#cmc lea

[luxielle]

Cutesy chibis of all of my CMC besties 💖

Lumen 💛 / Byeol 💜 / Eunji 💙/ Lea 💗

[itsrattysworld]

Without Prejudice Mervelee Myers Retrieve My Identity From HMCTS CPS CJS IOPC BSB SRA JCIO DBS CCMCC MOPAC CLCC HMPPS UC DWP HMRC CMC Ofsted LEA LSB Southwark Council LEYF UEL BWB Social Media Politics Religion Families Friends As I Celebrate Husband 100 Dedicate Time To Make Him Contended Tomlinson Clan Rejection Don't Bother Me

[otfbeez]

Blog Post 10

Think about a class that you were enrolled in the spring. Were there any differences in your own identification before and after the course went on line. Consider some of the concepts in Chapter 8 of the text and the SIDE model.

Personally during the spring some my classes were by hybrids. We would meet in person one week and then the next week we would be online with assignments due in during the class time that we would be in class. Our text defines the social identity model of deindividuation effects ,or SIDE , as the tendency of people to identify strongly with a group, particularly in CMC, and to show a bias against those who are different in language use from that group (Postmes, Spears, & Lea, 1998; Tanis & Postmes, 2003). Through CMC it was easy to still communicate with my classmates because were had already met in person and I had a good idea of who they were as a person based of their core values that we talked about as a class. Online courses can make it hard to still get that interaction with people but if you know how to communicate it’s not all that bad !

[gureishi]

already flying through the free fall

Saeyoung X Eunji (CMC) featuring Zen X Lea (CMC)

red universe | Saeyoung’s route: 5th day

If she climbs up on the windowsill and tilts her head back just enough, she can see the sunset from here.

Eunji has been watching sunsets for ages. The house where she grew up had a big oak tree in the front yard, and from the top of it she could see an endless expanse of sky. She wasn’t supposed to climb it, but she did anyway—scurried outside when no one was paying attention and climbed all the way up, careful to tuck whichever (hated) dress she was wearing around her legs so it wouldn’t rip.

She never loved to have her feet on the ground. From the air, she could see neat little lines of pretty rooftops, which covered homes, which covered families. She could see the skyscrapers she loved in the distance—just a short train ride away (but to a little girl, that’s an eternity). When the sun started to set, she’d pretend she was painting the sky all the colors of the rainbow; she’d watch the pinks and purples as they sank below the horizon and imagine she belonged among them.

She’d grip the branches with her knees and lift both hands to the sky and feel like she was touching heaven.

When she was a teenager, she’d climb to the roof of her apartment building, kick off her shoes, tie back her hair, and watch the setting sun amidst broken bottles and painted-over wires and the other trash that covers the roofs of buildings in the city. She wasn’t allowed up here either—never allowed anywhere—but when it had been two days (or even three) since she’d seen her mother, she’d start to feel small. Standing close to the sunset, she was strong, and the sorbet-colored sky sung her name.

She’d imagine herself as a cloud, or a gust of wind—going, going, gone.

It was impossible to get to the roof of the building where she lived with Kate. It was a three-story brownstone, and from their apartment on the second floor Eunji couldn’t see the sunset at all.

During those years, she’d sometimes run out in the middle of cooking dinner, bare-armed in the winter, laughing as she sprinted down the city streets. It was always loud here, and she shimmied her hips to the music blaring from speakers perched precariously on the uneven sidewalk and smiled when she saw the river sparkling in the distance.

She never minded the roaring sound of the highway or the dirty, fishy smell of city water. Over the Hudson, the sky would be red. She’d hug herself tight and imagine falling into it.

Back then, she’d run home, shivering and silly—and nothing felt quite right, but she was always on the verge of leaving. Now, she’s not supposed to go anywhere at all.

It’s familiar, this feeling: she hears sit still and smile echoing in the empty air whenever one of these strangers (friends?) reminds her she’s safest if she stays put. She’s spent her whole life living in other people’s boxes, she thinks—even when she was sure she was free.

Now she’s alone, and this sterile apartment feels more like a hospital than a home, and she realizes she’s never been any good at choosing.

Eunji dims the lights and twists her body till she can make out the horizon beyond the buildings that loom all around, shielding her from most of the sun. She lays her cheek on the window and feels grateful for the shock of cold glass against her skin.

There are streaks of red and gold in the cloudy sky and she wishes she were anywhere but here.

If she thinks too hard about the situation she’s found herself in, she’s afraid she’ll fall apart. There is nothing ordinary about the organization she’s involuntary ended up joining—nothing logical about the party she’s supposed to be planning. If the strangeness of the weeks since she left home (came home) hadn’t made everything a blur of uncertainty, she would have left already.

She should have left already.

She’s not ready to admit to herself why she’s still here.

It’s unfair, she thinks, that he has almost certainly seen every picture of her that anyone’s ever put on the internet and she’s only looked at what he’s allowed her to see. She hates that she’s saved his stupid profile pictures to her stupid phone and zoomed in, trying to gauge the secrets behind his smile by staring too hard at blurry pixels on a tiny screen.

The sky reminds her of his eyes.

Eunji doesn’t trust the person that sent her here. She doesn’t trust anyone who’s assured her that she’s safe. She doesn’t trust herself.

She’s nothing if not bold.

Still staring at the sky—darker now, stars peeking out behind purple clouds—she calls him. It is already becoming habit, her finger hovering over the spot on her screen where his contact lives before the app is even open. She wonders if he ever watches the sunset. She wonders whether he was thinking about her, too.

The phone rings once and then connects. There’s a pause.

“Thanks for calling Seven Zero Seven, genius astronaut, friend of cats. Nobody’s home right now. Leave a message with the color of your underwear and I’ll call you back.”

She giggles. There’s definitely something wrong with him.

“I already know what your voicemail sounds like, silly,” she says. “My underwear’s got pictures of cars on it.”

He chokes. She’s won this round.

“Is—does it—really?”

“You wanna see?” She grins and brushes her hair back off her face, feeling proud of herself.

“God,” he mumbles. “Yes. No! No! Forget I said that. I didn’t say that. Who am I? Who are you?”

Eunji tucks her legs up to her chest so her whole body fits on the windowsill. Of course her underwear doesn’t have pictures of cars on it. Who owns something like that?

“I’m Eunji,” she says. “Nice to meet you.”

He sighs heavily. He sounds weary, or maybe just overstimulated. She wonders how his breath would feel on her neck.

“Why, uh.” God, she loves that she can leave him breathless. She loves that nobody else can hear how his voice sounds when he talks to her. She loves that his laugh is sweet like the color of sunset. “Why did you call?”

She has no idea why she called. She pictures him checking the cameras, wondering if she’ll come out into the hall so he can see her.

“Tell me something about myself, Seven Zero Seven.”

He laughs: high-pitched, nervous. “What?”

“You know everything about me,” she says. “Tell me something I might have forgotten.”

He giggles and she hears him shifting in his chair, like he’s focusing himself. When he speaks again, he sounds serious.

“When you were seven years old,” he says, “you fell out of a tree. You didn’t break any bones, but your parents took you to the hospital anyway.”

Eunji sits up straight.

Of all the things, he thinks of this just as she’s sitting and watching the sunset. She wonders if he can see inside her mind: the things that delight her; the things that frighten her.

She remembers falling. It wasn’t getting hurt that scared her then, but the repercussions of getting caught breaking a rule. She has a feeling he understands about that kind of fear.

“How’d you know that?” she asks. She was sure he’d seen pictures—her addresses—her schools. She didn’t expect him to have already stored details about her childhood in his beautiful, mysterious mind.

He makes a funny sound, like he’s not sure what to say. “Hospital records,” he mutters. “Uh, sorry.”

All her life, Eunji has withheld information from the people she meets, feeling safest if she’s got secrets. She hardly ever spoke to Kate about the years before they met, because it felt good to know that some things belonged only to her.

But: “I don’t mind that you know,” she tells Seven. As she says it, she finds that it’s true.

He giggles weakly.

“What am I gonna do?” he whispers. “You can’t say things like that to me.”

“Why?” She unfolds herself from the windowsill. It’s fully nighttime now.

“Have you ever jumped out of a plane?”

Eunji raises her eyebrows. She’s fast, but he’s faster.

“No,” she says. “Have you?”

“Of course.” There’s a glimmer of confidence in his voice now, and it makes her stomach drop. “Feels like the universe is expanding inside your chest. That’s, uh—it’s how it feels when I—”

“When you what, babe?”

He makes a spluttering sound in response to the term of endearment and she tosses herself onto the bed.

“Whenever I think about you.”

Now she’s the one who’s breathless.

It wasn’t so long ago that she was in love. She remembers being held too close, too tight: the suffocating warmth of someone needing you. She’s used to hiding from people who are kind to her, but right now she feels different.

She finds she doesn’t want to disappear.

“I—” she starts—but there is a commotion in the background, and she gets the sense that he is being scolded. 

“Never mind!” he chirps. “I have to go! It’s—ahh!”

There’s a scuffling, and Seven is gone.

Eunji dangles her bare feet off the edge of the bed, head spinning. She wants to run to him.

She sends a text instead.

Hey, she writes. I have to ask you something.

She’s sure that Lea is working—but in this strange new version of reality, there is no one else she trusts.

She’s not sure there ever has been.

Lea often works late, and Eunji doesn’t expect a response right away—but one comes in a matter of seconds.

Hi! she types back. What is it?

Eunji has a million questions, and she isn’t sure there’s a good way to ask any of them.

Does he act like this a lot? she writes, which isn’t a great representation of her scattered mind, but it’s something. She doesn’t have to say who she means.

Lea is typing—then she isn’t—then she is again.

This is Zen, the message says. Eunji laughs, because texting with them is like talking to a very beautiful two-headed creature: she never knows which one she’s going to get. Seven’s a weird guy, Zen writes. But he’s gotten weirder.

Eunji smiles. She tries to picture Seven speaking to someone else the way he’s been talking to her, and her heart aches.

It hasn’t even been a week, and she’s already hoping that she’s special.

Sorry, the next message says. It’s Lea again.

Eunji nibbles her bottom lip and waits for an answer. What, exactly, does she want to hear?

He’s never been in love, Lea writes. If that’s what you want to know.

Eunji lets her phone fall from her hand, immediately disappearing into the unmade bed. She can hear the rattling of her own heartbeat.

Lea answered the question she wasn’t sure how to ask—allayed some of the shadows surrounding all this brightness. She should have known her new friend would already understand.

She tangles herself in the blankets, staring at the ceiling. For her whole life, she’s been gazing at the sky and wishing she could dissolve in it—she’s built a whole career out of her furious desire to transcend gravity.

And Seven says thinking of her is like falling through space, and she sees his eyes in the color of sunset.

She sits up and looks out the window. The sky is inky black, and usually she’s scared of the dark.

Tonight, all she sees is stars.

Banner by the mysterious hacker’s future girlfriend, @luxielle​ ❤️

[little-butterfly-writes]

Halloween Get-Together

Almost a month late, but this is a small drabble including @quirky-and-kind and @thatfanfictionchick CMCs.

Word Count - 825

Warnings - This is rushed and unedited :')

I pull down my dress to make sure it's in place. Jaehee looks at me with curious eyes. Of course, we're matching. A devil and an angel.

"Staring because I look devilishly good?" I chuckle, smooching her cheek. She cringes at the wet red mark I made.

Our first guests arrive, Saeyoung and Tanya. The couple both have stars on them, constellations drawn out on a navy cape. Tanya dons a white long satin dress. Saeyoung in an all black robe. 

I welcome them in, hugging them both upon entry. It's been awhile since we've seen any close friends because of how busy we've been.

Lea and Zen make their appearance soon after. Lea as the red riding hood and Zen as the wolf. Very suiting, really. Even when Zen goes on about how all men are wolves. Lea is sweet as always, dressed as the sweet and innocent red riding hood.

We quickly settled ourselves in the living room. Our carpet is covered with multiple trash bags - our 'placemats' for our activity. A pumpkin carving contest. It feels cheesy to do, but it's mainly for the seeds.

With all the utensils and people working, small talk and conversation finally occur.

"Saeyoung, if you carve a longcat you are banned from this household." I giggle. He knows I share a passion for the long cat. "I'll throw pumpkin guts. Don't test me."

"Achoo!" Zen nearly sneezes his wolf ears off.

"No promises!" Our hacker cackles.

"You just said that so he would!" Tanya points at me.

"As long as it doesn't involve any c-fur." Jaehee sighs beside me.

"I have to second that. Even though it's cute" Lea rubs Zen's back with one of her cleaner hands. Saeyoung's eyes look like stars full of mischief. 

It takes a bit for everyone to finish up, but the harvest for the seeds was worth the work. Plus we have some cool looking pumpkins.

Zen carved a rose. Or at least a close attempt at a rose. Lea carved a really good fox and wolf, it's pretty adorable. Saeyoung surprisingly did not carve a long cat. Instead, he opted out to design a very stylish 707 with some kitty ears. Tanya ended up choosing to make bubble tea with those twinkling stars on the side. I created a butterfly and Jaehee made a latte silhouette.

Jaehee passes some slips of paper to everyone. "Vote for whose pumpkin you think is best and put it in this bowl. You cannot vote for yourself. " 

I quickly jot down a name before gathering the pumpkin guts and seeds in a container. I try to go as fast as I can to fill the container with warm water so I can get back to the group. Luck is on my side and it goes successfully, allowing me to return to the group with a tray of snacks.

"And Lea is our winner!" Jaehee announces. A round of applause sounds through the room. I hand Lea a giftcard to a good cafe nearby. Jaehee gets rid of the makeshift placemats and joins us for our treats.

Some of the snacks include fruits and veggies shaped as pumpkins, witches hats and ghosts. A little bit of dill veggies dip on the side and some of the extra goods from the cafe. We mainly catch up on our chaotic lives as I search for a movie for us to watch. It's a unanimous decision to watch "Subway To Seoul" for the movie. I turn it on and quickly scurry back to the kitchen with Jaehee. 

The clean pumpkin seeds are spread out on a cookie sheet and placed into the oven. We both head to the livingroom and snuggle up on the floor, like the two other couples with us. It's times like this where I thank the carpet for being comfortable and never cold.

Somewhere halfway through the movie, when a zombie pops out, a loud pitch squeal comes from both Lea and Zen. Saeyoung and Tanya chuckle quietly. It's not really surprising Zen's voice could get that high.

The movie goes by faster than I thought. Jaehee  up some of the leftover snacks while I bag some of the pumpkin seeds for them to take home.

"Thank you for joining us for our little get together. And dressing up in fun costumes!" Jaehee hands both couples an assorted box of tea from our cafe while I hand out their bags of food.

"It's really nice to see everyone! I hope we can get together again and spend more time together. I hope you enjoy the tea as well."

We walk downstairs to the parking lot with them, hugging each other goodbye. Tanya is whisked off to a fancy sports car with Seven. Lea and Zen take off on his motorcycle after properly gearing up. It's really great to see friends as great as them. And I'm glad I could spend Halloween with everyone. 

[askingthe-rfaplanner]

Happy Monday!!! Hope you’ve had a decent start to your week!!! ♥️ This week I’m here to ask what’s your favorite mundane at home activity you and Saeyoung do together?

“We always go shopping together for dinner and Saeyoung insists on sitting in the cart while I push him around the store. It always makes me laugh when he makes race car noises ahaha! But when we get home he always helps me cook dinner by taste testing what I make! Tonight I made this delicious soup recipe I got from Yoosung, and Saeyoung really seemed to like it! He even made some sandwiches to go along with it! Just being around him and doing small things like cooking or making snacks makes me happy ... Mostly because when he eats something good his eyes seem to light up, and my heart dances... ” 

[casual-flower]

🍊 MysMe CMC doodles! 🍊

(The owner of the OC/CMC will be under each respective drawing)

• Left : @currentlyprocrastinating's CMC!

• Right : @askingthe-rfa's CMC, Tsubami!

• Left : @mammonprotectionsquad's CMC, Kali!

• Right : @omelette-boy's CMC!

^ @quirky-and-kind's CMC, Lea!

I hope you like these ^^;; 🧡🧡

[sunlightheidi]

Prompt 1 - Work

Jihyun Kim "V" x CMC (Heidi)

A collaboration of fluffy/comfort prompts with @quirky-and-kind. ft. our many wishful conversations and daydreams.

Read Lea's piece here: 1. Zen x Lea

She is tired.

Exhausted. Fed-up and angry. Disillusioned.

“Are you okay, my love?” Jihyun’s voice is soft in the darkness of their living room – the affection always unmistakable.

Heidi hums in agreement quietly, makes herself open her eyes to look up at him, illuminated only by the bits of light that creep in from the kitchen.

His windswept hair tumbles down his forehead just enough to frame his eyes, the perfect shape of his face. His flushed cheeks from the cold outside. His lips. The worry etched in his furrowed brows, and the crinkled concern in his eyes as he removes his coat.

She wants to go to him and crawl into his lap and kiss his pretty mouth until she forgets. Forgets the regrets and her wasted potential. Forgets who she is and who she isn’t and who she really wants to be – forgets that she doesn’t really know who that is.

“Just tired.”

She doesn’t want to drown him in this maddening sea with her, wants to keep him in the sky – bright and radiant and happy. But all day long she’s been a little heartsick for him, and it is difficult to keep from reaching up to him and invite him down for a kiss. She wants to be held, to be comforted by him and no one else. He would never refuse her, not in a million lifetimes (and she knows this, she does, but there are moments when she doesn’t), so she reaches out and hopes he’ll come to her.

Barely a moment passes before he is complying, sitting on the sofa and tugging her up into his lap, slipping his arms around her waist to bring his lips to hers.

His kisses are like magic. They are comforting and familiar, a safe place in the storm that rages around her and has no clear beginning, nor bitter end.

Tonight, he growls under his breath and pulls her in a little tighter, even as his tongue dances with hers. Jihyun knows exactly what his kisses do to her, lips often curling into a smile while he absolutely takes her apart. But he doesn’t tease about it, only lets her cling to him and whimper against his mouth as he presses his forehead against hers while she fights to catch her breath.

“I missed you,” she whispers, voice sounding desperate and pitiful even to her, but the hollowing sadness of coming home to an empty house is still there. The disappointment of being greeted by dark rooms when all she wanted was the gentleness of his smile – to feel the warmth of it, like sunlight on her skin.

He immediately presses another kiss to her forehead. She can’t seem to let him go – her fingers simply refuse to do it and curl against his sweater, wanting to get closer (never close enough).

“I missed you too,” he says, brushing the strands of raven away from her face. “I was hoping to be here before you arrived from work. I’m sorry I wasn’t.”

Is she holding him too tightly? She takes a deep breath and forces herself to relax.

“You’re here now,” she whispers, pressing her face into his chest, silently pleading to be hugged. She doesn’t want to see the worried look in his eyes anymore, or think anymore. Wants to be selfish, for just a moment, and feel him against her. Alive, breathing, with the gentle beating his pulse pressing back against her.

He reaches for her like it is second nature, wrapping his arms around as she fits herself against his body just the same. When he holds her like this, it is like she can finally breathe, really breathe for once.

He murmurs her name and trails silent kisses up the side of her neck. When she manages a breathless, “I love you. Like…a lot.” she feels him laugh quietly and tighten his grip on her.

He does that, sometimes. It gives her the uncomfortable feeling that maybe he hasn’t heard those words very often before she came along, but now she whispers and kisses them on his skin every chance she has.

“You believe me, don’t you?” She reaches up to touch his hair, to wrap one of his waves carefully around her finger. He is beautiful, more beautiful than anything she has ever seen, and he is here, looking at her like she is made out of the stars.

“As long as you still believe me, I’ll believe you.” He sounds so sure of himself when he answers, and punctuates his vow with a warm, almost chaste press of his lips. “Heidi, tell me what’s wrong. Please. Don’t hide from me.”

It is difficult, not to laugh off his concern like she does with everyone else, including herself. To cover up all the hopelessness and senseless grief and longing that doesn’t know what it craves. It is more than that with him, it always has been. He is asking because he cares, and that makes all the difference.

She doesn’t bother forcing a smile as she reaches up to play with his hair again, and finally meets the ocean of his eyes – lets herself be truly seen.

“I’m…exhausted. Everything feels so heavy and pointless, Jihyun.”

Realization, a sort of understanding, dawns in his eyes then and gently, he lowers his head again to kiss her one more time. It is soft and sweet and very nearly has her sobbing against him. When he pulls away, he presses his forehead against hers and holds her tightly.

“Take tomorrow off. Just stay at home, spend the day with me and let me take care of you.”

“I can’t,” she stresses. “Jumin needs that report this week. The deliverable can’t be finished without it –“

“Heidi, you can,” he pleads. “Please?”

The instinct to fight back is there, to make excuses for why she can’t give herself a moment of grace. Why her life needs to revolve around a desk and paperwork and numbers that give nothing but diminish her resolve. Around people that care for nothing but the pretty cursive of her name signed on their demands.

She’s grown weary of it all. Of living more than half her day in a dark office with a view of an ancient busy city that she doesn’t yet know.

But this man, with all his complexities and gentleness and soft sweet words, knows her; knows her so well. Oh, and when she thinks upon her past, her hopes, her dreams, and wishes upon stars – he is the center of it all.

Maybe she is the lucky one, after all; to have such a man chase the pieces of her through the cosmos to put her back together.

“There will always be something else to do,” he continues. “Work will always be there, Heidi. But my priority is you.”

And Jihyun is looking at her very seriously, even though the too-close distance makes his eyes cross a little.

A giggle and then a wide smile brakes across her lips before she closes her eyes and nods against him. She could take the day. She could stay here and let him take care of her.

Let him be the walls of her home and the fire that warms it.

Let him be her summer sun forever.

He kisses her again, and then again and again and again, before finally pressing his face into her neck, breathing her in. “We’ll take it minute by hour, and day by day. Everything will be okay, I promise.”

“How do you know?”

“We have each other, my light. That is enough”

[quirkynkind]

Love All Year: Photo Day

Zen, Yoosung, Saeyoung, Saeran , Jaehee, Jumin and Jihyun along with CMCs: Lea, Eunji, Byeol, Lumen and Heidi.

SFW | Suggestive Content and Swearing

September 14th is Photo Day: While taking photos with one another (whether via photo booth or professional studio) is a regular occurrence, September 14's Photo Day gives couples an official reason to do so. (Source)

Masterlist | Get Tagged

Flipping my pony tail over one shoulder then the other. Posing, kneeling on the couch utilizing a table side lamp along with what natural light I could grab from the only window across the room. Phone held above my head enjoying the dynamic angles I could achieve from this mildly awkward body positioning. Snapping off a burst of pictures. Flopping back to sit I hear a giggle break the silence. “That looked really serious.” Standing in our bedroom doorway Lea is grinning having just watched my entire performance.

“My torso looks amazing.” Eyes flicking up to her gesturing with my head to cross and join me. To my surprise Lea falls down into my lap. Planting a quick kiss on my chin before turning her attention to my actions on my cell. The small weight of her form melds into mine and I relax back. Arms wrapping around her as I continue working.

“You up to something special darling? It looked a little more involved then your usual Outstagram shoot?” Smirking as Lea takes it upon herself to start to scroll through the new photos, studying them all closely, a critical look on her lovely face.

“I want the perfect attention grabbing shot for my announcement.” Stilling in her work at my proclamation. Leaning back to look up at me confusion on Lea’s face.

“What announcement Zen? I don’t recall we were getting ready to reveal any new projects?” Burying my nose in her hair, my long fingers running teasingly between her thighs.

“Hmmm, well you know it’s almost photo day? Your beloved boyfriend might have booked a special shoot with Rui that day. One I plan to spam all over my Outstagram.” Tossing my phone to the side, my body pulsating with excitement at the news of my surprise. The hand that had been holding my cell drifting up my girlfriend’s shirt to tease along the lace at the top of her bra. “My first picture day with you. We’re going to look jaw dropping.” Wistful tone as I playfully squeeze her clothed breast in my large hand. Usually Lea is very receptive to my touch today she jerked away and from the look on her face I could tell she wasn’t happy.

“Hyun- '' Flinching I know both the tone and the look I was being leveled with. My girlfriend hated having to deny me anything. To say she spoiled me rotten would be an understatement but somehow I’d crossed some kind of line with what I hoped was going to be happy information. “I’d love to do the photoshoot with you. Rui is always kind to us but you know you can’t post the pictures on Outstagram again.” Reaching out to grip the side of my face this time it was me that lurched back from her.

“But it’s my social media and I was going to make an announcement and make a big deal out of a rare appearance by you. I think my fans will like it.” The volume of my voice rising as I feel heat rush to my face. Already aware what Lea’s answer was going to be because my agency and their PR department was always in conflict with me about something.

“Baby, you remember clearly how furious they got after Valentine’s Day. They threatened to reevaluate your contract. Please don’t push them again. At least not until after you’re established a little bit more as a drama actor and we hopefully have a little wiggle room for demands.” The concern heavy in Lea’s voice doesn’t waylay my surge of emotions like it usually would.

“I need to move.” Squeaking in surprise as I stand and scoop Lea up in my arms before depositing her back on the couch. ‘I’m going out for a run.” It had been a long time since I’d exercised angry. Maybe since I injured myself prior to Echogirl. Generally I could talk to Lea but I knew her stance on this would not change. She’d give me my every whim until it came to me being pig headed about my career. I would work myself to the bone for my art but I always wanted to bend the rules for her.

“Hyun please, can we talk about this or-“ Lea had pulled herself up to stand grabbing for my forearm. Gesturing towards the bedroom with her head at her suggestion. The denial was like a cold spray of water. I was insatiable until I was furious and then I just wanted to escape.

“I need to go out. I need to be alone.” Voice hard, even in my anger I’m gentle as I remove Lea’s grip from me. Kissing her finger tips before returning to getting changed. Maybe I was throwing a temper tantrum. I knew I wasn’t going to get my way in this instance and it infuriates me. The fact anyone can dictate anything about my relationship with Lea boils my blood.

“Zen, you know going out mad is not a good idea.” Practically begging me, Lea tugs plaintive on the back of my shirt.

“I need to figure things out in my head Lea, please let me go.” Fighting hard to maintain control. Refusing to scare the smaller woman. When her hold falls away I feel a clench in my heart at having to bicker with her about this on top of my annoyance about my agency. “I won’t be gone long.” Turning I grab her in a hard kiss. Growling into her lips I don’t want her to think I’m mad at her.

“I’ll be waiting when you get back my love.” Looking forlorn when I break away again, but accepting. Lea slowly turns to wander back to the couch. I stomp into our bedroom to get ready to go.

Four miles in, sweat beading and running freely down my taunt body. The dull satisfying ache in my thighs from my exertion doing nothing for me today. My stomach still flopping around and my heart feeling cold, I couldn’t focus on anything. Drawing to a pause and stopping my music, breathing hard I let out a roar of frustration. A dog barks someone in the distance in reply but other than him the street is quiet. Hands on my quadriceps leaning over I’m still livid.

When my life had just been me, I’d drifted along just accepting a lot of these random rules laid out for me by other people. Who I should be seen with, who I shouldn’t. What type of clothes I should wear to what event. Things completely out of the realm of acting or theater. All matters that had never meant anything to me but I’d went along with in hopes of favorable attention and the chance to get on another stage.

Both my agency’s and most of my directors made very little qualms about telling me my looks were the majority of my popularity. I’d like to think with some careful decisions in roles I’m slowly starting to change that but still I wasn’t a fool. My pictures still sold as the most solid portion of my merchandising. The average person would rather look at my face than see me deliver a monologue.

Lea got in the way of their fantasies. It was a fact I was told often, sometimes directly in front of her. Rude people had even had the gall to tell us she was holding me back. It depressed me that she was forced to hear these things. Even if I told her and deep down I knew she could tell they were not true we were both only human and it wore on us. Music is still muted. I start off at a light jog again, willing the movement to take away my muddle of thoughts only today it wasn’t working.

Times like Picture Day might seem silly to some people. They might even seem ridiculous to my girlfriend who I know humors me with them. It was these times that I was able to just be her Hyun, her boyfriend without all the other pressures. Was it too much to ask for just one day a month where she could just be my girlfriend. Lea was an incredible manager. The way she intuitively cared for both my career and me was priceless but I frequently wanted something more for her and to be denied such a simple thing as sharing our beauty with the world. It left me unable to make amends with my feelings.

Slowing to a halt, I let out a hard laugh. Almost like it’s mocking me ahead is a billboard on the side of a bus stand, of me. From an ad I’d been so excited to do for a whiskey company. Lea had worked for weeks making connections and getting me a conversation with them. The two of us figured out how to craft my image to appeal to their higher class clientele. Stalking forward glaring openly at my own visage. Perfectly posed, flawless with makeup and touch ups. Looking suggestively at my audience, drink in hand. Men would want to be me, alluring, masculine and women would want to fuck me making them buy the product for their significant other to live out their fantasy. All typical marketing tactics. At the time I’d been happy to play the game. This was a product I liked and I rarely got offered endorsement work I was actually interested in.

Currently, pulling down my face mask I frown sternly. “This is your fault.” Fists balling I grunt exasperated and hurt. “Everything that I’ve struggled with in life that has gone wrong is because of you.” The volume of my voice rises as the pace of my breathing quickens. “If I’d been born with all my talent but a slightly less beautiful face. Maybe my family wouldn’t have ostracized me. Maybe I could be taken seriously as a performer. Maybe the majority of my fan club wouldn’t think I was owned by them and I could give Lea a halfway normal relationship.” Fat tears well up in my eyes blurring the picture. My guts churn, thinking about all the past couples I’ve seen online for the holiday. How happy they always looked. How in love. Breaking my own heart that no matter how much I want the same thing I’ll probably never have it because I’ve been cursed by my outrageously good looks.

“Have you brought me anything good? I had to run away from home because my own mother tried to damage my appearance. I’ve gotten talked about behind my back since I started working because people think my face is the only reason I get roles. I struggle to make genuine friends because people feel intimidated. I finally meet someone who sees beyond just my beauty but now I have to fucking deny her everything sweet I want to give her. Why?” I can feel the tears streaming down. I'm practically pressing my nose into the glass. “FUCK”, it barely registers when I hit the billboard. The dull thump of my fist punching my reflection in the eye echoes in the empty street. Crying, swinging, it feels like every emotion I’ve been bottling up for maybe years is bleeding out of me.

Jolting to a stop the moment I see blood in my line of vision. Chest heaving lifting my arms I’m horrified to see I’ve cracked the skin on multiple knuckles on both my hands. “Fuck”, only now I sound defeated, small. No longer the roar of fury but the bleat of loss. Frantic I glance around, but unless someone is watching me out a window I at least had enough sense to pick the right street for my outburst. Jerking my face mask back up, my eyes downcast I take off at a fast pace again to home.

Creeping in the door, cradling my more damaged right hand, scanning for my girlfriend. Uncertain what I actually think I’m going to do because it’s not like our apartment is really big enough for me to hide from her. “Zen?” Curiosity in her voice as I’m very slowly attempting to quietly close the door. My expression is sheepish when I turn to meet her. Looking quizzical, Lea seems to be attempting to gage where my mood is after my exercise.

“Hey babe,” Hands subtly drift behind my back, trying to maintain a nonchalant air. Eyes narrowing as Lea studies my face. It wasn’t just that I was naturally a very expressive man but Lea could always seem to read my thoughts. Most of the time I loved that. At the moment I wished I could crawl into a hole.

“What happened darling?” Not anger but worry about my appearance. Sighing I know it’s pointless to minimize my injury. Hang dogged look I hold out both my hands knuckles facing out to her for Lea to see my handiwork.

“Hyun,” horror in both her eyes and her voice. Crossing the room swiftly, gently taking my offered appendages. “Oh baby, what did you do to yourself?” Lifting to kiss my uninjured finger tips. “Zen,” pained, I can see words she wants to say but are holding back. Remorse is clear in my expression. Everything just feels like shit at this moment, except her. The way she leads me to sit at the kitchen table before running into our bathroom. Returning with armfuls of products to fix up my cuts. “At least you're between roles right now. We’ll treat these wounds aggressively so they heal quickly for you.”

Pulling another chair closer to sit right next to me, I watch Lea work diligently on her task. “I’m sorry angel. I know this was stupid-“

“It wasn’t a person right? And do you feel better?” Maintaining focus on her task, I can’t help but let out a short laugh as she asks.

“It was a picture of me.” That stops her. Gaze lifting to assess the meaning behind the information I’d just shared.

“Do you want to talk about it, Hyun?” Deft, delicate finger tips tracing along the back of my hand. It never fails to amaze me how easily I can feel our connection from just a touch. How grounded Lea always makes me feel.

“You know why I’m upset. We both know it won’t change. I feel like running through all of it again will just piss me off more. I chose this life, you chose and accepted me. This is the part that sucks” Heavy thoughts drench me. Deflated, wincing from the sting of the disinfectant. Almost daily I tell Lea I want to give her the world. It’s a joke I can’t even give her the ability to publicly be my girlfriend.

“Why don’t you get cleaned up and change Zen. Then I’ll finish bandaging you up. I canceled our appointment with Rui but we’re having dinner with Jihyun and Heidi tonight. He’s going to take some shots for us beforehand.” Brushing my bangs out of my face before leaning up Lea presses a fond kiss to my forehead. Inside my mind is racing from the news she’d just shared.

“But why did you cancel our appointment? I mean I’m grateful Jihyun would take photos of us. You know I think he’s the best but are we just going to not celebrate Photo Day now?” Clearly whining, feeling strung out. I don’t want to be disappointed by anything else this afternoon.

“I have different plans for our holiday Zen. I’m hoping you can see that sometimes quality is better than quantity.” The cryptic words do nothing to dissuade my rushing thoughts

“Is what we’re doing in theme with the day?” Usually I was a fan of surprises but at the moment I just needed to know I was going to get some sort of celebration.

“Do you trust me Zen?” Soft and devoted, her smile is the first thing to placate my shattered nerves. Of course Lea would ask that question. The one statement she knows I won’t be able to combat.

“With my very life cherub.” This time when Lea nuzzles close she presses her lips to mine and it’s heaven.

“Then go get cleaned up my love.” Hovering, her breath tickles my cheeks. Smitten, Lea can make me stupidly hers in moments, I nod.

“As you wish, my darling girl.”

It was an early morning, Lea forcing me to behave and get ready as we had to be out the door at an unusual hour. Not what I’d had in mind for picture day but if I was with my girlfriend I could excuse our missed workout and rushing to some secret location. When the taxi took us to a small nondescript store front I was even more baffled. Maybe I would have even been concerned except watching the glow in the face of my angel. It hit me that whatever she had planned she was absolutely over the moon about it.

“Can I cover your eyes darling?” Something in my brain fizzed out. My girlfriend is practically wiggling in excitement. It feels like my heart is seizing in my chest.

“I’m at your mercy princess.” Pushing back her curls, purposely dragging my lips along the auricle of her ear. Smirking at the shudder in her breath. Biting her cute little pink tongue peeking at me from between her cherry colored lips. Grunting I want to steal it, but remembering I’ve already been reminded three separate times today to be good. Instead I lounge, inclined forward hands drifting down into my pockets watching my twittering little lamb hunt around in her purse. Ever the picture of the patient and dutiful boyfriend.

Lea had come prepared, pulling out a scarf from her bag after a short search. Giggling as I waggle my eyebrows at her with a flirty purse of my lips. Air kissing her. Standing attentively as Lea covers my eyes with the fabric and ties it tight enough to hold without being uncomfortable. “Can you see anything Zen?”

“No I can’t. I’m such an obedient boy I even closed my eyes. Do I get a reward?” Voice lilting up, raising both my hands to frame my face cutely. Thrilled when Lea’s immediate reply is to press her lips into my waiting ones. It had surprised me she’d been able to deny my charms for this long. Maybe I was losing my touch?

“No more temptation baby.” Running her thumb along my lips I assume trying to clean up her lipstick. “Can you hold my shoulder? I’ll lead you in?” Her hand grips mine, lifting it to her body. Gently holding her arm I nod affirmation.

“I’m your willing servant M’lady.” Picturing Lea was blushing, she didn’t know what to do with herself when I was submissive to her whims.

“Darling Zen?” Pausing, working together Lea indicates we are going in a door and assists me in not getting trapped in it.

“Yes, my baby?” The air inside the building tastes a little stale. Like this place wasn’t used as often. As soon as Lea drew to a second stop I captured her in my arms.

“Are you ready for your surprise, my Adonis?” Squirming in my grip, Lea licks my chin and I let out a nosy groan. Chiding myself for not having the brilliant idea to turn photo day into a sexy movie making day until this moment. Maybe I could make up for being a slave to my agency next year with that.

“Please, my princess. I can’t even imagine what we’re doing.” Soft hands fiddle around my face as the cloth falls away. Gasping, we are standing in a large room with minimal mood lighting, but spaced aesthetically along each wall is photo after photo of Lea and myself. Together, with our friends, outside, inside, the party, it was like a storybook of everything we’ve experienced together since meeting. It was magical. “Lea what is this?” Awe in my tone, slowly turning trying to drink in every detail of us.

“It’s my picture day gift to the love of my life. I never want you to hate any part of yourself Zenny. You are the most dear and real individual I’ve ever had. I’d move the universe to give you what you desire.” It hadn’t taken long for me to tell Lea the entire story about my run that day. The careful and delicate consideration she has treated me with since. The pampering I’ve received. It made me want to misbehave more to get even more attention.

“But if it weren’t for these devilish good looks Jagiya things would be so much easier.” Pouting, pushing, seeing what else I can get. Shaking her head Lea was also well aware when I was fishing.

“Even with your delectable appearance my darling, we have a perfect life. With perfect friends. Yoosung and the twins helped me put together what pictures to use. Jihyun helped find and arrange this place, “Jaehee helped organize everything and Jumin- well he paid for it all.” Sheepish Lea laughs. “And we’re not the only ones here to enjoy this little exhibition either.” Beckoning me with her finger, Lea starts to move towards a doorway and I realize there is another room in the rear of this one. Curious, I followed her clasping hands as we strolled into what was the larger part of his building which had to be a gallery from the set up.

“Surprise!” Half hearted laughter as upon entering Yoosung and Saeyoung yell out the word. Everyone glanced up at us at our entrance. Jihyun and Heidi to one side where from their positions I can tell he was just explaining something about the picture they were in front of. Jumin Han appeared to be dictating something while making poor Jaehee work instead of just enjoying the holiday. Tables of snacks and drinks including my favorite beer. Saeran is hanging next to them with his girlfriend who I just recently met for the first time, Lumen. They seemed to be feeding one another some of the sweets. Saeyoung and Yoosung were also hovering near the tables with Eunji and Byeol. It looked like they had all been making conversation but the second we entered Yoosung broke away. He was coming to hug my girlfriend because he knows it bugged the shit out of me.

“Happy picture day guys.” Bright smile from the younger blonde as he did just what I suspected he would. Opening his arms and Lea broke away from me to say hello. The smug grin Yoosung graces me with is met by a look of loathing from me. Behind Yoosung, Saeyoung chortles.

“Someone doesn’t like to share.” Glaring as Lea immediately glances back at me. The fond smile that graces her face causes a chain reaction in me. Pulling away from Yoosung with a squeeze to his hand Lea returns to my side wrapping her arms around me as I grin triumphantly at my friend.

“You keep spoiling him like that and he will become impossible.” The droll voice of Saeran breaks my mood. Smirking from where he is presenting Lumen with a truffle. Laughter from the Choi side of the room answered by an exasperated noise from behind me.

“I think that scenario is already a given.” Jumin is smirking himself brow raised and I glower, Lea’s grip tightening around me the only reason I don’t launch in a tirade.

“We’re here for a celebration.” Quiet and steady, Jihyun’s soft tone stilled the more raucous noise. “Happy picture day to you both.” Inclining his head at us as Heidi, smiling gracefully tucked into his side.

“The photos from the other night came out perfect.” Excited, I’d watched her and Lea quietly talk to each other while Jihyun had set up the pictures. It wouldn’t surprise me if my princess was more concerned with my actions then she’d let on or that she’d share her worries with our friends. Heidi I’m certain was hoping the positive news would change my mood.

“And we picked out good choices too.” Eunji’s bright voice drew my attention back to the other side of the room. “And I even stopped Saeyoung from picking photos of you sneezing.” Giggling as Eunji shrugs at her own teasing.

“And it wasn’t easy, you know how persistent he can be.” Rolling her eyes playfully, Byeol pokes the red head.

“Obviously my choices are the best ones.” Giggling himself Saeyoung points over to the corner where I can see a photo of a group of us doing silly poses fully decked out after one of our parties.

“Can we get started? I don’t understand the point of this holiday anyway and it was my understanding the reason we all had to gather was because Zen is incapable of behaving in public.” Jumin had pulled out his cell phone slowly scrolling across the screen.

“Sir that’s not entirely accurate-“ Vaguely I’m aware of Jaehee coming to my defense as my brain fizzles down to the color red. Fury at the wanton disregard of my pain, tensing not certain what action I was about to take but ready to strike back at the robot judging me.

“Hyun.” Desperate, her voice and the press of Lea’s form directly into the front of my mine blocking my path shakes my sudden outrage. “Look at me baby.” Dainty hands that hold me stronger than a vice, bring my gaze down to hers. Losing myself in Lea’s dark pools feeling my breathing automatically slow to match hers. Shaking her head demure in her warning.

“Fuck you Jumin Han.” Throwing venom at the raven haired man as he gazes cooly at me from above his phone screen.

“I see you prove my point.” Lea’s bristling in my arms turned swiftly.

“Guy’s this is supposed to be a day for us to all get together, let's not fight.” Yoosung’s plea breaking out from the side of where we are standing.

“Typical, this whole group is such a mess.”

“You’re not helping Saeran.” The sharp tone of Byeol quickly cut in.

“Baby, let's go for a walk. Let them figure out their own shit.” Low voice as with a smirk Saeran leans into his girlfriend pushing her hair behind her ear. Running his finger tips down and along her exposed collar bone. Brow cocked his eyes burning as they fell on her lips. Lumen wiped a small smug of chocolate off her boyfriend’s cheek, licking her thumb, glancing between Jumin and myself before nodding coyly with a grin.

“Maybe take a little something for ourselves?” Gesturing towards the table, Saeran follows, laughing lowly.

“I love the way you think princess.” Balancing an entire platter of truffles with one hand as Saeran’s other arm firmly wraps around Lumen’s waist, his fingers digging possessively into her hip. The two saunter out of the room. Lumen leaves all of us with a small wave. The show of their departure having dulled the anger hanging heavy prior. Frowning up at Jumin he’s now pointedly ignoring me.

“Let’s go look at our pictures baby,” But Lea’s already there. Tightly clutching the side of my shirt anchoring us together.

“I want to show you my favorite first Zen.” Yoosung’s bound up next to her. Powerless against them both, I nod as I allow myself to be led away. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jihyun and Heidi crossing to Jumin. Winking at me Heidi nods towards the CEO in line and I know they are going to handle whatever just occurred to smooth things over. Mouthing my gratitude I’m very glad to instead focus my attention on my princess tickling her sides as she squeaks and attempts to run from me jovially.

Pausing I watch Saeyoung moving towards the food with both the ladies with him. “I don’t think your brother had an altruistic purpose but thank him for breaking the tension for me.” Brows knitting for a moment Saeyoung forces out a laugh that’s a little too hard. It seemed his relationship with his twin was still progressing slowly. Making a mental note I’d have to get together with him soon so we could talk about it.

“Yeaaah. I’ll let him know.” Eunji grabbed Saeyoung’s hand, squeezing it with a sweet smile of concern, painting her lovely face. Golden eyes shining, Saeyoung follows his lips creeping back up into a grin soothed by the light of his sun and stars.

Yoosung stopped us in front of a piece that was also one of my favorite pictures of the three of us. Lea and I had taken him out the night before his birthday so we could celebrate him turning another year older at midnight together. Yoosung had of course gotten a little tipsy and it was the two of us singing a drinking song and dancing, with Lea very obviously laughing at us. The picture had been taken by someone at the next table and the lightning in the bar was very flattering. It was such a perfect representation of our relationship, together, everyone looked so happy. It had been such a good night. Looking at the photos at either side it hits me how many amazing memories are contained in this room.

“I can’t picture how hard it is Zen to not be able to share the things you want to. I think we’re the most alike in that we both really wanted relationships where we could have these goofy romantic times and now you get the chance to do them and I know I’d be mad if it was denied to me because of the other big love in my life.” At my side I can see my girlfriend encouraging Yoosung to continue and it dawns on me. Of course she’d probably spoken to everyone else but she’d turned to him for help. He was the person both of us were closest to and spent enough time with us that he’d definitely become our third wheel.

“But don’t you think Zen at the end of the day you do get to share everything you want to with the people that actually matter. I know you have a lot of Outstagram followers and you get more everyday but we’re your family.” Heartfelt and actually profound, the comment sets my thoughts into a momentary whirl. For so long I’d been caught up in having the perfect standard relationship like you’d see in a movie or read in a book. Expectations for things we’d do or say at certain times and events that would happen.

“I’m still disappointed you have to make accommodations for my career Lea.” There it was. That was the heart of the matter for me. Lea tried to reshape the universe to give me everything I desired. Shouldn’t she be frustrated with me or mad and shouldn’t she blame me?”

“Oh my darling,” playing with my hair the way she was watching me like I was the most treasured being in her world. It set my heart into a rapid beat. “I love you, for you, for this handsome face that strikes me stupid almost daily, your bold heart that takes my breath away. I never accommodate anything in my life for you. Hyun you accentuate everything beautiful and good and you bring me a never ending bliss.”

“We’re all glad to know you Zen. Even Jumin, who will never admit it. You’re an important part of our family.” Bowled over by a tsunami of emotions. I find myself just staring up at the picture we are in front of biting my lip feeling tears pricking the sides of my eyes. My entire life I’d been alone on some level. Often told I wasn’t good enough or unwanted. Maybe at the end of the day that’s what I’d most been looking for. Validation I did belong and that I was here and that I loved this woman at my side with an audacity that frightened me. But I was seen and understood every single day by the people that did genuinely matter to me.

“My love-“ Her fixated attention on me wavered as Lea gripped my forearm signaling me to look behind us. Yoosung’s head lifted and he gasped before it melted down into a grin of fondness. Spinning I too stopped. Jihyun was behind us a few feet and in his arms he held my favorite picture from the ones we’d taken a few days ago. Blown up, framed. The picture currently in our living room of us, my past favorite from our first party, was romantic but felt more posed, less authentic. Jihyun had captured our essence. Out of nowhere that day I’d swung Lea up sideways across my shoulders. It was a cheeky move I sometimes pulled at the gym to do squats with her. We were both laughing and it was the most natural and joyous I’d ever seen us. We looked like the perfect pair. Framed by the golden light of the sun setting. It was our love captured in such a way it struck me speechless.

“My picture day gift to you Hyun.” Jihyun was speaking and I could feel the press and hear the exclamations of all of our friends.

“Thank you.” There was a rawness to my voice I wasn’t used to. Struggling against such an overwhelming feeling of love from everyone. It was different then at the stage door with my fans. These people knew me, Hyun Ryu and they still cared about me this much. “All of you. Even you.” Conflicted when I glower at Jumin. His expression remains stone with the exception of the mildest twitch to his lips.

“Even I will admit that piece is aesthetically pleasing. Jihyun as usual created a masterpiece. Which was probably made easier by the fact the two of you are very obviously in love and seem to compliment one another.” The indifference in Jumin Han’s face made his words even better. If he could see that about Lea and myself when he was a robot who didn’t even understand the concept of romance it must be the most plain fact. It pleased me enough that I didn’t even feel the need to insult him.

“I appreciate that Jumin.” Struck, attention falling back on how perfect Jihyun had captured our love before I find my eyes returning to my princess who is also staring slightly starry eyed at the photo. “I appreciate all of you. I know you’re here because let’s face it I did act like a dumb shit earlier this week.” Voice rising, taking command of the room, scanning and meeting the face of each of my friends (and my family). “The truth is I need to grow up. I’m acting like a child. I want things a certain way, but that kind of life is not possible for me.” Unsurprised when I feel Lea’s hand latch onto the side of my shirt again. My steady support.

“None of us have a normal life, except maybe Yoosung. That’s probably why he can’t get a girlfriend?” Saeyoung chortles at his own quip as Yoosung’s voice immediately lifts in protest. Chuckling, I shrug sheepishly at the red head.

“I bet all of you have other plans today. Well, except maybe Yoosung.” Now the blonde’s face is turning crimson in annoyance.

“I came here to be nice. Why are all of you being assholes?” Reaching out I slap Yoosung’s shoulder good natured.

“Thank you everyone for caring enough about my princess and about me to share this morning with us and knock a little sense into my thick head. I belong here with every single one of you. You’re all an important part of our story. Even Saeran and Lumen.” Vulnerable, I’d gathered Lea against me, my hand in her hair. Relaxing as she settled her body into mine.

“When the RFA was formed it was to help disadvantaged people.” Heidi took the large portrait from Jihyun as he started speaking to settle it safely to the side. Fidgeting with nothing to hold, the cerulean haired man had something important to share but was still struggling with his memories. “I don’t think any of us realized what this group would come to mean to each other.”

“People I can depend on.” Jumin’s dry voice, laying a supportive hand on Jihyun’s shoulder as Heidi returned to encourage him.

“People we can love.” Heidi’s charming smile finally allowed Jihyun to breath fully again.

“People who teach us.” Biting his lip, Yoosung was already emotional and struggling to contain his own tears.

“People who understand us.” The quiet tone of Jaehee with a soft look of appreciation warmed the whole group.

“People who care.” Pushing her long hair behind her ear, Byeol reaches out gripping Saeyoung’s hand as he smiles at her.

“Support no matter what you’ve done.” Reflective, flush, Saeyoung swallows hard as Eunji presses a hand against his cheek on his other side.

“You always have someone who has your back.” Squeezing Saeyoung’s bicep, Eunji beams out at the group as there is a murmur of agreement from everyone.

“Forgiveness,” Having gathered himself Jihyun looked stronger. Watching the conviction in his face I could feel the power in his words.

“It’s given me a home.” My princess, her sentiment sending me spiraling into a whirlpool of love for her, because I knew I was the heart of where she belonged.

“You’re my family.” There was nothing else I could say, it was the most important feeling I had and I knew every single person standing here with me felt the same. The atmosphere was tender but quiet for a time. Kissing Lea’s temple I could see silent looks and touches shared between many of us.

“We still have all the food my chef prepared. Everything is exquisite, perhaps we should partake in some before we further examine the photography.” For once I didn’t see a reason to argue with Jumin Han. It was the right suggestion.

My life was destined to be a show. Regardless of what I do, it was who I was. Yet it wasn’t until this moment that I truly realized how lucky I am to be performing it with these people. This was only the first act and now I understood I wasn’t looking for my standing ovation but that one face in the crowd that tells me everything is as beautiful as I dreamed it would be. Arm wrapped around the shoulders of the woman I love with the people I admire we moved to celebrate. The picture perfect group of strangers that have become a tribe of friends.

My beautiful and darling Zen divider provided for ME by the truffle eating princess of a grumpy red haired man @luxielle

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[luxielle]

CMC picnic, don't mind us ~

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(Via: Lobsters)

Cheat developers have specific interest in anti-cheat self-integrity checks. If you can circumvent them, you can effectively patch out or “hook” any anti-cheat code that could lead to a kick or even a ban. In EasyAntiCheat’s case, they use a kernel-mode driver which contains some interesting detection routines. We are going to examine how their integrity checks work and how to circumvent them, effectively allowing us to disable the anti-cheat.

[1] EPT stands for Extended Page Tables. It is a technology from Intel for MMU virtualization support. Check out Daax’s hypervisor development series if you want to learn more about virtualization.

The first thing to do is actually determine if there is any sort of integrity check. The easiest way is to patch any byte from .text and see if the anti-cheat decides to kick or ban you after some time. About 10-40 seconds after I patched a random function, I was kicked, revealing that they are indeed doing integrity checks in their kernel module. With the assistance of my hypervisor-based debugger, which makes use of EPT facilities [1], I set a memory breakpoint on a function that was called by their LoadImage notify routine (see PsSetLoadImageNotifyRoutine). After some time, I could find where they were accessing memory.

After examining xrefs in IDA Pro and setting some instruction breakpoints, I discovered where the integrity check function gets called from, one of them being inside the CreateProcess notify routine (see PsSetCreateProcessNotifyRoutine). This routine takes care of some parts of the anti-cheat initialization, such as creating internal structures that will be used to represent the game process. EAC won’t initialize if it finds out that their kernel module has been tampered with.

The integrity check function itself is obfuscated, mainly containing junk instructions, which makes analyzing it very annoying to analyze. Here’s an example of obfuscated code:

mov [rsp+arg_8], rbx ror r9w, 2 lea r9, ds:588F66C5h[rdx*4] sar r9d, cl bts r9, 1Fh mov [rsp+arg_10], rbp lea r9, ds:0FFFFFFFFC17008A9h[rsi*2] sbb r9d, 2003FCE1h shrd r9w, cx, cl shl r9w, cl mov [rsp+arg_18], rsi cmc mov r9, cs:EasyAntiCheatBase

With the assist of Capstone, a public disassembly framework, I wrote a simple tool that disassembles every instruction from a block of code and keeps track of register modifications. After that, it finds out which instructions are useless based on register usage and remove them. Example of output:

mov [rsp+arg_8], rbx mov [rsp+arg_10], rbp mov [rsp+arg_18], rsi mov r9, cs:EasyAntiCheatBase

Time to reverse this guy!

This is the C++ code for the integrity check function:

bool check_driver_integrity() { if ( !peac_base || !eac_size || !peac_driver_copy_base || !peac_copy_nt_headers ) return false; bool not_modified = true; const auto num_sections = peac_copy_nt_headers->FileHeader.NumberOfSections; const auto* psection_headers = IMAGE_FIRST_SECTION( peac_copy_nt_headers ); // Loop through all sections from EasyAntiCheat.sys for ( WORD i = 0; i < num_sections; ++i ) { const auto characteristics = psection_headers[ i ].Characteristics; // Ignore paged sections if ( psection_headers[ i ].SizeOfRawData != 0 && READABLE_NOT_PAGED_SECTION( characteristics ) ) { // Skip .rdata and writable sections if ( !WRITABLE_SECTION( characteristics ) && ( *reinterpret_cast< ULONG* >( psection_headers[ i ].Name ) != 'adr.' ) ) { auto psection = reinterpret_cast< const void* >( peac_base + psection_headers[ i ].VirtualAddress ); auto psection_copy = reinterpret_cast< const void* >( peac_driver_copy_base + psection_headers[ i ].VirtualAddress ); const auto virtual_size = psection_headers[ i ].VirtualSize & 0xFFFFFFF0; // Compare the original section with its copy if ( memcmp( psection, psection_copy, virtual_size ) != 0 ) { // Uh oh not_modified = false; break; } } } } return not_modified; }

As you can see, EAC allocates a pool and makes a copy of itself (you can check that by yourself) that will be used in their integrity check. It compares the bytes from EAC.sys with its copy and see if both match. It returns false if the module was patched.

Since the integrity check function is obfuscated, it would be pretty annoying to find it because it is subject to change between releases. Wanting the bypass to be simple, I began brainstorming some alternative solutions.

The .pdata section contains an array of function table entries, which are required for exception handling purposes. As the semantics of the function itself is unlikely to change, we can take advantage of this information!

In order to make the solution cleaner, we need to patch EasyAntiCheat.sys and its copy to disable the integrity checks. To find the pool containing the copy, we can use the undocumented API ZwQuerySystemInformation and pass SystemBigPoolInformation (0x42) as the first argument. When the call is successful, it returns a SYSTEM_BIGPOOL_INFORMATION structure, which contains an array of SYSTEM_BIGPOOL_ENTRY structures and the number of elements returned in that array. The SYSTEM_BIGPOOL_ENTRY structure contains information about the pool itself, like its pooltag, base and size. Using this information, we can find the pool that was allocated by EAC and modify its contents, granting us the unhindered ability to patch any EAC code without triggering integrity violations.

PoC code is released here

It contains the bypass for the integrity check and a patch to a function that’s called by their pre-operation callbacks, registered by ObRegisterCallbacks, letting you create handles to the target process. I’m aware that this is by no means an ideal solution because you’d need to take care of other things, like handle enumeration, but I’ll leave this as an exercise for the reader. You are free to improve this example to suit your needs.

The tests were made on four different games: Rust, Apex Legends, Ironsight and Cuisine Royale.

Have fun! See you in the next article!

[gureishi]

fell apart in the usual way

Saeyoung X Eunji (CMC) featuring Zen X Lea (CMC)

red universe | Lea | Saeyoung’s route, day 9 

When Seven tells Eunji she should forget about him, she doesn’t break down.

She doesn’t cry when he raises his voice, and she’s silent and resolute as he builds himself a fortress of laptops and chip bags and tangled cables so she can’t come close to him.

She knows about losing things—considers herself an expert at keeping it together when everything around her is falling apart.

When her parents would fight, she’d hide in her room and line up her stuffed animals by size, and species, and color. She knew better than to come to them crying, pitiful, begging for attention—it was easier to stare at the ground and pretend she was someplace else.

Every now and then, no one would remember to pick her up from school. She’d watch the other forgotten children’s faces falling and feel proud of herself, because she was stronger than the rest of them. And when her parents finally split up and her mother dragged her halfway across the world, she didn’t put up a fight or whine or behave like a sullen preteen, even though she was one.

What was the point of being miserable? She never understood why someone would look at a house that’s burning and throw oil on the fire.

When things are bad, she thinks, her feelings are sure to make them worse.

So when Seven says he’ll disappear as soon as he’s certain she’s safe, she shakes her head and hides her face in her hair and lets him be. For hours that become endless days, he stares at his screens and she makes meals three times a day even though no one is eating them—and at night, she lays in the bed she’s grown to hate and pretends to sleep, the sound of his typing providing the scenery for her fevered not-quite-dreams.

She hears her own voice in the way he scolds her, and she’s angry—at herself, at her parents, at everyone who’s ever tried to love her. She’s not falling to pieces, and she isn’t letting him have his way.

She’s known from the moment she saw his face that they’re the same kind of lonely.

Eunji understands about hating the people who treat you with kindness, because being loved reminds you how little you deserve it. She tells Seven that she doesn’t believe him when he says he wants to go away—and tells him again, and one more time—and she watches his resolve start to waver.

It is only when his eyes have gone soft—when he’s held out a hand and said that he wants her, that he’s grateful, that he needs just a little bit more time—that the feelings she’s pushed down for days crash over her like a river right after a storm.

So she does the only thing she can think of: hides in the bathroom and turns on the shower and cocoons herself in towels and hugs her knees to her chest and sobs.

Eunji is an all-or-nothing cryer. If she is steadfast and silent when the world is burning, she is equally fragile as soon as she feels safe enough to fall apart. She doesn’t get gracefully teary-eyed like she’s seen some people do—instead, she cries with everything she has.

Eunji thinks of small feet in too-tight shoes and the sound of cars pulling into the parking lot—of peering through dry eyes into the distance to see if anyone has come for her.

It’s easy to be forgotten. Being wanted is what frightens her.

She cries like snow that comes too early in the year: harder and faster the longer she lets it go on, feeling numb, feeling nothing, feeling like losing herself. She is safest here, with the cold tile floor under her bare feet and the walls so close she could be underground. She wishes she could enclose herself in bulletproof glass so there would be nothing but her heart and the blood in her veins and her shirt against her skin.

Her body is the only thing that’s hers.

Her tears belong to her, but they also belong to Seven—and to his brother, who was torn from him—and to the friends he said he was going to leave behind, and the family he tries not to remember, and the parents she never understood how to love. They belong to the little girl who watched in silence as her parents screamed, and the woman who never picked up her phone, and the way Seven watched her when he thought she wasn’t looking: like he was already saying goodbye.

They belong to his sad eyes when he showed her the pictures of his twin (smiling—young for his age—golden—laughing).

How long has he been waiting for someone who’ll stay?

Eunji’s phone, which she’s tucked between her feet, buzzes violently. She means to ignore it, but she looks through blurry eyes and sees his name on the screen.

Hey, he says. When you get out of the shower, I have something to say.

Her stomach twists anxiously. She shouldn’t answer him—she’s supposed to be showering—but she is impatient, and desperate, and afraid.

Not actually in the shower, she says. Just listening to it.

And she waits, unsure what she’s hoping for. She’s a miserable little creature, she thinks—hiding on the bathroom floor in her pajamas—and she doesn’t need him to know she’s crying in secret.

There’s a small, selfish part of her that wants to find out what he’ll do if he sees.

She pictures him crouched in his corner (right where she left him), eyes darting between his phone and his laptop—agonizing, deliberating, desiring.

Eunji’s been in love twice, but neither of her partners ever saw her cry.

There’s a knock on the door, and she jumps—she couldn’t hear his footsteps over the sound of the shower (she never can, anyway).

“Eunji,” he calls. She can’t remember the last time he said her name. “Are you, um—can I…?”

“You wanna know if I’m naked?” She masks the sob in her voice with the artificial confidence that’s always charmed him. 

Seven makes a strange sort of squeaking sound, and she wipes tears from her eyes with furious fingers.

“Are you naked?”

She couldn’t be any further from naked. She’s got a too-big sweatshirt on over her oldest pajamas, and there’s a towel around her shoulders and another across her knees. She gets cold when she’s sad—like feeling too much saps all the warmth from her skin—and even under all these layers, she’s still hollow.

“Come and find out,” she says. She thinks she does a pretty good job of sounding sure of herself.

This, she thinks, will certainly scare him off. For days now, he’s turned to face the wall (hood pulled low over his eyes, hands—for some reason—covering his ears) whenever she’s come out of the shower, as if he’s afraid of seeing her when she’s recently been naked. 

So she is challenging him—or trying to frighten him—or wishing he’d wipe her tears.

He opens the door.

Eunji sees Seven through the steam: tousled hair, frantic eyes. He’s left behind his hoodie and his headphones: his armor, it seems, is off.

“Oh,” he says. “You’re…”

She gazes up at him, knowing just how she must look, and he’s hesitating—no, staring at her—no, crossing the room on quick, steady feet and sinking to the floor at her side.

“Hi,” she whispers. Now that she sees him, she’s crying again.

“God,” he mutters. “Oh god. You’re—why are you…?” He lifts a hand like he’s going to brush a tear from her cheek and freezes. The bravado of 707 is nowhere to be found—and neither is the cold resolve of the man who’s been living with her lately. This person—neither 707 nor Luciel, she thinks, but someone else entirely—takes in her tear-stained face with wide, timid eyes.

She’s not sure how to explain why she’s crying—doesn’t know how to express what she needs. She wants to take his beautiful, frightened face in both hands and kiss him till he sees stars.

She grabs the towel from her knees and hands it to him.

“First rule of the bathroom floor,” she says. “You have to wear a towel.”

He looks at her for a moment too long, a serious look on his face, and then he nods.

“You’re the boss,” he says. He swings the towel around his shoulders and twists the ends together, knotting it around his neck like a cape. She sort of laughs, but it sounds thick like syrup.

For a second, neither of them speaks. Eunji stares down at her own feet and worries the towel between her fingers and wishes he’d tear the words from her lips so she doesn’t have to figure out how to form them. He clears his throat.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I never should have spoken to you the way I have been.”

Eunji shakes her head so hard her hair flies into her face. She doesn’t need another apology.

“You found out everything you ever believed was a lie,” she says slowly. “I don’t blame you for being angry.”

He grunts in frustration and she looks up at him, startled. He’s waging a whole war, she thinks, inside his mysterious mind.

“I was never angry at you,” he exclaims. He sounds miserable. “All I’ve wanted for the last nine days is to see your face from up close. I’d understand if you never want to be near me.”

She’s not enclosed in glass, she thinks—she’s made of it. She swears she hears the sound of shattering as she sobs silently, staring at him. There’s no gravity in this strange space: nothing but the sound of the shower and steam and her shaky heart. 

He says her name again, and this time it sounds like a prayer. “I would do anything in the world,” he whispers, “for you.”

“Don’t need the world,” Eunji says. And she doesn’t: she’s never needed a whole lot—needs so much—needs nothing—needs him. “It wouldn’t be so bad—” (she breathes) “—to be held.”

“My god.” He opens his arms: face flushed, eyes wild. “Come here.”

The thought of touching him has driven her mad since the first time she saw him. He smells like sweet honey and chili spice and soda and the body wash they’ve apparently been sharing and she is crashing into him, cheek to his chest, arms weaving around his waist, hair falling everywhere and steam making her eyes sting.

He inhales sharply, like he’s seen a star fall. She knows the feeling.

For a moment, they are frozen. He doesn’t breathe. She hears his heart.

Then the pieces fall into place—like a lock clicking, a gate swinging open—and his arms are around her, hands in her hair, molding to her body like he’s been waiting to hold her all this time.

“Got you,” he says. “I’ve got you now.”

Eunji swears she can feel her skin buzzing as it comes into contact with his—even through his t-shirt and her pajamas and the towel cape that’s somehow gotten twisted up between them—and she’s crying all over his chest, and he tucks her hair behind her ear with such tenderness she feels she may fade away.

“I never meant to make you cry,” Seven says. “I’m so sorry, starshine.”

Something shifts in the fabric of time. Eunji sits up.

“What did you call me?”

He coughs, face flushing. He’s still got an arm around her waist and a finger to her cheek and the tips of his ears are as red as his hair.

“Um,” he says. “It’s something that I—I mean, I’ve been thinking—uh, not that I was thinking about—only, in my head—”

“Is that what you call me in your fantasies?” She’s got goosebumps, and the fluttering she’s been feeling in her chest for days has reached a fever pitch.

He swallows hard and looks at her. She’s never seen him like this before: his eyes are blazing; she feels like they might burn her if she stares too long.

She wouldn’t mind.

“I imagine myself falling through space a lot,” he says, his voice hoarse. “Lately I see myself plummeting through the emptiness, like always, but then all of a sudden something’s different.”

“What’s that?” She can count a million shades of gold in his big, beautiful eyes and he’s so close she can feel his breath on her neck.

“The stars,” he says. “They catch me.”

Everything Eunji wants is right in front of her now—and he told her never to dream about him, but he’s the only thing she thinks about when she can’t fall asleep. In her imagination, she sees him standing in the sunlight, beckoning her closer, smiling when she runs to his side.

Here, on the bathroom floor, his hands are rough on her skin.

“Oh my god,” she says. “Are you going to kiss me or aren’t you?”

For a second, Seven is struck silent. His body tenses like a tightly coiled spring: moments from pouncing (or running away).

But he’s been running forever, and he seems to have skidded to a stop in her arms. 

“Oh,” he whispers. “Can I?”

And maybe you’re supposed to fall in love somewhere beautiful and kiss for the first time under a starry night sky, but Eunji doesn’t see it that way. She plucks his glasses from his face and folds them neatly on the cold tile floor and thinks, for one fleeting moment, that she’d follow this sweet, strange, lonely man to the ends of the earth.

“Hurry,” she says.

Seven is scared until he isn’t. His calloused hand cups her cheek and he shivers as he shuts his eyes—and she tastes him before he touches her, feeling the floor fall away.

His first kiss is a ghost, a whisper, a smoke signal.

“Hah,” he pants, pulling back, peeking at her through lidded eyes—cheeks flushed, hand dropping to her waist. “That’s—”

His second kiss is something else entirely.

She’s in control, and steady, and sure, and then all of a sudden she’s none of those things. His fingers are tangling in her sweatshirt and he’s kissing her wildly, fiercely—and he’s a little bit clumsy, a shade naive, but she’s never experienced anything like the way he wants her.

She buries her hands in his hair, too breathless to register that she’s touching it at last, and he makes a strangled sound against her lips. She’s dizzy, scrambling, towel falling from her shoulders, climbing into his lap and kissing him harder when she hears his breath hitch.

If keeping him at arm’s length was excruciating, kissing him is a different sort of pain: it’s as desperate as it is satisfying, as sharp as it is soft.

She takes his bottom lip between her teeth and feels his whole body shudder. The room is tilting sideways and her blood is singing in her veins and there’s a humming in her ears.

A loud, repetitive—

It’s her phone. Her phone is ringing.

Seven realizes it the same second she does, and he groans, grasping her hips with helpless hands.

“Don’t answer it,” he whispers. She giggles and presses a finger to his lips.

“We’re literally in an emergency situation right now,” Eunji murmurs, head swimming. “We have to—”

“Yeah, yeah.” He sighs and shuts his eyes and she takes him in: messy hair, pink cheeks, kissed lips.

“I’m gonna—” Eunji reaches for the phone—but she’s still in his lap and her legs are tangled around his waist, and he gets there faster.

“Eunji’s phone,” he says before he’s got it all the way to his ear. “She’s very very busy right now so you can just—”

“Seven?” Eunji’s close enough to hear the voice on the other end of the line clear as day: it’s Zen, and he sounds suspicious.

“Oh, uh.” Seven meets her eyes and grins wickedly. “Yeah, hi.”

She feels her heart make a perfect pirouette. It’s the first time she’s seen his smile for real: not in a picture, but up close and shining and real.

“Is something wrong with her?” Zen is asking. “Why are you picking up her phone?”

Eunji raises her eyebrows and holds out her hand. Seven bites her finger.

“She can’t talk,” he mumbles around the finger in his mouth. “She’s, um. Answering emails.”

Eunji can hear hushed voices and she’s certain Zen is consulting with Lea. Oh, how she wishes she could get Lea alone just long enough to describe the situation she’s in. She has a feeling her friend—her greatest cheerleader lately, the strongest advocate for her feelings—would be proud.

They could all use something to celebrate.

Swiftly, Eunji dips her head and presses her lips to the crook of Seven’s neck. He makes a sound like a small animal suddenly being lifted high in the air and she swipes the phone from his hand, winking as his eyes go wide.

“Hey, guys,” she chirps—knowing Lea is listening anyway, knowing she sounds breathless, knowing Seven’s about a second away from retaliating (god, she wishes he would). “How are you?”

It’s a legitimate question, and there’s a pause after she asks it. For a moment, the safe, steamy bathroom has felt like a haven, separate from all the frightening things they’re facing—but even in here, the world’s still moving forward.

“We’re okay,” Zen says quietly. “I called to check on you.”

Eunji feels like crying again.

It is too much for her one small body to bear, she thinks: the shock of discovering she’s been living under perilous circumstances, and the misery of being shut out by someone she’s only just begun to cherish, and the thrill of his breath on her neck, and the incredible kindness of new friends she’s never even met in person—the air is too thick, or maybe she’s just forgotten how to breathe.

Do these people know how little of their affection she deserves? Do they know that she’s careless, and easy to anger—that she’s hated everyone who’s ever been gentle to her and run at the first signs of softness?

She realizes she hasn’t said anything, and Seven’s watching her with worried eyes—and then she hears Lea’s voice through the phone.

“It’s okay,” Lea says, “to be scared.”

Oh, she is falling apart at the seams: her friends are too good, and Seven is too sweet, and she’s never coped well with sympathy. She shakes her head at Seven silently, unable to speak.

He seems to know it’s his turn to be strong.

He tightens his grip on her and takes the phone, and she lets her head fall to his shoulder.

“We are scared,” he says quietly—and it’s the first time she’s heard him admit this, and there’s such a sense of security in the softness of his voice. “I’m the reason things got this way, and I’m sorry that I lied about it. I don’t really have a great track record of thinking things through.”

“You’re not the only one who lied,” Zen says. Zen and Lea seem to be sharing the phone now—Eunji imagines them sitting on their bed, entwined together—and she’s soothed by the image of them staying so close.

Nothing is quite as frightening when you’re with the person you love.

“I know.” Seven pets her hair, parting her curls with his clever fingers, and she breathes in his scent and feels steadier. “I’m acting alone from now on instead of taking orders from anybody. And I swear I’m going to protect her with everything I have.”

There’s a pause, and then Zen chuckles.

“Wow,” he says. “You could still use a lesson or two, but that was kind of cool.”

The tension breaks. Eunji feels an enormous weight being lifted from her shoulders.

She twists her head sideways so she can be heard over the phone.

“If you think that was cool,” she purrs, “you should’ve seen what he was doing to me when we answered the phone.”

It’s a tease more than anything else, of course—but it gets just the reaction she hoped it would. Zen splutters and Lea squeals and she looks at Seven just in time to see his face going red again.

“What,” Zen is shouting, “was he doing to you when you answered the phone?!”

“See you!” Eunji sings, hanging up before the situation can escalate. Seven opens his mouth and then closes it, and she thinks proudly that she might have broken him at last.

“I’m dying,” he whispers weakly. She grins and kisses him, and he shudders when she shifts in his lap.

“You’ve got work to do,” she says. “Remember?” 

He sighs heavily and strokes her cheek with a shaky hand.

“Will you stay with me?” he asks. And she knows he means while he’s working, but the look in his eyes says he means something more than that, too.

Eunji smiles at him: this stranger-turned-friend-turned-something-much-more-serious who’s promised to protect her.

“I will,” she says.

Eunji knows how to lose—to be lost—to forget—to be forgotten. Being wanted is harder; being found is frightening.

She looks at the beautiful boy with stars in his eyes and decides that it’s time she belonged to someone.

Banner by my rustic-wife-turned-cult-queen-turned-sister-in-law @luxielle​

[little-butterfly-writes]

Layla my darling!!!

I am curious how did you and Jaehee meet?? Was it like in the game or did she already have her cafe prior to you meeting her??? How did you both know when you have fallen in love with each other??? ♥️

Love you! Hope your having a good end to your week!!! 😘

Hey Lea! Hope you're doing well!

I really need to post some information on my Mysmes CMC, dont I? ^^' (I keep forgetting to do it since Ive been busy and overwhelmed while working on 8 WIPS I jeed to take better care of my health :') )

Jaehee and Layla met through the messenger, but their relationship was rocky at first. Jaehee was cautious of Layla and Layla was too nervous to approach her. When things settled, they were more comfortable with each other but still distant.

Layla doesnt go to the apartment because she feels uncomfortable with the confidential address as well as a nightmare about that place. She'll only go if it's necessary. Layla will visit C&R every now and then to give Jaehee treats and to chat with Jumin. Its suspected that Layla was after Jumin, but jt was really his head assistant.

Once the first party is over, Jaehee and Layla started the cafe together. That was the start of a slow romance, lingering touches and gazes that lasted too long. They worked well together at the cafe and outside. (I'll post the confesses some day)

But thats the story of Jaehee and Layla!

[leasshop]

Yes, we do casual really well! #lifestyleclothing #cmc #summerclothing #cottonclothing #madeincalifornia #madeinusa #shopsmallbusiness #shoplocally #chathamny #leaschatham #comfortableclothes (at Lea's)

[joya34blanco]

Basic Portrait Post-Processing Workflow Tips to Help You Save Time and Stay Organized

This article will walk you through some tips for how to set up a basic portrait post-processing workflow that can help you save time and stay organized.

The problem

When you’re new to photography, everything is exciting. Every time you come home with a full memory card, it’s a mad rush to the computer to see what you have captured. You’re eager to see every image and each one is treated as a separate entity with every technique you’ve come across. This is great. That excitement is what will keep you moving forward with photography and it is how you rapidly learn and grow as a photographer. That’s how it was with me, at any rate.

What happens, however, as you start taking more and more images? For example, regular portrait sessions a couple times a week can lead to an overwhelming amount of photographs. Approaching every frame as an individual becomes time-consuming and inefficient. If you’re not careful, you’ll have a backlog of images going back months and months. Often, many of your photos will be forgotten at the wayside.

The solution to this problem is to develop a portrait post-processing workflow.

Defining workflow

Straight out of the camera before any adjustments in Lightroom or Photoshop.

After portrait post-processing workflow steps in this article were applied.

In the simplest terms possible, a workflow is a checklist of repeatable actions that you work through as you go through a task. If it helps, in business the equivalent be would systems and in manufacturing, it could be compared to an assembly line.

You can have a workflow for any part of the photographic process, from planning and coordinating sessions to setting up and tearing down equipment and finally the post-processing stage.

This article will outline the steps of the post-processing workflow that I’ve been using on my portraits for a few years.

Starting point

Because every photographer has their own way of importing, organizing and editing their images in Lightroom (and other software), this article starts at the beginning of the post-processing stage for individual images. It assumes you will have already imported your photos into Lightroom and you have already edited (culled) down to the keepers.

Lightroom

This workflow uses both Adobe Lightroom and Photoshop. Each program offers its own strengths. To take advantage of them, consider using both with the Adobe Photographer membership – get 20% off (only $7.99/month) by using this link only for dPS readers.

Color corrections

The first step is to conduct any color corrections to your image. I do this in one of two ways. The first involves a ColorChecker Passport. If you don’t have one, just skip past it (or purchase one here on Amazon.com and follow along).

Xrite ColorChecker Passport

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In your Lightroom catalog, find the photo you took with the ColorChecker Passport in it. Go to File>Export and export the image as a DNG to a folder where you can find it.

To work in the ColorChecker Passports proprietary software, you need to export your image as a DNG.

Now open the software that came with your Xrite ColorChecker Passport, and import the DNG you just exported into it.

The software does a pretty good job of aligning the photo to the ColorChecker, but if it fails, just follow the instructions on the screen.

The Xrite ColorChecker Passport’s software allows you to create custom color profile unique to each lighting setup.

Press the Create Profile button and give it a name that has something to do with the images you are going to be working on. For example, if you’re working on portraits of Jane Doe in a wedding dress which you took on April 15th of 2017, you could name the profile: JaneDoeWeddingDress041517. That’s optional, of course, but it will help you should you decide to revisit these photos in six months time.

Now, reopen Lightroom, find the image of the ColorChecker Passport, and open it in the Develop Module. Scroll down the panels on the right until you find the Calibration tab.

At the top, there will be the word Profile followed by Adobe Standard. Click there and choose the profile name that you just made in the external software (in the example below I called it “PortraitWorkflow”.

Once created and imported into Lightroom, color profiles can be returned to at any point in the future.

This process has built a custom color profile, individual to the lighting present in the scene. This is a vital step if you want to get the most accurate colors in your photographs.

White balance with the ColorChecker Passport

In the right-hand panel, scroll back up to the top basic panel. Select the eyedropper. To correct the white balance in your image, click in any of the white or gray boxes on the ColorChecker in your image. That will correct your white balance automatically. Each box will have a different effect on your images, so feel free to go through them all to see which works best, or which you prefer.

Any of the white and gray squares can be used to set your white balance. They all have different effects, so experiment until you’re happy.

Press CTRL/CMD+Shift+C and in the dialog box click the Check None box. Tick off only the boxes for Calibration and White Balance, and then click Copy.

Setting the color profile and white balance to an entire set of images at once can save you heaps of time.

With your settings copied, you can go back to the Library Module and select all of the photos that you want these settings applied to. Select them and press CTRL/CMD+Shift+V to do this.

Make sure you deselect the group of images afterwards by pressing CTRL/CMD+D.

White balance in Lightroom

If you don’t have a ColorChecker Passport, you can set your white balance manually by using the eyedropper (click on something neutral in the image) and sliders at the top of the Basic tab. Once you’re done, you can copy and paste the settings to the other images in your set as described above.

To adjust white balance manually, use the eyedropper and sliders at the top of the Basic panel.

Lens Corrections

The next step is to find the Lens Corrections tab and click both the Enable Profile Corrections box and the Remove Chromatic Aberration box.

Enabling lens corrections will correct any distortion, vignetting and chromatic aberrations in your images.

Doing this will correct any distortion caused by your lenses and it will usually deal with any chromatic aberrations. It’s a simple step, but it can make a world of difference to your final images.

Before you move on, however, always zoom in and move around your image looking for any chromatic aberrations (look at the edges of the image) the software failed to correct. It’s usually very good, but sometimes it will fail in tricky lighting situations where there’s a lot of backlighting. For portraits, pay close attention to catch lights in the eyes. If you find any chromatic aberrations there, simply go to the Manual section of the Lens Correction tab, choose the eyedropper and click into any color halos that you find.

Basic Adjustments

For portraits, I try to keep my basic adjustments at this stage to a minimum. I will use the exposure slider as needed, the White and Black sliders minimally, keep the Clarity slider between +15 and -15, and often reduce the Vibrance to -10.

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For more natural portraits, keep your adjustments subtle.

The reason for keeping these adjustments minimal is that they are global adjustments (apply to the entire image). I prefer to work with local adjustments in Photoshop, which give you much more control over the image. But, it is also possible to do local adjustments in Lightroom using the Adjustment Brush, Radial Filter and Graduated Filter if you would prefer.

Client proofs

NOTE: When working on proofs to send to clients so they can make their final image selections, this is where I usually stop. There is little need to spend up to an hour retouching a photo that will never see the light of day. Colour corrections and maybe a few small contrast adjustments are almost always enough at this point.

Black and White (optional)

If you intend to work in black and white and you like doing your conversions in Lightroom, this is the stage where I do the conversion process using the black and white sliders.

If you intend or prefer to do your conversion in Photoshop, then skip this part and make it the first step once your image is opened inside Photoshop.

Export

With the Raw processing complete, it’s time to export (or open) your image into Photoshop. Press CTRL/CMC+Shift+E to bring up the Export dialogue box. Choose a location and name appropriate to your own organizational system and export the image as a TIF or PSD (either of those formats will retain all your layers when you save your work). Close Lightroom and open your image in Photoshop.

NOTE: Alternatively you can open your RAW file directly from Lightroom into Photoshop by right-clicking the image and selecting: Edit In > Edit in Adobe Photoshop – OR – Edit In > Open as Smart Object in Photoshop.

Photoshop

Blemishes

The first step of this workflow in Photoshop is to remove temporary blemishes from your subject’s skin. Create a new empty layer by pressing CTRL/CMD+Shift+N and pressing OK.

You can use either the Spot Healing Brush Tool or the Healing Brush Tool, or a combination of both. Once you’ve selected your tool, ensure that the All Layers option is selected in the drop-down menu labeled Sample. Also, ensure that you are working on the new empty layer (you just created above) in order to keep things non-destructive.

While using the healing brushes, zoom in to at least 200% on your image and use a brush that is only slightly larger than the blemish you are trying to remove. If you are using the Healing Brush tool, take a new sample after every click by pressing Alt/Option+Click to ensure the best results.

How far you go is going to be a matter of personal preference. I like to limit this step to only temporary blemishes and leave scars and beauty marks unless I’m asked to remove them by the subject.

Before blemish removal.

After blemish removal.

Note: It is possible to remove blemishes in Lightroom, but it is a time consuming and awkward process compared to Photoshop in my opinion. If Lightroom works better for you, go ahead and use it.

Color casts

Although we already covered color corrections in the first step, I like to revisit it at this stage. For example, in this image, the background is still too warm for my taste. Create a new Hue/Saturation adjustment layer.

In the Properties tab, find the icon that looks like a pointing hand. Click it and then find a place in the image you want to adjust the colors. In this image, it’s in the background.

With the pointer selected, click into any area of a colour cast you want to change.

Now adjust the sliders in the Hue/Saturation Layer until it has the desired effect on the color you are trying to change.

In this image, the background and the subject shared a lot of the same warmth. To keep them separate, use a layer mask. Click into the layer mask on your Hue/Saturation layer and press CTRL/CMD+I to invert it (hide all).

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Now select the Brush tool (B) and set your foreground color to white and your opacity and flow to 100%. Paint into the areas (on the mask not the layer) you want to be affected by your Hue/Saturation layer. If you mess up, just switch your foreground color to black and paint over the mistake.

Before Hue/Saturation Adjustments

After Hue/Saturation Adjustments

Dodging and burning

The next step is to deal with contrast. Instead of using the contrast sliders at the raw processing stage, it is best to use a technique like dodging and burning for small, local adjustments to get the most control over your images. There are a lot of different methods for dodging and burning, but I prefer the gray layer method.

By using multiple layers, you can obtain really fine control over the contrast and the tones in specific parts of your image with little effort. For example, you can have a set of layers for skin tones, another set for the clothes, a set for hair, and another set for eyes all independently adjusted. You can learn how to dodge and burn here.

Before dodging and burning.

After dodging and burning.

High Pass Filter

The last step of my workflow before saving is to use a High Pass filter to sharpen things up a bit. To use the High Pass filter, merge all of your existing layers into a new one by pressing CTRL/CMD+alt+Shift+E. Zoom into 100%, select the layer that was just created, and go to Filter>Other> High Pass.

As long as you are working with a high-resolution file, set the radius between two and five. If you’re working with a smaller file, move the slider to the left until the preview image looks like a faint outline of your original image (as seen below). Press OK.

It’s pretty easy to go overboard with the High Pass filter. Try to keep it as subtle as possible.

On the Layer Palette, change the blending mode to Soft Light or Overlay. This is more personal preference than anything, but Overlay will give a far more pronounced effect than Soft Light. I prefer Soft Light for portraits and Overlay for other subjects. The last step is to reduce the opacity of the High Pass layer. Zoom into 100% and move the opacity slider to the left until you can barely see the effect.

Use either the Soft Light or Overlay blending modes for your High Pass layer. Soft Light will be more subtle, while Overlay will be more pronounced.

Saving your image

When the image is finished it’s time to save it. This will different for everyone depending on your own organizational system, but I prefer to save files as 16-bit TIFFs with layers intact. Doing this means that you can go back and adjust any part post-processing at any time. It also means you can go back to your full resolution file at any time to create smaller images for web use and the like without potentially losing them. The downside to this is that 16-bit TIFF files can get very large and they do take up a fair amount of hard drive space, but to me, the peace of mind is worth it.

In the end

Straight out of the camera and before any adjustments in Lightroom and Photoshop.

After adjustments and retouching in Lightroom and Photoshop.

The amount of time it takes to get through this workflow varies from image to image. Some photos take five minutes, others take closer to an hour. Overall, having a workflow like this will save you countless hours of work. Knowing exactly what steps you’re going to take before you sit down removes a lot of guesswork and saves time. This is invaluable when you start doing sessions a couple times a week.

Obviously, this exact workflow may not be for you. However, I encourage giving it a try and then developing your own workflow that fits in with your style and existing skills.

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The post Basic Portrait Post-Processing Workflow Tips to Help You Save Time and Stay Organized by John McIntire appeared first on Digital Photography School.

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