#carden.txt

[fataltotheflesh-com]

i'm literally so excited to relapse i'm not sad or upset i just can't stop thinking about it

[fataltotheflesh-com]

i wanna cut again sooo bad :( not super deep, just to have some pretty marks ig. i'll do it in 5 days (sunday the 25th) so i can break my clean streak when it's at 69 days ^_^!!

[fataltotheflesh-com]

holy why does scratching hurt soso much more than cutting

[fataltotheflesh-com]

m think maybe never knowin why you've been abandoned is better

[fataltotheflesh-com]

ohh everybody abandons me for realsies i guess

[fataltotheflesh-com]

I was um going 2 check on fyo because I was worried but then I checked her secret blog and it was assuming I am mad at her because of things I were not even about her or with any relation to her whatsoever and he's being mean to me anyway so um. I guess I won't??? like I love him but if he's gonna distance himself I guess it's better to stay away from people who think and assume these bad things about me

[fataltotheflesh-com]

AAAHHH LIFE IS REALLY JUST THIS MUCH EASIER WITH A FP I'M MORE CONNECTED TO AND LOVES ME BACK JUST AS INTENSELY. WHAT DO YOU MEAN LITERALLY ANYTHING HAPPENING DOESN'T TRIGGER ME AAUUHUJGHBJNBGJN <333333333333333333333

[fataltotheflesh-com]

maybe things deeply ingrained in me by abusive family are not in fact good?

[fataltotheflesh-com]

oh god why is he being affectionate i'm panicking

[fataltotheflesh-com]

havinf an episode perchance

[fataltotheflesh-com]

got abandoned by the longest relationship i ever had ever last night. nye is a real dick move. but um split and lashed out at my fp and she was sososo lovely and kind and understanding and i feel so bad now because i was rlly mean to her and she had no direct connection to the one who dumped me . it wasn't my fault rlly i was having bpd symptoms but . she's too good to me i feel so bad

[fataltotheflesh-com]

exactly three months clean but uh... year since my soulmate and the love of my life abandoned me as easily as if i was rubbish . so

[fataltotheflesh-com]

🧍‍♂️

[fataltotheflesh-com]

um didn't intend to cut until tmrw but oopsies it's fine

[fataltotheflesh-com]

forget panic attacks exist every time i have one aha

[fataltotheflesh-com]

do you ever just. they've been treating you exclusively with loveliness u don't deserve and it just makes you wahtbto hurt yourself. neither of my boyfriends who care are online and itd jus5 beososoo easy idk