#cersei & tyrion

[kudriaken]

House Lannister. My fanart series for the Great Houses from the ASOIAF. I wanted to make this for the longest time.

[francy-sketches]

cringe ass family ❤

[knightsickness]

‘if joanna had lived the lannisters would have been normal/nicer’ WRONG i think she would have married cersei off as geographically far away as possible and then started doing some the lion in winter shit with jaime. she refuses to acknowledge tyrion because in surviving his birth she’s gone from a victim of tywin’s imp to his mother an accomplice there must have been something wrong with her to birth him like that. do not fall into the all dead mothers were really soft and niceys fallacy

[ilynpilled]

lannister sibs

[greenbloods]

honestly hilarious that the lannister siblings are all history freaks in different direction. cersei rolls her eyes that jaime doesn't know what the second blackfyre rebellion was about while he rattles off the tale of ser luthor pisseryon of daeron i's kingsguard, who served for all of seven moons before he died shitting himself en route to dorne. meanwhile tyrion's sitting in the corner reading maester leomore's neo-myrxist critique of archmaester hargreave's account of the Storming of the Dragonpit (The Warrior Himself: Examining the Dying of the Dragons in the Light of the Seven) and not paying attention to it one bit because he’s moping about how everyone in kings landing hates him, the imp, because he’s ugly and rich, and not because he’s a feudal overlord who is fundamentally detached from the immediate concerns of his starving subjects

[norringtondeservestheworld]

can't believe it's canon that in the last season Jaime was chilling with his brother then Brienne entered and Jaime jumped on his feet murmuring my lady like a Jane Austen's hero and Tyrion was like damn bro, someone is smitten, isn't it?

[mormontdacey]

oh to be tywin lannister in agot…

your son and presumed heir what’s-his-name has been kidnapped and is still at large. last you heard he was in the vale maybe? but you haven’t checked and you’re not planning to

this is low priority because your daughter (derogatory) has launched a coup to kill her drunk husband the king and seize power. she accidentally gets a two-for-one deal when her impulsive and suspiciously blond son has the second most powerful man in the country killed for shits and giggles on the steps of the westerosi vatican. now your house is fighting a five-front war.

your favorite child—who is both the best swordsman in the realm and a national disgrace—is leading your far superior armies but he’s getting his ass kicked by a high school freshman and his pet dog, so you’ve got no choice but to head to the riverlands to clean up the mess. but zero worries because nothing EVER goes wrong in the riverlands!!!!

[duckytree]

a lot of problems would’ve been avoided if cps existed in the got verse

[kaellecappuccino]

[stormborns]

GAME OF THRONES 2.06, The Old Gods and the New

[melrosing]

Tywin Lannister caramelldansen easily my weirdest contribution to this fandom

more here

[lycorim]

I made this instead of doing actual stats homework you're welcome

[knightsickness]

discussing asoiaf intertextually is at the end of the day a fool’s game. ‘i think the themes grrm is exploring with the lannisters play interestingly with richard iii’ i can’t get asoiaf fans to read richard iii. most of them haven’t even read asoiaf

[tangerine-brooks]

sansa antis are so funny to me because like. we have a book full of character that straight up commited war crimes. we have a guy who tried to murder a 7 y.o. twice. we have a rich guy who kills a sex worker for testifying against him. we have a girl who tries to kill her brother for being disabled. we have a guy who straight up kills and tortures people as a form of entertainment. we have a guy who strikes his wife. we have tywin fucking lannister. we have a guy who repeatedly rapes his childbride. we have a guy who sold people to slavery. we have a guy who kills his own brother and also burns people alive. we have a guy who likes murdering people. the list is endless. but noooo, the character you hate the most is this 11 y.o. girl, who is mean to her sister and isn't just smart enough to understand political schemes and manipulation tactics. a terrible, vile creature.

[pixelshiftexe]

In a modern universe, Cersei Lannister would get sent to one of those fancy private rehabs/psych hospitals (she doesn't want to go but Jaime booked her in after her latest breakdown and convinces her that actually it's super trendy these days for rich white women to go on "mental health retreats") and immediately tries to convince her psych team that she's totally fine and actually doesn't need to be here only to promptly be diagnosed with Bipolar and put on an ungodly amount of Seroquel.

Every single meeting she's forced to attend, she sits in her chair huffing up a storm while everyone else speaks, and when it's her turn goes on a fifteen minute rant alternating between insisting that everything wrong with her isn't actually her fault, insulting everyone else at the meeting because can't BELIEVE people actually fall for this psychobabble therapy nonsense, and sobbing uncontrollably over how her life has turned out.

After she's done she goes back to ignoring everyone.

Would absolutely look down on the people in there for narcotic addictions despite the fact that she's spent roughly the equivalent of the GDP of a small country on cocaine over the years.

Also freely admits to her therapist to having had an incestuous relationship with Jaime during childhood and adolescence but insists it doesn't matter anymore because they "grew out of it" after Jaime went to military school and she realised it would've been social suicide for her modelling career if anyone got photos of them together while she was dating various other celebrity guys, and remains completely oblivious to the ongoing emotional incest and codependency that's running through her entire family.

She emphatically insists that the only problem with Tywin's parenting was that he didn't send Tyrion away at birth and that he got Jaime a spot at Harvard Business School even though he didn't actually WANT to go and SHE did.

If this sounds like I'm bashing her, I promise I'm not. These are simply things I know to be true.

[bibiundtinaundzombies]

au in which robert, the starks and the lannisters play monopoly instead of going hunting and pushing each other‘s kids from towers.

tyrion implements a tax system to make things more interesting and fights cersei over the cat for a solid ten minutes.

around thirty minutes into the game, catelyn realizes that she has free will and stops paying taxes.

arya and sansa haggle over new york avenue, which ends up being bought by theon. this causes the two to completely cast aside their differences, ally and subsequently start doing everything in their power to make theon‘s life hell.

theon himself is quite severely stoned the entire time throughout.

ned enters horrendous debt pretty much immediately and, after two hours of being financially sucked dry by both cersei and his tax evader of a wife, decides to just place his figurine in jail and never leave.

jon, playing the dog, controls the railroads and makes jaime, playing the ship, go completely broke within minutes. being beaten by a bastard and officially the first to lose the game makes jaime so mad he spends the rest of the evening perched on the family‘s ancestral armchair eating flaming hot cheetos and stifling sobs.

cersei is holding onto her last two dollars and her one house in atlantic avenue like a maniac and evades taxes like it‘s an olympic sport. she claims ownership of kentucky avenue on the grounds that red is her house‘s color at least twice. after three hours, she‘s consumed enough vintage red to kill a large mammal and keeps quoting the art of war. fascinatingly enough, she never goes completely broke.

robert, just as broke and drunk as his wife but not nearly as ferocious, proposes marriage for tax advantages to bran, who is in possession of the boardwalk and lets him dangle on his proposition for two rounds before accepting and feeling like a benevolent god.

sansa sees this and immediately proposes to arya, who accepts, only for them to be sued by their mother for public indecency („you‘re siblings, jesus christ!“). arya argues that this is just a game and that one could argue that robert‘s and bran‘s marital alliance is just as if not even more inappropriate, considering that bran is seven and robert thirtyseven. sansa countersues her mother for tax evasion, who promises she‘ll drop her lawsuit if her daughters let her keep hoarding perverse amounts of wealth. „love wins!“ arya says, which causes jaime, still perched on the armchair but now eating old nan‘s home made whiskey truffles, to hysterically sob. cersei stares him down.

robb, in a rare moment of almost prophetic foresight, excuses himself one hour in and goes on a very, VERY long walk with grey wind.

tyrion, whose tax system has spectacularly backfired in his face, proposes marriage to catelyn, jon and cersei in rapid succession, who all turn him down. „i wish i was the monster you think i am. i wish i had enough poison for the whole pack of you. i would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it.“ he screams before he leaves the table.

at that, joffrey, who has refused to participate and instead sits on the couch playing doom on his nintendo ds, starts hysterically laughing. tyrion turns on his heel and awards his nephew with the bitchslap of the century. this causes cersei to completely abandon the game and chase after him with a broom. catelyn makes sure that everyone is distracted by the lannister antics and then reaches across the table and bags cersei‘s money and properties.

with a heavy heart, myrcella trades arya and sansa one of her limited edition bayala schleich unicorns for park place.

at this point, the game is between the tycoons that are catelyn and jon, the bran-robert alliance, the arya-sansa-alliance, and ned, who is still in jail and watching ice hockey on his phone under the table. that is when catelyn hears rickon gagging and discovers that he, in the absence of tyrion, the self declared bank manager, has managed to eat all bank notes from the box.

rickon gets his stomach pumped, cersei and tyrion have both been arrested, theon is still stoned, arya, sansa and myrcella have wandered off to go play schleich horses, and jon remains at the table, alone, content, and quietly considering himself the winner.