#crazy greg films

[alexalynnsth]

COMMISSION / Syrus Lee (Human and Hedgehog) and Sisko Blade -2023 For CRAZY GREG FILMS His socials: https://www.youtube.com/@CRAZYGREGFILMS https://www.patreon.com/CRAZYGREGFILMS https://www.instagram.com/crazygreg0511/

[creed-of-cats]

diversity is obviously great for many reasons, but among them being that any character who is normal ass white man is made WAY more interesting in any context if that is deviated from. I will watch so many films/series, ones pre 2000 especially, and wonder how much more interesting and investing it would be if the character just...wasn't the most basic societal "norm" for what's acceptable as a protagonist. Like holy shit, does it not get boring making this stuff with the same dude over and over?

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

That's the day that Chad and I found out that the show wasn't coming back. Or the, that I'm sorry, I take it back. That the show was coming back just without us. -Hilarie 

Wait, the day you were shooting your flaming Amy's flashback. Tell us everything. -Sophia

Well, we'd shot everything else. Right? -Hilarie

Wait, wait, wait. So you were doing these flashbacks, these like this deep nostalgia episode, not knowing that it was teeing up the exit. -Sophia

I was put in the blonde wig again as punishment for having red hair. Right. And I noticed a conversation with like Brooke and Victoria where it was like, are you really gonna leave the company and ruin the careers of all the people that you've been?  Like such a pointed conversation for you to have to have 'cause we were all in contract negotiations at this point, except me. I had never gotten a phone call from anybody. And so they were making offers to everybody and everyone was trying to hold the line. And all they needed were a couple people to sign on in order for the show to come back. And Chad and I never even got phone calls. So we were seated in that diner booth and we're like, it's our last day of filming. We did all of the present day stuff, we did most of the flashback stuff. And all of a sudden our producer Greg Prange is like, all right, everybody like pause what you're doing, circle up. Just wanted to make the announcement. The show is coming back. We've been picked up for a seventh season. And Chad looks at me and he's like, have you even gotten an offer? And I was like, no. And he's like, I haven't gotten an offer. And so around us, everyone around us is like hugging and high fiving. I mean, it felt like balloons were dropping from the ceiling. Everybody was so fucking pumped. And he and I just kind of sat there and we knew it was coming. We had, you know, Peyton got hit by a car in the last episode. She's on her death bed, you know, and he and I were the highest paid actors on the show. And we knew we were on the chopping block. And so our bosses, Voldemort and other Dipshits were in town. And we said, can they come to set? They were at the production office and we were at Flaming Amy's. We like, can they come to set? It's only, it's two o'clock in the afternoon. Can they come here and just like explain to us what's going on? Is there something, can someone just talk to us? They refused. They would not come speak to us. And instead they took other actors out to dinner that night to celebrate. And so Chad and I wrap work and I gotta take that fucking wig off. and you know, there's a sense of betrayal 'cause you're like, huh, okay cool. We didn't hold the line and so we'll go be the expendable ones. Fuck it. And Chad and I decide for the first time ever in our time together in Wilmington, that we are gonna go out together and we are gonna tie one on. And so Chad and I ended up at the Whiskey, which was like a bar right on the corner of downtown. You know, and like metal bands played there. And Bibis, our friend would play there all the time until two o'clock in the morning. He and I are just like sweating and smoking and drinking and dancing. And Chad's a very good dancer and every college chick in the place is like, oh my God, it's Lucas and Peyton and they're really together and this is so crazy. And it was insane. And so then from two to three o'clock in the morning we sat on, on like a retaining wall downtown and just really discussed like, we're out. We've had this shit dangled over our heads. There's no one here who's fighting for us. You know, the friendships are fake. It's not real. And we're gonna go and we're just gonna do some other stuff and we'll always tell each other the truth. You know? And so he walked me home and I remember that also being kind of weird. It felt like a date. It's the one date that Chad and I went on and it was very platonic. And then I called him a cab. And even the cab driver was like, I'm picking up Lucas Scott from Peyton Sawyers house.  It was crazy. But from that moment on for the whole rest of this season, it was, it was hell. It was really bad. It was really bad. 'cause it was, it was so pointed, you know, I'd been the person to do every upfront, every TCA every advertiser dinner party. I hosted the launch party for the CW  I had been the company girl and it was the biggest fuck you. -Hilarie

But Chad and I had this magic night. We still laugh about it. I mean it was, it was probably the hardest I ever partied in Wilmington. And he didn't really drink, so I remember being shocked. Shocked, That he was drinking his like vodka cranberries or whatever he was drinking. We were both just so blindsided by it.  Like we, we knew it was coming, but until it happens. -Hilarie 

[screamsortega]

i won’t let anyone hurt you;

summary: as news of a new ghostface arises you get painful flashbacks from the year before, luckily, your boyfriend ethan is there to comfort you.

warnings: cursing, mentions of blood, murder, all that stuff.

pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader

*lowercase intended*

“what’s going on?” sam spoke, rushing in not too long after chad called for her.

“…where the mutilated bodies of two students..” the news reporter on the tv spoke.

“cute boy, nice.” quinn said, pointing to the guy that followed in after sam.

“their names have just been released by the police, jason carvey and greg bruckner.” the reporter continues before mindy chimes in.

“holy shit,” she began, “that’s that chode from our film studies class. the one obsessed with argento.”

“Also found at the scene were various ghostface costumes, a character popularized by the stab movie franchise.” as soon as the reporter said those words, you could feel your face grow pale before you all looked at one another.

“Pack a bag, we leave in ten.” sam spoke, walking into the kitchen to grab a knife.

“sam, wait, sam!” tara spoke up, walking over towards her sister.

“we’re getting out of the city.”

“what?” the guy, danny, that followed behind sam said.

“thank you, suspicious new guy, but we got it from here.” chad says, slightly pushing danny back out of the apartment. “have a good night, get home safe.”

“sam.” tara said, “sam, wh- hold on, no, wait, let’s talk about this for a second. cause this might not have anything to do with us.”

“are you serious?” sam asked.

“it’s a big city! it’s halloween, everybody’s wearing masks!” tara defended.

“tara, this isn’t a coincidence.” sam spoke, hee voice slightly raising. “you knew him!”

“barely.”

“chad, mindy, y/n? back me up.”

“i mean, it is a little bit..” chad started as mindy finished his sentence. “close to home.”

“see?” sam said, turning back to tara.

you had been sitting in silence, blanking out, ethan had taken notice of this. “y/n?” he spoke, his voice low enough to where only you could hear.

ethan’s voice caused you to bring yourself back into reality, you get up and walk into your bedroom, slamming the door behind you which causes the group to stop in the middle of their conversations.

“is — is she okay?” anika questions, looking from one person to another.

“this is bringing shit back for her,” tara began, “everything that happened last year traumatized her for like, life.”

“didn’t it happen to all of you, though?” quinn asks, trying to keep up.

“well, yeah, but it just had a way harder hit on her. she hasn’t been dealing with it well either.”

ethan glances at the ground, contemplating on whether or not he should try and comfort you.

he gets up, heads to your bedroom door but before he reaches for the handle mindy chimes in. “she probably doesn’t want to be bothered right now, dude.”

ethan rolls his eyes, ignoring mindy’s comment as he walks in your bedroom and closes the door behind him.

“hey, you okay?” ethan asks, sitting besides you as his hand rests upon your shoulder.

you shrug his hand off, “go away, e.”

the two of you sit in silence for a moment, ethan deciding on what to say. “do you wanna talk about it?”

you just sit there, knees up against your chest as your head hangs low. “i know this must be hard for you, and i’m sorry that you have to go through this again.” ethan began.

“i care about you, y/n, and i’m here for you. so, please, talk to me.”

for some reason, tears just start to pour onto your face, your head falls upon ethan’s shoulder. “i can’t do this shit again, e, i can’t.”

“i know, it’s okay,” ethan began, his hand crept up to your hair, brushing through it. “just take deep breaths, okay? in and out.”

“ethan,” you began, finally controlling your breathing. “you have to get out of here, okay? if ghostface is really back then that means they’ll come after everyone, and that includes you and i can’t lose you, e.”

“yeah, well, you must be crazy if you think i’m leaving you.” ethan spoke, “i won’t let anyone hurt you, okay?”

“just let it all out, y/n”

[austinbutlerslovers]

That Hollywood Authentic Feeling

Mature 18+

With 110 votes for sex position it was almost a 3 way split! Missionary won with 38.2% 🥇 Doggy 30.9% Girl on top 30.9% Thank you for each and every vote to write for maximum entertainment.

Summary

Austin Butler looked * SO HOT * for his Hollywood Authentic documentary that I had to write a smut were he calls as hes driving straight home to you from Anaheim missing that you couldn’t come and feeling so nostalgic and happy with how his life turned out (especially with you) he lightly edges you on the phone before satisfying you completely in the bedroom.

*Established relationship living together

Edging over the phone • oral sex while dressed (male)• dirty talk• foreplay•nipple play•teasing• size kink • passionate missionary •simultaneous orgasm • cream pie •aftercare

Inspo: him smelling like leather in that jacket with his fresh whipped california hair from the drive in that 1976 Alfa Romeo Spider looking like he’s begging to be milked 🤌🏼

(Spelling errors, grammatical mistakes repeat words etc but it’s hot)

That Hollywood Authentic Feeling

It had been hours since Austin left in the morning with his photographer friend Greg to finish filming his Hollywood Authentic Magazine Documentary. He kissed you on the forehead and stroked your hair to say goodbye as you slept, looking at you so peaceful he wished he could climb back into bed and sleep in with you. He got dressed quietly instead and left as soon as Greg pulled into driveway letting Austin take the wheel as they sped off together mid morning in a 1976 Alfa Romeo spider to Anaheim.

Over the next few hours he sent you a few cute texts and pictures but ultimately you went on about your day. You returned from running errands all morning feeling famished. It was only mid afternoon but you raided the fridge making a chicken wrap with a side of strawberry’s. You had just finished eating when your phone lit up with Austin’s face you were ecstatic as you clicked answer

-“Hi baby!” you say smiling holding the phone to your cheek with your shoulder as you rinse your dish.

-“Hi baby it was so crazy today! I can’t wait until I get home to tell you all about it, I mean I had an In&Out burger how nostalgic is that!” He exclaims.

-“Oh my gosh you went completely down memory lane didn’t you ” you muse loving the sound of his happy voice

-“Yea seeing my old house… it was surreal remembering all the little details of how I grew up” you hear him start the spider vintage car.

-“I’m amazed you did this,how do you feel?” You ask drying your clean dish.

-“ I feel elated actually, looking back put a lot of things into perspective for me” he says confidently.

You just want to hug him he sounds so full of enthusiasm.

-“Are you leaving Anaheim now?” You ask walking across the kitchen to put your dry dish away in the cabinet.

-“Yea I’m just leaving now, we finished everything. I got in the car to call you right away …I missed you so much out here today… I wish you could’ve come….” He trails off checking his phone screen.

“The navigation says I’ll be there in about 35 minutes. I’m coming back in the spider!” he says excitedly.

-“Wow do you like it?” you ask enthusiastically

-“Yea it grew on me, Greg’s going to let me borrow it , maybe I take you on a date in it later tonight, would you like that? ”

-“I’d really like that Austin” you say with a smile.

-“You sound cute..where are you? are you home now?” He asks full of curiosity.

-“Yes I’m in the kitchen I just finished a late lunch I would make you a plate but In & Out Burger sounds *sooo* much better ” you tease him and hear him laugh.

- “Yea I ate the entire thing … what else have you been up to today while I was out here ?” You hear the longing peaking in his voice.

You can tell he misses you so much, your day was so boring and routine without him so you decide to switch it up.

-“Mmmm I’m talking to this really hot guy who is on his way to come see me right …now…” you trail off and bite your lip awaiting his response to your playfulness.

He pauses mulling over your words.

-“What’s he look like ?” He asks going along with your little game.

-“Hes really handsome about 6ft tall, blonde hair, blue eyes…strong build… great personality ..and his smile …” you get lost in thought the more you realize how hot he is in real life.

-“He sounds attractive” Austin teases.

-“Yea he really is…” you say dreamily.

-“What do you plan to do with him when he gets there?” His tone dropping a little.

-“Well he sounds really excited about his big day I'm thinking we talk about it and go on a nice dinner date at one of his favorite places” you say hoping you got it right.

He goes silent before speaking back up

-“ What if he wants to surprise you with something else first.. ”

You smile biting your lower lip again “Like what? “ you ask curiosly hanging on every word.

-“It wouldn’t be a surprise if it old you” he says coyly playing with you now.

You roll your eyes “Austin stop teasing what is it?”

-“What are you wearing? “ he switches topics so quickly.

You lean over the counter getting intrigued

-“A top and a leggings why?” you ask looking down at your out fit.

-“ I want you to go to our bedroom… and I want you to take it all off for me…”

Your eyes grow wide as he continues his voice deeper and full of arousal

-“I want you laying on the bed naked with your legs spread open for me when I come home. I get so hard thinking about you like this..…it’ll be about 20 minutes until I’m there. I’m getting on the freeway now ”

You stand up quickly from the counter processing his words “okay Austin” you say in agreement.

“I love you” he says with a sexy baritone that makes your thighs squeeze together

“ love you too” you respond back stunned and excited at the same time

*The call ends *

The house is eerily quiet now. With a little time before he arrives you quickly head to the master bathroom and shower off . The warm water cascades over your entire body as your thoughts drift to him the way he always sounds so sexy especially when he wants you.

You are still thinking of his words as you dry your hair and wrap the towel around your body. “ I want you laying on the bed naked with your legs spread open for me when I come home ” you shudder and smile as you enter the walk in closet, so distracted you almost put on a lingerie set.

You hang your towel on the door hook and slowly walk into the bedroom completely bare. The large windows are shining the afternoon light into the all white room as the swimming pool glimmers in the courtyard in the center of the property. High fences and hedges ensure your privacy as you crawl up the giant all white king size bed naked and rest your head back on the pillows.

You take two fingers and teasingly drag them up and down your folds dipping them into your pussy getting excited by your own touch until your fingers are wet with arousal thinking about him.

You stop completely as you hear the distinct sound of the vintage engine pulling up the street making you sit up in bed . You hear the car buzz through the security gate and park. Your heart races as the front door slams and the distinct walk of heavy boots scuffing the wood floors approach the bedroom

The knob turns and the door flings open. Austin walks in with intent staring you up and down delighted you are just how he wants you a smile playing across his face with lust in his eyes. He’s wearing his black leather jacket white tee blue jeans and black cowboy boots.

You stand up as he approaches and grabs you into a firm hug against him. You’re completely naked in his fully clothed arms. His lips ignite passionately on yours as he begins overlapping his kisses with longing for you.

He holds the back of your head pressing your mouth deeper onto his making the kiss so impactful you feel like you’re spinning .

His leather jacket crunches as he hugs you releasing such a sweet smell. His kissing becomes less focused as he’s working his lips against yours prodding his tongue into your mouth . Sparks of arousal catch making you wetter as you feel his growing erection pressing hard against your thigh. His facial hair begins to lightly scratch against your soft face as he presses one kiss over the next, it feels like heaven.

He finally breaks his lips from yours “I missed you baby” he says breathlessly staring deeply into your eyes, his right hand is around the base of your neck his thumb pressing your hair back over your ear “I missed you too ” you say as your eyes wander his beautiful face, his plump shiny red lips from kissing yours , his sandy blonde hair wild from the wind in the sports car.

He looks down setting all his attention on your beautiful naked body and suddenly pushes you back onto the bed you fall and bounce resting back on your arms as you sit staring up at him up with a playful smile.

You look from his face down to his crotch directly at your eye level and notice he’s so riled up there’s already a hard bulge pressing against his jeans. He unbuttons his pants quickly in front of you while you admire him. He looks so hot in his outfit his black boxers peeking out as he unzips his fly. You speak before you can even think “Austin I love it when you wear leather and cowboy boots” you say softly staring back up at him seductively letting him know you’re already wet for him.

“Yea?” He’s says it so sexy and cocky while staring down at you it makes your core jump

“I’ll keep this on while you suck me off” His words hit you so hard you bring your hands to the fly of his jeans and take over for him, reaching your hand in his black boxers and pulling out his large erect cock. You gasp staring at his veiny girth and the tip already red leaking with precum begging to be sucked.

Without hesitation you close your eyes and guide your mouth down his cock as he watches his shaft 3/4 disappear in your mouth and you suck him. He groans in pleasure at your display of eagerness to satisfy him.

The taste of his precum at the back of your throat has you pinning between your legs. He’s so incredibly sexy panting and groaning above as you work your mouth back and forth on his length your saliva completely coating his cock. He steadies himself and begins gently thrusting into your mouth. He throws his head back and closes his eyes enjoying how you please him, placing his hand to hold the back of your head delivering the perfect blow job on him. He grunts in ecstasy growing harder from the feel of his cock being sucked in and out of your wet mouth.

“*Fuck* baby I missed you so much” he blurts out losing some control of himself needing more of you. He looks down at you as he slides his wet cock out of your mouth. “I need you on the bed with your legs spread for me” he orders his voice deep and tense from arousal.

You do as he says and crawl up the bed swaying your hips side to side for him to view. As you peek over your shoulder you see his eyes zoned in on your swaying hips as he’s discarding layers of his clothing as quickly as he possible onto the floor until he's completely naked. He looks like a Greek god covered in muscles with his large erect cock out.

As soon as you flip over and lay on your back you spread your legs open beckoning him to come. He gets on all fours his shoulders and cock swinging as he slowly crawls up the bed to you staring at you like you are his prey.

He grabs your left ankle first and lifts it to his mouth pressing his soft lips against it. He kisses higher up your calf to your knee. When his lips continue up and make contact with your inner thighs, the arousal finally takes over and you arch your back from the bed as your fingers squeeze the fabric of the duvet covers beneath you.

He places his hands on your thighs spreading them wider as he settled himself between your legs. His grip on your waist is delicate as he clasps it and kisses up your stomach not touching between your legs where you need him the most.

Your legs wrap around his waist begging him to come into you.

He moans against your naval at your show of neediness for his cock and slides his tongue out with his mouth on your stomach enjoying teasing you and the taste of kissing your sensitive skin there.

He looks up at you with a cocky smile knowing he’s going to completely satisfy you and climbs higher pressing his soft mouth between your breasts , cupping the right one in his hand and opening his lips around it drawing tight circles on your nipple with his tongue

“Austin yes” you say spontaneously, your breaths rising and falling so quickly, your body moving in anticipation beneath his. He moves his mouth to your left breast cupping his mouth over it with his warm tongue sliding out licking over your nipple there too.

“Austin fuck me” You exhale on accident , letting your head fall back into the pillows so aroused your hips are raising and touching your pelvis against his hard cock.

He pulls his face back and climbs higher resting his hands at the sides of your head you feel the firmness of his chest slide against your breasts as he settles on top of you.

“Yes I ’m gonna fuck you princess ” he says letting out a breath as he leans down and kisses your mouth

You feel his dick rubbing against your hip and lose composure desperately kissing him back. “Austin please“ you gasp out not even sure why you’re begging him for what he’s already going to give you.

His face moves over to your neck and he open mouth kisses it, licking his wet warm tongue over your skin. You shiver as he inhales your scent in his favorite place against your jaw making him moan slightly before he begins sucking your skin into his mouth.

You’re a panting mess underneath him, fingers latched around the nape of his neck drawing him closer wanting him to be inside of you.

Your hips slowly begin winding under him your core needing to be filled completely to stop the ache that’s forming. He shifts his hips and rests his dick against your soaked folds.

His mouth lifts immediately from your neck in surprise when he feels the coating on his cock of how wet you are from him teasing you. He brings his face back down and begins kissing your lips so passionately you can’t think straight.

“Austin I need you please..” you beg breaking the kiss again wanting him so badly you can’t wait . You slide one of your hands down to grip his strong lower back pulling him firmer against your wetness earning an illicit moan out of him covering his length in more of your slick.

“Baby I need you too” he says panting now too aroused as he elevates his hips up holding his weight as his fingers grab around the base of his cock. He lowers his hips back down until the warmth of his tip presses your entrance. You gasp into his mouth as he begins kissing you again while slowly plunging his cock inside of you

You find yourself moaning in to his mouth gripping his lower back harder as he pushes his thick cock all the way inside bottoming out in you. A deep moan escape his throat as he sways his hips into you and slips his tongue farther into your mouth. Your nails scratch onto his lower back as the sounds of your hips clapping together grows louder.

Hes so hard now it’s stretching you out as he presses into your cervix , you squeeze your walls around him the sensation making you feel like you will come undone at any minute.

He kisses and nips your lower lip making you gasp as he prods his cock harder in and out of you. He’s looking down at you his eyes dark with lust as he rides into you jolting your body with each thrust . The feeling he’s delivering between your legs making you delirious with pleasure

“Baby… so close… I’m gonna cum” you manage to breathlessly say.

“I know baby” he says his voice deep full of lust for you, his hips snapping into yours now each thrust sending you closer to climax.

Your moans elevate your hands release his back and grab his face, kissing onto his mouth and moaning in pleasure against his lips when he hits deep inside of you over and over again. You’re so wet for him now he slides in and out of you with ease.

He doesn’t take his eyes off of you as he claps his hips into yours, watching you intently not wanting to miss how much pleasure he’s giving you as your about to cum for him.

Your eyes are closed brows knitted, mouth open in pure ecstasty. He brings his hand down to wrap around the back of your neck tilting your face to his as he works into you harder. You feel his fingers tighten on the nape of your neck as his cock twitches he’s on the verge of his climax too and he wants to look into your eyes as he makes you both cum.

“Baby look at me” his voice deep and rich with passion as he thrusts into you.

You open your eyes seeing him staring right back into yours the affection he’s communicating overwhelms you completely as you moan his name loudly fluttering on his cock tightly squeezing your walls around him as you orgasm for him and cum saying his name louder and louder like a prayer.

He feels your warmth around his cock as the wet slapping sounds in your pussy increase sending him over the edge “oh fuck baby” he groans “I’m gonna cum!” His hips clap violently against yours until he pushes his cock fully inside and tenses his abs thrusting extremely hard as he releases hot ropes of his cum inside of you. “FUCK…..YOU … FEEL …SO …FUCKING… GOOD! ” he yells deafening you with a thrust on each word as he closes his eyes tightly enjoying the feeling of his cock emptying inside of you.

“Mmmm baby” he exclaims, voice dripping in arousal as he comes down from his high. You made him feel so good his head is spinning . He opens his blue eyes and focuses on your pretty face. He smiles at you breathing heavily his heart beating wildly against your chest.

“How do you make me cum like that it feels too good” He admits bringing his hand to caress your face “ I crave you when I can’t have you” he says staring into your eyes

“You always make me cum first Austin my body gives into yours ” you say soothingly staring back at him eyes full of love feeling completely satisfied.

He plants kisses on your lips and slowly pulls out of you his length still hard as he lays next to you and squeezes you to him. You grab ahold of his hand and lay your head on his chest listening to his heart beat. He enjoys the moment with you the sun is setting the pool lights come on making a neon blue glow flood through the floor to ceiling windows of the bedroom. He stokes your hair as the sound of crickets begin to chirp. His stomach growls and you lift your head up

“Baby are you hungry?” you ask sweetly. He rolls his eyes “always” he admits. “I’ll go wash up and we’ll go on our date!” you say excitedly. You happily get out of bed and quickly run to the shower “let me shower with you” he says chasing and catching up as you turn the shower on and get inside with him. He hugs you from the back around your chest and takes you under the water.

You feel so safe and happy with him hugging you close your heart could burst. He grabs the looofah infront of you and pumps soap in it lathering your back under your arms across your breasts, it feels so good the soap puffing across your body you turn around in his arms and grab his loofah pumping soap on it and doing the same. You working as a team washing each other off completely, taking turns to kneel down and wash each others legs.

You stand up together and hug as the water washes over you both. He looks down at you tenderly. “I love you” his deep voice reverberates the shower walls. You tip toe up wrapping your wet arms tighter around his neck “I love you too” you say and kiss his lips, you feel him smile against yours.

He holds your waist and turns to shut the shower off by the handle. You step out together the evening chill hitting you. He slaps your ass loving the wet sound of your skin. “Do you want to eat or have sex? “ you chide him “ fuck I want both” he says grabbing at your ass making you run to the walk in closet laughing as you try to gain some space from him overpowering you.

He’s not paying attention to getting ready at all he’s still just ogling your body as you unhook a towel for him and put it over his head covering his prying eyes and drying his hair. He takes the towel and continues drying off as you grab a second towel and do the same for yourself. You slink through the hangers on your side of the closet searching outfits picking out a form fitting black knee length dress with straps. You peer over at Austin picking a black v neck and black jeans coincidentally matching yours. You both get dressed and Austin disappears into the bedroom as you put on a cropped black leather jacket and zip up your boots . You emerge from the bathroom to find Austin sitting on the edge of the bed putting his cowboy boots back on and collecting his jacket from the floor pulling it over his shoulders.

As he stands up from the bed you’re the one now ogling and not paying attention anymore he looks so dark and mysterious you are swooning. “Do you want to eat or…?” he says cockily with a smile. “Let’s go eat before I change my mind” you say taking his hand. He clicks off lights as you head to the front door.

He opens it and you step out into the night air the spider is lit up in the driveway looking a bit menacing so small and fast it looks dangerous and you shudder.

“Baby what is it, do you want me to get you a different coat?” He asks politely as he enters the front door lock code. “No no “ you say with a weak smile. “It’s just we’re going out in ‘that’ and it looks so …intense” you say hesitating. “Cmere” he says taking your hand and guiding your around the car to your side. He pops the door open for you and guides you to sit in, you click on your seatbelt.

He then goes to the drivers side and hops in clicking his seat belt on and fishing the keys out of his pocket. “Listen to this” he says staring ahead over the dashboard as he puts the key in the ignition starting the car with a loud “ vvvrrrrrrnnn” before letting it idle and get warmed up.

The rumbling and vibrations of the engine are loud. He’s already smiling at you when you look up to him after checking out all the knobs and features on the car. He pulls your hand over to his side and kisses it “Knowing I’m driving you, do you feel safer?” He asks. Your eyes grow big and full of affection “ yes Austin I do feel safer” you admit no longer feeling the hesitation. “Okay let’s go to dinner so I can tell you some of my childhood stories you’ve been wanting to hear about” he says excitedly. You realize it completely slipped your mind he had such a big day and you smile, you really want to hear all about them .

He clicks the gate open and reverses out of the driveway the car handles so sharply and he works it so expertly. You feel a little knot in your stomach knowing he’s going to drive fast. As he straightens out you are aimed directly down the perfectly long stretch of road out of your neighborhood in the Los Angeles hills. “Are you ready?” He says excitedly clapping his hand down squeezing your thigh “Yea!“ you answer your voice a high shriek you are so scared yet excited.

He clicks gears, shifts the petals and zooms you both down the straightaway. You scream excitedly and quickly cover your mouth your hair whipping around into the night air the hem of your dress flapping up revealing your panties. You tug down the hem of your dress as tears brim in your eyes and your heart flutters the acceleration totally scaring now its way too fast for you. He slows down to a full stop at the end of the road idling the engine again before he turns down the hill.

His eyes are dancing a big grin on his face as he looks at you he loves the thrill of this excitement . You finally let out a nervous breath knowing it’s over for a moment, you wipe the tears from your eyes and run your hands over your hair setting it back in place. “ Did you like it” he asks with a mischievous look in his eye “Austin I ….” you are speechless still feeling a bit scared yet excited bit unsure what to say.

He reaches over quickly slipping his hand between your legs and rubbing his fingers in tight circles against your panties. Your legs are shaking, your heart is pounding and you are wet as his fingers slip against your soaked through panties making you gasp as your face flushes. You close your eyes giving into his touch, panting softly and surprised to already be this aroused. His face darkens with lust “…. so you liked it” he says already eyeing you, planning to fuck you in the car after dinner.

~*End*~

[bcofl0ve]

new austin butler fan? start here!

hey there girl/pal/buddy/friend! welcome to the crazy train the endearing mad house that is the austin butler fandom. i joined the party after seeing elvis 2022 with my dad on a whim opened my third eye and have adored austin ever since. if you have any questions please please send an anon or send me a message, but i hope this post is useful as well!

media

congrats, i have a hyperfixation on being an update blog which means i have a masterpost of where to stream everything he's ever been in since he's started acting!

my personal favorite thus far is shocking no one, elvis 2022, but i'm really excited for everything coming out in 2024!

interviews

if you want to get to know austin the person outside of being an actor, i highly recommend checking out his episode of the marc maron podcast. content warning for talk about losing a parent- austin's mom who passed when he was 23 from cancer, and some allusions to domestic violence re: a step father. but that to say it's imo the most personal interview austin has ever given (and it makes me cry when i listen to it). i linked to apple podcasts but it's also on spotify!

austin's first ever interview from when he was 16 years old (article)

long- and personal, interview/profile via esquire from 2024 (article)

ruthie’s table interview - 2021 podcast with his good friend, chef ruthie rogers. some very sweet childhood talk in here.

austin butler drives greg williams back home (austin going back to his home town and visting his childhood home and elementary school)

austin butler plays with puppies - what the title says

in conversation: baz luhrmann and austin butler (article) - a very funny joint interview where baz and austin talk about filming elvis

austin butler @ the oscar nominees luncheon - the interviewer is jason kennedy, a long time buddy of austin's who also knew his mom. this was my favorite interview of awards season.

austin giving his publcist kate an honorary oscar - also from the oscar nominees lucheon press junket, so sweet! we love his ginger publicist around here (:

austin and lisa marie presley joint interview - lisa adored austin, and he mentioned in a different interview during awards season that when he was at graceland she took him upstairs for *3 hours*. if you're unfamiliar with the presleys, that is point blank unheard of for someone that isn't a blood relative. lisa passed away in january 2023 just two days after watching austin win his golden globe, and is very very missed. (lisa and austin at the globes)

another little lisa and austin interview, my personal favorite because of the hug!

so who's the girl?

austin is currently dating kaia gerber and has been since december of 2021! i'm working on a masterpost timeline of their relationship which will likely take...a while. but in the meantime the basics are that they like to make out in public while also being quite the private couple.

here is a very cute little video of the two of them after the elvis premiere at cannes and my favorite deuxmoi sunday spotting of all time- someone saying they were making out *in face masks* in line at erewhon.

like i said, they are veryyy private but that means the little tidbits we get are a treat! austin 'gushed' about seeing her walk in a celine show here, and here's a little clip of his smiley little self in the front row.

the two share a dog milo, who is the shining baby boy light of ausitn's life and came up no short of two billion times when austin was doing press for his ysl campaign this past summer. we love milo!

(and i also love that austin wears his gf's clothes sometimes, king!)

misc fun stuff

austin is close friends with ashley tisdale, and has been since the two of them met filming the movie aliens in the attic in new zealand in 2008. he's 'uncle austin' to her little girl jupiter, and they're also distant cousins!

speaking of aliens in the attic, 300 years ago in 2008 austin ran a little blog for his fans throughout filming which is just the darn sweetest most endearing thing to me. you can read the entries that i pulled from the wayback machine here and here.

some other austin-isms that i love

his habit of wearing shirts inside out

how everyone that works with him gushes about how kind he is

this little video of him when he was four years old

his dear sweet publicist kate having to hand hold his golden retriever self on track

the 27 he has tattooed on his wrist bc it was his late mom’s god number

and so many other things that would take me too long to list

if you have any questions that this post doesn't answer pls slide me an anon or a direct message! happy to have you here! <3

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Sky Full of Stars - Chapter Fifteen.

Huge thanks to my usual lovelies for your continued reads and beautiful words on this. I apologise for not reblogging my thanks or getting back to comments, I'm all over the place at present with my need to be taking strong painkillers so thus losing track! You are appreciated hugely by your author, though :)

Previous chapters - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen

Tag list - In the comments

Words - 3,290

Warnings - 18+ content throughout. Minors DNI!

“Miss, you are not gaining entrance. I am asking you to move away from the doors, miss. I will call the police. Men with cameras, please do not obstruct the frontage, I am asking everyone to move back. Now.”  

Sergio Manzo, the manager of the Milan Suite Hotel certainly had a much politer manner when dealing with nuisances than the wall of security guards who exited the first taxis in the convoy arriving, standing in a line either side of the frontage, the people they were employed to look after moving from the second and third cars at speed. Flashbulbs flickered brightly, questions fired at two individuals in particular, and one woman being blocked from getting anywhere near them shouting her nonsense. 

“Adrien! Adrien, I’m here! Please, look at me! I have a room at a hotel ten minutes away, just like we arranged!”  

His hand tightened around his wife’s, making sure she got into the hotel and out of the madness first, hearing Shane, their chief of security bellowing.  

“Do not touch me. Get back, now!” he directed at Serena, him and Greg pushing back as she tried to shove her way past them. “Jess, Jen, come on! Run in, quick!”  

With the last two plus Sunni within the foyer, the manager closed the doors, the hotel’s own security moving to guard the front, photographers still taking pictures through the glass doors and windows, and Serena still screaming for attention.  

“If she continues, we will call the police and have her removed,” Sergio spoke, shaking hands with Sunni, with whom he’d been liaising with regarding the situation of them being followed through Europe by the woman still making a scene outside. Luckily, every hotel had been sympathetic to the ongoing problem, but Sunni knew it was likely the last thing any of them needed. It was the last thing he needed; his job made exponentially more difficult in organising every move they made. 

“Appreciated, Sergio. Thank you very much for your co-operation, and I apologise for bringing this to your establishment. There isn’t much we can do, though. Travelling from country to country, it’s complex in how we handle the situation.” he explained, the manager nodding. He sped through the check in process, everyone being shown to their rooms, Serena remaining outside with her continued wailing.  

It had been a complex procedure of strategy to outwit her so far over the course of the tour, sometimes managing, often not to thwart her. Departures in vehicles with blacked out windows from the rear of hotels, restaurants and other public places were often facilitated, managing to lose her by the time she had scrambled into a taxi, or at times when she’d had a hire car, gotten herself behind the wheel.  

Jade and Adrien had attended a film festival in Rome a few days prior, luckily to no Serena related issues while walking the red carpet together, although Shane and Greg had been in attendance, just like they were wherever they went by themselves. It was stifling, but entirely necessary. After all, the nature of crazy could not be predicted, and risking their safety was something nobody was prepared to gamble on.  

At least things had turned around in the press for them as far as the whole situation went, the consensus now erring to the side of truth, that the girl in question was nothing more than a deranged fan, her stalking of the couple taking up column inches now rather than anybody putting credence in her claims to be having an affair with Adrien. In a situation that was far from their control, it was a small saving grace.  

“It sounds fucked up, but I almost wish she would actually try something, you know. So she can be arrested and slung into a cell,” Jade spoke, looking out of the hotel window, glad it backed onto the rear of the property. Feeling him move behind her, she grasped the arm that wrapped around her chest, stroking it, laying a kiss. “It’s pissing me right off, now. This is one of the best tours we’ve ever done, and it has to be spent looking over our shoulders, ageing poor Sunni by about ten years with all the extra logistics he’s having configure, too, and impacting everyone.” 

Adrien was in full agreement. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about going home early, you know, to see if she follows me, give you guys a break from it. I’m not about to chance that though, not with her fixation being on you, too. Plus, that’d mean missing seeing you get to play with the dancing horses, and I’m not about to do that.” 

With it of course being very well known that Jade was a keen equestrian, the Spanish Riding School in Vienna had invited her and Adrien for a private tour of the facility, once she had fulfilled her touring obligations throughout Europe. They’d even said she could ride with them during morning exercise, an honour that had sent her into the realms of squeaking disbelief when their management had called to inform her of the invite.  

“I can’t wait, I really can’t. And I’m glad you haven’t gone anywhere, darling. I’d worry too much; in case she did follow you. I thought he might’ve been being overzealous to begin with, but Sunni’s right. We have no idea what she could be capable of. At least if it continues when we get home, we can deal with it efficiently,” she sighed. Obtaining a restraining order while travelling through multiple countries was sadly not possible. 

It was wearing on her, but he was proud that she remained level-headed and pragmatic in the face of the harassment. Not once had she reverted to former bad habits when dealing with stress. “Yeah, she’ll be slapped with a restraining order. I hope that perhaps since we live so remotely, it’ll make it more difficult for her to pursue us.” 

“Maybe, yeah,” she interjected with, fingers tickling his inner forearm. 

“You not being on tour will help, too. She won’t be able to follow us quite so easily, not knowing which cities we’ll be in and when. I guess it helps that we won’t be home for long either until we leave on vacation. Is it naive of me to hope that she might get bored?” 

“Maybe a touch,” she confessed, leaning her head back to look at him, nuzzling his chest. “You’re right though, about her not knowing our itineraries. She won’t have a clue.” Turning in his arms, she draped hers around his neck, staring up at from beneath her long lashes. “I’m done with talking about the nutter, though. In fact, I’m done saying anything, unless it’s sexual.”  

He chuckled, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. “Anything specific?” 

“Hmm, maybe a few things,” she hummed, reaching to press a kiss against his neck. “Like how I I’m going to ride you slow into that big bed after I’ve let you fuck my mouth.”  

Oh, the blaze that burned through his blood. “Mmm, yeah. I could definitely go in for some of that. Eventually. See, I have plans of my own first, Mrs. B.” 

She licked her lip, nails raking softly down his chest. “Oh, you do, hmm?”  

“Yeah.” His fingers trawled up her neck, pushing against the plush of her pout. “Suck 'em," he instructed, watching as the first and third digits vanished between her lips, her eyes not leaving his for a second. “Now turn around.” 

Once facing away from him, he walked her over to the corner of the room where a full-length mirror was stationed, positioning her before it. His lips rained hot over her neck, hand plunging beneath the waistband of her long, clingy black skirt. “You’re gonna watch how pretty you look when you come.” 

Giving him the total control of her as ever worked like an accelerant upon her arousal, his long fingers wasting no time for tease as they slid between her folds, rubbing long strokes over her clit. Moving her near waist length curtain of pale blonde hair, he continued those neck kisses, his other hand vanishing within her strapless top to stroke her breasts through the thin lace of her bra, that base to tip of his fingers stroking pressing a little firmer, adding a slight rotation.  

“Fuck,” she gasped, her head thudding back against his shoulder, turning to lay molten kisses at the side of his throat. “Fuck, right there.”  

It pattered down her spine like holy rain, her dew quickly drenching his fingers, Jade feeling his heartbeat amping up against her back. She had never known a man before him who thrived so much on being a giver of pleasure, leaning back against him to feel his cock hardening against her lower back. “I bet you can’t wait for me to sink down on that beautiful, big cock, can you baby?”  

He hummed a chuckle, teeth sharp at her neck. “Can’t wait to fuck that pretty mouth with it before you do.” With the continued skimming of his fingers over her hard little bud, he had her panting wantonly��as she felt herself set to fall apart, like an ancient tower about to topple, little pin pricks of bliss warming over her veins as the coil within her tugged sharply.  

The syrupy bliss of it rolled over her bones as his fingers quickened, her cries filling the air like a sonnet as she felt it burst, her legs a little weak, his arm slipping to her waist to hold her tight as her release shone bright over her, removing his drenched fingers and pushing them into her mouth again. This time, he hooked them behind her teeth, thumb pressing beneath her jaw, gently towing her over to the bed and pushing her down to sit on the edge.  

“So fucking sexy,” she purred as he pulled off his t shirt, her hands moving to unfasten his jeans, “and he’s all mine.” Her tongue licked at the line of dark hair descending his navel, their joint undressing having him naked swiftly, Jade letting her tongue skim a lick over his hipbone while curling her hand around his cock.  

Bringing her lips to the tip, she kissed the slit a few times, a tang of precum glistening her cupid’s bow, the taste of him bursting over her tongue as she took him into her mouth. The need spiralled within her, wanting him with every fibre of her being, her hands curling around his back to drag her nails up and down. It sent sparks through him, his hands raking through her hair, letting her control it for that moment.  

It sliced sharp through the pit of his stomach, the blade of pleasure evoked by her mouth moving back and forth, a grunt of approval echoing his throat when she paused to spit on the thick of his cock, watching it glisten as it trickled down the shaft. “Dirty girl.” 

“Just the way you love me.” she chirped, once again swallowing him hole. It barely took any time at all for her to have him out of his mind, the way she looked up at him while having him buried deep in her throat, the continued drag of her nails, the way she moaned as she sucked him, god.  

It was a crime of thought that anyone, even for a second, would ever put credence in him straying from her.  

She was his golden-haired, blue-eyed goddess, his hands tightening their pull in those sunlit blonde tresses, his hips beginning to sway against her mouth. His heart crashed like a storm within his chest, sparks of heat rolling through him, his limbs feeling light and tingly the faster she moved her mouth against each plunging push between her lips. Just playing with her had amped him up beyond reason, Adrien feeling the blissful waves of release beginning to yank upon his nerves already, her nails like sensual daggers as they clawed at his back.  

The rubbing of the ridge of his cock against the back of her mouth made him weak with the force of the heat charging through his blood, the need to fuck her consuming him, like a demon vying for release. Pulling back, her pushed her further onto the bed, parting her thighs wide and filling her with one swift thrust, their mouths locking in hot, messy kisses full of desire.  

“I thought you were going to let me be in charge?” she panted, propping herself up on an elbow, the other arm draping around his neck. 

“So did I. The way you just sucked my dick gave me other ideas, though, and they all involve holding you down while I pound you into this bed.” His hand grasped her neck, flattening her to the mattress, the press firm but the hold gentle, hips beginning to pound against her as he watched the blue fire of her irises start to burn. The savage onslaught was tempered a little as he slowed, giving her all-in, all-out thrusts, moving his thumb to push it between her lips, watching her hum each moan around it as she sucked, her eyes inked with arousal.  

He forced all of the breath from her lungs with every hard shunt back inside of her, the outward drag of his cock slow, making her walls pulse and glimmer, little moonbeams glowing through the dark of her desire. Pulling his thumb away, his mouth met hers, kissing the plump of her lips, biting the lower, letting it slide out from between his lips as he rutted her deep, so deep he drew all manner of wails from her. 

She felt him hitting her every target within, building pace steadily, until they rutted together in frenzy, groans filling the air as they lost control, her nails dragging his chest as she began to flutter around the deep punch of his cock. The flint strikes burned bright, and she chased every spark, sucking his tongue, her nails imbedding and tearing down, Adrien releasing her neck to press both her hands above her head, driving into her like a piston as her waves crashed like a storm against his shore.  

It pulled him under with her, bright white bursting behind his eyelids, his muscles all softening as he fell to the stars of her arms, mouth peppering kisses against her neck.  

“You’ve... bloody... ruined me,” she panted, hands stroking his clammy back. He went to say something, comically crossing his eyes and shaking his head, making an ‘uh-uh’ noise. “Did I get my mans all pussy drunk, huh?” 

“Mmhmm.” She loved it when she rendered him beyond words, Jade laughing gently. He had just enough comprehension to set an alarm on his phone for an hour, falling into a little sex coma as Jade referred to them as, while she got up and had a quick shower before dressing, heading down to the bar.  

“Skippy! I need a smoke, come with,” Jen announced as soon as she saw her appear, the women turning and heading out to the front of the hotel, the drummer poking her head around the door. “Is it safe, man?” 

The security guy nodded. “She is somewhere further up the street, so for now, yes.” Moving to the side of the doors, they lit up, Jen raising her eyebrows at how awkwardly her friend moved.  

“Lemme guess, you’ve had your man on ya?”  

Her grin broadened. “Oh yeah.” They shared giggles full of mirth, Jade continuing. “Now, don’t get me wrong. My husband is perhaps the most talented lover I have ever known, but the bloody hips!” she exclaimed quietly, Jen nodding as she motioned to her own inner thighs.  

“Right? Jesus in a tutu, those slender guys always murder your fucking inner thighs with the hip bones! And we ain’t got much meat on us anyway, for god’s sake! This is why I like a chunkier dude, gives a little padding, man!” she chuckled.  

“I’m so bruised,” she snickered, “walking like Woody from Toy Story. Poor little cooch is all busted up an’ all.”  

Jen snorted, throwing her head back, the security guy sending her even further when he overheard and tried hard not to laugh. “I am familiar with the Toy Story,” he grinned, shaking his head. “You ladies are very funny.” He then looked down the street and groaned, seeing a sight that the police had already come to deal with, the girl who had been obstructing the hotel frontage.  

“Oh, joy,” Jen moaned, nodding in her direction. “We gotta incoming Serena. God, this bitch is unreal. And her parents, man! They gotta have heard something about this, and she’s just out here in the wind, throwing her crazy all over the damned place!”  

“Adrien said earlier that it’ll be so much easier to manage once we’re home. If she continues, we can just have her served with a restraining order,” she replied, closing her eyes tightly with a sharp exhale when she heard shouting begin. 

“Jade! I want to talk to you! I want you to know that you won’t come in the way of my happiness with Adrien. He’s divorcing you as soon as he gets back to the US!” 

Every instinct within her said to ignore it, but this girl, she was pushing her too far. “Did he? Prove it.”  

“I can’t! I’m not allowed near the front of the hotel!” she shouted.  

“Then Jen and I will come to you, and you can show me all these messages he’s supposed to have sent you, or you can show me the call list on your phone. I know his number from memory, so I’ll be able to see for myself then, won’t I?” 

“You aren’t coming anywhere near me! I don’t have to prove anything to you!” 

“Well,” she scoffed, “I think you do, if you’re trying to convince me that my husband is cheating on me, or else what’s your end game here?”  

“Easy, Skip,” Jen whispered at her side, resting a protective hand to her waist. Jade hadn’t actually raised her voice once, but she could see her back and arms visibly beginning to stiffen.  

“My end game is getting the man I love, and you out of the picture! He was with me while you were on stage in Berlin, you know!” 

The only place Adrien was at the Berlin show was backstage, earplugs in, with a cold, damp towel over his face as he tried to stave off a migraine. “You need help, Serena. Please go home and see somebody about this, because deep down, you know it isn’t true. Look at how much money you’re burning through, and for what? I don’t believe you, you have no proof of your claims, and my husband only knows you exist because of your continued harassment of us. It’s sad. Please, just leave. I don’t even hate you; you know. I just feel really sorry for you, petal.” 

“Oh, you think you’re so fucking special, don’t you? He doesn’t love you!” 

Jade took a last drag on her cigarette, stubbing it out and placing it into the receptacle on the wall, Jen following suit. “Yes, he does. And I think that’s what pisses you off the most. Go and find somebody who will love you back, Serena, because my husband isn’t it.”  

“You have much grace, Mrs. Brody.” the security guard nodded as she walked back inside, wrapping her arm around Jen, her friend reciprocating as Serena continued her yelling from the other side of the street. Oh, how she couldn’t wait for that particular annoying background noise to quieten. 

[franklyimissparis]

11 halloween couples’ costumes (alternate universe) miles and alex would/should wear

- han solo and luke skywalker: alex and his perfect hair would be han and miles with his big eyes would be luke with little maxie as chewbacca being a necessity obviously.

- 70s era lennon and mccartney: despite miles’ love of lennon, he would be mccartney with a terrible mullet wig and the famed strawberry macca jacket while alex would have the classic lennon nyc look.

- brokeback mountain: alex would be ennis and miles would be jack and that’s that. max would be their little sheep to herd.

- freddie mercury and rogerina from the i want to break free music video: this one would be so fun, i would pay so much to see miles parading around as freddie and alex as rogerina chewing gum. alex would take a bit of convincing from miles but then would have a few drinks and be so into it the whole night.

- butch cassidy and the sundance kid: i feel like they’ve both gone through a phase of being really into this film and could see either of them being both characters.

- tom and greg from succession: i would be surprised if alex hasn’t watched succession and even though he may be a bit more like kendall if i’m being honest i think he’d enjoy being tom for a night and having miles as his greg. this is definitely a last minute costume and miles would just go along with it bc alex thought it was funny and he said that max could be tom’s dog, mondale.

- dr no and james bond: alex would finally get to live out his bond villain dream! and miles would be a fab sean connery

- iceman and maverick from top gun: no man their age hasn’t had a bit of a top gun fantasy before and i think alex would enjoy any costume that involves wearing sunglasses.

- ferris bueller and cameron: miles is ferris and alex is cameron and miles is significantly more into the costume than alex is.

- WITHNAIL AND I!!!!!!!!: do i even have to explain this one??

- mick jagger and david bowie from the dancing in the street music video: this one is so fun and SO them. miles in the crazy patterned jumpsuit as bowie and alex as jagger, complete with all the head presses and gay dancing. perfect.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Genuinely did not expect a serious response (or a response at all for that matter) to my mimic ask but I am glad that you gave one

It was nice to read about the whole machines doing what they're just programmed to do! I've been putting off reading the books but you've definitely convinced me to read them now. That is quite a spooky concept like you said and if that's the direction fnaf is going then awesome!

I've mostly been seeing just memes of the mimic so it was cool and refreshing to read all that info about them and how their creator affected them. Had no idea about all that stuff!

Here's the thing about the FNAF books that a lot of Youtubers Don't Tell you.

The Books take place in three Separate Continuities because there are THREE Series.

And this is how I understand it. Granted, this is all a theory, but I do have evidence to the games to back up these claims.

The Silver Eyes Trilogy: A series of books about Charlie and her Friends as teenagers (the victim of William Afton who goes on to be the Puppet in the games) These books take place in their own continuity divorced from Fazbear Frights and Tales of the Pizzaplex and the Games.... However... At this moment in time, they can really go either way to be confirmed by the games or not. They exist in this weird limbo where they can be proven or not proven. In a weird muddy area where they can either be a parallel, or they did actually happen as events. Take it with a grain of salt for World-building.... But they are entertaining stories... I am still in the process of reading the Twisted Ones. and it is highly possible that TECHNOLOGY exists from the Silver Eyes Trilogy in universe... Whether or not the story in these books is real or not.

Fazbear Frights Book Series: These are all fictional tales that people make up about Fazbear Entertainment. IN-UNIVERSE.

How can I say that so confidently?

We have stories where Men get pregnant with Springtrap, A Girl turns into a giant Bubblegummy monster, and a man cut off his face because a BaloonBoy told him to.

Fazbear Frights are where you see the most outlandish and crazy stories. Some are meant to serve as a parallel, but honestly, all of them are "Campy Goosebumps Horror" type of things.

And they have been Confirmed to be Fictional within it's own in-game universe:

This here is "Catch the Fetch" an arcade machine based on one of the earliest Fazbear Frights stories about an animatronic dog. Where the Protagonist of that Tale is named Greg.

So what does this mean? An easter Egg? Perhaps... But then you have things like this:

A lot of people forget that the first four games, and possibly onwards (given we don't know a lot about help wanted) Are all retconned to be "fabrications of actual stories"

Security Breach is littered with these arcade games, and they give a really clear indication of how all the "Fazbear Frights" Novels in their own universe... Are actual books (perhaps films) sold by Fazbear Entertainment to make fun of their gruesome past.

Which is why people say that stories in the books are so crazy and don't add to anything.

It's because Fazbear Entertainment just pumped out a lot of outlandish horror stories to cover the truth. You start telling stories about invisible ballerina dancers, and robots that steal your body parts to become human, and suddenly, a serial killer murdering children in a rabbit costume just sounds more silly now doesn't it?

The Fazbear Frights books, by admission, are fictional stories/legends/books/films in their own universe.

The Tales of the Pizzaplex:

THE TALES OF THE PIZZAPLEX BOOKS ARE 100% REAL AND HAVE HAPPENED BY ADMISSION OF IT'S OWN UNIVERSE

Every time something super strange or off the wall happens in the Pizzaplex books, either one or two things has happened:

"It was AR/VR the whole time"

"It took place in a different Pizzaplex Location that isn't the Pizzaplex Gregory visited."

"A robot was following it's job, and got decomissioned and evidence of said robot and attraction was purged from the Pizzaplex and reconstructed."

Don't get me wrong. The Tales Books are weird. There's still things in there that I can't really explain. (there was just one story where everyone got possessed by the virus and was trying to convince the protagonist to eat dirt.......Ignore responsibilities eat dirt. become worm. That one was just odd.)

But the Tales of the Pizzaplex seem to have actually happened... As we can see from this explanation of the canon events from the story called "Pressure"

The Fazbear Frights? The first four five nights at freddys? All urban legends and stories made by Fazbear Entertainment itself.

There is also a Character Called Steve Snodgrass in Tales of the Pizzaplex. Who was deemed as a "Scott Cawthon surrogate/parallel..." But here's the thing.

He wasn't a parallel.

He was one for one... Scott Cawthon in this universe!

The "indie developer who was commissioned by Fazbear Entertainment to make light of the tragic past" ....That was Steve Snodgrass.

We actually get details about how the first four Five Nights at Freddy's game series came to be within the confines of it's own universe.

We also get backstory about the Mimic, in excruciating details.

Who we know for a fact is well.. in the games:

(hello beautifal)

Oh.. and not to mention.. there is a story in the Tales books called GGY.... Where there is a very Sus Boy named Gregory, (referred to as Greg, but it's clearly our gregory from context clues) who appears to have a connection to Freddy, and gets the high score on every single arcade game.

And for a group project, he gives himself the codename Dr. Rabbit.

I wonder where Gregory could have gotten that name from?

The arcade games making fun of the tragic past by shrouding everything in a layer of ghost stories and bullshit.

Before all of this, I would have said that "the books are like an au of fnaf and don't matter"

And yes.

That was true... BUT AS OF THIS POINT in the Lore right now....

The Silver Eyes Trilogy: a weird limbo of factual/fictional. Take it or leave it. I feel like the technology and ideas presented are real, but I don't think the story actually happen or they exist in the Game Universe. As far as Silver Eyes are concerned... This is entirely it's own continuity.

The Fazbear Frights Books: The most outlandish and out there FNAF stories. That read like short Goosebumps Horror. In-Universe, it is admitted that these stories exist as stories in the FNAF-universe. They didn't actually happen, and only exist as ghost stories to muddle the truth.

Tales of the Pizzaplex: As of right now... These books I believe are based in the FNAF-universe Reality. Often tell stories of Robots doing their job, and accidently killing people due to programming issues. Lack of haunting, or really crazy things... The most crazy things happen in AR or VR or a different Pizzaplex that is not unlike our own. They often Describe Characters and events from the Pizzaplex that is ours as a one-for-one recreation... and I don't think things are meant to be a parallel or symbolize anything.... If you wanted to research FNAF lore... I think the Tales Books are the best place to start. Because of this moment... they are claiming to be canon to the games universe.

Again. You can take all this with a grain of salt. But Having Reading through the Silver Eyes, Most of Tales, and some Fazbear Frights stories. I do believe that this is what is happening with the books.

Three separate continuities.... three book series.

[standupcomedyhistorian]

Hi, everyone!

If you're looking for something to do this holiday weekend besides watching Christmas specials, may I suggest binging Zach Stone Is Gonna Be Famous?

It's cringe comedy at its best, imo, and today is the LAST day you can watch it on Netflix!

For that reason, I wanted to share my top 3 episodes of the 2013 MTV show and why I love them:

1. Zach Stone Is Gonna Be an Actor

This is the ONLY episode Bo Burnham wrote himself, and my god is it hysterical and heartbreaking in that way that Bo does so well.

Bonus shout-out to Nelson Franklin playing the student film director. I ADORE him, especially on Veep as Will, the verbally abused underling to Furlong. Nelson is also 6'5 like Bo!

2. Zach Stone Is Gonna Make a Sex Tape

This is probably the funniest all-around episode of the show, and seeing Bo "preparing" himself for sex with Christy (including randomly strumming on a guitar) is a joy to behold.

The Jackson 3! Scotch and Soda! Zach's hands on her ass...so much to love lol.

3. Zach Stone Is Gonna Be Famous (No, Really) and the Pilot

This is a tie because, again, Bo wrote these episodes with fellow cocreator Dan Lagana, and they do SUCH a good job of introducing who Zach is and making you cheer for him by the end of the series.

The Dr. Pepper being warm and Zach talking about 9/11 and Facebook really feel nostalgic now. Remember when our phones looked like that? Haha

Runner-up episodes: The Zachelor (this parody of reality shows is SPOT-ON plus Greg gets a win of sorts lol); Recording Artist (Bo's ringtone songs are all brilliant).

Bonus fun fact: Zach's parents are apparently mirror images of Bo's IRL mom Pattie and dad Scott per Dan in this interview! Crazy 🤯

I had never met Bo's parents and we'd cast these people. And Bo's parents flew into Los Angeles and they came into the writer's room. And it was like...it was remarkable how similar they were in build.

Anyway, I hope this list inspires you to give the show a chance. It's well worth it and a hilarious alternative to the same-old holiday specials!

Enjoy the last day of Zach Stone on Netflix, and keep it here for more comedy fun! ✌🏼🐔

[alexalynnsth]

New thumbnail commission for CRAZY GREG FILMS For CRAZY GREG FILMS His socials: https://www.youtube.com/@CRAZYGREGFILMS https://www.patreon.com/CRAZYGREGFILMS https://www.instagram.com/crazygreg0511/

[lulu2992]

Hey ! First thanks for this blog, it's full of really great posts :) And second, I saw you gave advices to fanfics writers for John and Jacob but I didn't see anything about Joseph, I believe I'm not the only one to think The Father is the hardest to write ! Any tips, advices or anything else ? Thanks a lot and continue this wonderful work !

Hi! And thank you :D

I suppose you’ve played the game and already know Joseph’s story, but as I did in my previous posts, I’m going to give you (and anyone reading this who might not be familiar with the Far Cry 5 universe) a few links and resources:

The Book of Joseph: an official but rare book that seems mostly canonical. Its real-life author is unknown, but it’s written from the Father’s point of view and provides details about his life before Hope County. Contrary to popular belief, though, this is not Eden’s Gate’s sacred book; that’s The Word of Joseph and we can’t read it (except one page; see below).

Joseph’s sermons: the “first” one, “Soul Search”, the one about “the elite”, and “The Truth”. The latter is him reading the only page from The Word of Joseph we can find in the game. There’s also this one for Jacob’s Armory, and this, supposed to be broadcasted in the Heralds’ bunkers when the Collapse has arrived.

His only radio call.

The message he left for John at Seed Ranch.

His lines during the final fight against him.

His Arcade lines: Part 1 & Part 2.

His scars and tattoos.

I wrote a summary of what other characters say about him (masterpost here), but the cultists and Resistance/civilians’ comments can be listened to here and here. And chances are they’re not relevant anymore, but you can listen to his deleted lines here and read even more here.

The Far Cry 5 lore is all over the place if you want to take all the content they’ve ever released into account, but there’s also:

The song “Now He’s Our Father” (choir version here and reinterpretation here)

The two live-action trailers, The Sermon & The Baptism

The novel Far Cry: Absolution (not legally available for free)

The short film Inside Eden’s Gate (and, as a bonus, the long version of one of the scenes)

The comic Far Cry: Rite of Passage #3 (not legally available for free)

The game has an official sequel, Far Cry New Dawn... but it’s not really canon to me because of the retcons. And I have to talk about it because it exists, but there’s also the Far Cry 6 DLC, Collapse. It takes place in Joseph’s mind, and you would think that would make it the most reliable source of information regarding his psyche, but it was developed by a new team and there are many discrepancies between it and Far Cry 5, so I would personally advise against using it as a reference... Finally, this isn’t only true for Joseph, but take everything you see on the Far Cry Wiki with a grain of salt, especially unsourced information that makes you go, “oh, I didn’t know that”; that’s very suspicious :’)

In the Far Cry 5: Official Collector’s Edition Guide by Prima Games, the game’s Lead Writer, Drew Holmes, said the following about Joseph:

What we really focused on was creating an enemy that truly believed in his mission—that only he could protect humanity during the end of days. We wanted to create a villain who had pure intentions but who was so consumed by his own madness that he could not see his own evil. He views himself as Noah—but everyone else sees him as a madman. (...) Joseph Seed is a villain we haven’t seen before in Far Cry. Yes, he’s magnetic and crazy...but there’s also an honesty to him that makes him compelling. He believes he has purpose. He’s not crazy for crazy’s sake—he has a very clear message that he’s trying to impart on the Player—and hopefully makes you stop and think whether or not he’s actually right.

He talked about him in other interviews, such as this one.

Joseph was co-created and has always been played by the same actor (except once), Greg Bryk, whose opinion on the character is always worth reading/listening to. Here’s a selection of videos, some of them also featuring Drew Holmes and Dan Hay (Executive Producer/Creative Director/Writer):

Cult of Personality (UbiBlog)

Meet Greg Bryk Joseph Seed Actor

Interview - Greg Bryk and Drew Holmes (Gaming Trend)

Greg Bryk (Joseph "The Father" Seed in Far Cry 5) - Game On Expo 2018

FORGED ep10 - W/ Guest Greg Bryk

SacAnime Summer 2018 Greg Bryk Far Cry 5 Panel

Joseph Seed "The Father" aka Greg Bryk talks FAR CRY 5 & FAR CRY NEW DAWN

How Far Cry’s Iconic Villains Were Created (IGN Inside Stories)

Fans also asked him questions on Instagram and I compiled his answers here (and here). In the latest live stream, he said Far Cry 5 had been “an amazing chapter in [his] life” but that Joseph’s story was “finished”, implying he didn’t feel like playing him anymore...

Finally, it’s not really informative, just fun, but there’s this.

Now, my analysis and interpretation! Despite the fact Joseph is an antagonist in Far Cry 5, I wouldn’t really call him “evil” or describe him as a villain because he’s (weirdly) well-intentioned. His followers undeniably do awful things for him and his siblings, but even though he’s a cult leader, he’s neither hypocritical nor a liar, and his primary goal isn’t to take advantage of people. Joseph heard a Voice he believes is God’s and It entrusted him with a mission. Although who that Voice belongs to is up to interpretation, it’s clear to me It’s not a figment of his imagination; It’s real, and It’s powerful. Joseph has unwavering faith in It and will obey It, whatever It asks him to do, even the worst, because he’s extremely devoted and convinced he’s only doing what’s right. He genuinely believes the Collapse is coming and that he’s the prophet chosen to save as many “souls” as he can (at least 3,000) from it to march them to Eden’s Gate, which is why he started his Project.

I said he was well-intentioned but, as the saying goes, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”, and I think Joseph embodies this proverb perfectly. The fact he’s convinced his actions are righteous is precisely what makes him dangerous and almost unstoppable. He won’t let anything or anyone prevent him from fulfilling his destiny and get in the way of his divine purpose, even if it means people have to die. To Joseph, this is “God’s will” and those non-believers will perish when the Collapse comes anyway... The people his Family saves might fight or not want to join them now, but he thinks that in the end, when they finally understand he was right, they will be grateful. As the Father, he feels he knows what’s best for his Children.

I believe the Voice showed him several versions of the future and that Joseph isn’t sure which one(s) will come to pass. He may know his siblings are likely to die and not see the New Eden, but he hopes they will live because he truly loves them. As for the Deputy, they’re the person destined to trigger the Collapse, so they’re special to him and he doesn’t want his followers to kill them. That said, he also hopes he can make them join his Family so everyone can be safe in “The Garden” the Voice promised.

I think Joseph hasn’t really moved on from the loss of his wife and is still, in some way, in love with her. That doesn’t mean he could never love someone else, but in the game, he’s not quite there yet. That may seem paradoxical, and he’s still convinced he did the right thing, but I also believe his daughter’s death was a tragedy to him because evidence suggests he loved her more than he loved himself. Joseph is a man of strong convictions… and contradictions.

He’s usually calm and collected but can still feel and express extreme emotions in some cases. When he speaks, it’s like he’s naturally solemn and charismatic, which is probably why so many people follow him. Again, the fact he doesn’t lie to them and sincerely believes in his message is probably the reason others started to believe in him in return.

Because of what he went through in his life, it appears Joseph is always desperately trying to build a family and surround himself with loved ones. Sadly, he also seems doomed to always lose them, one way or another… His commitment to the Voice is absolute, and serving God is what keeps him going. In the end, he’s certain everything he’s endured and sacrificed will be worth it. Unfortunately, while he always aims to do “what’s right”, the tragedy of Joseph is that he usually ends up inadvertently making things worse, for him or the people he loves. His faith is his reason for living, but it’s also, too often, the main reason for his suffering.

[skippyv20]

Basic Hygiene Rules at Public Events (for grifters and ex-royals)

Hi Skippy & Friends-Pilgrim checking in, quite astonished and even alarmed observing the constant hugging by the two twits putting on the ritz in front of hundreds of people from all over, many with medical problems. Our dear Puke and Pukess of Suckeths need a refresher course in both physical cleanliness and proper public behavior especially when the flu season is back in action including a new variant of Covid on the rise.

First, I am not a medically trained person but we have all been on a serious learning curve for the past few years about how to not get sick. When we followed those rules to the letter humans were far better off. We kept a polite distance from strangers or those worried about being infected with a cold germ or worse. We wore masks, especially if we were the sick ones so we didn’t give it to everyone we walked by. We used sanitary hand cleansers after shopping, getting gas, touching doors, etc etc etc…Now that we are going back to schools and workplaces guess what? Colds, flu, childhood diseases and bodily bugs are all back. With our nation’s borders totally wide open and very ill people arriving daily, old infectious diseases our society was protected from are being discovered.

What made me crazy was watching JH and the ILBW march up to anyone, move in with arms raised insisting on a big personal hug! I would have freaked out like lots of kids did. Adults acted like deer caught in headlights. How many germs did they spread around for days? As I said earlier, some of these athletes might still be very fragile having gone through difficult medical procedures. The staged group shots for their filming crew, with people sitting shoulder to shoulder, making believe they were in jammed stadium seating, cued to sing, wave flags, cheer on their favorite major league teams was just nuts! Wide angle shots showed they were surrounded by rows and rows of empty seats! “Say, lets breathe down each others throats for the next half hour so we can make a film and get paid tons of money. Oh and you guys…well you get to tell people you were hugged by us and we made believe you were our best friends!” Ha. When back home are those selfies going to be worth it while dealing with the “minor aches and pains of the flu”? Will they reealllly impress your friends or be valuable on eBay?

Here is the first aid list for them to start following: Wash all wigs & extensions whether real hair or synthetic every 6-8 wears so pungent smells, molds and bugs are kept at bay. Don’t fling you hair around in people’s faces. Keep your hands away from your sweaty, germ covered hair especially when around food. Keep your hands away from your mouth and nose. Cover your crotch and feet in public places. Whoever decided that the Suckeths needed to hug absolutely everyone they were introduced to, put a medal on or walked by in the street was sorely perverse. It is impolite, not royal, not decent, not sincere and downright dangerous. Not to mention just plain cringe worthy!

Over and out from a normal Cape Cod. PS the laughs have been great!!!

Greg Post dear Pilgrim!  Ewwww, last paragraph…the best…😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[dingoat]

People You'd Like to Get to Know Better

Tagged by @keldae ...a little while ago haha, but I promised myself not to forget! TY! <3

⟡ FAVE SHIPS ⟡

Not gonna like, fave ships will always be anything that's my OC x friend OC. There's definitely chemistry I've enjoyed a great deal in various media (Bec x Greg in Crazy Ex Girlfriend FOR EVER, for example) but nothing compels me and fills my thoughts the way writing with a friend does. And Ahuska's relationships (romantic, platonic, whatever the hell she's got going on with Cipher 13 at the moment) have been my fixation for a GOOD LONG WHILE now!

⟡ LAST SONG ⟡

The Village, the Wolf and the Boy - Taylor Berrett

⟡ LAST FILM ⟡

I think it was Arrival? Went into it not quite knowing what to expect and honestly, I think that's the best way to go into most things.

⟡ CURRENTLY READING ⟡

Living Shadows - Cornelia Funke (The reading stack beside my bed is painfully long. I'm excited to get through everything in it but at my current rate it might take a decade.)

⟡ CURRENTLY CRAVING ⟡

SNOW Travel, preferably involving snow. RP. Always. All the time, a lot. Dog :c

I'd love to tag folk but I'm, uh, super shy and always worried about annoying people and I feel like I've fallen off the wayside of general fun interactions on here. I'd love more. Who wants more? I'll tag you! Let's be internet friends!

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Stand-up shows I watched this weekend:

Greg Davies: Firing Cheeseballs at a Dog (2010), The Back of My Mum’s Head (2013), You Magnificent Beast (2018)

It’s definitely weird that I’d never watched these before, given how much I’ve seen of Greg Davies in other things. Thing that finally brought me to them wasn’t even Greg Davies’ prolific other work; was when I listened to all the Peacock & Gamble stuff in the spring of this year, and I searched on YouTube for anything that Ray Peacock and/or Ed Gamble was doing in that era to put in my related folder, and it brought up some extras from Greg’s early DVDs, because they featured a P&G-era Ed Gamble doing tour support. I watched those DVD extras, and then figured I really should see those actual shows that go with them, so I finally downloaded his DVDs.

I still didn’t get around to watching them for a few months, and I’m glad I finally did now. They were fun. The second one does feature Ed Gamble coming on at the end, in the same sort of dynamic that Ed Gamble and Greg Davies have successfully cultivated for many years.

Two of the three ended on big musical numbers, and the first still ended with playing a song. They had props and things. They all had a vague theme and something like a narrative running through them, they all had a few little messages here and there, though they weren’t tightly structured or focused on some big important meaning or anything. It was fairly broad, not the most innovative or cerebral comedy I’ve ever seen, but a bunch of it was funny. At some points he probably got a way with a bit because of being charismatic and likeable, but that’s fine, it was fun.

I may have been listening to too much Russell Howard lately, because Greg Davies kept making me think of him, with so much of the stand-up relying on “And then, my mom said this crazy thing!” A whole lot of it was just stories about his family being kooky, but it quite a bit funnier than the average stand-up routine about how kooky your family is, so that’s good.

My favourite topics he covered was probably in the first DVD, which had a bunch of stories from his days as a teacher. That’s probably just down to my own experiences and what I find relatable, though. Cannot relate to parenthood stories, but kids do say the darndest things, as I know from being with them all day at work. I hope/assume most of the stories Greg told about his teaching days were made up, or at least wildly exaggerated. If we assume they’re not true, then they’re quite funny ideas.

It was interested to jump from the 2013 show to the 2018 show – from two years before Taskmaster’s debut to three years after it – and see the change in the reception. The 2018 show had more hecklers, people shouting sexual things at him, which was slightly weird but he dealt with fine but it was still weird. And there was a clear shift in status, with Greg leaning into being successful a bit more.

Overall, the three DVDs made an entertaining 3.5-ish hours and it’s weird that I didn’t watch them sooner.

Aaron Chen – If It Weren’t Filmed, Nobody Would Believe (2022)

I probably made the mistake of going into this one with expectations set too high. I’d read that he used to work with Sam Campbell, and I was thinking of other off-the-wall Australian comedians like Greg Larsen and Dan Rath, so I was expecting something exceptionally creative and odd from Aaron Chen, and then was a bit disappointed when it was just fairly conventional observational stand-up. Once I got used to that and enjoyed it more for what it was, it was all right. Some of the jokes were funny. It didn’t make me think I need to go find more of his stuff.

John Hastings – 10 John Hastings I Hate About You (2019)

Over the last few months, I have gone from thinking John Hastings is sort of entertaining but not all that great, to, I think it’s safe say, becoming a proper fan. This is the eighth recorded stand-up special by him that I’ve seen or heard, in addition to the two times I went to see him live when he played my local comedy club in June and I went back two weekends in a row. I have yet another of his YouTube specials downloaded but un-watched so far, because it just came out this month, but it’s a combination of footage from different comedy clubs, while next month he’s going to release the video of that same show in the form of an Edinburgh hour.

I find it really interesting how he does that. There are multiple shows where he’s released the same material in club form, and then released a recording of just one night of him doing a full hour in Edinburgh, and it’s so interesting to compare the two. So I’m saving this new video to watch once he releases the Edinburgh hour that goes with it, to watch them together.

However, while looking up that other video, I learned that his 2019 Edinburgh hour is already on YouTube, which I hadn’t known about before so of course I immediately downloaded it. Watched it today, and I think that might be my favourite show I’ve ever seen/heard from him. It was really consistently funny. Got laughs from me spread all throughout the hour. Had a bit of a throughline, a bit of a narrative, just enough to make the stories more than the sum of their parts, to make it feel coherent and like they all go together. He had some really sharp audience interaction; John Hastings is a rare comedian who makes me not hate the crowd work. He had some good ideas, expressed well. And he had a lot of properly funny stories.

I enjoy the way he lets us compare the differences between a club set and Edinburgh hour, by releasing the same material as both, and I enjoy both. I greatly enjoyed watching him live, in June, headlining a local club with brash, loud, crowd work-focused stuff to an audience that did not have nearly enough attention span to sit through a thoughtful, structured hour. He’s good at that stuff, he makes me reconsider my prejudice against that type of comedy. But then he puts the prejudice back because his Edinburgh hours are always better than his club set mash-ups with the same material. My favourite of his recorded shows are the Edinburgh ones, and I think this one’s my favourite of all.

John Robins – Howl (2023)

This came out several weeks ago, and I bought it on Bandcamp the day it was released, but have held off on listening to it because I was prepared for it to be very emotionally intense, and wanted to wait until I had enough time to handle that. Also, knowing I’d not heard it yet was motivating me to get through the last couple of weekends without drinking, because I figured that listening to this show when I’m hungover would make me hate myself, and I figured that as long as that’s working as motivation, I may as well drag it out a bit longer.

Anyway, today I finally just sat down and listened to it. And honestly, I can’t think of much to say about it that doesn’t get into the incredibly personal over-sharing that I was doing all over this blog earlier in this year, when I was first trying to stop/significantly reduce my drinking. That’s still happening, I’m still finding it difficult, but I’ve stopped oversharing about it on the internet, and I don’t really want to start that again now.

It was very good. I was surprised and impressed at how funny he managed to make it, given the very dark subject matter. Obviously there were some parts where he’d go a while with no jokes and no laughs, while dealing with the worst of the sad parts. But nearly the whole show was sad parts, and he did a hell of a job of finding ways to get laughs into a lot of those sad parts. A less experienced comedian would not have been able to do that. It showed real skill, real care with specifics like word choice and timing and order of the material, that he could take something this difficult and still make it funny. So few parts of the show just felt "easy", slipped into a topic or style that's lighthearted and meant to make people laugh. He was forcing funny bits into difficult topics all the way along. It was, if possible, even more intense than I'd expected.

I think I’d been expecting this show to end with a positive message, to have more material about recovery and how it’s better now that he’s stopped drinking. There was a very small bit of that right at the end, but mostly, this was nearly all sad parts. It’s a show about why he drank and why he quit, not a show that focuses on “I’ve stopped drinking and it’s all better now.” It’s mainly fucking harrowing.

It does go to extreme lengths to continue John Robins’ knack for describing drinking alcohol in the most relatable way I’ve ever heard. I’ve so often been left cold by people’s descriptions of why people drink too much, stuff about needing it in social situations or wanting to do wild extreme things. As someone who’s drank too much for over a decade now, I relate far more to John Robins’ description of how nice it is to sit alone in your room and watch YouTube videos while too drunk for your brain to keep throwing obsessive anxiety thoughts at you. But also the way it doesn’t quite work, it’s nice but feels like there should be more. I’m not doing it justice, John Robins explains this far better than I did. I’m just saying, I liked when he explained that stuff.

He also had an observation that I had never put into specific words before, and in fact hadn’t even totally, consciously realized was the case until I heard him say it, that the alcohol is a coping mechanism for obsession with getting everything right all the time, but after a while, obsession with getting everything right all the time becomes connected to the need for alcohol, as if you’re as efficient as possible in the painful, difficult-to-navigate mundanities of everyday life like grocery shopping, then you can more quickly get to the bit where you have a drink and it takes the edge off and you’re no longer… I’m going to use the word “masking”, due to my own experience as an autistic person. John Robins did not use that word, due to not describing himself as an autistic person. He just described the experience perfectly. And we do not armchair diagnose strangers even when it’s really obvious, so I’ll end this paragraph now.

You may be thinking, at this point – “But Meerkats, you said you don’t want to write your thoughts on this show that involve overly personal over-sharing, so why have you written those last few paragraphs?” Because those were the surface-skimming couple of main thoughts that I just had to include. Trust me – if I wrote a proper post about my thoughts and feelings and opinions on this show, my reactions to it and all the emotional and cognitive stuff it brought up for me, this post would be ten pages in a Word document and that would be over-sharing. Those few paragraphs are nothing compared to that. And I don’t really want to write that ten-page post.

So I will just say, congratulations to John Robins on joining that list I have in my head of comedians who’ve made me cry with a stand-up show. Actually he was probably already on that list, I think Darkness of Robins got a few tears out of me, but this one got far more. This is up there with Grace Petrie’s Butch Ado About Nothing for the most I’ve ever cried during a comedy show, and not just at the end, repeatedly throughout. So… it was that kind of comedy show. If you would like to hear a comedy show that does that to people, listen to this. But maybe don't listen to it if you have anywhere to be in the next hour or so.

[sirtadcooper]

I was tagged by: @matbaynton - thank you! <3

Tag someone you want to know AND/OR some of your besties.

This turned into a monster of a thing so I'm sticking it under a cut!

Favourite colour: I am rubbish at this question. I love various colours in various contexts, but at the moment I am really gravitating towards greens. Green is a colour I haven't paid much attention to before, but for some reason over the last few months I have taken an interest in it. I even bought a solid green jumper!

Last song: When Things Explode by Unkle. It's a song I first heard on an episode of Person of Interest and it's now on one of my YouTube music playlists. Takes me right back!

Last movie: I had to check my Letterboxd for this - that's how often I'm watching films at the moment! It was the 1995 version of Persuasion that I rewatched at the end of August. A film I only discovered recently but has become one of those instant comforting favourites.

Currently watching: Oh heck - I'm struggling to keep track, there are so many! I'm watching The English at the moment. Also Outsiders series 2, Taskmaster series 16, New Girl (on season 2), This Farming Life series 6 with my dad on a Sunday morning, All Creatures Great and Small series 4, Fletchers' Family Farm series 2, Schitt's Creek with @phantomviola (on season 5), The Musketeers (series 2) and Black Books (series 3) with @userdjarin and who could forget Our Flag Means Death season 2 which has taken over my brain! Along with all that I squeezed in a Primeval series 2 rewatch which I finished the other night. [slaps roof of my brain] this bad boy can fit so many narratives in it.

Other stuff I watched this year: HAH! I have an IMDb list of TV shows I've watched this year! It's long as heck! Silk, The IT Crowd, Black Sails, The Last of Us, Lost in Space, Endeavour, The Terror, Arrested Development, Community, Vicious, Prehistoric Planet, Why Didn't They Ask Evans?, Ted Lasso, Miranda, The North Water, His Dark Materials, And Then There Were None, Jonathan Strange & Mister Norrell, The Great British Sewing Bee, The Bear, Blackadder, 30 Rock, Chernobyl and The Expanse. And those are just the ones worth mentioning! And some of these I watched four times! Okay, one thing. Okay, it was The Terror.

As for films, it's a poor show this year - I haven't watched as many (see above for reason why). I have seen the latest Spiderverse film and I've love to see Barbie!

Shows I dropped this year/didn’t finish: The Mandalorian (sob!), Vikings (I think I was maybe an episode or two shy of finishing the first season but... man... I just wasn't having fun), My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (to be fair this might have been last year, I can't remember, but I know I stopped a few episodes into season 2), Fleabag (I watched one or two episodes... wasn't quite for me).

Currently reading: Darwin by Adrian J. Desmond and James R. Moore (about 100 pages in but I'm taking this one slow because I'm not hyperfixating on him) and Dead Famous by Greg Jenner which I am taking even slower. I've read quite a few books related to the Franklin Expedition this year (thanks, The Terror) and for a while I was reading pretty solidly but I guess that's what hyperfixation does to you!

Currently listening to: I'm not really listening to music much these days thanks to YouTube's annoying ad blocker pop-up so I'm typing this in silence, haha! But podcast-wise I'm doing great. Three Bean Salad is probably my favourite podcast at the moment. The humour is just too good, and I look forward to hearing the lads every week. I'm also binging The Rest is History which is a bit more serious but still has its fun moments. I'm also listening to Off Menu, No Such Thing as a Fish, The Bones Booth, Taskmaster: The Podcast, The Mariner's Mirror Podcast, and odd episodes of RHLSTP if I know the guest. I save podcasts for when I'm doing something like washing the dishes, walking or driving.

Currently working on: Now that the puppy I found at the end of August is vaccinated, she can go out and about, and that has led to me abandon the polymer clay for a while to return to a hobby that I haven't spent much time on since early 2020 at the latest. I wanted to make her some nice collars and leads so she looks smart for our walks which I will inevitably be photographing. I know it's kind of hard to see but I made this collar and lead for her.

I was a bit worried that I'd forgotten how to sew the leather but thankfully not. I have a few more straps of leather lying around that I'd like to make into collars and leads as well. And several rope leads that need whipping (you wrap thinner twine around the thicker rope to finish it and protect the end from fraying) but I'm having to take my time with those because the twine is murder on my soft, delicate, feminine hands. I can whip maybe four leads before my fingers are red. It's worth the pain!

Current obsession: Our Flag Means Death has taken over my life once again. Whatever happens in the finale next week, I know I will be a mess. Heck, I'm already a mess.

I'm tagging: some recent mutuals so we can get to know each other, but no pressure! @tigerballoons, @woofety, @jackharkness, @jddryder, @ajcrowleys and @skatingthinandice! <3