#damagedtoysoldier

[musicallyiinclined]

five years.

the date arrives with no fanfare but of course zander notices, his mind unable or unwilling to let him forget. he always spends the day in a haze of memories--memories of desperate kisses and promises to write mixing in with whispers of i'll see you soon and i love you--all of it tangling together like the sheets on his unmade bed.

that's where they'd spent their last night before bucky had shipped out, their bodies wrapped around each other like they'd never be close enough. he'd been so confident that he'd make it back--they both had--and zander would give anything to go back in time and warn him, beg him not to leave.

instead he'd let him go, not realizing that it was the last time, that months would pass with no word, and then years, and now it's been half a decade without him and zander doesn't understand how it can still hurt this much.

"are you even listening to me?"

the voice draws him from his thoughts, his sister coming into focus in front of him, her hands on her hips.

"sorry, I was--"

"dinner with beth's family in an hour, remember? i think more of her relatives have arrived for the wedding and want to meet you."

"right, of course. i won't forget."

alex rambles on about something else but his attention has snagged on the newspaper she brought in with her, the headline making his pulse spike. he can only see part of it, but it's enough, that word only meaning one thing to him in this context. he grabs for it and feels the floor drop out from beneath him as the rest of the words are revealed.

HOWLING COMMANDO, BUCKY BARNES, FOUND ALIVE.

he's on his feet and moving to the door before he even knows what he's doing, barely hearing his sister's questions as he slips into his coat. "i've got to go," he says simply, and he's gone, out of his flat and into the street, unsure where to even start looking. alive, alive, alive.

all he knows is he has to try. | @damagedtoysoldier

[rejectory]

@damagedtoysoldier cozies up too personal.

Steve’s jaw cracks and hangs. His head whiplashes. His momentum tips.

The street swims sideways. The road rash skins him shoulder–elbow–temple. Down so quick slams him back into a merry ride in Coney, and now it’s vertigo and heartache he’s got to hammer the lids back on both. It don’t matter to the stars how wetly he blinks. They keep on swirling.

Caked in urban dirt, he rolls. Takes him less than it would’ve before the ice. He pops his jaw back into the socket, toes twitching, body going tender as a bruise. It clicks wrong.

Guy tries again.

Guy packs a wallop so good, Steve takes it on the nose and gets it broken—–-tries again to blow a man’s brains out—❛Run!❜—–-just to get close enough.

Just to jerk the bastard by the collar. The shot misfires. The proximity rams an icepick through Steve’s ear. He complicates his hand all tangled in the guy’s gear and headbutts him so hard he offsets his own headache.

— He goes full wraparound for a tight bodylock.

[soulgiven]

@damagedtoysoldier technically didn't ask for this but...

no one gets to where natasha is in her career without dedicating everything to it, sacrificing anything that isn't in the name of perfection along the way. one of new york's most notable prima ballerinas, and a particular point of pride for her company as they'd managed to steal her away from the russian company her father had arranged for her to dance with when she finished college, natasha romanoff often finds herself in the studio well before sunrise and still there long after everyone else has left for the night.

it's not healthy, she knows.

but there's a shelf-life on her career, she'll have to hang up the slippers well before most of her friends have even started to think about retiring. sure, sometimes she comes home to clint having broken into her apartment when it's been too long since he's heard from her and needs to make sure she's not dead. but she always gets thai out of it, and that seems like an equal trade-off.

so she's expecting to be alone when she walks back out of the locker room where she'd been looking for her water bottle and her headphones to keep practicing.

" you're not usually still here this late, james, " she says when she instead finds she has company. slipping behind him, hand gently brushing against the small of his back as if to announce her presence while she passes, natasha walks over to the bar and leans against it.

[brooklynbred-a]

𝕎ℍ𝔸𝕋 𝕀𝕊 𝕐𝕆𝕌ℝ 𝕊ℂ𝔼ℕ𝕋 𝕃𝕀𝕂𝔼 𝔸 𝕊ℍ𝔸ℝℙ𝕀𝔼

permanent, black and white, like ink staining your fingers. YOU ARE ALWAYS ALL OR NOTHING. no matter what. I think you have the potential to be more, but you're scared of what will happen. the responsibilities. the new experiences. and I know how it feels. ORIGINALITY IS SOMETHING THAT COMES NATURALLY TO YOU, but you think you're faking everything you do. it's ok to grow, love.

TAGGED BY: nobody, found it on the site. TAGGING: @stxrksarc, @kdcomic, @marvelmyriad, @the-innumerable-heroes, @grimmusings, @mxtalwings, @damagedtoysoldier.

[camerica]

These are the threads I will be dropping as they have not had a reply in over a month.

@sxrgeantbarnes - X

@l0sts0ldier - X

@damagedtoysoldier - X

@youxmove - X

[livingprophecy]

@damagedtoysoldier​​ asked:   never be so kind you forget to be clever [ for wanda ]   /   taylor swift: evermore.

      𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 he has, wanda has learned to file all of his advice in her mind. she thinks they both realize something; neither of them want to be here, want to be doing what they are. and yet here they are, sitting across from each other in the training room she comes to every day. she can’t help but scoff now though, lips curling into a small smile.   (a smile only reserved for her brother and now, it seemed, THE SOLDIER).      “i did not think you would advise me to be k i n d at all.”   the russian is feeling more familiar on her tongue by the day.   “i was expecting something like being kind gets you K I L L E D.”

      𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐒𝐍'𝐓 what got her here though. wanting to protect her country, that was something HYDRA called noble. admirable. not kind. her brother calls her kind, when she gives extra scraps of food to the others on the street like her. he says she has a HEART OF GOLD. recently, it feels BLACK AS NIGHT.   “clever i can do.”   the witch pauses, frowning then.   “are they going to send me and my brother on missions? like they do with you?”

[toscrve]

Hey look ! It's Captain Propaganda !

CAPTAIN PROPAGANDA seen with RADICAL LEFTIST WINTER SOLDIER ??

[shieldworn]

"Happy birthday, Stevie."  The old nickname falls easily.  "Love you, y'know, so I guess I'm doing whatever you want all day."      @damagedtoysoldier​

THE NICKNAME’S ALWAYS FALLEN COMFORTABLE BETWEEN THEM; it’s like a reminder of where they came from, even if he wouldn’t tolerate it from anyone else.

It’s early morning, and honestly he should be surprised Bucky’s awake when he is —— considering Steve’s usually slipping out of the covers at sunrise to go through his ridiculous morning routines and letting Buck sleep for a little while longer. But it’s a welcome surprise, and he lets a content smile pull easy across sleep-heavy features, curling an arm ‘round him and pressing a kiss to his mouth.

“ Love you, too, ” he says, voice just a little thick —— and that comes first ‘cause it’s the most important part. “ ‘n god, I guess it is that time of year again —— ” He heaves a sigh as though he just can’t believe it, but it’s exaggerated; he’s just content to be for a minute. “ Anything? That’s a big promise. ” Just a little quirk of a grin, eyes hooded in the hazy morning light as he noses under his jaw and just breathes him him. “ I’ll think on it. For now, I think I’m good to stay here for a few more minutes. ”

[scarletvein]

@damagedtoysoldier​ asked:   " look at me, look! it was a nightmare! not real, okay? you... hey... i've got you. it's alright... "   )   words of comfort.

     𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐓 𝐈𝐒 to lash out, throw whoever had a hand on her across the room, bile rising in her throat. wanda has her eyes open but the entire room is spinning, and the images are still flashing behind her eyes, and she is so SCARED — but the hand wrapped around her forearm is metallic. almost blindly her hand finds his arm, feeling the plates shift under her touch, and it’s enough to force a breath into her lungs, shaking the feeling of a vice grip around her chest.   it’s hard to ignore that pietro had been right there, almost in her arms.   /   IT WAS SO REAL EVERY SINGLE TIME.   it takes everything in her to repeat what he’d said in her head, figure out what he was saying, and even more than that to shift her wide, panicked eyes to bucky. but it is bucky, his thoughts louder than the whispered russian, telling her she was going to be alright. her fingers grip a little tighter into his arm, and despite the feeling of BULLETS IN HER CHEST, she manages a nod.   (she doesn’t know if the nod was to convince him or herself that she was okay).      “he was right there, i almost got to him. i almost saved him.”   the russian is no longer rough around the edges like it was all those years ago, though she knows her voice is shaking. and she doesn’t have to specify that she dreams of her twin every other night;   they both know.   “i — i woke you up?”   translation:   she had screamed, and he had heard it. wanda pushes the guilty feeling down, sucking in another deep breath. not real. NOT REAL.   “i’m okay.”   her hand hasn’t left his arm.   “i’m okay.”

[hesymbolized]

steeb vc: bucky, i got you a comb i thought you’d like.  😁😁😁😁

@damagedtoysoldier​

[musicallyiinclined]

@damagedtoysoldier | zander & bucky - origins

Zander settles on the sofa with his glass of wine, careful not to spill it as he reaches for the photo album he’d snagged off Bucky’s shelf earlier. He’s pleasantly surprised by its existence, considering that Bucky grew up in Alexander Pierce’s household. The politician doesn’t strike him as the type to document his adopted son’s milestones, but someone clearly had, as evidenced by the book in his hands. He’s grateful to them, whoever they were, especially as he flips open the front cover and sees a teenaged Bucky Barnes staring up at him.

“Oh my God, look at you!”  He can’t help but grin at the other man, his fingertip tracing the curve of young Bucky’s cheek as his gaze drops back to the picture.  “You were so cute.”  He still is, obviously, just in a very different way. Less adorable, more smokin’ hot. His boyfriend is a stunner, there’s no doubt about that, but these pictures are exactly what Zander needed to prove a theory he’s had for a while.

“Okay, I totally would’ve had a crush–”  Zander stops mid-sentence as the next image catches his attention, something about it poking at one of his own memories. In it, Bucky is about thirteen years old, his fingers clutching a baseball as he stands on a pitcher’s mound. He’s wearing regular clothes, so it clearly isn’t from a little league game. The man standing behind him is wearing a baseball uniform, though, which makes it obvious what’s going on.

Suddenly Zander is twelve-going-on-thirteen again, pausing in the doorway of the living room to watch a kid his age throw out the first pitch at a major league baseball game.

“Did I ever tell you how I discovered I was into guys?”  he suddenly asks Bucky, although he knows he hasn’t. His smile has gone soft, a faraway look in his eyes as he sets his wine glass on the table.  “My aunt and uncle were in town, and I remember passing by the living room while he and my dad were watching a baseball game. Which was weird, because we weren’t into any kind of sports–we weren’t that kind of family, honestly. But my uncle was, and that’s what was playing on tv when I went by.”

He remembers curiosity stopping him, the sight of the person on the mound drawing him closer to the screen.  “There was a boy on the pitcher’s mound, and even I knew that wasn’t normal for a professional sport, so I stopped to watch. I couldn’t tell you what teams were playing, or even the colors of the real pitcher’s uniform, but what I can remember is that the boy had the bluest eyes I’d ever seen, especially to be coming through a television. He was about my age, and after he threw the ball he smiled right at the camera, and–”

Zander turns to look at Bucky, sure that his boyfriend has figured out the point he’s trying to make here. What are the chances that over a decade later he’d be sitting on the couch with that same boy, so in love with him that he can’t imagine a life with anyone else?  “What can I say? It was love at first sight.”

[skydriven]

@damagedtoysoldier​ gets a plotted starter !!

sam raised his fist and knocked on the door of bucky’s bedroom. another glance at his wristwatch. it was long past 8 now. yesterday buck and him made a deal of going to the woods, walk the dogs and do some jogging/exercises as well. next to him, marvin was sitting on the floor, huffing at the door. yeah, sam wasn’t the only one who was getting impatient.

“hey sleepy head, wake up!”

[dxmence]

starter for @damagedtoysoldier​ from Steve

he’s nearly done with his newest sketch erasing a few stray lines before going back in focused on the task. hearing shuffling near him, he looks up tilting his head curiously at bucky.  ❝——————Going out?❞

[voluntadfuerte]

@damagedtoysoldier​ i love hugs okay?

“Instead of stealing my clothes, you should just let me hug you. My smell won’t fade away with time, i’m warmer than some shirt and also, i miss your hugs.”

[dcmcged]

*✧.:°░｡ closed starter for @damagedtoysoldier​

          SHE STARED AT THE PIECE OF PAPER THAT WAS IN HER HAND. There was an address in Steve’s handwriting, an address she was at, but didn’t have the guts to go inside. Wanda took a few steps away from the entrance of the building and walked into the alleyway next to it and leaned against the building’s wall. It seemed like a great idea at first - spend some time away, clear her head. But now... She didn’t want to be a bother to Bucky. He probably had enough on his plate as it was, she didn’t want to add herself to it. Maybe she could stay with someone else? But she didn’t have anyone else besides the Avengers. I should get some new friends, she made a mental note. Wanda looked at the piece of paper again, it was slightly crumpled from sitting in the pocket of her jeans the home time she got here. Maybe this was a bad idea, maybe she should go back...

[shieldrevive]

USER :// @damagedtoysoldier​ INQUIRY :// “ no, i don’t have a gun “ public string { 90′s song lyrics } ; accepting

          the more training steve received with various forms of martial arts the more he moved away from firearms.  while searching for bucky, he didn’t want to risk lethally injuring someone who might have answers on the whereabouts of his best friend.  others in the howling commandos tried to talk some sense into them.  the war was filled with reasons why hydra never cared about the enemy and now they needed to be put down for the safety of innocents all over the world.  but, the captain would not be deterred.  he’d known in his heart from the moment they couldn’t found bucky beneath the train track that the other was alive somewhere.  so, he trained harder to get a handle on the shield.  he trained to infiltrate hydra bases all his own because there was a span of time that it looked like that’s what it was going to take.

                          and he stopped carrying guns.

          glancing over his shoulder to assess the space behind him, there was a muffled curse under the soldier’s breath.  he’d been hoping to finish the mission before bucky even caught wind he was gone.  information.  that’s all he’d been looking for.  information on whatever hydra had done to his best friend if for no other reason than to simply know.  knowledge was power even if he didn’t know how to use it just yet.

          “ guess that means we have to find you one. “  steve would use his body as a shield for the rest of his days but bucky still needed a way to defend himself.  it wasn’t practical or even possible to stay hidden behind supply boxes until the base cleared out.  night would cover them but steve refused to take any chances.

                          he wasn’t losing  bucky again.

          his head swivels to take in the rest of their surroundings.  memories showed him several possibilities on where they could obtain weapons for his best friend.  “ come on, “ the soldier whispers.