#darlio

[sylvaridreams]

yaaaay first birthday Darlio n_n

[acid-gramma]

düşünsenize evinizde böyle bi şey var sizi seviyo bi de üstüne... ULAN KYA

ustjne fln atlayip darlio hatta.. kovulcam yakinda

[unabashedlycrooked]

Being creative is such a buzz! Whether you’re creating something 100% new or adapting a pre-existing creation. This is something I’ve copied from the ODY-C comic vol 1 “off to far Ithicaa”

The reason I’m posting this is to highlight my anxiety about starting something which may seem simple like drawing/creating. The fear of failure is REAL. But I found today, once I started that fear just faded and I was left with an even sense of calm.

My good friend and artist @darlio says something great about this:

“Tell that negative nancy thing on your shoulder to piss off. I do it regularly - sometimes it stays sometimes it goes.

Sometimes it’s nice when it stays to watch and you give it the middle finger.”

So let this piece be your guide and reminder to stick the middle finger up at your anxiety. 🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿🖕🏻

Love 🙌🏼🙏🏻💕

[jurnalbucuresti-blog]

New Post has been published on JurnalulBucurestiului.Ro

New Post has been published on http://bit.ly/2iNNXqp

Buna Ziua Iasi : DOSAR EXPLOZIV ! AVERTISMENT UCIGATOR pentru toata populatia Iasului !

Nici un CUTREMUR devastator nu ar putea avea asemenea consecinte

Valentin Hutanu

• Daca nu se vor lua masuri rapide, atat de catre autoritatile publice locale, dar mai ales de cele abilitate la nivel national, intreaga populatie a orasului Iasi risca sa suporte consecinte asemanatoare cu cele de la Cernobal • Mai mult, cei mai afectati vor fi copiii si tinerii, amenintati de boli latente, dar cu efecte devastatoare si ireversibile asupra sanatatii • Din fericire, tocmai pentru a se preveni totul atat timp cat se mai poate, un cercetator de la Universitatea Alexandru Ioan Cuza a studiat intreg fenomenul si vine cu un raport oficial, ce contine cauzele, consecintele, dar si solutiile care pot remedia intreaga situatie

Usor-usor, la o moarte sigura, latenta (care sta ascunsa, nu se arata si nu se manifesta, dar poate oricand sa izbucneasca sau sa devina activa – n.r.) si nimicitoare este expusa intreaga populatie a orasului Iasi. In acest context, in lipsa unor masuri rapide, care trebui luate atat de catre autoritatile publice locale, dar mai ales de cele abilitate la nivel national, iesenii risca sa suporte consecinte asemanatoare cu cele de la Cernobal.

Poluarea ucide, incet, dar sigur!

De remarcat ca, cei mai afectati vor fi copiii si tinerii, amenintati de boli cu efecte devastatoare si ireversibile asupra sanatatii! Din fericire, tocmai pentru a se preveni totul atat timp cat se mai poate, un cercetator de la Universitatea Alexandru Ioan Cuza (UAIC) a studiat intreg fenomenul si vine cu un raport oficial, ce contine cauzele, consecintele, dar si solutiile care pot remedia intreaga situatie.

Citeste si : Un grup de profesori a descoperit un fenomen care va uimi mii de ieseni – FOTO Este vorba de conf. univ. dr. Silviu Gurlui, in prezent directorul Laboratorului de Optica Atmosferei, Spectroscopie si Laseri (LOASL) din cadrul Facultatii de Fizica de la UAIC. Acesta este autor al studiului intitulat „Poluarea si speranta de viata în România. Monitorizarea si cercetarea calitatii mediului: îmbunatatirea cadrului legislativ si a infrastructurii nationale”.

„Poluarea si schimbarile climatice sunt teme de maxima importanta la nivel mondial, iar efectele ireversibile care le provoaca asupra sanatatii sunt atent monitorizate de colective prestigioase de cercetare din întreaga lume. Cercetarea fundamentala si aplicativa ocupa un loc de prim rang pentru întelegerea si prevenirea efectelor cauzate de poluare, pentru cresterea sperantei de viata. Conform Organizatiei Mondiale a Sanatatii (OMS), numai în 2012 au fost înregistrate peste sapte milioane de decese la nivel mondial, cauzate de poluare. De asemenea, OMS atrage atentia ca nivelul crescut de poluare reduce semnificativ speranta de viata. Astfel, România ocupa abia locul 110 în lume, dupa Algeria, Siria, Libia, Tunisia, Kuweit, Libia si abia locul 30 în Europa, dupa Ungaria, Estonia, Serbia sau Slovacia. Institutul National de Statistica indica, în 2015, ca rata mortalitatii este mai mare în România decât media Uniunii Europene (UE), iar ponderea mortalitatii cauzate de afectiuni cardiovasculare este cea mai mare în Romania. Bucurestiul si Iasul sunt cunoscute ca fiind printre cele mai mari focare de poluare din România, iar o reducere a concentratiei doar pentru particule în suspensie PM2.5 la un sfert din valoarea actuala ar rezulta o crestere a sperantei de viata de cel putin 22 de luni. Cele doua orase ocupa si primele locuri din cele 25 de tari UE la numarul de spitalizari anuale”, reliefeza Gurlui.

Populatia care traieste în vecinatatea strazilor cu trafic intens, cea mai expusa

Pe de alta parte, cercetatorul de la Cuza arata ca populatia Iasului care traieste în vecinatatea strazilor cu trafic intens, sufera afectiuni ale aparatutlui respirator cauzat de poluare si este cu mult mai mare în special pentru copii sau la tineri cu vârsta de pâna la 17 ani.

„În Iasi, poluarea este cauzata, pe de o parte, de factori umani, anume industrie, trafic auto sau arderi de biomasa, si pe de alta parte de factori naturali, anume cenusa vulcanica sau de praful saharian! Caracterizarea spatio-temporala a acestor poluanti din atmosfera si întelegerea dinamicii lor reprezinta obiective strategice pentru UE. Iasul dispune de singurul echipament din România care poate investiga si monitoriza compozitia chimica a atmosferei la altitudini de pana la zece kilometri sau a surselor poluarii. Acest echipament este realizat la Universitatea Cuza, intr-un proiect national finantat de Agentia Spatiala Romana. Pe de alta parte, Iasul nu are harti de dispersie a compusilor poluanti, asta chiar daca urbea moldava se afla într-o regiune activa favorizata de directia de deplasare a maselor de aer, care pot antrena foarte frecvent aerosolii proveniti din zone cu incendii importante ale unor pasuni, paduri, în special din Rusia, Ucraina si Lituania. Ucraina este una din tarile cu un potential nuclear foarte important. Catastrofa produsa la centrala nucleara de la Cernobal, aflata la doar 500 de kilometri de Iasi, influenteaza înca mediul înconjurator, iar arderile de biomasa din arealul învecinat sunt un pericol activ si iminent pentru populatie si mediul înconjurator”, mai arata cercetatorul de la UAIC.

Citeste si : EXCLUSIV! Un profesor de la Universitatea Cuza a descoperit un SECRET de doua milioane de euro! De unde a plecat totul

Ce trebuie facut

Plecand de la toate aceste elemente grave constatate, conf. univ. dr. Silviu  Gurlui vine si cu o serie de solutii. Asta pentru ca poluarea este un subiect extrem de important pentru securitatea si sanatatea populatiei, iar solutiile se pot obtine doar prin studii si cercetari avansate.

„Din acest motiv, fie ca dezbatem problematica la nivel national sau la o scala mai redusa – cum ar fi Iasul, pachetul legislativ de monitorizare, control si previziune a dinamicii compusilor poluanti trebuie sa includa o serie de norme adaptate conditiilor actuale, anume de regiune, clima, surse de poluare, populatie. Legislatia nationala trebuie revizuita în sensul redefinirii normelor minime acceptate pentru compusi poluanti. De asemenea, trebuie aduse îmbunatatiri privind o clasa mai extinsa de poluanti – monitorizare, control si prevenirea populatiei în timp real. O atentie deosebita trebuie acordata compusilor toxici ce au la baza dioxine si furani. Dioxina se gaseste peste tot, în aer, sol si apa si poate produce chiar decesul daca depaseste 1 microgram/kg tesut. Astfel, expunerea pe timp îndelungat diminueaza imunitatea, induce dereglari ale tiroidei, produce diabet, endometrioza, afecteaza sistemul imunitar si sistemul nervos, central si periferic, produce sarcom si cloracnee… Având o durata de înjumatatire de câtiva ani, se impun reguli stricte de monitorizare”, considera fizicanului.

Se impune un standard de calitate avansat, în acord cu politicile de mediu si de securitate

In concluzie, solutiile propuse de conferentarul Silviu Gurlui se leaga de impunerea unui standard de calitate avansat în acord cu cerintele Uniunii Europene (UE) privind politicile de mediu si de securitate.

Citeste si : Un profesor de la Universitatea Cuza din Iasi a DECIS sa rupa TACEREA! Iesenii vor ramane fara RESPIRATIE cand vor afla despre ce este vorba

„Toate acestea au la baza urmatoarele: numirea unui Consiliu Stiintific Regional, format din 16 personalitati provenite exclusiv din mediul universitar, cu vizibilitate stiintifica deosebita din România si Uniunea Europeana, care sa acopere domeniile: fizica, chimie, biologie, geografie, sanatate, agronomie, meteorologe, stiinta si ingineria mediului… Trebuie incluse programe de modelare a dispersiei compusilor poluanti la sol si în altitudine – de tipul Air Quality Forecast System. Vor fi introduse tehnologii noi de monitorizare bazate pe spectroscopia RAMAN cuplata LIDAR – de tipul instalatiei DARLIOES. Se va realiza o retea regionala formata din 3-4 module LIDAR care vor putea da informatii în timp real despre aproape orice compus chimic poluant, toxic sau exploziv care se afla peste un prag minim, la sol si în altitudine, cu precizie spatiala de ordinul centimetrilor. Poluarea rezultata din traficul auto din Romania va putea fi monitorizata în timp real, prin plasarea unor echipamente laser bazate pe tehnologii lidar. Pentru diminuarea poluarii în zonele aglomerate de trafic, se impune fluidizarea traficului auto în functie de gradul de poluare si corelarea timpilor de asteptare la semafor, functie de atingerea unor praguri de risc pentru poluanti nocivi la sol, dar si în altitudine. În zonele de trafic intens se vor instala filtre industriale capabile sa absoarba aerul poluat. De asemenea, promovarea politicilor de încurajare a transportului în comun, a mijloacelor de deplasare cu propulsie exclusiv electrica”, concluzioneaza omul de stiinta.

Citeste si : Fulgere in laborator la Facultatea de Fizica de la Cuza! 

[sylvaridreams]

i dont know When im going to finish dinking around with colors on this but here's my main three mordrem post-soto :) about to throw down with someone

[sylvaridreams]

OC - Tober day 1 and day.... 2!

<- 1. Fave OC || 2. New OC ->

Auruim, my baby boy pathetic wretch of a man who I adore! and Darlionia, who is relatively new :) and I also love him too.

I don't think I will keep up or even try to keep up with drawing and posting daily hehe.... o7 bonk. just gonna doodle for the ones I like

[sylvaridreams]

Speaking of Auruim, (nobody was speaking of Auruim, but I just came off of a 12 hour shift and I need to talk about the reform process and the tragedy of its shortcomings before it becomes too vague of a memory for me to recant,) speaking of Auruim and my reformed mordrem in general: why are they *like that*? Let's discuss.

The easiest answer is of course to look at Auruim and his rage, and his hurt, and his trauma and say that he has misdirected his anger towards Alba and the Pact and the guild as a whole and determined that they are at fault for his pain. And to some degree YES that IS why Auruim is like that on the surface layer, he has nowhere to point his anger over his pain, he has no one to blame, and he has to find The Source of his agony, and the easiest thing to point at is The Commander who didn't protect him.

But I also think that it's too easy of a cop out, and it disregards the overarching theme of why is he LIKE THAT, though? and for that matter, why are the other two reformed mordrem like that? Darlio has no pre-blighting memories. Venasis had zero connection to the Pact or the Commander before meeting him during Icebrood Saga. Neither of them have Auruim's same experiences, so why are all three of them still so incredibly rough around the edges for several years after leaving the lab?

And I am certain that the answer to that lies in the question "what does the reform process for mordrem DO?" At its base, the reform is meant to turn them back, physically. It severs them from the mordrem hive, mentally. But that is where the process ends, and that finish line is where all three of them were failed by the process. It ended before it had completed, in some ways before it had begun. To call it an ego experiment is not a massive exaggeration; the krewe involved wanted to see if they COULD do it. Turned out they could, and so they called it a day at that point.

Taimi mentions to Alba on one of his first visits to the lab that this is the case, though not in the same verbiage. "The physical process is basically over, and mentally they're severed from the mordrem hive and aware of themselves, but socially… well it would be dangerous to just let them go, obviously. They need constant supervision and correction right now, and honestly, this krewe doesn't have people to spare to babysit."

Constant supervision and correction, babysitting-- for mental and emotional issues that remain. What she fails to bring into this is any plan to close the gap. They've changed the three physically. They've severed them from the hivemind. What more could you possibly want them to do? Provide emotional recovery and rehabilitation? Mental exercise and support?

Because in those ways the three mordrem are still 99.5% mordrem. They don't have emotional regulation or impulse control; they don't have the mental capacity for complex thought and decision making. They are hive creatures taken from their hive. They do not know how to handle the very harsh world they've been forced back into.

I put a lot of personal allegories into writing my sylvari but especially my mordrem. There's the theme of societal otherness and intense unregulated emotions that I can point to and say yeah, that mirrors some of my autistic traits. There's the themes of physical and mental disability stemming from sudden violent trauma that I can point to and say yeah, that's my TBI. There's the intense dysphoria, the disconnect of physical body with what "should be" and that's where we hit my transgender narrative. There's more but I've made the point.

So it comes back down to WHY does Auruim continue to be so cruel and hateful towards Alba and so "stupid" for years after Icebrood Saga; why is Darlio so similar without the reason of "hating the Commander," why does Venasis also struggle so hard with the same things-- or more importantly when and how does this begin to change?

The answer to which is "basically, as soon as they leave the lab, but very slowly, and ultimately not for a long time." Auruim only begins to improve in how he thinks and how he relates to others after the end of EoD, even past the end of SotO. Between Icebrood Saga and EoD, he's sent on his quest to better empathize with Alba (by going through his memories of HoT through LWS4,) and learns compassion for another person, though he struggles to express it appropriately. EoD sees him learning new outlets to exercise his mind and fine motor skills; writing letters to Deidre allows him to regain some pre-mordrem literacy skills and practice the art of holding and using a hand guided writing instrument like a pencil. He spends most of SotO comatose, and deteriorates physically and mentally while in that state; afterwards, as he struggles to regrow his missing limb, he is again relearning fine motor skills, speech, communication, emotional regulation, etc.

Things the lab failed to notice he was lacking and provide him with. Similar to their failure to provide him adequate medical care; post-reform saw him as chronically ill and physically unwell, but there was a refusal to see him as a person in need of treatment for conditions he could not control versus a specimen that needed observation and a cattle prod to approach. Something that has failed to come up on here is mention that there were not initially three mordrem captured in Auruim's group, there were five. The missing two both died within a few months of capture; one of them overnight while the others slept, separated from Auruim by a wall, and no one was aware that anything was amiss with her until late into the next morning. For the lab, this was a minor paperwork annoyance, but for Auruim this was terrifying. This was a fresh trauma, one of his own kind dying in a cage less than a foot away from him as he slept, seemingly for no reason. The fifth mordrem passed a couple of months later when the krewe refused to enter his cell to help him unless he assumed a surrender position; the mordrem was unable to stop convulsing, and no krewemate entered the cell until he had already died, while Auruim and the other two survivors pleaded with them to do anything to keep him alive. Even after the physical reform eventually leveled off and finished, these three were not people but specimens of beasts, and they eventually had to be carefully retaught so much of what being mordrem and being prisoners in a lab had stripped them of: personhood.

(And then there are a number of physical issues that Alba starts to notice during Icebrood Saga but which he fails to address promptly; it's not until after EoD when Auruim is living with Canach for several months that anything gets done about most of them. Both times, Taimi is consulted, and the answer boils down to that "you can't expect my krewe to have dealt with that" -- i.e., it wouldn't have been safe for them to treat Auruim's physical ailments, even the ones that they noticed were causing issue. Then of course there are the issues that fail to be noticed; no one realizes Auruim is very close to legally blind, because his communication that "I can't see it" and "you didn't show it to me" are taken as obstinance and push-back rather than admission that he *isn't* seeing things that are being held up to him. It's not until close to EoD that anyone realizes he's being literal when he says he can't see something directly in front of him and thinks to do anything about it.)

I think Auruim has a uniquely sad and frightening perspective of having had his identity as a sylvari stripped of him by the war he was handed off to, surviving as a feral thing for four years, and then being ripped out of his territory, tagged and collared, and told to act like a normal member of society. He was acutely aware of what he was lacking but had no way of knowing how to correct those things and close the gaps, and no one who understood or wanted to show him how to do so. And I think this is also why he clashes with so many people, but especially Alba. Alba fails for a long time to see that Auruim is lacking in things in all departments. He wrongly assumes that Auruim is just not trying hard enough, or that he's intentionally being difficult out of anger, leading to a lot of tension and distrust between them. It would not be incorrect to say that Alba is openly cruel and cold to him at times, because he perceives Auruim as treating him the same way. What he fails to see is Auruim's struggles with understanding his emotions and thoughts, and he fails to acknowledge that this is a person who relies entirely, 100% on him for care and guidance, which Alba falls short on often early on.

For example, during much of Icebrood Saga, Auruim refuses to wear a coat or sleep off the floor. Alba quickly gives up on both topics, deciding that Auruim has made the decision and can suffer the consequences. He fails to understand that Auruim cannot make these decisions, that mentally he cannot process the information or understand the unspoken implications presented to him of "this climate is intensely cold and very harsh" which therefore means "you can and will get sick and even die if you don't do these things." From Auruim's perspective, Alba attempts to dress him and give him a bed to sleep in out of some kind of roundabout cruel streak; he is rubbing Auruim's face in his "domestication." It is once people who don't like Alba (Meisi) become aware that Auruim is not being taken care of to meet these needs and kicks up a fuss that it begins to somewhat click that such points are possibly for his own good, or might otherwise benefit him somehow.

There is a certain gap between him and Alba bridged during EoD while in Cantha; throughout Icebrood Saga and the time between the two adventures, personal hygiene has been a point of conflict between the two of them. Auruim hates bathing because 1. he's lost his mordrem pheromones and identifying smell, and clings to this belief that maybe if he can regain it somehow, he can also regain his rightful place in the world (as a mordrem.) This leads into point 2; hygiene proved to be an issue early on in the reform process as well for the same reason, and the closest the krewe could offer to a shower was a cold spraydown of him and his cell with a hose. There's trauma in the act of bathing from "this is what they did to me in the lab too" and also "this is how my identity was stripped away from me." Alba does not get this until EoD; and until that time would also gladly take any opportunity to spray Auruim down from afar. While in Cantha, he actually attempts to communicate at Auruim's level and understand him past the surface level aggression and hurt, and is able to propose compromise, though it proves unsatisfactory-- Auru essentially tells him that the smell of soap is "wrong," so Alba takes him to a specialty shop to pick out his own. When that proves to not be the full answer, he also eventually coaxes out of Auruim that the imbalance of "power" in being bathed makes him upset and uncomfortable; Auruim does not want to be alone and feel cornered in this retraumatizing experience, and so Alba joins him in that vulnerability and they bathe communally, allowing Auruim to see him as an equal suffering through the same horrifying process (a bath.)

But it takes a certain amount of first admitting that Auruim is trying to communicate, and carefully presenting the right questions, prodding at the right angles to get information out of him, because he doesn't understand essential and appropriate communication skills. Auruim's idea of communicating wants and needs is to stare from a distance in silence and then start angry crying if you eventually ask what he wants. He is not The Talker-- because again, they failed to re-teach him skills that he needed to go back into the world.

I have more to say, I could discuss Ven and Darlio furher too, but like I said, 12 hour shift and at this point I'm meandering. TLDR the krewe in question when it comes to mordrem:

[sylvaridreams]

HUNT / ENTROPY

It's good to spend all evening working on album covers for your ocs' playlists. I'm happy big and normal.

[sylvaridreams]

The poll was called early due to unsportsman-like behavior! 🥳Congrats to no one!

[sylvaridreams]

coming to you live from my hospital bed! couple of auru-centric sketches I don't think I've posted before. maybe

[sylvaridreams]

I got three hours sleep because I was thinking about Darlio again. -_-

[sylvaridreams]

bumper sticker that says "I LOVE MY THREE "REFORMED" 🙄MORDREM HONOR ROLL CHILDREN" and it's only a lie because none of them are smart enough to be on honor roll

Champion Lieutenant Auruim + his Knight Darlio + Cavalier Venasis

[sylvaridreams]

and so the ultimate fishing begins....

[sylvaridreams]

Ok fine here's a real lorepost

The thing about Darlio's fear of the mordrem pack falling apart if he doesn't sabotage Auruim is like. He's right in the end. It does break apart and they do drift away from each other.

There's a long series of events leading up to this that starts with Auruim meeting Deidre and ends with my mordrem scattered and alone.

(Minor fleeting mentions of SotO spoilers)

(Meisi, Deidre, and Deorai are @ cheddargoblin's) (Mui is @ starlightsuncrow's)

Darlio has long hated Deidre for not being a part of their pack; one part territorial, one part afraid of change, another part trying to assert dominance over the situation.

He and Auruim were clashing heavily st the beginning of EoD with Darlio's mordrem legends pushing him to tear Auruim down from his leadership position and take his place as head dog. Auruim leaves with incredibly hurt feelings and some injuries, they don't talk again until after he returns, more than a year later.

When Auruim is in Cantha with Alba, Darlio corners Deidre and tries to bully her into her place, gets his arm broken for the effort. He develops a silent respect for Deidre, though no warm feelings exist there-just hey, you overpowered me and put me in MY place, I'll back off.

Auruim came back from Cantha, he and Darlio instantly were able to be best buddies again, to Deidre's absolute shock. She made clear to both of them that Darlio wasn't to come near her still.

Deorai showed up at their Pact camp sometime later, passing through the area for a week or so. Darlio acted incredibly hostile towards another mordrem, one who not only exists outside of their pack but who has completely and effortlessly left the jungle behind. Auruim, who looks to Darlio for how to behave socially and who trusts his judgement, also reacted with hostility. Venasis was able to chat with Deorai and somewhat explain and smooth things over, and strong-arm Auru into playing nice with him. Even Deidre (afraid of another mordrem) was able to eventually make nice.

Deorai leaves after about a week, Darlio is left with bad feelings. His revenant legends are making things especially unbearable. As they often do, they're singling out Deidre as the problem. Hareth wants her dead, Diarmid wants her to suffer, Adryn has clever ideas for how to put things into motion. Darlio ends up stealing Deidre's unfinished thesis with the intention of destroying her work. Arguing with his head ghosts, he talks himself out of doing it, but gets caught by Deidre herself with the work. Venasis goes to get Auruim to handle the situation.

Darlio is arguing that he wasn't going to do anything, that he changed his mind; Auruim is yelling at him and trying to start a physical fight over it; Deidre snaps at all three of them and goes off, criticizes them as people, as a pack. Darlio, upset, yells that she's not a real mordrem and thats why she doesn't get it; Deidre yells back that none of them are real mordrem either, and if they were they wouldn't be here, then storms out.

Auru, Ven and Darlio head back to their tent. Darlio goes to bed and cries while Auruim and Venasis quietly discuss what to do. Auruim says maybe it's time to stop doing "this kind of stuff." Time passes, and Deidre avoids them all.

Auruim, who had previously gone to Deidre for medical advice and help with Darlio's migraines and apparent psychosis (result of his revenant legends yelling over one another all the time) goes to Meisi and asks for his help next. Meisi begins meeting with Darlio and training him to control and block out his legends.

Meisi then ends up in SotO when he feels something (Alba) ripped through the mists and goes to investigate and becomes imprisoned in the Tower, leaving Darlio without a mentor or any idea how to get control over himself.

Deidre asks Auruim if they can meet later and talk. Auruim agrees; later he gets into a big blowout fight with Darlio over it. When Auru reveals he's going to smooth things out with Deidre later, Darlio says they don't need that reject in their pack, Auruim yells back at him that there is no pack, there's never going to be a pack again, and we're not going to do this shit anymore! It escalates into hurtful territory; Darlio says something cruel and Auruim says "you hurt everything you touch. Even me."

Auru: You know you make it really hard to care about you sometimes.

Darlio: I don't need you.

Auru: Yeah, I know you don't.

Auruim storms out and goes to kill kryptis in a rift that opens near the encampment. This is notably the last time he's seen, as he gets his arm torn off and spends the next six months wasting away in the Tower under Bourbon, Meisi and Alba's watch.

And of course when he doesn't go meet Deidre, she assumes he's pulled his classic Auruim move of running away from his problems. She ends up leaving camp soon herself with Mui (not necessarily of her own wishes, but the Pact forces her out for kryptis posession reasons.)

Venasis leaves soon after, when Aeris invites her to go travel, see the world, and figure out what she wants to do with her life. Part of Ven's history is that she was Nightmare Court, got turned mordrem, and then later recovered with Auru and Lio when they were captured. She's been a pacifist since because she felt that she'd done "enough harm" in her life already; at this point she's realized that inaction isn't peaceful, and that standing by and playing along with Auru and Darlio's "pack" has hurt people too.

So in the end. Darlio was right, his legends were correct. If the status quo failed to be upheld, everything would fall apart, and it did. And in the end they did all leave him, and he was completely alone.

Deorai ends up coming through again and picks him up out of his pit of despair but. Regardless, the pack is split apart. Auruim is somewhere unknown, dying. (He sends Ven and Lio a letter and a rune to come visit but Ven is already gone by then and Darlio is completely illiterate and only barely recognizes that it's Auruim's penmanship. So Darlio had a way to go and see him again and never knew.)

Anyway that's roughly where we are now. :)

[sylvaridreams]

Gathering my thoughts from last night + this morning on Bourbon and why he tries so hard to get along with my mordrem sylvari. It hit me last night during pacing hours (the hours in which I pace) WHY he gravitates to my mordrem, and why they in turn are willing to lean on and trust him as a mentor figure. It feels so obvious now, but before I was just going with "Oh I dunno he's nice and he tries to be kind to people, he's like an uncle!"

No, it's literally because he's lived their same path, he's been torn out of his home, he's had his racial identity stripped from him, he's lived the same experience of "I can't return and I don't fit in to the person that people would prefer me to live as." He gets it and that's WHY he tries so hard, with Auru and Darlio especially. He knows their rage. He HAS their rage. My home, where I belong, was taken away with force, and I have no home to go to now, and I have to live between worlds and fit in nowhere. It's an isolating existence. So few people are going to understand it.

I don't think he's fully, properly explained to them that "I'm "human" but I'm not "a human" and I'll never be able to walk among them as one of them because of my origins," or "hey I was raised by dredge and I'm dysphoric at the thought of being a human and not a mole person," but even Auruim is eventually able to see how Bourbon recoils from being branded as human by others, and understands that it hurts his feelings a lot at the very least. None of my mordremvari are blind to how people treat each other. All three of them know what social rejection and abuse feels and looks like, they'd be able to witness how Bourbon is treated whenever he fails the social check among humans, which I think makes them feel that he IS a safe person to be around. It's not nonstop but it's blatant to them when it happens, and it allows them to reflect that "this is another victim of the world's cruelty."

Plus there's this sense of, you not only get what I'm going through, you're fighting against what they're doing to me-- I think he'd stand up for them when they're mistreated, obviously. But not just "Hey, you can't say/do this blatantly cruel thing to this person just for being mordrem" but also like, no, you can't do these subtly cruel things to them. Someone cracks an off color joke at dinner about dragon minions and people laugh, maybe none of the mordrem are even THERE to hear it, but Bourbon is like THAT'S not funny, there are mordrem in this camp and they're fighting on the same side as you. Show some respect. <- Which in turn earns HIM no respect from others, for showing sympathy to elder dragon minions.

It does take time for any of them to trust him. But he gets that. He understands an approach of carrot and stick, he remembers being 12 and starving and dying of exposure and having to be coaxed into the bandit camp with food scraps because all he'd known his whole life was "men are scary monsters that will kill you horribly if they get you." He gets it when Auruim yells at him and shoves him away and tells him to stop bothering him, I don't want to be around you, he gets it when Darlio does the same, he gets Venasis' unintentional cold rejection of him. Surrounding that shell of lonely isolation from the world is a thick layer of fear. When will the other boot drop and when will you hurt me too?

And he isn't able to bridge the gap with any of them until Mawdrey. Auruim starts growing Mawdrey and it quickly overwhelms him-- it wants people to eat, it wants blood and meat and bone, and he's scared because he loves this thing he's cultivated and the Pact will take it from him and kill it, and he's hiding in a storeroom tent with this parasite that's crawling up him killing him. Bourbon is the one that finds him, sits down and holds his hand and lets Mawdrey tear slowly into his arm as well, talks him down and tells him you're not in trouble but we have to get her off you. I know it hurts because I'm hurting too. I feel your pain right now in this moment and I'm here for it with you. Had ANYONE else found Auruim, they would have taken Mawdrey away by force to burn it, and he would never have forgiven anyone for it.

I've joked maybe not on Tumblr but elsewhere that Bourbon is forming an all-mordrem band by manner of teaching each of them to play music and/or sing, and it was mostly like hehe j/k bonk but um. They'd do it for him. 🧍‍♂️ I think he's the one and only person that all three of them can point to and say I trust him and care about him and he loves and cares about me too.