#constantly home alone which is cool lol. it’s been pretty good for my mental health tbh

[foxgloveinspace]

Hulloooo! I just restarted my island last week! It's my personal nightmare currently but it'll get there. How have you been?

I’ve been pretty good! This weeks been a bit of a time cause I had cold that just completely zapped all my energy, but other then that, I’ve been doin pretty ok. Nothing to stressful or crazy and nothing too like.. exciting to talk about I guess, lol.

Hmmm, I think the most exciting thing that has happened is that I drove home from ‘the big city’ and I even drove in it, so like…. That was a bit crazy! Slowly getting there on the driving thing lmao.

I’m both really excited about starting over my ac island and like. Nervous lmao. I never really got very far in decorating it tho, so I’m looking forward to a completely fresh slate with it!

How about you? Anything cool, or just acnh (nothing wrong with that if it’s the answer tho 🥰).

[gracehcreates-bct]

W4 Studio - Garmental Health Survey

Mental Health + Clothing Survey

https://forms.gle/SMu9aM5GoLLsNEqe8

Results

What does poor mental health look like to you?

- when someone is struggling to maintain their regular lifestyle because they are constantly too tired, anxious, or paranoid to do so, or they are suffering with hallucinations, etc - Colorless world with no energy whatsoever - Intense heart rate and still facial expressions - Someone who in too poor a state of mental health to seek help - Someone who may continually refuse help even though it is obvious that they may be in need of it. - To me it's someone like myself who is in a really bad state emotionally to the point where they think so much that they're not worth it anymore, where it's very difficult for someone else help them. - thinking that everyone in the room hates you - Someone who doesn't have the will to take care of themselves - I don’t think it physically looks like anything because people get good at hiding it - Not wanting help - Pretending you’re fine when you’re not - Less sociable, more introverted than usual - Closed off to the world - un-balanced

If yes, can you state what it was? Only share what you feel comfortable with.

Even though they were anonymous I wont share all of what was said but around half responded with anxiety and the other half or so responded with depression.

When having a particularly bad day, what are some mental and/or physical aspects you feel? Only share what you feel comfortable with.

- Heart palpitations, tight fists, I can be irritable, I can be sensitive, etc - Suicidal (not sure if I should have included this or not, but let me know if it makes you uncomfortable) - Exhaustion, Anxiety, A weight in your chest - Frustration. Inability to think perfectly clearly, probably resulting in a decision I wouldn't normally make. - I feel like a constant pounding of bad voices in my head that just are constantly saying negative things about myself, sometimes a twisting feeling in my stomach and I just want to hide away sometimes. - I would have an overwhelming feeling of nausea and have ended up throwing up at times due to it - Mentally drowning or numbness - Just find a way to distract myself, end up being unproductive - Worthlessness, numbness - Everything i say annoys people - drained

If you could give one word of advice to other people about your mental health, something to make them understand what you are going through, what would it be?

- It’s impossible to maintain perfect mental health all the time so don’t be too hard on yourself for struggling with some things more than others sometimes - Dont listen to your demons, keep your friends close and let them help you - Not everyone needs someone to solve their problems, sometimes they just want someone to listen and hear them out. That can help quite a lot. - My suggestion is to try and get help but someone you feel absolutely 100% comfortable talking too and are serious to help you with your problems too, whether that be a trained professional, a significant other, close friends, family, but only if you do seriously trust them with the information and believe they give you good advice. - meet new people and invite them to things - It's something that you always struggle against and for the most part it feels like a losing battle - Seek help - I’m mentally alone, not physically - I assume you think the worst of me - its not ganna be as hard as u think it is. relaxx. it will be fine

What is a piece of “advice” you’ve been given that didn’t help your feelings/situation?

- Don’t self diagnose - "Man up" "Get over it" "Grow up" "Just stop being sad" Omegalul - "Just Smile" or "cheer up", "stop being so sad". These ones particularly anger me, and make me feel a lot of resentment to whoever said it. - "How could you be so stupid" - Salt into the wound basically. - "just eat something" and as it's mainly nausea I feel eating is far from what I want to be doing - Just be happy LOL - “I’m here for you”, when they haven’t tried to help at all - Men don't show their emotions - no one cares lol

What is your favorite item of clothing and why?

- i have these like green cargo pants and they’re just really comfy and flattering in my opinion - Dark colors, less showy - Hoodies, because they're warm and always looks good - My leather jacket. It keeps me warm and dry in cold and wet weather. - My Hoodie/Jacket. It's styled to be the same as a character that I really like. - Long sleeve shirt, because it is very warm and comfortable, as well as having cool designs on them which prefer to have. - hoodies, keeps me warm and covers up my acne scars - These grey sweatpants I have, I mainly wear them at home and I think maybe I associate them with being home and safe - High-waisted jeans because they make me look skinnier - Jeans - Sweater or jacket, I enjoy wearing themHoodies because they are comfortable, warm and cozy, loose fittingHeadphones, because they help me relax - gold. its just skux lol

What is your least favorite item of clothing and why?

- I have a jumper that’s slightly small for me and it just isn’t really my style anymore - Bright/Light Colors. dont feel comfortable wearing them - hats, i have a big head - Don’t really have one?I'm not quite sure. I've never particularly disliked any of my clothes - Probably caps, because I rarely wear them - v necks, they look dumb on guys, shows too much chest - These jeans I own which have those pre torn holes in the front, one because whenever I put them on I pretty much always accidentally put my foot through that tear, and secondly because it makes the one leg a lot colder typically - Shorts because I don’t like my legs - Headwear - Singlet, I just don’t wear them - Jeans/Pants, harder to find ones that fit well, look nice and are comfortable - I don't have one - not sure

Those are all the questions (apologies for the terrible pic quality). Now we are going to use the responses we have gotten to inform our concept art design.

Back into lockdown we go.

[thekintsukuroikid]

November 12th 2017 4:11am

Tofino is never worrying about  running out of battery life, or the gas tank. Or atm service charges.

It’s is an odd place. Living on the mainland you get hit with the same cold and rain and you learn pretty early on how to shelter yourself in the rat race, to keep busy until the clouds roll through. Tofino is this weird anomalous places where people travel here for the express reason of running headlong into the rainy cold. Duh, the waves are better for surfing and storm watching. It’s weird being this close to the ocean. You’re surrounded by it here, you can hear it from the dead middle of town. It’s dark, cold and can swallow you up, and yet here we are grabbing neon coloured boards and wearing goofy rubber suits and paddling away from shore. Standing up, riding it.  There’s a metaphor there somewhere I think. A really lame one.  Suffice to say Tofino is the setting where I’ve always been most comfortable with entertaining feelings of optimism, they linger in my mind a little bit longer here,  there aren’t a lot of things here that can take them away. And yet standing here alone on this beach I still wonder what it would be like to walk into the water and let the water I love so much fill up my lungs. To finally feel the tension unclench and release. 

-

A girl bought me a drink and told me how happy she was that everything about this place wasn’t like home.

I agreed.

this trip was really about  running away.

The band getting to create beautiful music for people to enjoy on a Saturday night, Thats pretty amazing right?

I remember how hard learning 3 chords was and thinking how weird it must be to be able to do so much more but the peak of your musical ambition is playing for my drunk ass.

—

I met a girl at the merch table. She was kind and she was pretty and in our conversation about the logistics of fitting a surfboard on a motorcycle I noticed her biting her lip…and looking at mine…and exhibiting every  universal sign I could think of to express a “shut the fuck up and let’s make out already” sentiment–

“All I could do was wonder how much she’d have to know about me, to hate me as much as I do.”

This isn’t me. I’m so tired of this

I’ve been diagnosed with clinical major depression.

atleast I think thats what its called, I kinda zoned out when I hear it.

I’ve known that somethings been wrong forever but I’ve never had it named by someone else before. I’ve never been in a position where I could go out and really do that. I’ve been getting help for months but this  weekend was the first time  I’ve been able to process it all. 2 doctor’s a therapist and a councillor.  4 different opinions.  The same mdi-10 depression index score. How it works is, 20 is dysthemia or mild depression and 25+ is no bueno moderate depression. 30+ is major depression. I figured I’d be around 18-19 with my shiny psych degree and my practicing of mindfullness and understanding of CBT and readings of Dr. Marsha Linehan and Brené Brown.–-

I got a fucking 38.

Of all the fucking tests to ace I sure know how to pick em lol.

Talk therapy’s helped narrowed it down, where In reality I’ve likely been dealing with this for over a decade. I could have and likely should have gotten help when I was in early highschool/late middle school. The fact that I’ve never been on medication pretty deeply concerns my therapist. I still don’t know if I want the pills, I stare at the prescription sometimes and wonder what the sweet fuck I’m going to do. It’s hard to plan things in a pros and con’s type of scenario with brain altering chemicals, like its not like theres a frame of reference or anything.  I’ve always been  getting by with habits and discipline. Reading ahead, doing homework early in case I sleep through my classes again. Never letting anyone get close enough to be in a position to judge you.  Never be vulnerable. You’re not cool enough to have baggage.

It’s not like I’m like this all of the time. I have good days, mostly when I’m around other people, even strangers. It’s when I’m by myself for too long that it starts to creep into my mind, a little voice getting progressively louder and more persuasive. I Have fun by remembering what it’s supposed to feel like and selling it to everyone who can see me. This isn’t the stereotypical 3am negative thoughts, I mean those happen too but its more like 3pm, in the middle of my group of friends laughing, just getting hit with this whole body feeling of dread and trying to crack a joke anyway.  I then follow this with sullen, silent car rides home or 45 minutes sitting on the shower floor wondering if I’ll always feel this numb?

That’s the worst part…the numbness of it all. Losing hours in the day to this thing that I can’t even really describe. I never get mad or sad or happy just attenuated, dulled versions of these emotions.  I’m scared of heights, like really fucking scared of heights but I learned to rock climb because fear hits me in such a meaningless way now. This is such a weirdly strong biological component.  I feel like I can never move forward to create myself because I’m always looking back, trying to get back to how I used to feel. That’s the one thing I know is missing, that sense of self that guides my decision making. I’ve never been able to go with my gut, the kind of spontaneity and passion and creativity that comes with that,  Instead Its always minimize the damage, lower the risk. I feel inadequate in every measurable and measurable way, to the point of it being physically crippling. 

I’ve been really fucking good at hiding this. Its the thing I’m honestly the most proud of, which is a bit counterintuitive.  It’s allowed me to flip something that feels so intrinsically selfish and allowed me to keep focus on the people that are important to me. It’s allowed me to learn some really important lessons about friendships and relationships, coping and empathy, all without the vulnerability of facing those things head on. Depression to me, at least  the way that i’m doing it (which I know is the wrong way to think about it)  is this selfishness I don’t want to indulge.  

There is massive guilt with this. I have so much. I have taken so much time, love, energy, money from the people in my life and I feel like I am and I have so little to show for it. That I am a highlight in every  worst way, of the differences between what is good and what is just nice. but the thing is  I’m starting to realize that this thing, this depression thing it couldn’t give less of a shit about how you rationalize it, its taken better people than me, I’ve seen it first hand.  

For me this thing hits two-fold. Its the physicality of these symptoms I can no longer ignore or fight through.  Messed up eating schedules, sleeping too much or too little,  missing classes, being late to events or appointments and just constantly feeling zoned out, in a daze.

On the mental side of it, its been management. I’ve been in a dark place for a long time and my diminishing ability for me to manage these mental health symptoms means that I feel increasingly less equipped to take on this complete feeling of stagnation. This shit takes work. It’s like im trying to carry a weight with broken arms and no cast. It’s a  feeling that even if I had an opportunity, job or otherwise,  I lack the tools and the self belief to actually be and do what I want. It is such a weird sensation to feel the slide from wondering how to make it by 30…to wondering about making it to 30. 

 I Try to work hard to be grateful and find the joy in things. I spend my days trying to bridge the gap between the humility of recognizing this reality, with the ego of thinking I deserve better.  I mean maybe this is as good as it gets? Maybe some people just spiral. I hope that isn’t me, I don’t want to see how far this rabbit hole goes, I don’t want to become what its trying to make me become, I think thats why I work so hard to keep being extraverted.  I try to be around my friends, especially if I know  that they have it a lot worse or are facing a difficulty. Being empathetic to what they’re dealing with makes you feel like a bit of a daft jerk for dwelling your own bullshit. That used to keep things quiet long enough. Then again you don’t win a fight by closing your eyes.

—

I went to the bar in Tofino where I bought my first legal drink and I  thought about all the drinks I’ve had since then. I got hit with this really intense feeling of dread. Not that I had wasted all that time in those  5 years, Worse still,  That I’ve never truly had the ability to truly appreciate all the amazing things that have happened since then.

Even if I couldn’t feel it I wanted to do the logical work towards getting out of this. I learned really early on  to  focus not on building a resume but on building a eulogy. To live a life well lived. To do things not for the spoils but for the man I’d become in the pursuit.

In the 5 year since I’ve been back to Tofino, I’ve hated that man.  I still hate him. I am so much of what I told myself I’d never be: alone, weak, and of little consequence.  I’ve tried everything to fix that man and I still can’t explain where that process went wrong.  I’ve tried to surround myself with people who I love. But never letting them get close enough love me because of a combination of never feeling like I deserved it and never wanting to be burned or betrayed for being vulnerable.  

I don’t know if I can really get better I don’t really know what better is. But trying has to be better than this. Thats the funniest bit about this, I don’t even think I can really imagine what better would be like, what the absence of all this would feel like.

I just know that there is more than this…that maybe I can be more than this.

I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.— Anaïs Nin, The Diary Of Anais Nin, 

I  want to make all of  this mean something. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything. I just know that  I could set myself on fire to keep others warm. If I couldn’t feel wanted, or that I deserved to be wanted I could at least make people comfortable.  I never knew there was a difference between  happiness and the distraction from sadness. I would just connect to benevolence. I’d try volunteering, donating time and money partly because I enjoy those things, but deep down in a small way it was also an attempt to try reconciling the diminishing potential I felt.  If I kept doing the right things, things would turn around, that I could out work this thing I was fighting. It was all just heading to nowhere,  I realized I could get hit by a car tomorrow and nobody would know this truth about me, the uphill clawing. I think now  I want to turn this pain into something tangible for myself and others.If this is rock bottom I want to look around,  I want to carve my name in the rock beneath my feet and remember what this feels like. I never want to know it first hand again.  Maybe this is that first step. Who the hell can see forever but maybe I can just win tomorrow.

— This is the most I’ve ever written about myself and it’s a hell of a lot more than I’ve ever wanted to. Hell it’s the most I’ve ever thought of myself and part of me  feels like this sounds really self obsessed. But I think, at least I hope, it’s just a self awareness that comes from no longer seeing the contrasts in life.

If you are reading this it means that 1) you’ve found this randomly, and in which case… “sup?” or 2) you are one of the maybe 4 people I genuinely trust to tell this too without fear of being treated differently after doing it. If it is option 2…Surprise? I’ve worked extremely hard to make sure you couldn’t have seen this coming. It also means that you’ve shown me love  implicitly in such a way that removes so much doubt, I hope you know how powerful and beautiful that is. 

I don’t know man I think this is all really just about wanting to feel that oneness  with myself again, to finally find peace one day. I don’t have to live, I get to, and I want too. The world is abhorrently beautiful  man. daunting, ridiculous, backbreaking and gorgeous. I want to feel all of it,  I want to find my place in it and I can’t do it alone. Not anymore.  

Happy Birthday to me. ayeee.

[crumblingmetropolis]

Sunrise - 8.18.18

(Written in a Wifi-less park on 8.18.18, but posted on 8.21.18)

I woke up this morning a little after four, after just absolutely knocking the fuck out sometime before seven(possibly before six! ha!), feeling more at peace than I’ve felt at all over the last two weeks.

I figured out who Connor reminded me of(hint hint, it wasn’t the fictional character whose hair he had, it was a real man whose eyes I will never forget) and that brought me back to why I never ended up with said real man. Austin was….something else. My dad always says he knew the moment I knew my crush was over was when he said he’d never seen Star Wars, but it was a different moment, when he referred to indigenous people watching a livestream of our (then) pastor on livestream as a bunch of idiots in the jungle. There were a lot of really great Austin moments, and I believe he would have grown and changed his views, or at least gotten a litlte more respectful, but still. I hope he’s doing well.

I came up to the top of College Heights to watch the sunrise over the mountain, because I’m not entirely familiar with the city yet so I don’t really know where a good spot to find the top of the mountains would be and it was the highest point I could find within ten minutes. It’s so true that you can just go, like, anywhere within city limits within ten minutes. It’s actually kinda hilarious.

A couple days ago, I gave myself time to figure out how to find closure and peace about Joe (and the MTL group and moving to [[REDACTED]]) and all that. I don’t know how long it will take. He honestly, he fucking broke my heart. He hurt me so badly and I don’t know how I managed to keep the pain stuffed down long enough to graduate. Like. He was one of my best friends since I was a teenager, and I loved him desperately. I wanted and believed it would work, even when all the evidence and my logical sense said it wasn’t and couldn’t. I knew the problems in the relationship going in - his untreated mental illnesses, my untreated mental illnesses, his selfish tendencies, my tendency to be a people pleaser, his vicious untrained dog(with untreated mental issues), and both of our conflict avoidant behaviors - and I still believed we could make it work. A year ago, we were talking about marriage. I mean, it was early to be talking about that, I guess, but I’m just. He brought it up first. He told me he wanted to marry me one day. I really believed we were going to have this great happily ever after where I’d work, he’d stream, I’d have good enough health insurance to get him his hormones and top surgery, he’d have good enough connections to get me into video game conferences, and then he had to go and break my fucking heart. He didn’t even have the fucking decency to tell me himself. I mean, I should have known the moment I walked out of the airport. He showed up in a car he couldn’t afford with the most bored look on his face, and he didn’t even want to kiss me. He didn’t want to kiss me all day, until his dog scared me half to death and BIT ME, and when I laid down to go to sleep after crying in the bathroom, his ass had the audacity to give me shitty bedroom eyes so he could fuck me. AND OF COURSE my ass was excited that he was finally acting like he wanted me that I stuffed down the fact that I’d gotten bitten so we could have sex, and then once he got his jollies, he gave up on eating me out after about ten shitty seconds and said he was tired and went to sleep. I’m fucking just. And then his grandpa(the one he didn’t like) died so I went home early and he proceeded to slowly ghost me, even though he was supposed to come visit me in March(and I’d gotten us a room to stay in and everything so we could have privacy). I put so much of myself and my heart into the relationship and after his dog bit me I knew it wasn’t going to work so I was going to break up with him after the trip so we could have a grown ass conversation about why this wasn’t going to work and maybe we shouldn’t be dating anymore and he couldn’t even have the decency to fucking text me that he wasn’t coming and that he didn’t want to speak with me anymore. You know how he dumped me? He had. His mom. TEXT ME. To say he wasn’t coming to California and he wouldn’t be in contact with me and hoped that I would respect his privacy. Oh, sure, that’s real fucking cool. Have your MOM text me you immature fuck you’re just a 20 year old grown ass adult you can at least tell me you never loved me and you don’t want to be with me or even talk to me yourself. God, he’s such a fucking coward and I don’t know why I’ve spent the last five months wondering where it went wrong. The writing was on the wall. I mean. Logically. My feelings definitely said otherwise, still say otherwise. I miss what we could have had, what we had over the summer, but I deserved better. I deserve better. I’m tired of being so fucked up over this fuckboy that I can’t even talk to people because I think that’s what everyone will do to me.

I mean, how much better than him am I. I ghosted “Berry” and I ghosted my MTL friends. I pretty much went dead on social media all summer. I was hurting, but that doesn’t give me an excuse to hurt everyone else. If I even did. No one reached out to me(except the one adult, and I’d just joined the group mid-summer but I think she’s an exception. She literally astounds me fucking constantly with her ability to be patient and caring for other people while taking care of her own mental health and life. Honestly, adult goals.), so I can’t imagine anyone was bothered by my absence. This should bother me more(and normally it does), but I don’t want to base my worth on interactions with other people. I mean, that’s usually what keeps me in the pit is the cycle of “no one cares about me” and “why doesn’t anyone care about me”. I mean, I’m still highkey annoyed that I had to pull myself out of the pit myself - like I always fucking have to - and I still wouldn’t object to someone holding and petting me while I cry like a lot. I mean, I guess I didn’t do this one completely alone. I started using this app, Youper, which is a cognitive behavioral therapy AI, and I’ve been using it for about a week and I’m starting to see patterns in my thinking, not necessarily to fix them right away, but being aware of them is surprisingly helpful. Once my health insurance kicks in(if it ever does lol, not even sure I can get my own yet), I can get therapy, maybe once a week or biweekly, and it’ll be a little better then too.

The sun is officially over the mountains now. It’s gorgeous.

[worthsomethingtoday]

Our interview with SupMikecheck

1. What is your names & what do you play in the band? My names Mike and I sing/rap, produce and song write under the artist name SupMikecheck 2. • How did the band get started? When I was growing up I loved watching Blink-182 and the Warped Tour scene and It was difficult for me to find a rock band where everyone was on the same schedule so I began getting into solo alternative Rap/Pop artists that were associated in the warped tour scene. One of which was T Mills. Another artist was Mod Sun and they made me get inspired to make hip hop music that has an alternative flare to it. I remember getting really into Gym Class Heroes, and of course one of the biggest Alternative Rap/HipHop bands of the time Hollywood Undead. To this day im mostly listening to rock music I was never really into rap that much. I love that twenty one pilots is killing it right now because their sound is something I kind of aim for. Its hip hop and pop but they are well accepted in the Warped Tour scene. 3. •What has the funniest thing that has every happened to you on stage? Over the years ive matured a lot but some of my older lyrics were a little embarrassing and I just remember playing one of my dirty songs and looking out into the crowd and there was a Grandma singing and dancing. And After the show like a 50 year old mom came to me and said she had to calm her mother (the Grandma) down because she was getting too excited. It was gnarly. But Im done with a lot of those dirty songs im trying to keep my music pretty clean now. 4. •If you had 1 million dollars in the music industry what would you use it for? Aw man, well I guess id buy myself onto some cool tours, Id definitely buy some features from my favorite artists. Its probably not much to Blink-182 but id propose a collaboration with them, I would want a Skrillex collab. I was always the biggest From First To Last fan ever. An artist that I listen to all the time who Ive met a few times, Blackbear Id probably hit him up for a feature or something. I feel like contacting artists telling them I randomly got 1 million dollars none of them would really believe me or answer me though lol. 5. • If you could tour with any band or musician dead or alive who would it be with & why? Blink-182, Sleeping With Sirens, Good Charlotte, Twenty One Pilots, Fall Out Boy, Metro Station, Travis Mills, Mod Sun, MGK, Blackbear, Jake Miller, id really be down to tour with anyone. I would probably feel most comfortable with bands I've talked to on twitter or in real life because they atleast know who I am. I know my fans are open minded though and they would come out for anyone. 7. What do you think of the media frenzy over mental illness meaning should we talk about it more in the world? I think its important to have more role models available to talk to. Especially some of these bands that people look up to. It should be natural for them to be there directly for their fans who look up to them and look to them for answers. I think some bands love making music but they don't realize the impact it has on people and what else actually comes with it. Your actions are always being watched and you can't really change that responsibility whether you want that or not. My fans almost become my brothers and sisters, sons and daughters. I know many by name and I always do what I can to give advice. I have strong relationships with my fans some just through DMs but I give advice on all kinds of things, music, relationships, rough family life, etc. and I think all bands should be able to atleast hear someone out, but a lot dont and it sucks. Because getting ignored constantly by your favorite band will only depress you more. Life is weird but sometimes you need to hear everything is going to be okay by someone important to you. 8. Have you ever dealt with depression or any other mental illness & if so how did you handle it? Yes all the time really, most of my depression is from my love life. Its just been a whirlwind. Some other things that upset me is how disconnected I am to my family because they dont support my music no matter how successful and how much money I get they just want me in a suit and tie with my hair parted to the side, working 9-5 with a wife and kids and basically societies views of normal lol and thats just someone I can never be. How Im alive today and handling life is a few things. One, always stay occupied, listen to music with headphones put on a bunch of movies or get into a TV Show with a lot of seasons because it will keep your mind running and not focusing on the bad. Two, is go out as much as you can, its terrible to be home when depressed, try and go to your friends and if your friends aren't around or something, go out somewhere alone where people will be. There's times I'll drive to Walmart alone and buy snacks just to get out of my room. Its actually really helpful! And finally well for myself, I just can see all my followers and Im put on somewhat of a level so I want to be strong for them and live a long life for them. Its kind of like the parent that loves his kids. You wouldn't want to take your life because your love for them overweighs the depression life is hitting you with. 9. What would you say has been the most difficult or hardest part of your life so far? Relationships are really hard, people are cruel and thats just a fact. Also Ive never been in a financially happy place, and just as things are bad they can get even worse in the blink of an eye. Like the other day I paid off all my bills and than got in a car accident and totaled my car. So finances are a big thing that effects my mood. I also don't like living in New Jersey or the town I grew up in so as of now I face living in a place I hate every single day. And then like I said previously my family and I just don't click so I'm alone on that one. 10. What would you tell a fan that is struggling with self harm? Well firstly, I understand why you are doing it. Its important to understand why someone is doing it because its something very serious and they normally have an emotional reason behind it, so I would listen. Id then tell them all my methods I mentioned earlier which is to listen to music, watch long movies, watch sports just keep your mind off things and constantly jogging. And if you need a friend who understands you than try and make it to a concert because the people at concerts most of the time are very much similar to yourself. 11. What is like when a fan comes up too you & tells them your music saved there life or get them though hard times in life? Even being a pretty new and not wildly famous artist I have had this happen before. I just felt great It made me feel like my life has meaning. And that single remark is enough to make me continue music forever. Even if I get a hateful comment now it just doesnt effect me anymore after hearing someone say that I helped save their life. That was one person all I want is to increase that number as much as I can while doing what I love. 12. Does any of your songs talk about anything dealing with depression or self harm or anything along them lines. Yeah definitely. From my last album I have a song called "Life's Not Fair" which is about a personal experience of life being difficult. "One Of Those Days" is a really solid song of me being really honest about my life and having a bad day. "Aint That Bad" is a song of victory and seeing through all the bad going on. "SINGle" is about being single and it sucking. From the first and very old album "Tears At Midnight" was written for a girl going through depression. My serious lyrics have really always been my strong spot. 13. What would you tell some ones that scared to ask for help because they don't wanna be looked at differently. Try an anonymous or behind closed doors approach. Sometimes people are scared because they dont want their name out there and linked to the problems. So find an app that will keep your name anonymous and you might feel more comfortable talking about your troubles. Also if you're shy to do things in the open try DMing someone because DMs or a little more comfortable knowing not everyone can read it. Talk only when you are ready because truth be told some people cope without having to talk and bring things to light. 14. Do you think we as society should be able to have a conversation about mental health without being judge or looked at differently & do you think we should be able to talk about it in our school systems? I think so because its very very common. Its just an emotion that everyone has more than others or less than others. Just like how some people dont get as hungry as easy as others but the difference is those people dont judge those who are hungrier than them so why should mental health be any different? I don't know, but it is. People will always judge until everyone can get on the same page with it. It would be amazing to be in schools, as the band Brand New sang "back in school they never taught us what we needed to know, like how to deal with despair or someone breaking your heart..." And that is extremely true. Because schools just waste our time reading books and answering questions like "What was the color of Mrs' blahblahblah's dress in Chapter 5 (of some pointless book we're reading in class)" 15. Do you think the media should look at mental health in a positive light, more then just jumping to conclusions on the news? I just think a lot of people who suffer from any form of depression can still be really good at a lot of things. You can be depressed and still happy at the same time. I know that makes little sense in text but its true. Its kind of like how I live, im upset about a lot of things but im still functioning and really talented and think highly of myself so what we need is the media to see the strength and bravery of these people like "Wow its amazing that they can still get up there and perform despite suffering from depression" or for someone who is anti social and scared to leave the house a positive thought could be "Wow its nice to see someone who is shy and hurting leave the house, I hope they know how strong they are and how amazing they actually are." we just need to love eachother more and compliment eachother more. Any compliment left unsaid just goes to waste.