#do y'all want to know something embarrassing? 98% of the time I can't check the mail
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I want to experience life SO BADLY
#no bc what is this agoraphobia/anxiety bullshit#been going on wayyyyyy too long#excuse me but who even decided this#what sort of past life transgressions#i feel firey like i have anger without the hateful piece of it#which is good because I can use that energy to DO SOMETHING#I want to FILL my life up i want my days to be so full they're bursting and alive#i want to train in martial arts and know a shit ton of obsure history facts#i want to volunteer at multiple places and learn languages and paint and crochet#and read like my life depends on it#thousands of books#and i want to meet people and smile at them and I want everyone I encounter to feel a little more loved and safe than before i want it all#i want to take stupid little pottery and cooking classes#and have meaningful discussions with my community and I want to travel and also take my family to brunch at stupid little cafés#and I want to take pictures of beautiful places and people#i am so afraid to do any of it that I'm paralyzed#do y'all want to know something embarrassing? 98% of the time I can't check the mail#because cars drive by and i just feel so much fear at the thought of being perceived that i get physically panicked#anyway#I'm going to go wash my hair i guess
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