#catch the tiny Booker in the background

[luminarai]

several people suggested the old guard and fettuccine the cat and then I saw this old tweet and this just happened

[ech0-1409]

i know the general consensus is that Booker is being deliberately unhelpful in the train scene as they try to piece together their dreams about Nile, but narratively it makes sense he’s bad at it. 

Booker has never dreamt an immortal that he’s going to go and seek out before. Sure, he’s dreamt Quynh, but they were never gonna set out to go and get her, so it makes sense he doesn’t know what to look for. Booker doesn’t understand what he’s dreaming when he sees Nile, he doesn’t know what details to catch to piece it together, and that’s why he’s so unhelpful with tiny fragments of information such as “i saw a name tag” but he can’t remember the name. Also, he’s arguably the most overwhelmed by what he’s seen. “I felt her die” whilst grabbing his neck shows that he’s deeply affected by his dream. 

Joe and Nicky are a little better as they must have dreamt Booker before they met him. Joe immediately reaches for his sketchbook, whilst Nicky supplies helpful bits of information that could help narrow down who this woman is and where she is. He’s the first to describe what Nile looks like “it was a black woman” and then goes on to piece together where and what she could be i.e the knife he saw “it was fish capped” and it being possibly military “clay walls” . Joe supplies helpful information too, with the detail of remembering part of the name tag. “it was free something” and “coalition medical team” whilst he draws Nile from memory. Although it’s clear they’re not as skilled as it as Andy i.e “i saw an older woman in a hijab” is something Joe supplies, but that isn’t directly relevant. 

The most poignant part of the scene is when Andy interrupts, having flawlessly pieced together the fragments of what she’s seen. “she’s a marine, near combat duty” and “Afghanistan”. Which makes the most sense because Andy must have dreamed Quyhn before they met. She’s dreamed Lykon, Joe, and Nicky, and Booker. This is a skill she’s honed across millennia. She knows exactly what to look for - what details are important, and how to identify both Nile’s location and occupation from a dream that couldn’t have lasted that long and was extremely fragmented and confusing. Which is really impressive when you think about it and shows how old she really is, and what she’s been through to get there. This is really good character building and sets up the group dynamic i.e Andy being the eldest/most experienced, without going into detailed background information.

[astyle-alex]

[FanFic] Start with Why | the Old Guard

Start With Why    (Part 5 / 6)

Fandom: the Old Guard Pairings: Background Nicky x Joe Characters / Focus: OT5 + Copley, reacting to Booker's betrayal Rating: Gen Audiences Warnings: None (well, language, because the team is quite colorful) Total Word Count: 10,288 Chapter Word Count: 1,305

Summary:

The thing about betrayal is that it hurts. Sometimes it hurts too much to see the broader situation clearly. But after Booker's betrayal, the team has to look at themselves and see how every one of them is culpable. Booker may have done the deed, but his measly 200 years makes him a child to the others, especially Andy, and like babysitters are to blame when their charge sets the curtains on fire, the Family needs to ask themselves WHY and accept the honest answers. Why Copley, Why Merrick, and Why something made Booker believe that his choice was the right one for his Family...

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||   Read on Patreon  |  Read on Ao3   ||

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Part V  ::  NILE 

            Bringing them to Copley feels like leading Dizzy to her first confession— after the bombing that had nearly taken Jay from them.

             It was a revelatory experience, one that truly was religious.

             It was righteous and important, and now, it makes the first bit of fucking sense out of why she is even there when these god damn world-shaping immortals couldn’t possibly need little old South Side Nile Freeman for anything significant.

             Nicky stares and stares like a man standing at Heaven’s Gates.

            He is standing in the presence of a holiness he’d come to doubt over centuries of having his Faith tested— more even, Nile could see that he was realizing exactly how his doubts hadn’t been half as deeply rooted as he’d feared.

            His tears don’t fall and he stands silently, and his shoulders don’t quite shake, but there’s a clear shudder now and then as an age-old tension in him dissipates.

            Watching Nicky almost makes Nile cry.

             But watching him hurts less than watching the others.

             Joe is praying under his breath, to Allah and the very beauty of creation. His fingers run over the strings connecting their small good deeds to the outpouring of good aftermaths that came in the slight delay of consequences.

            He looks at Copley like he can almost understand his brother’s deep betrayal.

             Copley believes in them, in a way they haven’t for a damn long while.

             Copley looks at them like they could make the sun rise on a whim and for someone like Joe to feel the resonance of that Faith… for him to realize it… He knows the depth of his own doubts would be dwarfed by Booker’s, so for him to see the grandeur in this clearly shows him how easily Booker could connect with Copley over the pain of having lost a family and been unable to see a path beyond the hurt…

             But then Andy… Andy can’t keep herself at standing, old girl just falls into a chair like gravity ain’t workin’ right for her.

            “Maybe this is the why, Andy,” Nile pushes, talking with the certainty she’s found in this new sense of purpose flooding through her voice.

             Andy just nods, too lost in all the memories.

             The 150 years or so that Copley has compiled don’t even scratch the surface of the ocean Andy’s sinking through. He looks like he wants to ask for her autograph, but a look from Nile has him nodding with a promise that shows he’s aware she needs time to process.

             And Copley… Nile gets why Booker liked him, he’s a good guy at base who wants to do good. He’s just been a dumbass in how he’s been going about it.

            But grief can do that to a person.

            Not everyone has the strength of Nile’s Mama.

             And Copley paired with Booker… bad idea to worse, with extra alcohol. There’s a damn good reason ordnance are not kept near the barracks, after all.

             For his part, Copley is a god damn champ.

            Doesn’t ask where Booker is, doesn’t blink when a trio of immortals starts to cry and pray and fall. He just states his case for how he values them, for how their work is critical to keeping even the worst of worlds progressing on a more even kind of keel.

             Eventually, Andy looks to Nicky.

            He dips his head— pleading, not acceptance.

            Andy is the one who looks away.

             She flings herself up to her feet and actually gets close enough to read the articles that Copley has connected.

             There’s a straightness in her shoulders that Nile never realized had been missing, a straightness in her spine.

            Nicky looks to Joe— who will not look at him.

            But Nile remembers how her parents used to fight. How Mama had this look that was just plain quelling in a certain slant, and yet could burn through any pretense of ignorance in another. Joe knows his Nicky’s looking, and if Joe knows Nicky’s looking, the battle is already lost for him in pretending he could keep his eyes away.

             When Joe turns, Nicky tips his head.

            Like with Andy, there’s a whole conversation in that stare.

            But so much deeper between lovers.

             Already, Nile can read so much in this trio’s every tiny gesture.

            After another hundred or two hundred or a thousand years… she’ll be just as close to them as they are now among each other.

             The thought is only sorta terrifying.

            Mostly it’s exhilarating.

            She can do so much good with them, more than she ever could with the Marines.

             She can see Joe cave before Joe can feel it— though her recognition comes well after Nicky’s ever-stoic and serene expression twitches towards a smile.

             “Ten days,” Joe says after spouting off a string of curse words in an older form of Arabic than Nile can interpret. “I don’t want to see that fucking traitor’s face for at least ten god damn frickin’ days. And I want a year off before we even think about the possibility of working with that asshole again. You are all fucking saps and bullies and I hate you all. Especially you, Nile, because you are the most annoying little sister in the whole wide world and my heart overflows with a joy so hot it hurts every time I think of how I’m grateful that you are now my Family.”             “I hate how well that sappy shit works for you, jackass,” Nile tells him as she hugs him.

             “It never gets any less annoying,” Andy contributes. “The fact that he pulls it off so well just makes him that much more punchable each time it happens.”

             Then Andromache the Scythian rounds on Copley.

            To his credit, the little ex-spook doesn’t piss himself. He doesn’t even wince.

             If Andy kills him now, he’ll die believing that he served his purpose here on earth.

             Nile knows Andy is neither cruel enough for that, nor kind enough.

            She forgot, briefly, how precious all life is to her— but now she remembers that resolve.

             Her ultimatum to Copley is accepted with true grace. Copley says he would be honored, and Nile honestly believes him.

            He’ll have to be watched, and he’ll be kept far closer than a trusted confidant could roam, but Nile thinks he’ll earn their confidence eventually.

             “Andy,” Nile calls as they head down to the car from Copley’s. “I’m sorry about what I said about you. You’re not a monster. You never were, you just... I was scared… of you and of becoming you because I thought I might forget the me I left behind…”

            Andy turns away before Nile first whole sentence is out.

            Nile honestly doesn’t quite know what compelled her to keep talking.

             “You don’t apologize to Family, kid,” Joe tells her, clapping a hand on her shoulder.

             “But we will listen to any words your heart must speak,” Nicky adds from her other side, nudging lightly into her shoulder. “Andromache just… gets embarrassed easily.”

             “I heard that, you pretentious holy fucker,” Andy gripes loudly, starting the engine with the threat to drive away without them. The others scramble to catch up, and as Nile slides into the backseat, and falls asleep almost immediately, she notes that what she’s feeling is all the awful stress of… everything since her last day in Afghanistan sliding softly away.

             She died in Afghanistan, and that will haunt her (and her birth-family) forever, but she is not, and will never be, alone.

             It’s something she did not realize she was so uncertain of until finding real connection to this collection of ancient, damaged idiots and really felt them pulling close as her new Family.

               Nile falls asleep feeling safe and warm and more hopeful than she has in decades.

    - - - - -

  ||   Read on Patreon  |  Read on Ao3   ||

[pcwpolwrestling]

Feeling the 'Bern'/Sanders In/Extreme Election Night 2016 Review: PCW Newsline

2/21/2019 PCW NEWSLINE-Review of last week’s Extreme Political TV-Bernie Sanders joins the 2020 Sweepstakes -PCW Rankings-Preview of this week’s show. -PCW Extra- Matches from 2016 Extreme Election Night including a replay of the Bernie Sanders-Hillary Clinton match.

CURRENT CHAMPIONS OF THE POLITICAL UNIVERSE:Universal PCW Champion: ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay (Independent/Les Miserables)Universal PCW Tag Team Champions: Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots)Universal PCW Women’s Champion: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (Independent)PWF Red Brand Champion: Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk HerbstreitPWF Blue Brand Champion: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels

PWF Red Brand Tag Team Champions: Banks and WalstreitPWF Blue Brand Tag Team Champions: Union Jack Taylor and the Ultimate Social Justice Warrior

===

LAST WEEK ON EXTREME POLITICAL TV:‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder gets offended at ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave’s ‘Fake News’ t-shirt.

PCW Owner Dawn McGill talks about her experience being ‘detained’ by the Coke Brothers/George Moros/The Establishment.

The Champion of the Political Universe (which sounds really impressive if you think about it) ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay stops by to watch Truckin’ Average Company (Ken Worth-American Trucker/Average Joe/Brad Company) defeat Georgia-Florida State Line and Mr. Wrestling XXXIV.

Russian Collusion comes up. Fox News’s Tucker Carlson tells Colleen that THERE…WAS…NO…RUSSIAN…COLLUSION after she complains about Russian referee Corrina Romanov coming back to officiate a match (Romanov was the referee of the Trump-Clinton match at Extreme Election Night 2016).

Jill Berg Enterprises continues to woo Charlie Blackwell of the Sports Entertainment Corporation.

The Shutdown was averted thanks to a deal brokered by Executive Committee President Nancy Pelosi (CA-Progressive Alliance) and American Patriot Leader Mitch McConnell (KY-American Patriots.

But then CEO of the Political Universe Donald Trump (NY-American Patriots) declares a Security Emergency and gets into it with CNN’s Jim Acosta again.

‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor vs. ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ Ultratron-Five makes his PCW debut and defeats ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor.

‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann visits McGill and warns her she can’t defeat the Establishment.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez celebrates preventing Amazon from building a new headquarters in New York City. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott comes out and he’s not impressed.

Main Event: Scott defeats SNAFU.

BERNIE SANDERS JOINS THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE CEO RACEBernie Sanders (VT-Progressive Alliance) announced this week that he is joining the increasingly crowded 2020 race.

Sanders competed in 2016 and lost to with eventual Progressive Alliance standard bearer Hillary Clinton in a hard fought contest in 2016 Hillary Clinton. Clinton went on to lose at PCW Extreme Election Night 2016 to Donald Trump.

Sanders joins a field including Cory Booker (NJ), Kamala Harris (CA), Julian Castro (TX), Tulsi Gabbard (HI), John Delaney (MD), Richard Ojeda (WV), former tech executive Andrew Yang (NY), Elizabeth Warren (MA), and Amy Klobuchar (MN).

Others who may join the race: Kirsten Gillibrand (NY), Pete Buttigieg (IN), Former PCW COO Joe Biden, billionaire Michael Bloomberg (NY), and Sherrod Brown (OH).

RED BRAND SHOWAs both shows get back into gear following the month plus long shutdown, here’s how the Red Brand shows breaks down at the moment.

The Red Brand Champion remains ‘Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit’ Kirk Walstreit representing Jill Berg Enterprises. JBE also boasts P.M.C. Banks, Big Oil, and 4 time PCW champion Yamamoto Tanaka in their ranks plus Berg herself is a former PCW champion.

Jill Berg Enterprises also has the Red Brand Tag Team champions in Banks and Walstreit- who also hold the Champions of the Political Universe Tag Team belt as well.

The Sports Entertainment Corporation still has Charlie Blackwell in their ranks for now.

A new group is forming called Main Street USA. Farmer John and John Deere are their feature wrestlers and Sarah Mae Smith is the headliner on the women’s side.

The American Military Complex faction has formed featuring the newly signed Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb, Hy Drogen Bomb, Newt Tron Bomb, and kid sister Daisy Cutter-Bomb.

Lastly, the religious right is also represented by The God Squad: Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe with Sister Mary Marlboro.

BLUE BRAND SHOWLooking at the Blue Brand show, Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels is the featured wrestler as the Blue Brand champion. Daniels represents the very strong and influential Hollywood contingent in the Progressive Alliance.

Big Labor has James the Auto Worker and Union Jack Taylor- the Blue Brand’s Tag Team Champions.

A Tech/Silicon Valley group has just formed with Myles Microshoft being their feature wrestler.

Extreme Attorneys Felcher and Felcher aka ‘Seriously Bad Lawyers with Seriously Bad Combovers’

The hard left has the Ultimate Social Justice Warrior and Professor McCarthy’s Flock.

Paddy O’Kennedy and Mark Ditka make up the moderate faction in the Progressive Alliance. Kathryn Randall Collins is a longtime stalwart of the women’s division.

PCW RANKINGS

PCW Title Champion: The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism #1 Contender: Jack Fraiser #2 Contender: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott #3 Contender: SNAFU #4 Contender: Average Joe

PCW Tag Team Title Champion: Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and Halitosis #1 Contender: The Dork Dynasty: Leonard and Sheldon Robertson #2 Contender: The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank and Tiny #3 Contender: Truckin’ Average Company: Ken Worth-American Trucker and Brad Company #4 Contender: Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice

THIS WEEK ON PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV-More on Bernie Sanders jumping into the 2020 race. -The Washington Post gets sued.-PCW Champion ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism attacks Blue Brand Champion Kevin Daniels at a Blue Brand show. -The PCW Tag Team champions Island of Misfit Wrestlers are in action.-The Champion of the Political Universe ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay is also on the card.

HIGHLIGHTS FROM EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2016 Back at the broadcast table with Johnny Suave sitting on the left, Colleen Crowder on the right.

Johnny Suave: Well, if it gets Barbra Streisand to leave the country, there’s as a good reason as any to root for Donald Trump.

Colleen turns to him with a surprised look of disgust.

Colleen Crowder: How dare you say that? Barbra Streisand is a national treasure.

Johnny Suave: So is the Moonlite BunnyRanch in Nevada.

Colleen’s jaw drops.

Johnny Suave: Let’s see how Trump arrived here tonight.

She turns to Johnny.

Colleen Crowder: I can’t believe you compared Barbra Streisand to a rabbit farm.

(FILM CLIP-AMERICAN PATRIOTS GAUNTLET MATCH: Donald Trump vs. Jeb Bush, John Kasich, and Ted Cruz-Taped July 21st in Cleveland, Ohio) Johnny Suave (voiceover): Donald Trump had to run the gauntlet to earn his shot to become the next PCW PEO. First, he had to face Jeb Bush and the Bush Family (former PCW CEO’s George W. Bush and George H.W. Bush).

Trump arrives in the ring wearing an authentic Viking costume complete with a huge wooden club that he brings to the ring with him.

Referee Reince Priebus gives Trump and Jeb Bush their final instructions.

The bell rings. Trump pretends he putting the club down but then spins around and clocks Bush with club cutting him wide open in the face. The Bushes at ringside are horrified. Priebus’s jaw drops. Bush drops like a rock and Trump slides in and hooks the legs.

Johnny Suave (v/o): Suffice to say, both George W. and George H.W. Bush were furious with Trump after he literally bludgeoned Jeb Bush…

George W. angrily wheels his father George H.W., in a wheelchair, away from the ring.

Johnny Suave (v/o): …with a club. The Bushes are so mad that they are not supporting Trump tonight against Hillary Clinton.   Next up in the gauntlet…John Kasich.

Kasich tries. He tries real hard. Kasich gets in a few shots but in the end, Trump takes him out with a Skyscraper Slam and dispatches the Ohioan to move on.

Johnny Suave (v/o): Then…Ted Cruz.

Cruz puts up a battle. Trump has all the cards in the end. One Skyscraper Slam later and Trump takes the win.

=================================

DONALD TRUMP PROMOInside a ritzy china store in downtown New York City, Donald Trump looks at and examines a pricey piece of china. His manager Kellyanne Conway stands in the background with the storekeeper and watches.

Donald Trump: Four years ago, PCW all but went out of business. When PCW CEO Barack Obama became the CEO, I thought he’d do well. I thought he’d be a great cheerleader for PCW.

Trump shakes his head.

Donald Trump: But I was wrong.

Trump whips around and in the process catches one the plates on the shelf and sends it flying to the ground. The expensive plate smashes into pieces.

The storekeeper gasps. Conway doesn’t flinch.

Donald Trump: That’s not what happened. Under the policies of CEO Obama, PCW went dark in 2012 and we had people who weren’t working. Now, with the restart of PCW, we need someone who can rebuild the PCW brand and make it great once again. My opponent’s catchphrase is ‘I’m with her.’ No folks. I will work for you. I will wrestle for you.

The camera follows Trump as he goes around the corner, his coat brushing up against the china on the shelf and causing them to smash on the floor.

Horrified Storekeeper: Um, Mr. Trump?

Donald Trump: We need someone who will lift PCW back up.

Trump bumps into another set of dishes and sends them spinning to the floor.

Donald Trump: With Donald Trump running PCW, we will do it. PCW has tremendous potential but it’s been held back by an establishment who doesn’t care about you- the PCW fans.

He grazes another shelf of dishes and they fall to the ground.

Horrified Storekeeper (more urgent): Mr. Trump!

Conway just shrugs and follows Trump through the store.

Donald Trump: We can take PCW back from the corrupt ruling class and we can make it work for you – the fans.

Trump bumps into another shelf sending the whole structure crashing to the ground.

Horrified Storekeeper: MR. TRUMP!

Donald Trump: PCW Extreme Election Night 2016. Trump vs. Hillary. Who will prevail. The status quo?

Trump points at the camera…and accidently catches another plate.

*SMASH*

Donald Trump: Or YOU!

*SMASH*

The storekeeper confronts Trump.

Horrified Storekeeper: MR. TRU-

Trump motions to Conway. Conway reaches into her purse and hands the intensely anxious storekeeper a check. The storekeeper takes one look at the figure written on the check and immediately exhales and de-tenses down.

Now not-so-horrified Storekeeper: …oh, that’s better.

=================================

Johnny Suave: Well, speaking of Hillary Clinton, let’s take a quick look back on how she reached tonight’s PCW CEO showdown against Donald Trump…

(FILM CLIP-PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE MATCH: Hillary Clinton vs. Bernie Sanders-Taped July 28th in Philadelphia, PA) Johnny Suave (voiceover): All lethal weapons were banned from the match and replaced with cardboard in an attempt to tone down the violence. The leader of the Progressive Alliance, Debbie Wasserman-Shultz, presided over the match as the referee. With questions about her impartiality in the air, would Wasserman-Shultz call things right down the middle?

Bernie Sanders grabs an empty cardboard toilet roll and smacks it over Hillary’s head. Wasserman-Shultz admonishes Sanders.

Hillary clubs Sanders with her own empty cardboard toilet roll. *CLANK* Sanders staggers backwards into the corner. The cardboard toilet roll slides off and reveals a small lead pipe. Sanders’s manager Jeff Weaver screams at Wasserman-Shultz. Wasserman-Shultz shakes her head and tells him she didn’t see anything wrong.

Johnny Suave (v/o): Even Bill Clinton got into the act.

Weaver again engages referee Wasserman-Shultz over an infraction. Bill Clinton sneaks over and spins Sanders around- then he jabs him in the eye.   Then Hillary walks over with what’s purported to be a paper plate but what is actually a steel plate sandwiched by two paper plates. *CLANK*

Johnny Suave (v/o): But then Sanders turned the tide and took the fight to the Clintons.

Sanders hits a single leg takedown on Hillary. Bill then tries to sneak up on him from behind. Sanders low bridges him and then whips him into the corner turnbuckle. Halfway there, Bill ‘stumbles’ and falls face forward into the turnbuckle and flips up and over. Clinton tries to snag the top rope, misses, and tumbles down to the floor. Bill then gets back on his feet…takes two steps…stops…and then flops face first to the floor.

Johnny Suave (v/o): But in the end, Hillary would prevail.

Sanders has Hillary down and hooks the leg. Wasserman-Shultz takes her sweet time going over to make the pinfall. Finally, Sanders jumps back up and gets in her face. While he argues with Wasserman-Shultz, Hillary slides over, grabs Sanders from behind, and rolls him back into a pinning situation. Wasserman-Shultz immediately slams her hand on the mat with a machine gun “onetwothree” and that’s the match.

=================================

HILLARY CLINTON PROMODeep down in the bowels of Washington D.C. Extremely dark setting. Hillary Clinton, accompanied by her husband Bill, Debbie Wasserman-Shultz, and her manager Robby Mook, steps forward into the light.

Hillary Clinton: Donald Trump. You might be a big shot in the business world. You may be a legend in the corporate boardroom. But Donald, you have no idea what you’ve just walked into. You see, this is my arena. And you have no idea what lengths I’ll go to get what I want and deserve. PCW CEO.

Bill folds his arms in front of him.

Hillary Clinton: There are many people all across the PCW universe who believe, like I do, that Donald Trump simply cannot get the job done…that Donald Trump is fundamentally unqualified to be the CEO of PCW. As PCW starts up again, we need new ideas and someone who is temperamentally prepared to do the job. That person is me. At three AM in the morning, when the phone rings and there’s a crisis that needs to be handled, you want me to take that call- not Donald Trump. Donald Trump’s ideas are dangerously incoherent, he is horribly unprepared for a position that requires knowledge, stability, and responsibility. Putting Trump in charge would be rolling the dice with PCW’s future.

Bill Clinton: Trump running PCW would be the craziest thing in the world ever- even crazier than Obamacare- *SMACK* – OWWW!

He rubs his shoulder where Hillary had just smacked him with her open hand.

Hillary Clinton: Don’t say that!

Bill Clinton: Sorry.

She turns her gaze back to the camera.

Hillary Clinton: To get PCW back up and running, it will take a real plan, with real experience, and real leadership. Donald Trump is unfit to be PCW CEO. It would be a historic mistake if he somehow won. At Extreme Election Night 2016, my experience, built up on years of working side-by-side with the Progressive Alliance, fighting for what we believe, will prevail over Donald Trump. If you don’t believe me, listen for yourself to the voices of my Hollywood friends.

Hillary turns and burns a steely glare towards her manager.

Robby Mook: I…I…I…

Mook awkwardly smiles.

Robby Mook (pointing at Hillary): I’m with her?

Hillary looks at him incredulously.

Hillary Clinton: GAH!

She throws up her hands and storms off.

Hillary Clinton (offscreen): WHEN I FIND OUT WHO SWITCHED THAT TAPE…

=================================

MATCH 6: The Battle for PCW CEO

Hillary Clinton (Progressive Alliance) vs. Donald Trump (American Patriots) Referee: Corrina Romanov

=================================

Back to Suave and Colleen at the broadcast desk with the crowd buzzing in anticipation for the PCW CEO showdown that’s just mere moments away.

Johnny Suave: Johnny Suave back with the low level reporter trying to make a name for herself at the New York Times Colleen Crowder…

Colleen Crowder: Do you have to say it like that?

Johnny Suave: …and we are just about ready for the big match to determine who will become the next PCW CEO.

Both Clinton and Trump supporters rise to their feet, holding up their pro-Clinton and pro-Trump signs and shouting dueling chants of ‘I’M WITH HER!’ and ‘TRUMP…TRUMP…TRUMP!’ back and forth at each other.

Johnny Suave (talking louder): Joining us now is Five Thirty Eight’s Nate Silver. Silver, of course, boldly predicted four years ago at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 that Triple R would win the PCW Title and Barack Obama would win a second four year run as PCW CEO.

The camera pans to the right and adds Silver to the picture.

Johnny Suave: Nate, thanks for joining us.

Nate Silver: My pleasure, Johnny.

Johnny Suave: Your insight on what you think will happen tonight.

Nate Silver: Well Johnny. As of right now, I believe Hillary Clinton has a 70% chance of winning this match. I think it’ll be close. But I think the distinct trend is towards Hillary right now.

Colleen Crowder: Nate, I think you’re being too cautious. The New York Times believes that Hillary Clinton’s chances of becoming the first ever woman to become PCW CEO is around 85%. There’s simply no way that Trump will win this match tonight.

Nate Silver: I wouldn’t go that far Colleen. Yes, I believe Hillary Clinton is the clear favorite here tonight. But, I still maintain that the match will be closer than most think it will. There’s still a path for a possible Trump victory. For starters, Clinton doesn’t have the solid advantage that Barack Obama had against Mitt Romney four years ago.

Colleen Crowder: Yeah but that’s not the narrative we’re running with. Hillary Clinton will win this match tonight because Trump is not qualified to be PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: You know Colleen, narrative driven news is to journalism what World Wrestling Entertainment is to the sport of wrestling.

Once she comprehends what Suave has just said to her, Colleen glares at him and her eyes shoot daggers through Suave. She grits her teeth.

Colleen Crowder (slowly): Eighty…five…percent…

Johnny Suave: We’d better get to the ring. Kimber Marshall, take it away!

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen. This next match will determine who will become the next CEO of Political Championship Wrestling!

“I’M WITH HER!…I’M WITH HER!”

“TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!”

Kimber Marshall: Introducing first…

The lights cut out and music starts…

*”Imperial March”- Star Wars

DUH.

DUH.

DUH.

DUH-DUH-DUHHHH

DUH-DUH-DUHHHHH.

Dressed in all black complete with a flowing black cape, Donald Trump and his manager Kellyanne Conway walk out on stage to a big ovation from the American Patriots. Some of the more official types of the American Patriots…ie…John McCain, Susan Collins, and Rick Perry, who sit down front close to ringside, don’t seem overly enthusiastic with their support.

Back on stage, the leader of the American Patriots Reince Priebus filters in behind along with PCW Executive Committee member Paul Ryan.

Johnny Suave: Trump looks particularly sinister tonight!

Colleen Crowder: It’s hideous Johnny. Simply hideous. We really need Hillary to win.

Conway leads the way as Trump, black robe ruffling behind him as he strides, makes his way down the steps from the stage and heads toward the ring.

Kimber Marshall: Residing in the Trump Tower in the great city of New York, New York! He promises to…

The Trump supporters shout out: “MAKE PCW GREAT AGAIN!”

Kimber Marshall: Managed tonight by Kellyanne Conway, accompanied by his Second in Command Mike Pence, and representing the American Patriots! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! DONALD J. TRUMP!

Again, the Trump Supporters let loose with thunderous roar that shakes the building. Trump nods and acknowledges the fans.

Johnny Suave: Donald Trump climbs into the ring. Can be make history of his own here tonight by becoming the next PCW CEO?

Colleen Crowder: NO! I mean, David Brooks from the New York Times is a conservative and even he doesn’t think Donald Trump should be PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: David Brooks is conservative for the New York Times, yes.

The supporters “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!” chant merges with the Imperial March and becomes:

“TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP”

Trump holds the ring ropes open for Kellyanne Conway to slip through. Pence, Priebus and Ryan join them.

Kimber Marshall: And his opponent.

Imperial March- off…

*”Formation”- Beyonce*

…Beyonce’s ‘Formation’- on.

The house lights cut out and then start flashing to the beat causing the Progressive Alliance fans to leap out of their seats.

Quick cut to the upper section where Amy Schumer and Chelsea Handler are dancing on their chairs, Miley Cyrus is on the table twerking, and Madonna…well, we don’t really want to know what she’s doing right now.

Kimber Marshall (loudly over the blaring music): Managed by Robby Mook and accompanied by her Second in Command Tim Kaine, Debbie Wasserman-Shultz, and her husband…FORMER PCW CEO William Jefferson Clinton!

Beyonce comes out on stage lip-synching to her song. She and Jay-Z lead the parade to the ring. Next out, Mook, Wasserman-Shultz, and Bill Clinton.

Kimber Marshall: From Chappaqua, New York. Representing the Progressive Alliance!

Next out, Bill and Hillary’s daughter Chelsea Clinton.

Kimber Marshall: And vying to make history by becoming the first ever woman to become CEO of PCW!

Finally, Hillary Clinton walks out wearing a white pants suit.

Kimber Marshall: PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR…HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON!

The A-List celebrities in the top section of Hack’s stand up and shout. On the floor, the Progressive Alliance section is simply rocking. Hillary Clinton signs bobbing up and down, moving left to right as Beyonce continues to lip synch her song and dance down the aisle.

Reaching the ring, Hillary climbs up the steps first and ducks into the ring, followed by her husband and daughter.

Johnny Suave: Oh wow! Listen to that ovation for Hillary Clinton. Both sides are geared up for what promises to be an incredible match.

Colleen Crowder: Again Johnny. According to the New York Times calculations, it’s going to be an early night, it’s going to be a quick match, because Donald Trump has no chance to defeat Hillary Clinton.

Johnny Suave: Nate?

Nate Silver: The odds are definitely in Ms. Clinton’s favor but I won’t go that far to say that he has no chance.

Johnny Suave: Thanks for your insight. Nate Silver, everyone. Let’s take it back to the ring and the referee in charge of this match- Corrina Romanov.

The name Romanov causes Colleen to cock her head quizzically to the side.

Romanov enters the ring wearing the appropriate white and black striped referee’s shirt and black pants. A former wrestler of her own right, she gets a healthy round of applause from the patrons of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

Colleen Crowder: Hold on…isn’t she like- Russian?

Romanov goes over to Trump and does the usual pre-match check.

Johnny Suave: She is. So what?

Then Romanov walks over to Clinton’s corner and does the same.

Colleen Crowder: Nothing. It’s just…strange…that PCW would assign a Russian referee for this match.

Johnny Suave: Nah, you’re overthinking this. Hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen. We are just about ready to go.

Satisfied, Romanov turns to the bell table and calls for the bell.

Johnny Suave: And here we go!

“I’M WITH HER! I’M WITH HER!…”

Johnny Suave: LISTEN TO THE DUELLING CHANTS!

“TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!…”

Johnny Suave: THE NOISE IS JUST DEAFENING IN HERE!

Both Trump and Clinton cautiously walk forward from their respective corners and circle each other in the middle of the ring.

Then out of nowhere, Clinton drives a knee to the balls. Trump crumples over. And the Progressive Alliance section goes nuts.

Johnny Suave: CLINTON DRAWS FIRST BLOOD!

Clinton whips Trump into her corner where he’s greeted with a few forearm shots from her husband Bill.  He lays in more big forearms on Trump. Hillary follows up with some knife-edge chops.  Trump then whips Clinton across the ring into the opposite corner.

Johnny Suave: Trump sends Clinton for the ride…

Trump sets up for a backdrop but Clinton flips over him and then delivers a punt kick to the jewels.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Dropping to his knees, Trump’s face scrunches in pain. Clinton moves behind him. Basement dropkick to the back sends Trump down face first to the mat. She rolls him over for a cover.

One.

Tw-

Johnny Suave: Easy kick out for Donald Trump.

Debbie Wasserman-Shultz shouts at the referee and then slams her hand down on the mat in the same rapid-fire fashion she’d done when Hillary defeated Bernie Sanders in Philadelphia.

Colleen Crowder: That was a slow count.

Johnny Suave: Any count is slow compared to what Wasserman-Shultz did to Sanders.

Trump fights back to his feet and tries to stop the momentum. But Clinton scratches his eyes and then hits a knee to the gut. Russian Leg Sweep follows and Trump is right back on the ground. Clinton again makes the cover but Trump out of nowhere pushes her off and then rolls her up.

Johnny Suave: TRUMP REVERSES. COVER!

The American Patriots rise up in anticipation.

One

Two.

Johnny Suave: NO! HILLARY GRABBED THE BOTTOM ROPE!

Romanov calls for a break. While she tries to get Hillary to let go of the bottom rope, Bill Clinton sneaks in and pokes Trump in the eye. He recoils back and covers his eye.

Johnny Suave: She’s not letting go of the rope. WHAT?

What? Suave does a doubletake when Captain America…yes…Captain America runs down and slides into the ring.

Johnny Suave: What the hell is this?

Colleen Crowder: It’s Captain America.

Johnny Suave: I know it’s Captain America. Why is Captain America in the ring?

Trump staggers back. Captain America takes his shield and then blasts him in the back of the head with it.

Johnny Suave: Oh…that’s why.

Captain America stares at the downed Trump, who’s holding his head from the shield shot. He then pulls off his mask.

Colleen Crowder: Hey! That’s Chris Evans from the Avengers movie!

Johnny Suave: Where is the referee?

Referee Corrina Romanov is in deep conversation with ABC’s Martha Raddatz at the edge of the ring.

Johnny Suave: MARTHA RADDATZ IS AT RINGSIDE? WHAT IS SHE DOING?

Suave sees Evans pick up the shield.

Johnny Suave: What is he doing?

Evans places the Captain America shield in Trump’s groin area. Then Iron Man jumps into the ring carrying a bowling ball bag.

Johnny Suave: WHAT IS IRON MAN DOING HERE?

Iron Man (okay… it’s really Robert Downey, Jr. playing Iron Man) takes the bowling ball bag, lifts it in the air, and slams it into the shield.

*CLANK*

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Crowd: Oooooooooohhhhh!

Trump rolls back and forth in excruciating pain.

Johnny Suave: KELLYANNE CONWAY IS ON THE RING APRON SCREAMING AT CORRINA ROMANOV!

Finally, Conway gets Romanov’s attention and the referee refocuses her attention back to the match and sees Evans and Downey in the ring. She immediately chases both Hollywood stars from the ring. Which, of course, allows Hillary to indulge in a little blatant choking while the referee continues to be distracted.

Colleen Crowder: I’ve changed my mind. I now believe that Hillary Clinton has a 90% chance of winning. She’s totally dominating him.

Clinton uses the boots to deliver a shot to the gut and another. Trump finally trips Clinton up and sends her to the mat.

Johnny Suave: Big boot by Trump knocks Clinton off her feet. But there’s a lot of worried faces at ringside.

Quick cut to the American Patriots section. Reince Priebus brings a hand to his chin. Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell both watch the action with extremely concerned expressions on their face.

Back to the ring where Clinton has gone over and talks with Robby Mook.

Johnny Suave: Bad idea.  She can’t give Trump time to recover like that.

Trump pulls himself back up again. He goes right over to Hillary and they trade forearm strikes.  Trump whips her into the corner and then catches Clinton on the rebound with a Bulldog.

Clinton tries to whip Trump to her corner but Trump blocks, lifts Hillary up, bringing her legs off the ground, and falls backward to the mat sending her back-first to the mat.

Johnny Suave: SIDEWALK SLAM BY TRUMP. HE COVERS.

One.

Two.

Johnny Suave: WHAT THE HELL IS CNN’S ANDERSON COOPER DOING IN THE RING?

Just as Corrina Romanov starts to lower her hand down for three, Anderson Cooper bolts into the ring out of the blue and pushes Trump off of Clinton.

Johnny Suave: COOPER MAKES THE SAVE!

Colleen Crowder: Maybe we should reduce the chances of Hillary winning back to 85%.

While Hillary scoots back to her corner, Trump gets into Romanov’s face and argues about the count.  He doesn’t see Bill Clinton sneaking up from behind. Bill tries to whip Trump into Hillary’s corner. Trump reverses and goes for a big boot to the face. But Bill ducks, boots Trump in the gut, and then hits a spinning neckbreaker.

Johnny Suave: Bill Clinton fires up the crowd and now he’s going for scoop slam!

Clinton goes to lift Trump up but he doesn’t see trouble brewing behind him. Two women from his past.

Johnny Suave: THAT’S KATHLEEN WILLEY AND PAULA JONES! TWO WOMEN WITH HUGE ISSUES WITH BOTH BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON!

Colleen Crowder: What are they doing in the ring?

At once, the crowd noise jumps dramatically which causes Bill to wonder what’s going on. Finally, his innate curiosity wins out so he turns around and gets an unpleasant surprise. His eyes widen and the crowd goes wild.

Johnny Suave: Nowhere to run! Nowhere to hide!

Colleen Crowder: That’s not fair! They’re interfering in the match!

Johnny Suave: Here we go!

Willey and Jones take Bill by each arm and fling him into the corner turnbuckle. Bill ‘stumbles’ and falls forward head first into the turnbuckle. He flips up and over the turnbuckle, tries to snag the top rope, misses, and tumbles down to the floor.

Johnny Suave: RIC FLAIR FLIP!

On the floor, Bill then gets back on his feet…takes two steps…stops…and then flops face first back to the floor.

Johnny Suave: RIC FLAIR FLOP!

Back in the ring, Hillary comes off the ropes and leaps onto Trump’s back.

Johnny Suave: SLEEPER HOLD!

Colleen Crowder: YES! COME ON HILLARY!

Trump spins to try and dislodge Hillary from his back. Unfortunately, he loses his balance and ends up on the mat. Hillary wastes no time in making the cover.

One.

Two.

Johnny Suave: Trump kicks out. He’s trying to regain his bearings and…why is the referee talking to the Clinton corner again?

This time, Romanov is having a heated conversation with Hillary’s manager Robby Mook and MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow. While they’re distracting the referee, Chelsea Clinton slides a steel chain over to her mother who quickly wraps it around Trump’s neck.

Johnny Suave: AND NOW SHE’S GOT THAT STEEL CHAIN AROUND HIS NECK!

Colleen Crowder: Sleeper hold.

Trump’s face turns bright red as the chain is wrapped tightly and cutting off his oxygen.

Johnny Suave: BULL-*BLEEP*! THAT’S A BLATANT CHOKE! SHE’S TRYING TO CHOKE DONALD TRUMP OUT!

While Trump desperately tries to loosen the chain around his neck, yet another person races down the aisle towards the ring.

Johnny Suave: WAIT A MINUTE? THAT’S FOX NEWS’S CHRIS WALLACE!

Wallace jumps up on the ring apron, grabs Romanov, and spins her around. He points at Hillary who’s still trying strangle Trump with a steel chain.

Colleen Crowder: What is he doing? Chris Wallace has no business butting his head into this match.

Johnny Suave: And CNN’s Anderson Cooper and ABC’s Martha Raddatz didn’t do the exact same thing?

Colleen Crowder: That’s different. Everyone knows Fox News is biased towards the American Patriots!

Romanov immediately acts. She pushes Clinton back, breaking the choke hold. Then Romanov literally rips the chain out of Hillary’s hands and tosses it out of the ring.

Colleen Crowder: The Russian referee is exerting too much influence on this match which means Vladimir Putin is trying to affect the results!

Johnny Suave: Um…Corrina Romanov just enforced the rules because, newsflash, even PCW has rules.

Colleen Crowder: But Vladimir Putin-

Johnny Suave: Is this another narrative or…

There’s a collective gasp inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen Crowder: What.

Colleen turns her attention back to the ring and immediately shoots up from her chair in full righteous indignation mode.

Colleen Crowder: THAT’S NOT ACCEPTABLE!

Johnny Suave: TESTICULAR CLAW! TRUMP IS USING THE TESTICULAR CLAW!

The reaction is instantaneous and the fun really begins. An enraged Colleen Crowder literally jumps up on the broadcast table and points at Trump.

Colleen Crowder: DISQUALIFY HIM! DISQUALIFY HIM!

The Clinton team are stunned. Without hesitation, they all charge the ring.

The Progressive Alliance are stunned. Disgusted. Repulsed. Suddenly, the likes of Chuck Schumer, Elizabeth Warren, and Nancy Pelosi charge the ring.

The media are stunned. Revolted. Aggrieved.   Don Lemon of CNN, the Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson and Dana Milbank, and the New York Times’s David Brooks and Paul Krugman pile into the ring.

Colleen Crowder: HE SHOULD BE DISQUALIFIED!

Even some members of the American Patriots are stunned. Appalled. Queasy. John McCain, Lindsey Graham, former Jeb Bush, and Mitt Romney charge the ring and a huge scrum explodes.

Johnny Suave: IT’S HIT THE FAN NOW!

Trump finds himself swallowed up by a mass of humanity as members of each group literally throw each other out of the way to get to him.

Johnny Suave: This is just a mob scene!

Colleen Crowder: WHY HASN’T THE REFEREE DISQUALIFIED HIM?

Johnny Suave (sarcastically): Maybe Vladimir Putin told her not to.

Colleen Crowder: SEE! I TOLD YOU!

Johnny Suave: Trump is getting no help from the American Patriots either!

Cut to Paul Ryan. He’s whistling while he ever so subtly tries to inch away from the ring, hoping that no one can see him subtly trying to inch away from the ring.   Mitch McConnell? He’s gone from ringside and nowhere to be found.

The rest of the establishment? Sitting in their seats reading the Wall Street Journal or on their phones making plans for their golf getaway.

Quick cut to the Les Miserables section. What had been a full section of people is now half empty.

Johnny Suave: WAIT A MINUTE!

‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay, and Charlie Blackwell stream to the ring followed by forty other people sitting in their section.

Johnny Suave: It’s the LES MISERABLES!

Colleen Crowder: I’m confused Are they coming to help Clinton?

Bryan hops up on the ring apron. He drapes Dana Milbank’s neck over the top rope and drops to the floor causing the Washington Post columnist to whiplash off the ropes and onto his back.

Johnny Suave: BRYAN TOSSES MILBANK OUT!

Bert the Janitor tosses McAvay a Big Bertha Driver.

Johnny Suave: MCAVAY HAS THE BIG BERTHA!

*THWACK*

Johnny Suave: DOWN GOES CHUCK SCHUMER!

*THWACK^

Johnny Suave: DOWN GOES LINDSEY GRAHAM!

Mitt Romney sees McAvay using the driver to pole axe his way through the crowd. He wisely uses discretion and decides to slip out of the ring.

Johnny Suave: AND HERE COMES CHARLIE BLACKWELL!

Blackwell jumps into the ring wielding a steel folding chair. and starts taking people out left and right.

*CLANG*

Johnny Suave: BLACKWELL NAILS PAUL KRUGMAN WITH THE CHAIR!

Blackwell turns and swings the chair again.

*CLANG*

Johnny Suave: CNN’s DON LEMON GOES DOWN!

*CLANG*

Johnny Suave: HE GOT JEB BUSH TOO!

Colleen Crowder: WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

Johnny Suave: THEY’RE CLEANING HOUSE!

The rest of the Les Miserables climb through the ropes and suddenly there’s a lot of people in close quarters.

Colleen Crowder: DEPLORABLE!

The American Patriots, Progressive Alliance, and media contingent still in the ring decide to hastily exit stage right leaving just Trump, Hillary, McAvay, Blackwell, Bryan, and the forty-odd Les Miserables inside.

Colleen Crowder: THESE PEOPLE ARE DEPLORABLE! WHAT ARE ALL THESE DEPLORABLE PEOPLE DOING IN THE RING?

Johnny Suave: Actually, they’re Les Miserables.

Colleen Crowder: AND WHY HASN’T THE REFEREE DISQUALIFIED TRUMP FOR THIS BLATANT OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE? THERE IS NO WAY THIS MATCH-

Blackwell and McAvay re-station themselves outside the ring and the Les Miserables surrounding the squared circle. The ring steadily clears and when it does, leaving just Trump and Hillary inside, there’s an unpleasant realization for one side.

Johnny Suave: FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!

Crowder pulls at her hair.

Colleen Crowder: NOOOOOOOOOO!

In the midst of the chaos caused when the Les Miserables invaded the ring, Trump took one of Hillary’s legs, turned it 90 degrees, grabbed her other leg and crossed it with the other. Then he put one foot in between, the other on the other leg, and bridged over to lock in the figure-four.

To make matters worse, Trump had her smack dab in the middle of the ring- a long, long way from help.

Johnny Suave: HOW ARE HER CHANCES LOOKING NOW?

Colleen remains defiant.

Colleen Crowder: Sixty-five percent, Johnny. I’m still quite confident Hillary will win if the Russian referee would actually DO HER JOB!

The Progressive Alliance contingent charge forward but the Les Miserables protecting the ring stop them in their tracks.

Colleen Crowder: Okay…maybe fifty-five percent- COME ON!

Clinton closes her eyes and sits up. She takes a couple swipes at Trump and then falls backwards.

Johnny Suave: Is Hillary going to tap out?

Colleen Crowder: NEVER!

Hillary reaches for the ropes but she’s too far away.

Johnny Suave: What do you say now?

Colleen Crowder: Fifty-fifty.

As the pain registers all over Clinton’s face, for the first time a realization comes over the folks sitting in the Progressive Alliance section that she could lose this.

Johnny Suave: Are you sure about that?

Colleen Crowder: (whispers incoherently)

Johnny Suave: Didn’t hear you.

Colleen Crowder: I SAID SIXTY PERCENT FOR TRUMP! JESUS, HE COULD WIN THIS THING!

The camera pans through the Progressive Alliance section of the bar. Jaws dropped. Shocked expressions. Hands on cheeks.

Johnny Suave: Do I hear seventy percent…seventy-five percent? Going once. Going twice. Going-

Colleen Crowder: SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT FOR TRUMP. (shouts to no one in particular) COME ON! ANYONE? DO SOMETHING?

Over the loudspeaker, the opening notes to…

Johnny Suave: Wait a minute! I know that song.

A man dressed in a flannel shirt, holding a mocha in one hand and a Singapore cane in the other, steps out of the shadows on the second level of the bar.

Johnny Suave: And I know that guy! HE’S BACK!

The crowd merrily sings along to the Fleetwood Mac song as the man dressed in flannel started towards the stage.

Colleen Crowder: Hold on. Is that who I think it is?

Johnny Suave: It is.

As the sing along continues, the man holds up his mocha, contained inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable cup of course, and chugs it down.

Johnny Suave: IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN,’ TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN,’ INSANE SINGAPORE CANE SWINGING ALPHA MALE AND EXTREME ENVIRONMENTAL HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!

Colleen Crowder: YES!

Gore crushes the paper cup on his forehead in an alpha manly fashion. Gore then spews the mocha out of his mouth like a geyser going off and sprays several tables in close proximity.

Colleen Crowder: Look at the expression on the Trump Team’s faces!

The camera cuts over to Kellyanne Conway and Mike Pence. They’re not paying any attention.

Johnny Suave: Um…they’re not paying attention.

Colleen Crowder: Well…THEY SHOULD BE!

Gore moves up to the steps leading down and turns around to face the Progressive Alliance section. He pulls out another cup of mocha and holds it high in the air. Again, Gore chugs down the mocha, crushes the container against his forehead, and spits the mocha onto several tables.

Colleen Crowder: …if he ever gets to the ring.

Back in the ring, Referee Corrina Romanov maneuvers around, watching for any sign of a tap out. Mook, Kaine, Bill Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Wasserman-Shultz, blocked from the ring by the Les Miserables watch helplessly. Hillary falls back again and her strength wanes.

Johnny Suave: Trump is THIS close to winning!

Colleen Crowder: Son of a bitch. Ninety percent chance for Trump to win.

Colleen shouts up at Gore.

Colleen Crowder: HURRY UP!

Gore makes it downstairs. He stops and pulls out another cup of mocha.

Colleen Crowder: SON OF A BITCH! AL, WOULD YOU GET TO THE RING ALREADY?

Johnny Suave: HILLARY’S RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

Again, Gore chugs down the mocha, crushes the container against his forehead…

Colleen Crowder (lamenting): He’s not going to get to the ring in time, is he?

Johnny Suave: Nope.

…and spits the mocha towards the ring just as Hillary slaps her hand on the mat.

Johnny Suave: SHE TAPPED OUT! THAT’S IT!

Colleen Crowder: NOOOOOOOO!

Romanov calls for the bell.

Johnny Suave: TRUMP WINS! TRUMP WINS!

Colleen Crowder: Oh…my…God.

Johnny Suave: The next CEO of PCW is Donald J. Trump!

The camera cuts to outside the ring. Now that Trump’s won and it’s ‘safe,’ Paul Ryan is slowly edging his way back towards the action.

Johnny Suave: And the conservative chickens have come home to roost!

Mitch McConnell races by Ryan, actually he knocks Ryan out of his way, cheering and pumping his fist in the air. However, others sitting with the rest of the American Patriot supporters aren’t so sure about what just took place.

The Les Miserables at ringside have no inhibition about celebrating. Blackwell, Bryan, and McAvay find themselves in the midst of a big time party.

Panning back to the Progressive Alliance section- soul-crushing sadness among Hillary’s supporters is the prevalent feeling.

The majority of the people on hand begin to sing: “Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye” and wave goodbye to the Hollywood celebs who said they would leave the country if Trump won.

Johnny Suave: After everything that’s happened over the past few months and with the entire Washington D.C. beltway establishment lined up against him- the Republican establishment, the Democrat establishment, the militantly left wing Democrats- who seem to have all gathered in California, and the mainstream media, when the chips were down Donald Trump came through on PCW’s biggest stage.

Colleen Crowder: I think I’m going to be sick.

Johnny Suave: Is that the narrative or an actual story?

Colleen Crowder: Shut up!