#cereralwithaster

[bluegarners]

4. Never Disappointed Me

heyyy aster!! nice to see you!!

4. what would this fic be about, based on the title? (asker provides fake fic title)

i feel like you already knew what i was thinking when you sent this in, but who knows? maybe not? but for me and my lizard brain, of course i thought of a convo between bruce and dick because, let's face it, i am a total sucker for mushy conversations about the past and expectations created because of it

(i got carried away with this a bit so)

so maybe it starts off with a rough night on patrol. dick is in gotham for a change, taking a brief break away from blud, and he's just trying his best to get back into the rhythm of working with people of similar skill-sets and mind-sets as he. after years of first working on a team as a leader, learning to use his teammates very different but still useful skills to the team's advantage, and then leaving teams all together to go solo, has more or less thrown him out of sorts with knowing how to work with people that are thinking the same things he's thinking and gathering/learning the same things when faced with a crime scene/problem.

which leads to problems in and of itself as dick becomes a little over-bearing when working alongside the likes of red robin, robin, and batman. it's not that he under-estimates or under-values any of their work. really, they are all way-too-highly capable individuals and none of them really need his help, but he wants to give it anyway. so him invading on projects, leaning over the others shoulders, giving input that is obvious to them, and in general trying to point out things that they already know leads to someone blowing up at him; yelling and raging a bit at dick and claiming that he think they're incapable/incompetent at their job when, really, dick is just so used to having to take leadership, having to painstakingly point out things that are obvious to him but not others, and explaining concepts that are commonplace to him but unheard of to others that aren't affiliated with batman.

and that progresses into dick doing a complete 180, backing off and away and making himself scarce both in the cave and in the manor as he realizes that no one really needs him anymore and that his role in the family is very easy to replace as he can only contribute so much compared to what everyone else has already gathered. and of course everyone notices, feels a little bad for his recluses, and bruce takes it upon himself to reassure dick that he is still a very much needed part of their family, no matter the fact that the way they operate is just a little different from the way everyone else does and that that doesn't make his thoughts and input any less important.

which then leads to dick confessing something along the lines of this:

"I... I think I'm stuck, Bruce."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like this, right? All my life, I've been surrounded by capable, hard working people. People who have powers, god-like abilities, can talk to animals, turn into them, and produce radiation bursts out of their fingers. And then there's people like us. No powers. No special abilities. No mutations. Nothing. We're just... people."

Bruce says nothing but nods his head in encouragement. Dick wipes at his mouth, a nervous gesture of his.

"We're just people," he repeats, "and so that means that we have to better. We have to- to overcompensate and do all sorts of things that they don't have to think about. You raised me to be better, to overthink, to over-do everything so that we could somehow stand on equal footing with these super-powered people. And that's led to us leading them sometimes, somehow, because even with their powers, they can't do the things we do. Can't think of the things we think about. And that's fine. I'm cool with that. I don't mind being the leader, the planner, the one that gives explanations and back-up plans and assessments. It's great that I can be that person for them."

"But?"

"But it's... different here. With you guys. I... We're all the same here. I have nothing to bring to the table in terms of what makes us so different from all the super-people. Sure, I can be part of the patrol sectors, I can do surveillance, I can read over a plan or a map and go from there, but that's all.. it's all par for the course here. That's normal."

"And that makes you stuck?"

Dick scrubs harder at his mouth. "See, that- that's the thing. I don't mind not being the 'special' one or the 'normal human' aspect of the team. It's actually welcomed now that there are people who know I won't crumble into pieces if I break a bone or something. But the problem- I can't say there's an actual problem, there isn't one, but it's just... it's just..."

"You worry that there's nothing left for you to do."

"Yeah. Yeah, that. I have nothing new to contribute. So, now, I'm just here. I don't have a real purpose, a real ability to bring to the team, I'm just.. stuck. And I just, well, worry sometimes that I'm not enough."

"Not enough?"

"For Tim. Damian. Anyone. You."

"Me? You worry that you're not enough for me?"

Dick jerks his head in what might be the start of a 'yes' but stops half-way, mouth thinning into a red line and stress points.

"Dick," Bruce sighs, carefully raising a hand to place on his son's shoulder. "Will you please look at me?"

He does so, slowly.

"You will always be enough," Bruce says, squeezing his eldest's son. "You have been enough."

"I just don't want to disappoint you," Dick rushes out, surprising himself with the admission. "I want to be the person you think I can be, but sometimes it feels like I fail at that. Constantly."

Bruce inhales and exhales with the weight of years and years of regret and immense patience and love. He's not really one to shove physical affection onto others, it's not his department, but he deliberately wraps both of his arms around his son's shoulders, who readily returns the gesture.

"I know I don't say it enough," Bruce begins, "but you have never disappointed me. Ever. You have become someone far greater than I could have ever hoped for you to be, and I am so, so proud of you. Everyday. All the time."

Dick doesn't say anything, just smashes his forehead into the collar of Bruce's worn sweat-shirt and hugs a little harder.

"Richard Grayson, you have made me nothing but proud and I am so grateful to call you my son."