#cullen being written so bad that i didn't even catch onto how bad he was bc my first game was inquisition

[berrymeter]

took a minute to think about dragon age & my blood pressure has successfully risen again. imagine if they wrote the games good

[whatiftwilight]

“I have to leave...”

Jasper Hale x reader

My breath catches in my throat for what feels like the thousandth time today, my ears deceiving and tormenting me with the sounds of movement in my room, someone at the door or the window, none of which reveal themselves as real as I sit in almost complete darkness at the end of my bed.

I hadn't thought to turn a light on when I assumed my spot here an hour ago, and now that the sun has gone down completely, my stress has seemingly inhibited my ability to move from my frozen state.

Every few seconds my eyes will dart to the clock, simultaneously willing the time to go faster and wishing the time I'm waiting for will never come.

Anyone who saw me would think I'm going crazy; hands fiddling unrelentingly in my lap, knee bouncing at a speed I thought could never be reached, teeth chewing mercilessly at the inside of my cheeks and my whole body  jumping at every single sound my ears can pick up.

My usually calm persona flew straight out the window the moment I sat in my car to drive home from school, seeing a note written in my boyfriends perfectly cursive handwriting: we need to talk, I'll be at yours at seven.

That sentence would never usually trigger this response from me, but when your boyfriend is a vampire who has a somewhat "brother" with a girlfriend that clearly has a hard time avoiding catastrophe, he could be on his way to tell you anything. And given the escapade that happened not too long ago with a psychotic vampire who went by the name James, my mind had learnt to assume the worst.

Ten minutes.

For about an hour and a half when I got home from school I was able to distract myself to a certain extent, doing the laundry for my mother so she doesn't have to do it when she gets home from working a late shift at the hospital and cooking a meal for myself that she can easily heat up when she gets home; but there's only so much television you can watch that will keep your mind occupied when something so big is weighing on you.

"Y/N?" I almost scream, jumping to my feet at lightening speed as Jasper appears through my window.

I must have been worrying too much about how much I was worrying to notice him even coming through the window. That, or his speed as a vampire is just too superior to my human eyesight.

"Jasper" I breathe quietly, only really noticing now that I had been holding my breath.

He doesn't say anything for the moment, just approaches me slowly and reaches out for my hand, taking it from where it hung limp at my side and bringing it to his lips for a second before tangling our fingers together.

"What's wrong, Jas?"

My feelings of worry solidify after watching his behaviour, if what he wants to talk about isn't bad then why hasn't he kissed me like usually does? Why hasn't he made a joke about how messy my room is? Why hasn't he made an excuse to call me "ma'am" in his perfect southern accent?

"You're going to hate me" He says after a few minutes of silence, my heart clenching at the thought of him thinking I could ever harbour that strong a feeling against him.

"Jasper you know I could never, just tell me what's going on"

He sighs and for a moment, just a moment, I let myself get lost in his honeycomb eyes that usually make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world when they're focused on me. Now they're just filling me with dread.

"I have to leave"

My eyebrows raise immediately, my first instinct being to accuse him of lying or trying to prank me, before I really look into his eyes and see no trace of a lie, no trace of him trying not to crack a smile.

"Excuse me?" Is the only thing I can seem to muster at this point, needing more explanation before my brain can even begin to comprehend what he means by that.

"Edward wants to leave. He doesn't want this life for Bella, he thinks if we leave for long enough she can learn to live without him and be happy"

His voice is monotone, no emotion to it whatsoever as he apparently tries to avoid meeting my eyes again as I glare up at him.

"Okay? So let him leave what does that have to do with you?" My stubbornness is coming out, playing naive when I know full well the Cullens are a family and would never let Edward leave indefinitely on his own if he didn't have to.

"Baby you know I can't st—"

"So you're telling me you're leaving me because Edward can't get over himself and let Bella choose what life she wants to live?" I interrupt, panic flowing through my body at the thought of losing the one person I don't think I could survive without.

I know he can feel it, but I know he knows better than to try and influence my emotions at a time like this.

"What happened to not being able to stay away from me? To me being the only thing that makes you sane? Did all that just go away?" He doesn't speak for a long period of time so I do it for him, challenging him with his own words that he's spoken to me more than once.

I can tell that this hurt him, whether it was the insinuation that he lied to me, or the accusation that his feelings for me were so weak that he could just turn them off and leave. Deep down I know neither reason is true,  but at this point I don't care. He knows he's hurting me beyond what I've ever felt before and my instinct is to fight back.

"You know that's not true..." His voice is just a whisper when he finally speaks, his eyes closing for a second before he looks at me again. My heart falters at the sadness in his eyes, wanting to reach out and fix it. But I can't. He's the one leaving.

"I can come and visit...you can come away with me for a while in the holidays I promise" He lifts his hand to tuck a piece of my hair away behind my ear but I step back, refusing to look at him.

I'm being stubborn and slightly unreasonable and I'm fully aware of it. Part of me hopes that if I throw a tantrum he'll stay, but I know it would kill him to stay away from the family he's been with for so long.

"It's only until graduation and then you can join us wherever we're staying!" I can hear the desperation in his voice and it makes my heart break a little bit.

I don't know when he did it, but he'd reached over and turned a lamp on at some point, possibly when he got here, which allows me to see his pleading eyes, begging me to be okay with the situation he's laid out for me.

"I can't lose you" He steps towards me again and reaches out his hand to cup my jaw and this time I let him.

"Then you won't"

This is me surrendering to him. Accepting the fact that  he will leave and I can either throw a tantrum and shut him out of my life completely or accept that I'll have to make do with seeing him when possible until I graduate. It would kill me to go on without him. So i'll have to make do.

His hands slide around my waist to take their place on the small of my back, pulling me into him as I slowly place my arms around his neck, aware that he still has problems with his thirst from time to time and not wanting to trigger anything.

"Come on, you need to sleep" Jasper speaks after a long period of silence, neither of us wanting to let the other go.

He sits on my bed while I change out of my jeans and into an oversized shirt, pulling me on top of him as soon as I climb onto my bed. This is something he wouldn't usually do, scared that his control would slip and he'd do something to hurt me, but he underestimates himself hugely and I trust him with my life.

"Please don't cry" He lifts a hand to my face to wipe the few tears that grace my cheeks. I hadn't even noticed I was crying until he acknowledged it.

"I love you" I whisper in the dark, taking his hand from my face and intertwining our fingers together.

Jaspers lips are soft against mine as he pulls me down gently to kiss him, his free hand holding my body against his.

"I love you more"