#denise should remember that sometime tbh

[partywithponies]

Can't believe someone finally acknowledged that Raymond is Phil's son for the first time in forever and it was Keanu of all people.

[niuniente]

How did you get into spiritualism and how would someone find resources for starting out?

NOW, this is a quite long topic tbh! I will put in under the cut but first, let's check the possible resources.

My guidance is that if there's any form of spirituality or spiritual practice - a religion (including paganism), witchcraft, spell work, Wicca, Luciferianism, new age, energetic alien cooperation, channeling, near-death experiences, paranormal, paranormal experiences, reiki, past lives, aura, yoga, meditation, mindfulness, occultism, astrology (all astrological forms), tantra, mantras, angels, divination tools (like tarot) - please go for that. There's no one way to a spiritual journey - I know a man who uses pain to enter in a meditative state, and one man who uses mathematics to explain spirituality. There are people who practice spirituality by painting, some with music. Many ways! What interests you?

When I started, I gathered my knowledge by simply going to a library and picking there books of my interests. Sometimes they were good ones, sometimes I made a mistake and didn't read the book because it wasn't interesting. The interest is the key factor here. You can be interested in many topics, and also change your interests freely. I still read and listen topic that interest me the most.

Spirituality has many meanings to people, and there are many levels of dedication to it. If you want to do just occasional spell work, that's fine. If you want to make it as a life style (like me), that's valid, too. Just like there are people who do exercising and sport differently. Not everyone needs to be a pro or a personal trainer when they start (to look for) their exercise of interest.

The key factor, to me at least, in spirituality is to become your true authentic self without judgement. To become a better version of yourself, for your own gain, too. Doesn't mean that you try to be perfect and never have bad days. It means you are who you are, that's enough and all days, bad included, are fine. It's hard to be a human at times! It's fine. It's an art of "Do No Harm, Take No Shit".

My personal recommendations would be, from general spirituality and how to live your life as you, Anita Moorjani, Denise Linn and researching peoples' near-death experiences. Jeff Mara has a wonderful podcast series of the topic on Youtube. Eben Alexander is remarkable NDE person, who you should research!

But, again, go for what interests you. Online is full of material. If you stumble upon something which makes you upset, that's wrong material to you! Turn away and seek for something else.

Now, to your first question of my path. It's a weird little story how my journey started:

I've always been a weird kid. I grew up a non-religious or spiritual family and environment. Finland is not a religious country either. If you believe in God or anything similar here, you're a real weirdo! It's a big "red flag" here.

However, I remember thinking past lives and such topics at the age of 6. When I was 16, I started a divination with self-made runes.

By the age of 19, my life was a mess. Well, it had been a mess overall, but I was in a tight spot. I had started studies to become a chef but I couldn't keep up with the studies. I stayed in my little room where I lived back then, sleeping the days (I didn't know that back then, but I was so exhausted and mentally ill from how my life had been that I was having a burn out, and I was "crashing" when I finally had a safe place to be). I was so far behind that the headmaster of the school said to me that I need to make my mind now. If I want to continue or not. Otherwise, I have to resign from the education as there's no way for me to catch up with 3 months' worth of studies after this breaking point.

I went back home, wondering what I should do. I didn't want to continue but quitting would be a financial suicide.

Suddenly, I was given two options to choose. I call them Material Path and Spiritual Path. I could see them both clearly, all the way to the future, and what would come to me and from be on both journeys. The choices were equal - either one would be valid - but I knew I had to choose. I couldn't have them both.

On the Material Path I would continue the school. I would graduate and soon after that get a steady job with a steady, good income. I would marry this wonderful blond, short, chubby man, who would be a very good husband. We would buy a wooden, traditional Finnish house with two floors, yellow in color. I would get a driver's license and a car. I would have friends and a good social life, nice hobbies and activities. We would also have a dog with my husband, most likely a black Labrador. However, in my 30's or 40's, I would start to feel that something is off. I would not be happy at all, which would make me miserable because all was fine in life. I had a good home, good income, friends, money, hobbies and a most wonderful partner. But, I wasn't being my own self. It wasn't my life. In the end, I would divorce my husband & break his heart, leave my job, leave my friends and lose all my material gains; money, the car, the house, the job, the income. Then, I would start a spiritual journey to become who I was. All the material would be lost and it would take me long time to gather them back - perhaps I wouldn't be able to get any of that back anymore. The journey of Material had ended.

On the Spiritual Path I would quit the school. I wouldn't ever have a good education. I wouldn't have a stable home but I would be moving from place to another, never settling anywhere. I wouldn't have a partner, nor any close friends or my own circles. I wouldn't have a steady job or a career, and there would be lots of unemployment, too. I wouldn't get a driver's license, nor car, nor money. My income would be very unstable and I would live poor. I would be alone, alone and alone, without much anything. Just barely coming by, by myself. What I would have, however, was my freedom and that freedom would be absolute. Nothing would disturb it nor take it away from me. Then, around my 30's or 40's, the journey would shift more to material. I would start to slowly gain what I didn't have; money, job, career possibilities, friends, hobbies, travels and eventually in the future also my own place and a husband. But, it would take really, really long. The positive side was that nothing I gained would be taken away from me. My material world would grow wider and better and more abundant in all levels, loving relationships included, the older I became.

I immediately knew I wanted to go on the Spiritual Journey. The freedom was what sold it to me, but I now also think it's nice to know that things will be coming to me without them being taken away from me.

I'm in my late 30's now. The life has gone exactly as I was shown at the age of 19. I'm slowly shifting my perspective to more physical, too, as my spiritual journey as "a challenge" starts to be over.

P.S. I can't play World of Warcraft but I love Vol'jin. Vol'jin story is very similar to me; he, too, had to go through spiritual challenges when he was young, and choose between Material Life with No Pain but with No Freedom, or Spiritual Life with Pain but with Freedom. He also chose freedom.

[bigdanteague3]

The other girl that recently came back into my orbit is not NEARLY as interesting and the story isn’t close to as sexy as Holly the Red Dress.  And also, I realize is sounds like I had a lot of luck with ladies but that isn’t true.  I’m just giving you the absolute highlights of a long stretch of time lol.  There are many many more failures and rejections and scenarios that aren’t worth telling.  This is one.  Also, there are only 2 girls from the past that recently reappeared.  If I said 3, it was a typo. There is one other girl today, not an old flame, that’s possibly interesting. And one other non-flame who may be interesting. Probably not. But I don’t flirt a lot so I’m not sure how it works  

There was a group of girls from one of our rival high schools.  4 were in the group.  I knew them vaguely but kind of?  It was different in those days knowing somebody you didn’t go to school with.  One of them, the ringleader, was completely fire.  Like whoa.  I knew her the best...her cousin was in my class and we crossed paths multiple times at various places.  One day cuz gave me a school picture of the ringleader.  I was like ???  Cuz told me ringleader wanted me to have it. Cuz also told me that ringleader was interested in me.  I told her to tell her cuz that I was definitely interested too.  I don’t know what happened after that...maybe cuz didn’t give ringleader the message?  Maybe ringleader found somebody else?  But we didn’t advance like I thought we would.  I would come on pretty strong after getting the picture but no....nothing.  Hmmm.  Failure #1. 

After high school the same group of 4 still partied together.  Ringleader was still fire and the other 3 were attractive enough.  Maybe would’ve been even hotter if they weren’t always in the shadow of the ringleader.  Who knows?  Anyway, all 4 would come over and just hang out with us.  I’m still trying and failing to make progress with ringleader but its becoming obvious that ship sailed for whatever reason.  One of her friends was named Denise.  She was on the school danceline and looked good.  Blonde, thick thighs, smallish boobs, average booty. I really liked her thighs. I was informed one night by ringleader that I should talk to Denise.  I did and she was definitely interested.  I got her alone and she was doing cute things like biting her lip and rubbing my arm.  All signs point toward something.  I tell her she should come by more often and she agrees that’s a good idea.  They have to leave to go somewhere but I remember a simple no-tongue kiss and they leave.  I’m feeling pretty good about what lies ahead.  We all had been hanging out for a while now and I liked her well enough.

So they come through again not long after, we sit next to each other on couch, lean into each other, all that shit that happens when you first get into somebody.  We eventually make our way out of the main area and into the kitchen.  We kiss by the refrigerator in the dark....I didn’t get handsy...maybe on her ass.  But it was good.  She had her hands on my face and every time we broke the kiss, she would restart it.  People came in and turned the light on and we were ‘busted’ and laughed and made our way to my bedroom.  I assumed we would just make out a little and that would be it.  We did make out a little.  I remember getting on the bed and kissing for a long time.  This night was just kissing, kissing her neck, hands on thighs, I was on top of her kissing her.  And that was it.

A day or 2 later, she comes back solo later at night unexpectedly.  We go upstairs and repeat scenario again...on bed....wild makeout...I test the waters slowly...I’m on top of her and we roll over so she’s on top.  She kisses me, licks my neck, I’m grabbing her ass and its good.  I slip my hands under her shirt and rub her bare back....and its good.  She’s still on top kissing me like crazy.  I rub her bra in the front...all good.  I take both hands and gently rub her tits....all good.  She’s making no move to touch me or stop me...so for now, its play with titty time.  She’s licking my ears and I pull her boobs out of her bra and they’re nice and soft.  We roll back over and I get on top again....her hands on my back and on the back of my head...I still have one boob in my hand and I kiss down her neck while I’m rubbing.  I have her shirt up exposing her stomach so I kiss her belly.  And then....she grabs my head and pulls me up to kiss my mouth...I keep rubbing her boob under her shirt and we kiss for a few minutes and she tells me she can’t stay long but can’t wait to come back. 

They all 4 return a day or 2 later.  Ringleader catches me and tells me that Denise told her we were moving too fast.  I don’t know if it was something I did or if she just wanted me to take her out before going further.  I wasn’t sure.  She had no advice.  I couldn’t get her alone that night....but I don’t think I pressured her at all?  I know I didn’t do anything without majorly like...seeing if this was ok before moving to the next step.  I didn’t just stick my hand in her pants first thing. Anyway, Denise was super nice and I wanted to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong but I couldn’t find the right words and I couldn’t get her alone.  I couldve said that I was sorry for grabbing her titty and almost kissing it but that’s hard to phrase.  Maybe just assure her that I’d like to take her out and just keep kissing her.  That would’ve been the mature thing to do.  But this was unexpected and I didn’t know even if I did something wrong.  They left and I assumed I would get it right next time.  There was no next time.  Ringleader kept coming by.  She still fire today, btw.  But not Denise.  They were all on danceline so I knew she didn’t have danceline duties...but the group was down to 3.  I guess I fucked it up good.  Or she didn’t like something.  Who knows.

Anyway, I started dating Emma the lion and Denise comes back around eventually and we were friends again.  We were never not friends I guess.  The whole group was cool.  We hung out entire college time...Emma HATED them...4 bad bitches always dropping in without calling, well one really bad bitch and 3 cute ones.  But I just guess it was one of those things that happen. Maybe she found somebody else. We leave school and Denise moves off.  Gets pregnant soon after.  We were friends on Facebook from the start but she lived SO far away.  Well....last summer she announces she’s moving home.  Ok.  Last fall I start seeing her around occasionally.  Hey!  Hey!  How are you?  Good!  She doesn’t look THAT good tbh.  Sometimes she looks good.  Sometimes she looks 15 years older than actual age.  Still got thick thighs so that’s a big plus.  She’s also a single mom to a bunch of kids...all by different people.  That’s not a knock...but she looks tired a lot.  Weary, lol.  From the time she moved back last summer...she’ll go on instagram and like things of mine in the middle of the night.  Just to fuck with her....I’ll do the same on hers.  I figure if you like something at 1AM it means something different than liking it at 1pm.  Maybe not.  I don’t like the pictures where she looks tired or older lol.  But just kinda saying hey.  Well, this winter we started seeing each other weekly.  Not by choice but circumstance.  I think she’s into me.  For many reasons, I’m not into her.  Not just the days when she doesn’t look cute.  But sometimes when we’re leaving and I tell her bye she’ll make unnecessary physical contact.  She also sends lots of instagram messages.  Not about personal things at all, but its a lot.  And I have to remember to delete.  Not that they say anything but just having that many from one person even if they seem innocent.  Again, its just because I’m easily flattered but I guess its nice knowing that she still might be into me a little?  Maybe I’m stupid and just in need of an ego boost and seeing something that isn’t there.  That’s the most likely scenario. Even though nothing would ever, ever happen even if multiple circumstances unexpectedly changed.  Well...I take that back, I’d still fuck her if she looked cute and multiple circumstances changed.  But its never ever ever happening.

So that’s me getting rejected for 2 years by the ringleader and completely running off her less attractive friend.  Even after being told that each was into me as some point.  I guess the last 4 girls I’ve talked about have rejected me, played me or ghosted me. I’m pretty smooth apparently.