#clownin so hard

[gurorori]

T_T i hve smth rly shameful 2 admit urgh

[dj-tak0wasa]

THEY POSTWD THE NEW VERSION OF CITY OF COLOR IM FHFHVFBFB

[respectthepetty]

How does it feel to stay winning Petty? Also who would've guessed that baby Barcode would be the one of the BOC boys to collect kisses from all the homies!?

Anon, I appreciate you sending this because, right now, I feel like an elite status female rapper. Like CL from 2NE1 rapped in their 2011 hit, "I am the best", Be On Cloud owns me, and y'all can't tell me shit about this show.

I know I have some Wild Ass Theories and I'm always clownin' in these BL streets, but I love when my theories actually hit their target like . . .

When I knew Teacher Chadok was in a relationship with Teacher Dika since the first episode of The Eclipse.

When I knew Kanghan's house was going to be robbed and his dad would be shot since the third episode of Dangerous Romance, even though I thought Saifah would do it.

When I knew Pat was working with Joke to win over Zo since the first episode of Hidden Agenda.

I love making Wild Ass Theories no matter how crazy they are, like my belief that the twins' dad is involved in this whole murder and sex work plot in Playboyy. No matter what happened in this past episode, I still believe it and am eagerly awaiting the upcoming chaos to see how hard I clowned.

Which is why I LOVE Dead Friend Forever.

I want the record to state that no matter what happens after episode seven, that at this exact moment in time, I love this show. It makes me happy to be alive at the same time this is airing, and I'm not joking. I want to remember that at one point, this show was everything to me, and even if it goes down hill, it had all my attention in the first seven episodes. I want to appreciate it right now because regardless of what happens, it did everything right in the first half.

With the way some shows keep losing their footing in the end, sometimes we forget how good they were in the beginning, and the emo in me doesn't want to forget this feeling. Some of my favorite movies are Scream, Heathers, and Jawbreaker so this show has been giving me the explicitly queer version of kill your frenemies since the very first episode, and I love it.

My internal alarm went off the second Tee got upset that Phi was speaking to White in episode one, then the dark hand touched him making him enemy #1. I didn't like the way he told White he needed to obey him, and I feel like the dark hand wasn't too pleased with it either. It was a vibe.

And now Non has a hurt hand in the past from falling off the bike . . .

Then, Jin was the main character of the previous film, so he was either the killer or the biggest baddie.

But Phi was just so sus, that I clocked him as a killer.

Which meant Phi and Jin were the killers, but Tan has no backstory and people with no history are intentionally hiding it, so they can kill everyone and peace out.

So in my mind, Tan and Phi were regulated to the killers, Tee was the second to last to die, which I'm hoping it's by his boyfriend White who he thinks disobeys him, and the rest of the squad would die as needed. Which left Jin to be the baddie.

All of my theories could blow up at any second because we don't know if Jin actually sent that video or if his computer fizzled out before it finished uploading, so he could still be a killer avenging Non instead of a baddie who wronged Non (but he took the video and that is messed up regardless of what he planned to do with it).

But either way, I'm hoping it comes down to Phi and Jin in that forest because the show started with them.

And I don't think Jin realizes who Phi is to Non since Jin never got a good look at Phi's face in the past.

The Twitter folks spotted that Phi's dad was the police chief from the letters the boys got calling them in for interrogation in episode six.

And now the knife from episode two is showing up in the past in Non's backpack.

Up until this point, I feel the show has laid out a solid story with a good cast, and I think Be On Cloud relied on their KinnPorsche casting to throw people off in this show because who expected Us to be doomed in the first episode? That was like Drew Barrymore dying at the beginning of Scream.

People have felt off about JJ's character, but the show wouldn't really have JJ do anything bad to sweet Barcode, right?

And Barcode and Ta being paired together was a pipe dream for the Macau x Porchay shippers, so it could never happen here!

Especially because Ta and Copper won The Hidden Character, which meant they were going to be the main pair of this show, right?

WRONG!

Barcode is gonna be involved in some fucked up shit, and according to those MDL comments, people are realizing they messed up making any assumptions before this show started based on what the actors previously did.

I truly feel like BOC looked at its lineup and said "Baby Barcode was babygirled so hard for the past two years that the audience won't even think his character is capable of such things"

and I love that for us.

BOC gave these youngsters (19-23 in age) a script from Dr. Sammon and the Pit Babe writers and said "go HAM, bitches"

And the audience stays winning.

This isn't about my Wild Ass Theories coming true. This is an appreciation post for what this show has given to me up until this point - a good mystery.

Every week I have more questions and none of them feel like they will go unanswered. Is Non dead? Did Jin actually upload the video? Is Tan a killer? Why did Phi hook up with Jin? Will White finally snap, crackle, and pop like a bag of Rice Krispies treats for the mere fact that he simply wanted a nice weekend getaway with his boyfriend and now has to deal with all this bullshit?

But most importantly, when did Phi realize he was going to kill all of them after making them run around scared for their lives?

Because by time the show makes it back to the present day, I'm sure we're all going to want to watch these kids suffer in the worst ways possible.

Manipulate, Murder, Mayhem

[banana-zim]

4 7 19 25

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

I love using the block button to curate my Tumblr experience. Mostly it's used for porn bots and users whose posts say "ZADR DNI". If they don't block me first, I figure I'll just go ahead and do them a solid. Also, if you spam like dozens of my posts without even a single reblog to help share other people's hard work on their art, I'm gonna see it and stop that quick. :/ C'mon, people, it ain't hard to share art you love.

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

I don't really pay attention to how fandom acts about anyone. If this was the case, I'd hate Zim and Dib, because my views on them are so far from how most of the fandom sees them.

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

Nothing! I have no shame. I like what I like, and I don't have any problem announcing it.

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"Jhonen is such a prick, he's so mean to his fans, he hates us ZADR fans" - He's a troll. He's no Rebecca Sugar, but that's why I like him. He's gonna say shit that makes canon break or make fun of things he sees. But I sincerely DOUBT he takes it seriously. And that's what some people tend to do... take things waaay too seriously. I like a lil clownin' around, and I think the jab at @mybrainisbigpoop (for asking Andy Berman say "I love you, Zim!" in that iconic moment back at InvaderCON) in Enter the Florpus, where Dib says "NO!" to Clembrane asking if he loves Zim, is fucking hilarious.

[charlotte-of-wales]

King Charles III of Spain rolling in his grave thinking of how he should have kept the Two Sicilies under Spain so that these clowns wouldn't be clownin' so hard now

could be worse…..they could be actual royals right now

[foibles-fables]

hi foibles! i’m a lurker in the hzd fandom but i love your talanahloy fics so much and i just read them again after finishing burning shores. they were comforting and more meaningful after everything? idk. thank you for them and will there be more? hope we get to romance talanah in the next game 😫

nonny, OMG, thank you!! That--means absolutely so much to hear right now, I won't lie to you. I've been quietly struggling quite a bit with my mental game re: this fandom, and with the in-between place I've been occupying post-Shores, so your kind words and encouragement just hit me really hard, lmao. Very emo at my desk this AM.

I'm so flattered you've been enjoying my silly writing, and there's unquestionably more to come! Thank you for being so awesome. We keep clownin' all the way to HZ3!

[aeroteaka]

Okay so...like....I typically homebrew small house rules to make my life easier or to add a extra level of something that I think would be fun in a game. This time around I wanted to fill a good I felt was missing from 5e. And that hole was Space Clowns. So I spent a good amount of time on my notepad and spun up this lovely little setup. It's not perfect, and will probably see more balance over time if there is ever a call for it. Plus as written my Clownin can work in all kinds of games. Or at least I'd like to think they could. So please enjoy and let me know what you all think.

Clownin Dnd 5e Race V3.0

The Feywilds is a chaotic and untamed place, filled with the strange and unknown. So it’s only natural over time that humans would try and set up settlements there. Over the decades the Fey Courts took notice of this and decided, in their own way, to help the settlers fit in. They introduced them to the ways of the Wilds, from its people and culture to the stories and magic behind it. Generations later the humans found themselves changing to match their new surroundings, there was no need to stay so glum, they let their worries melt away as they focused on the bright side, and most important of all they learned to laugh and roll with the punches. Over time these humans took on a new name and title: The Clownin. Over the recent years each Clownin village (Unironically called a circus by their own people) have begun to specialize in their own form of acts, trades, and forms of comedy. The Clowns focus on their acrobatics, showing off their dexterity whenever the chance arrives. Be that on the high wires, the trapeze, or even roll and flipping around on the ground. The Jesters have and always will be the loudest and most rowdy of the bunch. They love a good joke, and they are rather dedicated to finding the best punchlines. And last but not least the Harlequins. They might be quiet but they never lack for showmanship. They love showing off their own mystical arts.

While it might be rare for the Clownin

Basic Clownin Features

Age: Laughter keeps you young, at least that’s what they say. Most Clownin live for a century.

Alignment: Clownin comes in all varieties, from the good to the bad.

Size: They range from 3ft to 7ft and yet stay medium somehow.

Speed: 30ft, it’s impressive given the big shoes that some wear.

Languages: Common and Sylvan, it’s hard to survive in the wilds with anything else.

Ability Scores: 2 to one choice, 1 to another

You’re One in a Million: Clownin faces are unique, with markings that only they bare. With these unique markings it is almost impossible to disguise themselves as anything other than a Clownin. They have disadvantage on disguise checks to look normal. It is a well known taboo in most circuses for a Clownin to try and mimic another Clownin face. Most of the roguish variety take that as a cue to never get caught.

Clownin Lineages

Clown Features

Skills: Clowns are Proficient in Acrobatics

Leaps and Bounds: The Clowns are the master of a variety of Acrobatic techniques which makes it hard for almost anyone to catch them. Up to their proficiency bonus the Clown in question can take the Tumble Action. This feature refreshes after a long rest.

The Tumble

You gain the benefits of taking the Dash and Disengage actions.

You gain a climbing speed equal to your current speed.

You take half damage from falling.

Wire Trick: In the hands of a trained clown wires are your best friend and can even be your strongest weapon. Regardless of how thin the wires are if stretched and strung out it can support your weight, and your weight only. You’re able to walk across as if it was normal terrain (In a similar fashion to spider climb). You are proficient in using wires as weapons. (Items and Stats found at the end.)

Jester Features

Skills: Proficient in Athletics and Improvised Weapons

The Great and Mighty Bonk: When the Jester hits someone with a melee attack they are able to push a target one size larger than them x2 their charisma score in feet away from them. If the target is pushed into an obstacle then add an additional d6 damage per 5 ft distance that wasn’t traveled. A Jester is able to do this a number of times equal to their proficiency bonus. It refreshes after a long rest.

It’s just a prop I swear: It’s mind over matter when you’re out in the field. And sometimes you have to stay dedicated to the bit. In the hands of a Jester Improvised Weapons have the magical property when trying to overcome resistances.

Harlequin Features

Skills: Proficient in Arcana and Simple Ranged Weapons

Tricks of the Trade: You know the Prestidigitation cantrip. Starting at 3rd level, you can cast the Jump or Feather Fall. Once you cast Jump or Feather Fall with this trait, you can't cast that spell with it again until you finish a long rest. You can also cast either of those spells using any spell slots you have of the appropriate level. Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma is your spellcasting ability for these spells when you cast them with this trait (choose when you select this race).

Can’t Fool the Fool: Nothing is worse than a buzzkill or a heckler so you’ve found a way to get secret revenge while picking up something useful along the way. You can cast the spell Detect Thoughts once per long rest. If a creature or person is able to resist your attempts to probe deeper then they’ll be met with some sort of embarrassment or social gaff. They might loudly pass gas, unleash a thunderous burp, trip and fall, or be compelled to tell a tasteless joke.

Shopping With the Clowns

Shopping for a Clownin can be difficult at times. It’s hard to come across the tools and tricks of the trade like you can back at home. So that’s why some of them took up the mantle as a traveling band of hucksters. To those with an untrained eye these clowns are selling trinkets at ludicrous prices. But to those in the know? It’s a treasure trove. Listed below are a list of items both common and magical that you might find in the travel store Pennymise. The GM has final say on who can or can’t use these items.

Fancy Deck of Cards

Simple Ranged Weapon

Non-Magical

They come in a variety of colors and suits, and are strangely heavier than your typical playing cards. Comes in a Stack of 50. Cause you don’t need those extra Jokers around.

Typical Price 1 to 5 GP

Ranged (20 - 60), Finesse

Deals 1d4 Slashing

Tarot Array

Simple Ranged Weapon

Non-Magical

It’s all fun and games till someone needs to get hurt. This deck is built with violence and divination in mind. This deck comes in many bright and colorful cases so they are hard to hide. And they are well known to be weapons in a Clownins hands. There are 54 cards in this deck.

Typical Price 25 to 30 Gp

Ranged (10 – 50), Finesse

Deals 1d6 Slashing

Old Beebops Deck of Tricks

Legendary Artifact

Simple Ranged Weapon

Old Clownin go down in history for their gags and props. This one is no different. Old Beebops lived to be 113 and this was the deck that made him famous in his Circus and feared by the killjoys who threatened it. It now finds its way to the hands of those who need it...or the ones who can afford it. Whichever comes first.

Ranged (30 – 90), Finesse

Damage 2d4 Slashing

Special: Old Beebops is a +3 simple ranged weapon. It must be attuned by a Clownin of a Neutral Alignment. (Yes it has opinions but it has the opinions of a sweet old grandpa.) Has 10 charges and gains 1d4 charges back on every sunrise. (Or long rest if you happen to be traveling in space) On a successful attack roll a d4, the result will tell you what effect happens.

1: Add your proficiency score to your damage total.

2: A bunch of balloons explode from the card around the hit target causing them to have disadvantage on their next attack.

3: The closest ally may use their reaction to hit the target if they are in range. (Takes up 2 charges)

4. Regain 1 Charge and 1 HP to your character.

50ft of Wire

Non-Magical Wire

A classic want and need amongst the clowns. Perfect for fishing, high wire acts, and just a good old fashion smackdown.

3 GP

Requires a Passive Perception Score of 15 to see normally or opposed Perception vs the Wielders Sleight of Hand. When used as a weapon, wire does not give advantage on attack rolls unless it is a surprise round. Wire has 2 hit points and can be burst with a DC 12 Strength check.

Reach (5ft), Two Handed, Finesse

1d6 Bludgeoning

50ft of Fancy Wire

Magical AND Silver Wire

103 GP

Look sometimes the crowd gets a little wild and you need to be ready for everything. And this? This is your answer, it’s a good one too.

Requires a Passive Perception Score of 15 to see normally or opposed Perception vs the Wielders Sleight of Hand.When used as a weapon, wire does not give advantage on attack rolls unless it is a surprise round. Wire has 2 hit points and can be burst with a DC 15 Strength check.

Reach (5ft), Two Handed, Finesse

1d6 Bludgeoning

Knick Knack’s Big Reel O’ Wire

Legendary Artifact

Wire

Some Clownin like the high wire acts, others exist for it. And Knick Knack knew how to live it up with his Big Reel. The reel holds about 500 ft of wire, and when attuned to someone they can set a command word to wind or unwind the wire to a desired length. If for whatever reason the wire is cut or broken off at a section the Reel will regrow 25ft every long rest or sunrise till it’s back to its full length of 500ft. Requires a Passive Perception Score of 15 to see normally or opposed Perception vs the Wielders Sleight of Hand. When used as a weapon, wire does not give advantage on attack rolls unless it is a surprise round. Knick Knack’s Big Reel O’ Wire counts as a +2 Weapon in the hands of a Clown.

Reach (10ft), Two Handed, Finesse

Damage: 1d8 Bludgeon.

Special: You may use these wires to perform the grapple action (See the PHB for rules on grapples). While you are in control of the grapple on your turn you can use your action to tighten the wires and deal 1d4 piercing damage to the target grappled. If the target succeeds in breaking the grapple the wires two things happen. The wires break and the user loses those 10ft and must pull out another 10ft to use. And if they wish they can use their reaction to deal 1d6 Piercing damage as the wires break over the target's body.

[dustdevildiaries]

Nothin' but time.

The desert sun feels particularly prickly against the back of his neck as a long leg swings over his motorcycle. There’s an agenda leading him to the ranch today, the dust settling behind from his ride in - one that inspires him to strike up a smoke despite the lecture he’d recently gotten from Dottie about his heart and lung health. Something about doctors on TikTok . . . or whatever source she had recited during her emotionally-driven monologue. 

❝Anyone ever tell ya y’don’t gotta live with tha animals?❞ he smirks, spitting a bit of tobacco from the latest pull. 

Chevy, obliviously lost in his work, coaxes his eyes up from the shovel moving manure around the pasture. ❝Anyone ever tell you ya shouldn’t startle a cowboy with a shovel?❞

❝Wouldn’t be tha first time y’went after me. Probably not tha last, neither.❞

Chevy smiled, tongue toying with the toothpick tucked inside his cheek. Declan couldn’t recall when the habit began, but it was hard to picture Chevy without a toothpick in mouth. 

❝What kinda trouble are ya plannin’ to bring to my day?❞ Chevy asked, his muscular arms rippling as he drove the shovel against small piles of cow shit. The man only paused his work for a handful of things and small talk wasn’t one of them. 

❝Need’ta chat with ma,❞ DC answers, taking a drag from his smoke, long fingers leading his sunglasses from over his eyes to the top of his head. The reflexive squint indents wrinkles to the sides of his eyes. 

❝So watchin’ me shovel shit is probably the better option then?❞

❝Probably,❞ DC snickers, but the humor quickly leaves his face. ❝Y’ain’t seen Judas tha last coupl’a days, have ya?❞ 

Chevy shakes his head, adjusting his sweat-stained cowboy hat with a free, gloved hand; the other still wielded the shovel. 

❝Can’t say I have,❞ he says easily, having no reason to lie. He can play his cards close to the chest, but DC understands that Chevy wouldn’t have any reason to cover anyone’s tracks. Not at the moment, at least. 

Declan finishes up his smoke, a bit leisurely. Perhaps stalling. ❝Y’need a hand?❞ he asks with a grin. Only at Two Wolves Ranch can you find a cowboy in a kutte shoveling shit - but that’s part of the beauty of it. 

❝Never seen a man so eager to get shit on his boots… have at ‘er. …Must be bad news for ma, huh?❞

Declan accepts the shovel from Chevy and chuckles. ❝That’s all talk comin’ from you. We got all kinds’a ranch hands an’ here y’are doin’ tha grunt work. You’d think yer avoidin’ somethin’ too . . .❞

The two brothers share a smile, knowing they’ve both been called - a spade’s a spade. 

Once the wide-mouthed wheelbarrow was full, DC relinquished the shovel. Just about to reward himself with another smoke, the reason for his visit started strolling from the main house. She was easy to spot amidst the large footprint of ranch-land by her hip-led stride and her petite frame. Somehow she could rule the land from miles away. 

❝You’re in trouble now,❞ Chevy said, reminiscent of when they were boys. 

❝Yer tha one aidin’ an’ a beddin’—❞ he laughed. 

Chevy’s laugh carried through the pasture. ❝That ain’t how ya say it, dumbass.❞

Fancy’s voice carried in the still, hot air. ❝Wanna tell me why you two are clownin’ around when we just lost truckloads of product?❞

DC felt the nudge of Chevy’s arm as the cowboy settled in just behind him. He preferred cowboying over the MC. ❝Me helpin’ Chevy out ain’t bringin’ back what’s lost. Far’s I know, there’s a bigger problem here an’ it ain’t on me, seein’ as I’m not the president.❞

A small bit of salt in the wound. DC had made it clear that he didn’t trust Judas as standing President, and would undermine his authority if for the greater good of the club before he regains the reins. 

Thwack!  

She’d always been a quick draw, but he didn’t see it coming - the stir of black and colored specks dancing behind his gaze. He feels Chevy’s hand on his arm to steady him and shakes it off. The crimson freely pours from the gash above the eyebrow, indented by the backhanded kiss of her revolver. 

❝Jesus, ma—❞ Chevy begins but stills when Fancy moves again, knowing he could very well be next. 

❝Our product has been stolen and that is your fuckin’ problem. It’s your name behind the brand isn’t it? Jesus Christ, I didn’t think prison could make you an even bigger pussy. . .❞

It feels like gravel in the grind of his molars, stoic in facial expression. Blood drips onto his white tee and he doesn’t give any satisfaction in wiping it away, refusing to show any pain or weakness. 

❝I’ll fuckin’ take care’a it,❞ DC grunts, producing his crumpled pack of smokes, drumming the end until one appeared for him to grab. 

❝I know you will,❞ she says, patting his chest before pressing a kiss to his cheek. She glances at Chevy, gauging him for a response - of which, he produces none. ❝Don’t track any of that shit into the house, you hear me?❞ 

❝I’m always careful, ma,❞ Chevy smiles and watches as she turns back toward the house. His attention immediately turns to Declan, pulling out a handkerchief from his pocket. ❝It ain’t used,❞ he assures and hands it over. DC though, ever prideful, doesn’t accept. His gaze is distant, chasing after Fancy’s shadow. ❝Times like these - I understand why he left . . .❞

They don’t need to name him - Sly. 

Chevy swirls the toothpick around his mouth, toying it between his top and bottom teeth. 

❝. . .I think she’d be in an early grave if he’d stuck around,❞ Declan says without blinking. 

It takes only a moment before they’re both laughing. As if their spineless father could kill her. It’d be the other way around - or even better, Fancy could convince Sly to put a bullet in his own head. 

She was a wolf - Sly was always a sheep. 

❝You need a bandaid?❞ Chevy finally asks. 

❝I need that tackle box of grenades we hid a few weeks ago. . .❞

Chevy studies him a moment, then shrugs. ❝Give me a minute.❞

DC strikes up his lighter and nods. ❝Got nothin’ but time,❞ he says as blood continues to bubble from the fresh wound.

[dante-winning-archive]

We clownin 🤌

https://twitter.com/dmbakura/status/1668387537050808320?t=JcSaw4rT_qCEjC2JY1aY6Q&s=19

I SAW THIS!!! I love it so much

Clowning so hard I should legally change my name to Jester

[cephalopaints]

kachow

[please dont repost my art without permission! reblogs > likes]

[kageafterdark]

Saw a solo nude art of Optimus and I have not known peace since.

[dj-tak0wasa]

i got a bean bag furby his name is king and hes a trans icon

i love him 🥺

[powerel]

@clownin

   “ Harley , it’s been thirty minutes what are you doing in there ? It’s just a casual date to the movies there’s no need to go ‘all out’ over it . You haven’t even  told me what we’re seeing . ” Her eyes rolling could almost be felt in the way she spoke , ending with a huff . With arms folding under her bust as her weight pressed against the wall outside of her bedroom door , she tapped her nails against the paint in five point rhythm .

[amjustagirl]

Firecracker - a meet cute with Suna Rintaro (923 words, fluff) 

It doesn’t begin with the standard hello, it’s nice to meet you. 

Instead, it begins in the middle of a crowded hallway in school as you’re facing off one Miya Atsumu. The disparity in size is what makes him chortle at first, you’re dwarfed by the six foot tall blonde pain in the ass, and that is probably what makes Kita hiss in disapproval, ready to curb his wayward kouhai from courting further trouble with the discipline master. 

But from his vantage point, he notices a few things. 

First, while Miya Atsumu is currently holding your pencil case hostage, dangled teasingly way above your head, he’s keeping a careful distance from you. Second, you show no signs of being dissuaded by your physical disadvantage, nor are you resorting to whining to get your way - something he detests. Instead, your stance is light and casual. You're even advancing with deliberate, sure steps towards Atsumu. Third, you’ve somehow managed to shift the terrain to your advantage, cornering Atsumu beside a study bench, his idiot teammate blind to the fact that he’s being played. 

Suna does, because he observes and thinks. Like you, he thinks appraisingly. He appreciates that. 

Perhaps it’s just sheer curiosity that makes him catch Kita’s sleeve before his captain darts out to diffuse the situation, or it’s his penchant for filming Miya twins shenanigans (his camera was out the minute he spotted Atsumu stealing your pencil case from your bag). 

Whatever it is, he thanks his instincts. 

Because with one swift step onto the bench, you manage to negate the height disadvantage. The way your feet kick off the raised platform the bench offers makes him think of a feral cat hunting its prey, and everyone in the vicinity gasps in disbelief as you leap into the air. 

(You’re wearing shorts beneath your skirt, but Suna’s face still heats up as he watches your skirt flutter up to expose the soft skin of your thighs). 

Before Atsumu can react, you snatch your pencil case away with one hand. Your other hand isn’t idle, because with a hearty thud, you slap the back of his head so hard he nearly face plants on the floor.

(You’d make a damn good spiker, if the force of that slap were any indication)

“She’s crazy” he hears a girl whisper. 

“Definitely psycho”, he hears a boy sneer. 

Kita and Aran just shake their heads at the entire scene, eerily in sync. 

Osamu just snorts. “Serve ‘Tsumu right. He’s never gotten the better of her, even when we were kids.”  

Very casually, Suna stops filming. “His girlfriend?” he asks casually, keeping his face neutral, even though he knows Atsumu has absolutely zero interest in anything that doesn’t have anything to do with volleyball. 

Osamu snorts again. “Our neighbour. Grew up together, practically our lil’ sister. Tsumu likes clownin’ on  her cos’ he doesn’t wanna admit that he’s always gonna lose.”

Interesting. 

He’s never quite known how to answer when the other guys ask what his type is. His teammates answer easily - Kita likes quiet, intelligent, competent girls (a robot, just like him), Aran likes nurturing, sweet girls (boringggg), Atsumu likes girls that don’t get in the way of volleyball (they don’t exist) and Osamu likes good-natured girls that make him laugh (tepid, but alright, he supposes). He always adopts an amalgamation of their answer, but he personally thinks kind, sweet, smart - those attributes are just the bare minimum he desires. 

Now, staring at you, he discovers something new about himself. 

He likes girls who aren’t afraid to play with fire, who crackle with spunk. 

So he decides to dig for information from one of the twins (Osamu’s definitely a better bet than the sulking Atsumu), to see if he can strike up a chance meeting with you. But he doesn’t need to, because you’re waiting for him when practice ends, an ice-cold glare directed at Atsumu making him scuttle off in the opposite direction, a friendly poke to Osamu’s side when he just shoots a half smirk at you and warns you to play nice. 

“I want the video you took”, you say without preamble. “Need it for blackmail purposes.”

“What do I get out of it?” he challenges, a thrill running down his spine. 

“Depends on what you want”, you snap, expression simmering into a glower. 

Perhaps he should be more honest with his intentions. 

“Your number so I can send the video to you”, he says, and because he suspects fortune rewards the bold - at least, it should, with you, he adds - “if you’re looking for more blackmail on Atsumu, I have plenty. I can share them with you if you’d go out for ice cream with me.”

Your eyes narrow and you remain silent for a beat. He wonders if he’s next in line to get slapped but he doesn’t retreat, stares at you unflinchingly. 

You surprise him by sticking your hand out. “Deal”, you reply, eyes sparking, mouth slanting into a smile. “I guess it’s a date.” 

He takes your hand, squeezes it. 

The Miya twins watch on from their hiding spot. “Sunarin’s not gonna know what hit him”, Atsumu pronounces, whistling low and amused, shit eating grin on his face. Osamu tilts his head, considering. “Nah”, he eventually says. “Different strokes for different folks. Seems like Suna’s the kind to enjoy playing with firecrackers even if they might explode in his face.”

“He’s crazy”, Atsumu remarks. 

“Definitely psycho”, Osamu laughs. 

It doesn’t matter what they think. Suna thinks he might like you.

a/n: coughs. well this was a blast to write, esp since it’s how (according to mr. nikki) i caught his eye in school. hope you enjoyed this! <3

[urjabhi]

Kim’s getting in touch with his Drama skill

00:00 - La Puta Madre's peones & Racist Lorry Driver

00:52 - the pre-eminent spousal surveillance firm & Plaisance

01:29 - the Boogie Street shakes & Acele

Transcript:

RACIST LORRY DRIVER — "Listen up, fuckwit. You don't scare me. You cops don't run Revachol West. You don't run Martinaise. You don't run shit."

RACIST LORRY DRIVER — "You're all bark and no bite. The real dogs are up in Jamrock. Everyone knows that."

KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant turns to the lorryman. "You mean *La Puta Madre*."

INLAND EMPIRE — The name resounds like a bell in the air -- a dark gong. You get a bad feeling about it. ENCYCLOPEDIA — A legendary -- and not in a *good* way -- crime boss from Jamrock. Controls what is probably the most powerful organised crime outfit in Revachol West.

ESPRIT DE CORPS — Looks like the lieutenant has a plan. Let him do this.

RACIST LORRY DRIVER — For a moment the lorryman is silent. Then he spits on the pavement. "Yeah, him."

YOU — Cross your arms and nod.

KIM KITSURAGI — "Then I presume you're familiar with his *peones*?"

RACIST LORRY DRIVER — "Yeah," he says, unsure where this is leading. "They're his little bitches. He's got them all over the unions."

KIM KITSURAGI — "Not just the unions. He has peones *everywhere*. Some say he even has them in the RCM." He gets closer to him. "Dirty fucking peones who'd do *anything* for him. Multi-ethnic drug addicts..."

DRAMA — The lieutenant adopts a rodentine quality. Be cool, sire. He's getting *into* this.

YOU — Say nothing.

RACIST LORRY DRIVER — "You're not peones," he says. "You wouldn't be investigating a drug-thing, if you were."

KIM KITSURAGI — "No. Of course not. *We're* not peones. But *if* we were... and one of Madre's drivers were to be stealing from him -- then it's a good peone's job to find out who that is."

DRAMA — He's surprisingly good at this. Not bad at all... Look at him lurching.

KIM KITSURAGI — "It's not a hard job. It won't take a long time. It won't make Padre Madre *angry*." He looks at him. "But a stupid fucking racist is standing in the way, *protecting* this fucking thief..."

RACIST LORRY DRIVER — His eyes dart between you and the lieutenant. "I'm not scared of you -- or the mob. I'm under the protection of the Lorrymen and Carters Guild."

KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant raises one eyebrow. "You've seen the corpse in the yard, yes? You took a peek. I *know* you did. Did his shitty little guild protect *him*?"

RACIST LORRY DRIVER — "Nah. You wouldn't just leave him out there if you..." He tries to light a fresh cigarette, but his hands are shaking now. The sentence simply ends.

KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant turns and gives you a barely perceptible nod.

ESPRIT DE CORPS — I've softened him up. As best as I could. Now it's on you to finish the job.

***

DRAMA — Time to fire up the old lie machine!

YOU — "Ma'am, I am a renowned private investigator, a paragon of law and a specialist in all things criminal." KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant shoots you a sideways glance. "And I am his private partner, John... Shao. Together we run the pre-eminent spousal surveillance firm in Revachol."

ENCYCLOPEDIA — Shao is what the Seolite Empire was called in the Occident, back when far less was known about the people. It was a barbarian Other, ever so mystical, on whom you could project any kind of exotic fantasy. The legend of it persists and a lot of people still think the 'Shao' is a thing.

YOU — "We are truly private in our partnership." KIM KITSURAGI — "Once we've caught our client's spouse *in flagrante delicto*, we blackmail them and pocket the money ourselves, because that's what private investigators do. Now, I see that *you* are a married woman..."

RHETORIC — Some penetrating sarcasm from your colleague there.

PLAISANCE — "What nonsense are you two going on about? This is not relevant at all. And besides," her lip curls in disgust, "*my* husband would never do such a thing. We are proper people." YOU — "Mind your manners, John. This isn't the great Shao Empire, where you can talk about sex stuff so openly!" PLAISANCE — "This is preposterous, a waste of my time and of no help to anyone." She looks displeased. KIM KITSURAGI — "Our sincere apologies, ma'am. No more nonsense. We're offering to assist you with your troubles, *pro bono*." Despite his apologies, there's a twinge of amusement in the lieutenant's eye. YOU — "It's a good offer, ma'am. I urge you to accept our help, it may be the only chance to save your business!" KIM KITSURAGI — "That's right. When not spying on the love affairs of the ultra-rich, we solve unusual mysteries by the lorry-load." YOU — "What better way, than to ask us --" PLAISANCE — "Oh my god, will you stop with the incessant yammering? It's too much." Her palm goes to her face. "If you wanted the key to the back door you could have just asked for it." YOU — "Fine, I'll ask for it. Can we have the key?" PLAISANCE — "Absolutely not!"

***

YOU — (Say it again louder, she might not have heard you over the wind.) "DO YOU WANT TO PARTY?!"

ACELE — "Yeah, I heard you, but what do you *mean* by 'party'?"

KIM KITSURAGI — "Yes, what *do* you mean?" The lieutenant sounds serious.

YOU — "I mean: we get drinks -- and we also get drugs."

KIM KITSURAGI — "Yeah, man..." The lieutenant suddenly appears to your right with his collar popped *insanely* high.

KIM KITSURAGI — "Got any dope? We need some dope bad." He scratches his nose, then his armpit through the jacket. "I got the *Boogie Street* shakes."

DRAMA — He's really shaking and everything!

YOU — "Wow!"

KIM KITSURAGI — "Tryin'a score some *dope*, man. Tryin'a score some smack -- you got any?" He hops from one foot to the other.

ACELE — "What's *smack*?"

KIM KITSURAGI — "The *D*, man, gotta hit that D!"

ACELE — "What's... 'the D'?"

YOU — "Kim, she seems legitimately confused. Tell her what this *D* is."

KIM KITSURAGI — "*Diamorphine*, girl. Quit clownin'. We need a hook-up for that D..." He breathes in through his teeth.

ACELE — "Diamorphine? But that hasn't been around for years -- five or more, like, seven years maybe? Everybody just does *hunch* now."

REACTION SPEED — Interesting.

KIM KITSURAGI — "Really? What's that?"

ACELE — "Hunch is like ten times stronger than diamorphine and *waaay* more lethal. I think the name is... B-hydroxy-something."

ENCYCLOPEDIA — B-hydroxy-phenothiazine. Somewhere in the soggy remains of your factual memory, you know the name. From the streets.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — It's the dark lord himself, put into chemical form. Even I don't suggest it.

KIM KITSURAGI — "Okay." The lieutenant stops hopping. "That's... that's real bad. Someone should definitely look into that..."

KIM KITSURAGI — He rolls his collar down to normal human level and pulls out his familiar notebook. "We're from the police, by the way."

ACELE — "Oh, of course." She doesn't look surprised.

REACTION SPEED — C'mon. She must have known it the moment you walked up to her.

[jusvibbbin]

One Locker Down

Kenickie Murdoch x Reader

//Grease popped up in my playlist yesterday and my childhood crush reignited itself

Senior year was going okay. Your grades were stellar, your standing in debate club was unchallenged and your personal best was improving every time you swam. But you were missing one pivotal thing to be considered the ‘complete senior.’ A relationship. You became embarrassed simply at the thought. You were cute and nice, just a bit awkward. Your social skills couldn’t hold a candle to those of Patty Simcox or the Pink Ladies. You usually preferred to keep to yourself but as senior year drew closer, you longed for more than what you had. On the first day of school you considered your options as you walked.

Are there even any options? Can you think of one person outside of your activities that even knows your name?

You were a bit discouraged walking into school as you found your way towards your locker. With your mind lost in thought, you had no time to react before bumping into none other than Kenickie Murdoch. He turned towards you directly, mouth open to begin sending a barrage of insults your way before he saw you. His mouth hung open a moment and then shut quickly. You stood there like a deer in the headlights, still waiting for the attack that was never to come. Kenickie bent down and picked up your books as you brought yourself out of your state of shock.

“I am so sorry!” You said bending down to help him, only to bonk heads with him instead. Kenickie rubbed his head and pulled off his sunglasses.

“Jesus, babe! Are you trying to send me to the hospital?”

You felt yourself blushing at what he called you and you quickly shook your head ‘no.’ Kenickie handed you your books and you went around to the locker right next to his. 

“What’s your name?” Kenickie asked suddenly. 

You stuttered out your name and he grinned at you.

“I like it,” he said smoothly. He looked like he had more to say until someone down the hall shouted for him. He gave you a wink and strolled down the hallway. You felt your heart beat wildly in your chest until you realized what had happened.

Ohhhh no. Not him. Not Kenickie. He’s a playboy, a greaser, not to mention he’s trouble incarnate. 

But it was too late. You had it bad.

--

You didn’t see Kenickie until a week later. You were at your locker packing up for the day and when you closed the door, he was leaning against his locker. You stifled a scream and put a hand to your chest. Kenickie smirked at you.

“What’s the matter? Did I scare you?” he asked, pushing himself off the wall to face you.

“Just surprised me is all,” you tried to answer confidently, but it came out very unsure. Kenickie backed you into your locker and put his left hand next to your head, blocking you in on one side. You bit your bottom lip and stared up at him.

“How is it that I never noticed you before?” Kenickie eyed you up and down. “You’re hot stuff.” You thought you might die right then and there.

Kenickie thinks I’m hot? Is he feeling alright?

“Thank you,” you said shyly, keenly aware of how close he was to you and only wanting him to get closer. 

Suddenly Kenickie moved away from the lockers and started walking away, calling back to you, “See you around gorgeous!”

You resisted the urge to dance your soul right out of your body and you headed the opposite way.

--

Kenickie’s POV:

“Kenickie who is that?” Sonny gestured to (Y/N) standing at their locker.

“Yeah, we’ve seen you talkin’ to em a whole bunch lately,” Putzie added.

Kenickie rolled his eyes and looked at the other T-Birds. 

“What are you knuckleheads doing spying on me, huh?” He started to comb his hair, slick with grease, back.

“We just wanted to know what the plan was, boss,” Doody piped up. Kenickie looked at him confused.

“Plan?”

“With the nerd! We were thinking you could leave em a note inviting them on a date, tell em to wear something real flashy, and then they show up and you ain’t there!” Doody exclaimed. At this, the T-Birds erupted into laughter, hooting and howling like animals. Kenickie shut them up with a quick smack to the back of their heads.

“Enough clownin’,” he said, putting an unlit cigarette in his mouth.

“Come on Nickie, it’ll be funny!” Sonny begged.

Kenickie thought about it for a moment or two before saying, “Gimme some paper.”

--

Your POV:

You stood at your locker, feeling flustered. You had found a note from Kenickie. You read it over again just to be sure. It said:

“Dollface, you’re lookin’ extra good today. I was thinking maybe you and me could meet up tonight. Wear something to show off your assets. See you at Frosty Palace, seven o’clock. -KM”

You didn’t know what to think. Sure Kenickie had been nice to you lately, but the T-Birds were known for pulling stunts to hurt people’s feelings. You thought about what you wanted to do the rest of the school day, through swim practice and on your walk home from school. 

Kenickie is probably just doing it to be mean. But he did say all those nice things to me… Then again it might’ve been a trick to ensure I’d come. But why go through all the effort just to stand me up? To make me look silly? 

You walked into your house, waving to your mother as you went upstairs. You laid on your bed and yelled frustrated, into your pillow. You stayed there for a few moments before you heard your door creak open. You sat up as you mother walked in and sat on your bed.

“What’s going on?” Your mother asked, running her hand through your hair.

“I like this boy, and he asked me out tonight but I don’t know if he’s just going to ditch me,” you sighed. Your mother looked thoughtfully for a moment as you waited patiently for her sage wisdom.

“I think you should go. What does it matter if he stands you up? Go because you want to. If he’s there, great and if not, you can find someone else to spend time with. You are a beautiful, smart and kind person. You can get anyone you want so show that boy that you don’t need him, but you’re willing to give him a chance.” 

You smiled and nodded at your mother and she helped you pick out a cute, but fairly modest, outfit for tonight. Then she helped you do your hair and by the time you were done, you looked great.

Kenickie, I hope you’re gonna be there. Cause I am gonna knock your socks off.

--

At six fifty your mother dropped you off just down the street from the Frosty Palace. You thanked her for everything and started walking. You hoped against hope that this wasn’t a trick. Your mother’s words had touched you, but you knew what you wanted, and you wanted him.

As you approached Frosty’s you scanned the parking lot, but saw no sign of him and your heart dropped into your stomach. You crossed the street and looked inside, but you still didn’t see him. You rounded the corner, intent on sitting on the bench so no one could see your tears, and there he was. Kenickie freaking Murdoch. He was leaning against the building, smoking a cigarette and as you walked up, he looked over at you.

“Whoa, look at you,” Kenickie smiled at you. “You look… amazing.”

You grinned at him and grabbed his hand, pulling him inside before he could even finish his cigarette. After a night of drinking milkshakes, eating burgers and playing songs on the jukebox, Kenickie drove you home. Once you got to your house, Kenickie parked and turned off the car.

“I had a lot of fun Nickie,” you said sweetly.

“Yeah, me too,” he said scooting closer towards you.

You leaned up and kissed his cheek. As you started to lean away, Kenickie caught your chin with his hand and kissed you hard on the lips. You kissed him back with intensity and wrapped your arms around his neck. His hands grabbed your waist, sliding them under your shirt and rubbing small circles into your skin. You squeaked in surprise and Kenickie took the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. You were enjoying the moment so much you could barely tear yourself away from him when he tried to lay you down.

“Kenickie,” you mumbled as he kissed your neck.

“Mhm?”

“I don’t think I’m ready for that yet,” you said gently as you pushed yourself back a bit. Kenickie begrudgingly pulled away, giving you one last kiss.

“Whenever you’re ready babe, I’ll be here,” he said, winking at you. You giggled and hugged him. He held you close, his hand running through a section of your hair. 

“See you next Friday?” You asked.

“You know it,” Kenickie smirked as you got out of the car. You waved goodbye to him and watched him speed down the road.

Oh yeah. I got it bad.

Part Two