#can you feel me going through 800 different emotions in the course of writing this

[kittttycakes]

Life has been good thanks, other than the struggle of slowly coming to accept that work and study is about to consume me once more though.

I’m so excited you could reserve it! Libby sounds fantastic and I am so sad that we don’t have it here. Each book is a good 800 or so pages of tiny print (a little hard on the eyes but I love big books and I cannot lie). I’ve exhausted everything for that fandom on Ao3 and mentally berating myself for not pacing myself.

Do you mind sharing what you’re currently reading?

R.e. The OT3, I remember you mentioning the staff party where they confuse everyone about their relationship. Do you think this is intentional on any of their parts?

I love the idea of Hob making the New Inn a space for people to celebrate who may not have anywhere else to go. If some of his students end up coming while Morpheus and Grace are there, I wonder if they pick up on the nature of their professors’ relationships.

The thought of Grace’s Mum knitting Morpheus a sweater and him being emotional is just too much!!! I need to know though, is it colourful or does she stick to blacks? Somewhat daggy or tasteful?

The new year traditions sound fun too, especially the red underwear… how did Morpheus help Grace choose them I wonder? I have a mental image of Grace leading Morpheus into a lingerie shop to get his opinion and modelling a few options from the change room. Morpheus looking at some of the styles for inspiration to craft something made of dreamsilk for later perhaps?

And the fact that they love just being together the most is the best. I love that picture of them all curled up together in front of the fire, hands tucked away into a stolen sweater or wandering between someone else’s clothes and skin to warm them up.

Please don’t stress about the chapter, I am super excited but it will be ready when it is ready, and worth any wait. But it is not worth you burning yourself out or losing the pleasure you find in writing!

This is one of the busier times at work for me too, so I definitely feel that! Hopefully there will still be some pockets of time to take for yourself, too!

I love Libby so much, I’m so grateful my library has it! I used to be a very staunch physical books only person until a few years ago, and while there’s still nothing like holding a book in your hands, I have to admit, I do love the e-book option too.

I am always down to talk about what I’m currently reading! Right now, I’m about halfway through Victor LaValle’s Lone Women. I read The Devil In Silver a year or two ago and really liked it, and so far, I’m enjoying this one too! I love horror, and I think LaValle does a really good horror when it comes to creature features that highlight the horror of humanity. Before that, I finished Alasdair Gray’s Poor Things, which I’m still forming an opinion on. Sometimes I immediately know how I feel about a book, and other times, I need to let it sit for a few days before I can decide.

It’s absolutely intentional on Hob’s part. Messing with people, especially when it’s really harmless, is just fun for him, and it’s as close as he can get to really advertising that yes, these two beautiful people are his spouses and yes, they both chose him and isn’t that wonderful?

The students definitely have a better grasp of what’s going on than some of the department does, if only because they see them in a different context than the faculty parties and rushed meetings in the hallway. They’re also very perceptive when they want to be (and somewhat nosy) and perhaps a bit more willing to recognize a slightly more unconventional relationship structure when it’s being dangled right under their noses. (None of them can explain the bird, though. Some of them have sworn they’ve heard it talk, but that’s ridiculous, ravens don’t talk.)

I think it would be suited to his tastes! Her mum probably asked Grace and she of course told her that all he ever really wears is black, and even though black yarn is an absolute nightmare to work with, her mum still made it because that’s what he likes! (Hob, naturally, also has one, but his is a very lovely red and was gifted years ago.)

I love the idea of Grace taking Morpheus with her to look at lingerie. It’s hard to shop online for that sort of thing, sometimes! She wants to see the color in person, and she values Morpheus’s input. They definitely go at an off time so there aren’t as many people in and they can have a more private (and quieter) shopping experience. (Morpheus spends half the visit making extensive mental notes on what he plans to add to Grace’s wardrobe in the Dreaming later. He can multitask!)

There’s something very novel about that kind of closeness, for Morpheus, and really for all of them. It’s somewhere that none of them are too much, they’re all just right!

I’m excited to finish it out! The fic has been with me for so long and I’ve loved every minute of it but I’m also very much looking forward to nearly wrapping it all up and giving it the ending it deserves!

[dreamsaretangiblegoals]

Coach H NBIN 2023 Announcing Schedule

Dear Families and Student Athletes of Massachusetts Track and Field,

I am writing to you today with a profound sense of sincerity, humility and gratitude, so please bare with me if I seem somewhat scattered. It is not often I get nervous or anxious to express myself, but in this circumstance I can only feel what I feel. For the last five years I have connected with you, whether it be from interviews, preview shows, live play-by-play commentary or simply a selfie. Now, I am able to say that my mantra - Dreams are Tangible Goals - has paid off for me in the biggest way possible: I am proud to announce that I will be part of the New Balance Indoor Nationals 2023 Broadcast team.

I started coaching in 2013 as an Assistant Coach at South Boston High School with my friend and former 800 Meter National Champion Said Ahmed. I entered the Coaching fraternity seeking to make a difference in the lives of the student-athletes in the Boston Public Schools. Despite my desire and intentions, I never thought that my words would inspire, motivate, and resonate with people from various walks of life from all around the world the way that I see them. 

Sport is a very powerful tool that can connect people from different social and economic backgrounds. I’ve realized this despite the positive and negative experiences I have had in the realm - and I am grateful for the plethora of emotions my journey has allowed me to feel.

My role as a commentator and content creator has changed my life forever. My only goal has always been to make sure that every kid that I encounter - or who encounters me - has a memorable experience.

The sports of Cross Country & Track and Field are the toughest sports out there, but they don’t get nearly the proper coverage they deserve. I am truly honored that you have given me a chance to bring these sports to you in a personal and informative way.

This is why I am so grateful to be a part of the NBIN 2023 Broadcast team. Below is my schedule for the four days of NBIN.

My performance will be dedicated to my All #MyHomeGirls, #MyMainMan’s out there grinding> It will be dedicated to all the families nationwide and worldwide who have always tuned in with me over the course of the years. 

Thank you Cooper & Dave from Trials By Miles for supporting me in this process. I want to say a special thank you and a huge salute to Andy Downin, Mary Lawton and most importantly Tom Carleo from New Balance in believing in my talent and giving a local boy an opportunity of a lifetime. 

I promise that I will do my best to ensure this is THE GREATEST NATIONAL EVER now that Coach H is involved! 

Don’t forget to Hashtag all weekend long #MyMainMan #MyHomeGirl Twitter #nbnationals | Instagram #nbnationals

The Fastest Party on the planet is going to be in my backyard and I am putting on my dancing shoes ladies and gentlemen - I CANNOT WAIT! Good luck to all the student-athletes, near and far. Enjoy the experience and never forget it!

Most Sincerely,

Coach H

PS - THE NBIN 2023 SELFIE DUMP IS GOING TO BE CRAZY

LIVE Webcast - New Balance Nationals Indoor 2023

The 2023 New Balance Nationals Indoor will be broadcast live from the Track at New Balance in Boston, MA, Friday through Sunday, March 10-12 on NBNationals.com. The events on Thursday, March 9 will be made for viewing on demand only.

The free broadcast will be focused on running events. Field events will be filmed for on demand viewing.

Broadcast Schedule (Subject to change.)

Date Start Time

Thursday 3/9 On Demand Only

Friday 3/10 8:30 am ET

Saturday 3/11 8:00 am ET

Sunday 3/12 8:00 am ET

Event Links Entries | Schedule | Live Results | Results  #NBNationals on Instagram/Facebook/Twitter

THURSDAY TRACK EVENTS

3:00 PM Boys Middle School400 Meters Final

3:16 PM Girls Middle School400 Meters Final

3:36 PM Boys Freshman400 Meters Final

3:58 PM Girls Freshman400 Meters Final

4:20 PM Boys Middle School 1 Mile Final

4:52 PM Girls Middle School 1 Mile Final

5:24 PM Boys Freshman 1 Mile Final

5:59 PM Girls Freshman 1 Mile

6:20 PM Boys Rising Stars 2 Mile Run Final

7:20 PM Girls Rising Stars 2 Mile Run Final

FRIDAY TRACK EVENTS

8:30 AM Boys Rising Stars 1 Mile Run

8:51 AM Girls Rising Stars 1 Mile Run

9:15 AM Boys Rising Stars 400m Dash

9:37 AM Girl Rising Star400m Dash Prelims

10:02 AM Boys Championship 400m Dash Prelims

10:42 AM Girls Championship 400m Dash Prelims

7:52 PM BoysRising Stars SMR (2-2-4-8)

8:42 PM Girls Rising Stars SMR (2-2-4-8)

9:30 PM Boys Rising Stars DMR (12-4-8-16)

9:57 PM Girls Rising Stars DMR (12-4-8-16)

Saturday Track Events

4:49 PM Boys Rising Stars 400m Dash Final

4:53 PM Girls Rising Stars 400m Dash Final

4:57 PM Boys Championship 400m Dash Final

5:03 PM GirlsChampionship 400m Dash Final

5:09 PM Boys Rising Stars 800m Finals

5:26 PM Girls Rising Stars 800m Finals

7:33 PM Boys Championship 4xMile Relay Unseeded 8:13 PM Girls Championship 4xMile Relay Unseeded

Sunday Track Events

9:32 AM Boys Rising Stars 60m Dash Finals

9:41 AM Girls Rising Stars 60m Dash Finals

9:50 AM Boys Rising Stars 60m Hurdles Finals

9:53 AM Girls Rising Stars 60m HurdlesFinals

10:04 AM Boys Champ WC1 Mile Final

10:13 AM Boys Rising Stars 200m DashFinal

10:19 AM Girls Rising Stars 200m Dash Final

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

pls scream about Leo a lil bit cause my love for that man is neverending and i live for you guys' blog,,, and ur comte love fuels me??? head empty except for those two pureblood clowns

HNGNGNG I hope that both you and everyone that reads my shenanigans knows how utterly understood I feel when I see anyone stan Comte, if not both of those idiot purebloods bc good lord...I live for two tired fossil men that just want DOMESTIC BLISS. Literally they have no brain cells beyond respect women and we love that for us, it’s spectacular!!

Under a cut bc I went off and is long:

That being said I’d be happy to yell abt Leo!! Where do I even begin, this man was the reason I got into Ikevamp in the first place, and I’ve read just about every single one of his events at this point. He just makes me so TENDER!!!!!! For whatever reason the first thing that came to mind was this one time he lies about being jealous and MC is lolol u a fool if you think I can’t tell when you lie to me. And he’s so fuckiNG SHOOK?????? It’s even funnier because she’s internally like [I’m not 100% sure but for a second there he almost looked mad...time to test this theory even if it’s just A GAME T H E O R Y] And he’s so fucking pikachu meme that shit sends me. I can’t handle the fact that he’s so used to people just assuming he’s fine, that he can handle himself. That he’s lived for so long without really anyone noticing at all. (Comte absolutely notices and will lightly roast him, but doesn’t really push him about it or wants to overstep). And so when MC just actively pays attention and is so gentle with him he’s just floored???

God I’m crying now, but I will just never forget the funeral scene in his fucking rt. This asshole, this absolute moron, straight up tries to come at us with “yOu GeT uSeD tO iT aFtEr HaLf A mIlLeNiUm, i’M nOt SaD”. Like are you serious. Come here and let me hold you before I throttle you. Absolute clown. He’s just always trying so hard to get by on his own and it breaks my heart. How long...how long has he lived just getting by, nursing his own wounds and dragging himself up all by himself. HE LEFT HOME AT LIKE 14 (whatever the fuCK SOME TOO YOUNG AGE) AND RAN STRAIGHT INTO THE HANDS OF PEOPLE THAT HATED HIM FOR HIS TALENT. HE REMEMBERS HIS MENTORS DESTROYING HIS UTENSILS WHILE TRYING TO ESCAPE PARENTS THAT WHOLEHEARTEDLY REJECTED ANY EXPRESSION OF LOVE OR COMPASSION FOR HUMANITY THAT HE CHERISHED SO DEEPLY. I DON’T NEED SLEEP I NEED TO HUG HIM IMMEDIATELY FUCKING HELL.

Like.........there’s just........I don’t know how to explain it, but I once saw it explained so well in a post. It was basically talking about Castlevania, and how in that show Dracula sees humanity’s folly and develops so much hatred he just goes straight to murder rage. And while in some ways I understand that, I understand even more deeply Trevor’s response to humanity’s fear and violence. He says that he knows they’re short-sighted, that maybe we all just don’t deserve saving...but that he’s going to do it anyway. Leonardo just so much gives me that energy of knowing there’s so much pain in the world, but all we can do is keep walking--keep trying, even if we have to claw our way forward. Because if you only see the awfulness in front of you, you forget the way that strangers make silly faces at babies to make them laugh on the train, how a friend will put everything down to race over to someone and comfort them with some ice cream--do anything they can to distract them from the hurt. How the sight of a child crying will prompt careful cooing from a stranger as to their bravery, an offering of cool water, the gentle placement of a bandaid. How a pair of teenagers will spot a lost child in milliseconds and help them seek out their parents protectively. There is so much wretchedness, but also so much beauty in it all, and the older I get the more I see myself wanting to believe in the latter. I want to be hopeful, and easily impressed, and full of love. To be bitter and jaded accomplishes nothing, and only becomes a worsening self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you seek negativity, the more you will find it; and worse, create it.

I also scream a little bit bc like. I’ve gone on and on about how Comte is very obviously in love with MC all the time, and sure that may be true. But...I really don’t think Leo is exempt from that either if I’m honest lmfao. Only because what does Leonardo do when it isn’t his route? He almost never shows up. Once in a while he might appear for a split second in a scene, but he almost never converses with MC beyond those short moments. While Comte is the one to pine openly, I’d wager Leo is the opposite. He pines in absolute silence, because he knows that if he gets any closer--he’s going to fall. He’s going to enjoy it too much, going to keep seeking out more before he can stop himself. And losing another person he loves...he just can’t do it anymore. In his first meeting story he talks about seeing MC’s eyes and feeling like he’d known them all his life, and even in his MS he speaks to just being completely fascinated by and enamored of her. She doesn’t hesitate, always does her best, meets people head-on and without much hesitation. After a lifetime of people that are probably just immediately interested in him for his talents, or always seeking out his company for the novelty, this is someone that doesn’t give a single fuck if he’s Leonardo da Vinci. Sure she’s aware, and sure she’s impressed to some extent, but her respect--her attraction and admiration--is something that has to be earned. 

There’s something so refreshing about how their love was written. Sure it’s the whole fake marriage to a real relationship, but it’s also a kind of subtle enemies to lovers pulled off masterfully. MC is 100% minding her own business, just wants to do what she must in order to get home, tries to focus on her work to keep from thinking about how much she misses her old life. She doesn’t rely on anyone, doesn’t talk about how hard it is or how scary it is or how confusing. And even Leonardo forgets in his curiosity, is just chillin and also just trying to do the bare minimum to keep from getting too attached--figures he can admire her from a distance. And then he sees her staring at the hourglass. And suddenly, he can’t just watch her do that herself. Just wait for the hard times to pass, just sit with her own loneliness--that hollowing silence. There’s something so moving about it because he reaches out precisely because he knows that feeling to his fucking marrow, and literally just cannot watch somebody else do that to themselves. Sure he’s been dealing with it for three hundred years, BUT THIS GOOD BABIE CHILD DOES NOT DESERVE THIS. SHE WORKS HARD AND DESERVES NICE THINGS!!!!!!!! And so he drives her crazy as he races ahead of her, intercepting any attempt for her to preserve that silence and hide. She doesn’t see any pattern to it, and that’s just how he likes it--he doesn’t want her to worry about the how or why. 

Like I fully remembering playing in Japanese and being like oh my fucking god this is hilarious, this man is just a wild fucker and I love this. I was enjoying myself, mostly laughing and shaking my head. But then it just gets so, so serious. I was having so much fun that I, like a fool, forgot the anime effect. If you’re having fun, it’s going to come crashing down without mercy soon enough. And it does. He helps a little girl without any hope play her violin again, and maybe I’m just too English major but I was fucking FLOORED when I realized I didn’t see that that was straight foreshadowing. That little girl without hope? That was MC (and by extension depending on how you play, us). Though the metaphor isn’t quite so easily mapped without a physical space, the connection is clear when you think about it. With his careful social awareness, he makes a place for MC to exist in the mansion so naturally--as though she was meant to be there from the start, crafts a positive impression of her presence with each of the residents. And he does it with zero expectation of anything in return; he’s just happy to see her not stressing herself out anymore or trying to do everything alone. MC doesn’t fall in love with him despite their differences, she falls in love with him because they are the same in a singular and all-encompassing way that matters; they both care about other people so deeply, to the point where they will forego any personal needs in order to make that person’s life easier. Whether it be muting their own hardship, or working to involve another person in a new space (or opening up to the point of self-destruction to keep a person from feeling alone), they go above and beyond what anybody asks of them--perhaps strong to the point of their own detriment, in some cases. 

It’s why I always laugh when he says to Sebastian “That cara mia, she has a good heart.” Of course she does, Leonardo; it certainly takes one to know one. 

And because I literally have no brain cells beyond being in fucking love with Leonardo THE LAKE SCENE IS AN AFFRONT TO MY DIGNITY AND SELF-CONTROL. HOW DARE YOU, SIGNORE. HOW DARE YOU ASK ME TO SIT THERE AND WATCH YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO ME AND NOT BAWL MY EYES OUT AND TRY TO KISS YOU ALL AT THE SAME TIME. SIGNORE “hAhA yOu’Re So SmAlL yOu LoOk LiKe YoU’rE DrOwNiNg In My CoAt.” I WOULD DROWN AND DIE HAPPY--BITCH I TELL YOU THAT.

Like. I can’t think of another route I’ve ever done where I spent a good amount of time like “lmfao this guy is so wild im gonna punch him” to just be in a whirlpool of my own tears, regretting my entire fucking LIFE days later. Like Leonardo’s cultural impact???? Fucking immeasurable, I wish every white man disaster I ever met had a hidden heart of gold in all of his boyish dumbassery, an ICONIC himbo of our time. 

Also because I remembered it before posting and I am Dying^TM. The event where MC was a pureblood and he was human. That entire fucking event. I literally can’t think about it without screaming and crying. Her just so flustered at his reaction to her like “oh look, free real estate” as he plops her in his lap, absolutely no fear, treating her like a princess because of her noble title despite NO NECESSITY BEYOND PLAYFULNESS BUT ALSO STILL MEANING IT IN AN EARNEST WAY, being charming to no END just to see her laugh or look away shyly. 

WHEN HE SAID. WHEN HE SAID “...Can’t leave you alone, or you might go off someplace I can’t follow.” I. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU STRIPPED DEVOTION DOWN TO ITS BARE ESSENTIALS!!!!!! GAH HOW MC HERSELF SAYS “I would tell him the truth but...he’s much too generous for a human. I know he would offer his life without a moment’s hesitation.” How Leo describes the aftermath of her biting him: “Lucky for you, I’m a true gentleman, Unlike my principessa, who took me like a storm” HELLO??????? H E L  L O ???????????????????????? ARE WE JUST GOING TO SLEEP ON THE FACT THAT HE LOST HIS ENTIRE SOUL WHEN SHE BIT HIM???? I--

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

(Also as much as I love him the cigarillos have got to go at some point, boy do you have any idea the shit secondhand smoke does good lordt)

[anonymous-tals]

Oops, I projected my mental health issues onto a fictional character that is similar to me.  Time to write fanfiction, I guess!

TW: Eating Disorders.  If you are struggling or are in recovery from an eating disorder, here’s a big ol’ trigger warning.  There are no numbers or specifics about anything but it does center around Brad Bakshi of the show Mythic Quest struggling with his eating disorder.

This is not in an attempt to glamorize eating disorders(not that I wrote anything that would but just in case someone misinterprets this).  Eating disorders are not cute or quirky.  They are serious illnesses that lead to death.  If you are struggling with an eating disorder, you deserve recovery.  Please reach out for help to a trusted adult.

National Eating Disorder Association 1-800-931-2237

One last trigger warning for eating disorders before we begin!  I hope the writing isn’t trash.  If you have any critiques, feel free to comment them.  I hope you enjoy the story(if this is cringey, future me, you have permission to murder me right now):

Brad’s eyes opened, squinting as he tried to adjust to the harsh lights.  He looked around the room, confused as to where he was.  After a couple of seconds, he identified the room as a hospital room.  There was a lady sitting on a chair by the door reading a book.  Adjusting himself, Brad slowly sat up, his head aching as he did.  The lady perked up as she noticed Brad had awakened.

“Oh!  You’re awake!”, she said, calmly, putting down her book.

“Where-Where am I?”, said Brad.

“You’re in the hospital, sir.”  Brad looked around the room.  The walls were a cool green.  Typical nature photos shuffled through on a tv that was mounted on the wall in front of his bed as it waited to be used.  There was a thin door that he guessed was either a bathroom or a closet.  Brown cupboards lined the walls.  He moved his arm only to notice there was a tube attached to it.

“What the hell happened?”, he thought.  The previous day, or what he presumed to be the previous day, had been foggy.  Well, pretty much everyday lately had been a blur.

“I’m going to go tell a nurse you’re awake so we can do weights and vitals.”  A pang of fear struck him at the sound of the word weight.  Someone else was going to see what he weighed.  His thoughts were racing.

“Just take a deep breath.”, he thought.  He tried to calm himself down by looking around the room.  He noticed there was a card on the counter beneath the cabinets.  Curiosity got the best of him and he stood up.  Stars popped into his vision and he steadied himself before making his way to the counter.  The tube was just barely long enough for him to reach it.  The cover read, ‘Get well soon!’.  Brad walked back to the hospital bed and sat on the edge of the mattress.  “I wonder who it’s from?”, he thought, opening the card.  “I can’t believe you are in the hospital!  You appeared so healthy.  Get well, soon, motu.”

“Brad Bakshi?”, a nurse called from the doorway.  He looked up, tossing the card into a trash can by the bed.  The lady who had been sitting in the room with him walked in and sat down again, opening her book.  “Hello, I’m Amanda Armstrong and I’ll be your nurse today.  Do you know why you’re here?”, she said.

“No.”, Brad replied, shortly.

“Well, you were brought here by…”, she looked down at a clipboard she was holding.  “...Ian Grimm?  Does that name sound familiar?”

“Yes, he’s my boss.”  Brad kept his voice calm but his heart was starting to quicken.  Memories from the day previous began to surface.

“Well, he said you had fainted while walking up a flight of stairs.”  Brad’s calm demeanor cracked as the memories flooded back.

“Oh...yah.  I remember that.”

“Yes, well, you got a concussion.  Thankfully, it isn’t too bad.”

“When will I be getting out?”, Brad said, shaking away his feelings of anxiety.

“Well, let’s take your vitals first and then we can discuss that.  Come with me.”  Brad followed Amanda out into the hall.  They didn’t walk for long but the environment made him feel uneasy.  There was something surreal about it.  Or maybe it was the fact that he felt a little light headed that made everything feel a bit off.  “We’ll be in here.”, said Amanda, opening the door.  Brad entered the room, surveying his surroundings.  It looked like a typical room for check-ups.  Amanda made her way to the computer sitting on the desk and started logging in and opening a file.  “Ok, let’s do your vitals.  I’m going to ask you to lay down and stay still, please!”  She walked over to the wall where a weird machine stood.  “I’m just going to put this on your arm, if you’d roll up your sleeve for me.”  Brad rolled up his sleeve and she velcroed what appeared to be something relating to blood pressure.  “Ok, I’m going to need you to answer honestly.  Have you had any feelings of depression or sadness?”

“Excuse me?”, said Brad, startled, sitting up.

“Please lay down, Mr.Bakshi.  Begrudgingly, Brad lay down.

“Why on earth are you asking me this?”, said Brad, frustrated.

“Well…”, she hesitated.  “Ok, I’m going to be direct with you here.  Your boss reported that you hadn’t been eating much and you have been appearing to be quite fatigued and dizzy.  Right now, we’re doing your vitals to see what we’ll need to do.”

“Are you implying that I have an eating disorder?  I’ll tell you right now that I don’t.”

“Well, the lanugo is telling a different story.  Now, please, let’s go through the questions.”  The nurse asked the questions while doing the vitals despite Brad giving short, passive aggressive answers.

“Ok, time for weight and height.”  Brad's heart quickened.

“Do we have to?”

“I’m going to have you turn around.  You won’t even see it!”  He stepped onto the scale as he tried to hide his growing panic.

“You fat idiot.  If you restricted more, maybe you wouldn’t be so anxious right now.  You wouldn’t even be here, I bet!  You fat, stupid, fatty-”

“Ok, you can step off!”  The nurse's voice interrupted his thoughts and he stepped off the scale.  Ok, let’s do your height.

She measured his height and then went over the computer and input the information.

“Ok.  So, here’s what we’ve got going on here, Mr.Bakshi.  Your vitals are showing symptoms of anorexia and so is your BMI.”

“BMI is garbage.”, Brad said dismissively.

“Well, that doesn’t disregard any of the other information.  I can’t force you to do anything since you’re an adult but I would highly suggest going into inpatient care.”

“For the last time, I don’t have an eating disorder!  Sorry, I care about my health!  I thought losing weight was a good thing!”  The nurse sighed before closing out of the tabs on the computer.

“Well, you can think it over during the next couple days.  You’ll need to stay here to make sure your head is okay.”  Rolling his eyes, Brad scoffed.

“Fine, whatever.  My decision won’t change, though!”

They headed back to the room and Brad sat down on his bed.  He stared at the tv.  It had just faded to a picture of a monarch butterfly on a purple flower.  His gaze travelled across the room until it fell onto the card he had thrown in the trash can.

“I bet I wouldn’t even get diagnosed with anything.  I’m too fat.  I need to be thinner.  I’m not even that bad.  I need to be that bad, though.”  Just then, a sharp knock on the door halted his thoughts in their tracks.  Brad looked up to see David standing at the doorway with a balloon and a gift bag.

  “Great, just what I needed.”, said Brad, sarcastically.

“Nice to see you too, Brad.”  Brad rolled his eyes in response.  “The office was really worried about you!  You sure took a tumble.  Anyways, here’s a balloon!  And a gift!  Courtesy of your friends at the office!”

“Interesting.  I didn’t consider you guys as friends.”, Brad replied coldly.

“What do you want me to say, then?  Huh?  Courtesy of everyone you annoy and pester?”  Brad looked away, not responding.  He was finding it harder and harder to keep his emotions hidden underneath.

“Listen, David.  I don’t care about you guys and you guys don’t care about me and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“I’m sorry we’re decent enough human beings to care about other people.”

“Pshh, you don’t care about me.  You just want to feel good about yourselves so you can feel like you’re a decent human being.  So you can stop pretending you care about me because you don’t, ok?  No one does.”  His emotions were slipping through.  He could feel his eyes welling up but he wouldn’t allow the tears to fall.

“Come on, Brad.  Of course people care about you!  Your brother for example!  He’s a great guy!  He threw you that awesome birthday party, remember?”  Brad sat still, not responding.  “Earth to Brad, anyone in there?”, David said, giving a small laugh.

“Shut up!”  Brad shouted loudly, causing David to wince.  “My brother is a horrible person.  He has gone out of his way to ruin my life.  In fact, he is ruining my life right now.”  His voice cracked as a tear broke through.

“Brad, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize-”

“Just leave, ok?  Please just leave.”  Brad’s heart began to beat faster.  “You idiot.”, he thought.  “You let him see that you’re weak.  You are weak.  You’re just a fat, weak, pussy.”  His breathing was getting quicker and quicker.  The room started to spin.  It felt like everything was happening all at once.  Just then, he felt a hand on each of his shoulders.

“Take a deep breath, ok?”, said David.  Brad hesitated before taking a deep breath in and letting it out.  “In, 2, 3, 4.  Out, 2, 3, 4.  In, 2-”  Slowly Brad began to calm down.  He opened his eyes, not even realizing that he had closed them.  “Better?”, asked David, taking a step back.  Brad looked towards the window, avoiding eye contact, wiping the tears from his face.  He tried to think of something witty to say but he was too tired.  They were both quiet for a bit before David broke the silence.  “Well, I have to go but I-”

“Stay.  Please.”  Brad didn’t break eye contact with the window.

“I...I guess I could stay.”  David pulled up the chair that the lady had been in earlier.  They sat there in silence for a while before David grabbed the remote for the TV.  “Are you good with me putting something on?”  Brad stayed quiet.  “I’ll take that as a yes!”  He scrolled through the small selection of movies before choosing something and relaxing into his chair.

…

They sat there for a while.  Movies played while David talked about what had happened at the office that day.  Poppy and Ian created an obstacle course to see who was better.  Not better at one specific thing.  Just better in general.  Brad didn’t respond but every once in a while, a small smile would crack through.

“Well, it’s getting late so I think I should actually get going.”, David said, standing up and started walking out the door.  Just before he left, Brad spoke.

“Thank you...for staying and all.”  He, once again, wasn’t making eye contact.

“Of course, man.  It’s no big deal!”  There was a pause before Brad spoke again.

“They want me to do an inpatient program.”

“Oh?  For…”  David trailed off.

“Yah…”  Brad started fidgeting with the corner of the blanket on the bed.  “I don’t know what to do.  Whether I should go or not.”

“Well, I’d say you should do what you think would benefit you best.”, said David, taking a couple steps towards him.  Brad was silent.

“...Thanks, David.”

David gave a small wave as he walked out the door.  Brad sat there awake for a while, unable to sleep.  He sat there, listening to the sounds of the hospital through the door.  A woman, presumably a nurse, poked her head in the room.  “Would you like to order dinner?”  Brad shook his head and the nurse left.  He then spotted the gift bag that David had brought.  He picked it up and removed the tissue paper stuffed in at the top.  Inside there was a pig plush and a card.  The plushy was adorable and very soft.  He pet the pig plush, enjoying the soothing texture, before placing it in his lap and moving onto the card.  It was your typical get better soon card.  On the inside, there were either signatures or little get well messages from everyone.  It seemed like the pig plush was Jo’s idea.  Brad leaned over and placed the card on the side table next to his bed.  He looked at it for a minute before grabbing the pig, getting under the covers and falling asleep.

[matth1w]

Always You

Pairing: Roman Sionis/Black Mask x Female Reader

Summary: After years of separation, you finally reunite with Roman.

Warnings: Vague descriptions of sex

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 1,344 words

Note: Inspired by repeat listenings of Crystal Dolphin (I know). I imagined a camera circling around the two as their eyes meet, everything else fading into the background.

Second Note: Again, so stunned and thankful all the love Dancing for Daddy is still getting. 800+ notes!!!

Forever Friends: @captainrogerss��� / @commander-writergirl​ / @fics-not-tragedies​

Roman Sionis (Open!): @stardancerluv​ / @redspaceace​ / @darling-i-read-it​ / @tales-from-gotham​ / @vintagemichelle91​ / @ladyofhellhounds​ / @aliasimagines​ / @justauthoring​ / @daphne-fandom-writing​ / @ewanfuckingmcgregor​ / @troybcker​ / @ntlmundy​ / @21stcenturywitchcraft​ / @theblackmaskclub​ / @jokersdoll-blog​​ / @ryjo1992​​ / @highly-unknown​​ / @nighttime2am​​ / @hoefordarknessrecreated​ / @zodiyack​ / @obiorbenkenobi / @innuendocrescendo​ / @obitwo​

D O  N O T  R E P O S T  M Y  W O R K

You and Roman had always loved each other. Before you knew what love was, back when love was sweet and innocent. The love you shared was simply that of best friends who smiled wider when they held each other’s hands than anyone else.

As you stepped forward, patient and thankful for the line that let you try to simmer the bubbling anxiety within you, you took in a shallow breath. 

Your name only barely loud enough for the guard to hear. After a few moments of attention directed at his lists, no doubt, his eyes met yours again, a bit of a frown beginning as he looked back down at his tablet. 

“I see.” He gruffed. 

Unsure if you were hoping he would turn you away or let you forward, you stayed silent. 

After one more long beat of staring at you, he jerked his thumb to the door. 

“Inside for weapons check.”

As you crossed the threshold, you heard the signature beep of an old school radio being pushed.

In the club, Victor’s ear buzzed. “Tell the boss she’s here.”

He strides over to Roman who is thankfully in the middle of a very unimportant conversation. 

Only a moment after he leans down to relay the message, Roman jumps up from his seat. 

Manic excitement lights his eyes that leaves as quickly as it came, replaced by pure nervousness. 

He runs his hands through his hair, taking in deep breaths as he shakes his body and removes his sunglasses, and much to everyone’s surprise, his gloves, mindlessly throwing them into Zsasz’s hands. 

He turns on Victor with a start, seemingly realizing his friend is more than an accessory rack. 

“Do I look good?” He resists the urge to grab onto his shoulders and shake him when his answer isn’t instant. 

A nervous, too high pitched laugh bursts out of Roman before Victor can even reply. 

“I mean, of course I do.” He flits his head with his typically fake big smile.

Zsasz just nods with an unaffected look, hiding the concern underneath. 

“Course.” He says as he places a reassuring hand onto his boss’s shoulder.

Roman had been waiting for this moment his entire adult life. But now that it was here, that you were here, he felt so nervous. So insecure. 

Would you like him? The club? His clothes? Was it too much? Not enough?

The cacophony of thoughts continued to race through his head. 

‘Everyone out. 

… No stay. 

No one look at her. She’s mine. 

… But she deserves a sea of people adoring her. 

What do I do? What should I do?

Oh it’s too late to do any—’

Time seems to slow as you walk through the curtain leading into the main room. Everything quiets, even the song seeming to slip underwater. 

You’re unsure if it’s truly the music or just the effect this man is having on you. The air vibrates with the deep bass, electrifying your skin and moving you forward despite the echoing worry in your mind. 

‘What if he doesn’t recognize me?

What if he doesn’t remember me?’

You gather all the courage in your body as you let your eyes scan the room for the only one you could truly see. 

Had you not been holding onto something you would have certainly faltered in your step.

The way he looked at you instantly quieted your fears and confirmed you had not once left his mind.

You were expecting his looks. Roman was always fawned over as a child and truth be told, you had always found him attractive. And recently, you searched him online and realized he had aged like fine wine.

You expected the lavish suit. Dressed to the nines in a glamorous, almost campish style that seemed to be perfectly made to shine amongst everyone and everything else.

You had even expected the eyes, though they were more intense than before. Piercing through your skin and soul.

But lord. You did not expect eyeliner. 

And Roman himself was stunned. He had kept tabs on you and had even gone to see you once from afar but nothing could compare to how you looked only feet away from him.

He felt like a young child again, the moment he realized he loved you and would make you his one day. The emotions came crashing and he was frozen in his place.

You faintly register the music beginning to rise as the world seems to spin around you two.

You wanted to bottle this moment. Play it over and over again. The music, the lights, the touch of the dress of your skin, the warmth filling you. 

But most importantly, the way Roman looked right here. 

Right now. 

And how this man, your oldest friend, first and truest love, was looking at you. 

The music coming back to its full force makes you blink out of the trance and finally move. Your steps matching his cautious, unbelieving steps. 

You’re standing in front of each other, just staring, eyes roaming over each other’s bodies, taking in everything that was hidden by distance before. Hands hovering in the air, still in their instinctual yearning for the other’s embrace.

Neither of you dare to break the silence, the fiercest spell that had come over you both. 

With one last journey of his face, so close allowing you to appreciate every inch, you realize one of you will have to say something. 

“Hi—”

His lips jolt onto yours, closing the electrified distance, breaking the spell and instead creating something stronger - stealing the words from your mouth, breath from your chest, and heart from your very soul.

His lips are strong and firm and desperate in their movement like returning home to a place you had only been to in your dreams.

But you feel them pull away. Too soon. 

So you follow him and grab them again, sealing them with smiles as you bring your hands up and around to the back of his neck. Fingers flirting with the ends of his hair.

In a singular moment of clarity, Roman has but one thought tearing his lips from yours.

“They don’t get to see what I’m going to do to you.”

The sound of his rough voice stuns you, so different yet so similar to that which filled your memories. Not even taking in the words, you nod. Your head just barely moving down for a moment, still lost in your state of bliss.

With that, he leans away as if nothing had ever pained him more and takes your hand in his, rushing steps moving you through a parting sea of bodies.

Within moments, the sound and staring eyes disappear and his hands are roaming all over you, overwhelming your body so much that it can only respond in kind.

In the privacy of his darkened bedroom, you make slow, deep love. Staring into each other’s eyes as you give all of yourselves to the other. 

Deep kisses capture your moans - breathing them into each other’s mouths when you can hold them no longer. 

His touch always on you, never leaving your skin. 

Unsure where he ends and you begin. Both shaking, tensing, pulsing, releasing together. 

Finally laying together side by side, you’re both unable to stop looking and touching one another. The spell thicker than ever. 

You want to say something, anything, other than a cut off greeting and euphoric chanting of his name. But you continue to appreciate the moment in silence.

Roman kept his body closed off from the world. But not you. He wanted to feel everything you had to offer. With yet another thought pushing out to be voiced, he opens his mouth.

“Marry me.”

It was quick, sudden, and for a flicker of a moment, you thought impulsive.

Until you realized this was always where you two were meant to be. 

You had no other words than the one he repeated to you as a boy when you asked with innocent giggles if he would marry you.

“Always.”

[musicallisto]

hello! i’d love to request a 🍨 for pb and got if possible. i’m she/her; bi; slytherin; september virgo; infp; 4w5. i’m 5’5”, slim build and fair-skinned with dark brown hair and the same colour eyes. as for my personality, i can be quite cold and reserved when i first meet people (which doesn’t really come out online) and i have a hard time trusting anyone new, but i truly love those closest to me. i use sarcasm 90% of the time and love teasing people but my intentions have nothing to do with hurting anyone. i subconsciously use laughter as a defence mechanism and i hate it. i’m lowkey a rebel which is just a nicer word for family disappointment. i have intense mood swings which i cope with by bottling up my emotions. i’d rather listen to people’s problems than talk about my own. despite the cold exterior, i can be soft and kind, and i believe in freedom and equality. i’m ambitious and love learning but not in the way school is trying to force me to - ew. my hobbies include reading books 24/7, writing (much less of the time, but hey, i still get around to it every once in a while) and watching tv shows. i’m also a cinephile and you can trust me with a list of recommendations for your next movie night.

i do hope this is enough; thank you very much fren xx

here’s your vanilla milkshake, Réka, and thank you for your patience! I think you would be amazing with these two incredible women - sansa stark and ada shelby!

You had been Sansa’s friend for as long as you could remember.

Social differences didn’t matter in the North as much as they did in the South, especially because the Lords of Winterfell had always been close to their people.

So despite the fact that she was highborn and proudly bore the name of the Starks, and you were a tanner’s daughter from Winterfell, your friendship with Sansa had never been frowned upon.

Especially since Ned clearly saw how much fun his daughter had with you. You were the only person she could be seen getting a little muddy and mischievous with. You weren’t true troublemakers, of course, especially not since Arya was the point of reference... but you had your moments of mindless fun.

Being best friends with Sansa was effortless; you hadn’t had to warm up to her, because you had always been close confidantes to one another. She understood everything about you, even when you didn’t say a word...

... but during your teenage years, when you both came of age and other townsfolk your age started discussing boys and flings, a pang of desire started to blossom inside of you and course through your veins.

Maybe you wanted more than to simply be Sansa’s best friend, after all.

Maybe there was more to the way you found yourself staring into her deep, blue eyes like they were the only color worthy of attention...

When Sansa announces that she is to leave for King’s Landing and marry Joffrey, you get into a pretty heated argument, the first you’ve had in more than ten years of friendship.

Part of you is reasonably upset that she kept a news so important a secret from you for so long; and another part of you is mortified and furious at the idea of her going to the capital and becoming Queen to the arm of a petty little brute as snotty as Joffrey Baratheon...

... when she could have stayed at Winterfell and, perhaps, one day, have made you Lady right alongside her.

You’d been bottling up your feelings for her for quite a while and didn’t know how to deal with them - terrified of rejection, but also of not acting out on them and lose her to another... and when she told you she would be leaving, it was like both nightmares coming true at once. There was no use anymore in snarky side remarks, and you exploded from sheer frustration and fright.

Obviously, she couldn’t possibly comprehend why you were so mad about her not telling you all about her family business - which was more about political affairs, anyway -, so you couldn’t sort out your disagreement,

and gave each other the cold shoulder for a few days.

Until the last night before her departure for the South with her father, where you snuck into the castle courtyard to say your farewells and bid her well - fearing you would not be able to if front of everyone on the following morning

And when she came down to meet you with a frown on her heavenly face, the words escaped your mouth before you could control them; they had been a long time coming, but at least they were out and you would not have to carry your secret to the tomb.

And she wanted to get mad at you for getting on your high horse and blowing up when you could have just as easily told her the truth...

... but she’s so elated that her feelings are reciprocated

... that even if she’s leaving for a place of appearances and to be auctioned off to the highest bidder, at least she knows there exists someone outside of her family who sincerely loves her and will always care for her

... and that there exists a world in which you love her and she loves you and that she just happens to live in this world

... that she just kissed you underneath the moonlight, desperate to get a taste of the last element of realness and familiarity that she’d keep to memory.

Of course, going to the capital and to Court had always been her biggest dream, but when she held you in her arms, she wasn’t so sure anymore it was worth leaving you behind.

“So you’re still going?”

“I have to.”

“I wish I could go with you.”

“I’ll be back. I promise I’ll do what it takes to return to the North and find you again.”

A Stark always followed through with their promises; that much you knew.

Ada and you are passionate about the same things, namely freedom and equality, which makes it easy for you two to hit it off.

You meet at a communist rally, where you’re instantly impressed by and drawn to her strong voice and stronger convictions. She doesn’t talk excessively, but isn’t unafraid to make her voice heard and opinions known.

From your very first meeting, you get a glimpse of how utterly devoted and dedicated to the cause Ada is, and that is even before recognizing her as a Shelby. Though you should have figured earlier - there aren’t many people, especially not women in Birmingham, who would talk so freely and pit herself against the men.

It makes her all the more attractive to you.

Still, you don’t develop a relationship of any kind until long after you met - but she’s a regular at communist rallies and actions for the party, as are you. You end up crossing paths quite often.

She’s an incredible orator, and is brazen enough not to be intimidated by the stares of every passerby when she must deliver passionate speeches about the progressive radicality of your movement. You realize you make an excellent pair - you’re a skilled writer who can move even the most disbelieving of men with your words, and she can blow life into them like no other.

So you write her speeches and she delivers your ideas to the whole world when you’re too insecure to do it.

And you progressively fall more and more in love with her, with how confident and blunt and daring she is.

She loves how well-read you are, too, and she tells you often the world would be a better place if it were filled with women like you, bright and selfless, not these greedy, idiot men who tear each other apart in pointless wars...

You relate so much to the experience of being perceived as a rebel simply for being a family outcast, it’s another bonding point between the two of you.

You don’t necessarily display a lot of affection when you’re together - partly because your relationship would cause quite the scandal if it came to light, but mostly because it’s just not your type.

You both can be quite swept up by the passion, especially when you're still on the adrenaline high from a chase from the cops or one of those Shelby businesses, which will often culminate in breathless, frenzied kisses in an alleyway...

... but the rest of the time, you’re more about sarcastic comments and a little bit of “tough love”.

Though you are fascinated by the relatively modern invention that is cinema in Birmingham, and on the rare occasion you have time and peace of mind enough to go to the “moving pictures”, Ada will, of course, come with...

... and it will most likely include sneaking into the projectionist’s room, a friend of yours from the party, and making out in there for most of the duration of the film.

800 follower sleepover CLOSED!

[gallickingun]

can you give me your top 10 fics you’ve read for bnha on tumblr?

omg this was tough, but i think i’ve narrowed it down. these aren’t in number order btw, just in order of me remembering them off the top of my head! 

also just a reminder that my fic rec tag is: /morgan-says-read-it !

reckless by @cutesuki--bakugou : this this this holy cow. it’s all about dragon king!bakugou going into a rut and reader being sick and tired of not being the woman who he uses to get himself through it. there are feelings, of course, and a lot of breeding talk! it’s seriously so good, i was rooting for them the whole time, just begging bakugou to admit his feelings!! 

dragon dick kiri by @makoodles : the whole series is just a godsend. kirishima has an odd shaped dick, the rest is history. i LOVE the characterization of kiri in this series, and then mak brought bakugou in, and she kept him like true to character but also really entertaining. fun fact: this was the first threesome fic i read! i believe this is 3 parts right now, and each part is a gem. 

catch and release by @1-800-callmekatsuki : god. cece just fucking blows me away EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. her smut is unparalleled. i seriously want to be her when i grow up, i aspire to be as good of a writer as she is. and this one shot just further proves it! bakugou as a god, reader as a lowly mortal. he’s been waiting her whole life just to snap her up for his own. i adore mythology, and this wraps up mythology and a little yandere with a whole lotta smut. i heard there may be a part two 👀

red roses by @shoutogepi : if you like a lil bit of fuckboy kirishima who owns a flowershop, here’s ya juice! it’s so good. rosie really captures kirishima’s fuckable lovable personality really well, and the smut is just 👌 she amazes me with her talent, and i really use her stuff to push myself to write better smut lol. 

cratus by @bratwritings : heroes rising spoilers but this fic is so good. bakugou’s ofa abilities come out in some promiscuous ways, and reader just wants to help him work through whatever is causing his intense frustration. the smut is great, the feelings are really well displayed. i was enraptured the whole time! nat did a really amazing job with this!! 

seven minutes by @lookslikeleese : dude. dude. duuuuude. this is so good! it’s about reader getting stuck playing seven minutes in heaven with bakugou AND todoroki. and it plays up virgin!bakugou, which is wonderful lol, a headcanon i share with leese (and others, i’m sure). and todoroki was spot on in this as well. it was just so much fun! and i know there’s a pt 2 out, but i haven’t had time to read it yet! i know what i’m doing this weekend 👀

live show series by @lady-bakuhoe : somehow i got wrangled into this and i couldn’t stop! i love bakugou in this, he’s a good mix of hilarious, sexy, and emotional. bakugou is a camboy and reader is one of his viewers, and the rest is history! the plot is great, the smut is great, it’s all just good shit. there’s four parts up now, and i think there’s gonna be a fifth eventually!!

midnight whispers by @cutesuki--bakugou : god, this fic played with my heart. ripped it out, tore it open, sewed it back together, and shoved it back in my chest. my face was leaking, my heart was pounding. god. bakugou x koge (one of sarah’s beautiful ocs!) get into a fight, which leads to bakugou sleeping on the couch and koge coming to reconcile things. it’s just so true to how marital life is, there are hard times, but you work through it. so beautifully done. i can’t scream enough about sarah’s talent or her original characters.

a show of dominance by @ikinabi : holy shit. sub bakugou? sub bakugou. i’d been wanting to write sub!bakugou for some time but couldn’t really muster up the courage to do it, so i’m glad i found this fic lol. reader bites the hell out of bakugou’s shoulder and it turns him into the subbiest little brat. i loved it. red did a wonderful job of keeping bakugou’s snark and attitude while also making him a blubbering baby back bitch. every word of this is golden.

needy by @shoutogepi : another sub fic because the world doesn’t have enough sub!male fics. but sub!todoroki?? holy cow, that one hits different. i imagine him all “say yes sir” and “don’t make me bend you over my knee” but like.......... woof. todoroki gets hit by a quirk at work and then begs reader for her strap. what else could you want? rosie, again, is one of the most beautiful smut writers i’ve ever had the pleasure of befriending. and i hope that i can grow to be as good as she is. 

omg i could keep going forever. i didn’t even realize i had hit 10!!! honestly this list will probably change because i’m trying to work my way around to reading more, but for now, these are the 10 that are most memorable for me! thank you for the ask, and make sure to check out these writer’s masterlists!!! 💕

[wayward-wren]

What up lads new Philza Lore dropped

Been thinking about this since it's been revealed that c!Phil is immortal, or at least centuries old. I like analysing things, and my brain has been chugging away analysing c!Phil since this new revelation and I finally found time to sit down and get my thoughts out.

Unless specified, I'll be talking about the character Philza from now on! Let's get into it. Putting a cut in because it gets long. Also most of this is gonna be from memory because it's getting late and I'm not digging through 4+ months of vods!

remind me to never use the new Beta posting layout it gave me a word limit and then yeeted like 800 words i hate it here lets see if i can remember what I wrote

I’ve moved a lot in my life. I think on average about one new city every four years. This has meant a lot of goodbyes, a lot of meeting new people and breaking into new circles. When this new information was revealed, I instantly felt things click - I could relate to Phil suddenly. 

Being centuries-old would create similar emotions, I think. Constantly being around people you know you will outlive, constantly finding yourself in new circles and groups. It takes a toll. 

Being centuries old effects how Phil views relationships, people and countries.

Because I’ve moved a lot, I’ve noticed that I’m starting to get the attitude of ‘I can’t be bothered.’ I can’t be bothered going out of my way to meet new people, to make new friends I’m likely to move away from in a few years. 

I’d imagine Phil would feel much the same way. Making close connections to people is impossible for him, really. He knows he’s going to outlive those around him and so the effort to put into growing relationships seems pointless. 

I think this is most seen in his and Wilbur’s relationship. Wilbur clearly wants his attention - his pride - and clearly hasn’t gotten it to the extent he wants. (“I wonder if Phil would be proud of me” comes to mind. Plus I’m sure there’s something there with his relationship with Fundy and that cycle of bad parenting. And yes, it likely contributed to his spiral into madness, but this post is about Phil, not Wilbur.) But from Phil’s perspective, he knows Wilbur isn’t going to live as long as he is. 

It explains why he’s so quick to kill Wilbur as well. Wilbur is too far gone, and Phil makes the decision to kill him before he does more harm. He’s long ago accepted the fact that his son will die before him, and so he is able to kill him. 

Likewise, his relationship with Tommy reflects this. He doesn’t reach out to Tommy because there’s no point in making a new bond with someone who he will outlive. (especially with Wilbur’s death so fresh). However, he does make it clear that if Tommy reached out to him, he would have answered - more on that later. 

His age also means he’s always looking at the big picture. He’s likely seen countless countries and empires and kingdoms rise and fall and he knows that they’re all temporary. He doesn’t see the importance in them like those who live and die within the lifespan of a nation. 

He doesn’t see the small details. He doesn’t understand why Ghostbur is so upset about a simple sheep’s death - one with unlimited lives as well. In his mind, it’s just an animal. In Ghostbur’s mind, Friend is a friend, an important small thing. Phil is so used to moving on from things, he doesn’t understand the importance of pets and nations and a home. 

This is all temporary in his mind, and lives are more important to him than a country. L’manberg was corrupting people (Tubbo, quite possible Wilbur in his mind) and thus it didn’t serve its purpose and needed to go before it hurt more people. (plus I wonder if there were some underlying anger and frustration towards L’manberg for the loss of his wings. It’s basically canon now (everyone say thank you Sadist!) that Phil’s wings were damaged during the explosion, and I would imagine for someone so old, losing limbs like wings and being grounded would be a shock and some of that may have been projected onto L’manberg)

(I also want to talk briefly about his and Techno’s relationship. While we haven’t had any canon confirmation, I don’t think Techno is fully mortal and it makes sense for Phil to gravitate towards other ancient beings. Plus my friend pointed out another theory in that Phil could be a patron of some kind for Techno, something Blood God related, I don’t know we need more information Techno please give us character lore I beg of you)

OKAY! I rewrote what I already had sometimes I hate Tumblr anyway onward let’s write this out before I pass out I’m tired. 

Phil is willing to create relationships - but on his terms.

I said Phil is distant and hesitate to create bonds with people but this isn’t necessarily true. I want to point out Fundy and Ranboo and talk about his interactions with them and then talk about Tommy. 

At the start of season two, Fundy, Ghostbur and Phil were really driving the lore. Phil seemed to be trying to bond with Fundy, and I think a lot of that likely had to do with guilt from what happened to Wilbur but there’s something deeper to it. He makes an effort to be there for Fundy and to help him.  

Likewise, he went out of his way to save Ranboo from lava (though the overlap for in character and ooc is large there, I think it still applies), and brought him home after Doomsday, saving him from his own mind. 

Phil seems himself as a benevolent being. He sees himself as right, and part of that is being there for his grandson, or helping out a hybrid in trouble. 

However, it’s important to note - this is on his terms. He’s lived so long, he doesn’t want to put energy into relationships that won’t give him back something. For Fundy, I think a lot of it was making up for what happened with Wilbur and family responsibility, but he enjoyed spending time with Fundy (it’s been a while I need to rewatch some of those vods I think). 

With Ranboo, again I feel like there’s a small part in fulfilling some need of Phil’s to feel like he’s being ‘good’ and plucking this kid out of a warzone makes him feel good. But at the same time, Ranboo is polite, quiet, generous - the perfect kind of person to put energy into building a relationship with. Plus, I would not be surprised if Ranboo reminds him of Techno.  

If a relationship takes too much, or isn’t worth it - Phil drops it and doesn’t bother trying to fix what is broken. Why would he? He’s just going to outlive whatever the problem is. He lived in L’manberg, but he was never a part of it. He dismissed Tubbo so quickly when he saw Tubbo was being corrupted by his power and position. He didn’t follow up on Fundy or check that he was okay or make any effort to reach out to him when things started to go down. 

And that brings us to Tommy. We’re all upset at how Phil reacted to Tommy’s exile and the following, but I think it makes so much sense. Like I said before, he doesn’t put the effort into reaching out to Tommy, but he would have gone to the Beach Party if Tommy had reached out to him. He was happy to see Tommy at Techno’s place, he was willing to create that relationship and bond. 

But from Phil’s pov, Tommy was thrown aside by his home, found shelter with Techno, and then betrayed Techno by siding with the people who threw him aside. (and Techno is loyal to the few he trusts, so a betrayal like that will hit hard and Phil can see that). It makes sense that Phil decides that isn’t a relationship he wants to put energy into fixing. 

(Also to clarify, I’m not saying Tommy was wrong to side with L’manberg and Tubbo, or that Techno was right in lashing out like he did. I’m just saying it’s a complex issue, and seeing all sides of it is important - they were both betrayed that day). 

Living so long means Phil only cares to put effort and energy into relationships that benefit him, in whatever way. If someone is too difficult or needs too much effort, then in Phil’s mind there’s no reason to pursue that relationship. 

Being so old makes Phil overly confident in himself.

Philza is always in the right. Full stop. End of story.

He’s lived so long and has so much more experience than anyone else that he thinks he is in the right all the time. His fatal flaw is his pride and - much like Techno - he refuses to see anything from anyone else’s point of view. 

He saw L’manberg’s corruption, saw that it as a nation was hurting people and made the decision that it was doing more hurt than good so of course he joined Techno and Dream in destroying it. 

He sees the big picture and so of course Friend’s death doesn’t matter, Friend was just an animal. Ghostbur is too naive and foolish to understand that now. 

Unless he learns to listen and see someone else’s point of view - which will be very hard, because he’s so old and connecting with people is hard for him - he’s going to continue to think he’s always in the right. 

Conclusion

There’s a few things I want to see/think might happen with Phil’s character, one more likely than the other. 

First off - Karl. 

If anyone knows how to look at the big picture, if anyone knows how insignificant the simple things are and how pointless it can be sometimes it’s the server’s resident time traveller. But where Karl differs from Phil is that he cares. 

Karl goes out of his way to help, risks his memory and sanity to make things better for his friends. Pours time and effort and energy into relationships that may be onesided or temporary - heck, have you seen how much effort he goes to to be liked by everyone? Sometimes too much. 

I’d love to see some Karl and Phil interaction. Maybe in a Tales episode (young Phil? Backstory? Maybe?) or even in regular canon. It’s unlikely probably, but I think it could be an interesting discussion. Someone write a fic. 

Secondly - death. 

CC!Phil has made it no secret that his character is probably going to die at some point (if only for ghost WINGSSSS). Honestly? I think it could be a great direction to take the character. 

If Phil could find something worth dying for, could find the joys in the small things, could focus on the little details enough to realize - ‘oh. This does matter’ I honestly think that would be cool. A sacrificial death, maybe even for something as ‘insignificant’ as a pet (although pets can be important on this server). I’m not sure, but I think making peace with death would be a great way to take an immortal character’s arc.

There’s more I could talk about - for instance, I haven’t even mentioned the ‘not as painful as what I inflicted on their enemies’ comment and Phil’s whole ‘angel of death’ vibe, or the fact that he’s always only had one life. But it’s getting late and I’ve been writing this for like an hour and a half and I’m really tired. Feel free to add on! 

[pankows-girl]

Can’t Have Both - Rafe Cameron

Summery: Y/N and Rafe struggle with his drug addiction.

Word Count: 1.1K

Warnings: Drug abuse, toxic relationships, cursing, angst

Request: Can you write one about Rafe from outerbanks

A/N: this was really interesting to write because i lowkey hate rafe but it was nice to do something different. I don’t really know if this is what you had in mind nonny but i hope you still like it. flashbacks are italicized.

Part 2

You were out with Rafe and his family on the Druthers like usual. Ward considered you family and never minded when you would come along and Sarah thought of you as a sister since you started dating her brother. The two of you were spread across the deck of the boat, attempting to get a tan. That was put on pause when you saw Rafe standing over you, blocking the sun. He had a mischievous look in his eyes and smiled down at you.

“Rafe, stop!” You giggled as he picked you up in his arms and pretended to toss you off the boat.  You smacked his chest, begging him to put you down. He set you down on your feet and before he could do anything else you had shoved him, sending him flying off the deck. Sarah high fived you from her position on the ground and the two of you laughed. 

Rafe climbed back into the boat, flipping you off jokingly with a goofy smile on his face. “That was so not cool, baby!” He said, sitting down on one of the bench seats. “I could have died. Y/N!”

You rolled your eyes and moved towards Rafe, sitting on his lap and wrapping your arms around the back of his neck. 

“Like you weren’t about to do it to me,” You teased. “You’re fine. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Rafe said in response.

“I hate you!” You yelled at Rafe. It was a lie though, you could never really hate him no matter how hard you tried. However, you were pissed, having caught him in his room doing a line of coke after he swore to you he was done. He ended up lying straight to your face saying it ‘wasn’t what it looked like’ but you knew better than to be fooled by his sweet lies for the hundredth time. You were disappointed more than hurt, unable to believe the person he had become. He used to be so sweet and had a bright future ahead of him but he flushed it all down the drain when he got hooked on drugs. Ever since then it was like the old him never existed and all that was left to fill his place was a monster. “You’re worse than those Pogues you claim are so bad!

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss the old version of him, the one that you loved more than anything. The old him was calm and collected and didn’t go around and start fights with pogues for no reason, stealing money from his father and even you. You didn’t really know how you felt about him anymore, of course you still loved him but you had mixed emotions after all he had put you through. You were tired of putting up with his shit and him letting you down time and time again.

“Don’t compare me to those island rats!” Rafe shouted back, getting in your face. His eyes were bloodshot from the line of coke he had just done. You backed up, crossing your arms over your chest. He was too close for comfort and honestly you were starting to get scared of him after finding out what he had done to Pope and how he beat him with a club.

“We’re done,” You said, putting your hands in front of you in an attempt to put some space between the two of you. “I can’t be with you anymore, Rafe. It’s either me or the coke, what’s it gonna be? You can’t have both.”

Rafe didn’t answer and you continued to try and get through to him, saying, “If I walk out that door I’m not coming back. For real this time.” Your heart broke as you let the words out but you were serious. Your relationship with Rafe wasn’t healthy anymore and it killed you inside to have to stand by and watch as he slowly killed himself.

You expected him to say something this time but he didn’t. His silence caused a stream of tears to escape your eyes. He wasn’t even going to fight for you to stay and just like that you knew what he had chosen even if he wouldn’t say it. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N. Please, I can be better,” Rafe pleaded. Even he knew he was lying. No matter hard he tried to do good he always found a way to fuck up. A way for you to hate him and a way to break your heart again. Maybe it was better if you did leave, he thought. You didn’t deserve the way he treated you and he was weighing you down. 

He thought of his next words carefully. “You know what? Go. Don’t come back, for real this time,” Rafe said, using your words. He wanted to push you away. Make you hate him, leave him, and move on with your life. Your mouth gaped open, had he really just said that to you?

It was a few days after you and Rafe had broken up for the first time and you were both hurting. You knew you needed to talk to him, hoping you could make things right. You decided to text him and let him know that you were coming by. When you got to his house he was waiting outside for you. He pulled you into a hug when you got to the porch.

You followed him inside and up to his room. You sat next to him on the bed and tried to think of something to say. Everything you practiced on the way over had left your head mind and you were left speechless.

Thankfully, Rafe broke the silence. “Please, don’t leave me again. I need you.” He croaked out, eyes watering slightly as he pulled you into his side.

“I won’t,” You promised, hugging him back tightly.

“Fine, I will,” You choked out. “Don’t expect to see me around.” You said walking out to the door. You took one last look back at him, heartbreaking more the farther you got away from him. Rafe rubbed his hands down his face as you closed the door behind you. As soon as it clicked shut you both broke down into tears.

You could hear things breaking and Rafe yelling as you ran down the stairs and out the front door. Sarah saw you and tried to stop you but you ignored her. You hopped in your car and pulled out of the driveway and sped home. Once you got there you collapsed onto your bed, burying your face in a pillow, soaking it with your tears. You couldn’t believe that you and Rafe were actually done. It didn’t feel real. All you ever wanted was to be with Rafe and be happy but like you told him earlier, you can’t have both. It would take some time but eventually you would get the happiness you wanted, even if it meant being without your first love.

Tag List: @roguesjj​ @1-800-imagines​ @givejjmaybankahug​  @jesssuperwholock03​ @omgdani17​ @styles-xoxo​ @katherine097​ @someone2k19

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! I'm a huge fan of your work and deeply enjoying FFS rn, it really shows the love and care you've put into this world and characters and it's an amazing read 🥰🧡

Idk if you've actually answered this question before or if it's a bit too much? So feel free to skip it. Do you have any advice on how to write a therapist and sessions with them? And to go along with that, a therapist&patient relationship that doesn't feel inauthentic but that's a healthy one?

I've had to visit both psychiatrists and psychologists a couple of times along my life, which has almost always been a positive experience to me, but when I get down to business and want to write a character going to therapy, I fall into a bunch of the psychoanalytic clichés US films have hammered us down with, even if I'm not from an Anglophile country!

Thanks a bunch in advance!! Ilu, have a nice start of the year🧡✨

Hiya anon!

I have a few thoughts about writing therapy sessions so I’m just going to put them down in no particular order.

Firstly, I don’t actually think it’s always a good idea to write therapy in stories, and a lot of the time I avoid writing it even when a character is actively seeing a therapist. This is particularly true in The Wind that Cuts the Night where all we see of Alex and his therapist are snippets, and nothing more than that, because therapy sessions would slow down the pacing, focus and value of the story.

Where possible, characters don’t see therapists, but talk to people in a way that is therapeutic, usually with love interests or members of the ensemble cast (Augus and Fenwrel in The Court of Five Thrones, Jack and Eva in The Golden Age that Never Was, Jack and North in From the Darkness We Rise/Into Shadows We Fall, Cullen and Cassandra, Cullen and Bull in Stuck on the Puzzle). All of those characters need therapy, but writing therapy sessions tends to slow down the pace of a fic pretty dramatically, and even I had misgivings about writing Efnisien’s sessions with Dr Gary at first because I’m acutely aware of the fact that:

1. Therapy sessions can be draggy and boring 2. They often take away important emotional realisations from other characters, ruining potential hurt/comfort and character relationship development moments with your actual cast / love interests 3. Fiction is meant to be fiction, not reality. 4. A lot of therapy sessions are actually not that interesting to sit in or write or observe, which is why writers do often find themselves falling into certain cliches while writing them to make them more interesting. Even I cut out huge chunks of sessions to get to the more interesting parts, lol. 5. You can write a character going to therapy without writing the therapy. You can just choose to have the character remember bits and pieces of the session later as it’s relevant to their life. 6. Therapy is different for everyone, and some readers (myself included) don’t enjoy reading it when the therapy is a kind that doesn’t resonate or feel right.

So you really need to ask yourself why you want to write therapy specifically, because a lot of the time it gets boring or - as you point out - falls into cliched territory. Writing a character going to a doctor a lot in detail for regular injections is boring. Writing them thinking about how they have to do this in brief while their love interest is sympathetic to them getting those injections is more interesting. Writing a character suffering from an illness that they need regular injections for, with their love interest comforting them? Interesting.

Falling Falling Stars is a unique fic in that Efnisien has no one before he meets Arden, except for Dr Gary and Gwyn. If you’re writing an FFS style fic, writing therapy sessions might be appropriate. It might be worth really thinking about the kind of fics you want to write, why you want to write therapy, how that will affect your pacing, etc.

If you’re still dead set on writing therapy sessions, then I have some suggestions re: writing more realistic/healthy therapy and how to find that knowledge yourself, and I don’t really know how to shorthand some of it:

1. Get books on therapy that are designed for the therapist. These are often expensive, but sometimes libraries stock them - and university libraries in particular will often have photocopy abilities (or you can just photograph the pages you need) because these books look at how sessions should be structured. Books with case studies are ideal, since they often show dialogue chains between the client and therapist. Books that obviously deal with the mental illnesses you’re planning on writing about are the most ideal.

2. With a view to this, learn about different therapeutic modalities (for example are you trying to write psychology or psychoanalysis or both? Are you writing social work? Are you writing cognitive behavioural therapy, dialectical behavioural therapy, expressive therapies, narrative therapy, transcendental therapy?) Be aware that different modalities have different session structures and learn what they are. Wikipedia is your friend, but your closest friend will be actually acquiring textbooks on the subject. This is a pretty significant financial barrier at times, I’ve been collecting books like this on psychology since like 1997.

3. Learn about your character’s mental instabilities that require them to go to a therapist and then look up the most recommended forms of therapy for your character’s specific issues. Will they suit your character? Why/why not? Will they have a therapist who realises and switches modality if it doesn’t suit? Or will they be lucky and find someone who helps them straight away?

4. All therapy sessions have a structure to them. And therapy often has a narrative arc through the course of therapy over many sessions. They should generally have the attempt at a beginning (greeting / setting up the problem to be discussed), middle (highlighting the source of conflict or inner conflict) and end (helping the client to focus on less stressful things, possible homework assigned, and potentially talking about future work/sessions). Learn this structure. Even if you’re not writing the whole session, you need to know where in the session you’re writing, beginning/middle/end will be different tonally. Structures will be different per therapeutic modality, and a therapist that knows many different modalities (like Dr Gary) will often be using slightly different structures each time depending on the character’s mood/issue.

5. In a healthy therapist/client relationship there will be the ability to discuss boundaries, grievances and the therapist won’t be revealing much about their personal life at all (unless anecdotally it’s super relevant and even then it will be deliberately vague). This is one of those things that will - in many cases - make for more boring sessions on the page, depending on the ‘client.’ For example, if you’re writing someone seeing a therapist for the first time, it might realistically take months or years before they start showing progress or trust. That’s not interesting (there’s a reason ‘therapy fiction’ isn’t a genre), so of course it’s tempting to shortcut into more dramatic moments.

*

I would say if you’re finding yourself leaning towards more cliched or dramatic forms of writing re: therapy, your writing brain may sense that the entire scene/s may not be suited to the story, and is trying to find a way to make them more interesting to yourself and the reader. If that’s not the case, then a lot more research is needed! It’s time to sink many hours into actually understanding what you’re trying to write. This doesn’t matter as much if you’re writing unrealistic or unhealthy therapy, but it’s 100% necessary when you’re trying to write healthier therapy depictions.***

Also a couple of sessions of experience is a start, but you might want to watch or find a way to watch more therapy sessions, because you’ve missed out on experiencing longer arcs, different modalities etc. (This is where my hands on experience with 19 therapists since 1995 is actually really helpful, lmao - I’ve had close to like 800~ sessions by now, with good and bad therapists; I cannot pretend that hasn’t given me a knowledge base that most people don’t share). You can still learn that stuff via research, MedCircle on Youtube is a good place to start, since it offers 30 minute snapshots on what CBT and DBT sessions will look like etc. and has some great playlists.

Most fics I’ve read don’t do a great job of depicting therapy, but the Babes!verse series by @rynfinity has probably some of the most realistic and still really interesting sessions I’ve read as an ongoing arc. The series is long, because it needs to be re: what it’s dealing with, but it’s great, and I definitely recommend looking at another example of how an author tackles these sorts of scenes. Out of the Mouths of Babes / The March of the Damned are the two intertwined series.

I apologise if this sounds discouraging overall, or daunting, but I just want to stress there’s a reason that I’m often not writing therapy in my writing, as anything more than the occasional scene with a non-therapist, or snapshots that are reflected on and that’s it. Falling Falling Stars is the exception to the rule, and unless you’re writing an exception to the rule as well, it’s really worth reflecting on the first six points I wrote - it’ll save you a fuckton of time and research. And if you go ahead with it, I wish you well! :D

*** Also disclaimer: But I still am writing very indulgent therapy that is not beholden to being either a 100% healthy or 100% realistic depiction. The fact is, real therapy sessions are pretty boring for observers except for maybe ten or twenty minutes in the middle at times.

(ETA: It’s just occurred to me that therapy fiction does exist, esp. in the mass media, but that it is - afaik - all unrealistic, dramatised or unhealthy. But if you want to watch a great show - I highly recommend In Treatment with Gabriel Byrne, just by aware that it is depicting, for the most part, unhealthy dynamics which are more character studies than anything).

[katehuntington]

2020, 1st edition Disclaimer: ‘Kate Huntington’s Author & Fanfiction Recommendations’ is a platform for writers, to show appreciation for their work and expand their audience. I do not claim to be the author of these stories, neither do I own them. Read each writer’s warnings carefully, most of them are rated +18. 

Without further ado, here is my list of recommendations.

One shots 

“While You Sleep” - written by @foreverwayward​ Fluff - Dean Winchester - 617 words       A heartwarming little fic about Dean living the domesticated life we all wish he could have. The writer has a very clever way of storytelling and the end might come as a surprise, only adding to the emotion it already brought along.

“Imagine” - written by @pennydrabbles​ Fluff - Dean x Reader - 800 words      ‘Imagine calling Dean after a bad day and saying you miss him,’ says the header of this marvelous little story. It’s soothing, with strong descriptions, yet never over the top. Simplicity isn’t necessarily a bad word. It takes skill to not overy describe a scene and let the tale be told by the personal emotion of the reader. The author is able to do this with such elegance, that you actually feel Dean’s comfort.

“Heartbeats” - written by @there-must-be-a-lock​ Fluff - Dean x Castiel - 930 words      Castiel is fascinated by the human heart, but doesn’t quite understand it, until he becomes human himself. I’ll start by saying that I don’t ship Dean and Cas together, but I do appreciate the people who do. What this little piece of art does is incredible, however, because while I was reading, I found myself rooting for them. The writer does a great job by using the literal human heart as a backbone of this story. Intriguing and very well executed.

“Everything That’s Yet To Come” - written by @fictionalabyss​ Fluff - Dean x Reader - 812 words      Dean experiences what the future beholds, with the people who he wishes could be there. The author took me by the hand through this moving little one shot, which feels like a collection of greatest hits and wishes come true. It offers peace and closure not only for the older Winchester brother, but for the reader as well. Beautiful piece of writing.

“Take A Drunk Girl Home” - written by @amanda-teaches​ Fluff - Dean x Reader - 1869 words      Dean taking care of others; it’s his nature and shows what a kind soul he truly is. The situation sketched here is no exception, and it’s softer than one can imagine. The pace is steady and the balance between fluff and comedy is just right. A lovely read.

“New Beginnings” - written by @our-jensen-ackles-love​ Fluff - Dean x Reader - 1665 words      New Year’s Eve; a new start, a new life and plenty of reason to celebrate. A lovely ‘feel good’ story that makes us forget about the monsters, pain and loss Supernatural is known for. The level of fluff is equivalent to cuddling with puppies.

“When He Cries” - written by @revengingbarnes​ Angst/fluff - Dean x Reader - 1894 words       When the woman who Dean loves falls victim during a case, the hunter has trouble dealing with the aftermath. And, boy... Does that hurt to witness. This is one of the most breathtaking stories I have stumbled on. The realism that is used to describe the gruesome and horrific angst, the emotion that is laced in every word, had me clutching my chest while reading. It’s is a beautiful piece of art.

“Nobody” - written by @soaringeag1e​ Angst - Dean x Reader - 2561 words      This one shot reminds us why we should never stay angry with a loved one and let a fight unresolved, because what if something bad happens and we won’t have the chance to make it right? The writer gives a great sense to that fear and having to watch Dean go through this nightmare is truly heartbreaking. 

“The Demon Inside You” - written by @foreverwayward​ Smut/angst - Demon!Dean x Reader - 4375 words       Curing Dean from the demon that he has become proves to be difficult when he’s so hard to resist. What else is hard to resist, is this beautiful pitch black one shot. I don’t read Demon!Dean fiction often, because it still feels foreign to see the character who I love so much turn into something evil. This however, is so gripping and well written, that the darkness swallows up the beholder. Rough, hot, sad, narcissistic, all these ingredients packed up in one hell of a story.

“Curves And Edges” - written by @kittenofdoomage​ Smut/fluff/angst - Dean x Reader - 4375 words       This equally sweet, sexy, funny and sad story is a big shout out to all women who think they don’t meet the beauty standards and feel like they will never be good enough to get noticed. It is one thing to replace a name with Y/N and call it a reader’s insert; it’s a gift to make every person reading this feels like they are the character in this story. The author handles every woman’s insecurities with grace, making her words both relatable and soothing. Her spot on version of Dean reminds us that we are all beautiful, desired and unique.

“Hold Her Tight” - written by @waywardbaby​ Fluff/smut - Dean x Reader - 2955 words     ‘A story of a deep need to feel someone close to you’, is how the author describes her work. I couldn’t have said it better, because this one shot isn’t about sex; it’s about love making, and there’s a difference. What I also appreciate, is that Y/N takes the time to pamper herself. We all deserve some self care.

“Watch Your F!cking Mouth!” - written by @impala-dreamer​ Smut/comedy - Dean x Reader - 1984 words       Dean falls under a literal curse, and it’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I was wheezing, couldn’t breathe and died laughing. It’s astonishing how the writer can juggle comedy and sex without the two taking each other down. An uplifting read.

“Thank God For Sexual Frustration” - written by @winchester-fantasies​ Smut - Dean x Reader - 4398 words       God had nothing to do with writing this sinful story; we can thank the author for that. When Y/N is on a dry spell that has her frustrated, Dean helps her out in the best way imaginable. Delicious smut served in three courses, because we all know Dean keeps his lady satisfied.

Series:

“Life For Rent” - written by @winchest09​ Smut/angst/fluff - Mobster!Dean x Escort!Reader  - WIP      This amazing series follows an experienced, smart and resilient escort, who is ruled by contracts, money and aliases. When Dean becomes her client, he makes it his mission to understand what this interesting woman is hiding.       Conspiracies, deceat, crime. A strong family bond, blossoming love, oh, not to mention the sex. This series is intriguing beyond imagination and certainly not just another mobster fanfiction. The writing is smart and I could tell from the first paragraph that it’s loaded with hints and foreshadowing, but I couldn’t pick them out. This triggers a curiosity like an itch I can’t quite scratch away until I finish reading this story. And so I wait eagerly and drop everything the second a new chapter comes out.  An absolute must read!

“Findings” - written by @kathaswings​ Angst/smut/fluff - Dean x Reader - finished. Update: Sadly, this series is no longer online      This story starts out with what seems to be a routine demon hunt, until Dean and his brother find a frightened five year old survivor amongst the blood and corpses. Keeping the smart little Mackenzie safe and getting her back to her older sister proves to be difficult, because this case is a whole lot bigger than they anticipated and is likely to change their lives forever.      This is one of my favorite Supernatural series and I revisited it recently. The overall story arc is a mystery I just had to unravel and I couldn’t put it down if I wanted to. The bond between Dean and Mackenzie is so precious. Writing a child isn’t easy. I’ve read plenty of books and seen plenty of films in which the maturity the creators added wasn’t natural, but this author handles Mac’s dialogue amazingly well. What’s also interesting is the jumps from point of view between Dean and Y/N, giving very personal perspectives on the gripping story.

“When You Least Expect It” - written by @coffee-obsessed-writer​ Fluff/angst/smut - Jensen Ackles x Musician!Reader - WIP      This gorgeously written slow burn series kicks off when Jensen visits the idyllic town of Seaside. After a bad breakup he keeps his mind occupied with the organisation of a music festival, hoping to find a musician that fits the vibe he has in mind. He meets a spirited, undiscovered performer, not only her voice catching him by surprise. A friendship blossoms, with potential to grow into something more, but will their past allow the love they feel for each other?      Talking about an epic love story, but it’s so much more than that. The music that plays such an important factor, the setting that is Seaside. The fabulous supporting characters Bri, Rob, Jason and Jared, the wardrobe, not to mention the wonderful little gems and details that this author weaved into the story, showing how much love she has put into it. This is without a shadow of a doubt my favorite RPF I’ve come across.

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed the work of the authors above, don’t be afraid to let them know. I’m sure they will appreciate it. Feel free to share!

If you have any suggestions or would like a tag in the future, drop a request in my inbox or send me a message.

Love, Kate

‘Kate Huntington’s Author & Fanfiction Recommendations’ taglist: @adoptdontshoppets​ @fangirlxwritesx67​ @idksupernatural​ @indecisive20something​ @tranquility-or-chaos​ @winchest09​ @wingedcatninja​

[gryffindor01]

Harry is finally content after reading Remus’ diary ~

Word count : 800 or under

Dear Diary, 

He’s gone.

And this time, it’s for good. 

My own very eyes just witnessed the love of my life perish through a bloody veil. There was absolutely nothing I could do. Or was there?

I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t breathe.

I don’t know how to physically or mentally function. He was taken away from me within seconds, just like that - poof - and he was gone. Forever.

Sure, I’m not alone. I still have Harry and Tonks. But it’s not the same. 

Do I love Tonks? Yeah, but not in the way I loved Sirius. And of course I love Harry, but it’s just not the same.

When I was with Sirius I felt free. I felt like I could do anything. When I was with Sirius, all my once fears and nightmares turned into challenges and memories. I felt content. I felt happy. Sirius was my other half. Two peas in a pod is what James used to call us.

Why is it that whenever you love someone, they magically disappear from you? I love Sirius with all my heart and I reckon I will never stop loving him.

This will be hard but I will see him again, when my life comes to a halt, but it’s just difficult to imagine life without him.

Yeah, I spent 12 years without him, but that was way different. At that point in time I thought he was a traitor and I thought he deserved it. But now, I know that Sirius was innocent and his life was taken away from him within a matter of seconds.

Why am I still here?

I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t even deserve to be breathing if Sirius isn’t either. He gave so much for The Order and everyone that is involved with The Order. If Sirius’ life can be taken away from everyone, Sirius who was an incredible person, then why haven’t I died yet?

I want to go away. I want to perish just like Sirius and never come back. I want to live in the afterlife with my best friends. I want to be with them. They’re all I ever had, all I ever will have. And I miss them tremendously.

Maybe I could just slip off the face of this Earth without anyone noticing. Surely it won’t be that hard for anyone to get over me. Maybe besides Harry and Tonks, but they have other people. They have each other.

I must go now, though. It was nice writing down my emotions instead of keeping them bottled up inside of me. But, sadly, Tonks is calling my name and she has something important to tell me. Hopefully, I will be able to feel content once more.

Hope to talk again,

Remus

Content. Remus and Sirius were once content. James and Lily were once content. Harry read all of this quietly to himself, Ginny sitting next to him. Feeling so many emotions, the first things that came to mind were,

“How didn’t I notice they were in love?”

Now that he thinks of it, it doesn’t seem so far stretched. Sirius and Remus being in love and all. After all, they were always giving each other the types of looks that Ginny and I do. And, they were always near each other. I’m just surprised they didn’t tell me.

“Could I have been there for Remus more?”

Maybe I could’ve, maybe I couldn’t have. That’s like saying, “Could I have stopped Sirius from dying?” Maybe, maybe not. But it’s in the past. And there’s nothing I can do now.

and finally,

“How do I become content just like all of them once were?”

Harry hadn’t even realized that he had tears streaming down his face until Ginny reached over to him and wiped them away. Harry hadn’t even realized that his answer to his last question was right in front of him.

Ginny spoke in a very quiet and soft voice, “Harry, honey, are you alright?”

“Yes dear. I just miss them.”

“I know. Me too.”

Ginny hugged Harry so tightly that everything finally clicked.

Sure, he missed his parents and Sirius & Remus, but he had Ginny. Ginny whom made him feel like maybe, after all this time, he was safe. Ginny whom made him feel that everything and anything was going to be okay. Ginny whom was his home and his everything.

Harry had everything he had once hoped for.

Love. 

And he was finally content, just like Remus & Sirius and James & Lily all once were.

And that was enough for Harry to be okay.

[star-spangled-steve]

His New Partner

Chapter 37: The Reconnection

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 2147

Warnings: Angst, a ton of emotions, lots of crying.

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I’ve been writing headcanons like crazy! And also, thank you guys so much for 800 followers. I’m very grateful!

“Need a little help there, N/N?” Steve asked his wife as he watched her wobbling on her tippy toes, trying to reach a cardboard box on the top shelf of their closet.

“I’m fine.” She was her short reply, though she clearly wasn’t making any progress as she began jumping up and down to reach it.

Steve shook his head and chuckled. “So stubborn.” He watched her struggle for a couple of seconds more before easily just reaching up and grabbing the box, watching her sigh in response.

“Thanks.” Y/N spoke, taking the large box from his arms. She nearly dropped it due to its heavy weight, but managed to get it on the bed before that happened.

Steve curiously watched her take off the lid. “What’s in there anyways?” He questioned, peering over her shoulder to get a better look.

“I don’t even know.” She answered, beginning to search through it. “I’m just trying to organize things, that’s all.”

Her husband let out a small laugh. “Never thought I’d hear those words come out of your mouth.”

Y/N lightly giggled, agreeing that she wasn’t exactly known for having great cleaning skills. “Me neither. But everybody needs a distraction sometimes, right?” She faced Steve, seeing him gulp.

“Right.” He said sadly, knowing exactly what she wanted to be distracted from and hating the fact that it had happened. “Do you need help?”

“No. But you can.”

Steve then grabbed another box from the top of their closet and began looking through it. He honestly wasn’t sure what the point was, because she didn’t seem to be throwing out anything, but still pretended to be hard at work. He was just grateful that Y/N was allowing him to spend time with her, so he wasn’t exactly going to complain.

“Steve, look.” She spoke after quite some time, holding in her hand what looked like a photo strip from a photo booth.

The man stepped closer to her, wanting to check it out, and smiled upon seeing the label on the bottom of it. “‘Y/N and Steven’s Engagement Party’.”

“Isn’t it crazy?” She spoke with her own slight grin, handing him the strip. “I don’t even remember taking these.”

The first picture on the strip was obviously meant to be the silly one, with Y/N sporting the duck face and Steve sticking out his tongue. In the second one they were both laughing, giving the camera their biggest, brightest smiles. The third image shows Steve pressing a kiss to his girl’s neck, her blushing in response. Then the fourth and final image shows the couple in what looks like a very heated kiss, Y/N arms around the neck of her man as he dipped her.

“Well,” he chuckled, “you got quite a bit drunk that night, so I’m not surprised. Remember? I explained to you the next morning that I had to carry you back to our floor because you refused to leave the party.”

“Oh, yes, yes,” she nodded with a small laugh, “that’s right. Man, those were the days, weren’t they?”

“Ya,” Steve agreed while handing the photo strip back to her, “those were the days.”

Y/N looked at it more carefully, specifically focusing on the one where they were smiling. “We-We looked so...”

“Happy.” The man finished for her. “Is that what you were going to say?”

“Ya.” She puffed out a breath, reminiscing on all of their good times. “Happy.” She put the strip back where she found it, pushing a couple of the boxes to the side so that there was an empty space on the bed. She sat down in it. “Do you ever think we can be that happy again?”

Steve nervously swallowed, not wanting yet another of their conversations to turn into a fight. “I hope so.”

Y/N nodded, staring down at her lap. “Okay. Okay, good. That’s good. I hope a too. Um...” she sniffled, trying to hold back any tears that came with having this type of talk, “d-do you think that we can be that happy together?”

Steve crouched down on the floor, right in front of where she was sitting. “Do you?”

The girl looked up and suddenly saw how close he was to her, but surprisingly not upset about it. Mad or not, she did enjoy being close to him. “I want us to. I-I don’t want this relationship to be a flop.”

“Me neither.”

“And... uhm...” she sighed, trying to find the right words, “it kind of feels like a flop right now. I really don’t like it, and I really want things to go back to normal. I know that you do too.”

“I do.” Steve replied eagerly. “I so do. That’s all I want. Especially right now, with all of this loss, I want to be there for you. I want to help you, Y/N.”

“I know. I know, and I agree because I want that for us too. Believe me, I do.” She explained to him, seeing his sad eyes begin to become hopeful again. “And it’s not that I don’t believe that you’re sorry. I know that you’re sorry, Steve. You’re too pure of a man not to be sorry. I-It’s just that I can’t let you back in until I’m certain that you love me. That’s the only problem.”

“Wha-What do you mean?” He frowned. “Of course I love you. I tell you all the time.”

“Steve-”

“Y/N, you are my whole entire world.” He continued on, really trying to get his point across. “You’re my sun, my moon, all of the stars in the entire universe; you mean more to me than any of that. I love more than I’ve ever loved anything. Anyone. Ever. In this life or my last one.”

“Steve,” she sniffled, “a person who loves another person doesn’t just leave for two years. That’s not how it works. You can tell me and tell me and tell me all of the beautiful speeches you come up with, but actions speak louder than words.” Y/N explained, now beginning to cry.

The man hesitantly brought his hands up to her face and wiped the away tears, grateful that she actually leant into his touch instead of just smacking him away.

“H-How do I know that I’m not second in your heart?” She questioned.

“Second? To who?” Steve furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, trying to come up with who she could possibly think is more important than her. “Peggy?”

“No.” Y/N shook her head. “I know that your feelings for Peggy are long behind you. I’m talking about Bucky.”

“Bucky?” He almost chuckled. “N/N, I don’t know what you heard, but I only think of Bucky as a friend.”

She shook her head at his misunderstanding of her point. “I know that. That doesn’t matter. Even platonically, he can still mean more to you than I do.”

“Y/N,” Steve sighed, now tearing up as well, “I did that for Bucky because of all that he’s done for me. That guy took care of me for the majority of my childhood, and even into my adult years; getting me out of fights, picking me up when I was down, staying loyal even when I knew that he had better, more popular options for friends. I felt like I owed it to him. He was my best pal.” The man went on, watching her begin to understand where he was coming from. “But N/N, I would not have left you if I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that you were in perfect care, that you were safe. So yes, I made a decision. A poor one. If I could go back, I’d do things differently. I swear, I would. I’m so sorry that you had to be pregnant alone, give birth alone, raise our son alone. I’m so sorry, N/N. If you would have called me, I promise you that I would have been there right away.”

“Well I would’ve, but-”

“No, don’t worry about that.” He brought his hand up to her face, stroking her cheek gently. “I’m not mad about it anymore. I get why you didn’t call, and I don’t blame you one bit. I’m just saying, I’d drop anything for you, N/N. You say one word and I’m right by your side.”

She gave him a small scoff. “I didn’t realize that I had to say a word for to not leave for two years. I thought it was kind of obvious.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say to you anymore.” He told her, basically begging for her forgiveness by this point. “I do love you, okay? More than I care about Bucky. I swear.”

She reached over to her nightstand to grab a couple of tissues, handing one to Steve. They both wiped their face of any tears, never once breaking eye contact.

“I... uhm...” she began to speak, but realized that what she was about to say was silly.

“What?” Steve asked. “Please, Y/N, say it. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

She gulped. “C-Can you hug me?”

The man, surprised that she asked let alone even wanted that, nodded his head enthusiastically. “Of course.” He then opened his arms, letting her fall into his warm embrace.

Steve brought them up so that they were standing, keeping his arms tight around her waist. His hands stroked up and down her back, greedily touching any part of her that was allowed. Nothing could describe just how much he missed holding her, or even how much she missed being held by him.

Y/N breathed in his familiar scent before slightly pulling away, still keeping her arms in their place around his neck. “C-Can you kiss me?”

The man was at a loss for words. Kiss him? No way that he heard her correctly. Up until now, Steve was under the impression that she hated him. “Wh-What?”

“Please?” Y/N asked while her bottom lip began to tremble, all of the emotions that she felt starting to become just too much for her. “Can you? I-I just want to know if it’s still there.” She continued, seeing her husband become confused. “The spark. Our spark. I want to know if we still have it.”

Steve, now understanding what she meant, nodded his head. “Okay.” He moved a hand to her cheek, cupping it, before bringing her forward and hesitantly placing his lips on her own.

The two of them held the position before beginning to move in sync, pressing their mouths against each other slowly; savouring the moment. Neither of them had experienced a kiss in over two years, and you could definitely tell that by the desperation in their actions.

Y/N’s fingers began to run through Steve’s quite long hair, both of his own hands now holding her face, pulling her even impossibly closer. It felt so nice, so right to be with each other this way again, that neither of them wanted it to end.

Though, reluctantly, the girl placed a stern hand on his chest, pushing their mouths apart.

The sound of their heavy breathing filled the bedroom as the couple stared into each other’s eyes.

“Well?” Steve questioned. “The spark?”

Y/N gave him a small smile, moving her hand up to his jaw to stroke his beard. “I think it’s still there.”

A big grin broke out on his face at her words. “Me too.” He happily pressed his lips to her’s again, this time for a quick peck. “I missed this so much, sweetheart.” He chuckled, not meaning to let the name just slip from his mouth like that. “‘Sweetheart’. Can I call you that now? Can I-Can I call you everything that I used to call you?”

The girl shrugged. “I guess so, ya.”

“Awesome.” He stated, not being able to stop smiling. “Awesome, babydoll.”

She was now beaming too, not being able to resist that one, before she realized that she had to explain somethings first. “Wait, wait, Steve. You do realize that not everything will be able to go back to normal, right?”

The man’s face slightly fell, disappointed, but still knowing that she was correct. “Ya. Ya, I know.”

“Okay.” Y/N spoke. “Okay, I just wanted to make sure. B-Because, no matter how much I forgive you, and I do forgive you now, I’ll never be able to forget. I’ll never be able to forget what you did.”

Steve gave her a nod. “Alright. I understand that.” And he did. If his only long-term punishment was having to live with the guilt, then he was truly grateful for that; he was just grateful that she forgave him at all. “Thank you, Y/N. Thank you for letting me back into your life. I’m extremely lucky.”

“That’s right.” She stated, being sure of her personal worth for the first time in so long. “You are lucky.”

Next Chapter

Feedback is always welcome!

Taglist: @crist1216 @songforhema @the-obsessive-fangirl @stressedandbandobessed7771 @straightforwardly @fruitypebbles34 @krazykatkay456 @the-kang-bang @uhh-katie-griffiths @mcuclintasha @capsiclesdoll @allsortsofinterests @nova3312 @tyes-girl @kind-sober-fullydressed @mschrisaholic @shirukitsune @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark @mccloudchloe @notyourtypicalrose @spider-captain @jesseswartzwelder @firecatcher007 @ctrl-alt-jeon @dixonluvv @may-machin @elew223 @fallenoutofrose @secretsihideinside @kaetastic @smolcuddlycub @deepfrz @avengersassemblee @04justanotherfangirl01 @000bananaclip000 @lunaticgurly @frickin-bats @lilred254 @isawritesstories @xlanawriter @saiyanprincessswanie @melaerica @natdrunk​ @new-romanticz1989​ @charmed-asylum​ @tenaciousperfectionunknown​ @buchanansebba​ @little---bird​

Steve Rogers Taglist: @ilovesupersoldiers

Tell me if you want to be added to either!❤️

[i-write-sometimes-blog]

There for you (Rey x Reader High School AU)

Request: The reader gets injured in a car crash and their leg needs to heal but they get impatient because of how long it will take + scared that Rey might leave them because their is a chance of permanent damage? Rey assures the reader that they aren't going anywhere. Requested by @ajaxthecharizard

Words: 1,760

A/N: angst, angst everywhere! It was fun to write this little thing. Sorry for the delay but I really hope you enjoy it! Thanks for requesting!💕💕

“How is she?” panting Rey asked as soon as she entered to the waiting room. Her heart had almost stop when she got the call that informed her you were in the hospital. Millions of thoughts swirled inside her head of the million things that could had happened to you as a lump formed in her throat. Was the panic what made her race to the hospital.

“Hey! Easy there, Rey.” Han stopped her gently placing a hand over her shoulder. She looked up to meet your father’s eyes.

“Is she okay?” Rey mumbled.

“We’re waiting for the doctor to tell us how she is.” Leia said sitting on the small couch in the waiting room. “Come here.” She said and Rey rushed to her side already wrapping her arms around your mother, that had clearly been crying. “How did you find out about this?”

“I called her.” Ben said and only then Rey realized he was leaning in the wall nearby, serious but with the same worriedness in his eyes as his mother.

The small group waited patiently in the quiet small room until eventually a woman in white coat appeared in the doorway, with your medical record in her hands that asked for your family.

"She was lucky, the crash could have easily killed her but she's fine, just a few scratches and the leg" the doctor explained.

"What happened to her leg?" Leia asked concerned. The doctor sighed.

"Displaced fracture, we realigned her bone and immobilized it. However, the nerves close got damaged, there is a possibility of loss of movement."

The room went quiet for a moment, all of them processing the information they just received.

“Can we see her?” Rey urged to ask after the explanation. It calmed her down a little to know you were fine aside from the injured leg, but she was still concerned about you, she needed to see you, she had to.

******

When the door opened you didn’t expect to see her face, she was supposed to be in class this afternoon and yet she was here, running to your side with tears pooling in her eyes.

“Rey” you murmured with half a smile, it was so great to see your girlfriend, but as much as you tried you couldn't hide the pain that came with the smallest move. “Hi”

“Hi” Rey chuckled between sobs while she sofly ran her thumb over the small cut on your forehead. She noticed a few cuts more, from the glass of the windows she supposed, as well as couple bruises along your arms, her gaze kept scanning your body until it met the plaster cast on your left leg. It broke her heart to see you this way.

“You’re here.” you told her.

“I came as soon as I found out what happened.” she murmured taking your hand. “I was so worried, Y/N. I thought I lost you” Rey said, her last words faded away in the air as she was afraid of even say them.

“It was an accident, the car came out of nowhere.” you explained “because trust me, I know how to drive, I learned from the best.” you said trying to make her smile, you didn’t like to see Rey cry, specially if those tears were for you. And she did give you a tiny smile, she was the one who taught you to drive.

“I wish I would have been there for you.” she said “I should have been here-” you saw the single tear that rolled down her cheek.

“This is not your fault, love” you cut her off “You’re here now, aren’t you? That’s more than I could ask.” She looked at you with tenderness in her eyes as well as some pain. You kept like this until you heard a familiar voice getting closer.

“How are you feeling?” Ben asked as soon as he was next to you, on the other side of the stretcher. He looked worried, just as everybody else in your family, maybe a little more, you were his little sister after all.

“If I say ‘fine’ would you believe me?” you told him.

“Absolutely not.” he said leaning in to wrap his arms around you half sitting on the stretcher. His hug was tight and warm, meaningful.

Ben rarely expressed his emotions out loud, he was still working on it, but he was so concerned to hide and he stayed like that for a while, afraid to let go.

“You really scared the shit out of me, kid.” he finally said giving you some space. "Who am I going to bother if something else happened to you?" He said trying to cheer you up winning a small giggle from you. "I'm glad you're okay, little rebel." He said resting his hand over your shoulder.

From the corner of your eyes you caught your parents getting closer, worried of course, but glad you were alive, hoping you would recover soon.

********

The recovery took time, much longer than you would have liked, countless days that became months made you nearly lose your mind.

“You can do it, one foot in front of the other.” Rey assured you staying close to you with every new step you took, your hands barely holding the wooden bar on the recovery room, your stepfoots echoing through the room filled with differents therapeutic devices.

An enthusiastic smile curved your lips when you took a couple steps by your own, it was unbelievably for you the fact that after a long time being unable to walk without some sort of help you were doing it right now. Chuckling you took a few more steps, excited with your progress you decided to accelerate a little.

“Take it easy, babe.” your girlfriend chuckled amazed but still worried about you. “Slow down.” But you ignored her words.

You took a new step, and another, two more… and fell.

“Y/N!” Rey said rushing to your side, her heartbeat running fast. She tried to help you get up but you declined her help.

“Don’t!” you growled. All the excitement you had felt seconds ago vanished the moment you hit the cold floors and got replaced by a growing frustration that soon formed a lump in your throat. You stayed like that for a moment, trying your best to push down all the frustration and insecurities inside you.

You felt useless.

The past months you spent the days being treated like a complete child, you were not able to do a single thing without someone else's help, everybody tried always to be gentle with you, pitying you for being injured. You hated it.

You felt Rey’s confused gaze on you.

“Sorry.” you mumbled searching for her hazel eyes, while you moved to lean your back on the wall and extended your fragile leg.

“It's okay, love.” Rey murmured sitting next to you on the floor.

“No, it's not.” you said “I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”

Rey placed her hand over your extended leg, caressing it gently as her eyes met yours. You sighed.

“I’m sorry, Rey.” you told her “It’s just… this whole process of healing is taking too damn long.”

“You had a big injury, Y/N.” she added “You have to give it all the time it needs to heal. I know it sounds like a lot but you’ll get better soon.”

“But how long is it gonna take? What if it takes forever?... what if it never really heals?” the frustration and impatience in you talked for you, though it was truth, there was a possibility of permanent damage. “And if it never heals then I’ll be just a burden for my family, for you Rey.”

The brunette listened carefully to your words, aware of how frustrating you felt and how much your life had changed after the accident.

“You shouldn’t even be here, Rey” you said with a bittersweet chuckle, refusing to meet her eyes “You should be in Ahch-to studying, Luke found you an amazing scholarship you should be using it and not here losing your time with me.”

The lump in your throat grew bigger as you prepared to tell her about the constant fear of losing her.

“Sometimes,” you gulped “I think it’d be better for you to go. You’d be better off without me as a burden.” your voice cracked in the end of the sentence.

“Hey,” Rey rushed to softly tilt your face founding tears pooling in your eyes. “don’t say that. You’re not a burden in any way, please don’t dare to call yourself that. I’m right where I have to be, Y/N, by your side.” she said “And I am not going anywhere.” Rey assured you.

“But this is going to take so long-”

“It would take all the time it needs to heal and if it means forever than I will be here forever by your side.” She said. She reached to take your hand in hers, guiding it to her lips and pressing a soft kiss in the ring she gave you a long time ago. “I made you a promise and trying to keep it, this doesn’t change anything. I love you more than anything in this life, Y/N.”

The tears in your eyes rolled down your face as you held Rey close to you, hiding your face in the curve of her neck you let all the feelings wash over you with Rey’s arms around you holding you safe into her embrace. You asked yourself what could you possibly had done to deserve a girl like Rey, that loved you with all her soul, that cared so deeply and so truly for you. That stayed by your side even in this rough times. You couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend.

"So, ready to try again?" She murmured once you were all calmed down. Resting your head on her shoulder you chuckled.

"Yeah, I think I can try again." You said.

"Then let's go" Rey said standing up from the cold floor and immediately turning to help you get up, this time you did take her hand.

"Thanks" you giggled back on your feet leaning in to press a soft kiss on her lips. "I love you, Rey."

Then you got back to your recovery routine, happy to have her by your side now more than ever, with a warm sensation in your chest knowing if you two could go through this, than you could go through anything in life as long as you were together.

Tagging: @1-800-depressedlesbian , @xgaygremlinx

(in case you want to be tagged for specific things or just everything I write, let me know)

[waitedforgarridebs]

Finally done waiting for Garridebs!

A rather self-indulgent retrospective of Tumblr fandom history

As many of you may know – or also already may have been looking forward to – another handful of Sherlock Holmes stories are about to enter the public domain in the United States, and therefore worldwide, on January 1, 2020:

The Illustrious Client

The Sussex Vampire

The Three Garridebs

This means that only six more stories still remain under copyright, with the last few finally falling into worldwide public domain on January 1, 2023.

Not quite unexpectedly, my focus in this little series of posts to celebrate the countdown to January 1 will lie on 3GAR – not only because the word "Garridebs" is literally part of my URL, and not even because of the quite literal cliffhanger we've been given in series 4, 

but – for anyone who doesn't know or needs reminding – because of the quote that started it all:

“Like most male friendships, everything is assumed, and nothing is spoken of. Oh, except for once. Just once, and that’s your lot. If you’re going to read it in order, like I did, you’ve got a long time to wait for The Adventure of the Three Garridebs, but patience, and keep reading in order - you’ll be blinking back the tears when the moment comes.” – Steven Moffat, Introduction to A Study in Scarlet (2011), BBC Books 

The fandom has expected the adaptation of 3GAR in BBC Sherlock for a very long time – given that the moment Watson gets shot is the "only" time he can truly see that Holmes is human after all.

In an instant he had whisked out a revolver from his breast and had fired two shots. I felt a sudden hot sear as if a red-hot iron had been pressed to my thigh. There was a crash as Holmes’s pistol came down on the man’s head. I had a vision of him sprawling upon the floor with blood running down his face while Holmes rummaged him for weapons. Then my friend’s wiry arms were round me, and he was leading me to a chair. “You’re not hurt, Watson? For God‘s sake, say that you are not hurt!” It was worth a wound — it was worth many wounds — to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation. “It’s nothing, Holmes. It‘s a mere scratch.” He had ripped up my trousers with his pocket-knife. “You are right,” he cried with an immense sigh of relief. “It is quite superficial.” His face set like flint as he glared at our prisoner, who was sitting up with a dazed face. “By the Lord, it is as well for you. If you had killed Watson, you would not have got out of this room alive. Now, sir, what have you to say for yourself?”

In short: It is the perfect setup for a love confession.

Unsurprisingly this scene inspired the fandom to come up with the most emotional, dramatic, and oftentimes angst-filled headcanons possible.

And, boy, did we all not only deliver on this trope, we created this trope.

There are so many fanworks including the Garridebs scenario on here, on AO3, and elsewhere that one can't even count them all properly – and believe me, I've tried: This blog contains a collection of more than 800 Garridebs-related posts so far (and still counting!).

Over the years, we've had them all: The angsty confrontations. The standoffs and life-and-death scenarios. 

Mary trying to shoot Sherlock, again, and John catching the bullet for him. Moriarty burning Sherlock's heart out by blowing up the building John is currently held hostage in. A burglar or murderer trying to get away, and knifing John in a struggle. Sherlock shooting John by accident. Sometimes, John deciding to end his own life after drowning in his own self-loathing and guilt (as well as a lot of alcohol).

We've had the reactions. The aftermaths. 

Sherlock frantically rushing to John's side. In lighter scenarios, the occasional banter, sometimes even giggling. If they weren't so lucky, Sherlock desperately trying to keep John awake, to stop the bleeding by pressing onto John's wound with his own scarf – just like John taught him that one time. The John in Sherlock's mind palace appearing in the moment of emotional turmoil to calm Sherlock down, to talk him through it, to guide, and to comfort him. Sherlock calling Mycroft to scream and cry into his phone, begging– no, commanding his big brother to just DO something. The sirens of the ambulance finally being within earshot. Lestrade silently putting a blanket over Sherlock's shoulders as John gets taken to the hospital, while Sherlock’s doomed to do nothing. To just wait for things to come.

Sherlock frantically pacing up and down in the waiting room of the hospital, afraid to lose John, paralised in shock and fear, losing himself in the darkness of his own mind palace, until the doctors finally come out of the surgery to give him the news.

Sherlock not leaving John's bedside, waiting for hours and hours, wanting to be there when John wakes up, until he falls asleep with his head on John's mattress, overcome with relief and exhaustion.

John finally waking up only to see Sherlock sleeping soundly next to him, their fingers still intertwined. Sherlock startling awake the second he notices the change in John's breathing pattern, and John is looking at him drowsily, and they smile, and they both don’t know what to say, but it is okay, because John will be okay, and if John is okay, then Sherlock is also going to be okay, and Sherlock didn't even realise he's been babbling this out loud, until John tells him that he did, with the hint of a smile on his face that is almost fond, and Sherlock doesn't understand what this expression on John’s face could possibly mean.

John absentmindedly continuing to stroke the back of Sherlock's hand with his own thumb and not wanting to stop doing so any time soon.

Sherlock taking John to Baker Street, bringing him home, and finally they're back to what they used to be, but something's changed, and it's something so heavy and light at the same time, it makes them both relish this anticipation of a different future – their future – and John continues to heal, and Sherlock keeps looking after him, keeps changing the bandages, keeps making the tea, keeps picking trashy movies for them to watch while eating the Chinese takeout they ordered, until someday they gaze at each other just a little too long, they touch each other just a little too frequently, they hesitate to break the emotional tension for just the right amount of time, and the inevitable finally happens.

At least that's the case for all the times they manage to not be completely all over each other the moment they close the door to the flat when John comes home from the hospital.

Sometimes, it doesn't go all that smoothly. There's the fighting. The guilt. The regret. The times when Mary or the baby had to suffer as well. Sometimes they confess their feelings in a rage, by accident, but that's okay, and they will be okay, and they fall into each other, and they pull at each other's clothes, almost as if clinging to life itself, and they will be okay just as long as they're Them, as long as there's This.

There are the unusual scenarios as well. The surprising ones.

Sometimes Sherlock's the one to get shot instead of John. Sometimes it happens in Victorian times and Holmes cries out Watson’s first name. Sometimes John doesn't get physically hurt at all, and sometimes he stays behind maimed, the eyepatch now permanently being part of his wardrobe.

Sometimes one of them actually dies.

And sometimes, you think of a smutty Garridebs scenario you would like to write, until you realise that Mark Gatiss already did it for you in an adaptation of Dracula on BBC Radio 4 – no joke! (x)

What I'm trying to say is … it was quite a ride. 

The best.

Honestly, I want to thank you all so much for these last few years. It was a blast, and I truly hope there's still many more fanfics, and fanart, and headcanons, and meta, and any other kind of fanwork to come.

However, this series is not going to be me rambling about what the fandom created here on Tumblr. I just had the need to recap, to reflect, and also to catch the new people up who've not been here while all of this unfolded.

But from here on we’re going back to when it all started:

Tomorrow we'll go into the history of the Holmesian side of things – and, lo and behold, of course the first post is going to be about the original canon story itself. After that, we'll dive deeper into all the other adaptations.

And I can’t wait to share all of this.

Update: Read the whole now completely published series of posts about the Garridebs adaptations here (x)!

[starrybbarnes]

high flying, pt. 4 | [b.b]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x superhero!Reader

Summary: you’ve found where the guys are being held captive, but you and peter are outnumbered. 

Word Count: 2536 (it’s a doozy, i know)

Author’s note: well, here’s the final part! hopefully you guys enjoy it. this part was fairly easy to write, as this part was the whole reason I wanted split in different parts. I’m very grateful for the feedback, and I hope you guys drop some more comments and love :)

Warnings: fighting, violence, some intense stuff. of course, swearing. 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

The cold wind started to pick up on top of the tower. The team was around 800 feet above, on the barren top. Steve, Sam, Bucky and Tony were all tied together, suspended in mid air with an electromagnet, a surefire way to keep them detained. 

While suspended, Bucky thought about the last time he saw you. He knew he should’ve asked you out before he left. It’s been set that there are mutual feelings for each other, but why he didn’t bother making a move, is beyond him. 

But he keeps thinking about the mysterious woman in lavender. Her familiarity through the video he saw more than a week ago, the reminiscence of her scent through the compound. It just didn’t make sense. 

Tony started to grow restless as the sign of backup was nowhere near. “This is ridiculous,” he started, “I have the best tech in the world, and here I am: tied up like an amateur.” 

“To be fair, it’s electromagnetic,” Sam huffed, “these fools aren’t dumb either. They took all our tech, and it’s sitting right there. Now that’s absolutely humiliating.”

“Any sign of a reply, Buck?” Steve asked, while ignoring the bickering.

“Nothing, Steve,” Bucky replied. “The last message I sent was before our quinjet was ransacked. Haven’t felt my phone vibrate or anything.”

“Plus it’s hard to check your lover’s messages while you’re tied up.” Tony added.

“Whatever, we’re all on the same boat.” Bucky muttered. 

It looked really funny to see the Earth’s strongest heroes just seemingly dangling, defenseless. The agent gone rogue thinks so as well. He had started his spiel on how Stark Industries had fucked him over, the usual disgruntled speech of a fresh MIT graduate. 

The man then called over his henchmen and one stood in front of each Avenger, weapons raised at them. The agent demanded some rights to the company, some clearance, some money. Tony rolled his eyes and told the agent that he had no part in any part of the company, as all of his ideas were purposely made to self-sabotage Tony. 

The agent stared Tony dead in his eyes. Then he walked over to Bucky. 

“You have an asset that I actually want.” 

“Man, you’re delusional. I don’t have anything you’d want.” Bucky coldly answered. 

“On the contrary. That girl of yours? She’s absolutely helpless right now. There’s guys already at the compound, taking her away to live her worst nightmare.” 

Bucky’s face slightly fell. He can’t show any emotion, not like this. His past is coming back to haunt him, and his old commanders aren’t even affiliated this time around. His stress levels went through the roof, and here he was: defenseless and no way to sucker-punch the agent.

“She’s not even an Avenger, she won’t tell you anything.” Sam intercepted.

“Ah, but she knows the in’s and out’s of the technology, the one thing I value. Plus, she’d be nice arm candy, a prize of some sorts.”

Now Bucky’s blood was boiling, he spat at the agent’s face, and the agent didn’t bat an eye. Instead, he had another guy slap Bucky in the face. 

“Pathetic, even for you, Barnes,” the agent said. “Now then, let’s get this over with so I can start my new company, an ethical one.” 

The agent then pulled out a small remote from his pocket, and smiled at the tied up Avengers. 

“Your worst nightmare is about to start. Say goodbye to everything.”

As the agent is about to press on the remote, a loud thwap! is heard as a white blob sticks to his hand, and consequently to the machine behind him.

“What the fuck is on my hand,” the agent hollered as he tried to break free from the machine. Another splat! is heard, this time sticking the other hand above the agent’s head.

“Oh you know, webbing.” 

Peter swooped in and tried to get a hold of the remote, but the agent stomped on it before Peter could stop him. 

“Look at you, not even a child could save you from this,” the agent cackled as Peter scrambled to where the guys were. 

“Kid! Why are you alone,” Tony gasped, “Where’s the backup??”

“No one was there! I didn’t come alone, though. We go— hey! Let me go!” 

As the henchmen neared Peter, one got close enough to where Bucky was able to knock one out with his boot, and as a result, got punched in the face. The henchman quickly grabbed Peter and shoved him to the floor, where they stepped on his back to make sure he wouldn’t move.

Things were looking bleak, and the agent was growing relentless. 

“Oh, you guys are sad,” the agent taunted, “Boys! Time for the backup plan. And make sure it hurts.” 

Soon, a swarm of more henchmen came in, surrounding the perimeter of the roof. As the henchmen started nearing the captives, with weapons in hand, Peter let out a loud whistle. 

In almost rapid succession, a bright flash of lavender light ripped through the sky. Another flash struck through the roof, injuring the henchman that took a hold of Peter. 

“What in the actual hell was that,” Bucky screamed.

Peter stood up and looked towards the Avengers and flashed a wide smile.

“It’s back up!” Peter cheered.

Sure enough, there you were, radiating (and floating) in your lavender aura, your now lavender hair reflecting with the sunset. With a silver staff in one hand, and a lavender orb in the other, you were a force to be reckoned with. You flew down to where the roof was and teamed up with Peter. 

As you saw the never-ending sea of men, you started doing your manipulating magic, while Peter was doing hand to hand combat and trying to wrangle up the henchmen into one spot. You used your staff to emit bright lights to blind the henchmen, and then run up to them to suckerpunch them. 

As the guys started seeing the chaos unfold, everything started clicking to Bucky. The flowers, the kite rescue, the video, the lavender, hell, even the rose scent started to make sense. Bucky finally put two and two together, and it was when the minor amnesia fell started to wear off he realized:

“Y/N??” Bucky exclaimed, “It’s you!” 

You quickly glanced up to Bucky’s level and smiled, “Of course, sweetheart! Who else would it be.”

“Y/N can kick ass!” Sam replied, “That’s fucking awesome.” 

As the guys tried to piece what was going on, and you were trying to set them free, the rogue agent ripped the webbing and charged towards you. 

Bucky shouted look out! And as you turned around, you leapt and flipped over the agent, while also bringing out your staff to trip him. You and him were face to face, him with a large vibranium beam, and you with your staff. 

“It’s over for you, young lady,” the agent growled. 

“Bite me, scum,” replied as the two of you charged at each other. Your lavender hair started glowing as you raised your staff. The two weapons made a loud clang! as they made contact with each other, and you used your magic to throw the agent off his balance. 

It did, and you used that to get your staff and strike him once more, then using more magic to make him float, then threw him across the roof, and made him crash against the giant electromagnetic machine. 

It started to spark, and the agent noticed: it meant that it was going to combust. Before the agent could escape, you used your magic once more to suspend in the air once more, this time letting his stay there. 

You told Peter to start wrapping the agent up in webbing, and as he did, the machine started to make more clamoring noises. It would sputter parts towards you, and you did your best to fend them off. Finally, you manifested a force field around the machine and boom! it had collapsed on itself.

Peter cheered as you made the move, but then the screams of the Avengers as their trap had started falling 20 towards the roof’s floor. It was a sight to be seen (and heard). 

I got it! You hollered. Acting fast, you used another spell to carefully bring the guys down, and had them slowly suspend downwards to the floor. 

As the guys touched the floor, Sam made it a big deal to start kissing the floor, and hugging Peter tightly, as he now can walk. Tony and Steve looked dazed and confused, Tony more confused than anything. Steve, on the other hand, was just dazed, but started wagging his finger at you. 

“I should have known,” Steve started, “my gut was right. This has your name written all over it!”

“I wasn’t ready!” you argued, “I had no way to practice, and well, I had to do it under your guys’ noses.”

Steve just sighed, and then there was Bucky.

Bucky had thought he’d seen it all. This was definitely a change.  Bucky walked up to you and started to stroke your hair.

He whispered, “it all makes sense. It was you this whole time...”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you guys any sooner, I just didn’t want to be pressured into this stuff prematurely,” you shyly responded. 

“Sorry we had to find out this way, Doll,” Bucky said, “but I can’t believe I was so… clueless to this.”

“Oh, that wasn’t an accident, Buck,” you said, “I may or may not casted an amnesia spell at the many times you caught me using my powers.”

“Huh,” Bucky simply said, “is that what it was? I thought it was old age.”

You laughed, “not this time.” 

It was Tony’s turn to speak, “young lady, you are ruthless. I wish you would’ve told me sooner. But, whenever you’re ready to join the initiative, let me know pronto. We could really use someone as kickass as you.”

As police started showing up to the scene, all of you started to leave when Peter piped up: “Uh, Y/N, aren’t you forgetting something?”

You raised your eyebrow and then smacked your forehead: right, the lunatic. You walked up to the floating agent and stopped the magic, letting him crash to the ground unceremoniously. You used your magic to manifest some handcuffs and then used your staff to smack him across the head. 

“Never underestimate the power of a woman, you psycho,” you stated, as you handed him off to the police. 

“You haven’t heard the last of me, freak!” the agent croaked out, as he was jetted away by police helicopter. With one final flick of magic, you made a slingshot and used some of Peter’s webbing to thwack it on the criminals face. 

Ugh, boys, you thought to yourself. They’ll never learn, but you’ll always be glad to take some dumbasses down. 

。。

two weeks later

Things have leveled out at the compound. You’ve become a nationwide sensation after a news station was able to capture a portion of the fight. Needless to say, you’ve become everyone’s sweetheart. Girls of all ages, especially, are in awe of their new role model. 

In quick succession, you were catapulted to becoming the next mightiest hero, and your friends could not be more proud. It felt nice to finally have some weight lifted off your shoulder. You can finally fight crime with your friends, and use your powers with no fear. 

Not to mention, you have your very own personal cheerleader: Bucky. He was the most shocked about your background, and has also been the most supported. He was fascinated in how you trained, and found every excuse to train with you. He was in awe (and in love) with you.

Time had passed since the big reveal and now you were outside, practising with your staff and basking in the sun. You grew tired and started to lie on the ground. You heard footsteps from behind and then felt someone lie next to you.

“Hi Buck,” you greeted, not needing to open your eyes to know it was him.

“You got psychic powers too, Doll? Because you can’t even see if it was me or not,” Bucky jokes. 

“No, but I can tell by your footsteps, dummy,” you said, turning over to him and giving him a peck on the cheek. 

It’s still a tug and pull with the status of the terms of your relationship with Bucky, but you decided today was the day.

As Bucky laughed, he saw your staff by your feet. He sat up, and gravitated towards it. As he saw it up close, he was mesmerized by the etching of flowers on it. The star on top of the staff would only glow brighter in his hand. 

“I still can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me about this,” Bucky said after a moment of silence, eyes still on the staff. 

You sat up, “it’s nothing personal, Buck. I just wasn’t trained or ready enough to handle my powers. Plus, it’s not everyday you see a girl manipulating things in front of people’s eyes. It tends to scare people.”

Bucky nodded, “I still think you’re an amazing person, whether or not you had them. This is just the cherry on top. And it makes my heart swell when you’re out and about helping those in need. Not to mention you look cute while doing it”

You blushed at the last comment, “thank you Bucky, I think you look handsome yourself.”

“Then I guess this might be a good time to ask you out formally?” Bucky suggested, “I know we’re both fond of each other, and I want to keep being by your side. Also, Steve pressured me to do it otherwise he’d smack me.”

“Of course,” you answered through giggles, “I would gladly go out with you, Buck. It would make me the happiest girl.”

A chaste kiss on the lips was shared between the two of you, relief washing over you two. The two of you then started to lean  on each other, enjoying the scenery. Then, a thought came to mind. 

“Hey Buck?”

“Yeah, Doll?”

“Remember that one time in the conference room when we were watching footage of me fighting, and you said you could take me down easily?”

“... no…”

You rolled your eyes and laughed, “how ‘bout I take you up on the offer. Loser has to buy dinner.” 

“Not happening, sweetheart,” Bucky chuckled, “I would never hurt such a beautiful dame like you.”

“How  about if I lose, I’ll do anything you ask me to.”

“Now you’ve piqued my interest, doll.” Bucky said as he stood up and threw you over his shoulders.

You started smacking his back, and then decided to tickle him, causing him to lose his grip on you. You grabbed your staff once more from your back, and started wagging the point towards him.

“Don’t make me use this on you!” you halfheartedly threatened. 

“I’ll gladly fall under any spell for you, doll,” Bucky retaliated.

The rest of the day was spent tackling each other, with an occasional clanging of metal, and the constant shower of kisses between you and Bucky.