#don't tell them tho because I still want to be treated at a local medical center without being killed by insurance psy ops

[cextra-loz]

The longer it takes for my doctors to prescribe me anything other than metoprolol the more powerful my rage and fury becomes.

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

thank you! i think you're genuinely the only person that has ever said they actually like the fact that my bathrobe is obnoxiously pink. and you're absolutely right, one of the things i like most about it is that it hurts people's eyes. i love it actually. if you ever celebrate halloween you should absolutely add your bathrobe to your costume. an amazing idea. since it has a mouse face on the hood it could be two costumes rolled into one - both a vampire and a mouse (if in the middle of the evening you get bored of one), which i think would be awesome. and you probably wouldn't get cold (is it cold in nz during halloween? because here it almost always is). we don't celebrate halloween in lithuania either though. which i'm a bit bummed about, because halloween sounds super fun. mostly because of the dressing up! but i did celebrate it once, when i was 11 or 12 maybe? me and a couple of friends decided it would be fun even if it's not really celebrated here. so we dressed up, even went trick ir treating (half the houses had no idea what was happening and also i pretty much froze to death because i was dressed as a dead bride and refused to put a coat on because then you couldn't see my dress) and also watched horror movies. 12 (or 11) year old me thought it was amazing.

oh yeah! i've broken a knife on 2 separate occasions i think. once i tried to get something out of between the blender's blades, used a knife and then accidentally turned the blender on (i'm so fucking glad it was a knife and not my fingers). so the tip of the knife broke off (the blender was ok tho). and the second time i have no idea how it happened. i was cutting up broccoli and the knife just fell apart??? i was so confused, because one second i'm holding a knife and the next it's just two pieces of a handle and the metal part, all separate. had fun explaining that to my dad. you sound pretty unlucky too! i mean, a cut every time you use a knife, but you don't even notice it at the time? i think it's just that knives are out to get us (it's my newest conspiracy theory). i actually get double vision too sometimes! mostly when i'm tired, but i just figured that it was because i have really bad eyesight

they definitely SHOULD teach about gender and sexuality in school. it's a really big problem that in a lot of places it's either not compulsory or not even in the curriculum. honestly, everything i know about sex ed or lgbtq+ i had to learn myself on the internet, because we only had one class when we were like 13 years old with a guest speaker and it was mostly biology and then a little bit about menstruation and pads for girls (i have no idea what they told boys because we were also separated). so sex ed definitely sucks a lot in my country and i bet it's the same in a lot of others, which makes me really mad

exactly!! it's so hard to tell whether i'm feeling romantic or platonic love sometimes! it's confusing. also i remember one time me and a couple of friends had a sleepover and the friend's, who was hosting, parents weren't home so we watched romance movies (scandalous i know). again we were maybe 12. and they kept going "oh he's so hot" and intensely watching the sex scenes. while i was looking away from the tv whenever sexy times were going on and commenting on how much i loved the house design and the garden. gee i wonder what that means. (still can't believe it took me this long to figure out i was ace)

the breakfast went very well though! it's so interesting how different traditions are everywhere. i hope your lunch and the rest of christmas day went well too! (also i forgot to ask last time, but what is boxing day? google says it's mostly a shopping holiday, is it that? we just call it the second day of christmas and it's pretty much the same as christmas day but there's no presents!) but yeah i hope you had fun with your extended family on boxing day!

having acid reflux sounds like it sucks. i love breakfast, it's my favourite meal of the day (when i don't have to rush that is) and i skip lunch a lot because i usually have no time for it (my schedule kinda sucks), so i usually try to have a bigger breakfast. but hey, peanut butter is good! so at least you can have something that tastes good for breakfast!

aaand i feel like this ask got away from me. sorry it's so long!

it’s because i have t a s t e. it may not be GOOD taste but it sure is...taste...and i am proud of it. and yes, i love the idea of adding my dressing gown to my costume specifically because it means i’m basically in my PJ’s. minimal effort. comfort to the max. living the dream. halfway through the night i’m tired of being the vampire no one invites in so i drop to my knees and start the mouse act. mice are good at getting in houses and getting to chocolate and such. the dream. also i absolutely would get bored of one costume within the space of a few hours knowing me, so that’s a plus. uhhhh halloween is october which is. mid-late spring so it really depends on the day. it might be a little cold, might be shorts weather. I rarely leave my house at night so I’m not an expert on nighttime temperatures sdflsdfjsd. 

I used to wish we did Halloween here but that was mostly because I wanted lollies. Although I also liked playing dress up as a young kid so maybe very young me would’ve vibed with the costume aspect. I know there’s a photo of me when I was like, 5 and my best friend of the time dressed up as witches at some point, maybe we had our own little halloween. I also possibly had a halloween themed birthday party once as a kid? I remember the little gift bags having spooky things in them and also possibly a bat cake but my memory is too bad to remember for sure. aha that’s the problem here too, no one locally would ever think to buy lollies to give out so it’d just be like um. you can have an apple I guess? at least you had fun though! i respect the commitment to the costume despite the cold. 

that is such a stressful story to read, i fear for your life. although i understand the knife breaking in that first scenario. that would be terrifying though. what if the blender launched it,,, nOPE. i’m very glad it wasn’t your fingers, that’s some horror movie shit. the second time is just,, it be like that sometimes. it was probably just waiting to happen. my parents have a cheese grater with a loose handle and it. falls off. every time. i dry it. with the dishes. and every time i fear for my life as the grating bit drops off towards my feet as i’m left holding the handle. i should expect it by now but i never do. I get scared every time it happens. knives are definitely out to get us, i fully support this conspiracy theory. oh yeah, tiredness doesn’t help with double vision. i kind of need bifocal glasses by now but I also don’t want bifocal glasses so i just suffer but I suspect having them would reduce the double vision. maybe. maybe not.

yup! i remember someone handing out tampons and pads at primary school, i assume after giving a talk about periods, idk. i do also remember a teacher pulling the girls aside and being like yo, this is what a period is, here’s a horror story about my daughter and a tampon, enjoy the trauma, go back to class. good times. we did actually get really comprehensive sex ed concerning most things at my high school but that is faaaarrr from the norm around here, clearly. although teenage boys are good at filling in gaps, in my experience. they’re like little sex encyclopedias that offer up information without you asking. i didn’t ACTUALLY want to know that but i do now, i guess, thanks michael. 

dude. the ‘oh he’s so hot’ comments are so confusing. ‘hot’ is like a category of attractiveness that I’ve never understood. ‘isn’t he hot?’ what does that MEAN rebecca. i think i asked once if it meant like, attractive or good looking. and the person i asked was like, you know, hot. you just look at them and, you know- no i don’t know. what is this. i don’t think i’ve ever watched a sex scene with people my age though, generally i just zone out for them sdkfhskdfh. i feel like there’s definitely all these indicators when you look back like oh yeah, should’ve realised i was ace then, but it’s just. such a hard sexuality to figure out. not that other sexualities aren’t but you’ve got to figure out an absence of something when you don’t even know what the something feels like- it’s a challenge.

I’m glad it did! It is interesting, for sure. I’ve always been interested in how winter Christmas’s work. As a young kid I didn’t understand hemispheres...obviously...i was like 5...and i’d go out on Christmas morning to see if there was snow. and sometimes it’d be a bit chilly in the morning and I’d be like damn. we almost had some this year. it’s a shame our climate tends to be too hot for snow on christmas :// like no you tiny dumbass it’s summer you little idiot there will be no snow no matter what. everything ended up going super well here :). boxing day is basically just a shopping holiday, i don’t know if it has any significance in any other way, i’m sure it did at one point, but i know there’s always boxing day sales everywhere. I think it’s also a public holiday (?) to give people another day off work and that, but I could be wrong there. I know I also used to regularly go to the races (horse races) nearby that were always held on boxing day, it was like a 150 year old tradition or something until people in attendance started dropping and I think they finally shut it down a couple years back. I didn’t care all that much about the horses but they also had food and carnival-type rides and such for the kids which is why I loved it. also we tended to meet extended family there for a picnic lunch.

acid reflux is like the least of my problems sdfkjshdkf. it’s annoying but it’s pretty managed with medication, I have to watch certain foods and drinks but I’m used to it by now. I think it’s also what causes me to not be able to eat large amounts normally so I survive a lot on snacks and a reasonable sized dinner. works for me. but peanut butter is good! i’m glad i can have that! I used to also have vegemite but that’s a bit more of a push, it’s easier to stick with peanut butter.

also it’s fine!! my responses are always very long too sdfjhskdf.

[tumblunni]

I have a question that I hope is ok. I have had a suspicion that I might have some form of autism for quite a while now and when you reblog posts that say something along the line of just autism things like the one you just did I have to do a double take because I do all of those things + have them happen to me and am shocked when I see I'm not the only one who does these things especially the really abstract. I don't ever bring it up though in fear that people get upset that I'm "faking"

Oh man, mystery person, that’s pretty heavy!! I know the feeling, it took me a LONG time of self-examination to work out whether I might have autism, and I actually did have to deal with a less-than-optimal response when I tried to talk to someone about it. My doctor outright said ‘but you seem too smart for that’, like.. what the fuck?? So seriously, you need to be prepared to be PERSISTANT. Don’t lose confidence in your decision! Make sure you get to see an actual diagnosis, don’t let them lock you out of it based on dumb stereotypes. Cos seriously, general practitioners going ‘hey this person probably doesnt have this thing that’s completely out of my division, and I wont even let them talk to that division’.. thats just.. GOD I really get frustrated and scared thinking how much more messed up my life would be right now if I’d listened to him and not ever got help for my condition!

So my advice is basically.. even if you don’t want to ‘self-diagnose’, please do ‘self-diagnose’.You need to be abnormally prepared for this, you need to have a list of all your symptoms, you need to learn the terms and have reference to point to in the event of them denying you the ability to talk to an actual psychologist. And you need to be prepared for them even treating you like you cant be autistic if you were capable of doing this!You need to hand-hold your general practitioner through explaining what autism even is, and do whatever the fuck you can so you can get transferred over to someone who actually knows who they’re talking about.Oh and common ‘self-diagnosis’ type stuff can also help a lot in the meantime, because doing research on the subject can lead you to finding new coping methods, finding other people to ask about the subject, and just generally tiding you over until you’re able to get a professional diagnosis and (hopefully) access to things like therapy and local autism community groups.Also, just, in some countries medical care is way less accessable, so I know not eveyrone is even able to get a professional diagnosis at all.

Oh, and an important thing is that autism is a spectrum and there are many different symptoms you can have. it can even be hard to discover your own symptoms, you might find that they manifest in a weird way because you’ve been subconciously trying to hide them or using some form of unhealthy coping method for years. Going undiagnosed into your adult years is really like.. one of the primary causes for autism being REALLY disabling! Dear god my stage of treatment right now is just learning to untangle a bunch of bullshit I’ve done to myself over the years, and re-learn basic life skills and self confidence. I think if i’d been born into an environment with people who actually would have recognised it and cared about getting me help as a kid, i could have grown up without most of my anxiety issues!Another important fact is that adult autism is often co-morbid with anxiety issues, due to the circumstances of being left completely alone to deal with this thing for your entire life with no support. There’s also just a lot of ways certain anxiety disorders (as well as ADHD) can have overlapping symptoms with autism spectrum disorders. A lot of the ‘that feel when’ meme stuff can be relateable to all three of these otherwise quite different disorders. So I’d reccommend looking up info on ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and related conditions too, and maybe seeing which disorder seems most similar to what you’re experiencing. And don’t be scared if it seems like you might have multiple of them! In real life being ‘all the tokens at once’ is VERY MUCH not ‘unrealistic’, man I really hate those people who’re like ‘hwaaa someone who’s black AND gay AND in a wheelchair? political correctness gone maaaad!’ Seriously, its very VERY possible to have more than one mental illness, especially ones that might have a knock-on effect causing another one. Going undiagnosed and untreated for ANYTHING can lead to developing anxiety and depression, but going undiagnosed for a social disability makes it especially likely to get specifically social anxiety.oh, and randomly for an example I happen to also have prosopagnosia, which means I can’t tell the difference between people’s faces. I literally cannot recognise my best friend if she changes her hairstyle or glasses. This is kinda Double Hell combined with autism, cos its already a challenge for me to judge people’s emotions, lol!

Oh man I’m kinda going offtopic and just rambling every damn fact I know, but I’m just hoping maybe something will be helpful??I really am not an expert on autism, I dont even know any good informative blogs to link you to. I’m just a regular person who happens to have the condition, and I don’t know how to give good advice when i’m still quite often suffering from denial and self hate myself...But I dunno, I just hope it could help to hear my personal experience, and know that you’re not alone.Though now I’m worrying maybe this post is a little intimidating so it might make you feel worse?? Seriously, this is just a worst case scenario thing, hopefully your doctor won’t be as casually gatekeepy as mine was. And I mean, he seemed like a good man who wasnt exactly rude about it and wasnt doing it on purpose. If anything that worries me more, tho, cos he was just politely saying ‘haha no you’re wrong’ to a patient, about a subject he wasnt remotely qualified in, and wouldnt have ever considered reccommending me to a professional if i hadnt kept nagging him about it and come back with a bunch of research and stuff. It felt SO damn cathartic to get that ‘YES, AUTISM’ in the end! Shame I couldnt show it to him and I probably would have had my entire healthcare cut forever if I boasted XDAlso, I was lucky that I had my charity support worker to help me through the stress of the assessment interviews. I hope you have at least one person who’d be able to be there for you and believe you, in times like these. Or, even if you’re like me and you dont’ have any family and stuff, I hope you end up meeting a surprisingly awesome governent worker lady who wears a cool hat and helps you out. Seriously, Amber, you’re a godsend!

So umm.. yeah.. i am REALLY sleep deprived and I am not good at words but i hope some of this helped?? I hope you’re okay, anon!And honestly, reading ‘lol relateable jokes’ type posts on people’s blogs was how I first started suspecting I was autistic, too. I’d grown up buried in so many stereotypes of mentally ill people, I never thought I was one of them until I actually got to read blogs from their perspective. Joke posts obviously aren’t a substitute for a diagnosis, but I think they kinda serve a valuable role in the self acceptance process, yknow? Thank you, joke posts!