#can feel and be aware of when my prefrontal cortex shuts down in a trauma response or i go numb or i dissociate

[fairymosh]

❤️

[platonicone]

Devotion - Story of the Oracle and her Shield

Chapter 8 - A spark that lit the fire (noria)

Sorrow bonds people more than happiness. Why is that? I wonder…

The Day Before Departure

Heeding Gentiana’s warning, they decided to leave from Lestallum next day morning. All the preparation for their next day departure was complete and they still had some time on their hands.

“So, what do you want to do now?” Squall asked.

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Lunafreya said while tapping her index finger on her chin, wondering what to do next. “I guess we should walk through the whole town one last time. We should say goodbyes to everyone who has helped us. We might never come back here again.”

‘She does talk about things with a certain sense of finality. It’s almost ominous. It feels as if she knows something terrible is going to happen and we would never be back here. I will have to ask her at a better time.’

“Hello? Earth to Squall,” she waved her hand in from of him breaking his trance. “There you go again, lost in your own thoughts, not sharing anything.”

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

“Like I was saying since this would be our last night here let’s have some fun. We’ll stroll around the town, go to Pegglar Outlook and then have a nice dinner somewhere.”

‘Is she asking for a date?’ The voice inside his head asked with excitement. ‘Shut the hell up,’ Squall squashed that annoying voice in his head.

After briefly thinking about what to do and where to eat, he said, “Okay, sounds good. I have to go pick up new elemental bullets and arrange for a car for tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at 6.”

“Going on a date, are we?” said a voice from a distance.

“Urgh, Dr. K just leave me alone,” he said with a facepalm, as he recognized the voice.

As she came close, she looked at Squall’s face, “From pale to blushing in three seconds. So close to my all-time record of 2 seconds.”

Squall pretended she did not exist and walked out of there, all the while hearing Lunafreya’s laughter in the background.

“Miss Oracle, there are a few things I would like to discuss before you go,” she said in a serious tone.

“So, you knew,” Lunafreya replied as her laughter died down quickly.

“Yes, but we have tried to preserve your secrecy as best as we could. Not many people know that the Oracle is among them, although people have started to notice. There was even a reporter who came here yesterday looking for you. I understand the peril you would be in if you are found here so I think you should move to a different location soon.”

“Yes, I will do that. Thank you for all your help, Dr. K,” she said gratefully.

“Mention not. Just doing my duty as a doctor and as a friend to Sylva,” she said recollecting memories of her old friend.

“You knew my mother?” she asked instantly, wanted to learn more.

“Yes, my late husband was infected with the starscourge. We traveled a great distance to go see the Oracle. Sylva cursed him of the starscourge. I helped her out with few medicines and we quickly became friends. She was very easy to get along with. She used to love playing the piano and singing. There was never a dull moment with her,” Dr. K reminisced as Lunafreya heard her fondly.

“Back then we were young, idealistic, and hopeful. We used to talk a lot about the future. One day we spoke of your future too. Which brings me to my main point. Your injuries were not normal. Ever since you got here the quakes from Titan has increased. It is not a coincidence, am I correct?”

“Yes”

“Did you form a covenant with Titan?”

“Yes”

“That explains a lot about your condition. In dealings with Astrals, the price is often your life. It must be the trauma of forging a covenant which made you unconscious for so long. It would be wise not to engage in another covenant. Next time, you might not be so lucky.”

“I will do what I must. I have a duty as an Oracle to fulfill.”

“I am not trying to discourage you from your duty. All I am saying is not to engage in another covenant until this one is subdued. Having two covenants at the same time would be catastrophic for your health. Also, the longer a covenant last, the more toll it would take on your body. The king would do well to subdue the Astral as soon as a covenant is formed to protect his Oracle.”

“I am sure the king is doing all he can,” defending Noctis.

After a long stretch of silence, Dr. K finally resumed the conversation, “Luna, you realize your fate if you continue down this path, right?”

“Yes, I am aware of it,” she replied in a somber voice. “But, if I don’t do this, who will?”

“You remind me so much of your mother, once she made up her mind nothing could change it. Squall is right in calling you stubborn.”

“I am not stubborn, I am determined.”

“By the way, who is he?”

“My guardian angel, sent by the Astrals to protect me.”

“Is that all? It certainly seems more than that to me,” she teased.

She tried to say something, but no proper response formulated in her mind. All she could do was blush unknowingly.

“My my, I did not know that this works on you too. I thought only Squall was prone to this kind of teasing,” she said with a laugh.

Once again, there was so much she wanted to say to defend herself, but the right words did not come out.

“Luna, the path you walk on is a dangerous one. The fate you have been handed seems unfair. But, not everything you do have to be about the future or doing what’s best for the world. Sometimes it’s okay to live for yourself and enjoy the present moment. Too often we get stuck in the regrets of our past or ambitions of our future, but what we miss in all that is the wonders of everyday life that happens around us. Slow down and savor the present and make the best out of it as you don’t get a second chance at ‘now.’ I think Syvlya would have wanted the same from you.”

“Thank you for your advice, Dr. K. I shall take your words to my heart.”

After hearing that Dr. K left Lunafreya to her own thoughts.

‘Enjoy my life a little, huh? That is an interesting proposition. I don’t have prying eyes of Ravus or the Empire on me here so I guess I could try to be more instinctive once in a while.’

She contemplated deeply on what Dr. K had said before deciding to get ready.

Squall had finished his errands and had returned to Lunafreya’s room. Much to his surprise, the door was locked. Since they shared a common room at the clinic, they usually left the door open so anyone can go in and out freely.

He knocked on the door and heard a voice from inside, “One minute please.”

He could have sworn it was at least 10 minutes before the door finally opened. His jaw dropped, his heart almost stopped, as he stared at the ethereal beauty standing in front of him. She wore a knee-length pure white silk dress with a single lace sleeve. Around the lace sleeve was a black strap with an intricate design and studs. A metal patch of Tenebrae's insignia adorned her dress. She wore white high-heeled sandals to go with it. Her blond hair was styled in side-swept bangs with a double braid going across her crown and the rest twisted and pinned up.

Her blue innocent eyes peered back at Squall and after getting no reaction from him, she became self-conscious. She wondered if something was wrong in the way she dressed. Before her thoughts could proceed further, Squall finally spoke up, “Wow, you are beautiful. More beautiful than anyone I have ever seen.”

She blushed instantly upon hearing his words. More quickly than any time Squall had ever blushed.

The gravity of his words just dawned on him and he too blushed in response. He broke the eye contact and looked away, not wanting to embarrass himself any further. What he said was something rather uncharacteristic of him. It was a case of his primal instincts taking over and blurting out the first thing that came to his mind, without giving his rational mind a chance to intervene. It was a rare moment of raw honesty which Lunafreya certainly appreciated.

It was so quiet that they could almost hear each other’s heartbeat. Lunafreya took the initiative to break the silence.

“You are not coming in this, are you? Come on, go get changed,” she instructed Squall, pointing at his slightly ragged clothes. Squall obliged, still a bit dazed as his prefrontal cortex was still trying to catch up with the reality.

He took a quick shower and shaved off his beard. His wardrobe was rather limited, so he wore a slightly modified version of what he usually wears.

He stepped out expecting Lunafreya to greet him, but she was not in the room. He peeked out in the corridor and saw her sitting on the floor with her legs crossed. She seemed to be lost in her thoughts. He quietly walked towards her and kneel next to her.

He fakes coughed to get her attention. She looked up, startled. She had seen him many times, but seeing him without a beard was a first. Without a beard, he looked a lot younger. His glasses framed his face perfectly. “You look, pulchritudinous,” she said with a shy smile.

Squall had no idea what that meant, but he assumed it must be something good.

“Shall we go?” he asked, offering his hand. Lunafreya nodded and grabbed his hand as he pulled her up to her feet.

Just as they were about to exit, they ran into the last person Squall wanted to see, Dr. K. After poking some fun at Squall, Dr. K convinced them to take a picture. She served as a photographer as she took what she called ‘the cutest couple's photo ever’ on Squall’s phone. She also set it as the default background on his phone before returning it.

They finally stepped out of the clinic when Squall noticed the time. “Come on, we’ve gotta hurry,” he said looking at his watch.

“Where are we going?” she asked confused.

“Just follow me,” he said, as he led the way.

Squall was rushing as if he had an important appointment to keep. Cutting through the crowd, they made their way to Pegglar Outlook. The place was packed with people.

“Can you tell me what’s going on?" she inquired.

“I will, in a minute,” he said as his eyes scouted the area. She could tell he was restless.

They made their way to the edge of the Pegglar Outlook, right where the binoculars are located. “I guess we still have a few minutes,” he said, looking out at the horizon.

“Few minutes for what?” she asked once again, eliciting no response from him.

Suddenly, he jumped on the ledge which separates the Outlook and the cliff below. Her eyes widened and her heart almost leaped into her mouth.

“What are you doing?” It was more of a scolding than a question. He simply turned around, looking down at her. He gestured her to jump and get on the ledge as well.

She looked at him as if he had four heads and shook her head vehemently, not approving his suggestion to join him on the ledge.

“Come on, you’ll be fine. Trust me,” he said, extending his hand. She shook her head and refused again.

“As long as I breathe, I promise I won’t let anything happen to you,” he added.

His words pulled the strings of her hearts and she forgoes of her rational mind to follow him. She gave a big sigh of resignation and grab a hold of his hand. With one strong pull, she was lifted off her feet and landed on the ledge next to him. Even though the ledge was wide enough, it gave her no comfort when she looked down at the cliff below.

Squall sat down and leaned back with his hand supporting his weight. His hands were firmly placed on the ledge while his feet freely dangled over the cliff.

“Sit down and relax,” he said in a tone which would make anyone think that he is sitting at the beach and not at the edge of a cliff.

“Relax?” she said, perplexed. “I am not sure if you are brave or crazy.”

That elicited rare laughter from Squall. “I think I am both.” After a few seconds, he added, “Maybe a bit more on the crazy side.”

Against her better judgment, she sat down next to him mimicking his sitting posture. “What is this crazy man making me do?” she complains with a facepalm à la Squall.

“Look, over there,” he pointed to the west. “I think this is the best place to look at the sunset in this whole town.”

“Wow, this is an amazing view,” she exclaimed as she absorbed the beauty around her. “From this angle, it looks like the meteor is on fire.”

“Yes, this is my special place. After a long day of work, Umbra and I would sit here and watch the sunset. It is very peaceful,” he concurred.

“Indeed. Thank you for sharing this wonderful place and site with me,” she said as her eyes were still glued to the scenic sunset.

They sat there quietly admiring the marvel of nature, as a gentle wind ruffled their hair playfully.

They did not say much, but just being there with each other in this tranquility was enough for them.

“I’ll be right back,” he said out of a blue. He swung his leg over to the Outlook side and jumped off and soon disappeared in the crowd.

As she sat there alone, the words of Dr. K echoed in her head.

‘Not everything you do have to be about the future or doing what’s best for the world. Sometimes it’s okay to live for yourself and enjoy the present moment.’

‘Everything I did, and everything I am doing, is always for Noctis. All my actions are driven by my sense of duty towards this world. By always thinking about Noctis, am I just living in the past? Or by dreaming of a future with him, which I know I’ll never have, am I just creating a fantasy for a false sense of comfort?’

“Noctis,” she said in a whisper.

‘What about me? Not the Oracle, but a person. Ravus always tells me to stop thinking like an Oracle and think like a normal human being. But, every time I think like that the only realization, I come to is that I am a slave to my destiny, I don’t have the freedom to choose, I don’t have a say in my own fate. I don’t get to pick what makes me happy. I have to find happiness in what I get. Yet, I have to put up a brave face and carry on with a smile on my face. Isn’t that just a façade? Am I just lying to myself?’

‘I always thought I needed Noctis to be happy, but the truth is that the past few days have been among the happiest days of my life. Without the prying eyes of the Empire and Ravus, I finally experienced what freedom feels like. I had people who took care of me, I made friends with whom I could gossip, I even found someone who always had my back and did things to make me happy even when I have nothing to offer in return. After a long time, I felt genuinely happy.’

‘But now I have to leave all that behind because my duty requires me to. How is this even fair? What’s the point of being a hero if you are not even happy?’

“This doesn’t suit you,” Squall said, jarring her out of her thoughts. She just gave him a confused look, so he continued, “You were pouting, it doesn’t suit you. Leave brooding to professionals.” He said, pointing at himself with a sly grin.

“Sorry, I was zoned out. I did not even notice you were back,” she admitted, quickly putting a fake smile on her face hiding her true internal conflict.

“Actually, I’ve been back for a few minutes now,” he replied, showing her what he got.

He handed over corn on the cob to her and grabbed one for himself. She took a bite out of it and savored its taste. “This is so sweet,” she said in appreciation.

“Glad you liked it,” he said, as he continued eating his corn on the cob.

“You said frown doesn’t suit me. So, what suits me then?” she asked, taking a break from eating.

“Smile and laughter,” he replied instantly, bringing an unconscious smile to her face. “I don’t know if you have noticed, but you do have a certain charm about you. Your happiness spread to those around you and your sadness bring those around you down.”

“But, there is no one around me right now, except you.”

“I am not immune to your charms either,” he surprisingly admitted honestly with a nonchalant shrug.

“I am glad I have that effect on you. Maybe someday I can use my superpower to tame a wild lion,” she said playfully.

“Whatever. Less talking, more eating,” he instructed, as he continued eating his corn.

The sun had already set by now and town lights slowly started turning on. The wind had also picked up slightly. Squall noticed her shivering and offered his jacket and she gladly accepted it.

“Feeling cold?” He asked with a hint of concern in his voice.

“No, I just like wearing your jacket,” she playfully avoided the subject.

After enjoying a few more serene moments, Squall proposed, “It’s getting dark, we can go now if you want.”

“No, let’s just stay for a few more minutes please,” she said gazing out at the endless horizon.

As the darkness spread its blanket, the streetlights turned on first. Soon, the whole town was lit up by the lights. The noise of street vendor trying to sell was heard all the way till Pegglar Outlook. The sound of cars traveling through the main road added to the ambient noise. The aroma of food lingered in the air as food stalls prepared for the dinner time rush hour.

“Squall?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you”

“For what?”

“For everything.”

He just nodded in response.

“Every time I look at you, I get happy and I get sad,” she confessed.

“How come?” he asked with curiosity.

“I get happy that you are part of life. I thank the gods every day that after giving me such a cruel fate they gave me you; it almost makes it all worth it. Then I get sad thinking that I will never be able to repay for your kindness, no matter how much I try.”

“You don’t owe me anything so there is nothing to repay for,” he said downplaying his role in all this.

“Stop being so modest. You fought my battles for me. You cared for me when I was hurt, even though you were hurt as well. You went out of your way to make me comfortable and happy. That is more than anything anyone has ever done for me and I can’t thank you enough for it.”

“Just doing my duty. My mission is to protect you and everything I did was to advance my mission.”

It actually hurt her to hear him say that. Even though deep down in her heart she knew that all of Squall’s actions were driven by his care for her, and this was just his way of deflecting, her mind decided to take the rational route and analyze his words.

‘And here I thought he did all that because he cared for me. Did he do all this because someone told him to? Did he just care for me because it was his duty?’

While complaining about Squall, a thought struck her, which shook her to the core. ‘How is my caring for Noctis anything different than this? Do I care for him because a divine messenger told me to? Do I care for him because it’s my duty?’

It was a rabbit hole she did not want to explore. At least not at this moment. She shook off her thoughts and carried on with the conversation. “Tell me more about your mission. Tell me more about yourself.”

“Why?”

“Because I know you, but I know nothing about you,” she pleaded.

Squall let out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair. “I am Squall Leonhart, a prisoner of time.”

She silently urged him to go on.

“In my world, I was a leader of an elite mercenary group called SeeD. As a SeeD, our prime objective was to fight against sorceresses. One such sorceress was Ultimecia. She wanted to cast time magic called Time compression, a state where past, present, and future collide. After defeating her I got lost in a time-compressed world, unable to return to my original timeline. I was stuck on a deserted floating island when Umbra found me. Shiva offered me that if I protect you in your journey to forge a covenant with the Astrals, then she will return me to my world. I don’t know for how long I was stuck in that time compressed world. I don’t remember much about my world and of the people I left behind. All I know is that I don’t belong here, I am trying to find a place called home. That is my story.”

She wasn’t sure how to react to his story. She would need more time to process all of that.

“Tell me about yourself,” he asked.

After contemplating for a bit, she started, “I am Lunafreya Nox Fleuret, a prisoner of fate and destiny. From a very young age, I was identified as a chosen Oracle who would guide the true king to his destiny. My duty is to waken the Astral so the king may use his power to purge the world of the looming darkness.”

She took a deep breath before carrying on, “I lost my mother when I was 12 in an attack by the Empire. Since the fall of Tenebrae my brother, Ravus, sided with the Empire and is currently serving as their High Commander. Thanks to Empire, I became a prisoner in my own castle. Even when I traveled the world to heal people, the Empire always shadowed me closely. Healing people, helping them and bringing a smile on their faces makes me forget about my own problems. However, magic always comes with a price, in this case, the price will be my li--”

She paused mid-sentence when she saw something glowing in the sky. Squall followed her gaze and saw the object of her attention. In the dark night sky, it was a bright shooting star.

She pointed at the shooting star in the sky and followed its path with her finger. “Quick, make a wish,” she said with childlike innocence as her eyes glittered with joy.

“Why? It is just a space rock burning in the atmosphere,” Squall replied monotonously.

“Thank you, for that science lesson, Professor Fun-Kill.”

“Sorry,” he apologized, realizing that he should have respected her sentiment in that moment.

“Here, I’ll make a wish.” She pondered for a second before quickly joined her hands as if praying. “I wish that Squall’s heart finds a place to call home.”

“I wish Lunafreya gets to be with the one she loves and finds happiness,” Squall followed it up immediately.

“I thought you didn’t believe in falling rocks from the sky,” she said looking at him.

“I don’t. But I do believe in wishes,” he said with a half-smile.

“That was very sweet of you,” she said. Thanks to darkness, her blush was hard to see.

“Wishing for someone else; I learned that from you,” he said, giving her the credit.

They sat there for a while making small talks. It was mostly her talking and Squall responding in infrequently. After a while, they decided to go around the town and meet all the people. She returned Squall’s jacket and swung her legs over to the Outlook side and jumped off the ledge. Squall stood up on the ledge and while turning around he lost his footing. He flailed his hands trying to balance himself.

Lunafreya’s eyes widened and her heart almost jumped out of her mouth. She wanted to scream, but words seem to get stuck in her throat. Suddenly, Squall perfectly balanced himself and jumped off casually, as if nothing had ever happened.

Her fist curled up in rage and she slammed her fist on his chest. “You idiot. You think that was funny?” She said with her voice roaring and eyes glaring at him.

“Remind me to teach you how to punch properly,” he said jokingly, earning him another punch, this time in the stomach.

“Hahaha, I am sorry. I didn’t you know would react like this,” he said, with a half-smile.

“How else did you expect I would react, you moron?” she said, still enraged as his last stunt.

“I am sorry, I am sorry,” he said, putting his arm around her and then playfully pushing her away from him. It wasn’t until she turned around that he noticed the two angle wings embroidered on the back of her dress. Somehow, these angel wings seemed very familiar to him.

Author's notes:

Sorry, no Easter eggs in this chapter.

If you journeyed with me till chapter 8, at least say 'hi.' Please :)

[yogaadvise]

Unlocking the Potential of Lucid Dreaming

Every night, we lay in our beds cuddled warm in our jammies. As we close our eyes and also withdraw from the outside globe, something incredible takes place: We dream.

' Dreaming connections all mankind together,' created Jack Kerouac. Despite our age, race, creed or sex, we dream every solitary night. It has always been, as well as remains to remain, among one of the most mysterious and remarkable global human experiences.

But exactly what are desires? And also why do we have them?

Many of us think we don't desire. We wake up in the early morning grasping just pieces, fleeting pictures that appear more silly compared to they do essential. I was back in secondary school ... snowboarding ... using a diving outfit? This, we determine, need to be what desires are: nonsense!

And thus, we miss out on the bigger image. We neglect to recognize that those wispy photos in the morning are not the real desire itself however the memory of the dream. That would certainly resemble attempting to remember just what you did four days ago. The memory will resemble a dream, with only little bits of detail protruding occasionally. However certainly, four days ago was a real minute, total with views, appears, smells, weight, and texture.

Our dreams, also, have an existing minute just as real as well as lively as this minute here. Awakening to this present minute can be a profound and life-changing experience. And it could for life alter the means we dream.

We call it lucid dreaming.

What is Lucid Dreaming? A lucid desire is when we transform into fully awake, or aware, while dreaming.

We are asleep, yet we could walk, assume clearly, have complete accessibility to our waking memory, and full usage over our sensible mind, all while continuing to be within a desire. Generally when we dream, we do so subconsciously, responding passively to the occasions of the dream, incapable to mirror, clouded in a kind of sleep-trance. In a lucid desire, we have straight influence over ourselves as well as the desire's content-we have clear (lucid) understanding. We understand we're dreaming. And also with this understanding in dreams comes choice, and with option freedom.

When we're lucid something extremely fascinating occurs. All the unexpected, the globe around us comes to be crystal clear, receptive as well as intimately to life. We feel ourselves connected to everything else. It's as if the air around us is imbued with a presence, one that borders as well as penetrates everything in the desire, also ourselves. As well as because we're one with the dream, we have the flexibility to change it.

How Do We understand It's Really Possible? At the time of my initial lucid desire I had no language for clarifying or comprehending the experience. It wasn't until I was a teenager searching for others that were having similar encounters that I stumbled upon the term 'lucid dreaming.' My attraction escalated when I discovered that this encounter was anything however new. There were accounts recommending old Egyptians grew as well as believed in such capacities and that particular methods were utilized by the old Tibetans for strengthening this ability. Lucid dreaming has a rich as well as interesting history and also modern scientific research is aiding us understand it better.

Stephen LaBerge, Ph.D., a psychophysiologist as well as creator of The Lucidity Institute, carried out extensive research study on the lucid desire state in the 1980s and 90s. His most significant research validated the presence of lucid fantasizing by taping subjects providing a predetermined eye signal while fantasizing. Another research study conducted by researchers in Frankfurt, Germany, in 2009 as well as published in the journal Sleep revealed that lucid desires are a special state of awareness different from common (REM) dreams because the daydreamers got to a brain regularity recognized as Gamma (40Hz). Gamma is a heightened mind task credited to greater mental performance and also a surge in self-awareness.

New research published in a current issue of The Journal of Neuroscience disclosed that in lucid dreamers, the mind location which makes it possible for self-reflection, mainly the former prefrontal cortex, is larger compared to in non-lucid dreamers. In 2014, scientists had the ability to stimulate lucid dreaming by passing electrical currents in the low gamma band with subjects' minds while they slept.

A typical thread throughout all ancient and modern understandings of lucid dreaming is an increase in self-awareness. 'Our results indicate that self-reflection in daily life is a lot more noticable in persons who could conveniently manage their desires,' said Elisa Filevich researcher at the Max Planck Institute, a German research organization concentrating on lives sciences, life scientific researches, social sciences, as well as the liberal arts. Our capability to show and transform into existing throughout our day-to-days live proves to be an important key for inducing lucid dreams.

Why Would You Desire To Lucid Dream? I had my first lucid dream when I was 7 or 8 years of ages. I remember it clearly: I'm flying miles above the Earth alongside a group of geese. I could really feel the wind on my face, the weight of my garments whipping against my skin, the warm of the sun heating my back. Everything is alive as well as clear and I know that I'm dreaming. I cannot think exactly how quick the geese are flying. After a thrilling ride over the clouds, I snap roll into my back as well as wake up.

The remarkable point regarding fantasizing is that it is deeply personal. I could not tell you why you would certainly intend to lucid desire. Yet here's why I lucid dream.

Freedom: When I was discovering how to lucid dream as a teenager, I wanted absolutely nothing even more than to fly and mess around in my dreams. My lucid dreams were the supreme play ground offering me an outlet for fantasy fulfillment and also flexibility from physical restrictions like nothing else. Flying, sex, and also every desire you can consider could come true. As well as this is just the beginning.

Healing: I began supporting my lucid dreams for longer periods of time. I started focusing my interest towards previous traumas, headaches, and also psychological concerns in my life. I made use of lucid dreams to come to terms with my past and also gain closure in my connections. It was occasionally painful, yet always freeing. Lucid dreaming offered a safe environment for me to encounter my darkness.

Guidance: I have actually received amazing support in my lucid dreams: a 300-foot whale made from light, a lady clothed completely in gold, Abraham Lincoln, a tree, also a bedpost gave me some deeply substantial pieces of advice while in a lucid desire, all of which were exceptionally transformative and also pertinent to my life at that time.

Understanding: It took me for life to discover among the largest lessons of lucid dreaming. Let me conserve you time if you're simply starting: don't transform the dream, adjustment yourself. I invested years believing I was 'regulating' the dream. This isn't really the goal, neither is this where your power is. Like a mirror, the dream is thoroughly attached to you, to your ideas, your ideas, your assumptions, your feelings. When you transform, the dream responds instantly.

Increase in Waking Awareness: My desires instructed me that every minute is an opportunity to be lucid and soon I was taking this enhanced awareness into my waking life. I was locating myself a lot more existing, able to develop as well as direct my intent onto my life instead of just reacting to life's occasions passively. If a situation or scenario emerged that I didn't desire, I might no much longer condemn any individual. I was the daydreamer of my life. As well as similar to a dream, if I intended to alter it, I had to transform myself.

More than all of this, lucid dreaming opened me as much as a completely bigger image of that I am. In a particularly lengthy lucid dream, I had the thought, 'I'm seeing right currently, plainly in fact, but not with my physical eyes. I can listen to however not with my ears. I have the experience of touch, taste, and scent yet not with my physical body. Exactly how?' Lucid dreaming revealed me that we are much more than just our physiques. That reality is more compared to what we can perceive with just our 5 senses. There exists completely actual and concrete dimensions of human encounter each with its own one-of-a-kind legislations as well as policies. Lucid dreaming can allow us to experience these secrets as a result of straight experience.

How Do You Have A Lucid Dream? The good news: Every person could lucid desire. Every person. We don't require a bigger mind or electrical fees stunned as a result of our prefrontal cortex either, though it could assist. Thankfully, background as well as contemporary research study has given us with several sensible methods and strategies for finding out the best ways to lucid desire whenever you choose.

Morning Practices

Wake Up Slowly: The single greatest factor a number of us do not remember our dreams is since we awaken abruptly. If you can, also if only on the weekend breaks, do not use an alarm system. As you get up normally, keep your eyes shut and also continue to be stationary. Remember the dream you were simply in. If you cannot bear in mind anything, slowly switch your placement. It is discovered that we could remember our dreams better in the placement in which we had them.

Keep A Dream Journal: Every lucid dreamer should maintain a log of their journeys. Do you think Lewis and also Clark explored the uncharted west without bringing a writing pad? Research studies show that five minutes after waking, 50% of the desire is failed to remember, after 10 mins, almost 90%. Thing in the early morning, create down what you remember, also if just keywords.

Daytime Practices

Cultivate Presence: This is important. Prior to we could get up within our desires, we first have to get up below in the physical globe. Simply puts, we need to boost our self-awareness throughout the day. A powerful technique in order to help accomplish this is a reality check. The objective is simple: to bring you present moment to the existing moment. Throughout your day, as much as feasible, Notice your ideas, your atmosphere, your activities. Genuinely ask yourself, 'Am I fantasizing right now?' Soon this behavior will certainly flow over right into your desires as well as what a beautiful moment it will be when you address, 'YES, I am dreaming!'

Quiet the Mind: As you will certainly come to recognize, our thoughts are extremely powerful once we are within the dream. They have the capacity to form the dream as well as our environments. This is why it is very important to create a mind that is solid, concentrated, and still. Train your mind to be tranquil and also present by just putting in the time to rest with it in silence. As you monitor the tasks of your mind you'll see just how wild and also insane our thoughts could be. In creating and enhancing your mind's stability, you will begin to see longer as well as longer voids in between one thought ending as well as an additional occurring. Lengthen this.

Night-time Practices

Auto-Suggestion: As you unwind your body in bed, imagine on your own becoming fully lucid and also conscious in a desire. Really feel the enhanced awareness as well as clarity. Gently suggest to yourself, 'I will transform into lucid in my dreams.' Allow this be the most dominant thought as you enter sleep.

Wake-Back-To-Bed: The solitary most powerful method I've found for generating lucid dreams is the wake-back-to-bed There are several variations of it, but in general it goes something like this: go to rest for 4-6 hrs. Wake up slowly. Stay up for 15-20 minutes as well as direct your mind towards lucid dreaming. Attest to on your own that you will certainly become conscious and aware within your dream. Currently return to rest recognizing that the following image to show up will certainly be a desire. With technique, this strategy will certainly offer very easy entrance right into a lucid dream.

The Next Frontier In our dreams we could discover the huge and also uncharted surface of our very own mind. We could replay our day, scout in advance at possible futures, or job ourselves into the past. It's an area we can meet shed liked ones, receive clearness, ideas, and also support and also discover deeper components of ourselves. Human expedition and also understanding of this is much from over. There still exists an entirely undiscovered territory of the human frontier, one that can offer us accessibility to these internal globes each and every night-our dreams.

[ellymackay]

Quarendreaming: Why Your Pandemic Dreams and Nightmares are so Weird and Intense—and What to do About it

The following article Quarendreaming: Why Your Pandemic Dreams and Nightmares are so Weird and Intense—and What to do About it See more on: The Elly Mackay Blog

Are you dreaming more vividly these days, and remembering more of your dreams? Are you having nightmares that wake you from sleep, or leave you feeling anxious the next morning?

If you said yes to either of these questions, you’re not alone. These days, a lot of us are having darker, more upsetting dreams—and remembering them more often.

A recent poll of more than 2,000 people showed

53% of the audience has had an increase in vivid dreams since quarantine began 

21% of the audience have had an increase in nightmares, with at least 1 this past week 

45% of the audience has noticed a small difference in their sleep for the worse… and

29% have noticed a significant difference in their sleep for the worse 

What are the obvious offenders? Social isolation, massive upheaval to daily routines, fears about health, finances, and deep uncertainty about what lies ahead. As well as a shifting combination of boredom, overwork, stress and anxiety. That pretty much describes how most of us are living these days, since the onset of the coronavirus pandemic.

It’s challenging our diets. A lot of us are moving from one “comfort food” meal to the next (think of all the lasagnas and banana breads on Instagram).

It’s challenging our exercise. Stuck at home working and, in many cases, simultaneously taking care of children, many of us are struggling to get our regular exercise, mostly because we feel exhausted!

It’s challenging our sleep. I’m hearing from so many readers and patients about their insomnia symptoms, the restless awakenings, the racing thoughts they can’t quiet at night. I wrote recently about the deep connections between stress and sleep—connections we’re all experiencing strongly right now. And many of you are having nightmares and disturbing dreams. I wrote a couple weeks ago about the coronavirus and nightmares, and why our bad dreams aren’t an entirely bad thing.

Our dream content has changed (Normal vs Stress vs Nightmare)

I’ve had many people tell me their dreams are tackling the coronavirus directly, dreaming about hospitals and illness and trouble breathing (these dreams can also be signs of sleep apnea and snoring). Others are dreaming about the virus in different ways, such as nightmares about violence, loss, uncertainty, and threats.

One of my patients dreams of a friend who is an ER doc in a city hard hit by the virus, getting sick and dying on a gurney (This would be a nightmare. Thankfully that friend is healthy in real life.) Another told me she’s having a recurring dream about being lost inside an unfamiliar building she can’t find her way out of. (We consider this a stress dream.)

Dreams seem more REAL

People are having stranger dreams, with odd characters and vivid combinations of the ordinary and the bizarre. And these dreams often feel different—more striking, more charged with meaning, more vivid, more real—even if the circumstances of the dreams are fantastical. I’ve talked a lot about dreams and nightmares over the years, and the science behind how nightmares work, and how to help make your dreams more peaceful and positive.

The coronavirus pandemic is spurring a whole lot of bad dreams—and a lot of new science studying the phenomena of dreaming.

Here’s what’s being studied in the emerging science of the coronavirus dream world:

Scientists are racing to study every aspect of the coronavirus and Covid-19, the disease it causes. That includes the psychological impact of the global pandemic, its impact on sleep, and its effect on dreams. There is surely much more to come here, but these initial findings shine a light on the psychological upheaval that’s occurring, and how it is making its way into our dreams.

Anxiety is UP: There’s been a major spike in anxiety in the past several weeks—no surprise here. Scientists at Philadelphia’s Thomas Jefferson University conducted a survey in April and found that about 40% of respondents had symptoms of anxiety intense and frequent enough to warrant clinical intervention.

It’s almost like PTSD: People are having more nightmares and negatively-focused dreams during the pandemic. That’s according to research that’s been underway in several countries, including in Italy, one of the countries hardest hit so far by the coronavirus, as well as an ongoing study in France. The Italian study has found many of its subjects are experiencing nightmares with an intensity that corresponds to post-traumatic stress disorder.

Dream recall has increased, which increases stress: People are remembering more of their dreams, experiencing what’s known in sleep science as higher dream recall, according to research. That means more of us are taking upsetting dream and nightmare content into our waking days, for an even greater effect on mood and psychological balance, and another source of stress.

Why, exactly, are our dreams being so deeply affected by the pandemic? And how can we calm and quiet these upsetting, sleep disrupting dreams and nightmares so we can the sound sleep we need right now?

The answers to those questions touch on some of the most well-established, compelling theories of dreaming—and on the mechanics of sleep itself.

                      FYI, if you want to get straight to the recommendations, go to page 6 below!

Dream Theory

What do Dreams Do? Dreams are a way for our brains to process stress and emotionally-charged memories.

This is one of the most well studied, commonly held theories about dreaming—that our brains employ dreams to work through emotionally difficult and stressful experiences, to reduce their psychological load and make them less disruptive to daily functioning.

Clearly most of us are coping with unusual levels of stress right now, and our brains are using dreams to process it. As unwelcome as nightmares and disturbing dreams feel, they may be a sign of the brain doing some essential, important work to ease the intensity and emotional charge of our currently heavy daily load of stress and worry. And our nightmares can also serve the purpose of alerting us to anxieties we haven’t yet become aware of, or given name to.  

Research into trauma and its relationship to dreaming and sleep has shown that the more closely and directly people are affected by traumatic events, the more likely it is for their sleep to be disrupted and for nightmares to be intense. Nightmares are highly common among people with post-traumatic stress disorder. Nightmares associated with PTSD also are more likely to be direct replays of the trauma triggering event. In 2009, researchers looked at the impact of an earthquake in Italy, and found the most disturbing dreams and disrupted sleep occurred in people who were nearest the epicenter of the quake.

The people in the “epicenter” of the coronavirus pandemic include health care workers and other first responders, people who are sick or who are close to someone who is sick. There are also millions of people who have been laid off from jobs, and people who are facing economic crises that place them in an economic “epicenter.”  

But it’s important to note: You don’t need to be at any of these “epicenters” of the crisis to experience trauma, sleeplessness, anxiety, and nightmares from the effects of the pandemic. Trauma and its fallout on sleep and dreams is in no way exclusive to first responders or the sick and their families. We’re living through unprecedented, frightening times, with a future outlook that is deeply uncertain. That’s a universal—and potentially traumatic—reality right now.

How does the brain process emotions during sleep and dreams?

We know something about these mechanisms, and it’s pretty interesting. During stages of sleep, areas of the brain enter a state of what’s known as “emotional disinhibition.”

This occurs particularly during REM sleep, which is when we do most of our vivid, complex, emotionally-laden dreaming. To achieve this state of emotional disinhibition, a region within the brain known as the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex shuts down. This part of the brain performs many complex executive functions involving memory, self-awareness, attention, and inhibition and control of emotional responses. The effect of this part of the brain shutting down creates an unselfconscious free flow of emotion within dreams. Basically, it’s “Party Time” for your brain, and it can now go outside the realm of reality (because you are in the unconscious) where the laws of physics simply do not apply.

Bottom Line: Dreams are where your brain processes information.

An important exception is lucid dreams. During these dreams, part of the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex appears to become more active, not less, which scientists think contributes to the self-awareness and ability to control and direct activity within lucid dreams. I’ve written about lucid dreams—what they are, how they work, and how to encourage your brain to dream more lucidly.  

Dreams are a ‘rehearsal’ for real-life threats and challenges

This well-established, long-held theory of dreams provides another explanation for why so many people’s dreams are so heightened, intense and disturbing right now.

So much of the study of dreams revolves around the question: why do we do it? Amazing as it may sound, we don’t yet know for sure the purpose of dreams. Here’s a primer I wrote a few years ago on the basics of dreaming, including the most popular and well-researched theories about the purpose of dreams.

One of the most interesting and compelling hypotheses of dreaming is this one, known as the threat-simulation dream theory.

According to this theory, and the scientific evidence that supports it, dreams are a rehearsal space for the mind to “game out” threats and obstacles it anticipates facing in waking life, and practice how to best respond to these challenges. In this theory, dreams are a kind of virtual reality, “training camp” simulation in the brain, with a focus on tackling the challenges the brain has identified as the most pressing and important to prepare for.

When you think about it in evolutionary terms, this theory makes a lot of sense. Imagine our ancient human ancestors living under constant and immediate threats–from animal predators, from human rivals, from forces of nature. Today’s predators and challenges are somewhat different, but the capacity for the brain to run simulations when faced with threats and danger remains intact. Keep in mind, the body does not distinguish between the stress and agitation caused by thinking about losing one’s job or a loved one becoming sick, and the stress and agitation caused by being chased across an open field by a wild animal. When we’re constantly anxious and worried, our bodies take up residence in “fight or flight” mode, and dreams may take up the work of helping us rehearse our way out of our problems.

Bottom Line: Dreams are a good place to “practice” or “train” for real life situations.

We draw heavily on daily life for dream material

Pieces of our daily experiences show up in dreams all the time, a well-studied phenomenon known as “dream incorporation.”  Dream research has shown that some memories from daily life show up in dreams immediately, that same night. This immediate transfer of memories into dreams is known as “day residue.”  Other memories from waking experience are subject to what scientists refer to as a “dream lag.” That’s a delay, typically of about 7 days, between a memory being created in the waking day and it showing up in a dream.

For so many of us, the world we occupy is small right now—much smaller than what we’re used to. Right now, much of our activity, movement, and social interaction is curtailed. And many of us are consuming a daily dose of a lot of troubling news.  Under such restrictive, repetitive daily living conditions, our brains are likely drawing more heavily on older memories for dream material. That explains why your childhood friend or college roommate might pop up in the middle of a pandemic dream.

Plus, snippets of the media we’re consuming every day, whether in text, audio, or visual form, will make their way into dreams. If you’re on a heavy diet of pandemic-related news, you can expect to see that information your brain is taking in make its way into your dreams. Research, including a recent study from 2018, show that more emotionally intense daily life experiences tend to show up in dreams more often. A lot of daily life right now, however restrictive, feels pretty emotionally intense. And we can expect to see that reflect in our dreams.

Bottom Line: The content we consume during the day, ends up in your dreaming world, as either “Day Residue” or later as “Dream Lag”

Isolation may be leading us to remember more of our dreams

Being isolated means that your contact with a variety of people, places and things, is limited or non-existent. Your brain encodes information better when its connected to an emotion. If you are removed from these positive stimuli in your life, your brain will go in search of that data, which has been a regular part of your environment. If this positively-charged information is not to be found in your current waking life, your brain will begin to scroll backward, going back further into your old memory bank, to pull up the thoughts, ideas, and people associated with that input which is now missing from your present-day life.  

Bottom Line: When you are isolated, you miss the people, places, and things there were in your life, and your brain will go back to your old memories for those happy feelings. BUT it also has to incorporate the new data (probably stressful data you hear on TV), and then you get a scary dream.

Sleep is more restless

You might be waking more often during the night these days as well—and if you are, you’re more likely to remember parts of your dreams, especially if it’s a vivid or strange one, or a nightmare. Nightmares themselves, because they are frightening and upsetting, make us more likely to wake up from a dreaming state, with fresh memories of our nightmares intact. In addition, nightmares have a tendency to keep us awake, the data shows that if you are awake for more than about 5 minutes, you will begin to encode your dreams into your memory.

Current research happening right now in France suggests there’s been a 35% uptick in remembered dreams during the coronavirus pandemic. This research has also shown a 15% increase in negative dreaming since the pandemic began.

It’s not for everybody, but many people are interested in learning how to remember more of what goes on in their dreaming lives. I’ve talked about techniques that help you to remember more of your dreams.

How to help ease your nightmares and sleep better during a pandemic!

Focus your mind with optimistic thoughts before bed

Your mind frame at the time you fall asleep will greatly affect your dreams. Research has shown that our levels of optimism and peace of mind, or pessimism and anxiety, have a direct effect on the subject matter and emotional content of our dreams.  Dreams reflect several levels of emotional consciousness—our daily life experiences, our short- and long-term emotionally resonant memories, and our affect (aka our mood/outlook) right before bed.

If your dreams are currently disruptive and disturbing right now, create a nightly Power Down Hour that focuses on bringing you to a positive frame of mind before bed.

Bottom Line: Get Happy before bed!

Watch a funny or inspiring TV program. Talk to a friend or loved one who lifts you up. Pray or engage in a spiritual practice that elevates you. Read something that makes you laugh and feel good about life. Plan your next vacation. Open up old photo albums and enjoy some positive memories before bed. We all get there a little bit differently, but it is important, especially right now, to enter sleep with a peaceful, optimistic mind. Your dreams will follow suit.

“Re-write” your nightmares Image Rehearsal Therapy

A technique called “image rehearsal therapy”  has been shown to help reduce nightmares and make sleep easier and less stressful. I use this technique with my patients quite often. As part of this therapy, people re-write the stories of their nightmares, turning their scary scripts into happier, more peaceful ones. Image-rehearsal therapy can be especially effective for people who experience nightmares that are chronic or recurring. This technique was developed by Dr. Barry Krakow at The University of New Mexico.

Here’s how it works:

You write down the all the details of your nightmare, telling its story from beginning to end.

Then, you create a new version of the dream, one that turns a frightening story into a positive one. Once it’s been re-scripted, you visualize the new dream, playing over and again in your mind. You can even re-read the “new” version several times before bed, and over time (5-7 days) the content of your dream will begin to change.

A nightmare that originates like this:

I’m running along a dark and twisty path, I can’t see in front of me. Someone is chasing me, and getting closer. I can’t run fast enough to get to a safe place.

Might become something like this:

I’m walking along a peaceful road in the woods. I’m alone, and I feel completely safe. I can take my time, feeling the breeze pass through the trees, smelling the scent of the forest, and enjoying presence of the birds and other small animals that are moving around their natural home. I hear someone walking behind me and I turn to look, seeing a friend who I’m happy to run into.

Or like this: I can sense someone behind me, so I reach into my pocket and pull out a grenade launcher . . . you get the rest.

Bottom Line: Flip the Script- change your negatives into positive, and “Change the Channel” on your nightmares.

Limit your media consumption

I talked about this recently in another article that tackles the relationship between nightmares and stress in the age of coronavirus. There’s so much media out there to consume, on social channels and news sites, on TV and radio and podcasts. We’ve all probably fallen down a rabbit hole of endless scrolling and reading about the virus, or watching on social media how everyone else is living out their pandemic isolation. This constant media consumption will increase your anxiety and stress, leading to more negatively-charged dreaming. And some the details of the news and information you consume will find their way into your dream content.  Limit your overall daily media intake, and avoid reading the news and social sites at night before bed.

Bottom Line: Plug your phone in another room. Watch a Seinfeld or Friends episode and chill out, starting 90 minutes before lights out.

DON’T Sleep IN! 

The basic science on this one is simple. If you sleep in, you will ultimately get more REM sleep (which happens more in the final third of the night) which leads to more dreams and nightmares. It also throws off your circadian rhythms and we all know why that’s not a great idea!

Bottom Line: Keep your scheduled wake-up times during lockdown, and NO NAPS!

Consume Less:

Alcohol, (which I have written about many times before) affects dream content. It’s that simple. Whatever emotion you are having in a dream is often increased by the presence of alcohol. Not good. In addition, we know that alcohol affects our ability to get good quality sleep, which will also increase bizarre dream content (and it’s not like we need any help in that department). And don’t forget alcohol limits immune function–is that really the best idea right now?

Caffeine, (which I have also written about previously) is simply a bad idea right now. Let’s be 100% honest, it’s a stimulant and it increases anxiety, period, end of story. I can’t think of a time in life were more people were more anxious than right now. Do ANY of us really need to ADD to our anxiety right now? I don’t think so.

Bottom Line: Slow your roll, limit to 2 drinks 2-3 hours before bed, and stop caffeine by 2 p.m.

Move more:

Your total activity level has dropped dramatically (I saw one celebrity tweet this: “I’ve taken 200 steps today, and its 3 p.m.!” Lack of exercise, including daily movement, is affecting sleep quality. Increase opportunities to move throughout your day, it will help with sleep at night.

Bottom Line: Don’t just watch the exercise video, actually do it, 2 times a day. Take out the trash every day, walk to the mailbox every day, walk your dog 2-3 times a day. 

Agreed-upon Treatments for Nightmare Disorder in Adults 

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine, has created a position statement on Nightmare Disorder in Adults and evaluated the following treatments. Their website is a great resource.

POSITION STATEMENTS:

The following therapy is recommended for the treatment of PTSD-associated nightmares and nightmare disorder: image rehearsal therapy (see above).

The following therapies may be used for the treatment of PTSD-associated nightmares: cognitive behavioral therapy; cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia; eye movement desensitization and reprocessing; exposure, relaxation, and re-scripting therapy; the atypical antipsychotics olanzapine, risperidone and aripiprazole; clonidine; cyproheptadine; fluvoxamine; gabapentin; nabilone; phenelzine; prazosin; topiramate; trazodone; and tricyclic antidepressants.

The following therapies may be used for the treatment of nightmare disorder: cognitive behavioral therapy; exposure, relaxation, and re-scripting therapy; hypnosis; lucid dreaming therapy; progressive deep muscle relaxation; sleep dynamic therapy; self-exposure therapy; systematic desensitization; testimony method; nitrazepam; prazosin; and triazolam.

Reach out for help

Anxiety and nightmares are health issues that need attention and can benefit greatly from treatments, even amid physical distancing. If you’re experiencing debilitating dreams, or waking anxiety that is affecting your ability to function normally, don’t try to tough it out or go it alone. Contact your physician, ask for a referral to a sleep and mental health specialist (www.sleepcenters.org). We all must do what we can not to compound the suffering of the coronavirus by allowing other emerging health issues, including sleep and psychological health, to go unattended.

Bottom Line: Isolation makes it worse, everyone is freaking out, share your story with a trusted mental health professional, contact your religious leader, talk to a friend. We are actually all in this together.

Stay Safe and have Sweet Dreams,

Michael J. Breus, PhD, DABSM

The Sleep Doctor

www.thesleepdoctor.com

    The post Quarendreaming: Why Your Pandemic Dreams and Nightmares are so Weird and Intense—and What to do About it appeared first on Your Guide to Better Sleep.

from Your Guide to Better Sleep https://thesleepdoctor.com/2020/05/12/quarendreaming-why-your-pandemic-dreams-and-nightmares-are-so-weird-and-intense-and-what-to-do-about-it/

from Elly Mackay - Feed https://www.ellymackay.com/2020/05/12/quarendreaming-why-your-pandemic-dreams-and-nightmares-are-so-weird-and-intense-and-what-to-do-about-it/

[erraticfairy]

6 Concrete Ways to Improve Your Emotional Health in 2020

1. The Basics: Eat healthy food, get enough sleep, move your body, and use vices in moderation. Like a car needs working parts and fuel to run smoothly, humans need healthy food, exercise, rest and to NOT poison our mind and body.

The key to making positive change is to set attainable goals. If you recognize that change has been hard in the past, you might be pushing yourself too much. Instead, figure out and commit to one small change that you know you will and can do, like adding a salad or green vegetable to your lunch and dinner for a week and seeing how you take to it. After dinner, try taking a family walk around the block for exercise and bonding — this accomplishes two positive changes at the same time exercise and bonding with family. When you are tired, rest, even for 5 minutes.

One family member of mine said that to sleep better their new year’s resolution was to read before bed instead of looking at their cell phone. I’m going to try that as well. Think about what would make you feel proud of yourself and try making a small change in a positive direction. Experiment to find what works for you. Be nice to yourself when something doesn’t work and then try another idea.

Use guilty pleasures in moderation, like food, drugs, alcohol, video games, and smart phones. Be aware that underlying emotions may be causing discomfort that you try to soothe with under-eating and over-eating food and vices. Instead of self-medicating in ways that hurt you or make you feel bad about yourself in the long run, strive to calm your mind and body in healthy ways. Below, I share what works for me and many others. Suffice it to say that every new habit we cultivate starts with willingness, courage, and education.

2. Learn about emotions! Emotion education has the power to transform anxiety and depression, bolster your confidence, and help you spend more time in calmer and authentic states of being.

Do you know the difference between your thoughts and your emotions? Did you know we cannot control whether we have emotions, just what we do with them once they are triggered? Did you know that if we bury core emotions, they make us anxious? Did you know emotions are there to make us move? Did you know that depression is often caused by anger towards another person that gets turned against one’s self? Did you know that shame is an emotion from which we all suffer? Did you know there is healthy shame that civilizes us and toxic shame which impairs us? Did you know the brain can change and heal from the day we are born until the day we die?

Society doesn’t provide formal education on emotions and how they affect both our mind and body. Nor do we learn in high school the many concrete skills available that help build emotional health and resilience. Society leaves us to flounder on our own. To make matters worse, we are raised with myths and misinformation on emotions. Therefore, we must take it upon ourselves to get an emotion education. Men, I am talking to you too. I know emotions scare you. Society has hurt you by teaching you that emotions are unmanly and something to be pushed away. Even learning the science of emotions brings forth anxiety and avoidance. The irony is that people avoid learning about emotions because of the myths and stigma in our society. Yet it’s only with a basic education that we can correct falsehoods and ignorance. It’s with education that we learn skills to prevent, ease, and even heal anxiety and depression. It’s with emotion education that we grow to embrace our authentic self, flaws and all. Our physical health improves too when we learn to validate emotions, as research shows many physical conditions are caused by buried emotions.

Here’s what you can do to get some information: During your commute to work, listen to a podcast or audiobooks on emotional health. You don’t have to do anything differently, just learn. You’ll be amazed much better you’ll feel about yourself just by understanding emotions. The Change Triangle is how I first learned about my emotions and now it’s my favorite way to teach others about emotions. 

3. Practice grounding and breathing even if you are skeptical or think it’s dumb.

It wasn’t until I became a dentist that I started to floss my teeth. In dental school, I learned why flossing was important. And, I was annoyed that my dentist never thought to explain. Similarly, when I was young and people told me to breathe to calm down, I wanted to punch them. Literally, it annoyed me so much because I didn’t understand what grounding and breathing would do. When I tried it, I felt stupid and too simple to make a difference. Just like I had to go to dental school to learn why I should floss, I had to train to become a trauma psychotherapist to understand why grounding and breathing was fundamental to emotional health. Filling up with air as we do when we deep belly breathe (technically called diaphragmatic breathing) puts pressure on the Vagus nerve. The Vagus nerve connects directly to the heart and many other organs. When we massage that nerve with deep belly breathing, we actively slow our heart and switch into a more relaxed and open state of mind. At the age of 56, I now know breathing and grounding to be a key to emotional health and wellbeing. In fact, I start most of my sessions with it. When it comes to embracing breathing and grounding, better late than never! I am living proof of that.

4. Practice self-awareness with a stance of curiosity, unconditional compassion and kindness towards yourself. 

Getting to know yourself is endlessly fascinating, unless you are blocked by fear. If you are scared to dip into your internal world, then that is where you begin — with fear. The fear has meaning and wisdom to offer. The task at hand is to listen to your fear, honor it and validate it. But, please don’t judge your fear or any of your emotions and thoughts for that matter. We must judge our behaviors and actions for whether they are constructive or destructive — it’s important not to take actions that hurt yourself or others. But judging our emotions and thoughts is not of help. Judging shuts people down.

Approach your internal world in ways that open you up to new possibilities. That’s what makes it possible to change and transform for the better. We cannot change what is not in awareness, and we cannot safely become aware of our emotions, thoughts, fantasies, and impulses if we judge them harshly. Curiosity and compassion are necessities when looking inward. When we cannot approach ourselves in accepting ways, we can work to grow that capacity. It takes practice. The kinder and more patient you are with yourself, the better you will feel. And this self-compassion will compel you to expect better treatment from others. Additionally, you’ll have more compassion to extend to loved ones and friends.

5. Work to simply name the emotions you are experiencing in the moment.

In an fMRI study, aptly titled “Putting Feelings into Words” participants viewed pictures of people showing emotions as evidenced by their overt emotional facial expressions. When the participants looked at these faces, their emotional brain, called the amygdala, reacted which could be seen by fMRI. When people were asked to name the emotion they saw, another part of the brain responsible for calming emotions, called the ventrolateral prefrontal cortex, activated and reduced the emotional activity of the amygdala. In other words, consciously recognizing the emotions and putting language on emotions quieted the brains emotional reactivity. In 2020, work to name your emotions and you will improve!

6. Find and create practices to help yourself feel as good as possible.

If your goal this year is to feel calmer, more connected, less distressed, and headed to a better place by 2021, try out a few of these practices below (or others you find in your research). Practice any one that you can commit to trying for a month. Then evaluate if you feel better as a result. If so, keep doing it. If not, that’s ok too. Just try out another practice until you find the one(s) right for you:

Wake up in a way that feels least anxiety provoking. For example, I am not a morning person. Now that my kids are all grown, I give myself permission to have coffee in bed an hour or two before I have to get up and ready for work. I set my alarm clock accordingly.

Start the day with grounding and breathing exercises and repeat as needed at least two more times throughout the day. Slowing down for brief periods may actually increase your productivity. It does mine.

Muster your courage, risk embarrassment, and share something emotional with someone who is kind-hearted. Share from an authentic place inside you. No need to fix anything. It’s amazing how talking about our feelings openly with someone who listens compassionately transforms a bad feeling into something better.

Start a book group or peer group to talk about life.

At the end of every day, try a soothing ritual like taking a hot bath, having hot tea while you put the kids to bed, or stretching as you listen to music (you can do this with kids and teens too).

Start a gratitude journal (there’s research it helps). All you do is write down 3 new things every day for which you feel grateful. Some people write them on notes and drop them in a “gratitude box.”

Cook a new healthy recipe every week.

Write for 5 minutes in a journal without editing or judging what you write.

Talk to your “future self” every now and again. Make sure you are moving toward your goals. Try this gentle exercise for a “future self” experience.

Work the Change Triangle to name and validate your emotions. The benefits are many. The Change Triangle is my go-to tool that I use personally and professionally every single day to build emotional strength and resilience. 

With a partner or on your own, read books about psychology, trauma recovery, emotions, relationships, and communication that you can implement.

Add your own: ___________________________________

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A new year is an opportunity for change. Yet, change is hard — very hard. This year I am challenging myself with a Whole 30 diet for the month of January. It’s my second time braving this very daunting practice. It means no alcohol and no putting anything in my body that isn’t 100% natural. I dread the feeling of deprivation, and I am excited to exert my will power and lose a couple of pounds. I intend to lean into the sensations of deprivation and meditate on them without gratifying my desire to feel full.

I hope you will challenge yourself in 2020 so in 2021 you can look back at this year with pride that you have done even one small thing different and better. You can do it! A+ for trying! 

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/36dsYDC via theshiningmind.com