#can y’all believe this was double the wc an hour ago??

[harmonictechnicality]

The List

(for @steddiemicrofic’s July prompt)

prompt word: pool | wc: 442 | rating: T (cw for suggestive language and minor sacrilegious-ness maybe??)

Steve knows his ‘Make Out Locations’ bucket list is lame. Also knows how much it riles Eddie up (not that it takes very much to rile him up).

“Not again,” Eddie groans into Steve’s mouth. He reaches for the paper, gnashing their teeth enough to cause permanent dental damage.

“Why do you hate it so much?” Steve knows the answer. It’s scribbled between the wrinkles on Eddie’s forehead.

“Cause I know what it’ll say.”

“Do you?”

Eddie hums. “It’ll say you’ve already made out here before. Just like everywhere else in the purgatorial Midwest.”

“Really?”

“Probably with someone named Bimbo VonBreasty.”

Steve snorts at that one. Jealousy laced behind a joke. Eddie’s specialty. “Ah, yes. The VonBreasty’s and I go way back.”

The mood melts again. They ease back into where they left off, tongues tracing lips. Palms pressing hard into each other's necks.

Eddie dips away for a second. “One of these days, I’m gonna find a spot where you haven’t sucked someone’s lips blue.”

It’s a comical idea. Comical, but impossible. Still, Steve is always up for a good laugh.

“Would love to see you try, Munson.”

They drive in Eddie’s van for a few miles. Steve is blindfolded, which should be alarming. Maybe kinky. But this is Eddie, so if anything, it’s for Dramatic Flare.

“It’s cheating if we drive outside of Hawkins.” Steve argues as they exit the van.

“Good thing I only play fair.” Eddie slips behind him, untying the knotted blindfold.

Steve blinks, takes in the open space. Deep and echoey, like a basketball court. Except much more ornate.

“Step down.” Eddie directs.

The scent of stale incense hits Steve’s nose as he takes another step. This time, he shivers at the sensation. The realization:

Water. Shallow water all around his shins.

“Is this the church on Main Street?”

“Not just the church on Main Street.” Eddie replies. “The baptism pool in the church on Main Street.”

Everything is louder here, rippling for ages against the reverb. Steve is so aware of every sound he makes, every movement reflected in the water.

“Hey.” Eddie knocks his knuckles over Steve’s wrist. Loosely catches his fingers. “Never kissed anyone here, have you?”

Steve shakes his head, rethinks his outlook on impossibilities. He wades in closer, keeping their hands connected. “Should we rectify that?”

Eddie nods into the kiss. They rarely kiss this softly, all warm lips and leisure speed. Every breath shared, gentle waves luring them chest to chest.

The list in Steve’s pocket is probably shriveled up, withering away. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Not in this moment.

Anyone before Eddie is just ink on a page.

[realfuurikuuri]

For Fox Sake

MMHOPH Missing Arm! AU fic Chapter 2

WC: 2,888

AN: Again, made using the MissingArm!AU created by @spookylovesboba And it’s now on Ao3 if any of y’alls want so read it there. I reccomend you do becuase chapter 1 had some editing issues that were fixed. Writing this chapter was fun. I like Rufus and Reggie. They force things to be less about fights and more about words. A song rec for this chapter would be Won’t Get Fooled Again - The Who (the cultured among you will notice that it’s also the theme song to CSI: Miami). Will tamble in tags some more. AO3 Link

Mao Mao sat on a bench, nursing a cup of coffee that had started to become tepid. Adorabat and Badgerclops were there with him. They weren’t doing much either. They tapped away on their games without a care in the world. He thinks it was called Mini-mons, or something. Mao Mao would have reminded them that they were on patrol if the day wasn’t so slow. The only thing he did was give Pigguns another driving ticket, which he does every day, so it wasn’t anything but routine at this point.

In his boredom, Mao Mao’s mind began to wander. The first of which being Jǐngtì. He probably went back to meet up with Tanya. Hopefully, she could give the kid the talk Mao Mao couldn’t. The next thought that passed his mind was the valley itself. It was a strange place. He knew that it was guarded by the Ruby Pure Heart. Did the thing have to do with the sweetipies? They were strange creatures. Despite their age, they all seemed like children. Destructive, naive, gullible, children. Even the ones who he assumed were older were still flagrantly immature. Snugglemane and Camille being prime examples.

“Hey, Badgerclops,” he said.

“What do you want Daddy Issues I’m doing -Oh C’mon not Dirtmon,” he said, tapping buttons on the game even harder.

“You think the Ruby Pure Heart has something to do with the sweetipies?”

“Elaborate.”

“I mean do you think it has to do with why they’re all so… immature… and feral?”

“Nah, dude I think that was just the barrier thingy. No problems; no need to learn, right?”

“I suppose that makes sense.”

“You need to find something to do. You always get so questiony when you’re antsy.”

“I would if there was something to do.”

“Play Mini-mons with us?”

“No.”

“Then go find some sweetiepies or something. All they do is commit crimes, to be honest. Shouldn’t Puggin’s be speeding around now?”

He couldn’t say Badgerclops was wrong about that. Mao Mao got up and threw away his coffee. “No he gets his daily ticket at 4:00, but you have a point. I’ll see you around.”

“Okay dude I’ll be… losing to this child. Get me a pie if you’re going to the bakery.”

Mao Mao almost told him to go get it himself when he sighed and decided to go along with it.

* * *

Rufus could barely believe his luck. He sat at the table watching Muffin stack all sorts of valuables on the table. Golden coins, priceless gems, paintings, and a menagerie of riches that would fit a king. He was eyeing a golden watch on this ugly little mouse’s wrist, searching his head for a con, when the thing walked up to him. He was eyeing a golden watch on this ugly little mouse’s wrist, searching his head for a con, when the thing walked up to him. Somehow Reggie managed to pull a scam out of nowhere that the creature actually believed.

Just an hour ago he was looking for yet another town to go to where his face was unknown to run another scam, only to find a surprise kingdom that wasn’t on any maps. Even better than that was that everyone here was dumb as bricks! Rufus kicked back to watch more savings be put on the table when a strange cat walked in. To be fair, the black cat only looked strange relative to the technicolor weirdos.

“Can I get another Everyberry...” The cat’s voice died out as it caught sight of Rufus Regg and the stack of treasures.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed,” Muffins, what are you doing?”

“Well, I was making some pies when these two nice gentlemen come in. They looked like the wanted to talk to me, so I go up to them and it turns out their distant relatives who are looking to set up a branch of the company here. They just need some investment to set up shop, and well you don’t say no to family,” Muffin said.

“You're savings,” he did a double-take looking at the stack of treasures before shaking it off,” that… comes later. Muffin, right now you need to stop giving them their money.”

Rufus began to wonder if things were starting to sour.

“Why not help family?”

“Muffins you are a yellow mouse. That is a raccoon and fox.”

“And?”

The cat looked like he was about to strangle the mouse when he took a deep breath,” listen, they aren’t your family. They’re scam artists taking your money.”

“A preposterous claim, under what authority do you have to make those allegations,” Rufus asked with all the feigned bravado he could muster.

“The crown’s.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I’m the sheriff.”

* * *

Mao Mao watched the fox’s eyes go wide as he forced himself to wear a smile. “Ahhh, I see. Well, you must be a busy person, as are we, so you must understand if we have to cut this engagement short. We have places to be you know.”

“You’re both under arrest.”

“Run!”

Rufus quickly grabbed his companion and bolted out the door.

Mao Mao checked his watch. It was 3:50. If he did this quick he should be able to give Pigguns his ticket. After giving them a fair head start before he crashed through the storefront to give chase. It was pretty disappointing, to be honest. The grifters weren’t particularly fast or smart. They made the horrible choice to run right to the kingdom gates. Mao Mao knew twenty different shortcuts that could have put him ahead of them, but he didn’t need to use any of them. He checked his watch; It was 3:58. Mao Mao picked up the pace, closing in on them at blinding speed.

He drew his sword and leaped forward. He screeched to a halt at the last intersection. Instead of giving chase, he rested his arm on Geraldine, and began to write on his notepad.

“Ha-Ha! Yes! We did it Regg. We’re free! We’re-”

Rufus learned why the sheriff stopped when Slim-Pigguns careened down the road. Mao Mao calmy stuck yet another ticket onto Pigguns’ car as it zoomed by, and waited. When the smoke cleared the fox was kneeling next to his roadkill companion. Unfortunate that it didn’t hit both.

What a great day! He captured the scammers and gave Pigguns his ticket all at once. Whoever said a “ bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”could go get fucked. For once in his life, Mao Mao was feeling proud of himself. That and his little joke must’ve been why he laughed. He laughed, and he did it quite loudly.

Slowly, Sweetipies began to crowd around, murmuring amongst themselves.

The sweetipies pushed past Mao Mao, crowding around the raccoon. “Poor thing, who did this to you?”

A wicked glint ignited in the foxe’s eye,” it was the sheriff. He did this.”

“Oh my god, you think anyone is actually going to believe... that.”

The mob turned to face Mao Mao, moving like a single angry creature.

“What a monster,” a sweetiepie said

“I knew he’d lose it eventually,” said another.

“Oh, come on! You can’t actually believe him!”

“What a horrid man.”

The crowd began to close in on Mao Mao.

“That’s preposterous. I would never do something like that… without reason, at least. Either way, you can’t just believe a couple of strangers right?”

“I knew we shouldn’t have made him sheriff.”

“Woah, woah, woah, that’s enough,” Badgerclops said over is police siren hand to get through the crowd.

“What on earth happened here?”

“The sheriff attacked this innocent man.”

He and Adorabat looked over to the Reggie then back to Mao Mao.

“You seriously can’t believe them,” he said.

Adorabat sucked air in through her teeth,” Badgerclops, should I tell him?”

“Now. Now let’s not make assumptions,” Badgerclops said before immediately huddling down and speaking in a whisper. “What the fuck, dude? I know I already have bags packed, but geez.”

“I didn't do it! It was Slim Pigguns who did this!”

“Can you prove it,” the fox choked out.

“Prove it?” Mao Mao marched through the crowd, grabbing, shoving and tossing Sweetipies out of the way, grabbing the fox by the collar. “Of course, I can prove it. Its what happened!”

“Could you prove it in a court of law?”

“Sure!”

“Then we will. I sue the Pure Heart Valley Sheriff’s Department.”

“What,” Mao Mao, Badgerclops and Adorabat screamed in unison.

“No. In fact, we’ll sue the Pure Heart Valley itself. We’ll sure for everything it owns.”

Mao Mao and the three of them quickly formed a team-planning hug. “He can’t actually sue the entire valley for everything it owns, can he,” Adorabat asked.

“Don’t ask me. Ask Mao Mao.”

“Well… they might. The article that relates to suits against the kingdom doesn’t exactly put a limit on what can be demanded.”

“Don’t worry Daddy Issues. I already got our bags packed and-”

“We are not running!”

“Why not, I don’t really wanna be here when you lose the case.”

“I won’t lose the case because I didn’t hurt him.”

“You sure,” they asked.

“Yes, I’m sure. He got run over by Slim Pigguns. I didn't hurt him. Why is that so hard to believe?”

“Because that would be ridiculously on-brand for you. It's not an ‘if’ but ‘when’. I already have bags packed for when it happens.”

“You have what now?”

“Nothing. Anyways, if you want to challenge them then we go to court,” Badgerclops said.

“I’ll handle the case and you... try not to be yourself. Or at least don’t be yourself in front of the sweetipies.”

“What?”

“Oh! Oh! Oh! What do I do,” Adorabat asked.

“You’ll be his PR,” Badgerclops explained.

“Yay!”

Mao Mao began to consider if it was time to use those emergency packs.

* * *

Mao Mao didn’t know if the sweetipies had any foresight or common sense. Rufus could literally sue the valley for everything it owns, and for some reason, the sweetipies were taking Rufus’ side. The fact that Snugglemane was in control of the proceedings was the shit icing on top of the shit cake. Mao Mao tapped his fingers against the table. The court was taking too long to start. The jury was seated and the spectators mumbled amongst themselves. Snugglemane fiddled with the white wig he was wearing over his usual one. Rufus and Reggie weren’t here yet. Badgerclops wasn’t present either. Only Adorabat was here, which wouldn’t be much help since she’s his “PR” and a child.

Everyone turned when the doors opened. Rufus rolled his friend in on a stretcher. Despite the obvious greed in his eyes, Mao Mao could see genuine concern for his friend. Granted, that didn't stop him from wanting to see the fox on a stretcher as well.

“Oh good, the prosecution is finally here. Let's get this thing started,” the king said banging his gavel.

“But my defense isn’t here yet,” Mao Mao objected.

Adorabat took the stage. “Don’t worry,” she said,” I got this.”

“Aren’t you like... Six?”

“Seven, actually.”

Snugglemane considered it for a moment before banging his gavel. “Good enough for me. The Prosecution has the stand.”

Rufus stepped up. Mao Mao thought it was weird for Rufus to be speaking for himself, then again it's not like the valley has any lawyers.

Rufus cleared his throat, speaking in a pained voice,” Thank you, your… Honor? Majesty?”

“Call me both.”

“Alright, you're Honorific Majesty.”

The king giggled; the sheriff rolled his eyes.

“As you all know,” he began,” I had come to the Pure Heart Valley to visit a relative. Muffin, a distant cousin of mine-”

“Oh, c’mon. You are a fox. Muffin is literally a yellow mouse,” Mao Mao interrupted.

“Silence,” the king demanded with his gavel. “The prosecution has the floor.”

“As I was saying. I came to the valley because I’d come across some financial troubles. I’ve been trying to start a business of mine. A newspaper in fact. Everything was going smoothly till that brigand appeared.”

The crowd hissed and booed at Mao Mao. The king didn’t bother to stop that interruption.

“This foul creature chased me all the way through town. When he finally caught up with me. He proceeded to do… this to my friend.”

The crowd winced and ooed in sympathy for that awful fox.

“A heartbreaking tale,” the King sniffled. “Does the defense have anything they want to say?”

“Yes,” Adorabat said.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Then speak your piece.”

“Um.. line?”

Mao Mao pinched the bridge of his nose.

* * *

Mao Mao did not expect much from a defense set up by a seven-year-old, but by god, it was somehow worse. Adorabat was naive and easy to manipulate. Rufus found it easy to set up leading questions.

“Do you think the sheriff is responsible for his actions?”

“Ehm… yes?”

“Is he one of those hateful people willing to attack others?”

“I suppose.”

“Does his tendency to attack first without asking questions often bring others to harm?”

“King, I object,” Mao Mao interrupted.

“Say the full titles.”

Mao Mao swallowed his fury. “I object to his questions, your Honorific Majesty.”

“On what grounds?”

“Well, the fact that they’re all loaded questions and Adorabat actually being a seven-year-old toddler.”

“That’s no grounds for an objection. You elected her to be your defense of your own accord. It conflicts with no rules or laws.”

“Laws here make no sense, though. The fact that you’re suing an entire county for everything it owns is proof enough.”

Rufus and Mao Mao began to argue more and more. Snugglemane pounded his gavel demanding order, but no one listened. Things just got louder and louder, wilder and wilder until Rufus and Mao Mao were grappling on the floor of the courtroom.

“I’ll tear your eye out you armless bastard,” Rufus yelled.

“I’d like to see a corpse try,” he responded.

They only calmed down when the guards pried them apart When the guards finally pried them apart they were both left beaten and bloody. Mao Mao punched Rufus in the stomach; Rufus bashed him in the nose, along with the countless bumps and bruises they shared. Although, Rufus was definitely worse for wear. His left arm was twisted in all the wrong ways. Mao Mao couldn’t even feel proud of that. His head was throbbing and there was this awful hum.

No the hum wasn’t in his head. More heads began to turn when the noise got louder and louder. It was a hum, that grew into a rumble; a rumble so loud he courtroom began to shake. It sounded like a car… no, it was a car. Mao Mao quickly shook himself free of the guards, grabbing Adorabat as the wall caved in with a mighty crash.

Mao Mao waved the smoke away, clutching Adorabat to his chest. “You alright,” he asked.

“I’m fine,” she coughed out.

Despite the damage, no one seemed to be hurt. Pinky was laughing maniacally, so the sweetipies were fine, the king peeked his head from behind the podium, and unfortunately, the grifters were still alive. Despite the car belonging to Slim Pigguns Badgerclops stepped out first. He took a few tentative steps before he threw up his lunch. Slim Pigguns stepped out more concerned for his car than anything else.

“What is the meaning of this,” the king growled.

“Well… god damn… that was horrifying,” Badgerclops heaved in between breaths,” I have proof that… Mao Mao didn’t… do it.”

“What’s the proof?”

“Witness... testimony. I call to the stand… Slim Pigguns!”

The fox’s eyes went wide.

“Hm?” Pigguns poked his head up, not even paying attention to the court.

“Mr.Pigguns, could you tell us what happened when you ran over the raccoon?”

“Yeah. I was going for my daily drive, when I got near the gate I felt a bump.”

“And you didn’t stop?”

Pigguns just shrugged,” it happens.”

“This is just testimony! Can you prove he was even there,” Rufus objected.

“I still have the sticker Mao Mao gave me.”

“That’s a speeding ticket,” Mao Mao added from the back.

Rufus began to sweat. Nm “Do you have any physical evidence?”

“Does the fender with your face still dented into it count?”

“I’ve been meaning to buff that out,” Pigguns mumbled.

Everyone turned to face Rufus. He pulled at his collar. His calm, collected demeanor beginning to give way to panic.

“Does the prosecution have anything to say,” the king asked.

Rufus balled his hands into fist before sinking low,”... no, your honor.”

“Say it right.”

“Just give us the verdict, already.”

“So rude,” the King banged his gavel,” I deem the defendants not guilty of assault and declare that the prosecution be jailed upon charges false accusations and wasting the courts time. The defendant's punishment shall be to clean up this mess.”

“What, why?”

“Because you’re all rude. So very rude.”

“Could you at least take me to jail first,” Rufus asked.

“I’m not going to put you in jail,” Mao Mao said.

“What?��

“I am, however, going to put you in the hospital.”

Mao Mao pounced at him when Bagderclops grabbed him out the air,” as I said. It's not a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’.”