#me??? writing something actually coherent and referenced????

[aeide-thea]

an impulse i don't get—

or rather, so as not to be disingenuous, an impulse i get perfectly well but strongly dislike when i'm faced with it, which means i need to reexamine it in myself when i generate it—

is the impulse to sit in judgment about What Counts As Queer. like. yeah, okay, i do get it really, we're all disempowered by hegemonic culture and setting ourselves up as petty kings shores up our egos! but if there's anything i've loved about discovering queerness in and for myself, it's been the realization that there were worldviews beyond my own—and that there still are, almost certainly! that the world is a firework show of exploding possibility, and that i and my current understanding of myself and everyone else are just one bright spark in a whole connected series of them, and that more will come after me, bringing new colors and configurations to my field of vision, if i just keep my eyes open…

and so i just always feel. god. how close-minded, to shut your eyes to someone else's vision of queerness, to say not just 'that isn't a version of queerness that i recognize or feel represented by,' but to say categorically, 'that isn't queer'! if someone's saying in all sincerity, 'this feels alien to the framework i grew up with, and exciting or comforting or both to me'—i want to hear them out, and make space in my own understanding for a multiplicity of queernesses. i'm not always perfect at it! but i want to.

because what's the alternative? join with the biphobes and transphobes who would've said my gq4gq relationship with my transfem ex was really just straight, or at least enough of a union of opposites for government work? join with the aphobes and arophobes who are constantly insinuating that if you're not actively sucking or fucking, you're a square—never mind those of us who are isolated, or traumatized, or anxious, or any of the thousand other reasons why our queerness might not be siting itself in sex or romance, right now or ever! join with the people who sneer at poly and flinch from kink, as if reexamining those relational conventions were somehow cleanly separable from reexamining all the other ones—as if we should want it to be?

anyway, this is about a lot of things, really, and at least one of them i pretty actively don't want to talk about in specific; but i just think, god, i wish we could all learn a little more generosity, and a little more humility. we know the world, and the human heart, encompass more than is dreamt of in kyriarchal philosophy; why then are we so resistant to the idea that they might also encompass more than is dreamt of in our own? movement after movement of queers have come, and built, and been built upon in turn; our personal convictions are not, i feel certain, the final course to be laid down on the great work of enlightenment and liberation—and how depressing it would be, if they were!

[monstrsball]

wait. hold on a second. i'm connecting the dots. i'm connecting them. this means something (it doesn't)

[sammis-svsss-brainrot]

Theoretically if I were to host an event in which the Scum Villain Fandom tried to write PIDW would people be interested?

I discussed this with my good friend @spaced-out-scribbles a while back but here few details that I have in my head, please stop me if someone has already done something like this before

As we all know PIDW, written by Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky, was the source material that Shen Yuan transmigrates into

So wouldn't it be funny to have a "canon" source material for people to reference?

Step 1 would be to compile every reference to PIDW in SVSSS to figure out how long Binghe's white lotus arc lasted and how long actual plot occured before it devolved into shitty smut

Step 2 would be to compile a list of fic writers and maybe artists perhaps that would be interested in recreating PIDW based off of the information occuring in Step 1

A discord server is put together with everyone interested in this project

There could maybe be a list of people assigned to each referenced arc that would maybe hold applications the way that a zine would perhaps? With people applying to write specific portions of PIDW if they wanted to write the marriage of a specific wife or a portion of a specific arc

And anyone else that wanted to participate is assigned a random wife number and told to go wild with the longest, shittiest description of how Luo Bingge was a total stallion lead, and married his new wife of the week

All of these fics and/or accompanying art are submitted to a GIANT ao3 collection (bonus points if everyone involved creates a pseud that's named as Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky for this project) and with everyone's contributions all put together you get a semblance of what PIDW would have looked like

Bonus points if no one else has any idea what happened in a previous wife plot, so the story is not at all coherent towards the later chapters, because I fully believe Airplane had no idea what the fuck he's written before as he got to the end of PIDW

Someone is assigned to write the final shitty ending that made Shen Yuan so mad he died and transmigrated

If anyone wants to contribute to PIDW after the project, the collection could remain open but moderated to make sure chapter numbers/wife numbers stay consistent and that's about it

Obviously this would be a huge project to wrangle and would need a lot of people involved to actually make it work and take a lot of time, so if this is something people are actually interested in, it would more than likely not be able to come to fruition until the start of 2025 at the absolute earliest with all the prep work it would take to get a project like this accomplished but I thought I'd throw it out there to see if people would be interested, so reblog to spread the word if this is something you'd like to see!

Once again, if someone has already done something like this please let me know, I've only been in this fandom for like a year and a half so I'm aware that a lot of fandom events have occured before my time in the fandom

[viviennelamb]

What do you think is the goal behind women talking so much about "purity culture?" I try to avoid feminist discussion in general now but I occasionally see this topic brought up, and they usually equate loving purity/wanting to be pure with pedophilia or something similar ( I recently saw someone say "purity culture is rape culture.") I seriously doubt it would ever happen, but I like the idea of getting to be in an actually loving relationship with a women who values the same things as me. I don't seek it out becauce there's no point in doing that, it's more of a "it would be cool if this happened" thing. But when they say things like this, it makes me feel like I'm wrong or perverted for seeing purity as a positive trait in a partner.

These are my thoughts: I see grown women put on that fake mask of purity that's meant to attract men's attention (and sometimes women's bc I've seen lesbians have these kinks) towards them. One of the more obvious examples: the whole pink ribbon coquette "I'm an innocent little submissive bunny uWu" thing they do. And oc these women obviously adore pedophilia and want to roleplay having their innocence stolen again. They don't have it anymore so they have to play pretend to reach physical excitement, which is why these kinks exist in the first place. But then "purity culture" is blamed for these people finding purity sexually exciting, like it's some made-up concept, when that's literally what sex is- degrading someone else by using their body for a high. The more innocent someone is, the more degrading (aka exciting) the sex is for, therefore innocence is sexually beguiling to most people whether they admit it or not.

I've seen that the "sex-critical but not anti-sex" crowd hates people using different scenarios to act out degredation and referencing the predator/prey dymanic of sex through kink, bdsm, etc. But they think sex is fine as long as they don't overtly acknowledge that what they're doing is degrading or an exchange of power. Like an "out of sight, out of mind" thing. So they draw very random and rigid lines around what sex is okay and what sex isn't, and what isn't okay is anything that takes them out of the lovey-dovey lie they tell themselves and reminds them of what's really getting them off. To me there's something even more predatory about these people, because even if the kind of lust they engage in is less violent/extreme, they're incredibly manipulative about their intentions. Their whole shtick about sex being an "expression of love" is the most coercive thing ever.

Everyone in the world seeks to consume purity and people only ever encouraged purity as a temporary measure in one's goal of finding "the one." Like a virgin distribution system, it's about everyone getting to their fair share of innocence to taint, not about loving innocence itself. That is the real "purity culture", but instead of defending purity they think the solution to this problem is to just pretend purity is a made up concept. They decide to blame it all on a toxic ideology instead of being honest about reality, just like they do with every other problem in the world. Like if you simply decide to think about an action in a different way, that somehow changes the action being wrong. They decide that purity doesn't exist and that lust isn't harmful, which gives them the freedom to go about life feeding on innocence guilt-free, degrading themselves and others but believing they're morally superior than people who are more upfront about why they do what they do. I hope this makes sense and I'm not just writing in circles, I know why their logic is flawed in my head but I'm bad at piecing my thoughts together in a coherent way for others.

Also this is random but I had to share: The most hilarous thing I ever saw in my radfem tumblr days was a post telling you how to suck dick without it being patriarchal and degrading. As if you can take away the inherent degredation of stuffing one's face with some man's dick. It said to not kneel, to not stare up at him in the eyes like pornstars do, and to not go far back enough to gag. Sex pest logic: "It's natural and there's nothing wrong with it, just don't look him in the eye while you do it or it's degrading."

I've heard of the “purity is perversion” thing, and they're jealous. Women want to be attractive to everybody, even if they're not attracted to that individual, so they create think pieces on why they should be included in other people's dating pools, how beauty standards should change, etc. Now Twomen are engaging in the same behavior saying that you're a bigot if you're not attracted to them.

Even though 99.9% of people want an impure partner, they talk about purity way too often for it to not be an envy-based concern. Purity is the only trait that matters in a partner, everything else falls into place after that. If purity isn't the foundation for a relationship, that's when people get into these weird and oddly specific traits that don't really matter because they truth is they'd screw anything with a pulse. And they do.

When people fake like purity, they want the image of purity projected, but if you're actually pure, that makes them insecure and run for the hills because your standards are too high to live up to. And you won't fuck them, of course.

Sex-addicts also delude themselves into believing that “having sex through your heart” or “having sex with your brain” purifies their act, which is why they're so impressed with themselves when they speak like this. I can't believe I have to say this, but you can only have sex with your genitals. There's no purifying or romanticizing sex—it's for the painfully horrifying ordeal of self-sacrificial procreation. If people want to deny this, fine, but I don't want to hear them complain about rape and pedophilia. You don't get to justify sex for yourself, then criticize how other people have sex and who they have it with.

Most people are pedophiles. This goes much deeper than an orgasm, it's a state of consciousness, and it's the most evil form of it. The world isn't the way it is for no reason, the thoughts of the population materializes, which the news sheds a light on hourly. People think the news is cherry-picking to sow doom and gloom, but the news is actually very sanitized and is vastly underreporting on reality, saving airtime for the most deplorable cases.

If you want to find a genuine person, they won't have a reputation to uphold. People with reputations are manipulators. Individuals who know they're evil welcome bad karma and get off on their misfortune and the decay of their body. They're not only sadistic, but also put themselves through the ringer for sexual gratification. These are beings who intentionally contract STDs, and spread them, will burn themselves and others, put themselves in situations to get raped and rape others. Fake good people believe they're victims, even though they engage in the same behavior as overtly evil people because they engage in the New Age religion of “just think of it differently, and you will dodge karma!” You can't dodge the self-made structure of your brain.

To the ordinary person, purity culture is having to actually apply their philosophies to everyday life. If you're speaking to a feminist separatist who says she hates men, but then you point out that she has a boyfriend, she will call you a purist for expecting her to abide by the values she says she has. Purity culture isn't only about sex, it's about actually being who you say you are. This is where impurity and the split mind come into play, most people cannot reconcile reality with what is going on in their head, which is the basis of all mental illnesses.

If you call a slut a slut, you're being rude, but if you call a slut an innocent angel, she will become gleeful even though she doesn't fit the criteria. The ordinary person is begging to be lied to, and then they get upset when they get played. People love poetic whores for this reason. The individual's lack of self-awareness is why they are taken advantage of repeatedly. This level of naivety has clarified that the cabal does need to deploy mind control, as most are not interested in controlling their minds. The primary way people are controlled is through their senses. When I see people with zero discipline write pieces on how they abuse their senses in this never-heard-of-unique way even though it's very mediocre, as if they have any autonomy, it's kinda funny. Just like the essing dee example you gave.

The “think of x differently” mindset is exactly what false religions are about and how dogma springs up. If somebody is consistently having sex, their consciousness is at that level. It doesn't matter how intelligent they project themselves to be, people who are actually smart aren't popular & can see through their facade. If you're popular yet, claim to speak the truth, that's a contradictory statement. One must lie, pander and grift in some manner, or they're stupidly reinventing the wheel to gain traction in this world.

Although I absolutely despise evil, I'd rather deal with an overt devil than the covert one. The ones who openly brag about their disgusting nature and don't try to justify themselves, but these individuals are relatively rare. Overt psychopaths are the ones women hate because women are covert psychopaths who are terrified of men who make no effort to hide their true nature. This is because women like to be warmed up to the sexophile's vulturine nature slowly, then claim victimhood. Women as a collective hate the truth because women lie that much.

The language people use is indicative of their true nature. It's a sign of how versed they are in grooming, manipulation and “lovebombing." Convoluted, confusing and flowery language is meant to romanticize degeneracy. Predators are predictable, but people with smooth brains will always be easy prey. Oh well, survival of the fittest, right?

The majority of the world is still illiterate, and most of the people who can read do so at a 2nd grade level (and that is dwindling according to what these teachers are saying). So to even have good enough karma to read yet waste one's eyesight on garbage is a personal choice. What you're saying is literally incomprehensible to everybody. Realistically, there is only a small portion of the world this information is available to, a lecture room of people who can comprehend it and a handful who will actually apply it. Still worth it for those who are genuinely suffering, so any truth you can speak is infinitesimally useful.

Eating genitals is no different than drinking piss and eating shit. These are dog-people who are only one step away from eating plated feces as a delicacy, which is why westerners are projected to eat bugs soon. We're seeing more and more people with veneers for a reason. It's not just to get a Hollywood Smile. I would talk about this more, but 120 Days of Sodom demonstrates Satan Consciousness well enough. These beings are not human but take on the appearance of such. Actual humans are at least aware of their souls and demonstrate discipline and decorum. Animals are at the will of their base urges.

[pigeonwit]

ok but like jack who loveeeess when hes under the weight of something, he sleeps with like four hundred stuffed animals weighted blankets are his jam, etc etc, and then davey comes along and just flat out sleeps on top of him 24/7. its a win for both of them. (sorry if this isn’t coherent im literally asleep)

(sneep i dont know if you're referencing the prompts list at all or if it was just deeply important to you that i know this but i'm writing about it anyways)

It's hard for Jack to keep his feet on the ground sometimes.

He can't quite put it into words. He's not really a words guy. It took him about a year and a half post-American-public-school-system to realize that he was actually smart enough to read books, let alone echo them. Colours, that's where Jack's mind lives. A big swirling sea of shapes and colours. Sometimes it's calm; the gentle blue strokes of a calm, well-rested morning; the occasional pops and starbursts of the New York streets - a baby babbling at their parents, a dog yipping excitedly, a song that's been stuck in Jack's head drifting out of the cracked window of a passing car - all painted in pretty pinks and bright, sunny yellows. He's nowhere near whimsical or delusional enough for the happy-go-lucky "where dreams are made of" view of NYC, the one that's been washed over in watery-pink with Gershwin plunking in the background - but he's not nihilistic enough to pretend it's nothing more than a tar-pit. There's plenty to love, to be inspired over, to leave happy little brushstrokes on his skin.

But sometimes - sometimes - he gets too swept up in it. All the movement, all the noise, all of it, it picks him up by the scruff and throws him, spins him around and kicks him right between the ribs, until he's drifting listlessly along the sidewalk like a scrap of paper, small and sensitive, marked by every fume of exhaust and drop of gutter-water.

It's the difference between being painted and being stained. That's the only way Jack can describe it. Paint, colours, it has a purpose to it. It presses into his skin and keeps him grounded to reality. A stain is just... Nothing. A tear, a black hole of graphite in his chest, sucking up all his being until there's nothing left.

He needs solidity, when he gets like this. He needs to be held in place until all that old, wasted paper is rubbed away, and he can grow into himself again, fresh and newly remade.

It starts with a pillow. His first night at Medda's - she gave him two instead of just one. He'd no idea what to do with it. He only needed one or else his head felt too high, and he didn't want to just chuck it on the floor or stuff it in his closet, Miss Medda might think he was rude, and he liked Miss Medda, he didn't want her to think he was a bad kid, she might get angry, might give him back... And then he was panting, trembling with every inch, tears stinging at his eyes as he tried to press his nails into his palm, hold himself together, but nothing was working, nothing was firm enough-

It was humiliating - as humiliating as everything else is for an eleven year old, but still, humiliating - to go to sleep that night, clutching a pillow to his chest as he squeezed with all his little might. But it pressed his lungs into the mattress, forced the air in and out, and the foam held tight against his sharp, scrabbling hands, not breaking, not pushing him away... It was just enough.

He almost would've been content with just that, hugging a pillow every now and then - but Medda and Siôn had this whole thing about 'making Jack understand his worth as a person', the nerve, and suddenly he was being given all he needed and more. A plushie, then two, then five. A throw pillow with Val Kilmer's face on it, because Siôn ("Just fucking call me Crutchie, dude, I won't break-") was just as much a cretin when he was a teenager than he is now. A weighted blanket for his birthday that redefined Jack's understanding of the word comfort.

And that could've been enough. It all could've been enough. Fuck, just a hug every couple of days would've been enough. It was certainly more than he'd earned.

He'd offhandedly said something along those lines to Davey - or "Library Guy" as he'd been referred to at the time, since Jack had only really met him three times in two weeks - who had calmly raised a finger, taken a long swig of his coffee, slammed his travel mug (reusable, of course, because Davey is the world's most irritatingly perfect saint) on his desk and given Jack a seventeen minute speech about humanity's relationship with validation through the lens of a capitalistic society - and all of a sudden, Jack wanted everything. Coffee. Dinner. Pet-names, hand-holding, lazy Sundays, teasing each other when they woke up and talking about bullshit until they fell asleep. And Davey gave him all of it without a second glance.

Jack was hesitant to ask, at first. They'd fallen asleep on the couch - they were supposed to be studying, but Davey had found out Jack had never watched any of the Lord of The Rings movies and had spent the entire evening pausing every five minutes to eagerly share his Silmarillion trivia (Jack still hasn't gotten him to admit it yet, but he's pretty sure he can pinpoint Davey falling in love with him to the moment Jack asked why Viggo Mortensen kicking a helmet was so funny to him) - and they'd inevitably fallen asleep on top of each other, with Jack flat on his back and Davey splayed over him like the world's sweetest, sleepiest octopus.

("You really know how to make a guy feel hot, y'know that?"

"Bold of you to assume octopuses are not hot. Tentacle porn exists for a reason, Dave."

"See, I want to be mad at you for bringing up tentacle porn at brunch, but I'm more offended that you called them octopuses and not octopi.")

It was nice, having Davey over him - which, yes, got him some eyebrow waggles when he first admitted it, but it really wasn't like that. It was the weight of it, the reassurance of Davey's warmth encompassing his own, knowing that Davey was here, and he was here, pressed down firmly to the ground and not going anywhere. The sensation of it - the firmness on his chest that makes him feel every breath and every beat of his pulse, that tells him he's here and he's fine - it's like his whole brain's been washed clean.

"Pressure stimming," is the word Davey uses about two months later, a short while after Jack had finally realized that they were actually, exclusively, undeniably boyfriends and not just 'friends who are kind of maybe dating if Davey wants that maybe'. He'd walked into his bedroom in his and Crutchie's apartment to find Davey already there, lying face down on the bed - and Jack might've left it be, because he's had plenty of days where he just needs to lie face-down for a whole hour, but Davey telling him that he physically couldn't get off the bed was the thing that sent him panicking.

"It's not a big deal..." Davey's forefinger flicks up-and-down, up-and-down against one of Jack's many pillows as he speaks, the way he does when he has just slightly too much nervous energy. "It's just something I need sometimes. The way my energy is, it's like everything I do starts weighing down on me - and sometimes I can just let that weight off every now and then, and I'm fine - but sometimes I just... Need something. To support me."

Jack nods slowly, thinking of pillows and plushies and weighted blankets, and hovers his hand over the small of Davey's back.

"You need something, like... On top?" He cringes, because there's no way for that to not sound like an innuendo, but Davey only snorts into the comforter and shakes his head against the soft fabric.

"You're perfect," he smiles, so earnest that it makes Jack's chest squeeze, "but - no. I don't really like that. Feels like I'm being restrained."

Jack frowns, adds that to the little drawer in his brain marked Davey - a drawer that is becoming so cluttered and full of tiny details and special memories that it's almost overflowing - and bites his lip.

"I could, um..." Slowly, like Jack might spook him, he lowers himself onto the the bed next to him, raising his brows in question. "If you want?"

Davey stares at him for a moment - and then it's as if all the tension in his body just bleeds out of him, as he makes wanton little grabby-hands in Jack's direction. Jack laughs quietly, grabs him gently by the shoulders and pulls, rolling them until he's flat on his back and Davey's spreadeagled on top of him - and they both sigh from somewhere deep in their bones as they lean and are leaned upon, pressing and being pressed against each other, two solid weights supporting each other in place.

"I like this," Jack murmurs into Davey's hair as they rest. Davey makes a quiet chuffing sound into his clavicle and wriggles slightly, like a cat kneading a pillow, pressing them both impossibly closer as he settles.

"Oh, yeah?" He says quietly. "You like having a big octopus on top of you?"

"My exact words were sweetest and sleepiest octopus." Jack teases, tugging lightly on one of Davey's curls. "C'mon, English Major, those're some important words, there."

"You're so weird," Davey mumbles, but Jack can feel his smile pressing through his shirt, all the way to his skin, through the muscle, until it prints like ink on his breastbone. It holds him there, keeps him perfectly still and secure - and Jack breathes like he's tasting the air for the first time.

"I love you," he says quietly, because it's the only way he can even think to put what he's feeling into words. Davey would know better than him on that. He could write sonnets about this, pages and pages of prose about how it feels just to hold someone - but Jack's not a words guy. Give him a few hours with a canvas, and maybe he can get down a fraction of what he's feeling now, the barest impression of the thousands upon thousands of colours dancing inside his head like grass in the wind. But for now, he'll just say "I love you", and hope that it's enough.

He can feel Davey's throat flex against his sternum, can feel the way his body tenses, then ebbs, like the pull of the tide.

"I love you, too," he whispers.

It's so much more than enough.

[mathiwrites]

Day 4, Prompt 1 for @tamlinweek: Calanmai.

I've been wanting to write a fic for just Andras, and it is still on my to do list. Please read the notes!

For those looking for smutty! Tamlin at Calanmai, may I direct you to this chapter of Wildflowers, no previous reading needed (I think?): Click for Tamsand Calanmai smut. This is chapter is also referenced, so you can read that for added angst.

Read Calanami (Reprise) on AO3 or below the cut.

“What is this?”

“An intervention.”

“A support group.”

“For what?”

Andras looks between his two friends, confusion etched into his pale features. He tilts his head, pale hair tumbling over his shoulder like a curtain of starfall. The three of them make quite the constellation—the gold of the sun, the fiery blaze of comets and the silver of moon. None of them are quite as mysterious, or as insightful as the celestial beings.

Together, they are a lovely band of idiots.

“Have you ever been with anyone before?” Tamlin asks, cautiously. It is a sensitive thing, the intimate prowess of a male. Andras has not lived through the war, he does not know the crassness that travels through the camps. At Court, formality and hierarchy still rules, and it might very well be to the detriment of his love life. There’s just something else about the raw passion—

“With anyone you love,” Lucien clarifies. It’s important. There’s a difference.

A deep flush colours Andras’ expression. It takes him one, two, three tries before he moves past stuttering into an actual coherent response.

“That’s what you’re here for?! Get out.”

“We know how important this is to you—”

“And to the Court—”

Lucien turns to Tamlin and leans in, whispering but Andras can hear them perfectly well. “I thought we weren’t going to mention that part.”

“But it’s true.”

“It’s additional pressure.”

“I can hear you.” Andras growls, folding his arms. He’s already changed to the loose tunic and comfortable pants for the ceremony. “I know what to do. I’ve been to Calanmai before. Many of them. If you recall, I’m the one who brought it back, remember? With your help of course, thank you for that, Luce, and no thanks to you, Tam.”

“Hey! I showed up!”

Both Lucien and Andras level Tamlin with a deadpan look. They both recall the epic and a half that was luring a half-feral High Lord out of the woods to come perform his courtly duties. No, his duty to the entirety of Prythian.

“Anyway,” Lucien steers them back to the topic at hand. “Both Tamlin and I have experience with romance. Not actively—”

“Ouch,” Tamlin chimes in.

“Lucien! You can’t just say that!”

The grin on the Fall Faerie’s face is sly and all-too-amused. Tamlin doesn’t seem too hurt by the comment either, but Andras is shocked on both their behalves. Neither of them have had good outcomes when it comes to love. More specifically, their love lives ended in brutal murders—plural!

“A morbid sense of humour is a permanent side effect of grief, unfortunately.” Lucien tries for somber, but he’s not very believable. These two are his best friends, and they know he’s being smart about all this.

“And rage problems,” Andras chimes in.

“Hey!” Tamlin frowns.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve had to deal with your cranky arse for years. You threw a tree at me that one time. A tree!”

“I told you to go away,” the High Lord mumbles under his breath. Fair is fair. He warned his stupid self-appointed (at the time) commander to stop doing stupid things. “This isn’t about me! You asked if you could perform the Calanmai, so we,” he gestures to himself and Lucien. “Want to make sure all goes well. Now, do you know which parts fit with which?”

“Tamlin!” Andras covers his ears, unwilling to listen to his High Lord tell him about the birds, the bees and the pollination cycles of beautiful Faerie ladies he’s had a crush on for, at least, five years. He flops on his bed, groaning.

Tamlin grins and sits on the bed, patting his knee. “Pretend all you want, but I know you’re nervous. You’ll do fine.” He pauses, thoughtful. “The thing is… There’s nowhere to hide.”

The mood tempers, and Andras tips his head upwards to look at Tamlin. No one dares to interrupt him. This moment is theirs—quiet vulnerability shares across the years together. Outside, they are High Lord, Lord-Emissary and Commander, but here they are brothers.

“Even if you don’t say anything, she’ll feel it in your touch. It’s the closest thing to baring your soul to someone, the magic will sense it and Ailsa is damn perceptive. You should tell her.” Tamlin perks up, as if he didn’t bear his soul to them. “And, well, if it doesn’t work, I guess I can let you do it next year.”

“It may seem terrifying,” Lucien supplies, but Andras is quick to jump in.

“I’m not afraid. I love her. I’m just worried about all the growling. It’s kind of… embarassing?”

Tamlin’s jaw drops and Lucien’s snort echoes through Andras’ chambers. The Calanmai has a way of turning him feral and give in to his primal senses. After all, the ritual reconnects him to nature and draws out his baser instincts. He has spent most his life in other forms, and finds home in both fauna and flora. It’s not embarassing!

“It manifests differently for others,” he grumbles under his breath, folding his muscular arms across his broad chest. The sulking doesn’t last because he’s ruffling Andras’ hair affectionately. “You weren’t raised in the wild, you’ll be fine.”

“You weren’t either!”

“The previous High Lord didn’t growl. He was quite… fine. At least, until he found privacy with the Maiden in the caves.” Lucien had never actually attended Calanmai, and the ceremony was closed during the war, but he has heard stories about the different celebrations across Prythian. “And you’re not a High Lord, it should not affect you as much.”

“Okay, then I’m fine.”

“But I can scent—”

“Tamlin, what did we say about smelling us.”

“I told you I can’t help it.”

“What did we say about telling us what you scent on us.”

“Hm, if I recall, it was something about you disliking how I can smell your bullshit?”

“Can you both get out of my room? I’d like some personal time before I have to perform the most important ritual to our culture.”

“Ah, yes,” Tamlin nods sagely. “You might be inclined to find release now to last longer later, but—”

“Get out!”

***

“Let the celebrations begin,” Tamlin concludes his speech. He raises his arms, and his small but loyal Court cheer in response. The borders are still (mostly) closed to the other Courts, save for Summer, and Tarquin winks at Tamlin playfully.

He descends the dais, ever-willing to concede the spotlight to his priestesses and his commander. This is Andras’ moment, and he is eternally proud of his friend’s courage. No one else would dare to take a High Lord’s place in anything, but Andras had bothered to ask, and he had been terribly considerate of Ailsa who has been Tamlin’s maiden ever since he returned from his self-imposed exile.

To her, or anyone in the Court, the role of being Maiden is an honour. Andras did not want her to lose her right in the Great Rite to particiate because of his affections. Little does he know, he had already won her heart when he asked her beforehand (so not to make her feel forced to perform with him), and promised that he would put himself at the mercy of the High Lord for her. It’s the gesture that counts; the Spring Court knows that their High Lord is kind and good.

Music reverbrates in Tamlin’s chest as Andras begins his hunt in the crowd, looking for his Maiden. He joins Lucien in watching the festivities, his friend has never participated. Instead, he takes the opportunity either to socialize or reminesce. Tonight, the Lord-Emissary looks terribly thoughtful.

“First love,” he hums over the lip of his goblet.

“Hmm.” Tamlin agrees.

“You performed your first Calanmai with him, didn’t you?”

They don’t say his name. Not now, not ever. The High Lord of the Night Court is still alive, but they treat him like the dead. Worse than, actually. They give him no reverance and no remembrance.

The memory is an ache in his chest. Rhysand had saved him. His assignment to the Great Rite had been a punishment from his father; his father had known what Amarantha had done to him, and yet, expected him to let his Court touch him freely. Tamlin had run from it like a coward, and Rhysand had guided him home. Rhysand had been his safety.

His emerald gaze watches Andras as he takes Ailsa by the hand, grinning wider than Tamlin has ever seen. He latches onto their happiness. It’s a simpler kind of love, unlike the undertaking that had been falling in love with his enemy.

What if—

What if he had killed the son of the Night the first time they crossed paths?

You bit me, laughs the man made of Dreams.

You stabbed me in the heart, recounts the Wildflower.

“You’ll ensure everything goes well?” Tamlin asks Lucien, and Lucien frowns.

“You’re not running away, are you?”

“No, no, just going for a walk.”

“Tam.”

“Today is a good day, and I want it to stay that way. I’m just going for a walk. I will return, I promise. No hiding. You know where to find me, anyway.”

Tamlin realizes that he’s happy here with his best friends, but there’s a wall that limits his joy. So, for the last time, he will mourn his lost love, and then, he will be finally be free.

[grousebrood]

wip wednesday

tagged by @optiwashere, i honestly don't really know anyone else on here but if you're one of the four people who follow me you can consider this a tag!

the first real fic i ever tried writing was far too big of a bite for me to chew, and i wrote about 90% of it and haven't touched it since. at this point i'm not sure i'll ever actually finish it, but it was actually weirdly very instrumental in me learning and understanding some very fundamental things about myself post/mid-transition. so even if it's never done it'll probably always be kind of important to me.

anyway my writing process is very messy and modular so there are very few sections that don't have weird little gaps. so i tried to put together a coherent little thing from it to post — not the explicit smut parts tho, bc i'm still too embarrassed to post here haha.

starring drow paladin of selune and shadowheart mid-Act 2, so vague SPOILERS ACT 2 ahead. important context is also that i wrote this mid-Act 2, so it very well may be a complete mess canonically but whaddya gonna do. starts mid fic.

CW: whipping, blood, hurt but we don't get to the comfort, sadomasochism (?), penis referenced

(sincere and deep apologies if i missed something, i'm new to this so idk all of em, but if something you'd like to avoid is adjacent to the above concepts it's probably better to just skip this!)

_______________

"Go forth and sow doubt, but do not compel it — only the willing may know the Lady’s embrace."

_______________

Still, the horrific, repulsive display festered within Helena. She had tried to push the images from her thoughts but they twisted their way inside. The rending of flesh. The grotesque cruelty of the wretched and inhuman dogma. 

Most of what she felt was a revolted nausea, her weathered soul recoiling at having witnessed the unholy mania. 

However, something flickered deep within her. It drew her close and quickened her heart. 

The mindless rapture. The oblivion. The end to all her aching hope. 

Loss.

Helena was infuriated by the thought. Shar’s embrace was a vile parasite that tormented the weak, and she was not weak. She steadied her mind, slowed her heart. Eyes closed, focusing, she uttered a soft prayer. The words offered a small balm, and her doubts and fears briefly scuttled to parts unknown as thoughts of something not too dissimilar flooded into the cavity the disturbing temptation had left behind. 

Rolling to her side, she gazed at the fading fire, and, beyond it, Shadowheart’s sleeping form. The deep, soft breaths of her slumber soothed Helena as she watched her chest slowly rise and fall. 

Since they’d begun traveling together, Helena and Shadowheart had been poking and prodding one another about their respective, incompatible faiths. And yet despite all this, or maybe even because of it, they had grown closer. They both understood the depths of devotion. What it meant. What it takes from you, what it gives in return. 

But even more, they came to understand each other, sharing things about themselves perhaps no other person had ever heard. Their memories, no matter how filamentous. Their thoughts, their fears. Their doubts. 

As they and the others traveled across [Faerun] together, desperately seeking a way to save all their lives, Helena pieced together the fragments of Shadowheart’s story within her heart and found herself increasingly drawn to the half-elf. After they shared a kiss in the small hours of the morning, just before the goblins had assaulted the Emerald Grove, Helena had even begun to naively wonder about what kind of a future a cleric of Shar and paladin of Selune could share.

------time jump-----

"If you were capable of feeling even an ounce of what I’ve felt, what I’ve been feeling, you wouldn’t be so quick to recite your ignorant drivel. I thought I might come here to offer you some comfort to help you sleep, but you clearly have little intention of letting me be close to you.” Shadowheart got to her feet, turning to leave. 

Even as the words stung her, a delirious thought slipped into Helena’s mind, small at first, then all-consuming. 

What better way to prove her worth to her Moonmaiden, her dedication to her righteous calling than to walk through the darkest corridors of the soul and come out the other side more devoted than ever? Yes, she would allow her blasphemous feelings to flourish — only to lull them into a false sense of security so they could be exterminated with a holy beam of radiant light. 

She would be stripped bare, clean and naked, and then moon’s love would once again envelop her, the proudest daughter of Selune. 

“Show me,” she said quietly.  

Shadowheart, mid-exit, became still. She turned back to look at the drow sitting in the dark, almost invisible if not for her pale white hair.

“Excuse me?” 

“I want you to show me,” Helena said, rising to her feet as anger and panic roiled inside her. “Prove your point. Make me feel Shar’s truth. She’d love it if you were to turn me, no? You’ve said so yourself. Imagine it. The woman who recovered the githyanki artifact, succeeding where all others failed, and on top of that, serving her Lady a new cleric of Loss. She would have no choice but to elevate such a loyal and powerful servant.”

“That’s nonsensical,” Shadowheart said, standing still as Helena came close enough that she could feel the heat of her body in the cold night. Helena reached a hand up to cup the side of Shadowheart’s cheek. The same way she held her the night they kissed. 

“Unless you haven’t really believed anything you’ve said since I met you.” 

Shadowheart’s eyes sparked with darkness as her hand shot up to grab Helena’s wrist and she abruptly pushed forward, catching her off guard and off-balance. Shadowheart’s grip secure on her arm, Helena stumbled backward, lightly tripping over the rocks and roots of the forgotten homestead’s pathways. Carried by the momentum of their bodies, Helena slammed hard into the aged wood of the shack as her breath left her chest. 

The two holy warriors pressed into each other against the wall as Shadowheart held Helena in place, her quarry struggling to suck in air after the impact, incapable of doing anything much at all despite being the stronger woman. 

“How dare you question my commitment to Lady Shar?” Shadowheart said venomously. “After all I’ve been through — all you’ve seen?”

“By your own admission I know nothing of the true worth of your Mistress of the Night,” Helena said, petulant, catching her breath and ignoring the wrenching lurch in her stomach as she felt Shadowheart push against her. “But from what I see it doesn’t seem like you know much more than a few silly phrases and petty excuses, pounded into your head by years of obedient listening. So show me, if you’re so devout.” 

Shadowheart’s anger flared and her grip tightened on Helena. She pondered for a moment, resolve hardening as she, too, tried to ignore a wellspring of warmth that had begun to flow through her body.

“Inside,” she finally hissed. 

-----------time jump-----------

“Fuck you.” 

Helena’s vision blurred as the room warped and spun around her. She again felt Shadowheart’s breath on her ear, though she struggled to listen. The sharp pain from her back extended outward, throbbing, as a hot pressure began to build in her body. The chair, already uncomfortable, seemed to become even smaller as she buckled over in agony, feeling something begin to press against her abdomen. Was that… Was she…?

Was she getting hard? 

Another lash of the whip. Helena jerked in pain and fell to the side, crashing to the floor, tears and spit dripping from her face as she concentrated on regaining some composure. 

Shadowheart crouched in front of Helena, using the whip’s grip first to lift the blindfold and then to tilt her chin upward, forcing her to focus on her tormentor’s face. The face of a woman she had thought she might love, whose unexpected softness had sustained Helena even as she thought her trials might break her.

Now, however, it seemed cruel and hard, Shadowheart’s preternatural derision directed entirely on her and her pathetic, drooling failure to understand the Sharran’s faith. Even still, as the pain continued to throb within her, so did her building animal lust, lust that made her feel all the more ashamed. Not only had she failed to prove herself, but she was hopelessly enthralled to this woman, desperate for more and yet physically unable to withstand it. 

“Shall I stop?” 

The flame was a fading ember. She stared into Shadowheart’s eyes, hoping to see a flicker of concern that showed that the cleric still cared for her. Helena saw none, and the hope died — but seemingly with it so too did her need to either please her companion or preserve herself. Spite boiled in her throat. 

No. 

She would not fail. 

She could not let the smug Sharran win. Helena spat. 

“Keep going.”

----------------------------

and there ya have it

[oathkeeperoxas]

I dont get your tags on that fight scene post, how does a fight scene and a sex scene work the same? Theyre completely different in like every way I can think of? Im curious as to how you approach sex scenes since yours are always so good to read

Ah thank you anon! I'm glad you like my writing! I'll do my best to explain. An obligatory disclaimer though - this is all technical advice, which in my opinion is less important than characterisation and choice of kinks when it comes to writing sex that others might find appealing. I'll read the most technically inept sex as long as it has good character voice and kinks that I'm into. Sex is an inherently subjective topic where opinions often clash, so my strongest advice would be to indulge yourself and write what you want firstly. That being said, I do think the technical elements used in the right way can elevate a sex scene from good to great, and can also convince others to try a new kink or pairing if they know that you have a good technical grasp on the execution of a sex scene. And of course it's always valid to want to think about how to improve your writing!

Referencing the tags on this post

I'm going to steal a lot of terminology from that post because it's top of mind and because I need something to contrast against when I'm talking about writing sex scenes. I was good at writing fight scenes before I ever properly attempted to write a coherent sex scene (my first was my first codywan piece, which puts me at almost exactly 2 years of writing smut!) and had heard that fight/sex scenes are not too dissimilar when putting words to paper, so that was how I attempted to frame my work. That being said I've definitely improved in the last 2 years, so practise and actually writing smut does help even if you aren't actively seeking ways to improve - it just helps to have a framework to think around when looking to technically improve your writing.

So the VIOLENT method - for sex. Quotes from the original post in italics, with my minor edits then in bold. Under a cut because this got long.

Visceral: Make sure your audience feels it by keeping it grounded in sensations and emotions. Sex is an incredibly emotional event (I would argue that fights are also events of very hightened emotion, so you can take this advice for fight scenes as well) and your characters need to react to that. Whether this is a one off fling, a first time after years of pining, or a couple that's been together for most of their lives, there's going to be heavy emotions involved. What those are depends on the situation, but to me satisfying smut needs an emotional hook to draw me in to really appreciate the meaning of the actions and what's happening. To relate to a character makes the physical side of things that much more intense. That being said, the physical sensations are also incredibly important - 'he put x in his y' is flat language that may titillate, but only due to the reader's own internal associations with sex. Humans have 5 senses, put them to use! People often tend to focus on sight and touch, and sometimes to a lesser degree smell/taste (how often have you read 'he tastes like vanilla and scotch and something uniquely him) but often less so on hearing. I try to intersperse sensations from all 5 senses in my sex scenes, to grab a full breadth of sensation. This gives the reader a break too - if you're constantly saying 'he touched this, he touched that...' then they're scrambling trying to adjust to the new information instead of letting it deliciously sit and simmer. Combining senses can also give a multiplicative effect. What someone smells AND hears AND feels across their skin gives a fuller picture than one sense alone. That being said, I never use all five for one moment, and never in the same paragraph. That's another way to tire out your reader! Three senses at the maximum for each paragraph and moment, and a different combination in adjacent paragraphs of description. I would also encourage you to get gross with the details of sensation - comment on tiny things to keep your reader engaged and interested. It's likely they've read sex scenes before. The more minute you make your observations about what's happening, the more unique you'll be and the more you'll grab your reader's attention. Readers are intrigued by the new! Again, this is all applicable to fight scenes where sensation and emotion can really put a reader in a character's shoes. I can copy and paste almost the entire last 2 sentences from the main post as a final comment on visceral: Also, really critically, people are exhausted after sex. Your characters should be wrung by the time it's over, even if it only lasted for a few minutes. <- so true! Even if they're strapping 18 year olds, sex is usually a lot of physical activity. Give them a breather afterwards.

Immediate: Keep sentences short and punchy. This ties a lot into what I said in the tags on the original post, as someone who typically writes long sentences as my preferred style, fighting and having sex is when I quite deliberately attempt to limit myself and scatter in a few one or two word sentences to keep the pacing fast. Periods, dashes, semi-colons, and colons all have a real world effect on your reader's breathing. A period is a hard stop and requires a breath, while the other types of punctuation let a sentence continue and maybe only half a breath to be taken. Several short sentences in a row mean that a reader is breathing more quickly than they would otherwise be, and that leads to their heart rate increasing too. If they're already aroused (and this can mean a hightened state of awareness if they're in the throes of reading a physical fight, not just sexually aroused) then this added oxygen and heart rate adds to their physical reactions of the text and increases their connection to it, and lowers the chance of them disconnecting. You want readers to read your fight/sex scene in one sitting, because going to another tab or looking at their discord messages or whatever will break the flow of your text and their emotional connection to it. That distraction requires another hook to get them back in, which might not happen right away if you as a writer assume that you already have an involved audience due to your set up and prior hooks.

Obnoxious: I probably won't quote from the original post on this one as I think it's where the tone differs the most, even though I agree with the underlying idea. To keep the reader guessing and to keep them engaged, introduce new ideas throughout your fight/sex scene. This could be through something in the environment that they have to react to, or changing sex acts, or noticing something about the other character that they never have before. It's important that this is done deliberately though - I'm pretty sure we've all gone 'wait what position are they in??' when reading a fic before. You're looking for a new hook to latch your reader, a fresh idea that will get them asking 'what's going to happen next?' not a way to confuse them, as this will break their immersion and connection to the scene. Change things up, and if you want to return to what was happening before, then you can do that later down the line as another hook.

Liquid: Sex scenes flow. There's a definitive rhythm and momentum to a sex scene. While the characters won't necessarily have a great idea of everything happening, they WILL have a sense of the momentum around them and the way sex is making them move. Momentum and movement are going to be the key to writing an impactful sex scene and give the reader a sense of excitement. All of this! There's a back and forth in a sex scene, no matter if there's one person involved or 20. It also can be an overwhelming experiences - senses are firing, heart rate is up, every sensation can be a lot. It's okay not to write every single way that someone moves their arms or bodies, in fact I would argue that doing do would grind the immediacy of a scene to a halt with too much information. Look below on the purpose of your scene and then use that to inform the pacing - if desperate, then the back and forth should be fast. If indulgent, the back and forth is probably going to be a lot slower. Whatever it is, try to stick to one throughout the scene to avoid rapid mood shifts that could throw a reader out of their flow and make them question what's happening. Not to say that slow->fast sex can't happen (and the other way around too, and everything in between), but that shift should be recognised as impactful by the tone and prose as well as the characters on the page, to keep the readers engaged with the scene.

Environment: Where's the sex scene happening? How is everyone moving? Describe the surrounding environment. This is very good advice, and something that is critical when constructing the underlying movement and flow of the scene. Alone in a bedroom is going to be very different from people fucking in a public space. How they react to that environment can add to the emotions of a scene - do they feel safe there? Sex is an inherently vulnerable act, and doing that somewhere safe/unsafe will have an affect on the character. Are they familiar with the space? This can lead to a character knowing where condoms/lube/sex toys are, or if they're somewhere unfamiliar, being surprised if their partner/s pull out something that they weren't expecting. What's a character's reaction to that unexpected action? It can inform the tone/direction of a scene significantly. Have they had sex there before? Newness/familiarity is something that can be easily worked into a scene to ground the characters - if they know that they need to change pillows or locations because that one is too soft/squishy/rough/has a bad texture, this can tell us about a character and their desires. Sex scenes are character building! Use them to show a different side of your character/s that wouldn't normally come up! Using the environment can be hot too - if there's a risk of being discovered, or someone is picking someone else up and slamming them against a wall, or there's a mirror in the room, these can all be kinked on and add to the titillation of the sex scene. Temperature is important too. If it's freezing and they're taking all their clothes off to get sweaty with each other, that can break immersion. Alternatively that risk can again, be a part of the point of the scene if you choose to play it that way and draw focus to it on purpose.

Narrator: Who is your narrator in the sex scene? An incredibly important question! As the original post says, What a soldier notices, what a correspondent notices, what a martial artist notices, etc, are all differences. Keep an eye on how you present this. Someone who's never had sex before is going to think about sex differently to someone who goes out every weekend to get laid. A sex worker is going to approach a sexual encounter differently to someone who has only ever had sex with a man and is now looking at having sex with a woman, is going to approach a sexual encounter differently to someone who is in love, is going to approach a sexual encounter differently to someone who doesn't care about their partner at all. And these can all overlap depending on the situation. What importance is placed on speed, tone, sex acts, submission/dominance, location, etc is going to differ depending on who the narrator is. My rule of thumb is that if you switch out your narrator for a different character, the scene shouldn't make sense anymore. Everyone is different and filtering experiences through a narrator should very much impact the scene. If you can sub a different name in and the scene reads fine, you likely need to go in and add some lines that directly relate to your narrator - they're your greatest hook in drawing a reader in, and their quirks are what lets a reader connect to them!

Tactics: What does everyone want out of the sex? This question is probably the most relevant one, as it should inform the rest of the above points. The goal can be as simple as 'to get off' and as complicated as you can dream up. Keep in mind that if there are multiple participants, their goals may differ, or even clash, and this can add a point of tension to the scene that should certainly effect what's happening, whether it's directly acknowledged or not. The purpose of the sex in a scene also comes into play when setting the tone, pace, and positioning of the characters. If one of them is pissed off, that's going to read differently to if they're having desperate 'thank god you're alive' sex. If they're having slow morning sex that's going to read differently to highly visible sex happening in a public place. What you as a writer wants to convey also should factor into this. Why is there a sex scene happening? What are you showing a reader about a character? Again this can be as simple as 'to get off' but if you're using sex as a narrative device or a character building moment, then that should have it's place in the story to make sure you're getting your intent across. The length of a sex scene can also play into this. If it's three lines, that implies a perfunctory nature or lack of importance that can be leveraged in the narrative flow. This can be subverted though - trying to brush over a traumatic sexual encounter, or as foreshadowing or character building that you'd like to include without breaking the greater flow of the narrative to dedicate screen time to a full sex scene. When doing this, I usually try to have one sentence of brutally intense sensation to gut-punch the reader - depending on what emotion you're trying to convey, the content will change of course but almost everyone has an emotional response to the idea of sex. Use that to your advantage to deliver a strong and impactful line.

I hope that explanation is of some use to you! In summary: have a broad idea of what you want the sex scene to do, think about how your narrator will interact with their environment and any other individual/s involved in a sex scene, and use emotion and sensation to be as gritty in the details as you like. And like real sex, make sure to enjoy yourself too 😉

[compressednerve]

25 and 27 for the fic meme please 🙏

Thanks for the ask!!! :D Big rambling ahead <3

"25. What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.)"

Most of my writing skill is fleeting based off how functional my brain is working that day, so I tend to go back and forth between hastily typed notes in Discord and attempts to flesh things out in google docs-- both of which I don't really love, but they're online and I can link the files easily to @parasitefun who's my creative partner and helps with my processes. I loathe the spellcheck/grammar function on docs! I used to write exclusively in notepad or OpenOffice back on my old computer but I find OpenOffice in general... lacking.

I wasn't taught to read or write in the uh... traditional way, so I usually have an exorbitantly difficult time with actually formulating sentences. So I guess using Clip Studio Paint is another program I use for writing, because I need to storyboard, assemble timelines of events, sketches of emotions... what have you. It helps me in "assembling" the information required for a plot, but usually I just end up scrapping the fic entirely and condensing it down to a comic or a few paragraphs attached to an illustration... for example, here's some sketches from a few weeks ago while I chip away at my millionth attempt at a chaptered longfic, this time now featuring Yung Northmoor!

Whether I complete this as an actualized comic or intermittent illustrations, or keep them as sketches for referencing certain vibes of the scene, is mostly up to luck if I even can keep the momentum up to carry the work to the finish line 😔 I am also extremely shy and precious about my WIPs most of the time, I feel like my sketches are very vulnerable... which is unfortunate because I finish maybe 15% of the pieces I start!!! This is due to CTE though, and thus for the most part cannot be helped at the moment. I think for 2024 a resolution I have is to try to hold myself to finishing at least one Large Project a month, cuz then at least I'll have 12! :D

Recently I ..........acquired.......... Scrivener which I hope will help with a lot of the messy notes and outlines become more organized. It's an old version of the program though, and I can't figure out how to make the text of the UI any larger which makes navigating the program itself a pain. It's also very informational dense. Which is. Difficult and maze-like for me to comprehend sometimes. Multiple times in the past few years I've bought corkboards, pushpins, notecards, and other utensils to try to help make physical note taking easier, but my arthritis makes my handwriting dogshit to a point where I can hardly read it myself... and we don't have the physical space for my pepe silva act XD Maybe some day, though!

"27. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?"

I wish! I never really thought of doing anything special for finishing fics- most of the time if it's not painstakingly planned out like above process described, the only time I get anything finished is if I do it all in one single sprint... hence so many abandoned WIPs... It's hard to take something to the end when so much of my ability to even start it is based off random whims! I think I get the genuine ability to write, coherently and cohesively, maybe every few months. I'm inspired and writing fic in my head pretty much all the time as a part of my psychotic processing as filtering my distorted reality through the lens of characters and scenarios has been one of my main perceptions of the world from a young age due to childhood schizophrenia, but capturing it in actual words and sentences that other people can actually read is a whole other basket!

...So, I guess nothing really, other than a large sigh of relief and a feeling of release in having finally achieved what I was hoping to achieve, or at least, an approximation that's close enough to it that I'm satisfied. Maybe this is my sign to try to incentivize finishing things by setting up a reward if I can manage! :D

[forerussake]

Fic Writer Interview

i was tagged by the lovely @phantomhydeoftheopera! thank you fairy, i had a lot of fun thinking about these questions and trying to answer them well, as you can see by how long this post has gotten!! love yaaaaa

name/nicknames: on the internet I go by Eru, bc names are hard and this is in my handle everywhere anyway and i like it :)

fandoms: i’m currently mostly active in Guardian, DMBJ and Tolkien fandoms (and the occasional foray into the associated RPF and crossover tags on AO3), but I have also written before for the QZGS/TKA, Yin Yang Master (QYJ) and MDZS/CQL fandoms :)

two shots?: i haven’t written anything that worked in two chapters yet, if that is the question. I try to contain myself to one chapter unless the story warrants more, and if it does it has so far always been more than two.

most popular multi-chapter fic: that would be the one i wrote this year, a hand within a hand (holding light). the engagement with this fic really surprised me, bc i expected the outsider pov format and the fact that the stories are driven by and centrered around OCs to be really niche and only interesting to very few people, but i got consistently positive responses to it :)

actual worst part of writing: i don’t think there is any one part of writing that i think is the worst. every fic calls for different things and has different struggles. sometimes it’s getting started, sometimes it’s getting stuck in the middle, sometimes it’s the editing, sometimes the tagging, etc. it really depends.

how do you choose your titles: i have a folder on my phone that has pictures of poetry i come across on the internet with lines that would be good titles. when looking for one i often go through that before the final editing phase, and then fit the story around it (by adding lines or returning metaphors to integrate the title into the story if it doesn’t already fit perfectly). 

otherwise i like to take my titles from returning themes in the story itself, which often develop as i write. for example when i wrote in tune i found myself constantly referencing shen wei’s power being in tune or in time or in sync with something else (his heartbeat, his breathing, the storm outside), so in tune became the title, because it also references Weilan’s love for each other, which is the core of the story. 

occasionally i like to choose titles that reflect the core of the story in a more abstract way, like with Kaleidoscope (a rush of snapshots of Queer stories), and Spirometer (about breathing and/as the quantification/conceptualization of love). 

do you outline?: when i do multi chapter (or 5+1 or another story format with different sections) i like to outline a little bit at least. just give myself some notes on what the chapter or section should cover for the whole to work. i do have stories that i have outlined extensively, but none of those have ever seen the light of day as of yet, i guess because it makes them too daunting.

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: hah, picking up where i left off at the last question. one of those extensively plotted stories fits this question as well. I call it the Yin Yang Master Metaphorical Serpent Modern!AU (MSM!AU for short), which is basically a modern day adaptation of that movie, but centred around Killing Stone and the other shishen, working off the basic premise that the Serpent isn’t a real entity but is instead a metaphor Qingming (who in this AU is their therapist) sometimes uses to conceptualize his patients’ various mental health conditions. ...it’s a rough one. but if i could actually write it someday..... it would be the best thing i’ve ever written.

other than that: the MDZS murder mystery fic :( it’s mostly plotted but yeah... different fandoms have drawn me in since 2020....

callouts @ me: dare to write short stories without derailing them into long ones. also: sometimes a fic doesn’t have to be perfect or be a fully coherent thematic whole. not all fics need your typical “onset, catalyst, climactic catharsic scene, and extensive thematic polishing ending”-structure. sometimes you can just write a little bit about trope bc it’s fun, and it doesn’t have to mean shit. 

best writing traits: i think i do really well at setting the mood for scenes, and developing themes and rounding them off. i’m very much a writer whose every choice of word and metaphor and descriptor tends to have a reason. if i mention a painting on a wall in scene 2, then you can be sure it will return somewhere, or i wouldn’t have mentioned it. i’m good at not leaving too many loose ends. 

spicy tangential opinion: is “there is nothing inherently (or, god forbid, morally) wrong with writing or reading RPF” a spicy opinion? bc then that. the problem with RPF fandoms is that alongside the normal people, there are too many people in them who have trouble differentiating the relationships they read and write about from the real actual people they are based on, and then try to carry the attitude they put into the writing of RPF on into their real life interactions with other people.

that is bad, but there is nothing wrong with writing RPF itself, as long as you keep it within fandom circles, in a closed-off and easily filtered space (such as AO3), and are able to acknowledge the fact that the people you write in your stories are merely characters you have created and are not a reflection of reality. we are authors, not omniscient creator-gods. also, these people’s actual private life is none of our fucking business and they owe us nothing. 

that became a bit of a rant, and this whole thing became quite long. sorry about that xD

tagging: @lucientelrunya @programmedradly @deathofsanity @shadaras @lunarriviera @sharkbeneaththelotus @omaenanimonoda @lynne-monstr @thedaughterofshadows @aredhel-of-doylkien @onmyo-jin  if you want to :)

[theevilmaninyourcomputer]

For the past few weeks I've felt like I've been in some kind of mental decline. Stringing thoughts together takes way too much effort, and I feel weak and faint when I stand for an extended amount of time. Also, my head has hurt constantly. I mean, I've had a headache for three weeks (I have chronic migraines so this isn't that unusual). I came to the conclusion that I was just extremely burnt out, and coming down off of final exam stress. But I'm a hypochondriac, so I secretly began to assume the worst. Maybe I have a blood clot in my brain, or I've spontaneously developed early onset alzheimer's or childhood dementia! I actually cried about this to my mom yesterday and she was like, "I'm not taking you to the ER for 'brain fog'" which is honestly reasonable. So, because I am incapabale of being normal about anything, I started doing research and I realized: I am so fucking dehydrated. Like, ridiculously dehydrated. There have been multiple days in the last month where my daily water intake has been one or two cups of coffee. And fun story, my sister absolutely despises the flavor of water. So much so that she has developed an irregular heartbeat, is randomly overcome with vertigo, and has done irreparable damage to her vital organs. It's bad. She's probably going to have to go on IV fluids in the near future. Anyway, I asked her how much water she actually drank, and she was like "I don't know, two, three cups a day?" Well, shit? If she's experiencing these symptoms and drinking more water than me, then what the hell am I doing? So long story short, I probably don't have a serious medical issue. I just need to drink water. Hopefully.

Still, it's freaking me out. I keep forgetting words, like, really basic words. Or accidentally substituting words for other words. And if I focus too hard on the spelling of a word, or the grammatical structure of a sentence, the words lose meaning. When I referenced my hypochondria, I wasn't exaggerating. I legitimately do have hypochondria. So since I've noticed this, I've been in a state of constant panic. I'm used to my head being a place I can retreat into. But lately, I haven't felt compelled to invent elaborate daydream worlds or internally monologue for hours. And to combat this, I find myself straining, forcing myself to do so anyway. I miss the comfortable chaos that used to be my mind. It's too still, too stagnant. It's disconcertingly silent. I feel like something is legitimately wrong with me and I'm fucking scared. But at the same time, I recognize the possibility that I am making a mountain out of a molehill.

My anxiety always worsens during the summer. I wouldn't consider myself an extrovert (far from it), however I do need some level of human contact or I lose my fucking mind.

But still, what if this is just how my life is now? What if I'm just not smart anymore? My entire life, I've been told that my writing is what's going to get me into college. If I can't form a coherent thought, or write a sentence without second guessing myself, how the hell am I going to get anywhere in life? If I lose the ability to create, then I am nothing.

This is besides the point, but I've already made the decision not to pursue a career in writing. I think I would enjoy journalism, or screenwriting (just, something creatively challenging), but with the recent developments in AI, I don't think that dream is feasible anymore.

I'm trying not to spiral, but thinking gives me a headache. An actual, physical headache. That's not fucking normal. What the hell is wrong with me??

Anyway this blog is like, my journal now. I know that no one will really see (or read) these, and word vomiting into the void makes me feel better. It's like, the potential of someone stumbling across it and connecting that is reassuring to me. So if you see this, just...idk. Tell me I'm not going insane. Or having a stroke. Or losing myself or my mind of whatever. Tell me I'm just dehydrated, and that the world isn't ending, and that everything is going to be okay. Because every day feels like the fucking apocolypse and my head hurts so bad and I wish I could just feel good and normal and okay.

So I'll try to drink more water (like, wayyy more water) and I'll update you guys. My head feels like it's full of cotton balls right now.

Later, dudes.

[vampirephlebotomy]

I realise that was an old post but. Please tell us about dave lalonde and rose strider. The People Need To Know

Sorry that I'M getting to this late but yeah, I don't mind buddy. I'll toss it under a cut though, I dunno how long this will get because originally this "essay" was a 1 A.M. rant I sent to a friend (hello to you if you're reading this buddy) but I'm going to try and make it actually coherent and normal for you. Because it was a bit of an insane ramble I kept getting distracted on.

So. Guardianswap Dave Lalonde:

Eccentric, as all Lalondes are. Probably finds himself drawn particularly to odd art and paintings, and despises Mom's statues as Rose does

Reads more than he interacts with others/is slightly shut off and often doesn't respond because of this. He tries not to seem cold when he does get back to his friends, though

Drinks tea often, writes odd stories and often muses about changing the world in some way, yet isn't ever really sure how he could really impact things so they stay as musings

Translates anger into visual mediums like painting but it never really goes away, frustrated at almost everything and everyone but has gotten very good at concealing it unless poked and prodded too much. Compares himself too often to the artists he has paintings of/is inspired by/etc.

This anger at the world and everyone mainly stems from his issues with Mom Lalonde and her neglect, and this leads into being a Rage player instead of taking up Light or staying Time. I've never once payed attention to the "gender locking" of certain classes (its weird as fuck to me) so yeah, I think he'd be a Witch of Rage. He craves control/command/whatever word you prefer for Witches over just something so much and it's shown in that. Fight me on that or whatever.

His chumhandle becomes [aC]: airbrushedCholeric (referencing a painting method and being bad tempered/irritable).

And on the other side, Guardianswap Rose Strider:

Has an interest in entomology, (that I would say is bordering on obsession but she's just autistic). Especially involving raising bugs and pinning them after death and learning about them and their behaviours, and framing them.

Still plays violin and is scarily good at it. It's one of those things she just threw herself into so hard it's unnerving to Bro. She makes it like, her life mission at a certain age

Knife collection instead of the whole sword thing. I don't have much reasoning for this other than I feel it in my soul

Not phased by the puppets, she mostly thinks they're stupid now and has used this against Bro more than once to terrify him.

Probably has thought about eating a person

I established that I think she would be a Time player instead of keeping Light, despite Dave Lalonde becoming a Rage player, but I do think she would keep the Seer class. So, Seer of Time.

Her chumhandle becomes [tC]: trackingCoronatus, referencing an Orchid Mantis, (Hymenopus Coronatus) and, obviously, tracking someone down/stalking.

And uhhh I'm pretty sure that's it. Questions/comments/concerns are welcome, come scream at me for all I care, my inbox stays fresh and open a sexy 24 hours 7 days a week. Here's a pic of my cat for the road, stay frosty duderino

[kae-karo]

i hope this doesn't come across as rude or bothersome but you mentioned in another ask that you use your discord server for fic planning/writing/taking notes, and i was wondering whether you'd like to show or give some insight on it? like what channels and how it's built up essentially? it sounds pretty convenient and i was wondering what it looks like! (maybe it'd be something for me who keeps notes scattered in different docs and note apps and analog on grocery receipts.......)

hi dear!! oh my gosh not rude or bothersome at all lmao i'm more than happy to talk abt it! (i'm gonna put it below the cut tho cause it's a long boi)

ya so basically i have a personal discord which tbh i use for a LOT of stuff (beyond just fic planning) and i honestly can't recommend it enough??? generally apart from fic specific stuff i use it as a cache for links to art i really like or share often, random thoughts on genshin lore or other things, poetry, gift ideas for ppl in my life, to-do lists, cosplay concepts when i was more into cos, etc lmao

as for fic planning specifically!! the vast majority of my thoughts fall into a 'other projects' channel, which is my catchall for oneshot ideas, vague fic concepts, quotes, etc. fics end up with their own specific channel usually if they're longfic/chaptered or if i end up with just an overwhelming amount of ideas/thoughts about them lmao

one actually good diverse example of a channel i had was for chosen (x) where i had a TON of reference images for various zhongli imagery and symbols & i detailed out a lot of the thoughts i had on where those images should be carved on childe. i had a variety of scene ideas laid out although not all of them had a ton of detail, and i had dialogue snippets that i really wanted to use. i also wrote in a lot of the lore to make sure i had a coherent place to reference or adjust if needed, including some stuff that really didn't make it into the fic itself but needed to make sense in the background so that i could pull on it as required. notes as well for things i wanted to be sure to mention, cause they were relevant to the story but didn't come up right away or were part of the foreshadowing or i thought they needed clarifying somewhere.

i'm sure there are ways to be more efficient or organized about a fic, but this works well for me since i have discord on my phone and it's far less effort to pop into a channel and write some stuff down rather than navigate gdocs and look for a planning doc and make notes there. PLUS i only ever had planning docs usually for a fic i knew would be chaptered/long from the start, and didn't really have anywhere to put short ideas or random thoughts lmao

basically, here's my writing category in discord:

although looking at this i could probably hide the kathb fic channel now that i'm done writing it lmao (i usually hide channels when the fic is finished, just so i don't overcrowd anything but don't lose stuff either lmao)

notes in these channels can manifest in a lot of ways but USUALLY it's dialogue or scene ideas that come to me when i'm busy with other stuff and i want to put down, or when it's something that won't happen for a while but idw forget (i am very forgetful). or just generally when i sit up at 3am with the perfect string of prose for a scene and i have to write it down RIGHT NOW or i'll lose it. this happens often enough that i keep my phone on my other projects discord channel when i go to bed so that if i do indeed wake up with an idea, i can just unlock my phone and start typing lmao

occasionally, i have actual research on certain things in those channels, or a timeline if things start to get messy (if you followed me in my bnha days, i had a channel for my fantasy dabihawks au that spiraled into a whole series and i really needed a coherent timeline for that) but for the most part it's scene and dialogue ideas! oh, and sometimes if there's art or smth that inspired the idea, i'll toss it in there too so i can reference it or be sure that i link to it when i post the fic. ah, and sometimes it's just stuff like this with minimal context lmao

one of the bigger things for me that works really well is my other projects channel tho? that allows me to string stuff together and pin ideas and reply to other messages so i know what the heck i'm referring to when i just slap a line of dialogue or smth in there lmao. cause it used to be super hard for me to feel like a fic was gonna warrant its own planning gdoc, and something about putting a ton of notes directly into the fic doc below where i'm writing just never worked all that well for me lmao

it also serves as a great place for me to dump ideas and refer back to them easily, or expand upon them without having an actual fic doc somewhere? like, i have ideas i haven't actually started writing but i've added lots of notes and thoughts and stuff for, so it's great to have that somewhere easily accessible and searchable and all in one spot lmao

i'd say if ur standard modus operandi has been scattered notes everywhere, this is a huge upgrade in terms of being able to not only keep everything in one place but separate it out in an efficient way (you could probably get more efficient than i am, too, like having a category for specific ships/fandoms or even for a specific fic with channels for more specific purposes like research or dialogue or character notes, etc) - like, the whole thing is searchable, too, so if you misplace something or can't find it, you can still search for it in one single location. overall, cannot rec enough lmao

hope this helped a bit!!

[ech0-1409]

i know the general consensus is that Booker is being deliberately unhelpful in the train scene as they try to piece together their dreams about Nile, but narratively it makes sense he’s bad at it. 

Booker has never dreamt an immortal that he’s going to go and seek out before. Sure, he’s dreamt Quynh, but they were never gonna set out to go and get her, so it makes sense he doesn’t know what to look for. Booker doesn’t understand what he’s dreaming when he sees Nile, he doesn’t know what details to catch to piece it together, and that’s why he’s so unhelpful with tiny fragments of information such as “i saw a name tag” but he can’t remember the name. Also, he’s arguably the most overwhelmed by what he’s seen. “I felt her die” whilst grabbing his neck shows that he’s deeply affected by his dream. 

Joe and Nicky are a little better as they must have dreamt Booker before they met him. Joe immediately reaches for his sketchbook, whilst Nicky supplies helpful bits of information that could help narrow down who this woman is and where she is. He’s the first to describe what Nile looks like “it was a black woman” and then goes on to piece together where and what she could be i.e the knife he saw “it was fish capped” and it being possibly military “clay walls” . Joe supplies helpful information too, with the detail of remembering part of the name tag. “it was free something” and “coalition medical team” whilst he draws Nile from memory. Although it’s clear they’re not as skilled as it as Andy i.e “i saw an older woman in a hijab” is something Joe supplies, but that isn’t directly relevant. 

The most poignant part of the scene is when Andy interrupts, having flawlessly pieced together the fragments of what she’s seen. “she’s a marine, near combat duty” and “Afghanistan”. Which makes the most sense because Andy must have dreamed Quyhn before they met. She’s dreamed Lykon, Joe, and Nicky, and Booker. This is a skill she’s honed across millennia. She knows exactly what to look for - what details are important, and how to identify both Nile’s location and occupation from a dream that couldn’t have lasted that long and was extremely fragmented and confusing. Which is really impressive when you think about it and shows how old she really is, and what she’s been through to get there. This is really good character building and sets up the group dynamic i.e Andy being the eldest/most experienced, without going into detailed background information.

[thewertsearch]

Asks compilation: 09/05

God ok that actually sounds like it would work really well. John would be a huge McElroy fan, wouldn’t he?

I just looked up the Washington accent to compare it to Griffin’s, and wow, my mental voice for John is completely different. I probably have all the wrong accents for these characters in my head, since I don’t have a clue which accent maps to which state. 

At least we’re all in the same boat about not knowing Jade’s accent - unless we learn where Grandpa grew up later on, since she’d probably have picked up his.

Brilliant! Yeah, no, I’ve been trying to nail down that font for ages.

Dammit, I just realized I could have inspected homestuck.com’s source >:(

It narrowly edges out Gen 4, for me. D/P/Pt were great, but Black and White were the games which really perfected the formula. I honestly don’t think they should have gone 3D, but whatcha gonna do?

Oh my god, of course there are. I’m going to rewatch that show some day and lose my mind, aren’t I?

Hey, thanks for the ask! 

I thought about this back when I was first starting the blog. I dunno, though. You’re really not missing much - my live reactions aren’t nearly as coherent as the writeups - mostly just a lot of ‘oh my god, what?’ moments. I write more articulately than I speak. Trust me on this. 

I’m honestly impressed you came up with something more headache inducing than the bogo algorithm, which for the uninitiated literally means ‘randomly shuffle a list until it’s sorted’. 

aw fuck we’re getting a bogo modus aren’t we

I like Bogleech’s writing, especially his creature design reviews, but I could never get more than a handful of pages into Awful Hospital. I respect his commitment to the stereotypically ‘gross’ organic aesthetic, but it kind of just squicks me out. Plus, I dunno. The premise is really dark, but the comic seems to be a full-on comedy. The dissonance just doesn’t really work for me. 

Still, though. Pokéween is some of my favorite writing on the web. Check out his stuff. 

I’ve never been super into horror. Mind you, I like having something to listen to when I’m out on a walk, and I’ve heard good things about the Magnus Archives, so maybe this is my opportunity to give it another chance?

No, yeah, we have a winner. Step aside, Broderick.

I have come to accept that Hussie is just really prone to making unintentional references. When Dave Strider is one of your primary characters, you probably can’t avoid constantly referencing pop culture - even, it seems, accidentality!

The Queen is dead! everything has gone to shit! Long live Jack the Ascended!  

Haha, I never considered that tumblr’s format does kind of resemble John and CG’s inverted conversations, in a way. When you reblog a connected pair of joke posts, you even have to make sure to reblog them backwards, or you’ll invert them! 

Ah, indie devs. Heads, they’re legends, tails, they’re assholes. 

I’ve never played it, but it’s been sitting in my steam library for months! If it’s anything like Celeste, I should have started playing it yesterday. Lore is pretty much the only thing Celeste is missing - not that it needs it. 

Those giant Underlings are nothing compared to what you see in Pipecorp. This is just another day in the office for Harold P. Egbert. 

Awesome! Yeah, I already see why the comic’s music is so popular. And considering we’ve got Toby ‘Leitmotifs’ Fox on the music team, these are all sure to return. 

So what, it’s like, Act 6: Act 1? We’re going to start recursing?

Don’t lie to me, guys. This comic is a fractal, isn’t it? It goes on forever, the sub-acts shrinking into the infinitesimal. 

I know not what awaits me. 

Six, right? Based on the above ask, there can’t be room for any more, unless they shrink dramatically after Act 6. 

I have no idea how many sub-acts there could be, though. Once you pop open that can of worms, you can’t easily close it. 

Done! From now on, all theoryposts will be tagged #theories!

Yeah, noted! I didn’t expect Homestuck to require the equivalent of waiting for the post-credits scene, but here we are?

In what sense? The Trollslum showed up pretty soon after Jade’s intro, and CG chimed in up not long after. The sense I always got was that Hussie improvised a lot of the comic, but maybe the trolls were a particularly spontaneous addition?

Liveblogging a liveblog! I can get behind that. Yeah, like I’ve alluded to before, I’d be having a very different experience with this comic if I wasn’t reading it in bite-sized chunks. 

Thank you!! I’m really trying to convey the same feelings that I’m getting while I’m reading this comic. I’m glad it’s working!

Honestly, my guessing technique is essentially just throwing theories at the wall to see what sticks. 

I usually have like, two or three explanations for a a given event in the comic, which means I can be eerily correct and ironically wrong about the same thing -  or ironically wrong twice over, as is probably more likely.

[reactionimagesdaily]

Reaction Images Guy’s Gourmet Image Collection (6,000 Follower Milestone)

We hit 6,000 followers! Nice job team, very proud. <3

To celebrate this milestone, we’re taking a trip down memory lane! I’ve gone through every image this blog has posted so far, and every ‘mood’ category ([undefinable], frick the frack off, hell yah, and so on), and made a masterpost of my favourite image from each category, complete with some annotations on WHY I like those specific images so much.

Shoutout to @rambler-of-procrastination​ and that one anon for the idea!

Actual images are under the cut. Because this’ll be a long one :P (Also apologies to anyone on tumblr mobile or with bad internet, because you might be seeing a lot of shiny squares xS xD)

[undefinable]: ‘sunglasses’*

(*To clarify - the names these images are being given are the names they’re saved under in my folder)

This one was actually really difficult for me to decide, because this category contained a lot of images I really love. There was that gif of a guy jumping down a floor to smash into a table, there was the historian one, there was ‘please let me see your bionicle collection’... But ultimately, this is the one I went with.

The caption I put for this image was ‘the coolest gif ever’ and I stand by it. Not only is it cool, however, but there’s threefold comedic value as well. Firstly, the fact that the last guy puts classes on his hat as well as his face is funny in and of itself. Secondly, his quick and professional motions make him fit really well in with the first two people, despite the fact that he’s tacking his addition on at the end in an entirely different context. Thirdly, the whole thing goes by so quickly it takes a moment to register that it’s a joke at all - you’re just like “sunglasses, sunglasses- WAIT A MINUTE! That guy isn’t in the move! And did he just put sunglasses onto his hat?” I feel like that moment of realisation just adds to the comedy, yaknow?

;_;: ‘[crying]’

Yeah, the name is really imaginative on this one. Hah-hah. :P

In all seriousness, I actually have a few good crying ones, so this was another hard choice. But I think this one sticks out to me, just because it’s one I can vividly remember using on an occasion where I was actually moved almost to tears by something. So I guess now it has, like, an emotional signature for me?

Even beyond that, the two-in-one format enables for the expression of more emotion, and a sort of variation - like a gif that doesn’t actually have movement. (If that makes. any sense at all lmao.) And it’s very expressive! Very much a cry face; there’s no need to peer further at it like “what emotion am I supposed to be reading from this?”. You just know immediately what you’re dealing with. So it’s got high utility and effectiveness to boot :D

Hell yah: ‘[whhhhp] [click] NICE’

This one’s such a classic, dude. I couldn’t not have it at the top here. It’s just that perfect combo of “hell yes, casual recognition” and “ah yes, exquisite”. Plus, the fact I’ve seen it in video form so many times means I can hear every detail in my head, which is a fun experience :D

Hell Nah: ‘hey- no- hol’ up- HEY- HE-’

I have a lot of images that say something equivalent to ‘no’, but this one... this one says it and means it. There is palpable passion in these nos and heys, beautifully accentuated by the zooms and grainy quality and face-tracking shaky cam editing. It creates a sense of increasing franticity as the thing keeps happening and you can’t stop it no matter how hard you try. Simply exquisite. [chef’s kiss]

Frick the frack off: ‘Are you prepared for the death you’ve earned little man’

Okay okay LISTEN. I’m aware that the text is barely visible and the image is functionally useless. But it,,, it’s just so fucking funny. The dissonance between the illegible caption and the man’s slightly derpy face kills me whenever I see it.

No further elaboration here. It just sparks so much joy.

Y’all are heathens: ‘E X C U S E   M E’

I love this one because it’s so POINTED. The completely focused stare, the wide shot revealing the subject of the stare before the camera zooms into the starer... you know exactly how this person is feeling and exactly who the culprit is, the fact that not a word is spoken and all the emotions are conveyed through expression and camera. It’s storytelling in gif form, and it remains, I think, the best image I have to express disgust and disbelief towards a singular individual.

Ah shit: ‘OH NO (Michael Rosen version)’

This one really came down to the wire - there’s an image I adore of,,, I think it’s DJ Kahled? and then over it is comic sans that says ‘i played myself/im a fool/im a fool in a man’s shoes’ and it’s absolutely hilarious. But this one, I think, best captures an ‘oh no’ mood. You’ve got the pause beforehand. The widening eyes, the looking back and forth as the gravity of the situation sets in. And then, finally, the ‘oh no’ itself. 10/10 reaction meme, perfect for the job that it does, moving on.

(Also, shoutout to Michael Rosen for inadvertently ending up on this list twice! Man’s just prime meme material IG)

Depression time: ‘Mike meme’

This was another difficult one! ‘I’m so tired’ and ‘achievement unlocked: existential crisis’ both speak to me on a pretty fundamental level. But ultimately, it had to be this one. The two facial expressions are kind of like getting two images for the price of one - like the [crying] image, they help convey a kind of motion or elaborated emotion despite being a still image. Something about it perfectly encapsulates the phrase “depression time”. It’s my go-to for that exact kind of mood, or scenario. Utility combined with an impeccable vibe and a source that I actually recognize. You just can’t beat it!

Huzzah: ‘Gentlemen, the time has come.’

The formal language of the captioned statement clashes SO brilliantly with the fact that the image is three middle-aged men in tight-fitting wetsuits, about to pilot a vehicle that they made by sticking a van on top of a hovercraft skirt. Chaotic energy all around; and yet it retains that celebratory ‘huzzah’-type vibe.

w h a t: ‘[dissolves]’

This gif is incredible. The guy in it (George Carlin) goes through an absolutely astounding face journey all by himself. Then it’s accentuated by content aware scale, which has insane comedic potential in its own right, and you’re left with one of the goofiest, most emotive gifs I’ve ever seen. It perfect captures that feeling of being taken COMPLETELY aback by something, and the subsequent sense of reality distorting as you struggle to process the new information you’ve just received.

(Maybe that’s an experience unique to people on the autistic spectrum. IDK. But to me personally, it’s a vibe that really resonates xD)

F: ‘F (Hulk)’

We all need a good F to express some respects every once in a while, right? Of the images I have that represent that specifically, I probably like this one the most. I like the facial expression that kinda conveys ‘aah, sorry buddy, here ya go’, and I also like that he’s holding an individual F key from a keyboard, like he pulled it off to hand to someone. It has [gestures] hidden layers.

Ooh-de-lally: ‘oooooo0000OOOOOOOh’

I really don’t have an elaboration for this one. It’s just perfect for the mood it’s encapsulating. It’s so cheeky! So curious! So full of life and mischief and looking at a thing! I love it T_T

Cursed: ‘Stop it.’

We’ve got some intense shading, an uncomfortable close-up, and an intense caption. It’s not a cursed image in the traditional sense, but if I’m being honest, none of the ‘cursed’ images on this blog really are. The point is that it conveys a mood while also being FREAKY-DEAKY. (Is that how you spell ‘deaky’? ‘Freaky-deaky’... that’s a thing, right? Maybe it’s spelled ‘dekey’...)

The close-up itself is particularily poignant to me. Something about that uncomfortable lack of personal space really resonates. Oh - and the greyscale! Something about the fact that the image isn’t in colour (I mean, it wouldn’t be, it’s from a manga, but you know what I mean) helps with that creepy vibe as well, I think. :P

Wow: ‘mind - blown’

This is one of those instances where my fave is decided by how got dang goofy it is. The man in the gif is simultaneously taking us on an incredibly journey of discovery and mind-blowing knowledge, celebrating with us the power of an epihphany - while also looking like he’s a heartbeat away from bursting into tears. I’m not sure if ‘cognitive dissonance’ technically applies to this scenario, but I kind of want to call it that anyway.

Not only that, but there are a bunch of other details. The production value of the explosions and the green-screen, the fact that he keeps on going, the fact that I’ve seen the original video and know that he’s making ‘bwah’ noises with his mouth?? It’s a show-stopper all-round.

I LOVE YOU!!!: ‘face to phone (plus hearts)’

This one’s kind of a subjective one, honestly! (I mean, this whole LIST is subjective, but that’s not what I mean xDD). I don’t really have an objective explanation as to why this one is, for me, THE quintessential image. (I love the heart effects added everywhere, obviously, but it’s far from the only image to have them!) Instead, I gotta go with my personal experience - namely, that this is the image I use most frequently to express affection for someone over messages. It’s kind of perfect for that use, to be honest, with the phone. It’s completely wordless but it conveys everything that I want to convey in those moments of hunched-in, overwhelming affection for someone. And that’s something a little bit special. :)

Welp: ‘Da-da-da, we’re dead!’

This one just has such a welp vibe. But it’s also not JUST welp - it feels like there’s a lot more going on (if that makes sense). There’s an air of resigned depression surrounding the whole thing; it’s a real “we’re boned, but it’s not like there’s anything we can do about it”-type energy. Plus, as a long-time fan of the movie this is from, I can hear the original line in my head whenever I see the gif. Always a fun treat. :P

Genuine mirth: ‘Laughing Tom Cruise’

In general, those image edits of the same person laughing in a bunch of different ways - with a bunch of different, slightly transparent faces over each other - are my favourite way to be like “hey that was funny” without going ‘XDDDDD’ for the bazillionth time. Of those images, however, I have to pick this one as my fave (that’s appeared on this blog so far, anyway ;D). It’s the first one i got! It’s the first one I posted! It has sentimental value. ^_^

Contemplation time: ‘takin’ notes’

This decision was actually another really close one! For a while, I was definitely leaning towards the Buzz Lightyear ‘HMM’ meme. (You know, the one where it’s really zoomed in? I love that one.)

However! I ultimately went with this one because I just kinda,,, use it a lot? It fulfills a pretty unique role in my roster, wherein when someone’s talking to me about something vaguely important, it’s the quickest way to show that I’m taking in what they’re saying in some capacity xDD

I have lots of other images to express general scepticism, but I don’t really have others to express attentiveness. So that’s why this one is probably my fave for this specific category ^_^

Horny on main: ‘Tortured by thirst’

This one gets points from me because it uses allusion rather than direct referral. I really love the images that are just shit like ‘oh he HORNY horny’, don’t get me wrong, but this one - someone got creative with this one! They saw a page in some Star Wars encyclopedia and was like “if I crop this just so, it’s prime meme material”, and they were right!

Additionally, the letterbox-narrow framing of the image looks like one of those dramatic zoom-ins on someone’s eyes, further emphasising both the image’s latant comedic energy, AND just how thirsty the guy actually is. It’s another image in the collection that’s just a lot of fun.

:): ‘smile’

This is one that I didn’t have to think about. This is one that I knew before I even landed on the relevant category. I once claimed that this was the image I most frequently use, and while I have no way of ascertaining that for sure, it’s probably my favourite... maybe overall? As much as I can reasonably quantify something like that, anyway. It’s small. It’s unobtrusive. It’s joyous. It’s kind. It’s full of love and affection. What more could I want?

Fear: ‘[Sobbing] Please don’t eat my ass, spirits.’

I feel like 90% of my justifications for these images being my faves are ‘they’re funny’. This is one of those times. This shit is hilarious. Everything about it comes together in a cacophony of humour - the night light, the caption, the facial expression - and at the same time, it doesn’t take away from the fact that this man is terrified out of his mind. The thought that the spirits might eat his ass is as fear-inducing for him as it is laugh-inducing for us. It’s just magical.

Called out: ‘HERE BITCH   SINCE YOU WANNA BE ALL EDGE AND NO POINT’

There were a few really strong contenders in this category, but ultimately, this image is the one that won out for me. :P Not only is the pun glorious - and I love it - but there’s a viciousness to it that really creates a sense of being called out. Like, ‘oh, you want to be an edgy little shit? well HERE YA GO’. I’m not quite sure how else to verbalise it, but it gives me that sense, and I really appreciate it for that xDD

Free Real Estate: ‘free real estate (eyes)’

Yes, this genre has its own category on this blog. (As we’ll see later on in the post, it’s not the only one!) Yes, the one I’m picking as my favourite is a close zoom on the bog standard version. I’m BASIC and I CAN’T PICK A FAVE OKAY. They’re all very situational!! And I love them all!

Gratitude amigo: ‘THANK YOU (bin edition)’

This is another image that works through being multifauceted! Obviously the ‘thank you’ text works on a surface level to tell people, well, ‘thank you’, but it works in another way! Say the bin represents low self-esteem. And the gun in the bin represents you. It’s the perfect image to thank someone not only in general, but for being nice to you when you feel low, or when the chips are down! That extra bit of utility has me, personally, turning to this image more than any of the others I have that function as an expression of gratitude.

Trans Rights: ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP TERF’

A lot of images violently advocating for the rights of transgender people are special. But this one has been the subject of (or at least, an aspect of) debate in the UK’s political center. That’s something special. That’s worth celebrating.

(Plus, maybe it’s just my distraction-loving brain, but I appreciate how bright and colourful and messy the image is. There’s analysis to be made about how mess and colour represents a collective human experience, and that more unites us than divides us regardless of things of gender identity, but there’s also the fact that heehee hoohoo I leik da shiny.)

Disgustan’: ‘Horribly Unfunny   Juvenile   Tasteless   Dumb   Forced   Disgusting   Pathetic and Desperate’

Aside from being another image sourced from my favourite youtube channel, the thing that I really like about this image is how thorough and scalding this is. A lot of the time, the best reactions are non-verbal, conveying emotion through expression without saying a word. This, however, excels at the opposite end of the spectrum; unleashing a deluge of dismissal upon whoever’s unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end. They come like the hammer blows of a professional boxer, and they’re damn effective and tearing something down. I... I really need to use this one more often. :P

Disney: ‘I FUCKING HATE DISNEY BRO   I’M SICK OF THIS SHIT’

I have a couple of images that focus on taking the piss out of Disney (yep, that’s an entire mood - am I wrong, though?) but this is probably my favourite because it reeks of desperation. The watery eyes and the scribble edit of the original text, combined with the explicit ‘I’m sick of this shit’ statement, really push that feeling of ‘oh my god, this megaconglomerate is buying out every intellectual property it can, and also (as I understand it) funding discriminatory legislature from behind an insincere veneer of progressivism’ that I think more and more people are picking up nowadays. Perfect representation of contemporary sentiments - pretty damn good image overall.

I am so great: ‘I don’t come cheap. You can’t afford me.’

Badass one-liner. Confident stride out of the room. Astounded titan groupie. The sunglasses. General big dick energy. This image truly has it all. Nothing more needs to be said.

Stole your meme lol: ‘Steal this meme’

On a smaller level, I like this image because of the inherent comedy of a computer screenshot being edited into a scenario where it’s being presented as a physical sign or item. A neat little blend of digital and hypothetically real. It gives me a sensible chuckle.

On a larger level, I’m partial to this one because the character in it is expressing two of the sentiments that you really feel when you’re yoinking a meme from somewhere in the internet: mischief/mirth, and bashfulness. Like, “yeah, this is the done thing and I’m having fun, but also is this okay?? Might I perchance save this image for my own mischievous little machinations?” And as someone who runs a blog dedicated to reaction images,,, yeah. It’s relatable. That’s all I’ll say. xD

Genuine reassurance: ‘Really’

Not much elaboration to be had here; this one just strikes me as the best fulfillment of its specific mood uploaded to the blog thus far! A lot of the time, when someone says ‘Really’, it’s like a ‘YES REALLY, don’t be PREPOSTEROUS’ sort of thing. But this is more of a ‘really, it’s okay’, which I just,,, prefer? It’s sweet, and it’s... well, genuinely reassuring. :P

[Music stops]: ‘[the weekend whip stops]’

Mostly, I prefer this one because not only is the show one that I’m familiar with, but the song itself (The Weekend Whip) is an old favourite that I grew up listening to! Not only do I get that joyful kinda nostalgia from this image, but it also increases its utility for me personally, because it’s something that I’d actually be feasibly listening to (and then stop because of some BS).

Gweetings: ‘actually the funniest walk I’ve ever seen’

Okay, listen, I’m aware of how many times my reasoning for this list as boiled down to ‘it makes me laugh’ and I’m here to tell you right now that I’m STICKING WITH IT. Look at this man’s fuckin limbs!! Look at his head bobbing about on his neck!! Look at those big-ol strides that are being carried out in spite of the fact that the whole body is doing its best imitation of the wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tubeman.

And then!! Look at the GOOFY GRIN ON HIS FACE. Does he know what he’s doing? Is he totally oblivious? I have no idea, and it haunts me in the best way. Keep walking your walk, guy. It brings me joy every day.

I will cause problems on purpose: ‘Elmo Rise’

INTENTIONAL CHAOS AND THE SUBSEQUENT REVELRY

Ambivalent: ‘Duly noted.’

For me, this one’s all in the caption. In short: it fits the mood category so very well. When a person says ‘duly noted’ it is a deliberate acknowledgement devoid of any value judgement or general opinion. It is ‘I recognise that that a thing has happened, and that is all I do’. To that end, it is the perfect ambivalent statement. Irrespective of all the other things going on in the image, the caption basically shoots it to the top of the charts in regards to how well it does its specific job.

Beyond that, the movements are small but consistent, which is pretty aesthetically pleasing, and the bright colours are - once again - a fun addition that spice the image up and give it some life. So, uh, yeah! General winner all-round, this one.

Bog Moss: ‘ahaha, I do that’

Okay, some clarification might be necessary for this specific mood: ‘Bog moss’ is for the category of images that are a big mood, or generally relatable. It’s called ‘bog moss’ because of an inside joke I had going with some friends when I named it. Just for clarification ^_^

In regards to the image itself... well, it’s another one that really acts as a perfect summation of its mood. I quote it to myself- I mean, not on the daily, but pretty often. It’s light and congenial (ahaha), but it still contains that identifying ‘I do that’ that speaks to the relatability of a certain thing. I can’t think of an image better-suited to indicating that something is, indeed, a big mood in some shape or form.

Mockery: ‘UH-OH!!!!!   Looks like these comments have been infected with... SHIT IDIOT BRAIN FUNGUS!’

If I had to surmise why I love this image as much as I do in two words, it’d be these two: Production. Value. The hazmat suits plus the multicoloured and multifonted lettering plus the half-dozen warning signs underneath create a dense, chaotic image that really emphasises exactly HOW crazy toxic the comments must be. Very well put-together piece, all in all. [Nods like some kind of reaction meme connoisseur]

Please exercise empathy: ‘that’s a human person.’

This one HAD to be the favourite in this specific category - it’s what inspired the category as a whole!

Beyond that, I think the sentiment it expresses is one that’s really handy to keep in mind in this day and age, you know? We’re seeing ever-increasing amounts of parasocial relationships, internet drama, and general dehumanisation all over the place, and I think that, collectively, we could all benefit from leaning back everyone once in a while and remembering that oh, yeah, there is another human person behind this somewhere. At the very least, it’s a sentiment that I can appreciate, and try and stand behind, in my day-to-day; and that’s why I’m a big fan of this particular image. :)

Nice music: ‘epic sax’

I maintain that the saxophone is the sexiest instrument; for proof, I direct you to the three gentlement in the front of the audience in this image, who have almost definitely all popped stiffys at the glorious sights and sounds before them.

Beyond the personal appreciation, there’s a lot of imagery in here that’s goofy, but also full of LIFE! And PASSION! And ENTHUSIASM beyond words that makes you just kind of want to contort your body into a pretzel as a response to whatever incredible sounds you’re experiencing! And that’s what loving music is about! (To me anyway.)

...I’m gonna go listen to the Halo soundtrack now. :P

Sic ‘em: ‘TEAR THE BITCH APART !’

I think the reason why one works as well as it does it all about angles. The camera is from below, and the woman in the image is looking down and off to the side, seemingly at something kinda far away. (Maybe she’s on a balcony? IDK lol). It isn’t a direct stare. In the collection of ‘sic ‘em’ (i.e. fucking murderise them dude) images I have, this one best emphasises the haughty, stern, disconnected authority and self-centredness that I think you’d need to unironically advocate for someone’s death and/or destruction. (If that makes ANY sense at all.)

Plus, ‘tear the bitch apart’ is kind of a funny phrase, so I like that as well.

Grooving: ‘Orange Justice’

This is another image selection where, for me, it comes down to bright colour. The neon green, neon red and jet black (with white highlights) is bold, but it catches my attention easily. Once that’s happened, the actual dance moves combined with the tracking shaky cam ensure that my attention is held for at least a couple of loops> I’m ltierally staring at it, while it loops, as I write this text. Taht’s not even a joke. I’m enjoying myself and am quite capable of typing coherently while my gaze is fixed on something else. There’s some fresh lore for y’all!

Not immune to propaganda: ‘YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO PROPAGANDA. BUT NEITHER AM I...’

In general, all the images in this category are crackers. But this one gets points from me for the fact that it manages to actually include some measure of nuance, and the openings of a discussion about ‘propaganda’ and the way that the best way to tackle it is constant vigilance on the parts of everyone involved. Good on you, reaction image! Good on you. 

Silence!: ‘silence, brand’

‘Silence!’ is a good meme. I like it a lot in general. A giant crab shooting laser eyes at something and telling it to shut up? I mean, what’s not to like? But this one in particular is one I really appreciate. For one thing, it combines the meme template with the blorbos from the comics its referencing, leading to a spark of individuality amidst all the other silence memes and paying tribute to its source material. For another thing, I personally believe in the necessity of telling brands to be silenced online every once in a while. So, this one gets my vote! (Although I’m also pretty partial to ‘silence, codebreaker’ if I’m being honest.)

Genuine wrath: ‘I was pissed’

Okay, okay, maybe this isn’t ‘genuine wrath’ in the sense that it’s a gif of a person trashing a room in a fit of rage. (And don’t get me wrong - I love those. They’re hilarious.) But this, I think is my favourite for this specific mood because it’s less funny. The others can still be passed off as exaggeration for the sake of humour, and can be used in an incredibly meme-y way. But this one is simple. Fairly measured. Doesn’t have a lot of funneee destruction. But it still conveys a simple message: “I was pissed”. You can’t escape the sentiment. You can’t inchworm around it or joke your way out of it. It’s just straight up ‘yeah, I wasn’t happy about this’. Reaction images are great fun, but if you want to use one while still feeling genuinely, actually annoyed by something, I’d say this is a pretty solid one to go with.

(edit: I just lost a BUNCH of progress on this post right when I had it ready to upload and now this is LITERALLY ME. FUCK.)

(edit 2: IT KEEP DELETING MY SAVED PROGRESS. TUMBLR. TUMBLR PLEASE)

Pretty sus NGL: ‘So what is the truth’

This one is a pretty good one because of it’s,,, I’m not sure how to phrase it off the top of my head. Solidity? Like, y’all know what a ‘steely-eyed gaze’ is, right? (If you don’t, it’s basically a fancy term for a glare or a stern look. Steel = strong, e.t.c.) This whole image feels like a steely-eyed gaze in gif form. It’s certain. It’s sure of itself. It’s fully aware that something isn’t adding up about the situation, and it wants to know where that wrongness might be. So it asks: what is the truth? No beating around the bush, no funny little raised eyebrow. A simple question, in expectation of a simple answer. I think if you want to get to the bottom of something, this’d be a damn fine way of going about it. 

Gotta go fast: ‘runnin’’

The speed of the man running. The fact that whoever’s holding the camera is keeping pace, and - for the most part - keeping the footage even. The uniformly-running legs that look like little cartoon legs. The rough cut that makes this gif look like some kind of infinite loop. The kite looming ominously in the background, like that’s the entity being fled from. The fact that the guy running is Jack Black. There’s just a lot to love here.

Ight Imma head out: ‘lol bye’

The posting of this gif to the blog actually predated the ‘lol bye’ category, so this actually originally fell under ‘[undefinable]’ - I re-categorized it later when I was going through this list.

Anyways, I love this one to fuckin bits. There’s a franticity to it, but it’s a practiced franticity - the characters all know what they’re doing and what their roles are. It’s the perfect summary of that mad dash to hide whatever fuckery you’ve been up to, mixed in with the implied collaboration/teamwork of a group of people taking the plunge as a team. The small image size and slight pixellated compression add to its chaotic aura, and the last character (TK) taking a backwards plunge out the window ties it all together in a neat little red bow.

Case Closed: ‘It is law.’

There are a couple of reasons why I’m partial to this image in particular. The first is in regards to the mood it represents. It’s authoritative - the hand slap, the fancy suit, the full stop at the end of the sentence. The feel here really is for a “this decree has been set in stone”-type vibe, which fits well with the ‘case closed’ mood.

The second reason I like this image is that it was featured in that original ‘I like your shoelaces’ tumblr post, and I like to pay some respects to this website’s history every once in a while. :3

Not-okay cute things: ‘I CAN’T DO THIS IM   SERIOUSLY GOING INSANE RIGHT NOW’

I have a few of these, and as a general category, I like them a lot - I’ve definitely used the word ‘dissonance’ already when explaining why I like an images, but all of these ones DO have a big dissonance between the image and the caption that comes with the image that definitely adds to their comedic value and general appeal.

Beyond that, this one specifically is my fave for the category because the long caption ACCENTUATES that dissonance. The words are long, implying a real coherence, but their content implies an impending loss of that coherence. Meanwhile, the plush and its blank stare seem to convey that coherence has already been lost, and that the caption is some kind of post-mortem message. I’m definitely reading way into it, but it’s kinda fascinating. And I ENJOY reading into things! Hence, I enjoy the image as a whole.

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Holy hell, it’s done. It’s over. It can’t hurt me anymore

Happy 6,000! (collapses and dies)