#cuz even if we r from another world he’s afraid that we would hear about the rumours

[scarletemeterio-thesecond]

r u open for sum douxie requests? Him Falling in love with king arthur's daughter💕who's innocent n kind but she isn't happy at camelot she wants to be independent n arthur's like NOPE so she runs away n meets douxie again centuries later n is now a total badass witch but she's sarcastic n mean cuz girl has been THROUGH IT😔 but slowly she warms up to him n falls in love with him all over again cuz with douxie she cant help but be soft💕😭 *u can ignore this ask if u want my English is bad😅*

i absolutely loved this request! i think i did things a bit differently but i'm a sucker for love and i couldn't help it lol. i loved writing this, thank you for requesting and i hope you like it!

•••

Back To You (Douxie x Fem!Reader)

Warnings: none i think

Genre: Fluff, some angst

Fandom: Tales of Arcadia, Wizards

Summary: See request

Word Count: 3379

Reader uses she/her pronouns!

•••

Being king Arthur’s daughter was already hard enough, but being a witch didn’t make things easier. (Y/N) loved magic, even if her father wasn’t a huge fan of it. She started taking an interest in it at a very young age, and her own aunt ended up being her teacher.

As (Y/N) got older, her magic grew stronger as well and even though she knew her father loved her, she could also see the way he looked at her sometimes; he looked at her like she was a stranger, a monster even.

Life in the palace was always a bit boring. The princess didn’t have many friends and most of the time would end up feeling lonely. But that all changed once Merlin decided to get a new apprentice.

They hit it off right away. (Y/N) was excited to have someone around her age close to her and the boy was happy to be surrounded by so many talented people.

But of course, he was a bit nervous about being so close to the princess at first, and he didn’t really understand why she was around so much until he saw her do magic. He was mesmerized and extremely surprised, to say the least.

‘’I didn’t know you could do that,’’ he said once the girl was done with her spell.

‘’What do you mean?’’ The girl asked.

‘’Well, you’re the princess and everyone in the kingdom knows that but it’s not known that you can do magic,’’ he explained.

‘’Oh,’’ she murmured, a bit sad but not surprised. ‘’Well, my father doesn’t really like magic so I guess he’s always been a bit disappointed at my love for it.’’

‘’Come on, why don’t we take a walk around the castle?’’ He offered, trying to cheer her up.

Their friendship grew stronger with every passing day, and it didn’t take long for the young boy to start developing feelings for the sweet princess. She was a really powerful witch but she still had her feet on the ground and remained kind as always; he loved that about her. He also loved her smile and the way she made him feel when they were together.

(Y/N) could tell that there was something going on with her friend; she noticed how nervous he got when she was around, the way he stuttered and blushed. She thought that it was very cute, and it didn’t take her long to realize why he’d been acting like that. But she was still afraid of being wrong, so even though she also had feelings for the boy, she remained silent.

They were oblivious about the way they felt about each other, but everyone else wasn’t. They pretty much acted like a couple already to the eyes of strangers, and also to the eyes of the king.

The relationship between Arthur and his daughter had never been worse. The more she practiced her magic, the more they grew apart. They’d barely talk to each other. (Y/N) hated this, she wanted to be close to her father, but she knew that it would be useless to try to work things out; her father disapproved of anything she did or said. She was supposed to learn how to be a proper princess and future queen, and soon it would be time for her to get married. So of course, her closeness to Merlin’s apprentice was alarming to Arthur, and he decided to confront her at dinner one night.

‘’So, tell me about this apprentice boy,’’ he said to her. He’d requested to have dinner alone with her, and they were seated face to face with each other.

‘’His name is Hisirdoux,’’ she mentioned. ‘’And is this what you wanted to talk about? My friend?’’

‘’Well, he’s not just your friend, right? Rumors travel fast inside the castle, my dear.’’

‘’We’re just friends,’’ she mumbled loud enough for the king to hear.

‘’You sound almost disappointed at those words,’’ he pointed out. He made a pause to drink some of his wine and then he looked at his daughter. ‘’I don’t like him.’’

‘’Here we go…,’’ she sighed and sank in her seat, not wanting to hear what her dad was about to say.

‘’He’s a wizard apprentice, (Y/N). Could you imagine what people would say if you even thought about being with him?’’

‘’What does it matter what people think? I can do magic, too, father. I know you’ve been hiding it from the rest of the kingdom, hiding me. I’m tired of being a secret, of not being myself.’’

‘’For the sake of the kingdom, you should get married to an appropriate suitor.’’

‘’For the sake of the kingdom? Why don’t you just admit that you can’t accept the fact that I’m a witch, father? Are you really that ashamed of me? Or are you actually afraid?’’ The princess said in a defying tone.

‘’Young lady-.’’

‘’No, you’re not gonna do this anymore,’’ she interrupted him. ‘’Why can’t you just accept me? It’s like you don’t even want me to be happy. Magic makes me happy, Douxie makes me happy and I’m tired of you trying to control me just because you can’t accept people who are different!’’ (Y/N) got up from her seat and started walking away.

‘’Where do you think you’re going?’’ Yelled her father.

She stopped walking for a second to turn around and look at him. ‘’Away from you,’’ she answered. What he didn’t know was that she really meant it; she would go as far away as possible.

…

Once she got to her room, she started packing some of her stuff, and when she was done she decided to write a letter. She knew she would go and say goodbye to Douxie, but she wanted him to know some things that she wouldn’t be able to say out loud.

A couple of minutes later, she was ready to go, to leave that place for good. It was late at night but she knew her friend would still be awake, so she decided to head over to his room. Just as she was about to walk out of her room for the last time, she heard some guards approaching. The princess cursed to herself but quickly remembered that there was another way for her to leave without being noticed, Douxie’s room and hers were connected by some secret tunnels they’d made with magic a while back, tunnels that extended throughout the entire castle.

Once she reached the boy’s door, she started knocking like crazy. Douxie opened the door almost immediately and even though he was happy to see her, he could tell that there was something wrong.

‘’(Y/N), what’s wrong?’’

‘’I’m afraid we don’t have time for that, Douxie. I don’t really know how to say this but I wanted to tell you that I’m leaving,’’ she said.

‘’What? Where?’’

‘’I don’t know, to be honest. Somewhere my father won’t find me, somewhere I can be free.’’

He was shocked, to say the least. Deep down, he knew she wasn’t happy with her life in the castle, but this news still surprised him. ‘’I’m going with you,’’ he said and started looking for some stuff to pack. She grabbed him by his shoulders and stopped him.

‘’No, Douxie. I can’t let you do that, okay? You still have a lot to learn from Merlin, I know you have potential and I just can’t take this opportunity for you.’’

‘’But I want to be with you, wherever you go.’’

‘’Trust me, there’s nothing I’d want more, but we can’t,’’ she paused to take a deep breath; she could already feel the tears forming in her eyes. ‘’I wrote you a letter, there are some things I’d like you to know.’’ She grabbed the piece of paper and handed it to him.

‘’(Y/N), please…’’ He begged, he didn’t even know what he was begging for, he just knew that the situation they were in was extremely unfair.

‘’I know my father will be here any minute with his guards, you have to pretend like you haven’t seen me, okay?’’ Her tears were already falling down her cheeks, and so were his. She grabbed the boy’s hands and looked him in the eye. ‘’Promise me you’ll do that, Douxie. You have to act like you have no idea about me suddenly disappearing, yeah?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ he nodded. ‘’I promise, (Y/N).’’

She wrapped her arms around his neck and he wrapped his around her waist, holding on to each other as if their lives depended on it. When they pulled apart, they pressed their foreheads together.

‘’Thank you for everything, Douxie. I’ll miss you so much.’’

‘’I’ll miss you, too, (Y/N).’’ They finally pulled away and she walked over to his door, hoping no one would see her. She opened it a little and when she saw that no one was around, she knew it was time to leave. The girl looked back to Douxie one last time and smiled at him. When she was about to leave, she heard the boy speak. ‘’I will find you, (Y/N). I won’t stop until I do, I promise.’’

‘’I can only hope you will,’’ she said before walking away.

…

(Y/N) was right, it didn’t take long for the king and his guards to get to his room. They were looking for the princess, but she was nowhere to be found, and Douxie was just as oblivious to the situation as everyone else.

After the guards made sure she wasn’t hidden in his room, they left. As soon as the door was closed, the boy fell to the floor. He brought his knees to his chest and started crying; he just couldn’t believe what had happened. He couldn’t believe his favorite person was gone.

He knew she was a witch, a powerful one, which meant she’d be able to live for a long time, just like him, but the world was a huge place and deep down he knew there was the possibility of never seeing her again.

Douxie tried to calm himself down, took some deep breaths, and ran his hands through his hair. Then, he remembered the letter, the last piece of her that he had.

He grabbed it and quickly opened it. First, he admired her handwriting, beautiful as always and then he started reading.

Dear Douxie,

If you’re reading this, it means that I’ve finally left. Deep down I think we all knew the palace wasn’t my place, I just never belonged inside these walls, but that doesn’t erase how much it hurts me to leave you.

You changed my life, Douxie, turned all the black and white into full colour, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. You’re so important to me, I don’t think you understand how much you matter to me. You were my first real friend, you taught me what it meant to fully trust someone with your entire heart… and I guess you also taught me what love is. It’d be useless to try and hide it any longer, it’s been a while since there was something more than just a friendship between us. I wish I’d been brave enough to tell you sooner, to do something about it, but I didn’t. All I can say right now is that I love you, that I’m in love with you and that I’ll do anything I can to go back to you; I mean it, Douxie, I won’t stop until we’re together again because I know in my heart that these feelings will never go away, you mean the world to me.

Thank you for always being there when I needed you.

(Y/N).

Douxie didn’t know when he’d started crying, but he couldn’t stop. He covered his mouth with his hand to silence a sob, and then he wiped some tears off his face.

‘’I love you, too, (Y/N), and I’ll find you, no matter what,’’ he mumbled, making a promise to her once again, and also to himself.

...

900 years later

(Y/N) was just walking around the streets of Arcadia, minding her own business when suddenly she bumped into someone.

‘’Oh, I’m so sorry, I should’ve been more careful,’’ she said, apologizing to the person in front of her.

She barely even paid attention to the whole situation and was ready to keep walking, but she stopped in her tracks when she heard a voice. The same voice she’d dreamt about hearing again, the same voice she’d missed ever since that day in the castle. He only said her name, but that was enough for her heart to start racing.

(Y/N) turned around and their eyes locked, time seemed to have stopped. She barely had any time to properly react before his arms were wrapped around her body, and instinctively her arms did the same thing.

‘’Please tell me this is not a dream,’’ he said once they pulled apart.

‘’Douxie,’’ she mumbled, still unable to believe that it was really him. He let out a sigh when he heard her; he missed hearing her say his nickname, the one she’d given to him, the one he ended up using all the time because it reminded him of her.

‘’It’s me, (Y/N), I’m here. I said I would find you, that’s what kept me going for so long.’’ He said, truly speaking from the heart.

‘’I started losing hope a long time ago, to be honest,’’ she said. She wanted to hug him again, to tell him how much she’d missed him and how she was still head over heels for him, but she couldn’t. The past had changed her, she had to change in order to survive and she’d learned to be afraid of trusting people, even the ones she loved the most.

‘’What are you even doing here, though?’’

‘’I honestly don’t know, I just kind of ended up here I guess.’’

There was a pause between them. It all happened so fast, just a few minutes ago the hope of seeing each other again was nonexistent.

‘’I missed you so much, (Y/N). There’s so much I want to talk about and so much I want to hear from you. I-I can’t believe it’s really you.’’ She smiled at him, not really knowing what to answer. ‘’I still have your letter, there hasn’t been a day in which I didn’t think about it and what you said in it.’’

(Y/N) opened her eyes. She thought about that later almost every day, also remembering her words, her confession.

Douxie noticed that there was something wrong, it was evident in her silence, in how tense she seemed. He tried to grab her hand but she refused, taking a small step backward.

‘’Hey, what’s wrong?’’ He didn’t get an answer, just a scared and worried look in response. ‘’Look, do you think you could meet me after work tonight? I’d like to catch up with you and talk about everything, I guess.’’

‘’I- uh, I don’t know, I-.’’

‘’Please, (Y/N). I think we owe it to each other.’’

She took a deep breath and made eye contact with him for a split second. ‘’Okay, tell me where do you work.’’

…

Douxie’s shift was about to end. He was nervous, he couldn’t wait to see her again. When they saw each other earlier, he noticed she was acting a bit weird. Of course, he hadn’t seen her for nine centuries, but that wasn’t the (Y/N) he remembered. She was different, distant and cold. Deep down, he even thought if maybe he’d already lost her, nine hundred years was a long time after all.

He was closing the restaurant when he saw the girl approaching him.

‘’Hey,’’ she said once they were face to face.

‘’Hi, I’m glad you came.’’ There was a small silence between them. (Y/N) started playing with her fingers, trying to calm herself down. ‘’Listen, I know it’s late but would you like to walk around while we talk?’’

‘’Of course, yeah.’’ They immediately started walking.

‘’I have so much I want to say, but first I wanna hear about you, (Y/N). What have you been up to?’’

‘’Well, trying to put these last nine centuries into words would be a bit difficult. I haven’t been doing much, really, just trying to hide my magic from everyone, seems like I’ll always have to.’’ She mumbled the last part, but he could still hear her. It was evident she was talking about her father, who she hadn't seen since that night in the castle. ‘’What about you?’’

‘’Pretty much the same thing, I guess. I don’t usually stay that much in the same place, though. You know, always looking the same could raise suspicion.’’

‘’Yeah, tell me about it. After a while some people just start spying on you because they know there's something going on, or at least that happened to me.’’

They reached a bench and decided to sit down. (Y/N) tried to keep a bit of distance between them, something that the boy noticed, and he tried to hide his sad expression at the girls' action. They stayed quiet for a bit, the girl admired the stars while also allowing herself to enjoy the boy's company, even if deep down she knew she shouldn't have.

"I'm in love with you, too," said Douxie, breaking the silence and immediately creating a bit of tension in the air. "I still do, and I know I always will; my biggest regret is not telling you sooner, when we were together back in the castle." The girl opened her mouth to say something but Douxie didn't let her, he grabbed one of her hands and slowly caressed it before he kept talking. "Finding you is what kept me going for so long, I said it earlier, but it's true. This may seem like I'm trying to rush things but I think we've been apart for too long to keep waiting, (Y/N)."

He slowly grabbed her face and ran a finger along her cheek, pulling her closer to him, but she pulled away. "I can't, Douxie. I truly can't."

"What do you mean? Did you find someone else? Do you not love me anymore? It's okay if you don't, nine centuries is a long time-."

"I do still feel things for you, but these last years have been very hard, Douxie. I've learnt not to trust people, even those closest to me. Please, don't take this personally, it's not your fault."

He slowly nodded and then made eye contact with her. "I understand, I know how you're feeling, trust me. I also understand if you're not ready, and I would wait for you for a hundred lifetimes, my dear."

"I want to be ready, Douxie, I truly do. I want to be with you, it's what I've wanted ever since we'd walk around the castle, running away from Merlin or my father." She paused for a bit, taking a deep breath; it's like she was at war with herself, she'd been for a long time, but she was tired of fighting, of hiding, she wanted to let her walls down. "Maybe we could take things slowly," she said. They looked at each other and he caressed her cheek once again.

"Of course, my love, anything you need."

She leaned on his hand and closed her eyes, enjoying his warmth after so many years. "Would you kiss me?" she asked.

He simply grabbed her face and slowly pulled her closer to him, and finally their lips touched.

"I love you so much, (Y/N)," he whispered once they pulled away.

"I love you, too, Douxie."

They sat side by side and the girl rested her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around her. They didn't say anything, they didn't have to, they both knew what they were feeling at that moment. They were finally complete, and it was like every single bad thing they had to go through was worth it, because it had led them to that moment, to their encounter.

[bonesandquills]

Starving *For Cuddles* (Horror Sans x Reader)

Warning; Angst Ahead. Horror's kinda yandere-ish but really he just wants to protect the reader

Why was it always so goddamn cold?

Why is it always so empty?

Why is it always so quiet?

A thousand words ran through your head, a thousand questions. Except you knew the answer to all those questions.

Snowdin was cold because it was always cold. It was empty because the dust had taken the place of the monsters. It was quiet because there was no one with voices left to talk.

You trudged through the snow.

You knew you were supposed to stay in the house. You knew you were supposed to stay in the house, where it was safe, but you really just needed some fresh air.

The Underground had gone quiet long ago.

You vaguely recalled some half-remembered prophecy scrawled on the walls of Waterfall, something about fallen angels and the Underground going empty.

Well, the Underground was empty. But there were no angels here.

Just hungry demons.

You stood for a while, staring up through the trees of the forest. There was no sun up there, no warmth, but if you stood very still, sometimes you could imagine...

You were snapped out of your thoughts by a pair of arms wrapping themselves around you. You immediately recognized the blue fabric of the sleeves,. You shivered slightly, knowing he hated it when you jumped.

Which somehow seemed unreasonable when he snuck up on you like that.

“Hello, Sans,” You said quietly.

Being in a relationship with the short, red-eyed skeleton was certainly interesting. But you had to be careful. Very, very careful.

Sans was possessive. After all, he'd been trapped in this Underground for a long time, with nothing. Now that he had something, someone, you, he wasn't going to let you go easily.

Besides, didn't you know how many monsters wanted to get their hands on you? You'd make a meal for someone, but he wasn't going to let that happen.

Nobody got to taste you but him.

He also startled easily. He had a hunter's instinct, and any quick movements were sure to set him off. And, he hated when you startled near him. He knew his appearance was unnerving, and even though you said you didn't mind... He still didn't like it.

“you know you're not supposed to be out this far,” he said, his voice right in your ear, quiet and ringing. It used to scare you, afraid that it meant he was angry, but by now you'd figured out that it just meant that he was trying to be gentle.

“I know, I just-”

Sans hushed you. “no excuses. let's get ya home."

You huffed and stepped away. You loved him, yes, but sometimes you had to remind him that you were still your own person and could make your own choices.

"No, you go. I'll be there in a while."

Sans made a low sound. "you'll get hurt out here."

"I can handle myself," You said sternly.

Sans growled, but after a moment he wrapped his arms back around you. "alright. tell me when you're ready to go and we'll go."

You paused, slightly surprised. You expected argument, and a quick teleport home with a kiss and a half-apology. This soft agreement was new. Not unwelcome, but new. And vaguely worrying.

"Sans? Are you alright?"

He only nodded quietly.

You went to turn around, so you could look him in the eyes, but his embrace tightened, not letting you.

"What's wrong?"

"nothin'."

"Don't lie to me."

Sans didn't answer and instead buried his face in your neck, something that would normally make you blush. Right now, though, you didn't notice.

"Sans."

You felt him shaking, and after a brief moment your heart dropped when you realized her was crying.

"p-please..... don't l-leave, sweetheart. i-i'll do better, i p-promise."

You, leave? Why would you do that? You and Sans had your arguments, had your moments, but so did every couple. What had you done to scare him so badly?

"Sans? what are you talking about? I won't leave you, I would never."

Sans took a deep shuddering breath and lifted his head slightly, so you could hear him clearly.

"i-i heard ya talkin' t-to paps.... bout -how i don't l-let ya do anythin' and how y-you felt trapped. Y-you made it sound l-like you were gonna l-leave.."

You suddenly realized what he was talking about. He must have walked in while you were talking to his brother. You had some some of those things, but they were more teasing complaints. And leaving him had never crossed your mind.

"Oh... Sans, it's okay. I'm not leaving. I love you too much for that."

"y-you know i-i'm just tryna p-protect ya..." He continued quietly, and you nodded.

"It's a dangerous world, and you don't want me hurt. I know that."

He only held you tighter.

"I promise, I'm not leaving you." Sans seemed to have calmed slightly. His one glowing eye was a little brighter now.

"good. cuz i couldn't l-let ya go."

You smiled softly. "Can I turn around now?"

"no."

"Why not?"

"cuz i like holdin' ya."

"You can do that if I'm facing you."

"true, but then i can't do this," Suddenly, he pressed his fingers into your sides.

You jolted. "A-ah ah, Sans! W-what are the r-rules about tickling?"

Sans kissed your cheek with an evil grin. "and what are the rules about wanderin' too far into the woods?"

You didn't have an answer, so you were punished with another wave of tickling. Your legs gave out but Sans didn't let you go. In fact, his onslaught only ceased when you were gasping for breath and your sides ached from laughing.

Sans finally stopped and you caught your breath.

"learned your lesson, dollface?" Sans purred, and you rolled your eyes.

"Sure."

"can we go home now?"

"Yeah, we can go."

He scooped you up bridal style, and pressed a light kiss to your forehead. "i love ya."

"Love you too."

This underground was broken, yes. But somehow.... now it seemed a little brighter.

[teatitty]

Rogues Lore

First of all I want to thank @schweeeppess for letting me spam her with Rogues lore 2 months ago cuz it made this post so much easier to type out when I can just copy-paste everything and then edit it to be more cohesive lmao

Second this is under a read more because it is A Lot

Leonard Snart AKA Captain Cold

He grew up with a super abusive father and his only refuge was when he would hang out with his grandfather in his grandfather's ice truck. When the grandfather died, he grew tired of his dad's abuse and set out to start a criminal career and moved to central. 

(He's the one who started the rogues!) 

He found blueprints for a "cold gun" which he ended up making from scratch (it’s also canon that he knows the gun so well he can remake it out of scraps in about 30 seconds to a minute) and had three main rules in his group: No Killing, No Harm To Women Or Children and No Drug Use. His cold gun is capable of interfering with the speedforce cuz it can reach “absolute zero” which is even colder then Mr Freeze's tech. 

He's also the only cold-based villain capable of mastering this temp. In New Earth he was described as an "adversary" but in Prime Earth (same backstory as before mind you) he's described as being a straight villain whose only rule in the group is "no killing" (which seems to be a pretty flexible rule these days cuz DC has made him more, well, down with killing). He's also much younger here then he was in NE. 

In Flash 2016 #17 we see another upgraded version of his gun that's capable of separating the Flash from the speedforce directly and, in doing so, causing Barry excrutiating pain. Generally, he and Barry had more respect for eachother in NE, to the point that Len even considered him family. In PE, though they have teamed up now and again, Len is far more hostile towards Barry, sometimes even being written in a way that suggests he wouldn’t mind if Barry died.

Sam scudder AKA Mirror Master (the first one!) 

He was a simple convict who just really wanted to learn how to get inside a mirror's reflection. He practiced in a hall of mirrors and, once he succeeded, became Mirror Master. He was a frequent foe for Barry and, during Crisis on Infinite Earths, died around the same time Barry did.

 He was the one who discovered the "mirror world". At one point he got himself trapped there and hated that the mirror world could just get him whatever he wanted instead of him stealing it so he got Barry to bust him out. He could also use mirror's to mind control ppl (dont ask) and this intrigued Barry. 

 On PE he's dating Lisa Snart (Len's younger sister) and is the only Mirror Master to exist. In N52 he, Len, Lisa, Mick and Marco all got fused with their weapons for a while and given meta-human abilities which I. hate because it took away what made them all so cool (I'm fine with Marco tho and you'll find out why in a minute) he's also a really big attention seeker lol

Hartley Rathaway AKA Pied Piper

Alright most of Hartley's info is from NE so: he was born deaf to wealthy parents who got him very high-tech hearing implants. He became obssessed with sounds and started experimenting with sonic technology. Bored of his rich life (and sometimes it's implied he had ableist and/or homophobic parents too) he took to a life of crime after learning how to hypnotize people through music (Pied Piper ayyy). 

He was the first person to ever successfully break out of Iron Heights and did so because he befriended the rats there and used them to help himself escape, adding more to his whole Pied Piper thing. After Barry died he gave up crime and started working to help the poor and underprivelaged (I'm not saying he quit specifically bc of Barry's death buuuuuut most of the Rogues did so). 

He struck up a close friendship with Wally and came out as openly gay! On PE all that we know for certain is that he's a "reformed vigilante" who's the conductor for the Central City orchestra. He used to share an apartment with Barry (yes for real) before he moved in with his bf, David Singh (also Barry's director in the CCPD). Lisa was the one who convinced him to come out to the Rogues, and they were all chill with being gay, their problem came when he started dating David who is, you know, a cop.

He has a pet rat called Moon (cute, right?). Also in pre-N52 canon (cant remember if it was NE specifically or older) Hartley once had a nervous breakdown after Barry arrested him so Barry took him to get help at a mental health hospital :')

(Some artists draw him blonde, some brunette and others go more for reddish-brown it’s kinda confusing)

Marco/Mark Mardon AKA Weather Wizard

On NE he's a two bit criminal called Mark Mardon (he's also white and yes thats important to note) but one day, after escaping from a cop van, he ran to find his brother, Clyde, who was a scientist only to discover his bro had died of a heart attack (however, there's implications that he actually murdered his brother and simply blocked out the memory). 

He then found Clyde's notes on how to create a wand to control the weather and made it for himself. The worst he ever did on NE was imprison a town in winter and after Barry's death he went into semi-retirement (told you the Rogues all did this)

On PE however! He and Clyde are Latino and are the heirs to a huge cartel! Clyde takes over the cartel and Marco wants nothing to do with that life. After their father dies, Marco runs away and eventually becomes Weather Wizard. 

He comes back when he hears his brother has been murdered and gets accused of the crime. He finds out it was Clyde's wife, Elsa, who orchestrated the whole thing and, in a fit of grief and anger, kills her with lightning. He also tries to kill himself at the same time but it doesn’t work. After her death, he curls up into a ball and starts crying because he feels like he hasnt got any family left but then Lisa shows up and is like "yo the rogues are still here for you bitch"

His emotions affect the weather in this continuity and I’m a weak bitch for that but that’s 100% my bias for Ororo Munroe showing itself lol

James Jesse AKA Trickster (the first one!)

James Jesse was born to the Flying Jesses, famous circus performers. He, however, was afraid of heights, and preferred reading stories of Western criminal Jesse James. 

He invented air-walking shoes to get rid of his acrophobia, and this led to his fame as an aerialist at the circus. Buuut he wanted more excitement in life and became a conman instead! He had a lot of wacky gadgets like exploding teddy bears and, after Barry's death, moved from Central to Hollywood and started working in special effects. 

Like Hartley, he even attended Barry's funeral. He once beat the devil, Neron, at his own game and eventually started using his skills for good, collecting weapons of incarcerated villains so they couldnt fall into the wrong hands. He eventually died protecting Hartley during Final Crisis. Deadshot was the one who got him. 

On Prime Earth his parents were straight up neglectful and, instead of creating his own boots, he stole them from STAR labs instead. This version of him is also WAY more fucked up and murdery then NE to the point us long-term Rogues fans got really upset at how much DC had changed him 

On NE his real name is “Giovanni Giuseppe” (swear this is, like, the only italian name DC knows) and on PE the Flying Jesse's were a deliberate rip off of the Flying Graysons

George “Digger” Harkness AKA Captain Boomerang

The illegitimate son of an American toy-maker, W.W. Wiggins, and an Australian woman, Betty Harkness, George Harkness was raised in poverty in the small town of Kurrumburra, Australia. His stepfather, Ian Harkness, hated the boy and made his life miserable. (Like canonically Ian was an abusive alcoholic and even abused Betty who was too ill to defend herself or George. The reason George goes by "Digger" is cuz that's what his mom used to call him before she died; it's aussie slang for "soldier") 

In school, Harkness crafted a boomerang. He discovered he had great skill with the aboriginal weapon and often used it for mischief with his best friend, Mick Wentworth. He further honed his skills while spending some time hiding from the law in the Australian bush. 

When Digger was eighteen, he and Wentworth robbed a general store and were able to make their escape with the aid of Digger’s boomerang. However, this incident caused Digger’s stepfather to kick him out of the house. 

His mother gave him a plane ticket to Central City and told him to get in touch with Wiggins. Wiggins had been searching for a spokesman for W.W. Wiggins Game Company's latest product, a toy boomerang. Under the alias "George Green", Digger auditioned for and got the job. Wiggins outfitted him with a costume and gave him the name "Captain Boomerang."

Ridiculed by the audience, he took to a life of crime instead.

His story is pretty much the same on PE. The only diff being there was no childhood friend and Digger made boomerangs in an attempt to impress his absentee father. Also he has a habit of making up fake stories about himself lmao 

The only one's he really doesnt stab in the back are the Rogues and Harley Quinn but everyone else? fair game. In Flash: Rebirth he and Barry even exchange favours for info and it’s implied this is a regular thing for them

Roscoe Dillon AKA The Top

He technically appears on PE but he's one of Thawne's acolytes so lets just. Skip that and focus on NE instead

Literally his whole thing is that he was obssessed with spinning tops as a kid and taught himself how to spin fast enough to deflect bullets. He became a criminal, tried to blackmail the entire world once, and was Lisa's first boyfriend! 

He was also her ice-skating coach and taught her how to spin super well like himself! He has a very confusing characterization tho cuz sometimes he was written to be all about revenge and killing but other times he was just like the other rogues; a blue-collar criminal who stole things because he liked to. 

He died eventually which I'm not going to try to explain cuz it's...yeah. There's also this whole thing where he could possess people after his death but this was in the silver age and that shit just happened sometimes so whatever 

In short: Roscoe has a really cool concept to him but nobody really knew how to write him so he ended up all over the place

He also has a Spinning Top shaped satellite in space where he stores all his loot (dont ask)

Mick Rory AKA Heatwave

Mick Rory has pyromania! Very severely! He was born on a farm outside of Central and, as a child, was very fascinated with fire. This turned into an obssession and he ended up burning his house down. So fascinated by the flames, however, he never ran to get help, watching his whole house burn down (and killing his parents inside) and he ended up living with his uncle after this. 

On a schooltrip, his schoolmate stuck him in a meat locker as a prank where he gained Cryophobia (fear of the cold) so in retaliation Mick locked the boy in his house and set the thing on fire (again, pyromania). He ran away again and ended up becoming a fire-eater for a circus. That didn't last long either because, surprise!, he burned the place down. 

Desperate to find a way to help his obssession, he happened to see the Rogues operating in Central and decided to take up villainy. At first he and Len got into a few altercations with eachother due to Mick's fear of the cold but eventually they settled their differences and Len officially brought him into the Rogues. 

Mick kinda relies on them to keep his pyromania in check basically. There was a time where he was, briefly, reformed and gained a close friendship with Barry (even being roommates with him. By then he'd already known Barry's real identity for a few years) and used his pyro knowledge to become a fire-fighter consultant. At one point he even worked for the FBI

His backstory is practically the same on PE the only difference being that he never expressed regret for burning down his house, and actually says he wishes he’d burned down the whole neighbourhood instead

Lisa Snart AKA Golden Glider

When I say her NE version is leagues above PE I mean it. 

Like Len, she suffered abuse under their father and escaped it by becoming a figure skater under the name Lisa Star for the Futura Ice Show! Her fame came from her very fast spins, a trick she was taught by Roscoe. When Roscoe died while fighting Barry (brain complications though there’s more to it, but again I’m not going to get into that) Lisa turned to villainy, blaming Barry for her lover's death. 

Her attempts on Barry and Iris' lives were always foiled. She used a pair of ice skates that created their own ice flow, and had many gadgets that caused hypnotism. She also stole Len's gun once but retooled it into a twirling Baton. 

When Barry died she renounced her feud with him and attempted to go straight again with her brother. They created a company that recovered lost or stolen items. Eventually she returned back to a life of crime, went through three boyfriends, all using the name Chillblaine (she named them that iirc), until the fourth Blaine killed her. Len got revenge on that one 

On PE, however, Lisa had a brain tumor (it got cured later) and was a tag-a-long villain for her brother and her boyfriend, Sam Scudder. This version of her never became a skater and is instead murderous just for...the sake of it. She also has this thing about wanting to be the leader of the Rogues instead of Len, and when she's in charge of them for a while the Rogues’ morals change and killing is suddenly fine so. Whatever. NE Lisa is the best (also her whole outfit? Stunning)

Roy G. Bivolo AKA Rainbow Raider (not technically a Rogue anymore but he was a member for a while)

He appeard on PE as Chroma but gets murdered by Grodd so we only have NE canon to use (they did my mans dirty) 

He was a wonderful painter from an early age but was born colourblind. His father, an optometrist, was determined to create a device that would let him see in full colour. Toy didnt get the device until after his father's death but unfortunately the device didnt let him see colour. 

Instead, the goggles could project beams of light that could become solid objects, make him invisible, blind his opponents, or affect the emotions of his targets. Angry that he couldnt pursue an artistic career. he decided to become a thief and primarily stole famous artwork. He was eventually killed by Amunet Black

Evan McCulloch AKA Mirror Master (second one)

Evan was born to rich parents Louis and Carol Erikson who gave him up for adoption because they were too young to be responsible parents. He ended up at the McCulloch orphanage. 

At age 8 he was molested by one of the older boys there and, in self-defence, ended up drowning the him. At 16 he left the orphanage, taking on the name of the woman who raised him and moves to Glasgow (he’s scottish btw) 

He found that it was super difficult to hold down a job but, needing to make ends meet and constantly breaking the law anyway, he turned to a life of crime and became a hitman and then a professional assassin.

One day he got hired to kill his birth father but was unaware of who his target was until after he took the shot. Grief-stricken, he attended the funeral and tried to work up the nerve to approach his birth mother. By the time he had, she'd committed suicide and he turned himself in for his crimes. 

Either the Scottish or US government gave him Sam's old Mirror Master gear and hired him to be a mercenary. 

His first job was scaring Animal Man into stopping his activism, but he failed because of Animal Man’s wife. Refusing to actually kill the wife and children (thanks to his own morals) he gets fired and helps Animal Man seek revenge.

He continues to work as a criminal and supervillain-for-hire, even working out of costume as a mercernary in Britain.

Eventually he found his way to Central City and joined the Rogues, taking over as Sam Scudders official successor. There was a time where he had a Cocaine Addiction which caused friction between him and Capt Cold because of Len’s rule against drug use. 

Throughout all of this, Evan made sure to donate a portion of all the money he ever got to the McCulloch Orphanage

Axel Walker AKA Trickster (second one) 

On PE, Axel was recruited by the Rogues early on in his career. He messed up during a heist and they kicked him out (they'd never do that but w/e) 

He worked for Mob Rule as a henchman for a bit then went freelance when MB was arrested. He saved Cold's life cuz he felt he still owed Cold a debt. When Grodd took over Central, Axel tried to join his side but Grodd tore his arm off from the bicep (ouch) and left him to die on the street. Axel got himself a cool sleek robot arm and returned to crime anyway. He got accused of murder, Barry cleared his name, but he still got sent to Iron Heights for other charges. 

The Rogues, hearing about this, went to bust him out and were like "okay fine u can hang with us" and he stayed with them from then on

In NE canon, while Jesse was working with the FBI, Axel stole all his gear and ended up working for Penguin in Gotham. Penguin gets attacked by Tarantula, Axel fails to stop her and a few days later he gets caught by Robin (Tim) for causing trouble in Gotham. 

He moves on to work with Amunet Black, but after her defeat is offered to join the “new Rogues” by Capt Cold and accepts the offer. Some stuff happens, he fights the OG Trickster who leaves him in a dumpster and tells him never to pick up the gear again, then Axel answers an ad from some college students asking for a trained hero to teach them some things, he has dinner with them and then kills them all. Neat.

When Jesse died, Axel redonned the Trickster gear and started operating his own crew out of an old Rogues hideout. When the Rogues returned to Central, Axel found out they were gonna retire and go underground. He rejoined them to help them get revenge on Inertia for manipulating them into killing Bart Allen, and he stayed with the group henceforth. 

Evan explained to him that joining the Rogues wasn’t a matter of him wanting to be one, but why he needed to be one

In short: Axel is a punk kid who wants to fit in with the big boys and the Rogues are the only ones who really gave him a chance, acting like his older siblings. It’s worth noting that canon never mentions any relatives for him so, as far as we know, crime is all he’s ever known

And that’s all of them!

[gay-mormon-wizard]

Saw that you went on a date with a girl! That's awesome and brave!! I'm bi and lds too and sometimes I'll dream about dating girls but I don't want to be sinning if I explore that side of my sexuality😅and there's church leaders being like "REPENT YE" to worry about too cuz I'm out to like 3 ppl lol i guess i want to know if you think it's worth all the stress of ppl condemning you and stuff like that❤❤

hey sorry I took like a month to answer this, I kept thinking "I have to write a really good and eloquent answer for this sweet anon" and then i never did so this is gonna sound like it was written by a college student at midnight on 4 hrs of sleep, 300 milligrams of caffeine, and 3 bars of chocolate, who has just spent 7 hours watching documentaries

So I've definitely been where you are, afraid to date girls because of fear of sinning! But the way I see it, our church's current stance on LGBT topics is basec on a few mistranslated Bible verses. Once you get those out of the way, you actually see several scripture stories that hint support for same-sex relationships, and the entire foundation for the "homosexual behavior is a sin" stance falls apart.

I believe that our church leaders are prophets, but the definition of a prophet is not "perfect person who can't lead the church astray." Bruce R. McConkie said, “Prophets are men and they make mistakes. Sometimes they err in doctrine. This is one of the reasons the Lord has given us the Standard Works. They become the standards and rules that govern where doctrine and philosophy are concerned. If this were not so, we would believe one thing when one man was president of the Church and another thing in the days of his successors. Truth is eternal and does not vary… I do not know all of the providences of the Lord, but I do know that He permits false doctrine to be taught in and out of the Church and that such teaching is part of the sifting process of mortality.”

My testimony of the Restored Gospel does not need church leaders and doctrine to be perfect on every topic right now. I believe in the Book of Mormon, in the restoration of the Gospel in the latter days, and everything else in the Articles of Faith. I love the way all Church members are connected through a common history, heritage, and central belief system, how no matter where you go in the world, the other Latter Day Saints around you are your family.

I can't speak for all LGBT members bc the only life I can live is my own, and I know that some have different circumstances and maybe aren't as safe using their voice. But for me, personally, it's been worth it to come out and be open about my identity. I've faced backlash from members and received shaming and humiliation from a bishop, and it wounded me deeply, but at the end of the day I've never regretted speaking up. I have unique experiences and perspectives. Straight church members, even if they don't know it yet, need to hear what I have to say. Other queer Church members need to know that they're not alone, that there's someone in their corner who can empathize with what they're going through.

And I know I can't make a big difference. I know that as a bisexual I have the privilege of being able to have a temple marriage and of being seen as "only HALF gay" by straight Church members. But I believe that if I can make any difference at all, it's my moral duty to make it.

I hope that you find the courage within yourself to live authentically, whatever that means to you! Know that our Heavenly Parents love you and created you the way They wanted you to be.

[desertdaddypsp]

This is exactly how I feel right now...I AM A ROCK!

“I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died, if I never loved then I never would have cried! I am a rock!  I am an island!  And a rock feels no pain...and an island never cries!”  Simon and Garfunkel

I hate people.  

Let me tell you what the last month has been like.

I have never really been suicidal.  You know...making plans to truly off myself for good?  I’m too afraid to do that final “thing” that would stop the pain.  But, I tell ya!  If there was a way I could choose to go to sleep and never wake up again?  I’d take that route.  I just can’t take it anymore.

There is a phone number 211.  You know?  Like 411 for directory assistance or 611 for help with your cellular.  211 is for community resources and they tout themselves as a number you can call if you need mental help.  

I woke up one morning with the words, “I wanna kill myself” swirling around in my head.  I couldn’t stop it.  No “voices”.  I wasn’t psychotic.  But, the words kept pulsing through my brain...”I WANNA KILL MYSELF...I WANNA KILL MYSELF...I WANNA KILL MYSELF!!!”  It wouldn’t stop. So I called 211.

“So you aren’t planning on killing yourself, but you are just wanting the pain to stop?  Is that right, Rick?” the operator asked.  “Yes,” I confirmed.  “Well, there is an urgent care clinic up off of Racquet Club Road that will take you in for free and will give you someone to talk to.  There is also another one on Perez Road in Cathedral City.”  I got up the balls to drive to I R International on Racquet Club Road.

I got there and they did my intake interview.  I told them that I wasn’t suicidal but they took my shoelaces and my belt anyway.  Like I was gonna hang myself right there in the middle of a big meeting room.  They sat me down and left me there for two and a half hours!  No one said a word to me.  I raised some concern and was told that there were only two counselors on staff and that I’d just have to be patient.  I waited another 30 minutes and finally had had enough.  “Give me my things!” I demanded.  With my belt and shoelaces dangling from my hands, I lumbered to the car, sobbing.  I had gone there pleading for help and all I got was 3 hours of nothing.  I had summoned the nerve to ask for help and was treated like it didn’t matter.  Their fucking schedule was more important than the fact that I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again!  

I went to work.  I’m finding that work is my salvation.  I’m good at it and I know it.  It also forces me to be social which is easy because I like the people I deal with during my work day.  But, I decided that after work, I was going to go to the other mental health facility on Perez Road.

I drive up and it looks awfully empty.  As I get out of the car, a security guard meets me at the door and asks what I’m looking for.  “Riverside Community Mental Health,” I told him.  

“Oh.  They’re close.”  

“Closed?”  

“They moved their office.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know!” he kind of snarled.

Shit!

Once more, I get the balls to ask for help and my intentions are thwarted.  So, I decide to call 211 again while driving.

“211 operator.  How can I help you?”

I explained what had happened during the day with being ignored for three hours and how the Perez Road office was closed. 

“Oh, that office has moved to Indio...but they are closed now for the day.  Let me get someone on the line that can help you.  Hold on, please.”

The woman was gone for 5 minutes, forcing me to listen to “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow” on Muzak.  Was the music mocking me?  

“Gee, Rick.  I’m sorry.  All of the counselors have gone home.  Can you call back tomorrow?”  I hung up on her.

Shit!  I’m gonna go get drunk!

I hadn’t had a drink since I started getting sober from crystal, but I wanted one.  So I proceeded to drive to my favorite bar, Streetbar.  I promised myself only one drink - a Hendrick’s tonic with double lime.  I took my potion out to the patio, sat there sipping, and watched the world go by.  I found solace in an alcoholic drink when I should have been able to find it through people who were supposed to help me. 

The solace I found didn’t come so much from the booze but from the fact that I was alone and that is just what I wanted.  I just wanted to be alone but not in my living room.  It was then that I realize it:

I HATE PEOPLE!

So much hurt and pain at the hands of human beings.  So much nastiness from men on the apps who either ignored me or told me I wasn’t worth their time.  How’s this one: “Your so ugly it would take me a month to wash the ugly off!” or then there was this guy: “I wouldn’t touch you with a 10 foot pole!”  I’m not ugly.  I know that.  But why do people have to be so mean.  Of course, my codependent mind believed what they told me.  To MY mind, there was something wrong with ME when clearly, there was something wrong with THEN.

I send a desperate note to my therapist telling her that I couldn’t keep the thought of I WANT TO KILL MYSELF from running through my brain.  I never hear back from her.  Oh, I got some message saying, “Oh, you didn’t get the message that I sent this morning?”  No, I didn’t.  If you sent one, why didn’t I get it.  She apologized and gave me a phone number to call and promised to call me the next day to check up on me.

She didn’t.

Fuck her...fuck the whole world.  

Nobody gives a shit.  Even people who are paid to give a shit, don’t give a shit.

I tried for three days to get someone...ANYONE...to listen to me.  If I didn’t have insurance, I couldn’t afford to talk to someone and if they were free, it was going to take a month until they could get me scheduled for my intake interview.   I’m screaming out to someone to help me not kill myself and money and time are more important.  People just don’t give a shit!

So, that is when the resolution came and God damn it, it’s working.

ISOLATION!

For the last three weeks I basically see no one with very few exceptions. I go to work and I see Art (my best friend who checks in on me because HE cares about me!) and Gordon, because he cares, too.

I get up, sad and depressed.  I go through the motions of my morning.  I take Biscuit for her walk and we go for a car ride to Townie to get a bagel and then drive through Starbucks.  Then, I go home. Alone. Until it’s time for work.  Then, I go to Streetbar and have one drink on the patio.  Everyone leaves me alone which is just what I want.  Then, I go home.  Alone.  

For a couple of weeks, I went back on the gay apps (Grindr, Growlr, Adam4Adam) and tried to get laid, but I could even get anyone interested.  Another blow to my ego.  My decision?  

Don’t let anyone in!

I resolved to keep everyone except for Art and Gordon and my mom out of my life.  I wasn’t going to let anyone in because when I do, they hurt me.  They say they are my friends, and yet the don’t act like it.  They break dates.  They break promises.  They lie.  They have talked smack behind my back.  And, the worst I think is that this.

I stopped going to my meetings.  It has been over a month and not one person (well, my sponsor, excepted) has even noticed that I’m gone.  People who said that they liked me and chatted with me on Facebook and invited me to their pool parties didn’t even miss me or if they did, they didn’t give enough of a fuck to find out if I was ok or even sober to drop me a text message.  

Fuck ‘em!

They won’t hurt me again because I am not going to let anyone close enough to hurt me.  At least for now.  Maybe when the new meds kick in I’ll feel differently.  I did get a new Primary Care Physician to prescribe refills of some psych meds that I used to take, but it’s going to take 4-6 weeks for them to kick in.

So, for now, I am a rock...I am an island...cuz a rock feels no pain and an island never cries.

[yutikyis]

Honest Q&A: Round 6! Table

Hello all! It’s been a while since we were all together. I’m glad everyone was able to join our roundtable today. Hmm… looking over the questions submitted they seem to be… ahh, yes, this were all omitted from the previous questionnaires due to their… darker theme. Well, it seems my editor is looking to expand our readership. Very well, if anyone feels uncomfortable answering these VERY hypotheticals… feel free to pass.

First, a question for myself. Where have you all been? It’s been really hard to track you all down for another sit down lately.

Yuti:  “Ah... I’ve been b-busy w-with this and that.

Reri: “Same as I ever been. Huntin’ and screwin’. Ya ain’t seen me then ya either are blessed or cursed I guess.”

Rahya: “Um, same ol’, same ol’. I ain’t been that different. I been goin’ on walks with Grape an’ I found a nice pond! It’s got all kinda fishers in it an’ I saw a frogtoad once!”

Sayo: “My life has passed as normal. I have been exploring the land under the guard of Lord Vachir. I fear he is not overly excited about some of our exploration but he is kind about it.”

Tsukiko: “Ah, Lady Kususha. I am certain he is very kind about it. After all he is not a stupid man, nor a blind one. I have been waiting for new orders from my Master and aiding Kitakage in his missions.” Meichi’a: “Moi? I, of course, have been a shameless louse! Exploring the lands, drinking the finest wine, and just yesterday I spent a night with the most CHA-rming... ah and I’m getting glares again. Ahem. I’ve kept myself occupied.”

Alright, on to our… readers’ questions. <cough> Uh-hmm… let’s get this over with, shall we?

“If you had to kill one person you cared about to save the rest of the world, who would you pick?”

Yuti: “... P-probably myself? I k-know there are arguments to b-be made about t-the needs of the many a-and as a h-healer you n-need to decide these things but... I d-don’t think I could kill someone I c-cared about.”

Reri: “Haw! Like anyone’s surprised at that answer Snowflake. Me? Sure. It ain’t really a choice, is it? They’re gonna die if the world explodes or whatever. I’d just take whoever’s closest. Ain’t a big deal.”

Rahya: “Um... I... I ain’t... I ain’t gonna kill nobody, not even ta save the world. I’d keep on hopin’ an’ prayin’ that things’d work out. Aasifa’s got me belivin’ in luck so... I figure I’d just hold off an’ hope somethin’ good happens!

Sayo: “I... I suppose it would be my duty. I can not say I would... This is really a very unfair question. I... if I had to pick I suppose it would be Lord Vachir or perhaps Lord Benedict. Only because I believe the two of them would most willingly sacrifice themselves to save others! Not because I value them less!”

Tsukiko:  “If I was commanded to, of course. My highest priority is satisfying my Master and I can only imagine he would be... displeased.. if the world was destroyed due to inaction. One life is not worth more than many, especially weighed against the feelings of a mere servant.” Meichi’a: “I? I would sacrifice nobody. I have already sacrificed one person I cared about and the world is not worth more than that. Let it burn if it comes to that. Selfish perhaps but I never claimed to be anything but.”

“What is the worst thing you can imagine someone doing?”

Yuti: “Ah... t-that’s a difficult answer. I-if I had to say... it w-would be harming someone’s soul or mind. A b-body is a body a-and can be healed b-but to hurt their mind or their spirit i-is unacceptable.”

Reri: “Hah. Ya really want my answer ta this? Because I got some ideas. So, ya start with some fish hooks... now this works best if the bastard’s a guy... and ya start insertin... ya look kinda green there, fella. Ya want me to stop? Hah! Knew it.

Rahya: “Um... the worst thin’? I ain’t sure. I figure like... blowin’ up the whole world! Like in yer last question! That seems like the worst thin’ cuz everyone lives here, yah? So... where’d ya even live after ya do it? On rocks an’ stuff floatin’ around? Cuz... that seems awful inconvenient. How ya gonna make roads? I ain’t sure chocobirds can fly that far without gettin’ tired and seems kinda mean to ‘em.”

Sayo: “Ah. The worst thing I can imagine is someone shaming another. Shame is a terrible thing indeed. Many would rather endure pain and misery than face shame and dishonor... at least that is what Sire says.”

Tsukiko: “The worst thing one can do is take another. That... is all I can say.”

Meichi’a: “The worst thing one can do? To give up on life. I am afraid I must disagree with the charming silver-haired crumpet. No shame is too great, no pain is unendurable. To live is the greatest gift and to toss it away is far worse than any other. ”

“Do you think death is the worst fate there is?”

Yuti: “No. N-not at all. D-death is sad, true, but it isn’t the end of life, m-merely a transformation. T-to live in eternal a-agony or have your aether d-devoured o-or to be trapped for eternity... t-those all sound much worse.”

Reri: “Gettin’ creative there, Snowflake. I like it. Ya oughta go a bit further. Well, for once, me and the girl agree. Death ain’t so bad. Probably hurts a shiteload but I see things a lot worse than death. Ya don’t hear of folks prayin’ for the sweet relief of death for no reason, yeah?

Rahya: “I... no, it ain’t the worst thing. I’m sure hopin’ not. If’n I gotta be true... I figure death ain’t so bad for the folks who be dyin’. It’s worse for the folks who ain’t dead cuz they ain’t got the person they like ‘round much, yeah? I mean I ain’t wanna be dyin’... but I’m more scareda bein’ hurt awful bad an’ bein’ all alone...”

Sayo: “I must go with the consensus here I am afraid. Death is to be feared but it is not the worst one can imagine. The ancestors have after-lives of peace and comfort after a life of hard work. It does not sound like something to fear if you’ve lived a worthy live.”

Tsukiko:

“Death is certainly by no means the worst thing! Why, I can think of several things quite worse. Enslavement, torture, suffering... many of which some would consider death a release from!”

Meichi’a:

“Alas, once again I must disagree with these charming ladies. All this talk of afterlives and mortal suffering is fine and good, but a life is a life and death is a great mystery. Even if one should survive in some form, it isn’t *life.* No drinking, no dancing and most certainly no carnal nights spent in the comforting embrace of a lover. Life is the greatest gift we have.

“Would you rather know the date of your death or the cause of your death?”

Yuti: “A-ah... t-that’s tough. Probably the d-date. The c-cause might make me tempted to t-try to avoid it but if I know anything from stories t-that would make me c-cause it! P-plus if I knew the date I’d h-have time to set my affairs in order a-and make sure I’m not leaving anything undone..”

Reri: “Hells below Snowflake can’t you even die in an interestin’ way? I agree on the Date though... but not for the reasons ya think. If I know when I’m gonna die then I’m godsdamn sure I ain’t gonna die BEFORE that. Gives me more freedom ta do shite.”

Rahya: “Um... I figure I’d wanna know the date cuz... if I know I’m gonna die because a rock falls on my head or somethin’ then I’m gonna spend all day bein’ scareda rocks? An’ that doesn’t sound real fun. But if I know I’m gonna go poof then I can just not be afraida stuff until then, yeah? Cuz... Aasifa’s already like than an’ he seems happy.”

Sayo: “I must disagree. Knowing the date of one’s demise is... not what I would want. It feels... restrictive. The cause would be better I think. I do not fear the day I meet my ancestors but I do not want it lingering over my head.”

Tsukiko: “ Ah! But Mistress Kususha! What if you are told that you would tortured to death over a period of many days! That would hang over your head far worse! Or if you were told you would be blinded and starve to death on a desert island or...” Rahya: “Um could ya maybe please stop? I ain’t wantin’ ta hear alla that...”

Tsukiko: “Oh, a thousand pardons, Mistress Miqo’te. I meant to no offense, none at all! I certainly wasn’t *intending* to frighten you with your ignorance and shortsightedness.” Rahya: “Aw shucks, thank ya!” Tsukiko: “You are most welcome. Myself? I pick neither. I apologize if it does not answer your question but I do not wish to know the time nor the means of my death.”

Meichi’a: “I must agree with the ravishing raven-haired delight. Date or cause, it would hang over my head. Unless I was told that I would die from exhaustion after a night with several del- .. oh please don’t glare, my beret-bearing beauty! I was merely joking, merely joking!”

“If you were trapped on an island, would you rather resort to cannibalism or die of starvation?”

Yuti: “N-neither! I-if I was trapped on an island a-and had to r-resort to cannibalism, t-that would mean there are others there. W-we could work together to b-build a raft... t-then I can use conjury t-to help propel it a-and get off the island!”

Reri: “Ya ain’t stupid enough to think that’s the actual question, Snowflake.”

Yuti: “N-no! B-but... I mean...I s-suppose I w-would fish?”

Reri: “Still ain’t the question, Snowflake. Why don’t ya answer it?”

Yuti: “F-fine. I’d s-starve. It w-would f-feel... w-wrong...” Reri: “Knew it! Hah. Lookin’ Miss Prissy over here, thinkin’ she’s too good ta eat. Me? ‘course I’d do what it took to survive. Ain’t no difference between Miqo and Marlboro at the end of the day, ‘cept Miqo flesh probably ain’t gonna poison ya.”

Rahya: “I ain’t gonna do not cannyballism! Them things is big and explosive an’ madea metal! I couldn’t eat it even if I tried real real ha... what?”

Sayo: *whispers quietly*

Rahya: “WHAAA?! What kinda question is that?! I ain’t gonna eat nobody!!”

Sayo: “I must agree. To eat the flesh of a fellow Spoken is shameful and dishonorable. It would taint your bloodline and your legacy for generations. Starving is a kinder fate than that.”

Tsukiko: “It is true that such an act taints your bloodline. As I am already an *unworthy* servant of a tained line however it would not be shameful to eat the flesh of another... assuming they were already dead of course. Otherwise I would be honor-bound to offer myself first. Assuming one would like to eat *my* tainted flesh.

Meichi’a: “ Well, as much as I do enjoy eating a scrumptious beauty, it would not be in THAT way. I may consider life to be important but I am a gentleman first and foremost and there are some things a gentleman never does.”

“Would you rather have an arm hacked off or a leg?”

Yuti: “... I w-wish this wasn’t a question. A-ah... I m-mean... N-Nate seems to be doing okay... I g-guess... I d-don’t... A-arm? Yes.” Reri: “Easy. Arm. Ya can get by one one arm. It takes some work ta relearn to fight but ya can do it. Leg though? Shite, yer gonna be hobblin’ along. Lookit the Flames general. He ain’t havin’ a bad time.”

Rahya: “Um... I like havin’ arms. I can draw an’ move stuff.... an’ hug! I ain’t able ta hug nobody if I only got one arm... I mean I guess I kinda can but it’d be all.. *awkward one-armed hugging motions* so.. leg. Leg ain’t so bad. Plus ya could still ride on a chocobird or somethin’!”

Sayo: “I would choose to lose a leg. One can be far more productive with two functioning hands than two functioning legs. Honored Uncle has but a single leg and has little trouble getting by.”

Tsukiko: “I would choose an arm. My job is to go where my Master orders. It would be far more difficult to do with a single leg.”

Meichi’a: “Why, not even a question. The things you can do with two hands are FAR more fun. I make my coin from music and playing a harp with a single hand would be... well, not impossible but challenging! And as for dancing, I knew a gentleman in Limsa who could dance better than most two-legged gentleman with nary but a single flesh and single wooden limb! The sound of his peg-leg against the dance floor was a music all its own!”

“If you murdered someone, how would you get rid of the body?”

Yuti: “...I... t-that is... I w-wouldn’t...” Reri: “It’s a QUESTION Snowflake, not a confession a’ guilt.”

Yuti: “I am aware, Mother. Ugh. F-fine. I w-would... I m-mean... I s-suppose f-fire?”

Reri: “(In a whiny stuttering voice) I s-suppose f-fire. Aww, isn’t that cute. Fire ain’t bad but the best way ta hide a body is ta give it to the sea. Minimal fuss, hard as hell ta look for it, the fish do mosta the cleanin’ for you. You oughta weight it down so it ain’t washin’ up on shore or somethin’ but if ya wanna be smart about it ya lure ‘em onto a boat first. Less mess an’ trouble.” Rahya: I... i ain’t gonna murder nobody none but if I was gonna I ain’t gonna hide nuffin’ because I did a bad thin an’ I ain’t should be pretendin’ I ain’t.

Sayo: “I would never murder someone. Even in the unfortunate situation where I was forced to do so in self-defense, I would not deny my crime. I would be judged fairly by the administrators of the land so that no stain would come upon my family’s honor.”

Tsukiko: “Oh, MIstress Kususha. It is so very noble that you believe so firmly in the laws of the land and their fairness! You are a very fortunate woman indeed to never have had to hide a body by melting it into a easily washed away sludge using a careful mixture of alchemic and natural chemicals!”

Meichi’a: “... I am uncomfortable with that answer! Ah... me? I suppose I would bury it. I’m not really the murdering type but it at least feels respectful.”

“Would you rather hear the voices of dead people or see their ghosts?”

Yuti: “Ah... t-that’s tough. H-hear I suppose. T-that way I’d b-be able to help them i-if they needed it.”

Reri: “*snort* The last thing I need is some clingy dead folk cloggin’ up my hearing with moans and wails. I’d rather see the bastards. Maybe I can get some clue about what killed ‘em and if there’s danger about and I don’t gotta hear them whimperin’ and cryin’ because they were too stupid ta not get killed.” Rahya: “... I’d like ta hear folks ta be honest... be kinda nice. Like havin’ a buncha friends around. An’ if Aasifa... I mean... it’d be nice ta know I could still hear Aasifa, yah?”

Sayo: “Ah... to see, I suppose. The Kami and ancestors already speak in their own ways, but it would be... comforting to see my deceased family again. To see their smiles.”

Tsukiko: “Ah, what an unusual question. I would choose to hear. The words of the dead are wise more oft than not and not all of us are blessed enough to have worthy ancestors to whisper in our ears.”

Meichi’a: “I too would choose to hear. It is the least painful choice. To see a lost love and her smile and her beautiful eyes, knowing again I would never be able to hold her? That is a torture, my good sir, a torture. But to hear her voice, to speak to her again? That would be a blessing, if a small one.”

“If someone you loved committed a gruesome murder, would you help them cover it up?”

Yuti: “I-it would depend... I m-mean on why it happened.”

Reri: “Eh. Maybe. Depends on if it’s worth the trouble. Someone went an’ killed someone for no reason, nah. Ya can’t control yerself enough to not be stupid, I’m doin’ the world a favor lettin’ yer stupid arse get caught.” Rahya: “... I ain’t... n-no, prob’ly not I mean... I ain’t... gruesome is a real nasty word, it means all violent an’ bloody an’ stuff, right?”

Sayo: “No. Even if I loved them dearly, murder is a dishonorable act even if it isn’t violent and gruesome. They would need to stand judgement for their actions. If I was caught it would bring great shame to my family,”

Tsukiko: “If my Master commanded it.”

Meichi’a: “Absolutely. Love is love after all. Though I would dearly hope I do not fall in love with a serial killer. There is some spice in danger but ah... you’d have to be rather mad to be aroused by death.”

“Would you rather be kidnapped for six months and survive or die without any psychological damage?”

Yuti: “I w-would rather survive. I... I’ve h-had bad encounters before.”

Reri: “What the Hells ‘psychological damage’ mean anyway? Ya mean I’d be more fucked up after? Who the Hells cares. Survival is survial.” Rahya: “I’m kinda wonderin’ what psycho logic is too. I mean if yer logical then ya ain’t psycho right? It don’t make a lotta sense ta..”

Sayo: *whispering*

Rahya: “Oooooooh. Um... I ain’t... I mean... I ain’t wanna die but I ain’t wanna be hurt a bunch either... If I gotta pick one I guess I’d pick survivin’ so I ain’t... y’know.. dyin’.”

Sayo: “I would choose death. I do not know what would cause psychological damage but it would most likely involved great shame and leave me incapable of fulfilling my role as a second daughter. Death is the more honorable choice.”

Tsukiko: “I would survive, of course. I have no other choice.”

Meichi’a: “Survival, of course. Life is life and even the kindest days of life can damage our minds in some way or another. Why choose to die over something like that?”

“You can only save one… your worst enemy’s infant child, or your best friend’s true love. Who do you pick?”

Yuti: "I... w-would pick the child. N-no matter what, a child is n-not their parent. T-they are innocent and h-have their own life ahead of them.”

Reri: “Pfft. Easy. The kid. If yer too dumb ta avoid whatever danger is puttin’ a baby at risk, ya probably are gonna die when ya eat somethin’ poison cuz you thought it was candy. The kid ain’t trained enough ta stand on their own an’ frankly if it’s my worst enemy’s kid then they’ll probably grow up ta be a fun challenge.” Rahya: “Um... This is an awful weird question? I’m figurin’... um... I ain’t gonna let a baby die. I ain’t got no worst enemies but even if I did I ain’t gonna let a baby die. It ain’t right.”

Sayo: “... I... that is a difficult question. Sire would say that saving a respectable adult is more important unless the child is a Firstborn. I suppose that should be my answer...”

Tsukiko: “Why, whichever my master commanded. Truly it takes a cold individual to leave a child to a cruel and merciless fate but ah.. that may be what is ordered and I must obey.”

Meichi’a: “I am afraid I must say the true love. The child is innocent... but true love is the rarest thing of all. I would do my utmost to avenge the child but one who murders love is the cruelest beast of all.”

“Would you rather marry your most recent ex or spend five years in jail?”

Yuti: "T-that one is easy. My ex. S-she is a wonderful person. I-it would be by no m-means a bad fate.”

Reri: “Easy. Marry ‘em. Then I just ditch ‘em. Like what kinda question is this? Marriage ain’t important.” Rahya: “I ain’t really ever had an... ex-anythin’ so... um.. I guess imma get locked up.”

Sayo: “I have not had an ‘ex’ in any meaningful term... but it would depend on the circumstances. If it was marriage to someone my sire approved of then it would be my duty. If it was some sort of... tawdy kidnapping then I would choose imprisonment. I am certain Lord Vachir would come rescue me!”

Tsukiko: “*smile* Marriage, of course. Marriage is much easier to escape than prison.”

Meichi’a: “... Ah, what a question! How does one qualify an ex? The last woman I slept with? The last I took for a night on the town? I suppose she was rather charming but marriage? I’m not sure. It is a sacred bond and not easily broken. I suppose if I found love then yes. Otherwise.. well, jail it is!”

Thank you all for taking the time to answer these… ahem… questions. I appreciate your candor and I’m sure our readers do as well.  One last question of my own before we break. What’s next for you?

Yuti: "A-ah, I suppose I w-will continue my r-regular healing duties. I d-do have some e-exploration to do, m-maybe Lain will come along...”

Reri: “Same as ever. The four Fs. I hear there’s some kinda big arse monster bein’ spotted around recently, lookin’ forward ta tryin’ it out.” Rahya: “Um, I ain’t sure. Whatever happens ta me, I guess. i ain’t really plannin’...”

Sayo: “I intend to keep exploring Eorzea until I complete my mission.”

Tsukiko: “Whatever my Master commands. Until then, I suppose I will keep Kitakage out of trouble.”

Meichi’a: “Well, I saw this absolutely *beautiful* Elezen woman the other day, I am hoping perhaps to run into her again... ”

Tagged by: @peacekeeper-xiv

Tagging: @voidfirenate @anataerindottir @eyesseeingbeyondtheveil @onidephor @claihn Anyone else I missed!

[bigbluebarns-blog]

ABLEISM REDUX

Well… There are so many different dimensions of disability that people can be ableist toward those with different disabilities than their own. …And it’s only in the last couple of generations (within my lifetime, at least) that Disability Rights groups have banded together in a common cause (Rather than, say: Rights groups for the blind working only for the blind, Rights groups for Cerebral Palsy working only for Cerebral Palsy, etc.).  Matter of fact, based on my own recollections, I think working together for universal access rights only really got any steam in the 1970s – when I was already a teenager.

Confession time: until relatively recently (like, the last 10 years, or so), as a physically disabled person, I was biased against those with intellectual disabilities, and would get quite insulted if anyone mistakenly thought I was “R

—–ed.”

@theborkplanet IDK HOW TO SEPARATE MY COMMENTS FROM YOURS AND COMMENTS FROM YOURS. HENCE THE CAPS. 

I WAS ALSO BIASED AND PROBABLY STILL AM SOMEWHAT, TOWARD PPL WITH INTELLECTUAL DISABILITIES(ID). I TOO USED THE R WORD. GROWING UP MY EXP WITH PPL W/ ID WERE NEGATIVE OR GROSS, AND NO ONE EVER BOTHERED TO EXPLAIN SOMEONE’S ID TO ME, SO ALL I KNEW WAS NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS EG JO GRABS STUFF AND SCREAMS; NO ONE EVER EXPLAINED HER AUTISM. MOE HAS DOWNS SYNDROME, IS OBSESSED WITH SAYING “BOOBIES” LOVES THE EFFING BEACH BOYS AND FARTS A LOT AND NEVER SHUTS UP; HOW ANNOYING; NO ONE EVER TOLD ME ABOUT PERSEVERATING, OR THAT DS CAN CAUSE GI PROBS SOMETIMES. AL MUTTERS, HE STINKS, AND HE KNOCKED OUT HIS AIDE SO I’M AFRAID THAT AL WILL GET ANGRY WITH ME AND KNOCK ME OUT; NO ONE EVER EXPLAINS HIS CONDITION, SO I GLEAN MY INFO FROM EAVESDROPPING and RUMORS. THE ABLE-BODIED ADULTS DIDN’T BOTHER TO PROMOTE UNDERSTANDING EVEN THO WE WERE ALL TRAPPED ON THE SAME SPECIAL ED BUS, SO THE PASSENGERS WITHOUT ID TALK SMACK ABOUT THE ONES WITH ID. THE ONE TIME I ASK, “WHAT’S AL HAVE?” ABLEBODIED ADULT SHAMES ME FOR ASKING AND BLATHERS ABOUT CONFIDENTIALITY. NOT TRYING TO JUSTIFY MY PREJUDICE; JUST RELATING EXP. I’M ALSO WORKING THRU IT BUT U R RIGHT; NEVER 100% DONE. 

I’m working through it, and like to think I’m getting better (and one huge part of that is learning just how deep and intertwined institutionalized ableism really is, in our societies). But as with being a White woman dealing with racism, I have to remember that it’s a case of continuing recovery, and not something I will ever be 100% over and done with.

Thanks for sharing, @aegipan-omnicorn. You’re lovely.

@bigbluebarns, I don’t personally know anything about suffering racism, being a white american myself. However, I do know a thing or two about suffering ableism, both at the hands of able-bodied people, and disabled people.

People are incredibly social animals and will band together in groups with other similar people. This is natural, and it is good. It can be healing and cathartic to hang out with people who “get it.” But this tendency can also have an extremely dark side, as we see with “isms.” This is going to get long, so I’m going to break it here in consideration of people’s dashboards. Again, I can only speak to ableism and sexism so please keep that in mind.

OMG, I LOVE THESE NAMES AND TRADEMARKS. DID U INVENT THEM?

Ableisms I have suffered at the hands of disabled people:

The Cripple Police™: These are the people who, in an overzealous bid for limited access available, arbitrarily decide who is disabled enough to use a mobility aid, bathroom stall, parking spot, and even sometimes the label of “disabled.” If you are not Crippled Enough, you can be subject to any form of social punishment they deem to be necessary.

I HATE THE CP AND I’M CONSTANTLY REMINDING PPL THAT U DO NOT HAVE TO APPEAR DISABLED IN ORDER TO USE HANDICAP PARKING. IT’S LIKE THEY WANT U TO WEAR A TAG STATING U R DISABLED SO THEN THEY CAN ASSESS IF U MEET THEIR RANDOM CRITERIA.

Example: I used to be able to walk longer distances with a service dog, but was still a high fall risk. My doctor (a licensed neurologist) prescribed me a parking placard so that none of us had to worry (as much) about me passing out in a parking lot where no one could see me, and getting run over. A lovely woman in a wheelchair, who just happened to park in the accessible spot next to me, proceeded to scream at me and my service dog all the way into the store. A manager rescued me by going along with my ruse of knowing him, and invited me into the back were I fucking hid away until they told me she had left the store. It. Was. Scary.

EGAD SOUNDS HORRIBLE. BUT YEAH THERE IS A DISABILITY HIERARCHY

The Born This Ways™ : The experience between people who were born disabled, and who acquired disability later in life, vary a great deal from one another. BTW ableist types actively minimize the experiences of other disabled people, simply because they hadn’t been baptized since birth by xyz. In other words, the suffering was not identical to their own, thus must be invalid.

Example: I became disabled after adulthood, and tried to find solace after being subjected to ableist responses from friends and family members who were unable to cope with the “broken me.” I found lots of great disabled people who helped me, but I also found people who routinely scoffed at my experiences, again informing me that I was not “disabled enough,” and suggested I was being deliberately weak, or histrionic. Sometimes it was almost eerily word for word what my ableist friends/family said. How strange…

I’VE SEEN THE ACQUIRED DISABILITY IS BETTER. TM ADIBS MIGHT IMPLY, “WELL I’M A QUAD, BUT AT LEAST I GOT TO EXP BEING ABLEBODIED; I’LL HAVE EXP U SADSACK LOSER BTWS WILL NEVER HAVE. I GOT TO BE NORMAL FOR A WHILE” MOST OFTEN I SAW IT COME FROM PARALYZED PPL WHO WISHED THEY COULD WALK AGAIN. I WAS BORN WITH CP AND AB PPL ACTUALLY ASKED ME “WOULD U RATHER BE BTW OR AD?” BEFORE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, I SAID “BTW, CUZ THATS ALL I KNOW AND I’VE HAD IT FROM DAY1 FALSE EQUIVALENCY WHEREAS ADIBS HAVE TO ADJUST” NOW THO I KNOW THAT EVEN I AS BTW HAVE HAD TO ADJUST TO CHANGING SYMPTOMS. DO U WANT 2 BE A TREE OR A MOUSE...UHHH...FALSE EQUIVALENCY ALERT, CAN’T COMPAPARE APPLE N ORANGE.

The Faker Police™: I think anyone with an invisible illness has experience with this one. This is when people who “look disabled” refuse to believe someone who “does not look disabled,” and proceed to treat them as hysterical attention seekers instead of…well, anyone else. These people often practice double ableisms–I have noticed that many also tend to judge Disabled Enough based on mobility aids. Then, they try to chase the “fakers” out of the community, because everyone knows “fakers” are why we have additional burdens added (like further hurdles to access, government aid, etc).

ALSO IF U HAVE AN INVISIBLE DISABILITY LIKE YOURS AND ME ALSO, I SEE THE “WELL EVERYONE GETS DEPRESSED/SAD/TIRED.” I END UP FEELING LIKE I HAVE JUSTIFY THE DISABLING NATURE OF MY DEPRESSION/ANXIETY TO A WEG. 

Example: Before my condition had progressed to me needing a mobility aid, I was already facing discrimination in the workplace. I requested an accommodation to have the crappy fluorescent lights removed from above my desk, as they provoke bad neurological symptoms. You’d think it was a little thing, but when I asked for advice on dealing with skeptical and belligerent management, I met the same reactions in some disabled people, followed immediately by “Fakers like you are why we see knee-jerk reactions like the word ‘no!’ Come complain when you’re actually disabled and need to have a ramp installed! Until then suck it up!”

The Totally Qualified Disability Judges™: This one seems to arise from the natural tendency of people to compare their situations to the situations of others. If they arbitrarily judge another person’s situation to be better or more favorable, then that person is not As Disabled, or Disabled Enough, or Disabled At All. Then, based on that judgment, they try to socially punish the condemned, or to excommunicate them.

Example: Some conditions are really straightforward and don’t vary widely. People with the condition all seem to have similar limitations. My condition is the exact opposite of that. I have the chronic form of migraine disease. Lots of people get migraines, but not all of them have more than 15 a month, and migraines can last anywhere from a few hours to three days. To some people, pain is the most disabling feature of a migraine, to others, the accompanying neurological weirdness is. (Migraines are often proceeded by cortical spreading depression, a phenomenon also exhibited in epilepsy. Just for an example).

So, when people hear what my condition is, they remember that one lady they used to know who had to lay in the dark for a couple days each month, and wonder why the hell I’m in a wheelchair. It doesn’t make sense to them (who cares that migraines don’t make sense to the most brilliant neurologists in the world), so they decide that I just must not be disabled. Or, if I am, it’s hypochondria. 

 I’VE SEEN: YEAH HAVE U TRIED XYZ CURE? IT REALLY HELPED THAT 1 LADY. IF U DON’T TRY XYZ WELL THEN UR LAZY N ALSO PROBABLY FAKING THE EXTENT OF UR DISABILITY?

Fun fact: Internalizing ableism from medical doctors, and from some close friends and family, and THEN the disabled people I came into contact with later, and from whom I seeked guidance, prompted so much self doubt that I had a licensed psychologist work me up for hypochondria and other related psychological conditions. It…turns out that I am not a hypochondriac. I could not find relief from all of these experiences until I encountered a neurologist familiar with my condition, and fellow disabled people who have been around the block, and who are not so embittered by their experiences that they deigned to expose others to the same.

For that reason, I will always be vocally critical of ableism within our community. I will not sugar coat it, nor will I flatter ableist disableds by giving them another name. That goes for my own ableism, too. Now that I have worked through a lot of my own, I can use my aids with confidence and obtain a freedom that is at least emotionally similar to the one I had when I first formed my adult identity (which was as an abled person).

AH YES, IN MY CASE, INTERNALIZED ABLEISM=ANXIETY N DEPRESSION. STILL NOT SURE IF DISABLED PPL CAN BE TECHNICALLY DISABLED BUT THAT’S JUST LINGUISTIC SEMANTICS.

CLEAERLY WE BOTH KNOW DISABLED PPL ARE CAPABLE OF ASSHOLERY.

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO BOLD TEXT IN POSTS? #TUMBLR NOOB

For an example of sexism from women, see my post Never Underestimate Old Women, in which an old lady cashier schools us for self-righteous activism.

Thanks for the discussion!

[whateverisbeautiful]

Richonne in Retrospect

 #23: The Sword (5x02)

So y’all, this is like the Husband and Wife season to me. 🙌🏾 Cuz throughout this whole season we really see Rick and Michonne operate like they’re married. And this season was also when Rick and Michonne really felt like the mom and dad of not just Carl and Judith but of the group too. ☺️

It starts in 5x01, with the way Rick looks back at Michonne and Carl in that train car before they’re about to try and break out.

The look they share just feels like that’s him looking back at his family and also knowing that if anything happens to him, Michonne will take care of Carl.

And Michonne looking back at Carl after Rick’s nod says she knows that she’s Carl’s guardian and that she, like Rick, is prepared to protect this kid at all cost.

It’s really a big deal for Rick to feel like he has someone who he could seriously entrust to watch out for his son and who he knows his son would be happy with. 😭

And for him to look back at her and Carl before they go through with this just illustrates the family man he is and also how much of a unit Rick and Michonne are now.   

Also I just love that they share a look, cuz y’all this is also the season of plenty of many meaningful looks between Rick and Michonne lol. 🙌🏾

And then later when they are all making their way out of Terminus, Carl and Michonne have a little mother/son tag team moment when killing a walker which is cute and lets you know just why Rick trusts Carl will be in good hands with her. 

When they reunite with Carol she brings them all to Tyreese and Judith where Rick and Carl have a heartwarming reunion with the baby. 

(And Judith really does look like she’s having an existential crisis upon realizing Tyreese isn’t her dad. 😂)

And after the three of them have reunited, there’s the shot that I absolutely adore of the full family reunion with Michonne included. 

Seeing the four of them just makes it feel like this family really is complete. 😍 It legit looks like a family portrait.

It’s definitely not a coincidence that they include this in the shot. Like, while it’s just a background moment, it’s significant cuz it’s sending a message that this is Rick’s immediate family.

And we even see Michonne with the kids in the background of another shot. And I’m here for the subliminal message that she’s the mother in this family. 👏🏽

So then 5x02 happens and we get more insight into Rick and Michonne’s growing dynamic.

As they’re walking, Michonne goes to kill a walker and forgets that she no longer has her katana. And as she has this realization and takes out the walker we see that Rick is taking note of this moment cuz of course he is. 😋

I love that Homeboy pays attention to her like this lol. Like even after the group has reunited and gotten bigger, she’s still very much on his radar.

And, when they come across Father Gabriel, I like how Michonne is willing to be right in the mix of it as Rick talks to him. And Michonne brings up the important piece of info from their conversation which is that he has a church, and that means it’s a place to stay.

When they search the church R&M both look to each other like little partners in crime. 😋And once the place is cleared Rick talks to Father Gabirel and there’s a moment where the whole Grimes Family 2.0 is silhouetted in the shot and it’s again one of those nice little foreshadowing moments.  

I noticed when Rick brings up going on this run, Sasha and Bob volunteer to go and then we see when they’ve headed out that Michonne is with them too. I love it cuz, we don’t even have to see that she volunteered to go cuz it’s just this unspoken thing that Michonne will be going with them. 

Like it’s not even a question that Rick and Michonne would go together (cuz they’re the parents lol) and it was just a matter of who was going to join them.

When Abraham is in Rick’s ear about needing to head to Washington, Michonne reminds Abraham that they’re going to need supplies before whatever they do.

And Rick immediately co-signs with her and says she’s right like a real one would. 👌🏽

You can tell Homeboy appreciates that Michonne wasn’t afraid to give Abraham some perspective on this.

Ok and then y’all this next moment has me heartbroken even more than I already was. 😭😭

Cuz in this episode we get this father/son conversation that Rick and Carl have in the church and it’s so sad in retrospect.

Rick has a heart to heart with Carl where he’s just honest and tells him, “You are not safe, It only takes one second. One second and it’s over. Never let your guard down. I want you to promise me.” *cue internal and eternal tears*

Like I hate that this line is now a foreshadowing of Carl’s fate, cuz literally in one unassuming second it really did become over for him and that’s just a little too painful to think about rn. 😢

But also similar to season 8, Carl expresses to his dad that they’re strong enough to help people and people can’t all be bad to which Rick’s still like “...yeah but the verdicts still out on this Father Gabriel guy so...

So next, Rick goes on this run with Bob, Sasha, Michonne, and Father Gabriel. The two couples and the pastor. 😌

And y’all, there are some legit wedding vibes in this gif lol. All the way here for it. 🙌🏾

(Side note: Seeing this group on this run was cool cuz it reminded me of how the cast of talented black actors was pretty prevalent in season 5, to the point where they could be the majority on this run. It’s meaningful cuz that’s not often seen in TV.  And I’m here for the fact that these characters aren’t just tokens but rather multidimensional people.👏🏽)

So re-watching these episodes made me realize that Hershel wasn’t the only one who would be out here preaching to Rick. Cuz Bob also gave Rick a lot of great insight in his last few episodes and did some preaching of his own.

Bob expresses hope and belief in Rick by assuring him he’s going to find himself in a place of how it used to be, and be back in the real world. And when Rick says, “This is the real world, Bob”, we have this really great line where Bob tells him, “Nah, this is a nightmare and nightmares end.” #true

And then, y’all, Bob pretty much predicts the future. For real. Cuz he tells Rick, “Listen I’m calling it. Washington’s going to happen. You’re going to “say yes.” Already too much momentum.”

Tell me why my extra self heard that and was like…

Lol cuz I love the way this line coincidentally totally applies to Richonne. Like they do head towards Washington mainly due to Rick wanting to follow Michonne’s instinct, and then in Virginia they do “say yes”, and there really is a whole bunch of momentum in their relationship to the point that Richonne was inevitable. 

“That’s So Bob” got it quite right, more than he even realizes. 😋

So then after they get that food from that nasty walker infested place we get this adorable moment between Rick and Michonne as they walk through the woods. 😊

And I notice they started off pushing separate carts but in this scene they’re pushing one cart together cuz magnets. 👌🏽 Like to me that says that Rick deliberately wanted to talk to her and be around her so he’s “helping” her with the cart. I see you, Slick RIck. 😋

Rick asks her if she misses the sword and I love that he cares and that he’s basically telling on himself for noticing the moment earlier when she went for her sword but then remembered it wasn’t there.

Michonne says it wasn’t hers to begin with and then Rick sweetly asks “How’d you get so good?”

Y’all it’s just really cute that you can tell he wants to compliment her and learn more about her. ☺️

And it’s cool cuz we’ve seen Rick have to be in leader mode for a minute so it’s nice that we get this moment of him getting to have just a normal friendly conversation with her.

This also reminds me of in season 4 when Carl was eager to learn more about Michonne too. Like these boys really have been intrigued by her from the jump. 😌

She tells Rick about how it was just her and the walkers out there and she doesn’t know what that was but it wasn’t a life.  And that line made me think about season 7 when she asks Rick what kind of life they’d be living if they stayed under Negan and with her help Rick eventually came to the conclusion that living life oppressed wasn’t a life.

And then I love the playfulness when she says what they did today, digging through slime for peas and carrots, is living. 😋

Like I feel like it’s a consistent aspect of Michonne’s character to feel most alive when they’re fighting the fight, whether that be getting guns for a war or getting peas and carrots for her family.

And upon hearing this, we see yet again how Michonne can always make Rick genuinely smile, cuz then he responds like this…

😁😊 It’s like that’s a smile reserved just for her and it’s really sweet to see how clearly happy he is when he’s around her. And this moment gives a nice glimpse into what they’ll be like as a couple.

It also further confirms that Michonne can bring out a different more relaxed and lighthearted side of Rick that he really needs.  

And then I love that Michonne gets even more vulnerable when she tells Rick how she misses Andrea and Hershel. I feel like hearing that really cements how these two have actually been through a lot together and experienced some tough losses but they’re still here and still together.

Michonne then says she doesn’t miss what was before and she doesn’t miss that sword. And in knowing that she considers that isolated time in her life as her “before” it lets you know that in this new “after” she’s now ready to be more open to letting people in, like she did when she decided to reunite with Rick and Carl in “After”.

I appreciate that she shares this with him and that Rick is all ears. And honestly this is the real deal love cuz for them to have just gone through that rank water and still be all close and smiley, that means they have the real thing, y’all. 💯😋

It’s sweet to see them have this time to just talk and build the friendship in a more one-on-one setting. And I’m glad this scene was included cuz I feel like in this current state of the show they tend to cut stuff like this when it really is needed to help build the character’s relationships.

So I appreciate that this scene got to breathe and take it’s time and solidify the openness and happiness Rick and Michonne share with one another.

Like watching this scene it’s pretty clear that they have a natural chemistry and that they are still drawn to each other now just like they were when it was just them and Carl.

It’s often said how one of the things that make Richonne so special is that it was built on a really great and solid friendship and that’s why I love this moment, because this is one of those moments that showed us their friendship and also how much potential they have to evolve into more. 👌🏽😊

[sevensity]

RFA * V* Saeran overhearing their female s/o on the phone telling another boy she loves them but it's actually just one of the s/o's family members ?

hey it’s been like five years but I finally wrote it and I’m sorryI had no idea what to do for Baehee >.

I love how they get progressively long as you go have fun reading

YOOᔕᑌᑎG:

·        You’re playing LOLOL together when suddenly you get a phone call,and pause the game while you answer

·        Yoosung’s doing some quick character customization while yourconversation goes on, but he’s getting the feeling that you’re talking toanother man

·        And someone close to your age, at that

·        He’s been working hard at controlling his jealousy, but it’s sodifficult, especially now that you’re speaking such gentle words, your pretty eyessoft and twinkling

·        Who is it you’re talking to that would warrant such anexpression? Such words that spoke of warmth and tender love?

·        Yeah so it was impossible for Yoosung to keep his switch off

·        Can you stabsomeone through the phone? How can I perform simple voodoo? became hisnewest google searches

·        “Take care of yourself, I’ll come see you soon, I love you!” you hang up with a wistful sigh.

·        “The old geezer went and fell down the stairs…again…honestly heneeds to be more careful.”

·        “Old…geezer?” Yoosung asks tentatively, slowly putting his phonedown

·        “Yeah, my grandfather went and broke up hip by tripping on astep. Luckily he didn’t fall a whole flight, but still, at his age….”

·        Yoosung discreetly closes his ‘Voodoo for Beginners’ tab andcoughs lightly

·        “Right well, let’s continue our match, shall we? I’ll crush you!Ha-ha, I’m kidding?”

·        The battle begins once more, you having already forgotten aboutthe phone call, but somewhere in Yoosung’s mind, he’s thinking about the webpage he’d closed

·        Maybe it wouldbe useful to look through

·        For futurereferences…

ᘔEᑎ:

·        Y’all are rehearsing some lines

·        or taking selfies

·        or working out

·        or trying to summon Satan idk but your phone rings and youexcuse yourself from your current activity  to answer it

·        lmao though imagine you actually summon Satan and he’s trying totake your soul or smthing but then you’re like ok hold up my dude I got a phonecall the delivery guy might have gotten lost and Satan is just left standingthere like ??? do I get food too or

·        anyways hi hello it’s your /actual/ father calling about thefamily reunion on Saturday

·        Zen’s sneaking glances your way because what’s with this sweettone of yours

·        is i T A mE m Be R of Th eOpPOSi t E SE x????????

·        basically he’s trying to listen to the voice on the other end ofthe line but being sneaky about it

·        we all know that ‘subtlety’ is not part of Hyun Ryu’svocabulary, let alone life skills

·        so he’s basally draped himself over you  like some sort offallen tree trunk

·        im good at analogies alright

·        you’re trying to focus on the call but at the same time Zen whatthe flippity fuck are you doing you’re making me have to pee

·        he’s already suspicious but when you hang up with acheery “love ya daddy!” Zen malfunctions and doesn’t know whether to cryor yell

·        “Who was that why do you love that person was it a guy wh-”

·        “Zen, chill that was my dad.”

·        :0

·        :000000

·        you can see him dying a bit inside because  oh no I got jealous over her F A THER??????

·        but then Zen is Suddenly Inspired 

·        “Hey,” he whispers in a sultry voice, his lips pressed againstyour ear, “how about you call me daddy too?”

ᒍᑌᗰIᑎ:

·        contrary to popular belief, Jumin is actually cool with youtalking to other dudes

·        as long as it’s strictly professional, that is

·        he’s never heard you talk to your family before, so heisn’t aware just how close you allare

·        the both of you are attending a meeting, and during the coffeebreak you receive a call

·        ‘Jongin’ is the caller’s name, which Jumin manages to catch aglimpse of flashing across your phone’s screen before you deftly answer thecall

·        “Yeah? Hello!” you say,  before excusing yourself from theroom

·        Jumin is left wondering whether he should follow you or justignore it

·        but there’s just something about the delicate shift in your tone that puts him ill at ease

·        because you should only be speaking to him that way

·        side note I reallllllly want to see some yandere Jumin but notlike weird prison guard Jumin but actual Yoosung level yandere

·        alas, the meeting starts again, yet you don’t return to the room

·        he hears you giggle occasionally from the hallway, but tries notto focus on it too much because the meeting is about the future of C&R’scat projects and therefore of uttermost importance

·        needless to say, his mind is quite preoccupied

·        one of the chairmen asks him “What do you believe would bethe total production cost for this particular plan?” 

·        Jumin answers with a distracted “Oh, no I rather do like red wine with my pasta.”

·         basically he’s really not himself what’s gotten into himhe’s usually an unstoppable force in meetings but now???

-         the meeting is adjourned, and he rushes out the door

·        as soon as he spots you in he hallway, he’s marching straighttowards you, reaching for your arm right when you say “Okay bye! I’llsee you tomorrow, love you!”

·        “What’s this about loving who now?” Jumin hisses, his hand closing lightly, but firmly, around your wrist

·        “It’s me telling a family member that I care about them?” yousay, confused as to why he’s reacting in such a way

·        “You - what? family member?”

·        Yeah, that was my uncle. We usually go shopping together everyfew weeks, and we’re due to go again tomorrow.”

·        Jumin’s emotions quiet down in an instant, however his heart isstill running rampant like a wild beast in his chest

·        he slides his fingers down to envelop your hand, and gentlyrests his forehead atop yours

·        “Please, my love, don’t scare my like that again, you are myone, my everything…”

·        you’re getting ready to whisper your own cheesy loving sentence, but hecontinues

·        “Also you should bring your uncle shopping in this building. Wehave over 200 different stores, and maybe he would be willing to lead our catcampaign-”

·        you poke his stomach

·        “You are not bringing myuncle into this cat thing…but if you want, you can tag along and comeshopping with us.”

·        he agrees, which is a bad idea

·        cuz you and your uncle tag team him

·        and he ends up wearing some sort of cat/maid outfit that showsskin in just the right places

·        yeah but it’s a good buy

·        Jumin actually wears it around the penthouse

·        Driver Kim once saw him in it 

·        “The young master has rather particular interests….”

·        lowkey approves and wants one himself

ᔕᗩEYOᑌᑎG:

·        mmmmmmkay well honestly he’s heard you say “I love you” toseveral people already, but he doesn’t get jealous because you’re always showering him with your affection

·        but he’s had one of his bad days, old emotions and thoughts andinsecurities are already chasing each other in his mind

·        so it isn’t helping him much when he can just tell you’re talking to another boy

·        terrible thoughts swarm his head, and he cannot stop fretting about all the bad things that could possibly be happening

·        What if he hadn’t been looking enough into things?  What ifhe’s being played? Are you going around behind his back? Betraying him?

·        but for every one of these thoughts, he  lashes out athimself, thinking things along the lines of don’t I trust her? Do I reallythink she’s that bad a person? She’s given me all this love, would she reallyjust abandom me like that?

·        Or maybe now I’m reading too much into things?

·        “Alright, bye Kyungsoo, I love you!”

·        He winces, not wanting to face you, afraid that the bile in histhroat will lead him to say harsh things

·        “What’s wrong, Saeyoung?”

·        “Who…” he croaks, a faint pain etched across his face, “Whowere you talking to?”

·        “Oh that? It was my brother!”

·        “You…your…ah.”

·        “Is something the matter?”

·        “No, I’m just a huge idiotis all.”

·        “Now tell me something I don’t know,” you say with a sly smile,wrapping your arms around his waist, “you might be the world’s biggest idiot,but at the very least, you’re myidiot.”

·        Saeyoung instinctively returns the embrace, holding you tightagainst his chest. “Likewise.”

ᐯ:

·        oh my hea RT lmao what heart haha I just roasted myself

·        y’all are just chillin’, looking through his pictures when youget a phone call

·        V is fine with you talking on the phone right beside him, so youanswer right there

·        Heck, you could even be riding the shit out of him and he’d stillbe chill with you calling your friend

·        MC orders pizza while getting laid lolololol

·        He gets momentarily nervous, though, when he hears a deepervoice on the other end of the line

·        But V, he tells himself, don’t discriminate maybeit’s a girl with a deeper voice you never know

·        “Who is that?” V mouths, just to be safe

·        “Oh, he’s just –” you start to say before you getcut off by the person you’re talking to

·        a b OY?!

·        “Okay! I love you!” you say before hanging up

·        V’s all ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽

·        it takes him a moment to calm down, at which point he’sconvinced himself that you’re moving on, which is fine, because he’s not goodenough for you he wasn’t good enough for Rika you’ll be happier without himyou–

·        “V you’re turning blue I don’t think you’re breathing.”

·        He inhales sharply and looks at you with tears in his eyes

·        it makes sense, he concludes, trying to hold backthe waterworks

·        “You should have told me sooner,” he says softly

·        “Told you what?”

·        “That you’ve…found someone else.”

·        seriously V I thought I jumped to conclusions toofast but you really take the cake

·        you just stare at him, then look at the phone in your hand, thenback at V

·        whoops

·        “Sweetheart no that was my cousin!”

·        V just blanches

·        I am horrible how dare I get jealous so easily and I thought shewas in love with another family member what am I –

·        “V if you stop breathing like that you’ll actually die.”

·        without a word, V reaches over to you and pulls you into hischest

·        there’s a strange elation sensation inside his body, and herealizes that he had unconsciously been so stressed, a knot of worry had formedin the pit of his stomach

·        his worry is replaced by a realization

·        the realization that

·        he’s not okay with you leaving him after all

ᔕᗩEᖇᗩᑎ:

·        He ain’t taking none of that shit

·        the moment he hears you say “Hi!” in such a sweetvoice because MC you’re only supposed to talk like that with me h o w dare you, he practically launches himself at your phone and does awicked somersault landing

·        Where did he go?

·        Surely not inside the kitchen cabinets

·        oh

·        but there he is

·        crouching between cereal boxes and jars of tomato sauce,just emanating dark waves of furious doom

·        They’re so tangible for a second you worry they might stain thewalls

·        “She’s mine,” he hisses into the receiver, “and I’m notgonna let you lay a single hand on her.”

·        “Well…” the voice answers, “that’s fine and all but I’m herbrother so we do occasionally hug sometimes.”

·        Saeran had already prepared a nasty comeback, but he wasn’texpecting the call to be from your family

·        “Ah uh, okay bye,” he grunts instead  in an awkward manner,before promptly hanging up

·        “Um…Saeran…I kinda really needed to talk to him though…”

·        He whips his gaze towards you

·        “The….” he chokes, his eyes wide 

·        “Huh???”

·        “The what???? Hug?????” hefinally whispers, seeming if not a bit panicked by the thought such a thing existing

·        you stare at each other blankly for a brief minute before youdouble up in laughter because

·        a) he looks like a startled, edgy cat b) he’s in your fucking kitchen cabinets and c) the what??? hug??? wassomething you never thought would come out of his mouth

·        but he gets so sour about you laughing at him that he refuses toleave his perch for the next two hours

·        #spends the whole time thinking about you hugging him

·        *cue the blushies*

·        wants to try this ‘hugging’ ordeal

[spectroamer]

SERVERTALE CHAPTER 4: Multiple worlds, multiple problems

Toriel is getting the pie ready. She cuts the pie in pieces and places one piece on the plate. The pie is a little bit burnt, but that still doesn’t take away the taste. Toriel goes to Fisk’s room to give her the pie. Since Frisk is still sleeping, Toriel just leaves the pie on the floor and exits the room. She goes to the doors that are blocking the exit to Snowdin. Toriel sits down at the doors and checks if Sans is there. Toriel: Sans? Are you there? Sans: yeah, tori, i’m here. what’s up? Toriel: Sans… A human is in the Ruins. She’s a young girl. Sans: really? does anyone else know? Toriel: only the small monsters. Oh and I met Blooky while I was working, he said he met her as well. Sans: did the human hurt anyone? Toriel: No. The child doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Even when Flowey attacked her, she didn’t want to fight back. Sans: i told you that you shouldn’t trust that flower. he only causes trouble. Toriel: I know, but still, I feel like there is something… more about him, that he refuses to show. Sans: you saying he has a good side or something? cuz trust me, if he has one, then i dunno about it. Toriel: I’m not sure… Sans? Can you promise me something? Sans: depends on what that promise is. Toriel: If the child reaches these doors and passes them, can you please protect her? Sans: …I’ll try my best tori. Toriel: Thank you my friend, I know that it will be more than enough. Sans: no problem. see ya soon. Toriel: Goodbye. Sans gets up and starts walking back to Snowdin. While he’s walking, he notices that Error is back, but this time, he’s at the middle of the path. Sans: error, what are you doing here? weren’t you tracking that x-event thing you told me about? Error: i wAs, b-but thE whOle s-sitUation gOt me i-inSpired. Sans finds the way error said that suspicious so he gets ready for an attack, but Error notices. Error: d-don’T worRy, I didn’t m-mean it liKe t-that. I saW t-the flaw iN tHeir pLans. Sans: and who is it that you’re talking about? For the first time, Error sounded completely normal. Error: All of them.  Error uses the code to create a picture of everyone he’s talking about. He points to the window where Cross is. Error: hEre we h-have tHe maIn h-hero… oR v-villain, i’M not s-sure yet. All hE e-ever wAnted is tO h-have a noRmal world, bUt h-he gOt ca-carried away, n-naive. tHat’s w-When this chAra tOok o-over. bUt, hE dOesn’t haVe a woRld t-to crEate, He h-has a poi\nt tO proVe. ThAn we haVe I-ink. Our kn-knight iN shiNy arMour, bUt witH a-a sElfish heArt. hE doesn’T caRe w-whAt happEns to tHe v-Ictims. They’Re a-all jUst colLateral d-damage neceSsary for b-building art for hIm. anD hEre w-we haVe D-dream aNd hIs b-broTher niGhtmAre. yoU cAn t-tell by tHeir nn-namEs tHat they’re a dYnamIc d-duo. aNd at t-thE end wE haVe a-all thE smaLL p-pawns f-fRom theIr Aus t-that arE getting thrOwn i-in thE chaoS. Anyway, i d-didn’T comE h-herE to gIve you aN i-introductIon s-stoRy. As i a-alreaDy tolD y-you, thEir plaN is f-flawed. They’rE moVing thE pArts of cOde, daMaging iT and makIng it u-unstaBle whIle d-doing sO. I tHink i gOt a solUtion f-for tHat p-proBlem. I-nstead cUting out the c-code, i-i’m goNna copPy it, whIch will p-prEvent anY damaGe f-from beIng m-made. T-that’s whY i’M herE. Sans: ok, i see where you’re getting at and i won’t get in your way, but if you even think of tou- Error: d-dOn’t worrY aBout p-papYrus, a-after aLl, yOu can’T miSs soMeone you’Ve neVer haD. Sans: wait. you don’t have a brother? Error: i d-dOn’t h-have anyonE. tHats w-why i’m tRying tO recReatE yoUr c-code. if i s-sucCeed, tHe a-anti vOid won’T be eMpty a-anymOre. aNd if i d-don’t, i caN a-alwaYs erasE tHe c-copies. Sans: i understand. i’ll help you out in any way i can. Error: tHanks, b-but theRe’s no neEd for t-that. Sans: well… good luck then. Error: yoU knoW w-what? i tHink i-i’m gonNa caLl you BIOS from nOw on. Sans: ok… Error opens a portal to the anti void. Error: anD r-remember, hUmanity is n-not as baD as yoU thInk i-it is. doN’t be afRaid t-to relY oN it w-when tHe tiMe comeS. Before Sans can say anything, Error already walks through and closes the portal. Sans: these conversations just keep getting better and better. 2 hours later Sentinels of the ancient’s HQ, Ebott city Ramirez is looking through the latest city reports, when a thug runs in the room, clearly tired form running. Thug: Boss! Ramirez: What is it? Thug: We have… a reported… break in… at the computer warehouse. Ramirez: How do you know that? Thug: A scout… says he say 2 cops investigating the area, using radios, he believes that someone was in. Ramirez: Who was in? who are the cops. Thug: We don’t know who it was, but the scout identified one of the cops. It was officer Lopez. Ramirez: I don’t have the time to go there myself, tell Cobra to send a squad there, the objective is finding the cameras and checking if someone entered the digital realm, not fighting cops. Thug: Yes, sir! The thug does as ordered and looks for commander Cobra. Meanwhile, Ne is listening in on their conversations from a nearby rooftop using hidden cameras he placed a few weeks ago. Ne: So someone was sneaky enough to get past the cops and Ramirez wants to find out what happened. Looks like I have a race to win. Ne jumps down to the ground and creates his motorcycle using magic. Ne: Lets break some speed limits! Ne pulls the handlebar, gaining speed and goes around and between cars on the road. The police already knows about him and they don’t want to waste time on trying to chase him, so he has an easy trip. After a minute of driving, he is at the warehouse. Ne: Ok, let’s see what kind of footage i can find here. They should really upgrade their security here, but still, it just makes things easier for me. Ne finds the recordings and starts watching them. He sees Frisk entering the warehouse, her hiding from the policemen and finally, her entering the digital realm. Ne: Frisk, what the hell did you do kid? I have to delete this before those idiots get here… Actually, I could have some fun here. His visor light turns into a smiley face for a second. He transfers all of the recordings to his helmet’s OS and takes USB drive that he found next to the computer. Just as he was getting ready to go, he sees 4 thugs getting out of a car. One of them has a 9mm, second guy has an baseball bat and the other two have combat knives. Ne starts to laugh. Ne: What is this, amateur hour? I expected something more chalenging, like assault rifles, explosives, or anything… He points to their equipment Ne: better than that. Thug: We don’t need rifles or bombs to take you down! Ne: It’s ok, I understand that there were money losses lately. The thugs are clearly mad now. Thug: Enough with the talking, lets just kill this fool. The thug with the 9mm starts firing at Ne, but he blocks all of the bullets with his magic enforced panels. When the gunman is out of ammo, Ne dashes towards him and knocks him out with one punch. The thug with the bat tries to hit his head, but Ne ducks under it and kicks the thug, making the guy loose balance, and fall to the ground. The two thugs armed with knives attack him at the same time, with one of them trying to cut his stomach, while the other one tries to stab his neck and they both miss, because Ne phase shifted above them, hitting the both with the neon energy he fired from his hands and knocking them out. The guy with the baseball bat tries to get up, still stunned from the kick, but is knocked out as well, by another kick to the head. Ne: well that was fun. Lets do that another time. Ok, now, lets get these guys into a nice wild goose chase. He looks at the computer and the small bag Frisk left when she was teleported. Ne: Whatever crazy plan you came up with, I hope you know what you’re doing Frisk.   Frisk is starting to wake up. She sees a pie on a plate. Chara is awake as well. Frisk: Good morning. How did you sleep? Chara: I didn’t. Frisk: what? Chara: It probably has something to do with the fact that I’m a ghost. Frisk: So what did you do the whole night? Chara: Mostly nothing. I was just looking around, listening to Toriel passing by and guarding you. Frisk: Guarding me? Pfft, what were you expecting to happen? Chara: I dunno, maybe a monster would get in the room and try to attack you. Frisk: And how were you planing to protect me? Chara: Well that ghost saw me, didn’t he? That means i can probably fight ghosts and if the intruder is an other type of monster, I would just wake you up. Frisk: And I’m gonna pretend that you staring at me the whole night isn’t weird. Chara: Exactly. Frisk gets out of bed and grabs the plate with the pie. There’s a fork in it. She takes the fork and tries the pie. It’s still warm and very delicious. Frisk: How is it so warm? Chara: Probably fire magic. She still makes it as perfect as she used to. Frisk: Wait. You can taste what I’m eating? Chara: Looks like it. Frisk finishes eating the pie and goes to explore the house. She starts with the rest of the hallway. When she gets to the mirror at the end of the room, Chara just says “It’s you”. Frisk continues to go and find Toriel. Toriel is sitting in a chair in the living room, reading a book.  Toriel: Up already, I see? Um, I want you to know how glad I am to have someone here. There are so many old books I want to share. I want to show you my favorite bug-hunting spot. I’ve also prepared a curriculum for your education. This may come as a surprise to you… But I have always wanted to be a teacher. … actually, perhaps that isn’t very surprising. STILL, I am glad to have you living here. Oh, did you want something? What is it? Chara: Oh, this is going to be hard to explain. Frisk: Toriel? I am very thankful for the home and food you gave me and for everything else, but I need to continue going through the Computerworld and get back home. Toriel: What? This… this Is your home now. Um… would you like to hear about this book I am reading? It is called “72 Uses for Snails.” How about it? Frisk: Sure… I guess. Toriel: Here is an exciting snail fact. Did you know that snails… Sometimes flip their digestive systems as they mature? Interesting. Frisk: Yeah… it is. Chara: This is bad. She isn’t going to let you go. Frisk: Toriel, I really need to continue traveling to the next area. Toriel: … I have to do something. Stay here. Toriel gets up from her chair and starts walking way faster than normal to the room that separates Ruins from Snowdin. Chara: Oh, no, I know what she’s trying to do. Quickly, go after her! Frisk starts running after Toriel. She finds her standing in the beginning of the hallway. Toriel speaks in an emotionless voice. Toriel: You wish to return “Home,” do you not? Ahead of us lies the end of the Ruins. A one-way exit to the rest of the Computerworld. I am going to destroy it. Chara: I KNEW IT! Toriel: No one will ever be able to leave again. Now be a good child and go upstairs. Toriel continues going forward, but Frisk and Chara are too determined to give up now. Toriel: Every human that falls down here meets the same fate. I have seen it again and again. They come, They leave, they die. You naive child… If you leave the Ruins… They… ASGORE… Will kill you. I am only protecting you, do you understand? Go to your room. Do not try to stop me. This is your final warning. Toriel continues to walk towards the doors and Frisk follows her to them. There is nowhere else to go. Toriel: You want to leave so badly? Hmpf. You are just like the other one. There is only one solution to this. Prove yourself… Prove to me you are strong enough to survive. Toriel blocks the way! Without Frisk even telling her, Chara uses the code to check Toriel. Toriel ATK 80 DEF 80 Knows best for you. Toriel makes a swarm of fireballs around Frisk. She barely dodges the fireballs, still feeling their heat. Toriel looks through her. Frisk attempts to talk to Toriel, but she doesn’t say anything because she can’t think of any conversation topics. Frisk shows that she doesn’t want to fight, but Toriel still keeps on attacking. Now, She moves her arms, creating fireball waves in front of them. Frisk dodges one wave and the other distinguishes before it hits her. Frisk is still trying to stop their fight. This time, Toriel takes a little bit longer before she makes her next attack. She prepares another magical attack. This time a fireball hits Frisk, hurting and slightly burning her. Frisk fails to contain a small yelp from the pain and the heat of the attack. Toriel is acting aloof. Frisk still doesn’t fight back. Toriel is slightly confused by this. Toriel: What are you doing? She creates another sweep attack, but Frisk manages to somehow dodge it. Before she has time to regain balance, Toriel throws another wave, dangerously damaging her. Fisk cries out in pain. Chara’s ghost body is frozen by fear. Toriel creates another wave. Frisk is on the ground, almost completely unable to move. The fireballs travel at high speed, but all of them go around Frisk, actually dodging her. Toriel: What are you proving this way? Frisk is still barely moving, just holding her glow stick in front of her as a last defense. Chara starts to regain control of her body and calms down a bit when she sees that Toriel won’t fight anymore. Chara: I think it’s over. Toriel makes a small wave, giving Frisk time to slowly get up. She is gasping for air, shaking from the pain that’s going through her whole body after every move, but she still colets enough energy to somehow stand up. Toriel prepares for an attack, but there isn’t one. She realizes that there is only one way this battle is going to end. She stops attacking. Toriel: I know you want to go home, but… Frisk still does nothing, taking deep breaths, still fighting her injuries. Toriel: But please, go upstairs, now. Frisk still doesn’t move, because she is determined to continue and because moving again would probably make her fall to the ground. Toriel manages a weak smile Toriel: I promise, I will take good care of you here. I know we do not have much, but, we can have a good life here. Frisk stands still, apart from shaking, holding her good arm over the wounded one and her stomach. Toriel: Why are you making this so difficult. Please, go upstairs. Frisk just looks at her, basically begging with her eyes. Toriel realizes the amount of injury she has brought upon her and starts to feel ashamed of her actions, remembering her last attempt of stopping a child. Toriel: Pathetic, is it not? I cannot save even a single child. Frisk would normally try to make her feel better, but she is in way too much pain to talk or move.   Toriel: No, I understand. You would just be unhappy trapped down here. The Ruins are very small once you get used to them. It would not be right for you to grow up in a place like this. My expectations… My loneliness… My fear… For you, my child, I will put them aside. If you truly wish to leave the Ruins… I will not stop you. However, when you leave… Please do not come back. I hope you understand. Toriel heals Frisk’s injuries, but even after that, Frisk can still feel the pain in their body. Still, she manages to hug Toriel. Goodbye, my child. Toriel walks away. Chara: Are you ok? Frisk: I don’t know. Chara: What happened down here while I was away? I have never seen her so violent. Frisk: At least we’re alive. Relatively. Chara: The pain should go away after some time. Are you ready to continue? Frisk: As ready as I can be. Chara: Well that will have to be good enough. Frisk opens the big door and walks through the hallway, only to find Flowey waiting at the exit. Flowey: Clever. Verrrryyy clever. You think you’re really smart, don’t you? In this world, it’s kill, or be killed. So you were able to play by your own rules. His face turns demonic. Flowey: You spared the life of a single person. Hee hee hee… His face turns back to normal. Flowey: I bet you feel really great. You didn’t kill anybody this time. But what will you do if you meet a relentless killer? You’ll die and you’ll die and you’ll die. Until you tire of trying. What will you do then? His face takes on an evil shape again. Flowey: will you kill out of frustration? Or will you give up entirely on this world… Flowey keeps changing his face to match his mood. Flowey: … and let ME inherit the power to control it? I am the prince of this world’s future. Don’t worry, my little monarch, my plan isn’t regicide. This is SO much more interesting. He does an evil laugh and goes away. Frisk slowly walks over to the door and goes through. She barely walks through the door before passing out on the ground. Chapter 3 Prologue Chapter 5

[readstuffsblog]

Till next life...

I don't know why is she keep talking about her brother. Her brother is so inteligent, brainy... Blah blah... And he is the 50th of all Island final exam but not the first because he had to teach his friend mathematics the day before the exam. So he is very generous person too. Ok so what! Who cares? She has a lot of friends yet why is she being with those people? Isn't she was like the best friend of dianne over there? She should be with her. I have so many thoughts going around and I'm looking directly at her siting two rows behind me. I hope that nobody noticed that. Anyway life is boring and my best friend is being with everyone else in the class other than me. I often wonder why do all them have so many common things. I feel so fucking different sometimes.

Life should be about living not suffering, yet most of the people just waste their lives by not doing what they want to do. When you are so consumed with what the world would think, you will never be able to live your life up to the fullest. As long as what we want to do, does no harm to anyone, we should just do what we wanna do irrespective of the others point of view. With that been said, here I'm struggling to accept the crush I have on her. I have some theories, she is super beautiful and that is why it is hard to resist those feelings where she is just an anomaly; this is only temporary and crushes always fade away; she is the one and only soulmate in this life and I will end up alone forever. Let's get real here. I don't wanna end up alone so, the last theory is not up for discussion. Now that I have lot of besties I should specify them. My bestie, Su is the longest friend that I have. We have been besties for years now. She is a super stylist girl which kind of makes us so different, but we kind of get along well. She has a bf, whome I don't like much, but I'm not like against it or anything. I hope he is the right person for her. So the one who is the center of my thoughts and another bestie is Briana. She does not have a bf which is kind of a relief, but soon she will also have a bf. It is so hard to keep everything piled up and not being able to share everything with friends makes me so miserable. Taylor, another bestie who used to be the closest friend of Briana and now we all are so close. Anyway if I start talking about the other besties it will take so much time. Therefore, I'm not gonna talk about them.

I'm devastated right now Briana's grandma died. She has been crying for so long that made her eyeballs out. And I feel so sorry for her. She loved her grandma so very much. It is painful to be helpless. Soon, it is the alms giving, I have been helping out with the alms giving preparations at her home. Me and Taylor stayed with her for four days now, it was so busy around here lately and did not have time to think about my feelings also. It is the final day at her home as I barely got the permission to stay at her home from my parents. Anyhow today it is not that busy as the alms giving was over this evening. We were having a bit fun with her cousin childrens. Briana's sadness is gone a little bit which makes me a bit happier. I had a wash at around 11.30 at night because had to help with the household cleaning a bit. We three had to sleep in one bed as her cousins occupied all the other beds. Taylor had already slept. Briana leaned towards me and gave me the one part of her handfree indicating to listen to music together. Eventhough she is been this close makes me uncomfortable, I grab the handfree and suddenly she lost her part of the handfree. She pulled it up and layed her head in my shoulder while putting the handfree in her ear. I felt like I strucked by a lightning. Holy shit. No way. Is this feeling is? Ok I have to admit that I have feeling for. How I feel right now, I have never experienced something like that before. These feelings are so genuine and I wish I could tell her how I feel but I'm so afraid that it might damage our friendship. We listen to music for an hour or so but all I remember was her warmth. I didn't care what songs were playing. We put the handfree and the phone away and slept. She is gone to her side of the bed and already sleeping. I looked at how calm she breathes and she is so beautiful. I don't what to do with my feeling. I feel like I'm betraying our friendship.

It has been weeks after the alms giving but I still remember her warmth as it was yesterday. I wanna tell her. We are so close these days and I'm getting more more unconfortable with little moments with her. It has been two years now and I have been messaging her quite a lot. School life is over and I'm lucky that I still get to meet her because my university is nearby her hometown. I get to meet her time to time which I cherish so much. I have sent several messages since noon but she did not reply yet. I'm looking at my phone at every vibration and get disappointed as it was not her. I have been having late replies from her for two three weeks. It is so sad, I used to be the first person she replies to now I don't even know what happened to us. I have promised myself that I will not put my feelings in the middle of our friendship but I want a closure for why she is not replying me quickly as before. So I opened her chat and I saw her online. Are you kidding me right now. She is not replying me and chatting with others but not me. Finally I tapped on "Why aren't you replying me?" I got a reply sooner than I thought. "Hi" Seriously it is not what I wanna hear. I asked a question. I hate to bring up fights so I didn't said anything bad. Instead I said, 'how r u doing these days?'. "fine wbu?", she replied. "Not bad. I'm feeling sleepy. Good night dr". I went offline even before she replies. I feel so sad. Next day she asked me is evrything ok and I decided to tell her what is going on. 'Hey I wanna tell you something' I messaged. She said after two three minutes of no replies, "there are so many msgs from friends here will you download this chatting app". It is a new one, and downloaded it and replied to her... 'Hey'. Until she replies, I checked her account friends and she has only two friends in this app, one is me., other one is a boy. My heart literally stopped. He must be someone special. I knew that this wpuld happen one day but didn't know that it is gonna be this painful. I had her reply with tearful eyes I read it.

Her: So what is it that you wanted to tell me?

Me: Who is the other guy here?

Her: Friend of me

Me: Is he special?

Her: He is a really nice guy. We have been chatting for sometime now.

Me: Is he ur bf?

Her: It is not like that... We just chat.

Me: Dont lie. I know he is

Her: Did someone tell u!

Me: So others also knew! Why didn't u tell me?

Her: Sorry. Not many knows this yet

Me: You used to tell me everything before everyone else...

Her: Sorry dear. I couldnt tell you. Keep it aside ok? Tell me what were u gonna tell me

Me: Nothing. Gn

I'm devastated. I'm crying all alone in my bed. I can tell no one. I can't share how I feel. The only person whome I could tell everything is the one I'm in love with. So I ended up patching my own heart.

It has been a while, I kept on being miserable around her. Finally, the moment of truth came. I master up some courage and said, it is so hard for me to see you with someone else cuz I like u little more than I should. I don't know whether it gives the right idea, but I can't tell all of it right now.

[skymade]

Willow Gone

   A drabble from Willow’s best friend, Eryk’s, point of view. It’s long, I’m sorry. These are the texts pertaining to this. 

   “Errie, how about today?”

   Eryk is lain across their bed, staring at the prune colored ceiling for the five-millionth morning in a row -- or so it feels. Little appears to be able to rouse them from their state.

   Their mother, aquamarine with cavernous holes littering her face -- a Meldonian -- stands at the doorway. Her tight, bright green hair curls with the consistency of seaweed fall from the crown of her head. They are the same curls that pull at Eryk’s own blue head. Her mouth is nothing but a large slit in the center of her face, but Eryk can understand both her question and the implications deep beyond it.

   They do not answer. Normally, Eryk’s love for their mother overrides all else, but now their love for someone else holds them, like chains, in their bed.

   “We love you, Errie,” she says, for the five-millionth morning in a row, circular fins with holes reaching towards them. Her voice always sounds as if it comes from deep underwater. “Whenever you're ready, you know. Seconds will wait for you.” She touches them, once, on the leg, then retreats. The door clicks behind her gently.

   Eryk closes their eyes and sees her. Not the mother they love -- their best friend. Dark curls, murky eyes, bright purple skin -- one of many things she was mocked for. Willow sky. She was their best friend, from the moment they met to the moment their mother told them she was gone.

   In a flash, Eryk can see their entire friendship. The moment she, in a flurry of curls and laughs, sat down next to them during lunch, introducing herself though uninvited. Trekking the mountains of Amyr, them wheezing and her laughing. Her splashing purple water at them and sticking out her tongue when they protested. Her hanging upside down in their hiding place, the storage unit, singing out of tune and changing the lyrics to fit her mood. The last time they saw her -- late at night, under the velvet sky, with stars sprinkling above them, her winking playfully at their gaze.

   Their eyes shut tightly at the images. Each memory is another chain that drags them down to their bed, leading with the terrifying crash of the moment Eryk woke up and saw their mother there. Their mother had never been allowed for extended stay upon planet -- Amyr rules -- and instantly, Eryk had felt sick.

   Dad’s dead, was Eryk’s first thought. I did something wrong. I failed my tests for Seconds. Mother is dying.

   But they had never expected the words that had come from their mother’s mouth, starting simply and gently.

   “Errie… when was the last time you saw Willow?”

   She was gone.

   Eryk presses their hands against their eyelids. Why hadn’t they told anyone when they saw the bruises on Willow’s skin? Why hadn’t they reported their fear for her life? Why didn’t they try harder? What if she were dead, as dead as her mother must be? And the most terrifying thought of all: What if she went off to Travel?

   She wouldn’t be able to survive. Not for a minute. Willow would have no idea what she’s doing. Though all evidence leads to her being upon another planet -- the loss of her mother’s tokens -- Eryk has been stubbornly refusing to believe it.

   Even with the possibility of her escaping with Tallow -- what her father currently believes -- Tallow can not care for Willow. What if he abandons her? What if he hurts her? What if she feels trapped?

   These thoughts have been circling in Eryk’s head for the eons it feels she’s been gone, but they haven’t abated, yet. Every day, Eryk wakes up to hear them repeat in perfect clarity.

   They’re sure they’re going insane.

   Eryk’s communicator chirps next to them. They never get messages. Curiosity wins over depression for the moment. They reach up, grabbing it off of the ivory table, and flip out the keyboard, making the screen light up.

   the will of the sky. (in range) 1 NEW MESSAGE.

   Eryk cannot stop the tears that immediately pour through their eyes as they select the message, quickly, shakily. They have always had what Willow called bleeding eyes, but they were sure the Terran expression was bleeding heart. And now, they are choking on it.

   It is a message from Willow.

   trvling mkes me ocean sick T_T ;-; ;(

   The words are so uniquely Willow -- down to the very last mark (or lack thereof) that Eryk begins sobbing harder.

   In a perfect world, they’d take time to control themselves. They’d wait until the feelings abated and let them breathe to reply. But they have not seen the words “in range” next to Willow’s name for a long time, so long they are afraid if they don’t reply immediately, she will disappear.

   Fuck you

   It’s all they can think to say.

   The response is so fast. 

   aw!! ;( dont b meeeeeeeean!!!

   Eryk is attempting to type a response, when another of Willow’s comes.

   i knw. i knw.

   Willow never left spell check on. Most Amyra didn’t. It came with switching languages -- it was easier to just type without having to change languages each time they wished to.

   Eryk closes their eyes, pushes their head towards the screen. Willow hardly types as… seriously… as her last message was.

   Eryk stares at the small, purple picture of Willow next to each message -- heart-shaped sunglasses, smiling at someone off-camera. Eryk took that picture for her. Eryk can still taste the air from that day, can still feel the grass beneath them. Of course, she’d taken the picture of the smoke that Eryk had always used as their picture. How many times had Eryk seen a message from Willow? Thousands. Millions. Almost constantly. Willow almost never stopped texting. But this message... these words... had such a new weight to them. 

   They hardly think as they reply.

   Where are you

   Because, of course, Eryk has to come get them. They’re already thinking to ask if they can borrow their mother’s ship when Willow replies, lightning fast as ever.

   u knw y i cnt tell u that ;C

   Just like you didnt tell me you were leaving, Eryk’s hands answer for them. They almost put a question mark -- they normally don’t because they feel it leaves the statement too hard -- but they choose not to in the last instance.

   u knw y i had 2 do that 2.

   Maybe I dont Willow, they reply. After hitting send, they add on in a new message, If you wanted to run away with someone you were dating, thats fine but you still could have told me first.

   Eryk locks the screen, sits up in finality after the period. They brush their hands at their face when another message lights up.

   ?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????? the fck r u tlkin about???!?!?! Im not d8in ny1!!!!!!!!!!! >:(

   Yeah. Like Id know that. Because you keep me so updated with whats going on in your life right

   It feels right, now, to be angry. Eryk hasn’t been angry this entire time. Only scared -- only sad. This feels right.

   At least there is some relief. Willow is not dating Tallow. Hopefully, he is not treating her the way others have treated her here.

   skies i mssgd u cuz i missed u!!!!! >:( >;c wht is ur problm????!!

   My problem is that my best friend left planet without saying anything and is now trying to pretend it isnt a big deal

   i ddnt have to mssg u u knw!!! i culdve stayed quiet!!!!!!!!!!! D:<

   Moments later, she’s back.

   lol… yes i did. ;c of course i hd to mssg u. ur my best friend eryk. still.

   And, in true Willow fashion, she launches into a tirade. They can just see her in their mind -- tongue out, concentration coursing through her body, bent over the screen as her fingers fly.

   mr. doom && gloom is gttin on my fckin nerves. im so done with him. D:<

   Officials think you ran off with Tallow, they reply.

   off. r rite. but only bcuz he hs a staff. eryk the nly reason i ddnt tell u ws bcuz i knw ud rate me out

   She means ‘rat me out’. Eryk feels more tears coming at just reading the words. They are trying to hold on to the good things: she’s alive. Tallow hasn’t abandoned her. She might be okay. They are trying not to think how far away she could still be -- trying not to wonder how close she may be to them for the first time in forever. 

   Holy skies Willow. I missed you

   i miss u 2. ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;((((((((((((((((((( emoticons arnt strong enuf :(

   I know what you mean, they type through their tears. They have to move their communicator far away enough to escape the downfall of water.

   When are you coming home, they add.

   There’s a pause.

   ……………………. eryk i cnt come bck 2 amyr. id be put to death for leavin

   Please, they try. Eryk has never been overly selfish before, but they cannot stop it. How can they live without their best friend?

   But when minutes pass and they get no response, they let out a breath of air and say, Are you happy

   its better than being on amyr if thats what you mean lol

   Her grammar improved. That means she had to think deeply about that reply. Eryk hesitates. Maybe she truly needs their help?

   I guess that is what I mean, they try. They don’t know what to say -- she said it was better than on Amyr. Better than when she was with Eryk. Better than when they were close.

   A long pause. Eryk doesn’t know what to say, but, as always, is saved by Willow.

   i hv a confession 2 make

   Okay

   i ddnt mssg u bcuz i missed u. tho i do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dnt get me wrong!!!!!!!!! fckin FCK i miss u!!!!!!!! but i mssgd u… 2 say srry. ;C ;C  4 not saying gdbye. :c :c

   Eryk sighs and closes their eyes. Willow has never been very good at saying sorry.

   I dont know if I fully forgive you yet

   i knw. dnt blame u t_t

   They release a soft breath at the emotion -- runs their fingers over the image. If they had more Amyra in them, maybe they’d be blinking in and out from the intense feelings. They close their eyes and pray -- though praying was never something they did before Willow disappeared. Now, however, it seems to highlight their life. Almost every moment is spent in it. Willow believes so avidly in the sky -- it has to save her, doesn’t it? 

   Their phone chirps, calling them back. 

   mr. doom && gloom wnts 2 leave here soon.

   Eryk knows what that means before Willow types it, and immediately responds, Please

   im srry eryk

   Please dont go. Not yet

   pls dnt tell any1 i mssged u

   I wont, they type back, oh skies I wont just promise you wont go

   They will promise anything, now. Tears rolling down their face -- choking on them -- the volume of their sobs rising so much they hear their mother swaying up the stairs, coming to check on them.

   im so srry. i cnt do nythin. gates up. i love you eryk.

   She never types out ‘I love you’. Never. Never. Never.

   I love you too Willow. Please dont leave me

   bye

   “Willow!” They’re screaming at their phone, shaking it. “Willow!”

   Willow come back

   Willow please!

   Their fingers shake as the letters light up on the screen.

   Please please please. I cant do this without you

   WILLOW!

   And then the dreaded three words light up next to Willow’s name -- out of range -- and Eryk collapses as their mother throws open the door and wraps her arms around them.

[whateverisbeautiful]

Reveling in Richonne

#9: The "I'm Still With You" (5x16)

Now as much as I missed the signs that Richonne was endgame, this was one scene that even I could not deny. I mean the chemistry was oozing and I could not just place this in the "just friends" box. No, this was more. I love this scene. I loved it when it first aired and I love it to this day. The fact that Rick essentially admits to being whipped. You can't miss that. 

Michonne enters the bedroom and says "you ready?" Interestingly, she asked him that very thing before entering ASZ's gates and now she's asking again to see if he's ready to try and stay. I love that she's checking in on him and unafraid to associate with him and see him for who he is despite him being ASZ's Public Enemy Number One rn. He immediately gives her the full on detailed scoop about what he's been up to. It's adorable and hilarious that all she said is "you ready?" and then he just has to spill his guts and confess. Like he tells her about every little thing in that moment cuz he needs them to clear the air for his own sanity, after all, she's pretty much his sanity. 

I love that he's a little uncertain if she's still upset with him from their previous conversation and that it just doesn't sit well with him to be at odds with her so he has to make it right. It's interesting that he says "We lied to you..." Like first, it's very mature to own up to it that way and not try to spin it to make it sound better. But also there's other members of TF who were left out of the loop and yet, as Rick was scheming, the one person he felt he was betraying was Michonne. Since they're soul mates, going against her is going against himself, thus the guilt. 

He says he wasn't sure how she'd take it or what she'd do. Now this is curious. I wonder what he thought she might do? Part of me feels like he had to fear she would be disappointed in him and distance herself and he couldn't handle that so he'd rather make himself crazy trying to keep up appearances for her. I'm so glad they have this heart to heart in the finale so they can realize they never have to keep up appearances for each other again and they can be fully honest with one another. 

I think Michonne is surprised that Rick thinks she'd try and stop him when she asks. Like I think she was hoping he'd know by now that she fully supports him even if they don't always agree. But I honestly don't think it's that he thought she'd try to stop him, it's that if she so much as sighed to imply what he was doing made her unhappy he would stop doing it effective immediately. I love that Michonne is adamant that Rick understand she knocked him out for his sake not anyone else's. I think hearing her confidently say "That was for you. Not them." wakes him up to realize she’s on his team always. 

And then he just lays it all out and confirms that he didn't tell her about the guns because he was afraid she'd talk him out of it, cuz she could've. That's a lot of control to give someone, especially for an alpha male like Rick. He also has to be very aware of the specialness of Michonne to him for him to admit this. Like he both subconsciously and knowingly values Michonne and her thoughts and feelings. Basically, Rick knows he ain't dealing with no average chick. 👸🏾

But after Rick sweetly confesses that Michonne basically holds his heart in her hands, Michonne gives one of the best little speeches of the series. Round of applause for Danai cuz she can slay these mini monologues. She starts by reiterating they don't need their weapons here and she connects to him by making it personal and saying "I don't need my sword." Like if you think about that sentence, it’s kind of crazy. 

I'm sure Michonne was not a person pre-ZA who thought she'd ever have to use a sword, let alone become a master at using one. Her wanting ASZ to work and not be violent is her wanting some semblance of normal and safety back, like we'd all want in her situation. She doesn't want to have to be the sword wielding warrior all the time if she doesn't have to be and she wants Rick to see that Rick doesn't have to be "bite yo neck out" Rick all the time if he doesn't want to be. 

Now let me write out this little portion of what she says next because it's just beautiful. She tells him; 

 "I think you can find a way. We can find a way. And if we don't...I'm still with you." 

I love that she so eloquently spells it out for him that, honey, she is ride or die. May I break this down? I love that she first voices her belief in him as a man and leader by saying she thinks he can find a way. But then she reminds him he's not expected to find a way alone by saying we can find a way. And then she says “and if we don't" because Michonne is not naive. Optimistic, but not naive. She knows stuff can go down and she says “if we don't” cuz they are a unit and so it's not just up to Rick to figure it out if things go south. It's so important that Rick hears this and know that Michonne might be hopeful but she's also ready at any minute to take care of business, so he really doesn't have to put on a front for her. She sees pros and cons cuz she's just well rounded like that. Again, 👸🏾. 

And the "I'm still with you" 😍😍😍 Such a great line. I love that she acknowledges the deep bond and partnership they've built by telling him that she is with him regardless. By saying "I'm still with you" she's reminding him that she's never left. She's been with him and she has every intention to stay with him through thick and thin. I love that it’s so clear these words mean the world to Rick and he is getting his life in this moment. 

This scene also has a quote from Michonne that resonated with me from the moment I heard it. It's the last part of her speech to Rick when she says "Something's gonna happen. Just don't make something happen." Those are wise words to live by. Like sometimes we can have the "Raven Baxter" effect (yes, this is a That's So Raven reference because my TV taste is so versatile 😂 ) but the effect is where you're so sure you can see something's going to happen that you essentially will it to happen. It's such a smart approach to instead think "Something is going to happen, that's the way life is, but I'm not going to over think or overreact thus forcing something to happen." Michonne gave us a life lesson right there lol. 

They are so up close and personal as they talk in this scene and the lighting is on point too. And then Michonne softly pushing his gun away and saying "don't be too long" like the queen and wife she is. Rick deserves a woman who will love and support him and be with him no matter what. He didn't have that before and I think that he realized in this scene that she was that to him but now it was just a matter of overcoming the PTSD to truly act on this realization.

I missed a lot of their elevator looks but the way that Rick looks at Michonne in this scene. A1👌🏽 It makes sense that a lot of people thought they might kiss. Like looking back now, those two had to end up together. I don't know a woman or man who could come along and get in a relationship with them and not start to feel insecure about the way those two look at each other and interact. If they were with anyone else, that other person would so clearly sense that their heart belonged to someone else. Like it's crazy that a scene as intimate and romantic as this was taking place between R&M during the dumb Jessie arc that I couldn't stand. But I won't talk too much about that because like so many of you...

And in this scene, neither did Rick :). This iconic "I'm still with you" scene was special in every way and it was a verbal declaration of their love for each other. For her to look him in his eyes and tell him even if everything falls apart "I'm still with you." This moment is everything! And it was proof that love "conquers" all (I think all TWD episode titles are about Richonne lol)

I really want "I love you" to be said between R&M at some point in the series, even though they've said it countless times in their actions, but if we never get verbal "I love you's" then this scene will certainly suffice because this was both of their subconsciouses saying those three special words.