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skyguywrites · 8 days ago

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not gonna spam the dash but just some bday related headcanons for myself under the read more

16th June — Rory

bonnie wanted to cook him breakfast like he did for her but she overthought it and ended up spending way too much money on food and coffee instead. came over with a bunch of gifts including really dorky irish souvenirs she found online that probably made him ask her wtf was wrong with her. one of them was definitely a silly little leprechaun bookmark and she felt really proud about that one.

kian prob got him a classic irish rugby shirt and took him for pints and was a lot less high maintenance about it but he definitely kissed him on the cheek before saying goodnight

violet followed through on that birthday bj 😂

clodagh probably didn’t get him shit but she followed through on her promise to buy his rounds

cassie kissed his nose and gave him more candy than he could ever possibly want and a little TARDIS pin badge

18th June — Lisa

colin is obviously gonna be spoiling the shit out of her. so many gifts and def a couple for bella too bc he knows how kids are. he’s gotten them matching tennis rackets with their names on, big and little, even tho he knows lisa doesn’t care they much he just thinks it’ll be cute for when they’re all spending time together! he got rach and their parents their own too lmao.

rachel isn’t working but she’s organised a night out for lisa and is gonna babysit bella for the night and let her relax and let loose. she’s probably paid for (or colin has lol) a night out at one of those crafty evenings where you paint and drink and the like

ashwin actually sketched a pic of her and bella but he’s lowkey embarrassed about it so who knows when she’ll actually see it

19th June — Marley

she WILL be getting diego’s undivided attention all day long. he’s planned a bunch of trips throughout the year to see her favourite comedians and he’s gonna tell her she can take whoever she wants but. she can’t. she must take him.

poppy is gonna get her smth really dorky like a sweater with puppies on it tbh

billy has flat out just decided she never has to pay for food or drink in a novel idea ever again and is putting a little sign over her favourite booth that says “marley’s corner”

dolly found out from harlow that it’s her birthday and gave him pointers on some gifts and they were probably genuinely all horrible ideas but she’s trying (and failing) to connect fhdjdjdk

jessie will be giving her head. but she’s also commissioned someone to paint a photo of Marley with Bucket and Harlow and she’s like dorky levels of excited about it lmao

20th June — Mary-Kate

amira got her a bunch of cute little accessories for her guitar that are all sweet like a pink capo and a strap with all hearts and flowers on it as well as like a little box for holding her picks. The box is probably equally cute but it’ll be full of like bright coloured picks too

elodie definitely got her a mug that has her name and the meaning behind her name on it bc she thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world that her named both mean ‘bitter’ and ‘pure.’ she’s like omg nothing has ever describes you better? she’s also gonna get her very very drunk

cassie will have baked her brownies that she and glenn were probably extremely excited about but they’re not pot brownies and she’s a disappointment i am so sorry

aria is in the throes of depression rn but probably bought her a collection of really pretty bows that she thinks are awesome that mk will likely never wear

bonnie we’ve established is a disaster so she probably just got her a bag of weed and some cute sunnies to wear at work and hide her pupils behind lmao

22nd June — Cora

nataliya probably got her some ballet pumps that are like. cute satin, non leather and silk based bc she’s vegan. slightly pretentious but well meaning. and they still do the job?

luca sang down the phone to her at 7am and then again on her lunch break and then he was waiting for her to finish work so he could do it again. he’s taken the day off from newsies to take her to some sort of ballet idk what. whatever’s on in nyc ig x

davey probably got her something quite practical like a gym bag for her ballet stuff only it’s davey so it’s probably this gorgeous designer bag that cost him a fortune and he thinks it’s nothing. something like this but fancier and more expensive

rachel will probably just take her out on her day off and they’ll get ice cream and watch barbie movies of cora’s choosing and she got her a cute ass swan princess keychain

25th June — AJ

cherry is gonna get him u know those really gorgeous coffee table books that are like ‘the art of [insert movie here]’ but for all his fav studio ghibli movies. she’s been texting him non stop and sending voice notes all day he’s probably light. yeah okay.

chris who is so on board with aj’s hotel plans probably bought him some really dopey cutesy neon light for the place that he thinks will look good but mostly he’s just like. let’s get drunk and go dancing

27th June — Lando

ophelia is gonna sleep over the night before bc she’s annoying and wants to pounce on him at midnight and sing happy birthday to him. she’s got cash money tucked away if we’re being real so she’s taking him to this like condo space shes hired out for the day that is basically just one bit skate extravaganza. ramps n shit for him to go nuts on and she’s got so much junk food for them to just lie in the middle of the ramps when he’s tired and talk shit and eat fizzy laces and just be.

théo made him a new skateboard and the wheels have lyrics to some of alex’s songs on them

alex is on tour but she phoned him and sang to him and has told him she’s 100% booking them a silly little vacation for just the two of them when she’s back :)

elodie roped théo into singing happy birthday over voice note to him at like 3 in the morning when she came in drunk. she also got him a little badge of that one goose meme where has the knife

rachel got him the ugliest shirt in the whole world and it’s just got cat faces all over it and she got herself a matching one

#character stuff;

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teamhook · 5 years ago

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The song in your heart... Burlesque :|:CSMM

This is my second submission for the @captainswanmoviemarathon

Thanks to everyone in the Discord for letting me bounce ideas and for all the help.

Thanks to @ultraluckycatnd for Beta services :)

The story is loosely inspired by Burlesque, it will not be a retell of the movie. I hope you guys enjoy reading it.

Art by @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713

Summary: Small town girl Emma Swan moves to L.A. to follow her dreams. The best view on the Sunset Strip becomes her home. But is she bound to find true love in a dashing bartender?

AO3

FFN

The bright sunlight is the first thing the blonde sees as she exits the bus station. This is what she had saved for. Hours of tedious work at that hole in the wall diner. Sure she didn't plan beyond the trip, but she couldn't help the smile that engulfed her face. This was her first step in making her dreams come true.

She secures her duffel bag after checking her money stash. First, she needs to find a place to sleep.

She really should have done some research before leaving Storybrooke. She pulls out her phone and does a quick search for cheap hotels. The thought of being in such a big city for a small-town girl should be scary, but there was no time for fear. I am not nothing, I was never nothing.

She can't believe she is riding in a taxi. Sure, she's from Maine, but even they've heard of Uber. The car stops suddenly. "Miss, we've arrived."

She looks out the window and smiles at the man. She hands him his fare. "Thank you." She grabs her bag and leaps out.

The hotel is the least expensive one she can find, and she pays for a week in advance. She's tired, so tomorrow her search for a job will start.

The next day, the blonde, Emma, is full of energy. She has been applying online but decides the old way can still work. First, she needs to get something to eat. She enters a small diner that reminds her of home and circles a few printed ads while she has her lunch.

She walks the Sunset Strip, trying her luck at a few bars looking for new talent with no luck. She sighs and makes her way to the next one. The day ended quickly as her feet clicked on the pavement.

The darkened street is lit by a lounge's marquee with inviting lights. On the balcony, a woman smiles. The blonde crosses the street hurriedly and her eyes fall onto the enticing poster calling for her to enter the lounge. The entrance walls are filled with images of old-timey beauties of the past along with great singers and dancers, and the music caught her attention, drawing her further in.

"We don't have windows but we do have the best view on the Sunset Strip. Twenty dollars, come on honey. Help a man out."

"Excuse me?" she replies as she was taken out of the enchantment of the music.

"Fill out this fine establishment," he smiles hopefully.

She looks around the jammed room and asks, "Is this a stripper club?"

"No, no. Darling, I should wash your mouth. You haven't seen anything like this before. You won't find a pole inside unless you count the waitress. Come on." He extended his hand out for the fee.

Emma bites her bottom lip. She digs into her jeans pocket, pulls out a twenty-dollar bill, and hesitantly hands it to him.

He smiles brightly and invitingly points to the lounge. "Enjoy!"

She's hesitant as she makes her way through the tables to the bar. The smile was instant; she loves music, it's her escape. She finds a stage with a group of beautiful women dancing and singing.

Show a little more

Show a little less

Add a little smoke

Welcome to Burlesque

The bar is full but what she really needs is a drink.

"Lass, can I get you something to drink?" an accented voice calls for her attention. Her green eyes meet dazzling blue ones surrounded by kohl that enhance the color; the auburn-highlighted, dark-haired scruff unable to hide the square jaw surrounding luscious lips.

She smiles. "Only if you're buying."

"Welcome to L.A. and the Burlesque Lounge." He smiles brightly as he hands her the drink.

"Uhm, thanks." She smiles and turns her eyes back to the stage.

"So where are you from?"

"Oh, from a small town in Maine. How about you?"

"Ah, from Boston."

"Boston, you don't sound like you're from there."

He laughs, "Aye, originally from London but moved to Boston years ago. I still can't rid myself of my accent, I'm afraid. Killian Jones, at your service."

"Emma Swan. So tell me, who do I have to flirt with to get up there?" she says as she points to the stage.

Killian scratches behind his ear as his attention is turned temporarily towards the waitress. "Sweetheart, how about doing your job?"

The girl giggles. "Yes, Captain," turning to go to the nearest table.

"Sorry about that, Emma Swan, and if that's you flirting, you are in dire need of lessons," he smirks.

"I'm sorry. I'm not about to waste my talents on someone who wears more eyeliner than me," she smirks back.

He laughs. "Fair enough. Through that door over there, flirt away, Swan. Ask for Cora."

"Thanks."

"Oh, and Swan? Use my name." Killian smiles and starts pouring some liquor into a glass.

"Thank you." She follows his directions.

Behind the doors, it's complete chaos; girls running around half-dressed, rushing to get ready for the next act, all talking at once.

"We're on in five minutes, five minutes, ladies. Come on..." a deep voice comes through the speakers.

"I'm almost done!" one of the girls yells.

"Ladies, tick-tock, time is almost up," Henry says.

"Does anyone know where Zee is?" Cora asks, annoyed.

"All spotlights are supposed to pull in!" Henry screams.

"Ashley, your boyfriend is so hot!" another dancer says.

Cora sighs. "Tonight, Netflix and Chinese?" she asks Henry.

"Yes, I wouldn't miss it." Henry smiles fondly.

"Cora, I lost a contact lens on stage," Rory says.

"Alright, if you fall off the stage just remember you're still a princess," Cora says.

"You're a goddess," Henry reminds her.

"Thank you, Henryyyy!" Rory says with a bright smile, while Cora rolls her eyes.

"Jonathan, the sink is broken, again."

"I'm not calling a plumber, Tiana," Jonathan declares. "Cora, we need to talk about this letter."

Cora sighs dramatically. "Jonathan, how many times do I have to say it? I don't want to discuss this while I'm working."

"Cora, Graham Humbert is coming tonight."

"And what do you want me to do?" Cora asks.

"This isn't going away, Cora. You never want to discuss this. You avoid me like the plague," Jonathan says, holding a paper.

"I didn't divorce you so I could spend more time with you."

"I still own half of this place," he says and walks away.

Emma timidly walks up to the woman she saw on stage earlier. She is sitting regally in front of her mirror putting make-up on.

"Why are you in my mirror?" Cora asks with a raised brow.

"Excuse me, are you Cora? I'm looking for her. I'm friends with Killian and I'm looking for work."

Cora continues to refresh her make-up. "Where have you danced?"

"In front of my mirror at home, but I can dance."

Cora sighs. "Leave your information with Henry. He will let you know when we're having our next audition." Cora points to Henry.

"Uhm, do you know when I should expect the call?" Emma asks.

"Henry?" Cora calls out.

"Where the hell is Zee? She is really late!" Henry says, annoyed.

Emma quickly says, "I'm never late."

"That's good to know," Henry says. "Sweetheart, leave your details with Killian, your friend, and we'll be in touch. We are currently trying to run a show here."

Emma smiles. "I have never seen anything like that before. I need a job and I really want to work here."

"Sweetheart, I love the enthusiasm, but it's really bad timing. We'll be in touch. Promise," Henry says with a warm smile.

"Let's move, ladies!" Henry turns to the dancers, finally in their costumes.

Emma starts to walk out deflated when the door bursts open and a fiery red-head enters.

Cora and Henry both turn to her, matching mock smiles on their faces. "We are so happy you could make it. You missed the opening act and we were saying how amazing it would be if you made it to the next one."

"Sorry, I'm late, but beauty like mine takes time," she smirked as she started getting ready for her number.

"You know what else takes time, Zee? Finding a new job," Cora says with a deadly glare.

Zee laughed. "Yeah, right! You wouldn't have a show without me and you know it." Looking towards Emma, she orders, "Hey you, waitress. Get me a sour-apple martini A.S.A.P." She snaps her fingers as if by magic the drink would appear in her hand.

"Zee, she doesn't work here," Ashley said, smiling.

"Then she isn't busy, is she?" The redhead turns her attention to her mirror.

Emma stares back at the rude woman.

"Didn't your mama teach you it wasn't polite to stare?" Zee said mockingly.

Emma gasps, "I just can't help myself. You are so breathtaking."

Zee laughs, "Well, at least you have good taste. Stare away."

"You know, no one would ever guess." Emma smiles.

"Guess what?" Zee glares.

"That you're a man. Not that there's something wrong with that." Emma shrugs as she walks away.

Zee shrieks. "You little-"

Henry and Cora interrupt, "Zee, the show must go on."

Emma's on her way back to the bar as she notices the waitress from earlier flirting with a customer and ignoring the other patrons calling for her.

After a few stops, Emma finds her way to the bar. "I'll have a vodka and a cosmo for the big guy over there."

"Swan, what are you doing?" Killian asks.

"Killian, give me a chance and I'll show you I'm way better than her. She is too busy flirting to do her job. If I'm not better, you don't have to pay me," Emma pleads.

Killian sighs, "Alright. Let's see what you've got."

The next day, as Ashley starts the routine to 'Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend', Cora and Henry look on. The lounge is busy and the patrons are enthralled by the act on stage.

A kiss on the hand

may be quite continental

But diamonds are a girl's best friend

"Henry, isn't that girl the one that was backstage yesterday?"

Henry smiles, "I believe so."

Cora turns her attention to Killian. "Why is she tending to the customers?"

"She really needed the job and now she is our new waitress," Killian says.

Cora looks at the bartender. "Killian, darling. When did I make you, head of Personnel?"

"She just picked up a tray and started taking orders," he says as he scratches behind his ear.

Henry mutters, amazed. "Really?"

"Her name is Emma," Killian says with a hint of a smile.

Cora calls out, "Emma, hey Emma." She waves the young girl over.

Emma walks with purpose as if she's ready to fight to keep her newfound job.

Cora stands up and looks Emma up and down. She sighs. "You need to maximize your assets; you got them, show them. Work them to your advantage. Oh, and Emma, don't ever go behind my back again." The warning was evident in the older woman's voice.

Emma smiled, "Yes, ma'am."

"Emma, don't ever call me ma'am again," Cora hissed.

A flustered Emma replies, "Yes, sir. No, I mean your Highness. Cora."

Cora shakes her head. "Get on the floor, and remember to work it."

Tiffany's!

Cartier!

Black, Starr, Frost Gorham!

"Excuse me," a masculine voice calls to Emma.

Emma smiles. "Yeah, what can I get you?"

"Dewar's 18 on the rocks and a bottle of Dom for the table, and keep them coming. Oh, and will you let Zee know I'm here?"

"I'm sorry and you are…?" Emma asks.

"A Platinum member, Graham Humbert. And you are?"

"Emma," she replies.

"Emma," he repeats as she walks away.

Zee rushes backstage as she struggles to finish getting into her costume. She finds Henry looking on. "I know I'm late, but better late than never. What is that waitress doing here? I want her gone!"

"What did she ever do to you?" Henry asks.

"She said I looked like a man!" she scoffs.

Henry smiles. "Well, that can't be the first time you've heard that. Zee, go get dressed for the next act. Ashley had to go on in your place."

Zee shrieks, "Merlin, my spotlight!" She goes on stage and once there, pushes Ashley out of the way as she dances and lip-syncs.

"Damn it, Zelena!" Henry yells, frustrated. That girl is going to give him a heart attack.

I've heard of affairs that are strictly platonic

But diamonds are a girl's best friend…

"Emma!" Killian calls out. "Swan, what do you need?"

Emma snaps out of her singing daydream. "Dewar's 18 on the rocks and a bottle of Dom-"

"And keep them coming?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, so he is a regular then," Emma confirms.

"Graham Humbert, real estate tycoon and currently dating Zee," Killian says.

Emma sighs as her attention lands on the stage, "I wanna be up there."

He smiles as he finishes getting the order ready. "And do you have the talent?"

She nods, "Yes, I do."

"Good, you're up." He pushes the tray to her.

She rolls her eyes as she takes the tray.

He simply laughs.

Meanwhile, inside Cora's office in the back, Jonathan, Cora, and Graham are in conversation.

"Cora, the way I see it is simple. I assume all your financial obligations, and I pay you each five hundred thousand."

"Where is the partnership in that?" Cora turns to Jonathan.

"How about a partnership?" Jonathan asks Graham.

"Sorry, I'm not partner material. The deal is very generous. I leave with my final offer."

"Graham, tell me why is it that you want my club so badly?" Cora asks.

Graham shrugs. "I just like it, and when I see something I like, I have to have it."

"That must have made you very popular growing up as a kid," Cora snarks.

"I did okay."

"Cora, just think of what you could do with that money!" Jonathan says.

"You know what you can do with that money, Jonathan?"

"The way I see it is simple, you're in trouble and I'm in the position to help. We can all come out winners. Remember, you got that balloon payment due at the beginning of next month."

Cora turns angrily to Jonathan. "Seriously? Did you also tell him about the queen-of-hearts tattoo on my ass?"

"Of course not. This is just business."

"I don't think you will get another offer. At least not as generous as this one," Graham insists.

"Graham, I'm not interested. My club is not for sale," Cora says with finality.

"Think about it, the offer is on the table," Graham states before he leaves.

Zee has just returned backstage to get ready for the next number. as Emma arrives with drinks. "Ladies, here are your drinks!"

The girls stampede to get their drinks.

Cora makes her way through. "Wait one-second girls, which one of the drinks is Zee's?"

"Tom Collins and the shot," Emma replies.

Zee tries to grab the drink, but Cora beats her to it and drinks it with a smile on her face. "Here's mud in your eye, Zee.

Now I got a buzz, and you gotta change, you're on," Cora says.

"Just because you're my mother doesn't mean you can tell me what to do." Zee crosses her arms.

"Zee just go get ready," Cora demands with a look that could stop a beating heart.

Zee leaves in a huff.

Henry approaches Cora. "Honey, I don't know if you noticed, but was Jonathan talking to Graham Humbert?"

Cora sighs. "That would be because Graham wants to buy my club."

"Are you serious?" Henry replies.

Meanwhile, Emma hesitantly approaches the duo after hyping herself by the door.

"Cora, I was hoping I could run an idea by you," she stammers, "on how to make the show better. I know you are really busy but-"

"Speaking of the show, have you talked to Dave about the new vocals?" Henry asked Cora as he looked over the costumes.

"Vocals, that's exactly what I was trying to talk to you about." Emma smiles. "None of the girls sing, they lip-sync."

"Except for Cora," Henry states as he turns all his attention to Emma.

Emma lets out a nervous laugh. "Right, except for Cora. I just think the audience would really love it if the girls would sing and dance."

Cora stands in front of Emma. "No, they wouldn't."

"Honey, the people come here to watch the dancers dance and lip-sync to the greats." Henry grabs Emma and guides her to the door.

Emma tries for one last attempt to make her case. "I just think this would work, I don't understand why we can't try something new."

"Because it's above your paygrade," Cora says. "Henry, please remove her."

"Emma, honey, I think your friend Killian needs you back," Henry says as he gives her the final push outside the door.

@rumdrum91 @itsfabianadocarmo @xsajx @hookedonapirate @kmomof4 @searchingwardrobes @seriouslyhooked @profdanglaisstuff @let-it-raines @revanmeetra87 @snowbellewells @hollyethecurious @kymbersmith-90 @branlovestowrite @thejollyroger-writer @shireness-says @ilovemesomekillianjones @thisonesatellite @thesschesthair @winterbythesea @stahlop @resident-of-storybrooke @superchocovian @lfh1226-linda @artistic-writer @thislassishooked @shardminds @winterbaby89 @xhookswenchx @ultraluckycatnd @gingerchangeling @laschatzi @wellhellotragic @xemmaloveskillianx @courtorderedcake @pirateherokillian @optomisticgirl @darkcolinodonorgasm @sherlockianwhovian @andiirivera @djlbg @nikkiemms @jennjenn615 @scientificapricot @officerrogers @imlaxdris71 @therealstartraveller776 @kday426 @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713 @donteattheappleshook @spacekrulesbians @lassluna @carpedzem @captainodonoghue @killian-will-do @jarienn972 @tehgreeneyes @demisexualemmaswan @queen-serena88 @swanslieutenant @tiganasummertree @whimsicallyenchantedrose @bethacaciakay @ohmakemeahercules @jonirobinson64 @klynn-stormz @mariakov81

#Captain Swan #cs ff #Captain Swan Movie Marathon #CSMM #csmm20 #teamhook

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bloody-bee-tea · 8 years ago

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Here is the story where Stiles makes so many puns that Peter nearly dies of laughter. Watch for the cut, it’s over 2.5k words. Most of these puns come from the light of my life, @chilassa.

Stiles knew that he wasn’t the most subtle person to ever grace this earth. But compared to the Hale’s he was a fucking ninja.

He couldn’t believe that no one had figured out yet that they were actually werewolves. Real, actual, honest to god werewolves. That no one knew about.

Stiles really started to question this town’s intelligence.

It took him three days to suspect what they were and after the full moon on the eighth day of their acquaintance, he was convinced and had damning proof right there.

They were having deer for dinner. Deer and rabbit. When none of them were a hunter and no one in that house owned a gun. That in itself was suspicious enough, but then, to top it off, they also let Stiles see the carcass before they cut it into smaller bits.

And a torn out throat is not exactly the death a hunter, a human hunter, would inflict on some poor deer. Werewolves though…. They most definitely would.

Stiles had been suspicious before that though. Cora and Laura had roped him into some kind of friendship in less than a day, Stiles was still unsure how that actually happened, and even Derek seemed not to hate Stiles on sight, which was strange enough.

But they wouldn’t stop talking about how something, or even someone, smelled, they noticed people long before they even came in sight, they knew when someone was upset, and don’t even get Stiles started on all the touching. Though according to what he found online, scenting was more like it.

They were like a bull in a china shop and Stiles wondered how no one had figured it out yet.

And worse, how the Hale’s could think that they were subtle at all.

“So this has been sniffing,” Stiles declared when he made his way over to the door to leave. He was determined to find out how many dog/wolf related puns he could make before someone caught on to the fact that he actually knew.

Peter’s head snapped towards him, and Stiles was pretty sure that he was the only one with something even remotely resembling a brain.

“I think you mean spiffing,” Cora piped up and Stiles rolled his eyes.

“You’re very dogmatic, aren’t you?” he asked her and Peter started to laugh.

“Only when you use the wrong words,” Cora said and Stiles could tell that she was serious.

Well, at least Peter had already caught on. But as long as no one would admit that he was right, he would continue this.

~*~*~

Derek was restlessly fidgeting in his seat and Stiles knew it was because of the full moon. It made all of them restless.

Still. That didn’t mean he enjoyed being rushed. Especially not by Derek.

“I know you want to wolf down all this food,” he said with a little eyebrow waggle, “but we are waiting for your sisters.”

“I am not as impatient as you seem to think. I do have manners, you know,” Derek gave back without even reacting to Stiles pun, who mentally wrote down another point for himself. It was ridiculous how dense these people were.

~*~*~

Technically Stiles was at the Hale’s house to go over his chemistry project with Derek. Somehow that had ended in Laura giving him a rundown of the psychology class she had at her university.

“Don’t bore him to death, he’s the only fun one around,” Peter said when he entered the kitchen to apparently just linger around.

“Don’t listen to him, Laura, this is the most interesting thing I have heard all week. As you were,” he told her.

He saw Peter laughing from the corner of his eyes, and felt very good about himself, but Laura was frowning at her uncle.

“What has gotten into you?” she asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. Just some primal urge or something,” he threw casually over his shoulder before he left again.

Stiles almost choked on his mouthful of water.

“Yeah, or something,” he mumbled into his glass, almost inaudible, but Laura’s attention was instantly on him.

“What does that even mean?” she asked and Stiles had the sudden urge to smack his head into the desk.

The least subtle people ever.

~*~*~

Stiles had thought making a playlist for his special needs would be more difficult. But as it turned out there were hundreds of songs dedicated to wolves and the moon. It was actually a bit hard not to download them all.

Instead he restricted himself to thirteen for each topic and put them all on his phone.

He selected different ones as ringtones for all the Hale’s he had in his phone. Big Bad Wolf by In this Moment for Peter, Shakira with She-Wolf for Laura, Moonchild by King Crimson for Cora, A Wolf at the Door by Radiohead for Derek, and The Wolf by Fever Ray for Talia Hale, who Stiles was pretty sure was the alpha.

The first time Laura called him while he was at the Hale’s Derek frowned at him while Peter seemingly choked on air.

“I didn’t know you liked Shakira,” Derek said while he shot a concerned glance at Peter, who was beet red in the face.

“Are you alright, Peter?” Stiles asked him with the sweetest voice.

“Fine,” he choked out.

“You’re just over the moon Laura called, right?” Stiles asked further and he was pretty sure Peter would die if he didn’t stop trying to smother his laugh soon.

“Right,” he wheezed and then quickly left the room.

“Aren’t you going to answer it?” Derek asked and Stiles shrugged.

“I thought I’d let you enjoy this particular song first,” he told him, which only earned him a raised brow.

At one point they had to catch on. They just had to.

~*~*~

“Come on, let’s go,” Cora almost shouted in excitement. “We have the meat, let’s get going, come on, come on, come on.”

“Why don’t you start for the den first?” Stiles asked and saw the tell-tale shake of Peter’s shoulders. “I need something from home before I can deal with you pack and I am sure Peter would love do drive me.”

Cora didn’t even wait for Peter’s answer before she was off and Peter was quietly laughing behind Stiles.

“My god,” Stiles groaned and turned around to Peter. “They can’t all be this oblivious, can they?”

“I’m afraid so,” Peter gave back, but he was still chuckling. “Though I do admit it’s quite impressive to see you come up with pun after pun.”

“Will they ever catch on?” Stiles asked while he was quietly freaking out.

Peter’s joyance of this whole thing had been confirmation enough but this was almost as good as him admitting it.

“I wouldn’t hold my breath,” Peter told him. “But I also wouldn’t want to discourage you.”

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you write all of my brilliant puns down,” Stiles said but Peter only shrugged.

“Guilty as charged. I want to be able to tell them just how many, admittedly unsubtle, digs of you they missed once the wolf is out of the sack.”

“You’re evil,” Stiles stated and Peter laughed.

“I have to get my fun somewhere,” he gave back, before they finally made their way off to the car.

~*~*~

From then on, Stiles made sure to only use his better puns in presence of Peter.

While it was hilarious to see just how many cues the Hale’s missed, seeing Peter choke on air was almost better.

“What should I do?” Derek asked and Stiles briefly wondered how they came to the point where Derek came to him with relationship questions.

“Well……,” Stiles drew out, waiting until Peter in the kitchen took a sip of his water, “if I were were-you I’d accept,” he told Derek and silently preened when Peter spit the water all over the counter. Especially considering that Derek didn’t even react to his unusual wording.

“You’ve been waiting for her to notice you and now is your time. You’d be an idiot if you don’t go out with her.”

“Alright,” Derek lowly admitted and shot a glance at the kitchen. “You alright there, Peter?” he asked.

“Never better,” he managed between coughs and Derek shrugged before he clasped Stiles on the shoulder.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” Stiles said to an already leaving Derek before he made his way over to the kitchen.

“You know, ever since you came along, my family has been questioning my sanity,” Peter complained.

“Rightfully so,” Stiles said. “Considering their general bullheadedness about this whole business, you do seem to be the odd one out.”

“You’d only have half as much fun if I weren’t,” Peter told him with a smirk.

“True enough,” Stiles sighed and then went to find Derek and check if he really accepted the date.

~*~*~

“I’m not small,” Cora hissed while Laura laughed her ass off.

“You’re tiny,” she wheezed and Cora tried to tackle her to the ground.

“Am not,” Cora shouted while chasing after Laura.

“You are! Look at you! I was already taller when I was your age and I have the tally marks on the door to prove it,” Laura laughed while she dashed out of Cora’s way yet again.

“Stiles. Make her stop,” Cora demanded and Stiles laughed.

“While I do appreciate your confidence in me, I doubt I could. And come on Cora, just because you’re the runt of the litter, you don’t have to be so angry,” he casually tossed out, right before Cora tackled him to the ground.

“Uffff,” Stiles went as he heavily crashed down, Cora on top, but he could still hear Peter’s laugh in the house.

~*~*~

Derek was fidgeting. Again. For a supposedly born werewolf he had surprisingly little control. Sure, he had never shifted in front of anyone, at least not that Stiles could tell, but he really didn’t have a grab on all his other tells.

Such as the rapid leg shaking he was doing right now.

“What has you all nervous and fidgeting?” Stiles asked while he flopped down next to Derek on the couch.

“None of your business,” Derek bit out and Stiles rolled his eyes.

“It’s that time of the month again, huh?” he asked and that actually stopped Derek.

Stiles heart beat just that little bit faster, because maybe, finally, someone other than Peter had caught on.

“You do realize I am not a girl, right?” Derek asked and Stiles only barely suppressed a groan while Peter smacked his book to his face.

A boy could wish.

~*~*~

Stiles was so dedicated to this whole thing that he even ordered a ‘Team Jacob’ shirt.

“Team Jacob?” Laura asked when he wore it for the first time.

“Yeah, you know. Twilight? I’m all for the werewolves,” Stiles gave back.

Laura only stared at him.

“You do know Twilight, right? Sparkling creeper vampires, fluffy creeper werewolves, ‘I’m so in love’ fragile human?” Stiles inquired, because how was this even his life, where someone didn’t know Twilight.

“Ah,” was all he got from Laura, while Peter seemed to seriously doubt the sanity of his family in the background.

“We’re gonna have to do a movie marathon. Get the whole brood together, make a big puppy pile and enjoy ourselves,” Stiles decided and already composed a text in the Hale group on his phone to let them know that their little den would be hijacked by him.

Laura left him to it, but Peter lingered around, quickly reading the message.

“Impressive,” he eventually said and Stiles shook his head.

“The only impressive thing is how still no one caught on. I’m running out of things to say,” he complained and Peter snickered.

“Oh, I’m sure you can still drag it out for a bit. Say maybe another month.”

Stiles narrowed his eyes at Peter. “What do you know that I don’t?” he asked but Peter only shrugged.

“You’ll have to wait,” he tossed over his shoulder before he too left Stiles alone.

~*~*~

Eventually, like in all good friendships, the topic of Harry Potter came up.

“Come on, Stiles, it’s your turn. What was your favourite moment?” Cora asked him eagerly and Stiles could see Peter already hiding his smirk.

The bastard just knew him too well.

“Mh,” Stiles mused, pretending like he had to think about it first. “I think my favourite moment was in Prisoner of Azkaban. You know, where Hermione figured out that Lupin was a werewolf but didn’t tell anyone to protect him. I think that really resonated with me,” Stiles eventually said with a little eyebrow waggle.

“I would never have guessed that,” Cora said seriously and Stiles sighed.

“No, of course you wouldn’t,” he mumbled while he watched Peter laugh.

It happened so frequently recently that his family didn’t even question what Peter was laughing about anymore. Stiles felt like he was at the end of his rope here.

~*~*~

It was two weeks later that Stiles was invited for dinner again and when he entered he was immediately led into the living-room where all the Hale’s where gathered. Stiles barely suppressed the urge to do a victory dance, because he was pretty sure this was it. The big reveal. Finally.

“Why don’t you sit down?” Talia told him with a gesture towards the only empty chair. “We need to talk,” she seriously said and Stiles would be worried if Peter wasn’t sitting so obviously eagerly on his chair.

“What’s up?” Stiles asked and Talia shared a look with her family.

“Listen. What we’re about to tell you might seem strange, but we need you to believe us,” she started and Stiles wanted to roll his eyes. This was embarrassing.

There was another moment of hesitation before Talia gravely said “We are werewolves.”

Stiles was determined to make this as good for himself as he could manage and so he kept his poker face on, until they started to shuffle and shift, obviously uncomfortable and worried about his lack of reaction.

When he felt like he let them stew for enough, Stiles said in the most deadpan voice he can muster “Yes. I am a were.”

Dead silence settled over the room for a few seconds before Stiles started to cackle so hard he almost fell of his chair.

Only then did Peter start to laugh too, which prompted Talia to look accusingly at her brother.

“He knew? And you knew he knew?” she wanted to know and Peter couldn’t even talk he’s laughing so hard.

“Oh come on,” he said after he calmed down. “He has been making puns for three months now. How can you not have noticed?”

“Puns?” Laura asked with a frown.

“Seriously?” Stiles groaned. “The runt of the litter? Over the moon? Wolf it down?”

“The song thing? His favourite Harry Potter moment? The ‘Team Jacob’ shirt? He hasn’t been subtle at all,” Peter told them, which only gained him some stern glances.

“And you didn’t think to tell us this?” Derek asked and Peter just shrugged.

“Honestly, if you couldn’t figure it out by yourself…. And I wasn’t about to ruin all the fun for me.”

“That’s why you’ve been laughing all this time,” Cora finally caught on.

“Exactly.”

“Oh my god,” Laura exclaimed and put her head in her hands. “We’re idiots.”

“Finally it settles in,” Stiles said with glee. “It took you long enough.”

“Please tell me you’ll stop now,” Derek said, clearly thinking back to all the puns he missed.

“Oh no. You won’t get away this easy. It’s gonna be punishment for all the times you missed in the past.”

There was a collective groan only interrupted by Peter’s chuckles, while Stiles sauntered out of the room, playing ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’ on his phone. This would be great.

#bt writes #stiles stilinski drabble #teen wolf drabble #puns #steter drabble #so many pun #peter has the most fun in years #the hale's are oblivious #hale pack

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