#dethklok minute host

[stationoffixation]

updated metalocalypse characters in my art style !!! skwisgaar's hair got cut off my bad

[megaphone-malediction]

[bizarrescribblez]

do not let selfship tumblr user mia bizarrescribblez anywhere near a character with under 6 minutes of screentime ..

[tiredpacdad]

Sketch dump!!

unrelated to the sketches but look who came in the mail!!!! He's so soft

[cream-cheese-is-salty]

[bad-baddreams]

pov: if the dethklok minute host had tumblr

[papabigtoes]

My phenomenal friend Memely (His OC Ping Wing humanized is in Ch 6), gifted me this holiday with an entire abridged reading of Chapter 8 of Planet Pissed!

He used Elevenlab’s new speech-to-speech function and performed lines as the characters, and then gave them a run through the voices he trained with clips he found from the show! He also mixed songs from the Army of the Doomstar track, and my yeti ass is going to cherish this for a long time. The scenes with Abigail Toki and Pickles, Orlaag, and Edgar I absolutely love. I wrote in captions last night on the link above, and I’d reccomend having them on!

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey! Can you do the news reporter from Metalocalypse x assistant reader plsplspls with a cherry on top? I am not the man who shall not be named. I promise /j

Dethklok minute host x assassistant!reader

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE!!! I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!

RAAAAAH I'm not even taking metalocalypse requests!!!!! But just for you bookie bear <\3

Imagine you two are already close when he gets all burned up, you helping him keep those fresh wounds clean and tidy... I mean I dont know much about burn wounds, I'll admit that, but I do know they can get nasty infections... so helo that man out!

Sometimes vents to you about them as well, as well as the contract

The contract

I saw a headcannon somewhere that the host is legally binded or whatever to the network, and cannot quit at all. The hc also stated that he wanted to leave after getting all gummed up

And honestly , I love that idea. So much. I'd tag the person but I saw this nearly two months ago and I forgot to like it I'm so mad at myself

Please let him know hes loved and has value, that whole thing above as well as the scarring has done such a number on him mentally

I think most of the time his hair feels.... jsjdjv... because of the products he uses for shows and stuff, but when its freshly washed and clean I think that it's very soft. Give him scalp massages. Trying to keep up with dethklok stuff and dig for information drives him up the wall, as well as the whole stress of the contract thing

He probably gets migraines from the stress tbh

Back and forth banter between you two between when the show is on and when it's not.. honestly I think he likes towing the line between getting caught and

.. not caught

I mean it depends on if you guys are openly in a relationship

You know

Loves hovering around your little workspace, strikes up a bunch of conversations with you

Uses his show host skills to chat up a storm and draw questions out of you to get to know you better

Sneaky bastard you probably don't even notice it yet

And now he knows your favorite flowers and hes dropped off some at your desk with a little note

Depending on when you guys get together determines on how hold he is. Pre burns hes going to be all up in your face and confident, and post burn I think he would he a smidgen less... confident.. even more so when the drooly bits start hanging from his mouth

That being said I dont think he fully reels himself back into a shell, no I think he would still push himself to put himself out to you but

You know

Anywahs I hope you enjoyed this fartboy I know who you are!!!!!!!!!

[mtlbracket]

[writing-good-vibes]

just for being famous

look who wrote mtl fanfic for the first time !! starring no one's favourite scream queen, jules explosion (oc) and her "will they? they won't." relationship with the host of the dethklok minute. nothing wild going on, but WARNING for mild and implied smut. oc x canon relationship.

"So, how's your brother?"

Jules sits up, unsticking her sweaty back from the starched cotton bedsheet.

This motel is quite nice, as far as motels go, and Jules has stayed in some real shitholes so she should know. The white bedsheets are clean and there's a minibar beneath the TV. The tap water is drinkable and it's pay by the night, not the hour, which is always boosts Jules' self esteem.

"He's fine," Jules replies. This motel might be on the nicer side, but she was yet to see a No Smoking sign. She leans over to the bedside cabinet and takes a cigarette from the open packet. "Thanks for asking."

"That's good, that's good..." He's leaning up on his elbows, watching as Jules lights her smoke and takes a long drag. "Anything... going on with him?"

"No," Jules snaps. She lies back down. The sheet she was holding to her chest drops back down to her waist. "And you won't get a word out of me anyway, you should know that by now."

He chuckles lightly, in that fake, showbiz way he always does. "Doesn't hurt to try."

He plucks the cigarette from between her fingers, brings it to hip lips. He takes one drag and hands it back.

They're both silent while Jules finishes smoking, dropping the butt into the empty glass on the bedside.

She knows he'll keep asking, every meeting they've had has been overshadowed by the lingering presence of her brother. In fact, most of her meetings with any one in the 'biz tended to be overshadowed by her brother. Nathan Fucking Explosion.

***

The first time Jules and the host of the Dethklok Minute met, Dethklok had only just released their debut album. Jules didn't know who he was then, why would she? He was a nobody.

The Dethklok Minute was just starting up, gaining traction through the myriad of Dethklok forums that were springing up on the web. The host of said show had managed to wrangle a press ticket to the album release party and was dying to finally get up close and personal with the five dudes he was riding the coattails of. Because without Dethklok, the host of the Dethklok Minute would still be just some nobody from Small Town, Nowhere.

Unlike Jules.

Jules was doing well for herself. Perfectly well, in fact. She'd been invited to this party because of her growing fame, she claimed, not because of Nathan. This was partly true. Her fame was growing; she was getting more jobs than ever before and people knew her. Certain people knew her, anyway.

Either way, she was at this party and Nathan could suck it if he thought it was all because of him.

So Jules made the most of it. Drinking, mingling, free food. Oh yeah, she could get used to this.

"Hey, you're Jules Explosion, right?"

Jules glances to her right. A tall, blonde somebody is looking at her, half curiously, half knowingly.

"I am, who's asking?"

"A fan. I saw your latest movie, it really was something!"

"It was, wasn't it?" Hack and Slash wasn't necessarily her best work, but it paid the bills. Besides, she'd have other jobs after this, on real films.

"What do you have lined up next?"

Jules glances down, sees the PRESS badge around Tall Blonde's neck. When she looks back up he flashes her a crafted grin.

"Is this an interview?" she asks.

"No, no, I'm just making conversation. Can't a guy talk to a pretty girl at a party?"

Jules rolls her eyes. She thought she had had enough of guys like this at college. But then again...

"Yeah, I suppose he can."

20 minutes and some boring small talk later, and Jules has to admit that the bathroom at Crystal Mountain isn't the worst place she's had a hook up before. Might be one of the best, if she stops to think about it. But, as it happens, she's being pretty well distracted, so the smell of bleach and the squeak of the gleaming marble-effect tiles fall to the wayside of her thoughts.

Tall Blonde is pretty good at this.

Afterwards, when the two of them have returned to the party, looking only slightly dishevelled, they talk some more.

"So, it must be crazy, right? Your brother being in one of the biggest bands in the world?"

Jules frowns. She ignores the churning in her stomach, "Must be crazy for him, his sister being one of the most popular horror actresses in the 'biz right now."

***

"I should get going," Jules says. She tries to sound nonchalant, "Have a thing to get to."

She sits up, swinging her legs out of bed. Jules sighs when she sees her panties are too far away to reach from the bed. Her back cracks when she stands up and stretches.

"That event doesn't happen to be the Dethklok Fundraiser for Widows and Orphans, does it? Because I'm going too, we could car-share?" There's an irritating lilt to his voice.

"I wouldn't be seen dead arriving with the press," Jules remarks, "But thanks anyway." She throws a half-way cheerful smile over her shoulder as she pulls her panties back on.

Her shirt goes back on next, then jeans, then shoes. She grabs her purse, checks for her wallet, car keys, house keys.

He shrugs, "See you there, then. I'll be sure to catch you for an interview."

[equarretedddd]

tw blood. really. a lot of blood

in fact its nothing he just feels a little silly and thats it

i liked this AU really much it gives me so much energy rn. ill probably draw something else based on it again

[stationoffixation]

still working out how to draw metalocalypse characters in my art style! featuring dethklok minute host appreciation because i love hims

i'm bitesoap on instagram if you like my art! ^_^ more characters coming soon teehee

[megaphone-malediction]

Do you think Dethklok Minute Host is qualified to join the Church of the Black Klok and maybe even wear a cute thotty little robe

bro thought they were serious about letting him in skull emoji

[bizarrescribblez]

Im kind of normal about him tbh!!!! 😁😁😁

[dichromaticdyke]

SKWISGAAR DOESN'T HAVE A TYPE AND I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING HE DOES

yeah, yeah, he's the guy who loves fat women and gmilfs. but he's not. fandom greatly overblows skwisgaar's "type" in women, and as the CEO of skwisgaar i won't stand for this anymore.

reminder before we get started, i'm not denying that skwisgaar is attracted to fat and elderly women, because he is. instead, this is a response to the way in which fandom acts like those are the only women he's attracted to.

because i have no life, i scrubbed through every episode and kept track of every woman who skwisgaar expresses interest in, whether with sexual comments, sexual encounters, making them his groupies, or giving them children. (no screencaps because i WILL go above tumblr's image limit). i might have missed some, but this is a large enough sample size to prove my point.

01x01 "The Curse of Dethklok": 1 (elderly/fat) 01x09 "Mordland": 1 (elderly/fat) 01x16 "Dethkids": 2 (1 elderly/fat) 01x18 "Girlfriendklok": 2 02x07 "Dethwedding": 2 02x10 "Dethgov": 3 (elderly/fat) 02x13 "Klokblocked": 4 (1 elderly/fat) 02x14 "Dethsources": 2 (elderly/fat) 03x05 "Fatherklok": 48 (8 elderly/fat) 03x06 "Fertilityklok": 54 (6 elderly/fat) 03x10 "Doublebookedklok": 18 (7 elderly/fat) 04x06 "Writersklok": 2 The Doomstar Requiem: 3 (1 elderly/fat)*

TOTALS: 142 young/thin women: 111 (78.17%) elderly/fat women: 31 (21.93%

*note: for DSR, since so many of the visuals are meant to be taken non-literally, i only focused on the ones that seemed to be direct representations of reality or of his genuine feelings. in this case, i focused on the beginning of Partyin' Around the World with the band at mordhaus and his fantasy in How Can I Be a Hero where he dreams about being married.

so. what does this tell us? more often than not, in canon, skwisgaar is depicted as having sex or sexual feelings towards thin women who are closer to his own age. despite this, even in canon, an emphasis is drawn to his attraction to gmilfs and fat women, most notably with him demanding to be put in charge of "dems old ladies" in florida.

i wanna draw attention to this interview, notably at timestamp 2:14

transcript:

Dethklok Minute Host Graham Hartmann: What is it exactly that you love about the-the larger and more elderly ladies? Skwisgaar: I thinks beautiful womens—what peoples calls "beautifuls womens"—amn'ts, uh...gets uglies after a whiles, you gets sicks of them, like eatings the same meals everydays, and you starts to turns to more exotics things that ams nots on the mains menus. So, uh, that would explains that. [underlines added for emphasis]

he doesn't have a type for fat or elderly women. he just can get any woman he wants whenever he wants, and since he does see beauty in all women, he wants to appreciate all women lest he get tired of them.

so, why is there such this hyperfixation on the elderly and fat women as objects of skwisgaar's attraction? as evidenced by both canon and his own words, he doesn't have a preference for them, he simply enjoys them as he would any other woman.

i'm gonna put it bluntly, this is where my silly skwisgaar analysis goes into actual feminist critique: it's because people still find it unusual at best or fetishistic at worst to be genuinely attracted to older and/or fat women. that's the whole thing. everyone—from fandom to interviewers to even the show (by making his attraction to older and fat women an inherent joke aspect of his character)—focusing on this aspect of his attraction does so because, on some level, they cannot fathom a young(ish, depending on what age you headcanon him to be), thin, conventionally attractive man being attracted to women who don't fit that mold.

and, in some ways, there is some reality to this—women's beauty is still held up to an insanely high standard, and generally it's more accepted for average-looking men to have attractive female partners than for average-looking women to have attractive male partners. societal standards for women's beauty and expectations for what men should find attractive is what this joke hinges on, and honestly? it's really frustrating to see this reiterated so often in the fandom. because skwisgaar never really acts particularly fetishistic towards any of the women he's attracted to. you could argue the "exotic" comment was, but he was still talking in terms of his food metaphor, and he's not exactly the best at expressing himself in english.

he loves all women. he genuinely does, his attraction to them has no size, race, or age—any consenting adult woman is game. i don't know about you, but it's fucking refreshing to see any kind of character like that. lesbian skwisgaar rights who said that

[pedropascallme]

Could I have some fluff with Toki?? Like one day him and the reader are relaxing together as he lays his head on their lap while they stroke his hair as they talk about life or something lol

AN: I hope this is what you had in mind!! I <3 writing for Toki.

Mordhaus was comfortable, as far as mansions go, but there was something so…unsettling about being there as a guest. It wasn’t that you weren’t experienced when it came to navigating the corridors or the many hundreds of doors that all seemingly led to unnecessary rooms, it was just that you felt out of place. Regardless, it was the one place you could find refuge with Toki, away from rabid Dethklok fans and overenthusiastic record label execs.

“Nothing’s on.” You clicked the remote, sat on the living room couch next to Toki. He reached a leg over yours and flicked through channels on the modified pedal until he reached the Dethklok Minute.

“This!” He removed his foot from the pedal, leaving his leg draped over you. You clasped a hand over his knee, delighted by his enthusiasm to watch a show about himself. You couldn’t judge; he had grown up with nothing, to be adored by millions of people worldwide was something he never could have dreamed of. If any of his other bandmates had put it on, you would’ve scoffed, but you let Toki enjoy the Dethklok Minute whenever he wanted to.

As the show dragged on, Toki grew restless. His name had yet to be mentioned. When the host signed off, Toki stomped on the pedal to turn off the TV, huffing. He pulled his leg off of you and flopped himself on his side, head settling in your lap as he bemoaned the lack of public attention.

“Nobody cares abouts Tokis!” His words were muffled into your thigh. “Nobody talks abouts Tokis.” You pulled yourself up slightly, reaching down to comb your fingers through his hair.

“That isn’t true.” You tried to reason with him.

“Yes!” He wasn’t having it.

“I care about you,” you began to braid his hair into messy patterns, “I talk about you. I talk to you, Toki. Isn’t that better?” You finished one braid and started on another.

“Mph.” He pushed his head into the crevice your thighs created around his head. “Yes. That ams better.”

“Who cares about the Dethklok Minute, Toki? The only people I know who watch it live here.”

“You only hangs out with the peoples that who lives here.” He countered, but he turned slightly in your lap and you could see a faint smile. You pulled him up by the braid you had now finished, kissing his forehead before gently dropping him back down to your lap. He giggled, pushing his hands under your thighs and letting himself enjoy the warmth you exuded.

“Will you keeps braidings my hair?”

“I was going to, whether you asked or not.” You laughed softly, his joy was contagious. You unwound the braids you had already finished and started sectioning his hair down the middle to produce two bigger, cleaner looking braids.

“You still thinks I’m cools?”

“What?”

“Even thoughs I’m not in the Dethklok Minutes?”

You were ready to dismiss the notion entirely, but you felt that you owed it to him to respond honestly. “The coolest.”

“You still loves me?”

“Always.”

“Even thoughs—”

“Toki, you could be some regular jackoff and I would still think the absolute world of you.” You grabbed a hair tie from your wrist and tied off the first braid. “Look at me.”

He moved his hands from under you and turned over to look up. He seemed genuinely nervous, which you found endearing—it wasn’t often that you saw people in his position of power so concerned about their reputation when it didn’t concern their wealth. It was always something you appreciated about Toki; he was empathetic towards everybody and more than capable of accessing his own emotions.

“I love you.” You fanned the hair out of his eyes. “I don’t care about the people on TV who do or don’t talk about you. I care about you.”

He sat bolt upright, wrapping his arms around you and squeezing. “Thanks you,” he whispered, grateful to hear the words, “I loves you, too.” He pulled away to kiss you on the nose, then again on your lips. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kept him close to you, feeling the way he licked into you ever so slightly, before pulling away.

“Do you want me to finish braiding?” You asked, and in lieu of a verbal response he once again flopped his head onto your lap.