#cinnamon roll eskel series

[0dde11eth]

What else could you be talking about?

[on-a-lucky-tide]

Back on my Author Eskel bullshit.

I'm going to turn this concept into a longer thing for either the Witcher Summer Camp or Eskel-pades (or maybe both). Eskel is as soft as a marshmallow, so I'll need to add an edge to him, but I love Author Eskel. Do I do this, or my Gerskel Bodyguard AU with Author Eskel and Bodyguard Geralt? Who knows.

Anyway, Eskel is a well-known crime novelist. The sort that rivals Patterson for bookshelf space. His books are all over the world, in multiple different languages, there's a deal with A Big Name Streaming Service for a series and talk of a movie.

He does most of his writing in a tiny little coffee shop in his home town. No one bothers him there, because he will always be the large, bespectacled, dorky kid who used to run amok with his best friend, Geralt. No one cared then, and no one cares now.

He also writes gay romance novels under a pseudonym. They're very niche. Focus on men like him in small rural towns looking for love, so they're not super mainstream. He kind of prefers it that way, because the massmarket is cut throat and he can be himself in those novels.

His coffee shop gets a new barista. He's sharp, sarcastic and efficient. Name badge says Lambert. Face says Get Fucked. So, despite finding Lambert hotter than a jalapeño in the Sahara (he notes that down for later), Eskel is polite but gives him a wide berth.

Then, one day, the grumpy bastard slumps down on one of the deep sofas nearby and pulls out a tattered paperback. Eskel does a double-take. It's one of his. Not crime fiction, a feckin' romance novel. One of his earlier ones. For the first time in years, he gets that jitter in his chest. The one a writer gets when someone has picked up their work, is reading it, perceiving the gods damned words. And he... has to ask. Eskel clears his throat, "What're you readin'? Any good?" (Please say yes please say yes).

Lambert's eyes roll up from his book and he slurps noisily on his iced latte before he replies, "Yeah. S'my favourite author. Must've read this one about ten times, maybe more."

Eskel feels his neck redden. "Wow, must be... Uh, pretty good."

"It feels like he gets it."

"Gets what?"

Lambert levels him with an intense stare, as if weighing him up. Then his lip quirks at the corner and he waves airily at the coffee shop. "Being queer in the middle of bumfuck nowhere."

A pause. Waiting for a reaction.

Eskel nods, hoping his heart isn't audible.

"That's... rare. Stories for us."

Lambert's shoulders relax a little and Eskel lets out a breath. Lambert returns his bookmark reverently to the chapter end, and rocks to his feet. "Break's over. Want a top up?"

"Sure."

Lambert whisks his cup away and Eskel pretends not to notice Lambert's glance at his screen.

They talk more after that. Lambert's fun and witty; he loves dogs and he used to live further north, but left for a fresh start. Eskel learns that he likes cinnamon and can't cook; he has a degree in some kind of biochemistry, but none of the desire to use it. He longs for the open road, but it feels like his feet are made of lead and the world doesn't want him anyway.

The world might not, Eskel thinks, but Eskel does.

In his forty-odd years, he's never really had a crush. Plenty of hot and heavy encounters when he was young; fleeting, meaningless and shallow. But now he's faced with someone he wants to impress. So, he does the one thing he's confident in. He writes.

He writes Lambert a novel. A new character, a new setting, but both will be familiar. It's a love letter and a soft request. He places the manuscript in front of Lambert during one of his breaks. Asks him to give the first chapter a read cause he's not written the genre for a while.

Lambert needles him, but takes it home with him. Eskel spends a sleepless night staring at the ceiling of his one-bed apartment, not even pretending he's able to sleep.

He sits in the coffee shop the following morning. Lambert's not on shift so Eskel isn't expecting him when he slides into the seat opposite, the manuscript placed on the table in front of him. "I knew it."

"Knew what?"

Lambert pulls his beaten up old novel from his satchel and places it down on top. "You're him. This is you."

Eskel nods. His neck reddening.

"Bitch," Lambert whispers, and Eskel's shoulders droop. "I've been waiting ten years for a fucking sequel. Are you for real with that cliffhanger? Do you know the fucking p-- wait, this needs a coffee. Wait the fuck here."

Eskel stays frozen while Lambert darts off, returning with two steaming mugs he made himself. Eskel clears his throat. "How did you know?"

"When you've been listening to a voice for decades, when it's pulled you through the worst fucking moments of your life, you'd know it in a crowd at fifty paces."

"You don't read my other--?"

"Not my thing. Now, this," he ran an affectionate hand over the new manuscript, "this is my thing. And I accept."

"What?"

"You asked me out for dinner. I accept."

"I did?"

Lambert flashed all his teeth in the most disarming grin and Eskel's insides turned to jelly. "Yeah. I'll pick you up at 7, old man."

[pressedinthepages]

Congrats on 300 followers!!! Your writing always brings me so much joy ahhhhhhhh. For the mini prompt thing - your Uncle!Eskel series brings me joy every time I re-read it! So, some Ciri & Eskel (can happily contain Geralt/Eskel, I'm a huge sucker for the ship) + baking?

    “Okay, Swallow,” Eskel crunched his brow, deciphering the recipe on the weathered pages in his hands, “now just sprinkle the cinnamon sugar over top, gently.”

    Ciri, barely 7 summers, rolled her eyes at him and lifted the bowl. She grabbed some of the mixture between her fingers and started carefully spreading it over the top of the loaf. The sugar glinted in the light coming from the fire as it found its place. “Like that, Uncle Eskel?”

    He smiled, still not quite used to the moniker. “Yeah, perfect. Now, uh...hang on, I can’t read this next bit…”

    Geralt peered over his shoulder, his face scrunching up as he too squinted at the paper. Ciri could barely stifle a giggle at the image, the two big burly Witchers struggling to make out the recipe for a sweet loaf. 

    Geralt hummed and Eskel could feel the vibration of Geralt’s chest against his back. “Need to bake it.”

    Now it was Eskel’s turn to roll his eyes. “Thanks for the insight, Professor. I’m trying to figure out for how long.”

    Geralt nudged him playfully in the shoulder as he got a weird look in his eyes. He suddenly turned and stepped out of the kitchen area with his arms waving wildly. Ciri quirked an eyebrow at Eskel as she looked about ready to chase after him. 

    “No worries,” Eskel said, placing the parchment down on the workbench. There was a peaceful moment of silence as they both held their breaths before it was broken by an aggressive sneeze. Like, shake the walls of the castle, sneeze. “He’s kind of sensitive to raw cinnamon. He’s fine once it’s baked, but it tickles his nose.”

    Ciri laughed a little bit as she heard Geralt sneeze again. “I thought Witchers weren’t ticklish?”

    Eskel smirked as he took the loaf tin and set it atop the grate in the fireplace, where only embers remained. “It’s a secret, so you can’t tell anyone. Papa Vesemir’s knees are ticklish, and so is Uncle Lambert’s chin. Geralt’s tummy is ticklish too, but you have to be careful. They’re all very protective of where they may be vulnerable.”

    Ciri nodded, filing that information away for later. “And you, Uncle Eskel? Where are you ticklish?”

    Eskel wagged his finger as he peeked into the hallway, seeing Geralt blowing his nose dramatically into an old rag. “Ah ah ah, no. Not giving that one away. One never gives away his weaknesses.”

    “Then I guess I’ll just have to figure it out for myself!” Ciri laughed, her silver hair falling loose from the bun atop her head. Geralt needs help with that.

    Eskel shook his head at the young princess, relishing in the sounds of her laughter refreshing these hallowed walls. “I suppose you will, young one.”

[inexplicifics]

Okay, wait, okay... this might ramble on a bit, but. So. You know how Jaskier has this nasty habit of gettin stabbed/kidnapped/etc, and the witchers do try to teach him some self-defense and it's not... really working? Like, Milena takes to knives like a duck to water (or a goose to Ciri), but Jaskier doesn't seem to be really into it at all, from what I've gathered. But maybe - maybe... he's just not being taught the right thing or the right way? (1/2)

Geralt can't teach him because he becomes too horny, and that's pretty much the same problem with Eskel, although he used to hold out before they were together, now he just demands cuddles. Vesemir can teach him basic fencing, and Jaskier tries, bless him, but it's too much like what they used to make him do when he was preparing to be a noble, so he grits his teeth but Vesemir knows his heart's not in it, so that doesn't work out. (2/not 2 anymore, fuck it, again???)

Lambert and Milena keep getting distracted with each other when they try to get Jaskier into knives. It's sweet, really, because most of the time they just cuddle, but that makes Jaskier want someone to cuddle him, so he sneaks away to his wolves after a bit. Cedric and Axel give it a shot after a while, but the only thing that comes out of it is one of Jaskier's greatest songs, becuase what's better than true love, and brothers in arms, and kindness masked by battle? (3/?)

The Bear fighting style is kind of similar to that of wolves, in the sense that it's easier to try to get Jaskier into it. It doesn't work, again, but he spends a good month or two hanging out with bear witchers and getting to know them - although he's been in the keep for a good while, he's not all that close to the other schools as he'd like to be. The manticores are much the same. By then, they're pretty much aware that Jaskier isn't going to (4/?)

become a great warrior from them, but their basic training/stretching/drills do work better for Jaskier than all the other ones; the traditional Manticore ones rather than the new kind that's a meld of all styles. Jaskier's evening with the cranes ends in a spectacular hangover. And a few new inventions that no one can take credit for (due to the aforementioned hangover); creative minds are drawn to each other and Jaskier likes beng present when they're inventing something new (5/?)

and writing down their histories of hunts that would have been run-of-the-mill if not for technology. It's Jan who suggests to Jaskier that he should talk to Julita about the whole self-defense thing. So he does. And that's how he ends up spending time with Letho, who taught Julita all she knows - they don't have a romantic relationship, but it's a curious friendship that no one ever really gets to see becuase Julia's busy and Letho has his whole image thing. (6/?)

Letho's pretty much altered everything specifically for Julita, back when she was a teen and attached herself to him. It was good socialization for him and she walked away from it with life tips and friendship. He does the same for Jaskier, who walks away from it with a better understanding of his body in a defense capacity and with a song: he sings it at dinner later and no one really know that it's about Letho and Julita, not really, because there are far too many metaphors, but (7/?)

but it's about finding love in unexpected places, about friendship and companionship, and connecting despite odds and differences. Jan cries. It's his daughter, after all, and the witchers love her, but she, like him, spends so much time in the background. She deserves it. Aiden is the one who finally completes Jaskier's training, however. They never go the chance to get to know each other, since Aiden was gone (fucking Skellige), but he grew close to Milena through knife training, so (8/?)

why not try the same thing with Buttercup? Of course he has the same nickname for Jaskier as Lambert does, how could he not? It's different than training Milena, for soo many reasons. Jaskier's a bard, and therefore feral, and he's definitely stabbed a rival before - it was Valdo Marx and he deserved it - but he doesn't have the same "looks like a cinnamon roll but could kill you" depths as Milena, he enjoys destroying his enemies through song and pomp, dancing on their metaphorical graves (9/?)

to help the demise stick. So Aiden stays away from knives and swords. They look at poisons and innocuous clothing pins, extra lute strings and embellishments that can be used to attack and defend. Cats are crazy, everyone knows this, and the rest of the cats clap Aiden on the back and sometimes drop in to see what exactly he's turning the consort into, but he's not... really turning Jaskier into anything. He gets new songs and gossip, and in return, he can form backup plans for the next (10/?)

time something goes wrong. This... definitely got away from me and I don't really remember sending some parts. And I don't think I mentioned Aubry? Which is a crime. But I think he's just standing on the side and making sure Jaskier doesn't get hurt with his endeavors. Love your series!! (11/11)

This is entirely delightful, darling Anon! I love the idea of Letho and Julita having an enduring and rather odd friendship, and Aiden being a good teacher for Jaskier, and Jaskier spending so much time gleefully getting distracted from weapons practice by writing songs. Thank you for this glorious addition to the AW AU!

[fangirlshrewt97]

The Witcher Fanfic - Give Me One More Chance (Chapter 1)

Author(s): Fangirlshrewt97

Fandom: The Witcher (TV Series)

Pairing: Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier|Dandelion, Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer of Vengerburg, Geralt of Rivia & Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Jaskier|Dandelion & Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon

Characters: Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier|Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Yennefer of Vengerburg, Roach

Rating: Teen Audiences and Up (Swearing, Mild Gore)

Warnings: None Apply

Additional Tags: Post Episode S01E06: Rare Species, Emotionally Constipated Geralt of Rivia, Pining, Touch-Starved Geralt of Rivia, Whump, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt & Comfort, First Kiss, Getting Together, Canon-Typical Levels of Violence, Monsters, I really put Geralt through the wringer here, but I am ok with that because poor Jaskier did not deserve it, I do acknowledge though that Geralt is multiple levels of screwed up and maybe thought he was helping them both when he was actually hurting them

Summary: After the dragon hunt, Geralt tries to cope with his actions. And misses Jaskier a lot. But refuses to deal with his feeling even when it almost kills him.

Alternate title: 5 things Geralt misses about Jaskier + 1 he didn’t need to

Link to A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24389734

                                                         *****

As Geralt made camp at the base of the mountain, he covered himself with his thinnest furs, despite the temperate weather. Today had been a disaster from start to finish, from his fight with Yennefer to Jaskier’s interruption. Geralt knew he was probably too harsh with his words, but he did feel justified. The rage, frustration, and most overwhelmingly, the irritating and inescapable bitch that was destiny, had been grating Geralt little by little since Cintra, nearly 15 years ago. Longer if he included Yen. Even longer if he counted Jaskier.

Sleep evaded him that night, echoes of Yen’s horrified realization and Jaskier’s hurt voices making him restless. He tossed and turned well into the dead of the night, finally flinging his furs back when there was the slightest lightening of the sky, packing up his camp. Roach was still asleep, giving Geralt pause. Just because he couldn’t sleep didn’t mean he had a right to push poor Roach that hard. Coming to a decision, Geralt placed all the packed saddle bags by her and walked away, focusing on anything but the lighter weight of his bags without Jaskier’s possessions.

He heard the rush of running water a meager distance away, so he grabbed his water skin and headed toward the sound, putting his senses to practice by classifying each scent and sound he picked up, his eyes spying near invisible trails left by the wandering of forest critters. The running water belonged to a nearly dry stream, the river bed more visible than the water. Bending to collect the water, a handkerchief fell out of his tunic, which he caught by instinct. The perfume the cloth was emitting was strong enough he didn’t need Witcher senses to know it belonged to his wayward bard. He brought the silk cloth to his nose, taking a deep breath. Underneath the harsh scent of vanilla and roses, there lay the softer scent of coconut oil and cedarwood of the bard’s soap.

He was hit with a wave of fierce longing and guilt, wanting the bard to be beside him more than he ever had. No doubt Jaskier would have been having the time of his life seeing Geralt so distraught over a stupid handkerchief of all things. Though he should probably throw the cloth away, he instead crumbled it into a tiny ball and shoved it deep into his tunic. He filled his water skin and walked back to Roach, pace faster than before. Around him the forest was beginning to wake as sunlight started to shine through the half-full branches.

Once at Roach, who thankfully was awake, he loaded her up with all the bags, transferring the incriminating cloth from his person to the bottom of one of his bags. After a second he snatched the handkerchief back out, smoothed the wrinkles, and tied it into the inside of his armor. He jumped on top of the saddle and lightly pulled her reins, encouraging her to start walking. He was a Witcher. He had walked the Path by himself alone as it was meant to be. And now he would do so again. It was the way.

///

As the days bled into weeks, and the Continent started to get colder, Geralt decided it might be a good Winter to spend at home in Kaer Morhen, away from civilization and with only the company of his brothers and Vesemir.

He resolutely did not think about a certain bard begging him year after year to describe the legendary stronghold of the Witchers, but never being presumptuous enough to ask for an invitation.

///

He had punched Lambert before he even knew what was happening, the force driving them both to a harsh landing of the courtyard. All he felt was flesh give way under the force of his blows, the bones breaking under his assault. But his ears were filled with a white ringing that normally only happened in the middle of a Hunt, vision blurry. A half-foreign white hot fury blazed through him. It took Eskel and Vesemir’s combined forces to pull him away from a bloody Lambert, who immediately rolled to the side and spit out blood. Yanking himself out of the hold the other two Witchers had, he made his way to puddle past Lambert. Crouching next to it, he gently put his hand in the puddle and pulled out the soggy item covered in mud.

“You nearly killed me over a stupid piece of cloth Geralt?” Lambert said, though it came out far more garbled spoken between mouthfuls of blood.

Geralt’s glare would have reduced a lesser man to relieve himself on the spot. “It is not stupid.” His voice was laced with venom.

Lambert sensed the still present danger, though it took an elbow to the gut from Eskel to shut him up. Vesemir was the one who approached him, the old wolf unafraid of the pup he had helped raise.

“No it may not be stupid Geralt but it is still not a valid excuse to nearly kill your brother.” Vesemir said, no-nonsense and arguments allowed.

Geralt growled but nodded stiffly. “I am done training for today.”

“Geralt-”

“I am going to meditate in my room.” Geralt said before leaving the snow-covered courtyard and stomping to his room, not stopping until he slammed his bedroom door behind him. He leaned back against the door, trying to dispel his rage. Opening his fist, he saw the handkerchief, muddy and wet. Moving to the bowl he had in the corner of his room, he dunked the cloth, rinsing and washing it until it was clean. Months of travel and being tied into Geralt’s armor had turned the once white fabric into a musty yellow.

Wringing the cloth out, he brought it to his nose, not really concealing the whine that escaped his throat when he realized the only thing he could smell from the cloth was his own scent. It was irrational to expect the bard’s scent to linger so long, but it had been the only sensory reminder he had of Jaskier with him, and now it was gone.

He placed the handkerchief by the fire to dry, and sat heavily in front of it. Closing his eyes, he tried to meditate for a long while, but couldn’t get his thoughts to quiet down. Finally giving up, he removed all his clothes before gathering the now dry handkerchief and laying in bed, the cloth wrapped around his hand. It was only when he convinced his brain that he could smell a trace of that precious vanilla and cinnamon scent that he properly fell asleep, heart an aching weight in his chest.

[ao3feed-geralt-jaskier]

by Fangirlshrewt97

Basically, Ciri wants a chance to go out and see the Continent on her own, Jaskier and Yen take her side, and Geralt feels betrayed. But he comes around. Eventually. Excerpt: “I give her every freedom. I am sorry I prioritize her safety over a desire to see her killed because she…she wanted to frolic in a flower field for two days!” Jaskier winced. Geralt had been getting better at communicating his thoughts and talking through any problems they had, but he still had not quite managed to learn tact yet. “Fuck you Geralt! That girl has been through enough. Hunted for the better part of the last six years, she needs space!” Jaskier stopped listening when he heard a quiet sniffle from nearby, and a quick look found the source. Ciri was curled up on the floor near one of the tapestries, hidden in shadow. She had her head between her knees and had wrapped her arms around herself.

Geralt Whump Week Day 4, Prompt: Betrayal

Words: 2731, Chapters: 2/6, Language: English

Series: Part 4 of Geralt Whump Week 2020 Fills

Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Lambert (The Witcher), Eskel (The Witcher), Vesemir (The Witcher)

Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion & Vesemir

Additional Tags: Geralt Whump Week, Prompt: Betrayal, Angst, Whump, Hurt/Comfort, father-daughter bonding, Established Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Angst with a Happy Ending, soft, Forehead Kisses, Overprotective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, seriously Geraskier is so soft in this, BAMF Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Cinnamon Roll Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, geralt has trust issues, Geralt has abandonment issues, Swordplay, i know the tags might be confusing, But I Promise The Story Is Good, Dadskier, Jaskier is a great dad

[witcherfic]

Fangirlshrewt97 July 04, 2020 at 12:08PM

by Fangirlshrewt97

Basically, Ciri wants a chance to go out and see the Continent on her own, Jaskier and Yen take her side, and Geralt feels betrayed. But he comes around. Eventually. Excerpt: “I give her every freedom. I am sorry I prioritize her safety over a desire to see her killed because she…she wanted to frolic in a flower field for two days!” Jaskier winced. Geralt had been getting better at communicating his thoughts and talking through any problems they had, but he still had not quite managed to learn tact yet. “Fuck you Geralt! That girl has been through enough. Hunted for the better part of the last six years, she needs space!” Jaskier stopped listening when he heard a quiet sniffle from nearby, and a quick look found the source. Ciri was curled up on the floor near one of the tapestries, hidden in shadow. She had her head between her knees and had wrapped her arms around herself.

Geralt Whump Week Day 4, Prompt: Betrayal

Words: 2731, Chapters: 2/6, Language: English

Series: Part 4 of Geralt Whump Week 2020 Fills

Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Lambert (The Witcher), Eskel (The Witcher), Vesemir (The Witcher)

Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion & Vesemir

Additional Tags: Geralt Whump Week, Prompt: Betrayal, Angst, Whump, Hurt/Comfort, father-daughter bonding, Established Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Angst with a Happy Ending, soft, Forehead Kisses, Overprotective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, seriously Geraskier is so soft in this, BAMF Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Cinnamon Roll Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, geralt has trust issues, Geralt has abandonment issues, Swordplay, i know the tags might be confusing, But I Promise The Story Is Good, Dadskier, Jaskier is a great dad

[0dde11eth]

Do they return the shopping cart?

Geralt: didnt use one (it's a weird pride thing carrying all his items)

Jaskier: no (gets excited to bring stuff home to show off to geralt and forgets)

Eskel: yes (my sweet baby boy)

Lambert: steals the cart. His garage is full of them

[0dde11eth]

[0dde11eth]

After dinner and a movie:

Jaskier: It's still pretty early wanna come in for coffee handsome? 😉

Eskel: Isn't it a little late for coffee?

Jaskier: Oh you think coffee means coffee that's so adorable. Come on in, I'll see if I have decaf

[0dde11eth]

Geralt and jaskier are pining again

They've been staring longingly at each other nonstop.

Eskel finally notices. "What's going on? Are you guys having staring contests? I'm playing winner!"

[0dde11eth]

Eskel: yeah I'm into BDSM

Jaskier: *delighted gasp*

Eskel: Being kind to others. Doing what I can to help. Serving my community. Making a positive impact.

Jaskier: *disappointed sigh*

*** in the background *** papa vesemir smacking a gigging Lambert upside the head for telling eskel that's what bdsm stands for.

[0dde11eth]

Geralt: uh oh. Here comes jaskier. He's going to be all "oh no what did you do to my clothes?!"

Jaskier: oh no what did you do to my clothes?!

Eskel: Are you from the future?

[0dde11eth]

*Jaskier and eskel kissing, and then jaskier invites eskel to join him in the bedroom*

Eskel: Really right now?

Jaskier: Yeah why not?

Eskel: I just ate aren't we supposed to wait an hour?

jaskier: That's for swimming

[0dde11eth]

Jaskier: can you help me get this stain out of my doublet?

Eskel: come again?

Jaskier: no this time it's red wine

[0dde11eth]

Lambert: Why do things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?

Eskel: NOBODY TELL HIM