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lavendertales · 2 years

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Loverboy || Dieter Bravo x f!reader**

summary: when a drunken Dieter makes a move on you, you start to realize that maybe he had the right idea all along.

word count: 4.8k

WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol & weed; vaginal fingering, Dieter eats pussy like his life depends on it because I say so, edging, teasing, piv, cum play.

AGELESS/EMPTY BLOGS & MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED!

A/N: something funny & silly for a funny & silly man. and also kinda filthy. but that’s besides the point. thank you @pedropascalsx for enabling me with your kindness and sweetness 💕

gif: @pascalsky

Many found Dieter eccentric and over-the-top. You found that to be true as well. Though oddly enough, you rather enjoyed his fun persona.

In limited doses, that is.

You’re no stranger to his mood swings and odd requests; after all, you had started as his assistant four years ago, and now that you’ve become such close friends, you have also become the sole recipient of his theatrics and antics.

But you must say, tonight takes the cake.

When you received the call from Dieter’s current assistant, Dianne, you expected to hear the usual “could you please bring some brownies to the set, his blood sugar is low” request, not that he was drunk in the hotel room, relentlessly saying your name and asking to see you. You immediately said you’re on your way, an odd knot in your stomach. You’ve seen him in party mode before, but you have the feeling this isn’t one of those fun times.

Once you reach the hotel and ask for his room, going through the usual clarification that you are Dieter’s friend, you rush to his room, the knot tightening with each step you take.

Three knocks later, you’re met with Dianne’s face. And it doesn’t bring you any comfort.

“How is he?” you ask.

“Well, he’s been saying your name for the past half hour, insisting that he sees you.”

“Not much clarification there, Dianne.”

“See for yourself.”

The scent of alcohol and the pungent smell of weed invade your nostrils. You see the small-sized drinks from the minibar emptied on the floor, and a seemingly frantic Dieter waltzing around the room.

“Dieter?”

He turns abruptly to see you, his face lighting up as he rushes to your side to hug you tightly.

“Hey buddy,” you pat him nervously on the back. “What’s going on?”

“You’re actually here!”

“Hard not to when you’ve been chanting my name to the whole city for the past half hour.”

With a swift motion of his hands, Dieter gestures Dianne to leave, but she looks at you for confirmation. You exhale with a little chuckle, letting go of Dieter, yet keeping one of your hands around his waist to support him.

“It’s okay, Dianne, I can take it from here,” you smile at her. “Thank you for calling me.”

“You’re welcome,” Dieter smiles.

Now you got a clue about what’s ahead of you for the rest of the evening, and it’s not the prettiest image.

“I was talking to Dianne, honey.”

“Oh,” he pouts cutely.

“It’s a good thing you’re pretty,” you playfully pinch his cheek.

Dieter seems oddly proud of himself with that statement, in spite of his lack of proper balance. You silently thank Dianne as she rushes out of the room, and you sigh out loud. One look at Dieter and you just know you’ll have a tough time putting him down for a clearly much needed sleep.

“Okay, so… what’s going on?” you ask instead. “I know you’re no stranger to parties, but even a man with your expertise in fun knows you shouldn’t mix alcohol and weed.”

“And why not?!”

“Because it’ll make you puke. And I have the feeling I will be the one stuck with the cleaning.”

Dieter giggles upon seeing your disgusted face, and sits on the edge of the bed. He sighs, dramatically staring into the distance, and you finally get a good look at him. He’s disheveled, messier than usual; his bathrobe is open, and he wears nothing but boxer shorts. You’ve definitely seen him in worse shape, but you’re not a big fan of the drained color his skin has taken.

“Come on, D, what’s going on? You’re not usually like this,” you try to coax him. “Why did you keep asking to see me?”

In the midst of harshly rubbing his eyes, Dieter stands back up again, slightly losing balance. You rush to catch him, tying back his robe in the process.

“Because you’re the only one who can help me,” he says.

“With what?”

“She dumped me!”

Out of nowhere, Dieter begins sobbing, and truthfully, you’re not equipped to handle that. He falls into your arms, and you try to console him, though it doesn’t seem to be working.

“I assume you mean Cynthia,” you say whilst patting his back.

“Yes of course I mean Cynthia, who else!”

“I don’t know, you tend to… get by a lot.”

Dieter pulls away to frown at you for a second, then falls back at your chest.

You were never a fan of any of Dieter’s conquests. He certainly gets by a lot, and you’ve seen more than what you bargained for, but none of them ever seem to stay. Sure, Dieter can be a lot, but underneath that womanizing and arrogant exterior, you know him to be a sweet, passionate and funny man. And yes, he isn’t bad on the eyes either.

Getting off topic here, pipe it down.

“So what happened?” you ask, caressing his hair now.

“She said I’m selfish in bed. Me! Can you believe that?!”

You hesitate. “Well, honey, I can’t say for sure, I haven’t gotten the chance to… test the engine, as it were.”

You laugh nervously, then Dieter raises his head much too fast and stares at you with excitement, like the best idea in the world just crossed his mind.

“Would you like to?”

Shock rushes through your body as well. “Excuse me, what?”

“Oh, this is actually perfect! This way, you can know for sure and tell me—what it is what I’m doing wrong! You can tell me if I’m selfish or not, or if that chick is just lying through her teeth.”

You frown, mouth ajar and mind filled with unwanted imagery. You clear your throat, trying to remain as calm as possible, and you move further away from him to clear your head.

“Do you hear the words that come out of your mouth?”

“I tend to be a doer rather than a thinker,” Dieter says with a coy smile on his face. “You could find that out, you know.”

“Okay, let’s—let’s take a step back. You’re drunk and high in a hotel room, recently dumped, and you’re asking your friend for pity sex. Does that sound normal to you?”

“You forgot something.”

“What?”

“Horny. I am also horny. So. With that in mind. Do you want to have sex with me?”

Your frown only deepens, and you quickly come to the conclusion that Dieter won’t budge.

“I appreciate you asking at least,” you say in the most monotone voice ever.

“Of course! See, Cynthia doesn’t know shit. I am very considerate.”

“And modest, too.”

Dieter giggles, clearly taking your sarcasm as nothing more but a sincere compliment. And given the current state he’s in, why ruin things for him?

“Look, D, I’ve been with you through it all. I was there for you when you said you were snubbed at the Oscars the first time you were nominated.”

“I was snubbed that year.”

“Of course you were. I was there for you when you thought somebody was trying to poison you because you were getting ‘too famous’ and they were jealous of you. I was there for you when you had, and I quote, ‘itchy balls’ and you insisted I take a look at your equipment.”

“I did have—“

“Anyway, I was there for you through all of that and more. But asking me to have sex with you because you’re lonely isn’t going to be one of those times.”

Dieter inches closer to you, a pout dominating his facial expression.

“But why not?” he whines.

“Because it’s weird!”

You exchange a bizarre look with him, and oh, how you wish he’d just let this go already. But if there’s anyone more determined and overly-confident than regular Dieter, is intoxicated Dieter.

“Is this about my penis?” he asks, all too seriously.

“What? No! At least I hope so.”

“Cause if it is, you don’t have to worry about it, it was just an allergic reaction. I am good to go. Ask Cynthia. Actually don’t ask her, she can go suck a lemon for all I care—“

Ah, chatty Dieter, right on time.

“This is not about your penis,” you clarify. “Although technically I guess it is, but that’s not the point. No, Dieter, I won’t have sex with you.”

Defeated, Dieter falls back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. “It was worth a shot. Out of everyone I know… you’re the most perfect person I know.”

You search for his eyes, trying to find an explanation inside of them.

“What do you mean?”

He takes a deep breath, and up he stands again. “You know me the best. You’re always here…”

You take his hands into yours, hoping for the first time that night that he will remember something from tonight.

“You’re drunk and upset.”

“And horny.”

“And horny, okay. So no, I won’t have sex with you. Not like this.”

His face lights up, but you’re quick to continue, “What I meant was, why don’t you eat something to soak up the booze, have a quickie with your hand, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

“You’re not staying?”

“Do you want me to stay?”

He doesn’t offer you a verbal confirmation. Instead, he cups your cheeks and pulls you into a tender kiss. You are surprised, to be sure, yet you can’t help but melt into the kiss. You can feel your face burn crimson with flattery, and when the kiss is broken, disappointment is the next thing to surprise you.

“I do want you to stay, yes,” Dieter confirms.

You clear your throat again, as if that would somehow hide the redness of your cheeks.

“Just to be clear, in this scenario, there’s no hand quickie. And before you ask, not from me, not from yourself.”

Upset, Dieter nods in agreement, watching your every movement across the room. He feels the concoction of substances diminish their lingering effects on him, starting to sober up and see things in a whole new light.

Maybe this breakup is just what he needed after all.

Damn, he hates it when the drugs wear off.

The moment of euphoria and subsequent shoveling down of feelings has long passed, and all that Dieter has now is a hangover, a sentiment of disappointment and a throbbing headache.

He turns around and nearly gasps out loud when he sees you coming out of the bathroom. He says your name in the most confusing manner, and you smile.

“Morning, sunshine!”

Dieter makes a face, much to your amusement, and you decide, in the spur of the moment, to spare him from opening the curtains.

“That was way too loud,” he complains.

“Sorry. How are you feeling?”

He stands up halfway and stares at you with the most unimpressed glare, hair a complete mess. You refrain yourself from giggling.

“Sorry again,” you say. “There’s a sandwich for you on the nightstand, next to a cup of coffee and water to take the Advil with.”

“Oh, God bless you.”

Dieter practically jumps out of bed to eat and take the cure against the nasty headache, all under your studious eyes.

You’ve spent the night barely breathing, replaying that kiss over and over in your head. You probably shouldn’t have, but it was Dieter’s fault. If he didn’t want you thinking about it, then maybe he shouldn’t have kissed you.

Now that doesn’t make any fucking sense.

It was a momentary lack of judgment. No, scratch that. It was poor judgment on his part. And on yours, since you stupidly reciprocated the kiss.

Bottom line is, there shouldn’t have been any kissing. He wasn’t in a good mental place and he needed some attention.

Yeah, that was it. No big deal.

“So…” you clear your throat and look over at him, making sure he’s taking the Advil. “Do you remember anything from last night?”

On the edge of the bed and with the much needed coffee in his hand, Dieter ponders over last night. He remarks the fact that he’s only in his underwear, which raises some questions.

“I know I was upset about Cynthia, but… everything else is a blur,” he admits, slightly confused.

“Right. Right. Uh… oof. Okay.”

“Did something happen?”

You falter, and it only makes him more concerned. “Did it?!” he insists.

“No! No. No reason to worry.”

“Oh. That’s good then, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. But uh… you did ask to see me. Repeatedly. In fact, from what Dianne told me, you’ve been saying my name on a loop, demanding I’d come here.”

It’s all starting to come back to Dieter, slowly yet surely, and what do you know, the embarrassment rises.

“Oh yeah… damn it, you can’t keep any secret from Dianne.”

“You can’t.”

Dieter frowns, albeit your chuckle. “But don’t blame her, it’s her job. She’s your assistant after all.”

“You were my assistant once. And look at you now.”

“Yeah, great development on my part. Listen.”

You sit on the bed next to him, unsure how to proceed with your confession.

“When I came here last night, you were… in pretty bad shape. Upset and drunk and… apparently horny…”

“I didn’t take my penis out and start doing the helicopter again, did I?”

“When did you ever—you know what, nevermind, I don’t wanna know. Stop talking about your penis. I’ve heard enough about it. And the one time I’ve seen it wasn’t pleasant.”

Dieter conforms, remaining silent for the time being. It’s a premiere, given how he always finds a way to make things about himself.

“What I meant to say is, after I got here, you told me about the breakup and then you kind of… kissed me.”

Still speechless, Dieter starts trying to remember the exact moment you mentioned. Suddenly, his throat feels drier than the desert, his own boxer briefs chafing against his skin like the most uncomfortable piece of clothing.

“Uh—“he contemplates, visibly disheveled still.

“It’s not a big deal,” you try to coax him. “You were not in the best shape and you were seeking comfort and—“

“Sorry about that.”

“Pshh. No need to apologize. It—it was—it was a nice kiss. Very… very nice.”

You didn’t expect to get flustered, truth be told, and it completely sneaks up on you. You feel your cheeks get flushed, looking away from Dieter as you try to not appear affected by the memory of that kiss.

And how it definitely did not haunt you in your sleep last night.

How did this happen? Were those some dormant feelings that the kiss had awakened? Did you always feel this way about this ridiculously dramatic man and you didn’t even realize it?

On some level, you suppose it makes sense. You’ve always been there for each other, through the wildest, best and worst moments in each other’s lives and at the end of the day, you stayed.

“Not to brag, but I have kissed plenty before and have been kissed. I know what I’m doing,” Dieter shrugs to your amusement.

“Clearly,” you smile.

“So… did that do anything for you or?”

Baffled, you search his face in order to determine whether he’s serious or not. But the rather smug smile on his face, paired with his wide, puppy eyes are a recipe for impending trouble.

“Are you—are you being serious right now?” you can’t help but ask.

“What makes you think I’m not?”

You get the sudden urge to stand up and walk around the room, unable to stare into his eyes for too long.

“Because! Because you’re you! You’re the most ridiculous, theatrical man I have ever met! Even your name, I mean come on, who has a name like that?!”

Dieter frowns, hands intertwined in his lap. “I do.”

“That’s my point! I mean, you’re fun and eccentric and… we’re friends. Just because you kissed me when you felt lonely and I’ve spent the whole night thinking about it doesn’t mean anything.”

The words erupt from your mouth faster than you can catch onto them. You stop abruptly, on account of Dieter’s facial expression.

“You—“he begins, but you’re quickly making a motion to dismiss the rest of his question.

“Let’s pretend like I didn’t just say that,” you smile nervously, avoiding his glare and the mention of your name. “Nope, we’re not doing this.”

“But you said—“

“I did not say anything, okay? I did not say anything about that goddamn kiss, and you did not hear it because I didn’t say it.”

“Who’s the weirdo now?”

You keep pacing around the room, like that would bring you some sort of comfort. Except it does not. It only exasperates you and makes you feel like the worst type of human being ever.

Though why should you feel that way? Sure, hearing Dieter confess—more or less—that he’s into you is surprising, but… what if it’s just a pretext to get in your pants? You don’t want this to be a one night stand. You’re—friends. You care about the man.

“What kind of game are you playing?” you ask, hands on your hips and eyes narrow in his direction.

Surprised, Dieter makes an offended face, hands frozen mid-air. “There’s no game, what are you on about?”

“I am on about the fact that you’re… a very sociable person—“

“This better not be a stab at the time I was going around asking men and women if they wanted to sleep with me.”

“Calm the hell down, this is not about you being bi.”

“I’m not—oh! Huh. I guess I am.”

“Yeah, good morning. Anyway, we’re friends, and if this is just something to get the edge off, I’m not interested.”

Dieter approaches you, and you notice the immediate shift in his facial expression. He’s not coy, nor arrogant, nothing. Matter of fact, he seems sympathetic and—normal.

“I know we’re friends or whatever, but you gotta realize we are both hot people in their prime and it would be a shame to not act upon it,” he says.

Spoke too soon.

“And I think you’re like, the greatest person I know, and… you’re perfect.”

Oh.

“I’m far from perfect,” you say, despite the crimson burn in your cheeks indicating flattery.

“You’re already there.”

You chuckle nervously, almost too flustered to even look at him; but once you do, you see his face radiating with enthusiasm and an almost child-like neediness that brings you to your knees.

“I’m not,” you almost whisper, distraught by your own thoughts and emotions, particularly the kiss’ memory haunting you yet again.

“But you are.”

He says that whilst his face dares inch closer to yours and you can’t really hold it together anymore.

Okay, so it might be possible that you’ve been nesting feelings for this man for quite some time.

“Don’t overthink this,” you warn him.

Dieter blinks several times, his smile fading once you cup his cheeks and pull him closer to you, pressing your lips against his. And then all you know is a raging fire.

This is insane. It’s just wild how insatiable you feel all of a sudden because of one silly little kiss that now turns sloppy and wet. And you know you probably shouldn’t be doing this because he might still be hungover, but it feels too good to stop.

Especially when you feel his hands going from your arms to your hips, then shifting so that he fondles your breasts. You moan into the kiss, and you moan some more as his lips leave a wet trail down your jaw and neck, stopping there to suck on a spot that makes you irrationally wet.

“Wait, wait a minute,” you barely manage to whisper.

Dieter keeps going with his ministrations over your breasts and your neck, barely hearing you. It’s only when you tap his shoulder a few times that he lifts his head from where he previously was, his messy hair all over the place, much like the man himself.

“You’re killing me here,” Dieter complains.

“I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

Dieter frowns. “No offense, but what the hell are you on, woman?”

You snicker, huffing and trying to gather your thoughts.

“You’ve had a pretty rough night last night,” you say. “You were in a pretty vulnerable spot and if this is a way to make yourself better, then we’ll screw this up for nothing.”

“I wouldn’t say for nothing—“

Upon seeing your face, Dieter sports a coy smile, staring at your lips all the while.

“I’m doing great,” he tells you. “A little confused after some stuff I did last night, but nothing out of the ordinary.”

“I figured.”

“Point is, we’re both here, and we’re both in need for some attention… would you please just let me fuck you?”

You nearly choke on air when you hear that. It’s the way he says it, so carelessly, so needy and yet so tender that makes you weak.

“So I can tell you if you’re being selfish in bed like Cynthia said?” you ask just as coyly.

Dieter smirks. The son of a bitch, of course he does.

“So we can start the day right and let me prove to you that I am worthy of having you.”

He doesn’t really wait for you to offer any other response and just smashes his mouth on yours, far greedier than before. You embrace it this time, giving in completely.

His tongue darts inside your mouth, boldly touching spots you weren’t even aware could turn you on, but they do. It’s already filthy by default, but you wouldn’t expect anything less from the man. His calloused hands dominate your body as he switches you both so that he’s on top. Luckily for him, he’s still in the underwear and robe from last night, so there isn’t much effort required on his part to dispose of the materials standing in the way of pure bliss.

So his attention shifts solely on you. He looks in a trance as you undress yourself, slightly self-conscious and hyper aware of what you’re about to do. But Dieter’s not a very patient or organized man; the next thing you know, he’s harshly pulling on your panties, dragging them down your legs and throwing them somewhere carelessly. You stifle a gasp, followed by holding your breath when Dieter stands before you, naked and fully erect.

Shit.

Frankly, you hadn’t expected him to be so well-endowed—since the only memory you have of his private parts is not one you’d like to recall—and your facial expression aids you in no way in trying to conceal your surprise.

“See something you like?” Dieter asks conceitedly.

“Don’t ruin the moment,” you say and pull him down to kiss him again.

You run his fingers through his messy hair, the same hair that Dieter asked you one too many times to hold while he was throwing up, and you realize just how much you’ve craved this subconsciously. It feels right—in all the bizarre ways.

And your body knows that, too: you arch your back against the sheets as his lips travel down the curves of your body, fast approaching your navel and inevitably, your most sensitive area.

Without any warning, you feel his tongue diving right in, spreading your legs in the process and grunting, taking his first sip of your growing arousal. You start to doubt everything there ever was between you and Dieter, realizing that maybe there was a little more boiling underneath the “friends” shield you put up.

“Fuck, your pussy’s good,” you hear him say from in between your legs.

Now that’s more in tone with his persona.

You can only mewl and huff in between licks, unable to move your eyes away from the sight of him buried in your most sensitive spot. You watch, lost in a magnetic trance, slowly beginning to feel that oh-so-desired burn spread throughout your body, settling in your lower belly.

“Oh, shit—shitshitshit—“

Dieter grins, boldly adding two fingers to his ministration over your cunt; he pumps them speedily in and out, curling them and smiling some more when your mouth forms the perfect O, stuck on an endless loop of auditory pleasure. The pressure he applies, paired with the occasional licks and obscene slurps, conspire against you and your sanity.

Your mouth waters, your breaths hitch and your body aches, badly needing to cum.

And just like that, the pressure and the buildup are gone.

You stare at him bewildered, demanding an explanation. But once again, Dieter proves to live up to his name and reputation: he licks his fingers under your careful supervision, and you nearly crumble on the spot.

“Not making a valid point in your ‘not being selfish’ case,” you murmur, still reeling from having your pleasure taken away from you so abruptly.

“Trust me,” Dieter grins, and wraps his hand around his cock.

He gives himself a few strokes, his eyes never leaving your overly-stimulated pussy. The sight of you lying there before him, legs spread and thighs glistening with arousal he had created has him weaker and more turned on than he would’ve ever thought.

By the time he fits the bulbous tip past your soaked lips—just the tip, nothing more yet—you moan louder, and even Dieter can’t help himself.

“You like this, hm?” he teases, and you nod frantically. “Fuck, you’re dripping onto me, babe… did I get you this worked up?”

Dieter keeps pushing the tip in, then taking it out and doing it over and over. He’s clearly toying with you, testing you to see how much you can take before you snap, and hell, it’s working.

But you don’t say it: instead, the next time he fits the tip past your lips, you clench around it, hard. The notable expression on his face makes it worth the effort, and you’re the one who smiles this time around.

“What, you think you’re the only one who can play?” you tease him in return, grinning.

“Fine. Fuck it. I’m done playing.”

And he means it.

He pushes into you, filling you up to the brim and smiling to himself when your mouth remains ajar at the pleasurable shock you feel in your body. He’s big and thick and Jesus, you could come just by sitting like that. But of course, this isn’t what an actor and man of his size and reputation does.

Dieter grabs hold of your thighs and starts railing you as fast as he can. The only sounds left now in the room are your respective breaths, grunts and moans, and the glib sounds emerging from where your bodies are joined. His balls slap against your ass and his cock pushes deeply inside you, reaching a spot even you haven’t found on your most adventurous and lonely nights.

No more teasing from either of your sides, just neediness in the form of rough and filthy sex. One of his hands boldly reaches to play with your right breast, squeezing it and then pinching the nipple till it pebbles under his touch. He could easily start slobbering over the filthy imagery the two of you are creating, but he holds it in.

Unlike his orgasm, which arrives rapidly and almost unexpectedly.

He pulls out just as you reach to play with your clit, your motions fast and eager to reach your own high. He strokes himself to completion, spilling his seed all over your tummy and breasts, and a little over your open mouth too. When he sees you cheekily removing the excess cum from your chest and taking it to your mouth after having just played with yourself too, he feels his cock twitch and hurt in agony and ecstasy alike.

“You like it dirty, don’t you?” Dieter asks with half a smile, nearly out of breath.

You shrug, blissfully reeling from your orgasm. “You don’t know the half of it.”

Dieter collapses next to you, struggling to catch his breath. Then he turns to you, curiosity getting the best of him yet again.

“So?” he asks.

“What?”

“Am I selfish in bed or not?”

You chuckle. “I can safely say you’re not.”

You hear him exhale, clearly feeling at ease, and you chuckle again.

“Although it would’ve been good to come when you were inside of me,” you add.

You know that strikes a chord with his ego. When he turns to face you, appearing insulted, you are proven correct.

“The day just started,” Dieter seems to warn.

“Think you can go again?”

“Woman, I can and will fuck you till your eyes go into the back of your head.”

You both smile, pleasantly surprised by your respective reactions.

“Whatever happened to your fear about this friendship?” Dieter checks, mentally preparing himself.

“Eh, we weren’t that close anyway. How can you ruin a friendship with sex?”

“Let’s find out.”

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oonajaeadira · 2 years

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Get to Know You Tag Game

!!! Thank you for the tags and the shout outs, @thosewickedlovelies and @thirstworldproblemss!!!!

Rules: tag a few people you want to know better; make a new post, don’t reblog!

fave color: lemon yellow. It makes me happy. Also a big fan of teal, peach, lavender, baby pink...I’m more into pastels than I really want anyone to believe.

currently reading: Fic fic fic. Also:

last series: (current) Moon Knight, THANKS OFR THE OBSESSION, @songsformonkeys. (last series finished) Our Flag Means Death

last movie: Guarding Tess. Gearing up for TUWOMT

sweet, spicy or savoury: All. All together if I can get it. I just went through the Wendy’s drive through yesterday and they had a hot honey chicken sammich? Devoured it.

coffee or tea: Both! Ice coffee any time of day or year. Hot coffee in the mornings in fall/winter. Hot tea in the evenings fall/winter and iced tea in the summer afternoons.

three ships: They came sailing in on Christmas Day in the morning. But really, they’re all my own. Sunday x Javi G, Pats x Preciosa, Dieter x Baby Cakes right now.

first ever ship(s): First I can remember getting really into was Ranma Saotome x Akane Tendo

currently working on: PATS Truth or Dare: Unblurring the Lines pt. 2. I’ll Never Fall In Love Again: Scene 3: (untitled backstory). A Star Wars parody about when George Lucas met Alec Guinness (performance, not fic).

fave piece of clothing: For months it’s been my wooly socks. Like, I don’t care what I’m wearing, I just want my feet trapped in pillows of fuzzy, warm goodness. Like, sometimes it’s what gets me out of bed in the morning, knowing after my shower I get to put on thick socks and let my feet get all cozy. It’s like, if my feet are good, it translates all the way up and gets me through the day.

comfort food: I’m a fast-food junkie (srsly, ask me my go-to order at just about any chain, I’m terrible). But I love tacos, ramen, sushi, llapangachos, bratwurst, chicken tikka masala, dumplings of just about any kind, har gow, tiramisu, ice cream, brownies, warm hard boiled egg on avacado toast, rice bowls, poke bowls, tamales, caprese salad....lemme know if you need more. I can list food all damn day. Did I say tacos? Tacos. Oh and macarons! AND CHEESE.

fave time of year: Autumn. Fresh cool air, leaves above, leaves below, leaves coming from above to go to below, moon through bare branches, sweaters and leggings and boots, spooky season.

fave fanfiction: Pedro boy fanfic. Give me it.

Tagging: I’ve been popping in and out recently so forgive me if you’ve already done this and I didn’t see it: @feathersandfoxtails @beecastle @writeforfandoms @songsformonkeys @grogusmum @leslie-lyman @insomniamamma @honestly-shite @littlemisspascal @ezrasbirdie

#tag games

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 3 months

Text

Dieter Bravo and the Sundance Queen

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 3, 064

Summary: you go to Sundance where Dieter is promoting the film where you two met

(This is early in their relationship so check out the masterlist to figure out the timeline)

Warnings: mild swearing, so much pining for each other, Dieter gets drunk and does adorably silly stuff

“Fuck it’s cold.”

“It’s not that cold.”

“I think my snot has turned into icicles.”

The snow was gathering around you, picturesque in the town of Park City, Utah. You were here for the Sundance Film Festival. Dieter was here to promote Sap of Justice while you were just along to watch some films you had your eye on, most of them horror of course. He arrived a few days earlier to do all the usual promotion stuff required of an actor. You managed to get the Friday off but and the flight was at a reasonable hour of the morning, but you still slept badly the night before and the traffic was terrible and then the flight was delayed. You only managed to nap once you actually got on the plane so by the time you got there you were somewhat tired and hungry.

Dieter had a nice room booked and offered to share it with you, knowing you would probably not get a better choice of accommodation. He told you he would book the room with your name as well as one his pseudonyms which you should be able to recognise. At the desk, you gave your name to the receptionist and after a few tense seconds, they said “Yes, you’re staying with Abraham DeLacey.” You nodded and received your room key. Dieter opened the door as soon as you knocked.

“Thomas O’Malley, I presume?”

“You got my reference?”

“Well, you sing the song all the time.”

He led you into the room, taking your small bag. It had a rustic lodge feel, the fireplace definitely adding to the cosy feeling. And the huge bed was very inviting in its plush warmth.

“I’m sorry but there’s only one bed but I can take the couch if you want?”

“We can share, it’s big enough.”

“Are you sure?”

“Well, it’ll get cold at night, so we’ll have to snuggle together for warmth.”

“The hotel has central heating, and the fireplace gets pretty warm and…oh.” He pulled you into a hug, “You’re fine sharing? I’m a bit of a cuddler.”

“Really? I haven’t noticed.” You would have stayed in his embrace for eternity, but your stomach said otherwise.

“When did you last eat?”

“Well,” you paused for remembrance. “I get this waiting anxiety thing at airports, so I managed a sandwich at some point.”

He sighed lovingly, “Someone needs feeding. I happened to have organised a nice surprise for you.”

*****

He took you down to the hotel’s restaurant and led you through a cosy private booth all set up.

“Is that cheese?” you were staring into a pool of melted cheese, “Is this all for me?”

“Well the fondue is meant to be for two-“ but you had already speared a piece of bread, dipped it into the cheese and shoved the melty goodness into your eager mouth. You bounced up and down, almost dancing with the happiness you were feeling.

“So it’s good?”

“I’m so happy I could cry!”

He couldn’t help but smile and took a piece of cheese dipped bread that you handed out to him. He wasn’t as bouncy as you but could definitely agree that it was heavenly in taste.

“Your hair has grown out.”

Dieter ran a hand through his hair. It had been a while since the two of you saw each other.

“Yeah it probably looks messy.”

“No, I like the curls,” you really wanted to run your hands where his were. “I bet you looked adorable as a baby with those curls.”

“Probably,” he sighed. “I’m pretty sure curls run in the family.”

“I bet if you had babies, they would have the most adorable curls.”

“Maybe.” He was imagining you having those babies of his and he felt a strange new warmth within him.

Exhaustion came and punched you in the face unexpectedly, so you were wanting an early night. The warmth of the bed was helping you fall asleep, but Dieter seemed wide awake next to you.

“Are you okay Dieter?”

“Oh no, I’m keeping you awake, aren’t I?”

“Just a little bit.”

“Sorry, I’m just worried about this Q & A tomorrow.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, it’ll just be on my mind all night.”

“You just need a distraction.”

“Does it involve kissing?”

“It won’t occupy you all night. No, what I’m thinking is you need a question so difficult to answer you’ll be thinking about it all night.”

“Okay, I’m intrigued.”

You got up a little to deliver the question, “What is the better adaptation? Muppets Treasure Island or Treasure Planet?”

“Muppets Treasure Island or Treasure Planet?” he emphasised the ‘or’, “Or? OR?! Why would you make me choose between two masterpieces? Oh, it’s working.”

He snuggled up next to you, kissed your cheek good night and the both of you went to sleep.

*****

Dieter woke up suddenly feeling like the life was getting squeezed out of him. He could work out that you were clinging to him very tightly. He shuffled across the bed which managed to loosen the death grip you had on him. It worked for only two seconds as you clung tightly to him again. He moved over again but again you gripped him tightly and soon he ran out of bed. You were awoken by a muffled yell and thud and reached out to turn on the light to find out but could feel only bed. You reached to the other side of the bed and turned on the light and found Dieter lying on the ground with his legs still tangled in the sheets.

“Are you okay?”

A very tentative’ yeah’ came from the floor. He managed to untangle himself and got himself back into bed.

“Did I kick you out?”

“No, you sort of squished me.” Your confused expression needed more of an explanation, so he continued. “You were sort of aggressively cuddling me.”

You covered your mouth in shock “I’m so sorry, I’ve never done that before.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’ve never wanted to cuddle with anyone before. You’re just so soft and warm my subconscious must’ve, I really didn’t mean to.” You were almost on the verge of tears in embarrassment. Dieter gently held your arms and kissed your forehead.

“Hey, it’s fine. It’s kind of adorable really.”

“No, it’s-“ he interrupted you with a hug.

“It is. We just need to work on less of a death grip.”

“I’m the anaconda.”

“Well, you haven’t tried to eat me so that’s a good thing.” That brought a laugh out of you. “Maybe I should try being the big spoon?”

You nodded so you both shuffled in bed until Dieter was holding you from behind. He kissed the back of your neck which tickled from his scruffy beard. This happy comfortable arrangement helped the two of you drift off into sleep.

*****

Dieter woke up but it was not from being squished, it was just normal consciousness from morning. His arms were still wrapped around you, and he was very much enjoying everything about it. He could definitely get used to this. The only thing upsetting the cosy atmosphere was a certain part of Dieter’s anatomy. Let’s just say it was very happy this morning, would you believe it? He hadn’t woken up with one in a while and it was probably the lovely smell of your hair that may have set him off. You shifted in your sleep, pushing yourself further into Dieter and he was growing more uncomfortable. He really didn’t want you to wake up and feel him pressed up against you. He gently removed himself from you and quietly got out of bed. Maybe some cold air would help.

You awoke to an empty bed. The bed was still warm but there was a certain softness lacking and it wasn’t until your turned around to find that there was no boyfriend next to you. You didn’t have to worry long as Dieter came through the door a few minutes later. You got out of bed to greet him.

“Morning, honey cakes.”

“Morning Dieter.”

You noticed he placed a few bags on the table.

“When did you get up?”

“I’m not sure. I felt like a walk and decided to get breakfast. There’s hot chocolate or some juice thing and…”

“Did I squish you again last night?”

“No.”

“Because I’m still sorry about that.”

He reassured you with a hug, “And I’m still saying it’s fine. Now, do you want a breakfast sandwich or one of these several pastries?”

“You’re making me choose? Is this some kind of revenge for that question I gave you last night?”

“That question which is possibly the most evil question in existence? Maybe.”

You both just started laughing and you kissed his cheek, “I’m probably going to have to take these to go. My first film starts soon.”

Dieter’s face dropped in sadness at that but did his best not to show it. “I can pack you a bag?”

“That would be lovely!” you kissed his nose and then hopped to the bathroom to change. His nose was kissed again before leaving. “I’ll be there for your Q & A.” All he could do was nod.

*****

The room was packed, the heat becoming more stifling. Dieter played with his collar and hoped his sweaty face wasn’t obvious. He kept scanning the crowd, hoping to see your face but it was only at the last second did he see you. You had managed to get through the door at the last possible second and gave him a little wave which made him smile.

It turns out a lot of people really enjoyed Sap of Justice and only had good things to say. This eased the tension knotted up in Dieter, but he still didn’t enjoy the questions coming at him.

The next person was handed the microphone and asked, “I was wondering about the scene where a piece of your skin came off and it was all bloody sap. Just wondering if that was a practical or special effect?”

“It was all practical.”

“Do you know how it was done?”

“Our make-up artist is in the audience if you’d like to ask her.”

You felt eyes upon you as you walked upon the stage. Dieter gave you his seat and microphone and you spent the next few minutes answering questions about the special effects makeup you did for the film. The unobservant didn’t notice that Dieter was off to the side looking both proud and very in love.

You couldn’t stay for very long afterwards as you had your next film screening to go to. Dieter’s face dropped into sadness. The rest of his day was busy with all his promotional work and various photoshoots but eventually he was let go and he went straight back to his room. He was cosied up on the couch with the remains of room service when you came through the door.

“Hi,” you immediately snuggled up to him on the couch.

“Hi,” he kissed your cheek.

“How was the rest of your day?”

“Oh, it wasn’t bad. All the usual actor stuff. I was given some nibbles to nibble on, but I was still hungry, so I got room service. There’re leftovers if you’d like them.”

You approached them with delight and happily devoured them.

“So, how were all the films?” he asked.

You put down your fork, “Really good. The first one was amazing and set too high a standard for the others. The second one was based on a short film and really didn’t quite work in the long form. The third one was predictable in a good way.”

You were too excited to notice that Dieter had his classic puppy dog eyes on you.

“The first film I saw was Sap of Justice.”

He did and internal double take, “What?”

“Yeah, it was really good. You’re a really good actor.”

“Wait, have you not seen any of my films before?”

You shook your head, “You haven’t done any horror films so…no.”

The silence would have been awkward but you both started laughing.

“Should I watch your other films?”

“I wouldn’t. I never watch my films.”

“You don’t?”

“Nope, just wipe and flush.”

Again, you both started laughing.

The rest of the evening was spent in simple act of domesticity. This hint at a regular happy life brought about in Dieter a desire he didn’t realise he was wanting his whole life.

*****

Consciousness slowly nudged at Dieter. As he blinked his eyes awake, he realised he wasn’t being cuddled to death. He was once again being the big spoon so he could breathe in your scent. His bladder tore him away from you and your lovely smell. He very gently sneaked out of bed and made his way to the bathroom, not even flushing for fear it would wake you. Crawling back into bed, he noticed you had shifted slightly so he just watched you sleep. Not in a creepy way the way a serial killer in a slasher film would. This was him watching you sleep because he knew he was definitely falling in love with you. Suddenly you shifted in your sleep, your arm hitting Dieter on the chest. The soft snort you gave out while moving was probably the most adorable thing Dieter had ever heard and he knew for certain that he was in love with you.

You slowly stretched as you woke up, the warmth was too tempting to bring you back into slumber. As your eyes adjusted, you noticed that Dieter was doing his best not to look like he was watching you sleep.

“Morning,” you said.

“Morning honey cakes,” he nudged his nose close, silently asking permission to kiss you which you allowed.

The two of you just ley together in bed, your lips gently touching. Dieter revelled in this tenderness, and you felt safe in his arms. The kissing went on for longer than it had before, and you wanted more. Your fingers finally ran through his curly hair, pulling him closer. This was as physically close you had been with him and none of it felt wrong and you weren’t afraid if it went further.

But there was a knock at the door, but Dieter ignored it. Until the knocking became louder.

“Can’t a man kiss his girlfriend in peace?” He angrily got out of bed and opened the door with his usual gruffness.

“What?”

It was his manager. “Bravo. Some producers were impressed with your film and want to talk to you about future projects.”

“Now?”

“Now,” he said it like it was obvious. “Say goodbye to your random hookup and be downstairs in five.”

“Can I have twenty minutes?”

“You’ve got ten.”

Dieter closed the door without saying goodbye. He immediately wrapped himself around you.

“You’re not some random hookup.”

“I know.”

“You’re so much more than that.”

You spent what must have been five minutes just staring at each other, knowing you soon would part. He felt the tug of obligation pulling him from the bed and quickly cleaned himself off in the bathroom. Coming back into the room, he pulled off his shirt, throwing it onto the bed and put on a clean one. He was contemplating which sweater to put on.

It was the first time you had properly seen him shirtless and you had to admit you were enjoying the view. His broadness of his back was so inviting it was begging to be kissed.

“I’d go for the green one,” you pointed.

“Really?”

“Really really. The colour looks good one you.”

He put it on and sat next to you on the bed. “So can I see you later?”

“Oh sorry, I’ve got a film to go to and then I have to get my plane.”

He was struggling to find the words. “Um, you can order room service if you want. Order anything.”

“Okay,” you were struggling to find words.

He kissed you and spent way too long parting from your lips.

“I’ll…miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, Dieter.”

*****

The flight back was probably worse than the one out to Sundance. The anxiety was now filled with longing. By the time you got home it was night.

The night brought with it darkness and sadness. You felt so empty now. Empty of the warmth you felt from protective arms. An agony was aching in your chest, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to cry or not. You moved over to your bag and pulled out something. It was the shirt that Dieter carelessly threw onto the bed back at the hotel. You weren’t sure if he would notice its disappearance, but you didn’t care. You breathed in his scent, missing him so much. You fell asleep trying to imagine he was next to you.

*****

Dieter walked into his hotel room and noticed you weren’t there. He was slightly buzzed as champagne was handed out in celebration so he couldn’t help but have a glass or two. He was offered many lucrative parts in upcoming jobs but you weren’t around so his happiness was just a façade.

He fell onto the bed and rolled over to what was your side of the bed. He sniffed your pillow, but no familiar scent graced his nose and he whined, swatting at the pillow like a puppy. He couldn’t smell you and it made him sad. You weren’t here and it made him sad. You were home and he missed you.

He wondered if you’d be home yet. He looked around for his phone and somehow, he managed to find it in his drunken state. He listened to the dull ringing but instead of hearing your voice, it was just that annoying voice saying that the call couldn’t be taken at this time. There was no harm in leaving a message he decided.

“Hey…it’s me…are you there? Oh wait, you’d be asleep, sorry. You’re so pretty when you sleep. I like watching you sleep. Not in a creepy way, in a…not creepy way. I wish you were here, no…I wish I was there because you’re there. Oh, I love you. Love you, love you, love you. And I wish I was there watching you sleep in a not creepy way. I should let you sleep now, okay? Love you…it’s Dieter by the way…”

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic @glshmbl @cupcakehp @gswizzsstuff

#pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #dieter x honey cakes #love of horror fanfic #love of horror universe #love of horror #dieter bravo #dieter x reader #the bubble netflix #the bubble

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 7 months

Text

Dieter, Dieter, Pumpkin Eater

Words: 1, 115

Summary: you and Dieter go pumpkin picking for the first time

Warnings: Dieter being adorable, saucy suggestions, lots of baby goats

Check out masterlist here

Today was a good day for pumpkin picking. You and Dieter were heading somewhere about an hour away that you found would be perfect for your first pumpkin picking.

Growing up in Australia, you never celebrated Halloween and only witnessed the fall traditions through the films you watched. Now living in America, you didn’t feel out of place putting up Halloween decorations and making all things pumpkin related. You hadn’t crossed pumpkin picking off your bucket list yet, feeling it might be awkward to venture out on your own.

Dieter was happy to get out of the city and spend time with you. He heard the word pumpkin farm and wore a plaid shirt and his overalls which you thought was adorable. Of course, he fell asleep on the drive there, wrapped up in his teddy bear coat. But you were used to it by now and you had a new Dead Meats podcast you wanted to listen to. He magically knew when to wake up as you slowed down to park outside the pumpkin patch, he must have sensed your excitement.

You were early enough that you seemed to be one of the few visitors there. After paying through admission, you purchased yourself a hot chocolate and you both wandered around the farm, Dieter stealing your marshmallow on the way.

“So, are you going to actually pick a pumpkin?”

“I’m not sure. There’s a pumpkin tent with lots of already picked pumpkins, so that could be fun.”

“What if we find a giant pumpkin?”

“Oh, I don’t know. It might be too big for my car unless I leave you behind. And I don’t want to leave you here overnight with the scarecrows and you might turn into a ghost…”

“No!” he wrapped himself around you, thankful you finished your hot chocolate “Don’t make them turn me into a ghost!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t. Even though you’d be a very cute ghost.”

“There’s such a thing as a cute ghost?”

You nodded, “Casper. And you’d be such a cute pudgy ghost!”

You started to tickle his tummy, but he playfully avoided you and led you towards the jumping castle he spotted. He gestured you inside as his joyful grin was an invitation to you to join him. Both of you bouncing around alone in the caste, the bouncing started off playful but then became more amorous. Before long, he was lying on top of you, passionately kissing you until the sensible part of your brain kicked in. He got a firm no, which he knew was serious, but he still pouted.

“Dieter, we can’t. We’re out in public and you make enough noise to attract attention.”

“Can I rent one of these for the weekend?”

“If you want to. But you have to clean it.”

“Done” he sealed the deal with a kiss and rolled off you, “I’m gonna need a minute.”

It was obvious he did, so you left the jumping castle, straightening yourself out. He grabbed your hand when he came out to join you, and you ambled off towards the pumpkin tent. Your eyes almost popped out at the number of pumpkins on display. So many sizes and colours left you with so many choices.

“You can get more than one you know” Dieter reassured you.

“You don’t mind? We’ll be eating nothing but pumpkin for a while.”

He shrugged, “If it tastes good, I’ll eat it.”

So, you settled on a few: a baby bear and a cotton candy because they had cute names, a mini Jack O’Lantern, a beautiful fairytale and a classic Cinderella.

“You shall go to the ball after all, Dieter!”

“Aw, I’ve always wanted to twirl around in a pretty dress!”

“The glass shoes wouldn’t be that comfortable though.”

“Hey, if I get to kiss the handsome prince, it’s worth it” and he kissed you, making you assume you were playing the role of the prince.

You almost skipped pulling along your little cart until Dieter stopped you, tugging at your sleeve. He was staring at the petting zoo, the bleating of baby goats behind their sign.

“Do you want to go?” he was nodding eagerly and trotted over to the gate.

He was handed a bag of feed and he knelt down with his hands out awkwardly. It was like the scene in Something There where the Beast was trying to feed the birds. One little goat waddled over and started eating from his hands. His smile was as big as the Beast’s was. Then all the other little goats came over for food and once Dieter’s hands were empty, they started to lick him all over with their cute little tongues. He tried to give each of them as much love as his two hands could handle. Eventually they started climbing onto his lap and wherever they could get a purchase.

“Look, look, they’re climbing me! They’re climbing me!”

The animal handler came over to see the joyous commotion, “Is he with you?”

“Yes, he’s mine” you mused.

Dieter’s giggles were infectious, “Let me be your mountain!” and he laid himself down so all the little goats could attack him with love. “Ah, I’m taking you all home with me!”

You had to intervene at this point so made your way into the goat pen, facing your boyfriend who was hugging the smallest goat.

“Dieter, we can’t take them all home. They’d make a mess, and then they’d all try to escape because we don’t have that great a gate.”

He knew all of this was true but still moped, “Can we come back next year?”

“Of course we can” he smiled at this, “Do you want a picture with them?”

After about a million pictures with every baby goat, and then more than one with his favourites who he named himself, you finally unloaded your pumpkins into your car. Dieter enveloped you in a hug, his teddy bear coat now perfumed with that baby goat smell.

“You had fun today?” you felt his nodding, “You smell like goat.”

“I smell like little furballs of love is what I smell like!”

You didn’t want to sour his mood by pointing out that his little furballs of love probably trotted around in their own droppings, so you left him to sleep away the trip back with a happy smile on his face.

A few days later and several homemade pumpkin purée making sessions later, you came home to find a note from Dieter waiting for you.

“Put this on and meet me outside” it read. You found your silk robe underneath the note, so you looked outside.

He had gone and rented a jumping castle.

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @brilliantopposite187 @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic @glshmbl

#pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #dieter x honey cakes #love of horror fanfic #love of horror #dieter x reader #dieter bravo #the bubble netflix #the bubble

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 2 months

Text

The Producer

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 2, 137

Summary: it’s my birthday and wanted to do something fun, alsothis was my excuse to create my dream cast for a live-action Powerpuff Girls film!

Warnings: random celebrity cameos, lots of adorableness, Dieter being Dieter so some saucy suggestions

Check out masterlist here

“Dieter, who is that?”

“No one.”

Clara immediately popped up waving, “Hi mummy!”

You scooted over and kissed her on the cheek but kept that scolding glare on your husband.

“How many times have I told you not to bring her on set?”

“She wanted to see you.”

“Jojo!” she exclaimed.

“Did someone bring me a baby to cuddle?” Jack Black was already under a layer of makeup to portray said character, minus the big brain. Dieter plopped the eager toddler onto his lap which immediately started to jiggle.

“Pudding!”

“I’m 50% pudding!” Her laughter made it hard for you to be mad. Eventually you took her from the soft clutches of the actor.

“Say bye to Jojo.”

“Bye Jojo!”

You handed her off to Dieter. “Put her back in daycare before we start getting complaints,” you gave her another kiss on the cheek but kept up the stern face.

“Okay,” Dieter sighed and begrudgingly took Clara back to the on-set daycare.

It was a wonderful idea, an on-set daycare. Wonder why it wasn’t thought of before. It was thought up by the writer who had a child of their own and didn’t want to leave them with nannies. This brought several great people on to the project as they now no longer had to worry over who would look after their little ones of various ages. The director herself had a toddler and was overjoyed to have her close by and would bring her little Bianca on set. You were signed on as head of special effects makeup but mainly your job was bringing Mojo Jojo to life. Dieter was playing Professor Utonium and Clara had finally accepted the fact that her father was still the same person even though he had shaved his beard. Occasionally she would still glare at him with suspicion.

The whole cast and crew were very friendly, and everyone got on well. You had yet to meet the writers or producers, but they didn’t have to be on set as much as everyone else.

You read through Dieter’s script and absolutely loved how the film started as the Powerpuff girls were growing up and going to high school in Citysville while Professor Utonium had a mid-life crisis which gave Mojo Jojo the opportunity to lure his old creator into being a villain. But underneath the fun, cartoon-like joy was the fear of girls being made to grow up too quickly and losing childhood. You shed tears over Blossoms speech critiquing those who stole the chance for girls to be safe and not letting them stay children.

Right now, you were looking at the psychedelic set which was having its backdrop changed.

“Oh wow, it’s like Colour Out of Space!”

“It is,” you turned to the man next to you, “Wait, you’ve seen that film?”

*****

Dieter saw you in deep conversation as he left the set for the day and made his way over to the on-set daycare. Dieter loved the daycare as he loved being able to see his daughter almost anytime and give her a cuddle.

Clara had made several friends already as they had similar interests, mostly bugs. Bianca, the director’s daughter, had curly brown hair and brown eyes which immediately made them twins.

Dieter went over to the two girls, “Hello there Clara,” he said to Bianca.

The girls both giggled. “I’m not Clara,” said Bianca.

“You’re not?” he turned to Clara, “Hi Bianca.”

Again they both giggled. “I’m Bianca!” exclaimed her namesake.

“Daddy silly!” said Clara.

“Oh, I’m sorry Bianca,” Dieter said to his daughter who burst into even more giggles. He picked up the right little girl and gave Clara a big kiss on the cheek. Both of them waved bye to Bianca and Dieter gave an interested glance at her father who just walked in as Dieter walked out.

“Hello cupcake!” he carried her out to the car where you were waiting for them.

“You were being chatty with the producer,” Dieter said as he got in the car.

“Oh that was the producer? We were talking about Colour Out of Space. I don’t know anyone who’s watched it and I was so excited to talk about it with someone!”

Dieter mumbled something incoherent but shrugged it off.

“There’s something familiar about him but I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. He is somewhat adorable like you.”

“Adorable?”

“Not as adorable as you. No one is as adorable as you. Except Clara.”

“She can out-adorable anyone.”

*****

Dieter had snuck Clara onto set the next day. He was going to introduce her to his on-screen daughters.

“This is my baby girl, Clara. Cupcake, these are the Powerpuff Girls.”

Clara looked at the three actresses and pointed accordingly, “Bubbles, Blossom, Buttercup?”

Emma Myers, Halle Bailey and Shioli Kutsuna reacted the way one would when meeting the small, adorable offspring of Dieter Bravo, they cooed and fawned over her.

You hadn’t noticed all this as you were having another nerdy discussion with the producer.

“I’m sorry, I never really got your answer before but, what is your favourite film?”

“The question really should be what is my favourite film at the moment?”

He had a look that seemed similar to when your husband had discovered you put Kit Kats in something. “Wow, no one has ever asked me that before.”

“I always thought just narrowing it down to just a handful makes it really hard to decide.”

“Exactly!”

Dieter however, noticed this as he snuck Clara back to the on-set daycare.

“I saw you being very chummy with the producer today,” he asked you later at home.

“Oh we were having this discussion over The Wicker Man and wait, Dieter are you jealous?”

“No,” he mumbled.

You put your book down and looked at your husband. “Dieter, you have nothing to worry about. I’m ridiculously in love with you and nothing will change that. If Mike Flanagan showed up with a cheeseboard, I’d say thank you, but no.”

“But you’d take the cheeseboard?”

“Oh, absolutely!”

*****

The on-set daycare was filled with children eager for their parents to take them home. Clara made another friend called Ari. Her curls were golden honey so sadly she wasn’t a twin but her and Clara were best friends as they both loved spiders.

Clara saw her father enter the room and ran up to greet him. Upon getting closer, she realised this was not her father.

“Daddy?”

The man kneeled down, “I’m sorry bonita, I’m not your father.”

Ari came up beside her friend, “Papa!” She was welcomed with open arms by the man who looked like her father. Suspicions were already forming in her two-year-old brain.

You were picking up Clara today as Dieter was still rehearsing some last-minute choreography for the big crazy musical number where Professor Utonium has his mid-life crisis while also being seduced by all the Townsville villains including Him who was being portrayed by Yanis Marshall (aka, the dancing Deadpool in the Ashes music video, the voice provided later by Crispin Freeman and Kari Wahlgren) You walked into the room and found Clara in her one-sided glaring competition with the producer. She managed to break her glaring when you picked her up. She pointed at the man, “Not daddy?”

“That’s right, it’s not daddy. He looks nothing like him.”

But Clara went back to her evil glaring. The man who looked like her father but was not her father could only result in one conclusion.

“Evil daddy.”

“Why do you think he’s evil? He’s a very nice man.”

This man must be her father’s evil clone, it was the only thing that made sense. But it was hard for a toddler to explain this to her mother and the thought of explaining this made her feel tired and confused so she ended up just burying her face in your neck.

“I’m sorry,” you said to him. “Usually her dad picks her up, so she thinks you’re her dad. But he had to shave his beard and she must be missing it and saw yours so...” you shrugged.

“Oh no, that’s fine,” he turned to the girl in his arms. “Is this your friend?”

She nodded, “Spider.”

You both looked confused until you properly introduced your daughter.

“This is Clara.”

“Oh, nice to meet you Clara,” but she was too busy being tired and confused over the thought of her father having an evil clone to acknowledge this man.

Thankfully Clara had recovered when she was in the arms of her father, although he was confused when she was calling him real daddy.

“She’s missing the beard, as am I.”

He kissed both of you on the cheek, “I’m missing it too.”

Clara was overjoyed to see her actually father and not some evil clone.

“Not evil!” she exclaimed as she wrapped her tiny arms around his neck.

“Not evil?” he gave you a confused look, but you replied with an I’ll-explain-later look.

*****

The next day, you were immersed in your new book while on a tea break.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude your reading, but I couldn’t help but admire your book.”

Lifting your head, you came face to face with kind brown eyes, it was the producer who had become your new friend. There was a sort of familiarity to his eyes. You lifted up the book to show the full cover: Golem, Caligari, Nosferatu; A Chronicle of German Film Fantasy.

“My husband got it for me because he knew I’d love it. And I do.”

“So you’ve seen The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari?” he asked.

“Oh yes. Old films just have a certain quality to them modern films can’t replicate.”

“I completely agree. Is it one of your favourite films at the moment?”

“It is but I really like Nosferatu, mainly because it’s an early depiction of vampires. Oh, do you know the film Shadow of the Vampire?”

“Of course, a masterpiece to honour its original film,” you nodded in agreement. “Nicolas Cage produced that film.”

“He did?”

“Yes, he grew up with all those silent films.”

“How did I not notice?”

*****

It was the end of the working week and you and Dieter did not have to get up early the next day, so you indulged in tonight. Dieter was putting his heart and soul into every kiss. He’d been looking forward to this and slowly kissed down your neck. You were running your fingers through his hair, but suddenly, as your mind cleared, a forgotten thought entered your mind. You knew it would occupy until you found out, so you gently pushed your husband off you. Rolling off you in confusion, he watched as you left the bedroom. He quietly padded his way through the house, where he found you looking through your DVD collection.

“Honey cakes, what are you doing?”

“I just remembered something that I need to look up. My brain won’t shut up until I do.”

He sighed sympathetically, “I’ll turn the TV on.”

You followed him with your Shadow of the Vampire DVD. You pressed play and stared intently as the opening credits played. You paused when you found what you were looking for.

“There!”

Dieter squinted at the screen, “Nic Cage produced this?”

“Yeah I only just found out. I don’t know why I didn’t notice this before.”

“No one really pays attention to opening credits.”

“That’s true. Until they point out that there were clues hidden like in Malignant.”

He kissed your forehead, “That’s what trivia pages are for. Is your head feeling good?” You nodded. “Would you like me to give you some now?”

“I’m sorry I interrupted us before.”

“No need to apologise. We’ll just back to what we started,” he started nuzzling your neck.

“I just need to…”

“You put away the DVD and I’ll turn the TV off.”

*****

It was the start of a new week, and everyone was back to work, and the children were happy to be back with their friends again.

Once again, Dieter found you deep in conversation with the film’s producer. He wasn’t jealous. Why would he be? He had occasional immersive conversations with his wife but not lately. You were both working on the same film so you’ve both been so busy with that and dealing with a toddler. The two of you were still intimate but Dieter still felt like something was missing when he saw you talking with such animation in your whole expression. It’s not like he wanted to punch the man in the face, but he liked thinking about it.

You were once again deep in conversation when you saw Dieter approaching the two of you.

“Oh, hey Dieter. Have you met the producer?”

He held out his hand, Dieter reluctantly took it.

“Hi, I’m Javi Gutierrez.”

Yes, that’s right! Javi is now part of the Love of Horror Universe! To find out what he’s been doing, check out @cevans-is-classic because they have this story!

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @glshmbl @cupcakehp @gswizzsstuff @nicolethered @blueeyesatnight @wannab-urs @meveispunk @morallyinept @djarinsimp

#pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #dieter x honey cakes #love of horror fanfic #love of horror universe #love of horror #dieter bravo #dieter x reader #the bubble netflix #the bubble

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 25 days

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Dieter and the Goats

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 813

Summary: Dieter goes to goat yoga (check out masterlist here to see where it falls in the Love of Horror timeline)

Warnings: Dieter being Dieter, baby goats so lots of fluffy adorableness, some saucy suggestions at the beginning and the end

“Are you enjoying the view Dieter?”

“Immensely!”

You had just moved from child’s pose to cat and cow stretched, which gave your boyfriend a front row seat to a view of your behind.

You never took yoga seriously until after getting together with Dieter. He tended to be tremendously passionate not to the point of intently hurting you, but you ended up with sore muscles where you didn’t realise you had muscles before.

Dieter Bravo never took an interest in yoga. He only took and interest once you came along. He thoroughly enjoyed watching you do your morning stretches but he would never participate. You tried to get him interested by suggesting it would help with his back. He would only participate if it involved you and it was sans clothing.

So he was happy to just watch you.

But you had a surprise in store.

It was just an ordinary day, well that was the impression you were giving off, so Dieter suspected nothing as you drove him to an unsuspecting location.

He didn’t follow you straightaway, he stood for a little bit until you took his hand.

“I suspect something honey cakes.”

“Do you?” you tugged him along. “It’s a surprise.”

“Is it a sexy one?”

“It’s a nice one.”

He pouted in a suspicious way as he followed you into the yoga studio. He took a look around and deduced the situation.

“A yoga studio? Does this mean I have to take my socks off?”

“In this place, yes.” He gave off an adorable small whine as he sat on his yoga mat.

“Why are we here? It’s just a-” his sentence was cut off by a high-pitched squeal.

That high pitched squeal came from Dieter.

He squealed in excitement as a small herd of baby goats came into the room.

*****

You were feeling a bit self-conscious with all these fellow yoga participants as they had model perfect bodies. Dieter didn’t even glance at any of them because he only had eyes for you.

But also, there were baby goats.

Most of the women were hoping to get their social media worthy picture of them in various poses with the baby goats. But all the goats were attracted to Dieter.

There must have been something in his demeaner or scent that attracted them.

Now you knew why he didn’t take his socks off; every baby goat that licked his feet elicited a small series of the most adorable giggles from Dieter.

It seemed that every little sniff over any part of Dieter caused him to giggle from how ticklish their little noses were.

Everyone was in downward facing dog and one brave little goat climbed up his legs and perched on his behind.

“Look!” he called to you. “Look! They’re on my butt!”

He was surrounded by baby goats, and he was in heaven.

“Yes, my lovelies! Climb Mount Dieter!”

He moved into a lunge which gave the goats more room to climb up onto him and a small queue was forming.

“You know if we just let baby goats walk all over me, my back would be cured in no time.”

You were glad he was having fun.

Everyone was now in the final Savasana which meant the baby goats could fall asleep on everyone’s lying down, although most of them were attracted to Dieter’s soft form.

“I think you’ve stolen all the goats.”

“It’s not my fault they all love me.”

He didn’t want to move as several of the goats had fallen asleep around him. The smallest most adorable one was on his chest, and he had clearly fallen for it.

That would explain why he loved you.

“Dieter, we have to go.” He held the goat close to him.

“I don’t want to wake Theordore.”

“Theodore?”

“Clearly, he’s a Theodore.”

With a mournful sigh, he sat up hugging the goat he named Theodore close to him. He kissed the top of its fluffy head.

“You are special,” he told the baby goat. “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

You almost shed a tear with how adorable the whole scene was.

*****

Before you got into the car, Dieter embraced you and kissed you with such passion, the strength left your legs but thankfully his strong arms were holding you up.

“Thank you,” he said once his lips left yours. “You’re the loveliest person ever. No one has ever taken me to hang out with baby goats. You’ve done that twice now, so you’re twice as lovely as everyone else.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “I just like to see you happy.”

“Oh, Dieter happy,” he pulled you close, so his hips were snug with yours. “When we get home, do you want to climb Mount Dieter?”

You could feel that indeed that mountain wanted to be climbed and you thoroughly agreed.

“It’s a good thing I’ve stretched.”

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic @glshmbl @cupcakehp @gswizzsstuff @oonajaeadira @grogusmum

#pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #dieter x honey cakes #love of horror fanfic #love of horror universe #love of horror #the bubble netflix #the bubble

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 4 months

Text

How to Control Those Curls

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 373

Like everyone, I saw the cute hair clip in his hair and had to write something about it!

Check out masterlist here

It happened as a simple task. You were doing Dieter’s makeup one time and needed something to hold his hair back, his curls were out of control at the time, and the only thing you had on hand was those cute little hair clips. He liked it and it just sort of continued. One time he even bought a pack of the cutest ones that were clearly meant for kids, but they were so cute with his curls they stayed in your collection.

You were the only one allowed to do Dieter’s makeup, special effects or otherwise. It had nothing to do with the fact that you were the love of his life. You just had the gentlest hands. And the kisses were just a bonus.

Once Clara came along, she got involved. She loved watching you do anyone’s makeup and when you did Dieter’s, she wanted to help. When she was still a baby, Dieter would bounce her on his knee, both of them smiling. But she took one look at the hair clips and reached for them. To stop her from putting it in her mouth, you immediately took it and put it in your husband’s hair. And it completely suited him.

From then on, she picked the hair clips, the most important job. She usually always picked pink as she believed it was the colour that best suited her father, and she was right.

*****

“So honey cakes, am I getting a smokey eye tonight?”

“Personally, I’d love to do a fake scar down your eye and to your cheek, but no. Sadly, it has to be normal subtle man makeup.”

“Not even a bit of eyeliner?”

“I’d love you in eyeliner! We may have to use that a later point.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Later in bed maybe?”

“Maybe…”

But the bedroom planning was put on hold as Clara came skipping into the room.

“I pick! I pick!”

“Which ones did you pick?” you leaned down as she showed you, putting it in your hand. You thanked her with a quick hug and kiss. It was indeed an excellent choice: a sparkly pink one and one with a rainbow.

You showed Dieter before clipping back his curls.

“Good choice, cupcake.”

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic @glshmbl @cupcakehp @gswizzsstuff

#pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #dieter x honey cakes #love of horror fanfic #love of horror universe #love of horror #dieter x reader #dieter x f!reader #dieter bravo #the bubble netflix #the bubble

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 3 months

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How to Heal a Broken Heart

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 957

Summary: you forget it’s Valentine’s Day, but Dieter hasn’t

Warnings: reader has TRAUMA! Hints to past abuse and anxiety attacks but it’s all happy in the end

Check out masterlist here

Valentine’s Day was not a day you scoffed at because it was a frivolous holiday designed to get even more money out of the struggling few, it was a day you dreaded. You dreaded it for reasons few people knew about. Nowadays you would push it from your mind until you completely forgot the so-called holiday existed.

You weren’t paying attention to the date when Dieter asked to come over, so it came as a complete surprise to you when you opened the door to come face to face with a dozen red roses.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!”

It was then you saw black.

You were being pulled into that dark place where it felt like the walls were crushing in on you. All you could hear was the beating of your rapid heartbeat, the struggle to breathe.

A thousand pins were being stabbed through your body.

This is how final girls feel in their darkest moment and you could always relate to them.

You weren’t sure how long you were trapped until a distant voice slowly brought you back.

“Honey cakes? Can you hear me?”

You felt a warmth on your knee.

The pins were being removed.

“Can you look around and tell me five things you can see?”

“What?”

“Look for five things to tell me about.”

You didn’t realise you were sitting on the floor. You looked around you.

“I can see the front door, my feet, your hands, my bookcase and the Lament configuration.”

“The what?” you pointed to it on your shelf. “Oh that’s what that’s called?”

He turned back his focus to you, “That’s really good, now tell me four things you can touch.”

You felt around, feeling grounded somehow, “Uh, I can feel the carpet, my shirt, my itchy skin and I can feel your hand.”

“Three things you can hear.”

You could finally hear above the rushing in your head. “I can hear the traffic outside.”

“Two things you can smell.”

“Um,” you sniffed. “I can the lavender room spray and…are you wearing cologne?”

“I sprayed a little on me. Now one thing you can taste.”

“Does snot count?” you didn’t realise you had been crying.

“Yeah, that counts.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologising for?” he came and sat beside you. “Can I hug you? Do you want a hug?”

You nodded and he drew you into his warm safe embrace.

“I don’t like Valentine’s Day.”

“I really should have asked.”

“I always had to organise the perfect day and everything had to be perfect and even if everything was perfect there would always be something and if that one thing was off…” the anxiety was coming back.

“I’d hate to ask, but did he ever hit you?”

“No,” you shook your head. “But I wish he did, it would hurt less.”

“Do you want to move to the couch?” you nodded, and he gently helped you get up and led you there, making sure to wrap you up in your orange blanket. “We can watch one of your favourite films if you want?”

“But-” you started to protest but he gently shushed you.

“I’ll cope, I just want you to feel normal again.”

“We can put on a comedy? Tucker and Dale versus Evil. But it’s quite gory.”

“I’ll shut my eyes,” he managed to find it on your bookcase. “Oh hey, Alan Tudyk.”

“You know him?”

“Yeah, he’s voiced all the greatest characters: Alistair Krei, Duke Weaselton, Tuk Tuk, Toucan and of course, Hei Hei,” you pulled a blank. “The chicken from Moana.”

“He’s voiced a chicken?” you finally laughed, expelling away that last anxious feeling.

He managed to operate the DVD player; he’d been around often enough to learn how to operate it. He sat back next to you with the most apologetic look in his eyes.

“I’m sorry I should’ve asked about Valentine’s Day.”

“I forgot it was Valentine’s Day. Normally my defences are so up but lately I’ve felt so safe that I wasn’t paying attention to the date. You’re the least threatening person I know.”

“That’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me,” you questioned him with a look. “It’s true. You should hear the horrible things people have said about me but maybe not, they weren’t nice.”

Putting your head on his shoulder, you happily watched the film, laughing at all the right places and Dieter mainly closed his eyes when that happened because the funny moments were so gory.

You almost made you feel the opposite of what you were feeling before.

“You feeling better honey cakes?” you nodded. “We could get some garlic bread if you want to feel extra better.”

Now you were feeling so much better.

“I’d love some garlic bread! Can it be cheesy garlic bread?”

“Of course!”

You both got up off the couch, stretching yourself out of the warmth of your orange blanket.

“Wait, didn’t you have some roses?”

“Yeah, but I threw them out.”

“Weren’t they important?”

“You’re important,” He kissed your forehead, the space behind your eyes. The gentle pressure added a reassurance and reminded you that you were here, and you were here with him.

“And maybe someone found a better use for them.”

*****

The man in a quandary: he was in love.

He wanted to ask her out, but he was scared of rejection.

They had good chemistry, but he didn’t want to jump to conclusions.

He was pacing back and forth for a good hour trying to decide whether he should take that leap and ask her out. Secretly he was asking for a sign.

Suddenly a bouquet of roses fell into his hands.

Literally, it fell into his hands.

Well that was as good a sign as any.

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic @glshmbl @cupcakehp @gswizzsstuff @morallyinept

Films referenced: Hellraiser (1987), Tucker and Dale versus Evil (2010), Big Hero 6 (2014), Zootopia (2016), Moana (2016), Raya and the Last Dragon (2021), Encanto (2022)

#pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #dieter x honey cakes #love of horror fanfic #love of horror universe #love of horror #dieter bravo #dieter x reader #the bubble netflix #the bubble

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 1 year

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For the Love of Horror

(Dieter x horror-loving female reader)

Summary: The reader is totally me; I love horror films and I usually watch them on my own as most of my friends are scaredy cats. There aren’t that many fics where the male character is the one scared of film and Dieter seemed to be the perfect fit.

Warning: no use of y/n, mentions of scary films, Dieter being scared of said scary films, slight euphemisms, saucy suggestions, lots of adorable fluffiness

Notes: I sort of ignore the ending of the film. In fact I wrote my own here also check out the masterlist for more of these two here

Dieter Bravo loved you, but you loved horror films, and he was the biggest scaredy cat in the world.

You’d first met the strange but handsome actor as his makeup artist for an indie film. On Sap of Justice, he played a man hunting down his wife’s killer while slowly being turned into a tree. He won a SAG or something for that, he didn’t care, but it required hours in the makeup chair.

You showed up on the first day wearing a bright yellow jumper, an even brighter smile and a Tupperware full of homemade cookies. He was instantly smitten.

His latest rehab stint actually worked this time, but he ended up developing a giant sweet tooth. While the rest of the crew did not appreciate your delightful treats, Dieter ended up consuming more than he should have, usually while he was sitting in his makeup chair, making a bit of a mess.

You then came up with the idea of giving him a piece of chocolate to slowly melt on his tongue so he could sit back and let you do you work. You’d slip in another piece onto his tongue when he ran out, it was probably the most sensual thing he’d ever experience.

He was happy to just sit and listen to you as you babbled on about films, most of which he’d never heard of. You knew a surprising amount, more than most directors he’s worked with.

He couldn’t help but smile at your bubbly enthusiasm and he just wanted to be around you. But that tiny colourful you had a dark interior: your love of horror films.

The first time you invited him over to watch a scary movie, he thought it was a euphemism for his favourite activity and he was excited.

But no.

You put on Hereditary.

He spent the rest of the night alone in his room with the lights on, his eyes never leaving the ceiling.

The following night he had a nightmare where he was stuck in a dollhouse with naked people.

He was so relieved when you wanted to have another movie night. He suggested maybe a romantic film this time round.

So, you put on Candyman.

Dieter couldn’t look at himself in a mirror for at least a week.

The third time he suggested watching a comedy film.

So, you put on An American Werewolf in London.

This time it was less scary as he mainly spent the time looking at you while you enthusiastically explained in detail how Rick Baker achieved the first transformation scene and how horror films lead to your career choice.

That was when he fell in love completely and utterly in love with you.

And he needed to come clean about his horror film phobia.

Thankfully, you didn’t kick him to the curb like the piece of garbage he believed he was. You apologized profusely for taking over film choices with your favourites and it was definitely his turn to choose his favourite.

Dieter shyly suggested Beauty and the Beast to which you sighed and said it was your favourite non-horror film and immediately put it on. You put your head on his shoulder as you watched it.

“So why is this your favourite film Dieter?”

“Well…I like to think that if a beast can fall in love and get a happily ever after, then that gives me hope”

Your reply was a hug and kiss on the cheek,

He could certainly get used to this. It was nice.

Eventually, you both found a compromise with your film watching together. No horror film before dark and not every time you got together. You hunted around to find the least scary horror films when it was your choice. And you suggested he watch Dead Meats Kill Count which helped because Dieter could at least anticipate when the scary parts would happen beforehand. You always made sure to turn the volume down when a jump scare was going to happen.

In the meantime, Dieter worked with his therapist to uncover the reason behind his scaredness of scary films. He suspected it was that donkey scene in Pinocchio was the cause of trauma but there was still work to do.

You saved him from your guilty pleasure films such as Snakes on a Plane and the Final Destination series, so you instead only subjected him to the good ones: the really good, critically acclaimed, award-winning ones. He finally watched The Shining and Get Out which ended up not being as scary as he thought.

Dieter discovered he had missed out on a huge amount of great films. You were both sobbing wrecks at the end of Train to Busan and he absolutely loved Willem Dafoe’s crazy ass monologue in The Lighthouse and immediately had to learn it himself.

You discovered that Dieter had a huge love for animated films and would sing along to every song, every time. Of course he knew all the lyrics to Under the Sea and Be Our Guest which you couldn’t help but smile at, he was just that adorable.

And you were roped into a duet of A Whole New World. Dieter was just a big romantic at heart. It was a side of the actor no one knew or cared about.

Whenever a new horror film came out at the cinema, you were more than happy to go by yourself as you were used to that. He survived watching A Quiet Place with the volume down and praised your bravery and madness for seeing it at the cinema alone.

But when there were times when you really wanted to see a film not in the cinema and Dieter didn’t want to be alone, something to do with his love of cuddles with you or something. This would be when you’d watch it with headphones one and Dieter would be hiding his head in your lap. Most of the time you’d run your fingers through his hair, and he’d fall asleep.

He liked this.

He could get used to this.

Two years later…

“Honey cakes, I’m home!”

You practically skipped across the hallway to give your boyfriend Dieter his well-deserved welcome home hugs and kisses.

This was the best part of his day.

You were now living together in his huge house, and both couldn’t be happier. Dieter was happy to wake up next to you every day and you were happy to finally be able to watch horror films on his huge TV.

“How was the meeting with your agent?”

“Not bad. Got given this script for a TV thing to read through.”

You perked your face in interest. “Oh? Thinking of moving away from films?”

“Well, I’m told this is a pretty good script. Written by some guy named Mike Flanagan…”

You promptly screamed.

Dieter almost flew across the room; he’d never heard you scream before. And he thought he did a pretty good job in the bedroom.

“Mike Flanagan?!!!”

“Is he good?”

“Is he good?!!!”

You proceeded to grab the collar of his shirt and started shaking him in excitement.

“He makes Stephen King good, that’s how good he is!”

You’d never been rough with him before, and he liked it. A lot.

Your tiny body was bouncing around like a jellybean, you were that excited.

“You remember that film Oculus? The one with the mirror?”

“Is that the one with the hook hand guy?”

“No, that was Candyman; the second film we watched together. Oculus has that one big mirror and Karen Gillan.”

He was surprised you remembered your second date.

“Oh yeah, that one”

“And Gerald’s Game was amazing!”

“I still occasionally have nightmares about that tall man”

“Aw, I’m sorry”

You immediately hugged him, and he rubbed your back in appreciation.

“So, you think I should read the script?”

“If you get to work with Mike Flanagan, I’ll marry you!”

“Seriously?”

But you had bounced away at this point. Pouting, Dieter immediately pulled out his phone and called his agent.

“Hey, that TV thing you gave me the script for: I’ll do it, sign me up”

“You’ve already read it? That was quick”

“No, but I have it on good authority from an expert that it’ll be good, so I’ll do it”

“Alright then, but still read the script”

“Yeah, yeah of course. Hey, um…are they needing any makeup artists by the way?”

“Probably. Are you recommending your girlfriend again?”

“Well, she’s the best, and if she got to work on this job, she’d probably have my baby which sounds…nice”

Dieter was lost in this happy fantasy until his agent interrupted him.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. Gotta go. Bye!”

He quickly hung as because you had returned by then and you had that look: the look that meant he was going to be subject to a new horror themed piece of media.

“Now, I’m thinking you should at least watch one of Flanagan’s series to help with your decision and we should definitely watch Midnight Mass”

“Hang on, I’ve heard of that one. That’s the one everyone on set wouldn’t shut up about”

“Because it’s good!”

“Hasn’t it got vampires in it?”

“Yes. But it also has monologues”

This piqued his interest.

“I like monologues”

“I know you do and there’s lots in this one.”

You got up on your tiptoes to give him a kiss.

“Now, get in your favourite comfy clothes. I want us to fit in a few episodes before it gets dark.”

“Yes ma’am!”

You gave his small butt a playful slap as he walked away.

He was going to have to get out that engagement ring from its hiding spot sooner than he thought.

Films referenced: Hereditary (2018), Candyman (1992), An American Werewolf in London (1981), Beauty and the Beast (1991), Snakes on a Plane (2006), Final Destination (2000), The Shining (1980), Get Out (2017), Train to Busan (2016), The Lighthouse (2019), The Little Mermaid (1989), Aladdin (1992), A Quiet Place (2018), Oculus (2013), Gerald's Game (2017), Midnight Mass (2021)

Lovingly tagging @cevans-is-classic

#pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #the mandalorian #din djarin #dyn jarren #dieter bravo #the bubble #the bubble netflix #dieter x reader #dieter fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader #love of horror fanfic #love of horror #dieter bravo fanfic #dieter bravo fanfiction #dieter x honey cakes

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 1 year

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For the Love of Horror Masterlist

Dieter meets and falls in love with someone who absolutely loves horror films. The problem is, he's a big scaredy cat!

I'll write the stories as they get into my brain but list everything in chronological order.

The story that started it all:

For the Love of Horror ~ 1,616 words

Special flashback: Love at the Craft Table ~ 2, 104 words

Dieter and The Lobster ~ 2, 152 words

In between:

Kiss the Girl ~ 1,145 words

Ice Cream on the Beach ~ 1, 522 words

Talk Food to me ~ 737 words

Breakfast at Dieter's ~ 858 words

The Noses Have It ~~ 643 words

Only One Pillow ~ 1,017 words

The Jealousy of Dieter Bravo ~ 828 words

435 ~ 737 words

Dieter Bravo and the Sundance Queen ~ 3,064 words

The Last Temptation of Dieter ~ 1, 027 words

How to Heal a Broken Heart ~ 957 words

Dieter Darko ~ 807 words

The Audition ~ 1, 505 words

You've Got a Friend in Me ~ 1, 528 words

Laundry Days ~ 1, 039 words

Happy Birthday Mr Bravo ~ 840 words

Rumour Has It ~ 1, 373 words

A Weekend at Dieter's ~ 1,162 words

The Importance of Being Dieter ~ 3, 536 words

Dieter and the Pea ~ 678 words

What's in the box?~ 301 words

Where's the axe? ~ 604 words

Dieter in Horror-land ~ 1,273 words

A Rather Magical Super Sexy Secret ~ 711 words

A Year of Love and Horror ~ 1, 178 words

Dieter, Dieter, Pumpkin Eater ~ 1, 115 words

Neverwhere ~ 2, 007 words

Baking for the Devil in the Big White Tent ~ 787 words

The Final Girl Phone Call ~ 1, 996 words

Ghosts of the Past ~ 1, 459 words

Back to the Bubble ~ 3, 066 words

After:

He's Just Dieter ~ 1, 624 words

Dieter and the Goats ~ 813 words NEW!!!

Operation Sleepy Hollow ~ 1, 789 words

Tale As Old As Time ~ 759 words

Making An Effort ~ 1, 198 words

Looking Back ~ 967 words NEW!!!

The Lack of Kenergy ~ 610 words NEW!!!

Carrie Me Home ~ 523 words

Disgusting Degustation ~ 3,549 words

Don't be a Strip Tease ~ 923 words

Storm Whiskey ~ 387 words

Red Coat, Red Eye ~ 1,147 words

Storm in a Bowling Alley ~ 1, 882 words

Those Blue Eyes ~ 857 words

Halloween Couple Costumes ~ 783 words

A Dieter Movie ~ 209 words

Dieter the Animated dad ~ 555 words

Is That My Robe? ~ 850 words

The Littlest Zombie ~ 737 words

The Littlest Ghost ~ 667 words

Dieter Bravo: The Puppy Interview ~ 653 words

Dieter: Certified DILF ~ 833 words

Agent Skeleton vs. Princess Evil ~ 520 words

It's Alive! ~ 552 words

And the award goes to... ~ 482 words

Dinosaur Hide and Seek ~ 485 words

A Silly Accident ~ 401 words

Clara and the Bad Dinosaur ~ 1, 867 words

A Surefly Way ~ 716 words

Anywhere:

Ace of Spades ~ 197 words

Terrifying Trypophobia ~ 491 words

Roleplaying with Dieter ~ 241 words

More roleplaying ~ 328 words

Vampire Roleplay ~ 343 words

An Attempt at Cowboy Roleplay ~ 502 words

And Nothing More ~ 340 words

Out of Body ~ 268 words

Dieter's Favourite Fruit ~ 731 words

When a Stranger Calls Dieter ~ 757 words

Fangs for the Questions ~ 751 words

Dieter's Drunken Love Confession

Dieter in Fairy Bread Land ~ 568 words

Don't Go Bacon My Heart ~ 366 words

Wooden Puppet Boy ~ 326 words

Under Her Skin ~ 341 words

The Plight of Women's Shorts ~ 349 words

Dieter the Explorer ~ 319 words

Sexy Bespectacled ~ 508 words

Dancing with Dieter at Dusk ~ 680 words

Sexy Dance ~ 246 words

How to Control Those Curls ~ 373 words

If you have any horror films/TV shows you'd like to see mentioned or you just want to recommend something, I'm happy to hear them!

#pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #the bubble #the bubble netflix #dieter bravo fanfic #dieter bravo fanfiction #dieter fanfic #dieter x reader #dieter bravo #love of horror fanfic #love of horror #dieter x honey cakes

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 9 months

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The Littlest Ghost

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 667

This is a baby’s first word story so obviously it’s going to be so stinkin’ adorable. Also Dieter is being Dieter.

Adorable artwork is by Laure S. Illustrations find them here!

Check out masterlist here

Dieter hated meetings and he was stuck in them all morning. He could do them from the comfort of his home office, but he still hated them. Normally his mornings were pleasant as he could have breakfast with his family but today, he could only give his wife and baby a quick kiss and cuddle before locking himself away for a few hours. His bowl of porridge with fruit sustained him through the hours but if would have been more fun eating with his daughter as she was now capable of eating her own porridge and she loved to copy his actions.

Finally, he was released from his custody and almost jumped out of the office and skipped his way to the living room where he could see you were folding a massive pile of laundry. He had to take a double take when he noticed a little figure covered in a little white sheet just floating around.

“Honey cakes, why is there a tiny ghost in the house?”

“Clara wanted to be a ghost,” you said so casually, “I was folding the sheets and she enjoyed it when they went over her, and I had a scrap of fabric, so…”

“Ghost costume?”

“She’s having fun. And it kept her quiet during your meeting, how’d that go by the way?”

“Oh, it was fine, glad it’s over with…” but his complaints were interrupted by the tiniest little ‘boo’.

You and Dieter glanced at each other before kneeling down to look at your daughter, “Say that again, pumpkin.”

“Boo!”

Dieter was on the verge of tears, “Her first word!” He reached out his arms to pull her into a hug, but she moved out of the impending embrace and sternly said, “No!”

“What?”

“No!”

“Oh, her second word,” you proudly exclaimed then turned to your husband, “Dieter you have to respect her boundaries as a ghost.”

He looked glum as the little ghost waddled off. “Ghosts don’t want cuddles?”

Eventually Clara removed her ghostly façade as she wanted daddy hugs which Dieter was delighted to help with. While making lunch, you could hear the amusing exchange between the two of them.

“Can you say dada? Can you say dada?”

“No!”

“How about mama? Can you say mama?”

“No!”

You had to tell your husband to stop with the questions as it was becoming too hilarious. That night, when it was bedtime, Clara did the most adorable little ‘awoo’ which made Dieter almost cry from the cuteness.

“Are you a little werewolf?” you asked Clara to which she eagerly nodded.

“Are you going to bite me?” asked Dieter.

“No.”

“Good, because family don’t bite each other.”

“Well, only if…” but Dieter was stopped by your no-sexy-talk-in-front-of-the-baby stare, “No, we don’t bite each other.”

No became her favourite word throughout the week when she wasn’t being a ghost because ghosts only say boo. She tried to scare her daddy but she was too cute a little ghost that she got more cries of adoration than fear.

One night, you were in bed reading when Dieter came into the bedroom, carrying Clara like Rafiki did Simba “She said it! She said it!” and he gently placed her next to you and crawled onto the bed.

“Come on cupcake, say what you said before.”

Clara looked over at you, jumped up and said “Mummy!” before gently falling into your waiting arms.

Dieter pouted, “That’s not what you said before.”

You hugged your daughter with one arm and pointed to Dieter with the other, “Who’s that silly man?”

Clara followed your pointing, “Daddy!”

Dieter beamed as bright as the sun and joined in the cuddle puddle, covering the both of you in kisses. Eventually he pulled away, “Alrighty, time for beddy.”

But Clara clung close to you with a “No!”

You were trying to be stern, “Clara, it’s time for bed.”

“No!”

“But you’re sleepy.”

She nuzzled into you, “No.”

Dieter sighed, “Do you just want to cuddle with mummy and daddy?”

“Yes.”

Films referenced: The Lion King (1994)

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @brilliantopposite187 @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic

#pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #dieter x honey cakes #love of horror #love of horror fanfic #dieter bravo fanfic #dieter bravo fanfiction #dieter fanfic #dieter x reader #dieter x f!reader #dieter bravo #the bubble netflix #the bubble

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 4 months

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A Surefly Way

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 716

Summary: watching an old film of Dieter’s has unexpected results (the fake film part was based on a dream)

Warnings: minor historical inaccuracies, a child cries but it’s all happy adorable fluffy goodness at the end, Dieter being Dieter

Check out masterlist here

“This corn?” Clara asked holding a can out to you.

“Yes, that’s corn.”

“Corn yummy!”

You and Clara had just returned from some errands. She enjoyed helping unpack groceries and you explained the contents as she passed them to you. Having finished with that task, you turned on the TV and left Clara in the living room to play and you set about making dinner.

“Look! Daddy!” Clara pointed excitedly at the TV.

There on the screen was your husband looking rather dapper in a pinstripe suit. You bundled that image away for later use.

“It’s a daddy story,” that was what you ended up calling films featuring your husband.

This particular one was before the two of you met. Surefly Way was set during the Second World War and supposedly about two chocolate factories. The history was dubious at best but at the heart of it was a love story so the inaccuracies could be forgiven.

Clara enjoyed watching any films with her father but never watched many of them as he hated watching himself on screen. This one was age appropriate, so you left her to it. You heard occasional dialogue and made a guess to the plot.

Miss Winslow, daughter of Mr. Winslow, owner of Winslow Chocolates is pretending to be an ordinary factory worker making ration bars for frontline troops. Unknowingly, her American fiancée, Mr. Surefly of Surefly Chocolates, arrives to help in the making of the chocolate. Having no idea what his future intended looks like, he ends up falling in love with her and she in return.

“Mr. Surefly is here in England? Shouldn’t he be back home in America?”

“He feels that he’d do better for the troops here. Isn’t this a good chance to meet your fiancé?”

“I’d rather not.”

“Dotty, why?”

“Because I want to fall in love. Not be sold off and shipped off to the highest bidder!”

“Americans? What do Americans know about chocolate?”

“Their stuff only tastes slightly better than a boiled potato.”

“So Mr. Surefly, is there a sweetheart waiting for you back home?”

“I do have a fiancée, but I’ve yet to meet her.”

“How have you not met the woman you’re going to marry?”

“Let’s say it’s more of a business exchange rather than an act of love.”

“You were pretending this whole time? Why?”

“How can I sit here doing nothing while everyone else is off fighting the war? Even the royal family are going their part.”

You heard the sounds of the front door as Dieter arrived back home. Clara seemed too intrigued with on-screen father to notice her actual father, so he made his way over to you.

“Clara is watching one of your films.”

“It better not be Cliff Beasts.”

“No, it’s Surefly Way,” confusion crossed his face. “World War Two? Two chocolate factories?”

He vaguely remembered filming something in that time period, so he wandered over to watch it with his daughter.

As he got closer, he saw that Clara was in tears.

“What’s wrong cupcake?”

“Daddy kiss lady,” she pointed at the screen.

It took a minute for Dieter to remember back to who was in the film with him, mainly his on-screen romantic partner. “Yes, I did kiss that lady.”

“Not mummy,” more tears ran down her cheeks and it took less than a minute for Dieter to decipher the toddler code.

“Oh, cupcake,” he pulled her close. “That was mummy I was kissing. She swapped out with that lady.”

You had just walked into the room, so Dieter turned to you.

“That was you I was kissing, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” you nodded. “They always swap me out if there’s kissing.”

Clara wiped her face, “You love mummy?”

“Yes, I love mummy so much and she’s the only lady I kiss. But you get kisses too because you’re my sweet baby girl.”

He kissed her cheek, his beard tickling her turning her sobs into giggles.

Later on, she went to bed happy knowing that her parents still loved each other, sometimes a bit too much.

“Nice save.”

“I learned from the best,” he kissed your cheek.

“So when is she going to learn the truth about it?”

“Oh, when she’s older. Like, fifty.”

“We’ll definitely be dead by then.”

“Well then, she’ll never know.”

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic @glshmbl @cupcakehp @wannab-urs

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 2 months

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When Javi met Dieter

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 3, 135

Summary: same story as this one but from a different point of view. Also read this story to get some background on Javi. Please read both before reading this one!

Warnings: lots of adorable fluffiness, people being cute and nerdy, talk of past medical procedures and post-partum issues. Reece is an original non-binary character created @cevans-is-classic by so please use they/them pronouns

Check out masterlist here

Javi was excited but also extremely nervous. Powerpuff was his first big production since his film that relaunched Nic Cage’s career. And this was his first big production with his own production company. All his small independent films had gotten critical acclaim but the bigger the production, the bigger the stakes.

The script, written by his partner Reece, was funny and heartwarming, the cast and crew were diverse and talented. Already there was outrage over some of the casting. Some made highly negative comments over casting a woman of colour to play Blossom. There were no complaints on casting a Japanese actress as Buttercup until they found out she would be dressed in baggy clothes being uncomfortable with her body and didn’t want to wear a skirt. They were the loudest complaints sadly, but he was shown the positive comments from children who were excited for the film and the film was for children and women of all ages. And he wanted his daughter to be proud of him. Ari was only two, so she was more impressed with Spiderman than her father. She was also more impressed with her godfather Nic Cage but that was understandable.

He was looking at the set now which felt like it came out of the animated show.

“Oh wow, it’s like Colour Out of Space!” he said to himself.

“It is,” he turned to the person who just said that. “Wait, you’ve seen that film?”

“Of course.”

You were shocked that you finally met someone who had seen the film. “And you liked it?”

“Who wouldn’t?”

“I know some people thought it was too brightly coloured, but I think it added to the Eldritch horror.”

“It definitely added something new to the horror genre.”

“I love it when horror does something new!”

“My partner loves horror and has introduced me to some amazing films I never would have thought of watching.”

Filming was starting back up, so you had to go back to your duties. You gave your new friend your name before you left.

“I’m Javi,” he shook your hand. “Just Javi.”

*****

Reece was absolutely thankful their partner Javi agreed to set up an on-set daycare. Before their daughter Ari, they would be up all hours and living on very little sleep. With a toddler, they were still living on very little sleep, but they were now responsible for this little life, and they felt guilty leaving Ari with nannies all the time. This way made them feel less guilty as they could still see their child while working. The on-set daycare also opened up the opportunity to other workers in the film industry. One of them was Dieter Bravo as Professor Utonium. Javi was less enthused at the choice but agreed he was the best actor for the part.

As they made their way to the on-set daycare to drop off their daughter, Reece saw Dieter carrying his own little girl. Reece had yet to meet the actor in person, so they made their way over and introduced themselves.

Dieter shook their hand, “You’re the writer? I loved your script, my wife cried reading it so that means it was good.”

“Oh yeah, I heard the infamous Dieter Bravo had settled down and produced offspring, I just didn’t realise she was so stinking cute!”

“Hey!” a sleepy Ari mumbled.

“Don’t worry rascal, you’re still my favourite.”

After leaving their precious babies in the daycare, and after many kisses and cuddles, they both made their way to the sound stage.

“Hey,” said Dieter. “Do you know whose idea the on-set daycare was? I’d really like to thank them.”

“Uh, that was my idea.”

“It was? That’s awesome because my wife and I couldn’t work together much since the baby as one of us would always stay home to look after her. I really like being close to both of them. So thanks.”

“She’s working on the film?”

“Yeah, she’s doing the makeup for Mojo Jojo.”

“Oh yeah,” Reece tried not to smack their forehead. “I’m so glad she’s on board. She’s amazing.”

“Yeah she is.” He smiled warmly as they both reached the set. He saw you in the distance helping Jack Black put on his giant brain helmet.

“There she is,” Dieter proudly pointed you out. “My one true love.”

The lovestruck look on his face was one so familiar to Reece they couldn’t help but sigh at the adorableness of it all. They knew it was the loving gaze Javi gave to Nicolas Cage, but he now gave to them.

*****

The end of the first working day went well and Dieter was hoping Clara wasn’t missing them too much. As he walked in, he saw his little girl with two other little girls. You’d say they look like a little coven of witches, and he smiled at the thought.

Clara didn’t notice him as she was deep in conversation with the little girl with the same curly brown hair. But the other little girl with honey golden curls looked up and saw him.

“Papa?” she looked up at him with familiar eyes. “Tu barba?”

He ran a hand over his shaven face. “Lo siento patita. No soy tu papa.”

Reece came up next to him and looked at their daughter, “Hey rebel!”

Picking her up, Ari continued to look at Dieter with confusion. “Not papa?” she pointed at him.

“That’s right,” said Reece. “You remember Dieter from earlier.”

Clara finally realised her father was here and ran over to him, demanding to be picked up.

“Hey cupcake, did you make friends?” she nodded eagerly.

“Ari,” she pointed up then down, “Twin!”

“Twin?” Dieter asked. “So how do I know you’re really Clara?”

Both girls started to giggle. He looked down at Bianca. “Are you the real Clara?”

“I’m Bianca!”

She then saw her father approaching which solved the problem over who was which twin. Her father introduced himself before telling his daughter that her mother was waiting for them. Reece and Dieter both gave him an admirable look as he waved them goodbye.

“Hm,” mused Reece. “I wonder if he’s ever dressed as King T’challa?”

“That’s Marvel isn’t it?

Reece nodded, “Iron Man is my favourite and I’d hope this one would be the same but no. Who’s your favourite?”

“Spiderman!” exclaimed Ari.

“Oh,” mused Deiter. “No wonder you and Clara get along. She takes after her mum and likes spiders.”

*****

“Look Javi, all I’m saying is that if it didn’t have the same title, and if it wasn’t a remake, The Wicker Man 2006 would have been a passable film.”

“Passable?” Javi looked at his mug like a hurt puppy which would have worked on you if not for the fact that you dealt with that sort of eyes everyday with your husband and daughter.

“I’m just saying this as a fan of the original film.”

“The original is a masterpiece so nothing will ever hold a candle to it,” you nodded. “This was intended more as a dark comedy.”

“They should have made that more obvious.”

Javi sighed, “They should have. At least we get that memorable not-the-bees scene.”

“Um, they cut out that scene.”

“They what? Does Mr. Cage know?” He was momentarily stunned and changed the subject so he wouldn’t linger on it for too long. “I’m sorry, I never really got your answer before but, what is your favourite film?”

“The question really should be what is my favourite film at the moment?”

He hadn’t been asked such a profound question in a while, “Wow, no one has ever asked me that before.”

“I always thought just narrowing it down to just a handful makes it really hard to decide.”

“Exactly!”

You both paused in the nerdiness. After a small sigh, you asked. “I didn’t know you were the producer.”

Javi shrugged, “I don’t go around announcing myself.”

“I do. I have to because they always get my career wrong: I do special effects makeup, not just regular makeup. My husband always corrects people, he proudly shows me off.”

“He seems like a good man.”

“He is.”

*****

“Hey Reece, what is your favourite film at the moment?”

“Huh?”

“No one’s ever asked me that before. It’s always what are your favourite or top favourite and it’s always so hard to narrow it down.”

Reece just put their head on Javi’s shoulder, “Aw, I’m so glad you’ve made a friend who isn’t Nic Cage.”

*****

Javi had decided to pick up his daughter from the on-set daycare that day. He was too busy looking for Ari to notice another little girl ran up to him.

“Daddy?”

He looked down and saw a girl who almost looked like his daughter. “I’m sorry bonita,” he said kneeling down. “I’m not your father.”

“Papa!” He was welcomed his daughter with open arms while the other little girl gave him as big a death stare as a two-year-old could.

He saw you enter the daycare and you found Clara giving her biggest death glare. She managed to break her glaring when you picked her up. She pointed at the man, “Not daddy?”

“That’s right, it’s not daddy. He looks nothing like him.”

But Clara went back to her evil glaring. The man who looked like her father but was not her father could only result in one conclusion.

“Evil daddy.”

“Why do you think he’s evil? He’s a very nice man.”

“I’m sorry,” you said to him. “Usually her dad picks her up, so she thinks you’re her dad. But he had to shave his beard and she must be missing it and saw yours so...” you shrugged.

“Oh no, that’s fine,” he turned to the girl in his arms. “Is this your friend?”

She nodded, “Spider.”

He knew Ari had this funny way of remembering her new friends and called them by their favourite bugs. Bianca was named Bee.

You properly introduced your daughter, “This is Clara.”

*****

“I met Ari’s friend today,” Javi told Reece after their day of filming.

“Oh, she’s a cutie, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, although she kept calling me evil for some reason.”

“Were you doing your Nic Cage impression?”

“No,” he got a hard glare. “I wasn’t. Not even subconsciously.”

*****

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude your reading, but I couldn’t help but admire your book.”

Javi always loved books about films, he read them more than actual books. You lifted up the book to show the full cover: Golem, Caligari, Nosferatu; A Chronicle of German Film Fantasy.

“My husband got it for me because he knew I’d love it. And I do.”

“So you’ve seen The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari?” he asked.

“Oh yes. Old films just have a certain quality to them modern films can’t replicate.”

“I completely agree. Is it one of your favourite films at the moment?”

“It is but I really like Nosferatu, mainly because it’s an early depiction of vampires. Oh, do you know the film Shadow of the Vampire?”

“Of course, a masterpiece to honour its original film,” you nodded in agreement. “Nicolas Cage produced that film.”

“He did?”

“Yes, he grew up with all those silent films.”

“How did I not notice?”

*****

“We ended up having this amazing discussion about German silent films.”

“Wow, I’m so happy you found someone other than your boyfriend who’ seen Caligari.”

Javi either didn’t notice the quip or chose to ignore it. “She must be married to someone amazing.”

“Yeah, Dieter is a pretty nice guy.”

“Yes and, wait who?”

“Dieter Bravo,” said Reece.

“What do you mean Dieter Bravo?” he asked more sternly.

“I mean Dieter Bravo is her husband.”

“You’re telling me that smart sophisticated woman is married to that…” he couldn’t think of an appropriate word, “…man?”

Sometime in the middle of the night, Javi bolted upright in bed.

“Oh Dios Mio!” he exclaimed; startling Reece awake in the process.

“Javi,” they grumbled. “There had better be a fire or I’m setting you on fire.”

“Dieter Bravo has offspring!”

“Yes he has offspring. You’ve met the offspring.”

“I can’t believe that adorable little girl is the offspring of…” again he couldn’t find the appropriate word, “…him!”

“Were you expecting horns? Or a forked tongue?”

*****

Reece wandered into the on-set daycare as usual to pick up Ari and noticed you following after.

They held out their hand to you, “Hi, I’m Reece. I’ve made friends with your husband Dieter. Also, you’ve made friends with my partner Javi.”

“Oh hi!” You shook hands and introduced yourself. “Is it weird to say I loved your script?”

“No, not at all.”

“I teared up the way I would a Mike Flanagan series.”

“I still cry over Bly Manor.”

You would have had a fangirl moment with the screenwriter, but you were both interrupted by two little girls running up to you.

“Noma!” Ari did her usual upsie hands.

Juggling a boisterous toddler in their hands, Reece explained, “I’m non-binary so Noma is an alternative to mum or dad.”

“Oh, so you prefer they/them pronouns?” Reece raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Dieter’s assistant is the same.”

They were rather impressed at the casual acceptance, “Hey, do you want to go get a coffee?”

“No coffee!” came the cry from Ari.

“Oh, that’s right. I need to seriously cut back on the coffee. I was practically living off it, getting the script done.”

“Are you into tea? I know a place that does great chai,” you suggested. “And they make a really good chocolate milk.”

Both girls immediately perked up.

“Should have led with that.”

The café was cosy and quaint with comfortable benches. After ordering masala chai, chocolate milk and cookies for the girls, you both settled in.

“So how did you and Javi meet?”

“Oh, I was hired to do rewrites for What’s It About and that’s how we met.”

“I loved that film!”

“I’m proud of that one. How did you meet Dieter?”

“We met while doing Sap of Justice.”

“Wait, you did the makeup for it?” you nodded. “Oh, that part where his skin came off and the blood was like tree sap? I loved that!”

“Are people still talking about that?”

“Well, it was awesome!”

You both looked over at Clara and Ari having so much fun being in a new play area.

“I love that they’ve made friends,” you hummed in agreement. “They seem close in age. Ari’s birthday is the 21st of September, when is Clara’s?”

“Halloween.”

“Her birthday is Halloween?” you nodded. “Was that planned?”

“Oh no, Clara wasn’t planned at all. All we knew was that she’d be due mid-November, but I guess she loves Halloween as much as me so,” you flourished your hands in a shrug.

“Ari wasn’t planned either. But if we were planning, Javi would have tried to plan the conception, so she’d be born around Nic Cage’s birthday as close as possible.”

“Seriously?”

“You have no idea how much he loves the man.”

“So if you had another child would he try to do that?”

“Oh, I can’t have any more children.”

“I’m sorry.”

They put a reassuring hand on you, “Don’t worry about it hon, you didn’t know. Ari was an emergency c-section and that’s when doctors found a lump,” you gasped. “The option was either go through months of chemo and miss out on so much of my baby’s life or just have all the organs removed and only miss a little bit. So, I’m happy we had Ari when we did. Would you want more children?”

“I love Clara to bits, but I hated being pregnant,” Reece sighed in sympathy. “I was sick for most of it, and I didn’t cope well afterwards. Honestly if I was by myself, I wouldn’t have survived it. Dieter was one hundred percent there for me and he won’t admit it but he’s an amazing father and I’ve fallen more in love with him.”

You both just sat there in a comfortable silence until refreshments arrived. The girls were called back from their playing. Clara wanted to sit on your lap, so you moved her there and she kissed your cheek.

“She’s a cuddler, like her father,” you explained to Reece.

“Daddy huggy!”

“Yes he is!” you kissed her pudgy little cheek.

*****

“Oh, I met your new best friend today!” Reece informed Javi. “She’s adorable! I can see why Dieter loves her.” They gritted their teeth as that name was accidentally said out loud and Javi groaned in annoyance.

“The whole family is adorable,” Reece continued. “We should adopt them!’

“We are not adopting a family. Especially if that includes Dieter Bravo.”

“Javi, why the animosity? Did he say something rude to you on set?”

“No,” Javi shifted. “He’s never said anything to me. We’ve never talked.”

“What the hell? How can you say you know him when you’ve never talked to him?” Reece held Javi’s face, “The Dieter I know is a sweetheart; he’s mad about his wife and he adores his little girl. He’s a genuine good guy. He’s not going to play Mr. Nice Guy and then stab you in the back like-”

“That prick Jagar Aldritch.”

“Still hung up on that?”

“Wouldn’t you be? He ruined my film.”

“And he tried to flirt with me.”

“What? Why haven’t you told me this before?”

“It was just the once. I think my pronouns confused him,” they changed the subject. “Anyways, you should just talk to him. Who knows, it might be the start of a beautiful friendship.”

*****

Javi was happy to see you after the weekend. He promised Reece he’d make an effort with Dieter and would at least talk to him. If it came about naturally, he wasn’t going to walk up to him because it might seem too straightforward.

He hated to admit it, but he liked the actor’s work ethic; he’d always be on time and too the role seriously enough without going method. The scene where Jack Black was playing on a grand piano and Dieter was lying supine across it while singing the big musical number Sugar and Spice: A Bitter Taste was insanely hilarious and anyone else wouldn’t have pulled it off as well.

Javi praised the performance while you were once again deep in conversation. You saw Dieter approaching the two of you and finally Javi had to talk to the actor.

“Oh, hey Dieter. Have you met the producer?”

He held out his hand, Dieter reluctantly took it.

“Hi, I’m Javi Gutierrez.”

Dieter mumbled his name.

“So what’s your favourite Nic Cage film?” Dieter raised an eyebrow in question. “Well I keep having interesting conversations with your wife over several of Mr. Cage’s films so I assumed…”

“Oh, I don’t like Nic Cage.”

This was not going to be the start of a beautiful friendship.

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @glshmbl @gswizzsstuff @cupcakehp @nicolethered @blueeyesatnight

#pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #dieter x honey cakes #love of horror fanfic #love of horror universe #love of horror #dieter bravo #dieter x reader #the bubble netflix #the bubble #javi g #javier gutierrez

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 7 months

Text

Neverwhere

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 2, 007

Summary: this is my entry for the PedroHalloween2023 with the theme Masquerade Ball on Halloween. The first bit is based off a really nice dream I had, it was so nice it gave me the title!

Warnings: mostly just lots of adorable fluffy goodness, there is a bad movie trailer at the end so watch out!

Check out masterlist here

The screen shows a beautiful masquerade ball with many beautiful, masked attendees dancing around. Beautiful enchanting music is playing, matching the beautiful, enchanting atmosphere. The camera lighting shows a few dancers dressed in colourful outfits and glittering masks before focusing on one lone person. A young woman in a dark, midnight blue dress dons a black mask.

“My Lady Midnight,” the woman in the black mask pauses and looks confused at the man who addressed her. He too wears midnight blue and a black mask. “You wear my colours; you must be my lady.”

She looks down at her blue dress, “It is a beautiful colour.”

The screen cuts to a previous scene. It is a bedroom where two maids are standing looking at their lady who is passed out drunk. The face of the lady does not match that of the one wearing the beautiful dress and black mask. It is the younger maid and now she faces the man who wears the black mask. She is pretending to be the rich lady, but no one notices that it is the maid wearing the expensive dress under the mask.

“You are most certainly beautiful, my Lady Midnight.”

The camera dances with the couple as they waltz together, lost in their own little world. The music swells in intensity.

Several scenes interweave with this dancing. Hands hold a beautiful midnight blue envelope, the words My Lady Midnight written upon them. These hands open the envelope and pull out a note.

A voiceover of the older maid gives a warning, “There is a reason he is called the Lord of Midnight.”

A hand rests on a vanity, trying to support the rest of the man. He lifts his head to the mirror where the camera can see that unnatural looking dark veins are creeping up his neck. He is clearly suffering under some curse which is slowly destroying his body.

The maid continues her warning, “He’ll suck the light out of you Elaine, then you’re left a dark husk of a person.”

The couple finish their dance and the music softens with them and then it stops as they stop, just staring at each other through their masks.

“A kiss before you leave, my Lady Midnight,” she nods, expecting one on the lips but instead he places one on her neck.

She gasps as the screen cuts to black. The words ‘Neverwhere’ quietly dance on the screen in gold.

*****

“Oh, this is going to be a sexy film,” you looked over to Dieter who had buried his face in your shoulder.

“What is with that voice?” his whine was evident that he was hating his performance.

“I think you sound sexy,” he just mumbled his protests. “Is there anything you do like?”

“I like your makeup work.”

“Of course you’d say that. But I still like your voice. I wish you’d use that voice at bit more around the house.”

That perked him up, “Really?”

“Really really.” Dieter started his usual canoodling, but you had to pause him mid-canoodle. “I’d love to but, we’ve got some pumpkins to carve.”

*****

You practically bounced out of the house as you were about to finally tick pumpkin carving off your long Halloween bucket list. Looking at the set of pumpkins in front of you, you were trying to decide which were suitable for carving and which you just felt like painting. The two biggest were set to have their inside carved out. The smaller ones were beautiful on their own or could work as a canvas. It was all on your list in your big Halloween notebook.

“I’ve never done pumpkin carving before.”

“The Queen of Halloween has never done pumpkin carving before?” Before you could dip your head in shame, Dieter kissed your cheek, “It’s okay. We can do as much as you like every year.”

“Every year?” he handed you the knife.

You set about carving the top of the pumpkin but as soon as you started to lift the lid, you felt hands covering your eyes.

“Dieter, what’s going on?”

“I think I should empty out the pumpkins.”

“Why?”

“It might trigger your trippy phobia thing.”

“You really think it’ll set off my trypophobia? I’ve dealt with pumpkin before.”

“Yeah but this is a lot of it,” he seemed insistent and steered you around. “Why don’t you go inside and get the paint and I’ll do this?”

“You sure? I worry you’ll injure yourself.”

“With a spoon?” He uncovered his hands from your eyes so you could see how sincere his face was.

“Okay, tell me when you’re done.”

*****

“It’s safe to come out, honey cakes.”

You came out as Dieter was wrapping up the pumpkin’s innards in butcher paper. Putting the paint supplies to the side, you picked up two small carving knives.

“One each?”

“I’ve never carved pumpkins myself.”

“Seriously?”

“My family weren’t really into the whole holiday.”

“So you’ve never gone trick or treating?”

“Nope.”

“Apply bobbing?”

“Nope.”

“The doughnut on a string thing?”

“How do you know more about Halloween than I do?”

“Oh, it’s always fascinated me. Every time I’d watch a scary movie set around the holiday; I’d get jealous of everyone on screen. Well, except those that got killed, of course.”

Dieter could only smile warmly at your enthusiasm as he often did.

Carving complete, you revealed them to each other after the count of three, holing them up to your faces like they were your own heads.

“As you can see,” you flourished your hand over your pumpkin, “I went with the typical Jack O’Lantern style. I feel it a good choice for my first pumpkin.”

“I went with a similar style with slight alterations.” He revealed his pumpkin to be very much the same, except the eyes were heart shaped instead of the typical triangles. “I based it off how I feel every time I look at you.”

“Well if they were giving out prizes, you’d win the adorable award.” You kissed him on the cheek and then gestured to the paint and other pumpkins waiting for their makeover. You went with a simple polka dot of ghosts while Dieter got more elaborate with his particular pumpkin, so you had finished long before he had gotten halfway through his. You scrolled through your phone while he painted to keep him company. When he finished, he showed you a beautiful stained glass collage of roses interwoven with vines.

“Oh, that’s lovely!” you exclaimed.

“Yeah?” you nodded and he smiled proudly.

“Oh by the way, the trailer for Knightmare is out.” Dieter merely grumbled, “I think it’s coming out the same time as Neverwhere.”

He set his pumpkin down next to yours to dry, “No it’s not.”

You checked your phone again, “Yeah, it’s coming out in the same week.”

“Great, I’m going to have to compete with that Aldritch prick.”

“Doesn’t his film have a lot of visual effects? Will they have everything ready in time?”

Dieter just shrugged.

“I’m a bit curious now to see the trailer,” you mused.

“Will you see the film when it comes out?”

“Probably not.”

“But he’s not in Neverwhere.”

“But it’s a horror film.”

“I don’t go and see every horror film that comes out. I’ll just watch the film out that week with my favourite actor.”

“He’s not? How can you not be in Neverwhere?”

“Oh, I am in Neverwhere.”

You were thoroughly confused, “I’m thoroughly confused now.”

“Isn’t your favourite actor the one that never shows his face?”

You had to ponder for a while, “You mean Doug Jones? Oh, I wish he were in Neverwhere.”

“Never mind. But if he were to be in Neverwhere?”

You suddenly realised something was up and look at Dieter, “Wait, are you stalling because you don’t want to watch this trailer?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re not curious?”

“I was curious but now I’m comfortable in my sexuality,” that elicited a snort from you. He stood up and put his hand out to yours, “But I’ll watch it with you if you want.”

“Are you sure? Won’t you need protecting in case it gets scary?”

“If it’s just the teaser then it shouldn’t be too bad,” he pulled you up into his embrace. “I’d much prefer if I was the teaser but…”

“But you can do that later,” you finished for him in a husky tone.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Dieter practically bounced back into the house.

*****

The camera focuses on a martini glass. It is sitting on a table in a very swanky apartment overlooking a city at night. Rain is heard in the background. A hand grasps the martini glass. The camera slowly shifts to the hand holding the glass. The man takes a sip of his vodka martini and looks out at the lights of the city. The audience doesn’t see the full face of the one holding the glass, but they can hear him.

A single note of a piano plays.

“The night is my enemy, but the night is also my friend.” The voice is too gravelly to sound natural.

The piano plays another single note.

The camera fades to black. It flashes to an alleyway. Bats fly into the alleyway and as the camera moves closer, a man walks out of the alleyway. Again, the screen cuts to black and the gravelly voice talks again.

The piano plays yet another single note.

“The night has to learn to be friends with me.”

The camera shows the bright lights of a lab where the man who was holding the martini glass is now holding a beaker and looking at some bright green liquid. He adds a drop of another liquid, and the bright green liquid turns from black to bright red.

Instead of a single piano note it is a loud bass note.

“I write about the darkness.”

The camera now shows the man shirtless, clearly showing off his very chiselled muscles. There is no other reason for this scene other than to show off the actor’s perfect body.

“But now it writes about me.”

The loud bass note comes back.

Now the camera shows a pair of wings lifting from off screen. They wrap around the arms of the man, acting as a knights armour. The wings cover the mans face, almost like a mask. This would be very impressive if the visual effects had more time to work with their craft.

“I am Knightmare!” The man erupts into a terrible rendering of bats. They look more like they were drawn in a last-minute Paint programme and then copied and pasted without any time or thought put into it. The badly done bats merge back into the man but his face looks like it has the picture of a bat pasted onto his face and is struggling to adjust to the real-life movement of his face.

*****

You snorted then erupted into laughter, only managing to stop yourself in time. “Was that supposed to be funny?”

“What is with that voice?” Dieter was stupefied by the sheer absurdity on screen he forgot it was supposed to be a horror film. You had as well.

“This looks so bad. Not the so bad it’s good, so bad it’s bad.”

“I don’t think I have anything to worry about now.”

“People will most definitely hate watch this.”

“For sure,” he now put his hands up and wiggled in fingers to mock a scary gesture “I am Knightmare!” He moved as if to tickle you even though he knew it was a futile attempt as you weren’t ticklish. However, you gave a slight squeal as his hands gently grabbed you.

“Please no! Not that voice! Use the other voice,” he seemed confused. “The one from your trailer.”

Dieter moved his hands away from you and emitted a soft, “You mean this voice?”

It was exactly what you wanted, and you leaned over, placing your hands on his thighs and pulling yourself closer.

“Didn’t I promise that you’d get to be the teaser now?”

“You did?”

“I did.”

Lovingly tagging @pedrocontestsrus @joelswritingmistress @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @brilliantopposite187 @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic @glshmbl

#PedroHalloween2023 #pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #dieter x honey cakes #love of horror fanfic #love of horror #dieter x reader #dieter bravo #the bubble netflix #the bubble

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coulsons-fullmetal-cellist · 4 days

Text

Looking Back

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 967

Summary: while at an exhibition with your fiancé, you encounter someone from your past (check out my masterlist to check out the timeline)

Warnings: lost romantic potential, Dieter being Dieter, an underrated pioneer of animation gets a mention so please check them out before or after reading this

Artwork is a sculpture by Spas Kirchev

“I’m so glad you suggested this! Although you should have started with stop motion with shadow puppets.”

“I was getting there but was distracted by all the history stuff. I did get you interested with early German cinema though.”

“That’s true.”

The two of you were having a date night. Your fiancé Dieter had mentioned an exhibition by some animation students presenting their final year project.

The theme was Lotte Reiniger, a pioneer of the animation world who used shadow puppets as her medium. These students were to pick a piece of music and create their own short films inspired by Reiniger. Several clips from her over 40 films were dotted around the exhibition in between a few small alcoves where the students’ films were being presented.

You just came out of one short film based on the legend of Orpheus and Eurydice. The small dark space encouraged much snuggling.

“Look,” Dieter pointed out to a screen on the wall. “The Adventures of Prince Achmed is the oldest surviving feature length animated film. It predates Snow White by a decade. Then Walt went and stole her ideas and never gave her credit, the bastard.”

“I thought you loved Disney.”

“I love the films but the man himself? Don’t get me started on his original idea for Epcot.”

“You are adorable when you’re in history mode.”

“Not sexy?”

“A little bit. But you’re always sexy.”

“You’re always sexy.” You tried to brush off this compliment but stopped dead in your tracks and hid behind his broad back. “What is it honey cakes?”

“I just saw someone from my past.”

“From New Zealand?”

“No, from when I first moved here. I made friends with this guy called Orfi.”

“Orfi?”

“It’s short for something, I never asked though,” he turned around to face so you could continue. “We became fast friends, always having the randomest conversations and hanging out occasionally but then he just dropped out of communication. It was only later I found out from other friends that he got himself a girlfriend. Her name was Dizzy or Dolce, or something.”

“What a dick,” you shrugged. “Wait, did you have romantic type feelings for him?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I trust myself enough to see if it was going in that direction. When I look back on it, there was a possible maybe but by that time, it was too late.”

“Were you ready by the time we met?”

“We met at the right time,” you looked over at your former friend. “I should really go and say hi to him, but I’ll go alone; you might be too distracting.”

“Because of my devilish good looks?”

“That too, but also you’re an award-winning actor.”

“Is that all anyone focuses on?” you patted his shoulder as you made your way over.

You must have willed yourself over there, the ground feeling like mud under your feet. Your hand felt heavy as you raised it into a wave, catching his attention.

“Oh hey, fancy seeing you here.”

“Well, you know it’s early German cinema so…”

“Yeah, couldn’t help but think of you.”

All those past emotions hit you like a sudden wave in the ocean. You tried to not get caught in the current and be lost in the past and decided to go forward with the conversation.

“How is…sorry, I forgot her name.”

“Disay? Oh no, we’re no longer together.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, it didn’t work out. Looking back, we just weren’t meant to be together. Now I’m single for the first time in a long time,” the laugh was awkward. “Let me guess, you’re still single?”

“No, I’m with someone.”

“Is it serious?”

“We’re getting married so yes, it’s very serious.”

“Oh, uh, congratulations.”

“Thanks,” you looked at the ring on your finger, not noticing the look of sadness on his face which had gone by the time you looked back up. “It was nice seeing you.”

“Yeah, you too.”

“I’ll message you some time.”

Those emotions you thought you had were gone like the tides of the ocean. You waved a small goodbye and tried to not make it look like you were rushing back into the safety of your fiancé’s arms.

“He looked like an Eeyore.”

“Did he?”

“Almost like you were the one that got away.”

“Was I?”

“I think you were. And you know what, fuck him.”

“Yeah, his loss.”

“He was too stupid to realise he had the most amazing, beautiful, caring…”

“Dieter, we don’t need to go through the alphabet.”

“Well, an alphabet list of what makes you, you and he was an idiot to see you.”

“I’m glad I have you, I think I made the better choice. Definitely the most handsome choice.”

Dieter gave a small cursory glance over at the other man. “He has a bit of an Oscar Isaac look about him.”

“He does now that you mention it.”

“Wait, you know who he is?” you nodded. “I thought you only knew actors if they were in a horror film.”

You gave him that look that he knew oh too well.

“Okay, what horror films has he been in?”

“Annihilation, that’s the one with the scary bear,” Dieter shuddered at the thought. “I think Ex Machina is more of a thriller.”

“Those dance moves were thriller,” you looked at him in surprise. “I’ve seen the clips.”

“And you’ve learnt the moves?”

He held you close, almost as if he was about to launch you into a waltz, “Of course I have.”

“You want to show me some other moves, don’t you?” he mumbled something affirmative into your lips.

So he took your hand and led you out.

As you left the exhibition, neither of you looked back. You only had the future to look forward to.

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic @glshmbl @cupcakehp @gswizzsstuff

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