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rezilient-m3 · 5 years

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6) James and I started dating on January 19th, 2001. I still remember that night vividly, even though we had been drinking. It wasn't much, but enough to make me do dumb things, like take him into the raunchy bedroom with no sheets and have sex with him. Not even thinking of his gf, my old best friend from a cpl years prior. (You'll see that I have a tendency to do this to ppl). I was a bitch. But I really thought they weren't even together at the moment cuz they were always breaking up, as kids would do.

I think a big part of why I did was to get back at the boy who I let take my virginity and didn't talk to me after, UNTIL this night. Or tried to, but I wasn't for it. I had a handsome, new guy to think about now. But like I said, I didn't think he'd even be into to me after lol. So, I wasn't even expecting his call I got the next day. He made Marie call my landline (I had my own number) and he came on. I was so happy! I don't really remember how things went soon after, but I know we were inseparable for a year. (He was living with Marie and her family, my uncle is her dad, and her mom was sisters of the social worker in our reserve. So, something about a voluntary placement so he can stay on the reserve. James' mom lived in a city.) After school was out I always went visit him at his mom's, and he would find places to stay to stick around our reserve. I'm pretty sure at one point he was staying with my older sister, Gale, as a sitter for her kids lol. Our families accepted were were a couple.

When school was about to start, I was only going into grade 8, and him 9. I was bummed he'd be an hour n a half away but was going to accept it cuz he had to go live with his mom now n go to school. BUT the weirdest shit happened. I was visiting him, we were about a week away from the first day, him n his mom were talking about what they can do about him coming back to the reserve and where he can stay, cuz he didn't want to move. All of a sudden I heard her say, "why don't I ask her mom if you can stay there?" Shocked the hell out of me, then I remember thinking, "no way my mom will agree and say yes." Wellllll, she fucken did. Lol. I was only going to be 13, he had already turned 15. All I can say about that is just WOW. Can you imagine the scandal? Lol.

At the time I was happy we would be together. My mum's only rule was, not gonna share rooms. That lasted like a week or 2. Soon, we were in the same bedroom and living together. This was September. I don't even remember how this worked, or if I even hung out with my friends. Pretty sure I did cuz my room was the place to hang out and match each other weed.

We had reached our year Anniversary. Never broke up in that year. But I remember I was feeling smothered by him always being around and him not wanting to go to see his friends, or leaving me alone. I started ditching him at home, not telling him where I was going, cuz he was a lil stalker and always found me. Crazy when I think about it now. Needless to say, I started cheating on him. Dumb thing was, in my thinking, "he should know so he can decide if he really loves me to stay, or go." And I always told him when I did. It was almost always too. Rank. I started to sleep around with different guys. I was pretty shameless. Kinda gross lol. Omg.

I used to keep count, but almost most of the guys I knew going through my high school years. And it wasn't even intentional either, I'd black out, drinking, and was always looking for someone to hook-up with. James and I were always breaking-up and getting back together. It went on like this right until March 2006. I feel bad, now, for the way I've treated him. Cuz back then, I don't think he actually ever cheated on me. Or maybe he did, idk. N I can't even tell you why he endured all those years of humiliation. Think it still bothers him today, cuz even now when he's been drinking he brings up our past. Mostly our recent past, but all of this was the beginning of our ugliness.

I should mention, we split for a few months the winter I was 14, had to be March? Can't be too sure, might've been earlier. There was a hockey tournament in another city, our reserve always went. And me n my friends would follow and go drinking. I met this guy, and shocker, I slept with him that night in his truck. (Like I've said, I was shameless). He was from another reserve, at the same tourney. I thought that was the end of it. Next day i was embarrassed cuz my friends knew and I noticed him following me around, always tryna talk to me. I felt this way cuz he was a chubby kid that wasn't all that hot. He wasn't hideous, but I just wouldn't have gave him a 2nd thought if I was in my right mind. Poor guy lol. Funny thing about this guy was he had a cousin living in my reserve, and dumb thing was, this cousin was the kid I had always been fooling around with on James lol. Small world. So, he got my number from his cousin. AND even came as far as coming to out reserve, to our school, with his cousin and was roaming our hallways a few weeks after the tourney. I swear I almost died when Marie come running to me, telling me, "you'll never guess who's here!" Lol. Omg. We left the school and we were walking to her house and they pulled up to us, asked us to jump in, we go, most awkward ride of my life, get dropped off and say bye lol. We go out with them drinking that night, it was the weekend and I give in and start getting to know him. He was funny and easy to get along with. Big head grew on me lol. He was my bf for the following months into summer. I loved him. I think he did too. But I was a bitch and treated him like how I treated James. Always cheating, but he'd never wanna break up. I was horrible, cuz he really was a good kid. At the time, before me, he never really drank, pretty sure I took his virginity that night in his truck, and he danced powwow. I feel like I corrupted him. The way we ended was, one weekend in July, it was his reserve's powwow. My grandma and mum were actually staying at his mom's to attend and visit. I actually didn't feel like drinking but his friends, and the cousin from my reserve and his gf all wanted to drink. So I did. Bad idea. I was at a house party, not knowing who was who. The cousin's gf knew he and I always hooked up before and decided now was the perfect time to jump me with 3 other girls I don't know. And they all let it happen. I was blacked out, I don't remember any of it. I got dropped off at his mom's by a couple from that party who probably felt sorry for me. Next day, not knowing the whole story, I left back home with my mum and grandma. That was the end of us after I heard from his cousin's, who were sort of my friends, and they heard from people at that party of what really happened. I never got to ask him why he let it happen. Anyways, it's almost time for school to start, and I was was still friends with his cousin's. There were 3 girls who were always together. They talked me into moving in with one of them and starting the school year there. Idk why I choose to, cuz it didn't last. I moved back home after a month and a half. The girl I chose to live with was a thief and always stole money, real fake friend. I just didn't feel right, plus we lived with her older sister, cuz like me, she came from an older family. I just didn't feel like I belonged there. During those weeks of living there, though, I almost took my ex back. I wanted to, but he never admitted he wanted to and I never did either. So that was the end of us after that. I heard he turned into a man whore after that. Now, he was the one cheating on gfs. Think he ended up having 3 kids with 3 girls. He passed away the year I was pregnant with my first daughter. Died young, in a collision cuz he was a truck driver. RIP.

I moved home that October, in grade 10 and continued on with James. So, in those years, that was our break. Until we ended it in March of '06.

I can talk about my first son's dad, D. It's now April and the time of MSN messenger, we didn't have a computer at the time so only used it at my other best friend at the time, Mary's, where she used to babysit. She had made my account and added who she had on hers. Nobody, but close friends, really knew who I was on there. And one of them was D. He noticed I was on there and would keep asking who I was, and I never told him. I knew who he was. I'd seen him around, he was new to our school and used to go out with my cousin. One time I happened to actually agree to babysitting for my oldest sister, Ann. She had a computer and I was logged into MSN. My niece, Demi, was with me visiting and went on and started answering my messages. One of them was D asking me, again, who I was. He finally knew. Then dummy asked me out. That's how everyone had got together, it wasn't dates first, you just become a couple lol. And she wrote yes! I was so weirded out cuz I didn't know him personally and never even thought of him that way. After I was done sitting, I went pick him up at his sisters, drove around awkwardly and dropped him off. In school, even though he was about 3 and some years older than me, I was still ahead of him in classes. We only had one class together and it was weird cuz that one class, he'd just stare lol. At the time I had 2 other best friends, along with Marie and Claire, I had Charles and Randall. I was more with them than the girls now, since like grades 8 or 9. Anyways, not about them. Point was, I told Charles and he was laughing, like wtf, odd couple lol. And everyday after school I had a rule about my truck, Charles and Randall always had dibs, and whoever wanted to come had to call the 2 other seats. One day, D was waiting by my truck. Mind you, the only talking we ever did was on messenger. So i was freaked out by the surprise. He jumped in, and got super stoned with us. He didn't even get high regularly lol. He asked to be dropped off and that was it.

I was saying I didn't think I could do it cuz it was too awkward. But he ended up calling my mum's house, breaking up with me. So, I say it's cool, no hard feelings lol. His reason was, his mom and my dad were cousins. I accepted that... like what a weird side story. But noooo, he called me like 3 days later saying he wanted to give us a shot cuz, "he wasn't my real dad, so we're not blood related." Fuck we were dumb lol. But nobody seemed to care, cuz technically, he was right. And again, I got used to him. We actually turned out to get along really well. Our humour matched each other and I had always had fun with him. I graduated, we spent the summer together. Then, I decided I wasn't going to post secondary and "take the year off". He decided he didn't want to go back to school cuz I wasn't attending. So, like my previous relationship, he turned out to be super clingy. And, again, I was a cheater and he never wanted to end it. It was sort of toxic cuz he would cheat, even went as far as getting another gf 3 hrs away and going to see her. But we always took each other back.

That December I found out I was pregnant. I was 18, he was 22. We stayed together, and were good for those months. But it went back to being bad again cuz I started drinking after I had my son.

James was always in the picture cuz he'd always call and I never really let him go, and he was always the one calling so I take it it that he didn't either. During this time too, James had been in 2 other relationships, and been in jail for the months I was pregnant. (I wouldn't know what for for real until a couple years later). But he had heard from his current gf I had a son, cuz she would look at my Bebo profile. Back when that was a thing.

My son was only 5 months old when I broke it off with D for the last time and went back to James. I can't really say I regret this decision because I'd go on to have my 3 beautiful daughters and I'll just have to believe everything happened for a reason.

I just feel horrible I did that my son's dad. He really was a good guy and I knew he really tried to have a family and he loved me. I was young, not really ready to grow up and I thought I loved James more.

My son is 12 now, was raised good, a respectable young man. He was raised by D's parents. D has a gf, had been with her after us, so a long fucken time lol. We still hooked up (before her), like a couple times. Still talked about things, and I was happy at the time we could still be friends. He was a person I still could have trusted about anything. It all changed when he got this gf though. Idk why, I knew we were over. Once, when James and I broke up (my son was already living with his parents, and before I got pregnant with my first daughter) I had asked D if he wanted to try again. I swear that was my first time ever asking someone to take me back lol. But he said no, he didn't trust me. With good reason, though. I had hurt him. So, idk why that girl made him delete and block me on Facebook. Just one day, I was going to ask him if he ever gotten our kid's school pictures done and he was gone. It was just done lol. To this day, we don't talk. I talk small talk if he comes into the store when I'm working, but nothing else. Whatever though, I hope he's happy lol. It was just sudden, cuz we were actually friends before that. Damn jerk lol.

I think I'll stop here. I now have a son, and just gotten back together with James. I think I'm at January of 2008. Rough times ahead.

Plus, there's a lot of stuff I've missed in my high school years I'll probably come back to if needed. All of these are just main events. But until next time, ✌.

#allofme #mystory

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nancygduarteus · 7 years

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<em>The Atlantic</em> Daily: Stopgap Deal, Risky Diplomacy, Grown-Ups' Grandparents

What We’re Following

Open for the Public: Lawmakers have reached a deal to fund the government for three more weeks after disagreements over the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program, defense spending, and other matters led to a three-day shutdown over the weekend. Senate Democrats had been holding out for DACA protections in particular, but Monday’s agreement included only a promise to debate such legislation before the next funding deadline, leaving immigration advocates disappointed. For their part, Republicans are claiming a “Win for [the] White House,” although President Trump appeared to have very little to do with the deal.

El Salvador: The U.S. Catholic Church is pushing back against Trump’s recent decision to suspend Temporary Protected Status (TPS) for Salvadorans, which has put nearly 200,000 immigrants—many of them longtime U.S. residents and active parishioners—at risk of deportation. TPS protects people who are unable to return to their home countries out of fear for their safety. The dangerous conditions in El Salvador over the past few decades have included not only a devastating earthquake, but also a bloody civil war in which the U.S. played a role.

Diplomatic Deals: On a visit to Jerusalem, Vice President Mike Pence affirmed Washington’s support of Israel and called for continued work toward peace with Palestine—yet the Trump administration’s controversial decision to recognize Jerusalem as Israel’s capital may have complicated that process. Trump’s continued calls for improvements to the Iran nuclear deal likewise carry a risk of undermining the agreement. Meanwhile, North and South Korea have reached a historic breakthrough with their agreement to send a joint women’s hockey team to the Winter Olympics next month—but they’re on thin political ice.

—Rosa Inocencio Smith

Snapshot

People participate in the Women’s March for Truth in St. Louis, Missouri, on January 20, 2018—one of many demonstrations held around the world on Saturday in support of women’s rights and in opposition to President Trump. Read Lena Felton’s coverage from New York City here, and see Emily Jan’s photos from Washington, D.C., here. (Whitney Curtis / Getty)

Evening Read

Claire Berman reflects on a visit from her 20-year-old granddaughter, Rachel:

We were excited, but wary as well. It had been a long time since we’d had a young person living with us. Would we find ourselves waiting up until we heard her key in the door? What were the rules? What were our roles? And what if something should happen to her while on our watch? I found myself having dreams about my own grandmother, Bubbe Chana, who wore sensible Oxfords, smelled faintly of lavender, and would hold my hand too tightly whenever we came to a crossing. Like my bubbe, I wanted to love and protect my granddaughter. But I’d barely celebrated my eighth birthday when my grandmother died. Rachel was too old to be led by the hand.

Instead, we’d have to navigate a relationship that is more common today than it was when I was Rachel’s age. At around 70 million people, grandparents represent a bigger chunk of America’s population than ever before, according to data released by the Census Bureau. That number is expected to go even higher as more baby boomers join the senior ranks. Americans are living more than half a decade longer than they were 50 years ago, too. Many grandparents now have the ability to be in their grandchildren’s lives for many years. But how does the grandparent role change as grandchildren age?

Keep reading here, as Berman describes how she and Rachel worked things out.

What Do You Know … About Education?

Issues of sex and consent have been dominating the headlines as the “Weinstein Effect” spreads across American industries, but college campuses have been grappling with these same questions for years, and their methods could serve as a blueprint—or a warning—for today’s movement. Meanwhile, many nonwhite students in rural America don’t even see college as an option, and their enrollment rates are alarmingly low.

Can you remember the other key facts from this week’s education coverage? Test your knowledge below:

1. Answers to a recent poll revealed that Americans were more likely to disapprove of school-choice programs if they were called “____________.”

Scroll down for the answer, or find it here.

2. Almost ____________ percent of college students are unemployed upon graduating, according to 2016 data.

Scroll down for the answer, or find it here.

3. __________ percent of young people raised by parents with college diplomas report being encouraged to attend a four-year college, compared with 29 percent of students raised by parents without degrees.

Scroll down for the answer, or find it here.

—Isabel Fattal

Answers: vouchers / 6 / 80

Look Back

From our August 1908 issue, Ellis Meredith quotes another leader of the women’s suffrage movement, Sarah Platt Decker, on what it means to have the right to vote:

“You can’t exactly explain why suffrage is desirable. If you were to post a notice that all the workmen of this state would be disfranchised at the next general election, you would have war and bloody war. Why? Does it make any particular difference to any individual workman whether Roosevelt or Bryan is elected? Not a particle. Then why does he want to vote? Because the vote is an indefinable something that makes you part of the plan of the world. It means the same to women that it does to men. You never ask a boy, ‘Have you closed the saloons, have you purified politics and driven all the political tricksters out of the state?’ No, you put your hand on his shoulder and you say, “To-day, my boy, you are an American citizen,’ and that is what you say to your daughter.”

Read more here, and find more stories from our archives here.

Reader Response

On Friday, a reader named Dan who had voted for Trump as the “[lesser] of two evils” described his feelings of anger and disappointment as the presidency hits the one-year mark. Another reader, Anthony, writes from Virginia:

While my expectations were and continue to be low, what I did not expect was the amount of cultural stress I would feel on a daily basis since his inauguration … With the exception of the Charlottesville debacle (I am Jewish), no policy or action may have directly impacted myself, but I feel the ramifications on everyone around me … For example, I am a graduate student, and am surrounded by a strong international presence (Nepalese, Chinese, Iranian, Saudi, Peruvian, Turkish, British, Greek, and more). There is not a day that goes by where these students, who are merely here for an education, do not feel inherently threatened and unwelcome. Some have even been accosted in grocery stores to “return to their country” or asked “Why are you here?”

Carly in Galesburg, Illinois, describes a similar sense of stress:

Every day I open up the news with a renewed sick sense of dread. I’m exhausted. After I leave school I have no idea how I’ll get funding for graduate school, afford healthcare, or find decent wages. These, obviously, have never been set in stone, however, during our last presidency I was hopeful about my chances to make a good life for myself, but so much of that hope has been slashed in the past year. It’s heartbreaking; it’s worse than I ever thought it would be.

Read about why politics can cause depression here. Go here for psychologists’ advice on how to cope with Trump-related stress. And stay tuned for more reader perspectives in the coming week.

Verbs

Showman succeeds, board games invade, refugees rally, trust falls.

Time of Your Life

Happy birthday to Dwarkanath (a year younger than sunscreen); to Kristina’s daughter Hayley (twice the age of Instagram); to Ron, who shares a birthday with Beckett (both are a year younger than universal credit cards); to Michael’s partner, Stephen (the same age as the first handheld scientific calculator); to Jamie’s client and dear friend Diane (born around the time of the Selma to Montgomery march); and to Natalie (twice the age of hip-hop records).

From yesterday, happy birthday from Liz to Carolyn (a year younger than T-shirts); to JoAnn’s husband, Rick (18 years older than the Concorde aircraft); to M (twice the age of The Simpsons); to Coulter (a year younger than the World Wide Web); to Anna’s twin brothers Michael and Stephen (twice the age of The Oprah Winfrey Show); to Barbara (a year younger than James Bond); to Courtenay’s spouse (a year younger than The Cat in the Hat); and to Andrei’s wife (twice the age of the iTunes Store).

Do you or a loved one have a birthday coming up? Sign up for a birthday shout-out here, and click here to explore the Timeline feature for yourself.