#cuz nothing will truly make you feel like a pathetic piece of shit

[campcrow2]

Yeah I don’t think anti anxiety meds is gonna help fix any real issues regarding depression and stuff ……….

[vrisrezis]

I'm in love with your "dr characters + their ideal partners" posts. It all feels very true to their characters.

By any chance, would you write the sdr2 cast + the types of people they would hate? I'd just love to analyze/see what opinions they might have on other charactees I know.

Keep safe, I love your writing!

TYSM !!! I’m glad u agree :) this was rlly fun !

Mahiru would hate anyone that’s lazy, I feel as though this would be obvious to her though, she’s an open book and makes it very clear she hates those that are unreliable. If you remind her of her father, she just isn’t interested!

Peko would hate you if you acted like you were of the moral high ground but deep down were a piece of trash that didn’t actually care about others at all. The reason she liked fuyuhiko was because despite how he acted he has a kind heart deep down, so having somebody be the complete opposite.. she would hate that kinda person.

Ibuki doesn’t hate people really, but when it comes to romantically interests she’d be the least interested in somebody with an attitude like fuyuhiko or more accurately, hiyokos. She’s not gonna be very attracted to somebody that constantly belittles her and makes her feel bad, but I also find that ibuki things being kind to those around you is an important thing? She would be put off by this, deep down of course.

Hiyoko would hate you if you didn’t know how to defend yourself, perhaps like Mikan. It just reminds her of her old self and it would make her just fucking hate looking at you. However, I can see her somehow getting over this if she ended up liking you for some reason.

Mikan wouldn’t hate you either, but she wouldn’t like somebody that’s mean to her. It would form a toxic relationship with her for obvious reasons, she would feel an intense need to get you to forgive her already for living, maybe you do constantly berate her but you care about her somewhere right? She knows you make her feel awful all the time but it’s okay right?

Nekomaru hates the idea of dating somebody who isn’t themselves. Who is constantly trying to be somebody else, he’s an honest guy and he just can’t stand the idea of dating somebody who can’t be honest to anybody, especially themselves.

Gundham is similar to nekomaru, he cannot stand dating a liar. Dating somebody who isn’t true to themselves, but at the same time he also feels like it’s due to the trust issues he possesses that makes him feel this way. Also not being an animal lover cuz. Tf

Nagito would hate anyone that’s .. yknow.. sad. Miserable. It’s the epitome of despair and he would hate somebody like that. To add onto this, being talentless. To him, you’re just boring and average and do nothing to improve society.

Chiaki wouldn’t want to date somebody who’s overly negative. It’s one thing to be pessimistic but being a Debby downer about everything is just upsetting to her and she’s extremely bothered by this. She won’t say too much on it though.

Sonia would hate if somebody was just simply a shallow individual. She’s a kind person and cannot imagine dating somebody that doesn’t care for others or have empathy in anyway. Especially for animals!

Akane can’t stand the idea of somebody constantly blubbering about how pathetic and useless they are. Like she doesn’t hate Mikan or anything, but somebody that uses being a victim as a shield for holding accountability. That’s the shit she truly hates.

Souda just can’t stand the thought of dating anyone that is like junko but honestly that’s really it. Souda is a pretty open guy and doesn’t hate people all that easily and would be down to date most people. You’d have to be downright terrible for him to hate you.

Fuyuhiko would hate to date anyone that made him feel like he didn’t matter to them. Example; not answering his texts, calls, only talking to him to get things from him, etc. he hates people like that so much.

Hajime hates the idea of dating an egotistical asshole to be honest. He just can’t imagine it, maybe it comes from a place of insecurity and a lack of confidence but he finds egotism annoying. He can excuse it if it’s due to an inferiority complex though.

[starlightxsvt]

Smoke || Jeon Wonwoo au

Paring: Wonwoo x Female reader

Genre: angst, friends to lovers, some fluff, slight smut

Warnings: cursing

A pair of hands land on your shoulders and you jump slightly, a squeak leaving your lips.

"Wonwoo! You scared me!" You hiss, clutching your chest, putting down the books in your hand. Your shift in the library is almost over.

Wonwoo gives you a soft smile, one that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"Wanted to surprise you. I was free so I thought I'd walk you home." He shrugs, putting his hands in his pockets. You frowned at him slightly, knowing he was hiding something but you let it go for the moment.

"That's really nice of you." You mutter, arranging the books.

He says nothing but watches you do your work quietly.

"I have to stop by the convenience store, do you mind?" You ask as both of you walk side by side, accompanied by the night silence.

"No. Let's go."

You pick up the materials you needed and put them in the small cart, all the while wondering what's wrong with Wonwoo. You knew very well that he didn't visit you to walk you home but because something was bothering him.

You like Wonwoo, more than a close friend. You really liked him but he was rather oblivious to your feelings which you were glad about. You know Wonwoo is seeing someone and even if he didn't, he'd never reciprocate your feelings. As much as it hurt you, Wonwoo was a precious friend and you didn't want to loose him just because of your pathetic unrequited feelings.

You walk to the counter to pay, followed by a quiet Wonwoo who, once reaches there, picks one of the cigarette packets and takes out his money.

You look at him, a little shocked. It was been quite a while since Wonwoo smoked. It took a lot of work on your part to stop that habit of his and seeing him do it again made you upset and realize that something, indeed, was wrong.

"What's wrong, Wonwoo?" You ask once you step out of the store.

"What do you mean?" He doesn't meet your eyes but lights up a cigarette.

You watch him blow out a smoke and sigh,"You are smoking. I thought you said you didn't need to smoke while you're with me."

I don't feel like smoking when you're with me. I just need you, he'd said.

Wonwoo huffs out a breath and sits down at one of the stairs in front of the store. You take a seat beside, maintaining a safe distance from the smoke he breathed.

"Audrey broke up with me."

Oh, so this was the issue.

You don't say anything, instead stare at your feet. He speaks, "She left with that jerk."

"You saw this coming, Wonwoo." You speak quietly.

"Yea but I tried!" He snaps. "I tried my best so that this day would never come. I did everything I could and more for her."

You hated that he was hurt but your hate for how desperate he was for her is far more. You saw vile, ugly emotions of green and you hated the fact that the girl used him like that, while you'd give up everything to be longed by Wonwoo like that.

"You tried too hard Wonwoo. Sometimes letting go hurts less than holding on." The bitter words leave your mouth.

"What?" His brows furrow, irritated. You inhale deeply, "Wonwoo, you need to let her go. She's a bitch who doesn't deserve you. Stop pinning for her when you clearly deserve someone better."

"Don't talk about her like that," he steps on his cigarette and meets your eyes, a clear warning in his tone.

A humorless laugh escapes you as you rub your temples, "Okay seriously?" You stand up, your patience running thin, "Stop acting like a fucking child Wonwoo. Grow up. It's not the end of the world of Audrey doesn't return your feelings.

"Is that your jealousy speaking?" Wonwoo stands up, towering over you, a challenge in his eyes.

You look at him flabbergasted. How did he...

"Yea, just because you think you're doing a good job hiding your feelings for me doesn't mean you really are. The whole campus knows you've got a thing for me so don't act like you weren't jealous of her."

Tears form in your eyes as you gape at him in disbelief. All your self control vanishes as you speak the next words, "Yes, I'm jealous of her! What I have for you is not just a thing, it's my sincere feelings unlike that bitch who has been toying with you since the past year!" You rub your eyes, not letting the tears escape, taking a step towards him. You speak meeting his eyes, "It's not my jealousy speaking because if I wanted, I could've broke the two of you up a long time ago. I'm saying this because I'm tired Wonwoo! I'm tired of being your punching bag! I'm tired of seeing you get hurt repeatedly for someone who doesn't give two shits about you! You always end up getting hurt and I'm the one who collects all your broken pieces. I'm the one who made you stop smoking. I'm the one who holds you together when you fall apart. I've always been there for you Wonwoo but...now I'm wondering... why? To be treated like this?" You voice grows small as you choke back on your tears. Wonwoo looks at you, his jaw clenched and hands fisted.

"I'm done Wonwoo. You're a precious friend to me and I hid my feelings cuz I didn't want to loose you for that. But I'm done being used. I'll see you if you truly want to be friends with me." You whisper and turn around, desperate to escape from his presence.

-

Weeks have passed by since your last encounter with Wonwoo. As your finals are near you try your best not to think about him; instead you busy yourself with studies. It's the weekend and after a full day of studying you sit in front of the TV, grumpy about the fact that there isn't anything delicious to eat. You contemplate on ordering online when there's a knock on your door.

Wonwoo, the last person you expected, stands there with his hands full of bags. He speaks, "Thought we should have dinner together." You stare at him, astonished at his casual behavior, like nothing happened between you two.

He steps in and places the bags on your kitchen counter, emptying them. You eye the contents - fried chicken and fries with beer, stuffed donuts.

"Go wash your hands. I'll serve them."

"What are you doing Wonwoo? I'm pretty sure you are at the wrong address." You speak watching him plate up. He pauses before his eyes meet yours and he sighs softly, taking a seat on your kitchen stool.

"I've thought a lot about us in these few weeks. And I realized a lot of things. For one, I took you for granted when you are literally the best thing that happened to me, y/n. I... I used you and for that I'm really sorry. I sorry for being a jerk that day when everything you said were true. I'm sorry about so many things."

You stare at the floor not meeting his eyes, arms crossed over your chest as you try to keep your emotions at bay.

"I can't imagine a life without you." He whispers, "I'm not complete without you. You're the one who has held me together until now. You're the one who has been with me through thick and thin. You - you make me want to be a better person. If... if it wasn't for you, I'd be so lost. I'm so glad you came into my life y/n. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Your heart breaks and a stray tear rolls over your cheek. Wonwoo seems to notice as he stands up and cups your cheek, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. I'll leave if you want me to. I just wanted to see your face and tell you I'm sorry. It has been so long."

You meet his eyes as you place your hands over his, "So what is your point Wonwoo?"

He sighs, "My point is, I don't want to be friends with you. Well, I technically want that but not just friends. I want to be your boyfriend, you best friend, I want to be your everything."

"Are you sure about this? Are you really over Au-"

"Fuck Audrey, fuck everyone. It is you. It was you since the very first moment. I'm sorry it took me so long to understand."

You heart swells with love and you can't hold back anymore as your lips clash with his. You thread your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as his hands find purchase on your waist. Soon enough he's picking you up and putting you on the kitchen counter as his hands tug on your shirt. "Wonwoo, what are you doing?" You gasp, breathless.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" he murmurs, planting kisses along your neck as his hands travel all over your body,accompanied by your soft sighs and moans.

"The food will get cold."

"Yeah? Well the food can wait but I can't." He attaches his lips to yours again, picking you up and heading for your bedroom. "Someone's really horny." You smile against his lips.

"Well you are not any better." He retorts putting you on the bed and softly kissing your cheek before taking off his shirt.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you."

"Mmhmm."

He smiles,"I gave up smoking, for good. I really, only need you."

A/N: Happy Birthday to our precious bag of luck and my bias wrecker,Jeon Wonwoo. This one is dedicated to him. And thanks to y'all for loving my previous work, it really made me very happy :"). As always, feedbacks are appreciated! 💖

[b1ksh88p]

Be Mine ⛏

Plot Plot: You’ve been in a few relationships, unfortunately all ending in tragedy. You had a reputation for being a bad omen. Truly you were a sweet girl but it seemed like every single one of your lovers ended up dead or horrendously disfigured in the long run. This Valentine’s Day your boyfriend decides to jump ship for some blonde crushing the little hope you had left for your love life. In a slightly drunken haze you sneak into the mines for a rant about the cursed corporate holiday and to drown your sorrows in the solitude of the mines. But it seems like you’ve got a listener.

Tags/Warnings: Lots of cursing | Sprinkle of angst | Fluff

The cold air of the abandoned labyrinth did nothing to cool you down as you ventured further into its clutches. To put it lightly you were on fire. Every part of you wanted to tear someone apart. The auburn liquid sloshed around as you clumsily stomped past heaps of forgotten debris. If not for your drunken stupor you would’ve turned back. Everyone knew the horrific tale of the pickaxe cannibal murder. Although you were sure the story was somewhat embellished you’ve heard worse. Poor fuck did what he had to do to survive. Anyone else would’ve done the same, it’s human nature to do anything no matter how gruesome to survive.

“Give a girl a box of cheap chocolates and a fucking bouquet of withering roses and she’s supposed to repay ya by sucking your fucking dick and acting like yer the best thing since sliced bread.” You grumble.

The deeper you go the darker it gets. Stone walls become suffocating and everything looks like the enemy. A fight or flight response may have kicked in but you were in no place to think rationally. When your heel broke you fucking snapped.

“Stupid Roses, fuck ass chocolates, fake relationships for fake people who wouldn’t know love if it fucking stabbed them in the face!” You yell throwing the broken heel piece deep into the darkness. “A corporate holiday with no fucking insignificance! Just a money plot and a excuse to fuck and act like you like that worthless pathetic fuck you’re dating that you like them. When all 364 days you’ve been with em ya fucking loathe them!” You continue on tearing up the damned holiday in partially incoherent babbling until you hear glass break.

Despite your conditions you aren’t stupid. “Fuck is that?” You call out whilst backing up. At first you’re sure it’s a group of horny teenagers but through the gritty lights you see a single foreboding silhouette. This was where you run. Or at least you should’ve. Instead you squint your eyes like some tourist taking in the sights and step forward. “Bud y’know the mines are abandoned cuz of the poor guy who had to eat his friends right?” You call out. “I mean do you if this is your thing I support it but it’s kinda weird since you look exactly like the serial killer guy. Spot on cosplay.” You compliment. The figure doesn’t move. It doesn’t even look like he’s breathing. You feel your hairs start to stand up and goosebumps pepper you skin. It seems your liquid courage was fading.

“Welp I’ll leave you be, don’t wanna bore you with the details of this fucked up holiday.” You let out a wry laugh before turning your back on the figure. You get about 12 good steps in before the stride of death crescendos behind you. Now you were running. Your broken heels doing wonders at making this chase the easiest for your attacker. In the midst of running you take them off and throw them off behind you. Now look you weren’t aiming for the guy but when you heard the hit connect and a surprised grunt you got the feeling you were fucked. Instead of running in a straight line you dip into a little crawl space. Maybe he’d give up and fuck off you. To your horror the man crouches down and starts to crawl his way inside.

Without thinking you take the whiskey bottle and crash it on his head. “Leave me alone I don’t even like this fuckass holiday you fucking weirdo!” You cry. He looks up at you and stops trying to fit.

“Why not.” His voice was eerily calm. As if he weren’t some insane pickaxe murderer but a man.

“Well because it’s stupid and to lovy dovy. And because it feels wrong to celebrate it when such a tragedy had occurred.” You explain. “And...and I got dumped today so there’s that.” You huff.

“...You pity me?”

You shake your head. Words weren’t really your strong point and you didn’t need him thinking you were coddling him or anything. Instead you just stare into the glossy eyeholes with your own praying he’d just fuck off. You practically shit yourself when he continued to scramble through and stand up. You grab a rock and stand ready to knock him upside the head with it only have your wrist harshly grabbed mid throw.

“I don’t want your pity.”

This was it. You were gonna die. And it was gonna be painful and super fucking lame. On your headstone it would say:

“Loser girl no one cares about got dumped on Valentine’s Day...also got murdered lol”

Even though you wanted to sob and cry your eyes out you were way to stubborn to go out pleading and begging. “I was being empathetic you weirdo! We do what we gotta do to survive, and you did just that. You aren’t some crazy murderer. You’re just angry and traumatized and that’s ok!” The grip on your wrist only tightened. “Gah! Th-the system failed you dude. The whole fucking city failed you and still is failing you! You ha-have a right to be mad! I’m not excusing what you’ve done b-but shit I would’ve done the same!” You squeal feeling the blood flow completely cease as he tightened his grip.

Suddenly the pain stopped. You open your eyes and rub your poor wrist hoping the feeling would return. He seemed more docile. It was as if his entire aura had changed. The man sat down on a hunk of rubble, his weapon clenched in his grip. If you didn’t know better you could’ve sworn he was crying. It was a silent sob. Nothing overtly dramatic, kind of how like you’d expect a man who’s rarely cried to cry. It was unnerving. The only man you’ve ever seen cry was your dad and that was when he laughed to hard. This...this was gut wrenching.

This monster that was hellbent on killing you seconds ago was now a sad man huddled up in a corner like a child. You could never feel the pain he’s felt, relive the days of utter darkness and skewed rations. Never could you imagine the gritty taste of human flesh. The depravity one must have for themselves. The survivors guilt. The nightmares he must relive. He kept muttering something about the dark and the how he wasn’t a monster. How he just wanted to see the light again.

“It’s ok.”

You weren’t sure you could touch him so you just sat in front of him. He was still shaken up but the sound of your voice seemed to get through to him. “It’s ok and you’re safe. I’m here. I won’t go anywhere I’d you don’t want me to...” You could bare the cold for a night. You’d rather be frozen to death then brutally murdered.

Both of you sat there for what seemed like ages until he moved. You were on the edge of slumber before seeing a gloved hand slither towards yours. You wanted to move it. Make haste and dip but your body had become heavy. Your eyes seemingly weighed down by stones. Before you knew it he was oddly holding your hand. You saw him looking at you intently. Probably waiting for you to scream or pull away but you stayed put. One hand held up your head whilst the other was his to experience. It had probably been awhile since he’s been so vulnerable so you let him have this. It wasn’t like you had anything else to do tonight but sleep and pray that the hang over didn’t beat your ass in the morning. Before you could fall asleep he pulls you into a really awkward half ass embrace against the cold stained suit. It was far more comfortable than the back straining position you were in a second ago but man this guy was bad at ‘snuggling’. You felt like he was gonna smother you! When he found a comfortable position he rested that stupid ass mask on top of your head with a satisfied grunt before you gave up on protesting and fell asleep. How the hell were you gonna get home

When you wake there’s no cold embraces or odd masked men. Instead you find yourself wrapped in some dusty old quilt at the entrance of the mine. For a moment you think everything that occurred was a mere fever dream. A whiskey fueled hallucination. You scramble to your feet and notice a little note that had fallen from the tattered cloth. The paper, or what you hoped was paper and not dried human skin, had fairly neat handwriting. It was short and morbidly sweet.

Thank you.

There was a part of you that was absolutely mortified. The note solidified your suspicions of what had taken place last night. But the other part of you was strangely elated. You turn to the mine and put your hands to your mouth to amplify your words. “THANKS FOR NOT KILLING ME ILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU!!!!!!” You yell happily before heading back into town. You were pretty sure he didn’t hear you but it calmed you to know that he not only spared you but someone actually appreciated your presence.

This was definitely not your final encounter ⛏

#⛏

[zuffer-weird-girl]

What about an scenario about Kai thinking on proposing and struggling with how to do it, cuz he wants it be perfect

Of course!

"No. Horrific." He shook his head at his mind daring to think on such a terrible idea as he threw the paper on the nearby trash can on his office.

If he knew that preparing to proposing to someone was that hard, he would've had started to think about the issue right when he started to date you, because hole hell. It was harder then he thought.

And he was struggling with this shit for at least three weeks.

For something, or better yet, someone to get his attention and respect was extremely rare. And only one case in his all twenty something years of life was the special kind, the one who he had allowed to open up about his past and didn't judged him, the one who could atture and even came to love him for exactly what he was, despite having all his radical thoughts and issues like his mysophobia and... mental problems if you could even call it like that?

An angel that came from above to give his life some light and what he never thought he would have wanted neither need it at some point. Love and care.

You, a quirkless person who he always insisted that you were pure. An example for this sick society to follow, not to exclude like you were the wrong here.

He despised those type of people. How could they not see it that you were the original and right type of human? The one that wasn't sick like the others?

Ignoring all of that. After some years of knowing eachother, passing through good and bad, he had came to an thought some months ago that it wasn't leaving his head, no matter how hard he tried... until one day he simply gave up, and accepted it.

"I want (Y/n) to be mine. For life."

He remember those words he said to himself clear as the bright day outside. The realization took some time, but it hitted him like a train would. He truly loved you, only having you as a partner wasn't "enough", no. He felt the urge to have something, to prove to you and the world that you were his...

And for the first time in his life, he would say without a problem that he belonged to someone as well, even having his possessive habbits.

You were just like the moon and the clear night sky filled with stars for him. Despite the darkest and the most cold that the night can bring, they were always there to lead the human kind to safety directions.

... see? He thought on all of that. But he couldn't say it out loud. And that shit sounded way too cliche to propose to someone.

"Night sky? Fucking pathetic." He burried his face in his hands to growl freely on them before sighing and laying back on his chair.

Worst. The worst were the hardest, yes. But how the fuck should he do it in the first place? Just kneel on some dirty ground and say shit? On where? When?

He felt like he was going insane. He was always so serious and intelligent, always quick to make decisions. But this time? He felt for once pathetic.

He cant even think on where or how to propose to his loved one, what the actual hell?

"Sorry for the news boss. But those papers are from the other... you good?" He heard Kurono and Irinaka's voices and he grunted before standing up.

"Those are from rivals or allies?" He asked nonchantly as he grabbed the papers and read them cautiously with eyes full of disinterest and boredom.

"Allies." Kurono answered back before looking at the trash can filled with what was once papers "You were working on something?"

"None of your interest." He sighed and gave the papers back to Mimic "Return them to their owners, this doesn't have my interest and I have no time to waste on filth garbage like those."

Mimic nodded and left... but Kurono remained on the room. Catching a glimpse of what the messy papers were written and catching immediately what was going on.

And he felt nostalgia. Back to those days where he teased Kai freely. He could die that he wouldn't care, this was gold.

Chisaki looked at him with a arched eyebrow as he took of his mask and showed a smirk to him, the young head of the Shie Hassaikai already not liking one bit that face that smug bastard was doing it.

"Never took you to be the type of wanting to get married."

"... you son of a-"

"Relax! Relax!" Kurono dodged one attack of Kai and sighed in relief at not being killed by that spike Chisaki had just created. Bit still was chuckling "Is just surprinsing to see a guy who always claimed taht love didn't existed and DESPISE even the concept of touch wanting to get married."

"This has nothing of your interest, get out of my sign before I-"

"And you seem troublesome with that, judging by the amount of discarded papers, which by the way are not-" in one second he was overhauled and came back to look at a very infuriated Kai right in front of him.

"One more word that I will kill you for real and dont return back." He growled as Kurono smirked.

"Right, I will stop." Chisaki scoffed and went back to sitting on his desk with a huff but only burried his head on his gloved hands again as he stared at the blank paper in front of him.

"... If this is about (Y/n) accepting or not, they are crazy for you Kai. The least they could say is to wait a bit, but surely will accept." He tried to say something as Kai only sighed and pointed at no where while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I have no idea why I am talking with out of all people this, but this is one of many of my issues about this."

"So there is more?"

"Much. First is that I have no fucking idea how to do it."

It was silence for a bit until Chisaki noticed how Kurono's eyes were wide open in shock, he arched an eyebrow as a silent question for him to explain his reaction.

"You? The most rational and strategist around here? Doesn't have a plan to propose?" He send a dark glare at Kurono as the man winced and rubbed the back of his head "Man, than the situation is critical."

"I apreciate the words Chronostasis. Really." He said in venom sarcasm before sighing again.

"You really dont have any ideas? Like, at all?" He shook his head and Kurono brought his hand to his chin in thought before snapping his fingers "Thought about asking advice to Pops?"

"You're kidding?" He glared at Kurono "The old man won't never leave down this one, and probably will be sappy shit."

"... doesn't you and (Y/n) do 'sappy shit' all the time?" He lifted his hand sup in surrender at Kai's death glare "No offense, but ever heard of 'the thought that it counts'? (Y/n) is not a person that is difficult to impress and enjoy the simple things. You know that better than anyone else in here dude."

"Of course I do, who do you take me for?" He asked in anger before sighing and looking down with a frown at the blank paper "... but they are not simple. (Y/n) made a drastic change in my life... so no one can't blame me for wanting and craving a unforgettable and memorable moment. I... I simply want to give (Y/n)-" Kurono widen his eyes at the way his cold childhood friend softened his usual murderous golden eyes at the mention of your name "The best. The best proposal, the best life, the best memories... I want this to be flawless, something that they can't look back and say 'it could have been-'. I want that neither os us have any regrets on this decision. Like the nowadays, where I dont have any regrets o entering on a relationship for the first time."

He lifted his head and found Hari looking at him with a smirk and he immediately scowled at it.

"Then I guess asking for some advice from the old man, despite hearing the no endless teasing would be worth it?" He tilted his head as Chisaki seemed in deep in thought "You got the help and service of all the yakusa, so you just need a plan. If you may allow, we will offer assistance and follow your orders."

He hated to admit that the blockhead was right. Absolutely despised it.

"... I guess."

Soon the door opened and the said so old man arched an eyebrow at the boys he raised in the same room and looking so serious but yet... like it wasn't a meeting neither business issue?

"Mind the both telling me what is going on?"

"Chisaki is thinking on proposing to (Y/n)." Kurono said nonchantly and dodged another attack of Kai.

"You disgusting piece of fucking-!"

"You are?" The elder asked in a certain serious tone, looking straight at Chisaki soul, catching him completely out of guard by his look.

"Is it a issue?" He remained his composture and uncaring look, but his nerves were starting to grow a bit at the thought that his mentor didn't approve it.

The man looked up and down at Chisaki before speaking in the same serious tone.

"Marriage is not only about claiming someone as yours Chisaki. Is about to care and vow even yourself for your partner. Protection, trust, respect are always the main pillars of having on a relationship and marriage." He turned hsi whole body to be in front of Chisaki as he spoke eyes to eye with him "Cases of the person who had their firts relationship and marriages are rare, but not impossible. Those are the ones we have to be extremely careful with. Now... knowing you in the way I do, answer me with pure bold honesty like you always did-"

The room went silent and even Kurono seemed uncomfortable at Pops seriousness, really considering on tip toeing out of the room.

"Do you really want this? What exactly brought you to this decision?"

Chisaki stared nonchantly at his mentor before sighing.

"What brought me for this decision was how and only (Y/n) makes me feel. The only thoughts I have before them were merely focused on rage towards my disgusting past, my hatred towards the heroes and how should I pay you for such kindness for taking me in.... with (Y/n) although I did not felt like a empty shell, I felt... I feel alive."

The elder hummed and asked one more last question.

"And you love (Y/n)? Enough to spend the rest of your life with them?"

"... I would crawl to hell and get back to earth if it meant I can see that smile and joy on my angel's face."

The elder chuckled lowly before patting Chisaki's shoulder, surprising the said man.

"Then you have my back Chisaki. And my blessing." He patted his head harshly out of sudden, causing Chisaki to growl and scoot away "And I heard you are struggling, I will give you some advice."

"I didn't ask for any of-"

"Bullshit." Chisaki deadpanned at the old man's vulgar vocabulary "If you're going to propose them you're doing it right."

He was in hell... why couldn't he had avoided all of this by merely thinking of something? Curse him and his brain.

"Am I interrupting something?" That voice right now was the last one he needed to hear.

"Angel, is actually-"

"(Y/N) my dear. Mind accompanying Kurono to grab some groceries?" Pops said suddenly and uncaringly "We are out of those. And I need to have a word with Chisaki."

"We are? Oh." Kurono muttered before going to the door frame "Yeah we are."

"But-"

"I will own you one my dear, dont be late."

"Pops I swear to god-" Chisaaki started to growl but the sound of Chrono closing the door caused his eye to twitch in irritation.

"So. Any ideas that crossed your mind?" The order spoke and chisaki only deadpanned at him "Cleary not apparently."

Someone, any divine creature... free him from his hell hole. Please.

[monkey-network]

The Fiasco Finale of Future [1/2]

So in the penultimate episode of Steven Universe 2, the climax of both the season and series as a whole... is a group hug. As I expected, plenty were not too pleased with this turnout. Some felt it was anti-climatic, some felt it was resonating, and others tried to own the critics by digging deep into the scene like they always do sucking this show’s co- Coming from nearly a month later, I’m... split. One hand, I didn’t mind the climax. On the other hand, it was pathetic compared to plenty of other finales I’ve seen in media. It’s like this show as a whole, I enjoy it, but I also enjoy smacking it upside the head cuz it made some Karen-esque, All Lives Matter type stupid shit that I just cannot get behind. So you know what, Perry the Platypus, let’s mix it up. I wanna express the good and bad of this climactic end to the show and see where we can go from there. You ready?

What’s Good:

You truly wanna know what makes that final hug a great scene? A real showstopper? I have the truth, the best truth behind this, you won’t believe me but here goes. The climax worked because A Hug Is Nice. That’s it, there’s nothing else to it beyond a hug being nice. “But Monkey, you incel troll, there’s should’ve been more to that. The episode shouldn’t have taken that long to get to that point.” Well, in typical fashion, let me put it this way by talking about Spider-Man 2 (better than Spiderverse, don’t @ me). The whole movie is centered around Peter’s life getting shat on. He’s getting fired left and right, his people are abandoning him, he even loses his powers, he’s just at his utter lowest. But at his apartment, while contemplating, in comes his landlord’s daughter, Ursula, who offers him some chocolate cake and a glass of milk.

We can say the scene comes out of nowhere and that this is all that happens, feeling pointless, but I say this is an important scene because after everything that happens to him before, this one gesture from somebody out of nowhere to be honest was one of the nicest things he’s received in a while. It’s the seedling of a scene that keeps Parker going before Doc Ock comes to make him truly spring back into action. Above everything, it was nice. Like a hug.

I don’t need to be philosophically deep with SU2′s meta to tell you that a hug can be a worthwhile thing to get more than anything. It doesn’t resolve all the baggage Steven has in his mind, but a group hug from the people closest to you (and the Diamonds) can be a gesture so nice, it can numb you out, if only for a moment. Only other times where Steven got a hug was when he felt everything could be okay. With Lars, Peridot, and Connie after her “rejection”, and it’s after that “rejection” where he slowly loses it in his attempts to shake off that harsh feeling of abandonment and that everything can be okay. It is something where he can turn to the others for help but the concern of their response makes him reasonably suffer in silence. That last part is a little dumb, but I’ll get to that later. He can’t really hug himself because it doesn’t work like that. The point being that Steven, at his lowest, just needed something nice to consider. And a hug from everyone who loves him (and the Diamonds) can be that piece of chocolate cake he needed to be at ease, again, if only for a moment.

Like let me tell ya, as a deliriously depressed man that constantly wishes for death, a hug shouldn’t be spat on. Whether it be from your friends or mommy, a good hug can, at the very least, keep you sane and going. It isn’t medication, let’s not get it twisted, but a healthy remedy nonetheless, especially if you’ve ever felt touch-starved like I have before. It’s an affectionate gesture that for what it’s worth, should never be taken for granted. And while Steven could’ve well gotten this big type hug at almost any time he desired, I can at least appreciate the show for saving that at the right time. Whew. But, while the moment itself is nice, it’s predictably almost everything around it that unfortunately puts the moment in a vacuum and me with a bad taste in my mouth.

What’s Bad: 

Let’s get this out the way, because I’m such a literal bastard... *inhale*

Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!

Congrats on those with the corrupted!steven theories who no doubt had it hard on when this horned trunk ascended, hung its head high, and beat its meaty chest with blind rage, the crewniverse certainly had the balls to go with this design and a long discussion of utilizing Monster Steven’s full potential. And if you think I’m nasty about this, hoo boy, be glad that words are all you’re seeing right now because artists no doubt had a field day potentially ruining this design for you even more. I’m surprised Tumblr’s flagging system hasn’t taken down whole posts with this. HEHEHEHAAAAAAAA!

As you can probably tell, I’m not a fan of this Diamond Dinodildo’s design (say that 5x times fast). I mean Rebecca could be as horny as she pleased with this show, but this is next level, I tell you. But seriously, it honestly sucked that this is what they came up with when it served no purpose to Steven thematically other than him being a literal peen of a monster. Said this before, but what does becoming a corrupted looking amalgamation mean to him beyond “he’s a monster”? Corrupted gems weren’t the worst things in his world, they were products of a even worse thing. Turning into a diamond like figure would’ve said something about the cycle of abuse making you not feel like yourself, but a reflection of who you not only resent more than anyone, but were the indirect causes of your newfound issues. That would’ve took his struggle in the Diamonds Days arc to its next logical extreme, and brought most of Future’s episodes centered around Steven’s issues to a sensible turning point. Being a warped Diamond version of himself would’ve meant finally embracing inhumanity, and that would’ve conveyed the peak of Steven harshly feeling less like a human over the course of the season, especially when we had several episodes and new powers centering around him being inhuman. And a previous episode had him try to shatter a Pink version of White Diamond, two beings generally responsible for everything that’s happened to him. And it isn’t the design that made this a turn off.

What was Steven even gonna do as a monster? He does nothing to the town, he never even makes it pass the cliffside. He doesn’t even try to attack anybody, the only times he does is when he’s provoked by either the Cluster, the Diamonds, or any of the gems. Spinel raised more hell than Steven. So on the look back it’s insultingly sad they hyped up this big dick energy only to do... genuinely nothing. He already didn’t deserve turning into Pinky the Phallisaurus, but having him not even do anything as a monster left far more to be desired. Mob Psycho 100 did this nearly identical, but better. You can’t deny that it would’ve worked better with 22 minutes, actually give him something to do beyond screech and stomp like he’s Scrat from Ice Age. As much as I don’t like Change Your Mind, 45 minutes worked to its favor to do everything it did. Oh wait, this episode did make good use of time... with a fucking pity party.

They wasted my baby

This is. The WORST scene in the entire series and I’ll stand by that 100%. It’s one thing to show something offensive, but it’s another to have something be completely pointless. Yes, Connie talked some sense into them, but we didn’t need to waste time having White Diamond and the others bitch about something everyone who isn’t a toesucking simp should’ve figured out at that point. Not like it mattered, the Diamonds and Spinel never show up after this episode anyways, so good job making them count for something, I guess. This as well as minorly acknowledge the fact that the gems had a lot to do with Steven’s mental trauma because hey, we don’t have to hold these gems too accountable for child neglect. Speaking of which, where was Jasp- This plays well into my previous point, we aren’t shown what Steven was gonna do as a monster, so what else is the episode to do beyond holding him back in time to just make the characters go “All is lost” for one second before getting back up like this is Marvel’s Captain Driftwood?

Friendship is Magic had this type of moment in its penultimate finale but in that, more time was given to show the villains getting the upper hand, Twilight at her low point, her turnaround with her friends, and the lead in charge to defeat the villains. While some moments felt convenient and downright insulting, they made the most of their limit. The same can’t be said for this and it makes no sense. Speaking of things that make no sense:

Was this shapeshifting or corruption? Rushing or dragging? This personally bothers me because people are saying he shapeshifted even when they were also on board with him corrupting. But what was the point where monster Steven cums cries into the ocean turning it pink?

Now if Steven got himself corrupted, this would make sense since the three Diamonds are there with so fully turning him back to normal wouldn’t be an issue. Questions would arise about how corruption can happen to a human, then again this is Steven Universe, fans never really wanted you to ask questions. But if this was shapeshifting, then why have this permanent monster form? It would’ve made a little more sense of Steven changing his shape depending on his emotions, like what we’ve seen before. Additionally, Steven should have been capable of talking normally instead of roaring and growling like he switched brains with an actual animal. Just because he kinned Godzilla’s joystick doesn’t mean he was unable to speak to anybody, that is if he shapeshifted. Lastly, and this is more implicit than my previous points:

This season shouldn’t have tried tacking mental issues and trauma onto this dickslap of a climax. I’m on the side where we should’ve seen more from monster Steven, but what does this tell me for the topic of mental health? Nearly killing people on three separate occasions didn’t help, but having him transform into a near mindless beast is a backhanded way to convey post traumatic stress. Let me put it this way, if we didn’t get that episode where we learn Steven had held up trauma and stress from Doctor Priyanka, everything surrounding it afterward wouldn’t feel as fucked up as it did. Yes, understanding a root of a character’s problems is good, beneficial even, but having your character nearly, sporadically, commit MURDER THREE TIMES only to then have him become a wildin’ creature does nothing, if not disgust. It's disgusting when you talk about PTS one minute and have your main character be socially dangerous the next. You’d feel sorry for him, sure, but I gotta say nearly killing people is not something we should just hand wave. That is not a good or realistic depiction of depression and post traumatic stress; especially when you trying to discuss this with children. And don’t try to justify it by saying it was necessary for his downward spiral. Having to think and see death before my own eyes in real life, there should’ve been a better way to make Steven hit rock bottom without putting other’s lives on the line. It wasn’t compelling or resonating to see him become a witless creature after saying he could get away with anything, it felt jarringly hallow and teeth gritting sadistic to think this was acceptable. It took him turning into a literal creature to finally go to therapy or a throwaway line about therapy in this show’s case? Are you kidding me?

The hug is a nice moment on its own, but it took far too many kneecaps to get to this point and think it’s believably or justly earned. I can make fun of the monster design all I want, but what they put Steven through to get to this point is the most insulting writing I ever have to think about. Because you know what that hug told me, personally? It’s that you can commit near irrefutable atrocities, you can behave like a blithering rampaging beast all you wish, but that won’t matter. Because you’re valid and your people will love you. That is not only asinine, but it kinda pissed on what I went through growing up. Like, as idealistic as that felt, it didn’t add up because it made the mentally unstable come off as more unstable than they mostly are. You can disagree all you want with this, it won’t change the baffling fact that I came to this conclusion in the first place when I didn’t want to. “But the crew said in an interv-” NO, just nope. If the message the show gives is this polarizing for those that invested or were concerned with it, maybe the message wasn’t clear enough, who knows? I can believe Mr. Rogers never fucked this up when he made his show. I tried thinking of this differently, but I can’t excuse what they did and how they did it. Bojack Horseman never pulled this with its main lead and when it truly did, that was given more time to sort out; not an 11 minute epilogue in its final moments. The hug was nice, but this episode was trash.

Speaking of which, next time...

We Finally Look to the Future

Here’s Part 2, if you’re up.

[wilhelmjfink]

The Great Divide - Chapter 10

A/N: chapter 10!! thank you to the like 7 people that have been following this! what an adventure weve already been on holy shit. still 30 more, if the story survives that long. oh & this chapter definitely contains snippets from other one shots. I believe I’ve only posted one of them though... sorry i’m not very creative!!!!

anybody guess the video game yet? anybody at all? cmon...

Daryl stubbed out the end of his cigarette, hands instantly going to the pack for another, chain smoking the agonizingly slow minutes spent outside of Warner’s cell away. One left. He’d lost track of how many he’d had. Hell, he didn’t even know how long he’d been standing there.

‘“Now, is that any way to greet yer ol’ man, Merle?” Daryl’s heart dropped immediately knowing exactly who his brother was talking to before he strode toward Riley with open arms. She noticeably scowled and Daryl stepped up, shouldering him harshly.

“Merle, quit it, she don’t wanna see you.”

When he noticed the bright red gash across Riley’s forehead, he felt himself panic for even just a short second. And before he could open his mouth to ask her if she was okay, if she was hurting or there was anything he could do, anything at all to help her, Merle laughed loudly first.

“Alright, Darlina. Say yer goodbyes now then, ‘cuz she sure as shit ain’t gonna wanna see you after ya 'em!”

“Man, Merle, shut up!”

“Am I striking nerve, baby bro? What -- is the snatch so good yer havin’ second thoughts ‘bout leavin’ it behind?”

Furiously, he stepped up toward Merle, who didn’t flinch at his approach. He was still smiling that infamous, toothy grin and Daryl was fuming at it, fighting the urge to punch him in the mouth. 

“Don’t ya fuckin’ talk about her like that,” he snarled. 

“Awe, shit! You do got a little crush on her, don’t ya?”

Riley stepped forward furiously into the conversation. “Okay, so… Merle isn’t coming back with us... right?” 

Daryl averted his gaze while Merle beamed with excitement. 

“Nah. N’ sorry to break it to ya, sweetcheeks, but Darlina ain’t, neither.”

His heart broke at the softness of her voice, heavy with denial because they both knew she knew exactly what was happening. But she asked anyway:

“Daryl, what’s going on?”

“I’ll let you two lil’ lovebirds share one last cuddlefest or whatever it is y’all do,” Merle waved both of them off. “M’ gonna go find out what my buddy Officer Friendly’s been up to!”

Riley stomped toward him, ignoring Merle and shooting daggers at Daryl, waiting for him to look at her. “Daryl!”

“He don’t wanna go back to the prison,” he finally found his voice and confidence, even as faux as it was, and he looked away.

“So, what? You’re not either?”

It took him a second, but he just shook his head. 

Riley shook her head in confused disbelief, almost like she still didn’t understand, or maybe she didn’t want to. And Daryl stood there, feeling worse than he had in quite some time, standing vulnerably in front of her and hurting her like it meant nothing to him.

“What…” She stopped. “So where…. But — “

Finally, he spit it out. “If Merle leaves, then I leave, too.”

And Riley’s response was to stand there, motionless, staring at him as she took in the words.

She then laughed incredulously and Daryl could see and hear her fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill and he felt the pieces left of his heart just disintegrate into nothing. He wasn��t sure he would ever hate himself more than he did at that moment.

“So that’s it? You’re just gonna fucking leave? After everything we’ve been through?”

“Merle’s blood, Riley!” It was the only excuse he could think of. 

“Merle is a piece of shit!” She screamed at him Daryl faltered slightly at the outburst despite her voice breaking. “You know he’s no good and he’s only gonna get you killed!”

“He’s my brother!”

“Is that the only excuse you have?” She spat, stepping closer as he avoided her gaze. “That he’s blood? Your old man was blood, and you were thrilled when he dropped dead!”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talkin’ bout!” She’d finally hit a nerve, getting the reaction she’d hoped for. It was his turn to fight off the emotions he was feeling and replace them with anger, swinging his arms around, motioning back toward the gates. “None of ya understand!”

“Understand what? That you’re too fuckin’ afraid to say no to your big brother?” Riley was fuming and Daryl was quickly catching up. She really didn’t care if he would fucking hate her -- he was leaving anyway, right? “Stand up for yourself for once, Daryl!”

“Y’all left him on a fuckin’ roof to die!”

“I didn’t leave him anywhere. Don’t take this out on me!”

Daryl waved her off. Her blood boiled and she was seething and she clenched her fists at her side. “You’re pathetic!”

He spun back around one last time and growled at Riley, throwing a threatening finger in her face, firing off one last lie before he completely shielded himself from the situation and shut himself away from her. “Fuck off! I don’t need ya!”

The second that the words left his mouth he regretted them, and he could’ve hit himself for the look that it rendered from her. 

He’d never wanted to take anything back more in his life.

Before he could turn back around to storm off with nothing but a careless dismissal of his hand, Riley had cocked her arm back and punched him as hard as she could in the jaw.

He’d blocked enough of it not to catch the brunt of it, holding her fist tightly in his grasp, but that didn’t stop her. In a blur of tears and red she just began to thrash and swing in his arms, trying desperately to either hurt him or free herself from his grasp — she didn’t know which. 

Quickly, others began to show up in their line of sight, their voices merging together into one high pitched ringing before someone managed to pull her off of him.

“God damn, she’s still feisty as ever, lil’ bro!” Merle howled. “Guess she didn’t take that too well, huh?”

It was Rick who was holding onto Riley now, his arms gripping around her wrists in an effort to keep her still. He was obviously even less excited to see the older Dixon than she had been. “Merle, you need to leave.”

“Nuh-uh, not without my baby brother. We’ll leave ya…. just wanted to give these two a chance ta clear the air beforehand …but I guess that din’t work out too well!” 

Daryl watched Riley lunging forward again, this time at Merle, all of her anger channeling into the realization that this was his fault. Daryl was humiliated.

She finally gave up when she realized Rick wasn’t going to give in and, with a exasperated sigh, dropped her arms to her side. Merle reached for his brother, grabbing him by the arm and tearing him away from the group. 

Riley decided to try one last time:  “Daryl, please,” she called after him pathetically, catching his attention for just a second. ”Don’t...”

It was the saddest, most painful sound he’d ever heard. The despair in her voice, the way it wavered unsteadily as she tried to fight back tears and broke at the end so much so that she couldn’t force another word out. He threw a quick glance over his shoulder just enough to engrain her face into his mind before he turned back around and followed his brother off of the prison grounds.

Daryl sat outside of the cell gates, watching Rick absentmindedly as he talked to Warner, his good cop bad cop persona in full force. Angrily he twisted an arrow absentmindedly between his fingers, impatiently waiting for a breakthrough with no prevail.

He didn’t know why he couldn’t stop thinking of that day at the prison lately. It was like the only thing he had ever done to Riley was hurt her, and that he wasn’t allowed to just forget that in her absence, only making him feel pathetic and useless and reinforce his uncertainty as to why she even gave him the time of day in the first place.

As soon as Maggie heard him approach she looked up to him, a faint smile ghosting her face. He tried to return it but could hardly do so; he felt dirty, betraying the trust of the only people he’d ever really been able to consider friends. And of all things, for fucking Merle, who did nothing but hurt them all relentlessly, Glenn most of all. His stomach twisted anxiously at the thought and he wondered why she hadn’t started screaming at him and hurling insults at him like she should’ve been.

“Hey stranger,” she just said, her southern drawl real noticeable in her soft tone. He hardly acknowledged her back, hiding his face in shame, and she still knew exactly what he was asking -- and that only reinforced the idea in his brain that these were the only people he ever truly had as family. “She’s been taking north watch up in the tower.”

“Thanks,” he muttered, forcing himself to look up at her and shocked to find her to still grinning even if it was slight.

He ignored Merle bellowing obnoxiously for him from the cell as he walked by, swearing and cussing at his brother like it was his fault he’d landed in a cage, and exited the block with a snarl.

He’d only been gone a few days but navigating his way through the halls of the empty prison felt surreal, like before had been a dream that he’d just made up in his head. Maybe it was because she wasn’t at his side like she always had been before, always inseparable.

He closed the metal doors behind him gently and quietly, enjoying the feeling of the cool air outside of the musty walls. Looking up to the tower, squinting against the setting sun, he spotted Riley in her regular spot with her legs dangling off of the edge, her shadowy figure outlined in the dusk light. Every single time he looked at her, Daryl felt like a naive teenager; his heart racing and his palms clamming up and he just couldn’t ever seem to find the right things to say to her.

Why the fuck did she want him?

She must’ve heard the sound of him scaling the outside latter to the top platform, but ignored her visitor regardless of who it was. She was relaxed, leaning on her arms that crossed over the middle rod of the railing, chin tucked in them while she scanned the horizon for any potential signs of danger.

He climbed down and maneuvered himself next to her.

Daryl wasn’t sure who Riley was expecting to see but it was obvious it wasn’t him;  she double took at his appearance but it didn’t last long before she resettled her head back down onto her arms and resumed her watch. Like he wasn’t even there. Just that small action alone hurt Daryl even more than he’d hurt himself by doing this all to her.

His mind reeled for the right thing to say but she spoke up first:

“Forget something?”

Her tone cut him like a knife and he frowned, looking down at his boots as they hung over the prison beneath them.

“‘m sorry.”

He thought he heard her snort a breathy laugh out at him. “Sorry for what? You’re right -- Merle’s your family. You shouldn't have to stay with a bunch of strangers when you have your brother. I don’t blame you.”

As hard as Daryl tried to get angry at her nasty sarcasm, he couldn’t because he knew that it stemmed from hurt. And he had been the one to hurt her in the first place, and that was something that he wouldn’t be able to live with, regardless of whether or not she forgave him. Somewhere in between meeting Riley back at the quarry all those years ago and leaving her at the prison just mere days ago, she’d crawled under his skin and made herself at home, intentional or not, he didn’t know. And after leaving he realized it, and that had brought up feelings he’d never experienced before... and all he knew was that the nice feelings were gone and replaced with familiar ones, like disgust and disappointment and hate, directed toward himself.

He swallowed hard. “Ya’ll aren’t strangers--”

“Really? That’s nice of you to say. What changed your mind?”

Though the words still stung there was something deep inside him that made him almost happy when he heard them; the fact that it was completely and honestly his girl, sarcastic and snarky, even thought it was directed at him.

If he had to spend the rest of his life just watching her from afar, making sure she was safe and unharmed, he would be fine with that, so long as she was near him.

“I fucked up,” he admitted finally, shoulders slumping in defeat. “Merle, he ain’t... he’s blood, but he ain’t...I don’t know...”

“What, Daryl?” She snapped. “What don’t you know? Merle’s blood, but he doesn’t give a shit about you? I thought I’d made that pretty clear. Or... or you don’t know that you really, truly believe that the rest of us do? Also thought I’d made it pretty clear how I feel about you, but I guess not. Sorry. My bad.”

Her voice was wavering again, her words speeding up and rising as she tried to fight back the emotions swimming to the surface.

“What do I need to fucking do? Do I need to hit you and kick you while you’re down, and....and abandon you when you need me most for you to finally realize that I care? Is that how you think you deserve to be treated? Do I have to fucking hurt you and make you feel like you’re nothing for you to realize that I fucking love you? Is that how I have to do it? Because I can’t! ”

To realize that I love you. She wasn’t even aware that she’d said it, but fuck, if his heart wasn’t pounding upon just hearing it. That was something he’d long ago simply accepted he wasn’t capable of -- being loved. Did she even mean it? Was it something she’d muttered accidentally, caught up in the wave of emotions?

He’d lost himself in those overwhelming thoughts before looking up at her to find she was already staring at him impatiently. In the moonlight he could see her eyes were welled with fresh tears and he wanted to help and he wanted to speak and kiss her but he forget how to do anything except blink at that moment.

“Forget it,” she finally said, shaking her head in defeat and returning to her more comfortable position she’d been in before. “I have a shift to finish, if you don’t mind.”

He couldn’t give up. He’d never have a chance at forgiveness if he’d just walked away right at that moment. And now that she’d seemed to hate him again, he figured he had nothing to lose, scooting forward toward her and grabbing her face in both of his hands to turn her toward him and closing the distance between them with a passionate, needy kiss.

He’d tried to show her how he felt, too, but shit, he’d struggled with that type of thing his whole entire life. He was never good with words, and he probably wouldn’t ever be. But there was something about her that drove him to at least try -- try and be better, try and communicate better, try and do everything he could to show her that he cared about her more than he cared about himself.

Had any of it worked at all? Or had it all just been in vain? He just hoped that she knew how he felt and wasn’t questioning it all like he was at that moment. 

It was hard for him not to picture where she might be at that exact moment; maybe she was tied up somewhere in a shed or a garage being held captive at the hands of one of those sick fucks like Warner. Or maybe they’d taken her somewhere far away and she was bound and gagged, much like they’d had done with that stranger, except maybe she was thrown carelessly into the back of a trunk like a piece of luggage. She was probably starving, cold and alone, maybe she was unconscious or injured and bleeding out and crying for him to come save her.

And he wasn’t fucking there.

The thought had his blood boiling and he was trembling, using every ounce of self control he had to try and sit still. All he wanted to do was fucking snap.

Daryl remembered asking Riley about the sunflower tattoo on her forearm. ‘They’re resilient,’ she’d explained to him thoughtfully. ‘They call them sunflowers because they always face the sun, the positive, so they never see their shadows, the negatives... their dark sides. I don’t know, it’s what I try to be like.’ And then she’d laughed at herself, going on: ‘They’re asshole plants and farmers hate them because they tower over every other flower, soaking up all of the sun and all of the water and taking the nutrients away from other plants. I guess that’s more like me than the positive part.”

He’d found a field of them one time out on a run with Rick back in Georgia, and though most of them had been dead there was one lone sunflower that stood tall amongst the dried up ones surrounding it. It was morbid in a way, but it stood for something a lot more to him than it did anyone else he was sure. And he’d waved at Rick once from his bike before pulling over to the side of the road.

“What is it?” His friend yelled from the car window as he’d pulled up beside his bike. “You good?”

“Yeah, hol’ on!” Daryl had navigated the farmland, jumping over discarded tools and piles of dirt and vegetation until he reached the thing, using his blade to cut the thick stem at the bottom and observed it, proud of his findings, before making his way back to his bike. He didn’t want to say anything to Rick about it -- and it turned out he didn’t have to, because when he’d looked up at him, Rick was grinning at him from where he sat in his truck.

“Awe, now ain’t that jus’ sweet?”

Daryl secured it in the saddle bag gently behind him and mounted his bike again, kicking up the stand and turning the engine over. “Shuddup n’ keep up.”

God, he hoped that she was resilient enough to withstand whatever those monsters were throwing at her. He prayed she was. What was the point of going on if he'd lost the only thing that he'd really, truly loved anymore?

Loved.

There was that fucking word again. He could remember each time he’d said it to her; the words so foreign and scary to him. So new. The notion tugged at his heart strings. Had it been enough times? Did she even know how he felt at all?

It had been three and a half days since they’d brought Warner back to Alexandria and two days since he’d returned from his second attempt at traveling to the small town to try and find her with no success. He’d suggested several different forms of torture for the stranger humorously — unless, of course, someone had agreed with him — but Rick had insisted upon leaving him in the cell with nothing at all and as much as Daryl had detested the idea at first, Warner did seem to be talking much more than he had before.

“Do you ever think about what you’d be doing if the world hadn’t changed?”

Daryl looked over at Riley to find she was already staring at him and her bright blue eyes made his heart skip a beat inside his chest. They always did, literally every single damn time he looked at her. Everything about her made his cheeks flush and he wasn’t sure where these unknown feelings were stemming from and he’d hated them at first, but as they sat shoulder to shoulder against the broad oak tree outside their small camp keeping watch, he’d realized that he was really starting to enjoy those strange emotions that her company brought him.

Even in the moonlight she was stunning, radiant and breathtaking to him and he found he was physically struggling to answer her simple question.

When did she turn him into this? And how?

“Nah,” he finally admitted. “Don’t wanna.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s fuckin’ weird, trying to think about where I’d be right now.” She snorted. “Kinda boring, too. But... that’s what I get for trying to be all deep and profound and shit.”

He chuckled lightly. “Tha’s not why I don’t wanna think about it all.” It wasn’t boring — it was god damn depressing. He woulda been wandering around the same shit town he’d always lived in, probably looking for Merle if he wasn’t in jail, or working on his bike in his garage...

“Then why?”

Daryl swallowed thickly, deciding to finally feed off of the feelings she was giving him, allowing the few beers in his system to take the wheel. “I dunno. Cuz I wouldn’t’a met you, I guess.”

He looked away embarrassed, not entirely sure how she’d react to his words. In fact, he wasn’t sure how he’d managed them in the first place -- tipsy or not. But when she’d replied, his heart stopped, and everything felt right.

“Can I kiss you?”

He could’ve jumped on her then and there as soon as she asked, but being the way he was, only snorted at her in derision. “Not sure why ya’d wanna.”

She didn’t respond to that though, and instead leaned over towards him and gently placed her soft lips against his, her warm hands coming up to cup the sides of his face. His own two moved instinctively to the nape of her neck, so naturally it almost scared him. But he quickly forgot all of his fears and doubts when she crawled forward onto his lap, deepening her kiss and smiling against him.

The slam and shouting ripped him from his daydreams, luckily for him as they’d begun to hurt, and he jumped up from the step he was sitting on at the sight of Rick holding Warner up against the steel bars behind him, hands grasped in his collar, lifting him up eye-level to him.

Daryl was on his feet with his crossbow aimed in the blink of an eye, waiting for Warner to make one wrong move so he could put an arrow through his skull, reminding himself that this bastard was he only thing that could lead him to Riley.

He’d thought he’d known what it felt like to miss someone before. He was too young to remember his mom, but he missed her. And when Merle was locked up, he always kind of missed him.

But this was a different type of longing. This wasn’t holding onto some faded memories from when he was little and knowing she was in a better place, or almost kind of enjoying her absence, knowing she had a roof over her head and three meals a day, some guards to keep her relatively safe, and that she’d come back to him eventually.

No; this was an agonizing, unfathomable pain that he didn’t understand. The not knowing... that was the worst part.

Fuck, he missed her so much it hurt.

If he couldn’t have her there with him, making sarcastic remarks and teasing him lightheartedly by his side where she belonged, he would take the next best thing: the smirk that Rick had on his face when he left Warner’s cell.

[bloomvroom]

anger issue vent poetry

tw for .. idk gross stuff

I dont wanna go to jail so all I can do is fantasize and whine about it on my blog, or somewhere else but I dream of it being a possibility where I show you just exactly what you did to me, dad I’ll try to convince you to hop on my knife like you tried to convince me to hop on your cock I’ll try to make you see just how fair it is that im trying to coerce you into your own misery, im not doing anything bad to you with keeping you in fear all day, am I?

I want you to know what its like to be me, why dont you wear that cosplay for me? Why dont we stitch your mouth small enough, as small as it was when I was a child, why dont I ask you too “Do you think with a mouth that small a cock would even fit inside?” why dont we try? Ah but dont look so scared, im not even doing anything to you’ im not even doing anything to you, it was just a joke, my dear you know I love you so much id never hurt you, so quit fighting back, quit bitching and being so hysterical when youre being cut all over your body, these cuts arent that deep, so what you bleeding for? what you bleeding for? Do you think someone could die on a thousand, on ten thousand small cuts? But why are you crying so much? Its nothing to bad or to deep right? We just keep doing it for a couple of years, youll never know when it happens next, oh come on, what you scared for?

Whats that wanting some privacy? Why would you? Im not even doing anything that bad watching you like that, what do you think trying to hide yourself from me? No, we cant have. Just like you did to me. Show me, youre not allowed to hide it, hide it, cuz im entitled to see. Just like you did to me. If you dont want this why wont you fight back? oh, but if you do ill threaten to beat you black and blue for being disrespectful towards me, ah but you can cry all you want but whats being done to you simply aint bad enough to matter, nobody is gonna care, lets place someone next room that you think cares bout you and watch them stare into the TV or read a book instead of helping you, come on beg for their help like I did, beg and get hit in the face for it, dont fucking cry now, the world wont care for it, how pathetic of you, how truly pathetic of you to cry as if someone has been doing something bad to ya’ What are you so scared of? I do not compute, Why are you so afraid of me? Id never do anything to you, I never said the things I said to you, and if I did you deserved it - whats it if I kick you in the stomach when youre cryin there? Its not that hard, and you can take it cant ya? So lemme kick, lemme kick you right there or drag you by the hair, its all fair game, cuz its not like im really beating you up im not doing it hard enough to leave bruises Im just keeping you on your toes a lil bit, just how it should be

Thinking of killing yourself? But you dont even know what pain is, wnat me to teach you? Oh sure ill teach you what pain is if you wanna play that way you ungrateful piece of shit’

Theres people you like? I could just kill em you know? Hm? I was just joking my dear, but seriously, id kill them in cold blood, why dont you wanna be close to me? Come on be close to me, I just love love love love you so much oh I love you so much why dont you wanna be on my lap? why dontcha? Hey, dad, maybe if you think my skirt was meant as an invitation we should cut open your head, look into your brain find whats responsible for thinking your delusions matter more than my truth? Lets cut it out, its just no good to let you be with it, you do so much damage, its only fair and right to cut every little bad thing out of you, lets put you on the table and tie you down, lets start cutting, like you tried to cut me into your little lolicon dreamgirl, let me cut you apart, let me cut you apart until theres nothin left of you that resembles yourself so you finally be less sensitive, less, less sensitive, youve been so oversensitive and hysterical dear dad, lets make sure that wont happen again’ cuz like you said its just a matter of time until I give in, one day I have to accept you, so you can be patient, and the day has come where ive accepted that youre beyond saving, so lets make sure youre sedated and out of it, just like I was when you sexually abused me in my sleep, lets see you wake up not knowing quite what happened, but you’ll feel so different, but its all just in your head - youre just imagining things, oh dear’

you bitches are so fucking hysterical eitherway