#didnt even realize i had all of these gifs until i was desperately searching for anything to convey the way im foaming at th e mouth whekwod

[tojisun]

sun I hav to show you this. immediatelythought of you I cant stop drooling

I am a fucking mess rn

IM

thE BODY IS BODYING AND IM NOT OKAY ACTUALYL!!!

[s0dium]

Living with out you

Synopsis: In which suguru left you, his non-jujutsu sorcerer girlfriend, for dead on a rainy day. Unbeknownst to him, you survived, and so did the child in you. Slowly you learn to live without the love of your life. 

Warnings: Extreme angst, mentions of suicide, determined single mom!reader

Things were supposed to change on that rainy day.

The always persisting dark cloud that had attached to Geto maybe would've  finally started to subside, once you told him the news that would surely change his, no, both of your lives forever.  

And then things would finally start to get better. Finally. 

But you never got the chance to tell him. 

Its so calm.

Time seemed to slow down as you stared at the dark blue sky, rain bouncing off your skin and diluting the pool of red blood that streamed from your stomach. The droplets float down in gentle waves, as if gravity is a soft music from earth, a sweet beckoning serenade. The cement is cool underneath your skin, and you wonder how long you've been here, your starting to feel dizzy. 

It feels like your floating now, eyes too heavy to stay open. You barley even register the pleads of what sounds to be Gojo’s voice asking you to stay alive. 

Ah, I want to see him again.

~

Dozens of pink pregnancy tests littered the bathroom floor all portraying the same message;

Its alive.

You stared blankly at the dripping tub faucet, watching the water recollect around the rim until it was heavy enough to fall in a fat droplet. The water of the bath had grown cold now, too cold, but you stayed still hugging your knees close, unable to move. It took to much strength to do anything lately, to even refill your lungs with air and take a breath. Even killing yourself would be too much work. 

The door opens but you dont bother to turn your head. 

“ Y/n....”

Shoko moves to scoop you up from the tub. You've lost weight, its visible. Nothing tastes good anymore, just eating has become a chore. 

~

Your dreams of Geto are peripheral. An overheard conversation where his name is mentioned; a letter in your hand you desperately try to read before you wake, A Styrofoam coffee cup and a half read book on an empty table where you know he just was minutes before. Its as if your dreams are a mirror of your waking world, like finding your self walking down the street where you could have sworn you caught a glimpse of him, only to look again and realize it wasn't him after all.

Waking up is the most difficult. 

Every morning you’d tell your self that maybe, just maybe, if you close your eyes and pray hard enough it would all be a dream. And there Geto would be, right beside you to tell you everything is going to be ok. You will be ok.

But the place beside you remains desolate when you wake. And the pain of being alone hits you. Its excruciating. It makes you scream and writhe in agony, tears streaming endlessly down you face as you beg at nothing for him to come back.  You even resorted to praying to a god, any god, negotiating anything to just let you even simply touch him again, but things remained the same. 

You find your self frantically searching through your memories, through your possessions of anything that indicated him. Searching for any detail you can no longer recall - any morsel of information that may have been lost to your subconscious. The memory of him is fading, a little at a time and you can feel your self forgetting. You dont want to forget.

Im afraid ill miss you forever.

~

You dont know what makes you keep the baby. 

Maybe it had to do with the fact that it is Getos, but you didnt think that was quite it either. 

You especially dont know why since you knew that the pregnancy process would be hard. That being alone would make it even harder. You cant count the amount of times you spent next to the toilet, sobbing because of the pain of the baby and the pain of being by your self. You wonder what he'd do if he was still with you. Probably rub your back and press kisses on your tear stained cheek, to reassure you he would stay by your side and you would be ok.

But he wasn't by your side.  

Instead he left you to face this by your self. And that's just what you’d do. You'd learn to be strong; Alone. 

~

On your 40th week is when you finally went into labour. You had spent most of your pregnancy walking around the Jujutsu high school campus (since that was the safest place), freaking out new students and making them wonder why a strange pregnant women was watching them. To say you were entirely alone would be completely wrong, shoko and gojo were your main cheerleaders, shoko taking care of your health and Gojo being your entertainment. In fact it was Gojo who carried you to the hospital when you went in labour in his arms while yelling “PREGNANT WOMEN ABOUT TO BURST CODE BLUE!” 

 Luckily, god decided to go easy on you and you went through only 8 hours of labour. Even during the excruciating pain your body was going through, your brain couldnt help but wander back to him. A part of you hated yourself for still clinging onto him this tightly.

Its pathetic really, how I still hope its me and you in the end.

~

The sun blooms on the horizon, golden petals stretching ever outwards into the rich blue sky. The yellow rays stream through the hospital window, alighting your skin and playing along your lips and eyelashes.

“Y/n?”

Gojo sucks in his breath as he gazes upon something he hasn't seen in a long time; your smiling.

Through the exhaustion you grin, and you watch as your new born son’s eyes flutter open to meet yours.You slide your pinky into the baby that you were cradling open hand, watching as they curl around it. And in that moment you begin to cry the sweetest tears you've ever known, all the pain of the moments before melting away. 

Sun glints off your tears like stars as you turn to face Gojo.

“He has his eyes.”’

It had been so long since you seen them. 

And finally, you could breath again. 

[steeltoss]

Pre Shippuden — Shippuden Era

Ages 16 - 22. This is a continuation of the events in Hokkaido's life.

Age 16

I left off on her six month mission in Konohagakure. Backtracking a few months before she turned sixteen, she worked directly under Tsunade Senju amd had slowly reconnected with her old friends, including Neji Hyūga, Kiba Inuzuka, Ino Yamanaka, Sakura Haruno, Shikamaru Nara, and Choji Akamichi.

That being said, her sixteenth birthday was spent in the Hidden Leaf. The party was small and planned by Ino, complete with a few cupcakes and dango. This was the first birthday she enjoyed after Emi passed away.

Speaking of Emi, Hokkaido constantly worried over Ichika and often wrote letters to the younger one. After all, next year Ichika would start the Amegakure Academy.

Aside from her mission, nothing too big happened this year. Though she found out Sasuke was missing. He had become a Rogue Ninja. Okay that's pretty big but still.

Age 17

Upon her journey towards Amegakure after the six months had passed, the Kunoichi had taken it into her own hands to search for Sasuke. She strayed off the path she should have been taking to go to the Hidden Rain Village.

From here, she runs into some nasty company.

This was the first time she met Pein and Konan. And they looked like they were ready to end her.

Upon activating her sharingan, interest was sparked in her by Pein. She was spared on one condition. Well a few, but one big one.

She was to join the Akatsuki, accept the Rogue life and abandon her old life. This would mean abandoning the Hidden Rain and Ichika.

But on the other hand, maybe she could find Sasuke. She had no clue just how wrong she was. But she agreed nonetheless.

So she was taken back to the base, fron there, she met the other members.

Okay don't kill me but here's what happens when she first meets the Akatsuki: [her opinion and relationships will change over time]

Pein: Of course when they first met, she was intimidated and activated her sharingan, but being spared and hopefully brought closer to her brother, she would do anything he asked, for now at least.

Konan: Seeing her special skills, Hokkaido was intimidated but wouldn't admit so. She seems to be the only female here.

Deidara: I'm sorry Dei, but my little angel thought you were a very beautiful lady until you spoke the first time. Needless to say, she was rather shocked but admired his hair and explosives anyway.

Kakuzu: one word. Fear. This man is huge and crazy tall, also his personality reminds her of what its like to bite into a crabapple.

Hidan: she admired his dedication, but didn't like how he greeted her with “Fuck, there's another one? At least this one has a decent rack”. She punched him. And threatened his life only to find out he's immortal.

Tobi: well, he's very hyper and welcoming at least, but she wondered why he wore that mask.

Kisame: is he a man? Shark? Man-Shark? Either way, she kept a distance and admired his strength from afar.

Sasori: puppets are completely and utterly horrifying and she wanted nothing to do with this weird puppet man. Until she saw how red his hair was and her cheeks dusted a pale pink. It reminded her of someone she met a few years ago.

Itachi: . . . Her brother. Her brother, who had killed the clan was in the Akatsuki. Upon seeing him, she wondered if it was too late to leave the Akatsuki. She rurned her nose away and sighed.

Zetsu: “are you a. . . Big, adorable plant man?” i think it's safe to say Zetsu stared at her and quite possibly closed his trap around himself to save himself the embarrassment or black Zetsu threatening to eat her.

Back to Age 17

Sasuke wasn't with them, and she felt like shutting down completely. She was now at square one again. She had hoped this was her ticket to helping her brother, but ahe didnt know he didn't want help.

And honestly, you can't help someone who doesn't want any help.

Aside from her mind overworking, she now had to face Itachi as he was staring her down.

“hey, Itachi... ”

From there, the two walked around as he explained what really happened that day. She was torn. The Leaf had ordered this massacre?

Maybe she wasn't ready to go home after all.

Age 18

On her eighteenth birthday, she had spent her very first one with Itachi in nine years, and she oncr again, was crying those sappy happy little tears.

She never really expected a group of terrorists to the villages to get her gifts, yet they had.

Konan had gotten her a pair of fingerless gloves; Hokkaido appreciated the gesture because her hands were usually cold and Konan usually got things she needed or wanted anyway as the two had become closer.

Kisame had given her her very first katana, which, she undeniably adored the gesture; and she was extremely pink cheeked, she wasn't in love with him but she really liked his caring and understanding attitude.

Tobi had gotten her a mask to match his, which she never would wear; instead, she retaliated with offering to share dango with him instead. Which results in him squealing.

Sasori had claimed he didn't give a damn about things she wanted but still placed a small wooden figure of well, GAARA, in front of her; which led to the idea he had read her diary and had fully embarrassed her. But this little figure was different. Gaara was dressed as the Kazekage.

Deidara had picked her up some paint; remembering she hsd spent endless nights she couldn't sleep to paint her ceilinv and walls, and was out of it.

Zetsu uh, well, gave her a few seeds for flowers. It was for a joke since he figured she would never use them, but she held o to them. Just wait. These gifts will be brought up later.

Kakuzu, and i can't stress this enough, didn't do shit.

Hidan, on the other hand, tried offering immortality if she converted to jashinism.

Itachi had saved his for last. He had gotten her a journal and pens, as well as her stuffed panda from Amegakure.

A part of being an official member of the Akatsuki meant missions. And she had completed several, but what made her panic would be the one where the hunt for Jinchuuriki began.

It was a silent battle with herself. She had already dedicated herself to the Akatsuki but she knew two Jinchuuriki. Gaara and Naruto.

The day Gaara's One Tail was extracted, she covered her mouth upon hearing those certain words.

“He's dead”.

As if she had been hoping her life wouldn't get worse, she had already made up her mind. She really, really despised Deidara now. And she knew she would be killed if she straight up abandoned post.

However, on her next solo mission, she managed to leave a scroll for the Hokage and wanted word passed silently between the Five Kage's. She was playing both sides as of now, but desperately wanted out.

Would they believe her?

No. Not yet at least.

Age 19

Silence. She had succumbed herself with silence, almost like a vow she had taken. Deidara, Sasori, they were dead and war was coming.

She promised herself she would hate Deidara for what he did to Gaara, but she couldn't help but feel pity. Deidara was only a teenager when he died. [I think he was nineteen?]

With the Fourth Shinobi War coming, she was scared. Having no idea what to even do, Hokkaido assumed she would die.

Because I'm a lil bitch, I'm making you wait until she turns 20 for more details.

Age 20

The Akatsuki was no more. Almost all had died, and Hokkaido felt a slight empty feeling in her heart as she sat in front of the Five Kage's.

This was judgement. Would she be allowed to repent and become a better person or be banished forever, or die? Her mind was going wild.

Though, she couldn't help the feeling of ease as she saw Gaara, the Kazekage and boy she used to know, standing and perfectly fine.

“During the time of my extraction, I could see she wanted nothing to do with the Akatsuki organization. She looked almost forced to be there”.

The words Gaara spoke made her face turn pink and look away. Why was he trying to help her when she had fallen into the wrong group of people?

As if she hadn't already felt like she had succumbed herself in a repetitive cycle of falling for Gaara each day she thought about it, him helping her only dragged her deeper into the pit.

And Kami, he was so beautiful.

“and I'd like to offer that if you don't trust her, that's fine. She can return to Suna with me and Kankurō. She can build herself from there”.

So she moves to Suna and begins working on herself as a person, much of the things she had thought about was the very questions Gaara had asked along the way.

“why help me?” she had asked, the gaze he gave her was hard but he responded with: “you aren't the only one who was in the wrong. It would be wrong of anyone to not let you change yourself. I was given a chance and was once feared and hated, so can you answer this for me, do you wamt to live? Do you want to start a new beginning? If so, keep walking with us”.

And so she walked.

Age 21

Life in Suna was much different than the Hidden Rain or Leaf. Not many people would contact her or look her way for the first few days. After all she was an outsider and reformed terrorist.

Hokkaido had grown close to Temari once more, as well as Kankurō. These two, when free, helped her with the adjustment.

Hokkaido had left Amegakure behind, the ache in her heart subsiding as she realized Ichika had grown into a decent young child and chose to not become a shinobi, considering shinobi had too many hardships and heartaches to deal with.

As for Gaara, the two often spent time gardening and cultivating cacti.

Something from the past had finally been planted. The flower seeds Zetsu had given her way back on her birthday spent with the Akatsuki.

The katana that Kisame had given her was placed on a display.

Her Traditional Japanese Sword Display

The katana which is the most recognized full sized samurai sword and is often the first piece in any collection. It sits at the bottom and has a beautiful violet ito handle wrap.

The second would be the wakizashi which is a mid-sized sword that resembles the katana and the ito handle wrap was midnight blue.

Then the third which is a tanto. The tanto is the shortest of the swords or in many examples can be as short as today's standard survival styled knife. The ito wrap is black.

This is an example of how the stand is:

Age 21

The mask Tobi had given her had brought up bitter memories and had long sense been tossed into a storage box.

Her fingerless gloves had been destroyed during the war, but since she used them for swordplay, Temari had gotten her a new pair as a gift.

The wooden figure Sasori had given her of Gaara was more or less embarassing since she lived with the sand siblings and had hidden it away in the storage box.

Her panda sat on her bed, displayed and untouched except for during the night.

Age 22

Upon the next year, Hokkaido watched as relationships blossomed between many people, marriages and children coming into the world, she began wondering if she would ever have something like this in her own life. She highly doubted it.

Having been back and forth from Konohagakure, she grew closer to Shikamaru once more from childhood as she often joined the male and Temari on days they'd spend time together.

Other times, Hokkaido would stick to Kankurō and help with making puppets, she rather enjoyed painting them.

And occasionally, when Gaara was free, the two would still garden together and had began talking more, sometimes the two would even go out to the village and walk around together.

Her feelings for Gaara seemed to only hrow stronger as she had grown older, and she imagined herself having a future with him. It always made her heart hammer and her face turn blood red.

This year, she had cut most of her hair off to her shoulders as it had grown too long. She soon admits her feelings to Gaara, unsurprisingly, he was silent.

She most definitely assumed she blew it, but nearly a week later, Gaara had shyly asked if she would allow him to court her.

This was most definitely the beginning of a new and beautiful relationship.

I'll pick up with pre boruto - boruto era soon. Though im not sure if these are even good. @temarihime @thefifthkazekage @how-troublesome @houndninja