#can't believe I almost forgot him like his pa

[thatoneloonaticsfan]

Random thoughts/Au ideas I had:

Rev and Rip are aliens who came to Acmetropolis before invasion of their spices, and the meteor could happen, and Tech is a scientist along with Mallory studying Rev and unaware Rip even exists. Tech and Rev later fall in love because I can't help but make them a thing- (I probably draw this one at some point.)

Yandere/Crazed Tech because I can't help but think if WB did make Loonatics more like Looney Tunes and have had Tech obsessed with Rev in some way I think I would be more "Holy shit I'm obsessed with you and love you" type of way instead of the "I'm going to eat you" type of way. Plus, Tech is kind of a cannibal. (I'm not sure if he ate someone like Ace or Lexi it accounts as cannibalism so-)

Ace gets deer antlers after the meteor crashes, and now he looks like a jackalope, or he gets then after "The Wrold Is My Circus" and Tech just can't fix it for unknown reasons

Lexi gets stranded on Apocalypso when she was a baby and raised by the Apocazons with Queen Athena as her adoupted mother, meaning once the meteor hits she was able to keep her plant powers.

I have more thoughts to share later-

[softstarlite]

The Casualty of Love

CHAPTER 1

Summary: He's back home. You have almost forgotten how warm his eyes were and how big your crush for him was.

Warnings: Age gap (Javier is 40 and reader is 27), mentions of death.

Rating: +18 (Not explicit)

Word Count: 1.5k

Masterlist

A/N: sorry guys that this one is kind of short, I promise that it is because is the first chapter that I write after almost 4 years without writing anything at all and because I have a terrible big cold bullying me. But I promise that future chapters will be much longer, I hope this one gets you hook up (please remember that English is not my first language) :-))

Divider by @saradika

Javier didn't though he would be waking up in his old bed in his parents house ever again, for him there were only two options, dying on the field in Colombia or working on the DEA until he would be too old and they would force him to retire from the field and he would just live the rest of his days in Miami to be close with the only people he would have then, Steve and Connie.

After everything that happened with the Cali Cartel, Los Pepes and the government of Colombia, the DEA “invited” him into retirement, for a bit he thought about moving to Miami but he couldn't bear thinking about turning his back to his pops again, even more now that he was alone in that big ranch.

“Fuck…” he rises up from the old bed, his back protesting. He makes his way into the kitchen, where his dad is already dressed up and drinking a cup of coffee.

“I made a pot, mijo” Chucho says, signaling with his head towards the coffee maker and sipping.

“Gracias, pa” after two weeks of the same routine, waking up, drinking at least one cup of coffee, getting dressed and spending the day keeping himself busy around the ranch so he wouldn't have to even think, Javi was getting tired of what his life looked like now. He loved his pops with all his heart but between the absence of his mom that was their string of unity and the many years that they've had spend away from each other, he felt like there was always a tension when they were together.

“Mijo, would you mind going into town today to pick a few things up for me?” his dad says while getting up from the kitchen table and putting the empty mug in the sink.

“Sure, pops. Just make me a list and i'll go after feeding the cattle”

Taking the keys out of the ignition and making your way across the parking lot to the little store, your head, more specifically your forehead, collapses with a hard thing.

“ Ouch” you rub your forehead while looking at where your purse has landed.

“Uh, fuck” you hear a masculine but almost familiar voice say from above you. Your gaze comes up to be met with a pair of chocolate brown eyes that you have for sure seen before.

“Ja-Javi?” you say with wide eyes and mouth agape. He mumbles your name like a question, like he can't believe what he's seeing, was it truly you? you looked so… so different, so grown up…

“So it's true, you really are back, eh?” you can feel the corners of your mouth rise a little while you say it.

“Been for two weeks…” his eyes can't help but to roam your body “you… look different…” he says more to himself than you.

“Well, that's what more than a decade does to someone” you chuckle.

“It really has been that long? Mierda…” he runs a hand through his hair.

You suddenly realize that your purse it's still on the floor, so you pick it up. For a few seconds an awkward silence floats between you too, in which you both just stare at each other.

You then realize something, “espera, you´ve been back for two weeks and you haven't been to my mama´s house? She's going to kill you when she finds out, you know it right?” you nervously rub your hands together in front of you.

“Shit, you´re right…” he closes his eyes tightly, “with helping my pops getting the ranch in a better shape and all, i forgot about going to Maria´s…”

“Hey, I'm sure if you explain it to her, she'll understand it. You´ve always been her favorite anyways” you give him a reassuring smile that he reciprocates with another, but somehow it looks like it almost pains him to do so, like he has not given a real one for way too long.

Javier chuckles, “well, after so many years away and only picking up like three of her phone calls a year, i wouldn't bet on been her favorite anymore”

“Yeah… I don't think that could ever be possible. And if the amount of times she talks about his Javiercito are indicating of it, you definitely are on top of the list still” you don't take your eyes off of his, you had almost forgotten how warm they can be and now it was almost impossible to pull yourself away from that warmth.

He changes the subject, still feeling guilty about how much he felt he had abandoned his parents in one of their hardest times in life and also the woman he felt that was like a second mother to him.

María, your mom, was his mom's best friend, they had been since high school. His parents became parents at a very early age, most people in Laredo gave them side eyes and their back for a long time, but your mom never did, she was there even when Alma Peña discovered that she was indeed pregnant and not just sick.

She was even the third person to ever hold him, after his own parents.

Your parents didn't have you until they were 30, so Javier was just like a first born child for your mom for 13 years until she had you.

Alma and Chucho did try to have more children but life had a weird sense of humor and after giving them a son they weren't looking for at such a young age, it decided to not give them anymore children. So when Maria had you, Alma Peña held you in her arms even before your father did and she loved you like her little girl until her last breath.

“How old are you now? You were only like 12 when I left” he shifts from one leg to the other.

“I was actually 15,” you chuckle “don't worry, didn't expect you to remember, you were too busy all the time to even notice me” you say a little fast, trying to hide that the fact hurted you every time you thought about it. “I'm 27 now” you give him a tight smile.

“Almost the age I was when I left. Wow, time really has passed, eh?” he says with an air of sadness in his eyes.

“Yeah, that happens” you feel an awkward tension growing between you so you change the subject fast “so… you're just working on the ranch now?”

“Yeah… pops needs the help anyway, he's getting old. I would rather not see him deal with the ranch chores by himself anymore” he looks at the ground of the parking lot for a brief moment then his gaze rises up again towards you “what are you doing now that you´re not in high school anymore?” he asks you with a tiny smirk.

“I changed one school for another,” you giggle “I went to college to get a teaching degree and after working in Boston for a few years, when my dad got sick, i moved back home to help ma with him before he died, then i just stayed for her and your dad to be honest. I'm working at the elementary school now” when you mention your dad, your face can't help but make a tight lip expression, you didn't have a good relationship with him, and you couldn´´t understand why your mom didn't leave his ass for so many years. But your relationship with your mom was pretty good considering the circumstances.

“Sorry about him by the way, even if you guys had a rocky relationship” he gives you a worried look, like he wanted to ask a million questions about how you felt back then and feel now about it, but they never leave his mind. “Your mom told me about it in one of her calls…”

“Yeah, thank you. She was devastated when it happened and I think she felt like she couldn't confide in me because of my situation with him, so she only talked about it with Chucho” you re adjust the purse in your shoulder “well i need to buy a few things and then get back home to ma, I'll tell her that you´ll be visiting soon?” you ask, putting your gaze back into his warm eyes.

“Oh, yeah, yeah. Tell her I'll be there on Friday, after finishing my chore on the ranch” he says, almost nervously putting his hands inside of the pockets in his tight jeans.

“Okay, I'll let her know Javi. She'll start making food today, I'm sure” you chuckle and take a step away “see you on Friday, bye!” you wave to him and make your way across the parking lot to enter the little store.

“Bye…” Javier mumbles more to himself than to you, since you were far already. His eyes can't help to roam the back side of your body in your sundress while you walk away from him, when he catches himself, he shakes the thoughts roaming his mind away and walks to his truck to go back to the ranch.

Next chapter

[cowgurrrl]

Kiwi

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Author’s note: as I was writing this, I proclaimed in the most southern accent, “now we’re cookin’ with peanut oil!” so do that with that

Summary: Joel goes home for a month. You stay in California to work. What could possibly go wrong? [3.8k]

Warnings: HEAVILY implied casting couch culture, brief allusion to creepy Hollywood producers, yearning, I can’t think of anything else!!

Boarding my flight now.

Thanks for letting me know?

Well, I texted my mama to let her know, and she told me to text "that girlfriend of mine."

Doesn't sound like she's a huge fan.

She'll live.

You like the message and go to put your phone away when it buzzes again.

Is it weird that I kinda miss talking to you?

You smile and ignore your name being called over the intercom for another beat.

There are a lot of weird things about you, Joel Miller, but that one feels the most normal.

Text me when you land in Austin. Tell your mom I said hi.

You tuck your phone away, fighting the stupid smile on your face, and look up to see a pissed-off PA walking towards you. You apologize and half jog to the sound stage where Ryan is waiting. 

"The perfect punctual queen is late for once? Is the world going to shit?" He asks, and you slap his arm.

"People are allowed to be late."

"Does your lateness have anything to do with your boy toy?"

"Are you ever gonna call him by his name?" You ask. He senses that you're stalling his question and take a deep breath. "Joel is flying home to Texas today to visit family and get some work done. He'll be gone for a month."

"Oh, how will you ever survive?" He pouts, and you give him a look. The director calling for places stops you from responding, but you threaten him with the promise of picking up the conversation later. 

You don't ever get to tell him off for suggesting that you can't live without Joel being in the same state because of how late shooting goes. It might've been exhaustion, but you swore that you saw the sun starting to rise over the horizon by the time you finally got to leave. You knocked out a good chunk of the scenes you were still working on, which is great news, but you were mentally and physically drained. You slept most of the next day and missed Joel's messages from one whole time zone away. 

Landed.

Jesus Christ, I forgot how hot it is here.

My mama told me to ask you if you go to church since she doesn't believe me.

Attached: Two photos

You laugh as you sleepily scroll through his texts when you wake up mid-afternoon, feeling a little bit better from your long night. One of the pictures he sent is of him sitting in the cab of an old truck with the caption, "This was my first car. I can't convince my dad to sell the damn thing." The second is a blurry photo of a blue-looking weed on the side of the road surrounded by what looks like thousands of other blue weeds. "Turns out the state flower will literally grow anywhere besides in a pot in my house."

A) I'm glad you made it in safely. B) Isn't Texas the armpit of the South? C) I don't go to church, and I never have, but please feel free to lie to her. D) I can imagine a young, emo Joel Miller driving it now.

He reads your messages almost as soon as they deliver, and your screen lights up with his initials as he calls you. You yawn as you pick up and hear chatter in the background of wherever he is.

"First of all," he starts in a determined tone. "Texas ain't the armpit of the South. That's South Carolina." He says. He hasn't even been in Texas for forty-eight hours, and his accent is already thick again.

"My mistake," you laugh. "Did you have another point, or was that it?"

"Second of all, why d'you sound so tired?"

"Obviously, I was out partying with strange men all night."

"Really?" He asks, and you scoff.

"No, Joel. Filming went really late yesterday. I don't think I got home until six this morning."

"Sounds intense." 

"Not as intense as being interrogated by your mother," you say, and he hums. You hear someone laughing in the background and relish in the joy that you're not there to witness. He doesn't say anything for a minute, and you wonder if the line dropped, but when you pull the phone away from your face, you see the call is still active. "You really miss me so much that you called me just to sit on the line?"

"Maybe I did." He says. You take a deep breath and glance at the clock on your bedside table. He's two hours ahead. The sun must be setting by now, casting gorgeous rays onto his skin and making his eyes look amber. You wonder what Texas air does to Joel's soul. Maybe it soothes him like only an old baby blanket can. Maybe it makes him jumpy, like he's waiting for a clap of thunder that never comes. Maybe it makes him wonder why he left in the first place. You wish you could be there to read his expression and try to decipher what he's thinking. Someone calls Joel's name in the background, and you hear him shuffle with the phone, probably covering the microphone with his hand because the voices become muffled. When the phone comes back to his ear, he takes a deep breath, and you do the same. "I gotta go. Can I call you tomorrow?" He asks. 

"I'm counting on it, Miller." You say, and he laughs before mumbling a good night and hanging up the phone. 

After that, it becomes a habit for Joel to call you every day from Texas. He'll tell you different stories about his parents, how Austin has changed since he left, and update you on how the newest album is coming. He listens to you rant about work, how tired you are, and how frustrated you always get toward the end of a project. Sometimes the conversations last ten minutes, and sometimes they last hours. One night, you fell asleep on the phone with him because he was trying to get your opinion on a new song, but you had spent the day filming the scene of your character giving birth, which was tiring in its own right. He doesn't chide you for it. He just sends you a goodnight text and promises to call you the following night.

You hate to admit it, but production speeds up with Joel out of town. You end up wrapping your scenes a week early while Ryan still has another couple of days of filming his scenes. You'll probably get called back in for reshoots in a few months, but you feel really good about the work you put out there, and you finally get the chance to rest before Melanie sends you more scripts to read over. You send Joel a photo of your open laptop and a glass of wine next to it as the California sun sets over your balcony. 

Wrap parties are looking different as I get older.

Don't worry. I'm sure you'll still be a drunk, no matter how old.

Asshole.

Lashing out is the first sign of a bigger problem. I think I should call Melanie.

You laugh and search for the middle finger emoji when he sends you another text.

Paul got me on the list for some charity event this Saturday. Want to come with me? He said it'd probably be better to get some more dates in sooner rather than later.

The reminder that this is all fake shifts your entire mood. Of course, it's always lingering in your mind, but the texting didn't feel fake. The late-night calls didn't feel fake. He didn't feel fake. In fact, this is the first time you feel like you have a sliver of an idea as to who Joel Miller actually is when he isn't selling out world tours and recording platinum albums. It's stupid for you to feel this way. You have no reason to. No right. You take a deep breath and type out a message.

Sure.

On Friday, you drive to the airport to pick Joel up, creating an over-the-top scene of you running and jumping into his arms. His hat falls off his head and onto the ground as he catches you and kisses you sweetly. When he sets you back on the ground, he doesn't let you go right away. He lingers in your arms, and even though your feelings are still hurt and you're still trying to remind yourself that this is all fake, you let him. He smells like a detergent you don't recognize, but underneath that, you catch a whiff of the cologne he always wears. You rub his back as you hold him in the middle of the airport. 

"'S really good to see your face," he says into your neck, and you nod. 

"You too."

As you drive him home, he brings you up to speed on how the album is coming along and how different Texas was when he was there. You tell him about the last few days on set and an upcoming press junket in New York City. He lights up when you tell him the dates as you maneuver through LA traffic.

"I'm scheduled to go to New York to work with my sound mixer that same time. He's got his own studio out there now and knows more about it than I do," he says. "Maybe we can fly together? Make it look like a couple's trip?"

"Sure," you say. He furrows his eyebrows at your lack of excitement, and you scramble for something else to talk about. "How are your parents?" You ask. The rest of the ride to his house goes off without a hitch, and he kisses you again as he gets out of the car, both of you highly aware of the car full of paparazzi that's been tailing you since you left the airport. He promises to pick you up at five the following night, and you just nod. When you get home, you walk calmly into your house, lock the door, and scream.

Joel's hand is in yours as you wait for your turn to walk the carpet. You're not sure why there's a red carpet at a charity event, but you're not about to throw a fit about it. Joel is wearing a sleek black suit, and you're matching with a long black dress. It's a low-cut backless dress, and a sparkly necklace your stylist picked out rests against your sternum. Joel taps your hand, and you look at him.

"You okay?" He asks. He looks worried as he steps between you and the wall of photographers waiting for you to stand and pose perfectly for their photos. "You've been quiet the past few days."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired. I think I'm still recovering from that last week of filming." 

"Are you sure you're not gettin' sick?" He asks, raising his other hand to your cheeks like he's checking your temperature. You smile half-heartedly and swat his hand away.

"I'm sure," you say. He tries to say more, but someone with a clipboard gets your attention and asks if you're ready. You nod and step onto the carpet, holding Joel's hand. The press erupts into a cloud of noise, startling you and making Joel laugh. You slap his chest and plaster on your rehearsed smile. You do your best to look where all the photographers are yelling at you to look and try different poses so they can get what they need. Everyone has to make a living, you suppose. You just wish their salary wasn't at the expense of your privacy. 

You get halfway down the carpet, taking pictures as a couple and some solo shots, before one of the photographers yells a new command. "Can we get a kiss?" He shouts. You pretend not to hear him and show off how the dress dips down your back, hugging you in all the right places. Still, the photographer is demanding a kiss, and now others have joined in too. It feels very "dance, monkey, dance," but you do your best to grit your teeth and smile. You catch Joel staring at you when you turn. It could be the flashing bulbs of cameras or how he's looking at you, but his eyes are sparkling, and the creases in the corners make you melt just a little. 

You hold out your hand for him to join you, which he happily obliges, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close enough for him to kiss your temple. "You alright?" He asks against your skin as you rest a hand on his chest and look up at him. You nod and glance between his eyes and his lips. The chorus of people practically begging for a picture of you two kissing is growing, and you raise your eyebrows at him. 

"You gonna keep them waiting, or are you gonna kiss me?" You ask, the playful lilt reserved for him returning to your voice. He gives you a look and smirks before leaning down a pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. Everyone ooh's and aw's at you two, but you only care about how fast his heartbeat is against your palm. You want to blame it on the anxiety of walking the carpet and having people scream at you to do whatever they want. No, you have to blame it on that. There's no other option.

When you finally get inside, Joel gets you a glass of wine and a mixed drink for himself. The event is sweet and goes by quickly as you listen to people talk about something they're so passionate about. You decide to donate some money under an anonymous name once you are all excused to the reception, where there's food, more alcohol, and dancing. Joel leaves your side to catch up with some musician buddies, kissing your cheek before disappearing into the crowd. 

You nurse your wine as people you've never met start conversations with you. They're all polite and ask about your newest project, how LA's been treating you, and what's up next for you. You can't reveal much due to the NDA you signed at the beginning of shooting, but you tell them how excited you are for them to be able to see it and admit you've got some auditions lined up in the coming weeks. You've probably given the same answers to a handful of different people when you realize you're out of wine and Joel is still missing. You scan the room for him, but you can't find him. That's fine, you think. It's not like he's obligated to stick to my side at all times. He can have his own life.

You sigh as you belly up to the bar and order another glass of wine. You almost make it a double when someone taps your arm, making you turn. "I don't mean to interrupt, but you look exquisite tonight. I just thought you should know," ultra-famous producer Richard Pike tells you. You blink at him, your brain struggling to catch up with the fact that one of the men who's made the most award-winning films in the past twenty years just noticed you. "I know everyone has probably told you that tonight, but-"

"Oh, no. Thank you. I'm sorry. I was just a little starstruck right then," you apologize before holding your hand out to introduce yourself. He takes your hand and kisses the top of it. It's very dramatic, but this is Hollywood we're talking about. Your glass of wine arrives, and he pays the bartender before you can even reach for your purse. 

"Women as gorgeous as you should never have to pay for a drink. Ever." He says, and you laugh.

"I mean, I won't argue with you on that," you say, taking your glass in your hand to clink it against his glass of scotch. "Thank you, Mr. Pike."

"Please, call me Richard," he insists. "You just finished another movie, didn't you? You're a very busy girl."

"Yes, sir. I'm already looking for new projects to audition for." 

"Oh, I remember when I had actors audition. See, that was before I started writing roles for specific actors. Some people call that crude or playing favorites, but it hasn't failed me yet." 

"No, sir, it hasn't."

"So formal! Yes, sir! No, sir! Are you like this with everyone?" He asks as he takes a big swig of his drink.

"Just people who can cast me," you say. You're partially joking, but it's enough for him. He laughs, and his hand lands perfectly on your exposed back as he cackles loudly. You force yourself to laugh along with him and suddenly get that sinking feeling in your chest. Everybody seems to strategically look away from you two at the bar, and you want to be anywhere but here. 

"You know, I've seen a few of your movies," he says, getting close to your face like he's telling you a secret. "I think you've got a lot of potential. With just a little coaching and one great role," his hand dips lower down your back, and you freeze. Ice water runs through your veins, and everything is screaming at you to run away, but your heels stay planted against the expensive hardwood. "We'll make an Oscar winner of you yet."

"Excuse me," a familiar drawl says behind you. You both turn and make eye contact with Joel. "May I steal my girlfriend for a dance? I promised her one on the way over." He asks, but he's already wrapping an arm around your waist, ready to pull you away. The hand on your back disappears and claps Joel on the shoulder.

"Of course! You take good care of this one!"

"Yes, sir," Joel says as he pulls you to the dance floor. Your heart is still beating in your throat, and you feel like you could cry, but Joel's looking at you with such kindness. You find safety in him as you wrap your arms around his neck and slowly sway with him, the soft material of his dress shirt calming you down. He waits until Pike is out of earshot to lean down to talk in your ear. "Now, I know you don't need me savin' you like that. Are you sure you're okay?" 

"He's one of the biggest producers in Hollywood. He could tank my career in a single email. You want to be the one to yell at him?" You ask. "If I said or did something, he would've doubled down, but he respects you more. He backed off because, in his mind, I belong to you."

"How do you know?"

"I've dealt with people like him before. They're all the same old men who think they can offer you a legacy on a silver platter if you fuck them. I've gotten enough advice from other actors to know how to handle them. Let them get touchy but find an out before it can go too far. Stroke their egos so they feel good about themselves. Basically, do whatever to keep you and your career safe."

"I thought stuff like that didn't happen anymore."

"You and everyone else in the world. Things don't just magically change because one guy goes to jail." You sigh. 

"I'm sorry," he says, and you shake your head. 

"It's fine."

"No, it's not. You shouldn't have to deal with that."

"It was one of the first things people told me when I started. They said it was something I might just have to… endure but that the weight would get easier to carry. One actress even told me that it was the price we have to pay because everyone wants to be us," you chuckle. He doesn't interrupt you; he just stares at you with apologetic eyes like he would take this burden from you if he could. You almost believe him. "I don't think that's true. I think most people would hand this lifestyle in the second it got too real."

"What would you do if you weren't an actor?" He asks, and you shrug.

"I always thought about being a teacher. Sure, the pay is shit, and the work is thankless, but kids are our future, you know? There's something really special about shaping young minds."

"Sounds nice."

"What about you? What would you do if you weren't doing this?"

"Probably something with my hands. I worked as a mechanic for a while, and I really liked that. I liked how it was a big puzzle that needed to get sorted out and fixed up."

"Why'd you stop?" You ask. 

"I needed to grow up. My dad owned a contracting company, so I worked with him until I saved up enough to record my first album. And that was that."

"It's crazy how we fought so hard to get to where we are, and now that we're here, it's..." You trail off, trying to figure out what you want to say.

"Terrifying?" He suggests, and you nod. "Yeah, I'm terrified every second of every day."

"You don't act like it." 

"I don't act like a lot of things that I should," he says. He stares at you so intently that the rest of the world fades away. You don't hear the song die down or the applause erupt around you as the band takes a bow. You can feel his heartbeat against your chest. You know how crazed it is. He wets his lips before stepping back and trailing his eyes down your dress and back up to your face like he's taking you in for the first time. "You really do look beautiful tonight." You swallow around the lump in your throat and smooth your hands down your dress, suddenly self-conscious. 

"Thank you." You mumble. 

Pictures of you two kissing on the carpet and dancing inside are circulating online before you even leave the event. You wake up to a huge batch of texts— one from your mom, two from Joel, six from Ryan, and one from Melanie about your trip to New York that you barely read. You would've stayed in bed wallowing in your own bad luck if there wasn't a sharp knock on your door. You groan the whole way down the stairs like it will help you greet whoever has decided to show up at your house at eight in the morning, but nobody's there when you open the door. 

Instead, a bouquet of flowers in a lovely vase sits on your mat with a note sticking out. You glance down your street and barely catch a delivery truck turning down the block. You carefully take the flowers into your kitchen before plucking the note between the petals. 

Pretty flowers for a pretty girl - JM 

(PS bought these of my own volition)

"Goddammit," you mutter under your breath as you think about his lips on yours, his soft shirt, and his stupid fucking, "I don't act like a lot of things I should."

[zairas-realm-gateway]

when bege met with sanji, he specifically said that he would be marrying the 35th daughter of the charlotte family AND says her name is pudding. he has a nasty history of being perverted towards teenage girls after the timeskip (he literally Turns To Stone upon seeing shirahoshi, who is only 16) and his attitude with pudding is no exception (she even comments on his perversion during the wedding ceremony. there was no "brainwashing" involved, he is just a perv.)

im a sanji fan myself, but you can't turn a blind eye from his behavior towards teenage girls. he is 21 years old in canon after the timeskip. pudding being "mentally 18" is such a gross way to explain why sanji might view her as older than she really is and as someone who was groomed by a pedophile for acting older than i actually was at the time, that phrasing sets off so many red flags in my head.

im not necessarily saying sanji is a pedophile (because i truly dont believe that he is given his attraction to All women and 16 is the lowest age hes acted like that towards), but it is still extremely weird of him and people making fun of him or criticizing that aspect of him is perfectly fine and you shouldn't take it as a personal thing. that is just how oda wrote him. (but hey at least he's not kyros or vander decken who genuinely ARE pedophiles.)

You make some good points.

Alright, I'll take the correction on Bege telling him her name. But that still doesn't give any other details. Sanji isn't told her age, occupation, baking skills, etc.

I have a lot to say on his intricate and nuanced forced relationship with Pudding.

Long post and discussion under the cut

As for for the history with teenage girls post-ts, I think it's just Shirahoshi??? And while I'm not saying that's good, I will say that I am conflicted on some of the characterization in Fishman Island. I haven't read it in a long time so I'm just working off what I remember here. While the plot of Fishman Island is great, I always have some issues with the arc itself. It always feels a little off to me. Like some of the characterizations are just a little wonky here and there throughout the entire arc. It feels like Oda forgot how to write a few characters. It also feels like he's using that arc to see how far he wants to push new gags or personality aspects he's trying to work with after the IRL mini timeskip. Like he doesn't quite know just yet who some of the straw hats are after their time skip. I'm not saying that excuses Sanji's behavior, I'm just saying it makes me conflicted over the legitimacy of Sanji's personality in that arc. Because like Oda doesn't use the "almost die from bloodloss gag" again after fishman island either so it just always kinda feels like Oda was fumbling around in the dark with Sanji (as well as a few others) in Fishman Island. That's just me, though.

As for Sanji being obsessed with Shirahoshi's beauty, wasn't that like the whole thing with her? Wasn't like the entire country obsessed with how pretty she was? I could be mistaken but I thought I remember the citizens being enamored by her as well. I ain't saying it makes it better, I'm just saying that Oda made that a weird prominent detail if I'm remembering it right.

And I didn't say that that Pudding was "mentally 18" nor do I think she is, I said that she could be mistaken for 18 in a quick meeting. Meaning he wouldn't question her age as he actually barely got to talk to her at all. I think he only ever spoke to her like 2-3 times and never for very long or unchaperoned (judging by how Pudding talked about Sanji). Especially since Pudding is an excellent actor and is actively manipulating Sanji in a specific way that Big Mom has coached her to do. Neither family cared if Sanji and Pudding liked each other or cared about what was healthy for them so they would have no reason to let them interact for very long. As someone who was emotionally abused by my mother, when I was a teenage I took on personality traits and speaking patterns of someone older than myself (a common problem with emotional abuse). People often mistook me for being older than I actually was in short conversations. If Sanji never had any actual long conversations with Pudding, he'd have no clue that's she's not actually 18. While this doesn't make things right, it would explain some behaviors.

He doesn't actually want anything to do with her. He just wants to go home.

As for what I consider Sanji basically brainwashing himself is just him talking himself into an obsessive and possibly dissociative mindset. Sanji's under so much duress and his mental health is so incredibly fractured right now that if he's going to survive, his only option is to construct a dreamworld so far out of reality that he's actually happy and in love with Pudding.

Because of the sudden influx of trauma, stress, and crippling hopelessness, Sanji's grasp on reality is quickly crumbling. He needs to take any handhold he can grab. The only handhold he's allowed to take is Pudding. He calls her his "Ray of Hope". And because of this, he throws himself so hard into her orbit that he goes to the extreme of being creepy because now his only grasp on reality is Pudding.

This protective delusional headspace he's in is so strong (again, common for people who have suffered severe trauma and abuse) that he stays in it until he sees her eye. Because he if didn't have this headspace to keep him "calm" beside his would-be murderer, the wedding ceremony on the cake may have ended in actual disaster. And all their plans would be ruined.

After he gets through to Pudding by calling her eye beautiful, the very real danger of him being murdered is gone and he's released from his protective headspace. Which explains why he's so platonic towards her during the escape and all the cake baking despite the fact that she's constantly melting when he even looks at her.

What I am saying is that if Sanji called out for simping on teenage girls was a definable trend in his personality, why is he never all over Carrot? From what I remember (and I could be wrong), he only ever treats her like a little sister. She's young and pretty but still in Zou Sanji simps over the adult women minks rather than Carrot, despite her platonically being all over him (minks are just very affectionate). Hell, he seeks out Pedro more than Carrot.

I'm not saying that Sanji shouldn't be called out for being a fucking perverted idiot. Because he is one. I'm just saying that it pisses me off when people write him off as a one-note creep not worth thinking about instead of taking the time to understand that Sanji is extremely nuanced far outside his single trait of being horny.

I will say that Sanji can be creepy but I don't get the vibe from him about being an active creep specifically towards teenage girls. Especially since he seems to prefer more mature women like Robin, Kiku, Viola or frightening women like Nami.

As for me taking things personally and getting physically ill. That's just me being stupid and having severe rejection sensitivity when it comes to Sanji. I wish it'd go away.

I think it all boils down to Oda having sus choices in character ages... It would have changed literally nothing if he had just made Pudding 18.

[annieintheaair]

In a way, I'm glad that my guilt keeps fallin' on me like rain. At the same time, I can't help but wonderin' why I put your love on the line.

I can’t believe that it has been two whole years. Two years without Dan feels like a lifetime. So much has happened since he has been gone.

I woke up yesterday morning in Tulsa with a song in my head but the lyrics were a little off and I kept hearing, “it has been a couple of years since someone has been gone.” I knew that day was coming and I thought about it often but then the day arrived, and I almost forgot but subconsciously, I didn’t because that song was in my head.

Whenever I feel really sad and miss Dan the most, I send him a message on Facebook. I know he’ll never respond but something about it is therapeutic for me. The other night, I had a dream. I can’t remember all of the details but that Dan was replying to my Facebook messages. He told me that he’s always here, never gone, and wants me to be happy. After having gone to the medium earlier this summer, even though no dead people spoke to me through her, I believe that those we’ve lost actually do come in our dreams. When we see them there, it is actually them. Especially after my dream in January, I really do think that Dan visits me in my dreams to remind me that he’s still here with me.

I was in my pool on Saturday with my neighbors and Marx when a bee landed on my arm and stung me. It hurt like hell and still does now that it’s swollen. After it happened, I wondered if it was Dan coming back to get my attention and remind me. I remember being at the pool a few days after he died and having fun when I ran home to get a margarita. Garty called me and told me the news and I went back to the pool, stone-faced, trying to keep it all together. Marx snuck up on me and pushed me in the pool and in that moment I completely lost it. Something about Garty’s news didn’t feel real until that moment.

I knew it then and know it even more now that the world would never be the same without Dan. Our college, JWU, posted online the other day about renovations at Snowden dining hall, where we met nearly 17 years ago. Part of me thought that sounded nice but another part of me was a little sad about it because that place would never be the same again and it was another reminder that everything changes.

I've been busy flying nearly every night but trying hard to fit in time for friends, too. Saturday morning I was able to catch up with Julie for brunch and we checked out Jam + Toast, which was super busy but worth it because it was really good.

Sunday I felt like I needed to stay busy all day. I drove home from work, showered, got ready, and ran out to go to church. I was home for a brief time after and then went out to lunch at MiCocina. When I got home, I changed into my swimsuit and went straight to the pool. It was empty so I was able to play music and relax and then Eric came over to hang out with me. We stayed in the pool until I had to get ready for yoga. I was overly relaxed at yoga and clearly super tired so I think I may have fallen asleep a few times.

I had less than an hour when I got home from yoga. I finished my leftovers from lunch for dinner, got ready, and worked more on assembling a cabinet for my half bath. I guess I was so distracted and rushed that I pulled out of my driveway and realized I had forgotten my scarf and had to turn around and go back home. I thought for sure I would be late for work since the bus drove away without me even though I ran towards it I made it just in time.

Work wasn't bad but I wasn't in a super chatty mood. My friends Catherine and Antoinette were working in the back and a guy named Tim was up front with me. I found it interesting that his name was Tim since earlier in the day I texted Dan's friend, Tim, as we always do on the anniversary of Dan's death. It's always hard because I feel like I have no one to talk to about Dan anymore and I constantly feel judged for never being able to move past it and accept that he's gone. It seems like the only person who really gets it is Tim and I'm thankful that I at least have that relationship with his friend where we can support each other through the most difficult day of the year.

I went to therapy this morning and Diara gave me more homework. We talked about a lot of things and made some connections between current situations and past experiences. I have a lot of trouble with being a people-pleaser and it's hard for me sometimes to not care what other people think. I made that mistake with Dan and it's something I have to live with forever. I never want to make that mistake again because I'm worried about everyone else's opinions. Diara told me she couldn't make my decisions for me, obviously, but that didn't stop me from trying to read her face to guess what she would decide for me if she could.

The thing is, I know what I deserve and what I shouldn't tolerate, and in my strongest moments, I know that I can be strong and protect those boundaries. I keep thinking about what I posted on Facebook in March and I knew then that someone who loves you should fight for you, not with you. Someone who loves you should hear you out and communicate with you. There's a song I've been listening to lately, called I Do by Andy Grammar and Maddie & Tae, and in the song they say:

Even when I don't love you I do, I do, I do, I do You don't make it easy to But I do, I do, I do, I do And we give and we take And we fight, but we find a way to stay Even when I don't love you I do

The song is a good reminder that love is a choice you make every day. Even when times are rough and you're fighting, you stay if you love someone because even when you don't like them, you still love them; that's what love is. I know I deserve a love like that, where someone stays regardless of everything. I deserve to be with someone who is going to put in all of the effort because it's not 50/50 but 100/100.

Anyway, my landlord came over this morning to put up some cabinet hardware for me and we set up the garage door opener. I hoped to see my niece for her 7th birthday today but I was so tired that I stayed home and fell asleep on my couch for the afternoon. I am so glad to be off work and home tonight! Five nights in a row was rough.

xoxo

Annie

[lils-of-the-valley]

I posted 6,856 times in 2021

70 posts created (1%)

6786 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 96.9 posts.

I added 2,434 tags in 2021

#ml - 758 posts

#sk8 - 300 posts

#renga - 225 posts

#pokemon - 222 posts

#ace attorney - 193 posts

#loz - 168 posts

#writing - 156 posts

#laugh rule - 150 posts

#<3 - 137 posts

#lovestruck - 125 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#ou sinon je veux travailler pour arrêter de stresser mais là le stress fait que je veux pas travailler so genre... cercle vicieux de stress

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

You know what time it it! ML reaction! Because these are fun to do

I'm very excited to see something revolving around Shanghai and China. I always loved ML because it was the first time I got to see my own heritage in a show (French and Chinese) so now I'm excited for the China part!

Already digging the prologue part of this

I thought it was Mari speaking at first, but nope

I'm both happy and disappointed in the hair stripe on the girl (Fei??)

Oh no! I just got Wu Shifu and he's already dead???

Poor baby, she's already got it so rough.....

Guardian Bug!

Summer vacation for the kids!!

Hawkmoth not being active is hella sus.... And Mari knows it too

"I'm going to be late, something came up" "why am I not even surprised?" Is so fucking funny to me???

Also the animation is beautiful here, just wanted to point it out

Adrien was shipped off to Shanghai?? Oh no, Mari, no, don't look at your package like that....

As we know, Gorilla does not like flying, but he seems so much calmer than in the NY special

"besides, I'm happy to spend time with you, father" BABY PLEASE! NO! YOUR FRIENDS ARE BETTER THAN THAT ASSHOLE

BITCH GAB JUST DITCHED HIS KID WHEN HE JUST SAID HE WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU

Nooroo, I don't think you understand. This man is psycho

Started 15 years ago??? What the fuck Gab???

Mari, I don't think you can--- you know what, go off. I respect your efforts

Tom wtf

Aw, Sabine and Tom are so happy and excited. That's so cute

Uncle is so happy but also so sad omg... He's so sweet

Gab is an asshole, again.

Wait, did he just tell his 15 y/o kid to go explore Shanghai alone? (I know Gorilla will be there, but still)

So I'm guessing the Cheng's speak Mandarin because I don't recognize the words

I really like that they included the fact that Sabine changed names when she immigrated.

Mari really said I will explore this unknown city all alone and find Adrien

Props to the person who did the subs. "[he may know how to speak Chinese - but I don't]" has got to be the funniest thing I've ever seen

CN merch and NY hero merch! I forgot Gorilla collects those

Soft Adrien! He loves Gorilla so so much!

Every time I see Gabriel Agreste, I want to punch him in the face

Master of disguises guardian girl!

Of course Gab cancelled on his kid

Oh Mari, you managed to spit him

Oh shit, Mari just got pick pocketed (which sadly is not uncommon in China...)

Aww, Adrien making dumplings! This kid needs a loving family

Mari, that's a shitty drawing of earnings.

Adrien is such a sweetie who wants to surprise Mari

200 yuan, that's like... 30$ no?

This is manipulation at its finest

Plagg's got a point, how is Chat gonna explain that he's in Shanghai?

Mari is really not great at disguises

I still can't believe they let 2 kids run along through Shanghai all alone

I really wish I knew Mandarin...

On one hand, I get Mari. On the other, this girl is a pro pickpocket

Chaton loves Mari si much 🥺🥺🥺

Ok, so is Wu Shifu not dead?

Honestly fuck Gabriel Agreste.

Does no one hear Hawkmoth's monologue?

SOFT LB! YOU CAN'T TELL ME SHE DOESN'T LOVE HER KITTY

Jfc Hawkmoth, stop yeeting children

I really dint like this Akuma. His face creeps me out

Other miracle box?

She a teddy bear who named herself LadyBear

Longg? There's two of them?

Oh shit, she almost punched him in the balls

KITTY!!!!

Lol Hawkmoth's dead

KITTY NO!!!!

Like I feel bad for Fei, but Kitty hurts

Also she doesn't live by the hide your identity philosophy it seems

I kinda wanna look up the meaning of the names now...

Here's my kitty????

Fuck Hawkmoth is back

MEISHI IS SO CUTE HOLY SHIT BABY LION

Curious: how old is Sabine? If Uncle is 60?

Also, Uncle is an Adrinette shipper

So he raised Sabine? That's actually so cute

Wait, what the fuck did Mari say? I'm sorry, I never learned Chinese!

My final rating: again, I really liked it. I think I preferred the NY one, but might just because it was gayer and got really excited over that? And I'm more accustomed with American culture, but I really liked the Shanghai special. It brought up a lot of memories of when I went to China which was fun. Also I loved the animation. Just wished Gabriel stayed dead....

31 notes • Posted 2021-04-05 19:20:31 GMT

#4

Sorry y'all, I know I'm late, but I didn't have time yesterday. So HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS AND REACTIONS REGARDING GUILT TRIP LETS GO!

Why am I not surprised that Rose had an imaginary friend that was a unicorn in 6th grade?

And she's so small, I want to hug her

She's so positive, I need that in my life

Juleka is so worried about her girlfriend :(((

Oop-- Mari, maybe that wasn't a good idea

Juleka, no, baby.....

I know I say this every time, but fuck Hawkmoth

The heart vision, I feel like it's been so long

I love how Mari can just turn off her nervousness because her friend's wellbeing is more important than her crush

What the fuck is that sketch place they're going in

The fuck is that portal thing???

Adrien is so kind and sweet, I love him

Oh, it's a boiler room

I know they're all worried about this chronic illness and that they are teenagers, but breath kids, deep breaths, you're all going to panic and I don't know who it will hurt more: yourself or already devastated Jules

Kim is such a dork, I love him

I love all the kids, that's no secret and I will never hide it

The class is so tight-knit, that's so sweet. They all care so much about each other, I wish we were like that growing up

HA HA GET FUCKED HAWKMOTH

Juleka is freaking out and I get it because they said they wouldn't treat Rose any different, but baby, I need you to breathe. I'm sure Rose loves to hear this, it's honestly really nice to be told that people care about you

See, she's so happy

Ok guys, maybe y'all are laying it a little thick here

MARC!!!!! BABY I MISSED YOUUUU

An apple a day keeps the doctor away?

Ok, Rose's like squinty "You're hiding something from me" is really cute

Aww, we stan an honest girlfriend

We really didn't have enough Rose content until now. I love her so much??? I love how positive she is about what she's going through and how she's not having any of the class's overprotective shit, all while not telling them off

The group hug!!!!

The fucking panic at a sneeze.....

I feel so bad for Juleka. It's not your fault, baby

"betraying a best friend" I think you mean girlfriend, sir (I know, I know, they won't make it canon...)

Can they not become new akumas? Because honestly, I do not like Reflecta

Miss Meldieve (idk how to spell her name) being sucked into the blackhole should not make me laugh so hard

There's something unsettling about the goob balls being spit out and I really don't like it. Makes me a little uncomfy

Yeah, the goobs makes me very uncomfortable. Should I talk to my therapist about this?

What Chaton gonna self destruct???

Rose to the rescue!!!

She doesn't have the magic of a magical girl wand, she has the power of positivity!

THE LADYNOIR FLIRTING!!!

Did LB's suit power up?? I really like this new suit. Highkey wanna make a new LB cosplay with that design now

THE POWER OF JOYYYY

Daizzi is so cute, omg

ROSE HAS THE CUTEST MIRACULOUS HOLDER OUTFIT!!!!! I WANT IT!!!

That was so simple, we need more than those

Well shit, there's angry amoks

Ok, this episode had a simple solution to things. That's a nice change.

Wait, LB has that power now to give protective charms?? That's amazing

Aw, the class is back to normal

Ok, so final thoughts. I actually really enjoyed the simplicity of the episode, no big physical fights. I like the mental/emotional battle of the episode! And positivity always wins! So, remember y'all! You're awesome and I love you!! You might be feeling down, but don't give up! Positivity isn't always easy, but you can manage it, even if it's a little thing! I believe in you and so does Rose! LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

43 notes • Posted 2021-05-06 03:32:52 GMT

#3

Gang of secrets reaction time! I've been avoiding tumblr all day for this, so let's goooo!!!!

Forgetting the pound it? That's sad.....

Lol, Chat bringing Ladybug to see a movie

Uuuhhh, hey Ladybug? Are you projecting by any chance? Are you thinking about your Luka/Adrien (and maybe Chat) situation?

Oh, baby, you're heart broken because if your Luka and Adrien thing.....

I still don't get it why Juleka mumbles

Oof, no one knew about the break up until Luka (who looks devastated) told his sister about it

Alya baby.... At least she's not mad about it. Alya is such a good best friend!

THEIR HANDSHAKE OMG

The girl squad is so cute omg, I love them so much

Trixx is trying so hard to cheer Mari up

Aww, the bracelet idea is so cute

Alix really does not want to put up with this love affair bullshit, but she's also so understanding

Mari, baby, no, you can't live your life as Ladybug

Oof, Mari, that's a little harsh. I know you're hurt and hiding a secret, but girl. But like... I can't think of what she could have said.... Because I know if Mari said she wanted to be alone, they wouldn't have left bc they'd be worried, but also....

I'm honestly saddest for Alya because Mari was her first friend and her best friend

I liked that multi Akuma shot

SEASON 1 AKUMAS

Oh look, Juleka can talk

I love learning about what happens when kwamis use their powers without holders

The fuck did Trixx do? Oh-- lol, the Eiffel Tower

Plagg "hey it wasn't me this time!" The kwami

Mari is so sad :((( she knows she's to blame, that she was the one who provoked this, but like, what could she do

Alya and LB heart to heart 💖💖💖

ALYA BABY YESS BREAK IT BREAK THE AKUMA HOLY FUCK YES

IM SO PROUD OF ALYA

I missed Rena so fucking much

Chat and Rena working together!!!

I love the team work

Bye bye little butterfly~~

Triple pound it

I still hate Hawkmoth

Aww, LB and Alya hug

Awww Mari saying she loves her friends and confiding in her friends about her heart break

Alya reminding Mari that she's her best friend

That hand grab!

Mari's mental break down is breaking me omg

Alya is so supportive, she's the best best friend

HOLY FUCK SHE DID IT

I DIDNT THINK SHE WAS ACTUALLY GOING TO SAY IT

I SAW THE SPOILERS BUT I DIDNT THINK IT WAS CANON

So final thoughts, HOLY FUCK. OMG. I don't even know where to start. The episode was great to build the girls' friendships, especially between Alya and Marinette (I've been missing them) but like, HOLY FUCK. I'm gonna need a few days to process this 1000000/10, best one so far

58 notes • Posted 2021-04-17 21:22:59 GMT

#2

All I know of Miraculous now days is that Luka should legally be allowed to say fuck

78 notes • Posted 2021-08-07 14:36:05 GMT

#1

It's been 24 hours and I'm still thinking about Gang of Secrets. I'm mostly thinking of what this will do to Alya and Marinette's friendship. And I know Mari was super worried that it would change everything, make things bad between them, but I think this will be great for their friendship.

We know that Alya has been super invested in LB since the beginning (see the LadyBlog being a thing) but now she'll have all this back scoop on the whole situation. And I'm not saying she's going to use it to her advantage, but in a way she can. Because now she can go to Mari/LB and ask her directly if publishing something is okay with her and if it's correct. I don't know what it's like running a blog on a celebrity, but I don't think Alya ever wanted to make LB uncomfortable, so now she can get Mari to proofread what she publishes to make sure it 1) doesn't compromise her secret (sometimes you can slip up without meaning to or even realizing you did), 2) doesn't make Mari uncomfortable.

And I want to talk about the LadyBlog a bit more.

Now that Alya knows, she will have to pretend that she doesn't know who LB is because she has to continue the LadyBlog (it would be sus if she shut it down just like that). Do y'all realize the shenanigans the girls can do with this now? Alya, knowing who LB is, putting out conspiracy theories like "What if Ladybug is actually [insert super famous celebrity]? What if the magic makes whoever is under the mask seem like a teenager just to cover up who they really are? Is it even possible for teenagers to be that strong and still manage class work? Thoughts?" and both girls crying at how dumb that sounds. They could fuck with Paris so easily and have so much fun with it (And y'all can't convince me that there isn't a dumb conspiracy theory page in the LadyBlog)

And the gossip column of the blog. We all know that Alya is a big LadyNoir shipper. Now that she knows that Mari is LB, she 100% will tease Mari about Chat, but she also will respect Mari's boundaries and not push that agenda onto her. If Mari says she doesn't like Chat, then that's that. But in the LadyBlog? Again, Mari will be there with her. Can y'all imagine the "Mari, look at how he's looking at you. And that boop you did! Can I please publish this?" "Only if you let me write the article that goes with it and I stay anonymous" and cue Mari writing this really shitty LadyNoir fanfic that half of Paris reads and love because "The characterization is amazing!" (Also, Adrien reads it every night because it feels so real)

The girls will have so much power after this, so much chaotic potential. I'm living for it

Also, more on the practical side, but Alya can totally help cover for Mari. In the past seasons, Mari has seemed like a shitty friend to her friends for being late and missing hangouts and all that, but now Alya will know why and can totally cover up for her. I know that everyone just goes "Well, it's Mari, of course she's late/not here" but after a while, it feels like shit, but with Alya being able to cover? It will make things a bit better. There's still going to be the whole "well, you know Mari, probably lost track of time," but she can also totally pull things like "Oh, shit, I'm so sorry! I forgot to tell you guys that Mari is going to be late! Her parents need her at the bakery for a little longer, so sorry I forgot to tell you guys!" so the burden is a little less on Mari. And that will lessen Mari's stress by a bit, at least. Having someone in her corner will help her so much

And this is just the girls in their day to day life. This isn't even taking in account what will happen with Alya helping out Mari as the guardian or as Ladybug. I just.... I love their friendship so much and I'm so happy Mari told Alya. I'm just... so happy.

176 notes • Posted 2021-04-18 19:57:31 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[downeyreads]

Party Favor

Summary: This oneshot is set on Tony Stark’s birthday party in Iron Man 2 and is based on the song “Party Favor” by Billie Eilish.

Genre: Pure Angst

Word count: 1,486

A/N: It is my love’s birthday and I couldn’t bear not posting today. It’s not a birthday one shot you would expect but I did not have anything more date appropriate. Give me feedback on this one because I may have another song inspired sequel to this one.

After three rings your call went straight to voicemail. Of course, why would a billionaire want to hear from his girlfriend on his birthday? Well, what you had to say wasn’t occasion appropriate but still you absolutely had to get it off from your chest.

“Hey, call me back when you get this” you said. It was not the first time Tony had completely ignored you, taken you for granted. You thought you could get used to it, but you never did.

“or when you’ve got a minute. We really need to talk” you continued. It was not the first time you both had to talk. Over all these years you and Tony had been the #1 on-and-off relationship of the tabloids. You had made calls like this before, saying you couldn’t handle all the cheating, all of his absence; but at the end of the day you absolutely were head over heel for this man he knew his way around with words.

Oh

“Wait, you know what? Maybe just forget it.” You just couldn’t let him fool you this time. You would absolutely not fall for his pleading doe eyes this time. “’Cause by the time you get this, your number maybe blocked”

You did not want to do this, at all but you knew this was now or never. You gave everything you had and even the things you didn’t have to him; all your love, your patience, your support. You guessed to him, that meant nothing. If it did, he maybe would have treated you better. You had been there for him every time he needed you, even when you knew you will not get, did not get even a few minutes of his precious time. You couldn’t help but get a little selfish for yourself when you see that you were never on the receiving end, never. You assured yourself that he still loved you, he just had other important priorities. And that just led you to believe that you were never his priority. You were starting to believe he did not even love you anymore because cheating doesn’t really helped the case that he did. But you still gave him a chance. You knew he had problems, everyone does. You did too, but when half of them are caused by the person you cherish, things start to fall apart.

That was what was happening to you. You were falling apart. Your patience ran out and so did your tears that you thought just couldn’t stop at some points during the nights when you had to sleep on a cold bed, hugging the pillows instead of your man.

Was he even yours anymore? He did not even give you a chance to ask him even if he was doing good.

Many times you thought that you did not deserve a man like the Tony Stark and he just made you feel you deserved more. You helped him with his work too. Before Pepper, you had been doing almost everything she did as a secretary. After all you were qualified enough. You even got offers from Hammer Tech. for the same position and they even bribed you in with double your salary at Stark Industries but what they did not know was you did not have one. You did that out of your compassion and just to ease off the weight on Iron Man’s shoulders.

But now that you had decided to call it quits for the last time, you considered working the Hammer Tech; you could not work there after breaking the heart of Stark himself. Plus you knew he would do everything to convince you to stay.

“Stay and blah blah blah. You just want what you can't have”

You wished you had did this on any other day but his birthday, but you knew if you did not do it any sooner you would never be able to do it.

“And I hate to do this to you on your birthday. Happy birthday by the way…”

You wanted to get this over with as fast as you could. You could not afford him listening to your sobs over the speaker.

“It's not you it's me and all that other bullshit. You know that's bullshit, don’t you babe?”

Once Tony Stark was all you could think about, he was your everything. Your home, your drug, your future, your favorite sculpture made by God himself, your life’s love.

Now, you doubted if you ever meant anything to him, did you? Did you ever? Other than a possession, like his money or his suits, that he could show off to the rest of the world. But then you realized the suits were better off than you, at least he gave his nights to them.

You were just an arm-candy. A party favor.

You were more than that.

You were not his party favor.

“I'm not your party favor”

You couldn’t help but imagine what would it have been like if he ever had time and love for you, only you. You both had potential to work it out if you wanted to but he made some mistakes and you made some. The only difference was that you were always there for him and to help him make up for them all.

“Look, now I know, we could've done it better. But we can't change the weather when the weather's come and gone. Books don't make sense if you read them backwards. You'll single out the wrong words like you mishear all my calls.”

Calls for help, calls for intimacy, desperate screams for you to love me and just me just as I have devoted myself to you. And then calls that I can’t take it anymore. The pain I bear is past the love I ever had for you. That I can’t stay anymore. I’m sorry but I cannot give you anymore second chances. I wish I could. I am so sorry.

“You hear ‘stay’ and blah blah blah. You just want what you can't have. And once again I hate to do this on your birthday. I hope you have a great birthday” I glanced the headlines about the party at his house and how he’s got another ‘personal assistant’. You continued,“and I maybe know you will. Don’t try to reach me, please. Just be how you have been all this time.”

With that you hung up the phone.

I'm not his party favor, anymore.

- - - - - - - -  - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(Meanwhile)

“What would you do if you knew this was your last birthday party?” Tony asked his PA. He was already thinking about calling this party off. It was ill-timed, inappropriate and what not. But it’s a little hard deciding what to do and not do for the last time, when you know you are dying.

“I would do whatever I want with whoever I want” she replied with a smirk.

Then he realized he was doing neither. He did not want do this party nor was he with y/n, the only person he really wanted to be with.

She was the only person who understood me, really cared for me, helped me stand back up. I would not be disappointed if hers was the last face I ever saw; it’d be a blessing to be honest. I had did nothing for her except letting her down repeatedly, the least I could do was die in her arms or atleast by her side.

He hurriedly grabbed his phone, changed into some clothes and nothing but ran to his car. His hands almost automatically started driving towards her place. He made a stop at a flower and sweet shop on the way and got the biggest and most expensive of both they had.

She deserved it. She deserved more.

On the way back to his car, he realized he would do nothing but what he had not done for her in the past. He would spend the rest of his life, or whatever he had left of it, in making Y/n feel that she deserved all the happiness in the world.

He took out his phone to call her. He wanted to tell you that he was coming over, maybe more; so much more.

But then he noticed your voicemail.

“I am not you party favor” Y/n’s voice boomed through his car speakers.

Tears rolling down his cheeks and the city muffling his light sobs, he almost forgot about the flowers and the chocolates, which now lay scattered on the car’s floor.

And also that death never felt so attractive to him ever before.