#could imagine the High of reliving moments that made me happy just ends up swinging into the low of missing it so damn much

[icharchivist]

after a fun day reminiscing about how fun a3 is, i’m just getting a wave of sadness again from the closure of the EN server. I know that catching up with the JPN server would just be ideal but there’s something very eerie about seeing the characters i’ve spent my daily life with, with the feeling of time passing by, having so much more experience than where i last left them and it feels overwhelming to catch up essentially 4 years of content. Not to mention always the bittersweetness of really seeing just how far this journey had taken them.

I just really miss a3 and the daily aspect of it, i miss my children, i want to hold them so bad. I love them so much. Guh. 

[fawnandshadows]

After the Ceremony - Chapter 3

I had so much fun writing this chapter, and I could not be more excited to share it! Please let me know what you guys think, and I also wanted to thank everyone for their support because I was so convinced that no one was going to read this, and I am so incredibly flattered at the response I have received. This story is also available on AO3

Summary: Elain and Azriel after Nesta and Cassian's Mating Ceremony.

Words: 2,938

Story Rating: M

Elain was giddy. She couldn’t remember the last time she woke up and was excited about the day ahead of her. Well, before the solstice she used to wake up and be content and hopeful. She would tend to her garden and try to make the world a more beautiful place; gardening was something that she was good at, something that she enjoyed, and it was something that was just hers. There were many times, before Feyre had been taken, that she wished she could have done something more substantial for her family, but they couldn’t afford the seeds to grow any food, and she didn’t even know how to grow food. So, once Elain settled into her fae life enough, she decided to learn a valuable skill - one that almost anyone would approve of.

She learned how to bake, and then she learned how to cook. The twins were surprisingly gracious and they were more than welcoming and patient with her, and before long Elain started to think of Nuala and Cerridwen as friends. The first friends she ever made that were hers, and hers alone. She knew they worked for Feyre, Rhysand, and Azriel, but the twins weren’t friends with them.

It was during this time that Elain started to hope to see Azriel every day when she woke up. Whenever she was with the twins there was always a part of her that wanted Az to show up and ask for a report, he almost never did, but she imagined it just the same. He would come in after a long day, and she would offer him the chocolate chip cookies she baked herself - Elain made those cookies at least once a week after learning they were his favorite- and they would simply enjoy each other’s company. She dreamed that he would open up to her, because the Mother knew he needed someone to talk to, and Elain would give him a lovely, cozy space where he would forget about his spy business for a bit. A space that he could think of as home.

And then there were the daydreams where Elain imagined they did a little bit more than talk. On many occasions, when Elain was alone in the kitchen baking bread and covered in flour, she thought of Azriel storming into the kitchen in a flurry of emotion - sometimes it was anger, but it could have been passion, or even an overwhelming lust - and he would take her into his arms and kiss her as if his life depended on it. They almost always ended up covered in flour, or whatever Elain was cooking, and right when her imagination was starting to get interesting somebody inevitably walked into the kitchen, and it was almost never the person she wanted it to be. Sometimes her family could be such busy bodies.

None of her fantasies lived up to the real thing.

The real Azriel, the one crafted from flesh and blood and bone, was so exquisite that her dirtiest most intense fantasy seemed childish.

Her heart pounded wildly just thinking about it.

A soft knock sounded from the door, disrupting Elain from the memories she was reliving over and over again, and Elain told whoever was knocking to come in. She briefly entertained the idea of feigning sleep, but she had already lazed in bed for almost an hour. A small indulgence she allowed herself - normally she would rise with the sun and immediately throw herself into the garden, or help with breakfast, or do something to show she was useful.

Feyre, to Elains surprise, entered the room and shut the door behind her.

“Good morning.” Elain raised herself up and smiled at her sister.

Feyre had not yet dressed for the day, she still wore her navy silk nightgown and robe, and it warmed Elains heart to see her sister in such finery. She was happy that Feyre found herself a mate that treated her like a queen - she deserved it after everything she did for their family. There were times when Elain felt the crushing urge to hug her sister, and she decided after last night to grant herself those small kindnesses - she had come to learn that it was never a bad thing to show someone you loved them, even if you couldn’t say it.

Elain had opened her arms and said, “Doesn’t it seem like a fine morning for a cuddle?”

Feyre laughed and walked over to her sister before plopping herself into the bed and into Elain’s open arms.

“We haven’t done this in forever,” Feyre said with a sigh - as if she were remembering the last time it happened and how everything had changed since then. “As much as I love Rhys he tends to hog the bed. He kicks off all the covers and then has the audacity to accuse me of stealing them, can you believe that,” Even though Feyre’s voice held a hint of exasperation Elain knew there was a smile on her face, probably one that found its twin on Elains face. “I barely got any sleep last night. Nyx woke up crying and I had to search the entire house for his favorite toy, you know the one - the stuffed bat that Cassian got him. Somehow it ended up downstairs in the ballroom.”

Elain felt tears start to well in her eyes. She was just so happy for Feyre, and her joy was only amplified knowing that Feyre was happy. Feyre was completely, utterly, and divinely happy.

“Is that why you decided to join me this morning? To get some peace and quiet?” Elain asked.

It was Feyre that almost stumbled upon her and Azriel last night. Her cheeks warmed not only at the memory, but at the fact that Feyre almost saw them. Elain was almost certain that Feyre didn’t know about the scene she interrupted, but still she wanted to make sure.

“Yes and no,” Feyre said, and Elain could tell from her voice that she wasn’t going to like what her sister said. Feyre shifted on the bed to face Elain. “Were you downstairs last night. I thought I smelled you, and you know how not great I am at distinguishing scents,” It was true. For all of her power and abilities, a keen sense of smell wasn’t one of them. “But I thought I smelled you downstairs when I was looking for Nyx’s bat. Of course when I actually got into the room you weren’t there, and I know my nose has been sensitive ever since I was pregnant, so I could have just been smelling you from earlier.”

A small smile tugged at Elains lips, and the delightful urge to share with her sister moved through her.

“Can I tell you something?” She asked shyly.

Feyre’s eyebrows raised as she said, “Of course.”

“I need you to be my sister. Not High Lady.”

At Feyre’s nod Elain couldn’t hold back. In excited whispers she told her sister everything that she felt, and most of what transpired last night, Elain kept some of the more private details to herself.

“That explains the torn nightgown.” Feyre commented at one point, and Elain couldn’t contain the giggle that burst out of her. It had never really been like this between her and Feyre, Elain had always drifted more towards Nesta, but she was glad to have this moment with her younger sister.

“Feyre,” Elaid started with a bit of hesitation. “Has Rhysand ever talked to you about me?”

Feyre’s brow furrowed a bit as she thought.

“He adores you, and he thinks of you as his own sister, but I can’t think of anything recently.” The two sat in silence for a moment before Feyre exclaimed, “Oh! He loved the tarts you made the other day, the apple ones, he was rather put out that you saved the last one for Az,” Feyre nudged her with her shoulder. “Although that makes sense now.”

“He hasn’t mentioned anything else?”

“No, why? Should he have?”

Elain debated whether or not she should share this part, that part of Rhys being a meddlesome mother hen, with Feyre. She thought that her sister would be on her side, but Elain didn’t want to be responsible for a rift between her sister and her mate.

She shook her head and said, “No reason. He just stepped on my toes a little harshly last night, but it wasn’t his fault. Cassian was practically falling on him, and when Rhys tried to get out of the way he landed on my foot. I was hoping to tease him about it today, but I’m afraid he might have been a little too tipsy to remember it.”

Before Feyre had the chance to respond, Nyx's cry filled the air.

“I suppose the day has to start at some point,” Feyre said and she rolled out of bed. “Starting it with my sister and son seems like a pretty good way.”

Elain nearly tripped over her cobalt dress as she rushed down stairs. She couldn’t help it. She was just too excited to start the day and to see Azriel again. She wanted to see him in the light of day, not that she minded seeing him in the shadows of the night when it was only them and the Mother, but Elain wanted to see his face blush with unobstructed vision, and she wanted his hazel eyes warm in the light of the sun.

It had been too long since they allowed themselves to be together in the light of day.

When she reached the kitchen Elain wasn’t surprised to see it was only Nuala and Cerridwen in the kitchen. Her friends gave her sly smiles as they took in her goofy grin and red cheeks before saying good morning to her.

“Good morning,” Elain replied, eyeing the cinnamon rolls that just came out of the oven. The rest of her family must have been waiting in the living room before breakfast, and a thought popped into Elain’s head. “Did you guys use the recipe we just came up with?”

“Yes.” They said in unison.

Elain didn’t stop herself from piling three rolls onto a plate and filling up a mug with coffee. She bit her lip to contain her excitement as she made her way to the swinging door, saying a quick goodbye to her friends before leaving the kitchen.

The trek to the living room was short, but the anticipation made butterflies flutter in her stomach. She knew what she was about to do, she was going to offer food to another male while her mate was in the room, but Elain was determined she wasn’t going to hide her feelings anymore. She brought Rhysand and Cassian food all the time whenever she wanted to surprise them. Elain even went out of her way to bring Amren the croissants she liked because Elain remembered how Amren was the only one who thought her strong enough to look for the Dread Trove objects, and Elain wanted to show her appreciation.

When Elain stepped into the living room no one noticed her. No one but Azriel that is, and even though he didn’t show it she was certain he was aware of her presence.

Azriel was on the far side of the room, in front of a big bay window, smiling down at More. Hesitation and fear threatened to break her resolve, but Elain moved before she could talk herself out of it. She suddenly remembered the one burning question she had forgotten to ask.

She had to trust Azriel.

As she approached them Elain was suddenly overwhelmed by Azriels beauty. She spent so long avoiding him that it almost felt indecent to look at him freely and openly in the light of day. The morning sun illuminated his tan skin and set his hazel eyes aflame. She could even make out a hint of blue in his inky hair. Hair that she had just found out was as soft as it looked.

“Good morning,” Elain said as she stopped a few feet away from them. “I brought you something. I know you love to have sweets in the morning, but you’re too disciplined to indulge yourself.”

His face was unreadable, but there was an undeniable warmth in his eyes as he looked at her. Elain was sure he noted that her cobalt dress matched his siphons which caused his eyes to go molten. Elain heard the conversations turn dull, just for a moment, before returning back to normal - and she was certain that a pair of violet eyes were watching their every move.

Elain could also feel vexation radiating off of Lucien as he watched them from his place next to the fireplace. Feyre, Elain noticed on her way in, planted herself firmly between Lucien and the group Elain was with.

Azriel took one step towards her, and Elain inhaled deeply his scent of night chilled mist and cedar. A small thrill skittered down her spine as his scent intertwined her own. Az let out a raspy thank you before taking the plate and the mug. He took a deep sip on coffee, his bright eyes maintaining contact with hers over the lip of the mug, and Elain would have sworn that the entire room disappeared.

Her eyes left his for a moment as they watched his tongue trace over his lips. Elains hands fisted in her dress to stop herself from grabbing his face and kissing the coffee away.

Elain watched as he set the coffee on the windowsill before picking up a cinnamon roll and taking a bite. A small groan emitted from the back of Azriels throat.

“Good morning.” A chipper voice broke Elain’s connection to Az.

Elain mentally shook herself as she looked at the blond standing with them. She had completely forgotten Mor was here standing with them, and Elain recognized the amusement in Mor’s tone.

“Good morning,” Elain managed a small smile as a furious blush overtook her face. From the knowing grin on Mor’s face Elain knew she had witnessed everything that just happened between her and Az. “You’re a lovely dancer. I saw you last night.” Elain had hoped to distract Mor with conversation.

“I think you might have been more interested in my partner.” Mor winked at her, and her face somehow turned warmer. She was blushing more than she ever had before. Elain noted the satisfied, and proud grin, that formed if Azriel’s beautiful lips. She wanted to kiss that grin off his face.

Mor looked between the two of them, as if she could see something that they couldn’t, and a frown appeared between her eyebrows. She quickly excused herself and left the room.

“Was it something I said?” Elain asked as she watched the blonde leave. “I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?”

“Of course not,” Az said quickly. His hand reaching out to touch her, she shivered at the feel of his calloused hands on her skin. He quickly dropped her hand and reached for his mug, took a sip, and then thought for a moment before offering it to her. “You are never an interruption.”

Elain didn’t hesitate before taking a drink of his coffee, she had brought it to him black because he liked it that way, and Elain almost always dumped way too much sugar in her own coffee. It thrilled her to know they were sharing a drink, and that they were doing it in front of everybody. They were done hiding. It moved her, and made her insides turn to gooey, as she realized that this was a giant step for them - that it was Azriel that initiated it. They could write off her bringing him breakfast, but sharing a drink was as intimate as they have been in front of everyone else.

Her eyes widened as she felt a damn break inside of her. Before her eyes, a silvery blue chord appeared and flowed towards Azriel, who just looked at it in complete surprise. It looked like a river flowing from her heart into his and after a moment or two it dissipated.

They looked at each other without saying a word, but somehow they were more aware of each other. She swore if she concentrated hard enough she would be able to feel his heart beating in his chest.

No one else seemed to be aware of what had passed between them. The conversation still raging around them, and Elain knew that if Lucien had seen what happened he wouldn’t have stayed put on the opposite side of the room.

“Do you know-” Elain cut herself off at the shake of Azriels head.

Elain opened her mouth to say something, she didn’t know what, but stopped at the appearance of the twins and the announcement that breakfast was served. She brought her hand to his tentatively, giving him the option of pulling away, and gasped at the jolt that went through her as their skin touched.

What every passed between them felt electric, and Elain noticed the warmth that was pooling between her legs and the need to rip her dress off to feel more of Azriel’s skin on her.

“Ready for breakfast,” A friendly voice asked her and a heavy arm landed on her shoulder. Elain looked up to see Cassian smiling down at her, looking a little too fresh considering how drunk he was last night. “Not everyone got special cinnamon rolls this morning.” Cassian winked over his shoulder as he steered her out of the room.

[link4eva]

Kiro’s Satisfaction Date Translation (完满之约) [CN] Part 1/2

Hey, everyone! I have a couple of short but important notes to give before reading.

I don’t actually know any Chinese so this translation was done through the power of Google Translate.

This translation contains spoilers for Kiro’s 2021 Birthday Date in the CN server. So if you wish to not be spoiled, please don’t look below the cut. There is a R&S to go along with this date which has been translated by the lovely @keliosyfan​ . I’ll put the link to it here! I definitely recommend reading that first before reading this date.

I tried posting this date earlier but Tumblr doesn’t seem like it can handle all the Kiro goodness in one go. So, this date is split into two parts to try and manage that. You can find the second part here! The call that comes with this date can be found here!

Hope you enjoy!~

*Spoliers for future content below!*

The melodious violin sound filled the lecture hall.

Kiro closed his eyes and the tip of his left finger pulsed gently on the strings of the violin, pulling out beautiful notes.

I stood behind the cameras in the last row of the lecture hall. As I was looking at him through the camera, I couldn’t pull my gaze away.

Kiro’s birthday was finally here, but this year, it is a bit more special.

He was invited by his high school alma mater to come to California for a special performance on his birthday.

And this also happened to be the site of Kiro’s special live birthday broadcast.

Kiro: I am very happy to be back today. I know that you must be very sleepy listening to the song just now, so….  

Kiro raised the corners of his mouth, turned his head back and nodded slightly to the pianist on the side, and then lightly plucked the strings with his right hand; a crisp echo coming through.

Kiro: Let’s be happy. 

The brisk piano sounded, and “Canon” flew in through everyone’s ears between Kiro’s fingertips and the plucked strings.

The students sitting in the lecture hall opened their eyes wide; it was almost as if the notes were like tiny birds flying around in the soft sunlight. *Took some liberty here.*

But this was just the beginning.

Whether it is “Caprice 24”, “Carmen Fantasia”, and other classical pieces, or adaptations of popular songs--

They were all under the influence of Kiro’s fingertips, full of vitality.

It seems that the light of the entire world is focused on him at this very moment, bright and dazzling.

The last piece performed seemed to be a little different from the ones previously. Kiro looked a little cautious. He looked at me from a distance and a smile slowly appeared on his face.

Kiro: The last piece is one that is special to me. It’s a bit rusty as I haven’t played it for many years. 

Kiro: I hope you don’t mind.

He raised the bow, quietly stood still for a few seconds, and then began to play the first few notes.

The tune of this piece is very slow. It seems a bit lonely without the piano accompaniment.

Perhaps no one knows the meaning of this song except for Kiro. We are all his sharers, listening to him tell a story with only a melody.

Listening to this piece, I quietly looked at Kiro’s face and thought of the gift I had prepared for him. I fell into deep thought.

Soon, the piece was over.

Kiro bowed very formally and finally sat on the edge of the stage amidst the applause with his legs swinging in the air, holding the violin and looking at the audience in front.

Kiro: In fact, your principal invited me to come, hoping that I would tell you about my experience and give some advice.

Kiro: But I think you guys don’t want to listen to all that! After all, when I was a kid, I didn’t really like listening to other people’s suggestions. 

In the end, his mumbling was infinitely amplified by the microphone, and the students sitting below laughed together.

Kiro: It’s everyone’s first time coming to this world. Just be happy and be yourself. 

Kiro: I never felt that I was such a special person. Although, everyone would laugh at me when I said this.

Kiro: But I always think, I just have the most love and precious things in my life for me.

He lowered his head and looked at the violin in his arms then hummed a song and looked up in the direction where I was.

Kiro’s whole body seemed to be bathed in the sun, and his smiling eyes met mine.

Kiro: I don’t know if you have encountered it.

Kiro: For me, it has always been with me in countless moments of silence. 

Kiro: It illuminates me and gives me the courage to keep going forward. *Took some liberty here.*

Kiro sat there quietly, peacefully, and sincerely.

Kiro: Today is my birthday. Thank you for your blessings. I also want to share this blessing with you.

Kiro: I wish you all find what you love the most, and stay true to yourselves.

Kiro: I wish that you will always be yourself.

[Second Part]

Kiro: MC, how did I do just now!

After making sure that the students had left, Kiro jumped off the stage and rushed to me.

The bangs on his forehead were drenched with sweat and they stuck together, revealing those bright and beautiful blue eyes.

MC: It can only be said that it is better than the best. As expected of Kiro! 

After hearing my compliment, his eyes curved with a smile like a bear eating honey. He wiped the corners of his mouth with satisfaction.

Savin contacted the school club week, filming and other activities that Kiro participated in during this California trip.

I calculated Kiro’s limited time and pulled him into a corner.

MC: Happy birthday, Kiro!

Kiro: You wished me so early this year. And it also seems that you have something secret to show me.

MC: Actually, I did prepare some special birthday arrangements ahead of time.

MC: But after seeing your performance just now, I suddenly changed my mind.

Kiro was taken aback when he heard me and blinked in confusion.

MC: Last year, you used the treasure map to let us relive all the precious times together. (MC’s referencing Treasure Hunt Date which will be released April 6 on the ENG server)

MC: So now, I really want to ask what Kiro wants to do on his birthday today.

MC: This time I’ve come back to visit the school where you studied. Here are four years’ worth of your past and memories.

MC: Is there anything that Kiro did not realize at that time, or what Kiro wants to do here?

MC: I can help satisfy you. 

Kiro stood firmly in front of me with the bright light hooked onto his face, quietly showing the heedfulness and expectation in his eyes.

Kiro: ….Really?

MC: Of course! Today is your birthday, so naturally, you are the most important on your birthday!

MC: So, I will accompany you in whatever you want.

Kiro smiled.

He tiptoed backstage and took out his violin bag. After exchanging glances, we looked towards Savin and retreated towards the door.

As soon as he stepped out the door, Kiro took my hand and staggered out of the lecture hall.

(Cut to outside)

I didn’t know where Kiro was taking me. But as long as he is holding my hand, I am willing to accompany him wherever he goes.

Kiro ran ahead of me, turning his head back with a smile.

Kiro: Actually, when I first came to California, I was not used to many different things.

Kiro: So for my first birthday here, I was very impressed with all the choices. At that time, I had a lot of things I wanted to do. But in the end, I didn’t do them for various reasons. 

Kiro took my hand and pulled me around the corner across from the playground on the campus. He pushed away a tree branch that was casting a shadow and came to stand under a high wall at the edge of the school.

Kiro: First, I wanted to do this--

In my confused state, Kiro stretched out his right hand pretentiously and raised his palm in the air.

Kiro: Skip class. 

The air seemed to stand still for a few seconds. I looked at the high wall, then turned my gaze back to Kiro who was eager to try and couldn’t help laughing.

Kiro: Okay, I know it’s a little immature.

Kiro: When I was in class, the school was super strict. When I made a wish on my birthday, I had one wish in mind--

Kiro: “Ah! I really want to skip class.”

MC: Have all the big stars ever had this idea?

Kiro: Kiro was not a big star back then, and that big star was also an ordinary person. 

Kiro looked at the high wall with excitement, the scattered sunlight fell on him through the lush green leaves.

I seem to be able to see Kiro, who was 14-years-old, laying his head on the desk, looking at the sky.

The sky is so wide; it seems like you can go anywhere.

MC: It seems a bit difficult to climb but we can try.

I was about to try. Kiro had already stepped on the small holes of the wall, stretched out his arms methodically, and climbed onto the wall in the blink of an eye.

MC: ….?!

Kiro: Sure enough, it’s not as difficult as I had imagined. I will teach you! 

While talking, he jumped back down silently and came back to me.

He pointed to the hole in the wall and demonstrated it again in front of me.

Following his direction, I stepped swiftly on the wall like a clumsy gecko.

Kiro: Miss Chips, give me your hand.

I raised my head and habitually stretched out my hand in response. In the next second, I felt that I was being strongly pulled and I fell into a warm embrace.

MC: Why were you so scared of skipping class?

Kiro: This is just the beginning.

The distant school building faced Kiro’s back. He raised the corners of his mouth and winked his left eye at me.

I suddenly thought of myself; 14-year-old me and 14-year-old Kiro.

I’m in Loveland City and he is abroad in California.

I dozed off at my desk in the warm afternoon, and he was probably humming a gentle tune among the stars.

At that time, we hadn’t become adults and we were separated by a distant time; like two parallel lines that would never meet at all.

But these two lines seem to overlap at this moment.

Kiro: I’m ready to climb.

He whispered in my ear, and before I could react, he gently pulled me towards him and hugged me.

MC: Kiro! Kiro, you….! 

Kiro: In fact, I have imagined skipping class many times.

Kiro lowered his face and the sun was behind him. A golden outline was drawn on his body.

Kiro: But none of this is what it is today.

As he lightly pushed his foot, I couldn’t help but hug his neck tightly.

At that moment of flight, the whole world was silent, leaving only two intertwined heartbeats with similar rhythms to be heard.

Kiro: Sure enough, MC’s existence can revive my imagination. 

[Third Part]

Kiro: The next thing is-- 

In an empty fast food restaurant, Kiro bought two “actually real” meal sets and sat with me in front of the window facing the street.

Kiro: Eat junk food! 

MC: Pff, why are all the things you wanted to do so cute?

Kiro: It’s okay, just laugh if you want, hmph.

Kiro: Since I debuted, I hadn’t touched any junk food. Potato chips were the first things I had finally eaten when I first met you many years later.

MC: Well, what did you do when you were craving junk food?

Kiro: Restrain, hold back, pretend there was a gun to my head. *Translation came out a little weird here so I hope this is right.*

He muttered, opened his mouth and took a bite of the burger, and sighed particularly contentedly.

MC: Why don’t you restrain yourself now then? 

Kiro: It’s different now. 

He answered without hesitation and quickly finished the burger.

Kiro: Because you are here.

MC: Are you trying to say that I seduce you into committing food crimes? 

Kiro: That’s right!

MC: You!

Kiro: But of course it is more than that.

Kiro: Because you are here, it’s okay to indulge a bit. 

He propped his head with his right hand and looked at me sideways. A spot of light fell on his defined eyelashes like he had a secret full of mischief.

With a straw in his mouth, the soda gurgled. As it gurgled, it seemed to have filled my heart at the same time.

MC: Then I will help you sneak some more snacks in next time?

Kiro: Although that sounds very exciting, I still want to have more opportunities to be handsome in front of you.

Kiro: Compared with “snack-loving Kiro”, I’d rather you have “handsome Kiro” in your heart. 

He snapped his fingers, his eyes gleaming.

Looking at him like this, I subconsciously followed along and laughed.

MC: Of course you are the most handsome Kiro in the world!

We were sitting in front of the shop window; I was eating a burger and Kiro was telling me about his time in California.

Some difficult lectures to sit through, baseball games he had to participate in, exquisite violin decorations, yellow balloons from children….

He traced the past for me, like an old movie that spans over a long period of time.

Under the immersion of time, with some nostalgia mixed in, the pictures in the memories appear more vivid and beautiful.

After leaving the restaurant, Kiro rented a car and waited on the side of the road. 

(Cut to the highway)

We are cruising along the highways of California and the endless highways spread to the distant sky; it was almost as if we could reach the edge of the sky.

I suddenly thought of a memory from when I first came to California a long time ago and Kiro seemed to think of the same memory as me.

Kiro: I have checked the car, again and again, this time. It will definitely not break down! (He’s referencing his Los Angeles Date which is a sweet and funny one. Definitely recommend. It’s been released on the ENG server already.)

MC: Are we going to Santa Monica this time?

He shook his head mysteriously at me and jingled some special keys in his hand.

Kiro: This time, I want to take my dazzling pearl to another dazzling place in my heart. 

The scenery along the highway was quickly left behind by us. It also seemed that the time that was always moving forward quickly and impossible to stop was left out of the scenery.

The tides rolled on the coast and the seabirds used their wings to draw a neat arc in the air, in the sea and the sky.

There is a boat anchored quietly by a small port beside a bay.

(Cut to beach)

After getting out of the car, Kiro took the girl by the hand and moved towards the coast. The sea breeze blew her hair gently. He had never felt that his heart had been so at ease.

Here, the excitement is like a flood. And with it is more peace of mind. *Translation came out wonky here.*

The girl stood in front of him, watching him quietly.

At that moment, he seemed to see the blossoming of his dreams.

Many years ago, he had seen himself on a stage amongst the stars.

And now, it is once again full of his entire world.

The third thing is--

He said softly in his heart.

Bring my favourite person in the world to my home in California.

I watched Kiro raise the corners of his mouth, the brilliant light fell into his smiling eyes, but he didn’t speak.

MC: Is coming here the third thing you wanted to do?

Kiro: Bingo! The third thing is-- 

Kiro: Come to this bay with you.

MC: Liar, you didn’t know me at the time, how could you think of coming with me?

Kiro: Of course it is because I reserved a place for you very early on.

MC: Then I am really honoured! Let me guess, this was your secret base in high school, right?

I looked at this “secret base expert” confidently, but he shook his head unexpectedly.

Kiro: This is my home. 

Here is Part 2! 

[whatshouldjustbeours]

Find Me (Jeller)

A/N: Hi, guys! So this is my contribution to the amazing @holidayblindspot. 

Set somewhere on season 2 after episode 2x13 and Jane is not serious with Oliver yet or it's over between them or let's just ignore his existence. Ok? Hahahaha. Well, enjoy!

He spent the whole Christmas Eve dinner thinking about her. 

The tattoo database had been mercifully silent that day, allowing them to stay at the NYO and not in the field getting shot at. By the end of their shift, the whole team was in Patterson’s lab, sharing a drink and their plans for the holiday.

Kurt watched as Jane tried to hide her pain, her… loneliness. She smiled when she knew she was supposed to but he still could read her like an open book. Even after everything that had happened, that hasn’t changed. He knew her and the conversation was making her uncomfortable and sad which probably meant she had no plans and no one to share the day with. 

“What about you, Jane?” - Patterson had asked her, suddenly putting her on the spotlight. 

She had fidgeted in place, looking from one member of the team to the other and just shrugged. 

“I’m going to share a meal with Roman and go home, I guess.” 

“You want to swing by my parent’s house later?” 

Jane had smiled - and this time Kurt noticed it was genuine and reached her eyes - always in awe of how precious and empathetic Patterson could be. 

“No, it’s okay, Patterson. I’m tired. I could use a few more hours of sleep. That is if nothing happens until tomorrow.”

“Oh, come on, Jane! Don’t jinx it!” - Zapata had said, laughing and saying her goodbyes. 

It bothered him that she only had a brother with no memories, a glass wall between them and a take out meal as her Christmas Eve but couldn’t bring himself to invite her to his plans. Even if things were better between them with each day that passed, and especially since after the night she brought him some beers and made him company, having dinner with him, Allie and Conor probably wasn’t high on her list. 

“You okay, Kurt? You seem a little distracted.” - Allie’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he found himself with only her on the table beside him, their empty plates gone. 

“I’m good.” - He smiled apologetically at her. Allie only rolled her eyes, letting him know she knew he was lying.

“How are things at the NYO?” - And it was his time to roll his eyes. She was digging, trying to figure out what was wrong with.

“Crazy. The usual.” - He really wasn’t in the mood to talk about the recent developments, like Roman or how Shepherd was observing him since his military academy days.

“How is Jane?”  - She asked unceremoniously, and Kurt raised an eyebrow at her.

“She is fine.” - He was even less inclined to discuss Jane.

“Good. I can’t imagine what she went through at the hands of the CIA. They are not the good guys all the time. But Jane is, even if she made mistakes. You know that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” 

“So have you forgiven her?”

He had never truly stopped to think about it but the answer came easily on his mind: yes. He had. He had had time by now to go through all the things that occurred: her mistakes, her choices, his mistakes, his choices. They had both done so many terrible ones. He analyzed so many scenarios in his head of how things could be different if one of them had been more smart, more honest, more rational. Except there was absolutely nothing rational about their relationship from the beginning and they both had paid the price.

Well, she had paid it much more highly than him, he could admit it now.

“Yeah.” - He smiled a little, his answer without a trace of doubt.

“And have you told her that?” - Allie knew he hadn’t. They had been together for almost a year when she finally got tired of his walls and lack of communication.

“What are you doing, Allie?” 

“You arrested her. She spent three months at the hands of the CIA, being tortured day in and day out. She got herself free. You guys dragged her back to the FBI. Hated her. Distrusted her. Don’t you think she deserves to hear you say it?”

He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. He avoided reliving the night he had arrested her with everything he had in him. It was one of the biggest mistakes of his life. One he would never forgive himself for. One that would always bring him agony. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” - Allie touched his arm. - “It’s none of my business.”

He opened his eyes, knew he wouldn’t be able to hide the emotions her words had caused but not particularly caring. He should have talked about it with someone a long time ago and Allie was one of his best friends.

“She deserves it. I’m just terrified she might say she can’t ever forgive me.”

To his surprise, Allie smiled, her hand squeezing his arm.

“Remember when I worked with you guys and she saved my life?” - He nodded, a shiver going through him. Things came fairly close to go to hell that day. - “When I told her I was pregnant with your child, she looked absolutely devastated.”

“Allie,”

“And when we did the gender reveal party, I observed her when she thought no one was looking and she still felt the same but was trying her damn best to hide it.” - She lifted a finger to prevent him from talking. - “That woman is in love with you. She never stopped loving you, even now, even after everything you did to each other, she still loves you. So yes, she will forgive you. She already has.”

It is possible to lie to someone and still love them very much.

“This pregnancy is making you mellow.” - He growled, not meaning it and she laughed. 

“Talk to her.”

“Why is this so important to you?”

“Because we go a long way, Kurt, and I’ve never seen you look at another woman the way you look at her. Not even me. You two have a connection. Everyone knows it. You know it. You are just too stubborn to do something about it.”

He shook his head, not quite believing this was how his night turned out to be: talking about Jane and confronting his feelings for her. Two things he tried his best not to do.

“I’m going to check on Conor and bring us more wine.” - She got up and he followed, ready to be somewhere else.

“I think I’m heading out, Allie. Thank you for dinner.” -  He hugged her tightly. - “Merry Christmas. Thank Conor for me.”

“Will do.” - She had a look that told him she knew exactly where he was going. - “Merry Christmas, Kurt.”

“See you.”

He let himself out, got out of the building and stopped on the sidewalk, letting the cold air clear his head. Did Jane love him? How could she, after everything he’d done? She cared about him, of that he was sure and that alone could explain a lot of her actions, couldn’t it? Allie was just flooded by hormones, making her a lot more sentimental and amplifying her romantic side.

Right?

He cursed under his breath, the image of Jane’s sad eyes haunting him for the thousandth time that night.

He started making his way to her safe house, telling himself it was just to keep her company and not to check if any of the things Allie said could be remotely true. No. It didn’t matter. She had moved on. He had moved on. They were friends. That was it.

xxxxx

She was on the couch, buried under the covers and reading a fiction book Patterson had recommended when a light knock on her door almost made her jump. It was past eleven o’clock on Christmas Eve so who the hell could it be?

When she opened the door, she was left speechless. Kurt Weller was the last person she expected to find out there.

“Hi.” - He said sheepishly, a small smile on his lips.

“Hey.” - She couldn’t help but smile at him too. He always had that effect on her. It was a great surprise and from his expression, he wasn’t there because the world was on the verge of ending.  

“Well, I bought these delicious beers and immediately thought of a thing a friend of mine once said.” - Her smile grew, remembering exactly what he was referring to. - “There's really no reason that we both should be sitting home alone when I’ve got these amazing Pennsylvania beer.”

“Well, this friend of yours is very wise.” - She replied, stepping aside and letting him in. 

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” - He said, nearly feeling guilty for intruding on her night like this. It was almost midnight after all. 

“No, no. It’s okay. I was just reading something.” - She gestured to the kitchen and he followed her there, depositing the six-pack on the counter, grabbing two, opening them and handing her one.

“Thanks.” - She took a sip, studying him. She had no idea what had led him to her safe house but her traitorous heart was telling her no matter the motive, he still made time to see her on a day like today and this knowledge warmed her from the inside out. 

Stop it, Jane. He moved on. He is with Nas. 

“So, how was your dinner with Roman?” - She focused on his words, trying to get out of the dangerous path that was letting Kurt Weller into her heart. Though part of her was certain he had never left it to begin with. But she wouldn’t, couldn’t think about it now.

He is with Nas.

Sometimes she thought if she repeated it enough, she could move on. Forget him. Forget what she felt for him.

“It was great. He might not remember much but he’s still my brother so it was special, even if we ate out of little cardboard boxes.” - She laughed and he couldn’t help but wonder the last time he heard her laughter. 

“I’m glad you could spend it with him, Jane.” - Roman was dangerous, unstable but he made her happy so his sentiment was genuine.

“Yeah, me too.” - Her last Christmas had been horrible. It was a few weeks after her torture session, courtesy of Thomas Carter; she was trying to push Kurt away and more confused than ever with Oscar’s snippets of information and mysterious missions. It was a time she often thought as the beginning of the end of the life she had started building since coming out of that bag and her relationships with the people in it, especially the one with the man in front of her right now.

She focused on him again, not wanting to dwell on that part of her last year. 

“So how was your dinner with Allie and her boyfriend?”

“It was great.” - And confusing, and revealing, and I really hate Allie right now. - “Conor is a nice guy. I’m glad she found him.” 

“I thought you’d be meeting Nas after your dinner.” - She went straight to the point, the way only Jane could do with him. He stared at her, at a loss for words. So she knew? He thought they were discreet. 

“No. I have no idea what she’s doing tonight or who she is with. It doesn’t matter.” - He calmly stated, watching her closely, hoping she got the message. 

Jane felt her heart leaping with this news, understanding what he was not saying and tried desperately to tamp it down. It didn’t mean anything for her. For them.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” 

Kurt just shrugged, not seeming to care about the end of his relationship in the least. She wanted to ask him why it didn’t work but couldn’t find the courage to do it so she just stayed quiet, enjoying her drink. They were getting closer but it still wasn’t close enough for her to ask whatever came to her mind.

“This movie is a classic.” - He broke the silence after a few seconds and pointed to the muted TV with his bottle. She looked in its direction, not recognizing it. To be honest, since she lost her memories, she had a lot of popular culture to catch up on, particularly movies.

“Is it?” 

“You still haven’t watched the Christmas’ classics?” - And when she shook her head, he sighed dramatically. - “We need to fix that, Jane.” 

She laughed at his expression and bit her lip, considering her next words.

Screw it. You are here. He is here.

“So are we starting tonight?” - She could see her question took him by surprise and she hid a smile. It was good to catch Special Agent Weller off guard sometimes.

“I was thinking of coming back here tomorrow and we could watch some of the favorite ones. It’s kinda late.” - And this way, he would make sure they could spend Christmas Day together.

“Do you have somewhere to be?” - She aimed a grin at him, both her eyebrows raised. Was she challenging him? Flirting with him? 

Was he losing his mind?

“No.” - This is where I want to be.

“So come on. I ‘ll grab some snacks, you grab the beers and we can move this party to the couch.”

He couldn’t think of a better plan for his holiday.

xxxxx

The movie was about Christmas wishes and how they could become true, no matter how impossible they seemed. By the end of it, Jane was silent, a contemplative expression on her face. 

“So, Jane…” - He found himself saying, the three bottles of beer he already had surely boosting his confidence. - “If you had one Christmas wish, what would it be?” 

She thought about it for a while. There were so many things she wished could have happened differently. So many things she missed about her life before her lies and mistakes. But every time she thought about what she would have changed - and she thought about it a lot -, she always came back to that fateful night.

“I wish I had met you in that park after seeing Oscar.”

If she had met him in the park, she would have told him the truth. They would have dealt together with what her old organization was demanding of her and what to do about their little missions. Mayfair would probably still be alive. Oscar would probably be behind bars, and if decided to cooperate to save his ass, maybe they would have already caught Shepherd, Phase Two stopped before it could cause innocent deaths, like those of the FBI agents on that failed raid. Maybe she and Kurt would be together, the way she envisioned in that wonderful dream. 

“Jane…”

“Everything would be different.” - She took a gulp of her beer, suddenly needing the burn of the alcohol in her throat. Maybe it could burn the tears she felt at bay away. - “Everything.” - She finished quietly, not looking at him. If she did, she wasn’t sure she could hold herself together much longer.

Kurt felt his heart breaking for her. He knew what it was like to be stuck in one day from the past, wishing his actions were different, so the outcome could be different. She was putting herself through an agonizing process, one that didn’t change absolutely anything.

Scooting closer to her on the couch, he tentatively touched her arm, letting his hand stay there when she didn’t flinch nor tried to pull away.

“Don’t do this to yourself, Jane.” - He was almost whispering, scared she would retreat further into herself and push him away. - “You did the best you could out of an impossible situation.”

She looked startled at him.

“The best?” - She laughed sarcastically. - “I lied to you, for months. I betrayed your trust, the team’s, Mayf… Mayfair’s.” - One tear escaped and she cursed herself. - “I got her killed with my little missions.”

“Jane.” - God, he wanted to hold her close and never let go. Stop her suffering any way he could. 

She tightened her eyes, taking a deep breath and getting herself back under control. 

“Look at me.” - He said it so firmly she couldn’t do anything but turn her head and stare at him. - “Oscar killed her. Not you. We all made mistakes back then, ok? And…” - He looked away then back at her. Her hopeful expression was all the incentive he needed to keep talking. - “For what it’s worth, I forgive you.”

She blinked, not quite believing her ears. He was forgiving her? Her mind took her back to her first days back with the team, with him.

I don’t like being in the same room as her.

The anger in his eyes. The absolute disappointment. 

And now… she fixed her eyes on him again, still not quite knowing what to say. She knew they were friends again, knew he was doing his best to put their past behind them and go forward, but to forgive her?

“You deserve to hear it. You are a good person, Jane.” - He smiled a little, his thumb caressing her arm. He felt a thousand pounds lighter. This conversation was way overdue. And maybe, just maybe, his words could help her lift some of the weight she was always carrying on her shoulders. - “And I hope someday you can forgive me too.”

“I’ve already forgiven you, Kurt.” - She covered his hand with hers, still processing everything he just told her but needing him to know that immediately so there wouldn’t be a doubt in his mind about it.

“Thank you, Jane.” - He said quietly, and she could hear his relief in every word. 

“Thank you, too.”

They shared small smiles, their eyes never losing contact. And they stayed like that for a while, reconnecting in a way they hadn’t allowed themselves to do since she came back. She could almost see his walls completely crumbling down for her again, feeling a thrill at what it meant for her. For… them. For the first time since everything went wrong, she let herself hope he could feel for her what he did back then. 

If she could have one more Christmas wish, it would be this moment right here. 

“What about you, Kurt?” - She was curious to know what his answer would be. Maybe it would give her a glimpse into what he was thinking at that moment. - “What’s the Christmas wish you have you wished it could be true?”

He licked his lips, let his eyes roam slowly over her face, glanced at her mouth and let it be his answer. 

“Kurt…” 

His free hand palmed her face, his thumb drawing circles again her cheek, giving her enough time to pull away and stop him. Except she just stayed there, her eyes momentarily falling shut and then opening again, looking at him with that expression she used to wear in the beginning, when she seemed completely lost but somehow could find answers in him. 

You. You are my starting point.

“I want another chance with you.” - He said, feeling the butterflies in his stomach. This was risky. Maybe Allie was wrong. Maybe she could forgive him but not love him back. Maybe it was too much to expect it from her. - “If you want it too. If you still feel the same. I know things,”

“I do.” - She interrupted him, her other hand now going up and covering the one on her cheek. She was dreaming, wasn’t she? That was the only explanation for what was happening to her that night.  - “I want that too.” - And she smiled at him, a real, stunning, Jane Doe smile. His breath caught in his throat and he realized only in that moment how much he missed her and their unique, strong connection.

“Are you sure?” - She had to be because once they started this, he was not letting her go. Not ever.

“Yes.” - Her answer was fast, confidant. It was the easiest thing he had ever asked her. 

He gave her a smile she would remember for the rest of her life before pulling her head to him and kissing her. By a silent mutual agreement, their kiss was soft, just lips reconnecting after a great time apart. 

She remembered her dream and smiled, forcing him to pull away.

“What?” 

“Nothing. Just… this is the best Christmas I can remember and I know that’s not much coming from me but,”

He covered her mouth and kissed her again, effectively shutting her up.

“Mine too, Jane.” - He murmured against her lips, his forehead resting against hers. - “Thank you, by the way.”

“For what?”

“Giving me another chance.”

“We owe it to ourselves to see where this goes, don’t you think?” - One of the things that devastated her the most after her mistakes was not knowing what they could be together and where their relationship could go. The “what ifs” often enough drove her crazy.

“Yeah.” - He kissed her on the forehead and leaned away. - “What do you say we go on a date tomorrow?”

“I’d love that.” - She smiled brilliantly, a shine in her eyes only he could put there.

“Good.” - He got up, taking her with him. - “I should go. It’s late and our date will start at breakfast if you have no objections.”

She almost looked disappointed but then her face changed, she wounded her arms behind his neck, preventing him from going anywhere.

“Stay.” 

“Jane…”

“Stay, Kurt. We’ve already wasted too much time.” - She used her best pleading eyes on him, hoping he still couldn’t resist them. - “Besides, I’m afraid if you have time to think, you will change your mind about dating me. Have you met my mother?” - He had and they both laughed at her joke.

“I won’t change my mind about you.” - He said, with that serious expression only Kurt Weller could muster. 

“Stay.” - She repeated, her eyes flickering to his lips and back to him. It reminded him of another night, of starting points and how he hadn’t stayed that day. 

Tonight, it would be different.

They did own it to themselves. They deserved as many happy moments as they could grab.

“Ok.” - He hugged her, crushing her to him. - “Merry Christmas, Jane.”

I love you, Jane.

“Merry Christmas, Kurt.”

They spent the rest of their holiday making a lot of wishes come true.

And it was just the beginning.

[tingleparker]

Life in heartbeats

Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Request: Lmao no. (Got inspo from a manga :))

•Warnings: Fluffy(ish), angst, really badly written & Fictional

•Summary: AU! In a world where the number of your heartbeats are set for you. Meet Y/n, scared to live her life to the fullest until she meets Tom.

•Word count: 1.8k

A/n: Sorry I haven't posted in so long and i'm sorry for this rushed mess.

‘Life isn't measured in minutes, but in heartbeats.’

Everyone is born with a set number of heartbeats, averagely we live to the age of 70; giving everyone roughly over 3 billion heartbeats. A little baby girl layed in the hospitals' incubator, after undergoing a few tests; eyes barely open, wails coming out of her tiny lips. Right in the other room, the parents waited for test results; she seemed normal but you can never know. Her hearing is good, sight is good, reaction is good but the next result left her parents in tears.

Defuncti Cordis; or diseased heart in Latin, is an extremely rare disease. A disease you unfortunately have, something you’ll have to live with till the day you die. Defuncti Cordis is a disease where your number of heartbeats start at a ridiculously low number and it depletes even faster as your heart-rate picks up. Your life number has been totaled to 1,261,440,000 averagely speaking, you’ll live up to the ripe age of 30. You’ve never done exercise or sport of any kind your whole life, you never experienced adrenaline either, all because of this stupid disease; you've never lived your life to the fullest. Here you are now, at the age of 21, you’ve finally moved out much to your parents displease. Finding a small, quaint apartment that is close to the city; it is the perfect place for you. You settle in quite quickly, your casual barista job barely paying the rent. Your dream has always been to become an actress, cheesy right? But you've always waited to become another character, make a story for people. That'll never happen though, your life is slowly coming to an end, though nobody wants to admit it. Technology has advanced so much that there is an app that can track your heartbeats, just with your thumb. You have that app downloaded, looking at it every once in a while. The sun descent on a beautiful Friday evening, you had just cleaned yourself up after work and decided to head up on the apartment roof. A place you only found out about recently and never had the chance to check it out; until now. You pull open the metal door leading up to the roof, the bursts of warm colours shine over you. Taking in the scenery, you didn't realize the figure sitting at the edge staring off into the distance. Once you finally realize the person sitting there, you awkwardly debate what to do. “Uhh hey?” You say, trying your best not to startle whoever it is. “Holy shi- oh my!” A man's voice exclaims, head snapping around to look at you. “Sorry! I just got up here and saw you.” You apologize, explaining the situation. A heat flushing through your cheeks at the awkward situation. Your eyes wander on the man in front of you, a handsome figure making your blush even worse. “No, no. It’s okay, just a fright love.” The alluring man reassures, before turning back around to watch the final moments of the sun setting. You awkwardly shuffled your feet, not knowing what do. Do you walk back inside? Do you go to the other side of the roof? Your thoughts were cut off and your questions given an answer. “So are you going to just stand there?” He asks, turning his head to face you with a cheeky smile and patting the ground next to him. You smile before walking closer to the edge and carefully sitting next to the alluring man, this is the most exciting thing you've ever done. It is reckless, sitting next to a stranger on the edge of a building; given that it wasn't such a high building but it was still a dangerous act. You look out, watching the sky get darker, the sun slowly disappearing; all whilst trying so hard to ignore the handsome man sitting right next to you. “I’m Tom, by the way.” He introduces, breaking the silence. “Y/n.” You reply, turning to see him with a smile on his face; it was such a pretty sight. In your heart, you knew that this man would be a big part in your dwindling life; but you were fine with that. ~ So that's how you met Tom Holland, the next big movie star but to you, he will always be the best thing that has been dropped into your life. Throughout the days, the pair of you talked, texted and hung out every time you both were free. Leading to an evening on the common rooftop. The two of you sat on the exact same ledge as every other day, legs swinging off the edge. Your head leaned on Tom’s shoulder, eyes set on the view in front. “Remember how we met at this exact spot?” Tom asks out of the blue. “Of Course I do, I’ll always remember the day an angel got sent down for me.” You replied, a laugh out of Tom’s mouth but you were being serious. Silence took over once again, but it was a comfortable, content kind. You were now 22, your birthday party thrown by Tom was the best event ever. Your mind going back to think about it, wanting to have these memories forever. Before you could finish playing that day over in your mind, Tom abruptly spoke up. “Y/n.” You look at him, seeing his eyes already on you, you mumble a quiet ‘yeah’ curious on what this was about. “Be my girlfriend?” The question startled you, it was out of nowhere. Of course, you felt something for Tom, honestly who wouldn't? But were you really going to be in a relationship when your life is coming to an end in a few years? You gaze into Tom’s eyes, the spark in them telling you to do it. You need to take risks, live your life how you want. Without a verbal response, you leaned forward boldly and met your lips with his. It was all you ever could imagine, and you knew then you would do anything with Tom. “Is that a yes?” He jokingly asked after you both pulled away for air. “Obviously Moviestar.” At that moment you didn't care if your heart rate rises rapidly, cause you were willing to just live life to the fullest with Tom. ~ The next few months was like living in a fantasy, though you didn't see Tom as often as you would think; as he was out filming. You were so proud of him, living out both your aspirations and being Spiderman? What a dream. It was quite emotional when you told Tom about your disease, but he supported you all the way. He made you feel on top of the world and forget about the stupid disease. It was the day, Spiderman Homecoming was being released in cinemas and you were so excited for Tom. You rushed up the building's stairs to Tom’s apartment, but just before you could knock; you see Harrison coming down the flight of stairs that lead to the roof. “Oh! Hey Haz, here to congratulate the big movie star?” You ask giddy, but finally taking in Harrison's solemn emotion. “Hey Y/n. Yeah, I did. Also came to say goodbye.” Haz answered, confusing you slightly. “Goodbye? Are you leaving?” You question, curiously. “He hasn't told you?” Haz’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, matching yours. “Told me what?” ~ You open the metal door, seeing the love of your life sitting at the very spot you met him. You slowly approached, taking your usual seat next to him; none of you saying a word. You grabbed your phone out of your pocket, slowly clicking onto an app. You slid your hand over Tom’s, bringing it over to your lap; carefully getting his thumb to line up with the screen. “I’m guessing he told you?” Tom’s calm voice spoke. As the app loaded the information, it was the longest few seconds you've ever experienced. 4,800. Those 4 digits showing you Tom’s rapidly depleting heartbeats. “An hour.” Tom confirmed, this angel right here only has an hour left. Tears pricked your eyes, you wanted to be mad at him for not telling you but you couldn't. “When you told me about your disease, I knew you had condition as me. I said nothing, I didn't want you to hold back, I didn't want to hold back; so I lived my life how I wanted with adrenaline. Though I won't be here to see my own movie, I’ll know I spent my life the best I can.” Toms words making your heartbreak, tears flowing down your cheeks. Your shaky hands took hold of his face, staring at the man you've given your whole heart. His eyes glossy but Tom put on that strong facade, knowing it was for you to not worry more but it wouldn't help at this moment. You press your lips on his, slightly tasting tears as they streamed down both your faces now. The pair of you pulled away, foreheads left touching gazing into each other's eyes. You wanted to take all of him in, the time ticking away. “I love you.” Tom whispers for the first time, a sob coming out your mouth. “I love you too.” You say back almost instantly. The hour ticked away, the last minutes with Tom; you wanted to savour every moment. That evening Tom Holland passed away at the young age of 23, leaving Y/n Y/l/n behind with a broken heart. You had so many amazing memories with this angel, you wish you could relive them all. You love all the time you spent with Tom, every single moment. ~ A year has passed since the love of life left you with just memories. Tom’s movie was a big hit, and you hoped that if there was heaven, he would be looking and watching how proud of him you were. Marvel had contacted you, offering a small role; which you instant accepted. You got to live out your dream as a co-star of an Avengers movie, living your life how you wanted. You continued doing acting, something you loved and finally got some adrenaline in your life. As you checked your phone for the last time, you see the low numbers; 4,800. Y/n Y/l/n passed away that day, as the sun was setting; watching it from her building rooftop. But you were content, happy of how life had gone, happy that you met someone who changed it forever and for the best. You don't regret a moment, not even a single heartbeat. 

A/n: I’m sorry that was so scrap ;;

[supportforindieauthors]

Alive by Jesse Contente

It would happen any day now. The moon was so close and the oceans rose so high. Day was no longer just day but a handshake between the sun and the night. The horizon ceased to be the horizon as the rising sea swallowed the sky. As if a dome of water started forming, surrounding us around all sides. It was something you’d imagine from a fantasy tale but not at all from reality. Was it real? Was it just imagination? Perhaps God was punishing us or was it Mother Nature. However you tried to reason it, it didn’t change the circumstance. Inch by inch, foot by foot, mile by mile, the moon grew closer to us and it would not be stopped. 

Millions were displaced as the rising salt waters ravaged homes and cliff sides. Like a stampede made of ocean. The valleys were drowned and swept away and if you really listened you could no longer hear the calls of the birds. Life along the borders of all nations vanished with the vast waves continuing inland. Animals scattered and all people were forced towards the center. Eventually and inevitably all the continents became islands and the population disintegrated. What little government was left collapsed as more structures were taken by the day. There was no contingency, no plan. Any possible preparation would be nonexistent and any relief program wouldn’t matter. Nature itself ceased to be a source of life and became only the bringer of death.

The moon would hit my town first. Point of impact. Slowly, as it would make its way deeper towards the Earth’s core it would rupture the layers of mantle, spewing magma in all direction and finally as the crust broke open and cracked against the intense pressure we would be undone, exploded and scattered across the infinite expanse of space. A civilization lost. Man with all his technologies and devices would not have the power to stop it. We would not have the power to flee. It was the end of the world. In no more or less of what it was, it was the end. Hope did not matter. Good will would not save us. With no options and nothing to be done, all one could truly do was watch and wait. But as mankind goes, even the apocalypse wouldn’t change how we were.

The end of the world was exactly what we knew it’d be. More or less. All forms of order and civility halted the more the bitter truth sunk in. Raids and riots. Pillaging and looting. Resources were gone in weeks. Was there any humanity? A shred, yes, but not enough. Order couldn’t exist so then all that was left was havoc. People desperate to survive is a dangerous thing. I understood why yet I couldn’t be apart of it. Did I want to die? No. Did I want to be in pain? Also no. But it wasn’t who I was to be violent. It wasn’t who I was to hurt people just to live. So, outside the chaos of those who were fighting to stay alive for what little time was left, I stayed home. I remained secluded in a place where I felt most safe and I waited. With my home being as far inland as one could go I would not be flooded. However, with the moons trajectory making me the target I would be the first point of contact. Bittersweet, it was a fate I accepted.

On the awaiting nights, I’d sit in my tree swing and lose myself in the cosmos. I felt guilty to think it but despite all the atrocity, it was beautiful. Like a new planet sharing our orbit. When the sun went down and the gigantic full jewel was the sole inhabitant of the sky, somehow the stars were brighter. She had gotten so close she pulled the sea water from the ground and formed a smooth veil around her surface. With the starlight shining around her, a luminescent blue glow blew up the atmosphere and became the new heavens. It was brilliant. It was absolutely impossible to feel anything but awe. Death, if it was even possible, didn’t exist in my mind. I didn’t feel worthy of it. Everything seemed so much smaller than they were before. I didn’t feel fear nor anguish. It just was pure tranquility. Yet, she grew closer and closer to me night by night. Like two old friends reconnecting. I knew the ending. I knew all that wonder wouldn’t save my life. But how could I feel anything negative in the presence of something so beautiful? Being alone, she became the one constant in my life and it wasn’t something I could turn away. I’d speak with her and reminisce about my family. My family that had already for years been long passed.

My daughter was 7 when she died. It wasn’t painful but it was quick. Too quick for a proper goodbye. Although any amount of time I could have had with her would be too small. After she was gone, after I came to terms, my wife was no longer the same. The pain that she was put in changed her. Anytime she’d look at me, she’d see her in my face. In my eyes. Looking back I imagine it was like reliving the pain over and over. She grew cold and distant. I tried. I really, truly tried to make sense of it and mend what we had left. Rebuild the relationship we previously had as a family. I loved who we were before and I yearned for it back. But when someone is in that much pain, no amount of talking or love will fix what they must fix themselves. I woke up one morning and found her in our bathroom lying in the shower, the water running heavy. There was a razor in her hand and a lot of red. Like our daughter she was just gone and I was left to deal with it. As much as it seemed fair I couldn’t call her selfish, but somehow I managed to hate her. Years went by and eventually the pain became a dull scar with the hate I felt turning to shame. Despite all I endured I couldn’t bring myself to move. It was still my home, or at least I chanted that to myself to cope. Maybe it was indeed best for me to leave but I’d have to be dragged by my hands and feet to do so. The house was all I remained passionate about. Everything else went numb and it stayed numb. An invisible limb severed from my soul. Until now.

A silver orb destined for our destruction continued further towards us and for once in what felt like a lifetime since their deaths, I felt something. I felt joy. My heart started beating like it had been ignited, like it would burst through my chest. I could barely catch my breath. No one could have told me that it would have taken this to make me feel again. That I would have found myself at the very end of my life. Even if someone screamed it at me I wouldn’t have believed it but the truth was blunt in my face. It was like some cruel joke from the universe. It shouldn’t have taken death to get me here. But how long would it have taken me? Would I ever have been myself again? Say the world wasn’t ending. Say I grew to an old age. Would I have been happy? I don’t believe I would have been. I think I would have stayed the same. So maybe in some twisted way the world needed to end. Not for everyone else. But just for me. So I suppose in the end I was the selfish one all along. It was time.

On the very last night of our existence I sat in our tree swing one final time and gazed up. Her craters looked so clear and she was so bright. My eyes could just scarcely adjust but when they did she looked like a shimmering white and silver scale wearing a blanket of blue. I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to feel pain. I didn’t want to keep hurting. I was broken and lost in my anguish and I had held myself accountable for so long. But I needed to leave in peace. I needed to die happy. Thus, in that moment as if the weight of existence flew off my shoulders, I let go. I let go of all the guilt, all the shame and gave in. She, the unyielding lunar divinity was my sole focus. I was ready.

As she finally neared my home only mere feet from the ground, I was lifted by her gravity and ascended towards her. I felt neither conscious nor human. Space and time itself fell flat around me. Everything else melted away to the void. And as the gap between her and the Earth closed with I in the center, I rested my eyes and whispered aloud softly in the way a mother would her child. In the way I did to my daughter.

“I’m coming home.”

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