#don't forget to spell my name right when you bash me *finger guns*

[piccolina-mina]

I cannot speak for anyone else, and I'm not trying to. I can only speak for myself as an observer and a friend. And sometimes I feel really bad for bisexual fans, especially the bisexual men who are out, open, or quietly observing, and still active in the RNM fandom.

There used to be many bisexual men who shared their thoughts, but a few I remember left fandom. There are many women, but it still comes with a pressure and expectation to only appreciate specific parts of the series or face erasure if they don't comply.

It must be gratifying to have a strong bisexual character let alone a male character like Michael. You don't see it often at all. Bi characters are rare and bi men are like unicorns on TV, and how they are represented can vary. But one thing that has been consistent and obvious is that Michael is a character Carina has invested in a lot.

A lot of effort and care goes into how he's portrayed as a bisexual man. She seems very in tune and careful with how she wants to depict that, for better and worse, and sometimes at the expense of other aspects of the show that require sensitivity, awareness, and care too.

And I have seen how important that is to many bisexual fans but particularly bi men. But I can only imagine how difficult it has to be when you're seeing your representation onscreen -- you're seeing yourself reflected -- and you constantly see it regarded as "bad bi rep" usually over trivial things.

Michael is confident, out, unapologetic. He has an interesting story of presumably when he realized he was bisexual. He has those moments of insecurity, but he's consistent. And he's never treated as less than or not "manly" or anything like that by the majority of the characters -- the important characters.

His Bisexuality is never treated like a character flaw by the others.

His friends, acquaintances, siblings, and love interests don't look down on him for being bisexual. It's not the sole thing that drives his arc, or the only reason he's "relevant." He's a multi-dimensional character who happens to be bisexual instead of "the token bisexual character."

It seems pretty damn awesome.

But sometimes I imagine it has to be hard to see all of these factors and then see the frequent takes that he's "poor bi rep."

And it has to be invalidating that only one of his relationships matters and the other one is constantly torn apart.

Isn't that part of the "pick a side" frustration bisexuals face way too often? Why unwittingly perpetuate it so much?

Isn't the whole idea supposed to be that both of these relationships are valid and meaningful in different ways, and that's OK?

On the show you have Alex and Maria, and neither of them make Michael feel like crap because he's bisexual. Alex doesn't treat him like he's less queer for dating and sleeping with women. He doesn't shame him (something that has been known to happen with some popular queer ships like Calzona on Grey's Anatomy, for example) for being bi.

Any of the issues they have, have absolutely nothing to do with Michael's sexuality. That has to be refreshing.

And Maria doesn't judge Michael for being bisexual either. All fandoms as a whole, in general, tend to fetishize and/or love mlm ships, but as we know, irl wlw are fetishized and revered more, usually by straight men who think a woman's bisexuality is for their sexual pleasure, gratification or chance to have a threesome.

In real life, it's obviously difficult for bi men dating etc. For every Maria, there's a woman who only thinks she's a "beard" or pitstop until her bi lover is gay, or feels insecure that she can't give him something someone else can, or a plethora of other misconceptions and ignorance.

But Maria isn't like that. None of the drama surrounding her relationship with Michael had anything to do with him being bisexual. It was never about the parts of who he slept with, but her relationship with who he slept with.

And to hit home that Michael being bisexual didn't make him less desirable or attractive to her, they kissed after the truth came out. And they both enjoyed it.

People hate that and tear it apart, but I imagine that was also something important to show.

And then, fandom, fandom from all walks of life and different genders and sexualities find this bisexual character attractive and desirable.

It has to be messed up as a bi male fan to see part of the fandom, a great deal of them straight women be shamed or ridiculed or referred to as homophobic for liking Michael and Maria.

It has to be messed up for bi female fans to have their sexuality completely invalidated because they like miluca. To be called homophobic or biphobia despite being bi themselves for liking Miluca.

Or to have their love of this ship and this representation that is important to them reduced to them just wanting to self-insert with Michael (I mean, hey, what if it's about self-inserting with Maria? Because that's what a hell of a lot of queer miluca fans are thinking about).

Or to have them criticized for it if that's the case, but it's widely accepted that bisexual and straight fans can thirst over the two men just fine.

What is wrong about thirsting after one or both parties of miluca in equal measure as one would Malex? And doing it with them as a couple rather than individually? Why is that only an option with them separate but not with them together as it is with Malex?

Like, a (so far) straight female character is criticized for having feelings for this bisexual man and straight female fans are criticized for liking miluca, or hell, self-inserting with miluca, and finding this male character, who happens to be bisexual, attractive and sexy.

Bi female fans are criticized for liking miluca or self-inserting either way with Maria and Michael. Their sexuality is always questioned for enjoying this ship as if they're somehow less queer for enjoying it.

No one ever considers that they're enjoying the hell out of thirsting over Maria via this relationship. It IS Maria after all.

Michael is hot. Maria is stunning. Only one of these relationships is giving queer miluca fans Maria, right? Why is enjoying that via their relationship not an acceptable option? For bi fans of any gender? For straight fans?

To Maria, to the fans of the miluca ship, Michael's bisexuality doesn't matter or make him less than, or less attractive. He's accepted and cared about and desired.

And some people read that as latching on to a straight presenting ship and thus being inherently homophobic and biphobic, instead of seeing, and appreciating, and enjoying that there are no qualms, no judgment, no prejudice, no second guessing about shipping a presumably straight woman with a bisexual man.

His sexuality never hinders him from being shipped with anyone. It never stops him from being desired. It doesn't stop fans from enjoying and self-inserting either. He didn't stop being viable when it was revealed that he was bisexual.

And if people can see that and respond that way to a character they love, then maybe it breaks the stigma about dating, falling in love with or sleeping with bisexual men. Maybe people can apply that to real life too.

And that's the power of representation in media, and how influential it can be. That's something special and important too.

It's not something that happens easily, and like with any disenfranchised group, experiences are always different. It's not always the same for bi men versus bi women. Intersectionality comes into play. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that just a basic understand of people and their experiences.

Ironically, both experiences by both male and female bi fans are being invalidated and/or erased here often when it comes to this, which is very unfortunate and sad to see.

I mean, I can't shake the concept of someone's experience battling being rejected or invalidated, and then watching something where someone like you isn't being rejected or invalidated for their sexuality, and many of the viewers and fans aren't rejecting or invalidating this character's sexuality ... but then seeing some of those fans are rejected and invalidated for enjoying one or both of this characters' relationships. 🤔

Their acceptance, not tolerance, their acceptance of bisexuality is rejected and criticized. It doesn't make sense.

And yeah, it's a love triangle. But it's a love triangle between a bi man, a gay man, and a woman. Something you do not see often at all. And sexuality isn't the root of the tension or conflict. Nowhere. Not once.

It's played out like any other love triangle. It's normalized because the whole point is that bisexual people being attracted to more then one gender is normal.

They're subjected to the same things as everyone else, including love to hate love triangles.

I don't know. This isn't even in response to anything specific, it's just, sometimes, I really sympathize for the bisexual fans and friends, and I really feel bad for the bi men in the RNM fandom who thoroughly enjoy having this representation and enjoy both relationships and the depiction of what it's like having feelings for two different people for different reasons who then see parts of that which they appreciate and make them feel seen always ripped apart so often.

Man, it must feel like A LOT sometimes.

But again, I'm not presuming to know how anyone feels, and I certainly can't speak for them, but I would be lying if I said it didn't cross my mind on occasion.