#dean embracing the life only to get abandoned by john and get a taste of the normalcy he thought he couldn’t have

[t00muchheart]

Dean Winchester stood in front of a fire and watched a monster burn while accepting that he would never have a normal life and also got left at a boy’s home by his father for two months after he got caught stealing food to take carrots of his little brother, in that time getting to experience a normal life where he was on the wrestling team and had a girlfriend he wanted to take to the school dance and BOTH OF THOSE THINGS HAPPENED IN THE SAME 12 MONTHS

[huntertales]

Part Four: All’s Well That Ends Well. (Bad Boys S09E07)

Episode Summary: When an old friend of Dean’s asks for help to solve a murder, Sam and the reader discover that the older Winchester as a secret past—one that will help solve the hunt. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Word Count: 3,476.

Previous Part | Supernatural Rewrite Masterlist

There was never a better feeling than wrapping up a particular rough hunt. Before you and the boys could say your final goodbyes to everyone and hit the road back to Kansas, Dean wanted to stay a little longer and have a private chat with Robin after the eventful afternoon she endured. There was nothing stopping him from giving the woman a proper goodbye, the one she deserved to have all those years ago. She was starting to understand Dean's past more and why he moved around so often. The business he inherited from his father wasn't like her own, but there was a sort of satisfaction to it of helping people. 

"So, then, this is the family business?" Robin asked the man, still trying to wrap her head around everything she witnessed earlier today.

"Told you it was boring." Dean replied with a casual tone that made Robin laugh. She shook her head at his attitude that was too laid back for her personal comfort. She had a feeling he dealt with stranger things out there in the world. "Well, as you can see, I did not run off to become a rockstar." 

"Mm...I don't know about that." Robin said. She tilted her head and smiled at the man. Despite the years that passed between them, not many things changed about him from his youth. He was still the same. Except that he seemed more assured of himself, more confident. And perhaps a tad bit happier. "You look pretty rockin' to me, Dean Winchester."

Dean chuckled at the woman's compliment. "And what about you?"

"I mean, I always thought that I would hate being in the same little town my whole life, and you know, taking over the diner like Dad always wanted, but...I don't. I just—I love it." Robin admitted. Dean was happy to hear about how the woman's life turned out. it was far from what she aspired to be when she was a teenager, but from the look on her face, she wouldn’t have it any other way. “How about you? The family business all that bad?”

“Well, it’s not all threatening to harm kids and spirits. It has its ups and downs, I’m not gonna lie. But it’s not all that bad.” Dean said. It was sort of funny to think back to the things the both of them discussed when they were teenagers. All their hopes and dreams for something different, wanting nothing more than to distance themselves from what their parents wanted, only to follow the exact same path they wanted to avoid. "I guess we didn't know everything we did at sixteen, huh?"

“Not everything.” Robin agreed. “Just some things.” 

She guessed everything happens for a reason. If he asked, she would admit to him that he felt like the one who got away. She wondered from time to time if things might have turned out differently if he stayed and they went on that date he promised her. Would their lives have ended up differently? For better or worse? She didn't know, and quite frankly, didn't really care. Robin was genuinely happy with the way her life turned out. It might not have been exciting and adventurous like Dean's, but she was okay with that. 

Robin found her mind wandering to a few different places with a couple of questions she wanted to try and pick Dean's brain before he left. She only had gotten a taste of what he went up against everyday. Part of her wanted to ask what kind of things were out there, but she had a feeling ignorance was bliss in this sort of situation. However there were other things she was curious about. She noticed Dean look over his shoulder to you and his brother, who had been talking to Sonny after he arrived back from the hospital. 

"Okay, I gotta know." Robin let out a quiet sigh from the intrusive thought that wouldn't leave her alone. She shoved her hands into her back pocket and casually glanced over your way. "Is Y/N your wife? I mean, I only ask because you don't seem the traditional type. And the both of you seem...pretty close.” 

“No. Not yet, at least.” Dean said. He found himself glancing back over in your direction again to see you talking to Sonny, seeming to have moved on from the update from the smile on your face. He prayed the older man who looked after him for those two months wasn’t telling you some kind of embarrassing story you’d most likely tease him about later when the both of you were alone. “I’m still waiting for the day she gets sick of me and runs off.” 

"Give yourself some credit. If she didn't snatch you up, maybe I would have." Robin teased the man. She took the man by surprise when she leaned forward and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Not in a romantic sort of way, but a thank you for everything he had given her. "Goodbye, Dean. If you ever happen to come back here, those banana pancakes will always be waiting for you." 

The older Winchester smiled at the woman's open invitation and quietly gave her a verbal goodbye. He watched as Robin mader her way up the porch steps and joined Timmy who had been lingering near the front door. The kid smiled and waved to Dean before joining Robin back inside his permanent home. Dean left this place with a better feeling than he had all these years ago. Sonny was a good man, if anyone could help a kid like Timmy, he was the perfect person to do so. 

Dean made his way over to you and Sam, overhearing the conversation about the things Timmy went through today and the person responsible for the deaths of Ruth and Jack, along with the harming of the other boy Sonny was looking over as well. Trauma and trouble were things Sonny was quite familiar with. And he'd do anything in his power to make sure the kid grew up in a loving home.

"Sounds like Timmy's gonna need some help adjusting." Sonny said. 

"Yeah, but he's got you." Dean told the man. 

"I always hate to see you go, dee-dawg. Can't thank you enough for this one, man." Sonny reached out and shook the older Winchester's hand before embracing him into a quick hug. 

"Sonny, we'll see you around." Dean gave his final goodbyes to the man, a little disappointed all of you had to leave so soon. He'd like to stick around for a little while longer and catch up with Sonny, but he was starting to miss his own bed after a stressful hunt like the one all of you endured. 

"You bet on that, kids." Sonny said. "Take it easy, man." 

All of you gave your final goodbyes to the man before you watched Sonny make his way back up to the house to join the boys. You let out a quiet sigh and walked to the Impala that was parked a few feet away. As you reached for the backseat door, Sam found himself caught up with how the hunt ended. The situation looked like it was going to end horribly, until it didn't. Talking out problems to the monster straight on almost never worked. But for some reason it did in this situation. 

"Hey, how did you know Timmy asking his mom to leave was gonna work?" Sam asked his brother, a little bit curious to hear the answer.

“I didn’t. Total Hail Mary.” Dean admitted. “Got lucky.”

"You just got lucky?" Sam repeated his brother's response, seeming to find it a bit funny like the man did. "Kind of like you did with this place. I mean, here I was thinking this was the worst part of your life, and it turns out it was the best. Why'd you ever leave?"

Dean would never admit the truth about this place to either one or Sam. There were some things about his life that he wanted to remain a secret. "Never felt right." Dean said. Sam didn't seem to fully believe the excuse his brother tried to use, you simply looked between both of the boys, understanding the things neither one of them wanted to say. "It was two months, Sam, okay, and I couldn't wait to get out of here. I don't know what to tell you. It wasn't me." 

The boys were good liars when they wanted to be. If you keep telling yourself the same thing over and over again, eventually you'd start to believe it, too. You opened up the car door and slid yourself inside with the brothers following in suit. Dean could lie to your face all you wanted, but you knew there was a special place in his heart for this home and Sonny. A possibility in your life that didn't turn out to be. A chance for normality that never came. For Sam it was his college years, and Dean it was here. While it never lasted long, the chance of getting a taste was sweet enough. Because what you wanted in the moment might not be the thing you really wanted after all. Something made all of you choose hunting instead of a normal life. 

Sam had a hunch of what made Dean decide not to stay at Sonny's all those years ago and join him and John. Something Dean always chose. His older brother never once abandoned him over the years. He was always there for him, always wanting to look out for him. Dean made sacrifices the way a parent did. And never once over the years did he make Sam feel guilty over it. He did what he always did, protected him. 

"Dean...thank you." Sam muttered two words he felt he didn't say enough to his brother. Dean's face slowly morphed into confusion at the compassion being thrown his way. He asked what for. "For always being there, for having my back. Look, I know it hasn't always been easy."

The car fell into silence at the heartfelt words Sam needed to say after understanding the importance of this place to his brother, even if he didn't want to say it. Dean swallowed at the shift in atmosphere. The heaviness of the guilt his brother must be feeling at the moment. In true Dean fashion, the man denied anything to help avoid a deeper conversation. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

You rolled your eyes at the man's response, not sure why you were expecting anything else from him. Dean turned on the engine and put the car into drive, sending the Impala forward and down the dirt path out of Sonny's ranch. You looked out the window to get one more good look at the place before turning your attention back to the road. 

+ + +

There was never a better feeling than coming back to the bunker and unwinding after the rough hunt you had. Sam decided he wanted to tackle the book he wanted to read and headed off to the library, you decided not to delay the unpacking you needed to do and the laundry that was starting to pile up in your hamper. You threw your duffel bag to the bed and reached to unzip it. pulling out the dirty clothes and throwing them to the overflowing pile of others. You let out a quiet sigh of annoyance and debated with yourself if you really wanted to do this right now...

Lucky for you, a momentary distraction came to you when Dean stepped into your shared bedroom with his own overnight bag he threw over to the couch. You'd been meaning to talk to him about the hunt. You watched as he kicked off his shoes and jumped onto the bed, relaxation finally coming over him after the long drive. You joined him without needing to be asked, curling up to his side and taking the rightful place you loved to be. You didn't entertain small talk like how you normally did when you wanted to ask Dean persona questions like you normally did. 

“I’ve been thinking...” You began.

“That’s never good.” Dean was quick to try and humor you with jokes that made him laugh, you responded with an eye roll like always. 

"What do you think our lives would be like if we never met? If you never left Sonny’s?" You asked him the question that had been burning in the back of your mind for a while now. Dean could try and deny the truth all he wanted to you, but you knew him better than he knew himself. You sat up so you were staring at him in the eye to see his reaction from your question. "I know Sammy’s the reason why you really left.” 

You watched as Dean opened his mouth to try and deny such a claim. You raised your brow slightly and waited for him to try and stop the conversation before it could go any further. He shot down all of you every time you tried to dig deeper into this part of his past. But it seemed he didn't want to deny anything with you. He let out a quiet sigh. "I couldn't leave the kid alone." 

“That’s what makes you the best big brother, ever.” You mumbled, a smile spreading across your lips. “I could picture you turning out to be like Sonny. Having a home for little wayward boys, making them better people. Maybe settle down with Robin...be happy.” 

“You think I’d settle down with Robin?” Dean teased you from the way you trailed off before finishing your sentence. Speaking words that almost sounded like they left a bad taste in your mouth from the thought alone of not having a life with him. “Are you jealous?”

“What? No!” You jumped a little too quickly to deny such a claim from him. You rolled your eyes when the smirk that spread across his lips grew a little wider at your reaction to his question. You reached out to fix the flannel he was wearing so it laid flat, using the few moments between your words to help formulate your thoughts better. “Far from it, actually. It was nice meeting someone from your face that wasn’t a hookup. I...I’m happy your life wasn’t that bad all the time.” You were now fidgeting with his buttons from what you said. “You got to have somewhat a normal life. Experience the awkwardness of being a teenager. Date a nice girl. Even if it only lasted a few months. It just makes me wonder what your life could have been if you stayed.” 

“I never really thought about it.” Dean shrugged, giving you the honest truth. “Not recently, at least.” 

You looked up at him after focusing on his shirt for a little while longer, asking another question. “Was she the first girl you got serious with?” 

"Why'd you ask that?" Dean's expression changed into slight confusion at such an odd sounding question. You saw his brow scrunch together as he wondered to himself if you 

 were jealous. Not of what she was to him, but the fact that it wasn't you who gave him the teenage bliss of first dates and making out on porches. Stupid things every sixteen year old got to experience. Things you missed out on when you were his age.

“Because of the way you acted around her when you first saw her at the diner. You acted like you were more than old friends." You said. "You get this look in your eye when you're around girls who...gave you something you never really got to have." 

“She made me understand what it was like to be a teenager. What relationships were like.” He said. “But she doesn’t compare to you. Not even by a long-shot.” 

"I know our paths were supposed to cross and all that crap, but sometimes I wonder what things would be like if we were just...normalish.” You said. “What if we never met back up as teenagers? We might have gone our entire lives not knowing each other. You really might have become a famous rockstar. I could have been an adoring fan of yours!” 

"Would have you been one of those groupies who'd do anything to get backstage to meet the singer?" Dean asked, wiggling his brow to prove his point. You quietly laughed at the way his mind always seemed to wander. "Do you think you would have gone to college and live the life the way your mom wanted if we never met?"

“Mmm, perhaps. Maybe I’d settle down with some schmuck and live some boring life.” You quietly laughed at the thought of having the American dream most people craved to have. A boring job with a white picket fence and a spouse they’d most likely divorce in ten years. “I can picture myself having some lame career. Pop out a few kids. Definitely would have a dog…I mean, how can I not?”

“We’re not getting a dog. Or a cat. You know my allergies wouldn’t handle it.” He quickly shot down your idea of adding a furry pet into your family when you looked at him the way you were right now. You still were a bit  bummed since you wrapped up the case with the Colonel a few weeks back. You’d do anything to give him a proper home, but you knew that it was impossible with the life you lead. “Sammy’s kind of like a dog. He’s hairy enough. And Kevin’s like a cat. He never leaves and sometimes roams from room to room.” 

“You’re terrible.” You lightly whacked Dean in the chest at his horrible joke that made you smile. He chuckled to himself and titled his head to the side that you found adorable. For some reason you found yourself staring into his eyes, a rush of emotions came over you. Sometimes it happened when the light hit him just right or he was simply doing something mundane. It was the realization that Dean was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. He was your soulmate, your better half. Even if he was a bit of an idiot sometimes. He was all yours. And fate had led you together. “I love you, Dean.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart.” He whispered back to you. He leaned down slightly to give you a sweet and simple peck on the lips. “And don’t you forget that.” 

“I won’t.” You promised him. “Not ever.” 

Maybe that’s why he kept this of his past a secret for all these years. John told Sam that his older brother got lost on a hunt because it was just easier for everyone. Sam wouldn’t understand why John couldn’t pick his brother back up from this place. You bet that even at twelve years old Sam butted heads with his father. 

And Dean never told the truth because...because this place was something that made him think for a second that the life he had wasn’t what he wanted. He could’ve changed it around and never looked back. He could’ve gone to that dance like a normal teenager and continued on with Robin. He could’ve finished up school and possibly went off to college. Learn guitar from and become a big rockstar. Or go to college and study engineering. Dean was smart, much as he doubted himself at times. There was an opportunity to change his life around and stay with someone who cared for him and gave the right kind of tough love he needed at times. And he would’ve done it, only if he was an only child. Maybe if Sam was a few years older and was able to take care of himself on his own. 

Dean’s life could have gone in a million different directions if he wanted All of your lives could have. The one he was given was tough and unbearable at times. He suffered too much grief and constantly had a crisis that needed solving. But the good outweighed the bad. If his life didn’t go the way it did, he wouldn’t have met you. Or Cas. And few people he called friends. Dean learned that his life, good or bad, was his own to control after all the crap he dealt with before in the past. It wasn’t perfect, God knows that, but it was his. He was able to do anything he wanted. And the realization made him think back to what he said about you to Robin when she asked if you and him were married. Not yet...but soon. He hoped very soon. 

[Next Part]

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[archive-tobemoved]

DRABBLE ; LYDIA’S RETURN

when emma turns seven, dean gets a visit by an unexpected guest  --  lydia, emma’s mother.  in her attempt to reconnect with him, dean has to make the difficult choice of letting her into emma’s life or cutting her off completely.

he thought lydia had deleted his number from her phone  --  because that’s what he did.  hence, he was surprised when he received a call from her, asking him to meet her.   “ no. ”   that was his first answer, but lydia insisted,  “ if i can’t see her, i wanna see you, at least. ”   with a sigh of defeat, dean agreed to it for the sake of giving her the benefit of the doubt.  

dean told his mother that he would have a busy weekend, taking care of ‘job’, keeping the details vague, and kindly asked her to take care of emma until sunday afternoon.  he kissed his daughter goodbye on friday evening as he dropped her off at her grandparents’ home.  then, he drove off to lydia’s place, as she had texted him her address.  he kept asking himself why she deserved a second chance, but deep down, he knew the answer to that  (  he just didn’t want to accept it as the right one  ):  he truly wanted to see if the two had another shot at this, if they could put the past behind and start over together.  that was dean’s deepest desire, that was what convinced him that it was worth trying.  

he rang the bell, and she answered the door a moment later.  in the eight years he’d known her, she didn’t seem to have changed much.  she only grew a bit older, but she was still the same, gorgeous woman he almost fell in love with   --   they were never in love.  they never got to that stage in their relationship  ;  they were meant to be a one-night stand.  in many ways, they have remained that way since, even after emma’s birth, lydia wasn’t convinced enough to stay with him.  so, she abandoned dean, but not without leaving a piece of her behind   --   their daughter.   “ thanks for coming. ”   she appeared so sweet and kind, but deep down, dean knew she was only faking it.  

“ i’m here.  what do you want? ”   dean was impatient, because he didn’t want to stay longer than he needed to.  she wasn’t being straightforward with her answers.  she kept stalling, kept trying to buy time to get him to soften up a bit.  so, she started to narrate to him her life, about where she’d been, what she’d been doing  ...  long story short, she had ambitions that she had failed to achieve, because she couldn’t afford it, because she didn’t qualify for it, because she lacked the passion.  she’d traveled the world, looking for a place to belong, only for her to return to the same town that she’d been all her life.  she wanted to start over again.  she wanted to feel alive again, like she used to do when she was with dean (  but what she failed to see was that she’d only known dean for a few days and for only one night  ).  she managed to paint quite the picture for dean.  he acknowledged that she had to face some struggles, avoid some others and run back to her old life to start anew.  he couldn’t blame her for trying to chase after her dreams, but he did blame her for abandoning her daughter.  that wasn’t something he could easily look past, because dean had yet to articulate his own struggles with raising a child as a single parent.  lydia reassured him that, from then on, she would try and do better.  she would be there for emma if he’d let her, and she was even willing to attempt to form a more stable relationship with dean.  she was willing to take a step forward.  she told him everything he wanted to hear, and he believed her.  

lydia wasn’t lying.  she had already bought a pile of toys that she was planning to give to emma for her birthday.  feeling more and more convinced, dean decided to bring her to his place and show her emma’s room, her stuff, her creations, everything.  if she wanted to get to know her daughter, she might as well start from there.  

on saturday afternoon, after dean was done with his shift at the garage, he went home and waited for lydia.  she arrived soon, and the two spent several hours talking about their daughter.  dean showed her some pictures, her room, some of her drawings, her clothes.  lydia seemed to be almost proud of the life he had built for her.  throughout the time he spent with her, he observed her carefully, taking mental notes of her reactions to things he said, to her behavior, trying to find a flaw that justified the reason she left in the first place.   “ i was stupid. ”    she admitted to him, but that reason didn’t seem enough for him.  

suddenly, everything he knew about her, which was a rather limited information, seemed to have been inverted.  he saw a different woman in front of him, more certain of what she wanted, more committed to her present situation.  she matured.  that was the reason he’d been seeking all this time.  without realizing how close the two stood next to each other, lydia leaned towards him and kissed him, inviting him to taste the familiar flavor of her lips.  dean didn’t push her away ; he let the moment flow the way it should have a long time ago.  and grew into something more than merely a kiss, or a make-out.  they had fully invited one another onto each other’s embrace.  thus, the two ended up in dean’s bedroom, lying naked in bed together.  at that moment, they were both eighteen again. 

the next day, sunday morning, they woke up next to each other.  dean was smiling.  he had what he’d asked for ; a second chance.  lydia had an arm spread across his chest, as she rested her head right next to him.   she was smiling, too.  they stayed in bed for another hour, talking, laughing at their own mistakes.  it all felt so natural.  it was as if she’d never left, as if he’d always known her    --    until he realized: he never knew her at all. 

“ i almost forgot   --  i got a call from my agent yesterday.  he told me if i nail this audition, i might actually move to L.A.!  god!  i can’t wait to just  --  get out of here ... ”   as exciting as the news appeared to be, dean couldn’t help but wonder where she placed her daughter into her whole place.      “  L.A.?  that’s a long way from ...  -- emma.  ”     she was taken by surprise by his response and quickly defended herself,    “  well, yeah, i know, but if it doesn’t work out, i’ll just stay here anyway. ”    dean ended up asking the same question just to clarify what her plan was exactly.  she wanted to built a career, but she said she couldn’t take emma with her because hollywood wasn’t meant for children.  that, dean agreed to.  but, she also suggested, that emma would be a second choice to what she really wanted, which was to pursue acting. 

“ so, what, emma’s second best to you? ”   he didn’t let her answer, because anything she said would only make him angry.  he sat up on the bed, quickly making a decision that seemed only rational.       “ you know what?  you should go.  ”   he uttered calmly.     “  what?  ”   lydia, in her own attempt to defend herself, she was at a loss of words.     “  yeah, emma’s gonna be here soon, and i don’t want her to see you here.  ”    he replied in a straightforward manner.  at that moment, emma’s mother became one of the rest of the women he’d been with :  the women he would say his goodbye to and wouldn’t allow his daughter to meet.  she didn’t deserve to meet her, and her lack of protest proved precisely that.  she got up, put on her clothes and walked out of the door.  she didn’t even try to defend herself, because she knew she had no rights on emma.  she was never a mother to her, and she never would be.  

later in the afternoon, emma had arrived from her grandparents.   “ daddy! ”  the child greeted her father with open arms, and he picked her up, giving her one large hug.    “ sweetpea! ”   he squeezed her gently and put her down to greet his mother.     “ hey, mom. ”   he kissed her cheek.      “ how’d the job go? ”   mary inquired curiously, as she avoided prying.   “ uh  ...   --   didn’t work out. ”    dean said simply.    “ oh, well.  there’ll always be a next time. ”    mary shrugged in confidence, and dean nodded in agreement.  maybe there would be a next time, indeed.      “ join us for dinner? ”   dean was already starving, and he was prepared to cook something.  “ can’t.  i gotta go before john attempts to cook by himself and burns down the kitchen! ”   mother and son laughed together.  she kissed her son goodbye and waved at emma.  as she turned to leave, she said to him,       “ i’ll see you, honey   --  and don’t be a stranger. ”