#did a lil illustration for header while i was at it

[bloodlustknight]

Palpitations of the Heart

Miguel O'Hara x GN!Reader | WC 1.1k cw: description of panic attack (followed by comfort) Miguel helps you through a difficult time.

Thank you so much to my beta reader @hdmis you helped me so much with this!

It wasn't uncommon to find yourself here on long nights that followed an even longer day. Something about the darkness- its stillness- allowed your mind to wander. The quiet gave no barrier to the flood of unwanted thoughts that came with the night. Each one intrusive, pushing you further into that space where you're no longer in control. Suddenly it all hits you; stomach twisting, heart racing, your vision becomes hazy.

Before you realize it, you're reaching out for something, anything, to ground you. You try to focus your breath, each more shallow than the last. The thunder of your heart, intrusive as it pounds in your ears. You make for the door, needing to get away from this feeling, to just move. In your daze, you collide with something firm, the sensation stealing your attention for a moment.

"-heart." Your ears try to focus on the voice, head bowed. 

"Sweetheart. I'm right here." He waits to touch you, watching to see if you're with him.

You reach out, taking his forearm to brace yourself. This was a bad one. It felt as though everything around you was phasing out.

"I'm not going anywhere." He murmurs as he looks down. Your fingers curled tight around his wrist, locked in an iron grip.

"Everything's gonna be alright." He reassures, voice measured as to not give away his concern. Miguel was no stranger to anxiety, that feeling that everything could come crashing down at a moment's notice, you had that in common. Though it was hard for you to let him in, with time he learned more, understood better, and tried his best to be someone you could come to when things were dreadful.

You're brought out of your thoughts as you feel muscles tense beneath your grip.

"I'm so sorry-" you partially manage as your hands release him, but your apology is cut short by two weighty arms wrapping themselves around you. Shaky breaths leave your body as your heart booms against your ribcage.

"Can you breathe with me?" Miguel asks as calloused hands rub the sides of your arms. Your only response is a deep exhale, an attempt at gaining some control.

"Okay, with me now." He looks you over, the way your eyes screw shut, how your breath rakes through your body, you are trying your best. Miguel guides you, taking note that you're only able to last half way through his instructions before your sucking in another breath.

"You're doing so well." He reassures, voice horse, giving away the fact he had been sleeping not long before finding you. His hands leave your sides, giving you space. After a few attempts you're able to breathe alongside him, gaining some stability.

Watching as his chest rose and fell in time with your own. You were grateful that your breath was under control, but the horrible feeling of dread hadn't subsided. It made you feel so meek. Mind continuing to fill with intrusive thoughts, you reach forward to place a hand on Miguel's chest. That's when the tears came.

A surprised look comes over Miguel, but soon after, his hands move to your back as he presses you against his sternum. Your hands clasped against your chest as you shudder into the crook of his neck. As your cries rake through your body, Miguel's hand cradles the back of your head, his other rubbing soothing circles onto your back.

"It's alright love, let it all out," He consoles with quiet empathy. Concern laced across his furrowed brow, throat tight as he repeats his reassurance, he worries for you. He's learned that in times like these, the best thing he could do is this. Be here.

His thumb rubbed small circles behind your ear as he held you. He could tell you were coming down, sobs replaced with sniffles. Slowly, you lift your face from his shoulder, snot following. Eyes growing wide as you realize how soaked his shirt had gotten.

"m' sorry I got you all…" you barely manage, your throat strained after all that had happened. Then your weight shifts. Miguel reaches forward, cupping your face.

"Don't worry about it." He says, pressing his forehead against yours. You suddenly feel hot, embarrassed by the thought of the snot and tears covering your face and now potentially his.

"Wait, I don't want to get you dirty, let me-" your cut short by Miguel taking the hem of his shirt and bringing it up to your nose.

"Here, blow." He offers.

"What- I'm not a kid come on." You laugh at his offer nugging his hand.

"I know, but you still got a little..." he cracks a sheepish smile.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner!" You groan, taking the hem of his shirt from his hands and giving it one good blow. 

"There. Happy?" You look up, only to be met by Miguel's stifled laughter.

"I am." He says as he plants a kiss on the top of your forehead. You try and fight back a smile, but you can't help it.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asks, taking your hand in his, concern still filling his eyes.

"Could we sit here a little longer, maybe later..." you bury your head beneath his chin, placing your hands at his sides.

"Of course." He says, wrapping his arms around you.

You both stay like that well into the night, sharing laughs and a few more tears as your anxieties slowly drift away.

You're lying with your cheek pressed against Miguel's chest when you hear a rumble. Leaning back you find his lips parted as another snore escapes them. A smile pulls at your lips; you carefully attempt to stand, wanting to grab a blanket for the both of you. Your movement halted, as an arm wraps its way around your back. You look up, warm brown eyes meet your own, his lids heavy with sleep.

"Where are you going?" Miguel grumbles out, letting his eyes close once more. You could see just how exhausted he was. The floor of your living room wasn't the best place to call it a night.

"Lets go to bed Miggy" you whisper, hoping he won't protest. With some grumbles and a few groans, you both stand and carefully make your way to the bedroom. Once you're under the covers, Miguel pulls you to himself, your back meeting his sternum as warm arms hold you in place. His breathing was soft and slow, already having fallen back asleep.

Slowly you settle in, listening to his breath, finding comfort in his chest's rhythmic rise and fall. You soon follow Miguel, drifting off to sleep.