  Death is cruel to those of us left behind.

Jeremy is doing well, and so is my mom.  The kitties are all happy and healthy.  We have been feeding a stray we call “Scarlett,” so I think I now need to be saying we have eight cats instead of seven.  I have plans to take her to the vet to get her flea and ear mite medication, and also to make sure she is healthy.  She’s a gorgeous gray tabby cat with long hair and greenish-yellow eyes.  She is also very sweet.  I’ve fallen in love with her.  I hope she’s an inside cat soon so I can snuggle with her.  Allison is working in Aix, France for the year.  Her boyfriend, Joe, is also there attending school.  Lucas is living in Milwaukee.  He still hasn’t proposed to Amanda.  I honestly don’t know how much longer they will be together if he doesn’t make a major commitment soon.  He’s also still working for Target.  He really needs to quit that dead-end job and apply at some architecture firms.  I offered to re-do his resume and send some out to places in Milwaukee, but he hasn’t accepted my offer...yet.  I hope he does.  Callie got her braces off, and she looks so pretty now.  Before, it was the awkward teenage smile full of metal and the forehead full of acne.  She is turning into a very lovely young woman.  Cassidy is the same silly busy body.  Just the thought of her brings a smile to my face.  Sometimes it makes me sad that I don’t have any children of my own, but I know i’m too selfish and crazy (literally) to have raised a child.  I think that will be my biggest regret in life when I’m laying on my deathbed.  Well, maybe not, but it is definitely going to be in the top five.  I should probably do a whole entry on why I never had children, especially since there are so many reasons.

I am now the Social Responsibility Advisor for my chapter (Zeta Mu) of Alpha Sigma Alpha at Missouri Western.  I graduated from there in 1999 with my Bachelor of Arts in English (don’t hold my bad grammar against me).  I am in charge of our philanthropic and social activities, as well as risk management.  I think it is funny that my title has “responsibility” in it because anyone who knows me knows I am probably the least responsible person they know.  Haha!  So far, I’ve gone to an advisors meeting, a regular chapter meeting and one recruitment party (Alphas In Wonderland).  The other advisors are nice women, and so are the ladies of the chapter.  It has been a lot of drama, but I think I need some drama in my life!  We took total during recruitment, which was sixteen.  Through continuous open bidding, we have reached total which is currently fifty-eight.  That’s a lot of women to deal with, so things will never be perfect.  It feels good to give back to the chapter since it always brought me so much joy in college.  I have never regretted joining.  St. Joseph is 90 miles away, so I am unable to go to every activity, but once a week or every two weeks is fine.  I am going to a regular chapter meeting this Sunday.  The new members will be there, so I am looking forward to meeting them!

I haven’t talked to Jessica very much this whole year.  Maybe four or five times.  I really miss her.  She is thinking about moving to either Pennsylvania or West Virginia to be closer to her family,  I know I need to take advantage of the time she has left in Missouri, but we are both bad at reaching out to each other.  Perhaps I will call her later today.  No, I’ll take a break right now and text her!

Break over...(she hasn’t answered yet).

Mentally I am doing okay.  Zyprexa doesn’t really let me have too many feelings.  I cry rarely.  Sometimes I feel like a zombie just passing time until I die.  I don’t really like to think about it too much, or I might really get upset.  There are just so many things I want to do and see and experience.  Write my book, go bungee jumping, lose weight, and the hundreds of other things on my bucket list.  Hell, write my bucket list is on my bucket list!  I’m still seeing Dr. Harden after ten years.  I’m not currently seeing a therapist, and I do not have a state case worker.  It has been over a year since I have really felt depressed.  I’m worried right now that it is going to hit me soon, especially since I feel like writing.  Sometimes that brings on a bout of depression because I can see every problem in black and white.  However, it is almost fall, and I generally do well in the fall and winter.  I call it opposite seasonal affective disorder since most people do well in the summer and badly in the winter.  I’m the opposite.

Physically I am not doing very well.  I started dieting in January, and I lost 60 pounds.  However, I then got vasculitis due to a medication, and I was put on steroids.  The steroids made me feel like I was starving 24/7, and I gained most of the weight back.  I am finding it hard to start again.  So frustrating!  I don’t monitor my diabetes like I should, and I’m sure a side effect of that will eventually kill me.  Kidney failure or heart disease or stroke...I’m just waiting for the hammer to fall.  One good thing that has happened to me is the doctors I see finally diagnosed me with hidradenitis suppurativa.  It is the disease that has been causing me very painful cysts on my underarms and groin.  I’ve had it for years, and I thought it was just something I was going to have to suffer with for the rest of my life.  However, Humira was just approved earlier this year to treat this condition.  I’ve been on it for four weeks now, and I’ve only had one, very small cyst on my left underarm.  It went away quickly.  So, it looks promising!

I am going to sign off for now.  I’m going to try to clean house and maybe think of a haiku to write.  

Love, Me