#countless episodes of say yes to the dress did nothing to prepare me for this

[blzzrdstryr]

Reveries of turmoil

Yandere!Childe x fatui!reader

[Previous chapter]

Just as you predicted that short and stifled conversation was a portent of future changes. Childe stopped trying to talk to you outside the business, he even avoided your eyes in those rare moments when you looked at him first. Normally obnoxious and persistent Harbinger seemed to deflate in your presence, as his swaggering and blustering attitude disappeared within mere moments.

You would be overjoyed for this turn of events, if you didn’t have any experience of dealing with and tolerating Tartaglia. Childe, as you already established, is a chaos personified, an erratic whirlwind that twists and ruins everything in its way wrapped in human skin and caged by human bones. It wouldn’t be a surprise if some nasty complications arose out of this faux armistice and sneaked upon your unsuspecting self.

Ajax wont do anything drastic, you reassure yourself - the Rite of Descension gets closer and closer with each passing day, he just can't afford to fail this, meaning that he will have to keep you on-field. It would be logical to do so, let you work, but logical sometimes means predictable and nothing about Ajax is predictable.

Fortunately he continued to keep this strange distance as days passed. Was your little episode and words you said to him enough to stop him in his pursuit? Maybe it truly hurt him, maybe it made him see how miserable he was making you, maybe his obsession with you ceased to exist, it’s flames fizzling and going out just as fast as they ignited. You doubt all of it, yet continue to hope for the better, despite the evidence of the opposite shoved in your face.

Ajax will never let go of you, not in the way you want. He killed and tortured people right before your eyes, sometimes had you assist him in doing so. Most of the time this was done in Tsaritsa’s name, for the future of Snezhnaya and her people, just another working assignment regardless of the blood curdling screams and alien agony.

However, in some rare cases the torment of others isn’t something that is totally impersonal to you, sometimes you’re the main cause. Childe is possessive, terribly so. He watches over you like a dragon guarding his gold, scaring away other possible admirers. And if his title and reputation wasn’t enough to keep away whatever poor sod who decided to tempt the dragon, well, other way more grim methods were used.

You never personally witnessed these kinds of torture, but you heard rumours and sometimes saw the bodies after, images that keep reappearing in your nightmares. Maybe this lull is nothing but a quiet before the storm, a short breather after he commits some unforgettable atrocity again.

He personally summons you the day before the Descension. You brace yourself for incoming nonsense, except nothing comes. “Agent [Last]”, he says, his voice tense and restrained.”I need you to attend the Rite of Descension with me. You will be disguised as a civilian", and then he dismisses you, no hint of mind games he likes to play in sight.

You want to hope that he changed, you succeed and fail at the same time - this new Ajax is pleasant, he’s cold and disinterested, just like any boss should be, yet you just can’t relax and focus wholly on doing the job - it’s a privilege only those who haven’t met Tartaglia can afford.

He’s a sea, treacherous and ever changing, calm and serene in one moment, yet violent and crushing in the other.

You spend the day torn between the anxious thoughts of Tartaglia and what he might do and the preparation for upcoming ceremony - it's a once in a lifetime event, it's Tsaritsa’s will and hope, it's Ajax’s eyes focused on you. You can’t afford to fail, you have no right to do so.

Wearing a simple Snezhnayan overcoat with nothing hiding your face is surely strange after years of donning a fatui uniform. Tourists and Liyuens alike pass by, not paying you any attention. Both vision and delusion glow under the thick fabric, asking you to use them.

You walk faster.

The top of the Yujing Terrace is lit with sunlight and full of human sounds, as merchants and other workers haste to finish their tasks and join the people at the top. You look around, quickly noticing the familiar ginger - he stays half-turned to you, his eyes focused on the figure of Tianquan. You quickly avert your gaze, as if not recognizing him, and shift it towards other people - you spot two vision holders among the crowd too - an electro and geo one, and a strange person cladded in the exotic clothes with some sort of flying fairy(?) floating around.

You walk to the altar placing Liyuen flowers nearby the multiple offerings of food, wine and gold, their simple white petals contrasting against the gaudy luxury of the rest.

"Qingxin flowers?", someone suddenly says, a speck of genuine surprise evident in the phrase. Their voice is too close for your comfort - you quickly turn on the heels, alarmed by a person somehow sneaking up on you only to be met with a pair of the golden eyes.

It’s a nicely dressed Liyuen gentleman, with the air of wisdom and elegance surrounding him, an inner dignity shining from beneath, and most importantly the one you saw wearing a vision at the back of the coat. You try to look as calm as possible, despite the senses telling you otherwise - after years of service any vision holder unadorned by the Fatui colors is perceived as a threat.

“Yes, it is”, you quip back, not wanting to look suspicious: “Is this improper? Qingxin as an offering?”, you mimic a light concern - something that would be appropriate for the foreign merchant who might have offended the god of commerce.

“No, not at all”, Liyuen laughs: “just in all of my years, I have never seen anyone offer these flowers”.

“Huh”, you smile, looking at the man before you. Is he a simple liyuen you thought of him at first? He has Geo vision - the symbol of Archaic Lord’s recognition - and the way he said “all of my years” carry more weight than usual, a mark of something hidden beneath the mundane phrase.

“Something tells me, you must have attended every rite of Descension”, you continue, the starter vague and innocent enough - a perfect way to fish out more information. For some reason, his golden eyes widen a bit, it’s subtle and quick enough to go unnoticed by most people, but you’re not the most people - all Fatui agents are trained to catch even the smallest changes and educated in multiple fields, physiognomy included.

What could have caused such a reaction and why did he react the way he did? The Rite of Descension is a prominent event in the life of every Liyuen, even if it’s annual, as thousands of thousands of people traverse great distances to see their god fly down from the heavens and grace his subjects with the wisdom of countless years. You remember seeing Liyuens living in Snezhnaya consistently take a leave every year for a week, when the prominent date showed on the horizon, missing working days and no doubt a lot of nerves, only to see the archon of their homeland.

So why did that man looks so surprised?

“You’re quite perceptive, aren’t you?”, he responds, voice calm and pleasant, despite the masterfully hidden surprise: “And yes, I have always tried my best to be at every Rite to this day. Rex Lapis shares his experience with his people, so it’s an incredibly important day. And what about you? What brings a foreigner here?”, he makes a gesture at your obviously snezhnayan clothes.

“Well, I am a travelling merchant as you can see”, you raise your hands, showing him more of the coat: “Having blessing from the God of Commerce won't hurt, right?". He, again, reacts in the way you haven't anticipated, a handsome face adopting a contemplating expression for a short second.

"Rex Lapis rewards diligent people, work hard and he shall bless you too", he says with an air of wisdom around him, like an old enlightened monk passing his knowledge to the disciples surrounding him: "And you shouldn't keep your vision beneath the layers of cloth. I feel its chill just standing here, who knows what it will do to your body?".

Then he simply turns away and goes to the exit of Yujing terrace, and it’s your turn to suppress the rising agitation - how did he know, where’s he heading now?

“Wait”, you say: “why are you leaving?”

“I dedicated my whole life to my job, which consists of a collection of small and incredibly repetitive tasks, they took up most of my attention and I slowly, but surely became a creature of habit, deaf and blind outside its limited field of experience and comfort zone. Time never stops, so I decided to leave the work I’ve been entrusted with, and I want to start it by breaking my strongest habit - religiously attending every Rite of Descension”.

“Ah”, you reply, equally impressed by his speech, and feeling that you are talking about two completely different and unrelated topics: “well, good luck on that”.

More and more people flood the terrace as one of the main threats to your plans finally arrives - stern and ambitious, Ningguang looks as elegant and intimidating as ever, geo vision and the tassel attached to it, shaking with every graceful step. She throws a short glance at Tartaglia - he stands surrounded by the rest of the agents - yet her face doesn’t change even a bit, whatever hostility she may hold for your faction masterfully suppressed.

You quickly look around - tourists and citizens arrive at the last minutes and milleliths come with them. Soon, all of the exits are heavily guarded by at least four soldiers, all carrying spears and clad in armour - surely a necessary precaution, given the presence of Fatui and their Harbinger.

There are no milleliths among the crowd though, not in the on-duty uniform at least. You study the group again, this time looking for anyone with weapons, as someone lightly pushes you away - it’s that foreigner again. “I am sorry, we need to go closer”, the pixie-like creature apologizes, as it flies after the stranger, and you conclude that there are no armed people, except you, Tartaglia, milleliths, Ningguang and that strange person.

“The hour is upon us”, Tianquan starts, after looking at the bright sun above, two women around her slightly bowing down, as she invokes the power of geo. The gold glow surrounds and illuminates her whole figure, before condensing into hard rocks of the same shade. They shine and fly around her for a bit, leaving the yellow trails behind before starting to spin around the shrine in the middle of the rock table.

Soon the golden inscriptions on the shrine start to glow too, before it sends a bright orange beam into the blue sky. The crowd "Oh!"s and "Ah!"s as the clouds deform around the pillar of light.

Tension, so thick it can be tasted, descends in the waves upon the Terrace as some - carefree and ignorant - hold their breaths in excitement and anticipation, whilst the rest focus in caution - Fatui and Qingxin alike. You shift, taking out both vision and delusion out of your coat, as your eyes frantically shift between Tianquan, Tartaglia and the spiraling clouds above, your whole being ready to aid Childe in his mission.

And then something unexpected happens: a majestic dragon does descend to his people. By falling straight to the ground. Serpentine body slumps around the crushed offerings, elongated tongue escaping the confines of the maw.

A long second of absolute silence passes before Ningguang collects herself, checks the body and orders milleliths to close off all the exits, as the crowd erupts into turmoil and chaos realizing what exactly has happened. You disguise amongst the panicking masses, hiding two glowing orbs in the deep pockets of your coat,before looking at Tartaglia again - he in turn intently stares at the blonde foreigner, who quite clumsily tries to sneak past the soldiers.

Milleliths catch onto that running after the stranger and you use this opportunity, turning invisible in the same second. People around you are too panicked to question your sudden disappearance or the unnaturally cold breeze swaying past them, as you make your way - Childe has already departed, chasing after the group of soldiers, and Ningguang is seen leaving too, giving the last orders, before turning to the Yuehai pavillion.

You contemplate for a second, unsure what to do - Tartaglia has ordered you to aid him in case of Qixing intervention, there was nothing about the death of your target and the glimpse into Tianquan’s actions might be a key to solving the mystery of said departure. The thing that you plan to do is opportunistic, reckless even - who would have known that Ajax will rub off onto you? You chase after Ningguang, careful to keep yourself invisible.

Who is Rex Lapis’ murderer?

She goes up to the aged man standing at the stairs of the pavilion, they exchange a couple of words before Ningguang steps up on the little floating island and it starts to levitate! You run after her, still unsure what to do - the platform is too small, Tianquan will no doubt feel the chill coming from you, but the opportunity to learn what Qixing are planning is too good to miss.

In the end, you come to compromise, jumping after the rising platform, as your hands clutch into its rough protrusions and you grit your teeth, enduring the pain and cold from the vision overuse. The little island rises higher and higher, as people and buildings underneath turn into small dots. Your fingers start to slide off a couple of times, yet you grab onto the island with a renewed strength everytime that happens, asking Tsaritsa to let fortune favour you.

The platform finally stops moving, and you pull up, once you hear her heels clicking away.

Jade chamber, as it turns out, exceeds all rumours, luxurious and opulent, shining above the prosperous city, it glows under the sunlight with a golden radiance. You would have stopped to admire it if it wasn’t for your goal. You sneak after Ningguang, following her to the office as she takes out papers and folders from the shelves. She focuses on them, as you carefully step near her, glancing at what she’s reading - it’s reports of fatui activity throughout the months, leading to this day, thankfully vague and very far from reality.

Does it mean that she also has no idea of what or who caused Rex Lapis’ death and tries to find his killer? Or does it mean that she looks for a way to deduct Fatui's next actions?

You don’t have time to contemplate, as the frost worsens and you feel cryo energy exhausting from the overuse - one more minute and you’ll become visible. You quickly walk away - you don’t have enough time to reach that platform, so you do the most logical thing - fling yourself out of the window, opening the wings of the glider halfway the jump.

You push the most of your invisibility, letting go of the cryo powers once you're only a couple of meters above the ground. In the end you find yourself tired and frozen to the very bones, slowly coming back to the Northland bank.

***

You approach the building as the Sun begins to set - its pink-orange rays dying everything in the warm glow. The bank looks glorious like that, sinking in the reddish tones, it looks like an illustration out of children’s books - a place of something miraculous, a place of something hopeful.

“Hi”, you throw to the tired Vlad and he nods, after suppressing an escaping yawn: “Is boss here?”

“Yeah”, he croaks, drowsiness evident in his speech: “came back like an hour or two ago. Can’t really remember”.

“Huh.. Well, thanks”, and with these words you enter the bank, pushing the doors and preparing yourself for the confrontation to come.

After chatting with Ekaterina and confirming that yes, he is in his office, you head for the staircase, all of the information you learned today buzzing inside your head.

Childe sits, hunched over the papers, as you enter, not paying you even the sliver of attention. For some reason he’s in a different clothes.

“Eleventh Harbinger”, you start the standard greeting, all formal and stiff: “this subordinate has finished the task”.

This finally prompts him to raise his head, cold blue eyes look at you, no hint of the usual obsessiveness in sight: "you may speak, agent" he succinctly says, putting the writing feather aside. You quickly report to him all you have seen today, without your own thoughts involved - they’re just baseless theories, after all.

“So you say, Tianquan was reading the reports about Fatui activity. Haven’t you destroyed those reports earlier?”

“Those papers contained nothing about the current situation, they were actually far from reality, I doubt that any of those reports survived the fire”.

“Seems, I’ll have to take your word for it”, a sigh, he leans closer in his seat, propping left cheek on the palm: “Why did Tianquan look at them? What was she trying to do? Pin her crime on us?”, he glances at you again, gesturing that you can speak your mind and you do.

“Highly unlikely, sir. From the short time I spent watching her and her reputation, I have an impression that Qixing Tianquan is a person who prefers to plan her every action. If she or any other Qixing higher up, were the one who murdered our target, then every needed preparation would be done months, if not even years in advance. She would somehow cast us as the killers right at the ceremony, in front of thousands of Liyuens, making us a scapegoat for public outrage and creating alibi for herself”.

“So, that’s how you think”, he hums, blue eyes deep in thought: “Your entire conclusion is based on the mere impression. With Tianquan’s ambition I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the one behind this...”, a vague hand gesture: “catastrophic situation”.

“When I sneaked inside the Jade chamber, she looked very frantic, it didn’t show on her face, but her movements were harsh and quick, lacking any of her elegance. She looked like she tried to keep herself together”.

“Anyone would try to do that, especially after killing a god”, he looks somewhere to the left, no doubt imagining battling the dead archon: “Well, my conclusion isn’t based on anything solid either. We don’t know who killed Rex Lapis, but we still need to somehow obtain his gnosis”, the last part isn’t addressed directly to you, it seems that Ajax just decided to voice out his worries.

“You can go”, he says, standing up from the table. You are touching the door handle, when you hear him asking:”what’s with your hand?”. The tone is nothing like that time, yet shivers still go up your spine when you remember what happened that day.

"Frostbite, from my vision", he comes closer to you, hand outstretched to yours: “Can I?”, he asks and waits for your faint nod, before gently pulling it closer to his face.

“It’s a second degree”, he mumbles, inspecting the white-blue discolorations and small angry blisters - the skin throbs and aches at his touch, yet most of it remains numb, muffled, like sounds underwater: “You should get it treated”.

“I should”, you agree, eager to leave this room and situation: “I will ask medics for some..”

“I already discharged them”, his hand suddenly shifts, now resting atop of the door handle, his frame suddenly looming over you: “I have a medkit here, with the ointments and balms. Maybe you should stay here and let me patch you up?”

Why did you even think that Childe could change?

***

Ajax has you sitting on his chair, with sleeves rolled up to the very elbows, as he frets around you - checking the temperature, pulling the warm water closer to you and taking out needed medicine out of the kit. It’s mostly silent, except the tune he quietly hums - Childe looks peaceful and content like this, maybe he likes caring for you.

“Does it hurt?”, he takes a discolored finger, probing around the blister, as the warm hydro energy engulfs your damaged hand. The burst of sensation explodes at this action - pain, tingling, throbbing, even relief.

“Bearable”.

“Understood”, Childe gets back to his task, continuing to rewarm your hands, still humming that tune as he does so. He takes out the healing ointment, when the healthy color and warmth returns to your limbs and spreads it on the skin, bitter herbal scent filling the room in an instant.

“[First]”, he says, as he rubs the place between the index and middle fingers: “I think we need to talk. About that day and your reaction”.

“And what about it?”, you respond, too quickly and snappy for the calm-facade - the memories of that day, of what you thought he will do to you, of how he witnessed you falling apart - all of these are too much, a maelstrom of conflicted feelings rising every time your thoughts stray to this topic. He finishes applying the balm and now switches to the bandanges, wrapping treated hands in them.

“Don’t you think you treat me too harshly, [First]? I understand I may have been… unpleasant in the Past, but I thought we moved past that. What have I done to warrant such ire?”, he says it with his usual smile, but there's a tense, heavy tinge in his words. It’s subtle enough to miss, but you knew Ajax since you both were fourteen, so the strain doesn’t go unnoticed.

Everything, you want to coldly respond, but you stop yourself again - Ajax is still a Harbinger, even if he trailed your steps at the training camp like an overeager and highly murderous puppy not even a decade ago, no matter your own feelings or sentiments or even experiences he still holds that power over you, whether he realizes it or not.

“There were.. things”, broken bones, coppery scent of blood, someone else screams: “training with you wasn’t pleasant for sure”. Childe laughs at the last part, yet the tension clouding in the air doesn’t dissipate, turning more tangible instead.

“I see”, a long pause: “I want to prove you're wrong, I want to prove you that I will never do something against your will”.

You already did. You stay silent at that, anger and fury and frustration boiling underneath, burning and scorching your insides like a magma moments before the eruption. His hands finally wrap the last layer of bandage, tying the ends into a neat little bow, yet he doesn’t let your palm out of your hold, as his lips hover over it, breath burning the skin even through the fabric. And then he releases it, not doing anything.

“Good luck with that”, you finally suppress the inner storm, and stand up from the chair, quickly heading to the door. The place where he almost kissed your tingles and throbs with a renewed strength. Your cheeks burn for some reason.

[isthisthingeven0n]

who let the kids in? : j.w

brief summary: whilst filming an episode of jeffs barbershop, jeff has an unexpected visitor, or three - his wife and kids who are filming for their family channel 

word count: 1.4k requested:  yes by a sweet anon, i hope you like it b! warnings: literally none, it’s all fluff 

* masterlistin’ / masterlistin’ 2.0

m y  e t s y  s h o p

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it hasn’t been approved me unless specified. all rights reserved. - i have to start doing this as I had some shit on my other blog with plagiarism)

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK - IT IS ALL MY OWN WRITING

“Mommy, mommy!” You rolled over as you felt a tug on the blanket barely covering your legs. “Mommy, I’m hungry.” 

Opening your eyes, a yawn left your lips as you sat upright, seeing Jeff fast asleep beside you with the majority of the blanket over him. 

“Hey sweetie,” You smile brightly, trying to fight back the urge to lie down as you swing your legs over the egde of the bed whilst your daughter giggles. “fancy some breakfast, huh?” 

Your little girl holds her hand out for you to take as you follow her out from your bedroom, leaving your husband to sleep in as you head down the stairs and into the kitchen. 

“What’d you feel like this morning then Maisie?” You kneel down to your daughters level, her brunette hair losely tied back with a scrunchie as she sways from side to side. 

Following her gaze, she points over to the box of coco pops. “Can I have those, please?” She asks so sweetly it melts your heart. 

As you prepare her breakfast, you hum to yourself. “Looks like you started the day without us?” Jeff walks in with your son in his arms, cradling his head against his shoulder. 

“Daddy!” Maisie abandons her breakfast as she runs over to Jeff, wrapping her arms around his legs. 

“You gonna say hi to your brother?” Jeff asks as he kneels down, shifting Jasper to face Maisie who gently reaches out for Jaspers closed palm. 

“Hi, Jaspy.” She whispers, unaware of you filming snippets of these moments for your channel. “Come on, Mommys making breakfast!” Maisie looks up to Jeff who raises an eyebrow as he rises to his feet, walking over to kiss you good morning. 

“When did you get up?” Jeff asks you as he sets Jasper down in his cot, cooing him as he squirms momentarily. 

A loud yawn leaves your lips as Jeff glances over his shoulder, chuckling to you. “About 6? Maisie came in wanting breakfast and you looked so sleepy.” You admit as you wrap your arms around Jeff’s waist, resting your head on his chest as you feel his chest rise and fall with laughter.

“Last nights activities wore me out, babe.” He whispers, unaware of you rolling your eyes before pulling away. “Are you alright to go to the park without me today?” 

You nod in response, heading over to the coffee machine. “You shooting today?” 

Passing Jeff a coffee, he inhales the steam. “Yeah, we’re doing American Psycho, few different guests coming in.” Jeff explains as you take your own coffee, enjoying the brief moment of quiet whilst Maisie eats her breakfast and Jasper naps. 

And before you can close your eyes and enjoy the peace, Jasper begins to cry and Maisie has finished her breakfast, holding the bowl up above her head to prove it’s empty. “No, Maisie!” Jeff is too slow to move as droplets of milk land in Maisie’s hair, and she starts crying. “Oh baby, there’s no point crying over some spilt milk.” He sighs, picking her up whilst you go see to Jasper. 

Swaying gently with Jasper in your arms, you glance around at the clock. “Jeff,” You speak up as Jeff rises the last of the milk from Maisie’s hair. “you gotta go ready, you can’t be late to your own show.” You remind him as he wears a guilty expression. 

“Are you,” He doesn’t even have to finish as you nod, waving him off. “thank you, babe.” He kisses you sweetly before rushing up the stairs whilst you pick up your camera, stopping the recording for the meantime whilst you get the kids ready for the day ahead. 

*

“Is Daddy working, Mommy?” Maisie asks as you walk with the pushchair in front of you, Maisie standing on the platform at the back whilst the cover is concealing Jasper from the bright sunshine. 

Nearing the park, you can see kids already playing and laughing. “He is sweetie, that’s why Nerf isn’t joining us on our outting today.” You explain. 

See, Maisie doesn’t fully understand what you and Jeff do for work. All she understands is that Jeff goes off to film things whilst you’re able to film at home most of the time alongside him. Your YouTube channel isn’t the typical family vlogging type, you include snippets of your kids within your day instead of having it revolve around them. 

“Could we go visit Daddy after we play?” Maisie suggests as you push open the gate and she climbs down. 

You pause for a moment, wondering if the content Jeff will be filming is something Maisie could see or not. Then again, she’s been on set when Jeff films countless times, and all the crew love her and Jasper, but then again some are too high to fully notice. 

“We’ll see, baby.” You tell her as she runs off, leaving you with Jasper as you take a seat on a bench with your laptop, importing footage to roughly edit whilst Maisie plays in the enclosed park. 

An hour passes by and you check your phone, seeing Jeff has texted you to say he’s almost finishing filming for the day. 

“Mais, come on baby!” You call out as Maisie waves to some friends she made whilst you sort Jasper out as she skips over to you with a bright smile, her eyes glowing just like her Dad’s. 

“Can we go see Daddy now?” Maisie asks once more, and you nod, knowing you can’t so not to her, and Jeff will have a harder time saying no to his little girl. 

*

“Okay, but you gotta be quiet, yeah?” You mumble to Maisie as you stand in the lift and she nods, pressing her finger to her lips and shushes herself whilst you take your camera out. 

As you exit the lift, your conversation seems to have left Maisie’s mind as she runs across the corridor to the front door. She knocks loudly, and before you can catch up with the pram, the door opens and Maisie is in. 

“What the?” You struggle to hold your smile as you peer through the front door, seeing Jeff stood covered in fake blood whilst Maisie is at his feet, gripping his legs. 

“Hi Daddy,” Maisie giggles. “you look funny.” 

“Who let my kid in?” Jeff calls out, looking to the crew who shrug their shoulders. 

“Might’ve been me.” Jonah admits, holding his hand up whilst Scott remains seated, looking at your daughter as he waves sweetly to her. 

Walking in, you smile sheepishly as one of the cameras is facing you. “Hey, babe.” You speak up as you lift Jasper from his pram, walking over and your eyes widen at the sight you’re greeted with. “What the actual fluff?” You ask, covering your mouth with one hand whilst the other cradles Jasper. 

“It’s American Psycho baby, gotta go all or nothing.” Jeff holds his hands up in defence whilst you chuckle. 

“Hey Scott,” You wave and Scott nods to you. 

“Want me to mind Jasper for a minute?” Scott suggests and you nod gratefully, passing your son across to one of his many Uncles as Scott hums one of his tunes to your son. 

“Daddy,” Maisie holds her arms up to Jeff, making those grabby hands. 

“Oh come on, princess.” Jeff chuckles as he bends down, picking Maisie up as you go to protest, watching as her dress is covered in fake blood. “Oh,” Jeff sighs, realising what has happened as you huff.

“Jeff,” You drag his name out, yet Maisie giggles at the marks covering her pink dress. 

“Mommy I’m just like Daddy!” Maisie states proudly, and Jeff raises an eyebrow to you. 

“You got all this, right?” You glance over your shoulder to Jonah who nods, having taken your camera once you came in as Jasper woke up. 

“Wanna go sort Jasper out whilst I wrap up?” Jeff suggests and you nod. 

“Come on Mais,” You call out, but Jeff shakes his head. “you can’t finish filming with Maisie covered in fake blood, the media will have a field day, Jeff.” You remind him as you hold your hand out and he lowers Maisie back to the ground. 

“Go on, go to Mommy, sweetie.” Jeff motions to Maisie as she rushes over to your side. “I love you babe!” Jeff calls out sheepishly as you chuckle, walking away from the set. 

“I love you too.” You call out, sometimes wondering what you got yourself into all those years ago. 

[purplesurveys]

1221

Are you mad at your best friend right now? I have absolutely no reason to be angry with Angela now and certainly not since our last petty childhood fight in like, 2009.

Do you know anybody with a pet snake? I used to know somebody, but she’s since gone off the radar and idek if her pet snake would still be alive at this point.

Do you buy your underwear in a pack or seperately? I can go either way.

Have you ever made fun of anybody and later became their friend? OMG yesss this was the entire background of my friendship with Sofie. Though I wouldn’t say I made fun of her...I just found her really annoying at first, and quite ditzy, too. Then something just clicked and worked out along the way and we ended up being best friends for quite some time until we went our separate ways shortly after college life started.

Is the lamp on in the room you're in? Yes; it’s one of my favorite pieces in my room.

Do you have a pair of shoes that you can only wear with one or two outfits? Nah, not really. I mostly own sneakers, which can go with most things casual.

Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drink cold? Most drinks, honestly; but mainly, I like my coffee and water cold.

Did you sleep in past noon today? I don’t think I’ve ever done that. The latest I’ve woken up is probably a little over 10.

Did your grandma ever tell you about her love life? Neither of them have.

Have you ever painted anybody's nails aside from your own? Possibly, but I no longer recall it.

Anything exciting happening in the month of September? I don’t think so. There are couple of birthdays in the family, but we don’t have plans for those days yet.

Who is your last missed call from? Some media or blogger I ignored because I don’t take calls.

When was the last time you ate Frosted Flakes? I can’t remember...I don’t really eat cereal.

Did you ever NOT want a substitute in a certain class? Yeah, for classes I hated, like math.

Do you ever donate to the less fortunate? Not regularly. When a homeless person or street child knocks on my car while waiting in traffic I do try to give them some money and/or snack, if I have one in my bag.

Did you buy an American flag after 9/11 to put on your car/house/ whatever? I was barely conscious in 2001. I am also not American.

Do you know any songs that are older than you are? ...Many?

Are there framed pictures of you anywhere in your house? Yeah we have some framed photos going up the staircase. I also have my Prep graduation portrait up in my room.

Compared to other people of your age would you be considered 'NORMAL'? Ugh.

Honestly, do you have any Hilary Duff on your MP3 player? I don’t have an MP3 player but I don’t think I ever had Hilary Duff on any of my music players.

Who is worst in your family about calling people back? Probably Nina as she hates making calls to begin with.

Do you like peanut M&M's? Nah, I hate nuts in my chocolate.

When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? Safe to say well over a year ago. It’s not my snack of choice haha I never understood why I had to bite into my ice cream.

When was the last time you ate jelly beans? August 2019.

When was the last time you had hot chocolate? Around a month ago, I’d say? My mom fixes me a mug of hot choco every once in a while.

Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? I haven’t.

What was the last song stuck in your head? I think it had been Rain by BTS.

Do you enjoy doing math? If I know how the math works and have the formulas memorized, I can definitely find it fun. Math had actually been pretty manageable for me in school, at least right until we reached trig and calc which were just bleck.

Do you think your mom has secrets she’s never told you? Oh without a doubt. I’m 200% sure everyone in the family has secrets we never share; we’re not open with each other.

Do you own anything you don’t want your parents to know about? Yes.

Do you pose in your pictures or just smile? I will pose if I’m comfortable but most of the time I just smile.

Are there any colors you will NOT wear? I avoid orange as much as possible.

Do you use scented soap in the shower? Nah, just a normal-scented one.

Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? That was never part of my plans, no. 

Who was the last person you danced with? Enjoyable? Angela and Hans. I was drunk, so yes I had fun lol.

Do you like convertibles? I don’t really care for them, or for cars in general.

Have you ever yelled at the television? So many times, usually when a favorite singer or band is performing OR when I’m watching a really intense sports game - usually basketball or wrestling.

How many songs on your MP3 player are about sex? -

Do you like water parks? I think they are nasty for the most part.

Dark or light colored jeans? Light.

Can you take apart a computer and name all the parts? Nope.

Can you take apart a car and name all the parts? Even more so no.

Would your friends describe you as nerdy? I don’t think they would.

How many different colors are you wearing right now? Five.

Have you ever purchased a lotto ticket? Nope.

--

Are you double-jointed anywhere? I am not.

What is the longest amount of time you've spent playing Monopoly? You know, I’ve never even understood the rules of Monopoly...I’ve never bothered to play a round of it. Board games are usually too complicated for me lol.

Have you ever witnessed a tornado first-hand? Not a tornado, no. But I’ve experienced countless hurricanes and floods.

Did you play in the sand box as a kid? It was my favorite part of the playground and I was always exclusively found in a sandbox. I liked the texture (still do) + no one was ever there, so as a shy kid it worked out perfectly for me.

How about on the monkey bars? I tried it every now and then but I wasn’t a very active kid, so my arms would feel strained fairly quickly. It was never the first thing I’d run to whenever I got to go to the playground.

Have you ever made an alarm go off? I don’t think so.

Have you ever colored your eyebrows? Nope.

Did you ever own a pop-up book? Many of them, as a kid.

Have you ever honked at a biker? Yes but only whenever they swerve a little bit and are about to hit my car.

Have you ever taken another person's prescribed medication? No?

Have you ever played golf (not miniature golf)? No, I’ve played neither version. The sport doesn’t interest me.

Do you use gel in your hair? Only for formal events where I can’t afford to show up with my hair all frizzy.

Do you own a garden gnome? We don’t.

Are any of the rooms in your house painted blue? Nope, they’re all white. My parents’ room used to be green (came with the house), but it looked gross so it didn’t take long before they hired someone to paint the walls white.

Do you kick off your shoes as soon as you walk in the door? Yes. Actually, since the start of COVID, we’ve taken to removing our shoes even before we enter. We have a mat right by the front door where we can properly take off our shoes and head inside already barefoot.

Have you ever judged a book by its cover? Sometimes, but I don’t let it linger.

What is the most effective device at the gym? I don’t go to the gym.

Can you drive a stick shift? Hahahaha no, and I’m not so sure I’m ever willing to learn.

Have you ever picked on a substitute teacher? That’s mean and no, I haven’t.

How good are you at giving directions? Terrible. As much as possible I don’t do it and just refer the person asking to my nearest friend/companion.

When was the last time you looked out the window nearest you? Just a few minutes ago, actually. I put an arm out to check if it’s chilly outside since it rained all day today.

Have you ever got dressed with the windows open? Never. I make sure to pull down my blinds every time.

Have you ever given a foot massage? No.

Do public restrooms freak you out? They don’t freak me out per se but like I rarely go into them and use them, even before Covid. The idea of sharing a toilet with strangers is super gross lol and many of them don’t even put away their trash properly.

Have you ever taken a shower outside? I may have, but nothing sticks out.

Have you ever been to a junkyard? I don’t think so.

What do you think of Brad Pitt? I don’t really have an opinion...I loved his episode on Friends, but that’s it.

Have you ever watched the History Channel willingly? Yes, a few times.

Have you ever used pennies to pay for something that cost over 50 cents? I don’t speak US currency, but yeah there’ve been around 1-2 times I had to pay for something worth P50 with just coins. It’s always been embarrassing lol so I try to avoid it and be prepared with paper bills as much as I can.

If a place makes you pay for delivery - do you still tip the driver? Yes.

Without the aid of a cell phone - do you know your parents numbers by heart? Just my mom’s. Since my dad is always in and out of the country (at least until the pandemic), I’ve never gotten to memorize his number.

Can you name 10 former presidents? Arroyo, Macapagal, Aquino, another Aquino, Estrada, Ramos, Magsaysay, Quirino, Quezon, Roxas.

But if we’re talking about US presidents...Obama, Trump, Clinton, Roosevelt, another Roosevelt I believe, Nixon, Reagan, Carter, Lincoln, Washington. I hope I got them right hahaha.

Have you ever bought a gift for a teacher? Just as a kid.

Is your bedroom carpeted? Nope.

Right now, what color is your tongue? Pink.

When was the last time you had a Tootsie Pop? Years ago. I don’t have it a lot.

If you could get the cell phone of your choice - what would it be? iPhone 12 Pro Max.

Who is your favorite super hero? I don’t have any.

How about your favorite villain? I don’t really have any, either.

Do you know anybody who works at a bank? Possibly, but I can’t place a name right now.

What do you usually order from your favorite fast food place? That would be KFC, and I usually order either their Zinger or Twister. FUCK now I want to get KFC :((

Do you hand out candy to kids on Halloween? No, because none of them ever reach this part of the village. We never have to prepare any candy lol.

What perfume/cologne do you wear the most? Heat Rush.

Can you name all 7 dwarfs? I always miss out on one or two.

Does the early bird really catch the worm? Idk what this expression is.

[ewankoseyo]

a chance || yugyeom imagine

A/N: A kind anon requested this last week and I finally got the time to sit down and finish it. Please enjoy! :)

“an imagine where yugyeom and y/n are shipped together by the media and while yugyeom is super shy about it cause he likes y/n, y/n plays along with the ship like promoting yugyeom’s dances, and talking about him in variety shows. yugyeom is super confused if she’s doing this for the boost it’s giving both their careers or bc if she likes him as well”

——

“Close your mouth already, you’ll catch flies.”

Jinyoung smirked over at Yugyeom, who had spent the last ten minutes scrolling through his phone with his jaw practically on the floor. Yugyeom stopped scrolling to glare at the older boy.

“This is all your guys’ fault!”

“Us?” Jinyoung feigned a shocked gasp, placing a hand over his chest. “Whatever do you mean?”

Yugyeom sighed and continued scrolling, still unable to process what he was seeing. “If it weren’t for you guys going on and on about me being the ‘biggest fan’ of the ‘nation’s newest songbird’ on that show yesterday, the whole internet wouldn’t be shipping me with her!” Yugyeom shoved his phone in Jinyoung’s hands. A pormanteau of your name and Yugyeom’s was currently the most trending hashtag on the internet. Clips from yesterday’s talk show of the boys making fun of Yugyeom for being a fan of you were shared countless times.

“I know you guys must be really busy with the recent comeback but in your downtime is there anyone you like to keep up with? Any new music you’re listening to or...?” The interviewer trailed off.

“I think you’re setting us up perfectly, because actually...” Jackson slung an arm around Yugyeom’s shoulders. Yugyeom inwardly groaned, bracing himself for the roasts that were going to come out of this interview. “We wanna talk about how our maknae here has grown very fond of a certain someone!”

“Yeah, you know that really popular cover of ‘You Are’ that everyone keeps talking about?” Bambam piped up.

“Ah, from the nation’s newest songbird? No one can get enough of her YouTube videos. It seems as if she blew up overnight. Didn’t she just join your label?”

Jinyoung cut Yugyeom off before he could get a word in. “That’s correct. But our Gyeomie has been watching her for a while.” Yugyeom attempted to fight off Jinyoung from pinching his cheek.

“He’s one of her many subscribers and has watched all of her covers,” Youngjae joined.

“Is that true Yugyeom?” The interviewer inquired with an eyebrow raised. “What do you like about her?”

“Yes, please tell us Gyeomie,” Jaebum teased. The boys sat on the talk show couch with their heads propped up by their hands, giving Yugyeom their full attention.

“It’s no big deal, I just, uh...” Yugyeom glanced around at all the expectant faces staring back at him, searching for an answer that would prevent any sort of broadcasting incident. “I just really expect her as an artist? She has a unique and powerful voice that puts a twist on her covers. Her original songs are good too...so yeah...”

The boys broke out in laughter from his weak explanation, taking turns in between to make fun of him. 

“Aww...Yugyeom’s blushing! Wait until she watches this! We’re going to get this trending online to make sure she does!”

Jinyoung tossed Yugyeom back his phone. “You’re talking about this like it’s a bad thing. You do like her.”

“Yes, but I can’t let the whole world know that...I can’t let her know that.” Yugyeom groaned morosely. “What if she saw the interview?” 

“I’m sure she has, but she hasn’t said anything about it yet though,” Jaebum added, coming out of his room to join Yugyeom and Jinyoung in the lounge. He took a seat next to Yugyeom, looking at him expectantly as he showed the younger boy what he was watching on his phone. “I’m surprised you weren’t watching this already, I thought you would have been one of her first few viewers.”

Jaebum and Jinyoung snickered when Yugyeom’s eyes nearly popped out of the sockets, realizing what he was watching. He grabbed Jaebum’s phone out of his hands, holding it closer to his face. You were doing an Instagram live to thousands of viewers, greeting all of those who commented asking you to say hi to them. Yugyeom couldn’t help the small smile forming on his lips as he watched you giggle from reading some of the comments. It was the same laugh he had fallen in love with thousands of times before. 

“Oh, JB-sunbaenim is watching this. Hello!” You waved to the camera. “Thank you for watching this and thank you for all of the support from you and the other members. I’m so honored to be in the same company as you!”

The older members silently gave each other knowing looks and smirked as an almost-inaudible squeal unknowingly escaped the back of Yugyeom’s throat. Though your greeting was not directed necessarily to him, he found your just being entirely adorable. Just when he thought it was impossible for you to get cuter, you would manage to outdo yourself without even trying. The whole thing was killing the poor boy. 

Yugyeom’s smile was growing by the second as you explained how you were in the dressing room getting ready for a variety show you were guest starring on, until he noticed the upcoming comments.  

“JB-oppa is watching this? Maybe Yugyeom-oppa is watching this too!”

“Did you see what Yugyeom said about you yesterday?”

“Unnie, what do you think of Yugyeom?”

“I ship you with Yugyeom. Please make this happen!”

Seeing these comments, Yugyeom felt his soul leave his body. Jaebum and Jinyoung didn’t bother to hold back their laughter as Yugyeom threw Jaebum’s phone back in his lap. He buried his face in a couch pillow, muffling his distressed screams. “Why?! Just kill me already!”

Jaebum forced Yugyeom to sit back up, shoving the phone back in his face. “Wait, let’s just keep watching. It’s getting good.”

“What do I think of Yugyeom-sunbaenim?” Yugyeom’s ears perked up as you read a comment out loud. He grabbed the phone back, eagerly awaiting your answer. “He’s really nice! I’ve run into him a few times at the company and he was nothing but kind to me even if he was busy. He’s helped me to feel very welcome over there.”

“So when the time comes, you guys better have six kids and name them after all six of us,” Jinyoung joked. Yugyeom shushed Jinyoung without removing his eyes from the screen as you continued speaking. 

“Hopefully one day I could collaborate with him and the rest of the group. I’ve been following them since day one. I just love Yugyeom-sunbaenim’s dancing! My favorite is from that one show...”

Yugyeom had just about turned into the heart-eyes emoji, staring at the screen with unabashed happiness as you went on and on about his dancing. You didn’t mention anything about watching his interview from yesterday, but maybe what you were saying meant that there was hope that you could possibly like him back? Yugyeom’s heart melted at the thought. How did he manage to fall so hard for you in such a short amount of time?

Yugyeom handed Jaebum’s phone back as you ended the live feed to finish preparing for the show. He moved to grab his coat off the rack and opened the front door.

“Where are you going all of a sudden?” Jaebum asked.

“I think I’ll go practice some dance moves,” Yugyeom replied with a smitten smile before heading out the door. 

What happened the next few days should have made Yugyeom happy, but he grew suspicious instead. 

Your variety show episode aired the next day. During a game where you had to quickly decide which you liked better between two choices, an image of Yugyeom kept coming up alongside images of other handsome celebrities. Though the show did this to you as a joke in response to recent events, you happily chose Yugyeom each time. When asked about this, you simply replied that you couldn’t betray your labelmate. Despite his heart racing from watching the episode (in the privacy of his own room so the other boys couldn’t make fun of him, of course,) he tried not to think too much of this. 

But then after that, you kept talking about him on social media. You shared GOT7′s comeback videos online, but with captions only praising Yugyeom (“If I had Yugyeom-sunbaenim’s feet, I’d never stop dancing!”) You had commented on a fan’s picture of Yugyeom giving the camera a suggestive look at a recent concert with a heart-eyes emoji. When a fan tweeted you asking who you would date in GOT7 besides Yugyeom, you responded by saying you were unable to choose a member that wasn’t Yugyeom. 

All of this didn’t go unnoticed by his fans, who would tag him to these posts, asking Yugyeom what he thought. Yugyeom kept quiet, never responding to the matter since it started, because truthfully, he didn’t know what to think anymore. He was (somewhat) fine when his little crush on you was exposed. He half-expected the fans to go crazy about it for a short while, then the buzz would die down if he or the other members never brought it up publicly again. Yugyeom would just live peacefully with his semi-private feelings (and the occasional teasing from the boys.) 

But you were actively responding to the fans about the ship, though never directly addressing what Yugyeom had said on the show. You had never mentioned him publicly before, besides the times when you would talk about being a fan of his group. But you were talking about all of the members then. Now, it was almost as if you were encouraging the fans on with this ship. You never confirmed whether it was real, but you also didn’t shy away when people talked about you and Yugyeom. He should have been over the moon from the way you kept talking about him, but when he realized how many more thousands of followers and views on your videos you had gained in such a short amount of time, Yugyeom was beginning to feel, well...used. 

Did you really have a thing for him or were you just saying all of that for the publicity?

“I don’t know what she’s thinking right now, but maybe it’s time you go out and do something about it, you know?” Mark suggested casually one day when Yugyeom voiced his concern with the older members. After an honest pep talk with them (“Just grow a pair and confront her already!”) Yugyeom decided he was going to have a word with you about the situation when he had the chance. 

That chance turned out to be the following weekend where you were both attending a music awards show. When his manager told him he would be presenting an award with you, Yugyeom knew he had to act fast. As he was backstage mentally rehearsing his confrontation with you, Yugyeom felt a tap on his shoulder. When he turned around, whatever speech he had prepared for you completely left his head.

Yugyeom was at a loss for words. You stood there shyly with your hands behind your back, giving him a small smile. With the way your hair was pulled back elegantly, giving him a better view of your face, and the way your gown subtly accentuated your features to make you look like millions of dollars, Yugyeom nearly let himself fall for you all over again.

Nearly. Remembering what his older members told him and the mission at hand, Yugyeom shook those thoughts out of his head. 

“Hi,” you greeted him softly with a small wave. “It’s great seeing you again. I was really happy to hear that we were going to be presenting together.” 

Yugyeom balled his hands into fists down beside him for a final push of encouragement before donning an unamused expression. 

“Are you though?”

“Pardon?”

“Are you really happy to be presenting with me?” Yugyeom pried, a hint of bitterness laced in his tone.

“Yes...? Why wouldn’t I be?” Your mouth shifted into a frown. You didn’t expect this interaction to play out like this. Yugyeom seemed...upset with you? But why?

Noticing your growing discomfort and hesitance with him, Yugyeom dialed back. Even though he was supposed to be confronting you, he didn’t want you to shy away from him. Yugyeom sighed as his hands fumbled nervously below him. 

“Do you like me?”

Yugyeom mentally slapped himself. He didn’t mean to be so forward. 

“Of course, that’s why I’m happy to be presenting with you,” you replied innocently.

“No, I mean do you actually like me?”

Yugyeom looked at you with wide eyes, holding his breath as he anticipated your answer.

“Yes...” Your answer almost came out as a whisper. You looked down, unable to look him in the eye as you felt your face growing warmer by the second. “Yes, I do like you.”

Hearing the sincerity amid the reservation in your voice, Yugyeom let out a sigh of relief. “But why?”

“Why?” Your eyes shot back up at him. Was that even a real question? “Because I think you’re so cool and you’re such a great singer and dancer and I look up to you. You’re passionate and funny and you care about your fans so much and you’re basically the nation’s most eligible bachelor,” you rambled. With every word that seemed to flow carelessly from your mouth, you wished the ground would just swallow you up whole to save you from embarrassment. “...I thought the whole world knew I felt this way already.”

Yugyeom’s mouth opened and closed in an attempt to find the words to say next. “But I thought—I didn’t know...please don’t take this the wrong way, but I thought you were just...using me...”

“What do you mean?”

He furiously shook his head, trying to diffuse any anger and misunderstanding that would arise from you. “I mean, you just joined the same label as me and started to get even more popular than you already were after that whole thing on that show I was on and then you were responding to all the fans about it...but you never mentioned it before that...so I just thought...”

“Sunbaenim,” You sighed, looking almost hurt. Yugyeom’s heart nearly broke at your crestfallen expression. “I’ve never talked about it before because I respected you so much. Then I joined the company and there was a higher chance of me seeing you more often than just in short passing, maybe even us working directly together, and so I kept quiet so I wouldn’t embarrass myself. But then you mentioned me on that show, and the fans kept talking about us, so I thought that maybe I had—”

“A chance?”

“Yes...” You looked down again. “So I kept talking about you online...in hopes that maybe you’d notice me again...”

It was quiet for a moment. You were sure you had blown it with Yugyeom and were ready to make a run for the bathroom to cry when you felt his hands gently take hold of your bare arms. Your head shot up only to be met with his sincere gaze.

“I really like you too, if you didn’t already know it,” Yugyeom whispered. Feeling his fingertips burn from the light touch, he abruptly dropped his hands behind back. Yugyeom mimicked the shy smile inching its way on your lips and looked down at his feet bashfully. “I’m really really really sorry about this whole misunderstanding. It’s just difficult to gauge someone’s true intentions when it comes to the work we do, you know? But that doesn’t excuse how much of a dick I’ve been acting to you just now. Do you think we could just start over and try again?” Yugyeom looked back at you hopefully.

You beamed at him, sending a wave of warmth rolling through his stomach. “Of course, Sunbaenim.”

“Good,” Yugyeom smiled back at you before taking one of your arms to loop it through his. “Now let’s go. I think we’ve got an award to present?” You blushed once again as he sent a playful smirk your way. “Also, we don’t need to be so formal with each other. You’re older than me, Noona.” 

You hid your face in his arm, a soft and short bashful squeal escaping your lips as he walked you to the curtain behind the stage. “Okay Sun—I mean, Yugyeom.” 

As you called him by his name, Yugyeom was sure he had fallen for you all over again. 

And when the fans saw the way he looked at you as the two of you walked out on stage arm-in-arm, they were sure too. 

——

[mimi-love-4ever]

Training

SasuSaku Month 2018 - Day 15: Training Rating: T A/N: This is a continuation of Day 8 (Flowers). Couldn’t resist. ;) Thank you for reading and I hope you like it! 

Day 8 (Flowers)

Day 14 (Wait For Me)

It had been a week since Tsunade had finally allowed Sakura to come back to work, having extended her leave for a couple more days. Thanks to Sasuke and his ever observant eyes watching her every wince of discomfort and small lack of appetite. She would have been upset if this had been any other situation, but she used her new free time to spend time with Sasuke and even the other boys. However, for some reason, Sakura started having bouts of insomnia and the little she did manage to sleep was plagued with nightmares. She was no stranger to nightmares. She had been in a war and seen countless of people die, some right under her hands, but after seeking a couple of counseling sessions she was able to cope with the horrors she saw. The last time she had a full-fledged nightmare was about a year ago, so when another one invaded her dreams, she was not prepared for it. The only thing she was thankful for was that Sasuke had not been around to hear her scream or see her rocking on her bed trying to forget the images.

Working long, and sometimes tedious, hours was a blessing in disguise for Sakura. Most of the time they left her so exhausted that she had no room to think or dream. She’d come home late at night, check on Sasuke - he’d moved back in with her - in the guest room and faceplant her bed. It wasn’t perfect, or entirely healthy, but it was a system that kept her moving forward. That is, until it didn’t work anymore.

After the fourth consecutive night of nightmares and insomnia, she’d had enough. She threw the sweat covered sheets away from her angrily and got dressed in a pair of leggings then threw on a light sweater over her tank top. She snatched a pack of kunai to wrap around her leg and an old pair of sneakers from her closet, and headed towards her window. Knowing full well she was sneaking out like a rebellious teenager - from her own apartment - as to not rouse Sasuke’s suspicion, made her feel the tiniest bit of guilt, but she wanted to be alone. Although she and Sasuke had grown impossibly close ever since he came back, there was still that fear that she’d do something that would somehow make him realize she was still that weak girl from all those years ago.

Once Sakura slipped outside quietly, she took to the roofs and ran to one of the far training grounds on the Northside of Konoha enclosed by a multitude of trees. It was secluded and gave her the privacy she wanted, not to mention the wooden posts placed strategically in various areas that offered her a source to vent her frustrations on. She sighed heavily, glanced at the waning moon wistfully, and began jogging around the field to warm-up. She ran mindlessly for a couple of laps before zeroing in on the wooden posts and hitting them in sequence. The harsh texture of the wood rubbed against her bare skin painfully since she didn’t have her gloves with her, but the sensations were welcomed. They distracted her.

Again and again she aimed her fists at the posts, each hit landing harder than the next. It was impossible to tell how long she kept at it, for her mind had finally wandered away from what kept her up at night, until one particular blow stung much more deeply than the rest. Sakura’s eyes refocused on the scene in front of her and winced as she looked at her bruised and bloody knuckles. Her heartbeat drummed quick against her chest and her breathing was labored. A small bead of sweat ran down her neck, letting her know just how hard she had been training. Not entirely satisfied, but in no mood to cause any real damage to herself, Sakura sat down on the grass and let herself fall on her back as she tried to calm down. The wind blew mercifully through the trees and the grounds, cooling the perspiration on her flushed skin.

“Stop being weak, Haruno,” she whispered to herself gazing at the stars. “They’re just nightmares, nothing more.”

She couldn’t help but wonder how Sasuke coped with his nightmares. She wouldn’t pretend that she hadn’t heard him once or twice, muttering countless I’m sorry’s and names of people long since passed, in his sleep when she’s gotten home from work. His episodes never lasted as long as hers and she wondered if he found a way to deal, or if he simply grew used to them, which was a really sad thought.

“I’ll need to inform Tsunade if you keep talking to yourself like that.”

Sakura shot up from the ground with a startled squeak and faced the direction where the voice had come from. Standing against the trunk of a tree, looking as calm as ever, was her dark-haired companion. His cool midnight orbs locked on her anxious jade eyes with such intensity, she felt a shiver run down her spine and all the way down to her toes. He was in nothing but sweatpants and a black t-shirt. The disarray of his hair was enough to suggest he had been sleeping not long ago.

“S-Sasuke,” she managed to say after a few moments of composing herself. “What are you doing here?”

He ignored her question, keeping her rooted to her spot with only his stare. “Midnight training?”

“Eh, yeah, something like that,” Sakura finally managed to answer.

“Hn.” Sasuke pushed away from the trunk, never breaking eye contact, and approached her slowly.

Sakura stayed rooted to her spot, watching his every step as he came closer to her. For a second she felt like her anxiety shot through the roof, but as he stopped right in front of her, a strange sense of serenity settled over her. Sasuke grabbed one of her still bleeding hands and frowned, inspecting the wounds.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Sakura,” he murmured softly as he started wiping away the blood with his shirt. A tight knot formed in her throat at the concern she could see shining in his eyes. She shook her head in response, finally breaking eye contact. “I see… How about a spar, then?”

“What?”

Sasuke smirked. “Spar with me, Sa-ku-ra.”

All thoughts flew out the window at the sight of his smirk, which seemed way more sensual than Sakura cared to admit. But she still enjoyed it.

“Fine, Sa-su-ke.”

She tugged her hand away from his and healed the wounds, threads of excitement filling her at the prospect of some training alone with her dear Sasuke. They both stepped closer to the middle of the training ground.

“Nothing fancy, just the basics,” Sasuke stated, sensing her low chakra levels.

He moved first without waiting for confirmation and went on the offensive. Just like when they trained together all those weeks ago, he tested her reflexes and defensive stances to get a better read of her fighting style. And just like before, her forms were powerful and well-developed. She had been the Godaime’s apprentice after all.

They circled each other, throwing a kick or punch here and there, testingly. Though they both kept their expressions neutral, as to not give anything away, on the inside they both felt an inescapable connection pulling them closer and closer until they had no choice but to collide. Sasuke felt a wave of desire burn through his being as he regarded the pink-haired kunoichi. The air crackled with electricity around them.

Sakura shot forward and engaged him in a series of well-aimed punches that would have knocked him out for sure if he let one land. The tables turned as he went on the defensive and Sakura wasted no time in keeping up. All the frustrations she had been keeping in burst forward and fueled her attacks, increasing in speed and voracity. It was enough to awaken his sharingan to keep him from falling under her attacks.

They spared against one another until they both collapsed on the ground, exhaustion weighing down their limbs. Sakura pulled Sasuke down to lay on his back next to her to regain their breathing. A calm silence settled between the two for a while as they stared up at the sky.

“Nightmares, right?” Sasuke spoke up after a while.

She wanted to deny it, but she couldn’t lie to him. “Yes.”

“Does it happen often?” He asked.

“Not for a while now, honestly,” she replied, shrugging. “After the war, it happened every night, but I’ve learned to cope with the things I’ve seen. I guess it just never really goes away and sometimes I don’t have the ability to deal with them.”

“I’ve learned that sometimes it’s not about dealing with them,” Sasuke said turning his head to face her. Sakura turned to look at him too, curiously.

He raised his hand from the grass and caressed her cheek tenderly. The unexpected action caused a blush to tint her cheeks. He couldn’t help but smile slightly.

“Sometimes, you have to replace those nightmares with something else. Something more valuable…” Sasuke trailed off in a whisper, leaning towards her slowly.

Their lips met in the middle. A thousand butterflies exploded in her stomach and her heart sped up like a hummingbird’s wings as it filled up with her love for him. Her body moved on its own, scooting closer to him until there was no space in between them. Neither complained, reveling in the warmth of their bodies combined. Sasuke slid his hand from her cheek down to her smooth neck and further down to her waist. Sakura gasped into his mouth as he tentatively squeezed the small amount of flesh that been exposed with her sweater riding up. She felt her body come alive with his touch, and may the stars fall from the night sky and the sun dry up, she never wanted him to stop.

[aion-rsa]

The Umbrella Academy Season 2 Goes Back to the Past

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The world is running out of ‘60s clothing. 

The Umbrella Academy costume designer Christopher Haragon shares this news as he walks through a warehouse containing capri pants, floral-print dresses, and a large muscle suit costume with the $29.99 price tag still attached. It turns out that no textile lasts forever. 

“I know some people have started tearing up upholstery just to get the designs,” Haragon says. 

The 1960s have never really felt that far away for pop culture. Countless movies, TV shows, and comic books have returned to the dramatically fertile ground of the turbulent decade so often that it still feels inexorably tied to the present. But time marches on—buttons fall off of shirts, tie-dye patterns fade, and moths feast on fabric. Soon enough, all the tangible sartorial ties to the ‘60s will be gone. Before they are, however, Netflix’s premier superhero series is set on putting them to good use.

The Umbrella Academy finished its charmingly weird first season with a temporal cliffhanger. As super-powered (adopted) siblings Luther (Tom Hopper), Diego (David Castañeda), Allison (Emmy Raver-Lampman), Klaus (Robert Sheehan), Five (Aiden Gallagher), Ben (Justin Min), and Vanya (Ellen Page) Hargreeves prepared to teleport away from the moon-based apocalypse they wrought, it was unclear where… or when their jump would take them. As the costume department at Cinespace Film Studios in Toronto makes clear: the show had a very specific timeframe in mind for the Hargreeves. 

“I really loved the time period of the early ’60s,” showrunner Steve Blackman says. “There were incredible things going on in the country. And the assassination of Kennedy is just rife with conspiracy theories. So that’s why I decided to narrow it down to that window.”

Yes, you read that right. The Kennedy assassination, Dealey Plaza, and the grassy knoll are all prominently involved in the second season of a major Netflix superhero property. As Blackman describes, the Hargreeves arrive in Dallas this season in the early ‘60s but each is dumped out of the time stream in a different year. Klaus and Ben arrive as early as February 11, 1960, Five in November of 1963, and the rest fall in-between. That’s how The Umbrella Academy must brave both time and Dallas itself to find one another before a certain motorcade in the winter of 1963 brings on…another apocalypse. 

The Umbrella Academy season 2 is loosely based on “Dallas,” the second volume of the original comic book series from Gerard Way and Gabriel Bá. Just like “Dallas,” the second season of the show is funnier, bolder, and stranger than the first. Each member of the titular team, One through Seven, is happy to explain why. 

Number One – Luther is No Longer a Spaceboy

As Luther was fond of telling just about anyone willing (or unwilling) to listen in The Umbrella Academy season 1: “Dad sent me to the moon!” In ‘60s Dallas, he finds himself the same distance from the moon but metaphorically lightyears away from where he used to be. The hirsute, superpowered lug gets a job as a driver for a powerful Texan and puts those ape-arms to good use as an underground bare-knuckle brawler. Despite the violence (or perhaps because of it), Number One may never have been happier. 

“I think it’s quite interesting because Luther’s on his own path to begin with. I don’t think he’s as bothered about the Academy and having to be a leader anymore. He just has to learn to live in the real world,” Hopper says. 

Of course, traveling to the ‘60s means that the dead man who metaphorically haunted Luther and his siblings for all of season 1 is not currently dead. 

“He’s still dealing with the daddy issues he had from season 1,” Hopper says. “And bear in mind that his dad is around somewhere in the sixties. So there’s an element of him wanting to connect with his dad to have words with him.”

Given that the death of Reginald Hargreeves was the inciting moment for much of the action in The Umbrella Academy season 1, “Reggie” (Colm Feore) appeared sparingly. In season 2, however, the enigmatic industrialist is in the prime of his life and is 26 years away from learning about the mysterious, simultaneous birth of 43 super-powered children. 

Reginald continues to loom large over the Hargreeves kids, and according to Hopper, that dysfunctional family tissue is what makes the show work. 

“What I love about The Umbrella Academy, and the reason why I signed on to the project in the first place, is that I read these scripts thinking, ‘I’m not reading a superhero script, I’m reading a family drama.’ That’s at the core of this show. And that’s why I find it so much more interesting than actually than a lot of other superhero TV shows.”

Number Two – Diego and Lila

Of all The Umbrella Academy members, perhaps no one gets a more fantastic ‘60s glow-up than the sullen knife-thrower Diego. While season 1 found  Reginald’s Number Two with a crew-cut vibe, Diego of season 2 gets to let his hair down a bit… literally.

“Well, he’s never really felt like he fit in, so it’s not so much out of his comfort zone to be in a different era,” Castañeda says. “In the first one, he’s kind of trying to stay away from the Umbrella Academy. In the second one, he’s almost trying to bring them all together.”

Joining Diego in that mission to reunite his brothers and sisters is one of the season’s several new characters. Ritu Arya portrays Lila, a young woman who Diego meets in a mental hospital and then can never quite seem to shake afterwards. Diego and Lila frequently interact in the way that Diego seems to prefer to interact with everyone: through fighting. 

“Oh, man. She’s a badass,” Castañeda says of both Lila and the actress playing her.

Aryu’s character has no analog from the comic series but she quickly proves to be an invaluable part of the show’s universe and potentially an important piece of its lore. If nothing else, she certainly helps contribute to season 2’s increased investment in physicality. This batch of episodes ups the ante in terms of action. Castañeda even took some time in-between seasons to travel to Thailand and pick up a little Muay Thai so that he could be a more active participant in the season’s many fight scenes. 

Still, despite the intensified focus on fistfights, Castañeda has an unusual comparison to make for season 2. 

“I binged 10 seasons of Friends in five months this year. You can look at each character in Friends and they’re so relatable to the characters in any successful TV show. You can write it, but can you put the pieces together with the right people and actors to come in and bring those relationships? Based on the first season and what we’re doing now in season two, that formula of ‘there’s love underneath all of this chaos’, I think it sells.”

Number Three – Allison and the Civil Rights Struggle

The Umbrella Academy season 1 came with a refreshing commitment to diversity. Though the comic book team is all-white (which is almost a statistical impossibility given the premise that 43 babies were spontaneously and randomly born around the world), the Umbrella children in the show come from many different backgrounds. 

The Hargreeves’ racial and cultural identities play a major role in season 2. For one thing, it means that the family’s sole Black member, Allison, now finds herself separated from her siblings in Texas at the height of the Civil Rights Movement. This presents an opportunity for Allison that actress Emmy Raver-Lampman doesn’t take lightly. 

“We find Allison in kind of a tricky pickle,” Raver-Lampman says. “She arrives alone and in an era and in a place that’s really dangerous for a woman that looks the way that she does. I think she’s having to quite literally fight for her life in many ways.”

Allison Hargreeves has arguably the most potent power of all her siblings. The things she says tend to come true. By simply opening a sentence with “I heard a rumor,” Allison can manipulate reality to a stunning degree. Her brother Five has described her powers as God-like on more than one occasion. Still, Allison is famously reticent to use the full extent of that power. And the intense social situation she finds herself in may make that reticence a little more frustrating for viewers. Still, Raver-Lampman sees the logic behind Allison’s fear.

“(Her power) has always backfired maybe not immediately, but in the long game. She sees them as more of a curse than a blessing. How she’s using them or if she’s using them or when she wants to use them is a part of her process this season is. Am I going to try to just be Allison or am I going to be this superhero version of Allison?” 

Number Four – The Cult of Klaus

There is some absurdist humor inherent to The Umbrella Academy. One of the main characters is essentially a gorilla-person after all. But while the show premiered on the same day as its spiritual cousin Doom Patrol last year, it’s hard to argue that Doom Patrol didn’t defeat it in the “outright madness” column.

That dynamic may change in season 2. As for why, look no further than Klaus’s arc. Yes, as the promotional material has suggested, Klaus is indeed a cult leader in this show’s version of the ‘60s. It’s undoubtedly a joy to see Number Four in flowing robes and Manson-esque hair. For actor Robert Sheehan, however, there’s a logic to Klaus’s journey beyond mere novelty. 

“We were like, ‘how do we make him keep changing?’ He’s this kind of amorphous creature,” Sheehan says. “We did talk about the idea of starting a cult because so often you have a suspicion that at the top of a cult is somebody who’s letting on like they have answers, wisdom, knowledge, and they can see beyond the veil, but in fact they’re playing a role just like the worshipers are.”

Klaus is in an unusual position among his family as, apart from Five, he is the only one to have time traveled back to the ‘60s previously. That sort of thing (along with a lifetime of drug abuse) can make a guy pretty confident… confident enough to start a cult. 

Number Five

One interesting development of The Umbrella Academy’s trip back through time is that Number Five is now not the only seasoned time traveler in his family. In fact, Five spends the least amount of time in the early ‘60s as any of his siblings, with the timestream booting him out in late 1963. Still, it’s not like he doesn’t have enough experience with the decade already given that season 1 reveals he was the time-travelling assassin originally charged with killing Kennedy, something he opted not to do. 

“I don’t really think there’s too much of an adjustment on Five’s part in terms of being in the sixties,” Aiden Gallagher says. “Everyone’s been here for a long time, so they’ve had time to evolve, but for Five, it’s just been like a few weeks. He’s still in the schoolboy shorts.”

Even in those schoolboy threads, however, Five remains a threat to any of his family’s potential enemies. The Umbrella Academy comes up against Commission interference this season, this time led by a crew of silent pale-haired killers known as The Swedes. As such, Gallagher once again gets to paint Five’s cherubic visage with blood from time to time. 

“There are a lot more fight scenes this season… a lot cooler fight scenes. I think the best summary for what season two is and how that affects all the actors is that it’s the same show, but a lot bigger.”

Number Six – Ben, The Deathly Time-Traveler

The Umbrella Academy is the kind of show that leads to some truly unique questions. A necessary question for season 2 is “wait… can ghosts travel through time?” It’s a tricky metaphysical concept that even Ben actor Justin Min can’t quite wrap his head around. 

“Very good question. I’m confused most of the time I’m here,” Min says.

Rest assured, Ben makes the trip back to 1960 with Klaus and the pair get to continue their living and the dead buddy comedy routine. 

Ben was undoubtedly a breakout character from The Umbrella Academy season 1, which was unexpected given that his character doesn’t appear in the flesh (or the ectoplasm) in the original comic series. Blackman and the writers decided to put Klaus’s ability to commune with the dead to good narrative use and include the Hargreeves’s fallen brother as a more consistent character. 

Though Ben remains in his black “ghost hoodie” and doesn’t get to partake in the same colorful ‘60s stylings as his siblings, he nevertheless gets an expanded role this season. And for that, Min credits The Umbrella Academy fandom. 

“My role last season was quite secondary and to see the fans rally behind the character was more than I could have ever hoped and imagined. I think it’s one of the main reasons why I was able to be propelled into this season with a little more agency because I think they felt like that’s what the fans wanted.”

As a gift to those same fans, Min also offers up one hell of an endorsement of this season’s finale. 

“I screamed for a very long time after I read the final scene. It was nothing like I ever expected or imagined. And I say that in the best possible way. It tops what happened at the end of season one, because I don’t think anyone will expect what happens at the end of the season.”

Number Seven – Vanya  Finds Herself

Speaking of endings: What’s in store for The Umbrella Academy’s resident world-ender this year?

Vanya (with an unhelpful assist from Luther) was the source of the apocalypse in season 1, so thankfully the only way to go from there is up. Vanya loses her memories on arrival in Dallas (it’s not as lame as it sounds) and is taken in by Sissy (Marin Ireland) and her son Harlan. 

“I think she finds a nice sense of peace and solace,” Page says of her character “Because we ended a season where so much came to the surface for her, Vanya is definitely much more comfortable in her skin. She’s more confident. It’s freed her in so many ways.”

Page occupies an interesting position on The Umbrella Academy. Though Number Seven in Reginald Hargreeves’s heart, the well-known actress is number one on the callsheet. And in the second season of this endearingly goofy comic book adaptation, she seems more assured within the world, successfully lobbying the costume department for Vanya to dress “more masc,” and staying positive during a particularly tough scene. “You’ve been tortured before clearly,” someone on set notes as they adjust the restraints on a chair holding Vanya down. Page is also more comfortable shouldering the responsibilities of the show’s most explosive character.  

“The power is fun and exciting, especially in terms of how it manifests and some stunts and stuff this year. Playing someone whose power is connected to their emotions, and what happens if we aren’t being mindful of them, I think that’s what’s so exciting. Also: being able to fuck people up. That’s fun.”

“Fun” is the operative world for The Umbrella Academy season 2. The hard work of world and character-building is mostly out of the way. And while the Hargreeves family and the actors who play them find themselves in a new environment, at least they have each other this time… eventually.

Per Umbrella Academy lore, on October 1, 1989, 43 women around the world suddenly gave birth to extraordinary individuals. Reginald Hargreeves found seven of them and through sheer force of his odious will made them into a team. On October 1, 2019, The Umbrella Academy team took a moment after a hard day’s work of filming to commemorate their “birthday” with a cake.

View this post on Instagram

on the nineteenth hour of the first day of october, 2019, we all wished the hargreeves siblings a very super birthday 🖤☂️🔪🐙

A post shared by The Umbrella Academy (@umbrellaacad) on Oct 1, 2019 at 4:00pm PDT

Of course, being a member of The Umbrella Academy comes with its own occupational hazards. As Emmy Raver-Lampman explains, sometimes even a special occasion is preceded by an explosive incident involving fruit all over your priceless ‘60s clothes.

“We all got covered in pineapple and then it was our birthday.”

The post The Umbrella Academy Season 2 Goes Back to the Past appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[evilsapphyre]

Sapphy’s Spoilerific Review

Game of Thrones: Season 7 Episode 3

As with the last two weeks, this is a review of the latest episode with spoilers, as indicated with the title. Ye have been warned.

Welcome back to As Westeros Turns, where plot lines are moving along at breakneck speed, and people are moving about the country as if thousand of miles didn’t separate certain points. Sure, it’s nice to be spared the countless and pointless hours of travel, but it’s a bit jarring nonetheless.

Anyways, Jon, who was just in the North has already made it to White Harbor, and now to Dragonstone. A slightly terse reunion between Jon and Tyrion happens, where they exchange basic insults for how they are viewed by others. Missandei requests that they turn over their weapons, and of course, Jon agrees. It makes sense, but with as small of an entourage that arrived from the North, it seems slightly foolish to walk into a dragon’s mouth with no weapons. Davos tries to make polite conversation with Missandei, and it gives us a glimpse of the Isle of Nath (which sounds quite lovely with butterflies).

As they walk the long battlement, Tyrion asks about Sansa, but then hurriedly rushes to assure Jon that the marriage was never consummated. Apparently, word has reached Tyrion on what Jon did to Littlefinger in the crypts, in addition to what happened to Ramsey. Jon distances himself from the conversation, and Tyrion talks about how bad things tend to happen to Starks that travel South. Jon replies that he’s no Stark, which is perfect timing from a drive by dragoning. In case people are still confused on who Jon’s true father is...

Varys and Mellisandre watch as the North makes it way to Dany. Varys finds it curious that she’s hiding, and she intimates that she may not be well liked by the visitors for reasons she would rather not disclose. She did what she needed to do though; she brought together Ice and Fire. (Does she get points for bringing in the name of the series?) She’s now off to Volantis, and Varys says she probably shouldn’t return to Westeros. Mellisandre says that she’ll be back. After all, they both have to die in this strange country. That’s not ominous at all.

The North entourage enters the throne room to find Dany dwarfed by the throne at Dragonstone. Missandei then lists off all 101 titles that Dany has collected, and Davos does a great job at the contrasting the two with the sparse introduction of Jon, King of the North. Dany feigns ignorance on having a good education, but then goes into the exact history lesson of how the North bent the knee to Aegon the Conqueror. Jon reminds her that his family was butchered by her father. She apologizes and asks him to not judge her by the sins of her father. She wants Jon to be her Warden in the North, and she reminds him how things could be. After all, she’s last of the Targs. Well, not really, but she doesn’t know that yet.

Jon agrees that she shouldn’t be held accountable for her father’s actions, and he shouldn’t be held to his ancestors oaths. He then starts to paint a picture about the plight of the North with the army of the Dead that is on the move. Of course, no one really believes him in that threat. Dany feels that Jon doesn’t give her the right and due respect she is owed, so she attempts to rub his nose in all the things that she has survived. Jon will have none of that still, and tells her that she will be Queen over graves. Davos steps in and tries to be the herald of Jon’s deeds, and why people choose him even though he has no true birthright (that he knows of). Davos even lets slip that Jon took a dagger to the heart for what he believed in, which earns him an unhappy look from Jon.

Jon tells Dany that he doesn’t know her. He can’t and won’t abandon her people just because she claims certain things. Dany takes his words better than I’d expect, but maybe it’s only because Varys interrupts them, whispering in her ear like he has whispered in so many others. She has Jon and Davos taken to some private rooms for a bath and supper, like they are little kids. Jon asks if they are prisoners, and she tells him not yet. Then she learns the fate of her Dornish and Ironborn allies, and how they were captured by Euron.

We get a brief cut to Theon brought aboard Ironborn ship. I’m fairly certain that these were friendly Ironborn, but we don’t know for certain. He tries to fib that he only barely got away after trying to save his sister. They tell him that he’s only alive because he didn’t try to save her. Hopefully this scene will have some eventual importance, but right now, I could deal with less Theon. Give me a reason to want to root for him again.

Euron parades Yara, Ellaria and a Sand Snake through the streets of King's Landing. (Apparently, this is the Most Beautiful Woman in the world from what I’ve read. Her hair is much different, and she’s kept her clothes on.) The people throw things at the prisoners and shout whore and other tame profanity at them before Euron leads them, horse and all, into the throne room. He hands over the Dornish prisoners to Cersei, which is to be the justice for her murdered daughter. Cersei lavishes Eurone with praise, and even says that she will give Euron his reward of choice once the war is over. As the crowd applause so their first victory, Euron taunts pod-Jaime with questions about how Cersei likes to be pleased in bed. (Psst, Jaime, let the crazy pirate guy have your sister. You’ve got better prospects North.)

Cersei, with her suddenly very pink and shiny lips, then goes to the dungeons with her new prisoners. She reminds Ellaria about the day Oberyn died and how he could have lived had he had less bravado. A truth, but let’s not rub salt in that wound. She then changes the conversation to mothers and daughters, talking about Myrcella and how much she loved her. She compares her love for Myrcella to Ellaria’s for the Most Beautiful Woman, talking about the ways she thought about killing her daughter. She finally kisses her, and everyone realizes that Cersei poisoned the girl just as Myrcella was poisoned. She then wipes off the poison lipstick (and her lips return to her normal pink and non-super-shiny luster), and drinks the antidote. She then tells Ellaria that she will watch as her daughter dies, and then rots.

And then it’s time for icky Cersei and pod-Jaime sex. I get that Jaime loves her, but it’s all icky. And not just because of the incest. She literally goes straight to Jaime after basically murdering a girl, and seduces him with no words. So she’s aroused by the death of her enemies? Again… Yuck! And she doesn’t even care if the servants gossip, as the next morning she answers the door and let’s a servant see Jaime in her bed. But she’s the Queen, so it doesn’t matter any longer. She then scurries off to speak with Iron Bank, and basically tells them that she will secure payment for the debts. She’s also lauded for being Tywin’s daughter. (Which yes, show-Cersei has glimpses of being very Tywin-esque, but that’s not how book-Cersei would be.)

Back in Dragonstone, Jon is brooding, and Tyrion starts to speak about how he can’t compare to brooding next to Jon. They bicker over who has more need, and Tyrion tells him that he’d be happy to solve his problem if Jon could solve theirs. Tyrion points out that the two rulers are actually quite similar, and he also points out that Jon is being unreasonable in his requests. He says to think smaller and maybe they can help the North.

Tyrion goes to Dany and tells her that Jon wants Dragon Glass if she can’t ride North. He makes a strong case to her about how it could be useful in helping to secure the North as an ally, and it would cost them nothing. He also spouts off some words of wisdom that Dany calls him out on, since he claims it’s ancient wisdom, but it’s really his own words. Dany asks before she leaves about the “knife to the heart statement” but Tyrion says something about flights of fancy in the North. She seems unconvinced. That doesn’t stop her from agreeing to let Jon have the dragon glass, where she talks to Jon also about her dragons. There seems to be some begrudging respect between the two monarchs too, as she sends him off to mine that glass.

Meanwhile, back in the North, Sansa is going over the stock and supply of Winterfell since she’s in charge. She feels that they don’t have enough food to feed everyone once the armies return to Winterfell. So everyone is to start sending wagons of grain to Winterfell to prepare for Winter. She is very astute even about how the armorers should be manufacturing the armor. Littlefinger points out she is very good at this, and he continues his coaching of her and how to win all her battles.

He’s interrupted by the sudden return of Bran and Meera who seem to have lost part of their souls when they returned to Winterfell, given their wooden expressions and comments. Sansa tries to learn more from Bran, but he’s rather withdrawn. He also turns down his own birthright as he tells Sansa that he’s the Three-Eyed Raven, and has a difficult time explaining that to her. I’m guessing that the Weirwood Wifi Net has fried part of his brain, or he’s still in such an information overload. He does freak out his sister by saying that he saw her marry Ramsey in the snow in their Godswood. She nopes the fuck out of the scene pretty fast.

Which then leads us to Oldtown where Ser Friendzone has been cured it seems. Slughorn seems nonchalant and points out how it happened, even though Ser Friendzone denies it to him. He gets discharged from his room, being cured, and Ser Friendzone gets dressed. Boy, I hope that is a new shirt that wasn’t resting on all that grayscale! Sam and Ser Friendzone say goodbye and shake hands. Cross your fingers that Ser Friendzone is truly cured. I like Sam too much to see him become a stone man. Later, Slughorn calls Sam out for curing Ser Friendzone, and he both lauds him for his success and punishes him for not minding his orders. He’s told he should be thankful that he’s not tossed out of the program.

Back in Dragonstone, Dany wants to sink Euron’s fleet with her dragons. She wants to go so far as to ride Drogon, leading her other two dragons to burn the fleet. Which isn’t a bad idea really - even if we know he could have Cersei’s hidden weapon. Instead though, she’s cautioned against this notion over worry to her own safety. What if she got hit by an arrow? I mean, if it’s in the knee, her adventuring career is over! Instead, they focus back on taking Casterly Rock.

We’re given the first glimpse of Casterly Rock after seven seasons, after hearing about it almost all the time. The Unsullied lay siege to the castle, in a jarring scene that looks choppy and laden with poor CGI. Maybe there wasn’t CGI, but it just didn’t have that polished look like other battle scenes. The true attack comes from underneath thanks to Tyrion’s expertise about the sewers of Casterly Rock, which lets the Unsullied army within the walls. The battle is quick on the screen, but it is brutal from the appearance of bodies along the battlements from both sides. Grey Worm notices that there isn’t as many men as they were told would be there. Also, why they were capturing the Keep, Euron destroyed their ships. He really seems to get around!

The rest of the Lannister army has marched south to Highgarden under the leadership of pod-Jaime with Sternly Tarly and our first Bronn sighting of the season. The Rains of Castamere play as pod-Jaime takes the castle and marches straight to Lady Olenna, who is awaiting her execution as it would seem. Jaime tells her why they left Casterly Rock, having emptied the food stores and with it having no more gold. He tells her that the play was something he learned from Robb Stark. Olenna wants to know how she is to die, and gets a jab in about how much a cunt Joffrey was. Cersei wanted Jaime to flay her or chop off her head. Jaime hasn’t lost all his honor, and pours some poison into a glass of wine for her. She guzzles it down, and as she awaits her death, she tells Jaime one last thing for Cersei. She was the one who was behind the death of Joffrey.

It’s a such a poignant end to the Queen of Thorns, and a wonderful last jab at her enemies. Always a joy to have another twisted bittersweet death on the show. Even if the show kind of moved around at a fast pace over Westeros, and it’s hard to judge how much actual time has passed. Maybe next week we’ll have Ser Friendzone already reunited with his Khaleesi at Dragonstone. Tune in to find out!