#consume tmi content anymore <3

[embodies]

jace, to alec: you don’t know how glad i am to see you.

❛ did you finally tire of seeing the vampire draped all over our sister ? ❜ no matter how amicable he may be becoming with the newest introductions to their collective, his tone will forever remain the same. the issue with alec is cynicism is how he shows love, so the trajectory from disdain to tolerance to eventual acceptance is an impossible one to path. until he lays his life down for you, one can never truly be certain. the cockles of his heart may be warming yet : protective by nature and guarded by nurture, it's simply a matter of time. patience is certainly a virtue when it comes to alec lightwood.

❛ i don't know how you can stand even being around them. it's disgusting. ❜ his repulsion is entirely hyperbole, an exaggeration of the squeamishness he feels at such public displays of affection. his own intimacies are displayed in his words and gestures rather than outright actions : how much have you eaten today and a watchful gaze in the night as his siblings sleep. he lives and breathes his love like air, permeating the room in silent acts. one occurs now, brief smile canting his lips into a half - moon crescent and head cocking in gesture to his brother.

sit beside me.

❛ welcome to the sane side of the institute. ❜

@morjenstern. ♡

[horizon-verizon]

Tagged by @la-pheacienne, thank you!

What book are you currently reading? The Count of Mounte Cristo

What's your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year? Didn't go out to see any movies yet, so none

What do you usually wear? Sweaters, leggings, boots/flats, and sweater dresses. When it gets warm, Tshirts, overalls, sweatpants. Unless I can barely feel them, I don't like to wear form fitting clothes. And they tend to be dark colors. Except the random white Tshirt.

How tall are you? 5 feet, 7 inches (170.2 cm).

What is your Star sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event? Taurus, and not that I know of.

Do you go by your name or your nickname? My full name, which I very much like and put too much pride in.

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child? No, and I didn't know what I wanted either until I was around 13. Which was to be a writer.

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one? Very, very single. No crushes. Unless it's on fictional character/celebrity Daemon/Matt Smith. I tend to go for unconventionally attractive men. Or people might say are "ugly" to "ugly-captivating".

What's something you're good at versus something you're bad at? I don't have anything that I am particularly good at. Maybe multitasking? I am bad at chess.

Dogs or cats? Dogs. Cats are cute, too, but dogs have my heart.

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what's your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc from something you created this year? I don't create anymore. Used to draw. My favorite subjects were women and supernatural, classy creatures. (Just in case the TMI was welcome)

What's something you'd like to create content for? Nothing at this moment.

What's something you're currently obsessed with? Daemyra, Matt Smith...and quietly imagining a society similar to GRRM's with a ruling, incestuous dragonriding family (this time in a society where only the ruler could have an official spouse (who is their oldest sibling) and a hierarchy of concubines who can give birth to trueborns but those kids will always be behind the living ones by the official spouse [that will change and reform in structure, candidacy, and levels over the family's rule] that only the ruler can have; each major clan/house having very distinct, cultural practices [but no concubines who could be the parent of the "trueborn"'s trueborn child for them by doctrine, just lovers] since the ruling dragonriders have only just conquered them 3 generations ago); and primogeniture).

What’s something that you were excited about that turned out disappointing this year? If this was 2022, I’d say HotD, but otherwise nothing. The Last of Us is turning out wonderfully.

What's a hidden talent of yours? None.

Are you religious? More spiritual than religious, but with every year I lose the sense for it.

What's something you wish to have at this moment? The ability to consume food and not develop diabetes or other serious health problems.

Tagging @darklinaforever.

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Sun and Fun (S2, E12)

I can’t believe FOX has cancelled this absolute masterpiece of a show. I’m devastated. I’d like to think we’ll get picked up by another network for season 3 but I’m a pessimist and I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’ll be hanging around the fandom either way though. 

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:20 - Malcolm losing it in Martin’s cell? *chef’s kiss*. 1) excellent performance by Tom. 2) This is the Malcolm mental health content I subscribed for. This is Malcolm feeling overwhelmed, helpless, worthless, and frustrated all at the same time. This. Is. Wonderful. And. Realistic. This is what overwhelming anxiety (especially if you have an anxiety disorder) can feel like. It builds and builds until all of a sudden you’re consumed with all this nervous energy and frustration and it all turns to rage in an instant. But you’re not angry at other people. You don’t want to hurt anyone. That rage is just self hatred because you hate that you feel this broken and your stupid brain won’t function normally. 

0:33 - annnnd then when the excess nervous energy is spent but that feeling of self-hatred, despair, and fear still remains - you’re physically exhausted and 7/10. times you cry. Again, crying because of how stupid you feel for your little rage outburst, for how stupid you feel for feeling this terrible all the time. Malcolm is depicting a severe anxiety episode perfectly (in my experience) and THIS is why FOX is moronic for cancelling the show. The gorgeous and accurate depictions of mental health in Prodigal Son is unprecedented, truthful, and heartbreaking. It’s like nothing else on television. 

0:50 - This kind of hurts. Look at how cautiously Dani enters the room. Almost as if Malcolm is a wild animal she doesn’t want to scare. It makes sense given the state of the room she just entered and how completely openly and uncharacteristically vulnerable Malcolm is. I will say this though, despite how cautious she is, it’s obvious that she cares about Malcolm more than whatever happened before she walked into the room.

 1:03 - “So all eyes are on his head case son right?” This line is a direct quote from Malcolm’s anxiety disorder and depression. This is how you feel about yourself when in the middle of an anxiety episode when you’re also depressed. BUT OUR GIRL DANI!!! <3 This girl looks confused and concerned to hear Malcolm diss himself like that. The fact that she tries to comfort him when he’s in this state, makes her an absolutely A++ friend. 

1:11 - “No one cares about that.” “I CARE. I can’t live like this.” This scene resonates with me so so so much. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been 100% aware of how irrational my anxieties are and simultaneously 100% unable to do a damn thing about it because I’m too scared of who I’d be without the fear. Because I’ve defined myself by my anxieties for so long that it’s become the only definable element of my personality visible to me. I’m getting that vibe from Malcolm. I’m sure that’s exactly how he’s feeling right now.

1:30 - “That’s not what scares you. What scares you is living the rest of your life without your father in it.” Dani knows and I felt personally called out. THIS EMOTIONAL WHUMP IS GIVING ME LIFE. <3

1:39 - Look at our floppy haired, devastated boy. :( <3 I’m genuinely shook that he didn’t have a full mental breakdown this episode (but it’s coming....it’s inevitable at this point :) ). ALSO the look of absolute love and concern Dani is shooting towards Malcolm? Absolutely perfect. <3

1:51 - I genuinely find it so interesting that Malcolm keeps referring to “The Surgeon” as “Martin”. If you read my thoughts on 2x11 you know I think it’s because Malcolm has separated ‘Martin Whitly’ into three separate people in his head. “The Surgeon” = the serial killer who traumatized him and ruined his childhood. “Dad/Father” = the man who loved and cared for baby!Malcolm. But “Martin” = unknown. Malcolm doesn’t know who Martin is yet and it scares him. 

1:58 - “For once in your life slow down and acknowledge what this is doing to you.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this line. So. So. SO. MUCH. <3 <3 This is the kind of comfort Malcolm needs. SOMEONE needs to tell him that he’s breaking, it’s not his fault, and he doesn’t deserve to suffer for Martin.

2:07 - annnnnnd Malcolm has gone full crazy-person string murder board. He’s right but he’s still acting like a manic crazy person. Like, a real one. Not his usual manic behaviour. This is straight up - this boy needs medication, a nap, therapy, and a doctor. Now.

2:34 - Ugh. This whole cop/Vivian scene made my skin crawl. So gross. So creepy. I hate Capshaw. So much. This woman is manipulative, evil, and so so creepy. The cop was also gross. But I 100% thought she was going to kill the cop because this felt like an opening scene to Criminal Minds. 

4:38 - “THEY WERE HAVING SEX.” hhahahahahahaha holy shit. This is both hilarious and really upsetting (not just because Martin/Capshaw is NASTY). Malcolm is manically, yelling about his theories in a room full of people who love him. He sounds crazy. He’s acting crazy and Dani, JT, and Gil are just staring at him with a mixture of disbelief, concern, and sympathy. <3 It’s heartbreaking. Malcolm is an inch away from a mental breakdown. I’m here for it. 

4:49 - “TMI bro.” <3

 5:05 - Ugh. This breaks my heart. The team doesn’t think Malcolm is crazy. They just know he’s at the end of his rope. The looks they’re exchanging aren’t based in anger, contempt, or a lack of trust. They’re based in concern and I LOVE IT. 

5:21 - LOOK AT OUR BABY. He’s breaking. He’s so close. :( Look at how desperate he is to find Martin. 

5:35 - “That’s exactly what it means.” “Gil, please. You know how much I need this.” THIS HURTS. Gil isn’t angry here - he’s frustrated and scared for Malcolm. And Malcolm? This boy is toeing the line of a full breakdown in front of 3 of his favourite people - that’s out of character for him. Despite the shaking hand and general mania - Malcolm usually refrains from raising his voice in front of Dani and JT. He tries to stay calm-ish so he doesn’t get labelled as ‘violent’ like his serial killer father. 

 5:39 - “StOp. I am scared.” Dani knew exactly how to diffuse the situation. Malcolm can be manipulative and dysfunctional but he never wants to scare people (at least, not unless they’re suspects or obstructing justice). 

5:46 - “I’m not ordering you this time. I’m begging you.” Papa!Gil’s seen Malcolm like this before. SO WHY IS NO ONE HUGGING MALCOLM?!?! The boy is clearly coming apart at the seams. 

5:48 - Malcolm’s reaction to Gil sending him home is gorgeous. He looks sad, betrayed, and resigned. It’s as though he’s convinced himself that the team doesn’t trust him or care about him anymore. He doesn’t walk out angry. He walks out sad and determined. Head held high but eyes full of grief. 

5:54 - I’d give anything to have heard the conversation between Dani, JT, and Gil after Malcolm left the room. ANYTHING.

6:02 - “He thinks I’m a liability.” No. Not exactly. He thinks Malcolm is in the throws of a mental health crisis and that he shouldn’t be responsible for catching his serial killer father. Again. 

6:15 - “I support Gil’s decision. That does not mean I want your father dead.” #coparenting but also, true. I honestly don’t think Jessica wants Martin dead. I think she wants Ainsley and Malcolm to be happy and free from Martin but not dead. She knows that Malcolm might never recover from Martin’s death with all of his unanswered questions and suppressed childhood trauma. She also knows that Ainsley would always resent being prevented from bonding with her father. I think Jessica still loves Martin - well, the man she thought she married. Jessica doesn’t care for Martin Whitly. But she loves the man he pretended to be and even though she knows he wasn’t real - she doesn’t want him to die. I think she wants him to disappear (maybe get transferred to a prison in a different state?) but she doesn’t want him dead. That would make her no better than the serial killer (in Jessica’s mind anyways).

6:25 - “You have become consumed by this Malcolm.” Check out the side eyed look Ainsley gives Malcolm. She’s jealous. Her brother is on the verge of a mental breakdown but she’s jealous of the attention he’s getting from Jessica. I get it - Jessica hasn’t been the best mom to Ainsley. BUT GIRL, gain some perspective. Don’t you care about your brother?!?! That should trump the jealousy for a few minutes at least. 

 6:35 - “I love you.” <3 <3 <3 I’m going to cry. This might be my favourite Jessica+Malcolm moment to date. So precious. 

6:43 - THIS. “I love you. Both of you. More than I hate him.” This is why Jessica doesn’t want Martin dead.....but she also doesn’t care if he lives. I know that sounds like a contradiction but it’s a real thing and if you’ve never felt that way about someone - I pray you never have to. 

7:06 - “Then she’s a victim.” .....I disagree. Capshaw had a (weird and manipulative) consensual relationship with Martin. She has as much of an agenda as Martin (although, Jessica didn’t know that here). Capshaw isn’t a victim. She’s not being compliant with Martin as a form of self-preservation or fear. She’s doing it because she’s a manipulative crazy person who is in love with a convicted serial killer. 

7:45 - I’ve never felt this unsettled while watching Prodigal Son. Capshaw showing her true colours is so so so disturbing. This woman is insane (with all the stigma). The dress. The martini (Jessica’s favourite drink?). The fact that she dressed Martin up in a suit. The music. The weirdly elegant wheelchair. The lovey way she’s talking. It all makes my skin crawl. 

8:33 - OMG. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel bad for Martin Whitly?!?!?! 

9:55 - JESSICA AND MALCOLM doing a rich person ambush tag-team IS AMAZING. <3 

9:57- How sad is this? 23 years and Jessica still can’t walk into a room without people whispering and judging her behind her back. :( This woman keeps her head held high - despite the pain she must be in - she’s a superhero. Change my mind. 

10:30 - "Malcolm Whitly? You're.." I have this headcanon that the general public assumes Malcolm is dead. He changed his last name and fell off the grid. People treat Jessica like a social pariah so she wouldn't be able to tell them otherwise. And sure, Ainsley referred to Malcolm in the present tense during her Surgeon interview but how many people actually watched it actually paid attention to that little tidbit after Martin went full blown psychopath on camera? Plus, no one really cares about the Surgeon's son enough to look him up 23 years later. At least, no one who matters.

11:25 - Like mother, like son. You can't change my mind. They have the same manipulation style. It's justice based and determined. Ainsley and Martin's style? Vindictive and self-serving. 

11:30 - Oh look. ANOTHER CONTINUITY ERROR. WHO PROOFREADS THESE SCRIPTS?!? I CAN’T KEEP OVERLOOKING THESE. For God’s sake. Send copies of the script to fans who sign NDAs or something. At least we know what happened in previous episodes. 

12:33 - "Gross." I'm with Ainsley on this one.

12:45 - "My assistant." "Long suffering". hahahha omg. I love this for two reasons: 1) it's hilarious 2) it's true. Malcolm literally disposed of a body for Ainsley. He's her assistant and he's suffered for it.

13:05 - Yo. This dude is whack. Like this is some serious Stockholm's syndrome going on here. Vivian is his hero?!? .........I can't.

13:55 - Why do the gifts Vivian sends Zeiger look like human bones? Damn this is twisted. This is like some sort of twisted serial killer pseudo-trophy situation?

14:52 - "I don't think Vivian is the victim here. I think our father is." Yikes. This is not going to help Malcolm's mental stability. At all. He's been trying to fully accept that his father is a serial killing monster who was literally never capable of loving him for the past 23 years. BUT NOW our boy has taken the role of 'good son' (prodigal son is you will) and has returned to his 10 year old mentality "I love dad. Dad loves me." and 'dad' is in trouble. Malcolm is trying to save his serial killer father and the emotional and mental hoops he's jumping through are terrifying, complex, and hauntingly realistic. <3 It's gorgeous.

15:04 - "I'm not used to this type of confinement." I love this line because of how deeply it rings true. Martin isn't used to confinement. Sure, he's been chained to a wall for 23 years but he's been relatively happy about it. He's been able to manipulate Malcolm and the other inmates. He's been given TV time, phone time, consultations, books, music, free food, and a massive private cell (seriously that cell is as big as the bachelor's suite I rent for $900 CAD a month). The man has been living a life of luxury (given his crimes). His only 'punishment'? He's stuck inside his cell and he's not allowed to kill anymore. THIS is Martin truly suffering. I kind of feel bad for him (which I never thought I'd say).

15:20 - Damn. Michael Sheen is incredible. He's genuinely making me feel concerned and scared for Martin.

15:32 - Something tells me a man hurt Capshaw in some way throughout her life. This has to be deeper than the whole "I didn't fit into the 'boys club' of surgery". Her issues with men are aggressive and alarming. This woman is nuts. This woman is why I hesitate to call myself a feminist (I generally think we should drop the titles of feminist/misogynist/racist/homophobe... and just treat people with respect. I think the titles and groups just further divide people.)

15:50 - "You're finally free." Yep. Capshaw is a nutcase. She actually believes that she's committed a perfect crime. 

16:09 - This place has virtually no furniture but I’m expected to believe someone is paying the phone bill?!?! Nah. 

17:08 - That. Smile. This woman is a devil. Like, I think I hate her as much as I hate Umbridge. But unlike Umbridge, Capshaw is downright terrifying. 

17:12 - Was anyone else kind of surprised that Martin called Jessica? I mean, I guess she was a safer choice than the cops but still...

17:20 - As creepy and this whole ‘Martin is a victim’ thing is - it’s kind of nice? Like - I just keep thinking “How does it feel Martin?!?! This is how you made your victims feel. Do you like it?” and then I realize I’m a terrible person. 

17:55 - Ainsley’s in on this. I swear, she’s somehow involved with either Capshaw or Martin. 

18:18 - Oh look. Martin is shackled to the bed. Just like Malcolm shackles himself to bed so he can sleep every night. .....I keep oscillating between being vindictive toward Martin and feeling bad for him. That’s what makes this show incredible. The ‘villain’ is human and 3 dimensional. 

18:44 - Oh God. The psychopath is jealous. This woman is UNSTABLE. How has no one locked her up yet?!?

19:43 - She’s crying. She’s actually crying. Even the rewatch of this scene is painful. I just feel so uncomfortable (which was probably the intent) and I hate both characters. They’re both actively trying to manipulate each other and it’s so creepy. Damn. 

20:15 - Holy. Shit. This woman is by far the scariest villain Prodigal Son has given us. 

21:17 - ..............I have nothing to say. My brain has short circuited. I can’t get past how horrifying this scene is. She’s a maniac.

21:57 - No one will make eye contact with Malcolm. :( They all think he’s losing it but they’re not scared of him. They’re scared for him. 

22:10 - “A trusted member of my team has a theory I run it down.” THANK YOU GIL. SUBTLY TELL MALCOLM THAT YOU TRUST HIM. That’s what he needed to hear. He was doubting that anyone cared. :( 

22:45 - “Do you HeAr yourself?!?” Ouch. Gil’s right - Malcolm sounds nuts. Unfortunately, Malcolm’s also right (more or less). Look at how sad Malcolm is - he honestly looks like he’s on the verge of a panic attack. :( Malcolm thinks Gil doesn’t trust him anymore. Malcolm thinks Gil thinks he’s crazy. It’s heartbreaking. SOMEONE HUG THIS LITTLE CINNAMON ROLL.

22:54 - JT, buddy. Not the time. You’re making this worse. :( Malcolm is two breaths away from crying. 

23:40 - “Dani, you up for this? Cause he sure isn’t.” Gil is losing it. Look at him. Gil is watching the boy he considers as his son unravel and Gil can’t do anything about it. 

23:45 - “Either way, he’s going there. I’ll keep an eye on him.” I love Dani for this. Brightwell or not - the fact that she’s willing to chase smoke in an attempt to keep Malcolm from having a full mental breakdown makes her a hero. 

23:48 - JT, hug Gil! He needs a hug! 

24:16 - Martin is screaming while shackled to a bed.....where have I seen this before? 

25:39 - “I did this for you because you needed it.”....”Dani, I respect you.” Excuse me while I go sob in the corner. Malcolm just uttered the words “I respect you.” and my heart exploded. 

26:11 - “You don’t care. None of you care if my father lives or dies.” No, Malcolm, you’re wrong. They care. They all care so so much. Not about the life of the Martin Whitly though. They care about how Martin Whitly will continue to torment you if he’s caught alive. They care about how badly you’ll grieve if he ends up dying. They care about how this will affect YOU. because they love you. 

26:22 - “You would be free.” SAY IT LOUDER DANI! He’d be in enormous pain for a while, but Malcolm would heal. 

26:56 - “Let him go, Malcolm.” <3 <3 Malcolm is listening to Dani. He’s opening up about his fears. This is good (for Malcolm’s mental health). I am happy. 

27:04 - WOW BABY! That kiss was......passionate? I mean, we all knew they were going to kiss (thanks previews) but I honestly didn’t expect a kiss this long or passionate? They’ve both been clearly denying their feelings for each other for a while though so I guess it makes sense?

27:20 - We all know Dani was going to talk about how they could make a relationship work for them and/or how she loves Malcolm but thinks he should focus on his mental health before they start dating. BUT MALCOLM? That boy thinks he just ruined his friendship with Dani and I’m heartbroken. Look at his sad little face. :( 

28:31 - sooooo when exactly did Malcolm’s phone call drop? I feel like Ainsley had more access to the conversation that just what she shares with Dani in a couple of minutes.

29:08 - Look at this sad, scared little boy. He genuinely thinks that saving Martin will earn Martin’s love. I’m heartbroken. 

29:22 - THIS. Malcolm is so desperate for Martin’s love that he essentially consented to being kidnapped, tortured, and potentially murdered. :( This is bad. 

30:06 - Malcolm took unknown drugs from a crazy person. UGH. The stress of loving this unstable man-child is going to kill me. I’m so worried for him. ALSO WHO THE HELL CHEWS PILLS?!?! That’s disgusting. 

30:24 - Dani thinks Malcolm is being a typical guy - terrified of relationships/talking about his feelings. She’s hurt. The Brightwell ship has encountered another storm. 

30:35 - Anyone else get major flashbacks to 1x11 when Gil shows up to the townhouse to tell Jessica that Malcolm’s been kidnapped? You know, when he walks past all the reporters?!

30:50 - Ugh. :( Poor Jessica. That call from Capshaw gave her quite the emotional dilemma. As she said earlier, she loves her children more than she hates Martin. Soooo does she tell someone about the call, save Martin, and let Martin continue to torment her children? Or does she let Capshaw kill Martin, compromise her morals, let her children grieve for a while - but ultimately heal? It’s an impossible choice. 

31:13 - “I know why you’re anxious Jess.” UGH. Get yourself a man you looks at you the way Gil look at Jessica. So much love. So much concern. If Gil wasn’t fictional and I wasn’t asexual (and 24) I would marry that man. 

31:23 - “He has become convinced that his father is a victim in all of this.” Gil is so upset. He’s angry - at Martin for having this much power over Malcolm so many years later. He’s angry that Malcolm is still suffering so much because of his father. He’s upset because Martin is still hurting the people Gil loves 23 years after he was initially arrested. 

31:33 - “There’s no good outcome here Jess.” Thank you. Gil is a man with awareness into Malcolm’s psyche. He knows this is going to hurt Malcolm no matter what happens. He’s scared and he’s bracing himself for impact. I love him. I want more people in the world who love people this deeply. 

31:50 - “It’s okay to hope for that you know.” THANK YOU GIL. THANK YOU. Someone needed to tell Jessica that she’s not a monster for wanting the reason her children continue to suffer to disappear (even if tha means he dies). It’s not a malicious, evil thought toward Martin. It’s a hope for her children’s wellbeing. 

32:04 - “And in my weaker moments, I want him dead too.” <3 I’m imagining Gil praying that Martin is killed by an inmate after he comforts a teenage Malcolm from a nightmare. I’m imagining Gil praying Riker’s finally kills Martin as he watched Malcolm spiral into Martin’s grasp again last year. I’m imagining Gil crying himself to sleep because he’s so damn tired of watching Jessica and Malcolm suffer because of Martin. I love him for it. <3

32:15 - “Maybe things could be different.” .....I’m sorry. Does this mean Gillica is off again?! The flirting and dancing from 2x9 meant nothing?!? It was a hoax?!? I’m furious. 

32:35 - “It’s the actions that matter.” Damn. Gil is too good for the nonsense that is the Whitly family. Doesn’t he know that life isn’t always that simple?

32:46 - Annnnnd now Jessica will convince herself that she’s a bad person because she didn’t tell anyone about Capshaw’s call. She will also convince herself that she’s not good enought for Gil. AND I will cry myself to sleep.

32:55 - That hug <3 Sooooo Gillica is still on? I’m hella confused. 

33:05 - There it is. Dani is still upset with Malcolm. The Brightwell ship is taking in water my dudes. 

33:52 - Wow. He looks pretty in that makeshift hospital bed. Sleeves rolled up. Shirt half unbuttoned. Glazed, disoriented look about him as he wakes from a drugged sleep. <3 I’m in heaven.

34:30 - This is why Malcolm can never let Martin go. There are moments when Martin absolutely convinces Malcolm that he loves him. 

34:50 - “Because he also happens to be my father.” THIS. IS. THE. MOST. REALISTIC. PORTRAYAL. OF. ABUSIVE. DADDY. ISSUES. Take from someone who lived through an abusive Dad. You hate him. You know he’s messed up. You don’t like or respect him. But a part of you will always love him. Even though you hate that part of yourself. 

35:12 - “I want all of you.” .....I’m terrified. This woman is crazy. Crazier than the Surgeon. Is that possible?

36:05 - “You want him to love you. But he can’t.” Have you said that to yourself Malcolm? You know that logically but you don’t feel that in your heart. ....and the writers don’t know that because we’ve seen that Martin loves Malcolm? Sort of? Unless the writers are playing some sort of weird long con on us. 

36:50 - This is whump content I signed up for. This crazy bitch just killed Malcolm. We saw the terror in his eyes. BUT HE LIVES. So. I’m. Here. For. It.

36:58 - Martin’s devotion to Malcolm is so so interesting to me. Martin is a psychopath - he’s not supposed to be capable of love. But he clearly loves Malcolm. How? Why? It makes no sense but I love it?

37:47 - Malcolm’s little wheeze when Vivian starts mitigating the embolism. <3 So cute. 

37:53 - “I can do without the mansplaining.” I’m getting PTSD. There are too many real women who are this crazy about feminism and mansplaining (this is coming from a woman). Martin isn’t trying to ‘mansplain’ he’s scared and he’s trying to save his son. That’s not mansplaining. He’s not explaining something because he thinks Vivian doesn’t know it. He’s explaining something in a desperate attempt to remind her of the severity of the situation. 

38:16 - HOW THE HELL did Ainsley and Dani know where Martin, Capshaw, and Malcolm were? Either 1) Ainsley is somehow working with Capshaw, or 2) they were able to trace Malcolm’s cell (assuming Capshaw didn’t trash it), or 3) Ainsley knew her mom was lying about that phone call and they had it traced?, or 4) this is a convenient plot thing.

38:34 - This bitch is devious and I hate her. 

39:30 - Martin Whitly is the hero of the episode. What alternate reality are we living in?

41:15 - Malcolm struggling for breath. <3 The whumpers are being FED.

41:17 - “Run.” This is 23 years of guilt for turning his own father into the police surfacing. 

41:31 - “Where’s my family?” I honestly don’t know how I feel about this line. It bothers me but I can’t figure out why.

41:43 - This ending sequence is a work of ART. Malcolm is in physical and emotional pain. Dani (without backup) trying to save Malcolm from Martin. The epic music. The shot of Dani seeing the blood-filled syringe next to the makeshift hospital bed+restraints. Martin Whitly. Driving. A. Boat. And. Laughing - completely elated - with Malcolm passed out (and looking adorable) in the aft seating. The fact that the ONLY house you can see on the shoreline is the house the just escaped from. 

THIS EPISODE WAS EXCITING, STRESSFUL, AND WONDERFUL. I’m excited for the SEASON finale and I pray we get a season 3 from a network other than FOX.

[freshdotdaily]

I wrote this blog post in 2012 but tumblr deleted it.  It was called sumn like, “My main critique w/ Talib Kweli” I wasn't allowed to listen to rap or any secular music growing up. My mom did me a grave disservice in that regard. So appropriately when I came into age I began sneaking all the music I could. I liked hip-hop and wanted as much of it as possible. The first record that I got that informally changed everything for me was Arrested Development's "Arrested Development 3 years 5 months 2 days". Probably because A) It was non-violent hip-hop I could RELATE to & B) After being raised by a Puerto Rican mother I had little to no real Knowledge of Cultural self.The next albums that followed after I devoured that album were Fugees "The Score" and Busta Rhymes "When Disaster Strikes" it'd be a little while before I was able to get my hands on any new cd after those two, so I had those 3 albums for a good year or two in heavy rotation along w/ Future Flavors on Hot 97 to keep me current. I was writing my raps pretty regularly around this time and I'd graduated from performing gospel raps at my churches Youth Night to  nervously performing at little local open mic spoken word poetry nights w/ my friend Jason.The next album I got my hands on was "Mos Def & Talib Kweli are BlackStar".

That album changed EVERYTHING for me. As far as I was concerned I never needed another rap album. This was the penultimate affirmation of all the things I'd come to feel were true about myself and hip-hop and my culture. Mos was the Charismatic emcee who was forever on beat and in pocket w/ his flow and Talib was the well-read, technical lyricist. I immediate began trying to become an amalgam of them both in one emcee since I felt they so aptly represented what I felt. Reflection Eternal's "Train of Thought" album dropped and blew my head clean off my shoulders. The beats, man. Kweli was at his apex w/ that album. Raps + beats + Brooklyn being well represented. Oh, and let us not forget the Ecko advertisements. I wore Ecko exclusively for about a year and change. I mean footwear to underwear at one point. Talk about artists being brands and marketing alignment & etc.  I bought Triple 5 Soul because that's apparently what Mos Def wore, right? I bought & read Ntozake Shange's "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf" because Kweli made a reference to it. I read Toni Morrison's "The Bluest Eye" because Kweli made a reference to it. I mean, this is what hip-hop, good hip-hop anyway is supposed to do, right? Spark discussion, open minds, create thought and growth, etc. I felt like I was a part of that MOVEMENT. Rawkus. The Okayplayer board. The Spitkicker site. SoulQuarians. I had all the albums from everybody. Probably TMI, but I lost my virginity in 1999, while Pharoahe Monche's "The Light" was playing in the background for some reason. smh. For crying out loud, Black Star's "Respiration" is the top song in my top five favorite songs of all time.

It gets deep, nigga. (c) Kendrick Lamar

As my writing progressed and evolved and I found my own voice eventually through trial and error, Mos Def's "Black on Both Sides" dropped. While "Train of Thought" was still my favorite of the two albums, Mos's charisma eclipsed Kweli  and he became my favorite of the two emcees. I judge rappers work against their own previous work instead of their peers, because that's fair to do artistically. So I'd never pit Mos & Kwelis work against each other because that's like arguing about which is more delicious of a fruit, apples or oranges? Two different fruits altogether, bruh. Also, at this point, I'd moved out my moms house, put out my 1st album, discovered early Eminem and Canibus and had a blossoming cd collection. Not to mention my attention was being held by a burgeoning Kanye.When Kweli's solo project "Quality" dropped, it hit me kinda like "meh". Gone was the signature Hi-Tek sound. I mean, Tek had joints on there but it wasn't the same. Dj Quick? Dj Quick is a mothafuckin' legend, sure. But his relevance at the time? Nah. Especially to a n00b EAST COAST hip-hopper as myself, it was baffling. The general consensus was Kweli used his first truly solo debut to attempt a move toward a more mainstream sound. It received some mainstream attention thanks to the West-produced single "Get By" which peaked at #77 on the Billboard Hot 100. That was Kweli's lifesaver. That album would've drowned otherwise. I did like the Kweli/Kanye connection that seemed mutually beneficial for both of them. It seemed to be going well even got him a Hov shout out on "The Black Album", in which Jay-Z rapped: "If skills sold, truth be told/I'd probably be, lyrically, Talib Kweli". Then the Strugglesome "The Beautiful Struggle" album dropped and I wanted to like it, but it too, hit me like "meh". The Neptunes, Just Blaze and Kanye couldn't save that album. The album failed to cross over into the mainstream and suffered a critical backlash. For example, Britt Robson of The Washington Post  said: "Struggle" was a "frequently awkward, too-obvious bid to exploit the commercial buzz Jay-Z created." Mos was trying his hand at rock music w/ Black Jack Johnson and dropped "The New Danger" to my disappointment. By this point I'd bought Common's "Like Water For Chocolate" and it made him instantly my new favorite emcee. I went and bought "Resurrection" and "One day it'll all make sense" in the same day and consumed those albums daily.In listening, I noticed Kweli's aging. His attempts to remain relevant by looking around him and seeing what was popular and trying to compete. I was willing to overlook his stuffing a thousand syllables into a bar and over usage of the word "like" in every rap song w/ semi-obscure literary references (that I dug, actually). I was willing to overlook the preachy tone his raps somewhat took. I was still BUYING Kweli's music. Brooklyn. over. everything, my nigga. I downloaded '"Liberation" and wasn't mad at that at all. Kweli and Madlib? Dope. I stopped there. There was too much disappointment for me to continue. I wished he'd maintained his aesthetic. Emcees like Kweli and Fat Joe will always look around and try to emulate to maintain relevance. I'm sure there's more money and more opportunity in it, but you lose that core fanbase for the possibility of a bigger, newer fanbase who's not familiar with your older work and doesn't love you the same as a fan. Whereas an artist like Ghostface or DOOM will continue to do what they do in their lane and gain cult followings. Mos learned this the hard way. It wasn't until "The Ecstatic" (and stepping the live show up by giving people what they came to see) that heads began fucking w/ him again.Eardrum? Nope. Finally, a new Reflection Eternal album? With post G-Unit Hi-Tek? It was a little too late. I bought it & reluctantly handed my money over. I'd lost my will to be be a Kweli fan. Gutter Rainbows? Nope. Idle Warship? Hell no. 

Did Kweli become wack? nah, he's still nice. I feel like it's the same problem Nas had with putting out 2 great albums out the gate and then trying to maintain relevance in a changing musical environment where the consumers are getting younger and the music is warping to accommodate. It took Nas about 10 albums to figure out how to get BACK to his original formula.I ask myself often if my critiques on Kweli came about because I rap and hold him in my influences. You know how you get older and realize your parents weren't the geniuses you thought them to be as a child? Once I figured out my stride and perfected how I wanted to rap and write, I think I began flaw finding. Flaw finding is both my nature as a virgo and my right as a consumer & fan. The power to critique constructively is also my right as a fellow artist. The biggest iniquities were the syllable cramming at the expense of flowing on-beat to get a point out as well as beat choices. But overall, I wanted that vibe back. I wanted that hi-Tek, Geology and Shawn J. Period vibe back from when I found myself as a young man and emcee. In 2013 Kweli is dropping "Prisoner of Conscious" a title derived from Talib's constant labeling as a "conscious rapper" and based on Nigerian reggae artist Majek Fashek's album "Prisoner of Conscience." I plan on purchasing it via an experiment. I'm gonna download all the albums of his I missed and see if there's been any hints or glimmers of what I've been missing that could lead up to this being his "Life is Good" album. Based on that, hopefully I can "experience dedication" and "move something", before it's "too late" for him to "get by".-F.Daily

It’s 2019 and I think Kweli is super important to raps annals and history.  Albeit his hubris and righteous stances especially on social media mixed w/ distasteful personal stories I’ve heard + how he handled ReS’s music issues have rubbed me all the wrong way. I still think there’s really some slivers of relevancy for Kweli in the current hip-hop climate. I think he’s in tune with the culture and good for hip-hop and an important voice in socio-political justice for the advancement of people of color. Ionno how good the music is for me personally anymore, but I’ll always have Reflection Eternal. 

content sourced from Talib Kweli's wiki page