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jetii · 24 days

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Event Horizon

Chapter Seven: Forward (Part 2)

Chapter WC: 5,095

Chapter Tags/Warnings: None

A/N: no thoughts just Rex 💙

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“I almost forgot.” Anakin says your name and gestures to the clone. “This is Captain—“

The name is out of your mouth before you even register saying it, slipping past your lips with a certainty, an assurance, that comes from somewhere deep inside you.

“Rex.”

The word hangs in the air, heavy and loaded with meaning. You stare at him, wide-eyed, and Rex stares back, his expression mirroring yours. There's a pause, and the entire world seems to stop. No one moves, no one breathes.

Rex's lips part, his eyebrows rising. He shakes his head, blinking as if to clear the surprise. His hand tightens around the edge of his helmet, and you can see his pulse jumping in his throat.

Anakin's brow furrows. "Yeah, Rex."

Ahsoka's gaze darts between the two of you, her head tilting, and you can see the gears turning behind her eyes. Obi-Wan looks equally perplexed, his lips pressed together in a thin line.

You know what they're thinking, and you know you owe them an explanation, but you're too stunned yourself to speak. Instead, you stand, frozen, your eyes locked with Rex, your mouth open in shock.

"Do you two know each other?" Ahsoka asks, her voice cautious.

"Uh," you begin, trying to find the words.

"We've met," Rex answers, his tone steady. He's recovered faster than you, his surprise fading as he schools his features into a mask of calm professionalism, though there's a hint of a smile, a softening around the eyes, that tells you he's not unaffected. He nods at you. "Good to see you again, General.”

You close your mouth, and you can't help the smile that spreads across your own face, the emotion welling up inside you. The words are simple, polite, and yet, they fill you with warmth, a happiness that radiates through your entire body.

At your side, Obi-Wan starts, his eyebrows shooting up, and his eyes dart to your face. You can't bring yourself to look away from Rex, the intensity of his gaze holding you captive, but you can feel the weight of his surprise. You know he can feel the intensity of your emotions, and you also know that he has no idea what's going on.

But you're not sure you do either.

All you know, all you can focus on, is that somehow, impossibly, the man in front of you is the one, the very same clone who saved your life.

"Good to see you, too," you say, the words soft. Your eyes rove over him, taking in his face, his body, his armor. You never saw his face that day, but you remember the strength of his presence, the surety, the resolve. It's all there, staring back at you.

His hair is blond. It's different, but it suits him.

Rex nods, and the moment seems to stretch on forever. There's a warmth in his gaze, an openness, that's unexpected, and his expression is filled with something like awe. The look makes your heart beat a little faster, and you can't stop the blush that spreads across your cheeks.

Anakin clears his throat, and the two of you snap your heads in his direction.

"So, uh, how do you two know each other?" Anakin asks, his tone wary.

You take a breath and manage to regain your composure, though the grin remains. "He, um, he saved my life. On Geonosis. He dragged me back to the ship when I was injured."

The memory of Geonosis hasn't been far from your mind, the pain and the blood and the heat all burned into your consciousness, but the recollection is tempered by the knowledge that, had it not been for Rex, you wouldn't be here, standing in front of him.

You'd been so close to losing everything, to losing yourself, and he'd managed to pull you back from the brink without even knowing you. The thought is sobering, and a rush of emotion falls over you, a feeling of profound gratitude and respect.

Rex rubs the back of his neck, his expression sheepish, and his eyes flit down to the ground. "It was nothing, sir. Any trooper would've done the same."

"That may be, but they didn't. You did," you insist. He looks up, and you hold his gaze, hoping he can see the sincerity in your eyes.

You don't think he could get any redder, but you're wrong. He blushes, the color spreading across his cheeks and ears, and he gives a short, awkward laugh.

You can't help the small smile that forms on your lips, and you glance at Obi-Wan, the corners of your mouth turning up even more. He's looking between the two of you, his eyebrows raised, and you know he can feel your affection for the clone, the fondness and admiration.

His eyes land on you, and his brow furrows, the question clear.

You shrug and give a small shake of your head, not quite able to answer. You can tell that he's remembering, replaying the events of that day in his mind, weighing the possibilities, and considering the implications. The two of you avoided talking about that day, and the most you’d ever told Obi-Wan is that a clone had fought by your side and helped you evacuate the surface when you were injured.

It wasn't a lie, per se, but it was far from the whole truth.

You'd wanted, needed, to keep some parts of that day for yourself, and the details of the rescue, how you'd very nearly lost control, had seemed too personal, too embarrassing, to share.

Now, though, those details seemed trivial. Your heart is beating faster, the joy coursing through you, and you're unable to contain the grin that spreads across your face, the corners of your lips lifting.

"I can't believe it," Obi-Wan murmurs, and his voice is filled with disbelief. "The odds..."

"Me either," you reply just as softly, your eyes on Rex.

Obi-Wan and Anakin exchange a look, their brows furrowed. There's an unspoken question in their eyes, a confusion that's mirrored by Ahsoka, but she doesn't say anything, her gaze moving from Rex, to you, and then back again.

Rex, for his part, is trying his best to affect stoicism, but his eyes keep straying back to you, and there's a tension in his body, a restlessness. You watch his eyes widen slightly when he realizes what he's doing, and his gaze snaps back to Anakin. You bite your cheek, suppressing the strange urge to laugh.

The situation was bizarre, to say the least, but there was something amusing about the way Rex was acting, a combination of nervousness and bashfulness that was completely at odds with the confidence he displayed in combat. The coolness and efficiency with which he'd fought by your side seemed a distant memory, replaced by a boyish shyness that was, quite frankly, adorable.

"Then it seems I owe you a debt of gratitude, Captain," Obi-Wan begins, and his words are measured, careful. "For doing what I could not. You have my thanks."

"There's no need for that, General," Rex responds, his voice gruff. He glances down at you, his eyes locking with yours, and his lips form a tight line, as if he's holding something back. "Anyone else would've done the same."

Ah, he was modest, too.

Your smile widens, and Rex's eyes flit away, his cheeks reddening further.

Anakin snorts, and Ahsoka rolls her eyes, the expression fond. She leans in and whispers something to Anakin, and he coughs to hide a laugh. Rex glares at them with all the fury a captain can muster, and they respond with matching, sly grins, which only seems to make him more irritated.

"If you say so, Rex," Anakin says, a teasing note in his voice. He looks over at Obi-Wan, and the two of them share a conspiratorial glance. "Seems like the Force has a sense of humor."

"It appears so," Obi-Wan responds, his eyes shining. "Quite the coincidence, isn't it?"

You can't help but roll your eyes, and Rex lets out a short, exasperated sigh. You know what they're doing, the gentle prodding, the leading questions, the implications, and you have half a mind to scold them.

"It certainly is," you reply dryly. Your nonplussed expression is betrayed, however, by the twinkle in your eye, and the smirk playing across your lips. “I guess I'll be seeing a lot more of you, Rex."

Rex's eyebrows raise, and he clears his throat. "Yes, it appears that way, sir."

Your smile widens. "Well, I look forward to working with you."

"Same here," he replies, his voice growing firmer. The hint of a smile creeps back onto his face, and the warmth returns, filling his gaze.

There's a strange feeling, an unexpected excitement, that spreads through your chest at his words, and you find yourself returning the smile with enthusiasm. There's a moment, a brief second, where the two of you simply look at each other, your eyes locking, and the sensation is both familiar and new, an odd mixture of comfort and uncertainty.

Then, Anakin steps between you, and the moment is broken.

"As touching as this is, we really should be going. Felucia won't liberate itself," he says. He places a hand on Ahsoka's shoulder and gently pushes her toward the shuttle. "C'mon, Snips."

"Right," Obi-Wan says as he turns, and he motions for you to follow. "We shall see you on the ground."

Rex nods, and you take a few steps before glancing over your shoulder. You find him looking back at you, his expression thoughtful, his brows slightly furrowed, and you pause.

"I'll be right there," you say to Obi-Wan, waving a hand in front of you and giving him a small, apologetic smile. "I'd like a minute, if that's alright."

He raises an eyebrow, and his gaze moves from Rex, to you, and then back again. A slow, knowing grin forms on his face, and he inclines his head towards you. "Of course, my dear. Don't be too long."

He gives your shoulder a pat, and then he moves away, waving down Commander Cody. You wait until he's a safe distance away, and then you turn back to Rex, taking a few steps towards him.

He hesitates for a moment, his hand resting on his holstered blaster, as if debating whether or not to speak. Finally, he seems to come to a decision, and he steps forward, his hands clasped behind his back, his posture rigid.

"Sir, it's...good to see you again," he says, his voice formal, almost stilted, his eyes locked on a point over your shoulder. "And, uh, it's nice to put a name to a face."

"Agreed. It’s nice to put a face to the name,” you joke, trying, and failing, to break the tension. The words sound awkward, and you internally wince at the delivery. You weren't exactly the best at these types of conversations, and, as evidenced by the way he was holding himself like a statue, neither was Rex.

After a beat, a smile quirks his lips, and he gives a short laugh. Some of the tension seems to ease from his shoulders, and his expression softens, a more natural, easy smile forming on his lips. "It’s not exactly a unique face, sir, but I appreciate the sentiment."

You let out a surprised, but genuine laugh. You hadn't expected him to be so candid, or witty, and it was a welcome change. His eyes move to yours, and the grin widens, the warmth returning, and your laughter grows.

"No, I suppose it's not," you concede playfully, and you shrug a shoulder. “Still, I like it. It suits you."

"I, uh, thank you, sir," he manages, and his cheeks flush a little, his eyes dipping to the ground. You can't help but smile at the sight, at his sudden shyness. A familiar instinct rises in you, the one to push, to prod, to tease, and you struggle to ignore it, biting your cheek to stop yourself.

It would be all too easy, but it was also wrong, especially since you barely knew him. You didn't want him to feel uncomfortable, or obligated to entertain your antics. He'd risked his life for yours, and the last thing you wanted to do was make him regret it.

You clear your throat, and your eyes drift over his shoulder. Obi-Wan and Cody stand a respectable distance away, but the two men are clearly watching, their gazes focused on you, and you feel your own cheeks start to heat.

You'd hoped for some privacy, but it would appear that it wasn't meant to be.

"I didn’t realize you were a Captain now,” you say, shifting the subject to a safer topic.

"I am, sir," Rex replies, and his shoulders square, a bit of pride creeping into his voice. "I started my training after Geonosis, and I was promoted to Captain shortly after the start of the war."

"Impressive, Captain. That's quite the accomplishment," you say. You can’t help but feel proud, the achievement not lost on you. To have risen so quickly through the ranks, to have earned the respect and admiration of his fellow soldiers, was no easy feat, and you couldn’t deny that you were impressed.

"I always wondered what happened to you,” you continue after he nods his thanks. You meet his gaze, and there's an uncertainty, a hesitation, in your voice. You take a breath, steeling yourself, and push the words past your lips. "I thought... well, I wasn't sure if you made it out alive."

The admission is raw, honest, and the words come out before you can stop them. You regret them almost instantly, but you don’t have time to take them back, to apologize.

His expression changes, and his brows furrow, a mixture of surprise and curiosity crossing his face. “I didn’t think you would remember me, sir, if I'm being honest. But, if it's any consolation, I wondered the same thing."

His gaze is soft, his eyes searching, and you feel a small stab of guilt. You had, of course, remembered him, had thought about him and his bravery and his sacrifice for the last six months, but he hadn’t known that.

“How could I forget?” You give him a small, apologetic smile, and you hope he can read the sincerity in it. "I would have died on that planet if it wasn't for you."

Rex opens his mouth, and you suspect he’s about to disagree, or protest, or something, so you wave him off. "And don't say anyone would have done the same."

He snaps his mouth shut, and a frown pulls at the corners of his lips. Then he shakes his head and smiles, his eyes crinkling. "Alright, I won't."

"Good," you chuckle. "Because you'd be wrong."

"So, you've said," he replies, and his grin widens, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. “What I was going to say was that you gave me a hell of a fight over it. You were very insistent, as I recall."

"I suppose I was,” you admit with a sheepish laugh. "I was reckless."

Rex shakes his head, and his eyes never leave yours. "Don't be so hard on yourself, sir. You did what you had to do, and it was brave. It's an honor to serve with someone like you."

The forcefulness, the sincerity of his tone catches you off guard, and your eyes widen. You weren't expecting such a frank, direct answer, and it takes you a moment to find the words to respond.

"I don’t know about that," you finally manage, and you smile, your heart warmed by his praise. “But, thank you.”

He nods, and a small smile plays on his lips, his eyes soft. There's an odd feeling, a flutter in your chest, that accompanies the look. The way he's watching you, with a mixture of admiration and respect, is flattering, but it also makes you feel uncomfortable. You were used to being looked at, and judged, and measured, but this was different. This was... something else.

It's not an unpleasant feeling, not by any means, but it is unsettling.

You clear your throat and try to think of a response, something clever or funny to ease the tension, but before you can, Rex speaks.

"Well, I'd better be going," he says slowly. His eyes flicker over your shoulder, and his smile falters. You follow his gaze, and you see Obi-Wan waiting, his posture impatient, the frown on his face evident even from this distance. "Looks like General Kenobi is waiting for you."

You roll your eyes, the annoyance clear. "Yes, I can see that."

You’d been ignoring the subtle, increasingly impatient nudges over the bond, but Obi-Wan was persistent, and you knew that if you didn’t end the conversation soon, he'd come over and drag you away.

Rex's eyebrows lift, and the small, amused grin returns. "Good luck, sir.”

"You, too, Captain," you reply, the words accompanied by an exaggerated sigh.

The two of you share a smile, and then he turns and strides back towards the transport. You watch him go, and there's a strange feeling, a tightness, that constricts your chest. It's not until he disappears from sight, the doors sliding closed behind him, that you realize you'd been holding, hoping, that he would look back.

You shake your head, the movement sharp, and you start walking towards the shuttle, trying to shake off the odd sensation.

You have bigger problems, after all, and you needed to focus.

Obi-Wan is still speaking to Commander Cody as you approach, their heads bowed together, their voices low. They stop when they notice you, and the two of them share a conspiratorial glance.

"All set?" Obi-Wan asks, his tone light.

"Yes," you reply, the word clipped, and your eyes narrow. “I was just thanking Captain Rex.”

He gives you a smile, his expression innocent, but you can tell by the way his lips twitch, and his eyes crinkle, that he's struggling not to laugh.

“Yes, you did sound rather grateful,” he muses, and his eyes dart over your shoulder, as if searching for something. You turn and look, but Rex is nowhere to be found. You hadn't expected him to stick around, and yet, part of you is disappointed.

When you turn back and see the sly, knowing look Obi-Wan is giving you, however, your annoyance returns in full force.

"What's that supposed to mean?" you demand, your eyes narrowing.

"Nothing," he says innocently.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi, you had better not be insinuating what I think you're insinuating."

He holds up his hands in surrender. "I would never."

"Uh-huh," you mutter. "Right."

You give him one last glare, and your shoulder brushes harder than necessary against his as you stride up the ramp of the shuttle, making him stumble.

"Now, now, don't be like that," he calls out behind you, the words teasing, and you can't help but roll your eyes.

When you turn, he's smiling, his eyes dancing with mirth, and despite yourself, the corner of your lips twitch upwards. You step aside to let him pass, and he pauses, giving your shoulder a light squeeze.

"I’m just impressed, is all,” he says as he walks by, his voice soft. "I believe this is a new record for you."

Your smile fades, the confusion setting in, and your brow furrows. You hurry to catch up to him, weaving your way through the troopers packed into the shuttle, their white armor reflecting the harsh light of the overhead lamps, and you come to a halt beside him.

"What are you talking about?" you ask, your tone wary.

Obi-Wan glances over at you, the look knowing, his smile smug. "It's been mere minutes since you've stepped foot outside the Temple, and already, you have a new admirer."

You can't help but snort, loud and derisive. "What? Don't be ridiculous. He's not my admirer."

"Of course not," Obi-Wan agrees, but the amusement is clear in his voice, and you can hear the silent laughter, the teasing. “Just like that Prince on Hynestia Prime wasn’t your admirer, or that Mikkian priestess wasn’t your admirer. Or the Queen of—well, you get the point."

"I'm not talking to you anymore," you hiss, and you turn to seek out an open seat, intent on ignoring him for the rest of the ride.

"Oh, don't be like that, darling," Obi-Wan continues, the words full of mirth. He follows behind you, his strides long and purposeful. "I'm simply stating the facts."

You reach the nearest empty bench and take a seat, folding your arms over your chest, and fixing Obi-Wan with the best scowl you can manage. Ever immune to your glare, Obi-Wan plops down beside you, his body bouncing lightly on the bench, and his eyes twinkle.

"If it makes you feel any better, he's not the only one," Obi-Wan continues, unfazed by your outburst, and his knee knocks against yours.

"Really," you deadpan, your voice flat.

"I'm afraid so," he replies gravely. He leans back and crosses his arms over his chest, his posture relaxed. "You've quite a fan club amongst the men. Isn’t that right, Cody?”

Cody, who’s taken up a spot across from you, looks between the two of you, his mouth pressed into a thin line. His face is a mask of professionalism, but the hint of amusement is evident in his eyes, the brown depths sparkling. Still, he manages to remain neutral, his voice steady, when he speaks.

"Sir, with all due respect, I'd rather not get involved in...whatever this is," he says, gesturing between the two of you.

"See?" you say, looking at Obi-Wan triumphantly.

“Although, if I were to get involved," Cody begins, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards, "I wouldn't necessarily call it a fan club, sir. More of an admiration for your skill as a Jedi and a General."

You blink, a bit taken aback by the unexpected compliment, and your expression falls. The ship falls silent, and you can see the other men around you trying to make themselves look busy, their gazes focused intently on the floor or their datapads.

You feel the flush rise to your cheeks, the embarrassment creeping up your neck, and you turn away, the instinctive desire to hide your emotions rising to the surface.

"Is that so?" you mumble, your tone subdued.

"Of course, sir," Cody confirms, his voice gentle, as if sensing your unease. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and he inclines his head toward you. "And I think I speak for all of us when I say, it's good to have you back."

You swallow hard, and a lump forms in your throat. You don't know how to respond, or what to say, and so you just nod, your gaze dropping to the floor.

"Well, that's very kind," you reply, your voice strained.

Obi-Wan gives you a small, encouraging nudge over the bond, and when you look at him, the expression on his face is affectionate, sympathetic.

You give him a half-smile, and you take a deep breath, inhaling through your nose and letting it out slowly. The embarrassment, the guilt, is still there, a lingering ache in your chest, but Cody's words help ease it somewhat, and you're able to push the feeling back, to bury it in the recesses of your mind.

You glance around the shuttle and notice that many of the troopers are watching, their faces curious, expectant. A few offer you a nod, or a wave, or a thumbs up, and, one by one, you return their smiles, your heart swelling with gratitude and affection.

As the ship takes off, Cody excuses himself and heads toward the cockpit, leaving the two of you alone. You stare down at the floor, your fingers twisting in your lap, and you feel Obi-Wan's eyes on you. You look up, and he gives you a wink.

"Stop," you hiss, and he laughs, the sound low and rich.

"I'm not doing anything.”

"Yes, you are," you insist, and you poke his arm. "You're being annoying."

"I'm being encouraging," he corrects. His hand squeezes your knee gently before it retreats back into his own lap. “I am only trying to prove to you that, despite what you might think, there are plenty of people who admire and respect you, not just for your skill in combat, but for who you are as a person."

You scoff, but the words have their desired effect, and some of the tightness in your chest loosens, the tension in your shoulders lessening. "Sure, okay."

Obi-Wan lets out a breath, his frustration evident. "Don't do that."

Your brow furrows, and you frown. "Do what?"

"You know what," he says, and he raises an eyebrow. When you don't respond, he shakes his head. "You have a tendency to dismiss such feelings, but I would urge you to pay them closer attention."

Your expression darkens, and the irritation creeps back in, a dull ache forming behind your eyes. You hate it when Obi-Wan got like this, when his tone turned patronizing, his words full of some deeper, unspoken meaning, some lesson he was trying to impart on you. You hate the fact that he can see right through you, and you hate that he always seems to be able to get under your skin, and you hate how, even when you don't want to, you find yourself listening.

You know he means well, but his words rankle, especially in light of recent events, and your jaw clenches.

"I'll keep that in mind, Master," you bite out, your voice tight.

Obi-Wan sighs, and his gaze moves to the window, watching the clouds roll by, the colors blurring together as the ship picks up speed. You stare at the back of his head, your hands curled into fists, the anger building in your chest, and you're about to open your mouth, to tell him where he can shove his lessons, when he speaks.

"I mean it," he mutters, his tone quiet, almost regretful. "You've become so cynical, so closed off, that you fail to see how much people care about you. It's...disappointing, and I can't help but think that maybe I'm to blame."

The anger dissipates, and a wave of guilt replaces it.

"Obi-Wan—"

"No," he cuts in, and he turns to face you, his eyes locking with yours. "It's true, and you know it."

The look in his eyes, the guilt, the sadness, is almost too much for you to bear, and your resolve crumbles, the fight leaving your body. You sigh, and you reach over, taking his hand in yours, your fingers intertwining.

"Obi-Wan, this isn't on you," you say, and your thumb strokes the back of his hand, the movement slow and soothing. "None of this is your fault."

His gaze drops, and he takes a deep breath, his fingers squeezing yours. He swallows hard, and his eyes flutter shut. Then, he exhales, the sound shaky, and he leans back, his eyes opening.

"Just promise me one thing," he murmurs, and he searches your face, his eyes pleading.

"What?"

"Promise me that you'll try," he says, his voice earnest, and his grip on your hand tightens as if afraid you'll pull away. "You are so much more than the mistakes you've made, the things you've done, or the things that have been done to you, and you deserve to be happy."

Obi-Wan's words cut to the core, and a part of you wants to recoil, to snatch your hand back and storm off. Another part, however, the more reasonable part, the part that's been listening, wants to stay. The words are so familiar, so similar to something you'd heard from Master Yaddle a lifetime ago, and you can't help but feel moved.

You look at him, really look at him, and you can see the genuine concern, the love, in his eyes, and you can feel it through the bond. Your eyes prick, and you squeeze them shut, willing the tears not to fall.

"I'm going to be fine," you whisper, and you lean into him, resting your head on his shoulder. "We're going to be fine, I promise."

Obi-Wan leans his head against yours as his thumb strokes the back of your hand, the movement gentle and comforting, and the tension slowly seeps from his body. For a time, neither of you speak, content to sit in silence and watch the world fly by.

Then, after a few minutes, he breaks the silence.

"Although you can't deny that you do seem to attract admirers," he says, his tone playful, and his eyes sparkle. "Which is frankly rather impressive, given that your personality leaves much to be desired."

You laugh, and you sit up, rolling your eyes.

"And here I thought you were giving me a heartfelt speech," you tease, and you give his hand a final squeeze before withdrawing, your fingers slipping from his. "Turns out, it was a thinly veiled insult."

Obi-Wan chuckles, and he leans back, a small smile playing on his lips. "Well, it wouldn't be very Jedi-like of me if I didn't include at least some self-righteous moralizing."

"Of course, how could I forget?" you say with a shake of your head. "You're nothing if not predictable."

He shrugs, his expression smug. "What can I say? It's part of my charm."

"Charm, is that what we're calling it now?"

"Absolutely."

You roll your eyes again, and you let out a huff of exasperation, but the amusement is clear on your face. "I can't believe I missed this."

"Yes, well, I can't believe I missed your sunny disposition," Obi-Wan responds, and he flashes you a crooked grin. "It's been so dreary around here without your interminable optimism and boundless energy."

"Don't forget my sparkling wit," you add as you elbow him.

"I could never."

The two of you continue to bicker, your banter moving easily between the two of you. It's almost like no time has passed, and the comfort and the ease is soothing, familiar. It feels right, the two of you back together again, and you can't help but feel hopeful, the excitement building. You have a lot to live up to, a lot to prove, but it's nice to have friends by your side.

For the first time in a long while, the weight of the galaxy feels a little lighter, the burden a little easier to bear.

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#the clone wars #captain rex #clone captain rex #captain rex x reader #rex x reader #obi wan x reader #roy writes #obi-wan: you're deserving of love and respect #mc: sounds fake but okay #also i love making mc a grumpy clueless chick magnet so you're just going to have to deal with that

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carnelianwings · 4 months

Text

Since I'm not sure if I'll ever get the chance to properly touch on this in a fic because it's more character analysis than something I can properly include in dialogue/exposition without it being very awkwardly out of place and telling not showing, I figured I'd just dump it here. It's something I think about a lot whenever I write for post-Seed Destiny Athrun in a fic, because in so many ways, this is actually something of a non-magical "Ideal (Fake) Reality" situation that Durandal very nearly succeeded in pulling off, but ultimately failed at because Durandal overplayed his hand and underestimated Athrun's loyalty to his friends Kira, who was pulling triple duty opposing Athrun because Kira himself didn't agree with what Athrun was doing, protecting Cagalli, and supporting Cagalli at a time when she was powerless.

It's a trope I very much love in magical/sci-fi settings because it says a lot about the character and the lengths they'll go to get what they want (the willingness and determination to take the longer, harder path to make the dream reality vs the instant gratification option even if it's fake), and also just gives me so much to work with when I write when it comes to character motivation/dialogue/actions.

I feel like a lot of this gets missed in all the memes that he's (somewhat deservedly) suddenly a part of after Seed Freedom, because while Seed Freedom Athrun is very self-assured and confident in his course of action, he definitely took a long hard road (with more downs than ups, in my opinion) between Seed and Seed Destiny to get there.

(Rest behind the cut because there's a reason Athrun Zala is my favorite Seed character, and not just because he's got a lovely voice - thank you Ishida-san for that - and is easy on the eyes.)

When Athrun re-enlists in ZAFT and "continues" his life again as himself, he's given a choice thanks to Durandal's string-pulling: Resume the life that was planned for him by his parents and PLANT (his "destined" life, if you will), or find his way back to the life that he's chosen for himself (with Cagalli and Orb).

If he chose his "old" life, he would've had it all - the glory of being a decorated war veteran, a post as a FAITH member (resuming the role he'd previously gotten thanks to his father), a "Lacus Clyne" for his fiance, and the honor of being the pilot of the Legend (while being something of a "legend" himself). Durandal saw to it Athrun would've seamlessly resumed that life to all external appearances, even if it would've been an absolute sham behind closed doors. Athrun might be a decorated war veteran, but that came with a lot of trauma and grief - trauma from having to fight and kill at such a young age, grief at being the one to survive when those he'd called friends die around him, plus all the unresolved emotional turmoil and grief of having never been able to properly resolve things with his father and his genocidal ideals (because Patrick Zala, too, was a man who never got over his grief at losing Lenore during the Bloody Valentine Incident, and only became the way he did because of that). He might've had a highly coveted position within FAITH, but that power would ultimately be in service to Durandal (a head of state Athrun alternates between wanting to agree with and being directly at odds against). Durandal needed more capable "Yes men" ace pilots like Shinn Asuka to spread and enforce his plans, not people capable of thinking for themselves like Athrun (at least, Athrun got there after Operation Angel Down). The "Lacus Clyne", is, of course, Meer under the best cosmetic surgery money could buy, but she is nothing like Lacus Athrun knows and cares for as a friend and whose cause he had once lent his power to (and would again at the end of the Second War).

And the Legend? It might fit Athrun in name only (in the sense that he's the "legendary pilot who helped end the first Earth-PLANT War) but the entire suit (even if it had an updated OS for the DRAGOON system) doesn't even play to Athrun's core strengths as a pilot. It's almost comedic how Durandal didn't even bother tailoring the Legend to Athrun - the Saviour is more Athrun's style both as a spiritual successor to the Aegis and weapons load out, yet it's coincidental that it would end up in Athrun's hands. There's no way Durandal could've known and planned for the Saviour to go to Athrun, but Durandal arguably had that time with the Legend. In the episode where both the Destiny and Legend are revealed, Durandal made a point of telling Shinn the Destiny was fine tuned to him, but neglects to tell Athrun much about the Legend beyond the DRAGOON system and the updated OS for it (the closest Athrun arguably ever came to a DRAGOON system was flying right past Kira and Rau's duel in front of Genesis at the end of Seed).

On the flip side of that, there's the life Athrun had chosen for himself after the first Earth-PLANT War. It's not an ideal life, not by any means - the fact he's essentially a powerless civilian with no means to reach for his ultimate goal chafes him to no end, especially when there's the ever-looming threat of Cagalli getting taken away from him due to circumstances neither of them want nor are able to deal with. Cagalli can't get out of the arranged marriage, Athrun as "Alex Dino" has no claim to power and as "Athrun Zala" would only invite larger scale international problems - even if Athrun himself has no political ties to PLANT, his family name says plenty. Athrun is patient, yes, but even his patience has a limit, and seemingly losing Cagalli to someone he doesn't respect and she doesn't love (in a reversal of Athrun's situation with Lacus and Kira) pushes him to action out of desperation. And while it puts him at odds with Kira and Cagalli (including lashing out at both of them when Cagalli finally breaks down and gives in and gets coerced into going through with the arranged marriage), it does also get him to realize that he's not the same person he was before the war - he's no longer capable of living that same life he had before, where he would fight where his country tells him because that's the fastest way to end the war. The easy (destined, if you will) option is no longer an acceptable choice for him, because it's not the one that ultimately leaves him fulfilled and truly happy with the one he loves in the end.

And it's this that ultimately brings him back to Cagalli and the (Infinite) Justice, metaphorically reclaiming his sense of justice (ha ha). He's always going to be looking for a cause to serve, and a just cause by his own terms, because he's dedicated far too much of his life serving in the military to just stop doing that and he's spent too much time around Lacus to just mindlessly follow whatever the higher ups say, anymore. So this leaves the only way forward: serve under a head of state whose ideals he can agree with, with the freedom of choice to act according to his own sense of justice, and to that end, there's only one choice for him - return to Orb and Cagalli.

#gundam seed destiny #athrun zala #asucaga #ish mostly because it's impossible for me to write an essay on athrun without mentioning his relationship with cagalli #i have so many thoughts about athrun #while i do find it amusing fandom perception of athrun went from indecisive chick magnet to cagalli's number 1 simp #there's more to him than that that's lost in the quagmire that is seed destiny #and it's all things i try to bring out or hint at when I write him #also the whole Durandal gives Athrun the Legend thing will never be not hilarious #dude has everything planned down to a T with the Destiny Plan and the best he can do is assign Athrun the Legend?#like talk about obvious I know you've betrayed me energy #i tried to keep this essay as focused as possible #even if i have a million thoughts running in my head like hamsters in a wheel because i've loved seed since i saw it back in 2003 #okay i'm bordering on an essay in the tags too so i'll just shut up and post this now and ramble more later lol

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