#dehydrated SpongeBob voice: i don’t need it

[sailermoon]

[ashyblondwaves]

HEADCANNON EXTRAVAGANZA TO BRING YOU SOME JOY

Family stuff

Vision talks to the twins while they are still in Wanda’s belly to get to know them before they are born. They aren’t as active as Florence but they still know that their daddy is there and respond in some way to his voice.

Vision always talks to his children as though they are grownups and almost never does the baby voice thing because he wants to treat them with the utmost respect. He’ll still attack them with kisses and cuddles and he’ll do the voice he does in episode three of Wandavision when he kisses Wanda’s belly. However, he’s never like, ok teeny weeny babies let’s put on our sockies and shoesies (no shame if anybody does this, I do this sometimes lol).

Wanda is super sweet on her kiddos but is not one to be fooled. Sometimes Vision can be naive but the kids have never even tried to pull a fast one on Wanda. She is a really loving mom and would never be verbally or physically abusive/ condescending/ rude but her kids know from the beginning to respect her. They also know that she will cut a bitch for them. Looking at you school bullies/ PTA moms/ homophobes.

Every week, they have family nights where everybody cuddles in the couch/ in Wanda and Vision’s bed. Because the boys are little it’s something suitable for them. When Wanda is pregnant she cries at whatever is going on in the movie and Vision holds back his laughter and puts on a supportive face. He and the boys attack (gently) her with kisses and hugs. The boys hold her face in their hands and look her right in the eyes and say “it’s ok mommy it’s just a movie don’t be sad” and give her a kiss. And she’s like “thank you mommy feels so much better now” and snuggles into Vision who rubs her belly soothingly and kisses her forehead.

When they are at the store, Wanda pushes the cart (like you said for balance) while one of the babies rides in the cart and Vision carries the other one. Billy and Wanda are singing wheels on the bus (he’s getting better with the words over time and he giggles and claps his hands). He knows not to kick his feet because his baby sister is still cooking and he doesn’t wanna hurt her. Vision is carrying Tommy in a baby bjorn and dancing with him/holding onto his hands/ singing a song from spongebob.

When they are out in public, the boys try to reach for everything and Wanda has trouble keeping up with them sometimes because she’s kind of waddle-running, so it’s Vision’s job for the most part to corral the boys. Wanda trades their cooperation for fruit snacks. By the end of a shopping trip, he’s not sure if Wanda or the boys are more tired and he knows that everybody probably needs a nap when they get home.

During Wanda’s pregnancies Vision does everything he can to make sure Wanda’s comfortable. He’s also obsessed with her so he’s always there anyway. It helps her back if she leans back against him, so they take up that position in the bath/ shower/ watching movies or TV in bed. Sometimes they just stand and away with her leaning back against him. Other times she bends over and holds onto his shoulders so she can stretch.

Wanda has fallen while adjusting to her new center of gravity during her pregnancies and Vision was terrified to leave her side after that. He wants to be there to protect her and the babies. He is worried about her falling and hurting herself or getting stuck in the tub regardless of whether or not she can use her magic to help herself.

Vision ties Wanda’s shoes during her pregnancies and when he’s getting back up he kisses her belly and her lips on the way.

Angst

Wanda has passed out from exhaustion/ dehydration when her morning sickness was especially bad. Vision was really scared when he found her laying on the bathroom/bedroom floor. Everything was ok in the end but she had to spend a couple of days in the hospital getting fluids and making sure the babies were ok. It was the most agonizing time in Vision’s life. He stayed home from missions until Wanda was well again.

Sometimes Wanda and Vision still have really bad nightmares. They get especially bad for both of them when Wanda is pregnant because things are changing and they always feel a bit helpless because they can never be 100% sure that everything is fine in the world. They take a lot of midnight showers and baths and have comfort sex to calm down. A lot of time is spent with their foreheads pressed together to ground them.

Vision has gotten kidnapped on a mission before and it took a week to get him back. He was seriously (not gravely) injured but when he woke up in a hospital bed, Wanda was asleep in a chair next to him with one hand in his and the other on her belly. When he rolled over to get a better view of her face, pain shot through him and he winced, waking Wanda up. She burst into tears and made him promise to always come back to her.

Wanda has also been kidnapped on a mission. Vision asked Pepper to watch the boys (who are a year old at this point) for a couple of days while he and the other Avengers find her. When they break into the facility where she is being held, it looks like she might be gravely injured at first. Her vitals are weak but she’s alive. When he takes her into his arms she groans but curls into him. At the hospital, she wakes up to Vision holding her hands and staring off into space. He almost looks like a broken man and when their eyes meet she can see how scared he was. They cry and kiss and revel in being together.

One time on a mission, they aren’t speaking because they’d been having an argument when they got called to headquarters. They still squeeze each other’s hands on the ride over but they are completely silent. During the fight, one of them goes down and the other is worried the last thing they said to each other was something stupid during a fight. Everyone lives and there’s some crazy hot “I thought I lost you” sex in the shower later but it was really scary.

They are both risk takers and would sacrifice themself to save others. They fight about the other one putting themself in harms way.

Wanda and Vision get very worried when the other is out on missions. When Wanda is pregnant she’s extra worried and waits at headquarters for the Quinjet to land to make sure she can see Vision step off. One time he flew separately for some reason and he saw Wanda sobbing on the landing pad and thought something was wrong with the babies. The other Avenger’s hadn’t gotten the chance to explain when Vision pulled her into his arms.

One time Wanda had to be carried off of the Quinjet and Vision staggered over to her. She gave him a pained but sly smile and teased him through her pain. Everything was ok but she needed him to stop worrying so that she could stop worrying.

Wanda’s hormones make her seriously jealous. Vision is a hot piece of ass and she’s always worrying that someone is going to try and snatch her man away. Or worse, that Vision will find someone better. She gets mad at him because she thinks the pizza delivery guy was flirting with him. He calms her and feeds her pizza and all is well.

Her jealousy has led to full fledged arguments. She demands proof of his fidelity and he is seriously hurt by the accusation and leaves the house for a couple of hours to cool off and have some time alone. She’s terrified that this will be the thing that breaks them even though he means everything to her. When he gets back, she throws herself at him and they have a long discussion about how her jealousy can get out of hand sometimes. He also takes his time explaining how in love with her he is, how there could never be anybody else for him, and makes love to her nice and slow in the shower. And then the bed. And then the bed again.

Cutesy

Wanda and Vision sing to the kiddos during bath time. Vision makes sure to sing to big bird as well when she’s cooking in Wanda’s belly.

Vision says good morning and goodnight to Wanda’s belly during her pregnancies.

In his sleep, Vision still rubs Wanda’s belly and tries to calm the baby if she’s being particularly active.

Wanda is the most adorable thing in the world to Vision. Especially when she is grumpy in the morning with bed head and waddling to the kitchen.

I hope these make you smile :)

PS: can you tell my favorite place for them to have sex is the shower???

These are fabulous and had me smiling the whole way through. Thank you for sharing them. They sound like they're pros at making shower sex super hot and I am here for it!

"Vision is a hot piece of ass" put this on my urn, please.

Ahh I loved these so so much. Again, thank you! I really am so glad to have something fun to read during these long nights of work.

[gynandromorph]

i’ve been recovering for 2 months now which is cool, here’s what happent so far: -didn’t just double, didn’t just triple, didn’t just quintuple, moved my caloric intake up to TEN TIMES what it was at the beginning i never knew how many calories you actually need to recover, it’s really not as simple as just starting to eat food again -started gaining substantial weight only in the last week or 2 but before that, went through a long period of gaining and dropping weight made of pure water, lots of dehydration, drink a lot of fat and feel free to just go apeshit on anybody who tells you to stop cuz you definitely need it all the weight goes to your stomach first also ([spongebob voice] and then you blow up) which is like being in hell itself -heart still pounding randomly and regularly, can’t tell if it’s anxiety or genuinely something wrong, getting that checked out in 5 days at an appointment -wasn’t able to start falling asleep regularly until moving up to this calorie range i’m at now, i can still only stay asleep for usually 4-6 hours at a time if i eat like a thousand before going immediately to bed (thank god adrenaline has such a short half life lmao) -none of it has really felt “good,” none of it makes me want to joke or fake it till i make it or anything i just do my fucking job i haven’t been doing for years and then i go the fuck to sleep and when i wake up i do it again and maybe have some kinda episode in the middle of the day to speedrun the emotional part of this, there is no self fulfillment here it’s all just like “you fucked up, you fucked up so bad it doesn’t even matter how you feel right now you need to fix the most pressing DIE FACTOR FIRST SO EAT” but i’ve been feeling a lot more clear-headed, it kinda feels like moving around on land after u’ve been in a pool for like 3 hours or like u just got your new glasses prescription, really weird feeling sometimes -made a ton of ground rules to not fall back into other shit related to this, most notably not smoking, other ones being like “no more cutting” “no more procrastinating” “no more exercising” “no more self-insults” they’re all hard to manage in their own ways but whatever this isn’t something i can cherrypick the easiest parts anymore -haven’t been able to juggle art with recovering well at all it takes so much time and it’s so exhausting idk i’ve been drawing here or there though but i just ripped every coping mechanism i had to keep me focused on the art instead of my issues out from under my own feet so i feel like every time i open up to draw i just feel every stress pull at me or just some blob of overwhelming anxiety about not being good enough anymore but idk i’m really pleased about how much progress i made and i don’t think it’s over but i do feel a lot more confident about only needing till january to start touching work again. i’m glad i said i wouldn’t come back till i started producing shit unpaid first so i have that goal to meet before i can consider work again

[rinnnyxr]

Depression You don't enjoy your hobbies You sleep too much/too little You don't think you matter You wish you could kill yourself You feel more sad than happy

GAD You get anxious for no reason at all You have nervous ticks (biting nails, hair touching,etc) You always have a nervous stomach You always feel like youre on the edge You get a lot of body aches

OCD ( Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) You have obsessive thoughts that you cant make go away You have a special routine and if you dont do it exactly... you will have a panic attack you have to double check things If things arent exactly how you want them you get constant anxiety and you cant stop thinking about it You have a fear of losing control

PTSD You have gone through something traumatic You get flashbacks all the time from the trauma Loud noises cause a panic attack You have night terrors (different from nightmares) You zone out/black out and relive the event

Bipolar You feel extremely sad You get extremely happy/excited You talk so fast people can't keep up You have sleep problems You are constantly thinking of death/suicide

Schizoprenia You constantly hear voices in your head  You have word salad (disorganized sentences) You hallucinate You have the flat effect (no emotion/zombie like) You have laugh at the wrong times

Dissociative Identity disorder You are detached from your emotions You have amnesia of certain events/people You dont remember faces or you have a difficult time remembering You get anxious Youre suicidal

BPD- Borderline Personality disorder You take major risks Youre very sexually active (many partners) You have unstable relationships Extreme mood swings You have explosive anger

Autism (broad, there are way too many so im just gonna list to common ) You have a hard time in social surroundings (relating to people..communicat You resist change You have at least one learning disability you CANT make eye contact You cant share enjoyment with others

SAD- Seasonal affective disorder You feel more happy during the summer time Seasons changing can make you feel sad/depressed You think about death but not suicide You have insomnia You get irritated easy

Bulimia Nervosa You eat a big portion of food at once You have bad self image You eat a lot but force yourself to puke it all up You feel like you cant stop the eating / out of control You self harm

Anorexia You see yourself bigger than you actually are You enjoy the feeling of starving yourself You have extreme weight loss in very little time Your hair is falling out You have anxiety if you have to eat

ADHD You are always moving (tapping pen, shaking leg) You cant pay attention long You act before thinking You lose interest quickly Youre always talking too much/too fast

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I know all the words to some of the songs from Grease I have seen a show on Broadway before I have ran up and hugged a stranger, mistaking them for someone I knew I have drooled all over my pillow before while in a deep slumber I’m listening to my favorite song right now I have/had a mood ring(s) I have an Apple Mac I have taken an art class in school before I have owned a disco ball at one time or another I can speak fluent Spanish I’ve been to a roller rink and fallen flat on my butt I can write in Japanese I have been hospitalized for more than a month before due to a terrible injury I would streak for 50 bucks I have pole danced before just for fun I have a ridiculously large purse I have ridden a camel before I love carnivals and fairs I have spent the whole day at the mall and just walked around I live/lived/visited in Germany I love to people-watch at the airport I don’t have a favorite flower I have seen the movie Love Actually I have a lot of random shit hanging on the walls of my bedroom I drink as much milk as I’m recommended to I keep my movie ticket stubs I’m going to go see a play or musical soon I have studied abroad before I don’t drink enough water I love yogurt I’m trying to lose weight I HATE my toes I’m trying to gain weight I love the show “True Life” on MTV I loathe reality TV I have taken a College Algebra math course I can count from 1-10 in two or more different languages I need to paint my toenails My internet homepage is my email provider’s page I never send e-mails anymore I have a cell phone & I don’t think it’s a piece of trash I have an iPod/MP3 player & a really kickass case for it, too I put my shoes in the dryer I still watch the Price is Right and Jeopardy I love to bargain shop I could live off of breakfast cereals I wish I could be a member of the opposite sex for one day I dislike standardized tests I hate 90s music I can’t wear watches because I have too much electricity in my body I just don’t wear watches because I think they’re ugly I text in class or at work I can’t WAIT for summer I once wore something that was 5 times too big for me in public I have been to Canada I hate it when guys leave the toilet seat up I have a really cool 6-CD changer stereo I own all the CDs from my favorite band I hate Myspace My favorite band has a “The” in front of it All I wear is band teeshirts I’m a loner I can speak another language fluently I like Dave Matthew’s Band I practically live in my pajamas when I’m at home I love mashed potatoes I have seen my favorite band in concert more than twice I love string cheese I hate The White Stripes I’m homophobic I have a certain order in which I put on my socks and shoes I’m a morning person I have a High School diploma I love Chinese take-out I think sushi is disgusting & I’ve never even tried it It’s raining right now I love listening to old-school Madonna I’m picky I’ve volunteered before in my community I’m always sore I hate back massages I give a mean back rub I’m interesed in acupuncture I love foreign food I listen to my iPod/MP3/CD player in class or in the office when I’m supposed to be paying attention or working I fall or have fallen asleep in class I would never wax my legs, even if you paid me I have tried Nair before & it hurt like hell and didn’t work I suffer from sleep apnea Someone in my family or someone I know battled cancer and won I have a shirt hanging in my closet that hasn’t been worn for over 2 years Snickers is my favorite candy bar I had an imaginary friend when I was younger I do my chores every day My favorite soda is Dr. Pepper Okay, this survey is going on for way too long I know the difference between “to”, “two”, and “too” & when is the appropriate time to use them I have/had birds I have been to Hawaii before I want to go on a Cruise I always read before going to bed I passed Geometry the first time I took it My nails are not painted I have a song stuck in my head right now I have watched at least one episode of “Friends” before Chocolate chip pancakes are pretty much the bomb I have no clue what IHOP is or stands for I’m currently avoiding someone I know morse code Facial hair hot I’ve been dehydrated before I love to run! I have a crush on someone right now & they don’t even know I exist Bolding surveys are calming I’m listening to a sad song right now I still use old-fashioned bar soap to wash myself in the shower I have an electric toothbrush I have taken professional studio photos with friends or family I have seen Steven King’s movie IT When I was younger, my friends & I always used to make up dances and perform them I think I’m going deaf I’m getting bored of this stupid survey all ready I’m an accident just waiting to happen I’m so clumsy I have licked someone else’s shoes before, for money or just because I’m always indecisive I have kickass bunny slippers I need a tissue I have watched the Disney movie Mulan before & loved it I have attended a tea party before I have seen a bear before, and it wasn’t at the zoo I have walked in on someone having sex before The drawers on my dresser don’t close all the way because they’re so full I hate my 3rd period teacher I read Manga I used to collect beanie-babies way back when I sell or buy stuff on eBay I have been to a museum before I have plans tonight I like Spongebob Captain Hook is one of my favorite Disney villains I hate the movie The Sound of Music I need to charge my phone I like elephants

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[Vacation Editon]: Thailand or Hawaii Mexico or Costa Rica Santorini or Amalfi Coast Caribbean or Tahiti Yellowstone or Yosemite New York or San Francisco Paris or Barcelona Miami or Ibiza Australia or New Zealand

[Food Edition]: strawberries or blueberries iced coffee of hot coffee oatmeal or cereal hot dog or hamburger chicken or steak smoothie or milkshake potato chips or french fries ice cream or gelato

[Personal Style Edition]: sneakers or sandals jeans or leggings leather or suede neutrals or bold colors heels or flats hoodie or zip-up thigh fit or loose fit statement accessories or simple/no accessories closed-toed or open-toed blue jeans or jeggings long sleeves or short sleeves curly hair or straight hair cowboy boots or riding boots necklaces or bracelets natural nails or fake nails canvas shoes or sport shoes bun or ponytail sweat pants or leggings

[Celebrity Edition]: Kim Kardashian or Kylie Jenner P!nk or Ke$ha Emma Watson or Emma Stone Kate Middleton or Meghan Markle Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie Nicki Minaj or Cardi B David Beckham or Tom Brady Jake Gyllenhaal or Ryan Reynolds Ariana Grande or Selena Gomez Oprah or Ellen Jimmy Kimmel or Jimmy Fallon Steve Jobs or Elon Musk Kendrick Lamar or Drake Taylor Swift or Katy Perry Beyoncé or Rihanna

[Workout Habits Edition]: leggings or shorts squats or deadlifts planks or crunches treadmill or free run elliptical or Stairmaster free weights or machines Nike or Under Armour

[American Food Edition]: grilled cheese or mac&cheese french fries or onion rings potato chips or popcorn fried chicken or chicken wings pizza or sandwich pancakes or waffles pasta salad or potato salad cookies or cake apple pie or cheesecake sausage or bacon Burger King or McDonald’s Coke or Pepsi

[Candy Edition]: Reese’s Cups or Hersey kiss Sour Patch Kids or Jolly Ranchers Jelly beans or Gummy bears Baby Ruth or 3 Musketeers Almond Joy or Mounds Hersey bar or KitKat Snickers or MilkyWay Skittles or Starburst Junior Mints or York Peppermint Patty

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You have an iPhone. You have a pink or blue phone case. One of your contact name starts with W, Y or Z. One of your contact is labeled, Doctor. You made a call before 7:00 am. You have your alarm set on your phone to wake you up. You have headphones with you. Your ringtone is a song. One of your recent calls was to one of your parents. You have a text saved from over a year ago. You have a selfie taken. Your screen saver is a picture. Your battery is more than half full. You have a picture of you and a guy saved. You have a video saved. You have a text saved with ‘What’s Up?’ You have at least one game downloaded. Your significant other is  #1 on your speed dial. You have more than 50 photos  saved on your phone. You have 1 - 5 downloaded applications. You have 5 - 10 downloaded applications. You have 10+ downloaded applications. You have at least 10 pictures of you. You have at least 30 pictures of you You have at least 20 pictures of your family. You have at least 20 pictures of your friends. You have more than 10 songs. You have more than 50 songs. You have more than 100 songs. You bought it. Your parents bought it. Your grandparents bought it. You have more than 1 phone case. You hate when people want to look through your phone. You have a few contact but not a lot. Your phone is next to you. You have a white phone case You have the latest iPhone You checked your phone before 7:00 am this morning. Your most recent call was less than 30 minutes ago. Your music collection contains a song with ‘baby’ in the title. You have Facebook installed. You have a picture with more than 4 people in it. You have a picture of you and a guy with no shirt on in your phone. You have Candy Crush installed as an application. You have a Lady Gaga song in your collection. You made a call after midnight. You have a black phone case. You have a picture of the graduate saved in your album. Your music collection, includes a song with ‘school’ in the title. You have more than 5 voicemails saved. You have YouTube as an application. You have Instagram as an application. You have Twitter as an application. You have Tumblr as an application. SnapChat is one of your applications. You have a Mike in your contact. You have a song with the word ‘money’ in the title.

[sailermoon]

[sailermoon]

oxenfree 2 is finally out ahhhhh