#cause if you say something negative abt your appearance and someone else with that same trait hears you it's kind of like insulting them

[candies-and-eyeliner]

I think it's very punk rock of me to not get lip filler

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

pls scream about Leo a lil bit cause my love for that man is neverending and i live for you guys' blog,,, and ur comte love fuels me??? head empty except for those two pureblood clowns

HNGNGNG I hope that both you and everyone that reads my shenanigans knows how utterly understood I feel when I see anyone stan Comte, if not both of those idiot purebloods bc good lord...I live for two tired fossil men that just want DOMESTIC BLISS. Literally they have no brain cells beyond respect women and we love that for us, it’s spectacular!!

Under a cut bc I went off and is long:

That being said I’d be happy to yell abt Leo!! Where do I even begin, this man was the reason I got into Ikevamp in the first place, and I’ve read just about every single one of his events at this point. He just makes me so TENDER!!!!!! For whatever reason the first thing that came to mind was this one time he lies about being jealous and MC is lolol u a fool if you think I can’t tell when you lie to me. And he’s so fuckiNG SHOOK?????? It’s even funnier because she’s internally like [I’m not 100% sure but for a second there he almost looked mad...time to test this theory even if it’s just A GAME T H E O R Y] And he’s so fucking pikachu meme that shit sends me. I can’t handle the fact that he’s so used to people just assuming he’s fine, that he can handle himself. That he’s lived for so long without really anyone noticing at all. (Comte absolutely notices and will lightly roast him, but doesn’t really push him about it or wants to overstep). And so when MC just actively pays attention and is so gentle with him he’s just floored???

God I’m crying now, but I will just never forget the funeral scene in his fucking rt. This asshole, this absolute moron, straight up tries to come at us with “yOu GeT uSeD tO iT aFtEr HaLf A mIlLeNiUm, i’M nOt SaD”. Like are you serious. Come here and let me hold you before I throttle you. Absolute clown. He’s just always trying so hard to get by on his own and it breaks my heart. How long...how long has he lived just getting by, nursing his own wounds and dragging himself up all by himself. HE LEFT HOME AT LIKE 14 (whatever the fuCK SOME TOO YOUNG AGE) AND RAN STRAIGHT INTO THE HANDS OF PEOPLE THAT HATED HIM FOR HIS TALENT. HE REMEMBERS HIS MENTORS DESTROYING HIS UTENSILS WHILE TRYING TO ESCAPE PARENTS THAT WHOLEHEARTEDLY REJECTED ANY EXPRESSION OF LOVE OR COMPASSION FOR HUMANITY THAT HE CHERISHED SO DEEPLY. I DON’T NEED SLEEP I NEED TO HUG HIM IMMEDIATELY FUCKING HELL.

Like.........there’s just........I don’t know how to explain it, but I once saw it explained so well in a post. It was basically talking about Castlevania, and how in that show Dracula sees humanity’s folly and develops so much hatred he just goes straight to murder rage. And while in some ways I understand that, I understand even more deeply Trevor’s response to humanity’s fear and violence. He says that he knows they’re short-sighted, that maybe we all just don’t deserve saving...but that he’s going to do it anyway. Leonardo just so much gives me that energy of knowing there’s so much pain in the world, but all we can do is keep walking--keep trying, even if we have to claw our way forward. Because if you only see the awfulness in front of you, you forget the way that strangers make silly faces at babies to make them laugh on the train, how a friend will put everything down to race over to someone and comfort them with some ice cream--do anything they can to distract them from the hurt. How the sight of a child crying will prompt careful cooing from a stranger as to their bravery, an offering of cool water, the gentle placement of a bandaid. How a pair of teenagers will spot a lost child in milliseconds and help them seek out their parents protectively. There is so much wretchedness, but also so much beauty in it all, and the older I get the more I see myself wanting to believe in the latter. I want to be hopeful, and easily impressed, and full of love. To be bitter and jaded accomplishes nothing, and only becomes a worsening self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you seek negativity, the more you will find it; and worse, create it.

I also scream a little bit bc like. I’ve gone on and on about how Comte is very obviously in love with MC all the time, and sure that may be true. But...I really don’t think Leo is exempt from that either if I’m honest lmfao. Only because what does Leonardo do when it isn’t his route? He almost never shows up. Once in a while he might appear for a split second in a scene, but he almost never converses with MC beyond those short moments. While Comte is the one to pine openly, I’d wager Leo is the opposite. He pines in absolute silence, because he knows that if he gets any closer--he’s going to fall. He’s going to enjoy it too much, going to keep seeking out more before he can stop himself. And losing another person he loves...he just can’t do it anymore. In his first meeting story he talks about seeing MC’s eyes and feeling like he’d known them all his life, and even in his MS he speaks to just being completely fascinated by and enamored of her. She doesn’t hesitate, always does her best, meets people head-on and without much hesitation. After a lifetime of people that are probably just immediately interested in him for his talents, or always seeking out his company for the novelty, this is someone that doesn’t give a single fuck if he’s Leonardo da Vinci. Sure she’s aware, and sure she’s impressed to some extent, but her respect--her attraction and admiration--is something that has to be earned. 

There’s something so refreshing about how their love was written. Sure it’s the whole fake marriage to a real relationship, but it’s also a kind of subtle enemies to lovers pulled off masterfully. MC is 100% minding her own business, just wants to do what she must in order to get home, tries to focus on her work to keep from thinking about how much she misses her old life. She doesn’t rely on anyone, doesn’t talk about how hard it is or how scary it is or how confusing. And even Leonardo forgets in his curiosity, is just chillin and also just trying to do the bare minimum to keep from getting too attached--figures he can admire her from a distance. And then he sees her staring at the hourglass. And suddenly, he can’t just watch her do that herself. Just wait for the hard times to pass, just sit with her own loneliness--that hollowing silence. There’s something so moving about it because he reaches out precisely because he knows that feeling to his fucking marrow, and literally just cannot watch somebody else do that to themselves. Sure he’s been dealing with it for three hundred years, BUT THIS GOOD BABIE CHILD DOES NOT DESERVE THIS. SHE WORKS HARD AND DESERVES NICE THINGS!!!!!!!! And so he drives her crazy as he races ahead of her, intercepting any attempt for her to preserve that silence and hide. She doesn’t see any pattern to it, and that’s just how he likes it--he doesn’t want her to worry about the how or why. 

Like I fully remembering playing in Japanese and being like oh my fucking god this is hilarious, this man is just a wild fucker and I love this. I was enjoying myself, mostly laughing and shaking my head. But then it just gets so, so serious. I was having so much fun that I, like a fool, forgot the anime effect. If you’re having fun, it’s going to come crashing down without mercy soon enough. And it does. He helps a little girl without any hope play her violin again, and maybe I’m just too English major but I was fucking FLOORED when I realized I didn’t see that that was straight foreshadowing. That little girl without hope? That was MC (and by extension depending on how you play, us). Though the metaphor isn’t quite so easily mapped without a physical space, the connection is clear when you think about it. With his careful social awareness, he makes a place for MC to exist in the mansion so naturally--as though she was meant to be there from the start, crafts a positive impression of her presence with each of the residents. And he does it with zero expectation of anything in return; he’s just happy to see her not stressing herself out anymore or trying to do everything alone. MC doesn’t fall in love with him despite their differences, she falls in love with him because they are the same in a singular and all-encompassing way that matters; they both care about other people so deeply, to the point where they will forego any personal needs in order to make that person’s life easier. Whether it be muting their own hardship, or working to involve another person in a new space (or opening up to the point of self-destruction to keep a person from feeling alone), they go above and beyond what anybody asks of them--perhaps strong to the point of their own detriment, in some cases. 

It’s why I always laugh when he says to Sebastian “That cara mia, she has a good heart.” Of course she does, Leonardo; it certainly takes one to know one. 

And because I literally have no brain cells beyond being in fucking love with Leonardo THE LAKE SCENE IS AN AFFRONT TO MY DIGNITY AND SELF-CONTROL. HOW DARE YOU, SIGNORE. HOW DARE YOU ASK ME TO SIT THERE AND WATCH YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO ME AND NOT BAWL MY EYES OUT AND TRY TO KISS YOU ALL AT THE SAME TIME. SIGNORE “hAhA yOu’Re So SmAlL yOu LoOk LiKe YoU’rE DrOwNiNg In My CoAt.” I WOULD DROWN AND DIE HAPPY--BITCH I TELL YOU THAT.

Like. I can’t think of another route I’ve ever done where I spent a good amount of time like “lmfao this guy is so wild im gonna punch him” to just be in a whirlpool of my own tears, regretting my entire fucking LIFE days later. Like Leonardo’s cultural impact???? Fucking immeasurable, I wish every white man disaster I ever met had a hidden heart of gold in all of his boyish dumbassery, an ICONIC himbo of our time. 

Also because I remembered it before posting and I am Dying^TM. The event where MC was a pureblood and he was human. That entire fucking event. I literally can’t think about it without screaming and crying. Her just so flustered at his reaction to her like “oh look, free real estate” as he plops her in his lap, absolutely no fear, treating her like a princess because of her noble title despite NO NECESSITY BEYOND PLAYFULNESS BUT ALSO STILL MEANING IT IN AN EARNEST WAY, being charming to no END just to see her laugh or look away shyly. 

WHEN HE SAID. WHEN HE SAID “...Can’t leave you alone, or you might go off someplace I can’t follow.” I. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU STRIPPED DEVOTION DOWN TO ITS BARE ESSENTIALS!!!!!! GAH HOW MC HERSELF SAYS “I would tell him the truth but...he’s much too generous for a human. I know he would offer his life without a moment’s hesitation.” How Leo describes the aftermath of her biting him: “Lucky for you, I’m a true gentleman, Unlike my principessa, who took me like a storm” HELLO??????? H E L  L O ???????????????????????? ARE WE JUST GOING TO SLEEP ON THE FACT THAT HE LOST HIS ENTIRE SOUL WHEN SHE BIT HIM???? I--

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

(Also as much as I love him the cigarillos have got to go at some point, boy do you have any idea the shit secondhand smoke does good lordt)

[rcnxed]

ok   we’re   not   gonna   talk   abt   the   fact   that   this   intro   is   coming   years   after   it   was   promised   AFSGDGFH   i   literally   stopped   doing   outfits   jus   to   finish   this   bc   i   NEED   one   chara   w   a   pretty   dress     !      if   u   wanna   plot   w   her   pls   hmu   here   or   if   u   prefer   my   discord   is   @* 𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐝𝒉𝒐𝒆 .#1696      !

&&.      (      𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞́𝐞   𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞   𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐱      )      is      (      𝟐𝟕      )      years   old   and   works   as   a      (      𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭      )   .   she   is   often   confused   with      (      𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲   𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐨      )   .   some   say   that   she   is      (      𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬      &      𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜      )   ,   but   she   is   actually      (      𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐨𝐬𝐞      &      𝐮𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐱      )   .

triggers   :   death   .

*      𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔      .

𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥   𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞   :      renée      (      reborn      )      antoinette      (      beyond   praise      )      devereaux      (      riverbank      )   .

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞(𝐬)   :     rennie   ,   ren   ,   nae   -   nae   .

𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭   𝐚𝐠𝐞   :      twenty   -   seven   .

𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲   :      january   23rd   .

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫   :      female   .

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬   :      she   /   her   .

𝐳𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜𝐬   :      aquarius      (      sun      )      ,   pisces      (      moon      )      ,   aquarius      (      rising      )   .

𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲   :      raoul      (      father   ,   58      )      ,   celeste      (      birth   mother   ,   58      )      ,   eleanore      (      step   -   mother   ,   56      )      ,   chréstien      (      brother   ,   37      )      ,   léa      (      sister   ,   25      )      ,   belle      (      daughter   ,   idk   yet      )   .

𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐬   :      a   piglet   named   dorota   .

𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦   :      emily   didonato      (   x   )   .

𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲   :      caucasian   .

𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲   :      french   .

𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭   :      5’10   .

𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭   :      63kg   .

𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫   :      brown      &      wavy   .

𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬   :     blue   .

*      𝒂𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔      .

           excellent   eyeliner   ,   fairy   lights   ,   midnight   conversations   ,   the   world   is   riddled   with   symbols   ,   chiffon   robes   ,   the   sun   rising   ,   intricate   designs   ,   seeing   beauty   in   all   things   ,   the   constellations   of   a   cloudless   night   ,   pale   skin   ,   dark   shades   of   lipstick   ,   dancing   around   in   silk   dresses   ,   strange   conversations   ,   nutmeg      &      fuzzy   blankets   ,   the   eerie   vastness   of   suburbia   after   midnight   ,   believing   in   the   power   of   transformation   ,   iced   almond   milk   lattes   ,   marble   temples   ,   electric   blue   ,   stargazing   ,   sharing   stories   under   an   evening   sky   ,   the   crackle   of   the   fire      &      the   woosh   of   the   ocean   ,   freshly   painted   nails   .

*      𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒕      .

           𝐢   :      𝒊   𝒂𝒎   𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓      ⤿      she   glided   through   her   childhood   as   effortless   as   a   falcon   .   fortunate   enough   to   be   the   daughter   of   a   duke   ,   renée   had   a   life   that   provided   her   with   everything   that   she   could   ever   ask   for      &      in   turn   ,   she   never   asked   for   much   .   blessed   enough   to   have   a   father   who   was   loving      &      brave   ,   she   had   the   misfortune   of   bearing   the   features   of   a   mother   who   abandoned   her   family   for   her   secret   lover   short   weeks   after   her   little   sister   was   born   .   she   doesn’t   remember   much   of   the   woman   who   used   to   call   herself   her   parent   ,   but   from   what   she   does   remember   ,   she’s   glad   she   forgot   .

           𝐢𝐢   :      𝒔𝒐𝒇𝒕   𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉      ⤿      she   was   raised   to   be   as   polite      &      respectful   ,   as   she   would   expect   to   be   treated   .   by   the   time   her   father   had   remarried   to   a   woman   who   had   taken   renée      &      her   two   siblings   in   as   if   they   were   her   own   ,   she   had   learned   to   accept   people   as   they   appeared   ,      &      this   woman   exuded   motherly   love   .   growing   up   her   mind   was   curious      &      creative      ;      her   thoughts   on   the   stars      &      her   imagination   thinking   up   fictional   realities   that   ,   as   she   grew   older   were   a   result   of   her   real   mother   abandoning   her   at   the   mere   age   of   two   .   but   throughout   all   of   that   ,   she   never   lost   her   spirit      ;      or   her   belief   in   them   .

           𝐢𝐢𝐢   :      𝒕𝒐   𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓   𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆      ⤿      not   being   tethered   to   the   promise   of   a   duchy   ,   she   pursued   her   own   path      &      began   a   life   that   was   her   own   .   she   dabbled   in   the   arts   ,   taking   up   dancing   but   soon   becoming   bored      &      moving   on   to   the   next   thing   .   she   attempted   modelling   ,   her   love   for   fashion   taking   over   her   love   for   rhythm      &      although   it   was   better   fitting   ,   she   found   herself   not   suiting   the   life   that   came   with   it   .   she   searched   the   stars   for   answer   ,   but   no   amount   of   constellations   nor   the   education   she   endured   during   her   young   adult   life   prepared   her   for   what   she   wanted   to   do   .   as   it   happened   ,   she   did   not   know   .

           𝐢𝐯   :      𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉   𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉      ⤿      floating   between   the   life   she   wanted   to   create   for   herself      &      the   life   that   she   had   left   behind   in   france   is   when   she   met   alphonse   du   poitiers   .   her   father’s   trust   issues      &      her   mother’s   wariness   of   human   affection   in   general   made   it   feel   like   having   the   sort   of   relationship   that   would   later   result   in   a   marriage   was   impossible   for   her   ,   but   it   happened   .   she   found   herself   comfortable   in   his   world      &      forgot   about   where   she   wanted   to   fit   for   a   while   ,   but   she   didn’t   exactly   mind   .   if   anything   ,   she   was   happy   with   her   new   life      &      her   new   husband   .

           𝐯   :      𝒕𝒐   𝒅𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏   𝒊𝒕   𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚      ⤿      but   all   things   must   come   to   an   end      &      for   her   ,   things   came   to   an   end   much   too   soon   .   alphonse’s   tragic   death   created   more   grief      &      imbalance   in   her   life   that   ,   at   eight   months   pregnant   ,   she   went   into   labour   four   weeks   earlier   than   expected   .   the   distress   the   baby   was   under   due   to   renée’s   upset   meant   there   were   complications   ,      &      after   an   emergency   cesarean      &      an   awful   lot   of   time   spent   in   recover   ,   she   was   finally   allowed   home   with   her   beautiful   baby   girl   ,   but   life   would   never   be   the   same   for   her   .

*      𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕      .

            *      𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅   𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍   𝒐𝒇   𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔      &      𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒏��      ⤿      after   the   worst   part   of   her   grief   was   over   ,   renée   knew   that   she   had   to   move   on   ,   not   only   for   herself   but   for   her   daughter   .   after   some   careful   consideration   ,   she   changed   her   married   name   back   to   her   maiden   name      &      is   now   in   thailand   as   she   knows   it   will   be   the   safest   place   for   her   daughter   .   add   that   to   the   fact   that   she   found   herself   a   position   as   a   royal’s      (      𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃   𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍      !      )      stylist   ,   she’s   quite   settled   .   she   still   misses   alphonse      &      is   adjusting   to   her   life   as   a   widow   ,   but   she’s   getting   there      &      is   taking   each   day   at   a   time   .

*      𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚      .

           𝐢   :      𝒂𝒎𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏      ⤿      with   a   strive   to   succeed   ,   renée   has   the   sort   of   mindset   that   gives   her   a   stubborn   determination   to   achieve   whatever   she   wants   in   life   .   when   she   wants   to   do   or   be   something   ,   she   has   a   strong   desire   to   acquire   whatever   that   is   in   whichever   way   possible   .   she’s   not   afraid   to   step   on   other’s   toes   to   get   ahead   in   life   ,   but   she   has   a   steadfast   moral   code   which   means   that   she   will   do   so   only   at   times   where   it   is   absolutely   necessary   .

            𝐢𝐢   :      𝒅𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏      ⤿      promises   are   things   that   shouldn’t   be   taken   for   granted   ,      &      renée   is   a   keeper   of   them   .   no   matter   what   ,   she   will   do   whatever   she   can   to   live   up   to   her   cause      &      dedicates   herself   wholeheartedly   to   whatever   promises   she’s   made   or   commitments   she’s   tied   to   .   she’s   a   huge   believer   that   carrying   something   through   is   important   ,      &      is   very   reliant   on   people   doing   the   same   for   her   .   not   only   that   ,   but   she’s   extremely   dedicated   to   her   family      &      that’s   something   she   boats   proudly   .

           𝐢𝐢𝐢   :      𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏      ⤿      she   sees   things   in   a   different   way   to   others   ,   so   her   imagination   takes   her   to   places   where   other’s   normally   wouldn’t   go   .   she   loves   being   creative   with   whatever   task   she’s   set      &      isn’t   afraid   to   push   the   boat   out      &      do   the   unexpected   ,   which   is   one   trait   she’s   carried   with   her   since   she’s   was   very   young   .   renée   is   a   very   active   thinker   who   doesn’t   think   that   believing   is   seeing   ,   which   often   creates   a   naive   outlook   she’s   yet   to   overcome   .

            𝐢𝐯   :      𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒚      ⤿      renée   is   the   sort   of   person   who   will   act   on   her   emotions      &      allows   them   to   guide   her   .   she   is   incredibly   open   about   what   she   believes   in      &      won’t   hide   her   thoughts   or   adjust   her   feelings   to   be   appropriate   for   someone   else   .   she’s   very   individualistic   ,      &      believes   that   being   open      &      honest   about   your   beliefs      &      desires   is   what   will   get   you   far   .   it’s   worked   well   enough   for   her   so   far   in   life   ,   so   she   hasn’t   changed   this   view   even   if   some   won’t   agree   it’s   the   best   approach   .

           𝐯   :      𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆      ⤿      despite   her   desire   to   be   the   best   she   can   be   ,   renée   can   often   be   quite   hesitant   when   making   decisions   ,   especially   when   it   comes   to   her   career   .   although   her   mind   is   constantly   buzzing   with   ideas   ,   she   quite   often   doubts   herself   so   she   needs   a   bit   of   time   to   prepare   for   an   event   in   order   to   choose   a   look   she’s   happy   with   .   she’s   absolutely   her   worst   critic      &       never   makes   a   final   decision   until   the   product   is   well   received   enough   that   she   knows   she   can   settle   for   it   .

           𝐯𝐢   :      𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒚      ⤿      she   doesn’t   let   it   show   that   much   ,   but   beneath   her   overly   confident   air   ,   renée   has   some   deep   rooted   insecurity      &      trust   issues   that   stem   from   wondering   why   her   mother   abandoned   her   family   at   such   a   young   age   .   it   makes   her   a   little   distrustful   ,   not   very   easily   letting   people   in      &      getting   so   close   as   for   them   to   know   everything   about   her   .   she   often   feels   like   whatever   she   does   won’t   be   enough   ,   but   she’s   fighting   her   hardest   to   overcome   this   due   to   the   way   it   makes   her   feel   .

            𝐯𝐢𝐢   :      𝒏𝒂𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒕𝒚      ⤿      an   adult      ?      yes   .   realistic      ?      absolutely   not   .   renée   lives   under   idealisms   more   than   she   does   realities       &      quite   often   ends   up   feeling   disappointed   when   things   aren’t   quite   as   she   expected   .   although   she   knows   sometimes   her   ideas   can   be   a   little   too   fanciful   to   even   be   a   possibility   in   real   life   ,   it’s   an   escapism   that   allows   her   to   be   more   creative   .   that   doesn’t   mean   it   doesn’t   come   back   to   haunt   her   ,   though   .   she’s   bad   a   detecting   liars   even   if   her   instincts   tell   her   not   to   trust   them   .

           𝐯𝐢𝐢𝐢   :      𝒗𝒖𝒍𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚      ⤿      renée   feels   emotions   intensely   ,   especially   negative   ones   .   she   is   quite   easily   upset      &      although   she   is   a   huge   feminist   ,   confrontation   isn’t   her   favourite   activity      &      unless   she   has   a   solid   case   ,   she   probably   won’t   pursue   .   she   tends   to   take   a   lot   if   things   personally      &      struggles   with   separating   constructive   criticism       &      people   just   being   cruel   .   she   tries   not   to   let   these   sort   of   emotions   show   ,   but   she’s   generally   very   driven   by   her   emotions      &      it   affects   her   negatively   in   this   way   .

*      𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔      .

honestly   this   past   is   here   bc   i   tried   my   hand   at   being   fancy   in   her   intro   but   had   too   many   headcanons   lmao

but   basically   u   probably   guessed   it   ,   she’s   french   ,   but   does   she   support   the   french   government      ?      DON’T   ask   her

honestly   she’s   surprised   wwiii   hasn’t   started   yet   but   ANYWAY

i needed   to   channel   my   inner   supernatural   geek   somewhere       &      that’s   where   my   girl   comes   in      !

probably   has   a   crush   on   stefan   salvatore   but   don’t   talk   abt   it   to   her   bc   she   will   get   mad   @   the   tvd   ending   like   BITCH   ur   an   ADULT   ur   a   MOTHER   chill   out

but   also   zak   bagans   hit   her   up   whenever   u   get   the   chance

she   has   a   piglet   as   a   pet   bc   she   loves   unconventional   things      &      a   dog   or   a   kitten   is   too   mainstream   for   her

her   personal   style   differs   from   full   on   girly   -    girl   to   chilling   in   slacks   ,   there’s   no   inbetween

rly   is   just   try   to   adjust   to   life   as   a   mother   ,   as   a   widow      &      just   life   in   general   ok   she’s   not   perfect   but   she’s   TRYING

eleanore   is   her   mother   ,   not   celeste   ,   prove   her   otherwise

is   rly   just   here   for   the   all   expenses   paid   for   holiday      &      can   be   found   chilling   by   a   pool   when   she   doesn’t   have   to   work

[veruesse]

Wa aleykoum assalam, thank you soooo soo much for your kind reply it made me tear up, you’re so sweet for even reading through and yet you’ve even made such great effort in giving such beautiful advice, may Allah bless you and love you abundantly, i’m so grateful and it really gave me a boost. 💜 My heart hurts so much each time i think of hijab bc I know that it’s only due to my weakness and insecurity that I’m not wearing it. I feel u sm on the style part this is also something I’m scared of, I usually wear wide pants and jackets which cover my body for the mosttt part but switching to abayas seems so hard I was never super feminine and this is also my biggest insecurity, I feel so uncomfortable in dresses and abayas seem so unfamiliar to me even when I like their look in dark colours, and my face isn’t pretty (objectively) so the hijab even though its significance is so so wise and beautiful, makes my face stand out and I dislike seeing myself, my insecurity is like a disease in my heart and I’ve even bought hijabs and khimars and tried them on for months but somehow I’m blocked, I feel like a coward and can’t seem to get used to it, i’m also scared of dying uncovered but this fear only pushes me further into the thinking that I’ll never be like the real muslim girls who cover so correctly, I’ll never be pious enough to wear it bc even tho it’s an obligation bc I feel guilty but still won’t wear it, only hypocrites behave like that :( I’m sorry again if this is burdening and I feel ashamed to complain but Idk how to dare take this step, and I’m sorry to only talk abt myself even tho your story already helped me into believing that I might get used to it, may Allah bless and preserve you and your family and grant you life long health and well being and purify your heart and soul, I can already tell ur such a sweet person mashallah

Ahh Allahouma ameen I’m wishing the same for you! I’m happy to hear that my response was good for you and I hope it will be beneficial as well in sha Allah. ❤️

I don’t know where to start! Sub7anAllah first thing maybe: I think you’re so hard on yourself. First of all, there is already such a good good thing which is the fact that you feel the urge to wear the hijab and you really want it! See it as a positive thing Alhamdoulillah!

I’m not sure if you have hijabi friends… but if you do talk to them about this… about you needing to find your ‘fit’ or ‘style’ etc. I think it’d be good to have someone help you so you feel less insecure. I feel like once you have negative thoughts about your own appearance, you will really need to tell yourself the opposite cause before you know it these thoughts are all you have about yourself and honestly it’s unhealthy and also unfair to yourself. If you follow a lot of influencers that are known for pics of their beauty, unfollow them. Seriously I have unfollowed ALL of them and it helped me a lot. It will unconsiously give you a feeling of them being the definition of beauty and everyone else not. A couple days ago i saw this vid of people talking about this, and damn they were saying how online people look extraordinary and beautiful in a way that’s just…. not real lol, and if you look at people in real life we really are all beautiful. So basically, talk to yourself in a beautiful way. Make yourself love the way you look! Once you do, it will make you shine in ways that are maybe unimaginable right now, which will show confidence as well, which is also a beautiful thing!

Honestly I don’t think it’s the hijab that might feel so difficult… it really is your insecurities and lack of self love and honestly I think it would be healthy for you to work on your self love! sound sooo cliche but it’s so important! What you said about hijab making your face stand out and you not liking that… subhanAllah I swear that I had the same thing in the beginning. And it took me some time, but Alhamdoulillah I really don’t have that anymore! I feel like you’re scared of things that might just need some time. Try out different hijab styles, cause I PROMISE you different styles make the face look different! Some work for some, and some really don’t. I wear it tight! As clean as I can. I have a very tiny head and small face features, so wrapping around a bigger hijab with more fabric would make my face almost too tiny haha. Also I wear my hijab under all my layers of clothing, over my bra. And I cut it so it’s not too long and there’s not too much fabric. Girllll I promise you it takes practice and try outs haha. But in the mean time, please don’t forget why we wear it! It’s for protection and don’t forget that Allah SWT really is with you. The harder it is for you, the more effort you give it, etc. the more hassanaats in sha Allah.

So, try to do this step by step. It’s impossible to immediately go for the endgoal. You mentioned dresses and abayas being unfamiliar to you. Maybe make a decision for yourself to - for example - always make sure your shirt or blouse or jacket is covering your ass. At least! Then for you, for then, this step is getting used to the hijab. Over time, when you’re used to it and you feel good in it, then you might think of an extra step, but don’t think about that now! It’s unhealthy and unreal to focus on the endgoal rather than your steps.

You can easily be a hijabi and cute tomboy! I am haha. I was so uncomfortable wearing dresses and I would never. Sorry but step by step really is okay! You really don’t have to wear a abaya immediately! Somehow, right before last summer I randomly wanted to be more ‘feminine’ (whatever that may be). Whenever I saw a pretty dress or skirt, I would buy it and then consciously wear it on friday. But it took me some time to be able to do that, cause I was so uncomfortable in dresses and skirts. I did it whenever I felt good in it. Now, sometimes, outside of friday, whenever I feel like it I just wear a dress or skirt. And on fridays I always do. But I literally still wear a bomber jacket over it lol. And honestly because I’ve spent so much time looking and trying out different ones, I really only wear dresses and skirts that I feel beautiful in, so not just a random or easy thing. Like I’m doing it because I feel good in it - and yes Alhamdoulillah I’m covering myself more. But I’m not pushing myself to wear it even tho I’m uncomfortable, you see what I mean? So don’t stress yourself out at all!

Be nice t youself. Truly, you deserve it. You are beautiful. And we are all beautiful haha and we should not let social media and all this fake bs get to us.

Also I just want to say that I recognise sooo much of what you’re saying from myself years ago! Everything, about insecurity with your face, the unfamiliarity with abayas and dresses, the tomboy look, etc. And sub7anAllah I’m not even close to my endgoal but Alhamdoulillah looking back at where I was then, and the things I struggled with, Alhamdoulillah I can say I am proud of myself. And you can be too in sha Allah! First step is to not be harsh to yourself. I could talk to you for hours! If you live in the Netherlands you better let me know so we can hang out and be beautiful together haha <3 You can literally still always contact me however you want. On anon is also good. If you need it, I honestly just want to be here for you. Sometimes we need each other and if there is any way I can help another woman, I really want to! ❤️