unfortunatematchups

[unfortunatematchups]

its been real, guys.

this blog came to be because four people had a shared passion and wanted to make something out of it. maybe the amount of love we had to this blog wasnt all equal, some of us loved homestuck and writing match ups more than the others.

but as this blog ages, so does our love for homestuck. with homestuck 2 absolutely destroying everything ive come to love about homestuck, ive found that i actually have a weaker grasp and understanding on the characters than i actually do. i can no longer find myself able to match people accurately to my liking.

ive done all i could, really, genuinely, truthfully and painfully. ive done my best not to let homestuck 2, beyond the absolute garbage fire of what i cant bring myself to consider canon, affect how i see and feel about the kids. the trolls havent suffered much slander on their part, not yet anyway. i still love the trolls i love, but the same cant be said for the kids. knowing that this is how the kids turn out to be is crushing and ruins everything ive come to know and love about the characters, even if i never liked some of them that much anyway.

its like watching or reading a horrifying scene or truth about something you love. it taints the image and starts to make you really doubt just whether or not you really knew that thing you claim to love. throughout homestuck 2 ive just been asking myself, ‘is this really the same story?’

i probably shouldnt let some botched writing ruin my perception of what i love. but the damage has been done. theres no point in me writing the characters as they were in homestuck, pretending that what they do in homestuck 2 didnt happen. the final statement is that homestuck 2 hurt the love i had for homestuck, and while im upset that i let it do so, theres nothing i can do. im not going to try and revitalise the passion i had. ive better things to obsess over, and i refuse to waste it on homestuck.

im writing this so that any of you following this blog or have the intent to can see this and reevaluate whether or not you really want to follow or keep following. right now theres nintey-four people following, and id be lying if i said i wasnt surprised by how many people actually like the stuff were making.

a part of why im making the grand decision to close this blog is because its run its course. like my previous post stated, im the only one still writing for it. the other writer has other shit going on and so do i. im not going to force the other mods to write for this blog, and neither am i going to force myself to choke out something. i know when something is dying, and i know when to let it rest. the last post i made, i still had a little bit of fight left in me. i thought that if someone came in with a stupid good request, it would reignite that flame and let me get back into the groove of writing. it didnt. theres a lovely five part request that gives me plenty of inspiration, but i was kidding myself.

by the time id made that post, i think its safe to say that most of us lost that spark of adrenaline we had in the beginning. there was a slim chance i was going to keep it running, and the wheel didnt land on it.

i thought i knew the characters. and maybe i do, but not as closely as i once did. i no longer have the ability to write up something that matches bits and pieces of both personalities together to form a complete, satisfying puzzle. im just staring at a paragraph of bullshit that i cant string together long enough to properly read it, let alone make a response to it. im losing whatever investment i put into homestuck, and its showing. i havent even thought about homestuck all that much in these few months. thats not to say i wont still love john, dave and equius, but they take less space in my heart than they used to.

another part of why im closing this blog is so i wont have to have it nagging at the back of my mind. since february ive always kept this blog in the back of my mind, checking in on it once every few weeks to see if theres a new ask or follow. and there is. people are still following this blog, waiting for a response, waiting for the content that this blog provided. im not going to lie, there probably wont be. maybe i can refurbish it for something else, but as of now, this blog is going to be left alone. 

thats all. thanks for taking the time to read this. theres no proper way to explain why this blog is closing, so this is the best i can and will do. its been real, and im glad i could make some people happy with the matches. 

to mod spaghetti, thanks for checking in on this blog from time to time, giving ur lil posts here and there, and helping with some of the matches. stay vibin, cryptid.

to mod pie, thanks for writing those non homestuck requests. i dont know how to comfort people, so i hope the memes im sending you help, even if by a little. keep vibin with ur nasty owo shit

and to mod tamago. thanks for those late night editing sessions where i would just vomit words and youd clean up the mistakes. who knew i made so many, huh? heres to hopefully getting any grade above c for our future modules.

[unfortunatematchups]

(Hello is this blog dead because I haven't seen you post since February)

nope, this blog aint dead. i have it open on a browser tab as long as im online to check on any new asks and messages. im going to leave a short explanation here for those who dont want to waste their time.

weve been busy with other interests and ive gotten something like a writers block. matchup block? since im the primary writer here, theres pretty much no activity as long as im not writing. thats it. no reason, nothing to do with personal problems. just a block. 

keep reading for the real reason. you might not like it, but here it is.

im going to use these john sprites to convey my emotion so it might clear up any doubts on how im feeling. lets start with the process of how i write a match.

this is what a draft looks like. i write out how i would rant about this pairing, errors and all, then i leave it for the next day to come back to this and clean this draft into a polished, three-pointer paragraph. the thing is, im the only one doing this, so its obviously going to take long. i dont mind, i love to type and see something spawn from my effort. 

the problem? these rants are people-specific. right. whatever im rambling about in the draft, its about the ask and the ask only. it wouldnt fit if you crammed it into another ask, it wouldnt make a lick-a-sense if it was used to answer someone else. but, when i start to polish it up with clear and coherent sentences, suddenly it becomes… static. it becomes plain and simple, uninteresting and linear. think of it like youre hearing about a book from someone you know and trust versus a review. the person you know describes why the book is great with a lot of passion and love, but theres a lot of errors in delivery and some awkward bits they havent flushed out yet. 

nevertheless, its enjoying and persuasive, because you can see how they love it so much to the point where it gets them like that. they dont plan out how theyll describe the book to you word by word, because theres no need to. seeing how it gets them excited gets you excited, so you buy their faith in the book. 

what about a review? its clean, its cut, its perfect in delivery. it has a flow, introducing you to the story and overall appeal, then maybe it digs down for a spoiler or two. it gels with you in a simple fashion, doesnt quite have that connection a passionate ramble has. because its professional. 

thats what ive been making this blog to be. professional. i answer the request with a polished, pretty and perfect answer. theres no personal connection. i could take a match, swap out a couple of words, maybe cut out a bit, and it would be clear for another match. it feels static to write those paragraphs, and it progressively gets worse each time i repeat the process. im chipping away at something so close, so personal and unique into something dull and professional because i want it to look clean.

but thats my end of the problem. i dont like how it comes out, so what? people enjoy it. they must be, seeing how theres fifty three fucking asks for matchups and 73 followers. 

i wont show all the asks i have in the inbox, but ill tell you what majority, if not all of them, sound like. 

“I’m bi/pan”, “I have brown hair/eyes”, “I’m chubby/short”, “I like art/gaming/reading/writing”, “I’m shy around people I don’t know, I’m crazy around people I know”, “I’m a nerd”, “I have ADHD/Anxiety”. 

of course, there are some exceptions. not everything i say is as is, but from 50+ asks, these are what about three quarters of them sound like. there are personal differences, like music tastes and obscure hobbies, but the general gist is there. 

im not going to say anything about the sexuality orientation, because im in a friend group where majority, if not all, are not cishets. yes, people like art and gaming. 

but thats it? these descriptors are such shallow answers. i can personalise a match for you, sure, but does it feel like its right? you like gaming. so what, do you like ALL games? from FPS to Dating sims to Horror games to Sports games to Adult games? do you like ALL art? Surrealism, sculpture, comics, abstract, even those where they splash paint and call it a day? really? i dont think im asking for a lot when it comes to being specific. some asks literally just go ‘im a bi female, 5′3, i like gaming and drawing, im sometimes shy but i can be sassy at times’. 

with everyone being so similar and vague, how am i supposed to give a match i feel is right? i might as well take everyones favourite boy david elizabeth strider and talk about how he likes your art and how he likes gaming and oh isnt it so great that you two like music. 

there are some unique ones, and its pretty obvious which ones they are because ive put in more love into them. and i havent been able to do that to many asks. 

and the physical descriptions. while im sure some of the characters do have types and preferences, i dont care for appearances. i dont care if youre fat or skinny, i dont care if youre tall or short, brown hair or blonde. you being morbidly obese or morbidly skinny may affect the match depending on how i feel the characters might respond to someone with those physical traits, but they shouldnt matter. 

i dont need how you look. i dont want how you look. its shallow and unimportant. it takes up space in the ask, because you could be using it to describe your personality or interests in detail. not that youre limit to one ask, you can send in an entire fucking fourteen page essay and id match you, as long as youre telling me something i can pair you with. 

telling me youre ‘chubby’ or ‘blonde’ doesnt help visualise shit. this shouldnt be new information to you or anyone else. writing shit like ‘he loves your curves!’ or ‘she likes how short you are because it makes you cute’ is bullshit and is simply self-serving nonsense. yes, its an additional bonus if your lover likes how youre short or fat, but that shouldnt be why theyre in love with you. a paragraph based on how much they like to hold you are appreciate your body is utter fucking nonsense. you appreciate your own body, and thats it. 

i dont feel inspired when i look at some of these asks. i dont feel like i should answer any of these because a) im not obligated to, this blog is just a side hobby and b) id be writing something i dont enjoy for people who might also not enjoy it. i dont deserve to sit at my laptop and write something i feel doesnt represent my work or ideas well, and the person who im matching doesnt deserve the half-assed boring paragraph of nonsense im pulling out of my ass just to clear the inbox. 

ive taken some time away from this blog and upon receiving this ask, i wanted to use the same old excuse every other blog uses: ‘we’ve been busy, so we went on an unannounced hiatus’. 

but thats not true. with the pandemic forcing lockdowns, theres essentially nothing else for us to do. if anything, this would mean that we have more time to write. 

so there it is. my truthful answer as to why nothings coming out of this blog.

part of this is my fault. i thought that maybe i could force myself to match all those vague asks that feel like theyre about the same person, just with a couple of changes. but i cant. i wont. im not going to keep writing shit i dont like, and im not going to keep giving half-assed matches, giving characters people are at the very least sure to be okay with. 

i want to write exciting, unique and adorable relationships. i thought that with the homestuck fandom being so vast and creative, maybe i would get the chance to meet and write for a couple of people who were just so different it would make pairings id never thought of. 

but nah, it looks like everything is the same. all the anon asks start to bleed together. the responses start becoming the same. im given descriptions that sound so tame, so generalised. like somehow, youre afraid of letting me know who you are as a person. or not, perhaps you just struggle with expressing yourself. thats why youre using anon to send in your ask, isnt it? 

i turned anon on because i wanted to respect privacy. i wanted people to be able to send in each and every detail about themselves while remaining behind a mask so they could get the best match without exposing every inch of themselves on a blog. maybe that was my mistake. 

ill leave the matches open, but im only going to do the ones that interest me. but if you decide that you dont give a fuck about the quality of the match, tell me or something. i have drafts that i can just post. maybe youd like that. 

-pretty obviously, mod olio.

[unfortunatematchups]

Could you match my girl Neshia please? She’s a cerulean prince of doom, a graffiti artist, and secretly wants a revolution. Her art has a lot of anti-Alternia meanings, but she’s managed to dodge dronefire so many times it has to be more than luck. She’s super prideful and stubborn, but she has a heart of gold. As the Prince of Doom she’s supposed to destroy death, so she hates seeing other people suffer. She’s known for protecting lowblood neighborhoods but she hasn’t been caught yet. Thanks

i had multiple candidates but here we go

@fizziispam

-mod olio

For her Homestuck matesprit, we match her with…

KARKAT VANTAS

♡ Honestly? Fuck Alternia and it’s stupid rules. Even if he plays more passively he’s still going to support Neshia’s anti-Alternia propaganda. He’s thankful beyond words to have met her, because it means that there’s someone else out there looking out for him and protecting him besides himself. Her being a highblood means that it’s also a lot easier and safer, which is something he appreciates. He’ll stand by her and fight tooth and nail to the death when shit gets out of hand, but in the meantime he’s mostly just patching her up after a rough day.

♡ Neshia’s pride is something he can put up with. They may get into fights from time to time, disagreeing on small things that are really just inconsequential, but that’s not going to wash away his feelings or make him doubt their relationship in the slightest. Because, in the long run, they share the same hopes for the future and if they’re still going strong after all those fights, you can bet the only thing that’ll separate them for good is death.

[unfortunatematchups]

last call for this or were gonna yeet it into oblivion

-mod olio

could the anon who sent this in specify which fandom they would like the match for?

-mod olio

[unfortunatematchups]

Hey just wanna let you guys know that when i looked up the #rules nothing came up.

yeah i dont know how to fix it except give it a hyperspecific tag,,

ill leave a link here but i wont be able to keep reblogging the post so ill tag the rules with ‘unfortunaterules’

hopefully that fixes the problem :^X

-mod olio

[unfortunatematchups]

May I please get a Homestuck matchup? 2 Matespirits and 2 Moirails from Alpha kids, Beta kids, and Beta Trolls. I am a Bisexual Male who prefers Females. Some of my interests are games and gaming in general. I love cartoons and youtube videos alike, animated stuff is really awesome. I tend to get knee deep in fandoms for things I enjoy and do all kinds of stuff for it. For a third interest I'm really into things like art and drawing. I sent these in backwards sorry

not gonna lie i tried so hard to make the eridan match work but i had to accept the cold hard truth that eridan was a lil bitch boy 

-mod olio

For your Homestuck moirail, we match you with…

DAVE STRIDER

♢ Honestly? He gets it. Whenever you’re feeling stressed or angry, Dave’s got your back. While he won’t tackle the problem head on, he can bring your attention elsewhere, distract you with something funny or pull some baffling bullshit to take the edge off. He might be a little hurt when you lash out at him, but he’s not going to let a couple of bumps destroy your friendship.

♢ You two draw a lot, and that’s a fantastic way for the two of you to pass the time. There’s a lot of scribbling and drawing nonsense, since he’s not the type of person to put in too much effort into drawing. He also loves to spend time either playing games or just sitting around doing nothing or idle things, just talking about anything under the sun.

For your Homestuck moirail, we match you with…

KANAYA MARYAM

♦ Kanaya will care for you during bad times in a different way from Dave will, but that works out well too. She has a lot of patience and will go to the end of the world for you, so she can certainly put up with a couple of fits every now and then. She will be your rock and ground you, telling you when you’re going a bit overboard and try to soothe you to the best of her potential, even spending her entire day with you if need be. If you need care she can and most certainly will deliver.

♦ Even if she doesn’t share many interests with you, she appreciates and respects the fact that you have a deep passion for the things you like. She is willing to try and learn to love the things you do, but she makes no promises that she will take to it. Instead, she understands that having similar interests is not what makes or breaks a strong friendship, giving you space to do what you enjoy and expects the same understanding from you.

For your Homestuck matesprit, we match you with…

JADE HARLEY

♡ Jade’s a bundle of fun! Your laid back nature balances her bombastic energy perfectly, with the two of you having just the right amount of fun. When both of you go out on dates it’s always something the two of you can enjoy, never too dull or too draining. She can push you to try and discover things that are out of your comfort zone, and you can make sure that she doesn’t go too far in one direction or the other. 

♡ Although she may be a bit insensitive to you when you’re moody, she will slowly learn to be patient and help you instead of angering you further. It may be a bit rough at the beginning, with her snapping back, but with enough time spent she is willing to take a few steps back on her end to help you settle down, either just apologising directly or suggesting you two do something fun but simple together. 

For your Homestuck matesprit, we match you with…

ARADIA MEGIDO

♥ Aradia, similarly to Kanaya, understand that two people don’t need to share interests to be a good match. Instead, she thinks that your interests can be combined to make something the two of you can enjoy together, like her bringing you various odd-looking objects she finds during her explorations for you to draw or reimagine into an animated character, or her bringing you with her to look at the places she’s explored for inspiration should you need it. She’s also open to trying out whatever you want, so there’s always something to do with her.

♥ Though patient, Aradia’s the sort to be distant when she feels a fight will happen. She won’t snap or bite back at you because it won’t fix anything. Instead she’ll just wait it out, maybe giving you some time to cool down before she comes back, asking if you’re better and want a hug or a kiss. She will stay if you ask her to, perhaps letting you play with her hair or hands until you’re calm again.

[unfortunatematchups]

no anon yo

resend in the ask off anon or dm us so we can tag you when the match is posted

[unfortunatematchups]

Hello! Is it alright if we send in matchup requests for our homestuck Ocs? Love the blog btw 💖

you know ive never really thought about it before but hell yeah

its the same as matching up a person right

ill tweak the rules a little bit and you can send in your oc for matching!

-mod olio

[unfortunatematchups]

Oh alright!! Thank you so much! Tumblr has been eating my asks lately... 💕 So I wanted to make sure! 💕

no problem! tumblr do be like that sometimes :^//

-mod olio

[unfortunatematchups]

Did my ask go through? Mine is for a 20 something year old pansexual and genderfluid ^^

matchup for homestuck and hiveswap, right?

we got it! were workin on it 

[unfortunatematchups]

Hello!! Id like a,,, black Butler and servamp matchup!! I'm a straight and female!! My personality type is the debater (ENTP - extraverted, intuitive, Thinking and Perceiving) and I'd say the acronym is accurate!! I'm a pretty social person and i love going places and doing things!!! But also settling down and reading a book or something!! I love drawing, psychology, piano and taking walks with my puppy!!! I love the broad spectrum of alternative music!!! I have to send two asks!! AAa!!!

here comes a choo choo clown train 

-mod olio

For Black Butler, we match you with…

SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS 

♦ Spider phobia? Don’t worry, Sebastian isn’t all that fond of spiders either. He won’t kill them, though unless it’s another spider we’re talking about, then it’s an entirely different story, rather he will just pick them up and gently lay them outside. There won’t be many spiders in his current place of residence because he’s so efficient at housekeeping, so you can rest with an easy mind.

♦ He loves your bombastic personality! It’s a refreshing change of pace from Ciel “stick-up-my-ass” Phantomhive. He can never get enough of your chaotic energy and he has the patience to take it all in stride. It’s never a dull day with you around! He’s glad to be in your company because it means having fun and doing as he wishes without the mess he has to clean up and deal with whenever he’s following his master. 

♦ This demon knows that he’s what majority will consider a hot guy, and he thinks it’s cute when you go from being confident and flirtatious to a blushing and shy mess around him. He might tease you about it to get a rise out of you. Nevertheless he’s gentle and loving with you, knowing and learning how to take care of you and his master. 

For Servamp, we match you with…

LICHT JEKYLLAND TODOROKI 

♡ To be very honest with you, he was attracted to you mostly either because of your dog, or your piano skills. Because he is a simple man, who is only attracted to few things. But that's a good thing, it means he considered you "angelic" enough to spend time around!

♡ Matching black aesthetic? Hell yeah! He also calls himself "Your angel" (Accompanied by Lawless in the background) and is sure to be nearby just in case something unexpected happens to you, or you need a spider to be killed. Trust me, he's even willing to use his lead to kick the spider dead, *just in case*.

♡ Now with him, you both can now play duets on the piano! Expect to lead a very musical life from now (even more than before), as he would want you to be at his performances, supporting him in his passion, as he would with yours, though he may not understand it at first, he would ask you lots of (dumb) questions.

[unfortunatematchups]

Aaaaa homestuck kids matchup please? I’m a bisexual dude. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, soft-spoken- I think a lot more than I talk (unless someone takes interest in things I enjoy- oh boy- that’s a fun time), I’m also the type who acts on random bursts of energy, “There’s no inspiration like desperation.” My interests include virology, art, horror and cryptids. Thank you!

For your Homestuck matesprit, we match you with…

ROSE LALONDE

♡ Rose appreciates that you’re a thinker, not a talker. She likes peace and quiet, even more so when it’s with a person she loves dearly, and while she’s willing to be a bit silly and let loose, talking about nonsense from time to time, she prefers intelligent conversation or none at all. There’s nothing stopping you from talking about your passions and interests, however, since she finds it extremely endearing and enjoyable to listen to you. 

♡ While she works on consistent and persistent effort, she doesn’t mind and even understands when you have your ups and downs. If you ask she’ll do her best to motivate you, but she’s the type of person to tell you that everyone is different in their own way and works at their own pace. She won’t press you to do anything you don’t want to do, so you don’t need to worry about being pressured by her.

♡ The two of you have similar interests! The two of you can bond over horror and cryptids, sharing whatever peaks your interests and exploring the realm of the unknown together. With enough time spent together perhaps she will open up to you, revealing the stories she has written. You may introduce her to virology, which she will take a liking to and perhaps study it alongside you.

[unfortunatematchups]

I apologise for any mix up and confusion as I was the one who did most of the formating for the mod introduction post.

But all is as Mod Olio said

I hope this has cleared up any issues

- Mod Spaghetti

Is mod spaghetti and pie nonbinary and trans?

uh

mod spaghetti is nonbinary for sure

the (fme) thing on mod pies bio is a joke lmao

i think the joke was that she typed in fmeale when telling us what gender to put next to her intro

its not ftm mod pie is a boring cishet

-mod olio

[unfortunatematchups]

i love hs matchups alot?? so may i request a matchup w/ alpha &/or beta trolls? all 3 quadrants is cool, im bi, nb, INTP-T, pisces, bard of doom :3c im shy & introverted, kinda mean at first but im nice once you get 2 know me, im pretty lazy and disorganized, as well as very moody,, i enjoy dark humor and love animals as well. my hobbies + interests include drawing, engineering + coding, any games. i love learning things but im kinda slow (w/ social cues 2),,anyway thanks if u accept!! :3c

what i wrote feels like rubbish but it aint fair to keep stalling this match so 

come bash me later im very tired :^(

-mod olio

For your Homestuck moirail, we match you with…

NEPETA LEIJON

♢ She was pretty put off by your mean exterior at first, but that doesn’t stop a Nepeta from being friends with who she wants. Once the ice is broken and the two of you become friends, you’ll find that both of you share very similar interests. From liking drawing to playing games, there’s nothing you two won’t be able to do together for hours on end.

♢ I hope you like cats, because she’s the most feline companion you’ll ever meet. She’ll cuddle or sit near you whenever she’s happy, maybe bring you a little something from her hunt. Her emotions are extremely easy to read, it doesn’t take a psychic to understand when she’s happy or upset (though she’s rarely the latter), so you don’t have to worry about not catching on or misunderstanding her.

For your Homestuck matesprit, we match you with…

KARKAT VANTAS

♡ Being with a person who’s slow with social cues really makes him feel like he’s the generic, whipped lead in a really shitty fuckin romcom with the stereotypical oblivious second lead. It puts him in great agony, but at the same time he lowkey likes it. It’s romantic to him, y’know? There’s nothing better than a slow burn romance that hits all the cliche notes. 

♡ Hard exterior and soft exterior? Oh boy does he understand. The world’s a cruel place, and it doesn’t make time for you. He’s probably the first to see through that mean attitude and try making friends with you, which he sure is glad he did. Karkat may seem like he’ll be really impatient and yell an awful lot about your inability to pick up on things quickly, but he’s got a surprising amount of resolve. He can and will spend his time making sure you understand something or talk about your feelings so you’re not left guessing and confused, even if he may seem a bit grumpy.

For your Homestuck kismesis, we match you with…

SOLLUX CAPTOR

♧ You two share a similar affinity for electronics, so with the nature of your relationship there’ll be a lot of competitions, whether it be planned or spontaneous. Your tendency to get moody and Sollux’s bipolarity causes a lot of civil disagreements and conversations to turn sour very quickly, leading to a very heated pissing match. 

♧ Despite your clashes, though, you two share a lot of similarities. From being Doombound to introverted to liking coding and engineering, there’s a lot you two can agree on and bond over. It’s what allows you two to respect each other enough to form a solid kismessitude, and even though your personalities may clash quite strongly, you two still have a deep-rooted love and respect for each other.

[unfortunatematchups]

Thank you again for the matchup!!! :O they're so good I love roxy sm :')

thank you!! im glad you like it a second time :^)

[unfortunatematchups]

could the anon who sent this in specify which fandom they would like the match for?

-mod olio

[unfortunatematchups]

Eridan 100% calls his s/o his prince/princess/princet and will buy them clothes fit for royalty

this is kinda random but fuck yeah

hell also give them all kinds of accessories and jewelries to match

-mod olio