#can i include hodgkins

[suncklet]

Can you guess who my favorites are

[afeelgoodblog]

The Best News of Last Week

⚡ - Goodbye Fossil Fuels, Hello Renewables: The Energizing News You Need

1. Fungi discovered that can eat plastic in just 140 days

Australian scientists have successfully used backyard mould to break down one of the world's most stubborn plastics — a discovery they hope could ease the burden of the global recycling crisis within years. 

It took 90 days for the fungi to degrade 27 per cent of the plastic tested, and about 140 days to completely break it down, after the samples were exposed to ultraviolet rays or heat. We really see a solution within five years, according to environmental scientist Paul Harvey, an expert on global plastic pollution.

2. Topeka Zoo welcomes new African Lion as female sprouts mane

The Topeka Zoo has welcomed a new African Lion to its pride, a male, as one of its females started to sprout a mane following the 2021 passing of the pride’s last male.

The Topeka Zoo and Conservation Center announced on Thursday, April 13, that Tatu, a 4-year-old African Lion, has arrived in the Capital City. He comes to Topeka from the Denver Zoo and his arrival marks a time of growth for the zoo.

3. This barber opens his shop on his day off for children with special needs – and all of their haircuts are free

On his day off, Vernon Jackson still goes to work, opening up his Cincinnati barber shop, Noble Barber and Beauty, for VIP clients: children with special needs. 

It's something he's done since 2021. "I was hearing so many horror stories that parents were going through with other barber shops and just the barbers or stylists having no patience with their child," Jackson told CBS News. "So I figured I would compromise by coming in on my day off so there were there would be no other barbers or stylists in the shop and I could give them the full attention that they need."

4. Renewables break energy records signalling ‘end of the fossil age’

Experts are calling time on the fossil age as new analysis shows wind and solar power produced a record amount of the world’s electricity last year.

The renewables generated 12 per cent of global electricity in 2022, up from 10 per cent the previous year, according to the report from clean energy think tank Ember. Last year, solar was the fastest-growing source of electricity for the 18th year in a row, rising by 24 per cent from 2021.

5. New nuclear medicine therapy cures human non-hodgkin lymphoma in preclinical model

A new nuclear medicine therapy can cure human non-Hodgkin lymphoma in an animal model A single dose of the radioimmunotherapy, was found to quickly eliminate tumour cells and extend the life of mice injected with cancerous cells for more than 221 days (the trial endpoint), compared to fewer than 60 days for other treatments and just 19 days in untreated control mice.

To explain it in simple terms because this is so freaking cool: There is a radioactive atom attached to a drug. The target cell eats the drug and the energy coming off of the radioactive atom kills the target cell

6. Colorado passes first US right to repair legislation for farmers

Colorado farmers will be able to legally fix their own equipment next year, with manufacturers including Deere & Co obliged to provide them with manuals for diagnostic software and other aids, under a measure passed by legislators in the first U.S. state to approve such a law.

Equipment makers have generally required customers to use their authorized dealers for repairs to machines such as combines and tractors.

7. When a softball player falls after hitting a grand slam, this is how her opponents reacted

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That's it for this week :)

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[itmightrain]

"Hodgkin's Lymphoma was one of the first cancers that was shown to be really responsive to both chemotherapy and radiation, so even though chemotherapy sucks, I knew we were going to do that. [...] I was 100% on board with chemo, and it's definitely extended my life, it's probably saved my life and I'll die of some other thing.

And three of the four chemo drugs that I was on are natural. They're from nature. Vinblastine comes from the Madagascar Periwinkle. It's just in a cute little flower, it was known to the indigenous people of Madagascar, scientists checked it out and found that it had a bunch of anti-cancer properties. Another one, Adriamycin, also called Doxorubicin, was found in microbes in the soil at the base of an Italian castle. The third, Bleomycin, was also found in a soil microbe called Streptomyces Verticillus. [...] Streptomyces Verticillus was never used in traditional medicine as far as we know, but all three of these molecules are both natural compounds and very effective chemotherapies for Hodgkin's Lymphoma (and some of them for other things).

And they've been tested, not just to see if they're effective, but to see:

What doses are most effective

Which cancers they're most effective against

How dangerous they are

What side effects are most common

How they effect women vs men

How they effect people based on their age

Their efficacy at different stages of cancer

How long you can safely take them

Which side effects are most serious and how to minimize those complications, both in the short-term and the long-term [...]

Cancers are not chill! Treatments have to be high impact because these are high impact and sneaky diseases. And so it's kind of amazing that we're in this point in history where a lot of these medicines have been tested in a lot of different ways to see what their best dosing schedule is, to see how little you can take without increasing the chances that the cancer will come back, to know how to be prepared for potential side effects. This is the slow, careful, tedious work of medical research, and it made the cancer treatment that I have just been through way less awful than it would've been just ten years ago.

During the time when I was publicly living with cancer and talking about cancer treatment, I received almost universally good vibes. Like I just want to be clear about that, people were amazing. But I did get some folks who would come to me and say that I would have a better outcome and be healthier if I took a more natural route, by which they meant that I should not be doing chemotherapy. [...]

The question becomes: if most of my cancer treatments came from nature, what do they mean when they say that I should be doing more natural treatments?

I gotta be clear here too, when it comes to like Epsom salt baths and acupuncture during chemotherapy, yes I'm in favor of all of that. If you want to do it and your doctor is telling you it's not going to do any harm and you feel like it's going to do good? Do it. [...] And there are also supplements that we know don't hurt and we think might help. [...] As long as you're talking to your doctor about it and it doesn't look like there's negative consequences I say do it.

There are some things that look like they might have some positive effect, but nothing has a positive effect like actual cancer treatment. So skipping those actual cancer treatments in favor of natural treatment makes me wonder: what do you mean by "natural"?

And here it is. I'm not sugarcoating this. I don't know a nicer way to say it. When we say natural cancer treatment, what we mean is something that either we don't know it works, or we know that it doesn't work, or we know that it does more harm than good. That's the only things that we mean when we say "natural cancer treatment", because otherwise a "natural cancer treatment" would include the three compounds from nature that I put in my body to cure my cancer.

The majority of cancer cases on earth, and an even greater majority of cancer deaths on Earth, happen outside of high-income countries. Those people don't die of cancers because they don't have access to coffee enemas or cannabis oil or apricot pits. They die because they don't have access to chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, and screening.

- Hank Green, Did "Natural" Cancer Treatments Save My Life?

[flowerbloom-arts]

(this is a reupload of a an ask post that is """mysteriously""" not showing up on my or other people's dashes. The following post exposes the truth about Moominpappa, and after many attempts at reuploading this with screenshots of the post and with the images I used I found that it's the screenshots that are causing problems. The people must know the truth of Moominpappa's lies, and I shall stop at no end to try and educate people on the web of lies that Moominpappa from Tanoshii Muumin Ikka 1991 is created for himself. Tumblr and its agenda to keep 90s Moominpappa's dignity in tact shall not dissuade me any more! Book Moominpappa would be APPALLED BY SUCH SHAMELESSNESS!)

-

@helshdy asked:

Sorry if this is obvious but how did they retcon the moominpappa backstory? Do Hodgkins, Joxter, Muddler, and Fuzzy just straight up not exist?

-

Okay so like... let's start with the stuff the episodes actually tell us.

There's one episode where the Moomin family (Sniff, My and Snorkmaiden included) get invited to Aunt Jane's mansion, which is pretty cool to see tbh, we finally get to see what her living situation is (she doesn't even have a housekeeping staff, she's so goddamn lonely)

And in one scene the kids are cleaning a room and they happen upon a photo album, and the album features... a younger Moominpappa living with Aunt Jane at what appears to be a summer house....

[INSERT SCREENSHOTS OF AUNT JANE'S PHOTO ALBUM]

Now, this is an odd discrepancy that goes unquestioned by the kids but it's not unreconcilable with Adventures of Moominpappa, maybe this is just one childhood summer Moominpappa deliberately left out of his story because it didn't contribute to his story and he doesn't like Jane. That's a minor enough piece of lore to make it make sense.

But then there's Return To Childhood, the episode with Wimsy.

After a mishap with the kids except Moomintroll mistaking Wimsy for an intruder, Wimsy and Moominpappa explain the history of their friendship to everyone, and what they say is uhhhh... (checks notes)

Moominpappa would constantly change schools in his childhood and then he and Wimsy were dormmates at the last school he went to.

...

Now that completely throws AoMP out the window.

We also have real tangible proof of this in the episode, Moominpappa and Wimsy try going on a little adventure together and they come across their old school, it even has the initials they carved on a tree and the same principal is still running the school (AND DOESN'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THE FILLYJONK PRINCIPAL).

[INSERT SCREENSHOTS OF MOOMINPAPPA AND WIMSY'S INITIALS ON A TREE AND THE SCHOOL PRINCIPAL]

And based on the kids that currently attend the school it seems that this is a an elementary/middle school?

[INSERT SCREENSHOTS OF THE PRINCIPAL SURROUNDED BY A GROUP OF COSTUMED STUDENTS]

(they're wearing costumes for a festival here)

And that's like. Woah. Holy crap??? Moominpappa like...... actually lied to us. ATLEAST about the majority of his life. And of course the kids don't question this because of Bad Writing BUT WE KNOW NOW.

Though, with all of this I'd have to backpedal and say that Edward the Booble as he was does in fact exist, there's an episode where the characters get Edward so they can use his tears to heal a mermaid tail, although he doesn't seem... quite as big as he was in AoMP (it could just be the animator's horrendous inability to be on model but this is beside the point)

The Ghost, is also real, we all saw him in the Dame Elaine episode didn't we. It's undeniably him, it has all the references we need without a shadow of a doubt despite the very different appearance between that episode and AoMP.

Allegedly he still lived on the island the Oshun Oxtra were on (but we could also argue that it wasn't necessarily that particular island, or it could mean that Moominpappa did in fact go to That island but the events didn't transpire the way MP said they did)

The fact Moominpappa is lying about his backstory could also explain his utter lack of familiarity with Mymblemamma despite his claims of having been friends with her in his youth (allegedly in the Japanese dub MP didn't actually say she was Little My's mother and that she was just another lookalike like the rest of the parents, but also allegedly in the Finnish dub he did say she was her mom, so which is it??) and we can't chalk it up to the show's lack of continuity because based on the Dame Elaine episode the show was perfectly capable of having continuity that adheres to MP's Memoirs even before they actually adapted it. (Both Dame Elaine and Moomin Builds a House were episodes before AoMP part 1)

And the most damning thing about this whole thing is that if you actually watch the AoMP episodes, Moominmamma explicitly had no way to call Moominpappa out on this, she explicitly doesn't know what his backstory was pre-meeting him. "But surely she'd point something out if she didn't know who the Oshun Oxtra was" WE DON'T KNOW IF SHE'D KNOW, SHE WAS LITERALLY OUT OF THE ROOM WHILE MOOMINPAPPA DESCRIBED THEIR MEETING, AND SHE OBVIOUSLY WASN'T HEARING WHAT MOOMINPAPPA WAS SAYING OR WHAT THE KIDS WERE TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE SHE WAS CONFUSED ABOUT THE KIDS STARING AT HER IN DISBELIEF.

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW

MOOMINPAPPA IS JUST A BAD STORYTELLER AND I DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT THE UTTER LACK OF CHARACTERIZATION AS REAL

IT'S ALL A LIE

JOXTER AND MUDDLER WERE PROBABLY OLD SCHOOLMATES FROM ONE OF HIS SCHOOLS AND THE REASON WHY THEY WERE LOOKALIKES AND PARENTS WERE BECAUSE HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY KNOW THAT THEY HAD KIDS

WOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

[razorroy]

The Secret To Becoming A G.O.A.T.

It is Saturday morning and I still can not find any information on the injury status of Chicago Blackhawks young star Connor Bedard after he was forced to leave the game in the 1st period.

Last night Bedard, while skating through a forest of New Jersey Devils players, momentarily lost control of the puck. While reaching with his stick, his eyes fell to the ice in search of the puck. Thus Bedard never saw the fast approaching Brendan Smith, who leveled him with a shoulder to the jaw.

I've seen the replay dozens of times now. It was a clean and legal hit.

The hype surrounding Bedard before he even laced up his NHL skates for the first time is legit. This kid can play! At only 18 years old Bedard is challenging the NHL's best.

Bedard's wrist shot is already one of the best in the league. Couple that with his vision and skill and the kid from North Vancouver is already the best player on Chicago's roster.

Last night though showed one of the ways that "Generational Talents" sometimes never meet those lofty expectations. Injury!

Eric Lindros was selected 1st overall in 1991 by the Quebec Nordiques. After refusing to play for Quebec, Lindros was traded to Philadelphia. Lindros was considered to be the next great star in the NHL. A generational talent. While there were many great moments and seasons where Lindros looked the part. He never did achieve what many thought he'd eventually become. A legend.

Multiple concussions and other various injuries limited Lindros' playing time. Thus leaving many wondering: what could have been?

Gordie Howe, Mario Lemieux, and of course Wayne Gretzky. These are the names you think of when you think: hockey legends.

Soccer? Pele, Diego Maradona, Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo.

Basketball? Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, LeBron James.

Choose any sport. List the greatest players ever to have played and they all have one thing in common. Health and luck. Their health didn't keep them from achieving greatness and reaching legendary status.

Sure, Michael Jordan had a season where he missed most of the year with a broken foot. But, he did come back at the end of that season to lead the Bulls into the playoffs and a memorable series against the Celtics. MJ put up a record 63 points in a loss at the Boston Garden. A record that still stands today.

Jordan suffered no further major injuries throughout the rest of his career. Winning 6 NBA championships and thus becoming a legend and G.O.A.T. of the sport.

In the 1992/93 season Mario Lemieux was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma.  Lemieux was gone for just two months to receive aggressive radiation treatments. Despite missing two month and playing in only 60 of a possible 82 games, Lemieux still lead the league in scoring!

Over 17 seasons in the NHL, all with the Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux suffered through numerous ailments included Hodgkin's lymphoma, chronic tendinitis of the hip-flexor, and spinal disc herniation! Still, he became a legend and a G.O.A.T. of the sport, winning two Stanley cups.

Injuries can derail a once promising career. Let us hope that Bedard gets the opportunity to pursue NHL greatness and isn't held back by misfortunate injuries.

The commentators from the broadcast I was watching last night suggested concussion protocol as the reason for Connor Bedard being ruled out for the rest of the game. The first thing I thought was that he loss some teeth. Now I wonder if he got his jaw broken.

I was certainly bummed like so many others that sat down to watch the Connor Bedard vs fellow NHL rising star Jack Hughes, match-up. A match-up that ended so quickly do to an injury. Hughes also left the game before the final siren with a non-contact injury.

Here's hoping for a fast return to full health for both and the chance to watch the pursuit of greatness. For this is what we crave. Not the feeling of what could have been.

[mistahgrundy]

Please help Rowan

https://www.gofundme.com/f/hp3x4-help-me-not-lose-my-home?member=17624197&sharetype=teams&utm_campaign=p_na+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer

I know their go fund me looks fully funded but it’s not, that’s the goal that was set back in december and they haven’t updated it. They still need help.

Rowan was kicked from their house in their teens (I’m sorry I’m using they/them because I’m not entirely sure on their pronouns I think it might be he/him but I don’t want to assume) for being queer. They spent some time being homeless and then finally got out of that and went back to school to become a mortician when they got diagnosed with cancer

Since 2020 I’ve been posting in a PMF thread called Passing Time In Chemotherapy: A Diary, which has been equal parts me talking about fighting Stage Four Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and being given two months to live, and equal parts screaming about how horrible the American Healthcare System is and trying to make a case for universal healthcare. Briefly I went into remission and then my cancer returned. I also have Stage 1 breast cancer. These last two weeks I have been in the hospital with a kidney disease likely brought on by my chemotherapy treatments, and a lung disease which I need tests to rule out that it’s lung cancer. The problem is I need $4500 to continue receiving care because I am am several hundred thousands dollars in debt due to my chemotherapy. Each chemo treatment cost me $50k after insurance, which no sane person has, so the debt has built up to the point where I am being held hostage for micropayments in the thousands of dollars range in order to receive life saving treatments. I received mod approval to post a GoFundMe I set up in order to pay just for December healthcare bills. I will either lose treatment or lose my home, and I was recently homeless over a year a few years ago and would not like to repeat the experience. My wife is permanently disabled after her battle with Ovarian Cancer (and needs another $800 down payment foe a surgery but that’s ANOTHER can of worms). Basically, without goon help, I am fucked. I have zero plans for Christmas or any holidays this season because I’m too busy fighting to keep my home and my health. My GFM is nearly halfway funded as it is, and on the off chance that it gets overfunded the excess will go towards my wife’s surgery. Both my GFM page and my PMF thread show I am very transparent with where the money goes and what it’s spent on, so no worries there. You can find my GoFundMe here! I intent to post an update to it this evening to keep everyone up to date with health stuff. If you would rather donate something other than money, which I totally get, I have an Amazon wishlist here which is mostly household things we need and food for the cats. I will happily post pictures of them in the thread. They are very sweet baby who cry if a stranger comes to the apartment and doesn’t pick them up. I’ll try to stay on top of removing items from the wishlist as they get bought. I’m not very good with signing off posts, but if anyone has any questions about Lymphona or chemo or the american healthcare system (or just want to see cat photos!) please feel free to ask and I’ll answer as best I can! Thank you in advance for your generosity and kindness. Bless. Edit 12/10: It was suggested that I throw my Venmo in the OP for those who would rather donate that way! Venmo: @moringottos Paypal (please ignore my deadname it’s a nightmare to change): paypal.me/necromancermoons

This is their update today, May 25 2022:

The minimum payments for my medical bills in arrears (mostly chemo) comes out of my bank account automatically to prevent them from suing me over it. I’ve already used my one (1) free grace period of “please give me a few more days before you take my money” according to the lady on the phone, so I’m left with $0.11 in my bank account with several bills, including rent, looming on the horizon. The electric company has already made it very clear they will not hesitate to cut off my power if I even act like I’m going to be late. What do you even do when faced with this level of “fuck you entirely”? I keep telling myself that people are inherently good, but between this and the news and the man at the insurance company writing me a polite email that says “if you have another cancer, try dying this time”, I’m starting to have a hard time with it.

May 18, 2022 7:32 PM

Due to some concerning test results my oncologist is now pushing for testing for multiple myeloma. MM killed my birth dad. I think I may have sorta blacked out during half of what she said. I asked her if it was usual to have this sort of insane cancerous comorbidity, she said it’s not impossible. The imagining center got back to me FINALLY. They said even though my insurance is up in the air and they usually require payment at time of service, my doctors have been hounding them enough that they will let me have a payment plan for x-rays and scans costs. I’ve had enough biopsies that the MM tests don’t scare me like they would have two years ago. Immediately after my lung biopsy I threw up a ton of blackish blood so I feel inoculated to the trauma. Anyways at this point it feels silly, like my body is throwing this massive temper tantrum that it doesn’t want to be here anymore and it’s like “understandable, but consider: we can’t let capitalism win”. Also god won’t let me die because then I’ll be his problem.

the threads: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3987338&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1 I believe this one isn’t paywalled

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3916924 but this one might be, this is their diary of day to days of discovering the cancer (they went to the hospital for covid originally). warning: this thread might be very upsetting and hard to read if you have hospital or cancer trauma. or even without

[drawingconclusions]

CORONAVIRUS VACCINES REVISITED

In early Summer of 2023, Michael Shellenberger, Matt Taibbi, & Alex Gutentag revealed that the first three people in the world to contract the COVID-19 virus worked in the Wuhan, China biolab. (No real surprise there for those of us who have been following the revelations about the matter in the New York Post and Fox News.) And yet there have been no efforts to hold the communist Chinese government accountable for their cover-up and for intentionally allowing their residents to travel to other countries, thereby quickly spreading the coronavirus with deadly consequences. (Where's the United Nation's World Court when you need them? Too busy trying to charge Israel with genocide, I suppose. And yet, has the World Court charged terrorist organization Hamas for crimes against humanity? That is supposed to be part of their purview isn't it? Has the World Court ever charged China with genocide for their reported atrocities and torture of Uyghurs? Quite an interesting double standard. What in the world was the South African government thinking when it called for the World Court to place Israel under the microscope?)

On another note, I realize it's popular to promote the coronavirus vaccines here in the U.S., but some medical professionals have also been warning about the side effects of the vaccines, which in some cases includes long covid-type symptoms and in other cases non-hodgkin lymphoma & other cancers. I'm not a doctor and I can't independently verify this, nor will I name the medical professionals who have published this information since they'd likely face censorship or other professional retribution. But the information is out there, if you're really interested in learning about it. And again I'll ask, is it really science if you're not allowed to ask questions about the benefits / dangers of a vaccine or challenge the prevailing public positions on a matter? A report I saw in passing on The National Desk mentioned that the efficacy of a coronavirus vaccine is significantly reduced to barely above 50%! If I saw that report accurately, then why are pharmaceuticals still pushing that vaccine?

And are some hospitals still denying transplants to patients who haven't been vaccinated? Whatever happened to the Hippocratic oath? Any medical professionals involved in such decisions should lose their license to practice medicine. And again I'll say, don't let a public service announcement or a government official dictate whether you get the vaccines or not. Talk to your personal doctor who can help you weigh the risks and benefits for your personal situation.

[vaishaliiiii]

Comprehensive Overview of Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma: Understanding, Diagnosis, Treatment, and Advances

I. Introduction to Lymphoma

The lymphatic system, a crucial component of the immune system, is where lymphoma, a complicated group of blood malignancies, develop. Hodgkin lymphoma (HL) and non-Hodgkin lymphoma (NHL) are two of its two main subtypes. These cancers include aberrant lymphocyte proliferation, which are important immune cells. Reed-Sternberg cells are the hallmark of HL, whereas NHL has a wide range of subtypes. Both forms can result in fever, tiredness, and swollen lymph nodes. Biopsies and staging are necessary for diagnoses, which direct treatment options. Chemotherapy, radiation, targeted medicines, and stem cell transplantation are among the available treatments. The results have improved as a result of advances in molecular research and customized therapy. For efficient care and early discovery of lymphoma, it is essential to raise awareness of the disease.

II. Understanding Lymphatic System

The lymphatic system, a vital part of healthcare, is essential for maintaining fluid balance and immunological function. This complex network of lymph nodes, blood arteries, and lymphocytes serves as a barrier against illnesses and infections. White blood cells called lymphocytes play a critical role in warding off viruses. Additionally, the system aids in the transportation of waste and necessary nutrients. Healthcare practitioners are aware of its importance in the diagnosis and treatment of a number of illnesses, including lymphoma. For comprehensive healthcare and ensuring general wellbeing, it is crucial to comprehend the structure and functioning of the lymphatic system.

III. Hodgkin Lymphoma (HL)

A. Definition, prevalence, and historical context

A group of malignancies that affect the lymphatic system and are caused by lymphocytes are referred to as lymphomas. It includes both Hodgkin and non-Hodgkin lymphomas (HL and NHL). Prevalence varies by type, with NHL being more common. Lymphoma has changed through time from an obscure illness to a clear-cut medical condition. Early remedies had few options, but developments like chemotherapy and tailored medications have led to better results. The significance of continued research in improving patient care is shown by the fact that understanding the historical background of lymphoma helps in recognizing the advancements made in its diagnosis and treatment.

B. Pathophysiology and etiology

Because of genetic abnormalities that alter their regulation, lymphocytes, primarily B-cells or T-cells, develop out of control throughout the pathophysiology of lymphoma. The actual cause is still unknown; potential contributing variables include genetic predisposition, immune system impairment, infections including the Epstein-Barr virus, and environmental factors. DNA damage and aberrant cell cycle regulation may result from these conditions. For targeted treatments to be effective and to advance our understanding of disease mechanisms, it is essential to comprehend the complex interplay between genetic and environmental variables in the etiology of lymphoma.

C. Clinical presentation

The clinical appearance of lymphoma, which is important in healthcare, varies greatly depending on the type and stage. Prominent indicators include painless swollen lymph nodes, fever, night sweats, and unintentional weight loss, collectively termed B symptoms. The specific characteristics of Hodgkin lymphoma are associated with the different Reed-Sternberg cells. Subtypes of non-Hodgkin lymphoma may cause localized or systemic symptoms that interfere with daily life. Healthcare personnel must be able to recognize these various manifestations in order to facilitate rapid diagnosis, individualized treatment, and best patient management. This highlights the critical importance of clinical knowledge in lymphoma care within the healthcare framework.

D. Diagnosis and staging

Thorough evaluations are required for lymphoma diagnosis and staging, which are essential to hospital administration. Cell types can be determined through biopsies, frequently of afflicted lymph nodes. The extent of an illness is determined through imaging techniques like PET and CT scans. Staging systems like Ann Arbor (HL) or Lugano (NHL) classify progression. Modern molecular diagnostics help to improve diagnosis and forecast treatment outcomes. The development of efficient treatment plans, improving hospital administration, and improving patient outcomes all depend on accurate diagnosis and staging.

E. Treatment options

Options for treating lymphoma include a variety of modalities and are essential to healthcare management. Cancer cells are the target of chemotherapy and radiation therapy. Specific molecular indicators are addressed by targeted medicines. Immunotherapy improves the immune system’s ability to combat lymphoma cells. Immune systems that have been destroyed are revived through stem cell transplantation. Healthcare management involves comprehensive assessment to determine the most suitable treatment regimen. Personalized medicine tailors’ therapies based on individual factors, optimizing efficacy while minimizing side effects. Multidisciplinary collaboration between healthcare professionals ensures well-coordinated treatment plans, emphasizing the pivotal role of healthcare management in orchestrating these interventions for optimal patient care.

IV. Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma (NHL)

The term Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma (NHL) refers to a broad category of blood malignancies that develop from lymphocytes.

Unlike Hodgkin lymphoma, NHL lacks Reed-Sternberg cells and includes numerous subtypes, each varying in aggressiveness and behavior. Tissue biopsies, immunohistochemistry, and molecular assays are used in diagnosis to provide accurate classification.

Treatment strategies range from watchful waiting for indolent cases to aggressive therapies like chemotherapy, targeted treatments, and immunotherapy. Assessing illness characteristics, choosing the best therapies, and monitoring potential problems are all crucial tasks performed by healthcare professionals. Given the diversity of NHL, a patient-centered healthcare approach is essential to ensuring individualized interventions and the greatest results for afflicted patients.

V. Similarities and Differences between Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma

Although they both originate from lymphocytes, Hodgkin lymphoma (HL) and Non-Hodgkin lymphoma (NHL) are fundamentally different from one another. Both manifest as enlarged lymph nodes, night sweats, and weight loss, yet HL’s unique Reed-Sternberg cells distinguish it histologically. The complexity of NHL includes a number of subgroups, making classification and therapy more challenging. HL tends to be more localized initially, while NHL often involves multiple nodes or extranodal sites. Treatment approaches differ; HL often involves targeted radiation, while NHL relies on chemotherapy, immunotherapy, and targeted agents. Understanding these similarities and variances is essential for a precise diagnosis and the best choice of treatment, highlighting the value of customized strategies in the management of these various lymphomas.

VI. Ongoing Research and Advances

Critical developments in lymphoma research are supported by cutting-edge medical software. Genetic mutations are identified via genomic investigations, facilitating tailored treatments. Novel immunotherapies like CAR T-cell therapy show promise in enhancing immune response against lymphoma cells. A Data analysis is made easier by healthcare software, leading to more accurate treatment recommendations and patient management. By customizing interventions based on patient characteristics, precision medicine enhances results. Early detection and monitoring are improved by liquid biopsies and advanced imaging techniques. Innovation is fueled by teamwork between scientists, doctors, and software developers in the healthcare industry, providing a complete toolkit to combat lymphoma. Being on the cutting edge of these innovations guarantees that patients get the most recent, most efficient treatments, demonstrating the synergy between medical advancement and technical innovation.

VII. Support and Quality of Life

Comprehensive treatment must prioritize patient support and quality of life. Support on an emotional and psychological level is just as important as medical care. Support groups offer a forum for exchanging stories and coping mechanisms, which reduces feelings of loneliness. Healthcare providers provide advice on how to manage side effects of treatment and resolve concerns. Palliative care concentrates on managing symptoms and pain in order to provide comfort. Attention to mental health and wellness through counseling and mindfulness techniques promotes resilience. Yoga and art therapy are examples of integrative therapies that improve overall health. Recognizing how lymphoma affects patients’ life and offering all-encompassing care guarantees that patients not only recover physically but also emotionally, empowering them on their journey.

VIII. Conclusion

In conclusion, a diverse strategy is needed to successfully navigate the intricacies of Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Recognizing their distinctive characteristics facilitates prompt diagnosis and specialized treatment. As we approach major developments, continued research sets the door for cutting-edge treatments. Crucial to this journey is comprehensive healthcare management. From precise diagnosis to individualized treatment plans, QMe Hospital Management and Information System is essential in coordinating patient care. These systems improve patient outcomes by streamlining data processing, facilitating treatment choices, and merging medical expertise with cutting-edge software. Together, these initiatives move us closer to a time when lymphoma patients receive individualized treatment plans and comprehensive care.

[violentferalcat]

(just a personal thing because i do not know where to put my reading notes)

22/07/23 E. Kübler-Ross “On Death and Dying”

*Disclaimer: Kübler-Ross’s model (five stages of grief) has been widely criticized and the author herself has expressed regret about the media misinterpreting and misunderstanding her theory. Kübler-Ross primarily applied these stages to patients in a hospital environment with a terminal illness. If you are experiencing grief, note that you do not necessarily go through these stages. It is a not a linear process.

Chapter IV: Second Stage: Anger

Abstract:

Anger, frustration, resentment, rage and anger often follow* the subsiding denial and isolation.

They are not directed at anyone or anything in particular.

Most of the time* they come from the sudden interruption of the normal patient's life, the fact that everyone else gets to continue living normally while they suffer.

Medical staff, families and visitors should not take rational and irrational anger of the patient personal.

If the patient is respected and understood and their wishes are fulfilled, the anger slowly fades away.

This can only be achieved by our own understanding of death, our own acceptance of it.

The chapter includes a full interview with Sister I., one of the patients that showcased the anger stage*, a brief summary is provided below.

After denial and isolation subside, says E. Ross, the patient replaces such feelings by anger, rage, envy, and resentment. However, their anger are not directed at any one or any thing in particular, instead, the anger is general, directed at anybody who will stand in the fire. As a result, the patient might irrationally get irritated by small things, by the medical staff or the visiting family. It is important to look at things from their perspective, believes the writer. "Maybe we too would be angry if all our life activities were interrupted so prematurely..."

It is isolating and can become lonely seeing how the lives of others and the lives of the medical staff continue while you are suffering and are in pain. This can lead to feelings of entrapment, abandonment which result in anger, seeing how your illness and pain are seemingly not important to the outside world. In cases like this, writes E. Ross, it is vital to be understanding of the patient, to not take their anger personally. "A patient who is respected and understood, who is given attention and a little time, will soon lower his voice and reduce his angry demands," writes the author. "...we do not think of the reasons for patients’ anger and take it personally..."

E. Ross continues the chapter by describing a few patients, interjecting in-between with her ideas, repeating and emphasizing the idea of first examining our own feelings toward death before interacting with the terminally ill. "I use these examples to emphasize the importance of our tolerance of the patient’s rational or irrational anger. Needless to say, we can do this only if we are not afraid and therefore not so defensive."

There are three anecdotal examples of patients showcasing anger and frustration due to their fears of death and other accumulated personal issues. The most prominent one is the last patient labelled as Sister I. E. Ross provides a (mostly) full interview with Sister I. which can be read in the original text.

Sister I. was a young nun diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease (ed. note: or Hodgkin's lymphoma, a type of cancer), the interview was conducted by E. Ross, a hospital chaplain, and the patient herself during her 11th hospitalization. The medical staff had problems with her as she oftentimes wandered around the hospital, walking into other patient's rooms and then coming to the nurses' post to inform them of the patients' needs. The nurses took that personally, believing that Sister I. was unsatisfied with and thinking that they were unqualified for their job. Here's a short summary of the interview:

Sister I. begins with telling her backstory. She was first hospitalized in 1962 and since then it was her 11th hospitalization (ed. note: the book was published in 1969, however, I do not know when the interview took place). However, says Sister I., her first diagnosis (not her then-current diagnosis) was in 1953. During her last hospitalization, the patient could not be provided with enough medical care as the doctors "...thought that was my psychological problem (ed note: most likely they're talking about "Munchausen syndrome"), that I insisted that I had it [Hodgkin's lymphoma]." In short, Sister I. was not taken seriously during her last hospitalization, despite showing serious and clear symptoms of an illness.

After that, because of other psychological pressure and the fact that Sister I. continued to attend her job and education (she was a nurse by profession), she decided to go to a therapist. The therapist saw her problem and started prescribing her vitamins and other drugs to try and help Sister I. with her physiological illness, while her GP insisted that it was a psychosomatic syndrome. "[E. Ross]: ...And the general practitioner treated you like a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist like a general practitioner."

During that period of patient's life, Sister I.'s father died and left a part of his business in his will, sharing it with her other brothers. A family feud followed as the brothers could not agree on who would lead the business, some insisted and pressured Sister I. to give her share of the family's business. After, E. Ross continues the interview with follow-up questions, Sister I. tells them that she has seen a young boy with leukemia and a five-year-old die. She explains how she has to take care of herself even in the hospital environment, fixing her sheets, adjusting her bed, etc. Sister I. goes on to let out her frustration with nurses who, according to her, do not give enough painkillers. She complains on the strict schedule of the hospital and the solid rules, that sometimes the rules do not matter when you see a person in agony and when you can simply give them a painkiller.

E. Ross begins questioning the patient on her past, her life in the monastery and her childhood. It seems that Sister I. could not fit in either of those environments, most nuns in the monastery do not quite like her, she cannot relate to them to her higher education and the dream of becoming a nurse. During her childhood, having many sisters, her mother did not tolerate her wild character and while the other children would knit and embroider, Sister I. would play outside and do other activities. Sister I. went to the monastery at the age of 13 and made a vow at the age of 20.

After that the chaplain asks whether her illness affected her fate. Sister I. tells him that her fate was unaffected, explains it that she did not believe in God through her own beliefs. Instead, she says, Sister I. felt like she was simply repeating or copying somebody else. A meeting with another patient, Mr. M., who challenged her fate but only made it stronger. Sister I. bonded strongly with Mr. M.

After the interview, E. Ross writes that "She was full of anger and resentment, which seemed to originate in her early childhood." She believes that the patient's frustration that was spilling onto the medical staff was coming from the inability to bond and the feeling of loneliness, feeling like an "outsider". At the end of the interview E. Ross gives the patient advice after which the problems slowly faded.

(my notes were written based on the Russian translation of the original text, quotes are taken from the English version)

[molly-timmins]

Literature Review

Click here for a PDF of the edited, complete literature review

Below is an earlier DRAFT

1.The Painted Garden in New Zealand Art by Christopher Johnstone

2. Sunshine, Shadows and Sanctuary (The Early Garden Paintings) Essay by Dr. Linda Tyler

3. Can Gardens Mean? Essay by Jane Gillette

4. Lucian Freud's Paintings of Plants - from Symbolism to Truth webinar by Giovanni Aloi

Molly Timmins - Literature review Entry 1 [DRAFT]

The Painted Garden in New Zealand Art

Author: Christopher Johnstone

Published by: Randomhouse New Zealand. 2008.

The Painted Garden in New Zealand Art showcases over 100 paintings in which gardens are the primary subject-matter. Each artwork is accompanied by a written text by Christopher Johnstone, whose past experience as director of Auckland Art Gallery Toi o Tāmaki provides thorough knowledge on these contemporary and historic paintings. The book provides insight into the rich history of artworks sitting behind the core theme of my practice, and allows consideration of where my work may overlap or contrast with these artists.

 Some of the featured artists use the garden environment as a central element to their practice; for others it appears as a one-off painting separate from their usual subject. Rita Angus has painted watercolours of flora and gardens many times, alongside Doris Lusk, Frances Hodgkins and Rata Lovell-Smith whom all painted botanicas and gardens in the late 19th and early 20th century. When Angus painted gardens, Johnstone considers this to be for spiritual reasons. He states that her spirituality was

 derived from a blend of western and eastern beliefs, including a classical pantheistic tradition that finds presence of God in all living things […] the singular and intense vision that characterises Angus’s watercolours, emphasised by her use of symmetry, can be seen to project and reflect her spiritual relationship with nature. [1]

Gardens can be a place of peace, of cultivation, even identity. To paint a garden, particularly one’s own, can mean painting a portrait of accumulated nature and personal environment. Angus had a particularly strong personal connection to her subjects, shown not only in the sensitivity and length in which she painted them, but in letters to close friend Douglas Liburn in which she recalls seeing herself in a flower, stating “I think I may belong to the iris family one day.” [2]

Rita Angus, Waterlilies [3]

During a talk held at at Te Uru Waitākere Contemporary Gallery, Te Papa’s Curator for Modern Art Lizzie Bisley spoke about Rita Angus’ connection to nature. She explained that Angus was fascinated with the “cycles of nature, the birth of Spring” [4] and that she found hope and beauty in the “possibility of regrowth […] tightly intwined with her sense as a pacifist and as an artist.” [4] The sensitivity and “huge earnestness”[4] in which Angus approached her paintwork shows a tenderness towards the natural environment, whilst still encountering political statements around pacifism and feminism. Within my own practice, I am also interested in painting botanicas that at times have a delicacy and respect, which may portray a sense of peace and beauty. Within the layers of cultural and societal meanings within gardens that my practice also engages in, I aim to explore nuances of what a garden can mean whether critical or heartfelt.

Looking further back to early-colonisation, the text showcases another stable of women who tended watercolour paintings of gardens in Aotearoa. Martha King is considered Aotearoa’s first botanical artist, whose paintings lack record later in her career because, as Johnstone claims, “it seems her creative energies were diverted towards her noteworthy garden.” [1] Although her paintings studied botanical species as opposed to flourishing gardens, her place in this history is important because of the significance of her work being commissioned for several publications, including the New Zealand Company for Annals and Magazine of Natural History in 1838. [1] This is significant because of gender inequalities of the time, that would often place female painters in a hobbyist category making their efforts not for public consumption.

Margaret Stoddart, Godley House, Diamond Harbour [5]

With the introduction of Impressionism later in the 19th century, Aotearoa artists Mabel Hill and Margaret Stoddart utilised the loose brush-marks and rich colour palette within their garden watercolours, as seen in Europe at the time. Johnstone writes that this was during a period in which early modernism was not welcomed into Aotearoa. He uses the example of Stoddart, who “sent works for exhibition but in 1902 The Press commented that ‘her taste for a woolly misty impressionism has fallen upon her to the detriment of her work.’”1 Johnstone also points out that “this is impressionism with a small ‘i’; a kind of shorthand signalling that a painting was ‘modern’ or influenced by European art.” [1] Alongside the poor reception of modernism in general, critique of Stoddart and Hill’s work was likely to do with the gender of these artists, and the unbalanced hierarchies within the art world at the time. A similar parallel can be seen within the Abstract Expressionist art-movement of the 1950s, a period largely taken up by men, which has been followed more contemporaneously by abstract female-painters such as Laura Owens, Cecily Brown, Emily Karaka among many others reclaiming space for women within the art world.

Johnstone focuses on colonial-style gardens in his text. He references the term ‘gardenesque,’ [6] coined by John Loudon in the first issue of Gardener’s magazine in 1826 “to describe a style that distinguished gardens as works of art rather than imitations of nature.” [1] This terminology considers only a particular type of garden to be ‘gardenesque.’ Ornamental shrubbery, geometrical layout and specific use of only exotic plants deserve the adjective, so as to not be confused with the wildness of nature.

Example of a ‘gardenesque’ style garden [7]

Johnstone then quotes Loudon’s book The Suburban Gardener and Villa Companion in which Louden advised a geometrical garden style for countries “in a wild state because gardens should be recognisable as works of art and not mistaken for wild nature.” [6] Johnstone’s inclusion of the latter quote seems to point out a contradiction within coining the term ‘gardenesque,’ and the suggestion of wilderness within specific countries. It points to an elitism and Euro-centric ideologies that pervade certain gardens. Similar generalisations are made today, as with EU foreign-policy chief Josep Borrell’s 2022 speech, in which he used a garden as a metaphor for Europe’s superiority.[8]

Europe is a garden. We have built a garden. Everything works. It is the best combination of political freedom, economic prosperity and social cohesion that the humankind has been able to build […] Most of the rest of the world is a jungle, and the jungle could invade the garden. [8]

For gardens to still represent such neo-colonial ideas nearly 200 years after European settlement in Aotearoa shows deeply ingrained ideologies and biased symbolism both culturally and societally. I am interested in reconsidering some of the symbolism and finding nuances within gardens and the language that represents them.

It is not a coincidence that many of these artists who return to the garden as a subject, are passionate gardeners who enjoy being immersed in the lively curated environment. I am interested in the parallels between painter and gardener, and not only how garden curation itself may mimic a painted composition, but how paint may reflect the artist’s environment. Author of the 1921 book Pictures in a New Zealand Garden, Barbara Douglas, is quoted in Johnstone’s text to say

Every woman who is interested in the beauty of her garden must realise the important part played by the judicious massing of colour. She may not be an artist with canvas and brush, but in her carefully planned garden she will be the possessor of a gallery full of exquisite pictures – pictures which charm and satisfy completely. [9]

Of the many metaphors involving gardens, the symbolic parallel between painting and gardening is perhaps the most fruitful. A painter divides space, arranges or mixes colour, and tends the paint upon the canvas as a gardener does to their blooms. I am interested in emphasising this relationship

Bibliography

[artwork] Angus, Rita. Waterlilies, 1950. Watercolour on paper. 391mm x 286mm. Te Papa collection, Wellington.

Image retrieved from: https://collections.tepapa.govt.nz/object/330128

Angus, Rita. Quoted by Tony Mackle in Rita Angus: Life & Vision, 2008.

Bisley, Lizzie. Rita Angus: New Zealand Modernist [exhibition talk] Te Uru Contemporary, 2023.

Borrell, Josep. Speech at European diplomatic academy, 2022.

Retrieved from: Retrieved from Youtube: AFP News Agency 'Europe is a garden’ says EU foreign policy chief during speech in Bruges | AFP. Oct 18, 2022.

Douglas, Barbara. 1921. Quoted by Johnstone, Christopher in The Painted Garden in New Zealand Art, 2008

Johnstone, Christopher. The Painted Garden in New Zealand Art, 2008

Loudon, John. Quoted by Johnstone, Christopher. The Painted Garden in New Zealand Art, 2008.

[artwork] Repton Humphry, Flower Garden, Valleyfield. Print. From 'Observations on the Theory and Practice of Landscape Gardening' London, 1805.

Image retrieved from: https://artsandculture.google.com/asset/flower-garden-valleyfield/xAGZyrSp_R5mmQ?hl=en

Image retrieved from: https://christchurchartgallery.org.nz/blog/collection/2013/07/godley-house-diamond-harbour-by-margaret-stoddart

Molly Timmins - Literature review Entry 2 [DRAFT]

Sunshine, Shadows and Sanctuary (The Early Garden Paintings)

Author: Dr Linda Tyler

Essay from Karl Maughan [p.21-32]. 2020. Edited by Hannah Valentine & Gabriella Stead

Published by: Auckland University Press

In the essay Sunshine, Shadows and Sanctuary (The Early Garden Paintings), excerpted from the book Karl Maughan, Dr Linda Tyler analyses the early career of the titular artist.

As an associate professor of art history at the University of Auckland, Tyler pays particular interest to the historical and cultural narratives in Maughan’s work. She begins the essay reflecting on gardens as a contextual framework, in which she states that

 Gardens are traditionally reinventions of primal forms of nature which serve as subliminal reminders of a world before humanity’s depredations […] they already carry meanings and associations, even before their interpretation by artists. [1]

Tyler considers the garden’s role outside of a painting context, and believes that the environment itself carries significant meaning. The intervention of an environment’s natural growth can say a lot about human domesticity and habits, as well as the resulting garden as an entity. Tyler elaborates that Maughan’s paintings are further translations of these environments, stating that “as nature shaped and trained by human hand, gardens are themselves works of art, however rudimentary, so Karl Maughan’s paintings are art made from art.”[1]

The idea that a garden is itself a transformed depiction of nature, in which painting the subject inherently translates it further, is of interest within my own practice. However, I would disagree in Tyler’s claim that gardens are synonymous with art in a literal sense. A garden environment may at times may have artistic attributes, like the geometric landscaping seen in Victorian gardens, or the painting-like presentation when certain floral colours are arranged (for instance, Marcel Proust’s idea that Monet’s garden is “not so much a garden of flowers, as of colours and tones.”[2]) Despite these artistic features that gardens sometimes possess, and the parallels or metaphors found between a painter and gardener, the act of shaping these environments does not inherently make the environment itself art. ‘Garden’ can sit within a broader territory than art, and occupies a constantly moving and evolving place which is a mixture of domesticity and growing wilderness, or sometimes even sits in a context of imagined and intangible space. Within my practice, I am interested in these conventions but curious to offer nuances to what ‘garden’ may mean both within and outside of these preconceptions.

It is, nonetheless, in the enclosed, familiar spaces of gardens that, often more clearly than in the wider landscape, the shifting patterns and effects of the seasons and weather and atmosphere can be discerned. A garden, whether your own private ground or a public park, is often a constant – a place where you regularly walk, or which you see every day from your window, and where you notice subtle changes. The accessible, familiar, domestic character of the gardens in Maughan’s paintings is a reminder of why the novelist Marcel Proust (1871-1922) referred to the mind of a creative artist as an ‘internal garden’ (Jardin inerieur) [1]

Tyler references Jardin inerieur, the ‘internal garden’ within the mind of an artist. Within her interpretation of Proust’s quote, the garden attended in one’s mind is that of familiarity, and predictability. I am curious to further consider garden in this context as a tension between maintenance and growth, and between control and lack there-of.

Emily Karaka’s The painted dream garden (1991)[3] captures a ‘mind garden’ of sorts. The Abstract Expressionist qualities of the exuberant mark-making in conjunction with controlled coordination and hints of figuration presents ‘garden’ as personality and episodic growth. Comparing Karaka’s portrayal of ‘garden’, to Maughan’s Untitled work from the previous year [4], showcases the variation in what garden can mean in a painting context. While Maughan uses image-based referencing, which presents familiar domestic environments of colonial-style gardens, Karaka’s The painted dream garden considers the adjective of garden and how this can be presented by the physicality of paint itself, creating a tension of control and chaos. Both paintings are gardens, and yet the definition is shifted, showing how the idea garden can be led by interpretation – not grounded in one tangible thing. This is of consideration within my own practice when suggesting characteristics of ‘garden,’ because it is important to do so without claiming singular definition or constraint on the term.

[left] Emily Karaka, The painted dream garden. 1991. [3]

[right] Karl Maughan, Untitled. 1990. [4]

Throughout history, metaphors such as ‘internal garden’ have been used to assign human or un-garden qualities to the word in order to link to a human experience. Hortus colclusus, or enclosed garden, is a term seen in art history since the 14th century within Christian art [5].  ‘Enclosed garden’ seems analogous to ‘internal garden’ in translation, however the interpretation of the term is vastly different. Hortus colclusus is often depicted in paint, as a physical environment background to religious imagery or figures. The impenetrable cloister garden is said to symbolise the virgin Mary [5], and represents a specific interior oppositional to the internal garden visualised by Marcel Proust’s phrase. Both are gardens, one an imagined concept and the other a painted depiction of symbolically manicured enclosed space. These historic terms point to the universal changeability of ‘garden’ as an idea, much like how Maughan and Karaka’s work shows this variation within a painting context.

The domesticity of many gardens can create a sense of familiarity, and could at times be considered an extension of the interior spaces in terms of design and authorship. Karl Maughan is one artist who offers this interpretation of gardens, and has established this in consideration of past landscape painting conventions. I too am interested in the garden environment as an extension of human curation and control – but curious to further navigate environments (tangible or not) that combat this within a painting context.

Bibliography:

Hortus coclusus [term]

Definition retrieved from: https://www.nationalgallery.org.uk/paintings/glossary/hortus-conclusus

[artwork] Karaka, Emily. The painted dream garden. 1991. Oil, acrylic & pastel on 2 sheets of paper, abutted. Purchased 1992 by Te Papa.

Image Retrieved from: https://collections.tepapa.govt.nz/object/36334

[artwork] Maughan, Karl. Untitled. 1990. Oil on canvas. 2100 x 1200mm. Purchased 1991 by Christchurch Art Gallery.

Image Retrieved from: https://christchurchartgallery.org.nz/collection/91-31/karl-maughan/untitled

Proust, Marcel. How Marcel Proust Praises Artists & Their Visions

Retrieved from: https://www.thecollector.com/marcel-proust/

Tyler, Linda. Sunshine, Shadows and Sanctuary (The Early Garden Paintings) Karl Maughan [p.21-32]. 2020. Edited by Hannah Valentine and Gabriella Stead. Auckland University Press

Molly Timmins - Literature review Entry 3 [DRAFT]

Can Gardens Mean?

Author: Jane Gillette

Essay from Landscape Journal [p.85-97]. 2005. Vol.24

Published by: University of Wisconsin Press

In Can Gardens Mean? Jane Gillette critiques landscape designers such as Anne Whiston Spirn who believe in coded meaning within landscape design and gardens [1]. Where this text elaborates, however, is opposing any meaning within gardens beyond a fleeting moment of peace or aesthetic pleasure. A responding essay, Gardens Can Mean written by Professor of Landscape Architecture Susan Herrington[2], offers opposing viewpoints and will be referenced in support of my ideas.

Can Gardens Mean? places emphasis on the interpretations of 'meaning’. Gillette believes that objects only have meaning outside of human influence, stating that “gardens, artifacts, undesigned landscapes, and so forth do not tell, desire, or express anything. Only humans can do that.”[3] The idea of nature existing as an entity, with gardens being a false translation of such, is one I am interested in. For this reason, I can accept the rejection of such meaning, however I disagree with Gillette’s denial of human interpretation or historical influence creating any importance within a garden. She goes on to claim that

Botanical gardens can, of course, be considered as evidence of social largesse as well as shifting cultural paradigms; but to be so considered they require a dedicatory plaque and even more explanatory labelling, perhaps provided by a social historian. [3]

I believe that such information does exist outside of a labelled reference. Histories can be seen within gardens, whether it be of culture (seen in gardening techniques, types of food crops, or design features,) botanicas (viewable without information even if exact identification is not shown,) and industrial evolution (inclusion of plastics, ceramics or other materials).

Gardens can also tell us about human behaviour, both domestically and societally. Where Gillette seems to search for a grand meaning of artistic or philosophical importance in which she finds little evidence, I wonder if the 'meaning’ is instead found in habitual rituals and uses, observed in a garden over time. Socio-economic status is attached too, shown throughout history when the grandness of a garden is displayed as a status symbol, with a forced hierarchy implemented from terms such as ‘gardenesque’ coined by John Loudon to describe “a style that distinguished gardens as works of art rather than imitations of nature” [4]. Although Gillette’s argument does tie to an objective viewing of a garden as an immediate encounter, I would argue that to ask 'can gardens mean’ you must consider the broad range of offerings and how they interrelate.

Granted, these associations are made with prior knowledge to histories and human perception, in which Gillette considers irrelevant to its interpretation. Recalling famous historic gardens, it’s Gillette’s opinion that “nothing at Stourhead [gardens] is complex enough to demand very much attention - especially if we divorce the artifact from its historical information.”[3] Where I would disagree, is her desire to consider the complexity of a garden’s meaning while divorcing it from its history.

Gillette also discusses the fifteenth-century Japanese Zen garden, in which she describes that they exist to “express the unity of all phenomena, spiritual and material, human and nonhuman. This is, conceivably, the only meaning of all gardens, but the Zen garden articulates it”[3] she contradicts some of her past sentiments by adding

Furthermore we frequently see the [Zen] garden backed by a blank wall. This wall provides the equivalent of the background of a painting or a sample of calligraphy so that the elements in the garden can seem like brush strokes on silk. Such devices alert us to the fact that we are seeing a work of art, one that represents an idea [3]

To interpret physical framing of a garden as reference to painting and thus representation of an idea, contradicts the notion of objective meaning detached from cultural association. It seems that the direct representational or symbolic objects within the garden is where Gillette disregards meaning, but perhaps it is not only within symbolism, or coded language, or even the gardener’s intent, in which one can find importance. Instead, importance can be found looking at a garden as a product from centuries of the very human design that also alienates its environmental meaning, even if it is the domestic habit of humans controlling nature as a symptom of “our emotional desire to be at one with the physical universe (or nature.)” [3] The symbolism does not have to be, as mentioned in the article, a school book comparison of “the trees in Jane Austen’s novels express hope because they are green and green is the color of hope.”[3] Instead, I would question what can these varieties of plants and objects suggest about the societal and physical landscape it sits within.

Terminology within a garden context is a crucial element in discussion of what they mean – particularly when relating to interpretation of the word garden itself. Herrington’s oppositional text raises this point, and states that

 For Gillette, gardens range from a meadow created in a park, to frog fountains, to conventionally labeled gardens like Stourhead. For Treib, landscapes are referred to as fountains, plazas, memorials, and parks. Both authors admit that they will not define what they are writing about: landscapes and gardens. Perhaps they are nominalists - meaning that they do not believe that gardens or landscapes are defined by any real essences. This is less clear with Gillette because she consistently refers to "the garden" throughout her text as if there is a universal garden that we all share.[2]

When the word garden is used in text, it can be ambiguous because of the vast range of not only physical garden landscapes, but interpretations, whether metaphorical or literal. It seems that within Gillette’s text, she assigns strict criteria to what falls within the definition of a garden, yet shows a lack of clarity of such criteria. Herrington claims that use of “the garden” in this text conjures a universality which is untrue to some, and points to the ambiguity that can come from the word in such context.

If people make gardens to express ideas, we need to ask what idea requires the garden for its full and best expression, an expression that cannot be adequately achieved by some other medium - poetry, say, or the philosophical treatise, the play, the landscape painting.[3]

 Comparison to linguistics and artforms is consistent in this article, to which I would argue is a misguided comparison. Where some writers may have made claims in which Gillette is conflicting, she is exaggerating the idea of gardens not being a substitute for art or critique, by concluding that gardens have no meaning at all. In discussion of Aotearoa artist Karl Maughan’s garden paintings; Dr Linda Tyler claims that “as nature shaped and trained by human hand, gardens are themselves works of art,”[5] which flips Gillette’s argument to place gardens in an art context. As written when analysing Tyler’s essay Sunshine, Shadows and Sanctuary (The Early Garden Paintings), I disagree with her general categorisation of gardens as art, however her reasons for the claim do, in my opinion, correctly combat Gillette’s denial of expression within these spaces. It also seems that both texts over-generalise the term ‘garden’ in order to support other ideas.

Certain elements of this article are positions I align with in my practice. The above statement in which Gillette proposes that gardens say nothing that cannot be expressed through another art form (which, as mentioned, I disagree with in some parts,) perhaps alludes to the reason I translate gardens through paint. If I believed a garden shows my ideas on its own, I would select photography or installation as the display. The ideas within my paintings, however, are different from ideas that gardens may show. Where painting or writing can translate an interpretation of an environment, the garden itself does not exist to fulfil the same purpose. Gardeners do not always “make gardens to express ideas,”[3] sometimes they do so simply to garden – a verb that perhaps emphasises an episodic space as opposed to singular outcome. 

Gillette also explains that gardens are a product of humans trying to imitate nature, a concept I am interested in exploring through my paintings. She explains that once discovering gardening, “human beings had acquired power but only at the cost of consciously experiencing themselves as set apart from the rest of the physical universe, from nature.”[3] I too wonder if gardens can detach people from the environment in which they are trying to replicate, and at times the resulting environment can be a tension or even fight between a gardener and the growing vegetation in which they prescribe a value system. This isn’t always the case, and the term ‘garden’ can invite environments detached from this scenario completely (like the ‘internal garden’ Jardin inerieur within the mind of an artist referred to by Marcel Proust.[6])

Gillette raised ideas around purpose, meaning and symbolism within gardens, and questions whether this exists at all. The text concludes that nothing meaningful lies here other than our interpretations, and specifically disproves of historical importance of these environments. Contrastingly, my practice aims to explore the nuances of ‘garden’ as a term and as a place, and I seek to highlight the histories both of human knowledge and botanical habitats that exist within these spaces. Wild growth and curated design, both of which Gillette deems unimportant, can show deep meaning of human domestic behavior and environmental movement, bringing to consideration where the two may collide or connect.

Bibliography

Gillette, Jane. Can Gardens Mean? Essay from Landscape Journal [p.85-97]. 2005. Vol.24 Published by University of Wisconsin Press

Herrington, Susan. Gardens Can Mean. Essay from Landscape Journal  [p.302-317], 2007. Vol. 26. Published by University of Wisconsin Press

Loudon, John. Quoted by Johnstone, Christopher. The Painted Garden in New Zealand Art, 2008

Proust, Marcel. Quoted by Dr Linda Tyler in Sunshine, Shadows and Sanctuary (The Early Garden Paintings)

Tyler, Linda. Sunshine, Shadows and Sanctuary (The Early Garden Paintings) Essay from Karl Maughan [p.21-32]. 2020. Edited by Hannah Valentine and Gabriella Stead. Published by Auckland University Press

Molly Timmins - Literature review Entry 4 [DRAFT]

Lucian Freud's Paintings of Plants - from Symbolism to Truth

Giovanni Aloi

Webinar hosted by New York Botanical Garden. 2020

Lucian Freud's Paintings of Plants - from Symbolism to Truth discusses Lucian Freud’s portrayal of plants and gardens within his paintings. Author and curator Giovanni Aloi theorises that Freud observes ‘truth’ within his subjects by offering new ways of looking at plants and our relationship with them.

A key observation throughout this discussion is Freud’s contribution to art history, and the deconstruction of previous botanical art traditions. Aloi explains that “Freud’s paintings of plants stand somewhere between the botanical illustration; the detail, the realism of science - and the symbolic interpretation of painting, of the still life genre.”[1]

The way in which Freud replicates his subject with such unwavering attentiveness to what the plant itself presents, was a new approach from the 19th and 18th century botanical artists. Historically, a botanic illustration involves a

Clarifying approach, a scientific approach that capitalises on the plain background and isolates the botanical object in such a way that it can be appreciated fully, and it can be disentangled from the outside world (…) [an] attempt to extract the work from nature [1]

While Freud commits a level of realism to his artwork, there is also a rawness that confronts the viewer with the plant’s character. More famously known for his nude work and self-portraits, there is a fascinating overlap between the ‘truth’ in which he studies the human body, and the same nakedness which he applies to the plant subject. Freud has referred to his plant paintings as ‘portrait’ artworks [1], and Aloi describes a “desire to get to the bottom, the truth of who somebody might be, but also not to smother the world with metaphors and symbolic meaning that might cloud our vision of plants.”[1]

As well as scientific depiction, there is a history of symbolism within botanic painting in art history. Paintings within the Victorian period, and further back to the vanitas painting movement, saw heavy symbolism within flowers and plants. Aloi explains the downside to this by saying

 The contingency of using symbolism to express something through plants, is part of a broader symptom of feeling that nature is not enough throughout the history of humanity, throughout western conceptions of what nature can be. We have to bring voices into plants/animals in order to enrich what otherwise might seem terribly poor. [1]

The anthropocentrism, or human-centric, ideologies seen throughout art history have at times neglected or overlooked the truth within the subject themselves. Lucian Freud questioned this hierarchy, and portrayed plants at times in the foreground of an image, equal or higher to the human within the composition. Aloi describes that by doing this, as well as painting types of plants

that are otherwise seen as mundane, the plant “can be allowed to evade the symbolic representation that we have become accustomed to in art.” [1]

I am interested in how symbolism, or deliberate avoidance of it, can feature in the Aotearoa gardens painted within my own art practice. I wish to achieve a balance between the heavy historical vocabulary of symbolic meaning within plants, and the objective portrayal of them as their own entity. Specific decisions which would inform this reading would be the plant species itself and the background language it carries, but also the painting language in which I apply to it. For example, when Freud paints the yucca tree in Interior at Interior at Paddington (1951) or weeds in his garden studies, he draws attention to the mundane and domestic plants which allows the subject to form its own narrative. The composition which champions the plant-life further pushes it outside of traditional still life conformities and begins asking new questions within the picture.

Interior at Paddington [2]

Although favouring the domestically mundane, Freud at times painted plants layered with personal symbolism and heritage. Lucian’s grandfather, neurologist Sigmund Freud, grew a Sparrmannia Africana plant at his studio in Austria 1 in which he gifted cuttings of to family members. The tree, grown from his own lineage, obtains a new symbolism and tenderness when featured as one of Lucian’s subjects. Whilst it is not immediately evident to the viewer of this plant’s heritage through the painting itself, or even imperative for the viewer to know of this connection, there is an interesting layering of personal coded meaning relatable to many gardeners who carry a story through their own plants. As Aloi puts it, these artworks show

 a fascinating way that we can all craft personal symbolism in plants. While the 17th and 18th century applied love to rose, and a poppy implied death, these were religious symbols inscribed by the church in plants. We can all have personal symbols that we can use in plants to keep that plant alive with a meaning that is very intimate.[1]

These ideas around intimacy and personal symbolism are something to consider within my own depictions of personally significant gardens and plants. My family connection to bromeliads, and the specific references to my grandma Hazel, are a key part of balancing the heavy historical narratives of garden painting. It is important to consider plants within art history, while creating a new environment in which the paint itself can at times champion its garden.

Bibliography:

Aloi, Giovanni. Lucian Freud's Paintings of Plants - from Symbolism to Truth. Webinar hosted by New York Botanical Garden. 2020

Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W-jODjZ-G4

Freud, Lucian. Interior at Paddington. 1951. Oil on canvas, 1143mm x 1524 mm. Walker Art Gallery, Liverpool, UK

Image retrieved from: https://www.wikiart.org/en/lucian-freud/interior-at-paddington-1951

[martinhealthactivist]

Sabine County Hospital District V Stanton Packard, Md--appeal From 1st District Courtroom Of Sabine County :: 2012 :: Texas Courtroom Of Appeals, Twelfth District Decisions :: Texas Case Legislation :: Texas Regulation :: Us Regulation :: Justia

After being ill over the weekend I wanted to be examined for Covid because I keep my 3 year old nice grandson and I even have a sister in her eighty's with mucular degeneration that I check on virtually day by day. I wanted the peace of mind that a negative check martin county hospital stanton tx would offer. I wasn't sure if my insurance coverage would pay for the fast check however I was prepared to pay if it did not. They handled me with the upmost respect, even after I began coughing like loopy as a end result of masks and allergies.

You can even search MNT to search out what you’re in search of. American Society for Cancer Research, American Academy of Pediatrics, American Society of Clinical Oncology, and American Society of Pediatric Hematology/Oncology. D Magazine recognized Dr. Goldman in July 2002, 2004, 2007, and 2009 as one of Dallas’ best pediatric hematologists/oncologists. D Magazine additionally recognized Dr. Goldman in 2022 as probably the greatest pediatric specialists. He beforehand served as attending doctor within the division of pediatric hematology/oncology at Children’s Hospital of Orange County.

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We offer centers for Level I trauma, burn, stroke, cardiovascular disease and sickle cell disease. The hospital additionally contains outpatient care services similar to cardiology, medication and surgical procedure stanton tx hospital. COVID testing is out there for free under the Families First Coronavirus Response Act, which includes testing for these with out health insurance.

We are particularly grateful for the whole employees at Memorial Hermann’s Pediatric ICU for his or her love and care of not solely Cole, but his entire family. The driver of the SUV, Jeyco Gonzalez, 19, of Schuyler was ejected from his automobile and pronounced lifeless on the scene. The driver of the pickup, Tyler Regan, 24, of O’Neill was extricated from the wreckage and transported to the West Point hospital.

The average household measurement was 2.87 and the common family measurement was three.36. As of the census of 2000, there have been 4,746 people, 1,624 households, and 1,256 families residing in the county. The inhabitants density was 5 people per sq. mile (2/km2). There have been 1,894 housing items at an average density of 2 per sq. mile (1/km2).

With this program, our cardiology staff help sufferers undergoing cancer remedy to manage drugs that may affect the heart. An writer of greater than 30 articles and a quantity of other guide chapters, Dr. Goldman has concentrated his scientific analysis on tumor lysis syndrome and pediatric mature B non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Serving all individuals by providing personalised health and wellness through exemplary care, education and research stanton hospital tx. Request proxy access in the MyBSWHealth app to assist family members schedule their appointments, view take a look at outcomes, message medical doctors and more. Responsible to keep up provider patient schedules; could block schedules and reschedule patients as needed. As extra people made their method to the town, a group of school kids voted to as soon as once more change the city's na

[hedgewitchgarden]

Stacey Hodgkins book review of “A Gypsy in Auschwitz” by Otto Rosenberg, for Holocaust Memorial Day 2023.

Often when Stories of The Holocaust are told it is the experiences that come from the voice of those of Jewish descent and not from members of Gypsy heritage. In fact unless you are of Gypsy heritage you may not have any awareness that European Roma and Sinti people did indeed also experience the horrors of The Holocaust and these experiences are often lost and untold.

Persecution and prejudice started towards Gypsy communities in 1933 when Hitler came to power. Under the Nazi regime they began to construct Gypsy working camps which turned out to be no more than prisons and ghettos unfit for purpose. A place where Roma and Sinti families were hidden away.

A Gypsy in Auschwitz is a first hand account of Otto Rosenberg who was born German Sinti in Berlin, Germany. Otto was a happy child having fun and living a simple life just like a child should. Otto and his family lived happily on privately rented site in covered wagons occasionally travelling around. He was just enjoying childhood and being with his large family.

In 1936, just as he turned 9, his whole life changed overnight and childhood snatched away from him. Woken early one morning by police he was grabbed and loaded into trucks with his family and taken to Berlin-Marzahn camp. Leaving the wagon he had grown up in and taken to a camp not fit for purpose all because he was of Gypsy Heritage. Reviewing this book as a Romany Gypsy and as someone who has worked with children until quite recently, I cannot comprehend what this must have been like for Otto and other children. To be taken away from their security, their childhood taken from them overnight and to then experience the worst atrocities you can imagine especially as childhood should be a magical time for growing and learning. Otto remained within the confinements of this camp until he was 15.

Moved to Auschwitz- Birkenau Gypsy Camp at age 15, he was split up from most of his family. The book at this point becomes a haunting account of the brutal horrors and lived experiences Otto went through. Some of these included pain, suffering, starvation, witnessing of atrocities such as seeing others put to death, including family members. Despite it all Otto showed such resilience despite the adversity he carried on regardless. Otto said:

“In such a place you stop feeling altogether. People were past feeling. Such was our plight that we would of endured anything like lambs being led to the slaughter” (pg. 113)

Otto’s whole story is important to the history of the Holocaust especially today as The Gypsy Holocaust is very much The Forgotten Holocaust as there doesn’t seem to be much of an awareness within schools for example it is The Jewish Holocaust that is taught and awareness raised of this. It is important that today on Holocaust Memorial Day that we also remember the experiences of the Roma and Sinti peoples Holocaust. As quoted on the Holocaust Memorial Day Trust page, it is estimated that between 200,000 and 500,000 Roma and Sinti People were murdered during The Roma Genocide. We need to raise awareness of this and have a duty to ensure that this information is shared far and wide.

To conclude this book review, despite Otto going through some of the worst adversity possible after the war and leaving the camp he did rebuild his life, got married and had seven children. He founded the Regional Association of German Sinti and Romanies in Berlin and served as its chairman until he died in 2001. This book opens up a lot of emotions as a reader but it is a truly empowering story of strength and courage shown in a time of adversity. It also highlights the effects and gives a full picture of the Holocaust for all those involved from all perspectives.

If you would like to learn more about Otto and his life you can find his story here https://www.hmd.org.uk/resource/otto-rosenberg/

Stacey Hodgkins/ TT Vision

[flowerbloom-arts]

This is a response to an anon asking me about AUs I've made besides the SunDog AU, I saved it to drafts to fetch some links but for some reason Tumblr removed the ability to edit asks even in drafts. So here is my answer to the poor ask I couldn't answer properly and accidentally deleted;

-

Besides the SunDog AU I have a handful of other, more underdeveloped or just one-off story AUs

I have some Standard Fandom AUs, including Genderswap/Genderbend, Human AU, Modern AU, and a Species Swap AU (that last one is particularly just for the Oshun Oxtra as of now)

I had this concept AU for the Oshun Oxtra and the 7 deadly sins, here's the Muddler and Hodgkins post.

I have a Mafia AU where Fuzzy is the boss.

I have a Dungeons and Dragons AU, here's the post for Moominpappa and the Main Kids.

And a Juddler mermaid AU (with either Muddler or Joxter as the mermaid).

Some of my one-off/less developed story concept AUs are for;

One of the first ones I came up with since entering the fandom was a Joxter and Muddler bodyswap (I have multiple posts for it but this one is where I can tolerate the old art)

Muddler as a werewolf, named And The Beast Whimpered! (fic idea and small comic)

Muddler as a steampunk android, named The Clockwork Muddler

Muddler but he turns invisible, named Omnishambles (start of fanfic here, although I'm not proud of it anymore)

Sniff but he turns invisible (here)

Sniff and Snufkin Bodyswap (here)

The Moominvalley Police but they're tree zombies (here)

Oshun Oxtra x Wizard of Oz (where Fuzzy is Dorothy) (here)

Moomin x Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (here)

Moomin x Land of the Lustrous (Collab with an old mutual) (here)

Moomin x The Magnus Archives (here)

Moomin x Fullmetal Alchemist (here)

Mmmaaayyy be forgetting some but those are the ones I remember posting about publicly at least.

[woodlymph]

12 October 2022: this might not be anything...

Over a year ago, by chance, I noticed a hard lump growing on my neck, below my right ear lobe. I can’t remember any impressions or guesses I had about what it could be--ultimately I told myself not to get carried away imagining worst case scenarios. 

Since then, I’ve remembered the lump occasionally, giving it a sadistic little rub. It never hurt or felt like anything at all. It’s always just been this weird, hard, immovable lump, but recently I noticed that it has grown since I first felt it. 

At the same time, during this past year--especially since spring--I’ve noticed my weight dropping, without any effort on my part. I first noticed it in the thinness of my forearms--I started wearing long sleeves, even in the summer, to cover up my forearms, which have become all veins wrapping around bone. My breasts shrunk to almost nothing. Skirts and pants bunched around my waist, held up by new holes punched through my belt.

I was evaporating, and I thought it must be from stress about my rent increase, inflation, and worries about the unsustainability of working in my field, in which jobs are rare, and ones that pay livable wages (let alone have benefits) are almost mythological.

After a breakup this past summer, I attributed the increasing weight loss and fatigue to depression. I threw myself into clubs, meeting new people and exploring my city, and I’d begun to establish an interesting new little life for myself, but I started to feel like a slowly-deflating balloon. 

Since spring/since the weight loss began, I’ve lost 10% of my typical weight, I’ve developed a fatigue that’s so intense that I wake up from 6-8 hours of sleep feeling like I’ve pulled an all-nighter, and the fatigue only gets worse as time goes on. I used to cook every day, multiple times a day, and clean (I can’t imagine having that much energy, anymore), but most days, I dump my tote on my futon, fight against gravity to wash dishes, eat a sandwich or heat something from a can, and start getting ready for bed at 8pm. Every day is a long yearning to get back in bed.

At the beginning of October, I noticed in the reflection of my cell phone below me that the skin under my chin seemed loose. It blew my mind--at weeks away from 32 years old, I’m too young to be aging to that degree. (Of course, I then grieved a little, because it felt like another omen that I wouldn’t find a life partner before hitting menopause, the usual pathetic fear that pops up every October as a new birthday approaches.) But then I noticed that underneath my chin/at the top of my neck, I was swollen and tender, and on the side of my neck underneath the lobe of my other ear, a new lump has been growing. 

After a lot of obsession consideration, I decided I should get tested to see if I have lymphoma, which my grandpa had & beat when I was a teenager, because I also noticed I’d become winded while sitting in my chair at work, I’d developed a little cough, and I would sometimes have night sweats. I've felt and seen what I think are enlarged lymph nodes under my armpits and across my groin, but I’m not confident enough to say whether I think they’re abnormal, as I’d never noticed/felt lymph nodes before, so I have nothing to compare them to (other than the, now, 2 hard ones below my ears, and smaller hard lumps growing below them).

At this point, most of my blood tests have come back perfectly average, and I’m not even prediabetic anymore--no thyroid problems, no anemia. I have low vitamin D, which could explain the fatigue, but doesn’t explain the lymph node growth. From others’ accounts of being diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, I knew blood tests would most likely not show anything abnormal and that I’d have to get a CT & an excisional biopsy to get definitive results.

Symptoms of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma vary but can include night sweats, fatigue, weight loss, chills, malaise/feeling generally ill, loss of appetite, shortness of breath, cough, itching, irritability, brain fog, chest pain, fever, memory loss, pain in lymph nodes after drinking alcohol (my symptoms bolded).

I’m waiting on CT results, but things are moving along just as others online have described (and just as they did for my grandpa), so I have a feeling that I may be getting some grim news soon.

Since I got the CT scan, I’ve felt more swollen, and the lumps feel like they’ve grown even more.

Maybe this isn’t anything, and maybe I won’t need to use this blog as an outlet after all--maybe I’ll be diagnosed as a benignly lumpy hypochondriac. But if I really am sick, I’m not sure that I necessarily want to tell many people irl until I decide whether treatment is worth it or not. So this blog may act as a dumping ground for all of my putrid anxieties, accounts of tests & frustrations & despairs--anything I don’t want to share with anyone in my life.

I already told my aunt (when I asked about my grandpa’s symptoms), and at first she dismissed what I said as paranoia, but now she’s the one pushing me to get chemo if/when the time comes. It wouldn’t be that black-and-white to me--I have a lot to think about practically, in terms of quality of life. It’s a huge financial undertaking, it’s violent treatment that can affect your heart, veins, & teeth and cause other cancers in the future, women can become infertile and go into early menopause. People usually have support systems who help them get through problems like this. The fact that I’m already thinking I’ll have to settle for an incisional biopsy instead of the more accurate excisional biopsy, because there’s no one in my life who’s reliable enough to depend on for a ride home after anesthesia, says enough about how I would most likely be going through a violent, traumatic experience alone, in order to keep living a life which already isn’t financially sustainable. What is there to fight so hard for?

I began the month as I do every October, analyzing my life and whether I’m happy with its progression, whether I feel enough connection with those in my life, whether I feel equipped to live through the next 60 years. This year it’s a bit heavier.