#dont ask how is dimple in the picture i just wanted to include him

[nohenova]

serizawa week day 7 - BIRTHDAY !!

HB SERIZAWA

[my-job-is-to-fangirl]

“You know disgrace isn’t that bad. Once you settle into it.”

SO. I was watching TV one day and as I was flipping the channels, I saw an ad for a new show, ‘American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace’. I was sold just on the fact that it said Versace, I love fashion; and crime, (if you know me, you know I love crime) and then I saw Darren Criss. That’s all. I had to watch it. I did a bit of research and found out that he was playing the killer, and I had no clue that Versace was assassinated. So I began watching it, and the premiere episode itself, I was hooked; I knew I’d be dedicated and watch religiously. My mom watched it with me too, because she also likes crime (at times, when I’m not forcing her to watch something like Hannibal while eating dinner).

Anyway, I missed the second episode itself <rolls eyes> So much for being ‘dedicated’. I went to my best friend’s house the day after the 5th episode aired, and I made her watch. She was hooked too, so we watched the first two episodes together. I realized then, that TV was censoring out some important scenes that added to the plot line, so I switched to watching online. But yes, bottom line, watch it online, make sure you have subs, or earphones on with the highest volume. None of the characters speak very loudly. I dont even know why this paragraph is here, I apologize.

NOW, COMING TO THE ACTUAL SHOW. It was brilliant, I thought. Like, really. It is based on the book ‘Vulgar Favors’, which I really want to read now after watching the show. The gist of the show, in my words: The first shot is set on July 15, 1997. Gianni Versace is currently in his Miami house (mansion) and he goes out to buy some newspapers. The mansion faces the beach by the way, and the show was shot in the actual Versace home. As he goes back home, he is shot by a man (Darren Criss) and collapses at the gate of his house. A man (Antonio, his partner, played by Ricky Martin) comes out from the house and screams for help to the bystanders. Criss, who plays Andrew Cunanan (the killer, and part of, apparently, one of FBI’s biggest failed manhunts), is an unreliable narrator, to say the least, making up stories to tell each person that he meets throughout the episodes. The plot, as such, goes backwards, and shows all the other murders that Cunanan has committed, along with character backstories.

Thats the gist, and I have a lot to say about the show, so get some food or a beverage (no alcohol, kids) and sit if you want to actually read through this whole post :p

Okay, first off, the casting. I cannot cannot cannot get over the casting on this show. I will insert pictures to prove that the casting was impeccable and almost scarily, uncannily similar to the real people. I will talk about the casting as well as the characters themselves here.

Young Andrew- Darren Criss as the older Andrew- the real Andrew Cunanan

Edgar Ramirez as Versace- the real Gianni Versace (is this not freaky)

The real Donatella Versace- Penelope Cruz as Donatella

The real Antonio D’Amico- Ricky Martin as Antonio

I HAD TO INCLUDE THIS PICTURE BECAUSE LOOK.AT.THE.SIMILARITY.ITS.UNCANNY.

//// Andrew Cunanan is the main lead of the show, not Versace, as the title might suggest. But the reason for the show being named after Versace makes sense, because that’s the incident that finally brought Cunanan into proper notice, and what pushed him over the edge, maybe. Darren Criss, I cannot explain in words how good his acting was. His charm, his little dimples, his attire, the way he spoke, everything seemed to match 100% with the details given about the real Cunanan, as given by his family and friends.

His character, from the very first episode, is shown to be charming, intelligent (IQ of 147) and subtly at first, but then clearly- a prolific liar. He lies his way through things, he seems to have suffered from antisocial personality disorder, which according to what I read, causes the lack of empathy, which is exactly what Cunanan has. More on this later. He lies about his personality (he says in the first episode, ‘I tell people what they need to hear,’ insinuating that he told gay people he was gay, and straight people he was straight. He was, in fact, gay, and also an escort). He tells his friends, Lizzie and another guy (unnamed) in the first episode, how Versace invited him to his Opera show. This scene, set back in 1990, is explained further, as we see that in reality, Cunanan had faked an Italian background, just to talk to Versace. But he really did go to the Opera, and that night was what made Cunanan do what he did, which is explained in the last episode.

It’s also cool how they added some small details, to add to his character- he ends up eating in times of distress, or after a killing, or before a killing. He always tells people the same lies- this really stood out to me, because its hard for someone to keep up the same lies all the time. It was always that his father owned pineapple plantations in the Philippines, and that he was writing a book, and that he had a lot of money from all his clients. He also always tells people he is better with older men, and not people his age, which shows as the show progresses, how many older men he has as clients.

Cunanan essentially started his killings way before Versace, killing 4 other people. I get the feeling that the smallest of things were what triggered him to kill.

Jeff (Jeffrey) Trail, the first victim, was his close friend, and an ex- US Navy Officer. They got into a small fight, and Cunanan killed him with a hammer, in front of their mutual friend, and Cunanan’s ex-love interest, David Madson, who is the next victim.

David tells Cunanan that they cannot live a happy life together, not after what he did to Jeff, and Cunanan tells him ‘We could have been happy’, before shooting him. Cunanan really did love David though, which is clear till the very last episode.

Lee Miglin, the third victim, had probably the most horrific end. He was a 70+ year old famous architect, one of Cunanan’s clients, who tells him that their relationship cannot be real, and indirectly says that finance is the key point in their ‘relationship’, if thats even what it can be called. Cunanan, as revenge, or for whatever reason, gags Miglin’s face with duct tape, throws bags of cement on him and uses a hacksaw to kill him. He kills and leaves the body in the garage, after placing several gay pornographic magazines around him, to prove to the world that Miglin was not who he said he was. Possibly, I think, because Miglin says their relationship cannot be ‘real’ (because he was married to a very successful businesswoman), and Cunanan knows that the world doesn’t know the real Lee Miglin.

The fourth victim, William Reese, was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Cunanan kills him and takes his car to go to Miami. Cunanan is polite, even in the case of a killing. He asks Reese- ‘Is there a downstairs? Can I lock you in there?’ He may have hesitated for a moment, but makes his decision to shoot him once Reese tells him that he has a family that he would like to see again. Its possible that Cunanan made up his mind, because of his strange and strained childhood.

Gianni Versace, the final and the most famous victim. He, on the night of the Opera, tells Cunanan that they cannot be together, and that rejection finally pushed him to the edge.

What is so different, in a very strange way, is that you cant help but empathize for Andrew Cunanan. Yes, he was a serial killer, but some scenes honestly just b r o k e my heart. In one episode, where him and David are on the run, he sits in a cafe, listening to the live singer there, while David is in the bathroom. The woman sings about who will be home when you call, will you have someone to go home to; and Cunanan sits, in the middle of the cafe, and just silently cries. Another scene that made me want to punch something (out of sadness and anger both) is in the last episode, where, Cunanan, currently hiding from the police (after Versace’s murder), calls his estranged father from a payphone, and tells him that he is in trouble and that he needs help. He sobs while talking to his father, and the father promises him he’ll be there in 24 hours, and also tells him, ‘Men don’t cry, remember?’ By the time Cunanan goes to his hideout (a houseboat) after packing his bags, his father is giving an interview on tv, insisting that Cunanan isn’t gay, and can’t be. I wanted him dead. There are some scenes from his childhood, where the father (Modesto), treats Cunanan, the youngest of four siblings, like a Prince, and on the side, calls him out for ‘not being a man’. Modesto keeps calling him weak because Andrew cries. He blames him for being weak minded like his mother and calls him sissy, slaps him and says ‘be a man’ and repeatedly telling him, ‘you don’t have it in you’.

(sorry about the blurred face, I panicked)

Some iconic scenes of Andrew Cunanan- (THE FIRST 2 ARE LINKS PLEASE OPEN THEM) 1. Pump up the jam– Till 45 seconds. This scene is right after the murder of Jeff Trail, and you can see how he has no empathy. This is my all time favourite scene from the entire show, I think Criss is genius. 2. Gloria– Till 45 seconds. 3. All the scenes where he dances in parties and/or other places too

Lastly, there are two more iconic scenes I’d like to talk about. Last episode, he watched as the news channels talked about him being the only suspect in these murders on TV, and a bottle of champagne pops open while he’s watching. He laughs in shock, and ends up laughing his head off, clutching his stomach. I found that scene genius. And he eats dog food out of desperation in the last episode, because he is holed up in that house boat for days. It was so sad, but so real.

The last few minutes of the show have live coverage of the hunt for Cunanan, broadcasting live how the police is going into the house and everything, and the last thought that Cunanan has before he shoots himself is- ‘I’m so happy right now’, which is what he says to Versace the night of the Opera.

Now, lastly for my lecture on Cunanan, I think Darren Criss was genius, and I think he fit the role perfectly, and I’m not saying it just because I love Darren Criss (I love him, if you can’t tell already), but genuinely, he moulded and fit the character to a glove. I read a lot about the real Cunanan, and I think the show did complete justice to him. Ryan Murphy, thank you for this show.

NOW. THINGS OTHER THAN CUNANAN THAT I LOVED:

// The show dealt with real problems such as homophobia; as seen in the case of Antonio, Versace’s partner, who doesn’t get any understanding from the people, or even Donatella, about his love for Gianni; they lived together for 15 years but there is still no consideration for their relationship. The most harrowing scene is when the priest at Versace’s funeral service let’s everyone kiss his hands except Antonio. This leads Antonio to attempt committing suicide by overdosing on pills.

There is a scene in the last episode where Ronnie (one of Cunanan’s friends and fellow druggie), gives the police some statements. All his lines have a sinister undertone, and gave me goosebumps, showing the real situations back then in the 90’s.

“You were disgusted by him, long before he became disgusting. You’re so used to us lurking in the shadows, and, you know, most of us, we oblige. People like me, we just, we drift away. We get sick, nobody cares.”

Here, he is talking about how the police, and society in general, never cared for the homosexuals, and how they never gave them a second thought. He speaks for the entire LGBTQ+ community back then, I feel, when he says this, talking about how nobody cares about their condition. There is a scene in the beginning of the show where the FBI has flyers printed with Cunanan’s details, but doesn’t actually distribute them, because they think its unimportant. They also don’t listen to the local police officer, a woman, who insists that they check all the gay clubs around Miami, seeing as Cunanan was a gay prostitute, which the FBI dismisses. Turns out, that is where he goes most frequently, and the police could have caught him earlier, but didn’t. Versace and Antonio being partners is also treated as a huge deal, along with the fact that they had escorts frequently visit the house.

Ronnie also tells the police: “Andrew is not hiding, he’s trying to be seen.” This is one of truest things said on the show, among several others. Cunanan is desperate for attention, and doesn’t want to be hidden in the shadows, he wants the world to see him. Everything he does, he does in plain sight; he uses his real name and identity, never tries to hide it, almost as if he wants to be caught, and the world would know who he was. He always tries to be the center of attention, whether it was in school, college, or later in life. He uses his real name everywhere he goes, and in a pawn shop, he gave his ID, but the woman never paid attention, because the police never put out the notice for until after a week of the murder spree. There is also a scene at a party at a gay club, where amidst the loud music, a guy asks him what he does, and Cunanan replies, “I’m Andy. I’m a serial killer.” He also calls himself a stockbroker, and several other things. He reveals his entire name as well. The guy laughs it off, not knowing anything about manhunt, because it was still not out in the media.

He always wanted to be (and was voted in high school) ‘A name to be remembered by’.

// I loved how the show took its story backwards. The first episode began with the last killing, and each episode showed flashbacks with Cunanan’s older victims and their backstories, adding so much clarity to the plot. It was different, and something I’d never seen in any show before. It really left an impact, and made sure you didn’t miss the next episode, because you’ll have to watch it to know what happened earlier. I also loved how the last two episodes were when we found out about Cunanan’s childhood, showing us why and how he became what he was.

// The scenes with Modesto, Cunanan’s father, were so frustratingly good. I hated the character with all my heart, which was obviously the intention. There is a shot with Modesto telling Andrew about how his mom was sick, and he was the one who took care of him when he was growing up. At this point, Modesto gets Andrew a car. Andrew closes the car window and the moms reflection shows up, perhaps symbolic of how he cut her out from his life, piece by piece, memory by memory. I’ve inserted the screenshot of the scene here:

// Another character I loved was Mrs. Miglin. Her acting was so real. When Lee dies, she refuses to look at the body, or to hear anything that the police had to say. Whether she knows about him being gay is unknown to the viewers. Her reactions to the public wondering if she was even sad about her husbands death were brilliant. She always has a made-up face, looking calm and normal, and a few days after the death, she removes the makeup. If people see her makeup coming off when she cries, she wonders about their reactions, which is why she kept a cool, composed face until now. I found this entire sequence brilliant, showing how the media and the public generally portray and see celebrities, and never leave them alone in peace.

// Cunanan’s best friend, Lizzie, gives a statement on television, in the last episode, when he is in hiding. To me, these are the words that pushed him to surrender and kill himself. I think the fact that the words came from the only person who loved him in the entire world really made him realize how much trouble he was in, and that he saw no choice but to kill himself. This is what she says: “I know that the most important thing to you in the world is what others think of you.” This is so true, considering the fact that he always wanted the attention, and constantly wanted people to know things about him, and the fact that he needed to get feedback and know what people thought of his actions and his background.

He feeds lies to Versace as well, about him writing a book, and that he was going to publish it soon. Versace believes him, and tells him about how he needs to finish writing the book, and that he was sure it’d do well. Cunanan asks Versace if he could be his protege and help him out, but Versace declines politely, telling him he didn’t need any assistants right now. This also adds to Cunanan’s rage against Versace.

// You can see how Andrew got the compulsive lying. Modesto, in the last episode, while being interviewed about Andrew, lies on tv saying they discussed movie rights to his life story and that they’re talking to several studios about releasing it soon. He was also the one who taught Andrew to always be polite, and to be good mannered. It is shown in the last two episodes where Modesto gives him books about manners, and even sends him to a prep school.

Now, coming to small descriptions about the other characters. Small, I promise. Promiseeeeeeee.

Gianni and Donatella Versace- Both these characters were well rounded, and wonderful actors. Edgar Ramirez and Penelope Cruz did a brilliant job in portraying the Versace siblings. The fights, the affection, the remorse, the love, everything was so real.

Antonio D’Amico- Ricky Martin!!!! I also watched the show because I saw his name in the cast :p* His character was such a sad one. He was never accepted by society, as Gianni’s partner. Donatella hated him and said that he never gave Gianni anything, no family, no kids, nothing, and if he had, she would have had some respect for him. It was also speculated that he gave Versace HIV, which wasn’t true in the end. Antonio was really nice, because he really loved Gianni, and he proposes to him too, saying they should get married, and forget the world around them.

David Madson- Ohmygod, my poor heart. David was genuinely the sweetest guy, and it felt like he ignored the voices in his head saying bad things about Andrew, because he really liked him. It was almost as though he had Stockholm Syndrome when practically kidnapped by Cunanan. He had a chance to escape from the bathroom (in the cafe), but he chooses to come back, showing that maybe he still had a soft spot for Andrew. His childhood and youth was sad too, and the strained, but very happy relationship with his father plays in the back of his head when he is shot.

Jeff Trail- His character was also so so sad. He was gay and in the Navy, which was something that was unacceptable at the time. The Chief in the Navy gives out handbooks to all the officers about informing higher authorities if they knew that someone was gay. One night, Jeff is seen comforting another man; the next morning, the books are handed out as a warning. The man, after being beaten up, tells the Chief all the people that he knows are gay, and he mentions a man with a tattoo, meaning Jeff (no one knows). He tries to cut his tattoo off but stops because of the very apparent blood, and later tries to hang himself, but stops.

Lee Miglin- An old man, who is very well known for his architectural abilities, has some secrets. When his wife is out of town on business, he calls his escort, Cunanan. Explained above^^

Extra admiration for the young Andrew Cunanan, he was genius. He took on the smallest of details that Darren Criss had in his character; things like a small smile, a smug look, and the polite charm of someone who you would never have thought to be a psychopath.

‘What if you had a dream your whole life that you were someone special but no one believed it?’

// Andrew Cunanan //

Here are some very cool articles and videos that I found about the whole incident. 1. Facing death 2. Five lives cut short 3. Video (Who was Gianni Versace’s killer?)

Here are some screenshots I took from the show, that I liked.

These are both from the last episode, the one on the left is after he hears on the media that he is the only suspect, and the one on the right is of him eating dog food.

Sorry for the bad quality, but this is one of my favourite shots in the entire show.

// The entire show was shot beautifully, and the locations were shown in all their grandeur, especially the Versace mansion. The characters all looked the part, and certainly played the part. I found that adding subtle hints of symbolism in the episodes really made a difference.

Thats all :p* I hope everyone who reads this enjoys. I don’t even know if anyone will read this but I really wanted to talk about the show because it impacted me so much, and the characters really shone. Simply brilliant show. I would highly recommend it to everyone. There are a few scenes that are a little hard to watch, but you’ll get used to it. Bye now 😀

P.S. Darren Criss said this in a first look video I found, I think it encapsulates the entire show:

“Truth is, you know, fear and prejudice, unfortunately, is always in fashion.”

ACS2: The Assassination of Gianni Versace "You know disgrace isn't that bad. Once you settle into it." SO. I was watching TV one day and as I was flipping the channels, I saw an ad for a new show, 'American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace'.

[onlyjihoons]

diamond in the rough; p.j.h

request: anon asked:  hello! can i please have a bestfriends to lovers imagine? angst but a happy ending hehe// wait! about my bestfriends to lovers request, i think i forgot to add the member hehe jihoon pleaseeee thanks again! have a nice day xx

a/n; i combined your request with an idea of mine, i hope you dont mind^^ special thanks to dain(@pinksausageduo) and tina(@whatabrightplace) for helping me out,, not forgetting allison(@pwjins), sarah(@day6euphoria), xuan(@hwinkinghwi)and rissa(@hwangminn)! y’all might not have helped much but it meant the world to me and rescued me from the ditch,, i love you guys

and im sorry iris @101mess i didnt manage to do up 10 fics:’)

starting line:  “Don’t touch me.”

synopsis:  you never believed in falling for your best friend, until one confesses, in the most shocking way possible

warnings: uhh mild language sliiight steam and nothing else everything’s at pg dw

genre: mafia!jihoon,, angst and fluff

length: | a paragraph | drabble length | a short story | your average essay of less than 10,000 words | a fic too long but too short for a part 2|

masterlist//requests are open

"Hey babe," Jihoon slings his arm around your shoulder, "I heard the first class is Economics, and we have it together,"

You shrugged Jihoon's arm away, walking a few steps ahead of him, "Stop calling me babe, its annoying, and your stupid winkies would haunt me for it too." Jihoon. Your best friend since the 3rd year of middle school, your wingman, your #1 supporter. You were there with him since his awkward emo stage, and now that he became an extremely handsome individual. The friendship didn't change despite Jihoon looking better, but he has a hoard of girls, who named themselves winkies, chasing after him at his every whim. You didn't care much about them, since theyre chasing after false hope. But you were indeed afraid of them, you saw how they bullied a girl Jihoon helped out on her first day of school, and they only stopped when Jihoon intervened. Now, not that Jihoon was a fuckboy or anything, although the ambience he carries says otherwise. A true tsundere, Jihoon is more than he seems below his looks. Sometimes however, he could be cold on the outside, warm on the inside, and the opposite on some days. Knowing Jihoon's personality fairly well, you never phantomed that your best friend would fall for you. Jihoon had his fair share of pretty friends, and you just looked like someone to complement him in pictures. You did develop a crush on Jihoon during the first year you met him, but your hopes to only be crushed when Jihoon started gushing over the prettiest girl in the cohort. They did become an item eventually, but young Jihoon's heart to be broken only a week after finding out his girlfriend lost interest in him. He turned to you, his best friend, which resulted in movie night, accompanied by lots of ice cream. As the both of you grew, Jihoon's heart grew bigger for you as well. He seemed to realise that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and not just visual beauty. You, his best friend, was there with him through thick and thin, better or worse. He slowly started to grow fond of the two dimples that adorned you when you smiled, and how attractive you were when you were extremely focused on a task. If anyone were to glance at Jihoon staring at you, the entire galaxy could be seen in his brown orbs, bursting with affection. What a pity, you couldn't see it.

And what you didn’t know, was Jihoon’s involvement with the 101 mafia.

The 101 mafia was notorious for money laundering, and gang fights. The neighbourhood you lived in was the 101’s turf, any other rival gang that went up against them will end up in shambles, and a free trip to the hospital.

You knew of the 101, but you didn’t really involve yourself in those matters(what an irony though, jihoon was your best friend) as your GPA was much more important than finding a boyfriend or getting into fights.

In school, Jihoon was the stellar student, straight As, cocoa hair in a neat but slightly dishivelled fashion, uniform neatly ironed. However, during his “duties”, school jihoon would be thrown in the gutter, the boy would sport a black leather jacket, milky white forehead exposed below his gelled up fringe. Having a black belt in taekwondo, Jihoon was one of 101’s most valuable assets.

Hence, many girls have their eyes on Mr. Sweet but Strong guy, including one of the leaders of the  Fantagio mafia, Choi Yoojung.

Jihoon used to be part of the Fantagio mafia, until the mafia disbanded for a short while. They wanted Jihoon back, but he was in a much stronger mafia than their own. Yoojung was friends with Jihoon during his time in Fantagio, and inevitably caught feelings for the doe-eyed mafia member. 

Alas, she couldn’t confess to him as Jihoon left Fantagio sooner than she expected, and the underlying feelings never left. She had made a point and a swear to herself that she would do anything to let Jihoon be single, even if it means to harm the people closest to him. 

During economics class, Jihoon kept throwing playful winks at your direction, messing with both your mind and heart. You were used to it though, but Jihoon was exceptionally flirtatious today. You rolled your eyes at him, gesturing your finger to his textbook, mouthing "pay attention".

Jihoon did quite the opposite, dragging his table and chair beside you, then settling himself down with a plop.

"What are you doing?" You whispered, seeing a few classmates turning their head at the commotion.

"Shifting my seat to a more comfortable position," Jihoon shrugged, "It's really hot there, I don't like it."

"It's literally minus thirty degrees outside, Jihoon," You tried to direct your attention back to the economics textbook ,"stand outside if you want."

"Miss Y/N and Mr Jihoon, are you done?" Your economics teacher warned, tapping her book on the teachers' desk, "Leave your sweet talk outside of the classroom, not during my class."

You already feel a couple of glares directed at you, not because of your talking, but because of your interaction with Jihoon. There were quite a few winkies in your economics class, and they are constantly vying for the seat beside Jihoon. However, Jihoon being himself, he would always shift to the seat beside you, as the girls' faces would turn into a scowl. Today was no different, but worse when the teacher openly lectured both you and Jihoon as a pair. 

You lowered your head in embarrassment, not wanting to face the wrath of Jihoon’s stupid winkies after class. Before you could shift your seat, a slip of paper was pressed underneath your textbook.

Don’t be too upset, hmm? I can’t bear to see my best friend like this:( I’ll wait for you in the music room during recess with waffles. And strawberry milk. 

-JH

Your heart warmed at the message, your mood instantly lifted as you listened attentively for the rest of class.

“Dont stop me,” Yoojung seethed, as she pried Mark’s hand away from her shoulders.

“Hey, it’s not right to hurt someone because of your crush on Jihoon,” Mark reasoned, standing in front of her, “and what’s worse, she’s his best friend. Can you imagine how much he’s gonna hate you for hurting her? That’s just not putting the situation in your favour.”

“Do I look like I care?” Yoojung folded her arms, “I have been practically been with Jihoon since he was like fourteen and I know him better than she does.”

“Actually, she has known him since middle—“

“Ok, whatever.” Yoojung rolled her eyes, pushing the frail 127 mafia member out of her way, “I do what I want.”

Jihoon was a man of his words indeed, the boy was seated at the piano seat, two brown paper bags and two bottles of strawberry milk perched atop of the grand piano. Though, he wasn’t playing the piano. He was busy tapping on his mobile phone, presumably some mobile game he was involved in.

You creeped up to Jihoon, then thrusting your hands on his shoulders. The boy let out a yelp, nearly dropping his phone. When he saw that it was you, he placed his palm over his chest, scrunching his nose.

“You scared me,” Jihoon huffed, palm still clutching on his chest, “I thought you were one of the winkies or something.”

You shrugged, taking one of the paper bags and sitting beside Jihoon, “What game were you playing just now? You seemed engrossed.”

Jihoon’s eyes shifted, as he cleared his throat, “Uhh, Mobile Legends.”

“Really?” You quirked your eyebrows, reaching for his phone, “Teach me how to play, I wanna be a cool gamer dude like you too.”

Before you could touch his phone, Jihoon snatched his phone back, raising it up above his head. You frowned, as Jihoon stuck his tongue out.

“What’s wrong with trying to learn how to play games?” You pouted, “I don’t get why you’re so defensive.”

“N—no, it’s just...”

“Hmm?”

“I—“

You pulled Jihoon’s hand down towards you, as you snatched his phone back in victory, your back facing against him as you tried to unlock his phone.

“Yah! Give it back to me!” Jihoon tried to get his phone back, as you finally managed to unlock his phone.

His password? Your birthday.

What surprised you even more was his homescreen, it was a picture of the both of you, during middle school graduation.

“How cute, tsundere Jihoon having our picture as his wallpaper?” You cooed, “We were even so uncool back then.”

“Now you have seen it,” Jihoon tried to grip his phone, “give it back to me.”

“Why?” You teased, “Do you have a girlfriend that I don’t know about?”

“Actually,” Jihoon’s face inched closer to yours, making your heart accelerate at a very fast pace, “I’ve been thinking about this for a really long time, and its also the reason I asked you to come here for.”

“W—what is it?” You stuttered, not used to the proximity of your bodies.

“Y/N, I—“Before Jihoon could complete his sentence, the incessant vibrating of his mobile phone interrupted him, making him curse under his breath as he picked up the call.

“Hello—What?!” Jihoon furrowed his brows, then scrunching up his hair in frustration, “Ok. Make sure you keep a lookout for me.”

With that, he hung up the phone, and looked into your eyes, “Look, Y/N, I’m so sorry, I have to leave now. Something urgent cropped up, and I have to be there.” 

You bit your lip, as you forced out a smile, “It’s fine. Just go.”

Jihoon squeezed your hand, as he left you alone in the music room, two waffles and strawberry milk untouched.

“Hey,” you hear someone call out to you, as you pulled out your earphones. It was the president of the winkies, Yoojin.

You stared at her blankly, as she scoffs, “You really don’t know where to draw the line, don’t you?”

You frowned, not understanding anything she said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Yoojin.”

“It’s Jihoon that I’m talking about,” She folded her arms, “Stop being so close to him.”

“What?”

You couldn’t believe your ears, are the winkies really coming at you for something so petty?

“Can’t you see? The oh-so-tough 101 mafia member is so smitten for you, his world revolves around you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, looks like his bestest friend doesn’t know,” Yoojin snickered, along with her other winkies, “Yes, your Jihoon is part of the 101 mafia. A prized one in fact. He doesn’t have a black belt in taekwondo for nothing.”

You were currently in disbelief, thinking that the winkies would do anything in their way to break the both of you up. You knew Jihoon was rumoured to be in the mafia, but he was too good of a student to be part of it. Besides, you were his best friend. He would tell you everything, right?

“I can show you his picture if you want—“ Yoojin’s phone went flying across the floor, glass fragments littering the concrete floor of the classroom.

“I can’t believe you stooped this low to get Jihoon,” Yoojung shook her head as she stepped on Yoojin’s brand new iPhone X, “even a baby wouldn’t believe your words.”

“Choi Yoojung!” She screamed, but no one showed sympathy to her as she picked up her now shattered phone, “Look what you’ve done!”

“What I have done?” Yoojung laughed, “Stopping another uncultured swine from spreading rumours, no?”

The whole class burst into whispers, as Yoojung pulled you by your wrist out of the classroom.

“Look, I don’t normally do this but, I’m sorry.” Yoojung bowed, as she gave you a cup of water.

“What for?” You were puzzled, immediately helping Yoojung up.

“I wanted to harm you...” Yoojung’s head hung low, “and I really shouldn’t because of a stupid crush.”

“Harm me for what?” You laughed, hugging an almost crying Yoojung.

“I wanted to harm you for getting close to my crush, you are really too nice.” Yoojung sniffed.

“Ok, tell me who’s your crush, I’ll help you.” You smiled, as Yoojung shook her head.

“It’s Jihoon,” Your face momentararily stiffens, “and I guess its time to get over him as well.”

“H-hey,” You stuttered, “I can help you, he’s my best friend.”

“No, I can’t.” Yoojung shook her head, “Jihoon has someone else in mind already.”

You slouched, patting Yoojung’s back, “I’m so sorry to hear that, Yoojung.”

“and he has his 101 stuff to handle too, I feel bad to add on to his work load...”

“Wait, 101?” You frowned, “as in the 101 mafia?”

“Jihoon is in the— oh you’re not supposed to know.” Yoojung scratched her head, then standing up, “I’m sorry and thank you.”

“No, Yoojung, wait!” You tugged on her jacket, “what am I not supposed to know?”

“N—nothing.” Yoojung tried to wriggle out of your grasp, but can’t under your iron grip.

“If you’re really sorry, then tell me about it.” 

Yoojung sighed, “Alright, fine. Jihoon is in the 101 mafia, and I’m not joking. He really is in the mafia and is one of the most valued members because of his ability to do well both in school and work.”

Yoojung saw your doubtful eyes, as she whipped out her phone and showed you a picture of the 101 mafia, “Here’s Jihoon,” she zoomed into one of the members in the centre, seated right beside a silver haired man, “he looks different, doesn’t he?”

Jihoon indeed looked different, a boyish smirk stitched on his handsome features, hair all gelled up and a black leather jacket that had “101” imprinted on the left breast pocket. You couldn’t believe it, as his best friend, you had asked him many times about him and the 101. Of course, Jihoon denied it and waved it off with a charming smile, making you forget all about it.“He was in Fantagio before he joined 101,” 

Yoojung sighed as she locked her phone, “And I guess that was when I started developing a crush on him.”

The both of you shared a moment of silence, as Yoojung stood up again, “I know this is a little too much for you to take in, but just so you know, I’m always active on Kakao, so just text me whenever.”

You and Yoojung were more than acquaintances, but little less than friends. You didn’t really know the petite girl well before, but now, you were guessing that you have earned yourself a new friend.

30 minutes earlier

“Jihoon,” Mark gasped over the phone, “Yoojung is going to do something to Y/N.”

“Hello—What?!” Jihoon furrowed his brows, then scrunching up his hair in frustration, “Ok. Make sure you keep a lookout for me.”

Mark sighed, as he slumped into the abandoned desk chair, right outside the music room.

A angry Yoojung carrying a bottle of 500ml Hershey’s chocolate sauce was seen stomping to Jihoon’s class, as she wanted to take revenge on Y/N by pouring the gooey sauce on the girl’s chair. A horrid prank, one would say, but this was no feat to the Fantagio mafia member.

“Yoojung!” She heard someone call out to her, as she froze, and quickly hid the bottle in her uniform jacket.

“Where are you going?” the voice belonged to her crush, Jihoon, who had his hands nonchantly tucked into the pant pockets.

“I was just, going to the toilet,” Yoojung lied, preparing to run off anytime soon.

“But the toilet is the other way, isn’t it?” Jihoon pointed to the opposite direction where Yoojung was headed. She cursed in her head, knowing she was going to get found out.

“So, what were you doing with a bottle of chocolate syrup?” Jihoon pointed at the awkward bulge in her uniform jacket.

She bit her lip, not knowing what to say.

“Are you going to mess up Y/N’s stuff with it?” Jihoon raised his eyebrows.

“Jihoon reading everyone’s mind like a fortune teller, as expected,” Yoojung laughed humourlessly, “Yes, I wanted to mess up Y/N’s seat with it. Why? Are you mad?”

“No, I’m not.” Jihoon shook his head, “I’m just disappointed that my friend would sabotage someone I like through something childish.”

Yoojung hung her mouth open in shock, seeing a different side of Jihoon, where did the 101 Jihoon go? 

“I thought at least you could help me a little with this crush thing, because you have been in a relationship before,” Jihoon explained, then smiled grimly, “and also because I want you to get over me. It’s not worth it, Yoojung, imagine if your boss finds out you’re dating someone from the 101, you’ll be in trouble, you know that?” 

Yoojung hung her head low, sighing, Jihoon was always right, and doing something childish over her jealousy was just really immature.

“Then what about Y/N?” She shot back, “She’s not even involved in anything, what if the rival mafias find out about her? What will you do? Will you protect her?”

“Yes, I will protect her.” Jihoon refuted, “I have even told Daniel about it already. At least she is just someone I like, my best friend, trying to get good grades like how normal teenagers do. But Yoojung, I’m sorry but I only see you as a good friend. Someone I can turn to despite not being from Fantagio anymore.”

Yoojung was now stunned, Jihoon was no longer the immature fourteen year old she met in Fantagio, picking fights at every disagreement. Now, Jihoon has the ability to talk people through reasoning, heck, his face was not helping at all.

“Well then, what do you want me to do?” Yoojung folded her arms.

“Just, don’t try to harm Y/N anymore, and never let her know about my involvement in the 101. Promise?” Jihoon held out his pinky finger.

Yoojung smiled, “We’re still at it now?”

Jihoon nodded, still holding out his finger.

“Promise.” 

Just as you thought your day was going well, Jihoon ditching you, the encounter with the winkies and Jihoon’s involvement with the 101 made it all worse. Thank goodness you didn’t have any other classes with Jihoon for the rest of the day, at least, that would give you a good reason to avoid him.

Or so you thought.

Right after your last lesson, you spotted Jihoon waiting right outside your class, tapping his foot to an unknown beat. 

You rolled your eyes, as you walked past him as if he was invisible. You soon heard footsteps chasing after you, your first instinct was to run.

It wasn’t long until Jihoon caught up with you, as he pulled on your backpack.“Why are you running away from me?” Jihoon panted, “It has been long since I ran after a girl, you know.”

“I don’t think I’m worth running after,” You replied grimly.

Jihoon’s face immediately fell, then placed both of his hands on your shoulders, “Hey, what’s wrong? You know you can tell me anything right?”

“But you don’t tell me anything,” You felt tears stinging your eyes, “How long were you going to keep from me that you’re from the 101?”

Jihoon kept silent, shaking his head, “No, Y/N—“

You shrugged his hands away, “Why did you deny something that I will find out eventually? Calling yourself my best friend, I don’t think you’re doing a good job at that.”

You then walked off, tears streaming down your face.

“Hey, you’re crying as if your boyfriend cheated on you,” Yeri peeled open the 5th triangle kimbap, handing it to you, “it’s not that bad, Jihoon can protect you!”

“Protect me from what?” You sniffed, taking a huge bite, “his lies?”

“H-hey, he’s your best friend after all, calm down on the roasting, will you?” Yeri laughed nervously, then looking at her wrist watch, “Crap, I’m almost late for cram school. I’m sorry I can’t be with you till your tears dry up Y/N, but you owe me one for 5 triangle kimbaps and 7 bottles of banana milk.”

You sighed as you watch your best friend run off to the nearest bus stop outside the convinience store, slumping in your seat. Staring at the 4 kimbap wrappings and 6 empty bottles of banana milk, you sighed again. Why were you such a glutton when you were sad?

Even though it was only 5pm, the sky was pitch black, tiny stars dotting the sky. During the winter, it was common that the evenings would look like nights, darkening the path to home.You were glad that the estate you lived in had brightly lit lamp posts to guide your way home, but there were a few dodgy corners you had to get past in order to get home. Nonetheless, you never had any encounter with anybody you didn’t want to see.

Until today.

You walked the same route back home like you do everyday, safely passing by the most dodgy looking corners of the route. That night felt especially cold, sending shivers down your spine despite having 4 layers of clothing on.

While you passed the last corner, you let out a sigh of relief, thinking that you got through, until a hand covered your mouth and reeled you backwards.

Your first instinct was to scream, but the stranger’s big hands muffled most of your screams. You also tried to wriggle out of the stranger’s grasp, but they were too strong for you.

“You bitch,” You heard him mutter, “How dare you mess with my sister’s boyfriend!”

“I don’t even know your sister!” You panicked, slowly taking out your phone to dial for the police.

“You are such a liar, aren’t you?” He laughed menacingly, “Park Jihoon is Yoojin’s boyfriend, stop making him cheat on her!” 

You finally managed to escape from the man’s grasp, then breathing heavily, “Jihoon doesn’t even like Yoojin, she’s nothing but a delusional bitch who chases after false hope!”

“What did you say?” The man seethed, taking out a pocket knife, hands quivering in anger.

“I said, Yoojin is—“

Before you could complete your sentence, the man was beat to the ground, groaning in pain. Behind the man was Jihoon, not in school uniform but in his leather jacket. 

“Idiocy runs the family, eh?” Jihoon smirked, kicking the penknife away, “Like brother, like sister. Dumb and dumber.”

“You seem to be everywhere, Park Jihoon.” The man huffed, dusting himself as he got up.

“Didn’t your boss teach you not to screw up in others’ turfs?” Jihoon spat, “Yoohyun.”

Yoohyun sent a punch to Jihoon, which the latter skillfully avoided, and twisted the older boy’s arm and flung him to the ground. You gasped at the sight, not used to seeing this side of your best friend.

“Y/N!” Jihoon hugged your weak frame, “Are you alright?”

“I’m f—fine—Behind you!” You pulled Jihoon towards you, behind him was a charging Yoohyun, penknife in hand.

Jihoon dodged the penknife, but too close a proximity that the blade slightly grazed the young boy’s cheeks, leaving a cut. He ignored it, as the continued throwing kicks and punches to the older boy. You could only watch in sheer shock and fear, not knowing what Yoohyun would do next.

After a few punches and kicks, Yoohyun was beat to a pulp, purple bruises on his arms, legs and face. He cowardly limped away from the both of you, muttering a string of curse words under his breath.

You examined Jihoon carefully, the bloody red cut screaming contrast to his milky white skin, red bruise forming at the corner of his plump lips, brown hair moist and dishevelled, eyes still showing signs of rage. You shook your head, as you dragged him by his wrist, back to your home.

“Where are you bringing me to?” Jihoon asked, enjoying you holding his wrist too much.

“To treat your stupid wounds, you gangster.” You rolled your eyes, reaching your doorstep in a matter of minutes.

You were thankful that your parents were working overtime for today, or they would question why you brought a beaten-up Jihoon home. You lazily jiggled the key into the keyhole, then kicking off your school shoes to a corner. Jihoon followed suit, taking off his jacket and putting it neatly on the clothesrack next to the door.

“You can eat whatever,” You waved to the kitchen, “there is cold water in the fridge too, if it helps.”

As Jihoon watched your figure disappear into your room, he groaned as he got up from the sofa, shuffling to the kitchen to get himself a bottle of water. He gulped down the water quickly, letting out a gasp of satisfaction after finishing the bottle.

“I didn’t know you could fight,” You broke the silence in the house, “you do fight well.”

Jihoon turned around, to be met with your petite figure drowned in a oversized pink and white stripped shirt, hair tied up in a messy bun, complete with a pair of white bunny slippers on your feet. He choked on his saliva, as you frantically ran over to him to pat his back to soothe the cough.

“Do you want me to change? You seem...shocked, as if you have never seen me before.” You stifiled your laughter, patting his back.

“N—no, you’re fine. You look cute.” Jihoon unknowingly spat out, blush reaching his cheeks after realising what he just said.

You shrugged, retriving the first aid kit from the bottom drawers of the island, plopping yourself on the sofa, patting the seat next to you. Jihoon obediently sat there, as you swung your legs on the sofa, resting it above Jihoon’s legs.

“You know, I can’t be with you forever to treat your wounds,” You nagged as you dabbed some disinfectant cream on the cut, “I’m not your maid, you know.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“And you can’t be always fighting,” You frowned as you dabbed some saline solution, “fighting is bad.”

The both of you then sat in comfortable silence, Jihoon occasionally wincing in pain as the disinfectant came in contact with his wound. You were too engrossed in trying to treat Jihoon that you didn’t notice that your face was dangerously close to his, close enough for Jihoon to lightly place a peck on your lips.

Jihoon’s heart was beating wildly, even though his brain told him otherwise. He was conflicted wheter to confess to you or to kiss you, he was afraid that either would end badly.

“Screw this,” Jihoon huffed, grabbing your wrist, closing in the gap between your lips.You were surprised, but slowly got used to it as he moved his lips with a little more force, moulding against yours. You gasped as his teeth tugged slightly on your lower lip, you could feel him smirk against your lips.i need holy water The both of you eventually pulled away after a good 20 seconds, gasping for air. 

Jihoon pecked your lips softly one more time, brown eyes looking straight into yours, “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell and trust you with my secret, I just didn’t want you to view me differently after I told you about it. I wanted to confess to you earlier on but I was interrupted, so, uh...” 

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Jihoon looked at you with hopeful eyes, gleaming under the ceiling light.

You hugged your now-boyfriend as you nodded, “Of course I would be your girlfriend, you idiot.” 

[missyou-mp3-blog]

7/24/17 - MONSTA X concert experience/fan account!

i wanted to share with everyone (and for myself so ill always remember) of how my experience was with monsta x’s concert! i attended their 2nd LA date and it was my first time lining up early for a concert, and also my first time being in the pit. ill be putting everything in a bullet point list under a ‘read more’, but just know that my memory is shit and my thoughts are really unorganized. :’)

the line

my friends and i lined up around 12:30p and i was really scared bcuz of LA heat (im very sensitive to hot weather. also cold weather too.) + what were we gonna do all day waiting in line??

it actually ended up being ok cause it wasnt hot (it was cloudy, the air was cool, we were in the shade, and it even rained a little bit)

i also met up with another friend and her group in line!!

eventually our group had more people since we randomly talked to some other girls nearby us (so we were a group of 10)

waiting in line was actually enjoyable

but i definitely did not drink enough water and i only had one ‘real’ meal in the morning and survived on junk food/snacks throughout the day

i didnt feel good after the concert actually lmao i had a really bad stomachache when i got back to my friend’s place

anyways here’s some stuff i learned from other fans while waiting in line:

NO ONE LIKED KIHYUN’S PINK HAIR FROM FIGHTER ERA (i loved it tho...)

‘fighter’ is monsta x’s worst title track (some people said it was a shitty song but im being biased and am gonna say i still like it even though it’s my least fav too)

‘all in’ is monsta x’s best title track and should’ve gotten them their first win

im assuming a lot of monbebes are armys too

also... there was some guy selling unofficial monsta x shirts and a LOT of fans were buying them...

my problem with this is that on the back of the shirt it says “since 2014″, but monsta x debuted in 2015???

if it’s “since 2014″ for when the first ep of no.mercy aired?? then i guess that makes sense... but im pretty sure “since 2014″ is a mistake/inaccurate and i wish those fans didnt buy the shirt BCUZ OF THE WRONG YEAR... :///

oh and i also got a lot of freebies !!! like fans were passing out banners, fanmade postcards + photocards, etc.

the concert

security let me and some of my friend group (bcuz not all of us had P2 tickets) into the venue a little before 7p

we got a spot in the middle of the pit?? which was good, i thought, but my friends were thinking if we moved back to the P3 section we’d have a better view (bcuz once the concert starts everyone’s phones will be up lmao)

we ended up staying in our spot but as more people were coming in to the pit, it progressively got more crowded/squished (and people who werent SUPPOSED to be in the pit were in the pit too...)

but im assuming the pit wasnt that bad compared to day 1 since the pit wasnt even full (lots of space near the back) and monsta x didnt sell out their 2nd LA date

once it got closer to 8p the lights on the stage turned on and LITERALLY EVERYONE PUSHED FORWARD :(

and then monsta x had an intro video?? where it showed a picture of each member with their names and by this time i started tearing up bcuz that meant they were coming on stage soon and i was thinking “oH SHIT”

aND THEN WHEN THEY CAME OUT ON STAGE AND STARTED THE CONCERT PERFORMING “BEAUTIFUL” I WAS LITERALLY SOBBING

i was a mess honestly i was sobbing and sweating cause suddenly it got really hot in the pit HAHA

halfway through “beautiful” some of my friends turned to me and looked shocked and they were all “??? AMANDA ARE U OK???”

which i was lol but you know... i knew 100% that i was going to cry during the concert, but i just didnt expect to do it RIGHT AWAY and to cry that hard oOPS

it was probably cause i thought “wow im actually here seeing my ult bias group live and they’re so close to me and i can see them pretty well and im alive at this time bless”

but i was so embarrassed at my reaction and now whenever i hear “beautiful” ill probably cry remembering this

and i actually stopped and calmed down (they used “stop! calm down” reference a lot throughout the concert) pretty quick tho so i could jam and sing along to the next song

anyways here’s when my memory goes to shit lmao i dont remember the order/the setlist that much

but im pretty sure they performed “incomparable” before they did member introductions

and i was LIVING BCUZ INCOMPARABLE IS MY 2ND FAV SONG FROM THEIR BEAUTIFUL ALBUM

when they were doing member introductions, one of my friends wanted to get their attention so we did an arm(?) heart together

and apparently WE GOT WONHO’S ATTENTION BCUZ SHE GOT REALLY EXCITED AND SAID THAT HE SMILED AND POINTED AT US

BUT I DIDNT SEE THAT HE NOTICED US FML (idk where my attention was) T________T

but when hyungwon started talking i cheered for him the loudest/more than i did for the other members bcuz i was so happy he was there

i looked at hyungwon the most during the concert, mainly bcuz he stood on the side of the stage where i had a good view

and also bcuz hyungwon is SO BEAUTIFUL!! HE IS THE TRUE VISUAL OF MONSTA X!!

even though he was healthy enough to come to the LA shows, i think he was tired/not at his best bcuz during one performance he was sitting down on the steps of the stage and he had his hand covering his eyes :((( (idk if he was tired or if he did that to see monbebes up on the balcony better)

after hyungwon, the member i looked at the 2nd most was kihyun bcuz HAVE YOU SEEN THAT BOY????

when they sang “white love/girl” i thought i was going to cry since i always cry when i listen to it at home but after my first embarrassing cry i think i was done cause no tears came out lol

I REALLY ENJOYED ‘READY OR NOT’ AND ‘OI’ LIVE. im more of a fan of monsta x’s louder songs with the booming basslines (but of course i like their softer songs too!)

for the member unit stages, i wanted to take pics/record vids but everyone had their phones up during these times so i decided not to take pics/record anything and just enjoy the special stages

BUT I GOT REALLY SHY WITH HYUNGWONHO’S “FROM ZERO” STAGE BCUZ WONHO!!!! AAAAAAAAA

and then everyone went wild when hyungwon was kneeling(?) down and wonho touched him lmao

REALLY hoping starship will release a studio version of “from zero” on their next album or something bcuz I LOVE IT (esp the chorus)

i dont really have much to say about shownu, minhyuk, and I.M’s “24k magic” cover bcuz i couldnt see them/the stage that well but it was a fun performance i think!!

kihyun and jooheon’s “mirror” cover WAS SO GOOD??? IT WAS POWERFUL AND MY FAVORITE SPECIAL MEMBER STAGE. like the lighting for the stage, jooheon’s rapping, kihyun’s VOCALS.... all of it was perfect

also not to say that any of the members were ‘bad performers’ bcuz they’re all great, but i definitely thought that kihyun and jooheon were in general the best performers throughout the whole night

for “white sugar” the members threw candies/chocolates into the crowd and wONHO KISSED THE CANDIES/CHOCOLATES HE HAD BEFORE THROWING THEM

i didnt catch any of them but if i caught wonho’s???? not to be that fan but i probably would never eat the candy/chocolate l m a o

oh so i just remembered i didnt write anything about the VCRs, but that’s intentional bcuz i honestly dont remember anything from them.... 

all i remember was in one of them the members find hyungwon sitting up against the wall with his face busted and everyone in the crowd went “AWWWWW”

besides performances... what else do i remember...

there was wonho imitating the translator!!

and jooheon’s new(?) aegyo???? he didnt do the kukukaka thing but something (still cute) with his dimples :’)

and I.M sang some of that “L-O-V-E” song

also I.M asked the crowd, “do you know who the ace (member) is in monsta x?” and then he said something like, “it’s all of you! monbebe(s) are the 8th member of monsta x!” ❤

back to performances, when “shine forever” came on i tried not to laugh bcuz one of my friends’ sister said some stupid funny shit about kihyun’s part in the chorus where he goes “SHINE FOREVER YEAH YEAH YEAH”

so now whenever i hear “shine forever” i always think of what my friend’s sister said lmao. i used to not like that song that much tbh but i enjoyed “shine forever” live, it was great!

“TRESPASS” LIVE IS AMAZING; EVERYONE WAS SINGING ALONG AND DYING (INCLUDING ME)

then after they performed “fighter” they went off stage to prep for the encore so i used this time to sit down bcuz MY FEET WERE REALLY TIRED AND MY BACK HURT

glad they ended with “no exit” (one of my fav songs!!) and “5:14″, but i also dont really have anything to say about these performances lol

but wonho THREW HIS SWEATY TOWEL INTO THE PIT 

AND OF COURSE I DIDNT CATCH IT SO WHOEVER DID IS LUCKY

but even if i did catch it i wouldnt know what to do with his sweaty towel (again, not to be that fan but i would never wash it and try to conserve his sweat??? sounds gross but what else would you do lmaoooo)

kihyun said they’d come back soon (PLEASE COME TO SEATTLE) and they’d go to kcon in the future

and then you know there was the streamers and confetti (they only landed near the front of the pit tho asdlnfs) and then the boys bowed 3x and said good bye to everyone :’(((

for the ending video/credits the song that was playing was “miss you” but i didnt pay attention to the ending vid bcuz i was trying to find my friend group since we all got separated/paired off while in the pit lol

they didnt perform “miss you” or “stuck” or any of the songs from no.mercy but that’s ok cause the concert was still amazing and i loved every minute of it and it was only my 2nd kpop concert i’ve been to but it’s the best :(((

my throat ended up hurting after and my voice sounded a lot lower but it was worth it !!

hitouch

before i start i just want to say i HATE MYSELF bcuz i cant express how im feeling correctly/my facial expressions dont match with what i say so through the hitouch i hoped that i was smiling LOOOOL but im pretty sure i looked shocked the entire time

k so my friend group was freaking out

“WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY TO (INSERT BIAS NAME)??” “I DON’T KNOW!!!!”

when we were getting closer to the front of the line to see/hitouch the members we were all, “WHO’S THE FIRST MEMBER ALSDLA”

so the order for hitouch it was: I.M, hyungwon, kihyun, shownu <-> jooheon, wonho, and minhyuk (ill explain why i did the arrow thing for shownu and jooheon below...)

and how the hitouch was set up, the members were to your left and there was a table to separate them from the fans

i had my lightstick and a wonho paper heart in my left hand so i was doing hitouch with my right hand

I.M was wearing glasses and lemme tell you I.M IS HANDSOME AS FUCK

i had no idea what to say to him so i just said the first thing that came to mind and it was something like: “the show/you guys are so amazing!!”

and I.M smiled, closed his eyes, nodded his head, and had this really satisfied look on his face and he said thank you!!

hyungwon was next and i wanted to tell him “thank you so much for coming! please stay healthy/please take care of yourself” but all i ended up saying was “thank you so much for coming” ASLDA FUCK

then kihyun... OMG LET ME JUST SAY THAT KIHYUN IS SOOOO NICE

since i fucked up what i wanted to say to hyungwon i decided to just say “i love you” since it’s not hard to remember compared to a personalized message (even though they hear “i love you” thousands of times) + they’d understand “i love you”

but i told kihyun “i love you” and FUCKING KIHYUN... hE HIT ME WITH A BEAUTIFUL SMILE, CUTE TEETH SHOWING AND AN EYE SMILE AND HE WAS VERY HAPPY AND HE SAID “THANK YOU”

SO AFTER KIHYUN MY MIND WENT BLANK

so that’s why i dont remember if it was shownu or jooheon next IM SO SORRY AND I ACTUALLY DONT THINK I SAID ANYTHING TO SHOWNU AND JOOHEON AND I DONT EVEN REMEMBER TOUCHING THEIR HANDS FML BCUZ AFTER KIHYUN I WAS DAZED

but i remember shownu just had his normal resting face and then i do remember jooheon was smiling and i could see his dimples!!!!!

so then i think wonho and minhyuk were the only members who were sitting down, BUT WONHO WAS IN MY VIEW AND I PANICKED

cause wonho is my ult bias and... he means so much to me and there was no way i could express it in words so i quickly said, “wonho, i admire you so much i love you”

and all i remember was that he smiled at me and THAT’S OK THAT’S ENOUGH FOR ME IM FINE HONESTLY!!!

minhyuk was last and i was actually trying to rush... bcuz i kept hearing security saying to “move along” and i was the last in my friend group to do hitouch and i didnt want them to leave me behind so

i wanted to tell minhyuk “thank you for existing” bcuz this boy really makes me feel better when im feeling down and he is my source of happiness

but i think i just said “i love you” bcuz his reaction after would make the most sense if i said “i love you” to him

so i told minhyuk “i love you” and as i was trying to leave/go i could still feel his hand in mine??? like he didnt let go of my hand right away and i was CONFUSED

cause i was focusing on catching up with my friend group, but as my hand was slipping out of minhyuk’s i turned to look back aND MINHYUK’S FACE WAS CLOSE TO MINE BCUZ HE WAS LEANING OVER THE TABLE TOWARD ME AS I WAS LEAVING BCUZ HE WANTED TO SAY “THANK YOU” AND HE SMILED AND NODDED HIS HEAD AT ME

I LOVE MINHYUK WE HAD A LINGERING TOUCH!!!!!!!!!!!1

AND I DIDNT CRY AFTER THE HITOUCH/EXITING THE VENUE BUT IM CRYING NOW BCUZ THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE IS ONLY HITTING ME NOW HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!

but really though the whole day was truly amazing (i know i said this so many times asldjsal) and i had such a fun time... seeing monsta x, even though they’ll forget me, ill never forget them. ❤ being there to see them live and up close and there with friends i’ve only met for the first time + making new friends has become my most happiest experience ever. thank you so much monsta x for my life??? i love them so much. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

[the-connection]

A new documentary reworks the memoir of Bowers, who boasts he paired Cary Grant with Rock Hudson and Katharine Hepburn with 150 brunettes and slept with so many actors he didnt have time to see their films

Scotty Bowers was a 23-year-old petrol station attendant on Hollywood Boulevard when the actor Walter Pidgeon pulled up to the pump and asked the dimpled blond to jump in his Lincoln. It would be the ride of his life. Pidgeon was gay, claims Bowers in his autobiography Full Service: My Adventures in Hollywood and the Secret Sex Lives of the Stars, and that afternoon they became lovers. Bowers himself transcended labels. Years later, he startled sexologist Dr Alfred Kinsey by checking off every sex act on his list (and took him to orgies to prove it). Guys, girls, spouses, kings, consorts and a three-way with Ava Gardner and Lana Turner. Bowers had done it all.

[Kinsey] came looking for me, says Bowers, now 95, on a hot afternoon in a Hollywood courtyard apartment. Things he thought impossible, I came up with. With his devilish blue eyes and thick white hair, it is easy to picture why he was popular. He burns with energy, as though he spent his retirement stoking gossip he vowed he wouldnt spill while his lovers were alive. J Edgar Hoover? A drag. Vivien Leigh? A hot, hot lady. Wallis Simpson? A real ballsy chick.

Bowers (second from left, back row) with friends. Photograph: Courtesy of Greenwich Entertainment

Bowers used to turn tricks in this same building. Today, the vintage-style pad belongs to the director Matt Tyrnauer, a former Vanity Fair journalist who recently reworked Bowers memoir into the eyebrow-raising documentary Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood. Tyrnauer, sitting next to Bowers and gently nudging his digressions on track, confirms that he called the Kinsey Institute to check Bowers tale. They knew exactly who he was.

Everyone knew Bowers. George Cukor, Gore Vidal, Merv Griffin; Tyrone Power referred to him in letters, interviews and biographies, calling him Scotty, Sonny, or just the gas station on Hollywood Boulevard. Tennessee Williams hand-wrote a 40-page story about him, which Bowers found embarrassingly over the top.

I said: Tennessee, forget that bullshit, says Bowers. I should have kept it. Instead, for decades, people pushed him to write down his own memories. I kept putting it off and putting it off, and all of a sudden, almost everyone they wanted me to write about was dead.

Lana Turner and Ava Gardner, with whom Bowers claims to have had a threesome. Photograph: Keystone/Getty Images

In 1946, the year he met Pidgeon, Bowers was competing with millions of other returning second world war veterans for work. Canoodling with a celebrity for $20 made more sense than digging a ditch for $10. After Pidgeon spread the word about his new friend, more luxury cars began to cruise by. Soon, Bowers side-hustle had expanded to a parked trailer with two king beds, glory holes in the bathroom and a battalion of good-looking men and women to fix up with some of the biggest names in Hollywood. Bowers boasts that he paired Cary Grant with Rock Hudson back when the Pillow Talk star was still named Roy, and introduced Katharine Hepburn to 150 lovely brunettes. As for Hepburns rumored paramour Spencer Tracy, Bowers says he slept with him, too.

Hepburn and Tracys complex relationship is a fascinating example of Hollywoods hypocritical and literal moral code. Publicists decided it was better to pretend the friends were having an affair than explain the real reason why Tracy wasnt living with his wife Louise, to whom he stayed married until his death. A heterosexual affair was forgivable even romantic and it wouldnt get either actor fired. After Fatty Arbuckle was put on trial for the rape and murder of Virginia Rappe, the studios began to add a clause in their contracts forbidding actors from committing any offence that risked public hatred, contempt or ridicule. While the courts found Arbuckle innocent twice the Hollywood moguls believed just a whiff of indecency could destroy the entire industry. The swinging days of the early silent era ended overnight. Performers became studio property: they were told how to dress, how to behave, and who to date, or at least pretend to.

Bowers in uniform in the 1940s. Photograph: Greenwich Entertainment

It was a lucrative lie. Roy Harold Scherer got his teeth capped and became Rock Hudson. When the tabloids began to nag Hudson to get married, the executives betrothed him to his lesbian secretary Phyllis. Archibald Leach was rechristened Cary Grant and wed to the great beauty Barbara Hutton, although the love of his life was screen cowboy Randolph Scott, with whom he lived for 12 years as a roommate. Bowers says in his book: The three of us got into a lot of sexual mischief together.

Living double lives took a toll. Eventually, Hudson began drinking a bottle of scotch a day and recklessly sleeping with strangers. Grant tried psychedelic therapy and spoke in quips that hinted at his unfulfillment. I played at being someone I wanted to be until I became that person, or he became me, he told his biographer. Even his most famous quote Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant sounds like a whispered confession, or maybe a misdirection. What if he just wanted to be as free as Archibald Leach?

Bowers bedded so many movie stars that he didnt have time to see their movies. A movie takes a couple hours. I was busy every minute. When his daughter, Donna, died, he went back to work that day. He shared a home with her mother, his longtime partner Betty, but slept there only a few times a year. In the documentary, he teeters towards admitting regret for spending most nights in someone elses bed. But he candidly admits his only true passion was money. He grew up hungry during the Depression era, and, as a young teenager, he turned tricks for two dozen Chicago priests who paid him in quarters. That would be abuse in everyones eyes but his. In the documentary, Tyrnauer repeatedly presses Bowers about his childhood, and does so again today.

Youre very intent on the fact that you dont perceive yourself as a victim, says Tyrnauer.

I did what I wanted to do, maintains Bowers.

That is not the conventional perspective at all, but it is his perspective and I dont judge him for that, says Tyrnauer. I think people get to define who they are and tell their story and express their beliefs.

Executives married off Rock Hudson to his lesbian secretary, Phyllis Gates. Photograph: Kobal/Rex/Shutterstock

I do think that different people are different, thats very true, replies Bowers. Im speaking for myself only.

As an adult at the petrol station, Bowers never took a cut of other peoples cash. To him, that meant he wasnt a pimp; he was a purveyor of joy. The most important thing was company, says Bowers. The LGBTQ community didnt have many safe places to connect at that time. Homosexuality was illegal in California until the 1970s. When the Los Angeles Police Department vice squad the sexual Gestapo, says Tyrnauer barged into a gay bar, patrons risked being arrested, shaken down for cash, shipped to a mental institution, and possibly lobotomised. The LAPD targeted the Hollywood glitterati because they had careers to protect and money to spare.

When the petrol station became too famous, Bowers became a for-rent party bartender, which gave celebrities an even better excuse to invite him into their homes. Even that was risky. One cop memorised Bowers car registration plate and would pull him over, scare him a bit, and then undo Bowers pants while complaining about his miserable marriage. I hope he found happiness, writes Bowers, charitably.

The vice squad is responsible for Bowers impressive memory. Midway through one aside, he recites the address of a silent movie star who has been dead for 45 years. Terrified of a raid, he rarely wrote down his friends information. It was all in my head, says Bowers. I never kept anything. If I wrote down a number, I had it in my hand until I tore it up. Even then, he would swap the first and last digits to ensure the persons identity couldnt be cracked, a trick inspired by the Navajo code talkers.

Now, Bowers has no secrets. Critics have slammed the book and the documentary for outing celebrities without consent. In the film, Tyrnauer includes a film fan arguing that legendary stars deserve more respect. Bowers counters: Whats wrong with being gay? Others have thanked him for sticking up for the real person underneath the studio gloss for revealing their truth the way they might have if they were alive today. It is impossible to know how Hudson and Grant would have chosen to live in a country that legalised gay marriage. Perhaps their lives would have been happier. Although, Bowers notes, even in 2018: Everythings not going to be out in the open. More actors are out, but now must prove they can play both gay and straight characters. Neil Patrick Harris has succeeded; Matt Bomer is trying. Some have decided that it is still easier to hide.

Asked if he is biting his tongue about anyone alive, Bowers blurts out the name of a beloved actor and her 169% gay husband. He is dead; she isnt. So, Bowers will wait. Let me tell you something: when youre dead youre dead, he insists. Later, when the conversation turns to Kevin Spacey Bowers claims to know one of his exes Tyrnauer steadily repeats that Bowers information about the alleged perpetrator is merely secondhand. The director is clearly, and correctly, aware of the complexities of talking sensitively about sex in the era of #MeToo. But after eight decades of secrecy Bowers sighs: Poor Kevin Spacey, he was right in the middle of a picture and they dumped him and everything. Thanks to #MeToo, morality clauses are making a comeback. This time, one hopes they will only be wielded for good.

Cary Grant (right) with his room mate Randolph Scott. Photograph: Snap/Rex Features

Hollywood journalist Liz Smith once quipped: All this crap about coming out! Honey, I dont think I have ever really been in! Before she died last November, she affirmed that Hepburn was a lesbian.

I was pleased that she went on the record about Hepburn because I dont think shed ever done it before, says Tyrnauer. It really provides a great assist to Scottys narrative about Hepburn and Tracy, because people are in willful suspension of belief about this supposed golden couple.

Even more startling are Bowers lusty tales about Wallis Simpson and Edward VIII. Wally and Eddie, corrects Bowers, waving away their formal names. It was very easy to see how she talked him out of being king of England because she had complete control over him, says Bowers. She told him if you want to fool around and do this and that, you cant do it if youre king.

Scotty Bowers at home in LA. Photograph: Courtesy of Greenwich Entertainment

A lot of people dont believe that particular story, says Tyrnauer. But he places them at the Beverly Hills Hotel in the 50s. We found a picture of them in the Beverly Hills Hotel in that period its in the movie. Four former clients knew Edward, and the couples close friend, photographer Cecil Beaton, titled an entire chapter of his diary: Scotty.

There were many, many factors that connected them, says Tyrnauer. I cross-referenced everything I could. When Bowers described a mansions winding pathway to the pool house, or a gate in a backyard, Tyrnauer would pull up an aerial view of Google Maps and there it was, as though the nonagenarian had visited yesterday.

In Los Angeles, notes the director: You can wipe the dust off something that has been obscured and find the truth. Scottys a living example of that. Here he was in Laurel Canyon for decades minding his business. And yet hes Scotty Bowers, the infamous male madame to the stars, and either you knew it or you didnt.

He has tried to ensure Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood tells the truth instead of peddling innuendo like tabloids, TMZ, or even acclaimed smut such as Kenneth Angers Hollywood Babylon.

Am I in that, too? asks Bowers.

Tyrnauer chuckles: Maybe between the lines.

There always will be secret life happening, beams Bowers. People should do what pleases them and the other person some people just please more than a few.

Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood is out now in the US and awaiting a UK release date

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us