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klixxy · 4 years

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KageHina HCs because I said so:

Hinata started a growth spurt halfway through their second year of high school and got extremely excited because: !!! finally!!! i can kiss my dumb boyfriend without having to drag him down by his collar!!!

but then Kageyama hit a growth spurt only weeks after. Hinata got so mad that he didn’t talk to him for a week.

(Kageyama still teases him about that years and years down the line, all the way until they’re old and gray and not quite as tall anymore.)

Kageyama thinks Hinata’s nose is adorable. it’s tiny and squishy and Kageyama always bobs it. like... always. Hinata pretends he doesn’t like it but he thinks it’s cute.

Hinata really, really likes playing with Kageyama’s hair. he’s also kind of jealous??? because damn. his boyfriend doesn’t do anything to his hair but it’s always so goddamned silky. he’s jealous but at the same time: !!! silky!!! hair!!! beautiful!!! boyfriend!!!

Hinata always goes out of his way to compliment Kageyama, because he gets all blushy and angry and cute. Kageyama hates it. he’s not cute, dammit!

“AND THEN I’LL BE LIKE GWAHHH AND YOU’LL BE LIKE POWWWW AND I’LL BE LIKE FUCK YEAH THAT’S MY BOYFRIEND!!!”

“... dumbass.”

(he likes it when Hinata makes those weird sound affects of his. at first he doesn’t understand a single thing he’s saying but eventually Hinata will say something that doesn’t make sense at all and everybody will be like: ??? what??? but meanwhile Kageyama will be next to him like: yeah, dumbass, i thought so too.)

nicknames. so many nicknames. including, but not limited to: dumbass, idiot, beanpole, shrimpy, my decoy, my setter, king, queen, and my ace.

sometimes when it’s raining they’ll just be outside dancing in the rain. they can’t dance for shit, and Hinata definitely has two left feet, but they dance nevertheless. their volleyball trainer hates them for it.

Kageyama cuts and files Hinata’s nails for him.

they move in together after Hinata comes back from Brazil. their friends are astonished that their house hasn’t imploded yet.

they have a cat. they have many cats. and they give them the dumbest names in the world. literally. one is named volleyball.

EVERYTHING IS A COMPETITION. WHO CAN HUG BETTER? COMPETITION. WHO CAN SAY THE CHEESIEST ROMANTIC LINES? COMPETITION. WHO CAN PLAN THE BETTER DATE? COMPETITION.

Hinata cannot cook. the one time he tries, he burns the pan, somehow manages to get tomato sauce on the ceiling, stains literally every single surface in the kitchen, and almost burns down the entire apartment. Kageyama refuses to let him anywhere near the kitchen after that, because at least he can cook without destroying all of the cutlery.

Hinata can bake though. he’s a hella good baker. Kageyama will never admit it, but he is absolutely addicted to Hinata’s milk chocolate chip cookies.

Kageyama is a clean freak. Hinata is decidedly... not. every few days Kageyama just rapidly rage-cleans the entire house until everything is sparkly clean and organized, but in a few days everything will be messy again.

unsurprisingly, Hinata is a cuddler. surprisingly, Kageyama is an even larger cuddler than him.

Kageyama is... very oblivious. extremely oblivious. most of the time, he doesn’t even realize he should be jealous, so surprisingly, with his much higher eq, Hinata is the one that gets jealous. who can blame him though? Kageyama is Very Pretty (tm), Very Oblivious (tm), and needs to be protected at all costs.

... that isn’t to say that Kageyama doesn’t do the same. he can and will fight you for his tiny, ridiculously muscled volleyball boyfriend.

Hinata loves Kageyama’s eyes. actually they both love each other’s eyes. by love i mean love. they just love each other’s eyes.

Kageyama can’t swim. Hinata teaches him, only to get distracted by his boyfriend’s abs, biceps, and calves.

when Hinata’s anxieties will rise up again, Kageyama will stroke his hair and his back and sing him to sleep. Hinata never says anything about it, since he knows that Kageyama is a little embarrassed by it, but secretly he really likes Kageyama’s rough singing voice. he really appreciates his boyfriend doing that for him, and hopes that Kageyama knows that. (he does.)

every year on the day of Kazuyo’s death, Kageyama will wake up and feel like a husk of himself. Hinata will hold him and hold him tight until Kageyama can bear to breathe and face the world again.

the Hinata’s meet Kageyama for the first time in their first year of high school, because they were practicing at home in the dark, and it started to rain, and somehow, they had drifted towards the mountain in their volleyball practice. they take one look at his oddly endearing surly mood and his barely there wobbly smiles and decide to adopt him. Natsu practically adopts him as her new older brother in the first hour. Kageyama is overwhelmed because ‘oh no there are more overly excited orange-haired Hinatas’.

Hinata gets Kageyama a stuffed milk carton on their first birthday together. Kageyama tells him it’s dumb but he carries it carefully, almost as if he think it will break in his fingers. Hinata sees the thinly hidden smile on his lips and calls it a success.

almost 70% of the time their dates will turn into impromptu volleyball practices.

Kageyama buys Hinata a lot of sunflowers. he just can’t help it. every time he sees one he can’t help but think of his sunshine boyfriend and great, now he just has to buy it.

they’re so in love it actually physically pains everybody in the vicinity. they’re domestic with three c’s.

they’ve just won the gold in the olympics. their teammates are sobbing, the lights are blinding, and Kageyama looks so beautiful standing there, black hair glimmering gold, blue eyes stark against the background, his lips pulled into a wild smile. he’s sweaty and panting, but he is the most beautiful thing Hinata has ever seen.

“we did it,” Kageyama says to him. “we’re invincible.”

then and there, Hinata thinks: this is the man i want to spend the rest of my life with.

veins trembling with adrenaline, palm still stinging from that last spike, Hinata Shouyou leans in close until he is hopelessly intertwined with the love of his life. “marry me.” he says, quiet, two words meant for two ears alone.

“...what?” Kageyama Tobio says, voice incredulous, arms shaking where they hold him close. Hinata doesn’t have a ring. He doesn’t have a fancy, candle-lit dinner or a bouquet of roses.

“marry me.” he says again, voice stronger, looking up with blazing eyes.

“wh-wha- you-” he splutters, quickly turning bright red beneath the lights of the stadium. Hinata laughs.

“that’s not a no.” he teases.

(Kageyama says yes, later, in the private comfort of their home, gold medals gleaming on their shelves. they don’t have a ring, yet. that’s okay. they’ve got each other.)

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mossyvil · 4 years

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hii!! 🧸 hope you had/have a nice day/evening/afternoon/night 💗 can i request for bnha match up please? ( if its open ) i am 4'11, bisexual asian female, with a shoulder — length black hair basically i am an INFP hehe,, i like to listen to r&b, hip hop and lofi, oh kpop too 😤 a cat person 😻 i get insecure very easily, i am very very loud around my close friends, i analyse people around me alot 👁️👄👁️,

I matched you with Kiri!

How you get together:

He remembered that one of your favorite kpop groups was coming out with a new album so he went and got it on dvd for you and gave it to you as a courting gift of sorts 🥺 (i have no clue ab anything kpop so i hope that was correct)

Dating them:

somehow always has a carton of chocolate milk for you when he sees you. no one knows where he gets them

also loves mystery novels!! he talks about his favorites with you. he really enjoys the classic nancy drew novels

sends you so many cat pictures. like so many. he does it bc he knows you like cats and he wants to make you happy 🥺

he asks you to style an outfit for him and falls in love with it. now he asks you to style him almost every day but his smile is worth the effort

Your wedding:

He wanted to do a first look thing so that they could get it on camera and he just starts SOBBING when he sees you. He also has a speech for the after party and it’s just a bunch of him gushing about you

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha matchup #mha matchup #kirishima x reader

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thebiasrekkers · 4 years

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Make It Right [BTS Mafia!AU]

Plot: “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC

Warnings: Graphic Violence (bloody violence), Heavy Language, Angst, Slow Burn, Smut

Previous Chapters: Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || Admin E’s WP || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 3,314

Tag List: @prisczero, @pinkpjmin, @btsaudge, @flowerwrites06, @unoriginal-username15432, @halussali, @shrimpmsg,

Chapter 46: Euphoria

“You’re the sun that rose again in my life; a reincarnation of my childhood dreams.”

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

Jungkook groaned softly, his brows furrowing as a beam of sunlight sliced across the backs of his eyelids. A hand immediately went up to shield his face, frowning upon being roused from the deep sleep he was enjoying. When he shifted, he felt a weight on his arm and quickly froze. Craning his neck slightly, he lifted himself up a measure to see a curtain of dark curls draped against light brown skin. Jungkook gave a sleepy smile, his hand reaching out to brush Eden’s hair from her neck. She moved away from him only a little, a child-like moan of protest issuing from her and he watched the sleeve of her sweatshirt slip away to expose her bare shoulder.

Taking a moment to card his fingers through her hair, Jungkook leaned forward and pressed his nose into the juncture of her neck – inhaling her scent slowly. His lips were feather soft against her skin, his hand moving from her hair to smooth over the curve of her shoulder.

He would never get tired of this; of her.

These moments were his favorite. Jungkook felt like it was a journey around the world to finally breach her barriers, but Eden wasn’t exactly a vulnerable human being. She’d been hurt so much in her past that trusting others was difficult. She’d said as much. Hurt by people she opened her heart to; hurt by people she trusted to show her more delicate side.

Her stubbornness only urged Jungkook to pursue her relentlessly. He knew what it was like to feel alone in the way that she did. He understood her need to reach out and then pull back at the last second, doubting what she saw in front of her.

Even he felt the same despite the brotherhood he’d developed with his childhood friends.

Readjusting the arm she was laying on, he slid his hand beneath the sweatshirt so his fingers could slide past the underside of her breasts. Reaching over her waist, he pressed his large palm over the flat of her bare stomach and her abs tightened from the chill of his rings contacting her skin. Eden stirred in his arms and he watched the goosebumps form on the back of her neck – his hand gliding between her legs. Dipping beneath the fabric of her panties, he let his long fingers take pleasure in the warmth of her folds.

His lips caressed the curve of her jaw and he could feel his erection pressing into the small of her back. Jungkook wanted her; wanted this forever. He wanted to show her that it was okay to fall into a river of passion without the risk of drowning in it.

He’d never let her get swallowed up alone.

“Jungkook,” she mumbled, “what are you doing?”

Her voice was thick with sleep. It was deep and raspy, and it made Jungkook want her even more.

Eden turned in his arms, forcing his hands to cease their movements much to his disappointment. The bleary look of sleepiness on her face, however, only made him smile instead of pout. She rubbed at the backs of her eyes with the heels of her palms and he pulled her closer against him. A hand slid down her long, bare leg and he hiked it up to rest her thigh on his hip.

He leaned in closer as she finished rubbing at her eyes, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose. “Good morning,” he greeted, and he chuckled when she opened one eye to look at him. “Sleep well?”

She tried to turn away from him, presumably to go back to sleep, but he held onto her leg tightly – making it impossible for her to flop onto her other side. Eden tried to pull away a few more times before finally giving up. Expecting a glare, however, he was surprised to feel her lunging her body forward to slam her chest against his. A grunt pushed from his lungs in response and he could only stare wide-eyed at the wall as she nuzzled her face into his chest.

He tried to wrangle his emotions, mentally kicking himself for still acting like a child with a schoolboy crush as his heart thrummed heavily against his ribs. She seemed to pick up on this immediately, feeling her smiling against his skin.

“Don’t you laugh,” he said, his eyes meeting hers as she peeked up to look at him.

He saw her grin widen. “Or what?”

“You’re going to get a spanking.”

She laughed outright. “Promises, promises!” she replied, her hands snaking up along his sides and it was too late before he realized what she was getting ready to do.

Jungkook let out a sound that was a cross between a squeak and a yell. He felt her fingers dipping into his hips before they scurried over his ribs and at the tender spots just below his armpits. Flopping around like a fish to escape her, he crashed onto her apartment floor tangled in blankets and sheets. When he finally managed to free himself, he saw Eden dashing out of the small bedroom and into the bathroom.

Letting out a groan, he buried his face into the mattress – resigning himself to being on breakfast assignment the minute he heard Eden turning on the shower.

It didn’t take him long to get dressed into a pair of comfy sweatpants and a grey hoodie. Not caring that his fringe poked out from beneath the hood, he sprinted down the long street until he was able to reach the convenience store a block away. He bought two small cartons of milk – one chocolate and one strawberry – some Danishes and two sausages on a stick. He quickly paid for the items and dashed out of the store – the plastic bag rattling at his side as he opted to walk back instead of running.

Patting one of his pockets, he scratched at the side of his nose impishly. Jungkook was glad that Eden decided to take the day off to rest. Taehyung agreed to handle things at the recording studio for the time being and there hadn’t been any real reason for him to help his other brothers with their affairs. Though originally she opted to take more time off from work so she could support Anastasia (who was, for all intents and purposes, carrying his niece and/or nephew), Jungkook wasn’t about to let such an opportunity pass him by.

Jungkook reached the stairs to the rooftop apartment and climbed them slowly. When he made it to the top, the image he saw was completely unexpected. He had to rub his own eyes to make sure he was seeing correctly.

Eden was outside, pulling laundry off the lines. One set of sheets threatened to blow away from the sudden gust of wind and she chased after it – laughing at the potential crisis that was about to happen. She managed to catch the bedding just before it flew off the roof, her body leaning over the edge. Jungkook almost moved after her, but when he saw her body spinning around and away from the ledge, he stopped and continued to look on as she let the sheets fly behind her. Music played from her phone on the ground nearby and she seemed oblivious to his presence.

He remembered reading about nymphs in a Greek mythology book once when he was younger. He didn’t particularly believe in the supernatural, but he believed that there were people beyond human understanding. Whether they were humans or something otherworldly was undeterminable, but in that moment, he swore that Eden wasn’t of this world. The way her hair flew behind her as she ran around with the sheet, laughing so freely, he believed that she was a mythical nymph.

Jungkook dropped the bag and this seemed to knock Eden out of the trance she’d placed herself in. Her bare feet came to a halt and the sheet fluttered against her back – gathering in a strange bundle at her heels. She blinked, brushing some of her wet curls behind her ears.

“Oh, Jungkook-ah,” she said, wrapping the sheet around her shoulders, “you’re back.”

He said nothing. He could only look on as he took a step toward her.

“Where’d you go?”

Again, he couldn’t say anything. Even if he wanted to, the words just kept running away from him; tumbling from his brain. All he did was take another step forward.

And another.

The distance between them was short, but it felt like it took him half a lifetime to get to her. When he did, all he could do was gaze down at her confused face. She blinked up at him and he reached out to tuck more of her hair behind both of her ears.

Neither of them said anything. He just continued to hold her face in his hands, a warm feeling spreading throughout his chest and reaching up to wrap around his throat. She must have seen something in his gaze because she placed a hand on the back of his – stirring him out of the hypnosis she’d unknowingly put him under.

“Hey,” she called to him softly, “are you okay?”

Jungkook shook his head. “No,” he said gently, “not yet.”

Before she could ask anything further, he took a step back and then slowly lowered himself down onto one knee. He reached into his pocket, fishing out the item that he’d been carrying with him for the better part of a month. The velvet blue box was revealed and Eden dropped the sheet to the ground completely. Her eyes widened, tears instantly filling them the moment he opened the box to show the white gold band with the soft blue gemstone situated on the gem mounting.

“Ya,” Eden managed to choke out as she covered her mouth, “w-what are you doing?”

When she took a step back, Jungkook’s arm moved with lightning speed and he caught her wrist – halting any and all escape attempts. When he felt her resisting him, his thumb dug into her skin to secure the hold he had on her.

“Noona,” he called to her, his mouth suddenly feeling dry, “please…”

He hadn’t meant to sound so pathetic. But the words felt like sand on the tip of his tongue and he wasn’t sure if he had the strength to repeat what he was about to say. Eden’s cheeks were streaked with tears, but her body seemed to relax a little more. Taking comfort in this, Jungkook’s fingers slid from her wrist to hold onto her hand.

“I wish I had the right words to tell you how I feel.” Jungkook could barely hear his own words, muffled under the sound of how loud his heart was thundering in his ears. “But the only thing I’m confident enough to say is that I love you. I love you sogoddamn much.”

Jungkook curled his fingers into her palm, pulling her toward him a half step. The sheet was abandoned as her bare feet shuffled forward. He watched her wiping at her cheeks with her free hand, silently waiting for him to continue.

“I know I probably don’t deserve the moments you give me, but I’m thankful that you do. I’m grateful that you decided to give me a chance. To give us a chance.”

He pulled her arm forward so that he could press his forehead against the back of her hand.

“It’s going to take some time, I know, but…” Lifting his face to look at her, he gave her a weak smile. “…will you also give me the chance to occupy every inch of your heart? Will you let me stay there forever once I do?”

Eden’s facial expression didn’t change. He saw the tears continuing to fall despite her efforts to clean her face with her free hand. He felt a heavy weight on his chest and was sure he’d pass out from the pressure building there.

“Eden McGee…” Jungkook held the box up a little higher. “…will you marry me?”

Everything was silent except for the breeze that blew through the skies, causing the laundry to flutter on the line.

Then he heard it. A half sob, half laugh. Jungkook blinked and saw the most unguarded look on Eden’s face he’d ever seen. When she wiped her nose with the back of her wrist, she nodded and laughed again. Jungkook let go of her hand long enough to pluck the ring from the soft silk bedding inside the box and slip it onto the appropriate finger. He figured she would take a moment to admire it, but the moment his hand left the ring, Eden threw herself into his arms and hugged him.

Jungkook wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting both her and him up off the ground. He spun around and peppered her face and neck with kisses. Again, she laughed, wrapping her legs around his waist.

This was the beginning of the rest of their lives.

Together.

Jungkook fiddled nervously with his vest, straightening the garment for the dozenth time while Jimin watched from a corner of the room, biting back a smile. He glanced over at him and sighed, shaking his head. “Is it normal to be this nervous? I love her. I want to marry her.” He stared back at his reflection in the mirror. “So why am I so nervous?”

Jimin pushed himself off the wall and approached Jungkook, grabbing his shirt collar and straightening it out, smoothing down the corners with gentle fingers. “Because you love her. Because it’s a big step.” Jungkook frowned a little, which caused his brother to smirk. “There’s a million reasons why you’re allowed to be nervous, so stop being nervous about being nervous,” he said, patting his cheek. “You love her. She loves you. It’s that simple.”

Jungkook couldn’t help the shaky sigh that managed to escape him. Jimin was right and he knew that. Sometimes it was better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. Jungkook rarely followed such a principle, but today was the day he would. He had to.

Two weeks had passed since Eden accepted his proposal. Once emotions were finally settled, they had a lengthy discussion and both agreed that it was probably in the best interest of everyone to marry in secret. With Anastasia pregnant, Raelyn busy with her hospital work, and the rest of Jungkook’s own friends focusing on staying off the Jade Fangs’ radar, it was better to just have a small ceremony between the two of them.

They still needed a witness; someone they trusted implicitly.

Jimin didn’t fuss or fight against any of it when Jungkook brought it up to him a week ago. In fact, it surprised him how readily he was willing to accept the role. Jimin reassured Jungkook that he just needed to focus on getting ready and planning the best honeymoon he could for his future bride. It wasn’t the most extravagant place, but it was important to him and Jimin agreed that Eden would appreciate it more than some trip to a resort on a remote beach somewhere.

Jungkook grabbed Jimin’s hands and gave them a squeeze before stepping back, looking at his brother – the one who was constantly giving him words of wisdom while fussing over him at the same time. “Is it really, though?” he asked, almost pointedly.

He watched Jimin raise an eyebrow at him, daring him to say anything further. When he didn’t, he patted his cheek again with a wry grin. “You have nothing to worry about, Jungkook-ah. It really is that simple for you. Eden loves you. She wants to marry you. So go out there and get married. You’ve both done so much with your lives and you have so much more left to do.”

What he said made sense, of course. He loved Eden more than he’d ever thought possible. He’d never met another woman who stirred the same kind of emotions in him than she had. Jungkook knew that he probably never would; not in this lifetime, anyway.

He gave his brother one long look before relaxing, the corners of his lips twitching into a smile. “You’re right. Just…I want you to be happy, too, y’know?”

“I am happy.” Jungkook winced when Jimin flicked his forehead and he rubbed at the sore spot. “Now, stop being so twitchy. Relax. Put a smile on that ridiculously handsome face of yours and go out there so you can greet your lady and, you know, marry her.”

He laughed and ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “Well, do I look good, at least? Come on, Hyung, you’ve got to help me out, here.” He gestured at himself, indicating the suit he’d chosen to wear.

The soft gray and black pinstripe suit stood out against the taupe stained walls of the chapel waiting room, bringing out the darker tones of his eyes. He’d thought it was appropriate. Black seemed too somber a color, and he was ready to start a new chapter of his life - one with his soon-to-be-wife - with energy and positivity.

Jimin snorted softly and reached up to ruffle his hair, though he smoothed it back down after. “You look fine, Jungkook. Handsome and happy. You’re lucky to have each other. Now, let’s go get you out there. We don’t wanna keep her waiting. She just might change her mind and run off.”

They left the room chuckling together, Jimin following slightly behind him, as if he were herding Jungkook along. And he may very well have been. Jungkook's nervousness aside, he knew he wanted to see Eden more than anything. And though none of them were terribly superstitious, Jimin managed to convince him not to try and see his future wife before she was walking down the aisle.

Jungkook tried not to start fidgeting again, Jimin silent and reassuring at his side as the priest stood at the front of the chapel hall. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his nerves as his white gloved hands wrung against each other. Jimin placed a hand on his shoulder, causing what nerves remained to drain out of him. He met his brother’s gaze and smiled, the two of them turning as the door to the chapel opened.

A few scant moments later, he saw her. Eden. She stepped out, into the light, and his breath caught in his throat as he looked at her, unable to see anywhere else. She was beyond beautiful. Of course, he already knew that. But in the soft light reflecting off tan walls and pooling through stained glass windows, her simple off-white dress that stopped at her knees seemed to radiate light. Jungkook couldn’t hear the music of the pianist; he didn’t see the priest or his brother.

Nothing and no one existed except her.

The ceremony itself was a blur, both too fast and too slow. He didn’t even really register what was said, or by whom. Rings were exchanged - again - their shining surfaces and dark patina a testament to their age. Jungkook had the rings engraved with the date of their wedding.

The vows were said, rings on each other’s hands, and he was kissing her, their lips finding each other. He would have stayed like that for much longer, but someone cleared their throat, a reminder that it could wait for later. They separated and he looked down at Eden, his dark eyes swirling with desire and pure happiness.

They were married. She was his wife. From now until the end of their lives, and beyond. From this moment onward, they were a true team; partners in every sense.

Ride or die.

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momentofroggie · 5 years

Text

Spike To The Heart CH 1

You can read it here on AO3

Words: 2.5K

Peter flinches and mutters a curse that echoes around the shower’s walls. The water is boiling hot to the touch. The boy’s surprised it didn’t burn him. He quickly turns the knob of the shower. It reaches a bearable temperature and he begins to wash the grime away. It’s an early morning in Queens, the sunrise peaking through the blinds of the bathroom window, illuminating Peter’s milky skin. The soap on his chest and arms glimmer like a mineral sliced in half. The young boy hums a tune as he scrubs his scalp, shampoo dripping down the back of his neck. He’s erupted by his peaceful shower with a few bangs on the door.

“Peter, hurry up! You’ll be late for the third time this week.” Aunt May calls from the other side. Peter shouts a lackluster “okay” and rinses himself off, cutting his heavenly time short. He steps out and quickly dries himself off. He changes into dark blue boxers, black jeans that hug him in all the right places, and an oversized Midtown School of Science sweatshirt. He brushes his hair and teeth, trying his best to make himself looks presentable. He rushes down the hall to slip on his black vans and sling on his backpack. Aunt May shuffles over and plants a kiss on his forehead.

“Have a great day, Petey. Have your clothes for after school?” Her eyes glimmer with compassion.

“Of course, how could I forget?”

“Be home by eight. Love you.” Peter says it back and before May can take another breath, he’s out the door trampling down the stairs. Today was the first day of volleyball tryouts. Peter has been on school and community teams since middle school. It was his drive and passion. The adrenaline rush of chasing after the ball, feeling it bounce off your forearms, and sliding to your knees to save the volleyball as it’s merically spiked over the net is enough to get Peter coming back for more. He usually played Libero, his favorite position. He was usually the first one to touch the ball once it got over the net. Yelling “mine” and sending the ball who-knows-how-many feet into the air is his favorite part. Also the uniforms. Long sleeve blue and white shirts, black spandex, and knee pads. They’re comfortable and mildly exposing. MJ always jokes that he wears the uniform the best, that it fits him like a vacuum sealed bag. Ned always shook his head in disgust while Peter laughs and nods in thanks.

Peter picks up the pace of his steps as he looks at the time on his phone. 10 minutes before the late bell. Shit. As soon as Peter steps foot into his classroom the bell rings in his ears. He flops down into his seat next to Ned who flashes him a quick smile. Peter wipes the slight sweat accumulating on his hairline. He hears MJ scoff from behind. He whips his head back and raises a confused eyebrows, his puppy eyes locking with Mary’s chocolate ones.

“Nice of you to show up.” MJ grins before continuing. “Your fly is down.”

Peter blubbers and zips his fly. The day goes by slow. All Peter can think about is tryouts. He’s been on the varsity team since freshman year. He doesn’t mean to brag but he thinks he’s pretty damn good. Maybe he could even make it as a captain, even though he’s only a junior. He’s heard word from one of his fellow teammates, Steve, that this year is gonna be real competitive for varsity.

“I heard some of the freshman coming up are kinda powerful. Wade Wilson is one of them.” Steve stops to chug his carton of chocolate milk. “Has a mighty serve. Could take someone’s head off.”

Bucky rolls his eyes from across the lunch table. He’s the best server on the team and one of the best in the state. He murmurs something about believing it when he sees it and goes back to eating his sandwich. Bucky and Steve are the toughest players on the team. They played freshman football until Peter convinced them to do volleyball instead. It’s been history ever since. Peter looks even more lanky and soft compared to the two bulky lumberjack looking men.

“Anyone else?” Peter mumbled through bits of apple. Steve shrugs and looks at Bucky, who’s mouth is twisted to the side. Steve straightens up and his eyes go wide.

“Thor’s brother! Jesus, what’s his name-“ He stammers while snapping his fingers, squinting his eyes shut in thought.

“Loki.” Peter looks up to see Thor standing over the table. His muscular arms straining against his black tshirt as he sets his tray down. “I tried to convince him to do football with me. Volleyball is for girls.”

Peter, Steve and Bucky all groan in sync at that comment. Thor gives a cheeky smirk in response. Thor’s the quarterback of the football team. It would take ten men to take him down, let alone three to move him. He was strong and quick on his feet. Some say he could make it to a national team if he committed. Despite being handsome and athletic, his brains certainly lack.

“There’s nothing wrong with playing a “girly” sport, doofus.” Bucky spat back. “In volleyball, you actually have to use your head instead of ramming it into people’s stomachs.”

Thor chuckled at the brunette’s comment, looking up from his lunch to lock eyes with him. He shook his head and looked down once more. “Whatever you say. I just think Loki would do better with football, that’s all.”

“But Loki isn’t as bulky as you,” Peter pipes up, “He would get a concussion before the first game ended.”

“It’s all part of the fun.” Thor shrugs and finishes his sandwich within three bites. Bucky shakes his head and stands up, tray in hand. He greets everyone goodbye and exits the canteen. Steve quickly does the same, leaving Peter and Thor on opposite ends of the round table. Peter looks down shyly. Thor has always intimidated him, his piercing blue eyes and his rugged figure was enough to send shivers up Peter’s spine. “Don’t tell the others this, but I think you’re the only one who ain’t half bad at the whole volleyball thing.”

Peter felt blush creep up his neck and onto his cheeks. “Thanks, Thor. Bet you already know how good you are at football..”

The bell rings as Thor opens his mouth. Peter scurries away before he can hear what Thor has to say. The rest of the afternoon seems to go by even slower. It leaves Peter staring at the clock all through AP Physics. When the bell finally chimes once more, he practically sprints to the locker room. There he sees familiar faces. Steve, Bucky, Scott, Sam, Clint. But he also sees new faces. A boy with black hair down to his shoulders with a sharp yet welcoming face. Another boy with brown eyes and brown hair and a killer body. His chest plastered with abs and meaty pecs. Peter tries his best not to stare.

Peter changes into a pair of black spandex, a white pizza pi tshirt, knee pads, and black Nike sneakers. Most boys on the volleyball team don’t wear spandex for practice, they usually wear basketball shorts or even sweats some days. Not Peter, he likes the feeling of spandex. The free breeze around his thighs and the squeaking of his legs as they hit the gym floor. He spots Steve and Bucky waiting out for him outside the locker room and they head to the gym. The nets are set up and boys are already warming up. Some are playing pass over the net while others are serving to each other from across the gym.

Something doesn’t feel right though. Peter can’t spot coach Banner. He’s usually there greeting his future team players by the double gym doors. Instead, it’s another man. An attractive man for that matter. He has brown hair with gray locks whipped up into a quiff. Chocolate brown eyes that make you melt like ice cream in July. A scratchy looking beard and mustache covers his cheeks and chin. This isn’t coach Banner. Definitely not.

“Who the hell is that?” Steve’s boisterous comment breaking Peter’s world of fantasy. Peter shakes his head and shrugs.

“No idea. New coach maybe?” Peter squeaks, eyes trailing down the mystery man’s body. He’s incredibly fit. He’s wearing a track suit jacket, the material hugging at his biceps. His sweatpants however hide his presumably muscular legs, but leaving nothing to the imagination around his crotch. Peter gulps. This season could be interesting.

Steve, Bucky, and Peter go to a corner of the gym with a volleyball. They play pass but Peter can’t seem to focus. He keeps glancing over at the man, scratching at his beard and writing on a clipboard.

“Peter, you go!” Steve calls out, serving the ball. Peter shouts a slightly incoherent “I go!” While swooping his arms under the ball sending it flying into the air. He glances over and him and the man make eye contact. The man sends a warm grin and looks down at the board in his hands. Although what he did was simple, he felt a sense of pride and triumph for what he did. That is until the ball fell between his feet. Bucky laughed.

“Peter, dude, the ball was right there. Pay attention.” Peter rolled his eyes, flushing with embarrassment.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Peter served the ball to Bucky a little too hard. Whether it was intentional or not he’ll never figure out. They continue to pass the ball to each other until they hear the whistle. They jog to the middle, kids separated between the nets. They try their best to surround the coach despite that. The man can feel the teens gawk at him, but regains his composure.

“Hello gentlemen. I am your new coach, Mr. Stark. You can just call me Coach Stark if you wish. Mr. Banner and his wife are expecting, so he will not be able to coach your team this year. However, I promise you I’ll do my best to give you the most successful season yet. Before we can even think about that, let’s start with tryouts.” Mr. Stark stumbles around the circle, steps slow and thoughtful.

“There will be three teams. Freshman, JV, and Varsity. Freshman team is self explanatory, but just because you’re a freshman doesn’t mean you’ll be on freshman team. You could possibly do better or not make a team.” Tony chuckles. He watches boys, assuming they’re the freshman, look around wearily. The boy with the long black hair looks like he’s going to be sick.

“JV is junior varsity. Usually underclassmen are on this team and of course theres varsity. I hope you’re all a competitive bunch, it makes it funner; even makes me job harder.” Tony shines a grin that could outshine the sun. “Enough talking. Everyone up for warmups.”

“He seems determined.” Bucky said with a sheepish grin.

“But is he prepared?” Steve replies, jogging to the side of the gym everyone was meeting on.

“He likes a good competition. We’re the ones who should be prepared, especially for me.” Scott gleams while stretching his calves. Clint rolls his eyes while cracking his knuckles. Peter stays silent, desperately trying to focus on the sport.

“Alright boys. Jog, lunge, windmills, jog, skip, and sprint. Let’s go.” Tony barked with a blow of a whistle.

—-

Sweat dribbles down Peter’s back and chest. Some of his once fluffy hair is matting to his forehead. His forearms are turning red from the impact of the volleyballs plummeting at him over the net. His heartbeat and breath is all he can hear.

“This is the last serve, Steve.” Tony shouted from the other side of the net. “Spike it. Show me what you got.”

Steve nodded and threw the ball up. His hand smacked against it, making a sonic boom level of a sound. The smack echoed in Peter’s ears. He dived down onto his knees, sliding onto his belly as the ball bounces off of his forearms. It goes over the net, perfectly landing into Steve’s hands.

“Excellent work, uh, Parker! Yes, Parker.” Tony howls. Peter shakily stands up and nods in thanks. Tony blows his whistle, dismissing the boys. “Come to practice tomorrow, 2PM sharp, all of you.”

Peter jogs to the locker room. Soon, the changing room fills with conversations. About practice, how raw their forearms and knees were, and Coach Stark. Peter looks over to Bucky with his hand on the boy with the long hair’s shoulder. He looks shaken and tired.

“You did a great job today, Loki! You’re a better athlete than your brother.” Bucky boomed. Loki chuckled and looked down at his shiny sneakers. Peter smiles to himself and hops in the shower, lazily rinsing himself off. He could stay in the shower forever, but definitely not here. He dries himself off and changes back into his old school clothes. When he strolls out of the locker room, Steve is waiting for him.

“Mind if I walk you home?” Steve smiles and holds out his hand. Peter rolls his eyes and reluctantly grabs his hand.

“Whatever, dork.”

They walk out into the mild mid September air. The sunset illuminates the yellow taxis and brick buildings. At first they walk in silence, listening to the horns and passing chatters of people. Until Steve speaks up.

“Loki’s good. Like, really good.” Peter nods, not really caring to know who’s good and who’s not.

“Yeah, well, his brother is Thor after all.” Steve nods nervously.

“Bucky seems to be impressed.” He huffs under his breath. Peter shoves his hands into his pocket and furrows his eyebrows. “It takes a lot to impress him.”

“Why does it matter? You’ll make varsity, with Loki playing or not.” Peter scoffs, nothing touching the fact that Bucky is impressed. He knows Steve has always liked Bucky in more than a friendly nature. If he ever tells Steve he has a clue, his head would blow off to the moon.

“You’re right.” Steve mutters. They walk in silence until they reach Peter’s complex. Peter waves goodbye and walks up the steps to the door. However, something compels him and he looks back to see Steve still standing there.

“You gonna go home?” Peter utters.

“What do you think of the new coach?”

Peter pauses for a moment. “He’s alright, Go home, Rogers.”

Peter pushes open the door and leans up against it. He runs his hands through his damp hair and smiles. For the first time in a while, he’s looking forward to going to school tomorrow.

@winter-starker @imgonnadiebutohwell @whisperingstarkers @plueschpop @ironspiderkid @darker-soft-starker @tonyhstarks

#starker #parker x tony #high school au #volleyballstar!peter #coach!tony

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danganronpa-21 · 6 years

Text

(OUTDATED) DR21 Ch.1-3 Fankid Index

DISCLAIMER: The following is an index of fanchildren that appear within the series Danganronpa 21 between chapters one and three. There will likely be more to come.

Full Name: Hope Naegi-Kirigiri

Gender: Female

Age: 16 years

Date of Birth: April 9th, 2020

Height: 5’6

Weight: 118 lbs.

Blood Type: AB

Eye Colour: Violet

Hair Colour: Light Brown

Nationality: Japanese

Sexuality: Pansexual

Talent: The Super High School Level Costume Designer

Affiliations: The Kirigiri Detective Family, Hope’s Peak Academy

Family: Makoto Naegi-Kirigiri (Father), Kyoko Naegi-Kirigiri (Mother), Komaru Naegi (Aunt), Jin Kirigiri (maternal grandfather) †, Kazuko Kirigiri (maternal grandmother) †, Kenshin Naegi (paternal grandfather) †, Mami Naegi (paternal grandmother) †, Fuhito Kirigiri (great-grandfather), Koichi Naegi-Kirigiri (Brother), Seiko Naegi-Kirigiri (Sister)

Additional Ties: Aoi Asahina (godmother)

Likes: Mystery novels, donuts, dogs, pop music, Halloween, make-up, spending time with her family, Student Council, the cheerleading team, craft projects

Dislikes: Homework, swearing, being called bossy, being underestimated, visiting her great-grandfather, her mother’s cooking

Hobbies: Cheerleading, costume design & creation, theatre, cooking, photography, cosplay, playing video games, reading books, helping her younger sister with mystery solving

Personality: The eldest daughter of Makoto Naegi and Kyoko Kirigiri, Hope considers herself to be a natural born leader. She is optimistic, bubbly, and caring, as well as the type of person to take on whatever challenges come her way. She’s always ready for adventure and will bravely face just about anyone, no matter how scary. However, her general nature (especially with the traits she inherited from her parents) can cause her a lot of trouble. Thanks to the environment that she grew up in, Hope is naturally naive and trusting of others. She is not quick to suspect them if something should go wrong and will only accuse them as a last resort. Like her mother, she is headstrong and stubborn, wanting to fight until the very end- even if it’s not good for her. As times, some might even characterize Hope as childish or fanatical, earning her more than just a few weird looks in her direction.

Abilities: Trained in Martial Arts (4th best in her family), flexible with decent upper body strength, can take a good hit.

Health: Physically and mentally healthy.

Achilles’ Heel: Too proud to admit her mistakes and shortcomings.

Full Name: Koichi Naegi-Kirigiri

Gender: Male

Age: 14 years

Date of Birth: February 5th, 2022

Height: 5’1

Weight: 100 lbs.

Blood Type: B

Eye Colour: Green

Hair Colour: Light Brown

Nationality: Japanese

Sexuality: Bisexual

Talent: No Talent, Reserve Class Student

Affiliations: The Kirigiri Detective Family, Hope’s Peak Academy

Family: Makoto Naegi-Kirigiri (father), Kyoko Naegi-Kirigiri (mother), Komaru Naegi (Aunt), Jin Kirigiri (maternal grandfather) †, Kazuko Kirigiri (maternal grandmother) †, Kenshin Naegi (paternal grandfather) †, Mami Naegi (paternal grandmother) †, Fuhito Kirigiri (great-grandfather), Hope Naegi-Kirigiri (sister), Seiko Naegi-Kirigiri

Additional Ties: Aoi Asahina (godmother)

Likes: Novels, video games, ramen, animals (penguins in particular), tea, manga, spending time around friends and family, being challenged, ricecakes

Dislikes: Threats to his family, being regarded solely as Makoto and Kyoko’s son rather than his own person, people who drink milk straight out of the carton, getting lectured, excessive attention, doing laundry, coriander, himself

Hobbies: Reading, playing video games, playing basketball, martial arts (aikido, taekwondo, jiu jitsu, judo, and hapkido), calligraphy, language study, skateboarding, playing the piano, volunteering

Personality: Out of all of the members of his family, Koichi would consider himself to be the most normal. This is of course not true, but he believes it to be this way anyways. He would tell you himself that he kind of got the short end of the stick when it came to personality traits- no analytical traits, but no traces of optimism either. This had lead him to not think very highly of himself, though he is quite a capable young man. He is usually quite dubious and unsure of what he is capable of. His self-confidence is somewhat lacking, but he does his best to avoid showing it as he doesn’t want others to know his vulnerabilities. Koichi is serious and calm, but is also known to make sarcastic comebacks or jokes simply to tease others.

Abilities: Trained in Martial Arts by his mother (3rd best in the family), can take a good hit, is capable of thinking quickly when in danger.

Health: Peanut allergy. Mentally and physically healthy.

Achilles’ Heel: Recklessly impulsive.

Full Name: Seiko Naegi-Kirigiri

Gender: Female

Age: 8 years

Date of Birth: December 14th, 2028

Height: 4’2

Weight: 59 lbs.

Blood Type: B

Eye Colour: Violet

Hair Colour: Lavender

Nationality: Japanese

Sexuality: Labeless.

Talent: L’il Ultimate Detective

Affiliations: The Kirigiri Family, Akamine Academy for Gifted Youngsters

Additional Ties: Aoi Asahina (godmother)

Likes: Snacks, mystery novels, dogs, Japanese mythology, pretty rocks, being called cute, chocolate, playing dress-up with her sister, her brother’s piano playing

Dislikes: Secrets, creepy old men, pickles, her school teachers, making her parents worry, green peppers, demonstrations of her own weakness, being underestimated, shouting

Hobbies: Reading, puzzle solving, stuffed animal collecting, climbing trees, ballet, playing chess, doll collecting, keeping a journal, baking

Personality: Seiko is slightly strange in terms of her personality as she has the capacity to be both extremely mature and incredibly childish, depending on who she is spending time with. Around strangers, Seiko is shy and will immediately assume stoic form until she gets more comfortable with them. She makes herself out to be quiet, calculating, and a girl of few words. However this does not stop her from demonstrating her intellectual capabilities, as in all “versions” of herself she is a very bright young girl. When one is given the opportunity to get to know Seiko better, they will meet a friendly, dedicated, and kind young girl. Seiko is very confident in her own abilities, and takes great pride in being a detective. She is noted to have great courage and possesses the willingness to stand up to anybody who tries to mess her up or get in her way. She also seems to possess a sort of gentleness and a tendency for allocentrism that can sometimes go too far. On the other end of the spectrum, some of Seiko’s biggest flaws are that she is opinionated, impatient, graceless, disobedient, and childish. She also tends to hold grudges and has issues letting things go, in addition to speaking in a rude tone sometimes.

Abilities: Trained in Martial Arts (5th best in her family), extremely logical and adept at problem solving.

Achilles’ Heel: Impatient and spiteful.

Full Name: Leon Hagakure

Gender: Male

Age: 16 years

Date of Birth: January 8th, 2020

Height: 6’0

Weight: 151 lbs

Blood Type: B

Eye Colour: Gold

Hair Colour: Dark Brown

Nationality: A quarter Jamaican, mostly Japanese

Sexuality: Undetermined

Talent: No Talent, Reserve Class Student

Affiliations: Hope’s Peak Academy

Family: Yasuhiro Hagakure (father), Kanon Hagakure (mother), Hiroko Hagakure (paternal grandmother), Kameyo Hagakure (sister)

Additional Ties: Leon Kuwata (mother’s cousin) †

Likes: Dubstep music, manga, electric guitar, cheeseburgers, aliens, the scent of vanilla, wasabeef-flavoured chips (wasabi + beef flavoured chips), red snapper, calligraphic writings

Dislikes: Homework, nagging, classic novels, his father’s psychic abilities, being his mother’s test subject, whale meat, cutting his hair

Hobbies: Music mixing, soccer, mountain biking, hiking, drawing, playing baseball, exploring abandoned areas, playing video games, wood carving

Personality: As Leon would tell you himself, being the son of Kanon and Yasuhiro Hagakure has put him in a bit of a strange spot in terms of personality. Some things that are normal to him are not normal to others, and as such he has a bit of a tendency to wear people out on occasion. Regardless, Leon can be best described as a laid-back, energetic, and good-humoured young man. He is generally very idealistic and doesn’t take a lot of things personally- even when he really should. Like his mother he is fairly courageous and rather clever, despite most people he would not possess either of those traits due to his father figure. Still, Leon would tell you himself that he’s not perfect. Often his personality can come across as overwhelming and/or obnoxious, driving others away rather than drawing them in. He is rather naive and expects the best from even the worst of people. His teachers will note him to be lazy, disorganized, and irresponsible in many cases and his parents wouldn’t exactly disagree (although he is very responsible when it comes to his role as a big brother). Sometimes his idealism can push him to even be unrealistic in his expectations of not only himself and others, which can often put a strain on things. Still, deep down in his heart Leon is a genuinely friendly and enthusiastic young man who just wants to see the whole world smile.

Abilities: Not currently known

Health: Mentally and physically healthy.

Achilles’ Heel: Lazy and fearful.

Full Name: Sakura Asahina

Gender: Female

Age: 16 years

Date of Birth: November 17th, 2020

Height: 6’0

Weight: 150 lbs.

Blood Type: O

Eye Colour: Brown

Hair Colour: Black

Nationality: Unknown

Sexuality: Polysexual

Talent: Super High School Level White Water Rafter

Affiliations: Hope’s Peak Academy, The Sakuhina Café

Family: Aoi Asahina (adoptive mother), ??? ??? (birth mother), ??? ??? (birth father)

Additional Ties: Makoto Naegi-Kirigiri (godfather), Kyoko Naegi-Kirigiri (godmother)

Likes: Donuts, swimming, matchmaking, binge-watching TV shows, bunnies, spending time with her friends, physical activity, fresh fruit, her mother’s cooking

Dislikes: Being feared, neglect of proper nutrition, yelling and loud noises, neglect of responsibilities, the taste of salt water, dressing up formally, back aches, shoulder tension, tofu

Hobbies: Baking, binge-watching TV shows, swimming, babysitting, jump rope, working out, quilting, white water rafting

Personality: Though she may appear to be threatening, don’t let looks fool you- Sakura Asahina is easily one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet. She is adventurous, compassionate, and dependable, but has a bit of a habit of jumping to conclusions. Her temper is almost non-existent, showing itself only in situations in which her loved ones are being threatened. She is a dreamer and believes in the kindness of those around her, even when they have proved themselves to be unworthy of her faith. She is gentle and generous, giving as much time and attention as she can to anybody she meets. However, even Sakura is not perfect. Due to her upbringing, she is incredibly impatient and has a habit of jumping to conclusions about things. Not to mention that she is also rather sensitive and emotional, much like her adoptive mother.

Abilities: Extremely strong swimmer, good upper body strength, capable of thinking quickly in times of crisis.

Health: Mentally and physically healthy.

Achilles’ Heel: Emotionally vulnerable.

#danganronpa 21 #naegiri fanchild #yasujima fanchild #aoi asahina fanchild #danganronpa next generation #hope naegi-kirigiri #koichi naegi-kirigiri #seiko naegi-kirigiri #leon hagakure #sakura asahina #danganronpa 21 character index

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sprnklersplashes · 6 years

Text

I Can Be Your Hero (6/?)

Or... Captain Swan Supergirl AU.

AO3

The DEO’s training area was a large circular room with a white floor and walls that looked like they were made of steel. Bright white lights came on once Emma and her trainer, a tall, pretty brunette named Ruby, entered. The ceiling seemed to go on forever; when Emma looked up, she was just met with a bright white light that made her squint. The room was cold too, just enough to make the hairs on Emma’s arms prick up.

Ruby took off her jacket, revealing a red crop to with a toned set of abs, and flicked her dark ponytail over her shoulder. Emma’s tongue darted to the corner of her mouth at the sight. She remained in her Swan costume, deciding it was better for everyone involved if she trained in the same gear she fought in. Emma took a few quick test jumps to get ready. The DEO had made some modifications to the suit, all while Anna protested in the background. The material Anna had used was replaced by something stronger, far more resistant to tearing, fire and bullets. It was also designed to keep her from overheating in a fight and the boots were given some modifications; built in shin guards and new soles, not unlike a pair of sneakers. A really high-tech pair of sneakers. Made for battling aliens in the middle of the desert.

It was also, according to Mal, stain resistant. Which was a nice, if unusual, addition.

“Okay,” Ruby breathed, striding towards Emma. “Let’s start with some warm ups. Come at me.”

“Do we really need to do this?” Emma asked. “I told Elsa and Ingrid, I’m basically indestructible.”

“Maybe, but that won’t win you the fight,” Ruby said, flicking her hair out of her eyes and crouching low. “You need skill as well as strength. Technique. Now come at me.” Emma rolled her eyes slightly but did as instructed; she came at Ruby with full force, a small voice in the back of her mind telling her to slow down or she’d knock the poor girl over, but hey, that was what Ruby signed up for by agreeing to train her.

What actually happened was Ruby caught Emma in the stomach with one arm and grabbed Emma’s wrist with the other. Before Emma could even gasp, she was hurled over Ruby’s arm and landed with a painfully loud whack on the floor, leaving her winded and her head spinning.

“When Ingrid first joined she spent twelve hours a day in here for five months,” Ruby informed her, reaching down to help her up. Not that she needed the help, but it was nice. “If anything, it’s standard procedure. Not because I think you’re weak.” Ruby studied her as she regained her balance. “Although, your technique does need a bit of refining.”

“Oh?” Emma asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Your stance is too open,” Ruby explained with a grin. “Leaves you vulnerable to all sorts of attacks. And you think with your muscles.”

“Okay,” Emma said, thinking it over. “Come at me this time.”

“You sure?” Ruby asked. Emma nodded, holding her left arm across her chest. When Ruby swung at her, she blocked it, swung her around and made to kick her down. Until Ruby hooked her ankle around hers and in a split second, Emma felt herself once again colliding with the ground. “Basic rule of hand to hand combat, cover all your weak points. By just focussing on my arms, you left your lower body completely open.”

“First rule of fight club?” Emma asked dryly, getting up herself this time. Ruby at least chuckled at that.

“Here’s a good first rule,” she said. “Think of the people you’re protecting.”

“The whole city?” Emma responded. “I do. It’s a big ask.”

“Not them,” Ruby answered. “I mean yes, think about them, but think about the people who’d be hurt if something happened to you. The ones who wait up for you at home with one eye on the phone.” There was something in Ruby’s expression, a pain behind her eyes, biting the inside of her cheek, her shoulders straightening as she took in a deep breath.

“Sounds like you’re a little too familiar with this,” Emma said sympathetically.

“I’ve worked here for three years,” she said. She toyed with a red streak in her hair, apparently reading Emma’s face, seeing the question she was too shy to ask. “My grandmother. I’ve lived with her all my life. She’s the one waiting for me.” Another deep breath, a tug on the red streak, a set of her jaw. “And my girlfriend. Dorothy.”

“Oh,” was all Emma could say.

“Yeah um…. Bisexual,” Ruby said, pointing at herself, eyes on the floor. Emma smiles despite the tension in the air. If anyone can relate to this, it’s her. Awkwardly explaining to Ingrid that she’s bringing a girl to the dance even though six months ago she had a not so subtle crush on her maths tutor. Working up the courage to say it to Graham. Whispering it to Elsa in their shared bedroom.

“Me too,” she said, holding out a fist. With an amused, and shocked, smile, Ruby pumps her fist against hers. “Round three?”

“As many rounds as it takes,” Ruby said, getting into position again. “Remember, keep yourself guarded.” Emma swings another punch at her. Sometimes she could keep defending herself, sometimes she could even nearly get Ruby down, but every time Ruby had her back on the ground.

Until nearly four hours later, when the training and tips lock in her mind and she had Ruby on the floor, on her stomach, Emma’s foot on her back.

“Not bad, Swan,” Ruby panted, and Emma couldn’t help but feel proud.

*****

Almost every single day since she started working at West Co Emma hadn’t used the cafeteria. She had nothing against it; certainly not Elsa’s rants about how many calories were in a single bread roll. As far as she was concerned, calories were irrelevant. She could always burn them off doing laps of the city skyline. And it’s not like it tasted bad either; those chemicals and e-numbers her sister hated so much gave the food just a special something, a kind of magic that could only be captured in that white walled, brightly lit world of the cafeteria. What she was against was paying $10 for a sandwich. She didn’t have that kind of money. Well, she did, but the price was so ludicrous she wasn’t paying on a point of principle. She also preferred eating at her desk, shifting through files and sending emails and talking to Graham than searching for a table down there.

However, she happened to oversleep after a particularly rough training session with Ruby, she was lucky her super strength prevented bruising, which led to her rushing out the door, both skipping breakfast and leaving her pasta she made the night before in the fridge,

Which was how she ended up sitting at the one nearly empty table in the cafeteria, Will from accounts was there but he was hunched over his book, giving her nothing more than a nod, and she could enjoy her admittedly great chicken and fries in peace and have a mental argument with herself about why she shouldn’t be getting food from the cafeteria every damn day.

“Ahoy there,” Killian Jones greeted. She looked up to see the photographer with a small smile on his face, clutching a try with a salad, bread roll and carton of milk balanced on it, fingers tapping away at the bottom. “May I sit? Everywhere else is fairly full.”

“Of course,” she said, waving to the seat opposite her. He sat beside the one opposite her. She tried not to take it personally. It wasn’t her, it was him being a gentleman. So, she turned back and tried to lose herself in her Instagram feed. And yet she found herself glancing out of the corner of her eye at him.

And then she saw him pour the milk into a plastic cup and drink it as if it was water.

“Seriously?” she asked before she could stop herself. He looked up at her in surprise, surprised that she was speaking to him, or that she was speaking to him about his drinking habits. “You’re one of those people?”

“Those people?” he echoed.

“Those weirdos who drink milk on its own,” she said, gesturing to the cup on his tray. He frowned, looking from the cup to her and her look of disgust.

“Maybe it’s a cultural difference,” he offered. “Maybe what is strange to you Americans is perfectly acceptable to us Englishmen.”

“Nope, you’re just weird,” Will replied, not taking his eyes off his book. Emma and Killian exchanged an awkward look, their face almost identical; eyebrows raised and biting their lips to keep from laughing.

“Well, okay,” he breathed. “Although to be fair, I’m not technically English. My mother was Irish.”

“Oh, that kind of makes sense. Irish people do all kinds of weird stuff,” Emma said, popping another fry into her mouth.

“See, you judge me for my consumption habits, and yet your meal of choice looks like a heart attack on a plate,” he pointed out.

“Oh, bite me,” she said flatly. “I’d have to eat at least five of these in a row before being in danger of a heart attack. Just so you know.”

“Where did you learn that?”

“Googled it to prove a point to my sister,” she replied, taking a look at his chicken salad. “You’d like her. She eats rabbit food too.”

“I don’t eat ‘rabbit food’,” he said. “I’m just a healthy eater.”

“Is it because you’re Irish?” Emma giggled.

“I actually think it is,” he answered. He set his jaw, his fingers drumming on the table. “My mum was always one for maximum veggies and minimal chocolate. Suppose it came with the territory. But…” He held up a plastic-wrapped cookie that had sat on his tray. “I suppose I do have a sweet tooth.”

“My mom, Ingrid, was like that growing up,” Emma said, choosing her words carefully. She loved Ingrid with her heart and soul, but still struggled referring to her as “mom”. “Ingrid” worked just fine for the both of them. “She kept the rule about no candy on the weekends, no leaving the table until we finished all the greens. She didn’t know about the hidden candy bars in the floorboards in my room.”

He laughed, and Emma noticed how gorgeous his laugh was. Full, but also light and musical.

She adjusted her glasses slightly.

“So, you were a little rebel back in the day, Snow?” he asked, leaning back in his chair, one arm over the back seat.

“Oh, completely,” she deadpanned. “I was the trouble maker of the litter picking team.”

“You did not do litter picking as a child,” he said. Emma raised an eyebrow. “Aw, that’s cute.”

“I’d love to see what you were like as a kid,” she said. “Let me guess, the brooding loner with an affection for leather jackets and a penchant for rule breaking?” She finished off her statement by gesturing to his black leather jacket worn over his white shirt. That jacket, with the messy black hair and chain around his neck, did give him a bad of a bad boy vibe.

“Half right,” he said. “Loner, yes. Bad boy, no. I was the pinnacle of a law-abiding citizen. I was in the church choir and everything.”

“That’s adorable,” she teased. “Bet you were the most angelic voice in the choir.”

“Well, that’s what my nan said, and who am I to argue with my nan?” he asked while unwrapping the cookie. He broke it in half and handed the bigger half over to Emma.

“I can’t,” she protested, shaking her head.

“Yes, you can.” He placed it on her tray. “It’s your reward.” He huffed a laugh when she raised her eyebrows. “You got my child-self half right, you get half a cookie.”

“So, if I got the whole thing right, I’d have got the whole cookie?”

“Perhaps,” he said with a wink. The wink sent a shiver down her back, a pink blush creeping across her face that was identical to his.

Suddenly, a tremendous shake ran through the room, causing framed certificates off the walls, tables to nearly fall over, cracking a few windows, overhead lights to swing. It dragged on and did not show signs of slowing down, long enough for windows to shatter, one of the chords holding the overhead lights to snap and leave it swinging dangerously above their heads. The shock from the unexpected and vigorous movement had Emma’s head spinning and she felt as though her stomach was going to drop out from under her. Emma and Killian looked at each other, his mouth hanging open, her jaw clenched, both their eyes wide. Out of instinct, he grabbed her arm to steady her as a second shock went through the room. When she looked up, she saw cracks beginning to form in the ceiling. The whole roof would cave in if this didn’t stop.

She and Killian ran out of the cafeteria, swept up in the sea of people hurrying through the doors despite urges from security guards not to panic, that this had a normal explanation…

Yeah, right.

Killian and Emma stopped dead in their tracks when they passed the window and saw what the cause of the quake was. On the road outside West Co., blocking the traffic, there was a single man, dressed in an all-black ensemble, tight black trousers and shirt, but the flowing cape gave it away the most. He looked like he had stepped out of an anime that was Anna’s guilty pleasure. From there, Emma couldn’t see what he was holding, but he clapped his hands and another quake set the building shaking.

“Snow, come on,” Killian said, pulling her to away from the window and in the direction of the emergency exit. They could only just see the glow of the EXIT sign above the door with the sea of people filling the hallway.

It was a no-brainer, really. Emma looked at Killian, his attention entirely focussed on the crowd; his eyes wide and teeth clenched as he took quick, deep breaths. She slipped her hand out of his and crept away from the crowd and around the corner.

“Emma?” she heard his panicked voice call. “Emma?!” A pang of guilt hit her chest, as well as a fluttering in her stomach.

Still, Killian could wait. Right now, he, and the rest of the city, needed the Swan.

�� ******

The Swan planted herself down on the road, mere feet from this new villain. Up close, she could see he was around her age, dark hair, dark stubble and a glint of insanity in his eyes. A wicked smirk flashed across his face at the sight of her.

“The Swan,” he laughed. “Well, I guess they are sending in their finest.”

“No one sends me anywhere,” she responded. “Now how about you put away your shiny new toys and we can forget this ever happened?” He laughed, but it was devoid of humour. Just a hollow, empty sound.

“I could do that,” he said. “Or I could do this.” He clapped his gloved hands and send another earthquake to shake the ground. Emma put all her focus into staying upright, her eyes darting to the shaking building of West Co. and then to the cars in front of and behind her, hearing the fearful screams of their owners. She could only imagine what it would be like inside and her gut churned.

“Nice gloves. Guessing you didn’t pick them up at the mall?” she asked, stepping closer again. He clenched his fist and she saw that the gloves must have been made of black metal, red lines surrounding the base of each finger. “Mind telling me who hooked you up with them?”

“Not today, Swan,” he said, moving to clap again.

Emma sent a stream of cold air from her mouth, aiming at his hands, trapping them, then going for his feet. When she stopped, she saw the string of ice she had made along his chest by mistake, frost along his collar bone, and how his feet were linked together by a thick strip of ice. Well, nobody’s perfect, but the job was done. His hands, and more importantly, the gloves, were encased in two ice cubes, and he had no way of fleeing.

“Oh, that’s cute,” he remarked bitterly.

“Now you can tell me who got you those?” she asked. “Or why you’re wearing a cape?”

“You’re wearing a cape,” he pointed out. She shrugged it off and kept staring at him, watching as his face changed; the narrowed eyes growing wider, mouth opening as he started gasping rapidly, his body tensing quickly. “God that’s cold.”

“And it’ll get colder,” she said. “So why don’t we make a deal. You tell me what I want to know, and I’ll melt those ice blocks a little.” He paused, thinking about her offer, all the time his body grew more tense and his gasps grew shorter in length and higher in pitch.

“Deal,” he panted. “I got them from some lady selling them near my place.”

“She was just selling alien gadgets off a street corner?” Emma scoffed.

“I live in Petersland,” he said. “Ever been there? You with your superpowers? Think they’ve ever been there in their silver Mercedes and high-up jobs? It’s a dump. Houses get set fire every other week and no one bothers to clean it up. Kids live on school dinners and adults live on cigarettes and stale bread. So yeah, lady comes up and starts selling new gadgets, I’ll check it out.”

“What did she look like?” Emma asked.

“I didn’t take a picture. Dark hair, dark eyes, kind of small, really pretty?”

“Did she tell you how they worked?”

“Yep. She told me that all I needed to do was c-clap my hands and I’d level a city block.”

“Okay,” Emma said. “Don’t say I never keep my word.” She shot her laser to his left foot and applied enough heat for the ice to begin melting on its own. She knew from experience that if she tried to melt it on her own she ran the risk of zapping him and she wasn’t spiteful enough to do that.

No matter how much it tempted her.

“Anything else I should know?” she asked as police showed up behind him. And of course, the black van of the DEO. “Think about your answer carefully or you could be getting hauled off to prison in a set of pre-prepared ice-cuffs.”

“She said… She said that she wanted to see me face off against you,” he said. “Wanted me to draw you out.”

“Me?” Emma asked. “Why?”

“Just the messenger, hon,” he said, a smirk flickering across his pale face.

Screw it, Emma thought. A laser to the foot was a worthy punishment for that comment.

The police began filing out of their cars, guns raised, and Mal jumped out from the DEO van, Ruby at her side. They casually strolled to the police, flashed a badge, and dodged around them to Emma and their soon-to-be newest prisoner. While Mal’s face remained stony, Ruby was smiling and slipped in a cheeky wink at Emma.

“Nice work,” she mouthed.

“Thank you, Swan,” Mal said. “We’ll take it from here.”

“No,” Emma protested. “I need to talk to him.” Mal frowned, turning from him to Emma. Emma took a step closer, pushed her hair behind her shoulder and lowered her voice. “He wasn’t working alone. He said someone sent him. And that someone wanted him to find me.”

“Come by when you can,” Mal whispered. “He’s under our jurisdiction now.”

Emma stood back and watched as he was loaded into the back of the DEO’s van and the van took off, getting smaller and smaller until it was out of sight entirely. The police climbed back into their cars, some casting her dirty looks, some smiling. Camera flashes went off around her. Ambulance sirens wailed in the distance.

Two things stuck in Emma’s mind from that encounter. The first was his message for Emma; someone wanted her to come out, to fight. To test her? To try to hurt her. She guessed all she could do was hope that he had answers and was willing to give them up.

The second was what he had said about his life. She had to admit that he had a point. Even on her own planet, which she had considered a paradise, there had been people living in the streets, but when her parents were in charge they cared. They tried to help. People weren’t as fortunate on this planet. The government was rarely competent at protecting its people, especially those who didn’t have enough money to matter.

Emma was back in the West Co. building before anyone could even notice she had been missing.

Almost anyone.

“Emma!” Killian exclaimed, eyes wide when he saw her through the crowd of West Co. employees who were scurrying back to their offices, some eager to start jotting down their notes, some desperate to call home. Killian ran up to her, stopping at the last minute, pulling his arms back. “What happened to you? I just turned around and you were gone!”

“I know, I’m sorry, I needed to call my sister,” she lied. “I had to let her know I was okay.” He nodded, but his eyes were still bright with panic. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“It’s okay,” he said, forcing a smile. “You’re safe now and that’s all that matters.” His smile didn’t quite meet his eyes though. His hand reached out and pulled her lopsided sweater up onto her shoulder. Seemed she wasn’t as quick changing as she thought.

“I should go to Miss West,” Emma said. “She’ll be going insane up there.”

“I should grab my camera,” he replied. “Get the best shots in before anyone else.”

She turned to go, adjusting her glasses as she ran off down the hall, still feeling his eyes on her.

******

Emma ended up spending her night at the DEO, instead of her plans to send a few emails, take some Buzzfeed quizzes and watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine all while tucking into an overflowing bowl of pasta. She was leaning against the wall, watching their newest inmate, now ice free but his hands cuffed behind his back, sitting on a chair and scowling at Mal, giving her what looked like one-word answers, but she couldn’t hear through the one-way glass.

“Nice work out there today,” Ruby said as she approached, her hair pulled back into a bun, red streak neatly hidden away, wearing a tight black jacket and trousers, carrying a brown cardboard wallet. She looked different, un-Ruby like. If it weren’t for the slightly winged eyeliner, the grin and the spark in her eye, Emma didn’t think she’d have recognised her.

“Thanks,” she said, looking back to the interrogation. “Any info on who this guy is.”

“A Mr Nick Branson,” Ruby answered, opening the file. “Grew up in Petersland, had trouble in school shoplifted, ran into trouble with the police a few times. Kept a pretty low profile for the past ten years, worked in a drive through Starbucks.”

“How does a barista get his hands on tech like that?” Emma asked. Ruby shook her head and leaned against the wall, mirroring Emma. On the other side of the glass, Mal stood up and left Nick alone in the room, coming out to meet Emma.

“I’ve talked as much as I can to him. He doesn’t seem to be cracking. You’re welcome to try,” she offered. Emma gave her no more than a nod before going into the interrogation room and seating herself opposite him.

“Hi, Nick,” she greeted. He offered a raised eyebrow in response. “Okay I’m new at this so let’s just cut to the chase; who gave you the weapons?”

“And I already told you. Pretty lady was hanging around my neighbourhood selling stuff,” he responded. Emma decided to go old school, dig out a superpower she had had long before coming to Earth. Not laser eyes or strength or flying; her lie detector. Even back on Storybrooke she had been able to tell when someone was telling her a lie when she looked hard. Her parents and later on, Ingrid thought it impressive, others thought it spooky. Still, it was 99% effective, so it was worth a try.

And it told her Nick wasn’t lying. He had no idea who this woman was.

“Did she say why she wanted to fight me?” she asked. Another head shake, eyes on the floor. Again, the truth. “Okay,” she breathed.

She left the room with no more answers than she entered with.

“He’s in the dark,” she told Mal. “He doesn’t know who gave him those weapons or what she wants with me.” Mal nodded, her red lips pressed into a thin line.

“Come here,” she said, leading Emma away from the interrogation room, down a corridor and into another room with steel walls and a grey table. The gloves Nick had used sat on the table. “Do you recognise them.”

“Sure, I’ve seen a few planets with them,” Emma replied. “Approaching the table. “Some planets used them for war weapons, others to try to alter their eco systems.” She studied the gloves, looking for some familiarity, fingers tracing over the cold metal and into the ridges.

She found it. She found familiarity in the symbol on the back, no bigger than the palm of her own hand. The same symbol that she was wearing on her chest.

Her family’s coat of arms.

She wanted to throw up.

“Emma?” Ruby asked, noticing how tense she had suddenly become. “Emma are you okay?”

Her family, her planet, didn’t export weapons on an intergalactic level. They were only traded around Storybrooke itself. Meaning that this weapon can’t have come from any planet other than her home.

“This weapon,” she said, her voice hoarse. “It’s from Storybrooke.”

******

Emma needed a donut. It may have seemed trivial after her realisation at the DEO that had cut right into her, but she was a comfort eater, and the sugar would provide some distraction for her if nothing else.

So, on her drive home, back in Emma-wear, she swung by the store a block from her place. Open 24 hours a day, it was convenient when she needed to grab bread or milk or some random household necessity. It was a god damn heaven send when she needed a sugar fix.

Elsa didn’t need know about the times she’s driven down at 11:30pm for a pastry.

She strolled into the near empty store; the only occupants seemed to be schoolkids coming back from a party and the clerks who looked vaguely zombie-like behind the counter. She gave a wave to one blonde clerk with whom she’d become slightly familiar with on her regular sugar runs and made her way to the bakery at the back of the store, where an array of baked treats was waiting for her. She poured over the selection before choosing the chocolate filled donut covered in white icing, a long-time favourite.

When she turned to go to the counter, she saw a familiar face sitting in the coffee shop, just a few feet from where she was standing. Killian Jones was reclining in one of the leather armchairs, cardboard cup of coffee in hand, in an easy conversation with someone she had never seen before; a tall woman with wavy dark hair with a denim jacket draped over the back of her seat and had a red and black backpack at her feet. Even from there, Emma could tell how pretty the woman was. And how she seemed to hang on to Killian’s every word, and vice versa.

She didn’t know why her face suddenly grew very warm. It wasn’t as though she had caught her boyfriend cheating on her. Killian wasn’t her anything. So logically, the sight of him laughing at something a good-looking woman had said shouldn’t cause her to feel anything at all.

And yet….

He noticed her when he took a glance up, acknowledged her with a wave, eyes lighting up. She gave a stiff, awkward wave back in reply. The other woman turned and looked at her. Not rudely, not coldly, she had a small, pleasant smile on her face, and she turned and asked Killian something. He nodded before getting up and coming over to her.

“Late night snack, Snow?” he asked.

“Could ask you the same thing,” she replied. “If coffee really a good idea at this time?”

“Probably not,” he admitted. “But you know, night out, nothing brings it to an end like a coffee.” Emma nodded, her eyes moving to Killian’s companion, who was checking something on her phone. Killian followed her line of sight.

“Yeah,” he chuckled awkwardly. “Milah. Old friend of mine. Ran into each other, completely by chance, I didn’t even know she was in town. So we met up, went to that little Italian restaurant near work.”

“Sounds nice,” Emma said. In her mind, she began working through the obvious signs. Killian was dressed significantly smarter than usual; a black suit jacket over his blue shirt, discarding his usual leather, top button undone, Milah was wearing a tight grey top that complimented her figure wonderfully, and they went to an Italian restaurant.

He was on a date.

And she didn’t care. Why would she care?

“Care to join us?” he asked.

“I can’t, I’ve got to get home, there’s some stuff I need to get done for Zelena. But… see you at work,” she said, trying to sound enthusiastic. “Enjoy your night.”

“Aye, you too, Snow,” he said, his face falling slightly. She didn’t want to fool herself, but she would have sworn he looked disappointed.

In the car, she took a generous bite out of her donut and rested her head on the steering wheel, letting out a long sigh before driving home.

*******

Above Earth, sitting just out of the range of Earth satellites, Regina looked down at the planet below her, sneering. She turned her attention to the screen on her wall; a wave of her hand brought it to life. The Swan-the name she chose to go by-freezing Mr Branson, stopping him from using the present she had given him. Another wave and the image changed to her facing off with Fiona, or rather, the Black Fairy, electricity coursing through her body, freezing Fiona. Even the footage of her first little adventure, holding that crumbling building up.

“Oh, little Emmarae,” she sighed. “You are a real hero, aren’t you?” She reclined back in her chair. “Let’s see how you do next time.”

#captain swan #cs ff #ouat ff #emma swan #killian jones #fic: i can be your hero #ouat

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tebbyclinic11 · 7 years

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Trader Joe’s Newest Products in 2018, Reviewed

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Trader Joe’s Newest Products in 2018, Reviewed

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Trader Joe’s has it all figured out. The new products, they just keep coming. We’re on a hare-brained mission to try every new product at TJ’s in 2018. Trying. A noble pursuit, a “good use of time,” “what is this, an ad?”, call it what you will. New this week—Valentines gummies, coconut clusters of fun, pretty good chicken sausage, and more.

Organic Oven Roasted Turkey Breast, $4.99These floppy shingles of roasted turkey are a lunch meat staple, though I’ve never tried to bind two pieces of paper with them. Instead, I roll them with sliced Swiss cheese and dip them in mustard like the grown adult person with an expired license I am. A subtle, roasted flavor elevates the turkey from its natural state of taste (soggy meat Kleenex) to a whisper of Thanksgiving leftovers. Good product. Reliable sandwich material. Real meat. Gluten-free. Protein. Precisely circular. Not salami.

Gummy Xs & Os, $2.99In time for Valentine’s Day, we have a big bag of gummies. The ”natural flavors” flavor reminds me of rosé–supposedly grapefruit, strawberry, and mixed berry—but they all blend together to me in the way you’re pretty sure gummy bears are different flavors for different colors but are they, really?? All I know is that the Xs taste better than Os. The big downside–sorry, gummy enthusiasts—is that the texture is too soft. Like that moment you’re making out with your Valentine and finally come to terms with the fact that he’s a body pillow named Ted. Gummies need a little bit of chew, some struggle, a reminder that it’s not gonna be easy all the time. A nice metaphor for love if you ask me.

Electric Buzz Coffee Cups, $5.49I drink coffee the old-fashioned way—by pouring off-boiling water into a filter directly in my mouth—so I enlisted a guest reviewer for these TJ branded K-cups that are supposedly EXTRA CAFFEINATED! “It’s no special cup of mud,” texted my friend Keith, a man who puts plastic cups in a machine expecting roasted bean juice to come out. BA’s Alex Delany described these coffee pods like he does beer, ridiculously: “It tastes like someone walked across your tongue with brand new dad sneakers on. Rubber soles.” Did he really need to offend all of dadkind like that? Probably yes.

Organic Sweet Italian Chicken Sausage, $5.99Like many chicken sausages, it tastes like chicken sausage. Throw in some garlic powder and basil particles and poof, Italian. Out of the package, they have a slimy smooth, bouncy hot dog texture because the casing has been removed. I don’t get how this works, but I‘ll try anything once. A sweet, kind cashier with a striking resemblance to my Uncle Manny (RIP) said he loves to make sausage and peppers with them, so that’s what I did. I mean, we’re practically family. The sausages are smaller side, more the size of Ball Park Franks, and crisp up in the pan as intended. Two people in my household ate the entire package of five links, dipping each bite in mustard and trying to find something more meaningful to say about something as mundane as chicken sausage. Notes of peppercorn tingle the tastebuds. Solidly Not Bad.

Coconut Sesame Seed Clusters, $1.99These are little shards that aren’t quite granola and yet aren’t anything else. Purgatory snacks! They’re crunchy pieces of toasted coconut covered in sesame seeds, sealed together with coconut sugar and tapioca syrup. Okay so they’re candy. Serving suggestions include: casually eating out of a hollowed coconut shell, on ice cream, but more likely, by the handful until you read the nutrition facts and realize the bag is empty but hey, at least they’re gluten-free? If this isn’t impulse purchase material, I don’t know what is.

Previously

The Week of January 22

Churro Bites, $2.49The only thing these churro bites share in common with hot-off-the-oil churros is a coating of cinnamon sugar. Other than that, these crunchy nuggets are their own category of cookie-chip. They have a near-velvet outer texture, the combination of shiny hardened butter and sandy sugar, like when you dropped a doughnut hole at the beach but ate it anyway, because seagulls. (Because you’re a monster). Sort of like giant Corn Pops, rolled cinnamon sugar. I won’t even begin to describe what they visually resemble (😺 💩). The cashier at TJ’s looked at the nutritional details and then slowly raised her eyes to mine. Me: “These are not good for you.” Her: “Then why are you buying two?”

Gluten Free Oat Cranberry Flaxseed Cookies, $2.99As a general life principle, you should never trust a cookie with more than three names. These gluten-free-oat-cranberry-flaxseed-cookies seem to think that they can trick us into believing they’re some kind of health food but we know, ohhhh we KNOW. These are cookies. With plenty of butter and sugar. Because of that, I have some great news: They taste like cookies! Like a very good grocery store oatmeal raisin cookie, with a surprisingly soft and chewy texture (I see you, molasses and rice flour.) They crumble a little, but then again who doesn’t in this current political climate? Still not sure what a flaxseed is, but I’m already starting to see definition in my abs.

Thai Green Curry Simmer Sauce, $1.99This so-called simmer sauce is the pale minty green of my grandmother’s bathroom walls, with much more flavor (and a lot less lead!). Even though a simple green curry is easy to make, at this price, it costs the same as just the can of coconut milk, and there’s Kaffir lime peel in here. It’s fragrant with lemongrass and ginger, and super creamy, a little sweet—overall, delicious. You cook some protein or veg, add the sauce, serve over noodles/rice. What does this sauce have in common with a certain presidential marriage? There’s absolutely no heat. BYO-chile if you need to spice it up.

Tahini, Pepita & Apricot Slaw Kit, $3.99Inside one plastic bag you get four more little plastic bags! It’s like a Russian nesting salad of environmental doom. Or something. The slaw is a combination of veggies from the aisle-land of misfit produce. Spiky broccoli stems. Faded carrots the color of construction cones abandoned by the highway. The curly split ends from a kale haircut. Cabbage. Unfortunately the dressing, a sweet honey tahini (try this one!), which is pretty good, can’t mask the musty taste of the veg. The pepita and apricot sprinkles are a nice idea, but like hoping the 14 throw pillows on your couch hide all of the cat hair, they can only do so much.

Previously

The Week of January 8

Photo by Chelsie Craig

Frosted Sugar Cookies, $2.99Trader Joe’s imitation of Lofthouse’s iconic packaged cookies is the best thing they’ve brought to the new year. The freakishly smooth, delightfully underbaked sugar cookie is topped with frosting and randomly distributed purple-pink sprinkles. Whoever was in charge of sprinkles appears to have sneezed them out, some gather along the edges, holding on for dear frosting life.

But they really did it. It’s mythic, and it dissolves into dust the second it touches your saliva. The minute you bite into it, you forget it was ever there. And it’s everything you’ve missed since the last time you had one, stoned at 10 p.m. in Kroger with your middle school friends who’ve all had babies on Facebook by now. It’s a cookie that will send you back in time, in memory, in a sugar-induced nostalgia nap.

Photo by Chelsie Craig

Cocoa Almond Cashew Beverage, $2.29Who doesn’t love a beverage? AKA the FDA-approved term for milks that aren’t milk. Remember milk? Pause to pour out some beverage in the memory of milk. Those days are over.

This incredibly silky not-milk is chocolaty and sweet, with a vaguely nutty aftertaste, like a burp after too many bar peanuts. The creamy texture, thanks to the beautiful food science that is locust bean gum and other emulsifiers, ends on a near slimy note, reminiscent of the inside of the cardboard chocolate milk carton. It would be nice in a banana smoothie, heated as faux cocoa, mixed into iced coffee, or given as a bribe to children who have never known the cult of cow.

Photo by Chelsie Craig

Italian Marinara Sauce with Barolo Wine, $3.49Have you ever spooned straight marinara sauce into your mouth? It’s acidic and sweet, smooth save for the little toenails of tomato skin here and there. The saltiness left my chapped lips burning and tingling, like I’d exfoliated them with French fries. The addition of Barolo seems to say, “I know wines other than red,” while the black-and-gold Deco packaging suggests a Gatsby-themed party at the Olive Garden. It tasted like pretty good pizza sauce. Sign me up.

Organic Fruit and Seed Granola, $3.69These little clusters of organic seeds, held together by plasticky tasting tapioca syrup, are nuggets of health. I think. No pesky oats here, just seed bombs that I imagine are only slightly larger than what well-fed pigeons expel. The sharp and crunchy texture is appealing to parents who bring healthy snacks to the movies. They’re also the perfect snack for mindful eaters, as you will mindfully spend every bite doing tongue yoga to get chia seeds out of your molar fillings from the 90s. There are surprise bites of sweetened dried cranberries that will make you exclaim, “SUGAR, for MEEEE?” Somehow you will eat the whole bag.

Stay tuned for more, next week.

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