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starwikia · 8 months

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Undead Unluck Theory

Feng’s Character Arc isn’t over - Possible Unfade Evolution

I’ve been thinking about this theory for a while and with chapter 191 partly confirming something for me I think it’s time to write it down.

Basically: Start Investing in Feng Kowloon stocks.

Major Spoiler Warning all the way up to chapter 191 of the manga.

This theory initially spawned after chapter 177 came out. More specifically, it spawned from the spread panel that showcased the current union members (minus Chikara, Sean, and Yusai who were shown to be in the operating room with Latla and Rip).

Here it was shown that Feng was not with the other union members. Earlier it was hinted that he didn’t join because he wasn’t with them when the group time skipped from 1999 to 2015.

At the time I had suspected that Feng simply hadn’t time traveled with everyone else and had used those 15 years to train (taking advantage of Unfade) and might’ve rejoined later, but no, turns out he hasn’t joined the Union at all.

Which made me ask this: why didn’t Feng join the union? It would’ve been easy for Tozuka to write a little panel or two where Fuuko could’ve said, “ok sorry I lied to you, I promise this time we’ll fight monsters this time though” and Feng could’ve begrudgingly agreed to join at that point.

The thing with Undead Unluck is that Tozuka has a habit of constantly setting up minor plot details and then giving them major payoffs later on. It’s one of the best parts of the manga’s writing in my opinion. So I believe Feng not joining the union at this point of time was a very deliberate writing choice on the author's part.

So with that in mind, let’s get started.

Current Quest Rounds

Currently, there are four quests active.

Let’s take out “Capture of UMA Burn”. It's not relevant for this theory. What matters for this theory are the quests for Language, Beast, and Summer.

Language and Beast have relevance because of their rewards. Four extra seats added to the round table means four negators can participate on quests. But that’s all they can offer for this topic.

Summer, on the other hand, is extremely important. Because in loop 100, Summer was the exact quest Feng got his formal debut in.

My prediction is that in a direct parallel to loop 100, the 101 version of the Summer quest is where we’re going to get reintroduced to Feng, and probably get told that he’s been up to for the last fifteen or so years.

What follows is that one of the union members will tell Feng about the Sick fight, to which he will be extremely disappointed to have missed out on. It’s at this point that upon learning there’s more of these extremely strong UMAs that he’ll go, “Fine, you win Fuuko Izumo, I’ll join your Union.”

My guess is that, assuming that Fuuko successfully recruits the five negators Andy led her to, the open seats will go as following:

- Feng

- Top

- Tatiana

- Latla/Julia

This is because the first three are more suited to go straight into combat roles. As for Latla and Julia, I think the last seat could go to either one of them. It depends on whether Julia manifests Unjustice during this quest period but if she doesn’t, Latla can now fight directly due to being equipped with one half of Blade Runner.

This would leave Ichico, Nico, Kururu, Haruka, Bunny and Julia/Latla (aka the one who didn’t get the seat) as support members until new seats are rewarded.

It’s extremely important to note that at this point Feng isn’t part of the Union because he cares about protecting people or saving the world. Despite him acknowledging Shen as his son, Feng still prioritizes his quest of being the strongest more.

Unfade Intermission (AKA Billy Would Kick Feng's Ass if they fought Right Now)

This is where I talk about my thoughts of Unfade because this is where it would flow best.

(I am also going to put a quick disclaimer that this isn’t an invitation for power scaling arguments as they don’t have any relevance here.)

Anyway, Unfade, Feng’s negation ability. In Feng’s character bio in the volume 8 extras Unfade is described as a self-targeting compulsory activation type. “An ability that Negates aging after activation.”

… aaaand that’s all Unfade can do, really.

In fact, Unfade stands out from other negation powers because from what we’ve been shown it has no viability in combat. I think the only negation that shares this trait is Unsleep. The reason Feng is such a threatening person has to do almost entirely with his years of cultivating his skills as a martial artist (granted, having an ageless, unfading body which is forever at peak condition probably does help a lot but I digress). It’s worth noting that if Unfade had been given to almost any other person, they wouldn’t nearly be as dangerous as Feng is.

It is my belief that within the current negators, you take out their powers and make them fight purely hand to hand as normal humans? Feng comes out the strongest, if not pretty damn close to it.

However, the second that negation powers are added into the fray, Feng would lose his title as the strongest, and he would lose that title very quickly. In a negator fight with, say, Billy, he wipes the floor with Feng, easily. Feng having no idea how negator powers work is how Fuuko was able to keep him in check for so long in loop 101.

In UU, negation powers don’t get stronger via traditional training. In order to level up, the negator in question has to expand their interpretation of their powers.

By expanding their interpretation, this typically leads to the negator having a journey of self discovery about themselves. Inherently due to this system, a lot of times this means that negators evolving their powers tend to be directly tied into character development. It’s a neat system! One of my favorite power systems in SJ because of how naturally it ties together with the narrative.

But for Feng? This is the literal worst thing for him. Because even though he’s a legendary martial artist, Feng has a terrible understanding of people. He’s the least emotionally intelligent person among the negators, and it’s not even close. Shen, who was raised by Feng for around twenty years, notes that Feng’s unending pursuit of strength hasn’t brought him any sense of fulfillment and that Feng himself isn’t even self aware of that fact.

Feng didn’t even realize he even had a negation tragedy until 150 years after his ability manifested. Even then, Shen (who, for the record, only found out about negations like… 15 minutes prior), had to spell it out to Feng.

Throughout loops 100 and 101, we’ve seen how differently negation abilities can evolve. Negation abilities so far have tend to have fallen in three ways:

It has direct ties into character development and how they evolve as people (Unluck, Unchange, Unseen)

It has manifested differently due to the wildly different circumstances between loops (Unfair)

The negator have found ways to work around what would be entirely detrimental abilities to make them useable to get through day to day life (Unsleep, Untell)

The idea that Unfade has never evolved since manifestation ties pretty well with how stagnant Feng has been as a person throughout most of his life. In fact, while the circumstances of manifestation are different, Feng 100 getting UF as an old man vs Feng 101 getting UF when he was around his twenties, the ability itself hasn’t changed at all. Which definitely isn’t unique but it is worth noting, I feel.

Master Rule VII

Remember at the beginning of this post that stated chapter 191 partly confirmed something to me? Yeah that’s relevant now. This was the big clincher that inspired me to write this giant theory.

Right now we don’t know exactly what Master Rule VII represents exactly (it’s possible “Time Defense” is just an attack name just like how Andy uses “Crimson Bullet"), however he is absolutely heavily time based if not outright time. My top prediction for him is that he’s UMA Time or Fade. (For simplicity’s sake, this theory will use “VII” when it comes to referring to him.)

Anyway, assuming that we’re going in order of counting down, then naturally VII is next in the line up. Feng's first round as a union member means he’s conveniently part of the quest period where, chances are, he might be a hard counter to the UMA that represents time in some capacity, as Unfade negates the passage of time affecting his body. Everyone in the Roundtable comes to this conclusion as well and thus Feng is signed up for the quest for the neutralization of VII. In this scenario, Shen would also be one of the negators in this quest, this is going to be extremely important.

However as the actual fight begins, Feng turns out to not be a perfect counter to VII for one reason or another. This fight would end up being a struggle for everyone involved because VII would presumably use his time abilities to avoid hits and disorient everyone by time lagging them like how he did to Andy in 191.

During this fight, Shen is going to be in danger, and possibly get hit with a fatal injury before he can even react. Feng, witnessing this, is going to have one thought in his head, “Shen is going to die.” “My son is about to die.”

And at that moment Feng recalls what Fuuko believes the meaning of being the strongest:

“Those who care for others with an unwavering heart have always been the strongest people around.”

And Feng, after decades of not knowing what she meant, finally realizes what Fuuko was trying to tell him. And this, in turn, causes Unfade to evolve.

Interestingly, Feng back in loop 100 is stated to figure out how souls worked, but this hasn’t come up since.

And I think this would be a great opportunity to fire that Chekhov’s Gun, because my friend (who also reads the manga) gave a really cool possibility on how Unfade could evolve into a combat viable ability by combining the idea of Feng mastering using his soul in combat. The basic idea follows that by unleashing his soul in his impacts he would be able to make strikes that don’t fade away. Tying into the idea of how he only unlocks Unfade’s true potential when he opens himself up to the more metaphorical version of “the impact he has on others” and vice versa.

(Of course this is just one idea of how Unfade could evolve, I just really like this idea because it ties with UU’s constant video game analogies, with Unfade’s evolution being akin to a damage multiplier like when you get a really good combo in a fighting game. Basically Tozuka would acknowledge Feng’s a giant Tekken reference).

I know that negation abilities are classified with external or self targeting, but Sean alone proves that if you bend the rules enough, you can get away with not following those classifications to the letter.

Either way, this upgrade leads Feng to turn the tides against VII and complete the quest in a way that leads to the Union getting away without casualties. Maybe as a bonus we get Feng making a Shen-esq joke (like "Your rules are outdated, you old coot" or smth) to tie how much influence both of them have had on each other. Also ideally Feng stops having the emotional intelligence of a goldfish and trying to fight Fuuko at a drop of a hat but that might be asking for too much, honestly.

After the fight Feng would finally drop his tsundere bullshit and admits out loud (and to himself) that yes, he cares for Mei and Shen not just because they’re his disciples but because he genuinely loves them as family.

This would also be the point he’s marked as a true member of the Union because he now wants to protect his family.

#undead unluck #undead unluck spoilers #uu spoilers #feng kowloon #🌙.text

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something-tofightfor · 1 year

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All I Ever Needed

Pairing: Joel Miller x female reader (Just Too Good To Be Gone pairing)

Word count: 12,330

Rating: NSFW / E. You’ve been warned.

Warnings: Spoilers for the end of TLOU / TLOU season 1 - and the timeline that follows before the 2nd game.

Summary: While on patrol and looking for the source of a distress call received by Jackson, you and Joel take a much needed detour.

Author’s Note: Six and a half months later, and here we are with a Joel story that I’ve been picking away at the entire time. Sorry I stepped away for so long but now that this is done ... all bets are off.

This takes place just before TLOU 2′s timeline begins, and if you’re familiar with that, you’ll understand the significance of something mentioned in this story.

This was directly influenced by conversations I had with @stealyourblorbos, who encouraged me by providing some of the most *appealing* Joel visuals... so I hope you enjoy it, Jules.

Fun fact: the location mentioned in this chapter actually exists, but the way it looks today is much different than it was in 2013 - see the link on the masterlist for more info!

To get alerted when I post new chapters/stories, follow @somethingtofightfor-shares and turn on post notifications - you can also ask to be added to my tag list (link in bio or at the top of my taglist reblog)

Just Too Good To Be Gone Masterlist

Song Suggestion: “Enjoy The Silence” by Depeche Mode

“We should find somewhere to spend the night.”

Looking to your left, you watched as he eyed the road in front of you, his horse’s reins held tightly between his gloved fingers. As always, Joel was entirely focused on what he was doing, the man on alert despite the fact that his posture was loose and you hadn’t seen anything out of the ordinary in hours. Not hours, days.

“There are some houses at the 89/191 split, but a lot of ‘em are on the other side of the river, and I’m not sure we can cross.”

He turned his head to look at you, the man’s eyes sliding over your face and then down before they rose once more. “We just need a roof and some dry wood to build a fire. We’ll find something.” You knew that he was right - that even if it was little more than the hollowed out husk of a gas station or one of the small houses, you and Joel would make do together - because you always did. “That leaves what, ten miles to get back tomorrow?”

“A little under fifteen, actually.” Shivering at a sudden gust of wind, you nodded. “There should be a place for the horses there, too, just to keep them from being in the open.” He nodded once, in reply, a knit hat pulled down low over his ears. With a quiet click of your tongue, you eased your horse to a slightly faster gait, Joel following suit as he caught up.

You were out on a long patrol, but that was nothing new for either of you. Tommy and Maria felt comfortable sending you further south than anyone usually went - Jackson to Bondurant, the two of you searching for the source of a call for help that had come in over the radio a few days earlier.

You’d found nothing, despite a thorough search of the area. After a day of exploration, you decided to head back, armed with the knowledge that even though you hadn’t found anyone, all of the bridges and roads you’d traveled were still intact, even after the brutal winter you’d experienced.

It was still cold - the thick blanket of snow on the ground just beginning to melt in places, ice in patches making it important to carefully lead the horses each steep of the way. But the company was good, and you weren’t about to complain.

Especially when Joel broke the silence of the ride with quiet humming and occasionally sang a few verses from the songs, too. Especially since you knew that when you did stop for the night, you’d have the warmth of him to lean into until morning, the two of you trading off shifts of wakefulness and sleep until it was time to head back to Jackson.

It had been four days on the road together. Even though being near him in the quiet of Wyoming’s rolling hills and valleys with the Tetons as your backdrop wasn’t much different than being with him in Jackson, you liked it.

You liked the quiet and calm. You liked the solitude. You liked the fact that it was just you and Joel, and that while he could have had anyone else go with him on the patrol, he’d asked for you.

It wasn’t a surprise, but it still made you feel good about yourself - about the fact that he considered you an asset to the assignment, that he trusted you to take care of yourself and him if necessary.

And you knew that there was more to it, too. You knew that if you had found the people that you’d picked up the call from, he’d wanted a face friendlier than his to be present - someone that would inspire trust and decrease concern in strangers in a way that even after a few years in Jackson, Joel couldn’t.

But the point was moot because you’d found nothing. Even though the two of you had been wary of the distress call being a trap, it didn’t seem like it had been. You hoped that whoever had called had found safety, and that they were alright - that you wouldn’t be finding bodies during further patrols after the spring thaw. They probably aren’t, you admitted to yourself as you passed a sign for Hoback Junction, the tiny town coming into view on your left.

Neither of you spoke as you bypassed the first section of it, Joel raising one arm and pointing to your right and the remains of a gas station and market. You’d stopped there a few times in the years before you’d known Joel, and it didn’t look any worse than it had then, aside from the increasingly weathered appearance of long abandoned vehicles.

A few minutes later, Joel dismounted, telling you to stay on your horse, his voice quiet enough that you barely heard it. He handed over the reins and reached for the gun he kept tucked into his waistband, but you weren’t worried. Maybe we can sleep upstairs.

You eyed the building as he advanced toward it. He kept the gun held loosely in one hand, his steps careful and measured. The market had been on the bottom level, and though the contents were long since gone and cleared out, there were a few rooms upstairs that had proven useful in the past when it came to staying there overnight out of necessity.

They offered little more than a bed and a roof, but the heat from the two of you and your sleeping bags would keep you much warmer than being outside would, even if a fire wasn’t possible. And we wouldn’t have to keep watch because we could just drag the mattress against the door.

The twinge of unease you felt as you watched Joel’s broad shoulders disappear through the main doors turned into a quiet anxiety for the long moments he was gone. The feeling buzzed in your chest and gave you the urge to reach for your gun, too. But when he reappeared a few minutes later, his weapon lowered, you knew that you could finally relax. “All clear.”

He rolled his shoulders out as he headed back for you, pointing over his shoulder with one thumb. “Looks like someone already tied up horses in there at some point, because there’s a good place for it. We can walk over an’ get some water from the river before feedin’ ‘em.”

“OK.” Nodding, you gestured toward the building with your chin. “Anyone been in there recently? Maybe those people that -”

“Nope.” He stuck a hand on his hip, shaking his head. “Everything was dry and closed up. Took the stairs and checked on the second floor, too. Nothin’. If they were here, the cleaned up real good after themselves.” He paused and then frowned. “You’re shivering.”

“It’s barely spring, Joel. Wasn’t so bad when we were moving, but now…” You shivered again, wrinkling your nose. “Come on. We should get these horses stowed while we’ve still got light.”

And so you did, Joel taking his reins back and leading his horse ahead of yours and through the doors, the two of you working in silence to get them situated before Joel spun in a slow circle, chewing on his lip.

“I’m gonna go get that water. Looks like there’s a place by the window to make a fire, we can open it a little to let the smoke out. Saw a woodpile out back, if you wanna use it.” Telling him that you would, you waited until he’d left the room again to move, feet carrying you out through the back door and to the wood he’d mentioned.

You chose the driest pieces you could find and carried them inside, setting them in the location he’d pointed out. By the time he got back, you had a fire ready to go, kindling stacked and arranged in a way you hoped would quickly catch.

Joel stepped next to you and then crouched down, hands hanging between his bent knees as he stared at your construction. But for long moments, he didn’t say anything. “Joel?” I know what that look means. Turning your head toward him, you narrowed your eyes. “What did I do wrong?”

“Can I show you somethin’?” He met your eyes, a genuine kindness in them that he didn’t often expose to others. “Just one little -”

“Yeah.” Your lips twitched as you fought back a smile. “Of course.” He nodded once, drawing your attention with the extension of one finger.

“You didn’t leave enough space for air flow at the bottom. Somea these tiny little pieces? The twigs? If you stick ‘em between the other ones, and point ‘em to the middle, you open it up more. Give the flame a chance to breathe.” He repositioned the wood as he spoke, the man’s fingers nimbly working to build up the bottom layers.

You liked watching him do things, liked watching him show you what he knew, and though the gesture would probably have annoyed you coming from anyone else, from Joel it didn’t. Because he’s not making the point he can do it better. He’s making sure I know what to do next time. “There was a cushion back behind the counter. It looked like there was some cotton inside.” Jerking your head to the right, you sighed. “I probably should have grabbed some of that for -”

“Hey.” He turned his head to look at you before shaking it back and forth. “We would have been able to light what you built, no problem. I just -”

“I know.” You reached out, squeezing his bicep through the thick jacket he wore. “And I appreciate that, Joel. Thank you for showing me.” He watched as you stood up, slowly reaching for you before his hand wrapped around your calf - just above the top of the boot you wore. Then, he squeezed, the man giving you a single nod before letting go. “Let me see if that cotton’s going to help.”

He stayed quiet when you turned and headed for the counter, smoothly rounding it and eyeing the torn seat cover. Fluffy strings of filling spilled out from it as though something had attempted to pull them free. Mice, maybe. Or squirrels. You lifted the whole thing, but before you turned to head back to Joel, something else caught your eye. Hmm. Transferring the pillow to one hand, you reached out with the other, fingers lifting the folded sheets of paper as you picked it up.

“Take a look at this.” You spoke when you’d lowered yourself back to the floor next to him, setting the cushion down. “Remember going to rest stops and travel plazas before, Joel? All the maps and brochures for stuff you could do wherever you happened to stop?” You grinned as you flipped the tri-fold open, eyes scanning the faded pictures and words on the pages. “Looks like this place is no different.”

“Yeah?” He was tucking small tufts of cotton between the branches, jaw set in an expression you read as concentration. “What kinds of things could you do here before the world went to hell?”

“There are apparently some hot springs down the road to the west.” Tracing over the faded paper with one finger, you smiled. “Says here winter’s the best time to go, too, because everything around them is frozen, but the heat from the water keeps them exposed.”

“That so?” He cleared his throat. “We had a place like that at home. Didn’t have to worry about it freezin’ though. And I guess it wasn’t really hot, kids used to swim there in the summer.” He smiled, the man’s lips briefly curving upward. “Me an’ Tommy would take Sarah.

The name slipped from his lips much more easily than it used to - the man’s memories of the girl still associated with pain and sadness, but also tinged with genuine nostalgia. Now it’s Ellie’s name he tries not to say.

“This says that the water in these is… was about 104, so who knows what it’s like now, or if they still exist, but that definitely would have been nice.” Reading through the information, you shrugged. “Here.” You held the brochure out, waiting until he’d taken it from you to reach for the lighter that was zipped into the pocket of your jacket. “Wonder what else is -”

He stopped you with one hand on your arm just before you touched the flame to the cotton, Joel saying your name quietly. “Don’t. Not yet.”

“Why?” Cocking your head to the side, you blinked in confusion. “We just -”

“We’ve still got plenty of light.” Joel sighed, frowning as he eyed the map. “And this looks like it’s only a couple miles down the road, if you want to go and take a look.”

“Really?” Inhaling sharply, you widened your eyes. “Is that safe? We’d be -”

“We haven’t seen anyone or anything in three days aside from those animal tracks. River’s on one side, hills on the other. I think…” He nodded. “I think I can watch your back for long enough for you to climb in for a couple minutes if you want.”

“I don’t have a bathing suit, Joel.” Leaning in, you raised an eyebrow. “So you’re going to have to keep your eyes wide open.”

In another move that wasn’t quite a surprise, Joel closed the distance between you, the man’s mouth covering yours for long moments before he pulled away and turned his head so that he could speak into your ear.

“Gonna be a tough job, but I think I can handle it.”

—

The trip from the market to the springs took just over an hour on foot, you and Joel talking quietly almost the whole way.

It felt almost normal - your conversation oscillating from the remainder of that patrol to what would happen in the coming weeks in Jackson. You brought up the annual spring dance that was set to take place two weeks later, and Joel questioned you about the greenhouses and the crop rotation that would start almost immediately after that.

You talked about everything but Ellie. Joel changed the subject when she came up and so you didn’t linger on it, though you barely managed to hide your wince at the sound of hurt in his voice.

It’ll get better. You sighed as you reached for his gloved hand, squeezing it tightly. It has to. The girl’s silence toward him had extended for much longer than you’d anticipated it would, though you couldn’t blame her for it. And you’d spoken to her often since their falling out, Ellie not often pushing you for information about the man, but hinting that she wanted to know every now and then. So you knew that somewhere, deep down, the possibility of their reconciliation existed - no matter how far into the future the girl continued to let the hurt linger. It’s gotta be on their terms. I can’t force it.

“So what are we lookin’ for?” Joel said your name again, gesturing in front of you with his free hand. “Brochure said a boat ramp, but we’re probably not going to see that under all this snow.”

“There was an actual pool, too.” You turned your head to look across the river, squinting. “But it said that closed before 2012, and I think it’s on the other side of the river, anyway.” What are we looking for? “So I guess we just look for open pools of water close to the -”

“Like that?”Joel stopped, pointing. “Looks like there’s some steam comin’ up off of that right there.” He was right - and so you stopped, too, the smile on your face growing. “That’s bigger than I thought it would be.”

The pool was about fifteen feet long and roughly six or seven wide, the water clear enough that you could see the rocks on the bottom. The sight of it warmed you thoroughly, steam curling up from the surface and telling you everything that you needed to know about how warm the water still was. It’s going to feel so good.

“Come on.” You tugged on his hand, carefully beginning to make your way down the slope and toward the exposed pool. “It looks like some of these rocks are flat and dry enough that we can put our stuff on them and it won’t get wet.”

“Or, I can hold your clothes.” He stopped when you did, the two of you mere inches away from the edge of the water. “Since I’m not -”

“Joel, you’re going in.” You exhaled, turning to face him. “You said it yourself, there’s been nothing but those tracks this whole time, and that was miles to the south. Nothing that can hurt us is going to cross that river before we see it, and look.” You pointed. “There’s an overhang that keeps us hidden from the road. We’d hear anyone and anything coming long before they see us. And…” Biting down on your lower lip, you winked at him. “I’m pretty sure your aim wouldn’t be worse because you’re not wearing clothes.”

It took him a second, but he laughed at your words, the lines appearing at the corners of his eyes and the slump of his shoulders telling you that there was no way he was going to argue with you. Good, because he needs this. “You get in first.” He took a breath to steady himself, gesturing at the water. “Tell me how warm it is.”

As much as you wanted to let him go first, the steamy air and low noise of the rushing water convinced you otherwise. So with no complaint or protest, shrugged off your backpack and unzipped your jacket, laying both down on the rocks behind you. From there, you reached for your sweater and pulled it - along with your undershirt over your head, dropping those onto your coat as you shivered in the chilly air, nipples stiffening into peaks beneath the thin material left covering you.

Joel didn’t look away when you tugged off your tank top, too, tossing it behind you and onto the other clothing before you sat down on one of the larger rocks, unlacing your boots one at a time. “Thought you’d be wearin’ more layers.” He finally spoke as you removed your socks, balling them up and stuffing them into the sleeve of your jacket. “It’s cold out here, and -”

“I have another shirt in my bag, but it hasn’t been that cold, Joel.” Looking up at him, you smiled. “I can guarantee that you’re not wearing anything more than I am, so I don’t … I don’t know what point you’re trying to make here.” He grumbled at your words, barely concealing a smile, and when you stood again, easing your jeans down and over your hips, you watched as he stared at you, the man’s tongue dragging slowly over his lower lip. I love it when he looks at me like that.

Making sure your jeans weren’t trailing in the water, you stepped forward and groaned at the feeling of the warmth when you sunk your feet into it. “Warm?” His voice - low and deep from behind you - made you turn, Joel’s eyes focused on your face. “Looks like it.”

“It is.” Stepping deeper into the pool, you were careful not to slip and fall, relishing the curve of the smooth stone beneath your feet. It had been two days since you’d removed your boots, and when you closed your eyes at the way it felt to wiggle your toes through the gently moving current, you didn’t bother stopping the sigh that escaped you. “It’s hot Joel. This is going to feel amazing.”

Turning around when you reached the far side of the pool, you faced him again. You locked eyes before you lowered yourself into a sitting position, hands stretched out on either side of you for balance. Oh, this was a good idea.

The water came up to mid chest, and at the way it felt - the first time you’d truly been enveloped in so much warmth in nearly twenty years, you actually moaned, closing your eyes. Holy shit, this is… amazing. “I could watch you like this all day.” His voice forced your eyes open again, and you found that Joel was still standing in place, arms crossed over his chest. “Goddamn.”

The need in his voice went straight to your belly, white-hot and focused. With a sigh, you stretched your legs out in front of you, keeping your attention on him. “You gonna give me something to watch, too?”

He didn’t hesitate, unzipping his jacket and letting it drop to the ground next to his pack, his sweatshirt and undershirt following. Your eyes were drawn to the exposed skin of his upper body, shoulders dropping in another contented sigh at the sight of him. Doesn’t matter how many times I see him like this, it’s always better than the last. Joel dropped his hands to his sides and took a deep breath, holding it.

You watched as he flexed his fingers, wrist moving back and forth a few times with nervous energy. Before Joel could speak, you beat him to it, lifting one hand and holding your palm out and toward him. “Bring the gun with you if it’ll make you feel better.” He visibly relaxed and nodded, reaching for his waistband and removing the firearm before setting it down on the rocks and undoing his belt and the button of his jeans.

“This feels wrong.” He bent over, untying his boots and then using his right foot to anchor the left while he pulled it free. “Feels dangerous. It feels like -”

“It feels like it’s going to be fine, Joel. No one’s going to sneak up on us. We didn’t even see tracks in the snow from people. We’re the only ones that have been anywhere near here since before it snowed last.” He lowered himself to the ground as you spoke, pulling his socks off and stuffing them into his boots before easing to his feet again, hands pausing at the waistband of his jeans. “C’mon, Miller. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“Gimmie a minute.” He sighed, closing his eyes - and then pushed his pants down to his ankles in one smooth movement before stepping out of them and kicking them backwards. The denim joined the pile of other clothing he’d just removed and left him standing in front of you in only a threadbare pair of boxers, the elastic settled low on his hips. “If this ain’t warm, I -”

Oh, it’s warm alright. He stopped speaking though, as soon as he dipped a single foot into the pool, his jaw dropping as your grin widened.

You watched him relax - watched the way his posture loosened the deeper he got into the water, the man only opening his eyes when he twisted his body backwards to reach for his gun.

But when he got to your side of the pool, reaching out to set the gun down atop a flat rock that was easily within reach, he closed them again as he turned his back to the river and sat down. The water wasn’t quite as deep where Joel was, and as you watched his torso disappear beneath the surface, the cotton of his underwear clinging to his thighs, you realized that it didn’t matter. Because this is probably the warmest thing he’s had in just as long.

Joel settled in and stayed quiet, jaw working as his breaths evened out - and you didn’t want to break the moment.

Instead, you stared at him, watching as Joel slouched down in into the water, the liquid creeping further up his chest the more he stretched out. “Holy shit this feels good. Last time I was in water this warm was … shit, it was the shower I took the day of …” He trailed off, opening his eyes and looking over at you. The day of the outbreak. “Damn.”

Your heart ached for him and for the look in his eyes - one of barely muted anguish - but it was gone only seconds later, replaced with an easy expression that you were much more used to. He wants to move past it? Ok. “Well it definitely wasn’t at your place in Jackson.” Giving him an exaggerated wince, you went on. “It would take a long time to boil enough water to fill up your tub.”

“Sorry that my 30 year old water heater can’t compete with this.” He lifted one hand, indicating your surroundings. “I’ll get right on that. Can’t have the princess gettin’ cold, or -”

You interrupted him with a barking laugh, eyes squeezed shut and your head tilted back. After only a few seconds Joel’s laugh joined yours - and his hand shot out beneath the surface of the water, fingers encircling your wrist and pulling you forward.

You realized what he was doing before he’d moved you far, and moments later you were tightly pressed against his side and chest, Joel releasing your wrist so that he could wind an arm around you. “What’s so damn funny?” He mumbled the words into your ear, his warm breath a shocking difference from the way the steam-filled air felt against your skin. “Are you laughing at me?”

“I am.” You settled against the rocks, sighing. “Getting naked in the snow, calling me princess, making an actual joke… who are you and what have you done with Joel Miller?” You got a quiet chuckle in return, the man’s chest vibrating beneath your palm. When you tilted your head back and pressed your lips to the underside of his jaw, you went on. “I like you like this, Joel. I wish it could happen more.”

“I do, too.” He tightened his arm around you, taking a long breath and holding it .”And maybe it can.” There was another pause and in confusion, you sat up straight, staring at him. What? “We’ve been in Jackson for what, almost four years?”

It didn’t seem like that long - and at the same time, if felt like he’d been in your life forever, the time you’d spent in Jackson before he’d arrived a period of loneliness that grew hazier in your memories by the day. Four years. “Mhmm.” Rubbing your fingertips over the skin of the center of his chest, you nodded.

“Four years is long enough to keep myself from believin’ it’s real.” He sighed, shifting next to you and sinking a few inches deeper into the water. “It feels… nice to laugh. I like not lookin’ over my shoulder every time I walk out of my house. Not worryin’ about Ellie all the time is … I mean I still worry, but…” He paused and then spoke again, voice low. “It’s not like when we were on the road, or when we first got to Jackson. I wish it all hadn’t happened like it did, but …”

“Holding onto a secret like that … like those will wear you down quick, Joel. I get it.” Your fingertips traced over the front of his shoulder, following the divot in his skin from an old scar downward. “But what do you mean by saying that maybe it can happen?”

“Maybe it’s time to stop punishin’ myself. For Nadine. For Sarah. For Tess. Salt Lake. Hell, even for Ellie. It ain’t fair to me and it sure as hell isn’t fair for you to have to -”

“Joel.” You sat up straight, your hand settled on his side. Waiting until he was looking at you, you took a deep breath before continuing. “This isn’t about what’s fair for me. I told you I wanted you no matter what, and however you’d let me have you, before I knew any of it, and I meant it. This is life now, and you -”

“Shouldn’t have to be.” He reached up with his right hand, the shattered glass on his watch catching the gradually fading sunlight. “I promised to do right by you, and I intend to keep that promise.” You already are. Drawing your lower lip back and between your teeth while you waited, you sighed. “I’m gong to try. Try real hard to stop overthinkin’ and worryin’ so much. Whatever time I… we have left, I’m gonna make the most of it.”

He didn’t have to say any of it to you, and the fact that he was meant a great deal. He’s not saying it because he thinks I need to hear it, he’s saying it because he needs to make it real for himself. “If that means me getting to hear you laugh more, Joel?” Leaning in, you dragged your nose alongside his and nodded. “And see you smile more? Then good. That’s what I want, too.” He nodded, too, tilting his head enough to press his lips to yours.

The steam rose around you, the gentle current of the water flowing over your legs and around your bodies. For long moments you and Joel stayed connected - the kiss lingering but not deepening, the movement of his mouth against yours purposeful as he kissed you thoroughly.

You loved the moments like that with him - and were thankful that over the previous year and a half, they’d been coming more and more often - Joel’s affection for you more out in the open, though it was still mostly reserved for when you were behind closed doors or among friends.

After telling you the truth about Salt Lake City, he was also gentler - almost more steadfast in the way he treated you. The days when he’d rebuffed your emotions and tried to ignore his, pushing you away whenever he got the chance had all but ended. And it’s… better this way. He’s better this way, even though it cost him so much.

He still punished himself for what had happened - all the way back in Texas and as recently as with Ellie. But despite that, he’d stopped taking it out in the way he approached being with you and treating himself - and it was very apparent that deciding to make the effort had been a life-altering decision for him.

You nipped at his lower lip and then pulled away, sighing. “You’re supposed to be relaxing, Joel. These pools are great for your muscles and circulation. The heat’s going to make it so that it doesn’t feel like we’ve been on horses for the last couple days.”

“I am relaxin’.” Joel tilted his head back and rested it against the rocks behind him, turning slightly toward you. “But it’s kinda hard when you’re right here next to me.”

“Well then.” You settled back, putting some distance between you and shrugging. “My apologies.” His lips twitched, the man’s smile brief, and then he nodded once and closed his eyes, chest rising and falling as he took in deep breaths.

The significance of his closed eyes wasn’t lost on you. It was another instance of Joel trusting you to keep an eye out, of the man’s understanding that he was safe around you. And you are. I’d never let anything happen to you.

You watched him for long moments, eyes on the way he looked in the water - the snowy expanse behind him along with the rushing sound of the river contrasting with how warm and cozy he looked, how quiet the rest of the world around you was.

He had his left arm out of the water. That hand rested on the lip of the stacked rocks to keep his watch dry. Even though he occasionally tapped those fingers in a random pattern, low sighs escaping his lips, he didn’t speak and neither did you.

Arguably, Joel needed the rest and comfort much more than you did. Sure, he’d suggested the walk to the springs for your benefit, you were glad he was enjoying it, too. Because he deserves good things. It was a nice break in your scouting mission, and despite the fact that you knew you couldn’t stay for long, you wanted him to enjoy the time that the two of you had in the bubbling pool.

The water was warm - the steam and heat lulling you into a dazed comfort that made you press yourself back and against the rocks, eyelids drooping as you gazed over at the man next to you. Even the smell of sulfur dulled as the time passed and you got used to it, your deep breaths slowing as the water soothed your tired muscles.

His hand reached for you under the water after a few minutes, palm sliding over the back of it before he curved his fingers around yours and squeezed, thumb arcing over your palm. “Too bad these aren’t closer. We could come back.”

“It’s not that far.” You sighed, rolling your shoulders back and opening your eyes, once again looking over at him. “But they’re so close to the actual river, once this snow melts and the water level rises, they’ll be almost impossible to find.” Reaching up, you scratched at the side of your neck. “Might be easier to find a hot tub and hook it up in your back yard, to be honest.”

He scoffed at that and you smiled, eyes locked on the way a bead of water looked as it ran down his neck and over his scarred chest before it disappeared into the water, leaving a glistening trail in its wake. His hair was curling against the back of his neck, the steam dampening the ends of it and darkening them at the same time, the growing amount of silvery gray bright against the darker strands. “You’re starin’.”

“I am.” The response was immediate, your free hand moving slowly through the water - back and forth, fingers dragging over the shapes of the rocks and pebbles beneath it. “Can you blame me?”

“Can’t blame you, but I still don’t …” He groaned, his left hand curling into a loose fist. “Still don’t understand it sometimes.” Of course you don’t.

“You don’t have to understand, Joel.” Shifting onto your knees, you moved closer and pulled your hand free from his, cupping both of them together beneath the water and filling them. “You’ve just gotta let me do it.” His jaw pulled tight beneath his beard, the man nodding once as you lifted your hands and reached out, letting the water flow over his shoulder and chest. “Wish this was deeper. The air is cold.”

He dropped his gaze from your face to your chest, his eyes lingering there. When you glanced down, you saw that your bra was entirely see-through, nipples still stiff and visible through the soaked material. “I can see that.” He smiled - a tiny one that turned into a grin, Joel’s hands reaching for you - one wet, one dry - as he pulled you closer. “Lemme warm you up.”

It wasn’t quite comfortable to kneel on the rocks, but once you were straddling his lap and had settled your weight on his outstretched legs, it was better, your arms both winding around his neck as one of his moved to your waist, the other hand pressed against the back of your shoulder. “What’re you doing, Miller?” Threading your fingers through his hair and then dragging your nails along his scalp, you waited.

The air was still around you again, the only sound the moving water. For long moments you let yourself believe that you and Joel were on vacation - that the two of you would stand up and grab fluffy towels and walk a short distance back to a hotel where you’d hop in the shower, rinse off and then spend the rest of the night in a warm, comfortable bed, the TV playing some cable reruns in the background.

And it was easy - or at least easier than you’d thought it would be to let your mind go to that place, especially with the way Joel looked at you. His dark eyes were sharp under the heavy set of his brow, the man’s attention entirely on you, like it had been for so long. “I’m relaxin’.” He cleared his throat, the warmth of his palm on your back anchoring you to the spot. “As much as I can with you sittin’ on my lap, anyway.”

That made you laugh, your head tossed back as your grip on his hair tightened. “You’re the one that made it happen.” He mumbled a few words that sounded suspiciously like “I know I did”, and when you looked back at him, you found that his smile was gone, his lips set into a determined line. “Now you’re staring.”

“Sorry.” He wasn’t, and you both knew it, but instead of replying, you leaned in, resting your forehead against Joel’s, eyes closing slowly as you took a deep breath. “When do you want to go back?” Never. “We should probably think about headin’ there before it gets real dark. The road’s easy enough to follow, but I still don’t want to be slippin’ around on the ice.”

“Whenever you want, Joel.” Angling your head so that you you kiss his cheek, you nodded. “Just tell me when you’re ready.”

You weren’t looking forward to getting dressed again, or to getting out of the water and exposing your skin to the late-winter air, but you knew that you had to. And we’ll get back and light the fire, and - “We can stay here a little while longer.” He spoke into your ear, his hold on you tightening. “Just a couple minutes.”

Relief flooded through you and you went limp in his arms, shifting so that you could lower your head and lay it against his shoulder. One hand slid down and then stopped on his bicep, the other moving beneath his opposite arm to curl around his back.

Your fingertips found and followed the length of a scar there, the raised skin a part of his body that you’d previously mapped over and over. But I’ll always do it again. It was just another piece of his history that made him Joel, and something that you would have been able to identify by touch with no questions asked. Something else to love.

He relaxed beneath you, but you felt his muscles go taut as he tilted his chin up again, the back of his head pressed against the rocks and exposing the column on his throat to the open air. At that, you opened your eyes fully, immediately zeroing in on the freckles there - tiny spots littering his tanned skin like a faint splatter of paint.

He had them all over, but the ones on his neck were your favorites. Just like you had so many times before, you couldn’t stop yourself from leaning in and pressing your lips to them, a smile curving the corners of your mouth upward at his intake of breath.

“Don’t start somethin’ you can’t finish.” Humming out a quiet laugh, you let your lips slide over his damp skin, parting them enough to let the edges of your teeth graze over the corded muscle on the side of his throat. He groaned at that, his grip on you tightening and the sound of your name escaping his lips. “C’mon, that ain’t fair.” We could make it fair.

You had one shot to convince him that you could continue, that the risk was truly low enough that it was outweighed by the benefits of following through on your actions. And I know just how to do it.

“What if I let you finish?” Kissing his collarbone, you shivered as he began to circle over your skin with his thumbs, Joel’s hips shifting beneath you. “Let you decide.” He swore again, the hand on your back sliding down so that it could rest against the band of your bra, fingers splayed to cover as much skin as possible.

There were times when he let you lead, no problem, Joel following your cues like he’d been doing it for decades.

There were others when things were equal, choices made in the moment and based on everything that was happening between the two of you.

But if anything else was going to happen that day, Joel had to be the one to lead. He needed to make the decision that it was safe, that he felt comfortable enough to let things progress - to lose yourselves in each other.

So what’s it going to be? You kissed along the line of his jaw, the man’s damp beard wiry against your lips. What’s he going to decide? Straightening up, you cocked your head to the right. “Hmm? We’re going to have to head back soon, so you’ve gotta pick fast.”

“We do this,” he started, nostrils flaring as his breaths quickened. “We do this and we’re gonna have to be quick, alright? This ain’t… it’s not like we’re at home.” You saw the desire in his eyes, the heat in them warmer than the water you were sitting in. But you also saw the twitch in his jaw, the man fighting with himself at the idea of what he was on the borderline of agreeing to.

“I know.” Releasing his curls, you nodded, one hand sliding over his cheek to cup it, that thumb moving slowly over his lips. “I know we’re not at home. But…” You trailed off, not breaking eye contact as you used your tongue to wet your lips. “But that doesn’t mean we have to rush.” He groaned as you pressed on the fullest part of his lower lip, his eyes closing halfway. “How many times have you told me that if you’re gonna do something, you should take the time to do it right?”

“Prob’ly every damn time.” Eyes opening again, Joel looked back up at you, the steam from the pool you were sitting in gathering on the skin of his cheeks and dampening his beard further. “So I guess I should follow my own advice.” He took his hands off of you for long enough to remove his watch, undoing the band before setting the device carefully next to his gun. He paused for a few seconds and then returned his hands to you, the man’s fingers trailing lightly over your shoulders and upper back.

You didn’t want to speak and risk ruining the moment, so you just nodded slowly, keeping your eyes on him. Joel’s hand dropped further, his thumb sliding beneath the band at the center of your back. In one motion, it came undone, his lips twitching as he fought back a smile at your surprised gasp when the sodden material loosened. “Joel.”

“Lean back.” His voice low, there was no room for argument with the words. You did as he asked, moving one hand down so you were holding onto the back of his neck and keeping the other on his arm, fingers curving around his shoulder.

He looked down and you watched his gaze as it traveled from your face to your chest, the man’s tongue dragging over his lower lip the same way your thumb had only moments before. What’s he going to - You found out soon enough, Joel’s head dropping as he leaned forward, his mouth landing first on your collarbone and then moving down, the hand he’d had on your waist sliding up your side.

He pushed your bra up, his palm covering one side of your chest, and when you gasped he groaned, his thumb arcing over your nipple, the warmth of his skin shocking against the chilled peak.

Shamelessly, you pushed your chest out, Joel understanding immediately what you wanted and continuing to work his way down your body. When he reached your other breast, he didn’t bother moving the material out of the way, his lips sealing over the peaked nipple and sucking, the pressure a welcome surprise. He flicked his tongue over it then, combining that with the flex of his fingers on the other side of you, squeezing the muscle there.

You knew that you should have kept your eyes open and on the opposite side of the river, but you couldn’t. You closed them and let yourself get lost in the feeling of him beneath and in front of you. If he was worried, he wouldn’t be doing this. The thought comforted you and so you let yourself relax, fingers stroking the back of Joel’s neck as he continued to mouth at your chest.

You inched forward on his lap, feeling him between your legs as you settled on his upper thighs. When Joel’s hips jerked at the contact you hummed, smiling. I can work with that. Letting go of his arm, you reached between your bodies and nudged your fingers into the slit of his underwear. The man jerked again at your actual touch, and when you pulled him free, fingers wrapped around his base, Joel backed off, staring up at you. “That’s what you want?”

“It is.” You stroked him a few times, the feeling different than anything you’d ever done before because of the water. “Always want you, Joel. You know that.”

His hair hung over his eye, and without pausing the motion of your hand, you released his neck and reached up with the other one, dragging your fingers through it and pushing it away from his forehead. His hand was still on your chest, the man slowly kneading at your flesh. This is it. The last time we can put a stop to this. The final… our final off ramp.

“Good.” He nearly growled the word, surging forward and surprising you when he released your chest and reached for your neck, gripping it and holding you in place. He pressed his forehead to yours, the man saying your name so softly it was almost a sigh.

And then you were kissing him again, Joel wasting no time in urging your lips apart with his tongue. You shifted your hips, changing your grip on him. When Joel bit down on your lip, the sting of his teeth hot in the cold air, you squeezed, his hips jumping up and forcing himself even deeper into your hand.

“Can’t…” He groaned, kissing you quickly. “Can’t reach you like this. Got no room.” You gave him two more strokes before you replied, sighing as you moved your lips toward his ear.

“Want me to get up?” Taking the lobe between your teeth, you smiled when he nuzzled against the side of your neck, his lips pressed to the place where it connected to your shoulder. “Make it easier?”

“No, I want you to move backwards.” He pushed you away gently, forcing you to release his ear and sit up. “Woulda done it myself, but I didn’t want to scrape your knees on these rocks.” He raised an eyebrow, the look in his eyes changing with every word coming out of his mouth. “How ‘bout it?”

You didn’t speak before moving. Cautiously, you backed away from Joel, the grit of the rocks and sand beneath your knees present but not uncomfortable. You didn’t let him go, either, your eyes dropping for long enough to watch as your hand moved beneath he bubbling surface of the water.

For a few moments, you wondered if what you were doing was a good idea, and then you looked past Joel and at the river and the water rushing by. Beyond that, the foothills and white-coated landscape stretched on to the horizon. We’d see anything or anyone coming. We’d see it all.

Sighing as you leaned in, you continued to stroke him beneath the water, fingers flexing as you paused between each motion. You braced yourself on his shoulder with your other hand and pressed a kiss to his cheek before ducking your tilted head down. He moved both hands to your hips, steadying you - and when you made contact with his skin again, it was to kiss his jaw, your lips lingering for long seconds.

“It’s alright. I’ve got you. Always got you.” His voice a low rumble in your ear, you felt him nod. “We’re safe.”

That confirmation was all you needed, and you continued to mouth over his skin, leaving kisses over the taut column of his throat.

Despite the chill in the air, the man’s skin was blazing hot, and when you backed off enough to look at him, you let yourself stare, eyes locking with his for a few seconds before dropping down to his mouth and then to his chest, one thumb arcing slowly over the large scar on the front of his shoulder.

The steam was beading heavily on his skin, and your eyes followed a few of the droplets that got too large to stay in one place before they ran slowly down his chest. Your lips curved upward as you caught sight of a few more, and then you leaned in, parting them and extending your tongue to lap at the moisture, dragging the muscle over the man’s skin as he tensed beneath you. “What the -”

He tightened his hold on your hips but didn’t move his hands until you hummed quietly, licking your way up and over his clavicle before following the line of it to the hollow at the center of his throat. Joel’s groan vibrated against your tongue and when you felt his skin pull upward, you couldn’t keep the grin on your face at bay.

He was exposing his throat to you again - Joel’s fingers digging into the meat of your hips as he rested the back of his head against the rock behind him for a second time. You took advantage of it, teeth grazing over every inch of him until you said his name again, imploring him to look at you.

Joel locked eyes with you only a few moments later, one large hand rising and cradling your cheek, the tip of his thumb moving slowly beneath your eye. You leaned into his touch, still stroking him from root to tip without breaking stride. “Please, Joel. Right now.”

Typically, that would have been when he snuck a hand between your legs, using at least one of his thick fingers to open you up. It would have been when he batted your hand away and pushed you to lay back on the bed so that he could kiss his way down your body and settle himself at the apex of your thighs; his lips and tongue and the ridge of his nose sending you sailing over the edge at least once before he even thought about burying himself in your heat.

But that day, you didn’t want any of that. You wanted him - wanted him to take you without delay, wanted to him to worry only about himself and what he wanted and needed before he worried about you. He won’t, not completely, but…

“I’ll hurt you.” He frowned, looking down briefly. “Haven’t even touched you yet.”

“Maybe.” You paused your hand’s movement, circling his slit with your thumb. “We’re in the water, Joel. It’s not going to be like normal no matter what you do.” His surprise was evident, both of the man’s brows shooting up. “I’m ready to go if you are, and …” You looked down, too, watching the movement of your hand as you resumed it. “And you feel like you’re ready.”

“Been ready, darlin’.” His voice dropped lower than usual, and at the endearment’s use, it was your turn to gasp, your head rising again to meet his gaze. “Oh, I think you liked that.” He smirked, his thumb sliding over to trail over your lips. “Gonna have to remember that one.”

“I did.” Without breaking eye contact, you rose onto your knees and then moved forward again. “Please do.” He nodded, the hand at your waist moving inward and hooking beneath the elastic of your underwear, easing it to the side, Should have taken that off before. “I’m gonna go slow, alright?” Joel’s hand moved from your face to slide down your arm, pausing at your elbow.

“Whatever you need.” He licked his lips and then flexed his wrist, his knuckles brushing over you briefly. Your hips bucked forward at the touch and you saw the gleam in his eyes, the man barely containing his amusement. You know what you do to me. Don’t pretend like you don’t.

You aligned your body with his, glancing down long enough to make sure that the position would work. We’re good. We’re… Widening the spread of your legs, you felt the gravel biting into your knees as you sunk lower, the sting of the tiny rocks replaced by the slight discomfort of Joel inching his way into you.

It was a stretch - moreso than usual - and even though you hissed at the feeling, you kept going, closing your eyes and then tipping your head back. Another quiet whimper escaped when he was as deep as he could go, but that was cut short when you felt his lips on your neck, the man’s beard tickling everywhere it touched. “You feel good,” he mumbled, lips puckering against your skin. “Always do, but especially like this.”

Praise from Joel was something that you hoarded in your memories. The words from his lips were ones that you always longed to hear, especially when it came to the way that you made him feel - and what he said that day was no exception.

You wound both arms around his neck, and when he raised his head again, you nodded. “You do, too.” It was barely there and then it was gone; the smirk on his lips replaced with a contented look that you knew well. “Even when I have to do all the work.”

You began to move before he could react, a slow roll of your hips only pulling you back and forth a few inches at a time, but it was enough to get you started. He repositioned his hands on your body, fingers spread wide to cover as much of your waist and lower back as possible - and then Joel curled them inward, his grip grounding.

But he also used it to guide you, encouraging the angle of your movement. He paired his hold with small, shallow thrusts of his own hips, the man pushing them forward to meet yours - over and over, his eyes locked on yours and never wavering aside from his need to blink.

“Never done this in the water before,” you groaned after a few minutes, the pain completely gone and replaced with only a feeling of fullness as your bodies moved together. “It feels…”

“Different.” He grunted out the word, holding you in place. “Air’s kinda cold, though.” You chuckled at that but nodded in agreement, leaning in and kissing Joel deeply, the man’s response immediate.

“Then warm us up, Joel.” Speaking against his lips, you closed your eyes again. “I know you can.” He took instruction incredibly well, and soon you and Joel fell into a comfortable rhythm. Aside from the added warmth of the water and the grit of the spring’s floor below, it was no different from the other times you’d been with each other in a similar position.

The cold kept you alert though, the breeze chilling the droplets of water on your upper body. It gave you focus - ears attuned to the sounds Joel made; tiny grunts with each snap of his hips, the goan that stuck in his throat when you sunk all the way down and circled your hips against the short, coarse hair at his base.

“Tell me what you need.” He sighed the words into your ear, one hand still resting on your back beneath the surface of the water and the other flat between your shoulder blades. You rocked against him a few more times as you contemplated his words. A couple things, but …

Slowly and without breaking your rhythm, you slid your hand down and over Joel’s arm, moving it until your hand was atop his. Fingers curling around his wrist, you tugged it between your bodies. When you backed away enough to look into his eyes, you nodded twice, taking a deep breath. “Angle’s no good without you touching me, Joel.”

You released his wrist, still staring at him - and then Joel spoke. “Stop movin’.” You froze, one hand resting on his thigh. Is everything alright? Are we - “When we get back to that old rest area?” You nodded, the ends of your fingers running through the damp hair at the nape of his neck. “I’m gonna drag one of those mattresses down the stairs and show you a good angle.”

Biting back the response you wanted to give him, you nodded and settled for a quiet hum. “Alright.” You rolled your hips, laser-focused on the way Joel responded - the tic of his jaw, the hand on your shoulders sliding down more than a few inches. “Want me to get off of -”

“No. But I’m gonna get you off.” He leaned closer, mouth landing on yours. “And we’re gonna go from there.”

As he kissed you, the man’s tongue sliding over your lower lip and then past it to meet yours, Joel began to touch you too, the pad of his thumb seeking and finding its target with no difficulty, despite the odd angle and the presence of the soaked fabric of your underwear. He moved it in slow, small circles, the kiss continuing as you began to move again, too, rising enough to feel the drag of him through you on your retreat and a push into you with each downward motion.

There was more pain as you dug your knees into the grit beneath them, bearing down on the man. But you ignored it, the building heat in your belly occupying almost all of your thoughts.

He knew just how to touch you, had learned your body almost as well as you knew it yourself in the time that you’d known each other. And I’m so goddamn thankful for that. You broke the kiss, tilting your head downward to watch where your bodies connected through the water you sat in, the clear liquid swirling slowly around your legs.

It was usually a chain reaction - when one of you came, the other followed suit, but part of you believed that Joel wouldn’t give himself the chance to finish in the water, instead preferring to bring you to and over the edge and deny himself until you were back inside for the night. But that’s not what I want.

You sped up as much as you could, clenching around him when you paused before rising each time, and that seemed to do the trick. Joel grunted and reversed the direction his thumb was moving in. He increased the pressure and you nodded as you turned your head toward his neck, mouthing at the skin there. “Keep going, Joel.” You closed your eyes, focusing on him. “Please.”

The hand on your back moved lower, following the line of your spine until just before it reached the water and then stopped, his roughened fingertips replaced with the edges of his nails - and when he dug those in, he thrust upward at the same time he switched from his thumb to two fingers, the added pressure immediately working to make you come.

You cried out, his name the only word you could think of, the sound of it carrying away from you and far across the barren landscape. Instead of stopping what he was doing, Joel continued, prolonging your pleasure with his hand and body.

You bit down on his shoulder, the motion of your body stuttering as you rode out your climax - but when Joel attempted to slow down, you didn’t let him. “No, Joel.” Tonguing at his ear, you took the lobe between your teeth and tugged. “Don’t you dare make me do this alone.”

The aftershocks of your orgasm urged him in deeper as your muscles contracted around him, and you reached backward, behind your body with one hand, continuing to roll your hips. Bracing yourself on his thigh, you leaned back, taking a deep breath.

You rolled your hips over and over as you wound your arm around his neck, and Joel did his part to hold you up - one arm firmly around your shoulders, the other one pressed to the center of your back. His hand supported your head as you kept it upright, heavy lidded eyes focused on his face.

Squeezing for balance, you used your legs to lift yourself higher. The change in position gave him more room to move and the warmth of the water made the odd angle feel better, even as you slipped on the surface beneath you. Ah, shit. You regained your balance thanks to the tightening of his fingers against your back and your not-so-gentle tug on the hair at the nape of his neck. “C’mon, Joel. You’re close.” Humming as you met one of his shallow thrusts, you nodded. “I can feel it. Let me feel everything. Please.”

He grunted again, nodding. You let go of his leg and straightened back upright, increasing your pace as you moved up and down. It took him by surprise but Joel matched you thrust for thrust after only a few moments, his bearded chin pressed against your shoulder as his chest rose and fell, each motion a mirror of your own. “Oh, shit.” He swore, hips bucking upward twice in quick succession, surprising you and forcing you all the way down, your oversensitive skin grinding against his base. “Oh, shit, I…”

The man’s nails dug into your skin, and you were almost certain that you’d have visible marks once he let go - but you didn’t care. “That’s it.” Speaking quietly into his ear, you nodded, your cheek pressed to his. “Right there, Joel. Give me everything. Give it all, I want -”

He came with a lurch of his body, the water splashing as his knee broke the surface when it jerked upward.

Even though the water was already warm, you felt him filling you, the man’s hips bucking in short, quick bursts and he emptied himself inside of your body. He spoke while he did it, the words mostly unintelligible, though you caught a few as you tried to focus on anything but your heart pounding in your ears and how harsh your breathing was.

“Nobody else.” He shuddered the words out, still holding you tightly. “Nobody else has ever -”

“Made you come in a natural hot spring? Yeah, I can say the same.” You interrupted, needing to break the tension.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to hear him say things like that to you - because you’d waited your entire adult life for someone to love you enough to mean it. It wasn’t even that it was the wrong place for it. The wide open expanse of Wyoming’s sprawling landscape provided the perfect backdrop for a man like Joel to bare his soul. But if he keeps talking like that, we’ll get carried away, and it’ll get dark, and …

Tugging on his hair, you eased his head upright, waiting to see what the look in his eyes was before you decided what to do next. “That too.” He was gawking at you, the day’s lay rays of sun turning his irises a warm brown. “But -” Oh, Joel.

“Yeah.” Nodding, you leaned in. “I know. Nobody.” That kiss started slow, building as he softened inside of you. The steam from the spring curled around you while Joel pulled you even closer, wrapping both of you in a warm blanket that helped to mask the chill of the air. I wish we could stay right here.

You were chest to chest, no space between your bodies, and as he moved to deepen the kiss, you let him. The last one. Then we have to go back. But he prolonged it, pulling away enough to take in a break and then he kissed you again, your fingers relaxing in the damp strands of his hair as his touch turned less possessive and more reverent, the way things so often did between you.

“We have to go back.” He finally broke away, his thinly-veiled disappointment not at all a surprise to you. “It’s gonna be dark soon, and it’ll get real cold.” Wordlessly, you backed away, knees dragging over the tiny stones as you eased off of him. “There’s an extra blanket in my bag. Not real thick, but it’ll dry us off.”

Shivering as you rose from the water to stand upright, you appreciated his thoughtfulness. Brushing the pebbles and silt from the skin of your legs, you turned for his bag, knowing full well that Joel was staring at your almost-nude form. Let him. Because I’m gonna stare at him, too.

Removing your underwear so that it didn’t soak your jeans, you dried off as quickly as possible, pulling your layers back on as Joel began splashing in the water behind you. “What a view.” He stepped behind you, resting his chin on your shoulder even though he kept his wet body away from your mostly dry one. “And I ain’t talkin’ about the Rockies.” It made you warm all over, but before you could turn around and tell him, he was gone, the man hissing as he stepped on a large rock. “That’s what I fuckin’ get, hmm?”

You laughed despite yourself, turning and handing him the blanket, though you were sure to get an eyeful before he started drying his skin. “I agree with you on the view.” Zipping your coat, you finally looked up, meeting his eyes. “It’s excellent out here.”

He grumbled but you saw the red rising in his cheeks as he pulled his underwear off, too. The man let it drop onto the rocks next to yours, turning his attention to his legs. “You’re fulla shit.” It still stunned you sometimes, just how far Joel had come in the years he’d spent in Jackson. If anyone had told you that the man you’d met for the first time at Tommy and Maria’s dinner table that refused to speak to you for most of the night would have turned into the man standing before you, you would have called them a liar. But I’d be the liar. Because he’s…

Joel bent to pull his jeans on, the faded denim sliding up and over his muscular legs, and you paused again, tongue poking out between your lips. Fuck. He’s so… “You definitely didn’t grow up in Texas.” Raising a brow, he ran one hand through his hair, slicking it back. “Because apparently no one ever told you it ain’t polite to stare.”

“You had no problem looking at me a couple minutes ago.” It’s not even a question. One hand on your hip, you shook your head. “So deal with it.”

Joel only laughed in return, propping his feet up one by one on a small boulder to lace up his boots, and you followed suit. “It took us what, an hour to get here?” You nodded, zipping your wet clothes into a smaller bag before stuffing it into your pack. “Let’s beat that going back.”

“Fine by me.” You stepped past him, bending over and reaching one hand back into the water. He didn’t question you, but you felt his eyes on you as you thumbed through the rocks on the bottom of the pool, finding two - a smooth black stone threaded with silver and one that you were almost positive was jade - and then slipping them into the front zip pocket of your bag.

“Since when are you a rock collector?” Joel finally spoke a few minutes later as the two of you made your way back toward the road. “And what’re you gonna do with ‘em?”

“I’m not. Usually, anyway.” You fell into step side by side, eyes sweeping the land in front of you. “Today’s special.” He hummed in agreement but didn’t press the issue - so you continued. “But you’d be surprised at what you can find in the water around here. Tommy actually found a giant diamond a couple years after he got here while he was out on patrol while they were watering the horses, and couldn’t get back fast enough to give it to Maria.”

Joel laughed, briefly turning his head to look at you. “Sounds like Tommy, alright.”

“They’re all worthless now, and there’s so much damn jewelry in the stores that you can have pretty much whatever you want, but … it’s still fun.” You scanned the horizon, staying on high alert thanks to the adrenaline still rushing through your body. “The kids pan in Flat Creek sometimes, but that’s mostly just rocks. I guess … I don’t know, Joel. I just wanted to remember today.”

He didn’t respond right away, the two of you continuing back toward the horses and the rest stop - but when Joel finally spoke, his tone of voice was matter of fact. “We’ll put ‘em on the shelf in the hallway, with all my carvings? If you want.”

We’ll see them every time we come in or leave. “Yeah, Joel.” You nudged him with your arm, unwilling to take your hands out of your pockets. “Sounds good.”

—

Later that night, the two of you were tucked next to each other on the mattress, a small fire burning a few feet away. He’d blocked both doors from the inside, and the creaky building was almost cozy. Especially with him right there.

He’d made good on his promise as soon as he was satisfied with the evening lockdown and the two of you had eaten. Joel pressed your naked body into the thin bedding, the angle - as he’d said it would be - a good one.

As the flames flickered, you stared up at the ceiling. “Joel?” He hummed from beside you, turning his head. “I think you should go to the dance. Ellie’s going to be there, and even if the two of you don’t talk, you’ll still be able to see her having a good time.” He didn’t say anything right away, and for a few seconds, you thought you’d overstepped. But he should go. He should know. “She actually asked about you the other day.”

“What? Why didn’t you day something?” He rolled to face you, brows knit together. “What did she -” I didn’t want to get your hopes up.

“She asked if you were alright. Said you seem off lately, and that Tommy told her to get her shit together instead of… this.” You reached over, tracing over the scar on his nose. “I told her you were OK and reminded her that I don’t want to be the middleman forever.” Giving him a quick smile, you closed your eyes. “She looked a little guilty, so I dropped it. I wish the two of you were talking, but it’s … it’s not my decision when she -”

“It’s not. It’s hers. Thank you for tellin’ me.” He reached over, pulling you closer. “Even if she’s not talkin’ to me, I’m glad she’s got you.” You were, too. The circle of people that knew her secret - and Joel’s part in keeping it and keeping her alive was limited to five in Jackson. And since she’s not talking to Joel right now, there’s only three people she can trust. “I’m glad she didn’t push you away becausea you an’ me.”

“I wouldn’t have let her.” You wrinkled your nose. “I know she’s stubborn, but … after spending a year on the road with you and living with you for two more, I’d be surprised if she wasn’t.” He laughed at that and the corners of his eyes crinkled as the sound filled the room, warming it up almost more than the fire. “She’s got a limit, though, Joel. And I think she’s getting close. So you should be ready, just in case she -”

“I’ve been ready.” He stopped laughing, taking and holding a deep breath. “Been ready since the day we got back from Salt Lake for the second time, if I’m bein’ honest.” You knew that he was serious, but you also knew how much he loved the girl. And that’s why he’s been so patient about this even though it’s killing him.

Joel didn’t say anything else and neither did you, the sound of crackling logs and quiet whinnying from the horses creating the perfect background noise. You wondered what he was thinking - if his thoughts were about Ellie or Tommy, if they were focused on you, or on the fact that your patrol had been the second one in two months to turn up no sign of anyone, despite the distress calls. Maybe a little bit of everything.

You weren’t taking turns sleeping that night. Joel had deemed it safe enough for both of you to rest at the same time - and so you let yourself doze, your head drooping forward to rest against the broad expanse of his chest. He smelled like the outdoors - the mountain air set deep into the material of his jacket, and that made you even sleepier - but Joel’s voice brought you back to full consciousness, the man sighing out your name.

You opened your eyes so see his face inches from yours on the balled up material you were using as pillows. He looks … nervous. “Yeah, Joel?”

“I haven’t done this in a while, so forgive me if I’m a little rusty, but …” His hand moved from your side up, Joel’s warm fingers trailing over the skin of your throat before he ran his knuckles gently over your cheek, the firelight flickering deep in his eyes. “Can I interest you in bein’ my date to the Spring dance?”

—

tag list coming soon!

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