#churnut

[supercasey]

What your RvB OTP says about you

((I saw a similar list, but it didn't include a lot of my favorite ships and also I thought this would be fun. Sorry if any of this offends anyone: it’s all in good fun and just some observations I’ve noticed over the years about certain shippers. Let me know if I missed any other big ones!))

FUCK I FORGOT SISTER AND DR GREY

Tuckington: Chorus crew is best crew. Wash and Tucker are your all-time favorites and you're so proud of how far Tucker has come. You probably hate/love Felix, there is no in-between.

Mainewash: You like to suffer; you have an addiction to fics that involve one of these two dying. You live for the Meta and Antagonist!Wash team-up. You probably ship Doc with them if you’re into polyam. Cat person.

Yorkalina: You adore York to the moon and back, and are honestly a sucker for “goofy person meets strict person and teaches them to have fun” pairings. You have a replica of York’s lighter that you’ve never used.

Grimmons: You deserve a Fandom Grandma/Grandpa mug, buddy. You’re so tired, and you’ve probably been here since at least season 6. One day it’ll be canon, you just know it. In the meantime, you’re suffering.

Churboose: My mom ships this so here we are. Caboose is the most perfect of good bois and you’re only watching rvb for him at this point. You’ve cried over Church every day of your life. You named a pet Freckles, probably.

Washlina: You are the most chill/sweet person in the entire goddamn fandom. Seriously, you’re so nice. You don’t care either way if it ends up canon, but the latest content is still very satisfying. You’re so kind, I love you.

Sargington: You’re having the time of your life and I’m so happy for you. Sarge is probably your favorite character, but Wash is a close second. You’re chill about other ships but this is the guilty fav; don’t feel guilty, you’re amazing.

Docnut: Precious cinnamon roll who is too good for this world, too pure. Doc when he’s doing the O’Malley voice is way too hot for you. You probably have written/daydreamed about these two having a farm together.

Pastrytrain: Congratulations for being a good person. The pinnacle of “I’m staying in my fucking lane” when it comes to fandom drama. I know you downloaded the Pastrytrain dating sim, don’t try to deny it.

Kimbalina: Never mind, you guys are the actual diehards for the Chorus trilogy. Carolina is your queen and she deserves the love that Kimball can bring into her life. That hand-holding scene is now your desktop background. Probably wlw.

Tucknut: Trans with an amazing sense of humor. You swear a lot and make more dirty jokes than you should, but people love that about you. Donut is your favorite but Tucker is funnier.

Churnut: Donut is your favorite. You hate that Church is dead and pray every single day that he’ll come back somehow. The Donut arc this season had you fucking THRIVING and I’m so happy for you.

Norkington: You’re either gay or trans or both, and that’s the tea. You’re still obsessed with the PFL seasons, despite how long it’s been. Your favorite version of Wash is the PFL rookie version.

Nork: Yeah, you’re gay, sis.

Flowarge: Where are y’all??? I know I’m not the only one. You want a sitcom of rvb that’s just Parks and Recreation but with power armor. Sarge is best dad and Flowers is your other, more dead dad.

Flyoming: You literally don’t need any canon evidence to ship something; if they breathe they’re in love. Florida is your fav, and tbh Wyoming isn’t even in the top ten, but you’re too into older men to care. Daddy issues.

WashCT: People claim you’re boring but tbh you have really good taste, everyone else just isn’t interested. Knives are one of your favorite things but odds are you don’t know how to throw them. You really miss CT.

SouthCT: The wlw energy is literally so powerful in your bones, congratulations. Team #SouthDidNothingWrong, as well as Team #CTDeservedBetter; you are correct on both accounts. South is best girl.

Southlina: Not sure where y’all are at, but you’re all about that powerful lesbian energy. You probably hate York; if not I’m sorry for saying that. On that note you probably hate the PFL seasons but you’re too desperate for content to complain.

Fucker: You little shit. You are 100% involved in fandom drama but you’re thriving regardless; it’s impossible for you to be affected by everyone telling you that you’re problematic. Tucker is your favorite, but Felix is hot af.

Locington: You say “Unfortunate” way too often but I love you nonetheless. You spent the entire hiatus between seasons 11 and 12 writing porn, and you damn well know. Hell, you’re probably proud of it. Locus is your fav.

Murdersandwich: Are you still here??? If you are, you’re braver than any us marine. Modern AUs where these three get together are your bread and butter. Tuckington is your second favorite ship.

Murdersandwich+Sharkface: You unapologetic, horny motherfucker. You’re living your best life while simultaneously sobbing into your pillow every night over Felix and Sharkface. Locington is your default fav, but this ship still rocks.

Lolix: Fandom veterans from the “Felix is problematic” wars and I salute you for your service. Here to have a good time, and ain’t nobody gonna stop you. You’ve probably written/thought about a “Felix lives” AU at extreme length.

Sharklina: Season 13 was so good in your opinion and you refuse to ever shut up about it. #SharkfaceDeservedBetter. You’re probably into punk aesthetics and you’ve made at least one playlist for these two.

Chex: #ChurchGetsPegged. Tex is your diehard fav and you will never in your life let RT forget that she exists. You’ll drag her out of her grave yourself if you fucking have to. You memorized Church’s speech from the end of rvb5.

Chucker: You cry each and every day about Church being dead. You’ve rewatched the BGC no less than twelve times, and that’s just this year. Everytime you see That Post, you reblog it. You know the one.

Sheipez: If Sheila were real you’d ask her to adopt you. Lopez is your current fav by default and you live for every moment he’s on screen. Caboose is your precious son and you’re willing to die for him.

Sex: You ship this purely because of the ship name. STFU, yes you fucking do. Tex is hot af and you love that one fancomic of sister without a bra on flirting with Tex.

Sucker: Despite popular opinion, you're not as horny as everyone thinks you are. Sister is your favorite and Tucker isn't even close but you love him regardless and think he fits well with Sister.

Suckington: I know you bastards are still here. Wash is your favorite but you love him being surrounded by these energetic shitheads who fill his life with energy and fun. Sister is best girl.

Greyington: I know for a fucking fact that this was a thing. Fucking sadist when it comes to your brand of porn, and Dr. Grey is your favorite character to ever exist.

Kimbones: You knew fuck all about Ladybones but you shipped her with Kimball anyways because you're a thirsty wlw. You've probably moved onto Kimbalina by now, but we will not forget the season 11-12 horniness you unleashed on this fandom.

[alsmitey-scythe]

Hop on my saddle

Summary: “Donut, are you sure you have a ride for us?” “Positive! Don’t worry Church!”  ((Based off of number 6 on Jspx's Date Meme!)) Rating:  Implied sexy times. Words:  673 Pairing: Churnut

            “Donut, are you sure you have a ride for us?”

            “Positive! Don’t worry Church!”

            He hung up, not entirely sure he like where this was going. He and Donut had been a ‘thing’ since the two teams had gotten leave out of Valhalla to stay on a nearby planet. They had been going fairly steady, little dates here and there. Oh, and sex. Lots of sex.

            Church had been on the verge of canceling this date when Donut had given him the outfit he had to wear. What the hell could they possibly be doing? He didn’t ride horses, and had expressed that to Donut very clearly, but the blond had still forced him into a blue, button up shirt, a pair of jeans, a pair of black and blue cowboy boots, and a pair of riding chaps, complete with a Texas shaped belt buckle and blue cowboy hat that he refused to wear.

            So now he was all dressed up, just waiting for Donut to get there and pick him up with whatever ride the young blond had managed to find. He was sitting on his couch, glaring at the cowboy hat sitting on the coffee table and thinking about why he had even gotten himself involved with the red when there was a knock at the door. He stood, pulling it open, and stopped with his mouth half open, his words dying on his lips.

            Donut was wearing a pair of brown leather boots with inch high heels and pink laces. And that was about the most modest thing he was wearing. A pair of pink volley ball shorts hugged his hips and didn’t reach anywhere near mid thigh, and they had a brown horse tail pinned to the back of them. He was shirtless, and had a pink cowboy hat on his head, complete with a pair of ears sticking out the top. He smiled at the look on Church’s face.

            “Giddy up, partner.”

            Church finally snapped out of whatever trance he was in, reaching out and almost violently pulling the red into the apartment. Donut grinned at the blush forming on the blue’s face as he quickly scanned the hallway to make sure no one saw before he slammed the door and faced Donut.

            “What the hell is this?”

            Donut’s smirk turned predatory, and he took a step towards Church, backing the blue into the door, his heels clicking on the tile floor. He reached out, placing his hands on Church’s shoulders and leaned in, leveling his mouth with the dark haired man’s ear.

            “I’ve got something you can ride Church.”

            If the blue hadn’t been blushing before, he was now. He growled, grabbing Donut’s wrist and yanking him towards the back rooms, ignoring the blonds’ little cry of victory.

---

            The next morning Church got up to make coffee, noticing the lack of presence in his bed. He got a little worried (‘He’s never just left before…’) before he heard the water in the shower running and heard the other man’s voice humming. He smiled, checking his phone while the coffee started brewing. He saw that he had a text from Donut.

            “That’s weird…” he said as he opened it. It was sent no more than an hour ago, while the blond was still at his place.

            He downloaded the photo, opening it and flushing a dark red. It was of him and Donut the night before. Somehow he had managed to get a full body shot of Church pushing Donut against the wall and ravishing his neck. The blonds’ hat was lopsided and his face was flushed, and one of Church’s hands was wrapped in the other man’s tail. The text just read a simple, “In case you’re ever up, and ready for round two. ;)”

            He heard the water shut off, and then the bathroom door open. He smiled, heading for the hallway, ignoring the beeping of the finished coffee pot behind him.

            If Donut was up for round two, who was he to deny him?

[happyfunballxd]

Don’t trust him, Donut, he’s just trying to get a piggyback ride. An’ once you agree once, you’re in trouble for life. Just ask Tucker.

[happyfunballxd]

So it’s whenbluescollide‘s birthday! Here is some happy Church, courtesy of some relaxation time with Donut. I’m sure it’s something we can all use after the finale. Happy Birthday, Blue!

[happyfunballxd]

Me an’ lil-rei were discussing Church/Donut, an’ how one’s got a great arm an’ the other can’t aim for shit. Now someone has to write this fic.