#cnysyracuse

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

We officially have a jelly bean!!!! 6 weeks! Blueberry or jelly bean! :)

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

Not viable! Not doubling! No sac! So many negatives. So at 6w3d I say goodbye to my little Baby S! I haven’t bled or lost you yet, but apparently it’s inevitable. My heart hurts so terribly!

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

5 weeks 2 days

Had my beta today and my first ultrasound. I’ll start with the ultrasound- it was way too early! It was saddening and stressful bc all we could see was a healthy uterus and lining! I’m a little frustrated that cny wasted my time and money and the time of the satellite clinic to do an ultrasound this early.

Beta... well we results came back less than desirable! Our first beta last Tuesday: 39.1 Thursday 68 and today 233.1 (so we haven’t been doubling and we’re about 100 behind where we should be. Hcg is still rising. I still have symptoms. They just aren’t sure what’s happening and why.

Options are:

1. Chemical pregnancy (again)

2. Ectopic pregnancy

3. Genetic anomaly in the egg- basically due to my age. Only 60% of my eggs at my age are good quality eggs.

4. It’s a normal pregnancy my hcg is just slow to double.

5. Miscarriage could be pending if hcg is slowing...

So with all that in mind- we will do another beta and ultrasound this coming Friday.

If nothing shows up then and hcg isn’t multiplying... we will have to investigate what’s happening!

Hopefully we just start catching up in hcg and the baby can be seen when we look next week!

I was also warned that if I have any bleeding or severe cramping to immediately go to the er and to call the office- as it could be ectopic or a miscarriage that I would need care for both!

Very nervous but I’m just praying and holding onto the positive blood work and pee tests as the days continue...

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

7w4d

After 4 days of bleeding the cramping and passing of tissue started.

I went to the local er. 2 hours later my beta came back 60. No need to sugar coat it, I was actively miscarrying my baby.

Another hour later and a 10 second pelvic exam confirmed I was actively passing my baby.

So much fear. So much sadness. So many regrets.

I’ve know for 5 years I had unexplained infertility. I’ve come to terms with that. But how do I come to terms with losing my baby, with being a mom of miscarriage.

I’m not sure how to proceed.

Haven’t had a good night sleep in the two days dealing with bean being gone!

My heart has left my body with that tiny little heart beat!

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

Perfect outcome!!!! We have 5 embabies!!!!! Doing a day 6 transfer! Friday we will do the hcg wash and Intralipids. All I can do to make this stick in round one- we are trying!

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

7w1d

I go to the doctor in order to determine if I need a procedure to clear the baby or if my body will pass on it’s own.

Heart beat. Sac. Fetal pole!!!!

What????? My baby has a heartbeat! Measuring 5w6d and only 80bpm but alive and growing!!!

My heart is overwhelmed with happiness and fear!!!

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

Day 2 after retrieval: Morning meds! I’ll be so thankful when we graduate and all I have to take is my one prenatal! I hate medicines!

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

The hormonal bloat was sooooo fierce yesterday! 5 weeks 0 days! The bloat was soooo intense!

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

This is IVF! No those are needle marks or bruises, those are just where my dogs or foster angels loved on me! This is what me taking a baby aspirin every day does to me! I do not normally bruise at all. I can remember growing up and excitedly showing my mom any bruise I had earned in sports because they are so rare for me! Currently my arms from blood draws look like a heroin addict, my thighs look like a battered wife (as pictured), my butt from the PIO is totally bruised (mostly the left cheek but the right cheek hurts and bleeds more- go figure), and my stomach looks like and feels like a pitted pin cushion from the first portion of the ivf cycle!

Update on our progress though: thirsday there was some minor discomfort and cramping in the utuerus and ovary areas. Honestly felt like the onset of a period... but I hear/researched that could possibly be me being sensitive to the hormones or possibly implantation! My uterus feels very full... like I’m super aware it exists not like a constant pain or anything! Thursday I got a call from the CNY nurse that my tsh was elevated! (High is 5 and I’m almost to 7. They said they would check my results from Friday’s (today) labs and let me know if I needed on synthroid or not. (Scared me a little bc my granny was on that medicine after they radiated her thyroid!) so I of course did some dr google research and found higher thyroid levels due to all the hormones we’re pumping into me was normal- but still made me worry for tiny little embaby Stuart in there trying to implant!

Today I did my blood work at PREG in Greenville! They did the estradiol and progesterone levels, but apparently had to send off the ths levels! Not telling me this angered me as that was the singular most important test I was worried about! So I called and spoke to the on call nurse because by this time it was after 12 on Friday and they only work half days. She informed me they can’t do this test same day- so I was peeved I hadn’t been told because I would have used another clinic bc these results feel very important to me!

Upon playing the waiting in queue game with CNY, being forced to leave a message (to which they didn’t return) and having to call them back again an hour before they closed in order to get answers... the nurse calmed my fears! CNY is over testing for precaution on the THS levels. The most important things are estrogen and progesterone. My progesterone was great but my estrogen was a little low- so they pumped me up to two vaginal pills a day of the estradiol! So yah more stuff to stuff in my lady parts! (Said no one ever!) but hey- BABY S you are so worth it!!

Now we are in the waiting game for our beta testing on Tuesday! 3 days and a wake up....

Baby dust, happy vibes, prayers to the man upstairs, and so much more to make this sweet miracle happen! Please body don’t fail me!

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

We had 3 blastocysts at 4AA and 2 that may still mature. We transferred one 4AA and froze the other two- possibly freezing the other two! Dr. Kiltz did our transfer yesterday and it was awesome! Officially PUPO!!!!! Next step is blood work Friday and pregnancy test next Tuesday!

[happilyeverstuart-blog]

Retrieval was a success! 5 follicles and 5 eggs retrieved! Mama is currently worn out and extremely sore! I slept most of the day! Wife treated me to sushi and Chinese and ice cream after! (I’ll be eating on that ice cream for days!

Almond, NY this ice cream was to die for! Hopefully the dairy helps with the constipation!