#day12 feels too little am I counting wrong?

[diaryofanaverageunicorn]

Hellow, weirdos.

Day 12

The shift I had today was four hours. It felt like 8, at least. But why? It was busy. It's always busy... No, no. here was an actual journalist with a cameraman busy. I am serious. No, I ain't shitting. It's a game festival, and the coffee shop being what it is (board games, board games everywhere) it meant that today, tomorrow, and Sunday will be this absolute nightmare all over again. My coworkers also smelled the extra stupid in the air today. I exclaimed "I want to shoot myself" in the kitchen and a coworker having bearly heard me over the fryer ventilation asked "do you need a gun for yourself or the clients?? because I'm just about to kick everyone out". It wasn't just me. Today just sucked. I needed double the normal amount of painkillers for the headache I got in under three hours of being in there. Jeezus freaking Christ. Never mind that, I feel better now, I'm home. Before that tho. I was once again... Oh wait a lil backstory -- I'm a human-shaped emotional dumping ground. People just trust me, with everything, all the time, they gravitate towards me like moths to a freaking flame it's uncanny. It's happened all of my life, but people just dump their deepest, darkest secrets/emotional baggage on me. It is just how it is. Now, if I was a spy, that would have been useful. If I was emotionally stable and responsible, that would have been great. But

[Jake Peralta gif saying I'm uncomfortable with emotions]. And I am uncomfortable with MY OWN LET ALONE ANYBODY ELSE'S. I am just now learning to accept my own emotions, so others being emotional around me is an absolute nightmare. Never, ever, do I feel more like an alien than when someone is expressing genuine emotion that I do not share in feeling at the same time. I am awkward as fuck. I try hiding it as well as I can, and it usually works well enough, but jeez Louise this is uncomfortable. This is why we need to teach consent in ALL situations, not just sexy times. And I mean in EVERY case -- "hey, I need to vent about my day, do you have the energy?", a door is open but the room belongs to someone else *KNOCK, KNOCK* "can I come in?". Shit like that you know. I just experienced four hours of non-consensual socialising because it's part of my job, man. I need at least a Warning before you spill such heavy emotional stuff on me. And I am talking about heavy loss in one's life type of thing. Not random bitching about traffic or the weather. I have worked with you 5 times previously, and yes, you are very nice, but gods I barely remember your name...

*sigh*

Is this a regular introvert thing or is this a neurospicy thing? I don't really have well-adjusted extroverts in my life. I need to go to bed it's getting late. And I need a shower first.

Goodnight,

M.