#distancing myself. i usually isolate when i struggle bcs i don't want to be a burden but it just makes everything worse for me

[noxtivagus]

gna be productive now

[nyxelestia]

Hi! I'm on anon bc I mainly worry about that sort of thing, heh. Besides this, I'm asking about, specifically, Sterek - in the sense that I don't really ship it myself, and I wanted to say that regardless of this, and that you do - your blog is brilliant. In general, your posts on the TW fandom and the various ships within are perfect and I agree 100%. Mainly, I'm asking about the sterek, or more specifically Stiles/Derek from actual canon tw, because I could never see anything other than (1/?)

Derek being physically aggressive towards the younger and weaker (in the sense of physical strength) human - a person in a position of power over another abusing that power. In a sense. Since, whenever I watch the show I can't help but see that, I was hoping you could either explain in that great way you usually do that makes things make sense, or at least point me in the direction of posts that have already done so, how exactly their friendship developed(because, yes, I don't think I could(2/?)

ever ship it romantically). Mainly I'd just like to see another's less biased point of view/take on their dynamic, so as not to alienate a serious amount of my fanfic readers despite the fact that it's probably gonna end up as Stalia(oh the horror, that gets like 0 reads ever)I don't want to sideline any characters that are important, such as Derek, and when I watch the show I can never get his character and his dynamic with Stiles down in my head because it's screaming at me not to like him 3/?

And I hate that, because I never like to despise a character without good reason to; I don't want to misrepresent the dynamic, I have to repeat, when I get to later seasons. It'll also help me understand him more, I think, and I hope you don't mind this ridiculously long anon ask, oops. I'm on anon mainly bc of a worry of this being received negatively, as I've seen this sort of query being done in the past for related topics. Ehrm, that's it, thanks for reading this even if you don't answer.4/4

Derek is pretty violent with everyone, including Stiles, in the first two seasons. Fandom has taken this violence and projected sexual tension onto it to justify the ship, but if we're going to count every instance of violence as belligerent sexual tension, then everyone on this show has foe-yay with everyone else.

The thing is, Derek was trying to do the right thing - he just didn't really consider things like collateral damage or value of life in the process. When Scott was Bitten, Derek did try to help Scott learn to control his wolf...it's just that he also lied to Scott about a potential cure for lycanthropy in order to manipulate Scott into helping him. Neither of these somehow negate or undermine the other.

Similarly, in Season 2, Derek felt responsible for the kanima, and thus wanted to kill it before it could kill anyone else. The problem is that he wasn't considering the life of the human who was the kanima without knowing, and he was jumping to conclusions and nearly killed the wrong person (Lydia) because she might be the kanima. Derek wanted to build a pack, and ended up dragging three new teenagers into the mess, two of whom would still be alive if he hadn't. But, they were also extremely isolated before they were in a pack, and never seemed to resent Derek for turning them, even when (in the case of Boyd, at least) it got them killed.

Derek tries all the time, and tries really damn hard. He also fails all the time, and fails really damn hard. Most of that failure all traces back to tunnel vision - he gets so focused on one problem or factor, he never really thought about anything else. Isaac called him out on this in Season 3A - Derek was wallowing about Cora's life and Jennifer's betrayal, which meant he was forgetting about all the other stuff going on that needed to be dealt with.

Derek also tended to presume to know best in the first two seasons and diving head first into problems. A lot of his development in Seasons 3 and 4 was taking a step back to think through the circumstances, and/or taking guidance from those around him. Whether he was the alpha and taking guidance from his betas (i.e. following Boyd's plan against the alpha pack, listening to Isaac calling him out, etc.), or when he was a beta again but following others' leads (following Scott as an alpha, taking proverbial marching orders from Allison in 3B, following the Sheriff's lead and Braeden's lead in Season 4, etc.), Derek always did better working with someone else instead of trying to lead on his own.

To put it another way: Derek really sucks at being King Arthur, but he makes for a fantastic Merlin.

Derek was a wonderfully supportive and empathic individual. Because he struggled with being an alpha, he was a confidante for Scott when he struggled to be a (true) alpha. Derek went from tunnel vision, brooding, and wallowing in the first few seasons, to learning how to use "human" self-defense mechanisms in Season 4 when he realized he wasn't healing and seemed to be losing his lycanthropy (and his strength and senses with it). IIRC, he never just sat down and listened to someone pour their heart out on him in the first two seasons, yet Season 3 opens with him doing exactly that, and this is something he continues to do throughout the rest of his time on the show.

I've said before that "quiet" =/= shy or introverted. Derek is never the kind to talk a lot in the show. In the first two seasons, this manifested as him doing things without really telling anyone or talking to anyone about it. Later, this manifested as him listening to people. He didn't have to change this part of who he is, he just learned to be more empathetic and productive about it.

Derek's story also plays into one of the central themes of the show. The werewolf symbol of revenge is the spiral, but here's the thing about spirals: if they aren't stopped, then they'll go on forever. Derek could've kept pursuing vengeance for his family, but chose not to, and came out better for it. This is highlighted by the nogitsune in 3B, when Derek is infected by one of the flies. Yes, Kate was already dead, but Kate was one person and his family was way more than that. He could've kept going, he could've murdered Allison and Chris just because they were Kate's family (the same way his family died just for being werewolves/in a werewolf pack), and the nogitsune nearly pushed him to do that. But instead, Derek ended the spiral of vengeance, recognizing that Allison and Chris had nothing to do with Kate's murder, and how different they were from Kate (regretting their own participation in Hunter psychosis, trying to change the family motto and M.O., etc.)

Derek's story is very much one of someone grieving tremendously and suffering from horrific trauma. But, it's also one that shows that one's own trauma can end up hurting those around them (the fact that Derek was traumatized and suffering for the first two seasons doesn't change the fact he engaged in a lot of manipulative and abusive behavior at the time). And, Derek's story is the process of recovering from grief and trauma, and learning to let go of anger in pursuit of one's own well-being.

How this relates to Sterek in particular, I've written about here and here, and feel free to ask if you have any more questions on it. :)

And here are some fics which capture Derek's character really well:

See You on the Other Side - Derek doesn't swoop in and save the day - but he does help Stiles, and he learns to share with Stiles and take help from others.

The Nightmare of My Choice - Long-distance relationship FTW.

Starts with "F", Ends With "U" - Fantastic way of Derek using his own experiences to help Stiles with his current abuse, and a great exploration of Derek's trauma that doesn't tokenize it or reduce his abuse to stereoptyes of what abuse actually entails.