#cross and omega are besties and they're awesome

[cuddles-with-dragons]

where the fuck is my impulse control

Yeah, Avengers AU.

Don't care what you say, I tried to make it work.

Including edited quotes from Avengers and Age of Ultron

I replaced Hulk with the Zillo Beast.

---

Dave Filoni: Superheroes in New York? Give me a break.

Echo: We won.

Hunter: All right, yay! Hurray. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I want to try it.

Wrecker: We're not finished yet.

Hunter: And then shawarma after.

Echo: Is he breathing?

Tech, in lizard form: *roars in his face*

Hunter: What the hell? What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me.

Hunter: Tell him to suit up. I'm bringing the party to you. *a giant Chitauri is following him*

Omega: I don't see how that's a party.

Echo: Tech. Now might be a really good time for you to get angry.

Tech: That's my secret, Echo. I'm always angry.

Omega: Just like Budapest all over again.

Crosshair: You and I remember Budapest very differently.

Hunter, to Scorch: Maybe your army comes and maybe it’s too much for us, but it’s all on you. Because if we can’t protect the Earth, you can be damn well sure we'll avenge it.

Crosshair: Why am I back? How did you get him out?

Omega: Cognitive recalibration. I hit you really hard on the head.

Crosshair: Thanks.

Crosshair: Have you ever had someone take your brain and play? Pull you out and stuff something else in? Do you know what it's like to be unmade?

Omega: You know that I do.

Mace Windu: There was an idea, Hunter knows this, called the Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people to see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could. Cody died still believing in that idea. In heroes.

Echo: Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?

Hunter: Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.

Mace Windu: I don't know about that, but it is powered by the Cube. And I would like to know how Scorch used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys.

Wrecker: Monkeys? I don't get it.

Echo: I do! I understood that reference!

Hunter: It’s good to meet you, Tech. Your work on antielectron collisions is unparalleled. And I’m a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous Godzilla lizard.

Tech: Thanks.

Hunter: The only major component he still needs is a power source of high-energy density. Something to kick-start the Cube.

Ahsoka: When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?

Hunter: Last night.

Hunter: Raise the mizzenmast. Jib the topsails. *points to Anakin* That man is playing Galaga. He thought we wouldn't notice, but we did. *covers one of his eyes* How does Windu even see these?

Ahsoka: He turns.

Hunter: Sounds exhausting.

Wrecker: Don't talk like that. Scorch is beyond reason, but he's from Asgard. And he's my brother.

Omega: He killed 80 people in two days.

Wrecker: He’s adopted.

Echo: Is this a submarine?

Tech: Really? They want me in a submerged, pressurised, metal container? *walks to the side of the deck* No, no, this is much worse.

Cody: We need you to come in.

Omega: Are you kidding? I'm working.

Cody: This takes precedence.

Omega: I'm in the middle of an interrogation. This moron is giving me everything.

Bad guy: I don't... give everything.

Omega: Look, you can't pull me out of this right now.

Cody: Omega... Crosshair's been compromised.

Omega: Let me put you on hold.

Hunter: Shit!

Echo: Language!

*Some chatter and fighting later…*

Hunter: Wait a second. No one else is gonna deal with the fact that Echo just said “Language”?

Echo: I know. Just slipped out.

*Some more chatter and fighting later…*

Wrecker: Find the spear-thingy.

Hunter: And for gosh sake, watch your language!

Echo: That’s not going away any time soon.

Omega: Wrecker, report on the Zillo.

Wrecker: The gates of Hel are filled with the screams of his victims.*Omega gives him a look* But not the screams of the dead, of course. No, no, wounded screams. Mainly whimpering, a great deal of complaining and tales of sprained deltoids and gout.

Echo: The two Enhanced?

Ahsoka: Leia and Luke Skywalker. Twins. Orphaned at 10 when a shell collapsed their apartment building. Sokovia's had a rough history. It's nowhere special, but it's on the way to everywhere special.

Echo: Their abilities?

Ahsoka: He's got increased metabolism and improved thermal homeostasis. Her thing is neuroelectric interfacing, telekinesis, mental manipulation.

Echo: *confused*

Ahsoka: He's fast and she's weird.

Ahsoka: Lab's all set up, boss.

Hunter: *points to Echo* Actually, he's the boss. I just pay for everything and design everything and make everyone look cooler.

Tech: How's he doing?

Hunter: Unfortunately, he's still Crosshair.

Tech: That's terrible.

Hunter: Right, so, if I lift it, I then rule Asgard?

Wrecker: Yes, of course.

Hunter: I will be reinstituting prima nocta. *tries to lift the hammer* I'll be right back.

Hunter: *Tries again with the Iron Man glove, nothing. Makes Rex take his glove too and they both try to lift it.*

Rex: Are you even pulling?

Hunter: Are you on my team?

Rex: Just represent. Pull.

Hunter: All right, let’s go.

*Echo tries next*

Hunter: Come on, Echo.

Echo: *makes it move a tiny bit*

Wrecker, nervously laughing: Nothing.

Echo: Sorry for barging in on you.

Hunter: Yeah, we would've called ahead, but we were busy having no idea that you existed.

Luke, in a police station: We’re under attack! Clear the city! Now! *No one’s doing anything, comes back with a gun and fires in the air* Get off your asses.

Crosshair, to Leia: Hey, look at me. It’s your fault, it’s everyone’s fault. Who cares? Are you up for this? Are you? Look, I just need to know. Because the city is flying. Okay. Look, the city is flying, we’re fighting an army of robots, and I have a bow and arrow. None of this makes sense.

Luke: Keep up, old man! *takes Leia and runs off*

Crosshair: Nobody would know. Nobody. “The last I saw him, an Ultron was sitting on him. Yeah, he'll be missed, that quick little bastard. I miss him already.”

Crosshair: All right, we're all clear here.

Echo: We are not clear! We are very not clear!

Luke: This is S.H.I.E.L.D.?

Echo: This is what S.H.I.E.L.D. is supposed to be.

Luke: This isn't so bad.

Luke: *Shoves Crosshair and a kid behind cover and gets shot multiple times in the leg* You didn't see that coming?