#cool I remembered to sort of function. sweet. here’s an improvement to my pain so slight it barely matters

[bumblebeerror]

Thinking about other disabled/chronically ill people who like me choose pfps and their style/vibe around dead things and undead things.

[longsightmyth]

So no review per se but here are a hella lot of status updates under the cut:

March 16, 2016 –  3.0% "I'm not sure how I feel about this season divide country thing but we'll see"

March 18, 2016 –  24.0% "See, I thought they were meeting in a town or city, which would be hard enough to find someone in, but the instructions were apparently 'meet me in a country'"

March 18, 2016 –  25.0% "Yes it DOES explain the oath. You don't need to explain that to us, we get it."

March 22, 2016 –  28.0% "Idk if the book wanted me to think that the government is terrible and everything with the question about whether the maids always obey the king's orders (which... Yes? That is actually their job?) but when a pretty low-ranking guest's lady's maid talks like Rose is talking like she is, it isn't successful."

March 22, 2016 –  29.0% "Not that outspoken servants cannot still be oppressed servants, but the general attitude does not point in that direction (also, still am not fond of New Meira)"

March 25, 2016 –  29.0% "Bets on Meira being a swapped out baby queen."

March 25, 2016 –  31.0% "MORE instalove? Isn't one a book enough?"

March 25, 2016 –  33.0% "Oh no a king is thinking of politics and the wellbeing of his kingdom. What calumny. What horror. (I can understand MEIRA being upset, I can, she had no warning whatsoever, but the book is trying to make me think Noam is evil, and so far I have evidence only of the opposite.)"

March 25, 2016 –  34.0% "A king just doesn't want to throw his kingdom into a war and you automatically assume he had something to do with the death of his wife. Because that totally makes sense...?"

March 25, 2016 –  34.0% "Okay maybe Meira isn't the Secret Queen. Which begs the question of WHY she's important enough to hand off in a political alliance marriage. I mean, king's foster sister is a perfectly respectable and important relation usually, but since literally nobody knows anything about her parentage or if she'd be a reasonably competent queen it makes no sense that Noam wants her to marry his son so badly."

March 30, 2016 –  34.0% "Okay book I just finished The Winner's Kiss so you had better up your game, this bullshit threatening of kings with nothing to back it up isn't going to fly."

March 30, 2016 –  35.0% "Also you appear to have used a name I gave one of my ocs in my lotr fanfic. Obviously only to hurt me."

March 30, 2016 –  38.0% "Seriously wtf is with the complete personality swap I cannot get over it"

March 30, 2016 –  39.0% "Book, you tried hard to tell me that women who like pretty things are just as cool as women who like sharp pointy stabby things, but every time Meira talks about ladies or pretty things she is SUPER scornful and I don't see anything to contradict her. You realize noble ladies find power even when they aren't given it overtly right?"

March 31, 2016 –  44.0% "There's nothing INCREDIBLY wrong with this section - at least nothing I can pin down - but all of this seems really overdramatic, and the love interests don't have enough character for me to say whether or not the supremely stupid display of toxic masculinity was in character or not. Also that fight was particularly silly."

March 31, 2016 –  45.0% "Hang on, still confused about magic access. The only places to get magic are the season kingdoms, but the rhythm kingdoms have magic conduits too? Do they have to pay a fee to go recharge them or something, or have I missed some key point of magic use?"

March 31, 2016 –  46.0% "Wait, how did Winter have food if it was always winter? Did everyone live off evergreens? What about the animals? Was there a thriving greenhouse agricultural system? These are things I want answered."

March 31, 2016 –  46.0% "In the words of Meira herself: Sweet snow! Is she going to learn that protocol isn't useless and being in a position of power might actually help?!"

March 31, 2016 –  46.0% "What, Cordell can't spring for a tutor for their queen-to-be, she has to go to a classroom?"

March 31, 2016 –  47.0% "Wait wait wait you can MINE magic? Why the fuck hang everyone been doing it?!"

March 31, 2016 –  47.0% "Like, I get that it's apparently super deep down, but guys. Magic. Everybody wants more of it, and even if it's hard to get to you have the means to do it. And I haven't seen that this is a Balrog situation either."

March 31, 2016 –  50.0% "Honestly I think the dialogue wouldn't bother me so much if there weren't so many dramatic whispers and things. 'Said' is not a bad word, no matter how many creative writing teachers try to tell you otherwise."

April 1, 2016 –  51.0% "Are. Are there no guards on a king's study? The king's chambers? Even I he isn't there important shit is, as evidenced by what Meira just found! WHAT IS WITH GUARDS IN YA LITERATURE?!"

April 1, 2016 –  51.0% "Do all YA guards go to the same crappy guard school or something?!"

April 1, 2016 –  52.0% "Oh for heaven's sake. A king's foster sister without titles of her own would be a powerful political asset in that the King would (theoretically) care for her, or at least care for his reputation as a person who takes care of those close to him, so you forge an alliance based on that. She wouldn't give anyone any rights over her foster sibling's country, because she's a foster sibling with no title."

April 1, 2016 –  52.0% "There is no way that having Theron marry her would give anyone any sort of authority."

April 1, 2016 –  52.0% "Aside from that, Noam playing all sides of the board is pretty clever and sometimes what rulers have to do to keep their people safe from an apparently magical apparently tyrannical dickface."

April 1, 2016 –  53.0% "For a bunch of people convinced that Noam acts in whatever way is politically expedient for the wellbeing of his country (and also that doing so makes him evil) these people seem awfully surprised that Noam is acting in whatever way is politically expedient for the wellbeing of his country."

April 1, 2016 –  53.0% ""Spring is here. In Cordell." (Meaning spring the country). Well gosh. Would've been great if somebody had FORGED AN ALLIANCE WITH THEM. (Though actually, Noam, you made copies of your top secret correspondence? Really?)"

April 1, 2016 –  54.0% "Sure, six folks against an army, why not. If the soldiers are trained as shoddily as all the guards it makes total sense."

April 1, 2016 –  54.0% ""Let's go jeopardize our entire planned alliance by getting the principle members killed! Sound good? Cool." WHAT IS WITH THESE PEOPLE."

April 1, 2016 –  55.0% "Oh look our evil king puts all his magic into agriculture, otherwise known as HELPING HIS PEOPLE EAT. What true tyranny! (Seriously though how did Winterians get food if their queen put all her magic into mining I need to know. Did they adapt to eat rocks or something? Eating is srs bsns, book)"

April 1, 2016 –  56.0% ""Noam truly believes he was doing us a favor?" I mean. He kind of was. It's not everybody who looks at a group of eight refugees and goes 'sure, let my son marry the king's untitled foster sister and I'll help you reclaim your kingdom'."

April 1, 2016 –  56.0% ""You brought them here! When you started writing that letter..." Y'all do realize that there was a public announcement and ball for the engagement of the heir to the throne and a Winterian, right. Like, Mather was announced as the King of Winter. Does. Does nobody but me remember this? Did you think nobody heard about it?"

April 1, 2016 –  57.0% "Did you just send the heirless King of your exiled country into battle. Did you. Yes you did, because everyone in this book except Noam is completely incompetent when it comes to strategy, and even he has his moments."

April 1, 2016 –  58.0% "How are those cannons moving so quickly?"

April 1, 2016 –  58.0% "HELMETS ARE NOT JUST FOR DISGUISE THEY SERVE A VITAL PROTECTIVE FUNCTION IN THAT THEY PROTECT YOUR HEAD OH MY GOD WHY WOULD YOU JUST TAKE THE HELMET OFF JUST BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE JESUS CHRIST WHY WOULDN'T HE TELL YOU TO PUT IT BACK ON I HATE EVERYTHING YOU ARE IN THE MIDST OF MEDIEVAL ISH MAGIC BATTLE JUST BECAUSE THERE ARE CANONS DOESN'T MEAN YOU CANT PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST THE ARROWS OH MY GOD"

April 1, 2016 –  64.0% "That part (with Meira actually appearing to care about the enslaved Winterians when she sees them, and not just us being told she cares) was actually pretty good."

April 1, 2016 –  72.0% "Credit where credit is due - this just improved by leaps and bounds, not least by Meira starting to wonder if she has in fact been something of a brat."

April 1, 2016 –  74.0% "EXPONENTIALLY better"

April 1, 2016 –  76.0% "Okay book, you're getting better and all, and this isn't exclusive to you, but where did this idea that not screaming meant strength come from? Like, not screaming while in pain can be a statement or a way to not bother other people in dire situations, but not screaming when you're being whipped doesn't automatically mean strength okay."

April 1, 2016 –  76.0% "Okay book she has to get water eventually or she's going to literally die unless Winterian body processes are different from other humans. Which, I guess, would explain how they didn't need to grow food in a land of eternal ice and snow. But if she's human like the rest of us she's going to die if she constantly does heavy lifting and carrying without any water except breakfast and dinner. She's going to die QUICKLY."

April 1, 2016 –  78.0% "I admit that I am not an expert on metal, but I'm almost positive that an old belt buckle is not even serviceable knife material without a forge and some tempering."

April 1, 2016 –  80.0% "Dammit Meira."

April 1, 2016 –  80.0% "I'd like to refer you to my status at 29 percent and note for the record that I'm only refraining from gloating because it was so obvious."

April 1, 2016 –  87.0% ""The only thing that saved us was our magically exhaustible magical conduit that has to recharge, so my father didn't retaliate against the giant magical army that nearly killed us all. Obviously this means he's terrible." Book, do you ducking hear yourself."

April 1, 2016 –  88.0% "Book. Are you putting in a rape attempt in front of her love interest. Is this a thing I am reading in the year of our lord 2016."

April 1, 2016 –  88.0% "Book. Are you putting in a rape attempt in front of her love interest. Is this a thing I am reading in the year of our lord 2016."

April 1, 2016 –  88.0% ""There are no other weapons near me, no chairs I am break or vases I can throw" you know what, book, I am tired of theoretically weapon-and-fighting-competent chicks being like 'whoa is me there are no weapons' this is when your feet and fists and teeth and head come into play, you have been literally trained to murder people come on now. (Don't get me started on fixations on fancy weaponry)"

April 1, 2016 –  93.0% "'Exotic grace' when referring to the only people of color so far? Come on, book, get your shit together."

April 1, 2016 –  96.0% ""We'll need to barter rations from Cordell." Have you always done that or is this only because of the defeat of Angra? TELL ME."

April 1, 2016 –  97.0% "Really Noam you AND your heir rode into an unknown situation in a different country? I expected better of you, sir."

April 1, 2016 –  98.0% "Is Meira going to be forever follows by the ghost of her mom in a literal sense? Why have we seen no other ghosts? (Also, please stop with the gasping)" 

[tyrustrash]

Bon Bon Chocolat

What's everyone's deal with chocolate? Especially the whole dark vs white chocolate debate. Why does milk chocolate get ignored? It is a completely valid form, and so is white chocolate. White chocolate is real chocolate, no matter what you think. It has the word "chocolate" in its name, so how is it not? The answer is simple. It. Is. Chocolate. Periodt. And people will do anything for a bit of chocolate. Just look at that one guy from Spongebob. A boy leans against the entrance of the cafeteria, eyeing the tray of chocolate muffins and chocolate delicacies. This is Cyrus Goodman. Watch him drool over the sweetness of it all. It's adorable. Cyrus has been referred to by the entire student population of Jefferson Middle School as the most fragile student in the school. He takes his time maneuvering across the room, in attempt to grab one of the muffins. He dives into a rolling position and rolls to the counter, unnoticed. He really doesn't give a care. If he's hungry, he's hungry. And he'll do anything to satisfy his hunger. He rolls for a hot second. He's really feeling his oats as he expected this to go another way. He couldn't even do a somersault a few weeks ago, and now he's all athletic and all that. All this exercise activity will make TJ proud. Oh God. Now he's thinking of his best friend. Why would he do this to himself. He knows every time that he thinks of the jock, he gets weak in his knees and too shook to function properly. The sudden thought messed him up and instead of continuing straight, which is the only time he's been straight, he wobbled and started shifting left and right. Instead of landing at the counter, he ran into a trash can. One of those big metal ones that made a loud 'clunk' like noise when made in contact with. On the upside, no one was near him to see it. Or so he thought. As he rubs his head to relieve some of the pain, a hand reaches out towards him. Cyrus opens his eyes, which then widens. "And, I oop- " TJ chuckles and shakes his head a little. He forms a small smile as he looks at the smaller boy. Thoughts upon thoughts ran through his head as to how this happened, but overall couldn't stop thinking about how cute he looks, even if he's on the ground and has specks of dirt on his clothes. "Need some help?" Well, obviously, Cyrus couldn't what he really needed help with, but he has to accept what he's offered. He reaches out and takes hold of TJ's hand. He's pulled off the ground and brushes off the dirt. "What was all that about?" TJ asks. His concerned tone was melting Cyrus's heart faster than the chocolate by how adorable it was. To be fair, anything TJ says in any tone made Cyrus fall for him even more. "Do you need some more help with your somersaults?" Cyrus shakes his head. "Nah, fam." He points to the counter. Almost all the muffins were already gone, along with the random chocolate candies. "Wanted my usual muffin. Tried to be a little extra, but as you saw, it failed." TJ sighs and places a hand on Cyrus's shoulder, which causes the boy's heart to pound faster than the time he drank a whole can of Red Bull. His breathing is stammered. TJ opens his mouth to say something. "You could've asked me to get you one. Just stand by and look pretty as I get it for you." TJ walks away, leaving Cyrus with his mouth wide open. Did TJ Kippen, THE TJ Kippen, captain of the basketball team, most popular guy in school, his bestest friend ever, just tell him to look pretty? Was he pretty? Of course, he has his charm. But does this mean that TJ thinks that he is pretty, as in a synonym for attractive? Cyrus couldn't really spend much longer on the question as his mind went to another place, along with his eyes. He kept his eyes on TJ the entire time. The way the boy walks conveys so much swag that it made him look pretty, well, prettier. TJ reaches the counter and pops up the hood of his hoodie, like the sly guy that the is. After a minute, TJ returns. Empty handed. "Sorry, Underdog. They ran out before I got there. Tried to find out if they had any in the back." "It's ok." Cyrus tells him. Although he was upset that he was without muffin, at least he's with TJ, and that he tried. A boy that kinda sort of finds him pretty and that attempts to get his favorite school food, Cyrus couldn't get luckier. Even if they were just friends. "Let's just go to our table and enjoy the rest of lunch." Cyrus went to their usual table and places his head on his hands in defeat. TJ watches his friend and frowns. He hates seeing him upset, that's why he's willing to do anything for him. He just couldn't figure out how to get him out of this state. Or did he? TJ frantically shakes his head and pulls out his phone. He opens his email app and scrolls through everything. He soon finds one that was sent a week ago. He finds the one from Hersey Factory. About a month ago he entered a contest and won two tickets to tour the factory. He smiles hard and ran to his friend. He practically shoves the phone in his face. "What, TJ?" Cyrus asks. He barely lifts his head. "Just read this." Cyrus listens and reads the email. He lightens up and smiles. "What's this for?" "Just thought this would make you happy. Going to a whole building dedicated to chocolate. Even say we'll be given gift baskets at the end. It'll be like a date." At that, Cyrus really perks up. He still doesn't comprehend what TJ means. Did he mean like a romantic date? A date as casual friends? Or did he accidently say that word? ''And this weekend is the last day I can use them. Didn't know who to take and now I have a reason to use them." "And I have a reason to live." Cyrus says softly. "What?" Cyrus tries covering up what he said. "Oh, it was nothing. I'm so excited that I'm practically about to explode." "Don't hurt yourself." A few short days later, which felt like eternity to Cyrus, the weekend came. For the past few days Cyrus has been a nervous wreck, even more than usual. His mind continued to be filled with thoughts about TJ. How cute he was, how he looked good no matter what he wore, the way he took care of him and made him feel special. And now he couldn't get the words 'pretty' and 'date' out of his head. He couldn't figure out if those were said accidently or just in the moment, or the option that wasn't even a possibility, was that he was secretly trying to tell him he wanted to try dating. Nah. TJ is straight. He plays a sport. Right now, Cyrus's room is a mess from the clothes that are thrown all over the floor. He usually wasn't this worked up over what he wore around TJ, but this wasn't their usual day at the swings. This was, in Cyrus's mind, their first date, even if TJ didn't see it as such. Eventually, Cyrus settled on slacks and a green button up. He remembered that green is TJ's favorite color. A knock on the door snaps Cyrus back to reality. He runs downstairs and opens the front door. He sees TJ standing on the other side, and he's wearing his usual hoodie and jeans attire. Today's hoodie is a black one with rainbow sleeves. Upon seeing it, Cyrus's face practically turned into the heart eyed emoji. There was so much UWU that one could take. "Están listo?" TJ asks. His Spanish is improving, and his accent is so adorable. "Sí." Cyrus steps outside and locks his door. The pair walk down the driveway to RJ's truck. Since neither of them could drive, and all their parents are busy, TJ asked his older brother to drive them. Cyrus got in the back and buckles up. Next thing he knew, TJ is opening the other backseat door and sits next to him. RJ adjusts the front mirror. He sees the two as he starts the engine. He begins driving to the factory. "You two better have a good time. TJ's been talking about this nonstop for the past three days." TJ blushes, which Cyrus doesn't notice. However, Cyrus does notice RJ chuckling. He doesn't know if he's joking or what. "He even waited to wear that hoodie for the longest time." RJ continues. He turns onto a different road, getting closer to their destination. This time, both backseat boys were blushing. This lasted the rest of the ride, which fortunately was only a few minutes. When the car pulled into the factory, TJ and Cyrus quickly got out. "Enjoy your date." RJ then drives off. TJ rubs his neck and faces his friend. Their faces are back to normal. "Ignore him. He likes to joke and mess with me. Typical older brother things." Cyrus shrugs it off. The two looked around and find the entrance. The door is designed like a chocolate bar, which was pretty cool. Once inside, the layout was nothing like the chocolate factory from those movies. There were no edible rooms, no colorful field with chocolate rivers, no little orange men with green hair who sang songs. People say never believe everything you see on tv, but they were hoping this would be the same. Instead, the rooms were full of machinery. Everything was gray and the logo of the company was on everything. An employee approached them and shook both their hands. "Welcome to Hersey Factory Shadyside Section. I'm Mr. Walter and I'll be your tour guide today. Please follow me, and don't touch anything." The boys followed him, super bored by the way. The website made it seem so much more fun. They groaned after everything Mr. Walter said. There were times they felt like they were sleepwalking. The entire atmosphere felt like a magnet that was dragging them down, causing their walking to decline to them forcefully dragging their feet. After what felt like forever, they were given a break. TJ pulls Cyrus to the side. "Sorry for bringing you here. Should've let the tickets expire." Cyrus shrugs. "It's fine. At least we got to spend a Saturday together." "But I wanted to make it fun, exciting, and memorable. Gosh, I'm so horrible." TJ starts tearing up. He turns away and wipes his sleeve across his face. Cyrus comforts him by placing a hand on his shoulder. "Teej, it's ok. I'm happy as long as I'm with you." Cyrus froze as he caught on to what he said. Did he, did he just out himself? He stands still for a second too long and realizes his hand is still touching his crush. He swiftly removes it, which results in TJ turning back around. "You know what will make this fun?" TJ says as he grins like he's up to something. Cyrus couldn't figure out what TJ meant. Did he know about his crush and wanted to try something? Was he playing a prank? "What do you have in mind?" TJ peaks around to make sure none of the employees were near. He leans down to Cyrus's ear, which causes the boy to shiver. "I saw an interesting room down that hall over there. I think it has something we'll both enjoy." Cyrus gulps. He starts shaking. "What do you mean?" TJ grabs his hand and leads him away. The whole time Cyrus couldn't stop thinking that TJ is technically holding his hand. Leading him to do who knows what. Cyrus always wanted to try the wild side of life, but this may be too wild for him. Seconds after, they reached the door TJ talked about. It was slightly open, the key still in the lock. TJ made one last look around to confirm no employee was looking. Once the coast was clear, they went in. TJ turns on the light switch to reveal the room. Both gasp loudly at the sight in front of them. It was a literal chocolate room. Like, for real, everything is made of chocolate, except the door they entered through. The walls are chocolate. The floor is chocolate grass. A huge fountain is in the center, and you guessed it, it's made of chocolate. And instead of water, chocolate is coming out of it. There is a chocolate pool in the back. It was enough to send them into a sugar coma simply by looking at it all. Cyrus is in awe of everything that he's, for once, speechless. He keeps his frozen stance until the corner of his eye sees something. Next the he knew TJ is shirtless. If his mouth wasn't open, it is now. "TJ, what are you doing?" TJ starts making his way to the pool. "I was dreaming this would be like the movies." He takes off his jeans right before he jumps into the pool. Chocolate from the splash got over the already chocolate covered ground. "Man, this feels relaxing." He takes sips of the pool. "And delicious. You should come in and taste this. Or the grass. Or the walls. Chocolate is just so good." Cyrus walks over to the fountain and sits on the edge. He dips a finger inside and licks the chocolate off. TJ was right, it is good. Cyrus continues the process. Next thing he knew, his entire face ended up covered in chocolate. He looks to his right and sees a chocolate covered TJ smiling. "TJ!" Cyrus yells. He looks down at his shirt, which caught some chocolate. "This shirt is brand new! And my hair!" TJ couldn't stop laughing. "Sorry, Cy. But it was too convenient." Cyrus tries wiping off as much as he could. This just about solidified that TJ was straight, because straight guys love playing these jokes on each other. A loud thud startled them both. Mr. Walter stands in the doorway. Although Cyrus's eyes still have traces of chocolate in them, he could tell he was angry. Maybe just about to explode. "Out! Now!" The boys didn't have to be told twice. They scurried out of the room, Cyrus grabbing TJ's clothes. They were immediately escorted out of the factory. It wasn't too bad because at least they ended the pain of boredom early and had a little bit of fun. Also, they were given the gift baskets because the contest required them. Luckily RJ was there early to wait on them. When he saw them, especially his brother, he laughed hysterically. "Towels are already in the back. I expected this to happen." The ride back home was silent. However, RJ was able to stop and let TJ dry off and get dressed again. Once home, Cyrus plops onto the couch. He opens his gift basket and takes out the chocolate bar plushie. He squeezes it. Outside, TJ stands at the beginning of the driveway. He looks deeply at Cyrus's house. He doesn't know how much trouble he might've caused, but he wants to fix it. Thing is, he might've ruined things for good. Everything was perfect between them. School, then park, then home. And the occasional basketball game Cyrus would watch and not understand. After sighing, TJ looked at RJ, who simply nodded. TJ slowly made his way to the front door. Each breath he took felt like shards of glass attacking him. Each step felt like lava. When he managed to reach the door, the knock felt like his hand hitting nails. Cyrus opens the door with a blank expression. Seeing TJ made a simple yet small smile form. Basically a Mona Lisa smile where it's debatable. "Yes." TJ sighs. A subtle tear runs down his face. "I'm sorry about today." "What about today?" "Getting you in trouble. I know how you feel about that. And about splashing chocolate on you. I know it was a stupid move but I didn't know what else to do. I care about you, a lot. I just didn't have the right words, so I acted stupid." Cyrus looks him in the eyes, seeing the tears fall. Now he knew the truth. "It's ok. We all do stupid things when we're in our emotions. Come on, I have a whole gift bag of chocolate that's not going to eat itself." TJ smiles and follows him to the couch. They sit, eat, and just have a good time until RJ got annoyed of waiting and started honking his horn.