#cant you tell im an fps nerd

[grozen]

Found you buddy

[unfortunatematchups]

(Hello is this blog dead because I haven't seen you post since February)

nope, this blog aint dead. i have it open on a browser tab as long as im online to check on any new asks and messages. im going to leave a short explanation here for those who dont want to waste their time.

weve been busy with other interests and ive gotten something like a writers block. matchup block? since im the primary writer here, theres pretty much no activity as long as im not writing. thats it. no reason, nothing to do with personal problems. just a block. 

keep reading for the real reason. you might not like it, but here it is.

im going to use these john sprites to convey my emotion so it might clear up any doubts on how im feeling. lets start with the process of how i write a match.

this is what a draft looks like. i write out how i would rant about this pairing, errors and all, then i leave it for the next day to come back to this and clean this draft into a polished, three-pointer paragraph. the thing is, im the only one doing this, so its obviously going to take long. i dont mind, i love to type and see something spawn from my effort. 

the problem? these rants are people-specific. right. whatever im rambling about in the draft, its about the ask and the ask only. it wouldnt fit if you crammed it into another ask, it wouldnt make a lick-a-sense if it was used to answer someone else. but, when i start to polish it up with clear and coherent sentences, suddenly it becomes… static. it becomes plain and simple, uninteresting and linear. think of it like youre hearing about a book from someone you know and trust versus a review. the person you know describes why the book is great with a lot of passion and love, but theres a lot of errors in delivery and some awkward bits they havent flushed out yet. 

nevertheless, its enjoying and persuasive, because you can see how they love it so much to the point where it gets them like that. they dont plan out how theyll describe the book to you word by word, because theres no need to. seeing how it gets them excited gets you excited, so you buy their faith in the book. 

what about a review? its clean, its cut, its perfect in delivery. it has a flow, introducing you to the story and overall appeal, then maybe it digs down for a spoiler or two. it gels with you in a simple fashion, doesnt quite have that connection a passionate ramble has. because its professional. 

thats what ive been making this blog to be. professional. i answer the request with a polished, pretty and perfect answer. theres no personal connection. i could take a match, swap out a couple of words, maybe cut out a bit, and it would be clear for another match. it feels static to write those paragraphs, and it progressively gets worse each time i repeat the process. im chipping away at something so close, so personal and unique into something dull and professional because i want it to look clean.

but thats my end of the problem. i dont like how it comes out, so what? people enjoy it. they must be, seeing how theres fifty three fucking asks for matchups and 73 followers. 

i wont show all the asks i have in the inbox, but ill tell you what majority, if not all of them, sound like. 

“I’m bi/pan”, “I have brown hair/eyes”, “I’m chubby/short”, “I like art/gaming/reading/writing”, “I’m shy around people I don’t know, I’m crazy around people I know”, “I’m a nerd”, “I have ADHD/Anxiety”. 

of course, there are some exceptions. not everything i say is as is, but from 50+ asks, these are what about three quarters of them sound like. there are personal differences, like music tastes and obscure hobbies, but the general gist is there. 

im not going to say anything about the sexuality orientation, because im in a friend group where majority, if not all, are not cishets. yes, people like art and gaming. 

but thats it? these descriptors are such shallow answers. i can personalise a match for you, sure, but does it feel like its right? you like gaming. so what, do you like ALL games? from FPS to Dating sims to Horror games to Sports games to Adult games? do you like ALL art? Surrealism, sculpture, comics, abstract, even those where they splash paint and call it a day? really? i dont think im asking for a lot when it comes to being specific. some asks literally just go ‘im a bi female, 5′3, i like gaming and drawing, im sometimes shy but i can be sassy at times’. 

with everyone being so similar and vague, how am i supposed to give a match i feel is right? i might as well take everyones favourite boy david elizabeth strider and talk about how he likes your art and how he likes gaming and oh isnt it so great that you two like music. 

there are some unique ones, and its pretty obvious which ones they are because ive put in more love into them. and i havent been able to do that to many asks. 

and the physical descriptions. while im sure some of the characters do have types and preferences, i dont care for appearances. i dont care if youre fat or skinny, i dont care if youre tall or short, brown hair or blonde. you being morbidly obese or morbidly skinny may affect the match depending on how i feel the characters might respond to someone with those physical traits, but they shouldnt matter. 

i dont need how you look. i dont want how you look. its shallow and unimportant. it takes up space in the ask, because you could be using it to describe your personality or interests in detail. not that youre limit to one ask, you can send in an entire fucking fourteen page essay and id match you, as long as youre telling me something i can pair you with. 

telling me youre ‘chubby’ or ‘blonde’ doesnt help visualise shit. this shouldnt be new information to you or anyone else. writing shit like ‘he loves your curves!’ or ‘she likes how short you are because it makes you cute’ is bullshit and is simply self-serving nonsense. yes, its an additional bonus if your lover likes how youre short or fat, but that shouldnt be why theyre in love with you. a paragraph based on how much they like to hold you are appreciate your body is utter fucking nonsense. you appreciate your own body, and thats it. 

i dont feel inspired when i look at some of these asks. i dont feel like i should answer any of these because a) im not obligated to, this blog is just a side hobby and b) id be writing something i dont enjoy for people who might also not enjoy it. i dont deserve to sit at my laptop and write something i feel doesnt represent my work or ideas well, and the person who im matching doesnt deserve the half-assed boring paragraph of nonsense im pulling out of my ass just to clear the inbox. 

ive taken some time away from this blog and upon receiving this ask, i wanted to use the same old excuse every other blog uses: ‘we’ve been busy, so we went on an unannounced hiatus’. 

but thats not true. with the pandemic forcing lockdowns, theres essentially nothing else for us to do. if anything, this would mean that we have more time to write. 

so there it is. my truthful answer as to why nothings coming out of this blog.

part of this is my fault. i thought that maybe i could force myself to match all those vague asks that feel like theyre about the same person, just with a couple of changes. but i cant. i wont. im not going to keep writing shit i dont like, and im not going to keep giving half-assed matches, giving characters people are at the very least sure to be okay with. 

i want to write exciting, unique and adorable relationships. i thought that with the homestuck fandom being so vast and creative, maybe i would get the chance to meet and write for a couple of people who were just so different it would make pairings id never thought of. 

but nah, it looks like everything is the same. all the anon asks start to bleed together. the responses start becoming the same. im given descriptions that sound so tame, so generalised. like somehow, youre afraid of letting me know who you are as a person. or not, perhaps you just struggle with expressing yourself. thats why youre using anon to send in your ask, isnt it? 

i turned anon on because i wanted to respect privacy. i wanted people to be able to send in each and every detail about themselves while remaining behind a mask so they could get the best match without exposing every inch of themselves on a blog. maybe that was my mistake. 

ill leave the matches open, but im only going to do the ones that interest me. but if you decide that you dont give a fuck about the quality of the match, tell me or something. i have drafts that i can just post. maybe youd like that. 

-pretty obviously, mod olio.

[ariesbilly]

Pretend that Fred and FP were just friends earlier in life. Describe your dream scenario of current age fredsythe ending up in bed and love.

i’ll tell you what, as much as i love living in full lala land where they actually dated in high school and whatnot... this concept really gets me going too

even for this scenario i still imagine them both harboring secret crushes, its just that this time neither of them ever came out and were never able to really identify the feelings they were having because the environment they were living in wasnt really supportive of those attractions. so fred and fp were still super close best friends but any further feelings they may have been experiences were being written off or repressed until eventually they went on and had girlfriends that turned into wives that turned into families and they never really had to think about anything else again.

so with that all being said, ideally what i would like to happen is first and foremost, theyd have to actually have a friendship present day. not just conveniently hanging out when the other ones in desperate need of help (which... theres something to be said for the fact theyre always each others go to guy for help but ... thats another post. actually no. thats for this post. this is relevant.)

alright so theyre friends. actual friends. hanging out doing ... whatever supposedly straight men in their 40s do idk. watch football? play poker? ... fill in your own blanks maybe they take a pottery class thats not the point. the point is theyre spending more and more time together. getting closer. rebuilding that bond. and maybe those old secret crushes they had on each other resurface, but theyre both convinced that its one sided so it never gets brought up. cue the mutual pining. 

and its getting serious. like freds starts catching himself staring so intently at fp when hes not looking, and fps catching himself thinking about fred all the time. always wants to text him about random shit he sees cuz it reminded him of fred, or he thinks fred would like it. theyre both dreaming about it each other... its some real romantic shit. but still. no ones saying anything.

until one day fred calls fp over cuz he needs help with some random thing that broke in his house (maybe the kitchen sink started acting up or whatever and fred cant seem to fix it himself). so fp comes over, helps him out. they get the thing working good as new, theyre all smiling and cheering and being dorks. 

fred cracks some joke about fp always coming to his rescue and fp says he thinks its the other way around and theres a moment there where they both pause and just look at each other and theres definite tension there before fred smiles, and maybe hes blushing a little a looking away and says maybe its both. 

with fp finished helping fred out hes getting ready to leave but then fred asks if he wants to stay for dinner. archies out with veronica for the night and its one of those ~oh i have too much food for just myself... you should stay and help me eat~ deals and who is fp to pass up a free meal? so he stays. maybe he even helps fred cook idk i think thatd be cute.

so then theyre eating together on the couch, watching ferris bueller or something, laughing and having a good time.

fred turns to look at fp at one point an hes got sauce or something on his lip, which only makes fp laugh harder. and hes trying to point it out to fred but fred keeps missing it with his napkin until eventually... of course because im a romcom loving cliched ass bitch.....fp reaches out to wipe it off with his thumb.

and they both freeze. cuz this is definitely the most intimate moment theyve ever had. sure, theyve seen each others dicks, and yet somehow this is way more personal. 

now suddenly all these years of pent up emotions are bubbling to the surface and fred whispers “what are we doing, f?”

and fp, hand still on freds face, says “what do you mean?” but like... he knows. 

freds eyes flicker to fps mouth and he swallows and says “this. us. im not the only one who feels it, right?”

and that shakes fp to his core because finally he has validation that this isnt one sided. so he strokes freds chin and shakes his head and says “no. youre not.” and theres a second before fred leans forward but stops, a moment of hesitation before trying again and hes leaning all the way in until his lips touch fps and fp stays still, hand still holding freds face, and the kiss gradually gets deeper, starting off closed until freds opening his mouth and taking fps top lip between his own, and then he’s slipping his tongue in, and fp lets out these little moans and from there its like the floodgates have been opened.

theyre clutching each other for everything theyre worth, fp pushes fred back and climbs in his lap, straddling him on the couch. movie still playing in the back. rest of their dinner long forgotten. 

they dont fall into bed that night but... their hands definitely wind up down each others pants on the couch so... close enough. 

and after they both come and theyre sitting there panting and breathless and blissed out from their high, fp lets it slip out that hes been wanting to do that since high school and that of course shocks fred, who just smiles real big and says “really?” and then fps all embarrassed and blushing but fred pushes his hair back and kisses his temple and says so has he and fp lets out this breathy laugh before nuzzling his face against freds neck an its just a very soft moment 🤧

and after they get all cleaned up and put the dishes away and its time for fp to head back home, theyre standing in freds doorway and they cant stop kissing each other because neither of them want fp to go home but fp cant stay the night. not with archie coming home soon. they gotta have a talk with the boys first before sleepovers start happening. but for now they can keep kissing and make plans for an actual date, and they both go to bed that night feeling happier and lighter than they have in years and like... archie and jughead know immediately somethings up cuz their dads are suddenly fucking giddy all the time, smiles plastered on their faces. every time fred and fp so much as get a text from each other the boys swear their dads fucking giggle and its a trip, man. these fucking nerd asses in love. we could have it so good you guys... 😭